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3,815 | How to Be Happy in an Unhappy Marriage | 1. Learning to Be Happy
1-1. Find ways to be grateful.
It's not always easy to be grateful, especially in the midst of a bad relationship. Nonetheless, gratitude can help you cope with the bad relationship, and it can lead to you being happier.
Take time each day to figure out what you are thankful for. Try writing a few things you are grateful for each day in a journal. You can also use posts on social media for this purpose. Usually, even if the situation is bad, you can find something to be grateful about.
For instance, you may not like how you are being treated in the relationship you are in, but you may be grateful to have financial stability in your life at the moment. Alternatively, maybe you're grateful that the other person in the relationship remains a good parent to your kids.
1-2. Engage in flow experiences.
Flow moments are when you lose yourself to an experience by being completely absorbed in whatever it is you're doing. If you're an artist, a writer, or even a runner, you may already understand this type of experience. It's that moment when the world falls away, and you are just experiencing or enjoying what you're doing. Studies have shown that the more flow moments you have, the happier you are in general.
Choose an activity that challenges you a little bit, but that is still familiar so that you can lose yourself in it. For example, if you enjoy painting landscapes, then you might try painting a new subject such as a portrait or a basket of fruit.
1-3. Stop fighting
That is, if you always find yourself arguing about the same things, it may be time to put that topic aside. You need to decide that you won't discuss it because you can't agree or try to find a compromise that works for both of you.
For example, if you tend to fight over politics, then you might want to make politics an off-limits topic. Or, if you often fight about what movie you are going to watch on Friday nights, then you might want to take turns choosing the movie.
1-4. Develop your own interests.
If your marriage is not what you want it to be, it may be time to find some fulfillment outside of your marriage and not in the form of an affair. Having your own hobbies and interests will help you stay independent and keep you happy and engaged with the world. In fact, developing your own interests is a good idea even if you have a great marriage.
Consider exploring interests at the library, joining local hobby clubs or cookery classes, or taking a vocational class at a nearby community college.
1-5. Try volunteering.
Having a sense of purpose and some good social connections with other people is also a good way to feel happy. Volunteering can give you a sense of purpose in life and it also allows you to interact with other like-minded people, it might help you to feel happier.
Try to find an organization that you would like to contribute to, such as an animal shelter or a food bank, and apply to become a volunteer. You might even ask your spouse if he or she would like to volunteer with you and it might be a good bonding activity for the two of you.
1-6. Develop your social life.
Many studies point to relationships being key to happiness. If your main relationship is unhappy, then you may not see how you can change your situation. Your spouse doesn't have to be your main source of social interactions. You can have fulfilling relationships with friends, as well as other members of your family.
Try to go out to dinner with friends one night per week or get together with a sibling or cousin for a day of shopping or an activity session such as tennis or swimming.
If you don't have a lot of friends, then try to meet more people who share your interests. For example, you could join a bowling league, take an art class, or find a choir or band who need new members.
2. Working Towards a Better Marriage
2-1. Take time to be together.
Making time for each other is a way to say you are committed to each other. Say you will spend a certain time each week with each other, and stick to it. It will also give you a chance to get to know one another again.
2-2. Remember what you valued.
When you first got together, you were probably partially attracted by the differences the other person exhibited. For instance, maybe you were exhilarated by the fact that he or she was impulsive and loved to be spontaneous. Now, you may find yourself hating the quality. The key is to try to remember why you loved that quality in the first place and move toward enjoying it again.
For instance, it may drive you crazy when your spouse wants to drop everything and drive to the mountains. On the other hand, it keeps your life from getting too boring. Try to strike a balance, and enjoy what you can.
2-3. Talk about strengths and difficulties.
It is important to acknowledge what is going well in your relationship as well as what has become a struggle. You might even want to make a list of strengths and difficulties together. Make sure that you include things on the list that you avoid talking about because of fears that you will just end up fighting about them.
Try to pick a time to talk about your strengths and difficulties when you are both feeling calm and focused. Avoid talking at the end of a long day or at other stressful times.
Use "I" statements rather than "You" statements. In other words, try to talk about what you're feeling and what you think is wrong without blaming the other person. For instance, saying "I get upset when we don't spend enough time together" is better than "You're never around." The second statement puts your spouse on guard, while the first helps open discussion.
Spend time talking and listening. That is, you can't just lay out what you think is wrong. You also need to spend time actively listening to what your spouse has to say. Show you're engaged by offering short summaries of what he or she has said and by asking questions that are relevant to the conversation.
2-4. Work out solutions.
Once you've figured out together what issues you have in the marriage, it's time to try to come up with some solutions. You may even be able to draw on some of your strengths to help you develop solutions to problems in your relationships.
To compromise, you must talk about your wants and needs, helping you both to decide what's most important to each of you. In other words, to make a compromise, you must be willing to let the other person win when it comes to their needs, giving ground when it comes in conflict with your wants. The same must be true of the other person.
2-5. Think about counseling.
Sometimes, you need the help of a professional to get past your problems. A marriage counselor may help you fix more problems than you expect, and in fact, about half of people who use marriage counselors say that the counselor helped them fix all of the major problems in their marriage.
3. Considering the Alternative
3-1. Try legal separation.
A legal separation gives you the time away from your spouse that you may need to work out problems. It is different than a divorce because you remain married. The benefit of a separation is it gives you a legal way to work out custody and child support while you are living apart, as well as how your property should be divided up. Nonetheless, if you work out your problems, you can go back to a normal marriage.
3-2. Know divorce may be a better option.
While getting a divorce is a life upheaval, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be detrimental to self-esteem and mental health. Some studies have shown it's better to get out of a caustic relationship and work to improve your own mental health than to stay.
Understand an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. One study, which involved data from 5,000 adults, showed that the quality of your most important relationship is a good predictor of developing depression. Meaning, if one of your closest relationships, including your spousal one, is in bad repair, it puts you at risk for developing depression.
3-3. Consider reasons to divorce.
You may find that you have a good reason for getting a divorce. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you will likely find that you are a happier person once you get out.
You might consider a divorce if your spouse had an affair. While some couples overcome infidelity, others never recover from it. If you find that you can't forgive your spouse for what he or she did even after months or years, you may want to consider a divorce.
You've grown in different ways. Sometimes, when you grow into full-fledged adults together, you take different directions. If you find you and your spouse can't agree on much of anything anymore because you are just too different, it may be best to divorce.
Your partner is bad at finances and won't change. Of course, everyone makes bad money choices sometimes. However, if your partner is so bad that it is causing stress on your marriage or is bankrupting your family, you may need to get out of the marriage, especially if you've expressed concern but your spouse is unwilling to change.
Think about the kids. Many unhappily married couples stay together for the kids. Divorce is hard on kids, but it's also true that being unhappily married can be hard on your kids, as well. Your kids know you're unhappy, and if you're constantly fighting, you're putting stress on them, anyway.
Warnings
If your marriage is in any way abusive, you need to get out. If you don't know where to find help, try calling 211 or the police if the situation is dangerous.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:00",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning to Be Happy\\n1-1. Find ways to be grateful.\\nIt's not always easy to be grateful, especially in the midst of a bad relationship. Nonetheless, gratitude can help you cope with the bad relationship, and it can lead to you being happier.\\nTake time each day to figure out what you are thankful for. Try writing a few things you are grateful for each day in a journal. You can also use posts on social media for this purpose. Usually, even if the situation is bad, you can find something to be grateful about.\\nFor instance, you may not like how you are being treated in the relationship you are in, but you may be grateful to have financial stability in your life at the moment. Alternatively, maybe you're grateful that the other person in the relationship remains a good parent to your kids.\\n1-2. Engage in flow experiences.\\nFlow moments are when you lose yourself to an experience by being completely absorbed in whatever it is you're doing. If you're an artist, a writer, or even a runner, you may already understand this type of experience. It's that moment when the world falls away, and you are just experiencing or enjoying what you're doing. Studies have shown that the more flow moments you have, the happier you are in general.\\nChoose an activity that challenges you a little bit, but that is still familiar so that you can lose yourself in it. For example, if you enjoy painting landscapes, then you might try painting a new subject such as a portrait or a basket of fruit.\\n1-3. Stop fighting\\nThat is, if you always find yourself arguing about the same things, it may be time to put that topic aside. You need to decide that you won't discuss it because you can't agree or try to find a compromise that works for both of you.\\nFor example, if you tend to fight over politics, then you might want to make politics an off-limits topic. Or, if you often fight about what movie you are going to watch on Friday nights, then you might want to take turns choosing the movie.\\n1-4. Develop your own interests.\\nIf your marriage is not what you want it to be, it may be time to find some fulfillment outside of your marriage and not in the form of an affair. Having your own hobbies and interests will help you stay independent and keep you happy and engaged with the world. In fact, developing your own interests is a good idea even if you have a great marriage.\\nConsider exploring interests at the library, joining local hobby clubs or cookery classes, or taking a vocational class at a nearby community college.\\n1-5. Try volunteering.\\nHaving a sense of purpose and some good social connections with other people is also a good way to feel happy. Volunteering can give you a sense of purpose in life and it also allows you to interact with other like-minded people, it might help you to feel happier.\\nTry to find an organization that you would like to contribute to, such as an animal shelter or a food bank, and apply to become a volunteer. You might even ask your spouse if he or she would like to volunteer with you and it might be a good bonding activity for the two of you.\\n1-6. Develop your social life.\\nMany studies point to relationships being key to happiness. If your main relationship is unhappy, then you may not see how you can change your situation. Your spouse doesn't have to be your main source of social interactions. You can have fulfilling relationships with friends, as well as other members of your family.\\nTry to go out to dinner with friends one night per week or get together with a sibling or cousin for a day of shopping or an activity session such as tennis or swimming.\\nIf you don't have a lot of friends, then try to meet more people who share your interests. For example, you could join a bowling league, take an art class, or find a choir or band who need new members.\\n2. Working Towards a Better Marriage\\n2-1. Take time to be together.\\nMaking time for each other is a way to say you are committed to each other. Say you will spend a certain time each week with each other, and stick to it. It will also give you a chance to get to know one another again.\\n2-2. Remember what you valued.\\nWhen you first got together, you were probably partially attracted by the differences the other person exhibited. For instance, maybe you were exhilarated by the fact that he or she was impulsive and loved to be spontaneous. Now, you may find yourself hating the quality. The key is to try to remember why you loved that quality in the first place and move toward enjoying it again.\\nFor instance, it may drive you crazy when your spouse wants to drop everything and drive to the mountains. On the other hand, it keeps your life from getting too boring. Try to strike a balance, and enjoy what you can.\\n2-3. Talk about strengths and difficulties.\\nIt is important to acknowledge what is going well in your relationship as well as what has become a struggle. You might even want to make a list of strengths and difficulties together. Make sure that you include things on the list that you avoid talking about because of fears that you will just end up fighting about them.\\nTry to pick a time to talk about your strengths and difficulties when you are both feeling calm and focused. Avoid talking at the end of a long day or at other stressful times.\\nUse \\\"I\\\" statements rather than \\\"You\\\" statements. In other words, try to talk about what you're feeling and what you think is wrong without blaming the other person. For instance, saying \\\"I get upset when we don't spend enough time together\\\" is better than \\\"You're never around.\\\" The second statement puts your spouse on guard, while the first helps open discussion.\\nSpend time talking and listening. That is, you can't just lay out what you think is wrong. You also need to spend time actively listening to what your spouse has to say. Show you're engaged by offering short summaries of what he or she has said and by asking questions that are relevant to the conversation.\\n2-4. Work out solutions.\\nOnce you've figured out together what issues you have in the marriage, it's time to try to come up with some solutions. You may even be able to draw on some of your strengths to help you develop solutions to problems in your relationships.\\nTo compromise, you must talk about your wants and needs, helping you both to decide what's most important to each of you. In other words, to make a compromise, you must be willing to let the other person win when it comes to their needs, giving ground when it comes in conflict with your wants. The same must be true of the other person.\\n2-5. Think about counseling.\\nSometimes, you need the help of a professional to get past your problems. A marriage counselor may help you fix more problems than you expect, and in fact, about half of people who use marriage counselors say that the counselor helped them fix all of the major problems in their marriage.\\n3. Considering the Alternative\\n3-1. Try legal separation.\\nA legal separation gives you the time away from your spouse that you may need to work out problems. It is different than a divorce because you remain married. The benefit of a separation is it gives you a legal way to work out custody and child support while you are living apart, as well as how your property should be divided up. Nonetheless, if you work out your problems, you can go back to a normal marriage.\\n3-2. Know divorce may be a better option.\\nWhile getting a divorce is a life upheaval, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be detrimental to self-esteem and mental health. Some studies have shown it's better to get out of a caustic relationship and work to improve your own mental health than to stay.\\nUnderstand an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. One study, which involved data from 5,000 adults, showed that the quality of your most important relationship is a good predictor of developing depression. Meaning, if one of your closest relationships, including your spousal one, is in bad repair, it puts you at risk for developing depression.\\n3-3. Consider reasons to divorce.\\nYou may find that you have a good reason for getting a divorce. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you will likely find that you are a happier person once you get out.\\nYou might consider a divorce if your spouse had an affair. While some couples overcome infidelity, others never recover from it. If you find that you can't forgive your spouse for what he or she did even after months or years, you may want to consider a divorce.\\nYou've grown in different ways. Sometimes, when you grow into full-fledged adults together, you take different directions. If you find you and your spouse can't agree on much of anything anymore because you are just too different, it may be best to divorce.\\nYour partner is bad at finances and won't change. Of course, everyone makes bad money choices sometimes. However, if your partner is so bad that it is causing stress on your marriage or is bankrupting your family, you may need to get out of the marriage, especially if you've expressed concern but your spouse is unwilling to change.\\nThink about the kids. Many unhappily married couples stay together for the kids. Divorce is hard on kids, but it's also true that being unhappily married can be hard on your kids, as well. Your kids know you're unhappy, and if you're constantly fighting, you're putting stress on them, anyway.\\nWarnings\\nIf your marriage is in any way abusive, you need to get out. If you don't know where to find help, try calling 211 or the police if the situation is dangerous.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"People remain in unhappy marriages for many reasons. If you're one of those people, you may feel like you can't be happy. Nonetheless, you can find your own way to happiness, even in a bad situation, by practicing habits that lead to happiness, and you may even be able to work on your marriage to move toward happiness as a couple.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning to Be Happy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find ways to be grateful.\", \"描述\": \"It's not always easy to be grateful, especially in the midst of a bad relationship. Nonetheless, gratitude can help you cope with the bad relationship, and it can lead to you being happier.\\nTake time each day to figure out what you are thankful for. Try writing a few things you are grateful for each day in a journal. You can also use posts on social media for this purpose. Usually, even if the situation is bad, you can find something to be grateful about.\\nFor instance, you may not like how you are being treated in the relationship you are in, but you may be grateful to have financial stability in your life at the moment. Alternatively, maybe you're grateful that the other person in the relationship remains a good parent to your kids.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engage in flow experiences.\", \"描述\": \"Flow moments are when you lose yourself to an experience by being completely absorbed in whatever it is you're doing. If you're an artist, a writer, or even a runner, you may already understand this type of experience. It's that moment when the world falls away, and you are just experiencing or enjoying what you're doing. Studies have shown that the more flow moments you have, the happier you are in general.\\nChoose an activity that challenges you a little bit, but that is still familiar so that you can lose yourself in it. For example, if you enjoy painting landscapes, then you might try painting a new subject such as a portrait or a basket of fruit.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stop fighting\", \"描述\": \"That is, if you always find yourself arguing about the same things, it may be time to put that topic aside. You need to decide that you won't discuss it because you can't agree or try to find a compromise that works for both of you.\\nFor example, if you tend to fight over politics, then you might want to make politics an off-limits topic. Or, if you often fight about what movie you are going to watch on Friday nights, then you might want to take turns choosing the movie.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Develop your own interests.\", \"描述\": \"If your marriage is not what you want it to be, it may be time to find some fulfillment outside of your marriage and not in the form of an affair. Having your own hobbies and interests will help you stay independent and keep you happy and engaged with the world. In fact, developing your own interests is a good idea even if you have a great marriage.\\nConsider exploring interests at the library, joining local hobby clubs or cookery classes, or taking a vocational class at a nearby community college.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try volunteering.\", \"描述\": \"Having a sense of purpose and some good social connections with other people is also a good way to feel happy. Volunteering can give you a sense of purpose in life and it also allows you to interact with other like-minded people, it might help you to feel happier.\\nTry to find an organization that you would like to contribute to, such as an animal shelter or a food bank, and apply to become a volunteer. You might even ask your spouse if he or she would like to volunteer with you and it might be a good bonding activity for the two of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Develop your social life.\", \"描述\": \"Many studies point to relationships being key to happiness. If your main relationship is unhappy, then you may not see how you can change your situation. Your spouse doesn't have to be your main source of social interactions. You can have fulfilling relationships with friends, as well as other members of your family.\\nTry to go out to dinner with friends one night per week or get together with a sibling or cousin for a day of shopping or an activity session such as tennis or swimming.\\nIf you don't have a lot of friends, then try to meet more people who share your interests. For example, you could join a bowling league, take an art class, or find a choir or band who need new members.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Working Towards a Better Marriage\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take time to be together.\", \"描述\": \"Making time for each other is a way to say you are committed to each other. Say you will spend a certain time each week with each other, and stick to it. It will also give you a chance to get to know one another again.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remember what you valued.\", \"描述\": \"When you first got together, you were probably partially attracted by the differences the other person exhibited. For instance, maybe you were exhilarated by the fact that he or she was impulsive and loved to be spontaneous. Now, you may find yourself hating the quality. The key is to try to remember why you loved that quality in the first place and move toward enjoying it again.\\nFor instance, it may drive you crazy when your spouse wants to drop everything and drive to the mountains. On the other hand, it keeps your life from getting too boring. Try to strike a balance, and enjoy what you can.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talk about strengths and difficulties.\", \"描述\": \"It is important to acknowledge what is going well in your relationship as well as what has become a struggle. You might even want to make a list of strengths and difficulties together. Make sure that you include things on the list that you avoid talking about because of fears that you will just end up fighting about them.\\nTry to pick a time to talk about your strengths and difficulties when you are both feeling calm and focused. Avoid talking at the end of a long day or at other stressful times.\\nUse \\\"I\\\" statements rather than \\\"You\\\" statements. In other words, try to talk about what you're feeling and what you think is wrong without blaming the other person. For instance, saying \\\"I get upset when we don't spend enough time together\\\" is better than \\\"You're never around.\\\" The second statement puts your spouse on guard, while the first helps open discussion.\\nSpend time talking and listening. That is, you can't just lay out what you think is wrong. You also need to spend time actively listening to what your spouse has to say. Show you're engaged by offering short summaries of what he or she has said and by asking questions that are relevant to the conversation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work out solutions.\", \"描述\": \"Once you've figured out together what issues you have in the marriage, it's time to try to come up with some solutions. You may even be able to draw on some of your strengths to help you develop solutions to problems in your relationships.\\nTo compromise, you must talk about your wants and needs, helping you both to decide what's most important to each of you. In other words, to make a compromise, you must be willing to let the other person win when it comes to their needs, giving ground when it comes in conflict with your wants. The same must be true of the other person.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Think about counseling.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, you need the help of a professional to get past your problems. A marriage counselor may help you fix more problems than you expect, and in fact, about half of people who use marriage counselors say that the counselor helped them fix all of the major problems in their marriage.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Considering the Alternative\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try legal separation.\", \"描述\": \"A legal separation gives you the time away from your spouse that you may need to work out problems. It is different than a divorce because you remain married. The benefit of a separation is it gives you a legal way to work out custody and child support while you are living apart, as well as how your property should be divided up. Nonetheless, if you work out your problems, you can go back to a normal marriage.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know divorce may be a better option.\", \"描述\": \"While getting a divorce is a life upheaval, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be detrimental to self-esteem and mental health. Some studies have shown it's better to get out of a caustic relationship and work to improve your own mental health than to stay.\\nUnderstand an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. One study, which involved data from 5,000 adults, showed that the quality of your most important relationship is a good predictor of developing depression. Meaning, if one of your closest relationships, including your spousal one, is in bad repair, it puts you at risk for developing depression.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Consider reasons to divorce.\", \"描述\": \"You may find that you have a good reason for getting a divorce. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you will likely find that you are a happier person once you get out.\\nYou might consider a divorce if your spouse had an affair. While some couples overcome infidelity, others never recover from it. If you find that you can't forgive your spouse for what he or she did even after months or years, you may want to consider a divorce.\\nYou've grown in different ways. Sometimes, when you grow into full-fledged adults together, you take different directions. If you find you and your spouse can't agree on much of anything anymore because you are just too different, it may be best to divorce.\\nYour partner is bad at finances and won't change. Of course, everyone makes bad money choices sometimes. However, if your partner is so bad that it is causing stress on your marriage or is bankrupting your family, you may need to get out of the marriage, especially if you've expressed concern but your spouse is unwilling to change.\\nThink about the kids. Many unhappily married couples stay together for the kids. Divorce is hard on kids, but it's also true that being unhappily married can be hard on your kids, as well. Your kids know you're unhappy, and if you're constantly fighting, you're putting stress on them, anyway.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"If your marriage is in any way abusive, you need to get out. If you don't know where to find help, try calling 211 or the police if the situation is dangerous.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,816 | How to Be Happy on School Days | 1. Listen to upbeat music.
Music at a fast tempo makes you feel happy and energized.
To get started, make a playlist of your favorite upbeat music. Listen to it in the morning when you get ready for school, on the way to school, and between classes.
If upbeat music isn’t really your thing, just make a playlist of whatever songs you love that make you feel good!
2. Focus on the good things about school.
A little positive thinking can go a long way towards improving your mood.
Think about the bigger picture and how your education will have a positive impact on your life in the long run. If you’re having a bad day, tell yourself that you only have to be in school for a relatively short period of your life. After that, the sky is the limit!
If something in particular upsets you, like a bad grade, an argument with a friend, or not making a sports team, stop worrying and try to put it in a bigger context. Chances are this one bad grade, argument, or rejection will not have a major long-term impact on your life.
3. Go outside for a few minutes.
Spending time outside naturally makes you feel happier.
Even if it’s just for 5 minutes between classes, make an effort to go outside whenever you can. Go for a short walk or review your notes for an exam outside during lunch or on a break.
If you can take either an indoor or an outdoor route between classes, choose the outdoor option to get some fresh air and help boost your mood!
4. Get some exercise.
Physical activities release endorphins, increasing feelings of happiness.
Go for a walk or do some stretching during your lunch break to get moving during the school day. Take a physical education class if you can to spend a whole chunk of your day playing sports to get some physical activity in!
You can also improve your overall moods during the week by working out after school and on the weekends.
If you aren’t an athletic person, try lifting weights, doing yoga, or signing up for a martial arts class. You don’t have to be good at sports to exercise and feel good!
5. Do something nice for someone.
Making other people smile can boost your own happiness.
Give another student a compliment or some positive encouragement. Or, thank a teacher for a fun activity or an interesting lesson.
Remember that you’re probably not the only one who struggles to feel happy at school all the time.
If you see someone else that looks like they might be feeling down, tell them you like their outfit or give them a compliment on a presentation they gave in class.
6. Smile more often.
It’s scientifically proven that smiling instantly improves your mood.
Try to smile more at the people you interact with at school. Even if you aren’t feeling it, “fake it till you make it” and force a smile when you pass someone you know in the hallway or when someone makes a joke in class.
7. Use feedback to improve your grades.
You’re bound to feel down if you take feedback from teachers poorly.
Whenever you don’t do so great on an assignment or a test, listen to the teacher’s feedback closely instead of getting down on yourself for a less-than-stellar grade. Then, implement that feedback on your next assignment or exam to improve your work.
If you receive a low grade without any feedback or feel that you were graded unfairly, ask to talk to your teacher privately to find out why they gave you that grade.
8. Talk to a friend if something’s bothering you.
Getting things off your chest helps you feel better.
If something is on your mind, don’t bottle it up. If you’re stressed about an upcoming assignment, upset with someone in your life, or disappointed about a bad grade you received, talk about what you’re feeling with a friend.
If you’re stressing about how much work a big assignment is, talk with a friend in the same class about how to break the assignment down into parts over time.
If you’re upset with a friend, go to that person directly and talk to them about what happened to try and resolve the issue.
If you’re disappointed about a grade, focus on the next assignment. Talk to your friend about ideas for how to improve, such as by studying together or exchanging notes.
9. Journal your thoughts.
One of the best ways to process thoughts and feelings is to keep a journal.
It doesn’t matter what you write in your journal — just write down everything you’re thinking and feeling to get it all out. Then, review what you wrote down to help you process it and feel better.
Find a cool notebook that you like and try to write in it once or twice during your school day.
Try to write down one thing you are grateful for each day in addition to any negative emotions you’re dealing with to help yourself feel more positive.
10. Treat yourself once in awhile.
Being nice to yourself can make you feel instantly happier.
Eat a favorite food for lunch or bring a favorite snack with you to class to cheer you up. Or, give yourself something to look forward to after school, like going to see a movie at a theater or watching your favorite TV series on the couch.
Starting your day with something you enjoy can help improve your mood before school as well.
For example, sit and enjoy a cup of your favorite tea before you start getting ready for the day.
11. Try not to take negativity from others too hard.
If someone isn’t nice to you at school, it’s probably not your fault.
Try to remember that nobody is perfect and think about what might be going on in their lives that makes them act negatively towards you. Try your best to brush off a dirty look or a nasty comment and move on with your day instead of dwelling on it and getting angry and upset.
If there’s someone at school that’s bullying you and/or making you feel bad and unhappy on a regular basis, this is a bigger issue than a one-off comment or action.
If you feel that you’re being bullied or have a major issue with another student, speak to a teacher or another adult you trust about what you can do to resolve the issue.
12. Accept that there will be bad days.
If you learn to take bad days in stride, you’ll feel happier more often.
Remember that there are always going to be little things that go wrong and hurdles to jump over in school, but they don’t last forever. If you’re having a bad day, just do your best to get through it!
For example, if you’re feeling bad because you like someone and they don’t like you back, just remember that this isn’t the only person you’re ever going to have feelings for. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
13. Avoid procrastination.
Schoolwork is less stressful when you complete it ahead of time.
When you get a big assignment, break it up into small chunks and give yourself mini deadlines to get it all done on time and at a manageable pace. If you have a test coming up, don’t wait to study until the night before. Instead, study 20-30 minutes a night in the days leading up to it.
Try to remove any distractions when you do schoolwork. Go to a quiet place where you can work, such as a library, a coffee shop, or even just a quiet room in your home.
Use a planner to help you stay on track with your workload. Find a design with enough space to schedule everything you need to stay on top of.
14. Ask teachers for different assignments if you’re bored.
Sometimes, you might be more advanced in certain subjects.
If your schoolwork is really boring you because it’s too easy, ask your teachers for harder assignments. Or, ask for extracurricular projects to do.
For example, if math comes really naturally to you, you could ask your teacher to assign you problems from the next class up or even to move you up to the next class.
15. See a school counselor if you feel really unhappy.
The job of your school counselor is to help make your experience better.
Stop by their office and ask to talk if you can’t keep up with school work or if you feel like you’re being bullied by other students. Be honest about your feelings with the counselor and ask them to help you come up with solutions to make your time at school better.
School counselors have access to all kinds of resources to help you out. For example, if you’re struggling in a particular subject, they can set you up with a tutor to help you improve.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:00",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Listen to upbeat music.\\nMusic at a fast tempo makes you feel happy and energized.\\nTo get started, make a playlist of your favorite upbeat music. Listen to it in the morning when you get ready for school, on the way to school, and between classes.\\nIf upbeat music isn’t really your thing, just make a playlist of whatever songs you love that make you feel good!\\n2. Focus on the good things about school.\\nA little positive thinking can go a long way towards improving your mood.\\nThink about the bigger picture and how your education will have a positive impact on your life in the long run. If you’re having a bad day, tell yourself that you only have to be in school for a relatively short period of your life. After that, the sky is the limit!\\nIf something in particular upsets you, like a bad grade, an argument with a friend, or not making a sports team, stop worrying and try to put it in a bigger context. Chances are this one bad grade, argument, or rejection will not have a major long-term impact on your life.\\n3. Go outside for a few minutes.\\nSpending time outside naturally makes you feel happier.\\nEven if it’s just for 5 minutes between classes, make an effort to go outside whenever you can. Go for a short walk or review your notes for an exam outside during lunch or on a break.\\nIf you can take either an indoor or an outdoor route between classes, choose the outdoor option to get some fresh air and help boost your mood!\\n4. Get some exercise.\\nPhysical activities release endorphins, increasing feelings of happiness.\\nGo for a walk or do some stretching during your lunch break to get moving during the school day. Take a physical education class if you can to spend a whole chunk of your day playing sports to get some physical activity in!\\nYou can also improve your overall moods during the week by working out after school and on the weekends.\\nIf you aren’t an athletic person, try lifting weights, doing yoga, or signing up for a martial arts class. You don’t have to be good at sports to exercise and feel good!\\n5. Do something nice for someone.\\nMaking other people smile can boost your own happiness.\\nGive another student a compliment or some positive encouragement. Or, thank a teacher for a fun activity or an interesting lesson.\\nRemember that you’re probably not the only one who struggles to feel happy at school all the time.\\nIf you see someone else that looks like they might be feeling down, tell them you like their outfit or give them a compliment on a presentation they gave in class.\\n6. Smile more often.\\nIt’s scientifically proven that smiling instantly improves your mood.\\nTry to smile more at the people you interact with at school. Even if you aren’t feeling it, “fake it till you make it” and force a smile when you pass someone you know in the hallway or when someone makes a joke in class.\\n7. Use feedback to improve your grades.\\nYou’re bound to feel down if you take feedback from teachers poorly.\\nWhenever you don’t do so great on an assignment or a test, listen to the teacher’s feedback closely instead of getting down on yourself for a less-than-stellar grade. Then, implement that feedback on your next assignment or exam to improve your work.\\nIf you receive a low grade without any feedback or feel that you were graded unfairly, ask to talk to your teacher privately to find out why they gave you that grade.\\n8. Talk to a friend if something’s bothering you.\\nGetting things off your chest helps you feel better.\\nIf something is on your mind, don’t bottle it up. If you’re stressed about an upcoming assignment, upset with someone in your life, or disappointed about a bad grade you received, talk about what you’re feeling with a friend.\\nIf you’re stressing about how much work a big assignment is, talk with a friend in the same class about how to break the assignment down into parts over time.\\nIf you’re upset with a friend, go to that person directly and talk to them about what happened to try and resolve the issue.\\nIf you’re disappointed about a grade, focus on the next assignment. Talk to your friend about ideas for how to improve, such as by studying together or exchanging notes.\\n9. Journal your thoughts.\\nOne of the best ways to process thoughts and feelings is to keep a journal.\\nIt doesn’t matter what you write in your journal — just write down everything you’re thinking and feeling to get it all out. Then, review what you wrote down to help you process it and feel better.\\nFind a cool notebook that you like and try to write in it once or twice during your school day.\\nTry to write down one thing you are grateful for each day in addition to any negative emotions you’re dealing with to help yourself feel more positive.\\n10. Treat yourself once in awhile.\\nBeing nice to yourself can make you feel instantly happier.\\nEat a favorite food for lunch or bring a favorite snack with you to class to cheer you up. Or, give yourself something to look forward to after school, like going to see a movie at a theater or watching your favorite TV series on the couch.\\nStarting your day with something you enjoy can help improve your mood before school as well.\\nFor example, sit and enjoy a cup of your favorite tea before you start getting ready for the day.\\n11. Try not to take negativity from others too hard.\\nIf someone isn’t nice to you at school, it’s probably not your fault.\\nTry to remember that nobody is perfect and think about what might be going on in their lives that makes them act negatively towards you. Try your best to brush off a dirty look or a nasty comment and move on with your day instead of dwelling on it and getting angry and upset.\\nIf there’s someone at school that’s bullying you and/or making you feel bad and unhappy on a regular basis, this is a bigger issue than a one-off comment or action.\\nIf you feel that you’re being bullied or have a major issue with another student, speak to a teacher or another adult you trust about what you can do to resolve the issue.\\n12. Accept that there will be bad days.\\nIf you learn to take bad days in stride, you’ll feel happier more often.\\nRemember that there are always going to be little things that go wrong and hurdles to jump over in school, but they don’t last forever. If you’re having a bad day, just do your best to get through it!\\nFor example, if you’re feeling bad because you like someone and they don’t like you back, just remember that this isn’t the only person you’re ever going to have feelings for. There are plenty of fish in the sea!\\n13. Avoid procrastination.\\nSchoolwork is less stressful when you complete it ahead of time.\\nWhen you get a big assignment, break it up into small chunks and give yourself mini deadlines to get it all done on time and at a manageable pace. If you have a test coming up, don’t wait to study until the night before. Instead, study 20-30 minutes a night in the days leading up to it.\\nTry to remove any distractions when you do schoolwork. Go to a quiet place where you can work, such as a library, a coffee shop, or even just a quiet room in your home.\\nUse a planner to help you stay on track with your workload. Find a design with enough space to schedule everything you need to stay on top of.\\n14. Ask teachers for different assignments if you’re bored.\\nSometimes, you might be more advanced in certain subjects.\\nIf your schoolwork is really boring you because it’s too easy, ask your teachers for harder assignments. Or, ask for extracurricular projects to do.\\nFor example, if math comes really naturally to you, you could ask your teacher to assign you problems from the next class up or even to move you up to the next class.\\n15. See a school counselor if you feel really unhappy.\\nThe job of your school counselor is to help make your experience better.\\nStop by their office and ask to talk if you can’t keep up with school work or if you feel like you’re being bullied by other students. Be honest about your feelings with the counselor and ask them to help you come up with solutions to make your time at school better.\\nSchool counselors have access to all kinds of resources to help you out. For example, if you’re struggling in a particular subject, they can set you up with a tutor to help you improve.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"School days mean homework, studying, exams, and social interactions — not to mention getting up early every morning. It’s understandable if you don’t always feel your happiest going to school during the week, but it’s also something you can totally improve! Follow the tips on this list to feel more happy on school days. And...who knows? Maybe you’ll even start looking forward to them!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Listen to upbeat music.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Music at a fast tempo makes you feel happy and energized.\", \"描述\": \"To get started, make a playlist of your favorite upbeat music. Listen to it in the morning when you get ready for school, on the way to school, and between classes.\\nIf upbeat music isn’t really your thing, just make a playlist of whatever songs you love that make you feel good!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus on the good things about school.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A little positive thinking can go a long way towards improving your mood.\", \"描述\": \"Think about the bigger picture and how your education will have a positive impact on your life in the long run. If you’re having a bad day, tell yourself that you only have to be in school for a relatively short period of your life. After that, the sky is the limit!\\nIf something in particular upsets you, like a bad grade, an argument with a friend, or not making a sports team, stop worrying and try to put it in a bigger context. Chances are this one bad grade, argument, or rejection will not have a major long-term impact on your life.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Go outside for a few minutes.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spending time outside naturally makes you feel happier.\", \"描述\": \"Even if it’s just for 5 minutes between classes, make an effort to go outside whenever you can. Go for a short walk or review your notes for an exam outside during lunch or on a break.\\nIf you can take either an indoor or an outdoor route between classes, choose the outdoor option to get some fresh air and help boost your mood!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get some exercise.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Physical activities release endorphins, increasing feelings of happiness.\", \"描述\": \"Go for a walk or do some stretching during your lunch break to get moving during the school day. Take a physical education class if you can to spend a whole chunk of your day playing sports to get some physical activity in!\\nYou can also improve your overall moods during the week by working out after school and on the weekends.\\nIf you aren’t an athletic person, try lifting weights, doing yoga, or signing up for a martial arts class. You don’t have to be good at sports to exercise and feel good!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Do something nice for someone.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Making other people smile can boost your own happiness.\", \"描述\": \"Give another student a compliment or some positive encouragement. Or, thank a teacher for a fun activity or an interesting lesson.\\nRemember that you’re probably not the only one who struggles to feel happy at school all the time.\\nIf you see someone else that looks like they might be feeling down, tell them you like their outfit or give them a compliment on a presentation they gave in class.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Smile more often.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"It’s scientifically proven that smiling instantly improves your mood.\", \"描述\": \"Try to smile more at the people you interact with at school. Even if you aren’t feeling it, “fake it till you make it” and force a smile when you pass someone you know in the hallway or when someone makes a joke in class.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Use feedback to improve your grades.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You’re bound to feel down if you take feedback from teachers poorly.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you don’t do so great on an assignment or a test, listen to the teacher’s feedback closely instead of getting down on yourself for a less-than-stellar grade. Then, implement that feedback on your next assignment or exam to improve your work.\\nIf you receive a low grade without any feedback or feel that you were graded unfairly, ask to talk to your teacher privately to find out why they gave you that grade.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Talk to a friend if something’s bothering you.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting things off your chest helps you feel better.\", \"描述\": \"If something is on your mind, don’t bottle it up. If you’re stressed about an upcoming assignment, upset with someone in your life, or disappointed about a bad grade you received, talk about what you’re feeling with a friend.\\nIf you’re stressing about how much work a big assignment is, talk with a friend in the same class about how to break the assignment down into parts over time.\\nIf you’re upset with a friend, go to that person directly and talk to them about what happened to try and resolve the issue.\\nIf you’re disappointed about a grade, focus on the next assignment. Talk to your friend about ideas for how to improve, such as by studying together or exchanging notes.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Journal your thoughts.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"One of the best ways to process thoughts and feelings is to keep a journal.\", \"描述\": \"It doesn’t matter what you write in your journal — just write down everything you’re thinking and feeling to get it all out. Then, review what you wrote down to help you process it and feel better.\\nFind a cool notebook that you like and try to write in it once or twice during your school day.\\nTry to write down one thing you are grateful for each day in addition to any negative emotions you’re dealing with to help yourself feel more positive.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Treat yourself once in awhile.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being nice to yourself can make you feel instantly happier.\", \"描述\": \"Eat a favorite food for lunch or bring a favorite snack with you to class to cheer you up. Or, give yourself something to look forward to after school, like going to see a movie at a theater or watching your favorite TV series on the couch.\\nStarting your day with something you enjoy can help improve your mood before school as well.\\nFor example, sit and enjoy a cup of your favorite tea before you start getting ready for the day.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Try not to take negativity from others too hard.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"If someone isn’t nice to you at school, it’s probably not your fault.\", \"描述\": \"Try to remember that nobody is perfect and think about what might be going on in their lives that makes them act negatively towards you. Try your best to brush off a dirty look or a nasty comment and move on with your day instead of dwelling on it and getting angry and upset.\\nIf there’s someone at school that’s bullying you and/or making you feel bad and unhappy on a regular basis, this is a bigger issue than a one-off comment or action.\\nIf you feel that you’re being bullied or have a major issue with another student, speak to a teacher or another adult you trust about what you can do to resolve the issue.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Accept that there will be bad days.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"If you learn to take bad days in stride, you’ll feel happier more often.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that there are always going to be little things that go wrong and hurdles to jump over in school, but they don’t last forever. If you’re having a bad day, just do your best to get through it!\\nFor example, if you’re feeling bad because you like someone and they don’t like you back, just remember that this isn’t the only person you’re ever going to have feelings for. There are plenty of fish in the sea!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Avoid procrastination.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Schoolwork is less stressful when you complete it ahead of time.\", \"描述\": \"When you get a big assignment, break it up into small chunks and give yourself mini deadlines to get it all done on time and at a manageable pace. If you have a test coming up, don’t wait to study until the night before. Instead, study 20-30 minutes a night in the days leading up to it.\\nTry to remove any distractions when you do schoolwork. Go to a quiet place where you can work, such as a library, a coffee shop, or even just a quiet room in your home.\\nUse a planner to help you stay on track with your workload. Find a design with enough space to schedule everything you need to stay on top of.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Ask teachers for different assignments if you’re bored.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sometimes, you might be more advanced in certain subjects.\", \"描述\": \"If your schoolwork is really boring you because it’s too easy, ask your teachers for harder assignments. Or, ask for extracurricular projects to do.\\nFor example, if math comes really naturally to you, you could ask your teacher to assign you problems from the next class up or even to move you up to the next class.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"See a school counselor if you feel really unhappy.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"The job of your school counselor is to help make your experience better.\", \"描述\": \"Stop by their office and ask to talk if you can’t keep up with school work or if you feel like you’re being bullied by other students. Be honest about your feelings with the counselor and ask them to help you come up with solutions to make your time at school better.\\nSchool counselors have access to all kinds of resources to help you out. For example, if you’re struggling in a particular subject, they can set you up with a tutor to help you improve.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,817 | How to Be Happy when You Are Grounded | 1. Finding Indoor Activities
1-1. Play games.
Whatever game you find will give you a simple option for passing the time. All you need is a deck of cards, a board game, or your imagination. Use this time to learn a new game or reconnect with an old one.
Whether this be learning one of the endless newer board game options such as Cards Against Humanity or playing an old classic such as Monopoly, grabbing your family or friends for a session can entertain and ease tension between you.
If you have a sibling, take the time to play with them. Even something as simple as hide-and-seek or tag is a change of pace.
Card games are an old standard for passing time, but there are many variations on games such as Solitaire that you can learn.
The particularly ambitious can even try inventing their own game. You’ll keep your mind active, but who knows? You may come up with a new tradition.
Video games, if they haven't been confiscated, are another simple option with the potential for large time investment and enjoyment.
1-2. Clean your room.
No, it doesn’t sound fun, but it is a useful way to spend the time. Maybe your room is messy and you can’t walk without stepping on dirty shirts, or your favorite bracelet vanished from the jewelry box. Managing your space is an efficient use of your time and will impress your parents.
The act of cleaning gets you active, and when your room smells nice and is organized you'll feel happier.
You can put on music, a podcast, or an audio book to further distract your mind from you grounding and your chores.
You can also do other chores around the house and use them to ask for extra allowance or less time being grounded.
1-3. Catch up on homework.
As with cleaning, it isn’t a fun way to pass the time, but it’s a useful way to do so. Being stuck in your house or your room gives you a perfect time with reduced distractions to get done the work you’re going to have to do anyway to prepare for class.
Getting the work done now means that later on you’ll have more time to do what you want, rather than having to stop and finish homework at the last minute.
Preparation means better grades and better grades means impressing parents, making them more lenient, and reducing grade-related opportunities to be grounded.
1-4. Read or listen to books.
Because of being busy with schoolwork, friends, and social media, many people miss out on the adventures the literary world used to offer them. Have you been eyeing that new book your friends have been discussing? Now is the perfect time to begin it, or even go back into the reads that once inspired you.
For those that don’t have books or dislike the physical act of reading, audio books are now widely available at libraries, bookstores, or online shops such as audible.com.
Audio books are combinable with mindless activities such as chores. Even if the book doesn’t take you somewhere else by imagination, hearing the speaker can keep you daydreaming, which passes the time.
1-5. Listen to podcasts to learn something new.
Podcasting is another electronic platform that has exploded due to the Internet. Virtually anyone can learn to make one, so there’s plenty of variety out there, from storytelling to music to learning a new language. What you want to get out of this time is entirely up to you!
If electronics have been banned for you, ask your parents to help you find some podcasts relating to your interests or download them to a device such as an iPod ahead of time.
Search a platform such as iTunes. The program’s store keeps a healthy supply of podcasts, and most of them are free.
1-6. Draw or paint.
You don’t need to be in class to doodle, and you don’t need a canvas and expensive paint to make art. Even if it means grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, this is a great way to pass the time while expressing creativity.
Material is cheap and easy to find in retail stores such as Walmart. This includes adult coloring books, colored pencils, paints, and various pens you can keep on hand for use before and after grounding. Let your imagination roam free.
This act of expression allows you to draw out your frustrations, which can help you come up with new ideas for activities and calm you down to the point that you begin to feel happier.
1-7. Write.
Writing is the same as other artistic pursuits in health benefits that come from the freedom of expression. You don’t need to be a great writer or have ambition to do this. All you need is paper and a writing utensil.
Begin a journal by writing down what you’re feeling or how your day went. This means of expression has the effect of calming you and enabling you to work through your thoughts.
Write a story. If you have a concept in mind, let loose without fear of judgment. Any ideas, even those scribbled down in a journal, can lead your writing to places you never expected to go.
Brainstorm and write down a list of ideas that you consider fun or things that you have always wanted to do but never done.
1-8. Listen to music.
A first choice for many stuck in grounding, music has been shown to have such benefits as improving mood and relieving stress. The kind of music you use depends upon your own tastes, and any type of music works. If you have access to a radio or other device that plays music, make use of it.
Your first instinct will be to blast out the sound so loud your parents can hear. Avoid getting on their nerves and provoking an argument.
Consider carefully how the music affects you. Any type of music, dependent on personal taste, can lead to good feelings, but if for example that aggressive rap song you like often leads you to feeling angry, avoid it.
If you're a musician, even a beginner, play an instrument. The act of making your own music relieves tension and gives you practice time.
1-9. Find a new hobby.
If you’ve got nothing else to do, here’s an opportunity to at least research an activity you’d like to try. Investigate a pursuit such as cooking and try it out to see if you find it fun. Not only does this fill the time during a grounding, it can be the basis for a hobby you pursue long-term.
If you have Internet access or books on the subject, use these to collect information to figure out which hobby is right for you and how to get started.
Ask your parents for help. They can get you started, even showing you the basics of your hobby if they have any experience. This is even more important for something like cooking if you need permission to touch the stove.
1-10. Play with your pet.
Your pet is your friend and family, but life is so busy it’s easy to forget to give them attention. They’ll be happy to have you around and you’ll be even happier playing together.
Use toys such as danglers for cats. You’ll enjoy the way your pet reacts and gets entertainment out of such a simple activity.
Get down on their level. Roll around with your dog or cat. Let your bird rest on your shoulder. Put your rodent in a rolling ball. Being close to your pet helps you relax.
1-11. Use your electronics.
You’re stuck inside, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all of your electronic devices are gone. In fact, spending more time inside may mean doing the opposite of what you normally do, and for some this means getting more invested in technology. Parents may also allow you to keep devices in your room.
If you have a television, channel flip to find a new movie or show or rewatch an old favorite.
If you have Internet access, search for new hobbies, music, podcasts, or even participate on social media.
Try a video game you have yet to find the time to play.
Use your iPod, radio, or similar device to play music.
2. Finding Outdoor Activities
2-1. Walk your dog.
Like playing with your dog, walking your dog is good for you and your dog too. Dogs are supposed to get an hour of daily exercise, but walking also allows the both of you to get outside and see your neighborhood.
Take a new route around the neighborhood. Go explore places you haven’t yet had a chance to explore and meet new people.
2-2. Ride your bike.
Bike riding is a great mode of transportation and exercise. It’ll force you to get away from the temptation of sitting around at home and allow you to work off your frustration of being grounded, even if you're permitted to only ride up and down your street.
Ride to a place you haven't been in a while or go find new sites to revisit later. Explore your surroundings.
If permitted, go on a bike ride with your friends or your family. The exercise and company will help you feel better.
2-3. Play in the yard.
You’ve got an old ball or a jump rope you haven’t touched for years. Recall the days on the playground when you first learned double dutch or organize a game of kickball. Such physical activities lead to better health, the removal of negative feelings, and can be shared with others.
Grab a sibling, a friend, or a parent who isn't busy. The company you keep will increase your enjoyment and give you someone with which you can work off your frustration.
Anyone involved in sports can use this time to practice. A basketball player for instance can practice shooting free throws.
In winter months, transition to winter activities. Get a ball and hockey sticks. Skate around on ice. Bundle up and build a snowman.
2-4. Take pictures.
You don’t have to be a budding photographer to take pictures, but stepping outside and doing so allows you to practice your artistic expression while seeing the sights in your area that you usually ignore.
Use a cell phone or ask your parents to borrow a camera. Even a cheap, disposable camera will do.
Use your imagination when choosing subjects. It doesn’t matter if you choose to take pictures of flowers, snow formations, or your pet. This is your time, and you should choose what captures your eye.
These pictures can be used later. For instance, you can put them into a photo album online or offline or make a collage.
3. Dealing with Your Parents
3-1. Let your emotions subside.
It’s usual for you to feel upset about being grounded, but taking your anger out on a parent will make you feel more miserable. Go to a room where you can be alone. Avoid contact with your parent until you feel ready to speak to them.
To calm yourself, do an activity or two first. Keeping yourself physically and mentally occupied distracts you and you may even enjoy the activity enough to feel happier.
If possible, you can also choose to talk to a friend during this time. They'll listen to your story and may even give you insight.
Keep in mind that your parent may feel angry too, so give them time to recover.
3-2. Apologize verbally.
Put yourself in your parent’s position and try to understand why you’ve been grounded. Chances are your parents didn’t want to punish you. By understanding why they did, though, you can express more sincere remorse that at the very least establishes better communication that will make you feel happier.
Speak your apology out loud. This is difficult to do at times, but a verbal apology carries more weight.
Adopt a proper tone. Keep your voice low, clear, but authentic.
Make your apology meaningful by showing you understand what you did wrong and will do differently next time. Instead of saying you’re sorry for kicking a ball in the house, say, “I’m sorry I broke your lamp. I shouldn’t have been kicking the ball in the house. Next time I’ll play outside so I don’t upset you by breaking the rules.”
3-3. Ask how you can reduce the grounding.
Many parents are open to making a deal. Chances are they have some household chores they haven’t finished. By sparing them the effort, you ingratiate yourself because you’re doing something for them, and it makes you look apologetic. The activity and the reduced grounding time will make you feel happier.
For example, offer to do the dishes. Your parent may exchange that work for a few days off your grounding time.
Some parents are strict, or the offense you committed too serious to them to be forgiven through deals. You’ll have to deal with this by waiting out the grounding.
3-4. Talk to your parent.
Some parents are more open than others, so use your discretion as to whether or not discussion is beneficial. Those that are willing to listen will be more willing to end your grounding if they believe you understand what you did wrong and have learned from it or at least have a discussion with you that takes away some of your anger and sadness.
Discussions should always be calm, quiet, and open. As soon as you resort to anger and screaming, you cause your parent to retreat into their anger and authority. This causes them to extend the grounding and you to feel bad all over again.
Tell them your side of the story and listen to theirs. Chances are you’ll reach a middle ground, erasing hurt feelings and tension in the process.
Strict parents may be concerned with expressing their authority. You may have no choice but to wait out the grounding.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:00",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Finding Indoor Activities\\n1-1. Play games.\\nWhatever game you find will give you a simple option for passing the time. All you need is a deck of cards, a board game, or your imagination. Use this time to learn a new game or reconnect with an old one.\\nWhether this be learning one of the endless newer board game options such as Cards Against Humanity or playing an old classic such as Monopoly, grabbing your family or friends for a session can entertain and ease tension between you.\\nIf you have a sibling, take the time to play with them. Even something as simple as hide-and-seek or tag is a change of pace.\\nCard games are an old standard for passing time, but there are many variations on games such as Solitaire that you can learn.\\nThe particularly ambitious can even try inventing their own game. You’ll keep your mind active, but who knows? You may come up with a new tradition.\\nVideo games, if they haven't been confiscated, are another simple option with the potential for large time investment and enjoyment.\\n1-2. Clean your room.\\nNo, it doesn’t sound fun, but it is a useful way to spend the time. Maybe your room is messy and you can’t walk without stepping on dirty shirts, or your favorite bracelet vanished from the jewelry box. Managing your space is an efficient use of your time and will impress your parents.\\nThe act of cleaning gets you active, and when your room smells nice and is organized you'll feel happier.\\nYou can put on music, a podcast, or an audio book to further distract your mind from you grounding and your chores.\\nYou can also do other chores around the house and use them to ask for extra allowance or less time being grounded.\\n1-3. Catch up on homework.\\nAs with cleaning, it isn’t a fun way to pass the time, but it’s a useful way to do so. Being stuck in your house or your room gives you a perfect time with reduced distractions to get done the work you’re going to have to do anyway to prepare for class.\\nGetting the work done now means that later on you’ll have more time to do what you want, rather than having to stop and finish homework at the last minute.\\nPreparation means better grades and better grades means impressing parents, making them more lenient, and reducing grade-related opportunities to be grounded.\\n1-4. Read or listen to books.\\nBecause of being busy with schoolwork, friends, and social media, many people miss out on the adventures the literary world used to offer them. Have you been eyeing that new book your friends have been discussing? Now is the perfect time to begin it, or even go back into the reads that once inspired you.\\nFor those that don’t have books or dislike the physical act of reading, audio books are now widely available at libraries, bookstores, or online shops such as audible.com.\\nAudio books are combinable with mindless activities such as chores. Even if the book doesn’t take you somewhere else by imagination, hearing the speaker can keep you daydreaming, which passes the time.\\n1-5. Listen to podcasts to learn something new.\\nPodcasting is another electronic platform that has exploded due to the Internet. Virtually anyone can learn to make one, so there’s plenty of variety out there, from storytelling to music to learning a new language. What you want to get out of this time is entirely up to you!\\nIf electronics have been banned for you, ask your parents to help you find some podcasts relating to your interests or download them to a device such as an iPod ahead of time.\\nSearch a platform such as iTunes. The program’s store keeps a healthy supply of podcasts, and most of them are free.\\n1-6. Draw or paint.\\nYou don’t need to be in class to doodle, and you don’t need a canvas and expensive paint to make art. Even if it means grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, this is a great way to pass the time while expressing creativity.\\nMaterial is cheap and easy to find in retail stores such as Walmart. This includes adult coloring books, colored pencils, paints, and various pens you can keep on hand for use before and after grounding. Let your imagination roam free.\\nThis act of expression allows you to draw out your frustrations, which can help you come up with new ideas for activities and calm you down to the point that you begin to feel happier.\\n1-7. Write.\\nWriting is the same as other artistic pursuits in health benefits that come from the freedom of expression. You don’t need to be a great writer or have ambition to do this. All you need is paper and a writing utensil.\\nBegin a journal by writing down what you’re feeling or how your day went. This means of expression has the effect of calming you and enabling you to work through your thoughts.\\nWrite a story. If you have a concept in mind, let loose without fear of judgment. Any ideas, even those scribbled down in a journal, can lead your writing to places you never expected to go.\\nBrainstorm and write down a list of ideas that you consider fun or things that you have always wanted to do but never done.\\n1-8. Listen to music.\\nA first choice for many stuck in grounding, music has been shown to have such benefits as improving mood and relieving stress. The kind of music you use depends upon your own tastes, and any type of music works. If you have access to a radio or other device that plays music, make use of it.\\nYour first instinct will be to blast out the sound so loud your parents can hear. Avoid getting on their nerves and provoking an argument.\\nConsider carefully how the music affects you. Any type of music, dependent on personal taste, can lead to good feelings, but if for example that aggressive rap song you like often leads you to feeling angry, avoid it.\\nIf you're a musician, even a beginner, play an instrument. The act of making your own music relieves tension and gives you practice time.\\n1-9. Find a new hobby.\\nIf you’ve got nothing else to do, here’s an opportunity to at least research an activity you’d like to try. Investigate a pursuit such as cooking and try it out to see if you find it fun. Not only does this fill the time during a grounding, it can be the basis for a hobby you pursue long-term.\\nIf you have Internet access or books on the subject, use these to collect information to figure out which hobby is right for you and how to get started.\\nAsk your parents for help. They can get you started, even showing you the basics of your hobby if they have any experience. This is even more important for something like cooking if you need permission to touch the stove.\\n1-10. Play with your pet.\\nYour pet is your friend and family, but life is so busy it’s easy to forget to give them attention. They’ll be happy to have you around and you’ll be even happier playing together.\\nUse toys such as danglers for cats. You’ll enjoy the way your pet reacts and gets entertainment out of such a simple activity.\\nGet down on their level. Roll around with your dog or cat. Let your bird rest on your shoulder. Put your rodent in a rolling ball. Being close to your pet helps you relax.\\n1-11. Use your electronics.\\nYou’re stuck inside, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all of your electronic devices are gone. In fact, spending more time inside may mean doing the opposite of what you normally do, and for some this means getting more invested in technology. Parents may also allow you to keep devices in your room.\\nIf you have a television, channel flip to find a new movie or show or rewatch an old favorite.\\nIf you have Internet access, search for new hobbies, music, podcasts, or even participate on social media.\\nTry a video game you have yet to find the time to play.\\nUse your iPod, radio, or similar device to play music.\\n2. Finding Outdoor Activities\\n2-1. Walk your dog.\\nLike playing with your dog, walking your dog is good for you and your dog too. Dogs are supposed to get an hour of daily exercise, but walking also allows the both of you to get outside and see your neighborhood.\\nTake a new route around the neighborhood. Go explore places you haven’t yet had a chance to explore and meet new people.\\n2-2. Ride your bike.\\nBike riding is a great mode of transportation and exercise. It’ll force you to get away from the temptation of sitting around at home and allow you to work off your frustration of being grounded, even if you're permitted to only ride up and down your street.\\nRide to a place you haven't been in a while or go find new sites to revisit later. Explore your surroundings.\\nIf permitted, go on a bike ride with your friends or your family. The exercise and company will help you feel better.\\n2-3. Play in the yard.\\nYou’ve got an old ball or a jump rope you haven’t touched for years. Recall the days on the playground when you first learned double dutch or organize a game of kickball. Such physical activities lead to better health, the removal of negative feelings, and can be shared with others.\\nGrab a sibling, a friend, or a parent who isn't busy. The company you keep will increase your enjoyment and give you someone with which you can work off your frustration.\\nAnyone involved in sports can use this time to practice. A basketball player for instance can practice shooting free throws.\\nIn winter months, transition to winter activities. Get a ball and hockey sticks. Skate around on ice. Bundle up and build a snowman.\\n2-4. Take pictures.\\nYou don’t have to be a budding photographer to take pictures, but stepping outside and doing so allows you to practice your artistic expression while seeing the sights in your area that you usually ignore.\\nUse a cell phone or ask your parents to borrow a camera. Even a cheap, disposable camera will do.\\nUse your imagination when choosing subjects. It doesn’t matter if you choose to take pictures of flowers, snow formations, or your pet. This is your time, and you should choose what captures your eye.\\nThese pictures can be used later. For instance, you can put them into a photo album online or offline or make a collage.\\n3. Dealing with Your Parents\\n3-1. Let your emotions subside.\\nIt’s usual for you to feel upset about being grounded, but taking your anger out on a parent will make you feel more miserable. Go to a room where you can be alone. Avoid contact with your parent until you feel ready to speak to them.\\nTo calm yourself, do an activity or two first. Keeping yourself physically and mentally occupied distracts you and you may even enjoy the activity enough to feel happier.\\nIf possible, you can also choose to talk to a friend during this time. They'll listen to your story and may even give you insight.\\nKeep in mind that your parent may feel angry too, so give them time to recover.\\n3-2. Apologize verbally.\\nPut yourself in your parent’s position and try to understand why you’ve been grounded. Chances are your parents didn’t want to punish you. By understanding why they did, though, you can express more sincere remorse that at the very least establishes better communication that will make you feel happier.\\nSpeak your apology out loud. This is difficult to do at times, but a verbal apology carries more weight.\\nAdopt a proper tone. Keep your voice low, clear, but authentic.\\nMake your apology meaningful by showing you understand what you did wrong and will do differently next time. Instead of saying you’re sorry for kicking a ball in the house, say, “I’m sorry I broke your lamp. I shouldn’t have been kicking the ball in the house. Next time I’ll play outside so I don’t upset you by breaking the rules.”\\n3-3. Ask how you can reduce the grounding.\\nMany parents are open to making a deal. Chances are they have some household chores they haven’t finished. By sparing them the effort, you ingratiate yourself because you’re doing something for them, and it makes you look apologetic. The activity and the reduced grounding time will make you feel happier.\\nFor example, offer to do the dishes. Your parent may exchange that work for a few days off your grounding time.\\nSome parents are strict, or the offense you committed too serious to them to be forgiven through deals. You’ll have to deal with this by waiting out the grounding.\\n3-4. Talk to your parent.\\nSome parents are more open than others, so use your discretion as to whether or not discussion is beneficial. Those that are willing to listen will be more willing to end your grounding if they believe you understand what you did wrong and have learned from it or at least have a discussion with you that takes away some of your anger and sadness.\\nDiscussions should always be calm, quiet, and open. As soon as you resort to anger and screaming, you cause your parent to retreat into their anger and authority. This causes them to extend the grounding and you to feel bad all over again.\\nTell them your side of the story and listen to theirs. Chances are you’ll reach a middle ground, erasing hurt feelings and tension in the process.\\nStrict parents may be concerned with expressing their authority. You may have no choice but to wait out the grounding.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It’s hard to feel happy when you’re grounded. Your beloved electronics may be in the hands of your parents, your friends may not be allowed to visit, or you may even be stuck in your room. Suddenly, you feel upset, unable to do what you want, and you need to fill time. Instead of moping, a little creativity can help you begin to enjoy this time and make you feel happier.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Finding Indoor Activities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Play games.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever game you find will give you a simple option for passing the time. All you need is a deck of cards, a board game, or your imagination. Use this time to learn a new game or reconnect with an old one.\\nWhether this be learning one of the endless newer board game options such as Cards Against Humanity or playing an old classic such as Monopoly, grabbing your family or friends for a session can entertain and ease tension between you.\\nIf you have a sibling, take the time to play with them. Even something as simple as hide-and-seek or tag is a change of pace.\\nCard games are an old standard for passing time, but there are many variations on games such as Solitaire that you can learn.\\nThe particularly ambitious can even try inventing their own game. You’ll keep your mind active, but who knows? You may come up with a new tradition.\\nVideo games, if they haven't been confiscated, are another simple option with the potential for large time investment and enjoyment.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Clean your room.\", \"描述\": \"No, it doesn’t sound fun, but it is a useful way to spend the time. Maybe your room is messy and you can’t walk without stepping on dirty shirts, or your favorite bracelet vanished from the jewelry box. Managing your space is an efficient use of your time and will impress your parents.\\nThe act of cleaning gets you active, and when your room smells nice and is organized you'll feel happier.\\nYou can put on music, a podcast, or an audio book to further distract your mind from you grounding and your chores.\\nYou can also do other chores around the house and use them to ask for extra allowance or less time being grounded.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Catch up on homework.\", \"描述\": \"As with cleaning, it isn’t a fun way to pass the time, but it’s a useful way to do so. Being stuck in your house or your room gives you a perfect time with reduced distractions to get done the work you’re going to have to do anyway to prepare for class.\\nGetting the work done now means that later on you’ll have more time to do what you want, rather than having to stop and finish homework at the last minute.\\nPreparation means better grades and better grades means impressing parents, making them more lenient, and reducing grade-related opportunities to be grounded.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Read or listen to books.\", \"描述\": \"Because of being busy with schoolwork, friends, and social media, many people miss out on the adventures the literary world used to offer them. Have you been eyeing that new book your friends have been discussing? Now is the perfect time to begin it, or even go back into the reads that once inspired you.\\nFor those that don’t have books or dislike the physical act of reading, audio books are now widely available at libraries, bookstores, or online shops such as audible.com.\\nAudio books are combinable with mindless activities such as chores. Even if the book doesn’t take you somewhere else by imagination, hearing the speaker can keep you daydreaming, which passes the time.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Listen to podcasts to learn something new.\", \"描述\": \"Podcasting is another electronic platform that has exploded due to the Internet. Virtually anyone can learn to make one, so there’s plenty of variety out there, from storytelling to music to learning a new language. What you want to get out of this time is entirely up to you!\\nIf electronics have been banned for you, ask your parents to help you find some podcasts relating to your interests or download them to a device such as an iPod ahead of time.\\nSearch a platform such as iTunes. The program’s store keeps a healthy supply of podcasts, and most of them are free.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Draw or paint.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t need to be in class to doodle, and you don’t need a canvas and expensive paint to make art. Even if it means grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, this is a great way to pass the time while expressing creativity.\\nMaterial is cheap and easy to find in retail stores such as Walmart. This includes adult coloring books, colored pencils, paints, and various pens you can keep on hand for use before and after grounding. Let your imagination roam free.\\nThis act of expression allows you to draw out your frustrations, which can help you come up with new ideas for activities and calm you down to the point that you begin to feel happier.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Write.\", \"描述\": \"Writing is the same as other artistic pursuits in health benefits that come from the freedom of expression. You don’t need to be a great writer or have ambition to do this. All you need is paper and a writing utensil.\\nBegin a journal by writing down what you’re feeling or how your day went. This means of expression has the effect of calming you and enabling you to work through your thoughts.\\nWrite a story. If you have a concept in mind, let loose without fear of judgment. Any ideas, even those scribbled down in a journal, can lead your writing to places you never expected to go.\\nBrainstorm and write down a list of ideas that you consider fun or things that you have always wanted to do but never done.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Listen to music.\", \"描述\": \"A first choice for many stuck in grounding, music has been shown to have such benefits as improving mood and relieving stress. The kind of music you use depends upon your own tastes, and any type of music works. If you have access to a radio or other device that plays music, make use of it.\\nYour first instinct will be to blast out the sound so loud your parents can hear. Avoid getting on their nerves and provoking an argument.\\nConsider carefully how the music affects you. Any type of music, dependent on personal taste, can lead to good feelings, but if for example that aggressive rap song you like often leads you to feeling angry, avoid it.\\nIf you're a musician, even a beginner, play an instrument. The act of making your own music relieves tension and gives you practice time.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Find a new hobby.\", \"描述\": \"If you’ve got nothing else to do, here’s an opportunity to at least research an activity you’d like to try. Investigate a pursuit such as cooking and try it out to see if you find it fun. Not only does this fill the time during a grounding, it can be the basis for a hobby you pursue long-term.\\nIf you have Internet access or books on the subject, use these to collect information to figure out which hobby is right for you and how to get started.\\nAsk your parents for help. They can get you started, even showing you the basics of your hobby if they have any experience. This is even more important for something like cooking if you need permission to touch the stove.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Play with your pet.\", \"描述\": \"Your pet is your friend and family, but life is so busy it’s easy to forget to give them attention. They’ll be happy to have you around and you’ll be even happier playing together.\\nUse toys such as danglers for cats. You’ll enjoy the way your pet reacts and gets entertainment out of such a simple activity.\\nGet down on their level. Roll around with your dog or cat. Let your bird rest on your shoulder. Put your rodent in a rolling ball. Being close to your pet helps you relax.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Use your electronics.\", \"描述\": \"You’re stuck inside, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all of your electronic devices are gone. In fact, spending more time inside may mean doing the opposite of what you normally do, and for some this means getting more invested in technology. Parents may also allow you to keep devices in your room.\\nIf you have a television, channel flip to find a new movie or show or rewatch an old favorite.\\nIf you have Internet access, search for new hobbies, music, podcasts, or even participate on social media.\\nTry a video game you have yet to find the time to play.\\nUse your iPod, radio, or similar device to play music.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Finding Outdoor Activities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Walk your dog.\", \"描述\": \"Like playing with your dog, walking your dog is good for you and your dog too. Dogs are supposed to get an hour of daily exercise, but walking also allows the both of you to get outside and see your neighborhood.\\nTake a new route around the neighborhood. Go explore places you haven’t yet had a chance to explore and meet new people.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ride your bike.\", \"描述\": \"Bike riding is a great mode of transportation and exercise. It’ll force you to get away from the temptation of sitting around at home and allow you to work off your frustration of being grounded, even if you're permitted to only ride up and down your street.\\nRide to a place you haven't been in a while or go find new sites to revisit later. Explore your surroundings.\\nIf permitted, go on a bike ride with your friends or your family. The exercise and company will help you feel better.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Play in the yard.\", \"描述\": \"You’ve got an old ball or a jump rope you haven’t touched for years. Recall the days on the playground when you first learned double dutch or organize a game of kickball. Such physical activities lead to better health, the removal of negative feelings, and can be shared with others.\\nGrab a sibling, a friend, or a parent who isn't busy. The company you keep will increase your enjoyment and give you someone with which you can work off your frustration.\\nAnyone involved in sports can use this time to practice. A basketball player for instance can practice shooting free throws.\\nIn winter months, transition to winter activities. Get a ball and hockey sticks. Skate around on ice. Bundle up and build a snowman.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take pictures.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t have to be a budding photographer to take pictures, but stepping outside and doing so allows you to practice your artistic expression while seeing the sights in your area that you usually ignore.\\nUse a cell phone or ask your parents to borrow a camera. Even a cheap, disposable camera will do.\\nUse your imagination when choosing subjects. It doesn’t matter if you choose to take pictures of flowers, snow formations, or your pet. This is your time, and you should choose what captures your eye.\\nThese pictures can be used later. For instance, you can put them into a photo album online or offline or make a collage.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Dealing with Your Parents\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Let your emotions subside.\", \"描述\": \"It’s usual for you to feel upset about being grounded, but taking your anger out on a parent will make you feel more miserable. Go to a room where you can be alone. Avoid contact with your parent until you feel ready to speak to them.\\nTo calm yourself, do an activity or two first. Keeping yourself physically and mentally occupied distracts you and you may even enjoy the activity enough to feel happier.\\nIf possible, you can also choose to talk to a friend during this time. They'll listen to your story and may even give you insight.\\nKeep in mind that your parent may feel angry too, so give them time to recover.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Apologize verbally.\", \"描述\": \"Put yourself in your parent’s position and try to understand why you’ve been grounded. Chances are your parents didn’t want to punish you. By understanding why they did, though, you can express more sincere remorse that at the very least establishes better communication that will make you feel happier.\\nSpeak your apology out loud. This is difficult to do at times, but a verbal apology carries more weight.\\nAdopt a proper tone. Keep your voice low, clear, but authentic.\\nMake your apology meaningful by showing you understand what you did wrong and will do differently next time. Instead of saying you’re sorry for kicking a ball in the house, say, “I’m sorry I broke your lamp. I shouldn’t have been kicking the ball in the house. Next time I’ll play outside so I don’t upset you by breaking the rules.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask how you can reduce the grounding.\", \"描述\": \"Many parents are open to making a deal. Chances are they have some household chores they haven’t finished. By sparing them the effort, you ingratiate yourself because you’re doing something for them, and it makes you look apologetic. The activity and the reduced grounding time will make you feel happier.\\nFor example, offer to do the dishes. Your parent may exchange that work for a few days off your grounding time.\\nSome parents are strict, or the offense you committed too serious to them to be forgiven through deals. You’ll have to deal with this by waiting out the grounding.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Talk to your parent.\", \"描述\": \"Some parents are more open than others, so use your discretion as to whether or not discussion is beneficial. Those that are willing to listen will be more willing to end your grounding if they believe you understand what you did wrong and have learned from it or at least have a discussion with you that takes away some of your anger and sadness.\\nDiscussions should always be calm, quiet, and open. As soon as you resort to anger and screaming, you cause your parent to retreat into their anger and authority. This causes them to extend the grounding and you to feel bad all over again.\\nTell them your side of the story and listen to theirs. Chances are you’ll reach a middle ground, erasing hurt feelings and tension in the process.\\nStrict parents may be concerned with expressing their authority. You may have no choice but to wait out the grounding.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,818 | How to Be Happy when You Don't Have Friends | 1. Being Happy about Yourself
1-1. Recognize your worth.
Oftentimes, people depend on friends for validation of their feelings. You may think, “Sarah adores me, so I must be fabulous” or “At least I’m invited to all the parties.” Truth is, you should feel great about yourself regardless of who your friends are or how many you have. Learn to validate yourself instead of needing others to do it.
For example, if you have always counted on friends to help you make big decisions, try to make a decision on your own by weighing pros and cons.
If you think being needed by your friends makes you important, find other ways to feel important, such as reciting positive affirmations or volunteering.
1-2. Start a self-care regimen
Create a list of self-care activities that allow you to do something good for yourself. Start adding some of these activities to your calendar each day. Regular self-care can help you feel emotionally healthy—so you won’t have to rely on others to make you feel good about yourself.
Try performing self-massage, doing a yoga routine, journaling, or taking your dog for a walk.
You may also try listing all of the things that you like about yourself and reading over the list often.
1-3. Support your physical health and well-being.
Show love to yourself by building a healthier lifestyle. Look for ways you can better support your health and wellness, such as cleaning up your diet, exercising more often, fighting stress, or getting adequate sleep each night.
Start eating healthier by adding more vegetables to your meals, consuming less processed and junk foods, and drinking plenty of water.
Start an exercise regimen that fits your lifestyle, such as walking your dog around the block, walking or running at a local park, or playing sports.
Ease stress by doing relaxing activities like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
Promoting physical health and well-being is something you should want to do for you simply because it helps you lead a more satisfying life.
1-4. Remind yourself of things you're grateful for.
You may find yourself getting down about not having friends or feeding into negative thought patterns. Gratitude is a great practice to help you focus on the positives in your life instead of what’s going wrong. You’ll feel happier and satisfied about life.
Start a gratitude practice where you note three things each day that went well or that you are thankful for. You can do this in a journal or you can download a gratitude app in your phone’s app store.
2. Keeping Yourself Busy
2-1. Learn to enjoy your alone time.
If you loathe spending time alone, you’ll have a harder time being happy without friends. Make a commitment to start loving your alone time by spending it doing exciting activities.
For instance, if you tend to think spending time alone is boring, come up with a list of fun activities you can do alone. Your list might include going to a concert, binge-watching a TV show, creating a DIY home project, starting a scrapbook, planting a garden, reading a book you have always wanted to read, and exploring new parts of your city or town.
Each time you’re alone, use that time to cross something off your list. Over time, you’ll start to enjoy time spent alone.
2-2. Do what you love.
The secret to a happy, fulfilling life is spending your days doing what you love. So, use your days to pursue your passions and interests. Think about ways you can add these activities to your daily life.
For example, if you enjoy playing the piano, you might join a band or volunteer to play at your church. If you like writing, you might attempt to complete your first short story or novel.
2-3. Challenge yourself.
Some people have a tendency to shy away from difficult things, but challenges actually help us to grow and enjoy life. Take a look at your life and find small ways to kick things up a notch.
For example, if you have been doing the same workout routine for a year, switch things up by signing up for a new class or trying a new workout regimen.
2-4. Motivate yourself with powerful goals.
Having something to look forward to is necessary to lead a satisfying life. Goals help give you a sense of direction in life and motivate you to keep pushing forward. Plus, once you cross the finish line, you’ll feel more accomplished and self-assured.
Think of something you have put off in the past. Set a small, actionable goal relating to it and start working towards it today.
For example, maybe you want to save money to travel the world. You’ll need to figure out how much money the trip requires and then devise a plan to save it within a given time-frame. Use some of your spare time to figure out the least expensive way to do this.
2-5. Keep learning.
Stay busy and engaged with life by acting like a beginner in everything you do. Sign up for a class or read a book in which you can learn something completely new or even challenge old ways of thinking.
For instance, you might explore religious principles different than your own, learn a new language, get a part-time job in an interesting industry, or listen to music or read books from a different genre.
3. Building Other Connections
3-1. Hang out with your siblings.
If you have brothers and/or sisters, you have potential candidates for friendships. These people have known you your entire life and probably understand you a lot better than you think. Reach out to them and try to strengthen the bond you share.
For example, if you have a sister that’s moved away to college, you might agree on a regular time to Skype one another and catch up. If your siblings still live nearby (or under the same roof), try to start a new tradition, like eating Sunday dinner together.
3-2. Spend quality time with your parents.
If you don’t have friends, you can still have healthy relationships with other people in your life, particularly your parents. This relationship may not be one of equals, but you can share a hobby, express your feelings to them, and spend quality time with them.
Get to know your mom and/or dad better and look for common interests. Ask questions, like “What’s your favorite TV show?” or “Would you like to see a game together this weekend?”
Spend quality time with them by doing activities together like washing the car or sharing a meal.
3-3. Join a club or organization.
Not having friends doesn’t mean you have to shut yourself off from the rest of the world. It also doesn’t mean you can’t try to be more social. Make an effort to connect with others who have similar interests by becoming a member of a club or organization.
For instance, if you are creative, you might join the art club at your school or participate in the choir at your church if you like to sing.
3-4. Help out in your community.
Volunteering is a great way to give back and forge new social connections with people in your area. You may not necessarily develop a friendship with these people, but spending time with them may help you feel less alone.
Consider signing up to work in a soup kitchen, reading to children at the library, or organizing a cleanup event in your community.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:00",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Happy about Yourself\\n1-1. Recognize your worth.\\nOftentimes, people depend on friends for validation of their feelings. You may think, “Sarah adores me, so I must be fabulous” or “At least I’m invited to all the parties.” Truth is, you should feel great about yourself regardless of who your friends are or how many you have. Learn to validate yourself instead of needing others to do it.\\nFor example, if you have always counted on friends to help you make big decisions, try to make a decision on your own by weighing pros and cons.\\nIf you think being needed by your friends makes you important, find other ways to feel important, such as reciting positive affirmations or volunteering.\\n1-2. Start a self-care regimen\\nCreate a list of self-care activities that allow you to do something good for yourself. Start adding some of these activities to your calendar each day. Regular self-care can help you feel emotionally healthy—so you won’t have to rely on others to make you feel good about yourself.\\nTry performing self-massage, doing a yoga routine, journaling, or taking your dog for a walk.\\nYou may also try listing all of the things that you like about yourself and reading over the list often.\\n1-3. Support your physical health and well-being.\\nShow love to yourself by building a healthier lifestyle. Look for ways you can better support your health and wellness, such as cleaning up your diet, exercising more often, fighting stress, or getting adequate sleep each night.\\nStart eating healthier by adding more vegetables to your meals, consuming less processed and junk foods, and drinking plenty of water.\\nStart an exercise regimen that fits your lifestyle, such as walking your dog around the block, walking or running at a local park, or playing sports.\\nEase stress by doing relaxing activities like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.\\nPromoting physical health and well-being is something you should want to do for you simply because it helps you lead a more satisfying life.\\n1-4. Remind yourself of things you're grateful for.\\nYou may find yourself getting down about not having friends or feeding into negative thought patterns. Gratitude is a great practice to help you focus on the positives in your life instead of what’s going wrong. You’ll feel happier and satisfied about life.\\nStart a gratitude practice where you note three things each day that went well or that you are thankful for. You can do this in a journal or you can download a gratitude app in your phone’s app store.\\n2. Keeping Yourself Busy\\n2-1. Learn to enjoy your alone time.\\nIf you loathe spending time alone, you’ll have a harder time being happy without friends. Make a commitment to start loving your alone time by spending it doing exciting activities.\\nFor instance, if you tend to think spending time alone is boring, come up with a list of fun activities you can do alone. Your list might include going to a concert, binge-watching a TV show, creating a DIY home project, starting a scrapbook, planting a garden, reading a book you have always wanted to read, and exploring new parts of your city or town.\\nEach time you’re alone, use that time to cross something off your list. Over time, you’ll start to enjoy time spent alone.\\n2-2. Do what you love.\\nThe secret to a happy, fulfilling life is spending your days doing what you love. So, use your days to pursue your passions and interests. Think about ways you can add these activities to your daily life.\\nFor example, if you enjoy playing the piano, you might join a band or volunteer to play at your church. If you like writing, you might attempt to complete your first short story or novel.\\n2-3. Challenge yourself.\\nSome people have a tendency to shy away from difficult things, but challenges actually help us to grow and enjoy life. Take a look at your life and find small ways to kick things up a notch.\\nFor example, if you have been doing the same workout routine for a year, switch things up by signing up for a new class or trying a new workout regimen.\\n2-4. Motivate yourself with powerful goals.\\nHaving something to look forward to is necessary to lead a satisfying life. Goals help give you a sense of direction in life and motivate you to keep pushing forward. Plus, once you cross the finish line, you’ll feel more accomplished and self-assured.\\nThink of something you have put off in the past. Set a small, actionable goal relating to it and start working towards it today.\\nFor example, maybe you want to save money to travel the world. You’ll need to figure out how much money the trip requires and then devise a plan to save it within a given time-frame. Use some of your spare time to figure out the least expensive way to do this.\\n2-5. Keep learning.\\nStay busy and engaged with life by acting like a beginner in everything you do. Sign up for a class or read a book in which you can learn something completely new or even challenge old ways of thinking.\\nFor instance, you might explore religious principles different than your own, learn a new language, get a part-time job in an interesting industry, or listen to music or read books from a different genre.\\n3. Building Other Connections\\n3-1. Hang out with your siblings.\\nIf you have brothers and/or sisters, you have potential candidates for friendships. These people have known you your entire life and probably understand you a lot better than you think. Reach out to them and try to strengthen the bond you share.\\nFor example, if you have a sister that’s moved away to college, you might agree on a regular time to Skype one another and catch up. If your siblings still live nearby (or under the same roof), try to start a new tradition, like eating Sunday dinner together.\\n3-2. Spend quality time with your parents.\\nIf you don’t have friends, you can still have healthy relationships with other people in your life, particularly your parents. This relationship may not be one of equals, but you can share a hobby, express your feelings to them, and spend quality time with them. \\nGet to know your mom and/or dad better and look for common interests. Ask questions, like “What’s your favorite TV show?” or “Would you like to see a game together this weekend?”\\nSpend quality time with them by doing activities together like washing the car or sharing a meal.\\n3-3. Join a club or organization.\\nNot having friends doesn’t mean you have to shut yourself off from the rest of the world. It also doesn’t mean you can’t try to be more social. Make an effort to connect with others who have similar interests by becoming a member of a club or organization.\\nFor instance, if you are creative, you might join the art club at your school or participate in the choir at your church if you like to sing.\\n3-4. Help out in your community.\\nVolunteering is a great way to give back and forge new social connections with people in your area. You may not necessarily develop a friendship with these people, but spending time with them may help you feel less alone.\\nConsider signing up to work in a soup kitchen, reading to children at the library, or organizing a cleanup event in your community.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you’ve found yourself without friends for any number of reasons—new school, new job, new city, or new lifestyle change—you may wonder how you can possibly ever be happy. It's possible! Social connections do make life more satisfying, but it doesn’t take friendships to lead a happy life. Learn how to be happy without friends by building self-love, keeping your calendar full of positive activities, and strengthening your relationships with other people in your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Happy about Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize your worth.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes, people depend on friends for validation of their feelings. You may think, “Sarah adores me, so I must be fabulous” or “At least I’m invited to all the parties.” Truth is, you should feel great about yourself regardless of who your friends are or how many you have. Learn to validate yourself instead of needing others to do it.\\nFor example, if you have always counted on friends to help you make big decisions, try to make a decision on your own by weighing pros and cons.\\nIf you think being needed by your friends makes you important, find other ways to feel important, such as reciting positive affirmations or volunteering.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Start a self-care regimen\", \"描述\": \"Create a list of self-care activities that allow you to do something good for yourself. Start adding some of these activities to your calendar each day. Regular self-care can help you feel emotionally healthy—so you won’t have to rely on others to make you feel good about yourself.\\nTry performing self-massage, doing a yoga routine, journaling, or taking your dog for a walk.\\nYou may also try listing all of the things that you like about yourself and reading over the list often.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Support your physical health and well-being.\", \"描述\": \"Show love to yourself by building a healthier lifestyle. Look for ways you can better support your health and wellness, such as cleaning up your diet, exercising more often, fighting stress, or getting adequate sleep each night.\\nStart eating healthier by adding more vegetables to your meals, consuming less processed and junk foods, and drinking plenty of water.\\nStart an exercise regimen that fits your lifestyle, such as walking your dog around the block, walking or running at a local park, or playing sports.\\nEase stress by doing relaxing activities like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.\\nPromoting physical health and well-being is something you should want to do for you simply because it helps you lead a more satisfying life.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself of things you're grateful for.\", \"描述\": \"You may find yourself getting down about not having friends or feeding into negative thought patterns. Gratitude is a great practice to help you focus on the positives in your life instead of what’s going wrong. You’ll feel happier and satisfied about life.\\nStart a gratitude practice where you note three things each day that went well or that you are thankful for. You can do this in a journal or you can download a gratitude app in your phone’s app store.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keeping Yourself Busy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn to enjoy your alone time.\", \"描述\": \"If you loathe spending time alone, you’ll have a harder time being happy without friends. Make a commitment to start loving your alone time by spending it doing exciting activities.\\nFor instance, if you tend to think spending time alone is boring, come up with a list of fun activities you can do alone. Your list might include going to a concert, binge-watching a TV show, creating a DIY home project, starting a scrapbook, planting a garden, reading a book you have always wanted to read, and exploring new parts of your city or town.\\nEach time you’re alone, use that time to cross something off your list. Over time, you’ll start to enjoy time spent alone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do what you love.\", \"描述\": \"The secret to a happy, fulfilling life is spending your days doing what you love. So, use your days to pursue your passions and interests. Think about ways you can add these activities to your daily life.\\nFor example, if you enjoy playing the piano, you might join a band or volunteer to play at your church. If you like writing, you might attempt to complete your first short story or novel.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Challenge yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Some people have a tendency to shy away from difficult things, but challenges actually help us to grow and enjoy life. Take a look at your life and find small ways to kick things up a notch.\\nFor example, if you have been doing the same workout routine for a year, switch things up by signing up for a new class or trying a new workout regimen.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Motivate yourself with powerful goals.\", \"描述\": \"Having something to look forward to is necessary to lead a satisfying life. Goals help give you a sense of direction in life and motivate you to keep pushing forward. Plus, once you cross the finish line, you’ll feel more accomplished and self-assured.\\nThink of something you have put off in the past. Set a small, actionable goal relating to it and start working towards it today.\\nFor example, maybe you want to save money to travel the world. You’ll need to figure out how much money the trip requires and then devise a plan to save it within a given time-frame. Use some of your spare time to figure out the least expensive way to do this.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep learning.\", \"描述\": \"Stay busy and engaged with life by acting like a beginner in everything you do. Sign up for a class or read a book in which you can learn something completely new or even challenge old ways of thinking.\\nFor instance, you might explore religious principles different than your own, learn a new language, get a part-time job in an interesting industry, or listen to music or read books from a different genre.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Building Other Connections\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hang out with your siblings.\", \"描述\": \"If you have brothers and/or sisters, you have potential candidates for friendships. These people have known you your entire life and probably understand you a lot better than you think. Reach out to them and try to strengthen the bond you share.\\nFor example, if you have a sister that’s moved away to college, you might agree on a regular time to Skype one another and catch up. If your siblings still live nearby (or under the same roof), try to start a new tradition, like eating Sunday dinner together.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Spend quality time with your parents.\", \"描述\": \"If you don’t have friends, you can still have healthy relationships with other people in your life, particularly your parents. This relationship may not be one of equals, but you can share a hobby, express your feelings to them, and spend quality time with them. \\nGet to know your mom and/or dad better and look for common interests. Ask questions, like “What’s your favorite TV show?” or “Would you like to see a game together this weekend?”\\nSpend quality time with them by doing activities together like washing the car or sharing a meal.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Join a club or organization.\", \"描述\": \"Not having friends doesn’t mean you have to shut yourself off from the rest of the world. It also doesn’t mean you can’t try to be more social. Make an effort to connect with others who have similar interests by becoming a member of a club or organization.\\nFor instance, if you are creative, you might join the art club at your school or participate in the choir at your church if you like to sing.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Help out in your community.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteering is a great way to give back and forge new social connections with people in your area. You may not necessarily develop a friendship with these people, but spending time with them may help you feel less alone.\\nConsider signing up to work in a soup kitchen, reading to children at the library, or organizing a cleanup event in your community.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,819 | How to Be Happy with Who You Are | 1. Accepting Yourself
1-1. Appreciate diversity
Accepting yourself is crucial to having a positive identity. It's important to bear in mind that every human being in this world is different, and no two faces or bodies are the same. If there is no norm among human beings, how can there possibly be any form of inferiority? If you appreciate diversity in the world, you may begin to appreciate and accept yourself more.
Make a list of all of the diverse aspects that you appreciate about the world. Some examples might be different: religions, cultures, environments, skin colors, talents, personalities. These variables are what make human beings, including yourself, interesting and unique.
1-2. Embrace your unique qualities.
There is no 'normal' human being, and no 'normal' framework for a human being.
Accept your differences in a positive manner. For instance "Yeah, I have big feet, but that's what makes me unique!"
Look at your personal flaws or mistakes as opportunities to learn or to better yourself.
Don't think of your unchangeable differences (color of your skin, height, etc) as flaws, classify them as unique qualities that make you who you are. Your 'inferiority' or defect can also be seen as a unique or individual quality. If it wasn't for those things, we might all be generic clones with no unique traits.
1-3. Avoid comparing yourself to others
Nobody is perfect. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. If you focus on the idea that there will always be someone out there with more money than you, or better looking than you, you may struggle with feeling content.
It may seem other people are perfect, but really, they have their own differences.
When you compare yourself to others, stop and redirect your thinking. Think about your unique traits that are just as interesting. Tell yourself that it is okay to have these traits.
Understand that most people aren't out there to judge you. Most people won't know about how poorly you did on your last math test, or how you've gained a little weight since last summer.
1-4. Forgive yourself
People who have self-acceptance are able to forgive past mistakes and not let these situations color who they are. Your history or mistakes do not define you. What you choose to do today and who you are in this moment defines you.
Consciously admit your mistakes or regrets. Go through each one that stands out and forgive yourself for it. Say or think to yourself, "I made this mistake. I forgive myself for doing this. This does not make me a bad person. I will choose to not make this mistake again."
Identify positive things that you have done or accomplished in the past. Some examples might include: graduating, passing a test, maintaining a relationship, accomplishing a goal, or helping another person. These positive events are likely to outweigh your mistakes and can help you focus on the good aspects of your history.
2. Loving Who You Are
2-1. Identify your values
Your personal values can have an enormous impact on beliefs, goals, and identity. They are the things you feel are important in your life, and can include things like family, knowledge, kindness, etc. Identifying your values can help you understand who you are and what is most important to you.
Make a list of the the times you were happiest in your life. What were you doing? Who were you with?
Then list when you felt most proud. What cause this feeling? Were others proud, too? Who?
List when you felt most fulfilled and satisfied. Did you feel the experience gave your life meaning? How? Why? Was a particular need or desire fulfilled? Which one?
Look through your list and try to identify which values these experiences represent. Examples include: growth, service, faith, determination, passion, love, loyalty, patriotism, honor, intellectual status, selflessness, etc. You can use the following list to help you: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm or search online for examples of personal values.
Finally, go back through the values you have identified and try to determine the top three that are most important to you.
2-2. Define your identity
You must first know who you are in order to love yourself. Athletes who practice self-love tend to have more positive emotions about themselves and think more highly of their own behaviors. Part of loving yourself is truly knowing who you are, or creating a personal identity. These pieces of your identity make up who you are.
Make a list of all of the important components of your identity. Some identities include: athlete, mother, child, grandchild, passionate person, dancer, or writer. These are the important identities that you can learn to love and appreciate.
2-3. Think positively about yourself
How you think about yourself affects your feelings and behaviors. Evaluating your identity as positive may help you feel happier about yourself as a whole.
Spend time thinking about your strengths (everyone has them) and you will find yourself more happy, and also more confident!
Look on the bright side of things!
Imagine positivity. Using imagery helps improve self-confidence. Imagine yourself as confident and completely happy with who you are. What does it feel like? What is happening? How did it occur?
2-4. Use positive self-talk
Positive affirmations or positive self-talk help improve confidence and reduce negative emotions such as anxiety.
If you are feeling bad about yourself, try saying something positive like, “It’s okay that I didn’t get the grade I wanted on that test. It doesn’t make me a bad student. I know that I am a good student, I just need to learn how to do better next time and everything will turn out okay.” The key here is to not let small mistakes become part of your overall identity. Do not let yourself believe that having trouble at something makes you bad.
2-5. Respect yourself.
Self-respect is about treating yourself well and not allowing anyone else to treat you poorly.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Poor health can lead to lack of well-being.
Set boundaries with others. For example, don't joke with others about things that truly affect your self-esteem. If you're particularly sensitive about your weight, avoid joking with friends, as this may lead them to believe they can do it too.
2-6. Build your character
Having virtuous qualities such as: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence, can help you form a positive identity.
If you want to become more focused on helping others, you can donate your money or time (volunteer) to a charity of your choice. This can help you feel like you are giving back to your community or the world as a whole.
2-7. Create positive and attainable goals.
Focus on fixing what you can change. Having goals and working toward them can increase your happiness with who you are. This way you are progressing toward your ideal self.
Gain employment. Not having a job is linked to a lack of well-being.
Let go of what you can’t change. There are some things you can work toward (gaining employment, losing weight, etc) while others you cannot. Things like your height, ethnicity, and family upbringing are very difficult to change in a healthy way. Instead, accept these as they are and work toward coping with them.
2-8. Engage in self-expressive activities.
This can help increase intrinsic motivation and overall happiness. It is important that you are intrinsically motivated because this means you are able to motivate yourself and you rely less on outside rewards (praise from others, or financial gain) in order to achieve your goals.
Protect time and space to take care of yourself. By being sure to sleep, diet, exercise, appreciate nature, nurture meaningful relationships, and limit social/mass media consumption, you can avoid burning out.
Such expressive activities might include those which make you feel: alive, complete, involved, that it is what you are meant to do, that it fits you, and that you are truly being yourself.
Define your purpose. What do you want to be remembered for? Being a good parent, friend, helping others?
Be persistent. Don't EVER give up. Don’t avoid taking chances because you fear you'll make a mistake.
3. Increasing Social Connection
3-1. Be social
Lack of social contact can lead to lack of well-being. Don't concentrate too much on yourself; Get interested in others.
Balance your personal and social identity. You can do this by being genuine and honest. Be yourself and don’t put on a false identity.
Celebrate your accomplishments with others. This can create a shared sense of happiness. Celebrate accomplishments such as: jobs, promotions, test scores, new homes, engagements, marriages, etc.
3-2. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
Getting support is an important component of being happy with who you are. We need people around us to build us up and believe in us.
If you are around negative people who put you down or treat you poorly, you may need to decide if these relationships or worth continuing.
3-3. Get help from a friend.
Good friends will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be. Good friends will tell you the truth, and you can work together on ways to make you feel better about yourself.
Talk with your friend about what aspects you are unhappy about.
If you find it difficult to talk with friends, ask them if they ever feel inferior or unhappy with themselves sometimes, and you may be surprised.
3-4. Inspire and help others.
Be inspiring for someone else; this can be a virtuous quality that can increase your positive identity. If you radiate positivity and happiness to others, you may internalize this positivity.
When you find yourself fishing for compliments, turn it around! When you notice how pretty someone's hair looks today, or how cute her shirt is, tell her! This may not only make her feel good about herself, but also may help you feel happier.
3-5. See a counselor.
If you feel unhappy with who you are and cannot seem to move passed it, you could benefit from professional help. Psychologists and therapists can often help you set specific goals; they have a variety of psychological interventions to use that may help you work toward self-love and happiness.
Contact your medical insurance provider for a list of approved therapists.
If you do not have medical insurance you can contact your local government or social services agency for low-cost health insurance. Or, you can conduct a search for low-cost mental health centers in your area.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:01",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Accepting Yourself\\n1-1. Appreciate diversity\\nAccepting yourself is crucial to having a positive identity. It's important to bear in mind that every human being in this world is different, and no two faces or bodies are the same. If there is no norm among human beings, how can there possibly be any form of inferiority? If you appreciate diversity in the world, you may begin to appreciate and accept yourself more.\\nMake a list of all of the diverse aspects that you appreciate about the world. Some examples might be different: religions, cultures, environments, skin colors, talents, personalities. These variables are what make human beings, including yourself, interesting and unique.\\n1-2. Embrace your unique qualities.\\nThere is no 'normal' human being, and no 'normal' framework for a human being.\\nAccept your differences in a positive manner. For instance \\\"Yeah, I have big feet, but that's what makes me unique!\\\"\\nLook at your personal flaws or mistakes as opportunities to learn or to better yourself.\\nDon't think of your unchangeable differences (color of your skin, height, etc) as flaws, classify them as unique qualities that make you who you are. Your 'inferiority' or defect can also be seen as a unique or individual quality. If it wasn't for those things, we might all be generic clones with no unique traits.\\n1-3. Avoid comparing yourself to others\\nNobody is perfect. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. If you focus on the idea that there will always be someone out there with more money than you, or better looking than you, you may struggle with feeling content.\\nIt may seem other people are perfect, but really, they have their own differences.\\nWhen you compare yourself to others, stop and redirect your thinking. Think about your unique traits that are just as interesting. Tell yourself that it is okay to have these traits.\\nUnderstand that most people aren't out there to judge you. Most people won't know about how poorly you did on your last math test, or how you've gained a little weight since last summer.\\n1-4. Forgive yourself\\nPeople who have self-acceptance are able to forgive past mistakes and not let these situations color who they are. Your history or mistakes do not define you. What you choose to do today and who you are in this moment defines you.\\nConsciously admit your mistakes or regrets. Go through each one that stands out and forgive yourself for it. Say or think to yourself, \\\"I made this mistake. I forgive myself for doing this. This does not make me a bad person. I will choose to not make this mistake again.\\\"\\nIdentify positive things that you have done or accomplished in the past. Some examples might include: graduating, passing a test, maintaining a relationship, accomplishing a goal, or helping another person. These positive events are likely to outweigh your mistakes and can help you focus on the good aspects of your history.\\n2. Loving Who You Are\\n2-1. Identify your values\\nYour personal values can have an enormous impact on beliefs, goals, and identity. They are the things you feel are important in your life, and can include things like family, knowledge, kindness, etc. Identifying your values can help you understand who you are and what is most important to you.\\nMake a list of the the times you were happiest in your life. What were you doing? Who were you with?\\nThen list when you felt most proud. What cause this feeling? Were others proud, too? Who?\\nList when you felt most fulfilled and satisfied. Did you feel the experience gave your life meaning? How? Why? Was a particular need or desire fulfilled? Which one?\\nLook through your list and try to identify which values these experiences represent. Examples include: growth, service, faith, determination, passion, love, loyalty, patriotism, honor, intellectual status, selflessness, etc. You can use the following list to help you: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm or search online for examples of personal values.\\nFinally, go back through the values you have identified and try to determine the top three that are most important to you.\\n2-2. Define your identity\\nYou must first know who you are in order to love yourself. Athletes who practice self-love tend to have more positive emotions about themselves and think more highly of their own behaviors. Part of loving yourself is truly knowing who you are, or creating a personal identity. These pieces of your identity make up who you are.\\nMake a list of all of the important components of your identity. Some identities include: athlete, mother, child, grandchild, passionate person, dancer, or writer. These are the important identities that you can learn to love and appreciate.\\n2-3. Think positively about yourself\\nHow you think about yourself affects your feelings and behaviors. Evaluating your identity as positive may help you feel happier about yourself as a whole.\\nSpend time thinking about your strengths (everyone has them) and you will find yourself more happy, and also more confident!\\nLook on the bright side of things!\\nImagine positivity. Using imagery helps improve self-confidence. Imagine yourself as confident and completely happy with who you are. What does it feel like? What is happening? How did it occur?\\n2-4. Use positive self-talk\\nPositive affirmations or positive self-talk help improve confidence and reduce negative emotions such as anxiety.\\nIf you are feeling bad about yourself, try saying something positive like, “It’s okay that I didn’t get the grade I wanted on that test. It doesn’t make me a bad student. I know that I am a good student, I just need to learn how to do better next time and everything will turn out okay.” The key here is to not let small mistakes become part of your overall identity. Do not let yourself believe that having trouble at something makes you bad.\\n2-5. Respect yourself.\\nSelf-respect is about treating yourself well and not allowing anyone else to treat you poorly.\\nTake care of yourself physically and mentally. Poor health can lead to lack of well-being.\\nSet boundaries with others. For example, don't joke with others about things that truly affect your self-esteem. If you're particularly sensitive about your weight, avoid joking with friends, as this may lead them to believe they can do it too.\\n2-6. Build your character\\nHaving virtuous qualities such as: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence, can help you form a positive identity.\\nIf you want to become more focused on helping others, you can donate your money or time (volunteer) to a charity of your choice. This can help you feel like you are giving back to your community or the world as a whole.\\n2-7. Create positive and attainable goals.\\nFocus on fixing what you can change. Having goals and working toward them can increase your happiness with who you are. This way you are progressing toward your ideal self.\\nGain employment. Not having a job is linked to a lack of well-being.\\nLet go of what you can’t change. There are some things you can work toward (gaining employment, losing weight, etc) while others you cannot. Things like your height, ethnicity, and family upbringing are very difficult to change in a healthy way. Instead, accept these as they are and work toward coping with them.\\n2-8. Engage in self-expressive activities.\\nThis can help increase intrinsic motivation and overall happiness. It is important that you are intrinsically motivated because this means you are able to motivate yourself and you rely less on outside rewards (praise from others, or financial gain) in order to achieve your goals.\\nProtect time and space to take care of yourself. By being sure to sleep, diet, exercise, appreciate nature, nurture meaningful relationships, and limit social/mass media consumption, you can avoid burning out.\\nSuch expressive activities might include those which make you feel: alive, complete, involved, that it is what you are meant to do, that it fits you, and that you are truly being yourself.\\nDefine your purpose. What do you want to be remembered for? Being a good parent, friend, helping others?\\nBe persistent. Don't EVER give up. Don’t avoid taking chances because you fear you'll make a mistake.\\n3. Increasing Social Connection\\n3-1. Be social\\nLack of social contact can lead to lack of well-being. Don't concentrate too much on yourself; Get interested in others.\\nBalance your personal and social identity. You can do this by being genuine and honest. Be yourself and don’t put on a false identity.\\nCelebrate your accomplishments with others. This can create a shared sense of happiness. Celebrate accomplishments such as: jobs, promotions, test scores, new homes, engagements, marriages, etc.\\n3-2. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.\\nGetting support is an important component of being happy with who you are. We need people around us to build us up and believe in us.\\nIf you are around negative people who put you down or treat you poorly, you may need to decide if these relationships or worth continuing.\\n3-3. Get help from a friend.\\nGood friends will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be. Good friends will tell you the truth, and you can work together on ways to make you feel better about yourself.\\nTalk with your friend about what aspects you are unhappy about.\\nIf you find it difficult to talk with friends, ask them if they ever feel inferior or unhappy with themselves sometimes, and you may be surprised.\\n3-4. Inspire and help others.\\nBe inspiring for someone else; this can be a virtuous quality that can increase your positive identity. If you radiate positivity and happiness to others, you may internalize this positivity.\\nWhen you find yourself fishing for compliments, turn it around! When you notice how pretty someone's hair looks today, or how cute her shirt is, tell her! This may not only make her feel good about herself, but also may help you feel happier.\\n3-5. See a counselor.\\nIf you feel unhappy with who you are and cannot seem to move passed it, you could benefit from professional help. Psychologists and therapists can often help you set specific goals; they have a variety of psychological interventions to use that may help you work toward self-love and happiness.\\nContact your medical insurance provider for a list of approved therapists.\\nIf you do not have medical insurance you can contact your local government or social services agency for low-cost health insurance. Or, you can conduct a search for low-cost mental health centers in your area.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being happy with who you are, or having a positive identity, involves feeling good about your personal, professional, and social self. Most people in the world, big or small, Hispanic, African American, Asian or Caucasian, can sometimes feel negatively about their identity. This negativity can be due to lack of personal, occupational, or social fulfillment. In order to regain a positive identity you may benefit from: accepting your unique qualities, loving who you are, pursuing your goals (personal, professional, and social), and increasing social connection.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accepting Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Appreciate diversity\", \"描述\": \"Accepting yourself is crucial to having a positive identity. It's important to bear in mind that every human being in this world is different, and no two faces or bodies are the same. If there is no norm among human beings, how can there possibly be any form of inferiority? If you appreciate diversity in the world, you may begin to appreciate and accept yourself more.\\nMake a list of all of the diverse aspects that you appreciate about the world. Some examples might be different: religions, cultures, environments, skin colors, talents, personalities. These variables are what make human beings, including yourself, interesting and unique.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Embrace your unique qualities.\", \"描述\": \"There is no 'normal' human being, and no 'normal' framework for a human being.\\nAccept your differences in a positive manner. For instance \\\"Yeah, I have big feet, but that's what makes me unique!\\\"\\nLook at your personal flaws or mistakes as opportunities to learn or to better yourself.\\nDon't think of your unchangeable differences (color of your skin, height, etc) as flaws, classify them as unique qualities that make you who you are. Your 'inferiority' or defect can also be seen as a unique or individual quality. If it wasn't for those things, we might all be generic clones with no unique traits.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid comparing yourself to others\", \"描述\": \"Nobody is perfect. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. If you focus on the idea that there will always be someone out there with more money than you, or better looking than you, you may struggle with feeling content.\\nIt may seem other people are perfect, but really, they have their own differences.\\nWhen you compare yourself to others, stop and redirect your thinking. Think about your unique traits that are just as interesting. Tell yourself that it is okay to have these traits.\\nUnderstand that most people aren't out there to judge you. Most people won't know about how poorly you did on your last math test, or how you've gained a little weight since last summer.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Forgive yourself\", \"描述\": \"People who have self-acceptance are able to forgive past mistakes and not let these situations color who they are. Your history or mistakes do not define you. What you choose to do today and who you are in this moment defines you.\\nConsciously admit your mistakes or regrets. Go through each one that stands out and forgive yourself for it. Say or think to yourself, \\\"I made this mistake. I forgive myself for doing this. This does not make me a bad person. I will choose to not make this mistake again.\\\"\\nIdentify positive things that you have done or accomplished in the past. Some examples might include: graduating, passing a test, maintaining a relationship, accomplishing a goal, or helping another person. These positive events are likely to outweigh your mistakes and can help you focus on the good aspects of your history.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Loving Who You Are\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify your values\", \"描述\": \"Your personal values can have an enormous impact on beliefs, goals, and identity. They are the things you feel are important in your life, and can include things like family, knowledge, kindness, etc. Identifying your values can help you understand who you are and what is most important to you.\\nMake a list of the the times you were happiest in your life. What were you doing? Who were you with?\\nThen list when you felt most proud. What cause this feeling? Were others proud, too? Who?\\nList when you felt most fulfilled and satisfied. Did you feel the experience gave your life meaning? How? Why? Was a particular need or desire fulfilled? Which one?\\nLook through your list and try to identify which values these experiences represent. Examples include: growth, service, faith, determination, passion, love, loyalty, patriotism, honor, intellectual status, selflessness, etc. You can use the following list to help you: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm or search online for examples of personal values.\\nFinally, go back through the values you have identified and try to determine the top three that are most important to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Define your identity\", \"描述\": \"You must first know who you are in order to love yourself. Athletes who practice self-love tend to have more positive emotions about themselves and think more highly of their own behaviors. Part of loving yourself is truly knowing who you are, or creating a personal identity. These pieces of your identity make up who you are.\\nMake a list of all of the important components of your identity. Some identities include: athlete, mother, child, grandchild, passionate person, dancer, or writer. These are the important identities that you can learn to love and appreciate.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Think positively about yourself\", \"描述\": \"How you think about yourself affects your feelings and behaviors. Evaluating your identity as positive may help you feel happier about yourself as a whole.\\nSpend time thinking about your strengths (everyone has them) and you will find yourself more happy, and also more confident!\\nLook on the bright side of things!\\nImagine positivity. Using imagery helps improve self-confidence. Imagine yourself as confident and completely happy with who you are. What does it feel like? What is happening? How did it occur?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use positive self-talk\", \"描述\": \"Positive affirmations or positive self-talk help improve confidence and reduce negative emotions such as anxiety.\\nIf you are feeling bad about yourself, try saying something positive like, “It’s okay that I didn’t get the grade I wanted on that test. It doesn’t make me a bad student. I know that I am a good student, I just need to learn how to do better next time and everything will turn out okay.” The key here is to not let small mistakes become part of your overall identity. Do not let yourself believe that having trouble at something makes you bad.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Respect yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Self-respect is about treating yourself well and not allowing anyone else to treat you poorly.\\nTake care of yourself physically and mentally. Poor health can lead to lack of well-being.\\nSet boundaries with others. For example, don't joke with others about things that truly affect your self-esteem. If you're particularly sensitive about your weight, avoid joking with friends, as this may lead them to believe they can do it too.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Build your character\", \"描述\": \"Having virtuous qualities such as: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence, can help you form a positive identity.\\nIf you want to become more focused on helping others, you can donate your money or time (volunteer) to a charity of your choice. This can help you feel like you are giving back to your community or the world as a whole.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Create positive and attainable goals.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on fixing what you can change. Having goals and working toward them can increase your happiness with who you are. This way you are progressing toward your ideal self.\\nGain employment. Not having a job is linked to a lack of well-being.\\nLet go of what you can’t change. There are some things you can work toward (gaining employment, losing weight, etc) while others you cannot. Things like your height, ethnicity, and family upbringing are very difficult to change in a healthy way. Instead, accept these as they are and work toward coping with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Engage in self-expressive activities.\", \"描述\": \"This can help increase intrinsic motivation and overall happiness. It is important that you are intrinsically motivated because this means you are able to motivate yourself and you rely less on outside rewards (praise from others, or financial gain) in order to achieve your goals.\\nProtect time and space to take care of yourself. By being sure to sleep, diet, exercise, appreciate nature, nurture meaningful relationships, and limit social/mass media consumption, you can avoid burning out.\\nSuch expressive activities might include those which make you feel: alive, complete, involved, that it is what you are meant to do, that it fits you, and that you are truly being yourself.\\nDefine your purpose. What do you want to be remembered for? Being a good parent, friend, helping others?\\nBe persistent. Don't EVER give up. Don’t avoid taking chances because you fear you'll make a mistake.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Increasing Social Connection\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be social\", \"描述\": \"Lack of social contact can lead to lack of well-being. Don't concentrate too much on yourself; Get interested in others.\\nBalance your personal and social identity. You can do this by being genuine and honest. Be yourself and don’t put on a false identity.\\nCelebrate your accomplishments with others. This can create a shared sense of happiness. Celebrate accomplishments such as: jobs, promotions, test scores, new homes, engagements, marriages, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.\", \"描述\": \"Getting support is an important component of being happy with who you are. We need people around us to build us up and believe in us.\\nIf you are around negative people who put you down or treat you poorly, you may need to decide if these relationships or worth continuing.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get help from a friend.\", \"描述\": \"Good friends will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be. Good friends will tell you the truth, and you can work together on ways to make you feel better about yourself.\\nTalk with your friend about what aspects you are unhappy about.\\nIf you find it difficult to talk with friends, ask them if they ever feel inferior or unhappy with themselves sometimes, and you may be surprised.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Inspire and help others.\", \"描述\": \"Be inspiring for someone else; this can be a virtuous quality that can increase your positive identity. If you radiate positivity and happiness to others, you may internalize this positivity.\\nWhen you find yourself fishing for compliments, turn it around! When you notice how pretty someone's hair looks today, or how cute her shirt is, tell her! This may not only make her feel good about herself, but also may help you feel happier.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"See a counselor.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel unhappy with who you are and cannot seem to move passed it, you could benefit from professional help. Psychologists and therapists can often help you set specific goals; they have a variety of psychological interventions to use that may help you work toward self-love and happiness.\\nContact your medical insurance provider for a list of approved therapists.\\nIf you do not have medical insurance you can contact your local government or social services agency for low-cost health insurance. Or, you can conduct a search for low-cost mental health centers in your area.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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3,820 | How to Be Happy with Your Life | 1. Changing Your Focus
1-1. Practice gratitude.
It can be easy to forget all that you have if you are thinking about where you would rather be. Practicing gratitude can help you to change your focus and acknowledge all of the good things in your life, which will enhance your positive feelings about your life.
Try making a list of everything you are grateful for. Start by writing down five things that you feel grateful for and keep adding five more things to the list every day.
You can add basic things to your list like a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food to eat. Then, move onto more specific things that happen during your day, such as enjoying a good cup of tea, talking to an old friend, or watching a beautiful sunset.
You can also review the whole list when you are feeling down about your life to remind yourself of everything that you feel grateful for.
1-2. Concentrate on things you can control.
It can be easy to feel overwhelmed at times and dwell on the unpredictable. Worrying about things you can’t control isn’t helpful because, of course, you can’t do anything about them, which makes you focus on your doubts and weaknesses. Instead, think about things you can change or improve, and focus your energy on working on those.
For example, you can’t control the things that your coworkers do, but you can control your own work performance. Likewise, you cannot control the choices that your sister makes about her love life, but you can control the choices you make for your love life.
1-3. Think about your values.
Try to clarify what is important to you. This doesn’t mean material success, but thinking about the kind of person you want to be and the traits that you value in other people. Once you have identified those values, you can think about how you already fulfill them.
One way to help clarify your values is to identify people that you admire. Ask yourself what it is you admire about them, and how you want to be more like them.
You can also try making a list of the traits that you value in yourself and others, such as loyalty, honesty, creativity, and courage.
1-4. Go easy on yourself
Self-criticism can be useful, helping us find weaknesses and create the chance to correct them. Of course, too much self-criticism is damaging to your self-esteem and can make you more miserable. Remember that no one is successful all the time and that failing to live up to lofty goals doesn’t make you a failure.
The best way to think about self-criticism is as an opportunity to improve, rather than a chance to point out all the things you don’t like about yourself. Find specific, changeable things about yourself that you can work on rather than blaming everything on universal or unchangeable traits. Rather than saying things like “I’m just not that smart,” tell yourself “I stayed up too late watching TV rather than studying. I can do better next time.” This can help motivate yourself to improve rather than focus on failure.
1-5. Avoid negativity
Negative thinking is a common part of our lives, but it is also something you can control. Consider the different ways you think negatively about the world, and make the conscious decision not to think that way. There are several common types of negative thinking. These are sometimes called cognitive distortions because they are ways of thinking that aren’t correct. Some common ones that hold you back from feeling good about your life include:
All-or-nothing thinking. This involves looking at the world in black-or-white categories and ignoring possible gray areas or middle ground. One example might be you thinking that you need to get an A on a test, or else you are a failure. Remember that there are gray areas, and not fulfilling all of your goals does not make you a failure.
Diminishing the positive. This is where you find ways to downplay your successes. You’ll ignore your good moments with excuses such as “I just got lucky.” It’s hard to feel happy with your life when you can’t accept any of your successes.
Labeling. Here, you will use your shortcomings as a way to apply broad labels to your life. You may call yourself a “failure,” “loser,” “idiot,” or any other broad-based term. You may do things wrong on occasion, but this way of labelling yourself relies on your mistakes, rather than accounting for the things you do well.
1-6. Make difficult choices rather than putting them off.
One of the things that may be holding you back from being happy with your life is a difficult decision hanging over your head. After all, how content can you be knowing this big thing is waiting for you? Rather than letting it dwell with you, go address it head-on. Don’t put off decisions or fixes for later (some vague, unknowable time in the future), but address them as soon as you can.
For example, if you need to decide whether or not to break up with your boyfriend, then take some steps to come to a decision, such as discussing your feelings with a close friend or family member. If you need to decide on what college to attend, then make a pros and cons list and ask a parent or good friend to help you review your options.
2. Changing Your Attitude
2-1. Smile more.
Putting a smile on your face, even if you are feeling down, can help you feel better about yourself, whatever you are doing. You will be in a more positive mood, and able to think better about the big picture. Plus, smiling will make you look friendlier and more confident, the kind of person others want to meet and hang out with.
Try to remember to smile when you are going about your daily business, such as during your morning commute, while doing household chores, and even while relaxing in the evening. You might even want to set a reminder on your phone to remind yourself to smile more.
2-2. Take a break.
Sometimes it’s easy to get overwhelmed by a focus on where you are and where you need to be. The tension involved in trying to move quickly can cause stress. Taking a few minutes every day to pause and relax will help you recharge, and approach your challenges with energy.
Activities like yoga or mindfulness exercises, which force you to slow down and consider only the moment, are good ways to help slow down your daily grind. Doing them will make you pause and find space in your mind to focus on other things. Try taking a class or watching a video online to learn a basic yoga routine.
2-3. Fake it.
At first, it might be hard to just start appreciating your life, especially if you’re feeling down. So fake it. Put on a smile, or say something nice about somebody. You’d be surprised how this little change in your action can help change your mindset.
For example, if you are having a bad day at work, then try to take the focus off of yourself by asking a coworker how her day is going, or by giving someone a compliment. By focusing on someone else, you might find yourself feeling more positive and happy.
2-4. Take care of your body
Your mental well-being is tied to your physical health. When you are trying to feel good about your life, make sure you are taking care of your body to be in the best physical shape possible. You don’t need to turn into a swimsuit model, but you do want to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Plus, as you get into better shape, you’ll begin to feel more confident in how healthy you look and feel.
Exercising is a great way to get yourself in shape. Just a little bit of exercise, even something as simple as ten minutes of walking every day, helps get your muscles moving and causes your brain to release feel-good endorphins. Plus, when you work out, your body will look better, and you’ll have more energy.
Eat well. Good nutrition will help give you energy and keep your body looking good. Focus on whole grains, vegetables, and lean proteins while avoiding sweets and processed foods. Controlling your portions is another good way to help keep your weight normal and healthy.
Make sure you get enough sleep. Getting sleep can help you stay charged and positive, plus it will give you the energy to get things done. A full night’s sleep is great, of course, but you can supplement that with naps throughout the day if you need to. Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep every day to be at their best, but some can get by with a little less.
3. Talking to Others
3-1. Spend time with people you care about.
One way to feel good about yourself is to interact with people who matter to you. Seeing friends and family who you care about (and care about you) is a great way to rejuvenate yourself, and think about the good times you have had with them.
If you are feeling down about yourself, call up a friend to talk or ask a friend to meet you for coffee. A good friend will be able to offer support or even just listen for a little while.
It may seem easier to isolate yourself when you are feeling down, but keep in mind that this will not help you. It may be hard, but getting up and getting out of your house to go socialize with people is one of the best things you can do when you are feeling low.
3-2. Thank people for helping you.
When people reach out to you and try to help you in some way, be sure to thank them for what they have done for you. These can be simple favors or support during tough times. Expressing gratitude like this is a great way to remind yourself of all the things other people have done for you, and it reminds you that you are someone other people want to help.
This doesn’t need to be people you know. Even just acknowledging or thanking a stranger who held the door for you can give you a little boost of happiness. Plus, he or she will probably appreciate your thankfulness, giving their day a boost as well.
3-3. Help others.
Volunteering and working with other people is a great way to feel better about yourself. Not only will you get the benefit of seeing someone else be happy, but you’ll also be able to pat yourself on the back for being the type of person who helps others.
Try volunteering to help out at a local food bank, or apply to be a volunteer dog walker for a local animal shelter.
3-4. Cut back on your social media use.
Websites like Facebook and Twitter can be fun, but they also waste time and can have a bad impact on your self-perception. It becomes too easy to worry about whether or not people are “liking” your posts. Additionally, watching other people have fun can hurt your self-confidence if you dwell too much on how happy they seem to be compared to you.
One thing that can help is to remove some of your online “friends.” If you have people who are negative or inauthentic, they are cluttering up your space and bringing you down. This is especially good if they are people you don’t talk to at all. Focus on the people you do care about, and who provide positive benefits to your life.
A positive way to use social media is as a springboard for in-person interaction. Don’t just “like” someone’s vacation photo. Reach out to them, and get together for lunch to talk about what they did. These kinds of meetings are more authentic and provide deeper and more meaningful relationships.
3-5. Try not to take rejection personally
Sometimes we aren’t happy with our lives because someone else has rejected us or our ideas. Remember that this happens for all kinds of reasons, and it’s not a sign that you are a bad or worthless person. Instead, figure out why you were rejected, and learn from the experience.
If you were rejected for professional reasons, consider asking why your ideas were not accepted. You may get some good advice about your idea that can help you improve it for next time.
If you were rejected for personal reasons, like asking someone on a date, use this as an opportunity to remind yourself of your positive characteristics. Avoid catastrophizing, that is taking the worst-case scenario like saying no one will date you because you aren’t good enough. Instead, consider it an opportunity to try again, and have more success later.
Tips
While it can be tempting to find ways to indulge when you are feeling down, try to avoid them. Buying material things or binging on food will only make you feel good for a short while. Then, the guilt and other negative consequences will take over, probably making you feel worse.
Warnings
If you are really feeling down about your life, and having trouble accomplishing any of these steps, you may be suffering from a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. Talk to a mental health professional, who will be able to diagnose your condition and prescribe treatment to help you live a happy and productive life.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:01",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Changing Your Focus\\n1-1. Practice gratitude.\\nIt can be easy to forget all that you have if you are thinking about where you would rather be. Practicing gratitude can help you to change your focus and acknowledge all of the good things in your life, which will enhance your positive feelings about your life.\\nTry making a list of everything you are grateful for. Start by writing down five things that you feel grateful for and keep adding five more things to the list every day.\\nYou can add basic things to your list like a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food to eat. Then, move onto more specific things that happen during your day, such as enjoying a good cup of tea, talking to an old friend, or watching a beautiful sunset.\\nYou can also review the whole list when you are feeling down about your life to remind yourself of everything that you feel grateful for.\\n1-2. Concentrate on things you can control.\\nIt can be easy to feel overwhelmed at times and dwell on the unpredictable. Worrying about things you can’t control isn’t helpful because, of course, you can’t do anything about them, which makes you focus on your doubts and weaknesses. Instead, think about things you can change or improve, and focus your energy on working on those.\\nFor example, you can’t control the things that your coworkers do, but you can control your own work performance. Likewise, you cannot control the choices that your sister makes about her love life, but you can control the choices you make for your love life.\\n1-3. Think about your values.\\nTry to clarify what is important to you. This doesn’t mean material success, but thinking about the kind of person you want to be and the traits that you value in other people. Once you have identified those values, you can think about how you already fulfill them.\\nOne way to help clarify your values is to identify people that you admire. Ask yourself what it is you admire about them, and how you want to be more like them.\\nYou can also try making a list of the traits that you value in yourself and others, such as loyalty, honesty, creativity, and courage.\\n1-4. Go easy on yourself\\nSelf-criticism can be useful, helping us find weaknesses and create the chance to correct them. Of course, too much self-criticism is damaging to your self-esteem and can make you more miserable. Remember that no one is successful all the time and that failing to live up to lofty goals doesn’t make you a failure.\\nThe best way to think about self-criticism is as an opportunity to improve, rather than a chance to point out all the things you don’t like about yourself. Find specific, changeable things about yourself that you can work on rather than blaming everything on universal or unchangeable traits. Rather than saying things like “I’m just not that smart,” tell yourself “I stayed up too late watching TV rather than studying. I can do better next time.” This can help motivate yourself to improve rather than focus on failure.\\n1-5. Avoid negativity\\nNegative thinking is a common part of our lives, but it is also something you can control. Consider the different ways you think negatively about the world, and make the conscious decision not to think that way. There are several common types of negative thinking. These are sometimes called cognitive distortions because they are ways of thinking that aren’t correct. Some common ones that hold you back from feeling good about your life include:\\nAll-or-nothing thinking. This involves looking at the world in black-or-white categories and ignoring possible gray areas or middle ground. One example might be you thinking that you need to get an A on a test, or else you are a failure. Remember that there are gray areas, and not fulfilling all of your goals does not make you a failure.\\nDiminishing the positive. This is where you find ways to downplay your successes. You’ll ignore your good moments with excuses such as “I just got lucky.” It’s hard to feel happy with your life when you can’t accept any of your successes.\\nLabeling. Here, you will use your shortcomings as a way to apply broad labels to your life. You may call yourself a “failure,” “loser,” “idiot,” or any other broad-based term. You may do things wrong on occasion, but this way of labelling yourself relies on your mistakes, rather than accounting for the things you do well.\\n1-6. Make difficult choices rather than putting them off.\\nOne of the things that may be holding you back from being happy with your life is a difficult decision hanging over your head. After all, how content can you be knowing this big thing is waiting for you? Rather than letting it dwell with you, go address it head-on. Don’t put off decisions or fixes for later (some vague, unknowable time in the future), but address them as soon as you can.\\nFor example, if you need to decide whether or not to break up with your boyfriend, then take some steps to come to a decision, such as discussing your feelings with a close friend or family member. If you need to decide on what college to attend, then make a pros and cons list and ask a parent or good friend to help you review your options.\\n2. Changing Your Attitude\\n2-1. Smile more.\\nPutting a smile on your face, even if you are feeling down, can help you feel better about yourself, whatever you are doing. You will be in a more positive mood, and able to think better about the big picture. Plus, smiling will make you look friendlier and more confident, the kind of person others want to meet and hang out with.\\nTry to remember to smile when you are going about your daily business, such as during your morning commute, while doing household chores, and even while relaxing in the evening. You might even want to set a reminder on your phone to remind yourself to smile more.\\n2-2. Take a break.\\nSometimes it’s easy to get overwhelmed by a focus on where you are and where you need to be. The tension involved in trying to move quickly can cause stress. Taking a few minutes every day to pause and relax will help you recharge, and approach your challenges with energy.\\nActivities like yoga or mindfulness exercises, which force you to slow down and consider only the moment, are good ways to help slow down your daily grind. Doing them will make you pause and find space in your mind to focus on other things. Try taking a class or watching a video online to learn a basic yoga routine.\\n2-3. Fake it.\\nAt first, it might be hard to just start appreciating your life, especially if you’re feeling down. So fake it. Put on a smile, or say something nice about somebody. You’d be surprised how this little change in your action can help change your mindset.\\nFor example, if you are having a bad day at work, then try to take the focus off of yourself by asking a coworker how her day is going, or by giving someone a compliment. By focusing on someone else, you might find yourself feeling more positive and happy.\\n2-4. Take care of your body\\nYour mental well-being is tied to your physical health. When you are trying to feel good about your life, make sure you are taking care of your body to be in the best physical shape possible. You don’t need to turn into a swimsuit model, but you do want to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Plus, as you get into better shape, you’ll begin to feel more confident in how healthy you look and feel.\\n\\nExercising is a great way to get yourself in shape. Just a little bit of exercise, even something as simple as ten minutes of walking every day, helps get your muscles moving and causes your brain to release feel-good endorphins. Plus, when you work out, your body will look better, and you’ll have more energy.\\n\\nEat well. Good nutrition will help give you energy and keep your body looking good. Focus on whole grains, vegetables, and lean proteins while avoiding sweets and processed foods. Controlling your portions is another good way to help keep your weight normal and healthy.\\n\\nMake sure you get enough sleep. Getting sleep can help you stay charged and positive, plus it will give you the energy to get things done. A full night’s sleep is great, of course, but you can supplement that with naps throughout the day if you need to. Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep every day to be at their best, but some can get by with a little less.\\n3. Talking to Others\\n3-1. Spend time with people you care about.\\nOne way to feel good about yourself is to interact with people who matter to you. Seeing friends and family who you care about (and care about you) is a great way to rejuvenate yourself, and think about the good times you have had with them.\\nIf you are feeling down about yourself, call up a friend to talk or ask a friend to meet you for coffee. A good friend will be able to offer support or even just listen for a little while.\\nIt may seem easier to isolate yourself when you are feeling down, but keep in mind that this will not help you. It may be hard, but getting up and getting out of your house to go socialize with people is one of the best things you can do when you are feeling low.\\n3-2. Thank people for helping you.\\nWhen people reach out to you and try to help you in some way, be sure to thank them for what they have done for you. These can be simple favors or support during tough times. Expressing gratitude like this is a great way to remind yourself of all the things other people have done for you, and it reminds you that you are someone other people want to help.\\nThis doesn’t need to be people you know. Even just acknowledging or thanking a stranger who held the door for you can give you a little boost of happiness. Plus, he or she will probably appreciate your thankfulness, giving their day a boost as well.\\n3-3. Help others.\\nVolunteering and working with other people is a great way to feel better about yourself. Not only will you get the benefit of seeing someone else be happy, but you’ll also be able to pat yourself on the back for being the type of person who helps others.\\nTry volunteering to help out at a local food bank, or apply to be a volunteer dog walker for a local animal shelter.\\n3-4. Cut back on your social media use.\\nWebsites like Facebook and Twitter can be fun, but they also waste time and can have a bad impact on your self-perception. It becomes too easy to worry about whether or not people are “liking” your posts. Additionally, watching other people have fun can hurt your self-confidence if you dwell too much on how happy they seem to be compared to you.\\nOne thing that can help is to remove some of your online “friends.” If you have people who are negative or inauthentic, they are cluttering up your space and bringing you down. This is especially good if they are people you don’t talk to at all. Focus on the people you do care about, and who provide positive benefits to your life.\\nA positive way to use social media is as a springboard for in-person interaction. Don’t just “like” someone’s vacation photo. Reach out to them, and get together for lunch to talk about what they did. These kinds of meetings are more authentic and provide deeper and more meaningful relationships.\\n3-5. Try not to take rejection personally\\nSometimes we aren’t happy with our lives because someone else has rejected us or our ideas. Remember that this happens for all kinds of reasons, and it’s not a sign that you are a bad or worthless person. Instead, figure out why you were rejected, and learn from the experience.\\nIf you were rejected for professional reasons, consider asking why your ideas were not accepted. You may get some good advice about your idea that can help you improve it for next time.\\nIf you were rejected for personal reasons, like asking someone on a date, use this as an opportunity to remind yourself of your positive characteristics. Avoid catastrophizing, that is taking the worst-case scenario like saying no one will date you because you aren’t good enough. Instead, consider it an opportunity to try again, and have more success later.\\nTips\\nWhile it can be tempting to find ways to indulge when you are feeling down, try to avoid them. Buying material things or binging on food will only make you feel good for a short while. Then, the guilt and other negative consequences will take over, probably making you feel worse.\\nWarnings\\nIf you are really feeling down about your life, and having trouble accomplishing any of these steps, you may be suffering from a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. Talk to a mental health professional, who will be able to diagnose your condition and prescribe treatment to help you live a happy and productive life.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Life moves quickly, and sometimes, when negative things pile up, it can be easy to lose sight of the things that make you and your life a success. There are several ways that you can enhance your happiness with your life. You can alter your focus, improve your attitude, and enhance your social life to move towards a greater sense of satisfaction with your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Focus\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice gratitude.\", \"描述\": \"It can be easy to forget all that you have if you are thinking about where you would rather be. Practicing gratitude can help you to change your focus and acknowledge all of the good things in your life, which will enhance your positive feelings about your life.\\nTry making a list of everything you are grateful for. Start by writing down five things that you feel grateful for and keep adding five more things to the list every day.\\nYou can add basic things to your list like a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food to eat. Then, move onto more specific things that happen during your day, such as enjoying a good cup of tea, talking to an old friend, or watching a beautiful sunset.\\nYou can also review the whole list when you are feeling down about your life to remind yourself of everything that you feel grateful for.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Concentrate on things you can control.\", \"描述\": \"It can be easy to feel overwhelmed at times and dwell on the unpredictable. Worrying about things you can’t control isn’t helpful because, of course, you can’t do anything about them, which makes you focus on your doubts and weaknesses. Instead, think about things you can change or improve, and focus your energy on working on those.\\nFor example, you can’t control the things that your coworkers do, but you can control your own work performance. Likewise, you cannot control the choices that your sister makes about her love life, but you can control the choices you make for your love life.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Think about your values.\", \"描述\": \"Try to clarify what is important to you. This doesn’t mean material success, but thinking about the kind of person you want to be and the traits that you value in other people. Once you have identified those values, you can think about how you already fulfill them.\\nOne way to help clarify your values is to identify people that you admire. Ask yourself what it is you admire about them, and how you want to be more like them.\\nYou can also try making a list of the traits that you value in yourself and others, such as loyalty, honesty, creativity, and courage.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Go easy on yourself\", \"描述\": \"Self-criticism can be useful, helping us find weaknesses and create the chance to correct them. Of course, too much self-criticism is damaging to your self-esteem and can make you more miserable. Remember that no one is successful all the time and that failing to live up to lofty goals doesn’t make you a failure.\\nThe best way to think about self-criticism is as an opportunity to improve, rather than a chance to point out all the things you don’t like about yourself. Find specific, changeable things about yourself that you can work on rather than blaming everything on universal or unchangeable traits. Rather than saying things like “I’m just not that smart,” tell yourself “I stayed up too late watching TV rather than studying. I can do better next time.” This can help motivate yourself to improve rather than focus on failure.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid negativity\", \"描述\": \"Negative thinking is a common part of our lives, but it is also something you can control. Consider the different ways you think negatively about the world, and make the conscious decision not to think that way. There are several common types of negative thinking. These are sometimes called cognitive distortions because they are ways of thinking that aren’t correct. Some common ones that hold you back from feeling good about your life include:\\nAll-or-nothing thinking. This involves looking at the world in black-or-white categories and ignoring possible gray areas or middle ground. One example might be you thinking that you need to get an A on a test, or else you are a failure. Remember that there are gray areas, and not fulfilling all of your goals does not make you a failure.\\nDiminishing the positive. This is where you find ways to downplay your successes. You’ll ignore your good moments with excuses such as “I just got lucky.” It’s hard to feel happy with your life when you can’t accept any of your successes.\\nLabeling. Here, you will use your shortcomings as a way to apply broad labels to your life. You may call yourself a “failure,” “loser,” “idiot,” or any other broad-based term. You may do things wrong on occasion, but this way of labelling yourself relies on your mistakes, rather than accounting for the things you do well.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make difficult choices rather than putting them off.\", \"描述\": \"One of the things that may be holding you back from being happy with your life is a difficult decision hanging over your head. After all, how content can you be knowing this big thing is waiting for you? Rather than letting it dwell with you, go address it head-on. Don’t put off decisions or fixes for later (some vague, unknowable time in the future), but address them as soon as you can.\\nFor example, if you need to decide whether or not to break up with your boyfriend, then take some steps to come to a decision, such as discussing your feelings with a close friend or family member. If you need to decide on what college to attend, then make a pros and cons list and ask a parent or good friend to help you review your options.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Smile more.\", \"描述\": \"Putting a smile on your face, even if you are feeling down, can help you feel better about yourself, whatever you are doing. You will be in a more positive mood, and able to think better about the big picture. Plus, smiling will make you look friendlier and more confident, the kind of person others want to meet and hang out with.\\nTry to remember to smile when you are going about your daily business, such as during your morning commute, while doing household chores, and even while relaxing in the evening. You might even want to set a reminder on your phone to remind yourself to smile more.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take a break.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes it’s easy to get overwhelmed by a focus on where you are and where you need to be. The tension involved in trying to move quickly can cause stress. Taking a few minutes every day to pause and relax will help you recharge, and approach your challenges with energy.\\nActivities like yoga or mindfulness exercises, which force you to slow down and consider only the moment, are good ways to help slow down your daily grind. Doing them will make you pause and find space in your mind to focus on other things. Try taking a class or watching a video online to learn a basic yoga routine.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Fake it.\", \"描述\": \"At first, it might be hard to just start appreciating your life, especially if you’re feeling down. So fake it. Put on a smile, or say something nice about somebody. You’d be surprised how this little change in your action can help change your mindset.\\nFor example, if you are having a bad day at work, then try to take the focus off of yourself by asking a coworker how her day is going, or by giving someone a compliment. By focusing on someone else, you might find yourself feeling more positive and happy.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take care of your body\", \"描述\": \"Your mental well-being is tied to your physical health. When you are trying to feel good about your life, make sure you are taking care of your body to be in the best physical shape possible. You don’t need to turn into a swimsuit model, but you do want to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Plus, as you get into better shape, you’ll begin to feel more confident in how healthy you look and feel.\\n\\nExercising is a great way to get yourself in shape. Just a little bit of exercise, even something as simple as ten minutes of walking every day, helps get your muscles moving and causes your brain to release feel-good endorphins. Plus, when you work out, your body will look better, and you’ll have more energy.\\n\\nEat well. Good nutrition will help give you energy and keep your body looking good. Focus on whole grains, vegetables, and lean proteins while avoiding sweets and processed foods. Controlling your portions is another good way to help keep your weight normal and healthy.\\n\\nMake sure you get enough sleep. Getting sleep can help you stay charged and positive, plus it will give you the energy to get things done. A full night’s sleep is great, of course, but you can supplement that with naps throughout the day if you need to. Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep every day to be at their best, but some can get by with a little less.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talking to Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spend time with people you care about.\", \"描述\": \"One way to feel good about yourself is to interact with people who matter to you. Seeing friends and family who you care about (and care about you) is a great way to rejuvenate yourself, and think about the good times you have had with them.\\nIf you are feeling down about yourself, call up a friend to talk or ask a friend to meet you for coffee. A good friend will be able to offer support or even just listen for a little while.\\nIt may seem easier to isolate yourself when you are feeling down, but keep in mind that this will not help you. It may be hard, but getting up and getting out of your house to go socialize with people is one of the best things you can do when you are feeling low.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Thank people for helping you.\", \"描述\": \"When people reach out to you and try to help you in some way, be sure to thank them for what they have done for you. These can be simple favors or support during tough times. Expressing gratitude like this is a great way to remind yourself of all the things other people have done for you, and it reminds you that you are someone other people want to help.\\nThis doesn’t need to be people you know. Even just acknowledging or thanking a stranger who held the door for you can give you a little boost of happiness. Plus, he or she will probably appreciate your thankfulness, giving their day a boost as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Help others.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteering and working with other people is a great way to feel better about yourself. Not only will you get the benefit of seeing someone else be happy, but you’ll also be able to pat yourself on the back for being the type of person who helps others.\\nTry volunteering to help out at a local food bank, or apply to be a volunteer dog walker for a local animal shelter.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Cut back on your social media use.\", \"描述\": \"Websites like Facebook and Twitter can be fun, but they also waste time and can have a bad impact on your self-perception. It becomes too easy to worry about whether or not people are “liking” your posts. Additionally, watching other people have fun can hurt your self-confidence if you dwell too much on how happy they seem to be compared to you.\\nOne thing that can help is to remove some of your online “friends.” If you have people who are negative or inauthentic, they are cluttering up your space and bringing you down. This is especially good if they are people you don’t talk to at all. Focus on the people you do care about, and who provide positive benefits to your life.\\nA positive way to use social media is as a springboard for in-person interaction. Don’t just “like” someone’s vacation photo. Reach out to them, and get together for lunch to talk about what they did. These kinds of meetings are more authentic and provide deeper and more meaningful relationships.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try not to take rejection personally\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes we aren’t happy with our lives because someone else has rejected us or our ideas. Remember that this happens for all kinds of reasons, and it’s not a sign that you are a bad or worthless person. Instead, figure out why you were rejected, and learn from the experience.\\nIf you were rejected for professional reasons, consider asking why your ideas were not accepted. You may get some good advice about your idea that can help you improve it for next time.\\nIf you were rejected for personal reasons, like asking someone on a date, use this as an opportunity to remind yourself of your positive characteristics. Avoid catastrophizing, that is taking the worst-case scenario like saying no one will date you because you aren’t good enough. Instead, consider it an opportunity to try again, and have more success later.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"While it can be tempting to find ways to indulge when you are feeling down, try to avoid them. Buying material things or binging on food will only make you feel good for a short while. Then, the guilt and other negative consequences will take over, probably making you feel worse.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If you are really feeling down about your life, and having trouble accomplishing any of these steps, you may be suffering from a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. Talk to a mental health professional, who will be able to diagnose your condition and prescribe treatment to help you live a happy and productive life.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,821 | How to Be Healthier in 14 Days | 1. Physical Activity
1-1. Set clear goals for yourself to get in the right mindset.
When you’re setting out to get fit, it can be hard to know where to start! Before you get to work, spend some time thinking about why you’re doing it and what you want to accomplish. From there, set some specific, realistic goals for yourself. This will make it easier for you to stick to your plan to get healthy.
Set goals that are SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound). If your goals are too vague or overambitious, you’ll quickly get frustrated!
It can be helpful to break your larger goals up into smaller ones. For instance, maybe your overall goal is to lose 10 pounds (4.5 kg) over the next month. Try setting smaller goals, like “I will walk for at least 30 minutes a day for the next 2 weeks,” and “I’m only going to eat home-cooked meals made from fresh ingredients during that time.”
Tell a friend or family member about your goals—they can help you stay on track!
1-2. Go by foot instead of by car when you can.
This can be tricky depending on where you live, but spending less time in the car and more time on foot will help you lose weight, decrease stress, and elevate your mood. If you have the option, walk or bike to work or the grocery store instead of driving. Otherwise, carve out 30 minutes a day to go for a walk.
Call up a friend to go walking with you. This will give you a dose of healthy exercise and social activity at the same time!
1-3. Make a workout schedule to keep yourself on track.
Figure out how much time you have each day to work out. Be realistic in your expectations and make a plan you can stick to.
The recommended amount of exercise for healthy adults is 2 1/2 hours (150 minutes) each week of moderate aerobic activity and strength training 2 or more times weekly. This can be broken up to fit your lifestyle.
If you can, commit to doing cardio 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, which meets the recommend 150 minutes. Or maybe a 1-hour cardio class (like Zumba dancing) 3 times a week works better for your schedule. Or maybe you need to break it up even more, with 20 minutes in the morning before work and another 20-minute walk on your lunch break.
On days when you’re really busy, even a 7-minute workout routine can make a difference!
Writing yourself a realistic workout schedule will help you plan workouts that can be accomplished within your timeframe and make you more likely to accomplish your goals.
1-4. Incorporate strength training into your routine.
Building strength creates lean muscle mass and makes you look and feel healthy and toned. The best way to strength train efficiently is through compound movements (movements that work more than one muscle group) such as squats, deadlifts, and bench presses. Aim to do strength training at least 2 times a week, and make sure to focus on all the major muscle groups.
Talk to a trainer or knowledgeable friend to learn how to safely do compound movements with weight.
You can also use handheld weights to focus in on specific areas of the arms. When using handheld weights or doing bodyweight exercises, aim for 3 sets of 10-15 repetitions.
1-5. Start doing high-intensity interval training (HIIT) to get fit fast.
When it comes to losing weight and getting in shape, doing cardio activities for short bursts of time at very high intensity is the best bet. While running a few miles a day or going for a long walk are great activities to support a healthy lifestyle, HIIT is one of the best ways to quickly build strength and endurance.
Keep in mind that HIIT is not appropriate for everyone. Talk to your doctor before trying this workout.
Pick a cardio activity that you enjoy. Walking, running, swimming, and elliptical are all good options.
Start with a warmup of about 5 minutes. Then choose a shorter interval length, such as 30 seconds. Then do 30 seconds of high intensity effort of your chosen activity, followed by a longer period of recovery, such as 1 to 3 minutes. Repeat the exercise 10 times. For example, if you're a runner, try all-out sprinting for 30 seconds straight, resting for a minute, and repeating 10 times. Increase the time interval as you get in better shape.
Only do this 2 to 3 times a week to avoid injury or burnout. Supplement HIIT with a few longer, slower-paced cardio workouts for distance throughout the week.
1-6. Work out at home if you can’t get to the gym.
Working out at home is cheap, time efficient, and effective. Pick up a few pieces of equipment such as push-up bars, hand-held weights, fit balls, exercise bands, or kettle bells. Make sure to work each major muscle group through cardio, strength training, and body weight exercises.
When planning an at-home workout, give yourself enough time to complete a warmup, cardio, or strength routine, and a cooldown.
Aim for doing 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week and 20 to 30 minutes of strength training 3 times a week, followed by stretching.
Some types of exercise you can do at home without weights or equipment include Barre, yoga, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).
1-7. Find a workout buddy to help keep you motivated.
Working out with someone else not only keeps you on track, but makes fitness more fun! Find someone with a similar schedule and goals to yours who will keep you motivated.
2. Diet
2-1. Eat more vegetables and fruits.
Eating a diet rich in low glycemic index vegetables and fruits is essential to weight loss. It also provides your body with essential nutrients, such as vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Eat at least 5 servings of fruit and vegetables a day, and try to vary up the color as much as you can. Add some fruit and veggies to every meal to get your servings in. Stick to vegetables and fruits that are low in sugar or have a low glycemic index, such as the foods listed here: https://www.nhrmc.org/~/media/testupload/files/low-gylcemic-meal-planning.pdf?la=en.
Breakfast: add spinach, tomatoes, or mushrooms to your morning eggs in place of cheese. If you eat cereal or oatmeal, add fresh fruit such as a banana, blueberries, or strawberries. Make your oatmeal more filling by adding healthy sources of fat, such as nuts, flax seeds, or coconut oil.
Lunch: Try making a big, filling salad with leafy greens, a lean protein (such as chicken, fish, or lean beef), nuts, dried fruit, and some carrots, peppers, onions, or broccoli. Or, add some greens, tomato, onion, or cucumber to a sandwich or wrap.
Dinner: Instead of canned tomato sauce, sauté up broccoli, garlic, tomatoes, and peppers in olive oil and eat them with brown rice or sweet potatoes. To help fill you up, add a healthy protein, such as wild-caught fish, chicken, or lean beef.
2-2. Get rid of unhealthy foods in your fridge and pantry.
It’s easier to make a change if you don’t have a bunch of junk food around, tempting you to make less healthy choices! If you're really going to start taking your health seriously, it's best to start from scratch. Get rid of all unhealthy foods and staples that you have in your fridge and pantry, and stock up on healthy alternatives instead. This will eliminate any temptation to go back to your old ways. Donate what you can to a local food bank.
2-3. Avoid highly processed fats and refined sugars.
Highly processed foods loaded with fat and refined sugar are linked to diseases such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and stroke. They fill you up without actually providing many of the nutrients you need. Fill your pantry with natural foods like whole grains (oats, quinoa, barley, buckwheat, whole grain breads and pastas), fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts, meat, and protein or probiotic-rich dairy products (kefir, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese).
Get all-natural sweeteners. For those with a sweet tooth, use honey, agave, or stevia instead of sugar in your coffee, tea, and baked goods.
2-4. Stop mindlessly snacking.
Eating when you're not hungry is one of the easiest ways to gain unwanted weight. Before you grab a snack, stop and ask yourself how you’re really feeling—are you actually hungry, or just bored or restless? Only snack when you're hungry, and when you do, try to eat snacks high in protein, as this will keep you feeling full longer.
A piece of whole grain toast with nut butter, a mozzarella cheese stick, a hardboiled egg, or hummus with veggies are great options for beating the mid-afternoon crash.
2-5. Try intermittent fasting to lose weight quickly.
Intermittent fasting works with your body’s natural rhythms to help you burn fat and build muscle more efficiently. Try a simple intermittent fast by sticking to eating during the morning and early afternoon—for example, between 7 AM and 3 PM. Don’t eat anything in the late afternoon or evening.
Avoid the temptation to snack between your meals, and definitely don’t snack at night. Your body will be busy burning fat during those times!
When you do eat, try to stick to nutritious foods like fresh vegetables and fruits, beans and peas, whole grains, lean proteins (like chicken and fish), and healthy fats (like avocados, vegetable oils, and nuts).
2-6. Talk to your doctor about vitamins and other dietary supplements.
Some supplements can boost your energy and improve your overall wellbeing—especially if you have any vitamin deficiencies. Talk to your doctor about whether a multivitamin or specific vitamin supplements might improve your health. Tell them about any health conditions you have and give them a full list of any supplements or medicines you’re already taking, since this can affect what you can take safely.
It’s generally best to get vitamins and minerals from your diet, but supplements can be helpful if you have a deficiency or a health condition that make it hard for you to get all the nutrients you need from food.
Some supplements that might be helpful to your health include vitamins C, D, and E, zinc, chromium, and glutathione.
3. Stress Reduction
3-1. Get at least 7-9 hours of sleep each night.
Getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night is extremely important to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Getting a good night's sleep improves your ability to learn, make good decisions, and cope with change. Lack of sleep is also linked to depression, heart disease, and obesity.
Everybody requires a different amount of sleep. Some will feel good and rested after 6 hours, others after 10. Experiment with sleeping a different amount of hours per night and see which quantity makes you feel best.
Create a good bedtime ritual. Relax with a book for 30 minutes before bed, or stretch and drink herbal tea. It's also important to stick to a sleep schedule, even on the weekends, so that your body can stay consistent.
If you still have trouble sleeping, some supplements may help. For instance, getting more magnesium may improve your sleep at night. Try a 200-400mg magnesium supplement. Melatonin, which is a natural sleep hormone, can also improve your sleep quality by regulating your sleep/wake cycle.
3-2. Practice yoga to build strength and relieve stress.
Yoga is a great activity for creating strength, flexibility, and mind-body awareness. It strengthens the core, back, arms, and legs, and allows you to focus on simply breathing and being present in your body.
Invest in a few classes to learn the proper technique. After that, you can either continue classes or practice on your own.
If you’re new to yoga, you can download a yoga app or follow yoga workout videos on YouTube.
3-3. Soak away stress in a hot bath.
A hot bath is a great way to unwind, but it also has other benefits! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or under the weather, hop in the tub, the shower, or even a sauna. The hot water and steam can soothe dry sinuses, lower your blood sugar, help you burn calories, and cleanse clogged pores.
Add a little Epsom salt to your bath to promote relaxation and soothe aching muscles.
3-4. Start meditating to feel more relaxed.
Meditation helps you to become more connected with yourself and the world around you, and it’s a great way to reduce stress. It helps you to diminish ego and recognize your thoughts as simply thoughts, patterns that encourage mindfulness, joy, and contentment.
Start slow. Give yourself 7 to 10 minutes a morning to sit and concentrate on your breathing.
If you’re religious or spiritual, praying, meditating, or reading texts related to your faith may also help you relax and feel more at peace. Even if you don’t follow any particular spiritual beliefs, you might find self-help books or philosophical texts comforting.
3-5. Keep your mind stimulated by learning new things.
People who are open-minded and curious about the world around them tend to have better mental health. Learning leads to creativity and higher self-esteem. And, when you’re overwhelmed, learning something new can help you feel more positive and productive. Try to learn something new every day!
Read a book that interests you for at least 15-20 minutes a day.
Learn a new language. Learning another language keeps your brain active. It broadens your perspective of the world and opens you up to new travel opportunities. Download an app like Duolingo on your smartphone for an easy and accessible language learning tool.
3-6. Watch something funny to help you relax and unwind.
Not only is it fun to laugh, but it also brings some serious health benefits! To relieve stress, boost your mood, and strengthen your immune system, watch your favorite funny movie or TV show, or check out some standup routines on YouTube.
It’s always more fun to laugh with a friend or loved one, so get together and watch some comedy or tell jokes with someone you care about!
3-7. Make time to socialize to boost your happiness.
Giving yourself time to spend with loved ones leads to increased happiness. Even if you're busy at work, taking just 30 minutes a day to grab a meal or talk on the phone with somebody you care about will improve your feelings of connectedness and self-worth.
Tips
For the greatest benefits, try to maintain your healthy lifestyle changes even after your 2 weeks are over.
Ask your family doctor what you can do to be and stay healthy.
You can have an occasional sweet, but don't eat too much, as it could ruin your diet!
Warnings
If you have an injury or medical condition, consult with your doctor before beginning an exercise program.
If you are just beginning to exercise, or have not been exercising regularly, start cautiously and progress slowly. This reduces the risk of injury and burnout.
Allow time for your body to recover between workouts.
Be wary of your morning caffeinated beverages. Oftentimes lattes and other coffee drinks have a sneaky amount of sugar and fat. Pick coffee and tea drinks that are low on sugar, and try out skim milk or an alternative nut-based milk in the mornings.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:01",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Physical Activity\\n1-1. Set clear goals for yourself to get in the right mindset.\\nWhen you’re setting out to get fit, it can be hard to know where to start! Before you get to work, spend some time thinking about why you’re doing it and what you want to accomplish. From there, set some specific, realistic goals for yourself. This will make it easier for you to stick to your plan to get healthy.\\nSet goals that are SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound). If your goals are too vague or overambitious, you’ll quickly get frustrated!\\nIt can be helpful to break your larger goals up into smaller ones. For instance, maybe your overall goal is to lose 10 pounds (4.5 kg) over the next month. Try setting smaller goals, like “I will walk for at least 30 minutes a day for the next 2 weeks,” and “I’m only going to eat home-cooked meals made from fresh ingredients during that time.”\\nTell a friend or family member about your goals—they can help you stay on track!\\n1-2. Go by foot instead of by car when you can.\\nThis can be tricky depending on where you live, but spending less time in the car and more time on foot will help you lose weight, decrease stress, and elevate your mood. If you have the option, walk or bike to work or the grocery store instead of driving. Otherwise, carve out 30 minutes a day to go for a walk. \\nCall up a friend to go walking with you. This will give you a dose of healthy exercise and social activity at the same time!\\n1-3. Make a workout schedule to keep yourself on track.\\nFigure out how much time you have each day to work out. Be realistic in your expectations and make a plan you can stick to. \\nThe recommended amount of exercise for healthy adults is 2 1/2 hours (150 minutes) each week of moderate aerobic activity and strength training 2 or more times weekly. This can be broken up to fit your lifestyle.\\nIf you can, commit to doing cardio 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, which meets the recommend 150 minutes. Or maybe a 1-hour cardio class (like Zumba dancing) 3 times a week works better for your schedule. Or maybe you need to break it up even more, with 20 minutes in the morning before work and another 20-minute walk on your lunch break.\\nOn days when you’re really busy, even a 7-minute workout routine can make a difference!\\nWriting yourself a realistic workout schedule will help you plan workouts that can be accomplished within your timeframe and make you more likely to accomplish your goals.\\n1-4. Incorporate strength training into your routine.\\nBuilding strength creates lean muscle mass and makes you look and feel healthy and toned. The best way to strength train efficiently is through compound movements (movements that work more than one muscle group) such as squats, deadlifts, and bench presses. Aim to do strength training at least 2 times a week, and make sure to focus on all the major muscle groups.\\nTalk to a trainer or knowledgeable friend to learn how to safely do compound movements with weight.\\nYou can also use handheld weights to focus in on specific areas of the arms. When using handheld weights or doing bodyweight exercises, aim for 3 sets of 10-15 repetitions.\\n1-5. Start doing high-intensity interval training (HIIT) to get fit fast.\\nWhen it comes to losing weight and getting in shape, doing cardio activities for short bursts of time at very high intensity is the best bet. While running a few miles a day or going for a long walk are great activities to support a healthy lifestyle, HIIT is one of the best ways to quickly build strength and endurance.\\nKeep in mind that HIIT is not appropriate for everyone. Talk to your doctor before trying this workout.\\nPick a cardio activity that you enjoy. Walking, running, swimming, and elliptical are all good options.\\nStart with a warmup of about 5 minutes. Then choose a shorter interval length, such as 30 seconds. Then do 30 seconds of high intensity effort of your chosen activity, followed by a longer period of recovery, such as 1 to 3 minutes. Repeat the exercise 10 times. For example, if you're a runner, try all-out sprinting for 30 seconds straight, resting for a minute, and repeating 10 times. Increase the time interval as you get in better shape.\\nOnly do this 2 to 3 times a week to avoid injury or burnout. Supplement HIIT with a few longer, slower-paced cardio workouts for distance throughout the week.\\n1-6. Work out at home if you can’t get to the gym.\\nWorking out at home is cheap, time efficient, and effective. Pick up a few pieces of equipment such as push-up bars, hand-held weights, fit balls, exercise bands, or kettle bells. Make sure to work each major muscle group through cardio, strength training, and body weight exercises.\\nWhen planning an at-home workout, give yourself enough time to complete a warmup, cardio, or strength routine, and a cooldown.\\nAim for doing 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week and 20 to 30 minutes of strength training 3 times a week, followed by stretching.\\nSome types of exercise you can do at home without weights or equipment include Barre, yoga, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).\\n1-7. Find a workout buddy to help keep you motivated.\\nWorking out with someone else not only keeps you on track, but makes fitness more fun! Find someone with a similar schedule and goals to yours who will keep you motivated.\\n2. Diet\\n2-1. Eat more vegetables and fruits.\\nEating a diet rich in low glycemic index vegetables and fruits is essential to weight loss. It also provides your body with essential nutrients, such as vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Eat at least 5 servings of fruit and vegetables a day, and try to vary up the color as much as you can. Add some fruit and veggies to every meal to get your servings in. Stick to vegetables and fruits that are low in sugar or have a low glycemic index, such as the foods listed here: https://www.nhrmc.org/~/media/testupload/files/low-gylcemic-meal-planning.pdf?la=en.\\nBreakfast: add spinach, tomatoes, or mushrooms to your morning eggs in place of cheese. If you eat cereal or oatmeal, add fresh fruit such as a banana, blueberries, or strawberries. Make your oatmeal more filling by adding healthy sources of fat, such as nuts, flax seeds, or coconut oil.\\nLunch: Try making a big, filling salad with leafy greens, a lean protein (such as chicken, fish, or lean beef), nuts, dried fruit, and some carrots, peppers, onions, or broccoli. Or, add some greens, tomato, onion, or cucumber to a sandwich or wrap.\\nDinner: Instead of canned tomato sauce, sauté up broccoli, garlic, tomatoes, and peppers in olive oil and eat them with brown rice or sweet potatoes. To help fill you up, add a healthy protein, such as wild-caught fish, chicken, or lean beef.\\n2-2. Get rid of unhealthy foods in your fridge and pantry.\\nIt’s easier to make a change if you don’t have a bunch of junk food around, tempting you to make less healthy choices! If you're really going to start taking your health seriously, it's best to start from scratch. Get rid of all unhealthy foods and staples that you have in your fridge and pantry, and stock up on healthy alternatives instead. This will eliminate any temptation to go back to your old ways. Donate what you can to a local food bank.\\n2-3. Avoid highly processed fats and refined sugars.\\nHighly processed foods loaded with fat and refined sugar are linked to diseases such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and stroke. They fill you up without actually providing many of the nutrients you need. Fill your pantry with natural foods like whole grains (oats, quinoa, barley, buckwheat, whole grain breads and pastas), fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts, meat, and protein or probiotic-rich dairy products (kefir, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese).\\nGet all-natural sweeteners. For those with a sweet tooth, use honey, agave, or stevia instead of sugar in your coffee, tea, and baked goods.\\n2-4. Stop mindlessly snacking.\\nEating when you're not hungry is one of the easiest ways to gain unwanted weight. Before you grab a snack, stop and ask yourself how you’re really feeling—are you actually hungry, or just bored or restless? Only snack when you're hungry, and when you do, try to eat snacks high in protein, as this will keep you feeling full longer.\\nA piece of whole grain toast with nut butter, a mozzarella cheese stick, a hardboiled egg, or hummus with veggies are great options for beating the mid-afternoon crash.\\n2-5. Try intermittent fasting to lose weight quickly.\\nIntermittent fasting works with your body’s natural rhythms to help you burn fat and build muscle more efficiently. Try a simple intermittent fast by sticking to eating during the morning and early afternoon—for example, between 7 AM and 3 PM. Don’t eat anything in the late afternoon or evening.\\nAvoid the temptation to snack between your meals, and definitely don’t snack at night. Your body will be busy burning fat during those times!\\nWhen you do eat, try to stick to nutritious foods like fresh vegetables and fruits, beans and peas, whole grains, lean proteins (like chicken and fish), and healthy fats (like avocados, vegetable oils, and nuts).\\n2-6. Talk to your doctor about vitamins and other dietary supplements.\\nSome supplements can boost your energy and improve your overall wellbeing—especially if you have any vitamin deficiencies. Talk to your doctor about whether a multivitamin or specific vitamin supplements might improve your health. Tell them about any health conditions you have and give them a full list of any supplements or medicines you’re already taking, since this can affect what you can take safely.\\nIt’s generally best to get vitamins and minerals from your diet, but supplements can be helpful if you have a deficiency or a health condition that make it hard for you to get all the nutrients you need from food.\\nSome supplements that might be helpful to your health include vitamins C, D, and E, zinc, chromium, and glutathione.\\n3. Stress Reduction\\n3-1. Get at least 7-9 hours of sleep each night.\\nGetting 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night is extremely important to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Getting a good night's sleep improves your ability to learn, make good decisions, and cope with change. Lack of sleep is also linked to depression, heart disease, and obesity.\\nEverybody requires a different amount of sleep. Some will feel good and rested after 6 hours, others after 10. Experiment with sleeping a different amount of hours per night and see which quantity makes you feel best.\\nCreate a good bedtime ritual. Relax with a book for 30 minutes before bed, or stretch and drink herbal tea. It's also important to stick to a sleep schedule, even on the weekends, so that your body can stay consistent.\\nIf you still have trouble sleeping, some supplements may help. For instance, getting more magnesium may improve your sleep at night. Try a 200-400mg magnesium supplement. Melatonin, which is a natural sleep hormone, can also improve your sleep quality by regulating your sleep/wake cycle.\\n3-2. Practice yoga to build strength and relieve stress.\\nYoga is a great activity for creating strength, flexibility, and mind-body awareness. It strengthens the core, back, arms, and legs, and allows you to focus on simply breathing and being present in your body.\\nInvest in a few classes to learn the proper technique. After that, you can either continue classes or practice on your own.\\nIf you’re new to yoga, you can download a yoga app or follow yoga workout videos on YouTube.\\n3-3. Soak away stress in a hot bath.\\nA hot bath is a great way to unwind, but it also has other benefits! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or under the weather, hop in the tub, the shower, or even a sauna. The hot water and steam can soothe dry sinuses, lower your blood sugar, help you burn calories, and cleanse clogged pores.\\nAdd a little Epsom salt to your bath to promote relaxation and soothe aching muscles.\\n3-4. Start meditating to feel more relaxed.\\nMeditation helps you to become more connected with yourself and the world around you, and it’s a great way to reduce stress. It helps you to diminish ego and recognize your thoughts as simply thoughts, patterns that encourage mindfulness, joy, and contentment. \\nStart slow. Give yourself 7 to 10 minutes a morning to sit and concentrate on your breathing.\\nIf you’re religious or spiritual, praying, meditating, or reading texts related to your faith may also help you relax and feel more at peace. Even if you don’t follow any particular spiritual beliefs, you might find self-help books or philosophical texts comforting.\\n3-5. Keep your mind stimulated by learning new things.\\nPeople who are open-minded and curious about the world around them tend to have better mental health. Learning leads to creativity and higher self-esteem. And, when you’re overwhelmed, learning something new can help you feel more positive and productive. Try to learn something new every day!\\nRead a book that interests you for at least 15-20 minutes a day.\\nLearn a new language. Learning another language keeps your brain active. It broadens your perspective of the world and opens you up to new travel opportunities. Download an app like Duolingo on your smartphone for an easy and accessible language learning tool.\\n3-6. Watch something funny to help you relax and unwind.\\nNot only is it fun to laugh, but it also brings some serious health benefits! To relieve stress, boost your mood, and strengthen your immune system, watch your favorite funny movie or TV show, or check out some standup routines on YouTube.\\nIt’s always more fun to laugh with a friend or loved one, so get together and watch some comedy or tell jokes with someone you care about!\\n3-7. Make time to socialize to boost your happiness.\\nGiving yourself time to spend with loved ones leads to increased happiness. Even if you're busy at work, taking just 30 minutes a day to grab a meal or talk on the phone with somebody you care about will improve your feelings of connectedness and self-worth.\\nTips\\nFor the greatest benefits, try to maintain your healthy lifestyle changes even after your 2 weeks are over.\\nAsk your family doctor what you can do to be and stay healthy.\\nYou can have an occasional sweet, but don't eat too much, as it could ruin your diet!\\nWarnings\\nIf you have an injury or medical condition, consult with your doctor before beginning an exercise program.\\nIf you are just beginning to exercise, or have not been exercising regularly, start cautiously and progress slowly. This reduces the risk of injury and burnout.\\nAllow time for your body to recover between workouts.\\nBe wary of your morning caffeinated beverages. Oftentimes lattes and other coffee drinks have a sneaky amount of sugar and fat. Pick coffee and tea drinks that are low on sugar, and try out skim milk or an alternative nut-based milk in the mornings.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It can be hard to commit to a healthy lifestyle. Staying in old, comfortable routines often seems easier than making changes. By adopting an active lifestyle, eating a healthy diet, and making time for activities that promote happiness, you can get your life on a better track in just 2 weeks. Though health is a lifelong endeavor, starting slow and committing to 2 weeks of a healthy you is a great way to see that a different lifestyle is possible, and full of benefits to both body and mind.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Physical Activity\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set clear goals for yourself to get in the right mindset.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re setting out to get fit, it can be hard to know where to start! Before you get to work, spend some time thinking about why you’re doing it and what you want to accomplish. From there, set some specific, realistic goals for yourself. This will make it easier for you to stick to your plan to get healthy.\\nSet goals that are SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound). If your goals are too vague or overambitious, you’ll quickly get frustrated!\\nIt can be helpful to break your larger goals up into smaller ones. For instance, maybe your overall goal is to lose 10 pounds (4.5 kg) over the next month. Try setting smaller goals, like “I will walk for at least 30 minutes a day for the next 2 weeks,” and “I’m only going to eat home-cooked meals made from fresh ingredients during that time.”\\nTell a friend or family member about your goals—they can help you stay on track!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Go by foot instead of by car when you can.\", \"描述\": \"This can be tricky depending on where you live, but spending less time in the car and more time on foot will help you lose weight, decrease stress, and elevate your mood. If you have the option, walk or bike to work or the grocery store instead of driving. Otherwise, carve out 30 minutes a day to go for a walk. \\nCall up a friend to go walking with you. This will give you a dose of healthy exercise and social activity at the same time!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make a workout schedule to keep yourself on track.\", \"描述\": \"Figure out how much time you have each day to work out. Be realistic in your expectations and make a plan you can stick to. \\nThe recommended amount of exercise for healthy adults is 2 1/2 hours (150 minutes) each week of moderate aerobic activity and strength training 2 or more times weekly. This can be broken up to fit your lifestyle.\\nIf you can, commit to doing cardio 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, which meets the recommend 150 minutes. Or maybe a 1-hour cardio class (like Zumba dancing) 3 times a week works better for your schedule. Or maybe you need to break it up even more, with 20 minutes in the morning before work and another 20-minute walk on your lunch break.\\nOn days when you’re really busy, even a 7-minute workout routine can make a difference!\\nWriting yourself a realistic workout schedule will help you plan workouts that can be accomplished within your timeframe and make you more likely to accomplish your goals.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Incorporate strength training into your routine.\", \"描述\": \"Building strength creates lean muscle mass and makes you look and feel healthy and toned. The best way to strength train efficiently is through compound movements (movements that work more than one muscle group) such as squats, deadlifts, and bench presses. Aim to do strength training at least 2 times a week, and make sure to focus on all the major muscle groups.\\nTalk to a trainer or knowledgeable friend to learn how to safely do compound movements with weight.\\nYou can also use handheld weights to focus in on specific areas of the arms. When using handheld weights or doing bodyweight exercises, aim for 3 sets of 10-15 repetitions.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Start doing high-intensity interval training (HIIT) to get fit fast.\", \"描述\": \"When it comes to losing weight and getting in shape, doing cardio activities for short bursts of time at very high intensity is the best bet. While running a few miles a day or going for a long walk are great activities to support a healthy lifestyle, HIIT is one of the best ways to quickly build strength and endurance.\\nKeep in mind that HIIT is not appropriate for everyone. Talk to your doctor before trying this workout.\\nPick a cardio activity that you enjoy. Walking, running, swimming, and elliptical are all good options.\\nStart with a warmup of about 5 minutes. Then choose a shorter interval length, such as 30 seconds. Then do 30 seconds of high intensity effort of your chosen activity, followed by a longer period of recovery, such as 1 to 3 minutes. Repeat the exercise 10 times. For example, if you're a runner, try all-out sprinting for 30 seconds straight, resting for a minute, and repeating 10 times. Increase the time interval as you get in better shape.\\nOnly do this 2 to 3 times a week to avoid injury or burnout. Supplement HIIT with a few longer, slower-paced cardio workouts for distance throughout the week.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Work out at home if you can’t get to the gym.\", \"描述\": \"Working out at home is cheap, time efficient, and effective. Pick up a few pieces of equipment such as push-up bars, hand-held weights, fit balls, exercise bands, or kettle bells. Make sure to work each major muscle group through cardio, strength training, and body weight exercises.\\nWhen planning an at-home workout, give yourself enough time to complete a warmup, cardio, or strength routine, and a cooldown.\\nAim for doing 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week and 20 to 30 minutes of strength training 3 times a week, followed by stretching.\\nSome types of exercise you can do at home without weights or equipment include Barre, yoga, and HIIT (high intensity interval training).\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Find a workout buddy to help keep you motivated.\", \"描述\": \"Working out with someone else not only keeps you on track, but makes fitness more fun! Find someone with a similar schedule and goals to yours who will keep you motivated.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Diet\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Eat more vegetables and fruits.\", \"描述\": \"Eating a diet rich in low glycemic index vegetables and fruits is essential to weight loss. It also provides your body with essential nutrients, such as vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Eat at least 5 servings of fruit and vegetables a day, and try to vary up the color as much as you can. Add some fruit and veggies to every meal to get your servings in. Stick to vegetables and fruits that are low in sugar or have a low glycemic index, such as the foods listed here: https://www.nhrmc.org/~/media/testupload/files/low-gylcemic-meal-planning.pdf?la=en.\\nBreakfast: add spinach, tomatoes, or mushrooms to your morning eggs in place of cheese. If you eat cereal or oatmeal, add fresh fruit such as a banana, blueberries, or strawberries. Make your oatmeal more filling by adding healthy sources of fat, such as nuts, flax seeds, or coconut oil.\\nLunch: Try making a big, filling salad with leafy greens, a lean protein (such as chicken, fish, or lean beef), nuts, dried fruit, and some carrots, peppers, onions, or broccoli. Or, add some greens, tomato, onion, or cucumber to a sandwich or wrap.\\nDinner: Instead of canned tomato sauce, sauté up broccoli, garlic, tomatoes, and peppers in olive oil and eat them with brown rice or sweet potatoes. To help fill you up, add a healthy protein, such as wild-caught fish, chicken, or lean beef.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get rid of unhealthy foods in your fridge and pantry.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easier to make a change if you don’t have a bunch of junk food around, tempting you to make less healthy choices! If you're really going to start taking your health seriously, it's best to start from scratch. Get rid of all unhealthy foods and staples that you have in your fridge and pantry, and stock up on healthy alternatives instead. This will eliminate any temptation to go back to your old ways. Donate what you can to a local food bank.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid highly processed fats and refined sugars.\", \"描述\": \"Highly processed foods loaded with fat and refined sugar are linked to diseases such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and stroke. They fill you up without actually providing many of the nutrients you need. Fill your pantry with natural foods like whole grains (oats, quinoa, barley, buckwheat, whole grain breads and pastas), fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts, meat, and protein or probiotic-rich dairy products (kefir, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese).\\nGet all-natural sweeteners. For those with a sweet tooth, use honey, agave, or stevia instead of sugar in your coffee, tea, and baked goods.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stop mindlessly snacking.\", \"描述\": \"Eating when you're not hungry is one of the easiest ways to gain unwanted weight. Before you grab a snack, stop and ask yourself how you’re really feeling—are you actually hungry, or just bored or restless? Only snack when you're hungry, and when you do, try to eat snacks high in protein, as this will keep you feeling full longer.\\nA piece of whole grain toast with nut butter, a mozzarella cheese stick, a hardboiled egg, or hummus with veggies are great options for beating the mid-afternoon crash.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try intermittent fasting to lose weight quickly.\", \"描述\": \"Intermittent fasting works with your body’s natural rhythms to help you burn fat and build muscle more efficiently. Try a simple intermittent fast by sticking to eating during the morning and early afternoon—for example, between 7 AM and 3 PM. Don’t eat anything in the late afternoon or evening.\\nAvoid the temptation to snack between your meals, and definitely don’t snack at night. Your body will be busy burning fat during those times!\\nWhen you do eat, try to stick to nutritious foods like fresh vegetables and fruits, beans and peas, whole grains, lean proteins (like chicken and fish), and healthy fats (like avocados, vegetable oils, and nuts).\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Talk to your doctor about vitamins and other dietary supplements.\", \"描述\": \"Some supplements can boost your energy and improve your overall wellbeing—especially if you have any vitamin deficiencies. Talk to your doctor about whether a multivitamin or specific vitamin supplements might improve your health. Tell them about any health conditions you have and give them a full list of any supplements or medicines you’re already taking, since this can affect what you can take safely.\\nIt’s generally best to get vitamins and minerals from your diet, but supplements can be helpful if you have a deficiency or a health condition that make it hard for you to get all the nutrients you need from food.\\nSome supplements that might be helpful to your health include vitamins C, D, and E, zinc, chromium, and glutathione.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stress Reduction\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get at least 7-9 hours of sleep each night.\", \"描述\": \"Getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night is extremely important to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Getting a good night's sleep improves your ability to learn, make good decisions, and cope with change. Lack of sleep is also linked to depression, heart disease, and obesity.\\nEverybody requires a different amount of sleep. Some will feel good and rested after 6 hours, others after 10. Experiment with sleeping a different amount of hours per night and see which quantity makes you feel best.\\nCreate a good bedtime ritual. Relax with a book for 30 minutes before bed, or stretch and drink herbal tea. It's also important to stick to a sleep schedule, even on the weekends, so that your body can stay consistent.\\nIf you still have trouble sleeping, some supplements may help. For instance, getting more magnesium may improve your sleep at night. Try a 200-400mg magnesium supplement. Melatonin, which is a natural sleep hormone, can also improve your sleep quality by regulating your sleep/wake cycle.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice yoga to build strength and relieve stress.\", \"描述\": \"Yoga is a great activity for creating strength, flexibility, and mind-body awareness. It strengthens the core, back, arms, and legs, and allows you to focus on simply breathing and being present in your body.\\nInvest in a few classes to learn the proper technique. After that, you can either continue classes or practice on your own.\\nIf you’re new to yoga, you can download a yoga app or follow yoga workout videos on YouTube.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Soak away stress in a hot bath.\", \"描述\": \"A hot bath is a great way to unwind, but it also has other benefits! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or under the weather, hop in the tub, the shower, or even a sauna. The hot water and steam can soothe dry sinuses, lower your blood sugar, help you burn calories, and cleanse clogged pores.\\nAdd a little Epsom salt to your bath to promote relaxation and soothe aching muscles.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Start meditating to feel more relaxed.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation helps you to become more connected with yourself and the world around you, and it’s a great way to reduce stress. It helps you to diminish ego and recognize your thoughts as simply thoughts, patterns that encourage mindfulness, joy, and contentment. \\nStart slow. Give yourself 7 to 10 minutes a morning to sit and concentrate on your breathing.\\nIf you’re religious or spiritual, praying, meditating, or reading texts related to your faith may also help you relax and feel more at peace. Even if you don’t follow any particular spiritual beliefs, you might find self-help books or philosophical texts comforting.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep your mind stimulated by learning new things.\", \"描述\": \"People who are open-minded and curious about the world around them tend to have better mental health. Learning leads to creativity and higher self-esteem. And, when you’re overwhelmed, learning something new can help you feel more positive and productive. Try to learn something new every day!\\nRead a book that interests you for at least 15-20 minutes a day.\\nLearn a new language. Learning another language keeps your brain active. It broadens your perspective of the world and opens you up to new travel opportunities. Download an app like Duolingo on your smartphone for an easy and accessible language learning tool.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Watch something funny to help you relax and unwind.\", \"描述\": \"Not only is it fun to laugh, but it also brings some serious health benefits! To relieve stress, boost your mood, and strengthen your immune system, watch your favorite funny movie or TV show, or check out some standup routines on YouTube.\\nIt’s always more fun to laugh with a friend or loved one, so get together and watch some comedy or tell jokes with someone you care about!\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Make time to socialize to boost your happiness.\", \"描述\": \"Giving yourself time to spend with loved ones leads to increased happiness. Even if you're busy at work, taking just 30 minutes a day to grab a meal or talk on the phone with somebody you care about will improve your feelings of connectedness and self-worth.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"For the greatest benefits, try to maintain your healthy lifestyle changes even after your 2 weeks are over.\\n\", \"Ask your family doctor what you can do to be and stay healthy.\\n\", \"You can have an occasional sweet, but don't eat too much, as it could ruin your diet!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If you have an injury or medical condition, consult with your doctor before beginning an exercise program.\\n\", \"If you are just beginning to exercise, or have not been exercising regularly, start cautiously and progress slowly. This reduces the risk of injury and burnout.\\n\", \"Allow time for your body to recover between workouts.\\n\", \"Be wary of your morning caffeinated beverages. Oftentimes lattes and other coffee drinks have a sneaky amount of sugar and fat. Pick coffee and tea drinks that are low on sugar, and try out skim milk or an alternative nut-based milk in the mornings.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,822 | How to Be Healthy | 1. Having a Healthy Diet
1-1. Drink more water
Adults should drink 2–3 liters (0.53–0.79 US gal) (or roughly eight 8 oz glasses) of water per day, while children should drink 1–2 liters (0.26–0.53 US gal) (or roughly five 8 oz glasses). That is in addition to other drinks like tea or coffee. Water keeps bodies at the correct temperature and removes toxins and maintains homeostasis.
Water also clears your skin, helps your kidneys, helps to control your appetite, and keeps you energized.
It also keeps you from drinking unhealthy beverages like soda and juice, which are high in calories. The body barely registers the intake of these unhealthy drinks and yet you still feel thirsty hundreds of calories later.
Drinking hot water (aka tea) can help stimulate your digestive system. Hot water also helps your body naturally detoxify itself. Make sure the water is comfortably hot and won't burn you.
1-2. Eat breakfast
A light, healthy breakfast is sufficient enough to reap the benefits of eating early. If it's comprised of lean protein and whole grains, then it will keep you from gorging at lunch. Research shows that breakfast-skippers actually eat more! So, to curb your appetite, don't skip the first meal of the day.
Instead of two chocolate doughnuts and a coffee that's more cream than anything else, opt for eggs, fruit, and for a beverage like skimmed milk, fresh orange juice, or tea. The healthier and filling your breakfast is, the more energized you'll feel throughout the day.
1-3. Eat well
If half of your plate is vegetables and fruit, you're on the right track. Add in lean protein, low-fat dairy, and whole grains. Once a steady eating pattern has been established, your body will feel more comfortable. There may be a period of time when your body is wondering where the sugary foods went, but once you're over the hump, you'll feel better than ever.
Remember that not all fats are bad for you. Good fats can be found in fish like salmon and tuna, avocados, nuts, and olive oil. These are essential to a well-balanced diet.
Make an effort to eat regularly timed meals throughout your day. However, avoid grazing all day.
1-4. Eat at the right times.
A good time for a healthy, easy-to-digest evening meal is between 17:00 and 20:00 (5:00 pm and 8:00 pm); it's best to avoid late-night snacks because they fill you with unnecessary calories and can disrupt your sleep. If you do need that midnight snack, stick to unsalted nuts, seeds, fruits, and veggies.
Try not to eat 3 to 4 hours before you go to bed if you find that eating at night is causing you trouble sleeping.
Snacking isn't bad for you if you do it right. In fact, eating "constantly" can keep you from feeling deprived and going for that third piece of cheesecake when the cart rolls around. Just make sure it's all in moderation.
1-5. Consider going meatless
Being vegetarian is a good way to reduce your calorie intake and get loads of vitamins and minerals. It can also improve your cardiovascular health. If you don't want to go fully vegetarian, you can improve your health by eating less meat. Choose a few days a week to go vegetarian, and switch out red meat for chicken, turkey, and fish.
When you eat a vegetarian diet, base your meals around non-starchy vegetables rather than grains like pasta or rice. When you do eat grains, choose whole grains. Eat protein at every meal, such as eggs, low-fat dairy, beans, legumes, nuts, seeds, tofu, or other meat replacements.
For example, you might eat scrambled egg whites with tomatoes and spinach in a whole grain tortilla for breakfast, black bean soup with a small side salad for lunch, Greek yogurt for a snack, and vegetable lasagna for dinner.
A high-fiber diet is easily had without meat. Fiber has been shown to lower your cholesterol, control your blood sugar levels, improve your bowel health, and make you less likely to overeat. The recommended fiber intake is 30g a day for men and 21g for women; after the age of 50, this jumps up to 38g for men and 25g for women. Some good sources of fiber include fruits and vegetables (with the skin), whole grains, and legumes.
1-6. Limit or completely eliminate simple sugars in your diet.
While carbohydrates are an important part of your diet, simple sugar can be harmful to your health. It provides a quick energy spike that then bottoms out, causing you to feel hungry faster. Simple sugars, except for fruit, are also high-calorie and lacking in nutrients. It's best to avoid sweets and added sugar, but you can include them in moderation.
Fruits are technically simple sugars but can still be a healthy part of your diet. They're full of vitamins and nutrients. Whenever possible, eat your fruits with the skin.
1-7. Eat food when they’re in season.
Some studies have found that fruits and vegetables carry more nutrients when they’re grown and harvested in their primary growing season. As the seasons change, adjust your diet to include foods that are grown at that time of year to ensure you’re having the most nutritious meals.
1-8. Read food labels to make the healthiest choices.
Processed foods get a bad rap, and often for good reason. However, you've got to choose your battles. That frozen bag of broccoli isn't nearly as bad as that boxed mac and cheese. In short, avoid processed foods when you can — but if you can't, read the labels and watch for added bad stuff: salt, sugar, and fat.
Food that stays on the shelves often has added sodium, words that end in -ose, and trans and saturated fats in the ingredient list. If you see these on the label (especially if they're in high amounts), avoid them. You can find a healthier alternative elsewhere. It's not worth it.
Just because it says it has no trans fat doesn't actually mean it has no trans fat. Negligible amounts can be legally ignored — so if you see hydrogenated vegetable oil on the list, you've found one of the masked culprits.
1-9. Talk to your doctor about incorporating supplements into your diet.
Supplements can make sure you get all of the vitamins and nutrients you need. Take your supplements with a meal to help them absorb better. You might choose to take a multivitamin every day, or you can supplement particular nutrients that may be low for you, such as calcium, vitamin D, or vitamin B12.
Don't start taking any supplements without first talking to your doctor, especially if you're taking medications.
Keep in mind that taking supplements is not a replacement for a healthy diet.
1-10. Use intermittent fasting to control calories and boost endurance.
Intermittent fasting means going without food for 12-16 hours at a time. You may do this every day or on certain days of the week. This can help you burn your fat as a source of energy and improve your energy endurance. It may also help you manage your calorie intake.
For example, you may eat your last meal of the day at 8 PM, fast for 14–16 hours overnight, and enjoy your next meal between 10 AM and noon the next day.
As another option, you might eat normally on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday but restrict on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
This diet is not right for everyone, especially people who have diabetes or hypoglycemia. Talk to your doctor before starting any new diet plans.
There are many different apps you can download, such as Zero, to track your progress, journal about your experiences, and join a community of other people who are also intermittent fasting.
2. Having a Healthy Exercise Plan
2-1. Get in shape
In addition to helping you lose weight and gain confidence, exercising has a host of other benefits for your body and mind. Having good cardiovascular health has been linked to a decreased risk of Alzheimer's, just to name one. So hit the pool for a swim, the pavement for a walk or jog, or the park for a hike as often as you can.
Exercising boosts your immune system too; even a change as minor as walking briskly for 20-30 minutes a day, five days a week can improve your immune system by increasing both your antibody and T-killer cell response.
Exercising is also one of the absolute best ways to sleep better at night—which can help you lose weight by keeping you from overeating. Read How to Get Fit for more details.
2-2. Maintain a healthy weight.
Our physical frames vary in size and weight. An individual with a large frame can carry a little more weight while a person with a light frame will be able to carry less.
Being underweight isn't a good thing either! Do not use any form of crash diet. There is no magic bullet for weight loss—and even if there were, starving your body of vital nutrients wouldn't be it. A slow change in your eating habits is much safer and the long-term benefits for your physical health are greater.
If you don't want to go on a diet, read How to Lose Weight Just by Exercising. Just remember that only serious athletes are able to burn off enough calories to be able to enjoy massive indulgences—and even so, they tend not to because it's hard on the body. Even if you do consume more calories than are recommended for you, be sure that they are nutritious; your heart, brain, muscles, bones, organs, and blood can't run forever on empty calories.
2-3. Cross train
Just because you can run 5 miles (8.0 km) without stopping doesn't mean you're healthy—the same goes for lifting weights the size of a small car. If you only do one activity, you're only using one set of muscles. You'll be shocked when you go swimming or do core workouts that you can't keep up!
What's the answer? Cross-training. Not only does doing several different activities work all your muscles (which can help prevent injury), it also keeps you from getting bored. That's the ultimate exercise killer! So include aerobic and strength training workouts in your routine. Your muscles will be glad you did.
2-4. Exercise
It should go without saying that there are bad ways to work out. Every time you get moving you put yourself at risk for injury, so make sure you're doing it right!
First things first, stay hydrated. You should always be sipping water during your workouts. Getting dehydrated can lead to dizziness or headaches during your sweat session (or lack thereof).
Take breaks! It isn't being lazy, it's being healthy. You can't go-go-go forever. After 30 minutes or so of exercise, grab your water bottle and lighten up. Your body needs a second to catch up. You'll be able to go further in the long run.
2-5. Take advantage of opportunities to be active.
Being physically active isn't about pounding the pavement or joining a gym—it's a lifestyle that can be had 24/7. If you can add an extra 10 steps to your day here and there, they add up.
Don't have any ideas? Park a bit farther away from work, the mall entrance, or the grocery store. Ride a bike to work or school. Take the stairs. Walk the dog every day. Take lunch to the park. Bike to work or the local coffee shop. Little opportunities are everywhere.
3. Being Emotionally Healthy
3-1. Think positively
It's amazing how much power our minds have over everything in our lives. A simple positive twist on a situation can turn an obstacle into an opportunity. Not only will you have more gusto for life, but your immune system can also fight off colds and heart disease better! Harvard wouldn't lie.
To start this difficult step, focus on gratitude. When you start thinking about the bad thing swirling around you, stop. Cut it out. Think of two things you're grateful for. Eventually, your mind will notice the pattern and stop the negativity before you have to consciously do it.
3-2. Be satisfied and practice gratitude daily.
This doesn't mean "be content with your life" (well, it does, but give it a sec)—it sort of means "satisfy yourself". If you're on a diet, allow yourself a (small) bit of what you're craving. If watching the Golden Girls for three hours on a Friday night sounds like heaven, do it. Whatever the small things are that make you happy, do them.
Your happiness is invaluable, but so is your health. If you're not healthy, you're not fully happy. It's when we've got our mind and body in top shape that we can attack everything else. If work, family, friends, a relationship, and money are wearing you down, making a small choice like opting for that whole wheat bagel instead of a hot pocket can build the foundation for a long-term difference in your health. Then, when the going gets tough, you'll be ready to take on your challenges with a healthy body, mind, and conscience.
3-3. Think small.
When we concentrate on unattainable goals, we get daunted, frustrated, and lazy. After all, why try to achieve something that will never happen? A healthy mindset has to be in the here and now. It should have concern for the future, sure, but it shouldn't be preoccupied with what hasn't happened yet or won't.
Being emotionally healthy (and happy) is easier to attain when you focus on the steps of your journey as opposed to the destination. If you want to make it on Broadway, focus on getting your next audition. Then focus on becoming equity, then focus on moving, etc. Now will always come before the future—focus on them in order!
3-4. Manage stress
This one is huge. When stress takes over our lives, everything else falls apart. Our homes get cluttered, our minds get cluttered, and our relationships get strained. Take yourself aside for five minutes and think about your stress levels—how are you managing it? What could you do to be more calm and relaxed?
A very healthy way of managing stress is doing yoga. If that doesn't sound appealing, how about meditating? No? Then simply make sure to take ten minutes out of your day to just power down. Sit with yourself and just breathe. Make a point to get centered every day.
When you feel stressed, do breathing exercises or breathe deeply to calm yourself and relax your body. For example, try breathing in for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds, and slowly exhaling for 8 seconds.
3-5. Get outside.
When you spend time outdoors, the fresh air helps boost your mood and helps your stress melt away. Step away from your screens and go spend some time in the sun going for a walk, relaxing at a park, or staying active with a sport. As an added bonus, the sun will help you get some vitamin D that’s important to help your body function.
3-6. Choose your friends wisely
We all know those people that seem to drain us, but yet we're friends with them anyway because they have a nice TV or because, well, we get bored. Unfortunately, for our emotional health, they've got to go. They do us no good and we know it — we just ignore it to maintain consistency and avoid awkward situations. Do your mental health a favor and tear off that band-aid and nurture the strong relationships you already have in your life. In the long-run, you'll be happier.
Not sure how to recognize a toxic friend? How to end a toxic friendship? We've got you covered.
Spending time with your friends can improve your life. Be social as often as possible with the people who enrich your life.
3-7. Be productive
One of the best feelings to easily come by is the feeling of "I got so much done today!" For that moment, you feel virtually unstoppable. Your mom saying "If you put your mind to it, you can do it" is no longer a lie! Now imagine riding that high constantly.
Start by creating a to-do list. A calendar or planner is a good idea, too. And remember: think small. Attack a few small things to get you going. You'll get on a roll before you even realize it.
Incorporate learning into your day so that you're always learning something new. This will help prevent cognitive decline.
3-8. Take a break.
This is similar to the "Be Satisfied" step; you need to do what's right for you sometimes, regardless of what the world seems to be demanding. Without feeling guilty, take that proverbial Kit Kat Bar. Spend a night in. Take a morning off. You'll be twice as energized when you get back to it.
This goes for exercise too. If you do the same thing over and over, your muscles get used to it, you get bored, and you end up plateauing. So instead of pounding the pavement on Wednesday, go hit the pool. You're not being lazy—you're being logical.
3-9. Find emotional balance.
Even if you master every other aspect of health, it won't feel complete if you're suffering from inner turmoil. Everyone needs a pick-me-up sometimes, and there are many small things that you can do to feel better about yourself. If the problem extends deeper, you may need to learn to cope with emotional pain or even depression.
Once you have worked on yourself, you should work on your approach to interpersonal relationships. Learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship and, if necessary, deal with emotional abuse so that you can have a healthy relationship.
3-10. Include the arts in your life, such as music, theater, and visual arts.
Art can improve your enjoyment of life and your health. Listening to or playing music, dancing, participating in theater, and making your own art can improve both your physical and mental health. Express yourself creatively and enjoy the creative expressions of others.
Start a creative hobby or take a class.
Enjoy the arts with friends.
3-11. Travel as much as you can.
Traveling can improve your physical and mental health, as well. It allows you to grow creatively, relax, and experience new things. Traveling keeps you active and lowers your risk of depression.
Traveling is often difficult if you're living on a budget. If this is the case for you, try going on a day trip or a short road trip.
4. Having a Healthy Routine
4-1. Create a daily routine.
A routine can help you stick to your eating, exercising, and stress reduction goals. It also ensures you have time to do the things you want to do, such as hanging out with friends or engaging in a hobby. Create a routine that works for you!
It's okay to have a different routine on certain days if that's what you need to do for your life.
Try out different routines until you find one that works for you.
4-2. Stop engaging in risky behavior.
Taking unnecessary risks is hard on the body and mind. It can also have devastating long-term consequences. Serious or established patterns of risk-taking can also be indicative of deeper psychological problems, in which case you should talk to a healthcare professional who specializes in a relevant field. Start by setting your sights on one or more of the following achievements:
Have Safer Sex
Stop Binge Drinking
Quit Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous
Quit Smoking
Beat Drug Addiction
Things like wearing a helmet when riding a bicycle and wearing your seatbelt when in your car.
These things are easy to do. While they are definitely daunting, they're doable. Often if one of these is accomplished, other things seem much easier and will fall into place.
If you already don't engage in risky behavior, congratulations!
4-3. Exercise several times a week.
We've stressed the "get fit" part already, but now we want to make it a little less ignorable. Your daily/weekly routine needs to include exercise. It will increase your metabolic rate, control your weight, and you'll feel fresh the whole week. Triple win!
Here's something concrete for you: aim for 150 minutes of aerobic activity every week (or 75 minutes of vigorous activity) and strength training twice a week. Even mowing the lawn counts!
4-4. Get a good night's rest
When you sleep, your body produces cells that fight infection, inflammation, and stress—which means that getting too little sleep or poor-quality sleep not only makes you more prone to getting sick, but also increases the time you need to recover from illness. When you sleep well, you can wake up ready to go and be more active all day. Sleeping properly is very important for your health!
On top of that, a study conducted by The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition demonstrated that men who slept for 4 hours consumed 500 more calories than they did after sleeping for 8 hours. If you're looking for an easy diet, here it is!
Try taking 400 mg of a magnesium supplement to help you relax and get a restful night of sleep.
Read How to Sleep Better for tips.
4-5. Learn how to cook.
Cooking your own meals is a wonderful experience as you can try out different recipes while saving money at the same time. What's more, you get to control every little thing that goes into your body. That's really the only way to turn your diet around!
When you cook, avoid using fatty oils and extra add-ons. Stick to olive oil instead of vegetable oil, butter, or margarine, and keep the extra salt and cheese to a minimum. If it doesn't taste good without it, try cooking it differently!
4-6. Maintain your personal hygiene
Wash your hands often, especially after visiting the bathroom at home or using the restrooms in a public place. Germs can spread like wildfire and bring us down in the blink of an eye. And as if it wasn't already clear, taking a shower is a good idea too.
When it comes to your mouth, floss, and brush your teeth and tongue after eating; food particles are often the cause of bad breath and gum disease. Visit your dentist regularly for cleanings and to catch any problems before they become serious.
4-7. Bolster your immune system.
Maintaining healthy habits and a high level of energy is difficult for anyone who constantly battles fatigue, colds, infections, or any other effects of a weakened immune system. Read How to Develop a Strong Immune System for more information.
If you can help it, try to get all your necessary vitamins and minerals from your diet. If you can't naturally, supplements should only be used as a secondary measure. And of course, talk to your doctor before you undergo any significant changes.
Tips
Educate yourself. Every day is an opportunity to gain a little more knowledge.
Don't get stressed.
Increase your intake of antioxidants to fight the free radicals that have been linked to cancer, heart disease, atherosclerosis, among other diseases.
Warnings
Incorporate a new routine slowly. You don't want to send a shock to your system. If you're undergoing a new exercise and eating regimen, consult your doctor.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:01",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Having a Healthy Diet\\n1-1. Drink more water\\nAdults should drink 2–3 liters (0.53–0.79 US gal) (or roughly eight 8 oz glasses) of water per day, while children should drink 1–2 liters (0.26–0.53 US gal) (or roughly five 8 oz glasses). That is in addition to other drinks like tea or coffee. Water keeps bodies at the correct temperature and removes toxins and maintains homeostasis.\\nWater also clears your skin, helps your kidneys, helps to control your appetite, and keeps you energized.\\nIt also keeps you from drinking unhealthy beverages like soda and juice, which are high in calories. The body barely registers the intake of these unhealthy drinks and yet you still feel thirsty hundreds of calories later.\\nDrinking hot water (aka tea) can help stimulate your digestive system. Hot water also helps your body naturally detoxify itself. Make sure the water is comfortably hot and won't burn you.\\n1-2. Eat breakfast\\nA light, healthy breakfast is sufficient enough to reap the benefits of eating early. If it's comprised of lean protein and whole grains, then it will keep you from gorging at lunch. Research shows that breakfast-skippers actually eat more! So, to curb your appetite, don't skip the first meal of the day.\\nInstead of two chocolate doughnuts and a coffee that's more cream than anything else, opt for eggs, fruit, and for a beverage like skimmed milk, fresh orange juice, or tea. The healthier and filling your breakfast is, the more energized you'll feel throughout the day.\\n1-3. Eat well\\nIf half of your plate is vegetables and fruit, you're on the right track. Add in lean protein, low-fat dairy, and whole grains. Once a steady eating pattern has been established, your body will feel more comfortable. There may be a period of time when your body is wondering where the sugary foods went, but once you're over the hump, you'll feel better than ever.\\nRemember that not all fats are bad for you. Good fats can be found in fish like salmon and tuna, avocados, nuts, and olive oil. These are essential to a well-balanced diet.\\nMake an effort to eat regularly timed meals throughout your day. However, avoid grazing all day.\\n1-4. Eat at the right times.\\nA good time for a healthy, easy-to-digest evening meal is between 17:00 and 20:00 (5:00 pm and 8:00 pm); it's best to avoid late-night snacks because they fill you with unnecessary calories and can disrupt your sleep. If you do need that midnight snack, stick to unsalted nuts, seeds, fruits, and veggies.\\nTry not to eat 3 to 4 hours before you go to bed if you find that eating at night is causing you trouble sleeping.\\nSnacking isn't bad for you if you do it right. In fact, eating \\\"constantly\\\" can keep you from feeling deprived and going for that third piece of cheesecake when the cart rolls around. Just make sure it's all in moderation.\\n1-5. Consider going meatless\\nBeing vegetarian is a good way to reduce your calorie intake and get loads of vitamins and minerals. It can also improve your cardiovascular health. If you don't want to go fully vegetarian, you can improve your health by eating less meat. Choose a few days a week to go vegetarian, and switch out red meat for chicken, turkey, and fish.\\nWhen you eat a vegetarian diet, base your meals around non-starchy vegetables rather than grains like pasta or rice. When you do eat grains, choose whole grains. Eat protein at every meal, such as eggs, low-fat dairy, beans, legumes, nuts, seeds, tofu, or other meat replacements.\\nFor example, you might eat scrambled egg whites with tomatoes and spinach in a whole grain tortilla for breakfast, black bean soup with a small side salad for lunch, Greek yogurt for a snack, and vegetable lasagna for dinner.\\nA high-fiber diet is easily had without meat. Fiber has been shown to lower your cholesterol, control your blood sugar levels, improve your bowel health, and make you less likely to overeat. The recommended fiber intake is 30g a day for men and 21g for women; after the age of 50, this jumps up to 38g for men and 25g for women. Some good sources of fiber include fruits and vegetables (with the skin), whole grains, and legumes.\\n1-6. Limit or completely eliminate simple sugars in your diet.\\nWhile carbohydrates are an important part of your diet, simple sugar can be harmful to your health. It provides a quick energy spike that then bottoms out, causing you to feel hungry faster. Simple sugars, except for fruit, are also high-calorie and lacking in nutrients. It's best to avoid sweets and added sugar, but you can include them in moderation.\\nFruits are technically simple sugars but can still be a healthy part of your diet. They're full of vitamins and nutrients. Whenever possible, eat your fruits with the skin.\\n1-7. Eat food when they’re in season.\\nSome studies have found that fruits and vegetables carry more nutrients when they’re grown and harvested in their primary growing season. As the seasons change, adjust your diet to include foods that are grown at that time of year to ensure you’re having the most nutritious meals.\\n1-8. Read food labels to make the healthiest choices.\\nProcessed foods get a bad rap, and often for good reason. However, you've got to choose your battles. That frozen bag of broccoli isn't nearly as bad as that boxed mac and cheese. In short, avoid processed foods when you can — but if you can't, read the labels and watch for added bad stuff: salt, sugar, and fat.\\nFood that stays on the shelves often has added sodium, words that end in -ose, and trans and saturated fats in the ingredient list. If you see these on the label (especially if they're in high amounts), avoid them. You can find a healthier alternative elsewhere. It's not worth it.\\nJust because it says it has no trans fat doesn't actually mean it has no trans fat. Negligible amounts can be legally ignored — so if you see hydrogenated vegetable oil on the list, you've found one of the masked culprits.\\n1-9. Talk to your doctor about incorporating supplements into your diet.\\nSupplements can make sure you get all of the vitamins and nutrients you need. Take your supplements with a meal to help them absorb better. You might choose to take a multivitamin every day, or you can supplement particular nutrients that may be low for you, such as calcium, vitamin D, or vitamin B12.\\nDon't start taking any supplements without first talking to your doctor, especially if you're taking medications.\\nKeep in mind that taking supplements is not a replacement for a healthy diet.\\n1-10. Use intermittent fasting to control calories and boost endurance.\\nIntermittent fasting means going without food for 12-16 hours at a time. You may do this every day or on certain days of the week. This can help you burn your fat as a source of energy and improve your energy endurance. It may also help you manage your calorie intake.\\nFor example, you may eat your last meal of the day at 8 PM, fast for 14–16 hours overnight, and enjoy your next meal between 10 AM and noon the next day.\\nAs another option, you might eat normally on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday but restrict on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.\\nThis diet is not right for everyone, especially people who have diabetes or hypoglycemia. Talk to your doctor before starting any new diet plans.\\nThere are many different apps you can download, such as Zero, to track your progress, journal about your experiences, and join a community of other people who are also intermittent fasting.\\n2. Having a Healthy Exercise Plan\\n2-1. Get in shape\\nIn addition to helping you lose weight and gain confidence, exercising has a host of other benefits for your body and mind. Having good cardiovascular health has been linked to a decreased risk of Alzheimer's, just to name one. So hit the pool for a swim, the pavement for a walk or jog, or the park for a hike as often as you can. \\nExercising boosts your immune system too; even a change as minor as walking briskly for 20-30 minutes a day, five days a week can improve your immune system by increasing both your antibody and T-killer cell response.\\nExercising is also one of the absolute best ways to sleep better at night—which can help you lose weight by keeping you from overeating. Read How to Get Fit for more details.\\n2-2. Maintain a healthy weight.\\nOur physical frames vary in size and weight. An individual with a large frame can carry a little more weight while a person with a light frame will be able to carry less.\\nBeing underweight isn't a good thing either! Do not use any form of crash diet. There is no magic bullet for weight loss—and even if there were, starving your body of vital nutrients wouldn't be it. A slow change in your eating habits is much safer and the long-term benefits for your physical health are greater.\\nIf you don't want to go on a diet, read How to Lose Weight Just by Exercising. Just remember that only serious athletes are able to burn off enough calories to be able to enjoy massive indulgences—and even so, they tend not to because it's hard on the body. Even if you do consume more calories than are recommended for you, be sure that they are nutritious; your heart, brain, muscles, bones, organs, and blood can't run forever on empty calories.\\n2-3. Cross train\\nJust because you can run 5 miles (8.0 km) without stopping doesn't mean you're healthy—the same goes for lifting weights the size of a small car. If you only do one activity, you're only using one set of muscles. You'll be shocked when you go swimming or do core workouts that you can't keep up!\\nWhat's the answer? Cross-training. Not only does doing several different activities work all your muscles (which can help prevent injury), it also keeps you from getting bored. That's the ultimate exercise killer! So include aerobic and strength training workouts in your routine. Your muscles will be glad you did.\\n2-4. Exercise\\nIt should go without saying that there are bad ways to work out. Every time you get moving you put yourself at risk for injury, so make sure you're doing it right!\\nFirst things first, stay hydrated. You should always be sipping water during your workouts. Getting dehydrated can lead to dizziness or headaches during your sweat session (or lack thereof).\\nTake breaks! It isn't being lazy, it's being healthy. You can't go-go-go forever. After 30 minutes or so of exercise, grab your water bottle and lighten up. Your body needs a second to catch up. You'll be able to go further in the long run.\\n2-5. Take advantage of opportunities to be active.\\nBeing physically active isn't about pounding the pavement or joining a gym—it's a lifestyle that can be had 24/7. If you can add an extra 10 steps to your day here and there, they add up.\\nDon't have any ideas? Park a bit farther away from work, the mall entrance, or the grocery store. Ride a bike to work or school. Take the stairs. Walk the dog every day. Take lunch to the park. Bike to work or the local coffee shop. Little opportunities are everywhere.\\n3. Being Emotionally Healthy\\n3-1. Think positively\\nIt's amazing how much power our minds have over everything in our lives. A simple positive twist on a situation can turn an obstacle into an opportunity. Not only will you have more gusto for life, but your immune system can also fight off colds and heart disease better! Harvard wouldn't lie.\\nTo start this difficult step, focus on gratitude. When you start thinking about the bad thing swirling around you, stop. Cut it out. Think of two things you're grateful for. Eventually, your mind will notice the pattern and stop the negativity before you have to consciously do it.\\n3-2. Be satisfied and practice gratitude daily.\\nThis doesn't mean \\\"be content with your life\\\" (well, it does, but give it a sec)—it sort of means \\\"satisfy yourself\\\". If you're on a diet, allow yourself a (small) bit of what you're craving. If watching the Golden Girls for three hours on a Friday night sounds like heaven, do it. Whatever the small things are that make you happy, do them.\\nYour happiness is invaluable, but so is your health. If you're not healthy, you're not fully happy. It's when we've got our mind and body in top shape that we can attack everything else. If work, family, friends, a relationship, and money are wearing you down, making a small choice like opting for that whole wheat bagel instead of a hot pocket can build the foundation for a long-term difference in your health. Then, when the going gets tough, you'll be ready to take on your challenges with a healthy body, mind, and conscience.\\n3-3. Think small.\\nWhen we concentrate on unattainable goals, we get daunted, frustrated, and lazy. After all, why try to achieve something that will never happen? A healthy mindset has to be in the here and now. It should have concern for the future, sure, but it shouldn't be preoccupied with what hasn't happened yet or won't.\\nBeing emotionally healthy (and happy) is easier to attain when you focus on the steps of your journey as opposed to the destination. If you want to make it on Broadway, focus on getting your next audition. Then focus on becoming equity, then focus on moving, etc. Now will always come before the future—focus on them in order!\\n3-4. Manage stress\\nThis one is huge. When stress takes over our lives, everything else falls apart. Our homes get cluttered, our minds get cluttered, and our relationships get strained. Take yourself aside for five minutes and think about your stress levels—how are you managing it? What could you do to be more calm and relaxed?\\nA very healthy way of managing stress is doing yoga. If that doesn't sound appealing, how about meditating? No? Then simply make sure to take ten minutes out of your day to just power down. Sit with yourself and just breathe. Make a point to get centered every day.\\nWhen you feel stressed, do breathing exercises or breathe deeply to calm yourself and relax your body. For example, try breathing in for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds, and slowly exhaling for 8 seconds.\\n3-5. Get outside.\\nWhen you spend time outdoors, the fresh air helps boost your mood and helps your stress melt away. Step away from your screens and go spend some time in the sun going for a walk, relaxing at a park, or staying active with a sport. As an added bonus, the sun will help you get some vitamin D that’s important to help your body function.\\n3-6. Choose your friends wisely\\nWe all know those people that seem to drain us, but yet we're friends with them anyway because they have a nice TV or because, well, we get bored. Unfortunately, for our emotional health, they've got to go. They do us no good and we know it — we just ignore it to maintain consistency and avoid awkward situations. Do your mental health a favor and tear off that band-aid and nurture the strong relationships you already have in your life. In the long-run, you'll be happier.\\nNot sure how to recognize a toxic friend? How to end a toxic friendship? We've got you covered.\\nSpending time with your friends can improve your life. Be social as often as possible with the people who enrich your life.\\n3-7. Be productive\\nOne of the best feelings to easily come by is the feeling of \\\"I got so much done today!\\\" For that moment, you feel virtually unstoppable. Your mom saying \\\"If you put your mind to it, you can do it\\\" is no longer a lie! Now imagine riding that high constantly.\\nStart by creating a to-do list. A calendar or planner is a good idea, too. And remember: think small. Attack a few small things to get you going. You'll get on a roll before you even realize it.\\nIncorporate learning into your day so that you're always learning something new. This will help prevent cognitive decline.\\n3-8. Take a break.\\nThis is similar to the \\\"Be Satisfied\\\" step; you need to do what's right for you sometimes, regardless of what the world seems to be demanding. Without feeling guilty, take that proverbial Kit Kat Bar. Spend a night in. Take a morning off. You'll be twice as energized when you get back to it.\\nThis goes for exercise too. If you do the same thing over and over, your muscles get used to it, you get bored, and you end up plateauing. So instead of pounding the pavement on Wednesday, go hit the pool. You're not being lazy—you're being logical.\\n3-9. Find emotional balance.\\nEven if you master every other aspect of health, it won't feel complete if you're suffering from inner turmoil. Everyone needs a pick-me-up sometimes, and there are many small things that you can do to feel better about yourself. If the problem extends deeper, you may need to learn to cope with emotional pain or even depression.\\nOnce you have worked on yourself, you should work on your approach to interpersonal relationships. Learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship and, if necessary, deal with emotional abuse so that you can have a healthy relationship.\\n3-10. Include the arts in your life, such as music, theater, and visual arts.\\nArt can improve your enjoyment of life and your health. Listening to or playing music, dancing, participating in theater, and making your own art can improve both your physical and mental health. Express yourself creatively and enjoy the creative expressions of others.\\nStart a creative hobby or take a class.\\nEnjoy the arts with friends.\\n3-11. Travel as much as you can.\\nTraveling can improve your physical and mental health, as well. It allows you to grow creatively, relax, and experience new things. Traveling keeps you active and lowers your risk of depression.\\nTraveling is often difficult if you're living on a budget. If this is the case for you, try going on a day trip or a short road trip.\\n4. Having a Healthy Routine\\n4-1. Create a daily routine.\\nA routine can help you stick to your eating, exercising, and stress reduction goals. It also ensures you have time to do the things you want to do, such as hanging out with friends or engaging in a hobby. Create a routine that works for you!\\nIt's okay to have a different routine on certain days if that's what you need to do for your life.\\nTry out different routines until you find one that works for you.\\n4-2. Stop engaging in risky behavior.\\nTaking unnecessary risks is hard on the body and mind. It can also have devastating long-term consequences. Serious or established patterns of risk-taking can also be indicative of deeper psychological problems, in which case you should talk to a healthcare professional who specializes in a relevant field. Start by setting your sights on one or more of the following achievements:\\nHave Safer Sex\\nStop Binge Drinking\\nQuit Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous\\nQuit Smoking\\nBeat Drug Addiction\\nThings like wearing a helmet when riding a bicycle and wearing your seatbelt when in your car.\\nThese things are easy to do. While they are definitely daunting, they're doable. Often if one of these is accomplished, other things seem much easier and will fall into place.\\nIf you already don't engage in risky behavior, congratulations!\\n4-3. Exercise several times a week.\\nWe've stressed the \\\"get fit\\\" part already, but now we want to make it a little less ignorable. Your daily/weekly routine needs to include exercise. It will increase your metabolic rate, control your weight, and you'll feel fresh the whole week. Triple win!\\nHere's something concrete for you: aim for 150 minutes of aerobic activity every week (or 75 minutes of vigorous activity) and strength training twice a week. Even mowing the lawn counts!\\n4-4. Get a good night's rest\\nWhen you sleep, your body produces cells that fight infection, inflammation, and stress—which means that getting too little sleep or poor-quality sleep not only makes you more prone to getting sick, but also increases the time you need to recover from illness. When you sleep well, you can wake up ready to go and be more active all day. Sleeping properly is very important for your health! \\nOn top of that, a study conducted by The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition demonstrated that men who slept for 4 hours consumed 500 more calories than they did after sleeping for 8 hours. If you're looking for an easy diet, here it is!\\nTry taking 400 mg of a magnesium supplement to help you relax and get a restful night of sleep.\\nRead How to Sleep Better for tips.\\n4-5. Learn how to cook.\\nCooking your own meals is a wonderful experience as you can try out different recipes while saving money at the same time. What's more, you get to control every little thing that goes into your body. That's really the only way to turn your diet around!\\nWhen you cook, avoid using fatty oils and extra add-ons. Stick to olive oil instead of vegetable oil, butter, or margarine, and keep the extra salt and cheese to a minimum. If it doesn't taste good without it, try cooking it differently!\\n4-6. Maintain your personal hygiene\\nWash your hands often, especially after visiting the bathroom at home or using the restrooms in a public place. Germs can spread like wildfire and bring us down in the blink of an eye. And as if it wasn't already clear, taking a shower is a good idea too.\\nWhen it comes to your mouth, floss, and brush your teeth and tongue after eating; food particles are often the cause of bad breath and gum disease. Visit your dentist regularly for cleanings and to catch any problems before they become serious.\\n4-7. Bolster your immune system.\\nMaintaining healthy habits and a high level of energy is difficult for anyone who constantly battles fatigue, colds, infections, or any other effects of a weakened immune system. Read How to Develop a Strong Immune System for more information.\\nIf you can help it, try to get all your necessary vitamins and minerals from your diet. If you can't naturally, supplements should only be used as a secondary measure. And of course, talk to your doctor before you undergo any significant changes.\\nTips\\nEducate yourself. Every day is an opportunity to gain a little more knowledge.\\nDon't get stressed.\\nIncrease your intake of antioxidants to fight the free radicals that have been linked to cancer, heart disease, atherosclerosis, among other diseases.\\nWarnings\\nIncorporate a new routine slowly. You don't want to send a shock to your system. If you're undergoing a new exercise and eating regimen, consult your doctor.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Many people think that being healthy is a difficult task that involves lots of dieting and time at the gym, but that's not actually true! By supporting your body and mind, making some simple tweaks to your routine, and setting small goals for yourself, you can be on the path toward living a healthier, happier life. Start a daily habit of making healthier choices when it comes to eating, relaxing, being active, and sleeping. Soon, you'll start to see your healthy life taking shape!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Having a Healthy Diet\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Drink more water\", \"描述\": \"Adults should drink 2–3 liters (0.53–0.79 US gal) (or roughly eight 8 oz glasses) of water per day, while children should drink 1–2 liters (0.26–0.53 US gal) (or roughly five 8 oz glasses). That is in addition to other drinks like tea or coffee. Water keeps bodies at the correct temperature and removes toxins and maintains homeostasis.\\nWater also clears your skin, helps your kidneys, helps to control your appetite, and keeps you energized.\\nIt also keeps you from drinking unhealthy beverages like soda and juice, which are high in calories. The body barely registers the intake of these unhealthy drinks and yet you still feel thirsty hundreds of calories later.\\nDrinking hot water (aka tea) can help stimulate your digestive system. Hot water also helps your body naturally detoxify itself. Make sure the water is comfortably hot and won't burn you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eat breakfast\", \"描述\": \"A light, healthy breakfast is sufficient enough to reap the benefits of eating early. If it's comprised of lean protein and whole grains, then it will keep you from gorging at lunch. Research shows that breakfast-skippers actually eat more! So, to curb your appetite, don't skip the first meal of the day.\\nInstead of two chocolate doughnuts and a coffee that's more cream than anything else, opt for eggs, fruit, and for a beverage like skimmed milk, fresh orange juice, or tea. The healthier and filling your breakfast is, the more energized you'll feel throughout the day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Eat well\", \"描述\": \"If half of your plate is vegetables and fruit, you're on the right track. Add in lean protein, low-fat dairy, and whole grains. Once a steady eating pattern has been established, your body will feel more comfortable. There may be a period of time when your body is wondering where the sugary foods went, but once you're over the hump, you'll feel better than ever.\\nRemember that not all fats are bad for you. Good fats can be found in fish like salmon and tuna, avocados, nuts, and olive oil. These are essential to a well-balanced diet.\\nMake an effort to eat regularly timed meals throughout your day. However, avoid grazing all day.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Eat at the right times.\", \"描述\": \"A good time for a healthy, easy-to-digest evening meal is between 17:00 and 20:00 (5:00 pm and 8:00 pm); it's best to avoid late-night snacks because they fill you with unnecessary calories and can disrupt your sleep. If you do need that midnight snack, stick to unsalted nuts, seeds, fruits, and veggies.\\nTry not to eat 3 to 4 hours before you go to bed if you find that eating at night is causing you trouble sleeping.\\nSnacking isn't bad for you if you do it right. In fact, eating \\\"constantly\\\" can keep you from feeling deprived and going for that third piece of cheesecake when the cart rolls around. Just make sure it's all in moderation.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Consider going meatless\", \"描述\": \"Being vegetarian is a good way to reduce your calorie intake and get loads of vitamins and minerals. It can also improve your cardiovascular health. If you don't want to go fully vegetarian, you can improve your health by eating less meat. Choose a few days a week to go vegetarian, and switch out red meat for chicken, turkey, and fish.\\nWhen you eat a vegetarian diet, base your meals around non-starchy vegetables rather than grains like pasta or rice. When you do eat grains, choose whole grains. Eat protein at every meal, such as eggs, low-fat dairy, beans, legumes, nuts, seeds, tofu, or other meat replacements.\\nFor example, you might eat scrambled egg whites with tomatoes and spinach in a whole grain tortilla for breakfast, black bean soup with a small side salad for lunch, Greek yogurt for a snack, and vegetable lasagna for dinner.\\nA high-fiber diet is easily had without meat. Fiber has been shown to lower your cholesterol, control your blood sugar levels, improve your bowel health, and make you less likely to overeat. The recommended fiber intake is 30g a day for men and 21g for women; after the age of 50, this jumps up to 38g for men and 25g for women. Some good sources of fiber include fruits and vegetables (with the skin), whole grains, and legumes.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Limit or completely eliminate simple sugars in your diet.\", \"描述\": \"While carbohydrates are an important part of your diet, simple sugar can be harmful to your health. It provides a quick energy spike that then bottoms out, causing you to feel hungry faster. Simple sugars, except for fruit, are also high-calorie and lacking in nutrients. It's best to avoid sweets and added sugar, but you can include them in moderation.\\nFruits are technically simple sugars but can still be a healthy part of your diet. They're full of vitamins and nutrients. Whenever possible, eat your fruits with the skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Eat food when they’re in season.\", \"描述\": \"Some studies have found that fruits and vegetables carry more nutrients when they’re grown and harvested in their primary growing season. As the seasons change, adjust your diet to include foods that are grown at that time of year to ensure you’re having the most nutritious meals.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Read food labels to make the healthiest choices.\", \"描述\": \"Processed foods get a bad rap, and often for good reason. However, you've got to choose your battles. That frozen bag of broccoli isn't nearly as bad as that boxed mac and cheese. In short, avoid processed foods when you can — but if you can't, read the labels and watch for added bad stuff: salt, sugar, and fat.\\nFood that stays on the shelves often has added sodium, words that end in -ose, and trans and saturated fats in the ingredient list. If you see these on the label (especially if they're in high amounts), avoid them. You can find a healthier alternative elsewhere. It's not worth it.\\nJust because it says it has no trans fat doesn't actually mean it has no trans fat. Negligible amounts can be legally ignored — so if you see hydrogenated vegetable oil on the list, you've found one of the masked culprits.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Talk to your doctor about incorporating supplements into your diet.\", \"描述\": \"Supplements can make sure you get all of the vitamins and nutrients you need. Take your supplements with a meal to help them absorb better. You might choose to take a multivitamin every day, or you can supplement particular nutrients that may be low for you, such as calcium, vitamin D, or vitamin B12.\\nDon't start taking any supplements without first talking to your doctor, especially if you're taking medications.\\nKeep in mind that taking supplements is not a replacement for a healthy diet.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Use intermittent fasting to control calories and boost endurance.\", \"描述\": \"Intermittent fasting means going without food for 12-16 hours at a time. You may do this every day or on certain days of the week. This can help you burn your fat as a source of energy and improve your energy endurance. It may also help you manage your calorie intake.\\nFor example, you may eat your last meal of the day at 8 PM, fast for 14–16 hours overnight, and enjoy your next meal between 10 AM and noon the next day.\\nAs another option, you might eat normally on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday but restrict on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.\\nThis diet is not right for everyone, especially people who have diabetes or hypoglycemia. Talk to your doctor before starting any new diet plans.\\nThere are many different apps you can download, such as Zero, to track your progress, journal about your experiences, and join a community of other people who are also intermittent fasting.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Having a Healthy Exercise Plan\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get in shape\", \"描述\": \"In addition to helping you lose weight and gain confidence, exercising has a host of other benefits for your body and mind. Having good cardiovascular health has been linked to a decreased risk of Alzheimer's, just to name one. So hit the pool for a swim, the pavement for a walk or jog, or the park for a hike as often as you can. \\nExercising boosts your immune system too; even a change as minor as walking briskly for 20-30 minutes a day, five days a week can improve your immune system by increasing both your antibody and T-killer cell response.\\nExercising is also one of the absolute best ways to sleep better at night—which can help you lose weight by keeping you from overeating. Read How to Get Fit for more details.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintain a healthy weight.\", \"描述\": \"Our physical frames vary in size and weight. An individual with a large frame can carry a little more weight while a person with a light frame will be able to carry less.\\nBeing underweight isn't a good thing either! Do not use any form of crash diet. There is no magic bullet for weight loss—and even if there were, starving your body of vital nutrients wouldn't be it. A slow change in your eating habits is much safer and the long-term benefits for your physical health are greater.\\nIf you don't want to go on a diet, read How to Lose Weight Just by Exercising. Just remember that only serious athletes are able to burn off enough calories to be able to enjoy massive indulgences—and even so, they tend not to because it's hard on the body. Even if you do consume more calories than are recommended for you, be sure that they are nutritious; your heart, brain, muscles, bones, organs, and blood can't run forever on empty calories.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Cross train\", \"描述\": \"Just because you can run 5 miles (8.0 km) without stopping doesn't mean you're healthy—the same goes for lifting weights the size of a small car. If you only do one activity, you're only using one set of muscles. You'll be shocked when you go swimming or do core workouts that you can't keep up!\\nWhat's the answer? Cross-training. Not only does doing several different activities work all your muscles (which can help prevent injury), it also keeps you from getting bored. That's the ultimate exercise killer! So include aerobic and strength training workouts in your routine. Your muscles will be glad you did.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Exercise\", \"描述\": \"It should go without saying that there are bad ways to work out. Every time you get moving you put yourself at risk for injury, so make sure you're doing it right!\\nFirst things first, stay hydrated. You should always be sipping water during your workouts. Getting dehydrated can lead to dizziness or headaches during your sweat session (or lack thereof).\\nTake breaks! It isn't being lazy, it's being healthy. You can't go-go-go forever. After 30 minutes or so of exercise, grab your water bottle and lighten up. Your body needs a second to catch up. You'll be able to go further in the long run.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take advantage of opportunities to be active.\", \"描述\": \"Being physically active isn't about pounding the pavement or joining a gym—it's a lifestyle that can be had 24/7. If you can add an extra 10 steps to your day here and there, they add up.\\nDon't have any ideas? Park a bit farther away from work, the mall entrance, or the grocery store. Ride a bike to work or school. Take the stairs. Walk the dog every day. Take lunch to the park. Bike to work or the local coffee shop. Little opportunities are everywhere.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Emotionally Healthy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think positively\", \"描述\": \"It's amazing how much power our minds have over everything in our lives. A simple positive twist on a situation can turn an obstacle into an opportunity. Not only will you have more gusto for life, but your immune system can also fight off colds and heart disease better! Harvard wouldn't lie.\\nTo start this difficult step, focus on gratitude. When you start thinking about the bad thing swirling around you, stop. Cut it out. Think of two things you're grateful for. Eventually, your mind will notice the pattern and stop the negativity before you have to consciously do it.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be satisfied and practice gratitude daily.\", \"描述\": \"This doesn't mean \\\"be content with your life\\\" (well, it does, but give it a sec)—it sort of means \\\"satisfy yourself\\\". If you're on a diet, allow yourself a (small) bit of what you're craving. If watching the Golden Girls for three hours on a Friday night sounds like heaven, do it. Whatever the small things are that make you happy, do them.\\nYour happiness is invaluable, but so is your health. If you're not healthy, you're not fully happy. It's when we've got our mind and body in top shape that we can attack everything else. If work, family, friends, a relationship, and money are wearing you down, making a small choice like opting for that whole wheat bagel instead of a hot pocket can build the foundation for a long-term difference in your health. Then, when the going gets tough, you'll be ready to take on your challenges with a healthy body, mind, and conscience.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Think small.\", \"描述\": \"When we concentrate on unattainable goals, we get daunted, frustrated, and lazy. After all, why try to achieve something that will never happen? A healthy mindset has to be in the here and now. It should have concern for the future, sure, but it shouldn't be preoccupied with what hasn't happened yet or won't.\\nBeing emotionally healthy (and happy) is easier to attain when you focus on the steps of your journey as opposed to the destination. If you want to make it on Broadway, focus on getting your next audition. Then focus on becoming equity, then focus on moving, etc. Now will always come before the future—focus on them in order!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Manage stress\", \"描述\": \"This one is huge. When stress takes over our lives, everything else falls apart. Our homes get cluttered, our minds get cluttered, and our relationships get strained. Take yourself aside for five minutes and think about your stress levels—how are you managing it? What could you do to be more calm and relaxed?\\nA very healthy way of managing stress is doing yoga. If that doesn't sound appealing, how about meditating? No? Then simply make sure to take ten minutes out of your day to just power down. Sit with yourself and just breathe. Make a point to get centered every day.\\nWhen you feel stressed, do breathing exercises or breathe deeply to calm yourself and relax your body. For example, try breathing in for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds, and slowly exhaling for 8 seconds.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get outside.\", \"描述\": \"When you spend time outdoors, the fresh air helps boost your mood and helps your stress melt away. Step away from your screens and go spend some time in the sun going for a walk, relaxing at a park, or staying active with a sport. As an added bonus, the sun will help you get some vitamin D that’s important to help your body function.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Choose your friends wisely\", \"描述\": \"We all know those people that seem to drain us, but yet we're friends with them anyway because they have a nice TV or because, well, we get bored. Unfortunately, for our emotional health, they've got to go. They do us no good and we know it — we just ignore it to maintain consistency and avoid awkward situations. Do your mental health a favor and tear off that band-aid and nurture the strong relationships you already have in your life. In the long-run, you'll be happier.\\nNot sure how to recognize a toxic friend? How to end a toxic friendship? We've got you covered.\\nSpending time with your friends can improve your life. Be social as often as possible with the people who enrich your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be productive\", \"描述\": \"One of the best feelings to easily come by is the feeling of \\\"I got so much done today!\\\" For that moment, you feel virtually unstoppable. Your mom saying \\\"If you put your mind to it, you can do it\\\" is no longer a lie! Now imagine riding that high constantly.\\nStart by creating a to-do list. A calendar or planner is a good idea, too. And remember: think small. Attack a few small things to get you going. You'll get on a roll before you even realize it.\\nIncorporate learning into your day so that you're always learning something new. This will help prevent cognitive decline.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Take a break.\", \"描述\": \"This is similar to the \\\"Be Satisfied\\\" step; you need to do what's right for you sometimes, regardless of what the world seems to be demanding. Without feeling guilty, take that proverbial Kit Kat Bar. Spend a night in. Take a morning off. You'll be twice as energized when you get back to it.\\nThis goes for exercise too. If you do the same thing over and over, your muscles get used to it, you get bored, and you end up plateauing. So instead of pounding the pavement on Wednesday, go hit the pool. You're not being lazy—you're being logical.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Find emotional balance.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you master every other aspect of health, it won't feel complete if you're suffering from inner turmoil. Everyone needs a pick-me-up sometimes, and there are many small things that you can do to feel better about yourself. If the problem extends deeper, you may need to learn to cope with emotional pain or even depression.\\nOnce you have worked on yourself, you should work on your approach to interpersonal relationships. Learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship and, if necessary, deal with emotional abuse so that you can have a healthy relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Include the arts in your life, such as music, theater, and visual arts.\", \"描述\": \"Art can improve your enjoyment of life and your health. Listening to or playing music, dancing, participating in theater, and making your own art can improve both your physical and mental health. Express yourself creatively and enjoy the creative expressions of others.\\nStart a creative hobby or take a class.\\nEnjoy the arts with friends.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Travel as much as you can.\", \"描述\": \"Traveling can improve your physical and mental health, as well. It allows you to grow creatively, relax, and experience new things. Traveling keeps you active and lowers your risk of depression.\\nTraveling is often difficult if you're living on a budget. If this is the case for you, try going on a day trip or a short road trip.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Having a Healthy Routine\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Create a daily routine.\", \"描述\": \"A routine can help you stick to your eating, exercising, and stress reduction goals. It also ensures you have time to do the things you want to do, such as hanging out with friends or engaging in a hobby. Create a routine that works for you!\\nIt's okay to have a different routine on certain days if that's what you need to do for your life.\\nTry out different routines until you find one that works for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stop engaging in risky behavior.\", \"描述\": \"Taking unnecessary risks is hard on the body and mind. It can also have devastating long-term consequences. Serious or established patterns of risk-taking can also be indicative of deeper psychological problems, in which case you should talk to a healthcare professional who specializes in a relevant field. Start by setting your sights on one or more of the following achievements:\\nHave Safer Sex\\nStop Binge Drinking\\nQuit Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous\\nQuit Smoking\\nBeat Drug Addiction\\nThings like wearing a helmet when riding a bicycle and wearing your seatbelt when in your car.\\nThese things are easy to do. While they are definitely daunting, they're doable. Often if one of these is accomplished, other things seem much easier and will fall into place.\\nIf you already don't engage in risky behavior, congratulations!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Exercise several times a week.\", \"描述\": \"We've stressed the \\\"get fit\\\" part already, but now we want to make it a little less ignorable. Your daily/weekly routine needs to include exercise. It will increase your metabolic rate, control your weight, and you'll feel fresh the whole week. Triple win!\\nHere's something concrete for you: aim for 150 minutes of aerobic activity every week (or 75 minutes of vigorous activity) and strength training twice a week. Even mowing the lawn counts!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get a good night's rest\", \"描述\": \"When you sleep, your body produces cells that fight infection, inflammation, and stress—which means that getting too little sleep or poor-quality sleep not only makes you more prone to getting sick, but also increases the time you need to recover from illness. When you sleep well, you can wake up ready to go and be more active all day. Sleeping properly is very important for your health! \\nOn top of that, a study conducted by The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition demonstrated that men who slept for 4 hours consumed 500 more calories than they did after sleeping for 8 hours. If you're looking for an easy diet, here it is!\\nTry taking 400 mg of a magnesium supplement to help you relax and get a restful night of sleep.\\nRead How to Sleep Better for tips.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn how to cook.\", \"描述\": \"Cooking your own meals is a wonderful experience as you can try out different recipes while saving money at the same time. What's more, you get to control every little thing that goes into your body. That's really the only way to turn your diet around!\\nWhen you cook, avoid using fatty oils and extra add-ons. Stick to olive oil instead of vegetable oil, butter, or margarine, and keep the extra salt and cheese to a minimum. If it doesn't taste good without it, try cooking it differently!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Maintain your personal hygiene\", \"描述\": \"Wash your hands often, especially after visiting the bathroom at home or using the restrooms in a public place. Germs can spread like wildfire and bring us down in the blink of an eye. And as if it wasn't already clear, taking a shower is a good idea too.\\nWhen it comes to your mouth, floss, and brush your teeth and tongue after eating; food particles are often the cause of bad breath and gum disease. Visit your dentist regularly for cleanings and to catch any problems before they become serious.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Bolster your immune system.\", \"描述\": \"Maintaining healthy habits and a high level of energy is difficult for anyone who constantly battles fatigue, colds, infections, or any other effects of a weakened immune system. Read How to Develop a Strong Immune System for more information.\\nIf you can help it, try to get all your necessary vitamins and minerals from your diet. If you can't naturally, supplements should only be used as a secondary measure. And of course, talk to your doctor before you undergo any significant changes.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Educate yourself. Every day is an opportunity to gain a little more knowledge.\\n\", \"Don't get stressed.\\n\", \"Increase your intake of antioxidants to fight the free radicals that have been linked to cancer, heart disease, atherosclerosis, among other diseases.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Incorporate a new routine slowly. You don't want to send a shock to your system. If you're undergoing a new exercise and eating regimen, consult your doctor.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,823 | How to Be Healthy and Happy | 1. Creating the Right Mindset
1-1. Focus on the positive.
Positive thinking is a big step towards creating a happier mindset. Instead of focusing on the negative, change your thoughts towards optimistic thinking.
Try to avoid self-criticism. Whenever you start thinking negatively of yourself, reframe it as a positive comment. For example, if you’re thinking, "I can't believe I'm so dumb," say instead, "I'm am smart! If I put my mind to it, I can learn anything!"
If you make a mistake, think of it as a learning opportunity. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m so upset that I didn’t get that job,” you might think “Maybe I can ask them for feedback so I can do even better on the next application!”
1-2. Don’t compare yourself to others.
It’s easy to make a side-by-side comparison between yourself and your peers due to social media. Know that public lives may not reflect their personal lives. Be grateful for what’s good in your life as opposed to what’s good in others.
You can use comparison as a motivation for self-improvement.
1-3. Manage stress in your life.
Stress can affect your mood and your physical health. It can cause anxiety, anger, and irritability as well as headaches, muscle pain, exhaustion, and sleeping problems. To keep stress at bay, consider what activities you can cut back on in your life.
Stress can build up slowly over time. Pay attention to how your body reacts to help determine when you are stressed out.
Learn to say “no” to responsibilities and commitments you can’t handle. Establish firm boundaries with your coworkers and friends about taking on too many extra tasks.
If you’re unable to cut back on responsibilities and commitments, change the way you respond to stress. If you're overwhelmed, pause for 5 minutes. Do some deep breathing or stand and take a walk around the room.
People handle stress differently. Don’t let other people tell you that you shouldn’t be stressed if you feel it.
1-4. Find time to relax.
Set aside at least an hour every day for self-care and relaxation. Make a routine for yourself, so that relaxation becomes a daily ritual. Don't schedule anything else during this time.
Meditation, deep relaxation, yoga, tai chi, and other mindful practices are a great way to loosen tension and let go of stress.
Find a practice or activity that soothes you, such as taking a bubble bath or reading a book. These are great ways to pamper yourself while providing a way for you to decompress.
1-5. Establish healthy, manageable goals.
Goals give you something to strive for, which can give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. You can use your goals to help you attain a healthier life too. For example, your goal might be to run a marathon or to make new friends.
Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if you want to write a book, give yourself a daily word count or join a writing group. When you finish something, you’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that will give you confidence to continue.
1-6. Express gratitude for the good things in your life.
Being grateful can help you think more positively, and it can also have a positive effect on your mental health. By expressing gratitude, you can increase the strength of your relationships and feel more content.
Keep a gratitude journal where you write down 1 thing every day that you are thankful for. When you are feeling unhappy or stressed, read this journal for motivation.
Thank people in your life who are important for you. Let them know how much they mean to you.
1-7. See a mental health professional if you feel depressed, anxious, or suicidal.
If you feel consistently sad, hopeless, numb, empty, tired, or anxious, see a therapist. A therapist can help you uncover the source of your problem and provide counseling to help you feel better.
If you feel suicidal, reach out for help. In the U.S., contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Textline. In the UK, call Samaritans at 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14.
2. Eating for Health and Mood
2-1. Practice mindful eating to increase satisfaction.
Each time you take a bite of food, slow down your chewing. Take a moment and savor the taste. Try to appreciate each of the different flavors and textures on your tongue. This is called mindful eating. It can help you take more joy in your food.
Mindful eating can help you feel full faster, reducing how much you eat. It will also increase your satisfaction with the meal that you just ate.
2-2. Consume 5-6 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.
Fruits and vegetables contain important vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients that will keep you healthy and happy. A diet high in fresh produce forms the basis of a healthy diet.
A single serving size of vegetables is 75 grams (2.6 oz). This is roughly equal to 4 spears of asparagus, 2 medium-sized whole carrots, 20 green beans, or 16 small florets of broccoli.
A single serving of fruit is 150 grams (5.3 oz). This could be 1 medium-sized apple, a banana, 32 grapes, or 1/8 of a melon.
2-3. Choose foods high in fiber.
Fiber is a great way to full faster, and it also helps maintain the health of your gut. This, in turn, can affect your mood and mental health. Switch out your white, processed grains for brown, whole grains. Women should eat 25 grams of fiber a day, and men need 38 grams a day. Look for foods high in fiber, such as:
Whole wheat bread
Brown rice
Whole wheat pasta
Beans, lentils, and other legumes
Vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and artichokes
Fruits like berries and apples
2-4. Find sources of omega-3 fatty acids.
A deficiency in Omega-3 fatty acids may contribute to low or unhappy feelings. Omega-3 fatty acids provide a range of benefits, including a stronger heart. Aim for at least 1.1 grams a day for women and 1.6 grams for men. Look for foods rich in Omega-3s, such as:
Fish
Walnuts
Tofu
Spinach
Kale
Eggs
2-5. Avoid processed foods and fast food.
Fast food may be an easy option, but it can have negative effects on both your mood and your health. Processed foods are often higher in calories, sodium, and unhealthy fats. Cook your own food or eat fresh choices whenever possible.
It is okay to indulge in treats occasionally. Just don't make it a regular habit.
2-6. Substitute unhealthy ingredients with healthier choices.
If you're craving a beloved comfort meal, see if you can replace some of the ingredients to make it healthier. For example, replace ground beef with ground turkey or sour cream with Greek yogurt.
In baked goods like cookies, you can replace butter or margarine with applesauce and canola oil. Use oats or whole wheat flour instead of white all-purpose flour.
Instead of eating the whole egg, why not cook just the egg whites? You can make egg white omelettes or scrambled egg whites.
Replace full-fat milk with skim milk or use a non-dairy substitute, like almond milk or soy milk.
3. Practicing Beneficial Habits
3-1. Get enough sleep
A good night of sleep can improve your memory and concentration, boost your immune system, and help you cope with stress more easily. Aim to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night.
To help you sleep better, try using blackout curtains on your windows. Stop using electronics, such as phones and computers, an hour before bed. Drinking herbal tea, such as chamomile or valerian, or taking a warm shower can also help.
3-2. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day.
Exercise is a great way to keep yourself fit and healthy. It also has important benefits for your mental health. At least 2-3 times a week, do moderate to vigorous exercise, such as running, weight-lifting, or swimming. On the other days, do light exercise, such as taking a walk or practicing yoga.
If you’re feeling down or stressed, try taking a brisk walk or do a quick set of jumping jacks. Activity is a great way to quickly boost your mood.
If you find it hard to schedule exercise, try to fit in small bursts of movement throughout your day. Get up and walk around the office at work. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Do chores at home.
3-3. Get 12-15 minutes of sun exposure a day.
A little bit of daily sun can boost your mood and Vitamin D production, which will decrease your risk of certain diseases and give a vital boost to your mood. Make sure you spend just a short time outside every day.
Try taking a walk or riding your bike outside during this time. This can provide some exercise for additional benefits.
Wear sunscreen if you’re going out in the sun for any longer than 12-15 minutes. A hat or protective clothing will also prevent you from getting sunburned.
If you live somewhere without much sun, try taking Vitamin D supplements for a similar effect. Aim for 600 international units (IU) a day.
3-4. Meditate
Meditation may help you manage pain, reduce blood pressure, improve symptoms of depression and anxiety, and cope with daily stress. To start meditating, find a quiet spot and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing for 5 minutes. If you find your attention wandering, redirect it back to your breath.
Meditate once a day. Over time, as you get better, you can start meditating for longer periods, such as 10, 15, or 20 minutes.
There are many apps and online videos that can guide you through meditation. These include Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer.
4. Maintaining a Healthy Social Life
4-1. Establish lasting bonds with family and friends.
One the biggest predictors of both a long, healthy life and happiness is a strong social network. Long-term relationships can provide support during tough times, increase life and work satisfaction, and reduce your risk of future illnesses.
Check in with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Send them letters, emails, or presents in the mail. Make sure to remember important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries.
Form bonds in your community by befriending your neighbors and other local residents. You might volunteer at a local school, house of worship, charity, or political action group to form new connections.
You don’t need to have a ton of friends to reap the benefits. In fact, a few, strong friendships can be more powerful than having several shallow acquaintances.
4-2. Adopt a pet if you can care for it.
A pet can help decrease cholesterol, blood pressure, and feelings of loneliness or anxiety. It is important, however, to only adopt a pet if you have the time and money to care for it properly.
A cat or dog can cost $1000 USD for the first year of ownership and around $500 USD for each year after that. Pets can have unexpected medical issues as well.
Adopting a pet is a good option if you prefer to spend more time at home. Most pets require a few hours of care and companionship a day.
4-3. Help others.
By helping others, you can also help yourself. Volunteering and assisting people in need can provide a powerful sense of fulfillment. Look for ways to support and assist people you love.
You don’t have to say “yes” to every favor, but you might give someone a hand when they need someone to assist them with a task.
Sometimes just talking to be people can help them, especially if they are going through a tough time. Check in with loved ones with a phone call or card when they may be feeling down.
Volunteer at a charity that serves an issue you care about. You might walk dogs at a shelter, raise money for medical research, or collect clothing for children in need.
4-4. Distance yourself from toxic or needy personalities.
Relationships with people who express negative, controlling, or impulsive behaviors can make you feel stressed and reduce your self-esteem. Reduce contact with toxic people in your life.
Establish and enforce boundaries with people with these tendencies. Let them know exactly what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
If you have family members who are causing undue stress, you may not be able to avoid them entirely. You can, however, limit your contact to family events.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:01",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Creating the Right Mindset\\n1-1. Focus on the positive.\\nPositive thinking is a big step towards creating a happier mindset. Instead of focusing on the negative, change your thoughts towards optimistic thinking.\\nTry to avoid self-criticism. Whenever you start thinking negatively of yourself, reframe it as a positive comment. For example, if you’re thinking, \\\"I can't believe I'm so dumb,\\\" say instead, \\\"I'm am smart! If I put my mind to it, I can learn anything!\\\"\\nIf you make a mistake, think of it as a learning opportunity. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m so upset that I didn’t get that job,” you might think “Maybe I can ask them for feedback so I can do even better on the next application!”\\n1-2. Don’t compare yourself to others.\\nIt’s easy to make a side-by-side comparison between yourself and your peers due to social media. Know that public lives may not reflect their personal lives. Be grateful for what’s good in your life as opposed to what’s good in others.\\nYou can use comparison as a motivation for self-improvement.\\n1-3. Manage stress in your life.\\nStress can affect your mood and your physical health. It can cause anxiety, anger, and irritability as well as headaches, muscle pain, exhaustion, and sleeping problems. To keep stress at bay, consider what activities you can cut back on in your life.\\nStress can build up slowly over time. Pay attention to how your body reacts to help determine when you are stressed out.\\nLearn to say “no” to responsibilities and commitments you can’t handle. Establish firm boundaries with your coworkers and friends about taking on too many extra tasks.\\nIf you’re unable to cut back on responsibilities and commitments, change the way you respond to stress. If you're overwhelmed, pause for 5 minutes. Do some deep breathing or stand and take a walk around the room.\\nPeople handle stress differently. Don’t let other people tell you that you shouldn’t be stressed if you feel it.\\n1-4. Find time to relax.\\nSet aside at least an hour every day for self-care and relaxation. Make a routine for yourself, so that relaxation becomes a daily ritual. Don't schedule anything else during this time.\\n\\nMeditation, deep relaxation, yoga, tai chi, and other mindful practices are a great way to loosen tension and let go of stress.\\nFind a practice or activity that soothes you, such as taking a bubble bath or reading a book. These are great ways to pamper yourself while providing a way for you to decompress.\\n1-5. Establish healthy, manageable goals.\\nGoals give you something to strive for, which can give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. You can use your goals to help you attain a healthier life too. For example, your goal might be to run a marathon or to make new friends.\\nBreak down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if you want to write a book, give yourself a daily word count or join a writing group. When you finish something, you’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that will give you confidence to continue.\\n1-6. Express gratitude for the good things in your life.\\nBeing grateful can help you think more positively, and it can also have a positive effect on your mental health. By expressing gratitude, you can increase the strength of your relationships and feel more content.\\nKeep a gratitude journal where you write down 1 thing every day that you are thankful for. When you are feeling unhappy or stressed, read this journal for motivation.\\nThank people in your life who are important for you. Let them know how much they mean to you.\\n1-7. See a mental health professional if you feel depressed, anxious, or suicidal.\\nIf you feel consistently sad, hopeless, numb, empty, tired, or anxious, see a therapist. A therapist can help you uncover the source of your problem and provide counseling to help you feel better.\\nIf you feel suicidal, reach out for help. In the U.S., contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Textline. In the UK, call Samaritans at 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14.\\n2. Eating for Health and Mood\\n2-1. Practice mindful eating to increase satisfaction.\\nEach time you take a bite of food, slow down your chewing. Take a moment and savor the taste. Try to appreciate each of the different flavors and textures on your tongue. This is called mindful eating. It can help you take more joy in your food.\\nMindful eating can help you feel full faster, reducing how much you eat. It will also increase your satisfaction with the meal that you just ate.\\n2-2. Consume 5-6 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.\\nFruits and vegetables contain important vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients that will keep you healthy and happy. A diet high in fresh produce forms the basis of a healthy diet.\\nA single serving size of vegetables is 75 grams (2.6 oz). This is roughly equal to 4 spears of asparagus, 2 medium-sized whole carrots, 20 green beans, or 16 small florets of broccoli.\\nA single serving of fruit is 150 grams (5.3 oz). This could be 1 medium-sized apple, a banana, 32 grapes, or 1/8 of a melon.\\n2-3. Choose foods high in fiber.\\nFiber is a great way to full faster, and it also helps maintain the health of your gut. This, in turn, can affect your mood and mental health. Switch out your white, processed grains for brown, whole grains. Women should eat 25 grams of fiber a day, and men need 38 grams a day. Look for foods high in fiber, such as:\\nWhole wheat bread\\nBrown rice\\nWhole wheat pasta\\nBeans, lentils, and other legumes\\nVegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and artichokes\\nFruits like berries and apples\\n2-4. Find sources of omega-3 fatty acids.\\nA deficiency in Omega-3 fatty acids may contribute to low or unhappy feelings. Omega-3 fatty acids provide a range of benefits, including a stronger heart. Aim for at least 1.1 grams a day for women and 1.6 grams for men. Look for foods rich in Omega-3s, such as:\\nFish\\nWalnuts\\nTofu\\nSpinach\\nKale\\nEggs\\n2-5. Avoid processed foods and fast food.\\nFast food may be an easy option, but it can have negative effects on both your mood and your health. Processed foods are often higher in calories, sodium, and unhealthy fats. Cook your own food or eat fresh choices whenever possible.\\nIt is okay to indulge in treats occasionally. Just don't make it a regular habit.\\n2-6. Substitute unhealthy ingredients with healthier choices.\\nIf you're craving a beloved comfort meal, see if you can replace some of the ingredients to make it healthier. For example, replace ground beef with ground turkey or sour cream with Greek yogurt.\\nIn baked goods like cookies, you can replace butter or margarine with applesauce and canola oil. Use oats or whole wheat flour instead of white all-purpose flour.\\nInstead of eating the whole egg, why not cook just the egg whites? You can make egg white omelettes or scrambled egg whites.\\nReplace full-fat milk with skim milk or use a non-dairy substitute, like almond milk or soy milk.\\n3. Practicing Beneficial Habits\\n3-1. Get enough sleep\\nA good night of sleep can improve your memory and concentration, boost your immune system, and help you cope with stress more easily. Aim to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night.\\nTo help you sleep better, try using blackout curtains on your windows. Stop using electronics, such as phones and computers, an hour before bed. Drinking herbal tea, such as chamomile or valerian, or taking a warm shower can also help.\\n3-2. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day.\\nExercise is a great way to keep yourself fit and healthy. It also has important benefits for your mental health. At least 2-3 times a week, do moderate to vigorous exercise, such as running, weight-lifting, or swimming. On the other days, do light exercise, such as taking a walk or practicing yoga.\\nIf you’re feeling down or stressed, try taking a brisk walk or do a quick set of jumping jacks. Activity is a great way to quickly boost your mood.\\nIf you find it hard to schedule exercise, try to fit in small bursts of movement throughout your day. Get up and walk around the office at work. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Do chores at home.\\n3-3. Get 12-15 minutes of sun exposure a day.\\nA little bit of daily sun can boost your mood and Vitamin D production, which will decrease your risk of certain diseases and give a vital boost to your mood. Make sure you spend just a short time outside every day.\\nTry taking a walk or riding your bike outside during this time. This can provide some exercise for additional benefits.\\nWear sunscreen if you’re going out in the sun for any longer than 12-15 minutes. A hat or protective clothing will also prevent you from getting sunburned.\\nIf you live somewhere without much sun, try taking Vitamin D supplements for a similar effect. Aim for 600 international units (IU) a day.\\n3-4. Meditate\\nMeditation may help you manage pain, reduce blood pressure, improve symptoms of depression and anxiety, and cope with daily stress. To start meditating, find a quiet spot and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing for 5 minutes. If you find your attention wandering, redirect it back to your breath. \\nMeditate once a day. Over time, as you get better, you can start meditating for longer periods, such as 10, 15, or 20 minutes.\\nThere are many apps and online videos that can guide you through meditation. These include Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer.\\n4. Maintaining a Healthy Social Life\\n4-1. Establish lasting bonds with family and friends.\\nOne the biggest predictors of both a long, healthy life and happiness is a strong social network. Long-term relationships can provide support during tough times, increase life and work satisfaction, and reduce your risk of future illnesses.\\nCheck in with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Send them letters, emails, or presents in the mail. Make sure to remember important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries.\\nForm bonds in your community by befriending your neighbors and other local residents. You might volunteer at a local school, house of worship, charity, or political action group to form new connections.\\nYou don’t need to have a ton of friends to reap the benefits. In fact, a few, strong friendships can be more powerful than having several shallow acquaintances.\\n4-2. Adopt a pet if you can care for it.\\nA pet can help decrease cholesterol, blood pressure, and feelings of loneliness or anxiety. It is important, however, to only adopt a pet if you have the time and money to care for it properly.\\nA cat or dog can cost $1000 USD for the first year of ownership and around $500 USD for each year after that. Pets can have unexpected medical issues as well.\\nAdopting a pet is a good option if you prefer to spend more time at home. Most pets require a few hours of care and companionship a day.\\n4-3. Help others.\\nBy helping others, you can also help yourself. Volunteering and assisting people in need can provide a powerful sense of fulfillment. Look for ways to support and assist people you love.\\nYou don’t have to say “yes” to every favor, but you might give someone a hand when they need someone to assist them with a task.\\nSometimes just talking to be people can help them, especially if they are going through a tough time. Check in with loved ones with a phone call or card when they may be feeling down.\\nVolunteer at a charity that serves an issue you care about. You might walk dogs at a shelter, raise money for medical research, or collect clothing for children in need.\\n4-4. Distance yourself from toxic or needy personalities.\\nRelationships with people who express negative, controlling, or impulsive behaviors can make you feel stressed and reduce your self-esteem. Reduce contact with toxic people in your life.\\n\\nEstablish and enforce boundaries with people with these tendencies. Let them know exactly what behavior you will and will not tolerate.\\nIf you have family members who are causing undue stress, you may not be able to avoid them entirely. You can, however, limit your contact to family events.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Happiness and health are more closely related than you might think! A healthy lifestyle can boost your mood and increase life satisfaction while a positive mindset can lengthen your lifespan and help you avoid unhealthy habits. Start by reframing your mindset into an optimistic and active perspective. Your diet, habits, and social network can also affect both your mental and physical health.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Creating the Right Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus on the positive.\", \"描述\": \"Positive thinking is a big step towards creating a happier mindset. Instead of focusing on the negative, change your thoughts towards optimistic thinking.\\nTry to avoid self-criticism. Whenever you start thinking negatively of yourself, reframe it as a positive comment. For example, if you’re thinking, \\\"I can't believe I'm so dumb,\\\" say instead, \\\"I'm am smart! If I put my mind to it, I can learn anything!\\\"\\nIf you make a mistake, think of it as a learning opportunity. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m so upset that I didn’t get that job,” you might think “Maybe I can ask them for feedback so I can do even better on the next application!”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t compare yourself to others.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy to make a side-by-side comparison between yourself and your peers due to social media. Know that public lives may not reflect their personal lives. Be grateful for what’s good in your life as opposed to what’s good in others.\\nYou can use comparison as a motivation for self-improvement.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Manage stress in your life.\", \"描述\": \"Stress can affect your mood and your physical health. It can cause anxiety, anger, and irritability as well as headaches, muscle pain, exhaustion, and sleeping problems. To keep stress at bay, consider what activities you can cut back on in your life.\\nStress can build up slowly over time. Pay attention to how your body reacts to help determine when you are stressed out.\\nLearn to say “no” to responsibilities and commitments you can’t handle. Establish firm boundaries with your coworkers and friends about taking on too many extra tasks.\\nIf you’re unable to cut back on responsibilities and commitments, change the way you respond to stress. If you're overwhelmed, pause for 5 minutes. Do some deep breathing or stand and take a walk around the room.\\nPeople handle stress differently. Don’t let other people tell you that you shouldn’t be stressed if you feel it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find time to relax.\", \"描述\": \"Set aside at least an hour every day for self-care and relaxation. Make a routine for yourself, so that relaxation becomes a daily ritual. Don't schedule anything else during this time.\\n\\nMeditation, deep relaxation, yoga, tai chi, and other mindful practices are a great way to loosen tension and let go of stress.\\nFind a practice or activity that soothes you, such as taking a bubble bath or reading a book. These are great ways to pamper yourself while providing a way for you to decompress.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Establish healthy, manageable goals.\", \"描述\": \"Goals give you something to strive for, which can give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. You can use your goals to help you attain a healthier life too. For example, your goal might be to run a marathon or to make new friends.\\nBreak down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if you want to write a book, give yourself a daily word count or join a writing group. When you finish something, you’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that will give you confidence to continue.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Express gratitude for the good things in your life.\", \"描述\": \"Being grateful can help you think more positively, and it can also have a positive effect on your mental health. By expressing gratitude, you can increase the strength of your relationships and feel more content.\\nKeep a gratitude journal where you write down 1 thing every day that you are thankful for. When you are feeling unhappy or stressed, read this journal for motivation.\\nThank people in your life who are important for you. Let them know how much they mean to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"See a mental health professional if you feel depressed, anxious, or suicidal.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel consistently sad, hopeless, numb, empty, tired, or anxious, see a therapist. A therapist can help you uncover the source of your problem and provide counseling to help you feel better.\\nIf you feel suicidal, reach out for help. In the U.S., contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Textline. In the UK, call Samaritans at 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eating for Health and Mood\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice mindful eating to increase satisfaction.\", \"描述\": \"Each time you take a bite of food, slow down your chewing. Take a moment and savor the taste. Try to appreciate each of the different flavors and textures on your tongue. This is called mindful eating. It can help you take more joy in your food.\\nMindful eating can help you feel full faster, reducing how much you eat. It will also increase your satisfaction with the meal that you just ate.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Consume 5-6 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.\", \"描述\": \"Fruits and vegetables contain important vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients that will keep you healthy and happy. A diet high in fresh produce forms the basis of a healthy diet.\\nA single serving size of vegetables is 75 grams (2.6 oz). This is roughly equal to 4 spears of asparagus, 2 medium-sized whole carrots, 20 green beans, or 16 small florets of broccoli.\\nA single serving of fruit is 150 grams (5.3 oz). This could be 1 medium-sized apple, a banana, 32 grapes, or 1/8 of a melon.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose foods high in fiber.\", \"描述\": \"Fiber is a great way to full faster, and it also helps maintain the health of your gut. This, in turn, can affect your mood and mental health. Switch out your white, processed grains for brown, whole grains. Women should eat 25 grams of fiber a day, and men need 38 grams a day. Look for foods high in fiber, such as:\\nWhole wheat bread\\nBrown rice\\nWhole wheat pasta\\nBeans, lentils, and other legumes\\nVegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and artichokes\\nFruits like berries and apples\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find sources of omega-3 fatty acids.\", \"描述\": \"A deficiency in Omega-3 fatty acids may contribute to low or unhappy feelings. Omega-3 fatty acids provide a range of benefits, including a stronger heart. Aim for at least 1.1 grams a day for women and 1.6 grams for men. Look for foods rich in Omega-3s, such as:\\nFish\\nWalnuts\\nTofu\\nSpinach\\nKale\\nEggs\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid processed foods and fast food.\", \"描述\": \"Fast food may be an easy option, but it can have negative effects on both your mood and your health. Processed foods are often higher in calories, sodium, and unhealthy fats. Cook your own food or eat fresh choices whenever possible.\\nIt is okay to indulge in treats occasionally. Just don't make it a regular habit.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Substitute unhealthy ingredients with healthier choices.\", \"描述\": \"If you're craving a beloved comfort meal, see if you can replace some of the ingredients to make it healthier. For example, replace ground beef with ground turkey or sour cream with Greek yogurt.\\nIn baked goods like cookies, you can replace butter or margarine with applesauce and canola oil. Use oats or whole wheat flour instead of white all-purpose flour.\\nInstead of eating the whole egg, why not cook just the egg whites? You can make egg white omelettes or scrambled egg whites.\\nReplace full-fat milk with skim milk or use a non-dairy substitute, like almond milk or soy milk.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practicing Beneficial Habits\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get enough sleep\", \"描述\": \"A good night of sleep can improve your memory and concentration, boost your immune system, and help you cope with stress more easily. Aim to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night.\\nTo help you sleep better, try using blackout curtains on your windows. Stop using electronics, such as phones and computers, an hour before bed. Drinking herbal tea, such as chamomile or valerian, or taking a warm shower can also help.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise is a great way to keep yourself fit and healthy. It also has important benefits for your mental health. At least 2-3 times a week, do moderate to vigorous exercise, such as running, weight-lifting, or swimming. On the other days, do light exercise, such as taking a walk or practicing yoga.\\nIf you’re feeling down or stressed, try taking a brisk walk or do a quick set of jumping jacks. Activity is a great way to quickly boost your mood.\\nIf you find it hard to schedule exercise, try to fit in small bursts of movement throughout your day. Get up and walk around the office at work. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Do chores at home.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get 12-15 minutes of sun exposure a day.\", \"描述\": \"A little bit of daily sun can boost your mood and Vitamin D production, which will decrease your risk of certain diseases and give a vital boost to your mood. Make sure you spend just a short time outside every day.\\nTry taking a walk or riding your bike outside during this time. This can provide some exercise for additional benefits.\\nWear sunscreen if you’re going out in the sun for any longer than 12-15 minutes. A hat or protective clothing will also prevent you from getting sunburned.\\nIf you live somewhere without much sun, try taking Vitamin D supplements for a similar effect. Aim for 600 international units (IU) a day.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Meditate\", \"描述\": \"Meditation may help you manage pain, reduce blood pressure, improve symptoms of depression and anxiety, and cope with daily stress. To start meditating, find a quiet spot and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing for 5 minutes. If you find your attention wandering, redirect it back to your breath. \\nMeditate once a day. Over time, as you get better, you can start meditating for longer periods, such as 10, 15, or 20 minutes.\\nThere are many apps and online videos that can guide you through meditation. These include Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintaining a Healthy Social Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Establish lasting bonds with family and friends.\", \"描述\": \"One the biggest predictors of both a long, healthy life and happiness is a strong social network. Long-term relationships can provide support during tough times, increase life and work satisfaction, and reduce your risk of future illnesses.\\nCheck in with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Send them letters, emails, or presents in the mail. Make sure to remember important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries.\\nForm bonds in your community by befriending your neighbors and other local residents. You might volunteer at a local school, house of worship, charity, or political action group to form new connections.\\nYou don’t need to have a ton of friends to reap the benefits. In fact, a few, strong friendships can be more powerful than having several shallow acquaintances.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Adopt a pet if you can care for it.\", \"描述\": \"A pet can help decrease cholesterol, blood pressure, and feelings of loneliness or anxiety. It is important, however, to only adopt a pet if you have the time and money to care for it properly.\\nA cat or dog can cost $1000 USD for the first year of ownership and around $500 USD for each year after that. Pets can have unexpected medical issues as well.\\nAdopting a pet is a good option if you prefer to spend more time at home. Most pets require a few hours of care and companionship a day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Help others.\", \"描述\": \"By helping others, you can also help yourself. Volunteering and assisting people in need can provide a powerful sense of fulfillment. Look for ways to support and assist people you love.\\nYou don’t have to say “yes” to every favor, but you might give someone a hand when they need someone to assist them with a task.\\nSometimes just talking to be people can help them, especially if they are going through a tough time. Check in with loved ones with a phone call or card when they may be feeling down.\\nVolunteer at a charity that serves an issue you care about. You might walk dogs at a shelter, raise money for medical research, or collect clothing for children in need.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Distance yourself from toxic or needy personalities.\", \"描述\": \"Relationships with people who express negative, controlling, or impulsive behaviors can make you feel stressed and reduce your self-esteem. Reduce contact with toxic people in your life.\\n\\nEstablish and enforce boundaries with people with these tendencies. Let them know exactly what behavior you will and will not tolerate.\\nIf you have family members who are causing undue stress, you may not be able to avoid them entirely. You can, however, limit your contact to family events.\"}]}]}}",
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3,824 | How to Be Heard | 1. Starting With Yourself
1-1. Think about what your ideal outcome looks like.
It can help to identify what “being heard” looks like to you, and what it means to you, before you set out to have an interaction with the person. This way, you’ll know when you’ve been successful.
For example, if you want to be heard at work more, what does that look like to you? Does it look like you sharing more of your ideas? Making some requests you’ve been afraid to make? Something else?
Setting clear, smaller goals for yourself can also help you break down a huge goal like “Be heard” into achievable steps.
1-2. Practice assertive communication.
Some people are afraid to communicate assertively because they worry about seeming arrogant. However, assertive communication is about speaking up for your own ideas and needs while respecting those of others. It’s collaborative, not cocky; direct, not demeaning. You can practice some assertive techniques that will help you communicate more clearly with everyone:
Use “I”-statements. These will allow you to be clear and direct without sounding blaming. For example, if your boyfriend keeps forgetting your date nights, you could say: “I am hurt when you forget our date nights because I feel like I’m not a priority for you.” Then you can invite the other person to share feelings: “Would you like to talk about it?” or “What happened?”
Say no. It’s very hard for some people to say no, but it’s important to recognize that it isn’t “being polite” to agree to things you really don’t want to do simply for the sake of agreeing. Try asking for some time before you make a decision. You can also remind the other person of other obligations, as in “I would usually say yes to helping you, but I have had a rough week and need some time to recharge on my own.” Remember, you’ve got an obligation to yourself, too!
Be as clear as possible. Sometimes, you may not feel heard because you have not communicated clearly enough for the other person to understand. For example, if you want your children to come home for the holidays, an indirect route might be, “Wouldn’t be nice if we could all be together for Christmas?” Your children may not interpret this as a request. However, if you say something like, “It’s very important to me that we all be together for Christmas. I’d like you to make an effort to come,” you have communicated your needs clearly and sincerely without being demanding or arrogant. You can’t control what other people do with that information, but you’ve done your part.
Apologize, if appropriate--but don’t over-apologize. Take responsibility when you slip up, and make plans to do better in the future. However, profuse or repeated apologies can make you seem insecure. Keep it straight, honest, and to the point.
1-3. Practice beforehand.
Particularly if you are new to asserting yourself, it can be intimidating and nerve-wracking. Make it easier on yourself by practicing the communication beforehand. You can try it on your own, or ask a friend to role-play with you. You don’t need to memorize a speech, but practicing how you will say something (and how to respond to possible challenges) can help you feel more confident. Particularly in the business world, confidence is crucial to being heard.
Practice in front of the mirror. Watch how you look when you speak. Practice making eye contact with yourself as you talk. Having doubts about yourself is okay. But if these doubts are keeping you from speaking out when you have something important to say, then maybe you should give yourself a pep talk. For example, if you have acne, or pimples, try using face wash specific to your skin. Or if you feel bad about your body, try wearing figure flattering clothes. This may not seem like much, but if you feel more confident, you'll probably act more confident.
Record yourself practicing and examine it. How you say something can be even more influential than what you say.
1-4. Watch your body language.
Confident body language communicates that you’re in control of yourself, and that you believe you have contributions to make. When you project confidence, others are more likely to experience you that way. When your body language is not confident, others won’t feel as interested in what you have to say -- and research has shown you won’t feel as confident about saying it, either.
Claim your space by taking as much as you need. Don’t tuck your feet under your chair, fold your hands in your lap, or cross your legs or ankles. Keep both feet planted firmly on the floor while sitting, and stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. You don’t have to fill more space than you need or take it from others (that would be aggression, not assertiveness), but showing that you are a confident presence in the room will inspire others to listen to you.
Keep your body open. Don’t cross your arms in front of you or cross your legs while standing or sitting. Don’t hold a bag in front of you, or keep your hands in your pockets. These things suggest that you are uncomfortable or not interested in the current situation.
Plant yourself where you are. You don’t have to be rigid, but don’t shift your weight from one leg to the other or sway back and forth. Stand comfortably with your shoulders back and your chest out.
Make eye contact. Eye contact is crucial in communicating with others. Maintain eye contact for 4-5 seconds at a time. Aim to maintain eye contact for 50% of the time while you speak, and 70% of the time while you listen.
1-5. Pay attention to your linguistic style.
Your linguistic style is how you say what you say. It includes things such as tone of voice, speed, and volume, as well as pausing, word choice, and other rhetorical choices. Your linguistic style can also contribute to whether people listen to you or not.
Try not to talk too fast or too slowly. If you speak too fast, people may not understand you, or they may perceive you as nervous. However, if you speak too slowly, people may become impatient or perceive you as lacking confidence in your ideas. Aim for an even, steady pace.
Cultural and social differences can also play a role. For example, someone from Texas, where it’s common to speak more slowly and take longer pauses while talking, might feel overwhelmed by the fast pace of a New Yorker’s conversation, while the New Yorker might see the slower Texas speed as uncomfortably silent.
Women also tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve social rapport and relationship-building, while men tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve status and directness. When these rituals come into contact, people from different backgrounds may misunderstand the messages behind them.
Consider very distinctive speakers, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Garrison Keillor, and Barack Obama. Although their linguistic styles are wildly different, they’re all highly effective. They vary the volume and speed of their voices to match their points. They pause to let important ideas sink in. Watching a few speeches or performances from excellent speakers on YouTube can help you transfer these skills to your own life.
1-6. Look for alternate avenues.
Not everyone is going to be a confident social butterfly, even with practice. However, in our age of technology there are many ways to be heard. Consider starting a blog, journaling on social media, writing letters to the editor of your local newspaper, or even writing in a private journal. Sometimes, the most important thing is to get the words out.
1-7. Become an active listener.
One of the keys to being heard is knowing how to listen. Not only will this help you find people who are more likely to truly listen, people who know they're being heard are more inclined to listen to you. Here are some techniques to try:
Put away your cell phone, or iPod when you're talking with someone. Don't look around the room. Give the person your full attention.
Ask for clarification when necessary. Occasionally, say things like, “Let’s see if I understood you correctly. I heard ____. Is that what you meant?” Saying things like this allows the other person a chance to clear up any misunderstanding without feeling attacked.
Summarize. This means bringing together different strands of information from your conversation. For example, at the end of a meeting, you might wrap up by saying, “So, what it sounds like we need to do is _______ and _________. Does anyone else have anything to add?”
Use encouragers. These can be “minimal encouragers,” such as nodding and words like “uh-huh,” or questions, such as “And then what happened?”
Avoid prepping your response while the other person is talking. Listen carefully, and then offer your thoughts.
2. Being Heard at Work
2-1. Match your communication style to your audience.
An important part of being heard, especially at work, is to make sure you're speaking in the most effective way for your audience. Always consider who it is that you're going to be speaking to when you're trying to get heard.
Consider how they speak: do they speak quickly, rapid-firing their ideas? Do they speak more slowly and with more consideration?
If you speak rapidly to a slower-paced person they're more likely to shut down no matter how good your ideas are. You want to set your speaking pace to your audience's listening pace.
2-2. Know your colleagues.
This is part of matching your communication style to your audience, but you need to know how to speak effectively to your colleagues. If you want them to hear you, then you need to speak on their level, which requires figuring out what that level is.
Find out what makes them tick and shape your idea to their perspective. If they maintain a blog, read it, if they write articles for a magazine relating to your field, check it out. You want insight into their ideas.
Figure out what topics they’re interested in and what they value. To be heard effectively you have to gear your ideas towards what will interest your colleagues most. For example: if you find that your colleague is really interested saving the environment, then you might try to show how your idea will help with saving the environment.
Take note of how one "takes the floor". Know how to get your opinion, thought, or comment heard. Observe how communications flows, and how a person gets his or her voice heard. This may vary greatly from culture to culture, workplace to workplace, and person to person.
Note behavior in meetings, office interactions, and such in workplaces. You might notice, for instance, that the boss will not respond well to subtle hints, but a direct approach works better.
Take a look at individuals. Why does Cousin Sam get across to Grandmother? Or the intern from accounting gets attention, while you do not?
Understand cultural differences. Sometimes it is subtle, sometimes not. The workplace culture in China may be quite different than Canada.
2-3. Avoid diminishing your ideas.
This may be an unconscious part of your communication, but using too much apologetic or self-deprecating language can work against you. Consider: if someone passes you in the hall and says something like, “I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have just two minutes to listen to this idea I have?” -- would you feel confident about what that person had to share? Confidence is important to convince others, especially in the workplace, that your ideas are worth hearing.
Use the assertive communication techniques elsewhere in this article to help you communicate your ideas with confidence.
Being confident doesn’t mean you have to be pushy or arrogant. You can acknowledge others’ contributions and communicate that you appreciate others’ time is valuable without diminishing your own role. For example, try “Hey, I have what I think is a good idea for that project. Do you have two minutes?” This still acknowledges that the other person’s time is valuable without seeming to apologize for having an idea.
2-4. Keep yourself well-informed.
You really don't want to be that person in a meeting that just blurts out ideas without having the faintest idea what's going on. Make sure that you know what is going to be covered in the meeting, or at work.
A good way to be able to talk knowledgeably and be heard during a meeting or discussion is if you're prepared some topics and opinions on the subject beforehand. This will give you a jumping off point for expressing your ideas, especially if you're naturally more reticent.
2-5. Choose a means of expression that’s best for you.
You want to play to your strengths when you're discussing an idea you have, or describing a work situation, while still keeping in mind your audience. If you're best at making a PowerPoint, then use that as the medium through which you express your ideas.
People learn and absorb information in different ways. You may test out whether your colleagues or the people in a meeting are visual learners, kinetic learners, or auditory learners.
Mixing up your styles of presenting information is also a good way to make sure that people are still following. For example: you might have a PowerPoint, a handout, and a small discussion on your idea.
2-6. Speak up first in a discussion.
Generally, the first person who contributes to a discussion will be heard more than others who come after. If you have ideas, jump in early. Hanging back may mean you get lost in the discussion.
Obviously, don't jump in if no one has posed a question or asked for ideas. It will look a bit presumptuous.
This can take a little while to perfect. Some people may interpret a brief pause as uncomfortable silence, while others need a moment to collect their thoughts. Experiment with how long a pause seems to work well, and then jump in.
2-7. Ask questions.
Often, people are so focused on getting their ideas out there that they forget that asking questions can be just as important, and sometimes even better than simply presenting ideas. Questions can help clarify issues or get people thinking about a problem differently.
For example, if people are discussing how best to maximize the work day, ask what it is that the boss is looking for, ask where the problem areas are, and so on.
Prepare questions ahead of time, even if you don’t use them. This can help prepare you and help clarify your own thinking.
2-8. Engage your audience.
Make sure that your methods of showing your ideas are clear and concise, or else your ideas may go in one ear, and out the other.
You can also use techniques to keep people’s attention, such as using compelling imagery, telling an illustrative anecdote, and calling back to other things that have happened.
Even if you’re speaking to a huge crowd, make eye contact while you’re speaking. Move your eyes naturally around the room, making eye contact with different people. at the end of sentences, keep your eyes up and focused on your audience.
2-9. Don’t expect anyone to ask you for your opinion.
While this can be true in all different parts of life, it holds especially true in work instances. Sometimes, people are so busy presenting their own ideas they're not going to ask you what yours are. They're going to assume that if you had an idea you'd speak up.
You have to make the conscious effort to be heard, to speak up. If you don't, then you're simply not going to be heard. It might take a little while to get comfortable speaking up, but the more you do it, the better you will get.
This is something that can be especially difficult for women, who are taught not to be “polite” and consider others’ needs, even at the expense of their own.
3. Being Heard in a Relationship
3-1. Choose the right time.
Part of making sure that you're actually being heard is picking the right time and the right place. This is especially important if you're needing to have a conversation about a difficult subject.
You want to choose a private moment rather than make something a public event. So if there's some sort of problem, having it out with your significant other in front of the entire family on Christmas Eve isn't going to be conducive to communication.
Likewise, picking a time when you're both grumpy or already upset (on a long drive, for example) is going to make the other person less likely to hear you.
3-2. Know what you want to say in advance.
While you don't necessarily need to write down your talking points word for word, it's a good idea to know what points you want to touch on. This is especially important if you're shy or tend to have more difficulty thinking on your feet.
This can also keep you on track during a conversation itself, because you'll be better able to remember the things that you need to talk about.
Ask yourself questions, such as “What is the solution I’d like to see here?” or “What are other ways I could feel heard?”
3-3. Check if the other person is open to hearing you.
While this ties in with the picking the right time and place, it's important that you tell when someone is open to hearing you. If they aren't, it rarely matters what you say or how you say it. If someone isn't open to hearing you, they aren't going to hear you.
Their body language can communicate a lot to you. If they're turned away from you, not making eye contact, or their arms are crossed across their chest, then they're likely feeling defensive, or not wanting to listen to you.
If they are being aggressive, or angry, then it's going to be very difficult to get them to listen to what you're saying. In that instance, it's best to remove yourself from the situation as best as possible.
3-4. Make sure your own body language is conducive to speaking.
When you're trying to get someone to hear you, you need to make sure that your body language is communicating that. Do your best to avoid shutting down conversation by paying attention to what your body language is saying.
If you can sit next to the person you're trying get to hear you. Make sure that you keep enough distance between you and them so it doesn't feel like you're crowding them, but close enough that there's a connection between you two.
Keep your tone of voice and your body language as neutral as possible. Avoid crossing your arms across your chest, or balling up your hands into fists. Keep your chest as open as possible.
Maintain eye contact with the other person. This will help you to judge how they're feeling, and whether they're still listening to you, and it will help keep a connection between the two of you.
3-5. Set the stage.
You're trying to engage the other person without shutting them down. If you shut the other person down straight off the bat, you're going to find it next to impossible to get them to hear you. What you want to do is make this discussion a shared inquiry rather than an accusation.
As an example you could say something like "I have a problem, and I'm wondering if you can help me with it" and segue into explaining that you need help taking care of the kids.
A second example might be something like "I'm confused, I'd really like it if you could try to help me understand" and then go on to explain that you feel that there's a distance between the two of you and you'd really like to work on bridging that distance.
3-6. Express vulnerability rather than anger.
Anger tends to be a mask for something deeper and more vulnerable, like fear or pain. When you launch directly into anger you're shutting down the avenues of conversation rather than opening them up.
Vulnerability, while much harder (and scarier) to express, is more likely to be heard. This means, though, that you're going to have to share your hurt in a more thoughtful manner.
This is why "I" statements are so incredibly important. You're explaining why you're hurt or why you're upset. For example: "I was hurt when you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, because it felt like my important recital wasn't as important as getting home and putting your feet up" is so much better and more open than "You always forget to do things. I guess you just don't care about this important recital!"
3-7. Be open to listening yourself.
A conversation and being heard is not a one-way street. You can't count on someone being willing to listen to you, if you aren't willing to listen to them. It can be hard to hear things about yourself or about the relationship that clash with what you've been thinking, but if you want them to hear you, you have to hear them.
Hear what the other person has to say. If you're not willing to listen when your significant other explains their side — "I forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning, because I've been so stressed about our child's failing grades in school" — then you're not going to get anywhere.
When the other person is talking, cultivate active listening. If you space out or get absorbed in your own thoughts, ask them to repeat what they just said. Look them in the eye when they talk and pay attention to what they're saying, rather than focusing on what you're going to say next.
3-8. Cultivate your sense of humor.
Important conversations, getting people to listen to you, opening up when you're hurt or upset. All these things can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. If you can approach them with humor, you're more likely to get further.
After all, people tend to be more open to listening to you when you’re humorous about the situation than when you’re emotionally charged.
3-9. Accept that sometimes the other person is not open to listening.
You can't always be heard. You just can't. It doesn't matter if you do everything "right." You set the stage, you pick the right time, you stay neutral instead of getting angry. Sometimes people aren't ready for what you have to say, and sometimes they'll never be.
If someone cannot or will not hear what you have to say on an ongoing basis, you may need to reconsider whether it's worth having a relationship with them.
4. Being Heard in a Social Setting
4-1. Consider whether you need to talk.
The thing about being heard is that you need to do it at the right time. That means that you're not doing it all the time. Remember quantity and quality do not always go together.
Sometimes what people need is a friendly ear. Being the person who listens to other people can also be really important.
Cultivate the attitude of saying things only when you feel they're important to say. People will be more likely to listen to you if they know that you talk about interesting subjects.
4-2. Know when not to talk.
You don't need to talk to everyone. You don't need to talk all the time. There are lots of times and places when people are more or less receptive to conversation and hearing you. Knowing which places are good for that will make you feel more heard in the long run.
For example: someone taking a long red-eye flight is probably going to be less receptive to your conversation than someone you're standing in a long line to a concert you both enjoy.
Likewise, that person who is wearing their headphones and staring out the bus window? Yeah, they're probably not looking to hear about all your new business selling used Ferrari automobiles.
Even receptive people can “zone out” after too long. If you’ve been talking for more than 40 seconds without a break, it’s probably time to wrap up and give the other person a chance to speak.
4-3. Let people know when all you want is to vent.
There are times in everyone's life when all they need is a sympathetic listening ear while they vent about some injustice. Now some people are more interested in offering solutions than listening to you.
A lot of people are happy to commiserate or listen if they know that's all you need from them. If they think they need to offer solutions, they may be a little shorter with you and possibly less likely to listen.
Similarly, it’s a good idea to check in with friends to see whether they want someone to problem-solve with them or just a sympathetic ear to vent to.
Tips
Remember that being louder doesn't equal being heard. In fact, the louder you get the more likely you are to turn people off who might otherwise have listened to you.
If you're shy, just try to imagine them in their underwear! It may be silly, but a lot of people use this to speak up.
Warnings
Remember that no one owes you their time or their attention, not even that poor salesperson. If you feel like no one is listening to you, you might consider what it is that you have to say.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Starting With Yourself\\n1-1. Think about what your ideal outcome looks like.\\nIt can help to identify what “being heard” looks like to you, and what it means to you, before you set out to have an interaction with the person. This way, you’ll know when you’ve been successful.\\nFor example, if you want to be heard at work more, what does that look like to you? Does it look like you sharing more of your ideas? Making some requests you’ve been afraid to make? Something else?\\nSetting clear, smaller goals for yourself can also help you break down a huge goal like “Be heard” into achievable steps.\\n1-2. Practice assertive communication.\\nSome people are afraid to communicate assertively because they worry about seeming arrogant. However, assertive communication is about speaking up for your own ideas and needs while respecting those of others. It’s collaborative, not cocky; direct, not demeaning. You can practice some assertive techniques that will help you communicate more clearly with everyone:\\nUse “I”-statements. These will allow you to be clear and direct without sounding blaming. For example, if your boyfriend keeps forgetting your date nights, you could say: “I am hurt when you forget our date nights because I feel like I’m not a priority for you.” Then you can invite the other person to share feelings: “Would you like to talk about it?” or “What happened?”\\nSay no. It’s very hard for some people to say no, but it’s important to recognize that it isn’t “being polite” to agree to things you really don’t want to do simply for the sake of agreeing. Try asking for some time before you make a decision. You can also remind the other person of other obligations, as in “I would usually say yes to helping you, but I have had a rough week and need some time to recharge on my own.” Remember, you’ve got an obligation to yourself, too!\\nBe as clear as possible. Sometimes, you may not feel heard because you have not communicated clearly enough for the other person to understand. For example, if you want your children to come home for the holidays, an indirect route might be, “Wouldn’t be nice if we could all be together for Christmas?” Your children may not interpret this as a request. However, if you say something like, “It’s very important to me that we all be together for Christmas. I’d like you to make an effort to come,” you have communicated your needs clearly and sincerely without being demanding or arrogant. You can’t control what other people do with that information, but you’ve done your part.\\nApologize, if appropriate--but don’t over-apologize. Take responsibility when you slip up, and make plans to do better in the future. However, profuse or repeated apologies can make you seem insecure. Keep it straight, honest, and to the point.\\n1-3. Practice beforehand.\\nParticularly if you are new to asserting yourself, it can be intimidating and nerve-wracking. Make it easier on yourself by practicing the communication beforehand. You can try it on your own, or ask a friend to role-play with you. You don’t need to memorize a speech, but practicing how you will say something (and how to respond to possible challenges) can help you feel more confident. Particularly in the business world, confidence is crucial to being heard.\\nPractice in front of the mirror. Watch how you look when you speak. Practice making eye contact with yourself as you talk. Having doubts about yourself is okay. But if these doubts are keeping you from speaking out when you have something important to say, then maybe you should give yourself a pep talk. For example, if you have acne, or pimples, try using face wash specific to your skin. Or if you feel bad about your body, try wearing figure flattering clothes. This may not seem like much, but if you feel more confident, you'll probably act more confident.\\nRecord yourself practicing and examine it. How you say something can be even more influential than what you say.\\n1-4. Watch your body language.\\nConfident body language communicates that you’re in control of yourself, and that you believe you have contributions to make. When you project confidence, others are more likely to experience you that way. When your body language is not confident, others won’t feel as interested in what you have to say -- and research has shown you won’t feel as confident about saying it, either.\\nClaim your space by taking as much as you need. Don’t tuck your feet under your chair, fold your hands in your lap, or cross your legs or ankles. Keep both feet planted firmly on the floor while sitting, and stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. You don’t have to fill more space than you need or take it from others (that would be aggression, not assertiveness), but showing that you are a confident presence in the room will inspire others to listen to you.\\nKeep your body open. Don’t cross your arms in front of you or cross your legs while standing or sitting. Don’t hold a bag in front of you, or keep your hands in your pockets. These things suggest that you are uncomfortable or not interested in the current situation.\\nPlant yourself where you are. You don’t have to be rigid, but don’t shift your weight from one leg to the other or sway back and forth. Stand comfortably with your shoulders back and your chest out.\\nMake eye contact. Eye contact is crucial in communicating with others. Maintain eye contact for 4-5 seconds at a time. Aim to maintain eye contact for 50% of the time while you speak, and 70% of the time while you listen.\\n1-5. Pay attention to your linguistic style.\\nYour linguistic style is how you say what you say. It includes things such as tone of voice, speed, and volume, as well as pausing, word choice, and other rhetorical choices. Your linguistic style can also contribute to whether people listen to you or not.\\nTry not to talk too fast or too slowly. If you speak too fast, people may not understand you, or they may perceive you as nervous. However, if you speak too slowly, people may become impatient or perceive you as lacking confidence in your ideas. Aim for an even, steady pace.\\nCultural and social differences can also play a role. For example, someone from Texas, where it’s common to speak more slowly and take longer pauses while talking, might feel overwhelmed by the fast pace of a New Yorker’s conversation, while the New Yorker might see the slower Texas speed as uncomfortably silent.\\nWomen also tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve social rapport and relationship-building, while men tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve status and directness. When these rituals come into contact, people from different backgrounds may misunderstand the messages behind them.\\nConsider very distinctive speakers, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Garrison Keillor, and Barack Obama. Although their linguistic styles are wildly different, they’re all highly effective. They vary the volume and speed of their voices to match their points. They pause to let important ideas sink in. Watching a few speeches or performances from excellent speakers on YouTube can help you transfer these skills to your own life.\\n1-6. Look for alternate avenues.\\nNot everyone is going to be a confident social butterfly, even with practice. However, in our age of technology there are many ways to be heard. Consider starting a blog, journaling on social media, writing letters to the editor of your local newspaper, or even writing in a private journal. Sometimes, the most important thing is to get the words out.\\n1-7. Become an active listener.\\nOne of the keys to being heard is knowing how to listen. Not only will this help you find people who are more likely to truly listen, people who know they're being heard are more inclined to listen to you. Here are some techniques to try:\\nPut away your cell phone, or iPod when you're talking with someone. Don't look around the room. Give the person your full attention.\\nAsk for clarification when necessary. Occasionally, say things like, “Let’s see if I understood you correctly. I heard ____. Is that what you meant?” Saying things like this allows the other person a chance to clear up any misunderstanding without feeling attacked.\\nSummarize. This means bringing together different strands of information from your conversation. For example, at the end of a meeting, you might wrap up by saying, “So, what it sounds like we need to do is _______ and _________. Does anyone else have anything to add?”\\nUse encouragers. These can be “minimal encouragers,” such as nodding and words like “uh-huh,” or questions, such as “And then what happened?”\\nAvoid prepping your response while the other person is talking. Listen carefully, and then offer your thoughts.\\n2. Being Heard at Work\\n2-1. Match your communication style to your audience.\\nAn important part of being heard, especially at work, is to make sure you're speaking in the most effective way for your audience. Always consider who it is that you're going to be speaking to when you're trying to get heard.\\nConsider how they speak: do they speak quickly, rapid-firing their ideas? Do they speak more slowly and with more consideration?\\nIf you speak rapidly to a slower-paced person they're more likely to shut down no matter how good your ideas are. You want to set your speaking pace to your audience's listening pace.\\n2-2. Know your colleagues.\\nThis is part of matching your communication style to your audience, but you need to know how to speak effectively to your colleagues. If you want them to hear you, then you need to speak on their level, which requires figuring out what that level is.\\nFind out what makes them tick and shape your idea to their perspective. If they maintain a blog, read it, if they write articles for a magazine relating to your field, check it out. You want insight into their ideas.\\nFigure out what topics they’re interested in and what they value. To be heard effectively you have to gear your ideas towards what will interest your colleagues most. For example: if you find that your colleague is really interested saving the environment, then you might try to show how your idea will help with saving the environment.\\nTake note of how one \\\"takes the floor\\\". Know how to get your opinion, thought, or comment heard. Observe how communications flows, and how a person gets his or her voice heard. This may vary greatly from culture to culture, workplace to workplace, and person to person.\\nNote behavior in meetings, office interactions, and such in workplaces. You might notice, for instance, that the boss will not respond well to subtle hints, but a direct approach works better.\\nTake a look at individuals. Why does Cousin Sam get across to Grandmother? Or the intern from accounting gets attention, while you do not?\\nUnderstand cultural differences. Sometimes it is subtle, sometimes not. The workplace culture in China may be quite different than Canada.\\n2-3. Avoid diminishing your ideas.\\nThis may be an unconscious part of your communication, but using too much apologetic or self-deprecating language can work against you. Consider: if someone passes you in the hall and says something like, “I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have just two minutes to listen to this idea I have?” -- would you feel confident about what that person had to share? Confidence is important to convince others, especially in the workplace, that your ideas are worth hearing.\\nUse the assertive communication techniques elsewhere in this article to help you communicate your ideas with confidence.\\nBeing confident doesn’t mean you have to be pushy or arrogant. You can acknowledge others’ contributions and communicate that you appreciate others’ time is valuable without diminishing your own role. For example, try “Hey, I have what I think is a good idea for that project. Do you have two minutes?” This still acknowledges that the other person’s time is valuable without seeming to apologize for having an idea.\\n2-4. Keep yourself well-informed.\\nYou really don't want to be that person in a meeting that just blurts out ideas without having the faintest idea what's going on. Make sure that you know what is going to be covered in the meeting, or at work.\\nA good way to be able to talk knowledgeably and be heard during a meeting or discussion is if you're prepared some topics and opinions on the subject beforehand. This will give you a jumping off point for expressing your ideas, especially if you're naturally more reticent.\\n2-5. Choose a means of expression that’s best for you.\\nYou want to play to your strengths when you're discussing an idea you have, or describing a work situation, while still keeping in mind your audience. If you're best at making a PowerPoint, then use that as the medium through which you express your ideas.\\nPeople learn and absorb information in different ways. You may test out whether your colleagues or the people in a meeting are visual learners, kinetic learners, or auditory learners.\\nMixing up your styles of presenting information is also a good way to make sure that people are still following. For example: you might have a PowerPoint, a handout, and a small discussion on your idea.\\n2-6. Speak up first in a discussion.\\nGenerally, the first person who contributes to a discussion will be heard more than others who come after. If you have ideas, jump in early. Hanging back may mean you get lost in the discussion. \\nObviously, don't jump in if no one has posed a question or asked for ideas. It will look a bit presumptuous.\\nThis can take a little while to perfect. Some people may interpret a brief pause as uncomfortable silence, while others need a moment to collect their thoughts. Experiment with how long a pause seems to work well, and then jump in.\\n2-7. Ask questions.\\nOften, people are so focused on getting their ideas out there that they forget that asking questions can be just as important, and sometimes even better than simply presenting ideas. Questions can help clarify issues or get people thinking about a problem differently.\\nFor example, if people are discussing how best to maximize the work day, ask what it is that the boss is looking for, ask where the problem areas are, and so on.\\nPrepare questions ahead of time, even if you don’t use them. This can help prepare you and help clarify your own thinking.\\n2-8. Engage your audience.\\nMake sure that your methods of showing your ideas are clear and concise, or else your ideas may go in one ear, and out the other.\\nYou can also use techniques to keep people’s attention, such as using compelling imagery, telling an illustrative anecdote, and calling back to other things that have happened.\\nEven if you’re speaking to a huge crowd, make eye contact while you’re speaking. Move your eyes naturally around the room, making eye contact with different people. at the end of sentences, keep your eyes up and focused on your audience.\\n2-9. Don’t expect anyone to ask you for your opinion.\\nWhile this can be true in all different parts of life, it holds especially true in work instances. Sometimes, people are so busy presenting their own ideas they're not going to ask you what yours are. They're going to assume that if you had an idea you'd speak up.\\nYou have to make the conscious effort to be heard, to speak up. If you don't, then you're simply not going to be heard. It might take a little while to get comfortable speaking up, but the more you do it, the better you will get.\\nThis is something that can be especially difficult for women, who are taught not to be “polite” and consider others’ needs, even at the expense of their own.\\n3. Being Heard in a Relationship\\n3-1. Choose the right time.\\nPart of making sure that you're actually being heard is picking the right time and the right place. This is especially important if you're needing to have a conversation about a difficult subject.\\nYou want to choose a private moment rather than make something a public event. So if there's some sort of problem, having it out with your significant other in front of the entire family on Christmas Eve isn't going to be conducive to communication.\\nLikewise, picking a time when you're both grumpy or already upset (on a long drive, for example) is going to make the other person less likely to hear you.\\n3-2. Know what you want to say in advance.\\nWhile you don't necessarily need to write down your talking points word for word, it's a good idea to know what points you want to touch on. This is especially important if you're shy or tend to have more difficulty thinking on your feet.\\nThis can also keep you on track during a conversation itself, because you'll be better able to remember the things that you need to talk about.\\nAsk yourself questions, such as “What is the solution I’d like to see here?” or “What are other ways I could feel heard?”\\n3-3. Check if the other person is open to hearing you.\\nWhile this ties in with the picking the right time and place, it's important that you tell when someone is open to hearing you. If they aren't, it rarely matters what you say or how you say it. If someone isn't open to hearing you, they aren't going to hear you.\\nTheir body language can communicate a lot to you. If they're turned away from you, not making eye contact, or their arms are crossed across their chest, then they're likely feeling defensive, or not wanting to listen to you.\\nIf they are being aggressive, or angry, then it's going to be very difficult to get them to listen to what you're saying. In that instance, it's best to remove yourself from the situation as best as possible.\\n3-4. Make sure your own body language is conducive to speaking.\\nWhen you're trying to get someone to hear you, you need to make sure that your body language is communicating that. Do your best to avoid shutting down conversation by paying attention to what your body language is saying.\\nIf you can sit next to the person you're trying get to hear you. Make sure that you keep enough distance between you and them so it doesn't feel like you're crowding them, but close enough that there's a connection between you two.\\nKeep your tone of voice and your body language as neutral as possible. Avoid crossing your arms across your chest, or balling up your hands into fists. Keep your chest as open as possible.\\nMaintain eye contact with the other person. This will help you to judge how they're feeling, and whether they're still listening to you, and it will help keep a connection between the two of you.\\n3-5. Set the stage.\\nYou're trying to engage the other person without shutting them down. If you shut the other person down straight off the bat, you're going to find it next to impossible to get them to hear you. What you want to do is make this discussion a shared inquiry rather than an accusation.\\nAs an example you could say something like \\\"I have a problem, and I'm wondering if you can help me with it\\\" and segue into explaining that you need help taking care of the kids.\\nA second example might be something like \\\"I'm confused, I'd really like it if you could try to help me understand\\\" and then go on to explain that you feel that there's a distance between the two of you and you'd really like to work on bridging that distance.\\n3-6. Express vulnerability rather than anger.\\nAnger tends to be a mask for something deeper and more vulnerable, like fear or pain. When you launch directly into anger you're shutting down the avenues of conversation rather than opening them up.\\nVulnerability, while much harder (and scarier) to express, is more likely to be heard. This means, though, that you're going to have to share your hurt in a more thoughtful manner.\\nThis is why \\\"I\\\" statements are so incredibly important. You're explaining why you're hurt or why you're upset. For example: \\\"I was hurt when you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, because it felt like my important recital wasn't as important as getting home and putting your feet up\\\" is so much better and more open than \\\"You always forget to do things. I guess you just don't care about this important recital!\\\"\\n3-7. Be open to listening yourself.\\nA conversation and being heard is not a one-way street. You can't count on someone being willing to listen to you, if you aren't willing to listen to them. It can be hard to hear things about yourself or about the relationship that clash with what you've been thinking, but if you want them to hear you, you have to hear them.\\nHear what the other person has to say. If you're not willing to listen when your significant other explains their side — \\\"I forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning, because I've been so stressed about our child's failing grades in school\\\" — then you're not going to get anywhere.\\nWhen the other person is talking, cultivate active listening. If you space out or get absorbed in your own thoughts, ask them to repeat what they just said. Look them in the eye when they talk and pay attention to what they're saying, rather than focusing on what you're going to say next.\\n3-8. Cultivate your sense of humor.\\nImportant conversations, getting people to listen to you, opening up when you're hurt or upset. All these things can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. If you can approach them with humor, you're more likely to get further.\\nAfter all, people tend to be more open to listening to you when you’re humorous about the situation than when you’re emotionally charged.\\n3-9. Accept that sometimes the other person is not open to listening.\\nYou can't always be heard. You just can't. It doesn't matter if you do everything \\\"right.\\\" You set the stage, you pick the right time, you stay neutral instead of getting angry. Sometimes people aren't ready for what you have to say, and sometimes they'll never be.\\nIf someone cannot or will not hear what you have to say on an ongoing basis, you may need to reconsider whether it's worth having a relationship with them.\\n4. Being Heard in a Social Setting\\n4-1. Consider whether you need to talk.\\nThe thing about being heard is that you need to do it at the right time. That means that you're not doing it all the time. Remember quantity and quality do not always go together.\\nSometimes what people need is a friendly ear. Being the person who listens to other people can also be really important.\\nCultivate the attitude of saying things only when you feel they're important to say. People will be more likely to listen to you if they know that you talk about interesting subjects.\\n4-2. Know when not to talk.\\nYou don't need to talk to everyone. You don't need to talk all the time. There are lots of times and places when people are more or less receptive to conversation and hearing you. Knowing which places are good for that will make you feel more heard in the long run.\\nFor example: someone taking a long red-eye flight is probably going to be less receptive to your conversation than someone you're standing in a long line to a concert you both enjoy.\\nLikewise, that person who is wearing their headphones and staring out the bus window? Yeah, they're probably not looking to hear about all your new business selling used Ferrari automobiles.\\nEven receptive people can “zone out” after too long. If you’ve been talking for more than 40 seconds without a break, it’s probably time to wrap up and give the other person a chance to speak.\\n4-3. Let people know when all you want is to vent.\\nThere are times in everyone's life when all they need is a sympathetic listening ear while they vent about some injustice. Now some people are more interested in offering solutions than listening to you.\\nA lot of people are happy to commiserate or listen if they know that's all you need from them. If they think they need to offer solutions, they may be a little shorter with you and possibly less likely to listen.\\nSimilarly, it’s a good idea to check in with friends to see whether they want someone to problem-solve with them or just a sympathetic ear to vent to.\\nTips\\nRemember that being louder doesn't equal being heard. In fact, the louder you get the more likely you are to turn people off who might otherwise have listened to you.\\nIf you're shy, just try to imagine them in their underwear! It may be silly, but a lot of people use this to speak up.\\nWarnings\\nRemember that no one owes you their time or their attention, not even that poor salesperson. If you feel like no one is listening to you, you might consider what it is that you have to say.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It can be hard to feel like you're being heard, whether it's in a meeting at work, with your significant other, or simply out and about in the world. This can be especially true for women, who may face the pressure of being labelled “shrill” or “pushy” when they try to make their voices heard. While there's no magical formula to make people listen to you, there are things you can do to make it more likely that you'll be listened to.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Starting With Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think about what your ideal outcome looks like.\", \"描述\": \"It can help to identify what “being heard” looks like to you, and what it means to you, before you set out to have an interaction with the person. This way, you’ll know when you’ve been successful.\\nFor example, if you want to be heard at work more, what does that look like to you? Does it look like you sharing more of your ideas? Making some requests you’ve been afraid to make? Something else?\\nSetting clear, smaller goals for yourself can also help you break down a huge goal like “Be heard” into achievable steps.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Some people are afraid to communicate assertively because they worry about seeming arrogant. However, assertive communication is about speaking up for your own ideas and needs while respecting those of others. It’s collaborative, not cocky; direct, not demeaning. You can practice some assertive techniques that will help you communicate more clearly with everyone:\\nUse “I”-statements. These will allow you to be clear and direct without sounding blaming. For example, if your boyfriend keeps forgetting your date nights, you could say: “I am hurt when you forget our date nights because I feel like I’m not a priority for you.” Then you can invite the other person to share feelings: “Would you like to talk about it?” or “What happened?”\\nSay no. It’s very hard for some people to say no, but it’s important to recognize that it isn’t “being polite” to agree to things you really don’t want to do simply for the sake of agreeing. Try asking for some time before you make a decision. You can also remind the other person of other obligations, as in “I would usually say yes to helping you, but I have had a rough week and need some time to recharge on my own.” Remember, you’ve got an obligation to yourself, too!\\nBe as clear as possible. Sometimes, you may not feel heard because you have not communicated clearly enough for the other person to understand. For example, if you want your children to come home for the holidays, an indirect route might be, “Wouldn’t be nice if we could all be together for Christmas?” Your children may not interpret this as a request. However, if you say something like, “It’s very important to me that we all be together for Christmas. I’d like you to make an effort to come,” you have communicated your needs clearly and sincerely without being demanding or arrogant. You can’t control what other people do with that information, but you’ve done your part.\\nApologize, if appropriate--but don’t over-apologize. Take responsibility when you slip up, and make plans to do better in the future. However, profuse or repeated apologies can make you seem insecure. Keep it straight, honest, and to the point.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice beforehand.\", \"描述\": \"Particularly if you are new to asserting yourself, it can be intimidating and nerve-wracking. Make it easier on yourself by practicing the communication beforehand. You can try it on your own, or ask a friend to role-play with you. You don’t need to memorize a speech, but practicing how you will say something (and how to respond to possible challenges) can help you feel more confident. Particularly in the business world, confidence is crucial to being heard.\\nPractice in front of the mirror. Watch how you look when you speak. Practice making eye contact with yourself as you talk. Having doubts about yourself is okay. But if these doubts are keeping you from speaking out when you have something important to say, then maybe you should give yourself a pep talk. For example, if you have acne, or pimples, try using face wash specific to your skin. Or if you feel bad about your body, try wearing figure flattering clothes. This may not seem like much, but if you feel more confident, you'll probably act more confident.\\nRecord yourself practicing and examine it. How you say something can be even more influential than what you say.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Watch your body language.\", \"描述\": \"Confident body language communicates that you’re in control of yourself, and that you believe you have contributions to make. When you project confidence, others are more likely to experience you that way. When your body language is not confident, others won’t feel as interested in what you have to say -- and research has shown you won’t feel as confident about saying it, either.\\nClaim your space by taking as much as you need. Don’t tuck your feet under your chair, fold your hands in your lap, or cross your legs or ankles. Keep both feet planted firmly on the floor while sitting, and stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. You don’t have to fill more space than you need or take it from others (that would be aggression, not assertiveness), but showing that you are a confident presence in the room will inspire others to listen to you.\\nKeep your body open. Don’t cross your arms in front of you or cross your legs while standing or sitting. Don’t hold a bag in front of you, or keep your hands in your pockets. These things suggest that you are uncomfortable or not interested in the current situation.\\nPlant yourself where you are. You don’t have to be rigid, but don’t shift your weight from one leg to the other or sway back and forth. Stand comfortably with your shoulders back and your chest out.\\nMake eye contact. Eye contact is crucial in communicating with others. Maintain eye contact for 4-5 seconds at a time. Aim to maintain eye contact for 50% of the time while you speak, and 70% of the time while you listen.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Pay attention to your linguistic style.\", \"描述\": \"Your linguistic style is how you say what you say. It includes things such as tone of voice, speed, and volume, as well as pausing, word choice, and other rhetorical choices. Your linguistic style can also contribute to whether people listen to you or not.\\nTry not to talk too fast or too slowly. If you speak too fast, people may not understand you, or they may perceive you as nervous. However, if you speak too slowly, people may become impatient or perceive you as lacking confidence in your ideas. Aim for an even, steady pace.\\nCultural and social differences can also play a role. For example, someone from Texas, where it’s common to speak more slowly and take longer pauses while talking, might feel overwhelmed by the fast pace of a New Yorker’s conversation, while the New Yorker might see the slower Texas speed as uncomfortably silent.\\nWomen also tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve social rapport and relationship-building, while men tend to learn to focus on linguistic rituals that involve status and directness. When these rituals come into contact, people from different backgrounds may misunderstand the messages behind them.\\nConsider very distinctive speakers, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Garrison Keillor, and Barack Obama. Although their linguistic styles are wildly different, they’re all highly effective. They vary the volume and speed of their voices to match their points. They pause to let important ideas sink in. Watching a few speeches or performances from excellent speakers on YouTube can help you transfer these skills to your own life.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Look for alternate avenues.\", \"描述\": \"Not everyone is going to be a confident social butterfly, even with practice. However, in our age of technology there are many ways to be heard. Consider starting a blog, journaling on social media, writing letters to the editor of your local newspaper, or even writing in a private journal. Sometimes, the most important thing is to get the words out.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Become an active listener.\", \"描述\": \"One of the keys to being heard is knowing how to listen. Not only will this help you find people who are more likely to truly listen, people who know they're being heard are more inclined to listen to you. Here are some techniques to try:\\nPut away your cell phone, or iPod when you're talking with someone. Don't look around the room. Give the person your full attention.\\nAsk for clarification when necessary. Occasionally, say things like, “Let’s see if I understood you correctly. I heard ____. Is that what you meant?” Saying things like this allows the other person a chance to clear up any misunderstanding without feeling attacked.\\nSummarize. This means bringing together different strands of information from your conversation. For example, at the end of a meeting, you might wrap up by saying, “So, what it sounds like we need to do is _______ and _________. Does anyone else have anything to add?”\\nUse encouragers. These can be “minimal encouragers,” such as nodding and words like “uh-huh,” or questions, such as “And then what happened?”\\nAvoid prepping your response while the other person is talking. Listen carefully, and then offer your thoughts.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Heard at Work\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Match your communication style to your audience.\", \"描述\": \"An important part of being heard, especially at work, is to make sure you're speaking in the most effective way for your audience. Always consider who it is that you're going to be speaking to when you're trying to get heard.\\nConsider how they speak: do they speak quickly, rapid-firing their ideas? Do they speak more slowly and with more consideration?\\nIf you speak rapidly to a slower-paced person they're more likely to shut down no matter how good your ideas are. You want to set your speaking pace to your audience's listening pace.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know your colleagues.\", \"描述\": \"This is part of matching your communication style to your audience, but you need to know how to speak effectively to your colleagues. If you want them to hear you, then you need to speak on their level, which requires figuring out what that level is.\\nFind out what makes them tick and shape your idea to their perspective. If they maintain a blog, read it, if they write articles for a magazine relating to your field, check it out. You want insight into their ideas.\\nFigure out what topics they’re interested in and what they value. To be heard effectively you have to gear your ideas towards what will interest your colleagues most. For example: if you find that your colleague is really interested saving the environment, then you might try to show how your idea will help with saving the environment.\\nTake note of how one \\\"takes the floor\\\". Know how to get your opinion, thought, or comment heard. Observe how communications flows, and how a person gets his or her voice heard. This may vary greatly from culture to culture, workplace to workplace, and person to person.\\nNote behavior in meetings, office interactions, and such in workplaces. You might notice, for instance, that the boss will not respond well to subtle hints, but a direct approach works better.\\nTake a look at individuals. Why does Cousin Sam get across to Grandmother? Or the intern from accounting gets attention, while you do not?\\nUnderstand cultural differences. Sometimes it is subtle, sometimes not. The workplace culture in China may be quite different than Canada.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid diminishing your ideas.\", \"描述\": \"This may be an unconscious part of your communication, but using too much apologetic or self-deprecating language can work against you. Consider: if someone passes you in the hall and says something like, “I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have just two minutes to listen to this idea I have?” -- would you feel confident about what that person had to share? Confidence is important to convince others, especially in the workplace, that your ideas are worth hearing.\\nUse the assertive communication techniques elsewhere in this article to help you communicate your ideas with confidence.\\nBeing confident doesn’t mean you have to be pushy or arrogant. You can acknowledge others’ contributions and communicate that you appreciate others’ time is valuable without diminishing your own role. For example, try “Hey, I have what I think is a good idea for that project. Do you have two minutes?” This still acknowledges that the other person’s time is valuable without seeming to apologize for having an idea.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep yourself well-informed.\", \"描述\": \"You really don't want to be that person in a meeting that just blurts out ideas without having the faintest idea what's going on. Make sure that you know what is going to be covered in the meeting, or at work.\\nA good way to be able to talk knowledgeably and be heard during a meeting or discussion is if you're prepared some topics and opinions on the subject beforehand. This will give you a jumping off point for expressing your ideas, especially if you're naturally more reticent.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Choose a means of expression that’s best for you.\", \"描述\": \"You want to play to your strengths when you're discussing an idea you have, or describing a work situation, while still keeping in mind your audience. If you're best at making a PowerPoint, then use that as the medium through which you express your ideas.\\nPeople learn and absorb information in different ways. You may test out whether your colleagues or the people in a meeting are visual learners, kinetic learners, or auditory learners.\\nMixing up your styles of presenting information is also a good way to make sure that people are still following. For example: you might have a PowerPoint, a handout, and a small discussion on your idea.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Speak up first in a discussion.\", \"描述\": \"Generally, the first person who contributes to a discussion will be heard more than others who come after. If you have ideas, jump in early. Hanging back may mean you get lost in the discussion. \\nObviously, don't jump in if no one has posed a question or asked for ideas. It will look a bit presumptuous.\\nThis can take a little while to perfect. Some people may interpret a brief pause as uncomfortable silence, while others need a moment to collect their thoughts. Experiment with how long a pause seems to work well, and then jump in.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Ask questions.\", \"描述\": \"Often, people are so focused on getting their ideas out there that they forget that asking questions can be just as important, and sometimes even better than simply presenting ideas. Questions can help clarify issues or get people thinking about a problem differently.\\nFor example, if people are discussing how best to maximize the work day, ask what it is that the boss is looking for, ask where the problem areas are, and so on.\\nPrepare questions ahead of time, even if you don’t use them. This can help prepare you and help clarify your own thinking.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Engage your audience.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure that your methods of showing your ideas are clear and concise, or else your ideas may go in one ear, and out the other.\\nYou can also use techniques to keep people’s attention, such as using compelling imagery, telling an illustrative anecdote, and calling back to other things that have happened.\\nEven if you’re speaking to a huge crowd, make eye contact while you’re speaking. Move your eyes naturally around the room, making eye contact with different people. at the end of sentences, keep your eyes up and focused on your audience.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Don’t expect anyone to ask you for your opinion.\", \"描述\": \"While this can be true in all different parts of life, it holds especially true in work instances. Sometimes, people are so busy presenting their own ideas they're not going to ask you what yours are. They're going to assume that if you had an idea you'd speak up.\\nYou have to make the conscious effort to be heard, to speak up. If you don't, then you're simply not going to be heard. It might take a little while to get comfortable speaking up, but the more you do it, the better you will get.\\nThis is something that can be especially difficult for women, who are taught not to be “polite” and consider others’ needs, even at the expense of their own.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Heard in a Relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Choose the right time.\", \"描述\": \"Part of making sure that you're actually being heard is picking the right time and the right place. This is especially important if you're needing to have a conversation about a difficult subject.\\nYou want to choose a private moment rather than make something a public event. So if there's some sort of problem, having it out with your significant other in front of the entire family on Christmas Eve isn't going to be conducive to communication.\\nLikewise, picking a time when you're both grumpy or already upset (on a long drive, for example) is going to make the other person less likely to hear you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know what you want to say in advance.\", \"描述\": \"While you don't necessarily need to write down your talking points word for word, it's a good idea to know what points you want to touch on. This is especially important if you're shy or tend to have more difficulty thinking on your feet.\\nThis can also keep you on track during a conversation itself, because you'll be better able to remember the things that you need to talk about.\\nAsk yourself questions, such as “What is the solution I’d like to see here?” or “What are other ways I could feel heard?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Check if the other person is open to hearing you.\", \"描述\": \"While this ties in with the picking the right time and place, it's important that you tell when someone is open to hearing you. If they aren't, it rarely matters what you say or how you say it. If someone isn't open to hearing you, they aren't going to hear you.\\nTheir body language can communicate a lot to you. If they're turned away from you, not making eye contact, or their arms are crossed across their chest, then they're likely feeling defensive, or not wanting to listen to you.\\nIf they are being aggressive, or angry, then it's going to be very difficult to get them to listen to what you're saying. In that instance, it's best to remove yourself from the situation as best as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make sure your own body language is conducive to speaking.\", \"描述\": \"When you're trying to get someone to hear you, you need to make sure that your body language is communicating that. Do your best to avoid shutting down conversation by paying attention to what your body language is saying.\\nIf you can sit next to the person you're trying get to hear you. Make sure that you keep enough distance between you and them so it doesn't feel like you're crowding them, but close enough that there's a connection between you two.\\nKeep your tone of voice and your body language as neutral as possible. Avoid crossing your arms across your chest, or balling up your hands into fists. Keep your chest as open as possible.\\nMaintain eye contact with the other person. This will help you to judge how they're feeling, and whether they're still listening to you, and it will help keep a connection between the two of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Set the stage.\", \"描述\": \"You're trying to engage the other person without shutting them down. If you shut the other person down straight off the bat, you're going to find it next to impossible to get them to hear you. What you want to do is make this discussion a shared inquiry rather than an accusation.\\nAs an example you could say something like \\\"I have a problem, and I'm wondering if you can help me with it\\\" and segue into explaining that you need help taking care of the kids.\\nA second example might be something like \\\"I'm confused, I'd really like it if you could try to help me understand\\\" and then go on to explain that you feel that there's a distance between the two of you and you'd really like to work on bridging that distance.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Express vulnerability rather than anger.\", \"描述\": \"Anger tends to be a mask for something deeper and more vulnerable, like fear or pain. When you launch directly into anger you're shutting down the avenues of conversation rather than opening them up.\\nVulnerability, while much harder (and scarier) to express, is more likely to be heard. This means, though, that you're going to have to share your hurt in a more thoughtful manner.\\nThis is why \\\"I\\\" statements are so incredibly important. You're explaining why you're hurt or why you're upset. For example: \\\"I was hurt when you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, because it felt like my important recital wasn't as important as getting home and putting your feet up\\\" is so much better and more open than \\\"You always forget to do things. I guess you just don't care about this important recital!\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be open to listening yourself.\", \"描述\": \"A conversation and being heard is not a one-way street. You can't count on someone being willing to listen to you, if you aren't willing to listen to them. It can be hard to hear things about yourself or about the relationship that clash with what you've been thinking, but if you want them to hear you, you have to hear them.\\nHear what the other person has to say. If you're not willing to listen when your significant other explains their side — \\\"I forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning, because I've been so stressed about our child's failing grades in school\\\" — then you're not going to get anywhere.\\nWhen the other person is talking, cultivate active listening. If you space out or get absorbed in your own thoughts, ask them to repeat what they just said. Look them in the eye when they talk and pay attention to what they're saying, rather than focusing on what you're going to say next.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Cultivate your sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"Important conversations, getting people to listen to you, opening up when you're hurt or upset. All these things can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. If you can approach them with humor, you're more likely to get further.\\nAfter all, people tend to be more open to listening to you when you’re humorous about the situation than when you’re emotionally charged.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Accept that sometimes the other person is not open to listening.\", \"描述\": \"You can't always be heard. You just can't. It doesn't matter if you do everything \\\"right.\\\" You set the stage, you pick the right time, you stay neutral instead of getting angry. Sometimes people aren't ready for what you have to say, and sometimes they'll never be.\\nIf someone cannot or will not hear what you have to say on an ongoing basis, you may need to reconsider whether it's worth having a relationship with them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Being Heard in a Social Setting\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Consider whether you need to talk.\", \"描述\": \"The thing about being heard is that you need to do it at the right time. That means that you're not doing it all the time. Remember quantity and quality do not always go together.\\nSometimes what people need is a friendly ear. Being the person who listens to other people can also be really important.\\nCultivate the attitude of saying things only when you feel they're important to say. People will be more likely to listen to you if they know that you talk about interesting subjects.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know when not to talk.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to talk to everyone. You don't need to talk all the time. There are lots of times and places when people are more or less receptive to conversation and hearing you. Knowing which places are good for that will make you feel more heard in the long run.\\nFor example: someone taking a long red-eye flight is probably going to be less receptive to your conversation than someone you're standing in a long line to a concert you both enjoy.\\nLikewise, that person who is wearing their headphones and staring out the bus window? Yeah, they're probably not looking to hear about all your new business selling used Ferrari automobiles.\\nEven receptive people can “zone out” after too long. If you’ve been talking for more than 40 seconds without a break, it’s probably time to wrap up and give the other person a chance to speak.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let people know when all you want is to vent.\", \"描述\": \"There are times in everyone's life when all they need is a sympathetic listening ear while they vent about some injustice. Now some people are more interested in offering solutions than listening to you.\\nA lot of people are happy to commiserate or listen if they know that's all you need from them. If they think they need to offer solutions, they may be a little shorter with you and possibly less likely to listen.\\nSimilarly, it’s a good idea to check in with friends to see whether they want someone to problem-solve with them or just a sympathetic ear to vent to.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Remember that being louder doesn't equal being heard. In fact, the louder you get the more likely you are to turn people off who might otherwise have listened to you.\\n\", \"If you're shy, just try to imagine them in their underwear! It may be silly, but a lot of people use this to speak up.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Remember that no one owes you their time or their attention, not even that poor salesperson. If you feel like no one is listening to you, you might consider what it is that you have to say.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,825 | How to Be Helpful | 1. Offer to be there when things are tough.
Just being present can be a huge help.
If you know someone who is facing a difficult situation, ask if they’d like you to go along. For instance, you could offer to go with a family member to a stressful medical appointment, or just hang out with a friend who’s going through a rough breakup.
Say something like, “Want me to tag along when you go in for your checkup today?” or “I know things have been hard lately. Want me to come over to your place for a while this afternoon?”
Even if you’re not actually doing much, your presence can be really reassuring to a loved one during a tough time.
2. Ask what you can do if you’re not sure.
It’s sometimes best to find out what’s needed before jumping in.
Don’t always assume you know what someone wants or needs, especially if they’re dealing with a tough situation. They might need a hand running errands, or they might just want to talk about how they’re feeling. Just say something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?”
If the person is hesitant to name anything specific, try making some gentle offers. For example, “If you want, I could run out and grab you some lunch,” or “Would it help if cleaned up here while you go rest for a bit?” Don’t be pushy if they keep saying no, though.
3. Look for opportunities to pitch in.
Random acts of kindness can really brighten a person’s day.
Look around for things that need to be done, whether you’re at home, in school, at work, or visiting a friend. Instead of waiting for someone to ask, take the initiative and get it done!
For example, you could take out the trash, clean up after a meal, or wash the car before anyone says something about it.
4. Be an active listener.
When it comes to being helpful, good communication is key.
When someone is talking to you about what they want or need, make an effort to really understand what they’re saying instead of just passively taking it in. Give signals that you’re paying attention, such as nodding and saying things like “Yes,” or “I hear you.” You can also rephrase what they’ve just said to make sure you understand it.
For example, say something like, “It sounds like you’re overwhelmed trying to finish all these projects on your own, and it would help if someone took one of them off your hands. Is that right?”
You can also ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. For example, “Can you tell me more about the problem you’re having with the files? I didn’t quite understand that.”
Sometimes, just the act of listening can be a huge help all on its own!
5. Set a daily intention to help.
When you act with intention, it’s easier to form new habits.
Instead of just telling yourself you’re going to be more helpful from now on, set some specific goals. Try to be consistent about doing this every day so that it becomes part of your routine.
Your goals don’t have to be huge, especially when you’re starting out. For example, you could say to yourself, “Today I’m going to help my mom out with the housework. I’ll offer to wash the dishes after breakfast.”
If it helps, write down your intentions in a planner or a text document. You can even set a reminder for yourself on your phone.
6. Start a helpfulness journal.
Journaling can inspire and motivate you to keep helping.
Use your journal in any way that’s useful to you. For example, you might write down ideas for how to be more helpful, jot down specific goals and reminders, or keep track of helpful things you’re already doing.
It’s easier to form new habits if you have clear reasons behind them. Try writing down a list of reasons why you want to be more helpful. For instance, “Being helpful will give my life a sense of purpose,” or “Being more helpful will improve my relationships with others.”
7. Schedule specific times to help out.
When you’re busy, it’s hard to find time to do things for others.
If you want to help out but you’re not sure when you can fit it in, sit down and take a look at your schedule. Figure out when you have a little free time—even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes—to do something helpful every day. Having this kind of structure will make it easier to focus on what’s really important to you, like helping others.
For instance, you could set aside 20 minutes every afternoon to help your sibling with their homework.
8. Be a positive influence.
Set a good example for the people around you.
When you’re kind to others, it creates a ripple effect. This means that you have the power to make your community better just by being your best self! When you interact with others, make an effort to be gracious, responsible, and respectful. They might just be inspired to pay it forward.
There are many small ways to set a good example for others. For example, you might make an extra effort to be polite to the cashier at the grocery store, or go out of your way to offer someone a sincere compliment.
You can also be a positive influencer by acting in socially responsible ways. For instance, during the COVID pandemic, set an example by wearing a mask and following social distancing rules.
9. Volunteer your time.
Look for organizations in your community that need a hand.
Being helpful is about more than just looking out for people you know. You can also offer your time or skills to charities, service organizations, or schools in your area. Check with organizations that support causes you care about to find out if there’s anything you can do.
For example, you might volunteer to read to kids at the local library, spend time with the animals at a nearby shelter, or make fundraising calls for a charity you support.
If you have any special skills, find ways to put them to use! For instance, if you’re a math whiz, you could offer to tutor kids at your neighborhood elementary school.
10. Donate money or items to charity.
Research charities and find out what kind of donations they need.
Donating to charity is a great way to help the people who need it most. When you find a charity that supports a cause you’re interested in, check out their website or give them a call to find out about your donation options.
Many charities prefer getting cash to receiving items. Before you donate goods, such as canned food or clothes, check to make sure they’re actually wanted.
Before donating, check out your potential charity’s reputation on a charity watchdog website like the BBB Wise Giving Alliance, Charity Navigator, or Charity Watch. That way, you’ll know whether your donation is really going to the people who need it.
11. Make sure your help is wanted.
Being pushy about giving help can do more harm than good.
Before you help someone, stop and think. Even if they look like they’re struggling, they might really want to be left alone—or they might not want the kind of help you think they do. When in doubt, it’s always best to ask!
For instance, if someone is talking to you about a tough time they’re going through, don’t assume they want advice or are looking for a way to fix things. Instead of jumping in with advice, ask something like, “Is there anything I can do, or do you just feel like venting?”
Be especially sensitive when trying to help people with disabilities. Always ask before giving assistance unless you know the person and know that they want your help.
12. Ask for genuine feedback.
Constructive criticism and feedback can help you to be more helpful.
If you’re doing something for another person, check in with them occasionally. Ask if there’s anything they’d like you to do differently, or if whatever you’re doing is actually helpful to them. Take their answer to heart and keep it in mind next time you give them a helping hand.
For instance, you might ask your partner, “Would it be helpful if I keep bringing you lunches at work? Is there anything different you want me to put in next time?”
13. Get backup if you’re overwhelmed.
Sometimes you just can’t give someone the help they need.
If you feel like you’re in over your head, or the help you’ve been giving isn’t enough, it’s totally okay to get extra support. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend, loved one, or other trusted person to pitch in, or even get professional help.
In some cases, it’s important to get a professional involved. For instance, if you’re worried that someone you love is having a mental health crisis, the best thing might be to encourage them to see a doctor or counselor.
If you think you’re dealing with an emergency situation, don’t hesitate to call 911 or your local emergency number. Don’t try to handle it by yourself!
If you’re a kid or a teen, reach out to a parent, teacher, or other trusted adult if you need help and advice.
Tips
Before you offer assistance, think about whether it’s something you can actually do. Do your best to follow through once you’ve committed to help.[18]
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Research source
If you’re having trouble staying motivated to be helpful, plan to yourself afterwards. For example, you could promise yourself a trip to your favorite ice cream place after you mow your parents’ lawn.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Offer to be there when things are tough.\\nJust being present can be a huge help.\\nIf you know someone who is facing a difficult situation, ask if they’d like you to go along. For instance, you could offer to go with a family member to a stressful medical appointment, or just hang out with a friend who’s going through a rough breakup.\\nSay something like, “Want me to tag along when you go in for your checkup today?” or “I know things have been hard lately. Want me to come over to your place for a while this afternoon?”\\nEven if you’re not actually doing much, your presence can be really reassuring to a loved one during a tough time.\\n2. Ask what you can do if you’re not sure.\\nIt’s sometimes best to find out what’s needed before jumping in.\\nDon’t always assume you know what someone wants or needs, especially if they’re dealing with a tough situation. They might need a hand running errands, or they might just want to talk about how they’re feeling. Just say something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?”\\nIf the person is hesitant to name anything specific, try making some gentle offers. For example, “If you want, I could run out and grab you some lunch,” or “Would it help if cleaned up here while you go rest for a bit?” Don’t be pushy if they keep saying no, though.\\n3. Look for opportunities to pitch in.\\nRandom acts of kindness can really brighten a person’s day.\\nLook around for things that need to be done, whether you’re at home, in school, at work, or visiting a friend. Instead of waiting for someone to ask, take the initiative and get it done!\\nFor example, you could take out the trash, clean up after a meal, or wash the car before anyone says something about it.\\n4. Be an active listener.\\nWhen it comes to being helpful, good communication is key.\\nWhen someone is talking to you about what they want or need, make an effort to really understand what they’re saying instead of just passively taking it in. Give signals that you’re paying attention, such as nodding and saying things like “Yes,” or “I hear you.” You can also rephrase what they’ve just said to make sure you understand it.\\nFor example, say something like, “It sounds like you’re overwhelmed trying to finish all these projects on your own, and it would help if someone took one of them off your hands. Is that right?”\\nYou can also ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. For example, “Can you tell me more about the problem you’re having with the files? I didn’t quite understand that.”\\nSometimes, just the act of listening can be a huge help all on its own!\\n5. Set a daily intention to help.\\nWhen you act with intention, it’s easier to form new habits.\\nInstead of just telling yourself you’re going to be more helpful from now on, set some specific goals. Try to be consistent about doing this every day so that it becomes part of your routine.\\nYour goals don’t have to be huge, especially when you’re starting out. For example, you could say to yourself, “Today I’m going to help my mom out with the housework. I’ll offer to wash the dishes after breakfast.”\\nIf it helps, write down your intentions in a planner or a text document. You can even set a reminder for yourself on your phone.\\n6. Start a helpfulness journal.\\nJournaling can inspire and motivate you to keep helping.\\nUse your journal in any way that’s useful to you. For example, you might write down ideas for how to be more helpful, jot down specific goals and reminders, or keep track of helpful things you’re already doing.\\nIt’s easier to form new habits if you have clear reasons behind them. Try writing down a list of reasons why you want to be more helpful. For instance, “Being helpful will give my life a sense of purpose,” or “Being more helpful will improve my relationships with others.”\\n7. Schedule specific times to help out.\\nWhen you’re busy, it’s hard to find time to do things for others.\\nIf you want to help out but you’re not sure when you can fit it in, sit down and take a look at your schedule. Figure out when you have a little free time—even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes—to do something helpful every day. Having this kind of structure will make it easier to focus on what’s really important to you, like helping others.\\nFor instance, you could set aside 20 minutes every afternoon to help your sibling with their homework.\\n8. Be a positive influence.\\nSet a good example for the people around you.\\nWhen you’re kind to others, it creates a ripple effect. This means that you have the power to make your community better just by being your best self! When you interact with others, make an effort to be gracious, responsible, and respectful. They might just be inspired to pay it forward.\\nThere are many small ways to set a good example for others. For example, you might make an extra effort to be polite to the cashier at the grocery store, or go out of your way to offer someone a sincere compliment.\\nYou can also be a positive influencer by acting in socially responsible ways. For instance, during the COVID pandemic, set an example by wearing a mask and following social distancing rules.\\n9. Volunteer your time.\\nLook for organizations in your community that need a hand.\\nBeing helpful is about more than just looking out for people you know. You can also offer your time or skills to charities, service organizations, or schools in your area. Check with organizations that support causes you care about to find out if there’s anything you can do.\\nFor example, you might volunteer to read to kids at the local library, spend time with the animals at a nearby shelter, or make fundraising calls for a charity you support.\\nIf you have any special skills, find ways to put them to use! For instance, if you’re a math whiz, you could offer to tutor kids at your neighborhood elementary school.\\n10. Donate money or items to charity.\\nResearch charities and find out what kind of donations they need.\\nDonating to charity is a great way to help the people who need it most. When you find a charity that supports a cause you’re interested in, check out their website or give them a call to find out about your donation options.\\nMany charities prefer getting cash to receiving items. Before you donate goods, such as canned food or clothes, check to make sure they’re actually wanted.\\nBefore donating, check out your potential charity’s reputation on a charity watchdog website like the BBB Wise Giving Alliance, Charity Navigator, or Charity Watch. That way, you’ll know whether your donation is really going to the people who need it.\\n11. Make sure your help is wanted.\\nBeing pushy about giving help can do more harm than good.\\nBefore you help someone, stop and think. Even if they look like they’re struggling, they might really want to be left alone—or they might not want the kind of help you think they do. When in doubt, it’s always best to ask!\\nFor instance, if someone is talking to you about a tough time they’re going through, don’t assume they want advice or are looking for a way to fix things. Instead of jumping in with advice, ask something like, “Is there anything I can do, or do you just feel like venting?”\\nBe especially sensitive when trying to help people with disabilities. Always ask before giving assistance unless you know the person and know that they want your help.\\n12. Ask for genuine feedback.\\nConstructive criticism and feedback can help you to be more helpful.\\nIf you’re doing something for another person, check in with them occasionally. Ask if there’s anything they’d like you to do differently, or if whatever you’re doing is actually helpful to them. Take their answer to heart and keep it in mind next time you give them a helping hand.\\nFor instance, you might ask your partner, “Would it be helpful if I keep bringing you lunches at work? Is there anything different you want me to put in next time?”\\n13. Get backup if you’re overwhelmed.\\nSometimes you just can’t give someone the help they need.\\nIf you feel like you’re in over your head, or the help you’ve been giving isn’t enough, it’s totally okay to get extra support. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend, loved one, or other trusted person to pitch in, or even get professional help.\\nIn some cases, it’s important to get a professional involved. For instance, if you’re worried that someone you love is having a mental health crisis, the best thing might be to encourage them to see a doctor or counselor.\\nIf you think you’re dealing with an emergency situation, don’t hesitate to call 911 or your local emergency number. Don’t try to handle it by yourself!\\nIf you’re a kid or a teen, reach out to a parent, teacher, or other trusted adult if you need help and advice.\\nTips\\nBefore you offer assistance, think about whether it’s something you can actually do. Do your best to follow through once you’ve committed to help.[18]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nIf you’re having trouble staying motivated to be helpful, plan to yourself afterwards. For example, you could promise yourself a trip to your favorite ice cream place after you mow your parents’ lawn.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It feels good to help others, whether you're helping out at home, at work, or at school. And studies show that when you do something nice for someone else it doesn’t just help them—it also gives your life a sense of meaning, which can boost your overall happiness and wellbeing. If you’re eager to become a more helpful person, you can start making a difference in the lives of others with just a few simple steps.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Offer to be there when things are tough.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Just being present can be a huge help.\", \"描述\": \"If you know someone who is facing a difficult situation, ask if they’d like you to go along. For instance, you could offer to go with a family member to a stressful medical appointment, or just hang out with a friend who’s going through a rough breakup.\\nSay something like, “Want me to tag along when you go in for your checkup today?” or “I know things have been hard lately. Want me to come over to your place for a while this afternoon?”\\nEven if you’re not actually doing much, your presence can be really reassuring to a loved one during a tough time.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask what you can do if you’re not sure.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"It’s sometimes best to find out what’s needed before jumping in.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t always assume you know what someone wants or needs, especially if they’re dealing with a tough situation. They might need a hand running errands, or they might just want to talk about how they’re feeling. Just say something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?”\\nIf the person is hesitant to name anything specific, try making some gentle offers. For example, “If you want, I could run out and grab you some lunch,” or “Would it help if cleaned up here while you go rest for a bit?” Don’t be pushy if they keep saying no, though.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Look for opportunities to pitch in.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Random acts of kindness can really brighten a person’s day.\", \"描述\": \"Look around for things that need to be done, whether you’re at home, in school, at work, or visiting a friend. Instead of waiting for someone to ask, take the initiative and get it done!\\nFor example, you could take out the trash, clean up after a meal, or wash the car before anyone says something about it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be an active listener.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"When it comes to being helpful, good communication is key.\", \"描述\": \"When someone is talking to you about what they want or need, make an effort to really understand what they’re saying instead of just passively taking it in. Give signals that you’re paying attention, such as nodding and saying things like “Yes,” or “I hear you.” You can also rephrase what they’ve just said to make sure you understand it.\\nFor example, say something like, “It sounds like you’re overwhelmed trying to finish all these projects on your own, and it would help if someone took one of them off your hands. Is that right?”\\nYou can also ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. For example, “Can you tell me more about the problem you’re having with the files? I didn’t quite understand that.”\\nSometimes, just the act of listening can be a huge help all on its own!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Set a daily intention to help.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"When you act with intention, it’s easier to form new habits.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of just telling yourself you’re going to be more helpful from now on, set some specific goals. Try to be consistent about doing this every day so that it becomes part of your routine.\\nYour goals don’t have to be huge, especially when you’re starting out. For example, you could say to yourself, “Today I’m going to help my mom out with the housework. I’ll offer to wash the dishes after breakfast.”\\nIf it helps, write down your intentions in a planner or a text document. You can even set a reminder for yourself on your phone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Start a helpfulness journal.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Journaling can inspire and motivate you to keep helping.\", \"描述\": \"Use your journal in any way that’s useful to you. For example, you might write down ideas for how to be more helpful, jot down specific goals and reminders, or keep track of helpful things you’re already doing.\\nIt’s easier to form new habits if you have clear reasons behind them. Try writing down a list of reasons why you want to be more helpful. For instance, “Being helpful will give my life a sense of purpose,” or “Being more helpful will improve my relationships with others.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Schedule specific times to help out.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"When you’re busy, it’s hard to find time to do things for others.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to help out but you’re not sure when you can fit it in, sit down and take a look at your schedule. Figure out when you have a little free time—even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes—to do something helpful every day. Having this kind of structure will make it easier to focus on what’s really important to you, like helping others.\\nFor instance, you could set aside 20 minutes every afternoon to help your sibling with their homework.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be a positive influence.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set a good example for the people around you.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re kind to others, it creates a ripple effect. This means that you have the power to make your community better just by being your best self! When you interact with others, make an effort to be gracious, responsible, and respectful. They might just be inspired to pay it forward.\\nThere are many small ways to set a good example for others. For example, you might make an extra effort to be polite to the cashier at the grocery store, or go out of your way to offer someone a sincere compliment.\\nYou can also be a positive influencer by acting in socially responsible ways. For instance, during the COVID pandemic, set an example by wearing a mask and following social distancing rules.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Volunteer your time.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for organizations in your community that need a hand.\", \"描述\": \"Being helpful is about more than just looking out for people you know. You can also offer your time or skills to charities, service organizations, or schools in your area. Check with organizations that support causes you care about to find out if there’s anything you can do.\\nFor example, you might volunteer to read to kids at the local library, spend time with the animals at a nearby shelter, or make fundraising calls for a charity you support.\\nIf you have any special skills, find ways to put them to use! For instance, if you’re a math whiz, you could offer to tutor kids at your neighborhood elementary school.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Donate money or items to charity.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Research charities and find out what kind of donations they need.\", \"描述\": \"Donating to charity is a great way to help the people who need it most. When you find a charity that supports a cause you’re interested in, check out their website or give them a call to find out about your donation options.\\nMany charities prefer getting cash to receiving items. Before you donate goods, such as canned food or clothes, check to make sure they’re actually wanted.\\nBefore donating, check out your potential charity’s reputation on a charity watchdog website like the BBB Wise Giving Alliance, Charity Navigator, or Charity Watch. That way, you’ll know whether your donation is really going to the people who need it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Make sure your help is wanted.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being pushy about giving help can do more harm than good.\", \"描述\": \"Before you help someone, stop and think. Even if they look like they’re struggling, they might really want to be left alone—or they might not want the kind of help you think they do. When in doubt, it’s always best to ask!\\nFor instance, if someone is talking to you about a tough time they’re going through, don’t assume they want advice or are looking for a way to fix things. Instead of jumping in with advice, ask something like, “Is there anything I can do, or do you just feel like venting?”\\nBe especially sensitive when trying to help people with disabilities. Always ask before giving assistance unless you know the person and know that they want your help.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Ask for genuine feedback.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Constructive criticism and feedback can help you to be more helpful.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re doing something for another person, check in with them occasionally. Ask if there’s anything they’d like you to do differently, or if whatever you’re doing is actually helpful to them. Take their answer to heart and keep it in mind next time you give them a helping hand.\\nFor instance, you might ask your partner, “Would it be helpful if I keep bringing you lunches at work? Is there anything different you want me to put in next time?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Get backup if you’re overwhelmed.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sometimes you just can’t give someone the help they need.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel like you’re in over your head, or the help you’ve been giving isn’t enough, it’s totally okay to get extra support. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend, loved one, or other trusted person to pitch in, or even get professional help.\\nIn some cases, it’s important to get a professional involved. For instance, if you’re worried that someone you love is having a mental health crisis, the best thing might be to encourage them to see a doctor or counselor.\\nIf you think you’re dealing with an emergency situation, don’t hesitate to call 911 or your local emergency number. Don’t try to handle it by yourself!\\nIf you’re a kid or a teen, reach out to a parent, teacher, or other trusted adult if you need help and advice.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Before you offer assistance, think about whether it’s something you can actually do. Do your best to follow through once you’ve committed to help.[18]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"If you’re having trouble staying motivated to be helpful, plan to yourself afterwards. For example, you could promise yourself a trip to your favorite ice cream place after you mow your parents’ lawn.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,826 | How to Be Hip | 1. Looking Hip
1-1. Wear fashionable clothes.
Clothes are the most immediate way to change the way you are perceived by others. However, being fashionable isn't all about being seen. Paying attention the culture of fashion and developing your own style of dress also directly affects your behavior and how you perceive yourself.
You don't have to become a slave to fashion, but paying attention to trends and incorporating what you like into your own style is noticed by everyone.
Research current trends and designers online and via fashion magazines. Designers come out with collections every season, so make it a habit to check those out. You don't necessarily need to copy them – but having a sense of what's currently fashionable is definitely hip.
Designer clothing is expensive, but you don't have to break the bank to look trendy. Pay attention to the style of what you see, and then reproduce the elements you are drawn to with more affordable versions.
1-2. Sport a cool hairstyle.
As with clothing, your hairstyle is one of the things immediately noticed by other people. Do a little research on what's trendy in hairstyles – the internet is a great resource for this. Keep in mind that every current trend might not look great on you. Experiment and find out what works.
Asking your hairstylist about current trends is a great way to learn about what's cool. They can also assist you with figuring out what will look best on you, and give you a hairstyle that is both trendy and customized for you.
Getting the cut isn't enough – you should also keep your hair well-groomed and neat. If you aren't sure how to style a new haircut, ask your hairstylist for pointers.
1-3. Express confident body language.
Being aware of your body language is a major way to influence how you are perceived by others and this doesn't cost you a dime. It also directly affects how you feel about yourself. Adopting positive body language, whether you feel confident or not, makes you feel confident because it's sending positive, confident signals to your brain.
Pay attention to your posture so that you stand and sit up straight. You don't want to look uncomfortable or on edge by overdoing it, so make sure you adopt good posture while still maintaining a relaxed demeanor.
Remember to smile and look people in the eye when speaking to them.
Make it a point to stop fidgeting. Practice being physically self-aware so that you can keep your body language relaxed.
1-4. Define your own style.
Following trends and staying current are important, but the key is to incorporate those discoveries into your own personal style. Make them work for you. If you aren't sure what your personal style is, take a moment to think about what looks you are drawn to. Experiment with clothing and different looks and you'll find your own sense of style starting to emerge.
Choose clothing and hairstyles that make you feel good about yourself. Don't blindly follow every trend you see. It's more important that you stay current when it comes to knowing about trends – you don't necessarily need to adopt all of them. Being hip is about knowing what's current.
If you find yourself being attracted to clothing or a style that you aren't necessarily seeing on the runways, incorporate that! Developing your own sense of style is about embracing trends and then spicing it up with your own flair. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
2. Acting Hip
2-1. Refine your behavior.
When it comes to acting hip, adopting a “less is more” approach is a good place to start. Speak slowly and calmly and keep your emotions in check. Be friendly but don't ramble or try to manipulate every social situation for attention. Sometimes being hip is more about what you aren't doing, rather than what you are.
Don't fight to be in the spotlight. You can learn a lot by sitting back and being a spectator occasionally. By avoiding attention-seeking behavior you project that it doesn't matter to you that you are seen. At the heart of hipness is not overly caring what other people think of you.
Try to make everything you do appear effortless. Your actions should always reflect that you are calm and relaxed.
It takes effort to make everything look effortless, which probably sounds like a great cosmic joke! But with practice, it will come.
2-2. Adjust your attitude.
Adopt a positive outlook and place less emphasis on how much concern you have for the opinions of others. Instead place your focus on successfully doing things that you care about. It's not really about not caring – you don't want to disregard others completely. It's more about caring a lot about things that have nothing to do with what others think.
Whatever your personal talents are, work to become even better at them. Be proud of your accomplishments and the things you put into the world.
For instance, sometimes staying home to finish a drawing you've been working on is so much cooler than forcing yourself to go to some party.
When you focus on the right attitude, your positive body language will fall into place.
2-3. Be a rebel.
Rebelliousness is often cited as a key element of hipness. This is because breaking rules gives the illusion that you are powerful and that you are beyond traditional behavior and the norm.
This doesn't mean you should go around with the intent to snub authority at every turn. Instead focus on not being a slave to the status quo.
The old adage is true – just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you should. In fact, if everyone else is doing something, step back and question why that is. You may end up doing it anyway, but know why you're doing it.
2-4. Have a great sense of humor.
This doesn't translate as being a loud joke-teller or always trying to make everyone laugh. Instead, approach life in general with a sense of humor. Relax and be more objective sometimes.
When in conversation with others, don't make them laugh by putting other people down or ridiculing things.
A great sense of humor is understanding and conveying the genuinely funny things in life, of which there is no shortage!
3. Living the Hip Lifestyle
3-1. Be truly confident.
Yes, you should act confident around others if you want to be perceived as hip. But genuine confidence is at the heart of true hipness. People aren't born naturally confident – it takes effort. “Fake it til you make it” is more than a pop culture reference – there is truth in the sentiment.
Want to look hip? Then act like you already are. Stop seeking approval and validation from others and act the part that you want to be. You'll find that what were once forced actions become second nature.
Confidence does not mean arrogance. You aren't better than anyone else. But deep down have a profound understanding that you are an awesome person with unique talents who has a lot to offer the world.
3-2. Listen to obscure music.
The more obscure the better, not because you want to look cool, but because you care about pursuing what's new, fresh and underappreciated in music. Start following music blogs and put more emphasis on listening to music in your spare time.
Being cultured musically does look hip to others – but it's also actually hip, and it always has been.
Many people theorize that the origin of the word “hip” is deeply rooted in the American jazz culture of the 1930s and 1940s. If it spawned the meaning of the word, it's probably safe to assume that it is and always will be hip!
3-3. Read good literature.
Maybe reading isn't your favorite pastime, but make an effort to familiarize yourself with the great literature in history and keep tabs on current respected authors. At the very least, do a little internet research about the nature of these subjects.
Being culturally “in the know” is an essential part of being hip, and that means knowing about good literature.
Don't know where to start? Try researching the Beat Generation of the American 1950s. The Beat Generation was a social and literary movement defined by the members' alienation from conventional society. They most certainly had an interest in what was considered hip at the time – in fact, they defined the very idea of hipness back then.
3-4. Be yourself.
It's something you hear all the time, but what does it really mean to be yourself? Start with being aware of the quality of your thinking.
Replace your negative thought patterns with positive ones. You can't be who you truly are if your head is filled with negativity about yourself.
Additionally, follow your intuition. When you align yourself with your intuition, you are respecting your own authenticity to the core – the ultimate state of hipness.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Looking Hip\\n1-1. Wear fashionable clothes.\\nClothes are the most immediate way to change the way you are perceived by others. However, being fashionable isn't all about being seen. Paying attention the culture of fashion and developing your own style of dress also directly affects your behavior and how you perceive yourself.\\nYou don't have to become a slave to fashion, but paying attention to trends and incorporating what you like into your own style is noticed by everyone.\\nResearch current trends and designers online and via fashion magazines. Designers come out with collections every season, so make it a habit to check those out. You don't necessarily need to copy them – but having a sense of what's currently fashionable is definitely hip.\\nDesigner clothing is expensive, but you don't have to break the bank to look trendy. Pay attention to the style of what you see, and then reproduce the elements you are drawn to with more affordable versions.\\n1-2. Sport a cool hairstyle.\\nAs with clothing, your hairstyle is one of the things immediately noticed by other people. Do a little research on what's trendy in hairstyles – the internet is a great resource for this. Keep in mind that every current trend might not look great on you. Experiment and find out what works.\\nAsking your hairstylist about current trends is a great way to learn about what's cool. They can also assist you with figuring out what will look best on you, and give you a hairstyle that is both trendy and customized for you.\\nGetting the cut isn't enough – you should also keep your hair well-groomed and neat. If you aren't sure how to style a new haircut, ask your hairstylist for pointers.\\n1-3. Express confident body language.\\nBeing aware of your body language is a major way to influence how you are perceived by others and this doesn't cost you a dime. It also directly affects how you feel about yourself. Adopting positive body language, whether you feel confident or not, makes you feel confident because it's sending positive, confident signals to your brain.\\nPay attention to your posture so that you stand and sit up straight. You don't want to look uncomfortable or on edge by overdoing it, so make sure you adopt good posture while still maintaining a relaxed demeanor.\\nRemember to smile and look people in the eye when speaking to them.\\nMake it a point to stop fidgeting. Practice being physically self-aware so that you can keep your body language relaxed.\\n1-4. Define your own style.\\nFollowing trends and staying current are important, but the key is to incorporate those discoveries into your own personal style. Make them work for you. If you aren't sure what your personal style is, take a moment to think about what looks you are drawn to. Experiment with clothing and different looks and you'll find your own sense of style starting to emerge.\\nChoose clothing and hairstyles that make you feel good about yourself. Don't blindly follow every trend you see. It's more important that you stay current when it comes to knowing about trends – you don't necessarily need to adopt all of them. Being hip is about knowing what's current.\\nIf you find yourself being attracted to clothing or a style that you aren't necessarily seeing on the runways, incorporate that! Developing your own sense of style is about embracing trends and then spicing it up with your own flair. Don't be afraid to be yourself.\\n2. Acting Hip\\n2-1. Refine your behavior.\\nWhen it comes to acting hip, adopting a “less is more” approach is a good place to start. Speak slowly and calmly and keep your emotions in check. Be friendly but don't ramble or try to manipulate every social situation for attention. Sometimes being hip is more about what you aren't doing, rather than what you are.\\nDon't fight to be in the spotlight. You can learn a lot by sitting back and being a spectator occasionally. By avoiding attention-seeking behavior you project that it doesn't matter to you that you are seen. At the heart of hipness is not overly caring what other people think of you.\\nTry to make everything you do appear effortless. Your actions should always reflect that you are calm and relaxed.\\nIt takes effort to make everything look effortless, which probably sounds like a great cosmic joke! But with practice, it will come.\\n2-2. Adjust your attitude.\\nAdopt a positive outlook and place less emphasis on how much concern you have for the opinions of others. Instead place your focus on successfully doing things that you care about. It's not really about not caring – you don't want to disregard others completely. It's more about caring a lot about things that have nothing to do with what others think. \\nWhatever your personal talents are, work to become even better at them. Be proud of your accomplishments and the things you put into the world.\\nFor instance, sometimes staying home to finish a drawing you've been working on is so much cooler than forcing yourself to go to some party.\\nWhen you focus on the right attitude, your positive body language will fall into place.\\n2-3. Be a rebel.\\nRebelliousness is often cited as a key element of hipness. This is because breaking rules gives the illusion that you are powerful and that you are beyond traditional behavior and the norm.\\nThis doesn't mean you should go around with the intent to snub authority at every turn. Instead focus on not being a slave to the status quo.\\nThe old adage is true – just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you should. In fact, if everyone else is doing something, step back and question why that is. You may end up doing it anyway, but know why you're doing it.\\n2-4. Have a great sense of humor.\\nThis doesn't translate as being a loud joke-teller or always trying to make everyone laugh. Instead, approach life in general with a sense of humor. Relax and be more objective sometimes. \\nWhen in conversation with others, don't make them laugh by putting other people down or ridiculing things.\\nA great sense of humor is understanding and conveying the genuinely funny things in life, of which there is no shortage!\\n3. Living the Hip Lifestyle\\n3-1. Be truly confident.\\nYes, you should act confident around others if you want to be perceived as hip. But genuine confidence is at the heart of true hipness. People aren't born naturally confident – it takes effort. “Fake it til you make it” is more than a pop culture reference – there is truth in the sentiment. \\nWant to look hip? Then act like you already are. Stop seeking approval and validation from others and act the part that you want to be. You'll find that what were once forced actions become second nature.\\nConfidence does not mean arrogance. You aren't better than anyone else. But deep down have a profound understanding that you are an awesome person with unique talents who has a lot to offer the world.\\n3-2. Listen to obscure music.\\nThe more obscure the better, not because you want to look cool, but because you care about pursuing what's new, fresh and underappreciated in music. Start following music blogs and put more emphasis on listening to music in your spare time.\\nBeing cultured musically does look hip to others – but it's also actually hip, and it always has been.\\nMany people theorize that the origin of the word “hip” is deeply rooted in the American jazz culture of the 1930s and 1940s. If it spawned the meaning of the word, it's probably safe to assume that it is and always will be hip!\\n3-3. Read good literature.\\nMaybe reading isn't your favorite pastime, but make an effort to familiarize yourself with the great literature in history and keep tabs on current respected authors. At the very least, do a little internet research about the nature of these subjects. \\nBeing culturally “in the know” is an essential part of being hip, and that means knowing about good literature.\\nDon't know where to start? Try researching the Beat Generation of the American 1950s. The Beat Generation was a social and literary movement defined by the members' alienation from conventional society. They most certainly had an interest in what was considered hip at the time – in fact, they defined the very idea of hipness back then.\\n3-4. Be yourself.\\nIt's something you hear all the time, but what does it really mean to be yourself? Start with being aware of the quality of your thinking.\\nReplace your negative thought patterns with positive ones. You can't be who you truly are if your head is filled with negativity about yourself.\\nAdditionally, follow your intuition. When you align yourself with your intuition, you are respecting your own authenticity to the core – the ultimate state of hipness.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"What does it mean to be “hip”? Much like the word “cool”, the word has no single meaning and its origins are unclear. What's considered to be \\\"hip\\\" is constantly changing because it is largely associated with being “fashionably current” and “in the know”. While the idea is subjective in nature, it's generally accepted that being “hip” is also a visible attitude and style that you show to the world – in other words, it's a way of life. Whatever the finer points may be, the major characteristics of hipness are not only identifiable but also attainable.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Looking Hip\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear fashionable clothes.\", \"描述\": \"Clothes are the most immediate way to change the way you are perceived by others. However, being fashionable isn't all about being seen. Paying attention the culture of fashion and developing your own style of dress also directly affects your behavior and how you perceive yourself.\\nYou don't have to become a slave to fashion, but paying attention to trends and incorporating what you like into your own style is noticed by everyone.\\nResearch current trends and designers online and via fashion magazines. Designers come out with collections every season, so make it a habit to check those out. You don't necessarily need to copy them – but having a sense of what's currently fashionable is definitely hip.\\nDesigner clothing is expensive, but you don't have to break the bank to look trendy. Pay attention to the style of what you see, and then reproduce the elements you are drawn to with more affordable versions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sport a cool hairstyle.\", \"描述\": \"As with clothing, your hairstyle is one of the things immediately noticed by other people. Do a little research on what's trendy in hairstyles – the internet is a great resource for this. Keep in mind that every current trend might not look great on you. Experiment and find out what works.\\nAsking your hairstylist about current trends is a great way to learn about what's cool. They can also assist you with figuring out what will look best on you, and give you a hairstyle that is both trendy and customized for you.\\nGetting the cut isn't enough – you should also keep your hair well-groomed and neat. If you aren't sure how to style a new haircut, ask your hairstylist for pointers.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Express confident body language.\", \"描述\": \"Being aware of your body language is a major way to influence how you are perceived by others and this doesn't cost you a dime. It also directly affects how you feel about yourself. Adopting positive body language, whether you feel confident or not, makes you feel confident because it's sending positive, confident signals to your brain.\\nPay attention to your posture so that you stand and sit up straight. You don't want to look uncomfortable or on edge by overdoing it, so make sure you adopt good posture while still maintaining a relaxed demeanor.\\nRemember to smile and look people in the eye when speaking to them.\\nMake it a point to stop fidgeting. Practice being physically self-aware so that you can keep your body language relaxed.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Define your own style.\", \"描述\": \"Following trends and staying current are important, but the key is to incorporate those discoveries into your own personal style. Make them work for you. If you aren't sure what your personal style is, take a moment to think about what looks you are drawn to. Experiment with clothing and different looks and you'll find your own sense of style starting to emerge.\\nChoose clothing and hairstyles that make you feel good about yourself. Don't blindly follow every trend you see. It's more important that you stay current when it comes to knowing about trends – you don't necessarily need to adopt all of them. Being hip is about knowing what's current.\\nIf you find yourself being attracted to clothing or a style that you aren't necessarily seeing on the runways, incorporate that! Developing your own sense of style is about embracing trends and then spicing it up with your own flair. Don't be afraid to be yourself.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Acting Hip\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Refine your behavior.\", \"描述\": \"When it comes to acting hip, adopting a “less is more” approach is a good place to start. Speak slowly and calmly and keep your emotions in check. Be friendly but don't ramble or try to manipulate every social situation for attention. Sometimes being hip is more about what you aren't doing, rather than what you are.\\nDon't fight to be in the spotlight. You can learn a lot by sitting back and being a spectator occasionally. By avoiding attention-seeking behavior you project that it doesn't matter to you that you are seen. At the heart of hipness is not overly caring what other people think of you.\\nTry to make everything you do appear effortless. Your actions should always reflect that you are calm and relaxed.\\nIt takes effort to make everything look effortless, which probably sounds like a great cosmic joke! But with practice, it will come.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Adjust your attitude.\", \"描述\": \"Adopt a positive outlook and place less emphasis on how much concern you have for the opinions of others. Instead place your focus on successfully doing things that you care about. It's not really about not caring – you don't want to disregard others completely. It's more about caring a lot about things that have nothing to do with what others think. \\nWhatever your personal talents are, work to become even better at them. Be proud of your accomplishments and the things you put into the world.\\nFor instance, sometimes staying home to finish a drawing you've been working on is so much cooler than forcing yourself to go to some party.\\nWhen you focus on the right attitude, your positive body language will fall into place.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a rebel.\", \"描述\": \"Rebelliousness is often cited as a key element of hipness. This is because breaking rules gives the illusion that you are powerful and that you are beyond traditional behavior and the norm.\\nThis doesn't mean you should go around with the intent to snub authority at every turn. Instead focus on not being a slave to the status quo.\\nThe old adage is true – just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you should. In fact, if everyone else is doing something, step back and question why that is. You may end up doing it anyway, but know why you're doing it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have a great sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"This doesn't translate as being a loud joke-teller or always trying to make everyone laugh. Instead, approach life in general with a sense of humor. Relax and be more objective sometimes. \\nWhen in conversation with others, don't make them laugh by putting other people down or ridiculing things.\\nA great sense of humor is understanding and conveying the genuinely funny things in life, of which there is no shortage!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Living the Hip Lifestyle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be truly confident.\", \"描述\": \"Yes, you should act confident around others if you want to be perceived as hip. But genuine confidence is at the heart of true hipness. People aren't born naturally confident – it takes effort. “Fake it til you make it” is more than a pop culture reference – there is truth in the sentiment. \\nWant to look hip? Then act like you already are. Stop seeking approval and validation from others and act the part that you want to be. You'll find that what were once forced actions become second nature.\\nConfidence does not mean arrogance. You aren't better than anyone else. But deep down have a profound understanding that you are an awesome person with unique talents who has a lot to offer the world.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Listen to obscure music.\", \"描述\": \"The more obscure the better, not because you want to look cool, but because you care about pursuing what's new, fresh and underappreciated in music. Start following music blogs and put more emphasis on listening to music in your spare time.\\nBeing cultured musically does look hip to others – but it's also actually hip, and it always has been.\\nMany people theorize that the origin of the word “hip” is deeply rooted in the American jazz culture of the 1930s and 1940s. If it spawned the meaning of the word, it's probably safe to assume that it is and always will be hip!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Read good literature.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe reading isn't your favorite pastime, but make an effort to familiarize yourself with the great literature in history and keep tabs on current respected authors. At the very least, do a little internet research about the nature of these subjects. \\nBeing culturally “in the know” is an essential part of being hip, and that means knowing about good literature.\\nDon't know where to start? Try researching the Beat Generation of the American 1950s. The Beat Generation was a social and literary movement defined by the members' alienation from conventional society. They most certainly had an interest in what was considered hip at the time – in fact, they defined the very idea of hipness back then.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"It's something you hear all the time, but what does it really mean to be yourself? Start with being aware of the quality of your thinking.\\nReplace your negative thought patterns with positive ones. You can't be who you truly are if your head is filled with negativity about yourself.\\nAdditionally, follow your intuition. When you align yourself with your intuition, you are respecting your own authenticity to the core – the ultimate state of hipness.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,827 | How to Be Holy | 1. Understanding God's Holiness
1-1. Look to God's absolute perfection.
God is perfect in every way possible: perfect in love, perfect in mercy, perfect in anger, perfect in justice, perfect in everything. This perfection is directly connected to the holiness of God.
God is without temptation and without sin. As indicated by James 1:13, "God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one."
The things that God does and desires may not always make sense from a human perspective, but being a believer means trusting that God's actions, commands, and desires are all perfect, even when you cannot comprehend them.
1-2. Think of holiness as the character of God.
God is holy, but in another sense, God is holiness itself defined. There is nothing or no one more holy than God, and holiness itself is only fully embodied in God.
God is unlike any other, and God's holiness is the root of that "otherness."
Mankind can never be perfectly holy as God is, but humans should seek to emulate God's holiness since humans were created in the likeness of God.
1-3. Reflect on God's command to holiness.
Striving for holiness in your own life is something that God has commanded you to do as a believer. The task at hand might seem overwhelming, but you should take comfort in the knowledge that God will never ask or demand you to do something you cannot do. As such, holiness is within your reach.
In Leviticus 11:44, God states, "For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy."
Later, in 1 Peter 1:16, God reiterates, "Be Holy, for I am Holy."
By understanding how God moves in your life, you can train yourself to trust in God and never give up the hope of heaven. This sort of hope provides you with an anchor, and this anchor can keep you grounded in God's truth in your pursuit of holiness.
2. Striving for Holiness in Your Own Life
2-1. Belong to God and thirst for holiness.
True holiness will only come once you give your life fully to God. In doing so, you will recognize how you have starved for holiness in the past and how you hunger and thirst for it in the present.
To belong to God, you must be “born again.” In other words, you need to accept Christ and let the Holy Spirit work in your life.
Before you can truly "thirst" for holiness, you need to reach an understanding about why it is important for you to do as God wants. God does not demand things from you simply to test you. Instead, God wants what is best for your eternal well-being and issues commands to you based on that.
Even though humanity naturally thirsts for holiness, the world offers so many distractions that the appetite for holiness is often spoiled. The distractions of the world will never offer the spiritual nourishment the soul needs, however.
2-2. Prepare your mind and heart.
Even though it is possible to achieve holiness, doing so is not often easy. You need to dedicate your mind and your heart to the practice if you have any hope of accomplishing the task. Be baptized by receiving the Holy Spirit as The Lord promised His followers, to be your guide and comforter, abiding with you forever.
Read the Bible, pray daily and meditate upon the word of God to strengthen against spiritual sin and to learn godly ways.
In 1 Peter 1:13-14, the believer is instructed to "gird up the loins of your mind." If transcribed more literally, it would mean, "prepare your mind for action."
Setting your mind to action means making a clear, determined effort to abandon sinfulness and follow God in holiness.
There will be plenty of outside influences that try to lead you astray. If you do not fix your mind on a clear, definite goal, you are more likely to slip off the path you need to walk down in order to reach it.
2-3. Avoid moralism.
Many people often get the wrong idea about holiness and think that it can be achieved simply by following a strict set of rules. Rules and rituals have their place, but when you start to care more about looking holy than being holy, you tread into the realm of moralism.
For example, if you pray in public for the sake of being seen by other people, your attitude toward prayer is not as healthy as it could be. You can pray in public if the situation warrants it, but when you do so, your prayers must be for the sake of communicating with God.
There is nothing inherently wrong with being viewed as a spiritual or religious person, but that view must come about naturally. You must abandon the desire to appear holy to other people. If people still develop that view of you after the fact, then there is nothing wrong with it, but there is no guarantee that those around you will perceive your desire for holiness.
2-4. Set yourself apart.
As noted, God's law does have a part to play regarding holiness. God commands his believers to set themselves apart from the sinfulness of the world. This does not mean shutting yourself off from the secular world, but it does mean following God's law even with secularism criticizes you for doing so.
In Leviticus 20:26, God explains, "And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the Lord am holy, and have severed you from the other people, that ye should be mine."
In essence, being "severed" from other people means severing yourself from the worldliness of other people. You need to sever yourself from influences that are not of God.
Understand that you do not need to shut yourself away in a monastery or convent to severe yourself from worldliness. You do exist in the world, and if God did not want you here, God would not have placed you here.
2-5. Practice self-control.
You will never escape temptation, even if you do start exercising holiness in your life. When you face temptation, though, you will need to control the harmful desire to give into it to maintain any degree of holiness.
Temptation does not always come in a tangible form. It is relatively easy for many people to resist the temptation of stealing something from the store or physically hurting someone who angers you. It is much more difficult to resist the root temptations of greed and hate, though.
To really practice self-control, you need to do more than simply stopping the obvious sins. You need to guard yourself against the weaknesses of character that can distract you from God. These weaknesses include things like pride, envy, greed, hate, slothfulness, gluttony, and lust.
2-6. Do not tolerate sin.
For the most part, this means being intolerant of sin in your own life. Being intolerant of sin also means rejecting it in the world around you, though. No matter how much you may love someone, when that person sins, you must not make excuses for the sin or accept the sin itself.
Words like "intolerance" and "judgment" are often thrown around carelessly and used as criticisms, but the concepts themselves are not wicked. After all, few would claim that it is a bad thing to be intolerant of hate or to judge something as safe or dangerous. The error lies not with intolerance itself, but how it is practiced.
Be of sin, but do not use that intolerance as a justification for hating others. God is all that is good, and love is good above all else.
Be at peace with all men without which no man shall see the Lord. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.
Do to others as you wish them do to you.
Be faithful to yourself by serving God in true sense. Whatever you do to or for the least of God's children you do to The Lord.
At the same time, you should not allow the love and sympathy you have for others to blind you to sinfulness. You cannot judge or control the hearts of others, but you should not accept someone else's sin as "right" since doing so damages the purity of your own heart.
2-7. Die to self but love who you are.
Dying to self means surrendering any desire that is not of God. That being said, God created you to be who you are, so you need not despise your existence. If anything, you need to love yourself in the same way that God loves you before you can approach God's level of holiness.
God created you just as you are, which means that you are beautiful just as you are. Your beauty includes all of your struggles, weaknesses, and past mistakes.
Even though you are beautiful just as you are, you also need to recognize your struggles and weaknesses for what they are. Seeking holiness means committing to the practice of leaving these vices behind for the sake of God.
2-8. Consider working catalysts into your daily routine.
Some spiritual practices can serve as catalysts that help propel you toward a holier, more enriched existence. You do not always need to practice these catalysts to be holy, but they may guide you toward holiness when used.
For instance, in order to strive for holiness over the way you view food and eating, you could try fasting for one day, or even for half a day.
In some cases, holiness in a certain area of your life cannot be achieved without practicing the catalyst, even though the catalyst itself is not holiness. For instance, you must love and submit yourself to your spouse in order to have a holy marriage, and you must love your enemies in order to have holy relationships overall.
2-9. Pray for holiness.
Being holy is a difficult task and cannot be done in the absence of God. Prayer is a powerful resource—one of the most powerful tools available to the believer, in fact—so praying for holiness on a regular basis can help you become and remain holier.
Your prayers for holiness do not need to be long, extravagant, or eloquent. Something simple is perfectly fine as long as you pray it from your heart.
For example, your prayer could be as simple as, "God, let me thirst for holiness more than I thirst for worldliness, and make me holy in every aspect of my character and actions."
Ask the Lord Jesus to bless your soul. When you desire to live Holy -- dedicated or devoted to the service of God, realizing that you must serve others, you must ask God to help you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Understanding God's Holiness\\n1-1. Look to God's absolute perfection.\\nGod is perfect in every way possible: perfect in love, perfect in mercy, perfect in anger, perfect in justice, perfect in everything. This perfection is directly connected to the holiness of God.\\nGod is without temptation and without sin. As indicated by James 1:13, \\\"God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.\\\"\\nThe things that God does and desires may not always make sense from a human perspective, but being a believer means trusting that God's actions, commands, and desires are all perfect, even when you cannot comprehend them.\\n1-2. Think of holiness as the character of God.\\nGod is holy, but in another sense, God is holiness itself defined. There is nothing or no one more holy than God, and holiness itself is only fully embodied in God.\\nGod is unlike any other, and God's holiness is the root of that \\\"otherness.\\\"\\nMankind can never be perfectly holy as God is, but humans should seek to emulate God's holiness since humans were created in the likeness of God.\\n1-3. Reflect on God's command to holiness.\\nStriving for holiness in your own life is something that God has commanded you to do as a believer. The task at hand might seem overwhelming, but you should take comfort in the knowledge that God will never ask or demand you to do something you cannot do. As such, holiness is within your reach.\\nIn Leviticus 11:44, God states, \\\"For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy.\\\"\\nLater, in 1 Peter 1:16, God reiterates, \\\"Be Holy, for I am Holy.\\\"\\nBy understanding how God moves in your life, you can train yourself to trust in God and never give up the hope of heaven. This sort of hope provides you with an anchor, and this anchor can keep you grounded in God's truth in your pursuit of holiness.\\n2. Striving for Holiness in Your Own Life\\n2-1. Belong to God and thirst for holiness.\\nTrue holiness will only come once you give your life fully to God. In doing so, you will recognize how you have starved for holiness in the past and how you hunger and thirst for it in the present.\\nTo belong to God, you must be “born again.” In other words, you need to accept Christ and let the Holy Spirit work in your life.\\nBefore you can truly \\\"thirst\\\" for holiness, you need to reach an understanding about why it is important for you to do as God wants. God does not demand things from you simply to test you. Instead, God wants what is best for your eternal well-being and issues commands to you based on that.\\nEven though humanity naturally thirsts for holiness, the world offers so many distractions that the appetite for holiness is often spoiled. The distractions of the world will never offer the spiritual nourishment the soul needs, however.\\n2-2. Prepare your mind and heart.\\nEven though it is possible to achieve holiness, doing so is not often easy. You need to dedicate your mind and your heart to the practice if you have any hope of accomplishing the task. Be baptized by receiving the Holy Spirit as The Lord promised His followers, to be your guide and comforter, abiding with you forever.\\nRead the Bible, pray daily and meditate upon the word of God to strengthen against spiritual sin and to learn godly ways.\\nIn 1 Peter 1:13-14, the believer is instructed to \\\"gird up the loins of your mind.\\\" If transcribed more literally, it would mean, \\\"prepare your mind for action.\\\"\\nSetting your mind to action means making a clear, determined effort to abandon sinfulness and follow God in holiness.\\nThere will be plenty of outside influences that try to lead you astray. If you do not fix your mind on a clear, definite goal, you are more likely to slip off the path you need to walk down in order to reach it.\\n2-3. Avoid moralism.\\nMany people often get the wrong idea about holiness and think that it can be achieved simply by following a strict set of rules. Rules and rituals have their place, but when you start to care more about looking holy than being holy, you tread into the realm of moralism.\\nFor example, if you pray in public for the sake of being seen by other people, your attitude toward prayer is not as healthy as it could be. You can pray in public if the situation warrants it, but when you do so, your prayers must be for the sake of communicating with God.\\nThere is nothing inherently wrong with being viewed as a spiritual or religious person, but that view must come about naturally. You must abandon the desire to appear holy to other people. If people still develop that view of you after the fact, then there is nothing wrong with it, but there is no guarantee that those around you will perceive your desire for holiness.\\n2-4. Set yourself apart.\\nAs noted, God's law does have a part to play regarding holiness. God commands his believers to set themselves apart from the sinfulness of the world. This does not mean shutting yourself off from the secular world, but it does mean following God's law even with secularism criticizes you for doing so.\\nIn Leviticus 20:26, God explains, \\\"And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the Lord am holy, and have severed you from the other people, that ye should be mine.\\\"\\nIn essence, being \\\"severed\\\" from other people means severing yourself from the worldliness of other people. You need to sever yourself from influences that are not of God.\\nUnderstand that you do not need to shut yourself away in a monastery or convent to severe yourself from worldliness. You do exist in the world, and if God did not want you here, God would not have placed you here.\\n2-5. Practice self-control.\\nYou will never escape temptation, even if you do start exercising holiness in your life. When you face temptation, though, you will need to control the harmful desire to give into it to maintain any degree of holiness.\\nTemptation does not always come in a tangible form. It is relatively easy for many people to resist the temptation of stealing something from the store or physically hurting someone who angers you. It is much more difficult to resist the root temptations of greed and hate, though.\\nTo really practice self-control, you need to do more than simply stopping the obvious sins. You need to guard yourself against the weaknesses of character that can distract you from God. These weaknesses include things like pride, envy, greed, hate, slothfulness, gluttony, and lust.\\n2-6. Do not tolerate sin.\\nFor the most part, this means being intolerant of sin in your own life. Being intolerant of sin also means rejecting it in the world around you, though. No matter how much you may love someone, when that person sins, you must not make excuses for the sin or accept the sin itself.\\nWords like \\\"intolerance\\\" and \\\"judgment\\\" are often thrown around carelessly and used as criticisms, but the concepts themselves are not wicked. After all, few would claim that it is a bad thing to be intolerant of hate or to judge something as safe or dangerous. The error lies not with intolerance itself, but how it is practiced.\\nBe of sin, but do not use that intolerance as a justification for hating others. God is all that is good, and love is good above all else.\\nBe at peace with all men without which no man shall see the Lord. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.\\nDo to others as you wish them do to you.\\nBe faithful to yourself by serving God in true sense. Whatever you do to or for the least of God's children you do to The Lord.\\nAt the same time, you should not allow the love and sympathy you have for others to blind you to sinfulness. You cannot judge or control the hearts of others, but you should not accept someone else's sin as \\\"right\\\" since doing so damages the purity of your own heart.\\n2-7. Die to self but love who you are.\\nDying to self means surrendering any desire that is not of God. That being said, God created you to be who you are, so you need not despise your existence. If anything, you need to love yourself in the same way that God loves you before you can approach God's level of holiness.\\nGod created you just as you are, which means that you are beautiful just as you are. Your beauty includes all of your struggles, weaknesses, and past mistakes.\\nEven though you are beautiful just as you are, you also need to recognize your struggles and weaknesses for what they are. Seeking holiness means committing to the practice of leaving these vices behind for the sake of God.\\n2-8. Consider working catalysts into your daily routine.\\nSome spiritual practices can serve as catalysts that help propel you toward a holier, more enriched existence. You do not always need to practice these catalysts to be holy, but they may guide you toward holiness when used.\\nFor instance, in order to strive for holiness over the way you view food and eating, you could try fasting for one day, or even for half a day.\\nIn some cases, holiness in a certain area of your life cannot be achieved without practicing the catalyst, even though the catalyst itself is not holiness. For instance, you must love and submit yourself to your spouse in order to have a holy marriage, and you must love your enemies in order to have holy relationships overall.\\n2-9. Pray for holiness.\\nBeing holy is a difficult task and cannot be done in the absence of God. Prayer is a powerful resource—one of the most powerful tools available to the believer, in fact—so praying for holiness on a regular basis can help you become and remain holier.\\nYour prayers for holiness do not need to be long, extravagant, or eloquent. Something simple is perfectly fine as long as you pray it from your heart.\\nFor example, your prayer could be as simple as, \\\"God, let me thirst for holiness more than I thirst for worldliness, and make me holy in every aspect of my character and actions.\\\"\\nAsk the Lord Jesus to bless your soul. When you desire to live Holy -- dedicated or devoted to the service of God, realizing that you must serve others, you must ask God to help you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Instead of striving for fame, fortune, or material happiness, the Christian must strive for holiness. Holiness comes from God, and as such, one must first understand God's holiness before implementing that holiness in his or her own life. Even after you understand what perfect holiness is, however, striving for holiness in your own life will still take self-discipline and dedication.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understanding God's Holiness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look to God's absolute perfection.\", \"描述\": \"God is perfect in every way possible: perfect in love, perfect in mercy, perfect in anger, perfect in justice, perfect in everything. This perfection is directly connected to the holiness of God.\\nGod is without temptation and without sin. As indicated by James 1:13, \\\"God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.\\\"\\nThe things that God does and desires may not always make sense from a human perspective, but being a believer means trusting that God's actions, commands, and desires are all perfect, even when you cannot comprehend them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think of holiness as the character of God.\", \"描述\": \"God is holy, but in another sense, God is holiness itself defined. There is nothing or no one more holy than God, and holiness itself is only fully embodied in God.\\nGod is unlike any other, and God's holiness is the root of that \\\"otherness.\\\"\\nMankind can never be perfectly holy as God is, but humans should seek to emulate God's holiness since humans were created in the likeness of God.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reflect on God's command to holiness.\", \"描述\": \"Striving for holiness in your own life is something that God has commanded you to do as a believer. The task at hand might seem overwhelming, but you should take comfort in the knowledge that God will never ask or demand you to do something you cannot do. As such, holiness is within your reach.\\nIn Leviticus 11:44, God states, \\\"For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy.\\\"\\nLater, in 1 Peter 1:16, God reiterates, \\\"Be Holy, for I am Holy.\\\"\\nBy understanding how God moves in your life, you can train yourself to trust in God and never give up the hope of heaven. This sort of hope provides you with an anchor, and this anchor can keep you grounded in God's truth in your pursuit of holiness.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Striving for Holiness in Your Own Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Belong to God and thirst for holiness.\", \"描述\": \"True holiness will only come once you give your life fully to God. In doing so, you will recognize how you have starved for holiness in the past and how you hunger and thirst for it in the present.\\nTo belong to God, you must be “born again.” In other words, you need to accept Christ and let the Holy Spirit work in your life.\\nBefore you can truly \\\"thirst\\\" for holiness, you need to reach an understanding about why it is important for you to do as God wants. God does not demand things from you simply to test you. Instead, God wants what is best for your eternal well-being and issues commands to you based on that.\\nEven though humanity naturally thirsts for holiness, the world offers so many distractions that the appetite for holiness is often spoiled. The distractions of the world will never offer the spiritual nourishment the soul needs, however.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Prepare your mind and heart.\", \"描述\": \"Even though it is possible to achieve holiness, doing so is not often easy. You need to dedicate your mind and your heart to the practice if you have any hope of accomplishing the task. Be baptized by receiving the Holy Spirit as The Lord promised His followers, to be your guide and comforter, abiding with you forever.\\nRead the Bible, pray daily and meditate upon the word of God to strengthen against spiritual sin and to learn godly ways.\\nIn 1 Peter 1:13-14, the believer is instructed to \\\"gird up the loins of your mind.\\\" If transcribed more literally, it would mean, \\\"prepare your mind for action.\\\"\\nSetting your mind to action means making a clear, determined effort to abandon sinfulness and follow God in holiness.\\nThere will be plenty of outside influences that try to lead you astray. If you do not fix your mind on a clear, definite goal, you are more likely to slip off the path you need to walk down in order to reach it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid moralism.\", \"描述\": \"Many people often get the wrong idea about holiness and think that it can be achieved simply by following a strict set of rules. Rules and rituals have their place, but when you start to care more about looking holy than being holy, you tread into the realm of moralism.\\nFor example, if you pray in public for the sake of being seen by other people, your attitude toward prayer is not as healthy as it could be. You can pray in public if the situation warrants it, but when you do so, your prayers must be for the sake of communicating with God.\\nThere is nothing inherently wrong with being viewed as a spiritual or religious person, but that view must come about naturally. You must abandon the desire to appear holy to other people. If people still develop that view of you after the fact, then there is nothing wrong with it, but there is no guarantee that those around you will perceive your desire for holiness.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Set yourself apart.\", \"描述\": \"As noted, God's law does have a part to play regarding holiness. God commands his believers to set themselves apart from the sinfulness of the world. This does not mean shutting yourself off from the secular world, but it does mean following God's law even with secularism criticizes you for doing so.\\nIn Leviticus 20:26, God explains, \\\"And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the Lord am holy, and have severed you from the other people, that ye should be mine.\\\"\\nIn essence, being \\\"severed\\\" from other people means severing yourself from the worldliness of other people. You need to sever yourself from influences that are not of God.\\nUnderstand that you do not need to shut yourself away in a monastery or convent to severe yourself from worldliness. You do exist in the world, and if God did not want you here, God would not have placed you here.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice self-control.\", \"描述\": \"You will never escape temptation, even if you do start exercising holiness in your life. When you face temptation, though, you will need to control the harmful desire to give into it to maintain any degree of holiness.\\nTemptation does not always come in a tangible form. It is relatively easy for many people to resist the temptation of stealing something from the store or physically hurting someone who angers you. It is much more difficult to resist the root temptations of greed and hate, though.\\nTo really practice self-control, you need to do more than simply stopping the obvious sins. You need to guard yourself against the weaknesses of character that can distract you from God. These weaknesses include things like pride, envy, greed, hate, slothfulness, gluttony, and lust.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Do not tolerate sin.\", \"描述\": \"For the most part, this means being intolerant of sin in your own life. Being intolerant of sin also means rejecting it in the world around you, though. No matter how much you may love someone, when that person sins, you must not make excuses for the sin or accept the sin itself.\\nWords like \\\"intolerance\\\" and \\\"judgment\\\" are often thrown around carelessly and used as criticisms, but the concepts themselves are not wicked. After all, few would claim that it is a bad thing to be intolerant of hate or to judge something as safe or dangerous. The error lies not with intolerance itself, but how it is practiced.\\nBe of sin, but do not use that intolerance as a justification for hating others. God is all that is good, and love is good above all else.\\nBe at peace with all men without which no man shall see the Lord. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.\\nDo to others as you wish them do to you.\\nBe faithful to yourself by serving God in true sense. Whatever you do to or for the least of God's children you do to The Lord.\\nAt the same time, you should not allow the love and sympathy you have for others to blind you to sinfulness. You cannot judge or control the hearts of others, but you should not accept someone else's sin as \\\"right\\\" since doing so damages the purity of your own heart.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Die to self but love who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Dying to self means surrendering any desire that is not of God. That being said, God created you to be who you are, so you need not despise your existence. If anything, you need to love yourself in the same way that God loves you before you can approach God's level of holiness.\\nGod created you just as you are, which means that you are beautiful just as you are. Your beauty includes all of your struggles, weaknesses, and past mistakes.\\nEven though you are beautiful just as you are, you also need to recognize your struggles and weaknesses for what they are. Seeking holiness means committing to the practice of leaving these vices behind for the sake of God.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Consider working catalysts into your daily routine.\", \"描述\": \"Some spiritual practices can serve as catalysts that help propel you toward a holier, more enriched existence. You do not always need to practice these catalysts to be holy, but they may guide you toward holiness when used.\\nFor instance, in order to strive for holiness over the way you view food and eating, you could try fasting for one day, or even for half a day.\\nIn some cases, holiness in a certain area of your life cannot be achieved without practicing the catalyst, even though the catalyst itself is not holiness. For instance, you must love and submit yourself to your spouse in order to have a holy marriage, and you must love your enemies in order to have holy relationships overall.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Pray for holiness.\", \"描述\": \"Being holy is a difficult task and cannot be done in the absence of God. Prayer is a powerful resource—one of the most powerful tools available to the believer, in fact—so praying for holiness on a regular basis can help you become and remain holier.\\nYour prayers for holiness do not need to be long, extravagant, or eloquent. Something simple is perfectly fine as long as you pray it from your heart.\\nFor example, your prayer could be as simple as, \\\"God, let me thirst for holiness more than I thirst for worldliness, and make me holy in every aspect of my character and actions.\\\"\\nAsk the Lord Jesus to bless your soul. When you desire to live Holy -- dedicated or devoted to the service of God, realizing that you must serve others, you must ask God to help you.\"}]}]}}",
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3,828 | How to Be Honest | 1. Being Honest With Others
1-1. Figure out why you lie and who you lie to.
We've all lied at one time or another, to different people, to ourselves, and for different reasons. But coming up with a systematic plan for becoming more honest will be difficult unless you try to define those reasons and those people for yourself.
might include exaggerations, embellishments, and flat-out tall-tales we tell to others, and ourselves, to make ourselves feel better about our inadequacies. When you're unhappy about something, it's much easier to fill it in with lies than tell the truth.
we think are better than us, because we want them to respect us as we respect them. Unfortunately, being dishonest is disrespectful in the long run. Give people more credit for their ability to empathize and understand you on a deeper level.
might include lies told to cover up bad behaviors, transgressions, or any activity we're not proud of. If your mom found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you might lie and say that they're your friend's to avoid punishment.
to avoid embarrassment and punishment, including ourselves. When we've done something we feel guilty about, lies are told to eliminate the guilt, avoid the punishments, and get back to the objectionable behavior we're forced to lie about. It's a vicious cycle.
1-2. Anticipate behaviors that will make you feel guilty.
To break the chain of embarrassment and lying, it's important to learn to anticipate things that you'll likely feel guilty about in the future, and avoid those behaviors. When you lie, you're covering up some uncomfortable truth that's more easily couched in a lie. You can either get comfortable with the truth, or abandon the behavior that makes you embarrassed.
If you smoke cigarettes, you won't have to lie if everyone knows it's true. Own up to it. If a behavior is un-own-upable, it's probably best to avoid it. It would be humiliating for your partner to find out that you had an inappropriate relationship with a coworker, but you won't have to lie if you don't do it.
1-3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Sometimes we lie to make ourselves seem bigger and better than we really are. Because we're constantly competing and comparing ourselves to others, any inadequacies can be most-easily overcome with a quick and creative lie. If you stop feeling competitive with others and give yourself the value you deserve, you won't feel the need to lie to bring yourself up, because you're already up!
Forget what you think other people want to hear from you. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they're not running "game" on you, or being manipulative. Speak from your heart and tell the truth, without even the slightest bit of concern about whether or not it will make you look "bad." People respect honesty, even when the truth is uncomfortable.
Let your honesty impress people, not your exaggeration. Lots of dishonesty results from attempts to impress our peers with elaborate tales that will one-up everyone else at the table. If you're unable to contribute to the round of anecdotes about European travel, just listen quietly and wait until the subject changes, instead of making up a ruse about your study-abroad in Majorca.
1-4. Accept the consequence and decide to face them.
Sometimes, it's better to own up to lies, to deceits, and to prior behaviors that you're embarrassed about, rather than continue weaving an elaborate web of lies. It can be liberating and extremely healthy to come clean. Even if there will be some consequences at the end of the admission, it'll be the honest consequences that you deserve.
1-5. Do things that make you feel pride.
You don't have to lie if you feel good about yourself! Surround yourself with caring, understanding people who will respect you for who you are. Do things that give you pleasure and that make you feel proud of yourself.
Getting super-drunk every night might make you feel good for a couple hours, giving you pleasure, but the ice-pick in your brain the next morning at work will have you feeling embarrassed and guilty when you can't make it into work. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. do things you're embarrassed to do.
1-6. Avoid situations in which you'll have to lie for others.
Be wary when someone tells you something in confidence that you know that you should share with someone else (e.g., knowledge of a crime, a lie, or a harmful act against another). Hearing such information puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually emerges and reveals to the affected person that you knew all along.
If someone begins a sentence with "Don't tell so-and-so about this, okay?" be prepared to offer your own disclaimer: "If it's something that I'd want to know about were I them, then please don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's secrets but my own."
1-7. Distinguish between what the person you are conversing with needs to know and what you want to say.
Sometimes, we feel a burning urge in our guts to make ourselves be heard. Telling off a rude roommate, confronting your spouse, or arguing with a teacher can all seem like moments that require our complete and uncorked honesty, but pulling out the stopper can be a quick way to sour relationships and say things you don't actually mean. To avoid over-sharing, try to figure out the difference between things that you need to say because another person needs to hear it, and things that you want to say to make yourself feel better.
if they're missing something that will cause them physical or emotional harm, or if they're doing something that's affecting other people in the same way. Your roommate might need to know that their excessive drinking is making you uncomfortable in your own house, but not that you think a new date is "trashy."
something in a fit of anger or high emotion that, upon reflection, you might be able to couch in a more friendly way. In the middle of an argument about a lackluster relationship, you may want to say, "You're gaining weight and now I'm not attracted to you," and this might be important for your spouse to hear in some ways, though not in others. However, "I think we could be healthier" puts the same sentiment in the language of something your spouse needs to know, in a much more polite way.
1-8. Exercise tact
Everyone likes a straight-shooter, but sometimes a straight-shooter's aim can be off by a couple inches. Consider the effect of your words and learn to rephrase possibly-offensive or uncomfortable language. Learn to volunteer appropriate opinions.
Use "I" statements when sharing uncomfortable truths. When you're sharing your opinions and truths with others, try to keep your honesty tamed. Focus on talking about your feelings, and your opinions, to stay respectful of others.
Try to add the phrase "In my experience..." or "Personally, I've observed that..." at the beginning, or end it with "...but that's just my observation/experience, that might not be how things are everywhere".
Learn to listen quietly while others are speaking, even if you disagree with what they're saying, or feel the need to dissent. When you take a turn to speak, they'll offer you the same courtesy, making the exchange both more honest and more comfortable.
2. Being Honest With Yourself
2-1. Give yourself an objective appraisal.
It's important to look in the proverbial mirror every now and then and take stock of how you feel. What do you like about yourself? What do you need to work on? It's possible to build up elaborate psychological barriers that force us into dishonest behaviors, opinions, and activities that could be avoided by giving ourselves an objective appraisal. Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses in a notebook, not to take stock of your self-worth, but to find things to improve and to celebrate your achievements.
Identify your strengths. What are you good at? What do you do better than most people you know? What do you contribute to daily life? What are proud of? In what ways are you better than you once were?
Identify your weaknesses. What embarrasses you about yourself? What could you do better? Have you gotten worse at something specific, over the years?
2-2. Confront the things about yourself that you dislike.
A big source of dishonesty in our lives comes from an unwillingness to confront the things about ourselves that we're ashamed of, embarrassed about, or just plain disgusted by. Without dwelling on them, try to define them honestly.
Maybe you always hoped to have published that debut novel by the time you turned 30, a goal that's no closer now than it was 5 years ago. Maybe you know you need to get in shape, but find it easier to keep up the same old routine. Maybe your relationship is stale and you're unhappy in it, but can't bring yourself to make any considerable changes.
As much as you can, try to eliminate excuses from your mind. It doesn't matter why this particularly uncomfortable truth about you is so, because you can't go back into the past to change it. You can, however, change your behavior now and start making yourself happier.
2-3. Create opportunities for yourself to improve.
From your list of strengths and weaknesses, try to identify specific areas for improvement, and specific ways that you might improve yourself.
What was necessary for your strengths to become strengths? What did you do that you're especially proud of? In what way could that truth inform your desire to improve some of your weaknesses?
What threatens your ability to improve yourself? Are these threats external, like a lack of funds necessary to buy a gym membership and lose a few pounds, or internal, like a lack of desire to research DIY weight-loss options?
2-4. Take action.
When you decide to act, carry through with your decision. Lying to yourself is easy. It's easy to come up with a couple hundred reasons not to do something you don't want to do. That's why we let it happen so often! Make it hard on yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start working, start doing it. Make it happen. Now. Don't wait until you come up with a litany of reasons that it's "not the right time." When you make a decision, set it in motion.
Make it easy on yourself to be successful in accomplishing your improvements. Set up a risk-and-reward exchange when you accomplish a daunting task, like buying yourself that new guitar after ending your ugly relationship, or treating yourself to a vacation after losing a couple pounds.
Accomplish your tasks with digital aid: you can sign up with Skinny-Text to receive exercise reminders on your phone, or even consider using Pact, which will charge you a specific amount of money if you choose not to exercise.
3. Avoiding Unnecessary Lies
3-1. Don't add color to your stories.
One all-too-tempting and common little lie is in filling in extra details to make a story more entertaining. It can be tempting to make it a bear that wandered into your campsite, rather than a raccoon, but you might be setting a precedent that opens up reasons and opportunities for more lies. Let the truth be the truth and be as honest as possible.
3-2. Get creative with "white lies."
We've all been there, when someone asked something dreaded, like: "Do I look fat in this?" or "Is Santa Claus real?" Sometimes, we feel we must lie to make someone else feel better, or to lessen the blow or some uncomfortable truth, but the choice between being honest and lying isn't always a choice between A and B.
. Shift the focus away from what, in all honesty, you think is negative. Instead of saying "No, I don't think you look good in those pants" say "They're not as flattering as the black dress—that dress really looks amazing on you. Have you tried it on with those stockings you wore to my cousin's wedding last year?"
. It might be true that you're not crazy about the cowboy-themed restaurant and bar that your best friend wants to visit on her only night in town, but it's not necessarily "honest" to share that opinion. What you want is to serve the greater good of the evening–you've only got one night together!–to keep fun moving forward. Instead of saying, "I don't like this place. Let's go somewhere else," say "Although it's not my favorite place, I want to do what you want to do. Let's make it awesome."
Deflect the question. If your child wants to know if Santa Claus is real, tell them you're not sure, and engage them. Ask them what seems to be true for them: "What do you think? What do kids say at school?" You don't have to decide between a flat-out lie and the total truth. The real world is more complicated than that.
3-3. Stay silent if you need to.
If you're in a tense situation, in which getting honest would disrupt everyone's mood and happiness, it's not necessarily dishonest to remain silent. If you've got the option of staying out of it, stay out of it. It takes courage to stay silent in an awkward situation sometimes.
Choose the high road. In a disagreement, more opinions don't make the issue easier to untangle, necessarily. You don't have to tell a white lie to get an argument to end, nor do you need to continue dropping truth-bombs. Stay out of petty disagreements entirely, rather than reigniting the flame.
Tips
This quote, "Honesty is the best policy" can help you be honest. It is a great and very helpful quote!
Keep in mind that this is not always the case. Being too honest can hurt someone's feelings.[14]
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Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source
Being honest is hard because it forces us to acknowledge our mistakes.
Record in written form your statements to others (e.g., in a journal or chart). It can reveal how many times you have been honest or dishonest; learn from this knowledge. Recorded dishonesty can provide data for future decisions, and it can provide a stark contrast if you visualize the rewards of honesty!
Warnings
Emotional issues that are beyond the scope of this article may cause uncontrollable lying: if you cannot control your dishonesty, then consider meeting with a counselor or other professional who can help you overcome those issues over the long term. Your dishonesty may be a habit that will take much introspection and work to unravel.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Honest With Others\\n1-1. Figure out why you lie and who you lie to.\\nWe've all lied at one time or another, to different people, to ourselves, and for different reasons. But coming up with a systematic plan for becoming more honest will be difficult unless you try to define those reasons and those people for yourself.\\n\\n might include exaggerations, embellishments, and flat-out tall-tales we tell to others, and ourselves, to make ourselves feel better about our inadequacies. When you're unhappy about something, it's much easier to fill it in with lies than tell the truth.\\n\\n we think are better than us, because we want them to respect us as we respect them. Unfortunately, being dishonest is disrespectful in the long run. Give people more credit for their ability to empathize and understand you on a deeper level.\\n might include lies told to cover up bad behaviors, transgressions, or any activity we're not proud of. If your mom found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you might lie and say that they're your friend's to avoid punishment.\\n to avoid embarrassment and punishment, including ourselves. When we've done something we feel guilty about, lies are told to eliminate the guilt, avoid the punishments, and get back to the objectionable behavior we're forced to lie about. It's a vicious cycle.\\n1-2. Anticipate behaviors that will make you feel guilty.\\nTo break the chain of embarrassment and lying, it's important to learn to anticipate things that you'll likely feel guilty about in the future, and avoid those behaviors. When you lie, you're covering up some uncomfortable truth that's more easily couched in a lie. You can either get comfortable with the truth, or abandon the behavior that makes you embarrassed.\\nIf you smoke cigarettes, you won't have to lie if everyone knows it's true. Own up to it. If a behavior is un-own-upable, it's probably best to avoid it. It would be humiliating for your partner to find out that you had an inappropriate relationship with a coworker, but you won't have to lie if you don't do it.\\n1-3. Stop comparing yourself to others.\\nSometimes we lie to make ourselves seem bigger and better than we really are. Because we're constantly competing and comparing ourselves to others, any inadequacies can be most-easily overcome with a quick and creative lie. If you stop feeling competitive with others and give yourself the value you deserve, you won't feel the need to lie to bring yourself up, because you're already up!\\nForget what you think other people want to hear from you. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they're not running \\\"game\\\" on you, or being manipulative. Speak from your heart and tell the truth, without even the slightest bit of concern about whether or not it will make you look \\\"bad.\\\" People respect honesty, even when the truth is uncomfortable.\\nLet your honesty impress people, not your exaggeration. Lots of dishonesty results from attempts to impress our peers with elaborate tales that will one-up everyone else at the table. If you're unable to contribute to the round of anecdotes about European travel, just listen quietly and wait until the subject changes, instead of making up a ruse about your study-abroad in Majorca.\\n1-4. Accept the consequence and decide to face them.\\nSometimes, it's better to own up to lies, to deceits, and to prior behaviors that you're embarrassed about, rather than continue weaving an elaborate web of lies. It can be liberating and extremely healthy to come clean. Even if there will be some consequences at the end of the admission, it'll be the honest consequences that you deserve.\\n1-5. Do things that make you feel pride.\\nYou don't have to lie if you feel good about yourself! Surround yourself with caring, understanding people who will respect you for who you are. Do things that give you pleasure and that make you feel proud of yourself.\\nGetting super-drunk every night might make you feel good for a couple hours, giving you pleasure, but the ice-pick in your brain the next morning at work will have you feeling embarrassed and guilty when you can't make it into work. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. do things you're embarrassed to do.\\n1-6. Avoid situations in which you'll have to lie for others.\\nBe wary when someone tells you something in confidence that you know that you should share with someone else (e.g., knowledge of a crime, a lie, or a harmful act against another). Hearing such information puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually emerges and reveals to the affected person that you knew all along.\\nIf someone begins a sentence with \\\"Don't tell so-and-so about this, okay?\\\" be prepared to offer your own disclaimer: \\\"If it's something that I'd want to know about were I them, then please don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's secrets but my own.\\\"\\n1-7. Distinguish between what the person you are conversing with needs to know and what you want to say.\\nSometimes, we feel a burning urge in our guts to make ourselves be heard. Telling off a rude roommate, confronting your spouse, or arguing with a teacher can all seem like moments that require our complete and uncorked honesty, but pulling out the stopper can be a quick way to sour relationships and say things you don't actually mean. To avoid over-sharing, try to figure out the difference between things that you need to say because another person needs to hear it, and things that you want to say to make yourself feel better.\\n\\n if they're missing something that will cause them physical or emotional harm, or if they're doing something that's affecting other people in the same way. Your roommate might need to know that their excessive drinking is making you uncomfortable in your own house, but not that you think a new date is \\\"trashy.\\\"\\n something in a fit of anger or high emotion that, upon reflection, you might be able to couch in a more friendly way. In the middle of an argument about a lackluster relationship, you may want to say, \\\"You're gaining weight and now I'm not attracted to you,\\\" and this might be important for your spouse to hear in some ways, though not in others. However, \\\"I think we could be healthier\\\" puts the same sentiment in the language of something your spouse needs to know, in a much more polite way.\\n1-8. Exercise tact\\nEveryone likes a straight-shooter, but sometimes a straight-shooter's aim can be off by a couple inches. Consider the effect of your words and learn to rephrase possibly-offensive or uncomfortable language. Learn to volunteer appropriate opinions.\\nUse \\\"I\\\" statements when sharing uncomfortable truths. When you're sharing your opinions and truths with others, try to keep your honesty tamed. Focus on talking about your feelings, and your opinions, to stay respectful of others.\\nTry to add the phrase \\\"In my experience...\\\" or \\\"Personally, I've observed that...\\\" at the beginning, or end it with \\\"...but that's just my observation/experience, that might not be how things are everywhere\\\".\\nLearn to listen quietly while others are speaking, even if you disagree with what they're saying, or feel the need to dissent. When you take a turn to speak, they'll offer you the same courtesy, making the exchange both more honest and more comfortable.\\n2. Being Honest With Yourself\\n2-1. Give yourself an objective appraisal.\\nIt's important to look in the proverbial mirror every now and then and take stock of how you feel. What do you like about yourself? What do you need to work on? It's possible to build up elaborate psychological barriers that force us into dishonest behaviors, opinions, and activities that could be avoided by giving ourselves an objective appraisal. Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses in a notebook, not to take stock of your self-worth, but to find things to improve and to celebrate your achievements.\\nIdentify your strengths. What are you good at? What do you do better than most people you know? What do you contribute to daily life? What are proud of? In what ways are you better than you once were?\\nIdentify your weaknesses. What embarrasses you about yourself? What could you do better? Have you gotten worse at something specific, over the years?\\n2-2. Confront the things about yourself that you dislike.\\nA big source of dishonesty in our lives comes from an unwillingness to confront the things about ourselves that we're ashamed of, embarrassed about, or just plain disgusted by. Without dwelling on them, try to define them honestly.\\nMaybe you always hoped to have published that debut novel by the time you turned 30, a goal that's no closer now than it was 5 years ago. Maybe you know you need to get in shape, but find it easier to keep up the same old routine. Maybe your relationship is stale and you're unhappy in it, but can't bring yourself to make any considerable changes.\\nAs much as you can, try to eliminate excuses from your mind. It doesn't matter why this particularly uncomfortable truth about you is so, because you can't go back into the past to change it. You can, however, change your behavior now and start making yourself happier.\\n2-3. Create opportunities for yourself to improve.\\nFrom your list of strengths and weaknesses, try to identify specific areas for improvement, and specific ways that you might improve yourself.\\nWhat was necessary for your strengths to become strengths? What did you do that you're especially proud of? In what way could that truth inform your desire to improve some of your weaknesses?\\nWhat threatens your ability to improve yourself? Are these threats external, like a lack of funds necessary to buy a gym membership and lose a few pounds, or internal, like a lack of desire to research DIY weight-loss options?\\n2-4. Take action.\\nWhen you decide to act, carry through with your decision. Lying to yourself is easy. It's easy to come up with a couple hundred reasons not to do something you don't want to do. That's why we let it happen so often! Make it hard on yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start working, start doing it. Make it happen. Now. Don't wait until you come up with a litany of reasons that it's \\\"not the right time.\\\" When you make a decision, set it in motion.\\nMake it easy on yourself to be successful in accomplishing your improvements. Set up a risk-and-reward exchange when you accomplish a daunting task, like buying yourself that new guitar after ending your ugly relationship, or treating yourself to a vacation after losing a couple pounds.\\nAccomplish your tasks with digital aid: you can sign up with Skinny-Text to receive exercise reminders on your phone, or even consider using Pact, which will charge you a specific amount of money if you choose not to exercise.\\n3. Avoiding Unnecessary Lies\\n3-1. Don't add color to your stories.\\nOne all-too-tempting and common little lie is in filling in extra details to make a story more entertaining. It can be tempting to make it a bear that wandered into your campsite, rather than a raccoon, but you might be setting a precedent that opens up reasons and opportunities for more lies. Let the truth be the truth and be as honest as possible.\\n3-2. Get creative with \\\"white lies.\\\"\\nWe've all been there, when someone asked something dreaded, like: \\\"Do I look fat in this?\\\" or \\\"Is Santa Claus real?\\\" Sometimes, we feel we must lie to make someone else feel better, or to lessen the blow or some uncomfortable truth, but the choice between being honest and lying isn't always a choice between A and B.\\n\\n. Shift the focus away from what, in all honesty, you think is negative. Instead of saying \\\"No, I don't think you look good in those pants\\\" say \\\"They're not as flattering as the black dress—that dress really looks amazing on you. Have you tried it on with those stockings you wore to my cousin's wedding last year?\\\"\\n. It might be true that you're not crazy about the cowboy-themed restaurant and bar that your best friend wants to visit on her only night in town, but it's not necessarily \\\"honest\\\" to share that opinion. What you want is to serve the greater good of the evening–you've only got one night together!–to keep fun moving forward. Instead of saying, \\\"I don't like this place. Let's go somewhere else,\\\" say \\\"Although it's not my favorite place, I want to do what you want to do. Let's make it awesome.\\\"\\nDeflect the question. If your child wants to know if Santa Claus is real, tell them you're not sure, and engage them. Ask them what seems to be true for them: \\\"What do you think? What do kids say at school?\\\" You don't have to decide between a flat-out lie and the total truth. The real world is more complicated than that.\\n3-3. Stay silent if you need to.\\nIf you're in a tense situation, in which getting honest would disrupt everyone's mood and happiness, it's not necessarily dishonest to remain silent. If you've got the option of staying out of it, stay out of it. It takes courage to stay silent in an awkward situation sometimes.\\nChoose the high road. In a disagreement, more opinions don't make the issue easier to untangle, necessarily. You don't have to tell a white lie to get an argument to end, nor do you need to continue dropping truth-bombs. Stay out of petty disagreements entirely, rather than reigniting the flame.\\nTips\\nThis quote, \\\"Honesty is the best policy\\\" can help you be honest. It is a great and very helpful quote!\\nKeep in mind that this is not always the case. Being too honest can hurt someone's feelings.[14]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nUniversity of Rochester Medical Center\\nLeading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research\\nGo to source\\nBeing honest is hard because it forces us to acknowledge our mistakes.\\nRecord in written form your statements to others (e.g., in a journal or chart). It can reveal how many times you have been honest or dishonest; learn from this knowledge. Recorded dishonesty can provide data for future decisions, and it can provide a stark contrast if you visualize the rewards of honesty!\\nWarnings\\nEmotional issues that are beyond the scope of this article may cause uncontrollable lying: if you cannot control your dishonesty, then consider meeting with a counselor or other professional who can help you overcome those issues over the long term. Your dishonesty may be a habit that will take much introspection and work to unravel.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"No one likes lies. But, unfortunately, being dishonest with others and ourselves is sometimes easier than telling the truth. It doesn't need to be that way, though. Learning to be honest and eliminating the need for lies can help to clean up your conscience and your relationships. Shifting your perspective slightly and orienting yourself to a policy of honesty can help you to eliminate the need for lies and make it more attractive to tell the truth. See Step 1 for more information.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Honest With Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Figure out why you lie and who you lie to.\", \"描述\": \"We've all lied at one time or another, to different people, to ourselves, and for different reasons. But coming up with a systematic plan for becoming more honest will be difficult unless you try to define those reasons and those people for yourself.\\n\\n might include exaggerations, embellishments, and flat-out tall-tales we tell to others, and ourselves, to make ourselves feel better about our inadequacies. When you're unhappy about something, it's much easier to fill it in with lies than tell the truth.\\n\\n we think are better than us, because we want them to respect us as we respect them. Unfortunately, being dishonest is disrespectful in the long run. Give people more credit for their ability to empathize and understand you on a deeper level.\\n might include lies told to cover up bad behaviors, transgressions, or any activity we're not proud of. If your mom found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you might lie and say that they're your friend's to avoid punishment.\\n to avoid embarrassment and punishment, including ourselves. When we've done something we feel guilty about, lies are told to eliminate the guilt, avoid the punishments, and get back to the objectionable behavior we're forced to lie about. It's a vicious cycle.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Anticipate behaviors that will make you feel guilty.\", \"描述\": \"To break the chain of embarrassment and lying, it's important to learn to anticipate things that you'll likely feel guilty about in the future, and avoid those behaviors. When you lie, you're covering up some uncomfortable truth that's more easily couched in a lie. You can either get comfortable with the truth, or abandon the behavior that makes you embarrassed.\\nIf you smoke cigarettes, you won't have to lie if everyone knows it's true. Own up to it. If a behavior is un-own-upable, it's probably best to avoid it. It would be humiliating for your partner to find out that you had an inappropriate relationship with a coworker, but you won't have to lie if you don't do it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stop comparing yourself to others.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes we lie to make ourselves seem bigger and better than we really are. Because we're constantly competing and comparing ourselves to others, any inadequacies can be most-easily overcome with a quick and creative lie. If you stop feeling competitive with others and give yourself the value you deserve, you won't feel the need to lie to bring yourself up, because you're already up!\\nForget what you think other people want to hear from you. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they're not running \\\"game\\\" on you, or being manipulative. Speak from your heart and tell the truth, without even the slightest bit of concern about whether or not it will make you look \\\"bad.\\\" People respect honesty, even when the truth is uncomfortable.\\nLet your honesty impress people, not your exaggeration. Lots of dishonesty results from attempts to impress our peers with elaborate tales that will one-up everyone else at the table. If you're unable to contribute to the round of anecdotes about European travel, just listen quietly and wait until the subject changes, instead of making up a ruse about your study-abroad in Majorca.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Accept the consequence and decide to face them.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, it's better to own up to lies, to deceits, and to prior behaviors that you're embarrassed about, rather than continue weaving an elaborate web of lies. It can be liberating and extremely healthy to come clean. Even if there will be some consequences at the end of the admission, it'll be the honest consequences that you deserve.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Do things that make you feel pride.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to lie if you feel good about yourself! Surround yourself with caring, understanding people who will respect you for who you are. Do things that give you pleasure and that make you feel proud of yourself.\\nGetting super-drunk every night might make you feel good for a couple hours, giving you pleasure, but the ice-pick in your brain the next morning at work will have you feeling embarrassed and guilty when you can't make it into work. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. do things you're embarrassed to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid situations in which you'll have to lie for others.\", \"描述\": \"Be wary when someone tells you something in confidence that you know that you should share with someone else (e.g., knowledge of a crime, a lie, or a harmful act against another). Hearing such information puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually emerges and reveals to the affected person that you knew all along.\\nIf someone begins a sentence with \\\"Don't tell so-and-so about this, okay?\\\" be prepared to offer your own disclaimer: \\\"If it's something that I'd want to know about were I them, then please don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's secrets but my own.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Distinguish between what the person you are conversing with needs to know and what you want to say.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, we feel a burning urge in our guts to make ourselves be heard. Telling off a rude roommate, confronting your spouse, or arguing with a teacher can all seem like moments that require our complete and uncorked honesty, but pulling out the stopper can be a quick way to sour relationships and say things you don't actually mean. To avoid over-sharing, try to figure out the difference between things that you need to say because another person needs to hear it, and things that you want to say to make yourself feel better.\\n\\n if they're missing something that will cause them physical or emotional harm, or if they're doing something that's affecting other people in the same way. Your roommate might need to know that their excessive drinking is making you uncomfortable in your own house, but not that you think a new date is \\\"trashy.\\\"\\n something in a fit of anger or high emotion that, upon reflection, you might be able to couch in a more friendly way. In the middle of an argument about a lackluster relationship, you may want to say, \\\"You're gaining weight and now I'm not attracted to you,\\\" and this might be important for your spouse to hear in some ways, though not in others. However, \\\"I think we could be healthier\\\" puts the same sentiment in the language of something your spouse needs to know, in a much more polite way.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Exercise tact\", \"描述\": \"Everyone likes a straight-shooter, but sometimes a straight-shooter's aim can be off by a couple inches. Consider the effect of your words and learn to rephrase possibly-offensive or uncomfortable language. Learn to volunteer appropriate opinions.\\nUse \\\"I\\\" statements when sharing uncomfortable truths. When you're sharing your opinions and truths with others, try to keep your honesty tamed. Focus on talking about your feelings, and your opinions, to stay respectful of others.\\nTry to add the phrase \\\"In my experience...\\\" or \\\"Personally, I've observed that...\\\" at the beginning, or end it with \\\"...but that's just my observation/experience, that might not be how things are everywhere\\\".\\nLearn to listen quietly while others are speaking, even if you disagree with what they're saying, or feel the need to dissent. When you take a turn to speak, they'll offer you the same courtesy, making the exchange both more honest and more comfortable.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Honest With Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give yourself an objective appraisal.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to look in the proverbial mirror every now and then and take stock of how you feel. What do you like about yourself? What do you need to work on? It's possible to build up elaborate psychological barriers that force us into dishonest behaviors, opinions, and activities that could be avoided by giving ourselves an objective appraisal. Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses in a notebook, not to take stock of your self-worth, but to find things to improve and to celebrate your achievements.\\nIdentify your strengths. What are you good at? What do you do better than most people you know? What do you contribute to daily life? What are proud of? In what ways are you better than you once were?\\nIdentify your weaknesses. What embarrasses you about yourself? What could you do better? Have you gotten worse at something specific, over the years?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Confront the things about yourself that you dislike.\", \"描述\": \"A big source of dishonesty in our lives comes from an unwillingness to confront the things about ourselves that we're ashamed of, embarrassed about, or just plain disgusted by. Without dwelling on them, try to define them honestly.\\nMaybe you always hoped to have published that debut novel by the time you turned 30, a goal that's no closer now than it was 5 years ago. Maybe you know you need to get in shape, but find it easier to keep up the same old routine. Maybe your relationship is stale and you're unhappy in it, but can't bring yourself to make any considerable changes.\\nAs much as you can, try to eliminate excuses from your mind. It doesn't matter why this particularly uncomfortable truth about you is so, because you can't go back into the past to change it. You can, however, change your behavior now and start making yourself happier.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Create opportunities for yourself to improve.\", \"描述\": \"From your list of strengths and weaknesses, try to identify specific areas for improvement, and specific ways that you might improve yourself.\\nWhat was necessary for your strengths to become strengths? What did you do that you're especially proud of? In what way could that truth inform your desire to improve some of your weaknesses?\\nWhat threatens your ability to improve yourself? Are these threats external, like a lack of funds necessary to buy a gym membership and lose a few pounds, or internal, like a lack of desire to research DIY weight-loss options?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take action.\", \"描述\": \"When you decide to act, carry through with your decision. Lying to yourself is easy. It's easy to come up with a couple hundred reasons not to do something you don't want to do. That's why we let it happen so often! Make it hard on yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start working, start doing it. Make it happen. Now. Don't wait until you come up with a litany of reasons that it's \\\"not the right time.\\\" When you make a decision, set it in motion.\\nMake it easy on yourself to be successful in accomplishing your improvements. Set up a risk-and-reward exchange when you accomplish a daunting task, like buying yourself that new guitar after ending your ugly relationship, or treating yourself to a vacation after losing a couple pounds.\\nAccomplish your tasks with digital aid: you can sign up with Skinny-Text to receive exercise reminders on your phone, or even consider using Pact, which will charge you a specific amount of money if you choose not to exercise.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoiding Unnecessary Lies\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't add color to your stories.\", \"描述\": \"One all-too-tempting and common little lie is in filling in extra details to make a story more entertaining. It can be tempting to make it a bear that wandered into your campsite, rather than a raccoon, but you might be setting a precedent that opens up reasons and opportunities for more lies. Let the truth be the truth and be as honest as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get creative with \\\"white lies.\\\"\", \"描述\": \"We've all been there, when someone asked something dreaded, like: \\\"Do I look fat in this?\\\" or \\\"Is Santa Claus real?\\\" Sometimes, we feel we must lie to make someone else feel better, or to lessen the blow or some uncomfortable truth, but the choice between being honest and lying isn't always a choice between A and B.\\n\\n. Shift the focus away from what, in all honesty, you think is negative. Instead of saying \\\"No, I don't think you look good in those pants\\\" say \\\"They're not as flattering as the black dress—that dress really looks amazing on you. Have you tried it on with those stockings you wore to my cousin's wedding last year?\\\"\\n. It might be true that you're not crazy about the cowboy-themed restaurant and bar that your best friend wants to visit on her only night in town, but it's not necessarily \\\"honest\\\" to share that opinion. What you want is to serve the greater good of the evening–you've only got one night together!–to keep fun moving forward. Instead of saying, \\\"I don't like this place. Let's go somewhere else,\\\" say \\\"Although it's not my favorite place, I want to do what you want to do. Let's make it awesome.\\\"\\nDeflect the question. If your child wants to know if Santa Claus is real, tell them you're not sure, and engage them. Ask them what seems to be true for them: \\\"What do you think? What do kids say at school?\\\" You don't have to decide between a flat-out lie and the total truth. The real world is more complicated than that.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay silent if you need to.\", \"描述\": \"If you're in a tense situation, in which getting honest would disrupt everyone's mood and happiness, it's not necessarily dishonest to remain silent. If you've got the option of staying out of it, stay out of it. It takes courage to stay silent in an awkward situation sometimes.\\nChoose the high road. In a disagreement, more opinions don't make the issue easier to untangle, necessarily. You don't have to tell a white lie to get an argument to end, nor do you need to continue dropping truth-bombs. Stay out of petty disagreements entirely, rather than reigniting the flame.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"This quote, \\\"Honesty is the best policy\\\" can help you be honest. It is a great and very helpful quote!\\nKeep in mind that this is not always the case. Being too honest can hurt someone's feelings.[14]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nUniversity of Rochester Medical Center\\nLeading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research\\nGo to source\\n\", \"Being honest is hard because it forces us to acknowledge our mistakes.\\n\", \"Record in written form your statements to others (e.g., in a journal or chart). It can reveal how many times you have been honest or dishonest; learn from this knowledge. Recorded dishonesty can provide data for future decisions, and it can provide a stark contrast if you visualize the rewards of honesty!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Emotional issues that are beyond the scope of this article may cause uncontrollable lying: if you cannot control your dishonesty, then consider meeting with a counselor or other professional who can help you overcome those issues over the long term. Your dishonesty may be a habit that will take much introspection and work to unravel.\\n\"]}]}}",
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"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,829 | How to Be Honest Without Being Harsh | 1. Making Your Interactions Positive
1-1. Create a clear intent.
If you say something mean then follow it up by saying. “I’m just being honest” or, “I’m telling you as a friend” it’s likely you’re disguising your mean comment as honesty. Think about the intent of your comment and whether you’re just saying something to be mean.
This includes biting comments such as, “I thought you’d never get rid of those jeans!” or, “I’m surprised you ate that considering your weight.”
As the old saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
1-2. Neutralize your emotions.
You can say almost anything without coming across harshly as long as you remove yourself emotionally from the situation. This doesn’t mean being cold or stoic while telling someone you don’t love them or that they’re doing terrible work. It means not letting your emotions drive your interaction so that you behave in a mean, angry, or spiteful way.
For example, if you have a friend who is always late, don’t lash out at them if they are late, yet again. Instead, say, “I woke up early to be ready and meet with you, yet stood here waiting for you for 20 minutes. Please consider my time when we agree to meet.”
If you need to talk to the person but know that you’re not calm, take some time to neutralize. Give it an hour, a day, or a couple days depending on what you need. Say, “I’m upset now, but I’d like to speak with you about this later so we can better understand each other.”
1-3. Find the right space and time to talk.
Don't tell the person something potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of other people; speaking to them alone as the best option. If you need to have an honest talk, aim for the right conditions. Choose a place that’s quiet and away from other people and prying ears. Pick a time when you can both talk, not when either of you has to rush off to something else.
Face-to-face is best; it helps both people read each other’s body language and respond to nonverbal cues.
1-4. Make a request, not a demand.
Don’t become bossy or demanding in your speech. Maybe you don’t like something someone else does and you want them to stop. Instead of demanding that they change or do something different, make a request instead. Asking instead of telling shows that you’re considering the person’s feelings and not demanding anything of them.
For example, if someone goes on and on about a subject you’re not interested in, ask them nicely to talk about something else. Say, “I hear what you’re saying. Let’s move onto something else” or, “I understand your opinion and don’t want to talk about this further.”
1-5. Aim to be helpful, not hurtful.
While the truth might set you free, it might also hurt someone else’s feelings. If you feel like an honest moment is needed, make sure that the honesty is truly helpful. There are times when you need to be honest with someone and the truth might hurt. However, do your best to make it constructive and not destructive.
Find ways to speak kindly to people and offer to help them. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve lagged on some deadlines. Is there anything I can do to help you to get these tasks done on time?”
Ask yourself, “Might this hurt the person’s feelings?” or, “Can I say this in a kinder, more constructive way?”
1-6. Let them have a choice to discuss the issue.
Perhaps you have strong convictions you wish others would see as truth. You might be entirely correct or on higher moral grounds in your ways, but you cannot force an issue onto someone else. If they make it clear they don’t want to discuss it, drop the conversation.
For example, you might have strong religious values or moral beliefs. If you’re trying to convert someone to your truth, honor their choice to not engage in the discussion, even if you know your words to be true.
Often, forceful discussions turn people off instead of allowing them to appreciate your perspective.
2. Being Considerate of the Other Person
2-1. Be sensitive to the other person.
Don’t make the exchange all about you. Listen to the other person and consider their feelings. If they sound uncomfortable or shocked, tailor your words to be softer or more gentle. Be aware of their communication and how your words are being interpreted.
Don’t just listen to their words, be attentive to their body language, too. If they are avoiding eye contact, crossing their body, or looking like they want to leave the conversation as soon as possible, consider changing your tone.
2-2. Validate their feelings.
Be conscious about how the other person feels (or might feel) while you speak to them. However the person acts or responds is valid. If they are offended or upset, understand that it’s okay for them to react, even if you don’t like it. Let them know you understand and are sensitive to their feelings.
Forget saying “should” as in, “You should try this” or, “You should do this instead.” This invalidates the other person and makes it sound like you’re the expert.
For example, say, “I can see you’re upset by me saying this, and that’s understandable. I want to bring something to your attention, but I also don’t want to hurt you.”
2-3. See the positives, not just the negatives.
Maybe you tend to be critical in your approach to life. While this can be a useful skill, it’s often less useful when dealing with people. Don’t focus solely on what you dislike about a person or what they do wrong. Balance your negative thinking with some positive things they do or say. When talking to them about something you don’t like, bring up some things you do like.
For example, to a flaky friend you can say, “You are such a great friend and I really love hanging out with you, and yet, I also get really frustrated when you cancel last minute.”
2-4. Withhold your judgments.
Speaking truth doesn’t mean you have free reign to share your judgments with the person. Perhaps you’re unhappy with the decisions they make. Refuse to tell them what they are doing wrong and instead, focus on your concern. Be discerning in what you address and how you address it.
For example, if you have a friend doing drugs, don’t say, “Drugs are bad for you, I can’t believe you’re doing them.” Instead, say, “I’m concerned about you since you’ve started using drugs. I’ve noticed changes in your behavior and I’m concerned things may not be going well for you.”
3. Improving Your Skills
3-1. Avoid blaming the person.
You might be working with someone and be late on a deadline. Instead of blaming someone, find ways to work together instead of trying to find someone to blame. Maybe someone did drop the ball, but if you’re working together, that means finding solutions together.
If you find yourself saying, “Well, someone had to say it” as a way to express anger toward someone, you’re likely using your honesty as a way to blame others.
3-2. Use an approachable tone.
There’s a difference in tone of voice when you’re yelling at someone or talking to someone casually. Aim to use a casual tone or professional tone when talking to someone. Harshness can come out through tone, so avoid responding too quickly, using sharp words or speech, or speaking loudly.
For example, speak softer to avoid sounding aggressive.
3-3. Use humor.
Maybe a friend has a bad habit that drives you nuts. Don’t lose your cool over it. Instead, add some humor to approach the topic gently. This allows you to say what you need to say but also not make a big deal over it. Humor can also help to diffuse tense or difficult situations.
Make a small joke or say something silly to get your point across.
3-4. Avoid the question, if necessary.
Maybe someone asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable in giving an honest response. For example, they might ask, “Do you like my boyfriend?” or, “What do you think of these pants?” While you might want to answer honestly, your response may also hurt the person’s feelings. Aim to be general or respond to something regarding the topic they bring up. This allows you to be honest yet still kind and inoffensive.
For example, if someone asks if you like their terrible food, say, “This is a unique flavor unlike anything I’ve ever tasted before!” or, “My favorite part of the meal is the potatoes.”
Tips
In short, don't be rude. There are other ways to inform someone of something without directly hurting his or her feelings.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:02",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Making Your Interactions Positive\\n1-1. Create a clear intent.\\nIf you say something mean then follow it up by saying. “I’m just being honest” or, “I’m telling you as a friend” it’s likely you’re disguising your mean comment as honesty. Think about the intent of your comment and whether you’re just saying something to be mean.\\nThis includes biting comments such as, “I thought you’d never get rid of those jeans!” or, “I’m surprised you ate that considering your weight.”\\nAs the old saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”\\n1-2. Neutralize your emotions.\\nYou can say almost anything without coming across harshly as long as you remove yourself emotionally from the situation. This doesn’t mean being cold or stoic while telling someone you don’t love them or that they’re doing terrible work. It means not letting your emotions drive your interaction so that you behave in a mean, angry, or spiteful way.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who is always late, don’t lash out at them if they are late, yet again. Instead, say, “I woke up early to be ready and meet with you, yet stood here waiting for you for 20 minutes. Please consider my time when we agree to meet.”\\nIf you need to talk to the person but know that you’re not calm, take some time to neutralize. Give it an hour, a day, or a couple days depending on what you need. Say, “I’m upset now, but I’d like to speak with you about this later so we can better understand each other.”\\n1-3. Find the right space and time to talk.\\nDon't tell the person something potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of other people; speaking to them alone as the best option. If you need to have an honest talk, aim for the right conditions. Choose a place that’s quiet and away from other people and prying ears. Pick a time when you can both talk, not when either of you has to rush off to something else.\\nFace-to-face is best; it helps both people read each other’s body language and respond to nonverbal cues.\\n1-4. Make a request, not a demand.\\nDon’t become bossy or demanding in your speech. Maybe you don’t like something someone else does and you want them to stop. Instead of demanding that they change or do something different, make a request instead. Asking instead of telling shows that you’re considering the person’s feelings and not demanding anything of them.\\nFor example, if someone goes on and on about a subject you’re not interested in, ask them nicely to talk about something else. Say, “I hear what you’re saying. Let’s move onto something else” or, “I understand your opinion and don’t want to talk about this further.”\\n1-5. Aim to be helpful, not hurtful.\\nWhile the truth might set you free, it might also hurt someone else’s feelings. If you feel like an honest moment is needed, make sure that the honesty is truly helpful. There are times when you need to be honest with someone and the truth might hurt. However, do your best to make it constructive and not destructive.\\nFind ways to speak kindly to people and offer to help them. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve lagged on some deadlines. Is there anything I can do to help you to get these tasks done on time?”\\nAsk yourself, “Might this hurt the person’s feelings?” or, “Can I say this in a kinder, more constructive way?”\\n1-6. Let them have a choice to discuss the issue.\\nPerhaps you have strong convictions you wish others would see as truth. You might be entirely correct or on higher moral grounds in your ways, but you cannot force an issue onto someone else. If they make it clear they don’t want to discuss it, drop the conversation.\\nFor example, you might have strong religious values or moral beliefs. If you’re trying to convert someone to your truth, honor their choice to not engage in the discussion, even if you know your words to be true.\\nOften, forceful discussions turn people off instead of allowing them to appreciate your perspective.\\n2. Being Considerate of the Other Person\\n2-1. Be sensitive to the other person.\\nDon’t make the exchange all about you. Listen to the other person and consider their feelings. If they sound uncomfortable or shocked, tailor your words to be softer or more gentle. Be aware of their communication and how your words are being interpreted.\\nDon’t just listen to their words, be attentive to their body language, too. If they are avoiding eye contact, crossing their body, or looking like they want to leave the conversation as soon as possible, consider changing your tone.\\n2-2. Validate their feelings.\\nBe conscious about how the other person feels (or might feel) while you speak to them. However the person acts or responds is valid. If they are offended or upset, understand that it’s okay for them to react, even if you don’t like it. Let them know you understand and are sensitive to their feelings.\\nForget saying “should” as in, “You should try this” or, “You should do this instead.” This invalidates the other person and makes it sound like you’re the expert.\\nFor example, say, “I can see you’re upset by me saying this, and that’s understandable. I want to bring something to your attention, but I also don’t want to hurt you.”\\n2-3. See the positives, not just the negatives.\\nMaybe you tend to be critical in your approach to life. While this can be a useful skill, it’s often less useful when dealing with people. Don’t focus solely on what you dislike about a person or what they do wrong. Balance your negative thinking with some positive things they do or say. When talking to them about something you don’t like, bring up some things you do like.\\nFor example, to a flaky friend you can say, “You are such a great friend and I really love hanging out with you, and yet, I also get really frustrated when you cancel last minute.”\\n2-4. Withhold your judgments.\\nSpeaking truth doesn’t mean you have free reign to share your judgments with the person. Perhaps you’re unhappy with the decisions they make. Refuse to tell them what they are doing wrong and instead, focus on your concern. Be discerning in what you address and how you address it.\\nFor example, if you have a friend doing drugs, don’t say, “Drugs are bad for you, I can’t believe you’re doing them.” Instead, say, “I’m concerned about you since you’ve started using drugs. I’ve noticed changes in your behavior and I’m concerned things may not be going well for you.”\\n3. Improving Your Skills\\n3-1. Avoid blaming the person.\\nYou might be working with someone and be late on a deadline. Instead of blaming someone, find ways to work together instead of trying to find someone to blame. Maybe someone did drop the ball, but if you’re working together, that means finding solutions together.\\nIf you find yourself saying, “Well, someone had to say it” as a way to express anger toward someone, you’re likely using your honesty as a way to blame others.\\n3-2. Use an approachable tone.\\nThere’s a difference in tone of voice when you’re yelling at someone or talking to someone casually. Aim to use a casual tone or professional tone when talking to someone. Harshness can come out through tone, so avoid responding too quickly, using sharp words or speech, or speaking loudly.\\nFor example, speak softer to avoid sounding aggressive.\\n3-3. Use humor.\\nMaybe a friend has a bad habit that drives you nuts. Don’t lose your cool over it. Instead, add some humor to approach the topic gently. This allows you to say what you need to say but also not make a big deal over it. Humor can also help to diffuse tense or difficult situations.\\nMake a small joke or say something silly to get your point across.\\n3-4. Avoid the question, if necessary.\\nMaybe someone asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable in giving an honest response. For example, they might ask, “Do you like my boyfriend?” or, “What do you think of these pants?” While you might want to answer honestly, your response may also hurt the person’s feelings. Aim to be general or respond to something regarding the topic they bring up. This allows you to be honest yet still kind and inoffensive.\\nFor example, if someone asks if you like their terrible food, say, “This is a unique flavor unlike anything I’ve ever tasted before!” or, “My favorite part of the meal is the potatoes.”\\nTips\\nIn short, don't be rude. There are other ways to inform someone of something without directly hurting his or her feelings.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Mastering the art of honesty without hurting other people’s feelings means you can effectively communicate and build stronger relationships with those around you. Consider the other person’s feelings and aim to take a friendly, non-threatening approach. Use constructive words, especially if you’re giving advice or asking someone to make a change. Validate how they feel, avoid blame, and keep your judgments to yourself. As you learn to lessen your harshness, people will likely respond better to you and feel less defensive with your feedback.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Making Your Interactions Positive\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Create a clear intent.\", \"描述\": \"If you say something mean then follow it up by saying. “I’m just being honest” or, “I’m telling you as a friend” it’s likely you’re disguising your mean comment as honesty. Think about the intent of your comment and whether you’re just saying something to be mean.\\nThis includes biting comments such as, “I thought you’d never get rid of those jeans!” or, “I’m surprised you ate that considering your weight.”\\nAs the old saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Neutralize your emotions.\", \"描述\": \"You can say almost anything without coming across harshly as long as you remove yourself emotionally from the situation. This doesn’t mean being cold or stoic while telling someone you don’t love them or that they’re doing terrible work. It means not letting your emotions drive your interaction so that you behave in a mean, angry, or spiteful way.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who is always late, don’t lash out at them if they are late, yet again. Instead, say, “I woke up early to be ready and meet with you, yet stood here waiting for you for 20 minutes. Please consider my time when we agree to meet.”\\nIf you need to talk to the person but know that you’re not calm, take some time to neutralize. Give it an hour, a day, or a couple days depending on what you need. Say, “I’m upset now, but I’d like to speak with you about this later so we can better understand each other.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find the right space and time to talk.\", \"描述\": \"Don't tell the person something potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of other people; speaking to them alone as the best option. If you need to have an honest talk, aim for the right conditions. Choose a place that’s quiet and away from other people and prying ears. Pick a time when you can both talk, not when either of you has to rush off to something else.\\nFace-to-face is best; it helps both people read each other’s body language and respond to nonverbal cues.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make a request, not a demand.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t become bossy or demanding in your speech. Maybe you don’t like something someone else does and you want them to stop. Instead of demanding that they change or do something different, make a request instead. Asking instead of telling shows that you’re considering the person’s feelings and not demanding anything of them.\\nFor example, if someone goes on and on about a subject you’re not interested in, ask them nicely to talk about something else. Say, “I hear what you’re saying. Let’s move onto something else” or, “I understand your opinion and don’t want to talk about this further.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Aim to be helpful, not hurtful.\", \"描述\": \"While the truth might set you free, it might also hurt someone else’s feelings. If you feel like an honest moment is needed, make sure that the honesty is truly helpful. There are times when you need to be honest with someone and the truth might hurt. However, do your best to make it constructive and not destructive.\\nFind ways to speak kindly to people and offer to help them. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve lagged on some deadlines. Is there anything I can do to help you to get these tasks done on time?”\\nAsk yourself, “Might this hurt the person’s feelings?” or, “Can I say this in a kinder, more constructive way?”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Let them have a choice to discuss the issue.\", \"描述\": \"Perhaps you have strong convictions you wish others would see as truth. You might be entirely correct or on higher moral grounds in your ways, but you cannot force an issue onto someone else. If they make it clear they don’t want to discuss it, drop the conversation.\\nFor example, you might have strong religious values or moral beliefs. If you’re trying to convert someone to your truth, honor their choice to not engage in the discussion, even if you know your words to be true.\\nOften, forceful discussions turn people off instead of allowing them to appreciate your perspective.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Considerate of the Other Person\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be sensitive to the other person.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t make the exchange all about you. Listen to the other person and consider their feelings. If they sound uncomfortable or shocked, tailor your words to be softer or more gentle. Be aware of their communication and how your words are being interpreted.\\nDon’t just listen to their words, be attentive to their body language, too. If they are avoiding eye contact, crossing their body, or looking like they want to leave the conversation as soon as possible, consider changing your tone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Validate their feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Be conscious about how the other person feels (or might feel) while you speak to them. However the person acts or responds is valid. If they are offended or upset, understand that it’s okay for them to react, even if you don’t like it. Let them know you understand and are sensitive to their feelings.\\nForget saying “should” as in, “You should try this” or, “You should do this instead.” This invalidates the other person and makes it sound like you’re the expert.\\nFor example, say, “I can see you’re upset by me saying this, and that’s understandable. I want to bring something to your attention, but I also don’t want to hurt you.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"See the positives, not just the negatives.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe you tend to be critical in your approach to life. While this can be a useful skill, it’s often less useful when dealing with people. Don’t focus solely on what you dislike about a person or what they do wrong. Balance your negative thinking with some positive things they do or say. When talking to them about something you don’t like, bring up some things you do like.\\nFor example, to a flaky friend you can say, “You are such a great friend and I really love hanging out with you, and yet, I also get really frustrated when you cancel last minute.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Withhold your judgments.\", \"描述\": \"Speaking truth doesn’t mean you have free reign to share your judgments with the person. Perhaps you’re unhappy with the decisions they make. Refuse to tell them what they are doing wrong and instead, focus on your concern. Be discerning in what you address and how you address it.\\nFor example, if you have a friend doing drugs, don’t say, “Drugs are bad for you, I can’t believe you’re doing them.” Instead, say, “I’m concerned about you since you’ve started using drugs. I’ve noticed changes in your behavior and I’m concerned things may not be going well for you.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Skills\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid blaming the person.\", \"描述\": \"You might be working with someone and be late on a deadline. Instead of blaming someone, find ways to work together instead of trying to find someone to blame. Maybe someone did drop the ball, but if you’re working together, that means finding solutions together.\\nIf you find yourself saying, “Well, someone had to say it” as a way to express anger toward someone, you’re likely using your honesty as a way to blame others.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use an approachable tone.\", \"描述\": \"There’s a difference in tone of voice when you’re yelling at someone or talking to someone casually. Aim to use a casual tone or professional tone when talking to someone. Harshness can come out through tone, so avoid responding too quickly, using sharp words or speech, or speaking loudly.\\nFor example, speak softer to avoid sounding aggressive.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use humor.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe a friend has a bad habit that drives you nuts. Don’t lose your cool over it. Instead, add some humor to approach the topic gently. This allows you to say what you need to say but also not make a big deal over it. Humor can also help to diffuse tense or difficult situations.\\nMake a small joke or say something silly to get your point across.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid the question, if necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe someone asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable in giving an honest response. For example, they might ask, “Do you like my boyfriend?” or, “What do you think of these pants?” While you might want to answer honestly, your response may also hurt the person’s feelings. Aim to be general or respond to something regarding the topic they bring up. This allows you to be honest yet still kind and inoffensive.\\nFor example, if someone asks if you like their terrible food, say, “This is a unique flavor unlike anything I’ve ever tasted before!” or, “My favorite part of the meal is the potatoes.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"In short, don't be rude. There are other ways to inform someone of something without directly hurting his or her feelings.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,830 | How to Be Honest Without Hurting People's Feelings | 1. Being Honest in General
1-1. Ask people about their perspective.
Before being honest about how you feel its important to know their perspective. This gives you a chance to show genuine interest and have a conversation. This may also give you opportunities to speak up and be honest. They may even end their explanation with a request to hear your perspective.
1-2. Put yourself in their shoes.
One of the simplest ways to avoid hurting feelings is to imagine how they will respond to your statements. If they said that to you, would you be upset? Practice imagining how they view their own opinion and yours. Just because their perspective is different doesn't mean its wrong.
1-3. Control your words and body language.
Be careful with your honesty. You want to speak the truth in kindness. That means avoiding overtly disapproving behaviors such as grimacing or making fun of their ideas.
Sometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval. This can be difficult to change. Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created. Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice. You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too.
1-4. Be polite in your responses.
Whenever you try to avoid hurting others it is best to speak with kindness. Common gestures of kindness (i.e., politeness) go a long way. They convey respect and show you value the other person. This situation isn't all about you speaking your mind. Its about them feeling valued.
1-5. Express your perspective as opinion, not fact.
Even if you know the facts back you up, this shows you value their perspective. If they have an open mind, facts will change their perspective. If they do not have an open mind, facts will feel like personal attacks. They have a right to be incorrect. Let them come to the truth on their own terms, not yours. Forcing your perspective is an easy way to hurt feelings.
Don't criticize or condemn. This may seem difficult but is important. Speak your truth in a way that doesn't put their perspective down. Statements like "You're wrong there" and "I can't believe you think that" are to be avoided. Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e.g., "I can see how that follows"). Follow with your perspective (e.g., "I read that..." or "I think...") such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs.
Avoid hyperbole. Very, very rarely are things "always" and "never." Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth. Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest. Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high.
1-6. Don't take the disagreement personally.
Keep in mind being honest is not the same as being right. You can be honest and factually wrong at the same time. You can also be honest, factually right, and still hurt feelings. Be humble with your perspective. Listen to others' justifications for their perspectives and resist the urge to convert them to your perspective.
Place value in your own perspective. You are entitled to your perspective and opinion. Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs. Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you.
Just as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs. Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs. If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings. They aren't ready for it. If they disagree with you, that's ok. Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you.
If it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes. But that doesn't mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you. This also doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means they have a different perspective.
2. Expressing a Difference of Opinion
2-1. Decide if you need to say anything at all.
Sometimes being honest means being silent. You may find an honest expression of your desire for peace (i.e., remaining silent) outweighs the desire to speak your mind.
People feel compelled to express their strong opinions. Sometimes people do so to provoke a debate or change someone else's mind. This usually leads to a confrontation and unavoidable hurt feelings.
2-2. Begin a discussion with an sincere invitation to listen to their opinion.
They may give you the whole story or they may express they do not want to discuss it. Pay attention to their reaction and what they say. This will help you gauge how they will receive even your honest opinion.
If they decide not to discuss the issue, honor their wish. Perhaps it is the wrong time or place. Try asking again later. If they repeatedly rebuff you, you may need to express your opinion unsolicited or avoid it altogether.
2-3. Identify the source of the difference of opinion.
Try to understand what your opinion is based on. Then try to understand what their opinion is based on. Some disagreements are based on fundamental political, religious, and moral beliefs. Knowing those bases you can be respectful of the opinion and avoid hurt feelings.
2-4. Wait for them to either ask your opinion or finish giving theirs.
Be patient, kind, and attentive throughout their story. This shows you respect them and are genuinely interested in them.
2-5. Discuss your perspective as a matter of opinion.
If you want to avoid hurting feelings, you must allow for the possibility that they are right and you are wrong. You can say "I've thought that..." instead of "You are wrong."
2-6. Pay attention to verbal and bodily cues.
If the discussion is turning heated, stop. Chances are that you are about to hurt their feelings if you haven't already. Let them know you respect and value them.
Apologize if you accidentally said something that hurt their feelings. Apologies are a signal that your respect the other person.Doing this early you can move on easily. Wait too late and the hurt may take much longer to repair.
Do not overuse apologies. Saying "I'm sorry" too much--especially when you did nothing wrong--can lower the value of an apology. The goal is to identify when you've done something wrong and be sincere about your apology.
2-7. Thank them for sharing and listening.
This gives you an opportunity to end the difference of opinion on a positive note. Be sure to comment that you understand where they are coming from and hope they understand your perspective too.
3. Turning Down an Invitation
3-1. Delay your response.
Avoid responding immediately to a request you believe you will turn down. A quick "No" will rob you of time to formulate a kind decline. A simple "Let me check my calendar and get back to you" will often work. This gives you time to create a response in your head.
3-2. Check your calendar for conflicts.
If you are lucky you will have a scheduling conflict. You can honestly decline due to the conflict. If the conflict is the only reason for declining, let them know so that they will know to include you later.
If the person is persistent, they may ask you for a better time. Be prepared to respond with a more direct decline. When you see your calendar is busy, take a little extra time in advance to think about a kind decline if they ask for a better time.
3-3. Avoid admitting your schedule is open.
This is like saying you are free for anything a manipulative person is waiting to ask of you. Some people will ask about your schedule before making an offer or request. This way you have little excuse to turn them down without being mean. More importantly, you sacrifice the "Let me check my calendar" time to formulate a polite decline.
If someone starts asking about your schedule, you can simply reply, "I don't know, why do you ask?" and remain polite. This is a good practice even if you intend to accept.
3-4. Identify exactly why you want to decline.
If you know you want to decline before checking your calendar you have a reason in mind. Do you dislike the task? Were you planning to go to that event with someone else? Think about reasons you can decline that focus on aspects of the offer or request and not aspects of the person offering or requesting.
3-5. Decide if you would accept under different circumstances.
Once you know exactly why you are declining you'll be able to imagine how circumstances might be different. Maybe if they asked you to do something different or offered more money. Keep these in mind if the other party asks why you are declining.
Be cautious about reasons for declining a request. If it is obvious that the exhaustive answer would hurt their feelings consider a vague response. If necessary, you may be able to get by with "I'd rather not say."
3-6. Remember to respond.
You may have made up your mind already but you must turn down a request to be polite. Ignoring the request may hurt their feelings or put you on a list of "have not replied." If you do not respond, they may assume you feel they are not important. Reply to requests promptly. Emphasize non-personal reasons for declining. Avoid disparaging the offer or person making the request or offer.
3-7. Thank them for including you.
Consider how fortunate you are that the other person values you. They may be disappointed but not hurt. Be polite and you can decline their offer or request without long-term hurt feelings.
4. Assessing Someone's Appearance
4-1. Smile genuinely to show appreciation.
If someone is asking for your opinion it means they value you. Use that knowledge to produce a genuine smile. This will make the sting of disapproval seem less personal.
4-2. Ask them what they like about the outfit or style.
This gives you an opportunity to hear their point of view. It also gives you time to carefully word your comments. This will also give you a measurement of how much they like, or dislike the outfit or style. They may even discuss their own reservations.
4-3. Focus on the outfit or style rather than the person.
Assume that the person under the outfit is beautiful. The outfit or style is just hiding that fact. Try to critique the outfit or style apart from any negative characteristics of the person.
Appeal to any mutually-agreed-upon standard of dress to back up your opinion if you can. For example, use business dress standards if a new haircut, tattoo, or nail polish could cause them trouble at work. Use goodness of fit to highlight how the outfit would look better if it were better tailored.
4-4. Avoid agreeing with a negative self-image.
Expressing any disagreement may prompt self-deprecating statements (e.g., "I'm just too fat for this outfit..."). Do not agree with them. Even if you believe they are correct, some things do not need to be said. Be honest with yourself--you aren't trying to hurt their feelings, right?
In situations like this, you might want to disagree outright with the negative statement. "You aren't fat, this dress just fails to highlight how beautiful you are."
Unfortunately, if you fail to disagree with a negative statement the speaker may take that as an admission of your agreement. Be quick to disagree when you know this to be true.
4-5. Discuss how other styles or outfits work better as alternatives.
This allows you to be productive in two ways. First you offer alternatives for them to try. Second it provides avenues for you to shower them with complements. This shows them you value them in spite of the negative feedback you just offered.
At this stage, always be sure to include references to their positive characteristics. Although you avoided referencing personal characteristics before, highlight positive aspects now.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Honest in General\\n1-1. Ask people about their perspective.\\nBefore being honest about how you feel its important to know their perspective. This gives you a chance to show genuine interest and have a conversation. This may also give you opportunities to speak up and be honest. They may even end their explanation with a request to hear your perspective.\\n1-2. Put yourself in their shoes.\\nOne of the simplest ways to avoid hurting feelings is to imagine how they will respond to your statements. If they said that to you, would you be upset? Practice imagining how they view their own opinion and yours. Just because their perspective is different doesn't mean its wrong.\\n1-3. Control your words and body language.\\nBe careful with your honesty. You want to speak the truth in kindness. That means avoiding overtly disapproving behaviors such as grimacing or making fun of their ideas.\\nSometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval. This can be difficult to change. Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created. Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice. You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too.\\n1-4. Be polite in your responses.\\nWhenever you try to avoid hurting others it is best to speak with kindness. Common gestures of kindness (i.e., politeness) go a long way. They convey respect and show you value the other person. This situation isn't all about you speaking your mind. Its about them feeling valued.\\n1-5. Express your perspective as opinion, not fact.\\nEven if you know the facts back you up, this shows you value their perspective. If they have an open mind, facts will change their perspective. If they do not have an open mind, facts will feel like personal attacks. They have a right to be incorrect. Let them come to the truth on their own terms, not yours. Forcing your perspective is an easy way to hurt feelings.\\nDon't criticize or condemn. This may seem difficult but is important. Speak your truth in a way that doesn't put their perspective down. Statements like \\\"You're wrong there\\\" and \\\"I can't believe you think that\\\" are to be avoided. Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e.g., \\\"I can see how that follows\\\"). Follow with your perspective (e.g., \\\"I read that...\\\" or \\\"I think...\\\") such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs.\\nAvoid hyperbole. Very, very rarely are things \\\"always\\\" and \\\"never.\\\" Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth. Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest. Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high.\\n1-6. Don't take the disagreement personally.\\nKeep in mind being honest is not the same as being right. You can be honest and factually wrong at the same time. You can also be honest, factually right, and still hurt feelings. Be humble with your perspective. Listen to others' justifications for their perspectives and resist the urge to convert them to your perspective.\\nPlace value in your own perspective. You are entitled to your perspective and opinion. Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs. Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you.\\nJust as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs. Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs. If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings. They aren't ready for it. If they disagree with you, that's ok. Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you.\\nIf it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes. But that doesn't mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you. This also doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means they have a different perspective.\\n2. Expressing a Difference of Opinion\\n2-1. Decide if you need to say anything at all.\\nSometimes being honest means being silent. You may find an honest expression of your desire for peace (i.e., remaining silent) outweighs the desire to speak your mind.\\nPeople feel compelled to express their strong opinions. Sometimes people do so to provoke a debate or change someone else's mind. This usually leads to a confrontation and unavoidable hurt feelings.\\n2-2. Begin a discussion with an sincere invitation to listen to their opinion.\\nThey may give you the whole story or they may express they do not want to discuss it. Pay attention to their reaction and what they say. This will help you gauge how they will receive even your honest opinion.\\nIf they decide not to discuss the issue, honor their wish. Perhaps it is the wrong time or place. Try asking again later. If they repeatedly rebuff you, you may need to express your opinion unsolicited or avoid it altogether.\\n2-3. Identify the source of the difference of opinion.\\nTry to understand what your opinion is based on. Then try to understand what their opinion is based on. Some disagreements are based on fundamental political, religious, and moral beliefs. Knowing those bases you can be respectful of the opinion and avoid hurt feelings.\\n2-4. Wait for them to either ask your opinion or finish giving theirs.\\nBe patient, kind, and attentive throughout their story. This shows you respect them and are genuinely interested in them.\\n2-5. Discuss your perspective as a matter of opinion.\\nIf you want to avoid hurting feelings, you must allow for the possibility that they are right and you are wrong. You can say \\\"I've thought that...\\\" instead of \\\"You are wrong.\\\"\\n2-6. Pay attention to verbal and bodily cues.\\nIf the discussion is turning heated, stop. Chances are that you are about to hurt their feelings if you haven't already. Let them know you respect and value them.\\nApologize if you accidentally said something that hurt their feelings. Apologies are a signal that your respect the other person.Doing this early you can move on easily. Wait too late and the hurt may take much longer to repair.\\nDo not overuse apologies. Saying \\\"I'm sorry\\\" too much--especially when you did nothing wrong--can lower the value of an apology. The goal is to identify when you've done something wrong and be sincere about your apology.\\n2-7. Thank them for sharing and listening.\\nThis gives you an opportunity to end the difference of opinion on a positive note. Be sure to comment that you understand where they are coming from and hope they understand your perspective too.\\n3. Turning Down an Invitation\\n3-1. Delay your response.\\nAvoid responding immediately to a request you believe you will turn down. A quick \\\"No\\\" will rob you of time to formulate a kind decline. A simple \\\"Let me check my calendar and get back to you\\\" will often work. This gives you time to create a response in your head.\\n3-2. Check your calendar for conflicts.\\nIf you are lucky you will have a scheduling conflict. You can honestly decline due to the conflict. If the conflict is the only reason for declining, let them know so that they will know to include you later.\\nIf the person is persistent, they may ask you for a better time. Be prepared to respond with a more direct decline. When you see your calendar is busy, take a little extra time in advance to think about a kind decline if they ask for a better time.\\n3-3. Avoid admitting your schedule is open.\\nThis is like saying you are free for anything a manipulative person is waiting to ask of you. Some people will ask about your schedule before making an offer or request. This way you have little excuse to turn them down without being mean. More importantly, you sacrifice the \\\"Let me check my calendar\\\" time to formulate a polite decline.\\nIf someone starts asking about your schedule, you can simply reply, \\\"I don't know, why do you ask?\\\" and remain polite. This is a good practice even if you intend to accept.\\n3-4. Identify exactly why you want to decline.\\nIf you know you want to decline before checking your calendar you have a reason in mind. Do you dislike the task? Were you planning to go to that event with someone else? Think about reasons you can decline that focus on aspects of the offer or request and not aspects of the person offering or requesting.\\n3-5. Decide if you would accept under different circumstances.\\nOnce you know exactly why you are declining you'll be able to imagine how circumstances might be different. Maybe if they asked you to do something different or offered more money. Keep these in mind if the other party asks why you are declining.\\nBe cautious about reasons for declining a request. If it is obvious that the exhaustive answer would hurt their feelings consider a vague response. If necessary, you may be able to get by with \\\"I'd rather not say.\\\"\\n3-6. Remember to respond.\\nYou may have made up your mind already but you must turn down a request to be polite. Ignoring the request may hurt their feelings or put you on a list of \\\"have not replied.\\\" If you do not respond, they may assume you feel they are not important. Reply to requests promptly. Emphasize non-personal reasons for declining. Avoid disparaging the offer or person making the request or offer.\\n3-7. Thank them for including you.\\nConsider how fortunate you are that the other person values you. They may be disappointed but not hurt. Be polite and you can decline their offer or request without long-term hurt feelings.\\n4. Assessing Someone's Appearance\\n4-1. Smile genuinely to show appreciation.\\nIf someone is asking for your opinion it means they value you. Use that knowledge to produce a genuine smile. This will make the sting of disapproval seem less personal.\\n4-2. Ask them what they like about the outfit or style.\\nThis gives you an opportunity to hear their point of view. It also gives you time to carefully word your comments. This will also give you a measurement of how much they like, or dislike the outfit or style. They may even discuss their own reservations.\\n4-3. Focus on the outfit or style rather than the person.\\nAssume that the person under the outfit is beautiful. The outfit or style is just hiding that fact. Try to critique the outfit or style apart from any negative characteristics of the person.\\nAppeal to any mutually-agreed-upon standard of dress to back up your opinion if you can. For example, use business dress standards if a new haircut, tattoo, or nail polish could cause them trouble at work. Use goodness of fit to highlight how the outfit would look better if it were better tailored.\\n4-4. Avoid agreeing with a negative self-image.\\nExpressing any disagreement may prompt self-deprecating statements (e.g., \\\"I'm just too fat for this outfit...\\\"). Do not agree with them. Even if you believe they are correct, some things do not need to be said. Be honest with yourself--you aren't trying to hurt their feelings, right?\\nIn situations like this, you might want to disagree outright with the negative statement. \\\"You aren't fat, this dress just fails to highlight how beautiful you are.\\\"\\nUnfortunately, if you fail to disagree with a negative statement the speaker may take that as an admission of your agreement. Be quick to disagree when you know this to be true.\\n4-5. Discuss how other styles or outfits work better as alternatives.\\nThis allows you to be productive in two ways. First you offer alternatives for them to try. Second it provides avenues for you to shower them with complements. This shows them you value them in spite of the negative feedback you just offered.\\nAt this stage, always be sure to include references to their positive characteristics. Although you avoided referencing personal characteristics before, highlight positive aspects now.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"People disagree about meaningful and trivial matters on a daily basis. Sometimes you know if you speak your mind you will upset someone. However, you often must express your opinion even if you know others will disagree. By choosing your words carefully you can avoid a long-term offense.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Honest in General\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask people about their perspective.\", \"描述\": \"Before being honest about how you feel its important to know their perspective. This gives you a chance to show genuine interest and have a conversation. This may also give you opportunities to speak up and be honest. They may even end their explanation with a request to hear your perspective.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put yourself in their shoes.\", \"描述\": \"One of the simplest ways to avoid hurting feelings is to imagine how they will respond to your statements. If they said that to you, would you be upset? Practice imagining how they view their own opinion and yours. Just because their perspective is different doesn't mean its wrong.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Control your words and body language.\", \"描述\": \"Be careful with your honesty. You want to speak the truth in kindness. That means avoiding overtly disapproving behaviors such as grimacing or making fun of their ideas.\\nSometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval. This can be difficult to change. Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created. Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice. You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be polite in your responses.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you try to avoid hurting others it is best to speak with kindness. Common gestures of kindness (i.e., politeness) go a long way. They convey respect and show you value the other person. This situation isn't all about you speaking your mind. Its about them feeling valued.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Express your perspective as opinion, not fact.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you know the facts back you up, this shows you value their perspective. If they have an open mind, facts will change their perspective. If they do not have an open mind, facts will feel like personal attacks. They have a right to be incorrect. Let them come to the truth on their own terms, not yours. Forcing your perspective is an easy way to hurt feelings.\\nDon't criticize or condemn. This may seem difficult but is important. Speak your truth in a way that doesn't put their perspective down. Statements like \\\"You're wrong there\\\" and \\\"I can't believe you think that\\\" are to be avoided. Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e.g., \\\"I can see how that follows\\\"). Follow with your perspective (e.g., \\\"I read that...\\\" or \\\"I think...\\\") such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs.\\nAvoid hyperbole. Very, very rarely are things \\\"always\\\" and \\\"never.\\\" Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth. Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest. Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't take the disagreement personally.\", \"描述\": \"Keep in mind being honest is not the same as being right. You can be honest and factually wrong at the same time. You can also be honest, factually right, and still hurt feelings. Be humble with your perspective. Listen to others' justifications for their perspectives and resist the urge to convert them to your perspective.\\nPlace value in your own perspective. You are entitled to your perspective and opinion. Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs. Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you.\\nJust as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs. Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs. If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings. They aren't ready for it. If they disagree with you, that's ok. Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you.\\nIf it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes. But that doesn't mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you. This also doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means they have a different perspective.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Expressing a Difference of Opinion\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Decide if you need to say anything at all.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes being honest means being silent. You may find an honest expression of your desire for peace (i.e., remaining silent) outweighs the desire to speak your mind.\\nPeople feel compelled to express their strong opinions. Sometimes people do so to provoke a debate or change someone else's mind. This usually leads to a confrontation and unavoidable hurt feelings.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Begin a discussion with an sincere invitation to listen to their opinion.\", \"描述\": \"They may give you the whole story or they may express they do not want to discuss it. Pay attention to their reaction and what they say. This will help you gauge how they will receive even your honest opinion.\\nIf they decide not to discuss the issue, honor their wish. Perhaps it is the wrong time or place. Try asking again later. If they repeatedly rebuff you, you may need to express your opinion unsolicited or avoid it altogether.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Identify the source of the difference of opinion.\", \"描述\": \"Try to understand what your opinion is based on. Then try to understand what their opinion is based on. Some disagreements are based on fundamental political, religious, and moral beliefs. Knowing those bases you can be respectful of the opinion and avoid hurt feelings.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wait for them to either ask your opinion or finish giving theirs.\", \"描述\": \"Be patient, kind, and attentive throughout their story. This shows you respect them and are genuinely interested in them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Discuss your perspective as a matter of opinion.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to avoid hurting feelings, you must allow for the possibility that they are right and you are wrong. You can say \\\"I've thought that...\\\" instead of \\\"You are wrong.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Pay attention to verbal and bodily cues.\", \"描述\": \"If the discussion is turning heated, stop. Chances are that you are about to hurt their feelings if you haven't already. Let them know you respect and value them.\\nApologize if you accidentally said something that hurt their feelings. Apologies are a signal that your respect the other person.Doing this early you can move on easily. Wait too late and the hurt may take much longer to repair.\\nDo not overuse apologies. Saying \\\"I'm sorry\\\" too much--especially when you did nothing wrong--can lower the value of an apology. The goal is to identify when you've done something wrong and be sincere about your apology.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Thank them for sharing and listening.\", \"描述\": \"This gives you an opportunity to end the difference of opinion on a positive note. Be sure to comment that you understand where they are coming from and hope they understand your perspective too.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Turning Down an Invitation\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Delay your response.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid responding immediately to a request you believe you will turn down. A quick \\\"No\\\" will rob you of time to formulate a kind decline. A simple \\\"Let me check my calendar and get back to you\\\" will often work. This gives you time to create a response in your head.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Check your calendar for conflicts.\", \"描述\": \"If you are lucky you will have a scheduling conflict. You can honestly decline due to the conflict. If the conflict is the only reason for declining, let them know so that they will know to include you later.\\nIf the person is persistent, they may ask you for a better time. Be prepared to respond with a more direct decline. When you see your calendar is busy, take a little extra time in advance to think about a kind decline if they ask for a better time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid admitting your schedule is open.\", \"描述\": \"This is like saying you are free for anything a manipulative person is waiting to ask of you. Some people will ask about your schedule before making an offer or request. This way you have little excuse to turn them down without being mean. More importantly, you sacrifice the \\\"Let me check my calendar\\\" time to formulate a polite decline.\\nIf someone starts asking about your schedule, you can simply reply, \\\"I don't know, why do you ask?\\\" and remain polite. This is a good practice even if you intend to accept.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Identify exactly why you want to decline.\", \"描述\": \"If you know you want to decline before checking your calendar you have a reason in mind. Do you dislike the task? Were you planning to go to that event with someone else? Think about reasons you can decline that focus on aspects of the offer or request and not aspects of the person offering or requesting.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Decide if you would accept under different circumstances.\", \"描述\": \"Once you know exactly why you are declining you'll be able to imagine how circumstances might be different. Maybe if they asked you to do something different or offered more money. Keep these in mind if the other party asks why you are declining.\\nBe cautious about reasons for declining a request. If it is obvious that the exhaustive answer would hurt their feelings consider a vague response. If necessary, you may be able to get by with \\\"I'd rather not say.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Remember to respond.\", \"描述\": \"You may have made up your mind already but you must turn down a request to be polite. Ignoring the request may hurt their feelings or put you on a list of \\\"have not replied.\\\" If you do not respond, they may assume you feel they are not important. Reply to requests promptly. Emphasize non-personal reasons for declining. Avoid disparaging the offer or person making the request or offer.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Thank them for including you.\", \"描述\": \"Consider how fortunate you are that the other person values you. They may be disappointed but not hurt. Be polite and you can decline their offer or request without long-term hurt feelings.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Assessing Someone's Appearance\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Smile genuinely to show appreciation.\", \"描述\": \"If someone is asking for your opinion it means they value you. Use that knowledge to produce a genuine smile. This will make the sting of disapproval seem less personal.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask them what they like about the outfit or style.\", \"描述\": \"This gives you an opportunity to hear their point of view. It also gives you time to carefully word your comments. This will also give you a measurement of how much they like, or dislike the outfit or style. They may even discuss their own reservations.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on the outfit or style rather than the person.\", \"描述\": \"Assume that the person under the outfit is beautiful. The outfit or style is just hiding that fact. Try to critique the outfit or style apart from any negative characteristics of the person.\\nAppeal to any mutually-agreed-upon standard of dress to back up your opinion if you can. For example, use business dress standards if a new haircut, tattoo, or nail polish could cause them trouble at work. Use goodness of fit to highlight how the outfit would look better if it were better tailored.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid agreeing with a negative self-image.\", \"描述\": \"Expressing any disagreement may prompt self-deprecating statements (e.g., \\\"I'm just too fat for this outfit...\\\"). Do not agree with them. Even if you believe they are correct, some things do not need to be said. Be honest with yourself--you aren't trying to hurt their feelings, right?\\nIn situations like this, you might want to disagree outright with the negative statement. \\\"You aren't fat, this dress just fails to highlight how beautiful you are.\\\"\\nUnfortunately, if you fail to disagree with a negative statement the speaker may take that as an admission of your agreement. Be quick to disagree when you know this to be true.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Discuss how other styles or outfits work better as alternatives.\", \"描述\": \"This allows you to be productive in two ways. First you offer alternatives for them to try. Second it provides avenues for you to shower them with complements. This shows them you value them in spite of the negative feedback you just offered.\\nAt this stage, always be sure to include references to their positive characteristics. Although you avoided referencing personal characteristics before, highlight positive aspects now.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,831 | How to Be Honest with Yourself | 1. Preparing to Self-Assess
1-1. Get into the right mindset.
Be open to doing a self-assessment, which could be a useful problem-solving tool. You should approach it without shame or blame. You don't have to be brutally honest with yourself. Instead, be gentle and kind while still being honest.
Think of yourself as a friend providing advice to yourself. This will keep you from being too rough on yourself.
1-2. Identify an area for self-evaluation.
You don't need to evaluate every aspect of your life in order to start being honest with yourself. Think about things that both cause you discomfort and can be changed. Choices for focus include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.
You could also examine how you spend your time. For example, who do you spend your time with? What is the quality of the time you spend with others?
You could look at choices you make about yourself. For example, what are your goals, your exercise, eating, drinking, or work habits?
You could look at your performance in a role you fulfill, such as a worker, a parent, a child, a partner, etc. Evaluate your goals and progress towards them.
1-3. Be courageous.
A good place to start is with issues you do feel comfortable approaching, then working your way up to the issues that make you feel uncomfortable. As you gain confidence in your ability to be honest with yourself, continue to challenge yourself by approaching topics you feel less comfortable addressing.
Be careful not to pick and choose what you assess based only on how comfortable you feel about the topic. If you avoid things that make you uncomfortable, you may be avoiding the most important issues of all.
1-4. Set some time aside for yourself.
Get up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet space where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing some other simple task (such as laundry) or while walking. Find out what works for you.
2. Performing a Self-Assessment
2-1. Write things down.
Putting something in words helps you to be specific. You can write in whatever way you feel comfortable, be it lists, notes, cartoons, drawings, or maps. If you're not a writer, consider talking into a tape recorder or recording your thoughts some other way.
2-2. Be specific and complete.
Instead of vague, broad assessments, come up with specific strengths and areas for improvement. This will help you when the time comes to take action. Don’t just focus on areas for improvement, focus on strengths and skills as well.
For example, instead of noting that you're “too shy,” you can say “I would like to be more assertive to get my point across in meetings at work when I feel strongly about something.”
2-3. Start with your strengths.
What are you good at? What do you have a passion for doing? What do others compliment you on or tell you you're good at? Once you have these listed, think about how you can make them even better or use them to your advantage.
Take 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: One of my strengths is that ...
2-4. List your areas for improvement.
What do you dislike? What doesn't work too well for you? Focusing on areas for improvement can put things into perspective. Once you have listed them, you can choose whether to try to improve upon these areas or let them go.
Take another 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: Things don’t work well when ...
2-5. Write down your opportunities.
These could be based on how you use your strengths or improve yourself. At a personal level, an opportunity isn't just the potential to make money. Rather, an opportunity might satisfy your own needs or help you improve yourself.
For example, learning an instrument might not provide you a financial opportunity, but the satisfaction of learning to play could be opportunity enough.
2-6. List the factors that undermine your success.
What could undermine those opportunities, derail your hopes, or sidetrack your success? Identifying these factors will make you more aware and make them less threatening.
Some risks are beyond our control, but many can be lessened or anticipated.
2-7. Perform a verbal self-assessment.
Place an empty chair across from you and imagine yourself sitting in the chair. Say out loud all of the things you are withholding from yourself. These can be both positive things about yourself.
If you feel more comfortable talking to someone else, you can imagine them sitting in the chair. You may even want to contact the person and tell them the things you said for real.
3. Reviewing and Acting On Your Self-Assessment
3-1. Review your lists of strengths, opportunities, and areas for improvement.
Cross off things that do not make sense or do not seem quite true after you give them more thought. Replace them with things that you notice are missing. Also, put an asterisk next to things that are really true or strike a chord with you.
3-2. Don't give up.
Fight against feelings of hopelessness and discouragement as you identify areas of self-improvement. One way to do this is to give yourself small rewards for identifying areas of self-improvement and acting on them. Also, when feelings of hopelessness and discouragement surface, focus on “low hanging fruit” and evaluate something that feels relatively painless and easy to fix.
Remember, you are not rating your worthiness as a human being, just trying to identify differences between your actual self and your ideal self.
3-3. Ask friends you trust how they see you.
Seeing yourself objectively is not always easy, and an honest assessment by somebody outside can help you gauge whether your personal assessment is reasonable.
Keep things in perspective. So you haven't won your Nobel Peace Prize yet. Neither have most of the rest of us. You're only human, and nobody, including yourself, should expect perfection of you.
3-4. Create an action plan.
Take your areas of improvement and create goals for working towards. For goals that seem too audacious, consider breaking them down into sub-goals. Make sure to define success in such a way that you can identify when you have been successful and are likely to be successful.
For example, if you think you have a weight problem, take a goal like “Lose 100 pounds” and break it up into smaller steps that will get you to your goal. Think of as many small changes as you can that together can add up to you meeting your audacious goal. For example, the first week cut out all soda and drinks with sugar. Second week, cut out all packaged baked goods, like cookies and doughnuts, and replace them with healthier versions. Keep restructuring your diet until you are eating mostly healthy foods almost all the time.
3-5. Chart your progress.
Keep your lists to remind you of both your strengths and your new goals. When you successfully complete an action or reach a goal, cross it off and add another item to your list. If you get stuck, identify the barriers to progress and focus on how to overcome them.
For example, if you can’t get rid of your gambling addiction, think about how you started the process of quitting and when you have not been successful. Maybe you identified that you turn to gambling on the weekends when you do not have anything else to do, and you can start planning more activities to occupy your time on the weekends.
3-6. Be gentle on yourself and maintain perspective.
Through all of this remember to separate your behaviors from who you are as a person. You are not your actions and your actions do not define your self worth. As you focus on areas of improvement, it can seem like all you are ever doing is “improving” yourself. So, make sure to focus on areas where you do not need improvement.
For example, if you are focusing on exercising more, and you have met all your exercise goals over the last month, it's okay to take a day off and go to the movies instead of going for a run. You just have to be careful that you are not backsliding and undoing all of your good work.
Tips
Remember, there is no harm in writing something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or simply keep it a secret.
If you don't know where to begin, try taking a personality test (see external links). They cannot discover you by themselves, but they can lend some insight about your nature to help get you started.
You can always seek professional help no matter what progress you are making. Being honest with yourself doesn't mean you have to work alone.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Preparing to Self-Assess\\n1-1. Get into the right mindset.\\nBe open to doing a self-assessment, which could be a useful problem-solving tool. You should approach it without shame or blame. You don't have to be brutally honest with yourself. Instead, be gentle and kind while still being honest.\\nThink of yourself as a friend providing advice to yourself. This will keep you from being too rough on yourself.\\n1-2. Identify an area for self-evaluation.\\nYou don't need to evaluate every aspect of your life in order to start being honest with yourself. Think about things that both cause you discomfort and can be changed. Choices for focus include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.\\nYou could also examine how you spend your time. For example, who do you spend your time with? What is the quality of the time you spend with others?\\nYou could look at choices you make about yourself. For example, what are your goals, your exercise, eating, drinking, or work habits?\\nYou could look at your performance in a role you fulfill, such as a worker, a parent, a child, a partner, etc. Evaluate your goals and progress towards them.\\n1-3. Be courageous.\\nA good place to start is with issues you do feel comfortable approaching, then working your way up to the issues that make you feel uncomfortable. As you gain confidence in your ability to be honest with yourself, continue to challenge yourself by approaching topics you feel less comfortable addressing.\\nBe careful not to pick and choose what you assess based only on how comfortable you feel about the topic. If you avoid things that make you uncomfortable, you may be avoiding the most important issues of all.\\n1-4. Set some time aside for yourself.\\nGet up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet space where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing some other simple task (such as laundry) or while walking. Find out what works for you.\\n2. Performing a Self-Assessment\\n2-1. Write things down.\\nPutting something in words helps you to be specific. You can write in whatever way you feel comfortable, be it lists, notes, cartoons, drawings, or maps. If you're not a writer, consider talking into a tape recorder or recording your thoughts some other way.\\n2-2. Be specific and complete.\\nInstead of vague, broad assessments, come up with specific strengths and areas for improvement. This will help you when the time comes to take action. Don’t just focus on areas for improvement, focus on strengths and skills as well.\\nFor example, instead of noting that you're “too shy,” you can say “I would like to be more assertive to get my point across in meetings at work when I feel strongly about something.”\\n2-3. Start with your strengths.\\nWhat are you good at? What do you have a passion for doing? What do others compliment you on or tell you you're good at? Once you have these listed, think about how you can make them even better or use them to your advantage.\\nTake 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: One of my strengths is that ...\\n2-4. List your areas for improvement.\\nWhat do you dislike? What doesn't work too well for you? Focusing on areas for improvement can put things into perspective. Once you have listed them, you can choose whether to try to improve upon these areas or let them go.\\nTake another 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: Things don’t work well when ...\\n2-5. Write down your opportunities.\\nThese could be based on how you use your strengths or improve yourself. At a personal level, an opportunity isn't just the potential to make money. Rather, an opportunity might satisfy your own needs or help you improve yourself.\\nFor example, learning an instrument might not provide you a financial opportunity, but the satisfaction of learning to play could be opportunity enough.\\n2-6. List the factors that undermine your success.\\nWhat could undermine those opportunities, derail your hopes, or sidetrack your success? Identifying these factors will make you more aware and make them less threatening.\\nSome risks are beyond our control, but many can be lessened or anticipated.\\n2-7. Perform a verbal self-assessment.\\nPlace an empty chair across from you and imagine yourself sitting in the chair. Say out loud all of the things you are withholding from yourself. These can be both positive things about yourself.\\nIf you feel more comfortable talking to someone else, you can imagine them sitting in the chair. You may even want to contact the person and tell them the things you said for real.\\n3. Reviewing and Acting On Your Self-Assessment\\n3-1. Review your lists of strengths, opportunities, and areas for improvement.\\nCross off things that do not make sense or do not seem quite true after you give them more thought. Replace them with things that you notice are missing. Also, put an asterisk next to things that are really true or strike a chord with you.\\n3-2. Don't give up.\\nFight against feelings of hopelessness and discouragement as you identify areas of self-improvement. One way to do this is to give yourself small rewards for identifying areas of self-improvement and acting on them. Also, when feelings of hopelessness and discouragement surface, focus on “low hanging fruit” and evaluate something that feels relatively painless and easy to fix.\\nRemember, you are not rating your worthiness as a human being, just trying to identify differences between your actual self and your ideal self.\\n3-3. Ask friends you trust how they see you.\\nSeeing yourself objectively is not always easy, and an honest assessment by somebody outside can help you gauge whether your personal assessment is reasonable.\\nKeep things in perspective. So you haven't won your Nobel Peace Prize yet. Neither have most of the rest of us. You're only human, and nobody, including yourself, should expect perfection of you.\\n3-4. Create an action plan.\\nTake your areas of improvement and create goals for working towards. For goals that seem too audacious, consider breaking them down into sub-goals. Make sure to define success in such a way that you can identify when you have been successful and are likely to be successful.\\nFor example, if you think you have a weight problem, take a goal like “Lose 100 pounds” and break it up into smaller steps that will get you to your goal. Think of as many small changes as you can that together can add up to you meeting your audacious goal. For example, the first week cut out all soda and drinks with sugar. Second week, cut out all packaged baked goods, like cookies and doughnuts, and replace them with healthier versions. Keep restructuring your diet until you are eating mostly healthy foods almost all the time.\\n3-5. Chart your progress.\\nKeep your lists to remind you of both your strengths and your new goals. When you successfully complete an action or reach a goal, cross it off and add another item to your list. If you get stuck, identify the barriers to progress and focus on how to overcome them.\\nFor example, if you can’t get rid of your gambling addiction, think about how you started the process of quitting and when you have not been successful. Maybe you identified that you turn to gambling on the weekends when you do not have anything else to do, and you can start planning more activities to occupy your time on the weekends.\\n3-6. Be gentle on yourself and maintain perspective.\\nThrough all of this remember to separate your behaviors from who you are as a person. You are not your actions and your actions do not define your self worth. As you focus on areas of improvement, it can seem like all you are ever doing is “improving” yourself. So, make sure to focus on areas where you do not need improvement.\\nFor example, if you are focusing on exercising more, and you have met all your exercise goals over the last month, it's okay to take a day off and go to the movies instead of going for a run. You just have to be careful that you are not backsliding and undoing all of your good work.\\nTips\\nRemember, there is no harm in writing something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or simply keep it a secret.\\nIf you don't know where to begin, try taking a personality test (see external links). They cannot discover you by themselves, but they can lend some insight about your nature to help get you started.\\nYou can always seek professional help no matter what progress you are making. Being honest with yourself doesn't mean you have to work alone.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Have you ever had that niggling feeling in the back of your mind, telling you that you're not being truthful with yourself? Maybe your deceiving yourself into believing your career or relationship is great, when it's not. Or maybe you beat yourself up over your finances, when you're actually doing a great job. Either way, being honest with yourself is a great opportunity to build life skills, rise above challenges, gain self-acceptance, and improve authenticity.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Preparing to Self-Assess\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get into the right mindset.\", \"描述\": \"Be open to doing a self-assessment, which could be a useful problem-solving tool. You should approach it without shame or blame. You don't have to be brutally honest with yourself. Instead, be gentle and kind while still being honest.\\nThink of yourself as a friend providing advice to yourself. This will keep you from being too rough on yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identify an area for self-evaluation.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to evaluate every aspect of your life in order to start being honest with yourself. Think about things that both cause you discomfort and can be changed. Choices for focus include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.\\nYou could also examine how you spend your time. For example, who do you spend your time with? What is the quality of the time you spend with others?\\nYou could look at choices you make about yourself. For example, what are your goals, your exercise, eating, drinking, or work habits?\\nYou could look at your performance in a role you fulfill, such as a worker, a parent, a child, a partner, etc. Evaluate your goals and progress towards them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be courageous.\", \"描述\": \"A good place to start is with issues you do feel comfortable approaching, then working your way up to the issues that make you feel uncomfortable. As you gain confidence in your ability to be honest with yourself, continue to challenge yourself by approaching topics you feel less comfortable addressing.\\nBe careful not to pick and choose what you assess based only on how comfortable you feel about the topic. If you avoid things that make you uncomfortable, you may be avoiding the most important issues of all.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Set some time aside for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Get up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet space where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing some other simple task (such as laundry) or while walking. Find out what works for you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Performing a Self-Assessment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Write things down.\", \"描述\": \"Putting something in words helps you to be specific. You can write in whatever way you feel comfortable, be it lists, notes, cartoons, drawings, or maps. If you're not a writer, consider talking into a tape recorder or recording your thoughts some other way.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be specific and complete.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of vague, broad assessments, come up with specific strengths and areas for improvement. This will help you when the time comes to take action. Don’t just focus on areas for improvement, focus on strengths and skills as well.\\nFor example, instead of noting that you're “too shy,” you can say “I would like to be more assertive to get my point across in meetings at work when I feel strongly about something.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Start with your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"What are you good at? What do you have a passion for doing? What do others compliment you on or tell you you're good at? Once you have these listed, think about how you can make them even better or use them to your advantage.\\nTake 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: One of my strengths is that ...\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"List your areas for improvement.\", \"描述\": \"What do you dislike? What doesn't work too well for you? Focusing on areas for improvement can put things into perspective. Once you have listed them, you can choose whether to try to improve upon these areas or let them go.\\nTake another 10 minutes and complete the following sentence as many different ways as you can: Things don’t work well when ...\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Write down your opportunities.\", \"描述\": \"These could be based on how you use your strengths or improve yourself. At a personal level, an opportunity isn't just the potential to make money. Rather, an opportunity might satisfy your own needs or help you improve yourself.\\nFor example, learning an instrument might not provide you a financial opportunity, but the satisfaction of learning to play could be opportunity enough.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"List the factors that undermine your success.\", \"描述\": \"What could undermine those opportunities, derail your hopes, or sidetrack your success? Identifying these factors will make you more aware and make them less threatening.\\nSome risks are beyond our control, but many can be lessened or anticipated.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Perform a verbal self-assessment.\", \"描述\": \"Place an empty chair across from you and imagine yourself sitting in the chair. Say out loud all of the things you are withholding from yourself. These can be both positive things about yourself.\\nIf you feel more comfortable talking to someone else, you can imagine them sitting in the chair. You may even want to contact the person and tell them the things you said for real.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reviewing and Acting On Your Self-Assessment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Review your lists of strengths, opportunities, and areas for improvement.\", \"描述\": \"Cross off things that do not make sense or do not seem quite true after you give them more thought. Replace them with things that you notice are missing. Also, put an asterisk next to things that are really true or strike a chord with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't give up.\", \"描述\": \"Fight against feelings of hopelessness and discouragement as you identify areas of self-improvement. One way to do this is to give yourself small rewards for identifying areas of self-improvement and acting on them. Also, when feelings of hopelessness and discouragement surface, focus on “low hanging fruit” and evaluate something that feels relatively painless and easy to fix.\\nRemember, you are not rating your worthiness as a human being, just trying to identify differences between your actual self and your ideal self.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask friends you trust how they see you.\", \"描述\": \"Seeing yourself objectively is not always easy, and an honest assessment by somebody outside can help you gauge whether your personal assessment is reasonable.\\nKeep things in perspective. So you haven't won your Nobel Peace Prize yet. Neither have most of the rest of us. You're only human, and nobody, including yourself, should expect perfection of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Create an action plan.\", \"描述\": \"Take your areas of improvement and create goals for working towards. For goals that seem too audacious, consider breaking them down into sub-goals. Make sure to define success in such a way that you can identify when you have been successful and are likely to be successful.\\nFor example, if you think you have a weight problem, take a goal like “Lose 100 pounds” and break it up into smaller steps that will get you to your goal. Think of as many small changes as you can that together can add up to you meeting your audacious goal. For example, the first week cut out all soda and drinks with sugar. Second week, cut out all packaged baked goods, like cookies and doughnuts, and replace them with healthier versions. Keep restructuring your diet until you are eating mostly healthy foods almost all the time.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Chart your progress.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your lists to remind you of both your strengths and your new goals. When you successfully complete an action or reach a goal, cross it off and add another item to your list. If you get stuck, identify the barriers to progress and focus on how to overcome them.\\nFor example, if you can’t get rid of your gambling addiction, think about how you started the process of quitting and when you have not been successful. Maybe you identified that you turn to gambling on the weekends when you do not have anything else to do, and you can start planning more activities to occupy your time on the weekends.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be gentle on yourself and maintain perspective.\", \"描述\": \"Through all of this remember to separate your behaviors from who you are as a person. You are not your actions and your actions do not define your self worth. As you focus on areas of improvement, it can seem like all you are ever doing is “improving” yourself. So, make sure to focus on areas where you do not need improvement.\\nFor example, if you are focusing on exercising more, and you have met all your exercise goals over the last month, it's okay to take a day off and go to the movies instead of going for a run. You just have to be careful that you are not backsliding and undoing all of your good work.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Remember, there is no harm in writing something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or simply keep it a secret.\\n\", \"If you don't know where to begin, try taking a personality test (see external links). They cannot discover you by themselves, but they can lend some insight about your nature to help get you started.\\n\", \"You can always seek professional help no matter what progress you are making. Being honest with yourself doesn't mean you have to work alone.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,832 | How to Be Honourable | 1. Developing a Sense of Honor
1-1. Be the person you say you are.
It’s easy to be a pleasant person, walking around with a ready smile and a “hello” for everyone you see. But being honourable isn’t the same thing as being friendly. When it comes to honor, it’s more important to be authentic. Show the world who you really are, even if it come at the expense of your reputation for being “nice.” To be honourable, you’ve got to be trustworthy.
If you hide your real thoughts and feelings behind a masked expression, try taking off the mask and see what happens. Maybe people will be put off at first, but after a while they’ll come to trust you more, since you’re revealing more of yourself to them.
This isn’t to say you should go around being surly, but try to be more expressive of how you really feel instead of sugarcoating everything to make social interactions easier or to try to get people to like you.
1-2. Do what you say you’re going to do.
If you’re constantly backing out of social plans, or not showing up when you said you’d help out, work on your follow through. Maybe you really mean it when you say you’ll hang out with that old friend who keeps calling, but your actions speak louder than your intentions. Central to being an honourable person is ditching your flaky tendencies.
Every seemingly harmless white lie makes you less trustworthy in others’ eyes, and before long people won’t consider you reliable at all. Doing what you say you’re going to do, no matter how small, builds character and develops your sense of honor.
Give it some practice. Eventually you’ll hate the feeling of not following through, and you’ll stop making commitments you can’t stick with.
1-3. Strengthen your values.
What do you believe in? In any given situation, how do you decide what’s right and what’s wrong? Having strong values is key to being honourable, since acting with honor means doing the right thing, even if others disagree with you. It can be really hard to figure out how to act with honor in any given situation. Your values are what you turn to for answers when there’s no one else you can ask. When you align yourself with them, you can be proud of yourself for having done your best, no matter what the outcome is.
Your values might be aligned with a certain religion or another belief system. Maybe your parents imparted strong values when they raised you. Try to examine your values to make sure you really believe them, since it’s hard to stand up for something when your gut tells you it isn’t really true.
If this concept is difficult and you’re searching for answers, try talking it through with people you see as wise, reading philosophical and religious texts, or attending spiritual services. Explore different value systems and compare their tenets with your life experiences to figure out what feels right.
1-4. Care about other people.
The honourable among us really care about the people in their life. They’re the parents who work second and third jobs to make sure their kids have enough, the friends who refuse to let their pals get behind the wheel after a night of drinking. Honourable people show their deep love for others through their actions. If the people in your life don’t know you’ve got their backs, it’s time to start showing them that you do.
Care about people outside of your inner circle, too. Acting honorably isn’t limited to only helping the people you know and love. What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw someone in need of help?
Question your boundaries. Sure, it’s hard to hand over change to every single person who asks. It’s not possible to help everyone you come across. But being honourable means seeing people as people, respecting their humanity, and giving the what little you have to offer.
1-5. Get rid of ulterior motives.
If you’re honourable, you help people because you care, and you don’t expect to get paid back. When you do something kind, there’s no self-serving motive behind it; you’re driven by love. Think about the decisions you make every day, and decide what powers them. Only you know whether your interactions are tainted by motives you don’t want others do see.
For example, have you ever given advice that serves you instead of really trying to help the person? If your sister asks you if you think she should move to New York, and you really wish she would stay in town, don’t let your feelings taint your advice. Advise her to do what you think is best for her, not for you.
Don’t build up resentment about helping out, or wonder what you’re getting out of a given situation. If you don’t want to be doing something, you should stop doing it. It’s more honourable to be up front about how you feel than it is to secretly despise something you’re doing.
Remember: real integrity is all about being aligned with your values and being consistent in what you say and do.
2. Behaving Honorably
2-1. Work for what you want.
Do you want a new car? A boyfriend? Some new clothes? You deserve all of these things, but don’t use shortcuts to get them. It’s so much easier to take the easy way out, but this usually requires hurting someone else, and if you do it often enough it’ll backfire. If you want something, work for it. It’s the honourable thing to do.
Don’t steal or try to rip people off instead of paying what you owe.
Don’t shamelessly flirt with someone else’s tipsy girlfriend instead of forming an actual relationship with someone who’s available.
Don’t keep borrowing money from your friends and family instead of getting a job.
Don’t take credit for someone else’s idea instead of coming up with your own.
2-2. Speak the truth.
Honesty and honor go hand in hand. Work on always telling the truth, whether it’s about your own intentions or an outside situation. It will certainly make you uncomfortable at times, and you might be subject to other people’s anger or hurt feelings. But ultimately, people will appreciate that you’re someone who tells it like it is instead of sugarcoating.
If there’s a situation in which you don’t feel comfortable telling the truth, just don’t say anything. It’s better than lying. Even so, it's important to tell the truth as often as possible.
When it comes to the tiny lies we tell to spare feelings, you make the call. Just know that if you lie often enough, even in this small way (“No, that dress looks great!” or “Yes, I really liked your speech!”) people will stop trusting your opinion and begin to assume you’re just being nice.
You can speak your truth assertively without acting aggressively.
2-3. Defend what you believe in.
Developing your values is one thing, but standing up for them is quite another. It’s easy to argue with something in your head, but truly honourable people speak up and step in. Defending your values can mean any number of things, and it doesn’t always need to involve a big show. In little ways, you can behave honorably and set an example for other people.
In general, think about the impact you want to make, along with the purpose you want to serve.
For example, if everyone at work makes fun of a certain person when he’s not around, you could make it clear you don’t think it’s right. Sometimes just saying “I disagree” or even changing the subject every time it comes up is a way to make your opinion known.
Sometimes you’ll be faced with a bigger problem, and you’ll have to choose between standing up for what you think is right and keeping your job, or staying friends with someone, or upholding your reputation as a sweet and genial person. That’s when true honor kicks in, and hopefully all those times you were honourable in little ways will prepare you for the big decisions.
2-4. Come to people’s aid.
If you were to draw a cartoon of an honourable person, it might look like a guy giving up his seat on the bus for an elderly person while helping a child carry his luggage and offering to front fare for someone who forgot change. These cliches all demonstrate ways to be honourable, and they’re all situations that could happen in real life and provide easy opportunities to be a little honourable. However, true honor is demonstrated when you’re called upon to do something you really don’t want to do, and you do it anyway.
For example, maybe your brother and his two dogs need a place to crash for three weeks after losing their house. Things will be pretty cramped, but he’s your brother, so you do it.
Or maybe you’re in the car on the way to airport to catch a flight to Venice for your honeymoon, and you witness a car run off the road and hit the guardrail. Even though it means you’re going to miss your flight, you stop and offer your assistance.
2-5. Never manipulate people.
Part of being honourable is acknowledging the effect your words and actions have on other people. You have the ability to help, and you have the ability to hurt. Don’t mess with people’s emotions as a way to get what you want. It’s easy to do this without even realizing it, so try to be more mindful of the impact you’re having.
Don’t take advantage of weakness, like using someone’s illness to gain an edge on them.
Don’t be controlling of those around you. Let them make their own decisions.
Don’t guilt trip people into doing what you want.
Don’t lead people on by making them think you’re more emotionally involved than you really feel.
Tips
Ask for forgiveness when you have done something wrong, and forgive mistakes in turn.
Fight against hypocrisy.
If you fight for something and don't do it yourself, you're as much at fault for not doing that thing as anybody else is, perhaps more.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Developing a Sense of Honor\\n1-1. Be the person you say you are.\\nIt’s easy to be a pleasant person, walking around with a ready smile and a “hello” for everyone you see. But being honourable isn’t the same thing as being friendly. When it comes to honor, it’s more important to be authentic. Show the world who you really are, even if it come at the expense of your reputation for being “nice.” To be honourable, you’ve got to be trustworthy.\\nIf you hide your real thoughts and feelings behind a masked expression, try taking off the mask and see what happens. Maybe people will be put off at first, but after a while they’ll come to trust you more, since you’re revealing more of yourself to them.\\nThis isn’t to say you should go around being surly, but try to be more expressive of how you really feel instead of sugarcoating everything to make social interactions easier or to try to get people to like you.\\n1-2. Do what you say you’re going to do.\\nIf you’re constantly backing out of social plans, or not showing up when you said you’d help out, work on your follow through. Maybe you really mean it when you say you’ll hang out with that old friend who keeps calling, but your actions speak louder than your intentions. Central to being an honourable person is ditching your flaky tendencies.\\nEvery seemingly harmless white lie makes you less trustworthy in others’ eyes, and before long people won’t consider you reliable at all. Doing what you say you’re going to do, no matter how small, builds character and develops your sense of honor.\\nGive it some practice. Eventually you’ll hate the feeling of not following through, and you’ll stop making commitments you can’t stick with.\\n1-3. Strengthen your values.\\nWhat do you believe in? In any given situation, how do you decide what’s right and what’s wrong? Having strong values is key to being honourable, since acting with honor means doing the right thing, even if others disagree with you. It can be really hard to figure out how to act with honor in any given situation. Your values are what you turn to for answers when there’s no one else you can ask. When you align yourself with them, you can be proud of yourself for having done your best, no matter what the outcome is.\\nYour values might be aligned with a certain religion or another belief system. Maybe your parents imparted strong values when they raised you. Try to examine your values to make sure you really believe them, since it’s hard to stand up for something when your gut tells you it isn’t really true.\\nIf this concept is difficult and you’re searching for answers, try talking it through with people you see as wise, reading philosophical and religious texts, or attending spiritual services. Explore different value systems and compare their tenets with your life experiences to figure out what feels right.\\n1-4. Care about other people.\\nThe honourable among us really care about the people in their life. They’re the parents who work second and third jobs to make sure their kids have enough, the friends who refuse to let their pals get behind the wheel after a night of drinking. Honourable people show their deep love for others through their actions. If the people in your life don’t know you’ve got their backs, it’s time to start showing them that you do.\\nCare about people outside of your inner circle, too. Acting honorably isn’t limited to only helping the people you know and love. What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw someone in need of help?\\nQuestion your boundaries. Sure, it’s hard to hand over change to every single person who asks. It’s not possible to help everyone you come across. But being honourable means seeing people as people, respecting their humanity, and giving the what little you have to offer.\\n1-5. Get rid of ulterior motives.\\nIf you’re honourable, you help people because you care, and you don’t expect to get paid back. When you do something kind, there’s no self-serving motive behind it; you’re driven by love. Think about the decisions you make every day, and decide what powers them. Only you know whether your interactions are tainted by motives you don’t want others do see.\\nFor example, have you ever given advice that serves you instead of really trying to help the person? If your sister asks you if you think she should move to New York, and you really wish she would stay in town, don’t let your feelings taint your advice. Advise her to do what you think is best for her, not for you.\\nDon’t build up resentment about helping out, or wonder what you’re getting out of a given situation. If you don’t want to be doing something, you should stop doing it. It’s more honourable to be up front about how you feel than it is to secretly despise something you’re doing.\\nRemember: real integrity is all about being aligned with your values and being consistent in what you say and do.\\n2. Behaving Honorably\\n2-1. Work for what you want.\\nDo you want a new car? A boyfriend? Some new clothes? You deserve all of these things, but don’t use shortcuts to get them. It’s so much easier to take the easy way out, but this usually requires hurting someone else, and if you do it often enough it’ll backfire. If you want something, work for it. It’s the honourable thing to do.\\nDon’t steal or try to rip people off instead of paying what you owe.\\nDon’t shamelessly flirt with someone else’s tipsy girlfriend instead of forming an actual relationship with someone who’s available.\\nDon’t keep borrowing money from your friends and family instead of getting a job.\\nDon’t take credit for someone else’s idea instead of coming up with your own.\\n2-2. Speak the truth.\\nHonesty and honor go hand in hand. Work on always telling the truth, whether it’s about your own intentions or an outside situation. It will certainly make you uncomfortable at times, and you might be subject to other people’s anger or hurt feelings. But ultimately, people will appreciate that you’re someone who tells it like it is instead of sugarcoating.\\nIf there’s a situation in which you don’t feel comfortable telling the truth, just don’t say anything. It’s better than lying. Even so, it's important to tell the truth as often as possible.\\nWhen it comes to the tiny lies we tell to spare feelings, you make the call. Just know that if you lie often enough, even in this small way (“No, that dress looks great!” or “Yes, I really liked your speech!”) people will stop trusting your opinion and begin to assume you’re just being nice.\\nYou can speak your truth assertively without acting aggressively.\\n2-3. Defend what you believe in.\\nDeveloping your values is one thing, but standing up for them is quite another. It’s easy to argue with something in your head, but truly honourable people speak up and step in. Defending your values can mean any number of things, and it doesn’t always need to involve a big show. In little ways, you can behave honorably and set an example for other people.\\nIn general, think about the impact you want to make, along with the purpose you want to serve.\\nFor example, if everyone at work makes fun of a certain person when he’s not around, you could make it clear you don’t think it’s right. Sometimes just saying “I disagree” or even changing the subject every time it comes up is a way to make your opinion known.\\nSometimes you’ll be faced with a bigger problem, and you’ll have to choose between standing up for what you think is right and keeping your job, or staying friends with someone, or upholding your reputation as a sweet and genial person. That’s when true honor kicks in, and hopefully all those times you were honourable in little ways will prepare you for the big decisions.\\n2-4. Come to people’s aid.\\nIf you were to draw a cartoon of an honourable person, it might look like a guy giving up his seat on the bus for an elderly person while helping a child carry his luggage and offering to front fare for someone who forgot change. These cliches all demonstrate ways to be honourable, and they’re all situations that could happen in real life and provide easy opportunities to be a little honourable. However, true honor is demonstrated when you’re called upon to do something you really don’t want to do, and you do it anyway.\\nFor example, maybe your brother and his two dogs need a place to crash for three weeks after losing their house. Things will be pretty cramped, but he’s your brother, so you do it.\\nOr maybe you’re in the car on the way to airport to catch a flight to Venice for your honeymoon, and you witness a car run off the road and hit the guardrail. Even though it means you’re going to miss your flight, you stop and offer your assistance.\\n2-5. Never manipulate people.\\nPart of being honourable is acknowledging the effect your words and actions have on other people. You have the ability to help, and you have the ability to hurt. Don’t mess with people’s emotions as a way to get what you want. It’s easy to do this without even realizing it, so try to be more mindful of the impact you’re having.\\nDon’t take advantage of weakness, like using someone’s illness to gain an edge on them.\\nDon’t be controlling of those around you. Let them make their own decisions.\\nDon’t guilt trip people into doing what you want.\\nDon’t lead people on by making them think you’re more emotionally involved than you really feel.\\nTips\\nAsk for forgiveness when you have done something wrong, and forgive mistakes in turn.\\nFight against hypocrisy.\\nIf you fight for something and don't do it yourself, you're as much at fault for not doing that thing as anybody else is, perhaps more.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"To be honourable is to be kind, genuine, and empathetic without expecting a reward for your behaviour. It’s a rare combination of virtues, but with practice anyone can be honourable. Do you want to be the type of person who stands up for your beliefs instead of cowering, who rescues your friends when they need you, and who’s known for being an upstanding citizen? Start by doing little things, like showing up when you say you will or asking someone if they need a hand. When you practice living honestly in everyday ways, and letting people know you have their backs, being honourable will start to feel like second nature.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Developing a Sense of Honor\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be the person you say you are.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy to be a pleasant person, walking around with a ready smile and a “hello” for everyone you see. But being honourable isn’t the same thing as being friendly. When it comes to honor, it’s more important to be authentic. Show the world who you really are, even if it come at the expense of your reputation for being “nice.” To be honourable, you’ve got to be trustworthy.\\nIf you hide your real thoughts and feelings behind a masked expression, try taking off the mask and see what happens. Maybe people will be put off at first, but after a while they’ll come to trust you more, since you’re revealing more of yourself to them.\\nThis isn’t to say you should go around being surly, but try to be more expressive of how you really feel instead of sugarcoating everything to make social interactions easier or to try to get people to like you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do what you say you’re going to do.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re constantly backing out of social plans, or not showing up when you said you’d help out, work on your follow through. Maybe you really mean it when you say you’ll hang out with that old friend who keeps calling, but your actions speak louder than your intentions. Central to being an honourable person is ditching your flaky tendencies.\\nEvery seemingly harmless white lie makes you less trustworthy in others’ eyes, and before long people won’t consider you reliable at all. Doing what you say you’re going to do, no matter how small, builds character and develops your sense of honor.\\nGive it some practice. Eventually you’ll hate the feeling of not following through, and you’ll stop making commitments you can’t stick with.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Strengthen your values.\", \"描述\": \"What do you believe in? In any given situation, how do you decide what’s right and what’s wrong? Having strong values is key to being honourable, since acting with honor means doing the right thing, even if others disagree with you. It can be really hard to figure out how to act with honor in any given situation. Your values are what you turn to for answers when there’s no one else you can ask. When you align yourself with them, you can be proud of yourself for having done your best, no matter what the outcome is.\\nYour values might be aligned with a certain religion or another belief system. Maybe your parents imparted strong values when they raised you. Try to examine your values to make sure you really believe them, since it’s hard to stand up for something when your gut tells you it isn’t really true.\\nIf this concept is difficult and you’re searching for answers, try talking it through with people you see as wise, reading philosophical and religious texts, or attending spiritual services. Explore different value systems and compare their tenets with your life experiences to figure out what feels right.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Care about other people.\", \"描述\": \"The honourable among us really care about the people in their life. They’re the parents who work second and third jobs to make sure their kids have enough, the friends who refuse to let their pals get behind the wheel after a night of drinking. Honourable people show their deep love for others through their actions. If the people in your life don’t know you’ve got their backs, it’s time to start showing them that you do.\\nCare about people outside of your inner circle, too. Acting honorably isn’t limited to only helping the people you know and love. What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw someone in need of help?\\nQuestion your boundaries. Sure, it’s hard to hand over change to every single person who asks. It’s not possible to help everyone you come across. But being honourable means seeing people as people, respecting their humanity, and giving the what little you have to offer.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get rid of ulterior motives.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re honourable, you help people because you care, and you don’t expect to get paid back. When you do something kind, there’s no self-serving motive behind it; you’re driven by love. Think about the decisions you make every day, and decide what powers them. Only you know whether your interactions are tainted by motives you don’t want others do see.\\nFor example, have you ever given advice that serves you instead of really trying to help the person? If your sister asks you if you think she should move to New York, and you really wish she would stay in town, don’t let your feelings taint your advice. Advise her to do what you think is best for her, not for you.\\nDon’t build up resentment about helping out, or wonder what you’re getting out of a given situation. If you don’t want to be doing something, you should stop doing it. It’s more honourable to be up front about how you feel than it is to secretly despise something you’re doing.\\nRemember: real integrity is all about being aligned with your values and being consistent in what you say and do.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Behaving Honorably\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Work for what you want.\", \"描述\": \"Do you want a new car? A boyfriend? Some new clothes? You deserve all of these things, but don’t use shortcuts to get them. It’s so much easier to take the easy way out, but this usually requires hurting someone else, and if you do it often enough it’ll backfire. If you want something, work for it. It’s the honourable thing to do.\\nDon’t steal or try to rip people off instead of paying what you owe.\\nDon’t shamelessly flirt with someone else’s tipsy girlfriend instead of forming an actual relationship with someone who’s available.\\nDon’t keep borrowing money from your friends and family instead of getting a job.\\nDon’t take credit for someone else’s idea instead of coming up with your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Speak the truth.\", \"描述\": \"Honesty and honor go hand in hand. Work on always telling the truth, whether it’s about your own intentions or an outside situation. It will certainly make you uncomfortable at times, and you might be subject to other people’s anger or hurt feelings. But ultimately, people will appreciate that you’re someone who tells it like it is instead of sugarcoating.\\nIf there’s a situation in which you don’t feel comfortable telling the truth, just don’t say anything. It’s better than lying. Even so, it's important to tell the truth as often as possible.\\nWhen it comes to the tiny lies we tell to spare feelings, you make the call. Just know that if you lie often enough, even in this small way (“No, that dress looks great!” or “Yes, I really liked your speech!”) people will stop trusting your opinion and begin to assume you’re just being nice.\\nYou can speak your truth assertively without acting aggressively.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Defend what you believe in.\", \"描述\": \"Developing your values is one thing, but standing up for them is quite another. It’s easy to argue with something in your head, but truly honourable people speak up and step in. Defending your values can mean any number of things, and it doesn’t always need to involve a big show. In little ways, you can behave honorably and set an example for other people.\\nIn general, think about the impact you want to make, along with the purpose you want to serve.\\nFor example, if everyone at work makes fun of a certain person when he’s not around, you could make it clear you don’t think it’s right. Sometimes just saying “I disagree” or even changing the subject every time it comes up is a way to make your opinion known.\\nSometimes you’ll be faced with a bigger problem, and you’ll have to choose between standing up for what you think is right and keeping your job, or staying friends with someone, or upholding your reputation as a sweet and genial person. That’s when true honor kicks in, and hopefully all those times you were honourable in little ways will prepare you for the big decisions.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Come to people’s aid.\", \"描述\": \"If you were to draw a cartoon of an honourable person, it might look like a guy giving up his seat on the bus for an elderly person while helping a child carry his luggage and offering to front fare for someone who forgot change. These cliches all demonstrate ways to be honourable, and they’re all situations that could happen in real life and provide easy opportunities to be a little honourable. However, true honor is demonstrated when you’re called upon to do something you really don’t want to do, and you do it anyway.\\nFor example, maybe your brother and his two dogs need a place to crash for three weeks after losing their house. Things will be pretty cramped, but he’s your brother, so you do it.\\nOr maybe you’re in the car on the way to airport to catch a flight to Venice for your honeymoon, and you witness a car run off the road and hit the guardrail. Even though it means you’re going to miss your flight, you stop and offer your assistance.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Never manipulate people.\", \"描述\": \"Part of being honourable is acknowledging the effect your words and actions have on other people. You have the ability to help, and you have the ability to hurt. Don’t mess with people’s emotions as a way to get what you want. It’s easy to do this without even realizing it, so try to be more mindful of the impact you’re having.\\nDon’t take advantage of weakness, like using someone’s illness to gain an edge on them.\\nDon’t be controlling of those around you. Let them make their own decisions.\\nDon’t guilt trip people into doing what you want.\\nDon’t lead people on by making them think you’re more emotionally involved than you really feel.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Ask for forgiveness when you have done something wrong, and forgive mistakes in turn.\\n\", \"Fight against hypocrisy.\\n\", \"If you fight for something and don't do it yourself, you're as much at fault for not doing that thing as anybody else is, perhaps more.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,833 | How to Be Hopeful but Realistic | 1. Cultivating Hope
1-1. Identify your values
Knowing what you value is essential to cultivating hope. Take some time to think about what your life would look like if money was not a factor and nothing was standing in your way. Describe in writing what your relationships, work life, and environment would look like in an ideal world. This will give you some direction and purpose to help you cultivate hope.
1-2. Know that you are able to shape your life.
To get into a more hopeful state of mind, realize that your future is yours to take control of. You are in charge of deciding what you will achieve.
Think about what you want your life to be like in a year and realize that, with hard work, you are capable of making it happen.
1-3. Be open to new possibilities and adventures in your life.
A hopeful mindset thrives on possibilities, so be aware of new opportunities that arise in your life. Exploring different options and choices increases your odds of finding fresh resources to help you achieve your goals.
The best way to discover new possibilities is to be open. Try striking up a conversation with a stranger, taking a walk with no set destination, or signing up for a class about something you’ve always wanted to learn.
1-4. Set goals that inspire you.
Setting achievable, time-bound, and specific goals can help you become more hopeful by giving you a positive future to look forward to. Imagine yourself achieving your goal in as much detail as you can, and think about the different routes you can take to get there.
For example, if you are interested in traveling around the world, you might set a goal to save the money for a plane ticket and other necessities. Then, to get you inspired to work towards the goal on a daily basis, you might imagine, in vivid detail, yourself arriving at your first destination. Think about the sights, sounds, and smells you will encounter to make it seem as real as possible.
Write your goals down to help make them more concrete and read over them daily to remind yourself what you are working towards.
1-5. Find reasons to laugh.
It’s true that laughter is the best medicine – researchers have found that a daily dose of humor can help people feel more optimistic about the future. Humor inhibits negative thoughts while stimulating positive emotions, which encourages a hopeful state of mind.
Watch a comedy or YouTube video. Spend extra time with that silly classmate of yours. Or, offer to babysit your five-year-old nephew.
See if there is a laughing group in your city. These are groups that meet for the purpose of having a laugh.
1-6. Focus on gratitude.
Thinking about the things you’re grateful for is a powerful way to maintain a hopeful state of mind, even when you’re dealing with difficult circumstances. By focusing on the positive things in your life, no matter how small or large they are, you prime your mind to seek out more positive events and stay optimistic.
To make gratitude a habit, try keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write down several things you felt thankful for that day.
You can also use a phone app to help remind you to add to your gratitude journal daily.
2. Staying Realistic
2-1. Identify cognitive distortions.
Cognitive distortions are negative or unrealistic thought patterns that can keep you feeling stressed or depressed. Your mind perceives reality in a distorted manner, leading to rumination or persistent obsessing over negative events or experiences. There are many cognitive distortions recognized in popular psychology. Some are listed below.
All-or-nothing, or black-and-white thinking- seeing everything in absolutes, either this or that no in-between (e.g. "If they do not love me, they must hate me.")
Emotional reasoning- attaching your reality to your current emotional state (e.g. "I feel crappy today, so no one will want to be around me.")
Labeling- identifying shortcomings excessively (e.g. "I'm a loser.")
Jumping to conclusions- either mind-reading or predicting a negative future by fortune-telling (e.g. "I saw Chelsea today and she didn't speak to me. She must not be my friend anymore" or "I already know I will make myself look like a fool at the talent show.")
Magnification- blowing things out of proportion (e.g. "I made an F on my English paper. I'm going to fail the class and have to take it over again.")
Should statements- using "should," "ought to," "have to," or "must" in your self-talk (e.g. "I should have known better than to think he liked me.")
2-2. Challenge negative thought patterns.
One you learn what cognitive distortions are and how to identify them, you need to learn how to attack their logic. Doing this gives you power over your thoughts and teaches you to become a constant observer of what's going through your head. If you notice yourself playing into negative thought patterns, try the following strategies:
Start by examining the accuracy of your thoughts. For example, you say "No one likes me." You need to pay attention to see if this seems accurate or not in your life.
Consider the evidence. Are you always alone? Do people purposely try to be with you sometimes? Do your friends and family ever comment about how they enjoy your company?
Practice mindfulness. It's no fun to beat yourself about your thoughts. When you notice yourself thinking negatively or unrealistically, practice deep breathing and mindfulness. Inhale the positive; exhale the negative. Notice the cognitive distortions, but think of them as ships coming into your harbor. Steer away the negative and allow the positive to safely dock.
2-3. Take responsibility.
Realistic hope involves taking steps to achieve the goals you want, instead of just waiting for good things to happen to you. Research has found that people who take responsibility for their choices and believe in their own self-control tend to do better at overcoming their difficulties.
Taking responsibility for yourself doesn’t mean trying to control every aspect of your life. Rather, it means taking responsibility for your choices, while accepting that some things are outside your control.
2-4. Be honest with yourself.
Being realistic means becoming aware of your own biases, flaws, and internal assumptions. Having a clear-eyed view of yourself can help you decide which traits and beliefs are helping you and which ones you need to change. However, make sure that you do not compare yourself to other people. Just stay focused on yourself.
Ask yourself which beliefs, either conscious or unconscious, you hold about the world. Are these thought patterns helping you or bringing you down? For example, maybe you have come to believe that people are incapable of fidelity because your last partner cheated on you. How is this helping you? Will it be a positive contribution to your future relationships? No, it won’t.
If you need help coming up with an objective judgment of your personality, ask a trusted friend for their perspective on your flaws and positive traits. Friends can help you to see yourself objectively and point out things you might not notice.
2-5. Assess the challenges you face.
A good understanding of the reality of a situation – whether positive or negative – is necessary for an accurate outlook on life. When you’re sizing up your current circumstances, don’t shy away from noticing the bad as well as the good. It’s important to take negative situations into account so you can decide to change them or work around them.
2-6. Make a plan.
Laying out a concrete, workable plan is the surest way to make sure your goals become realities. Plans don’t have to be complex to be effective. However, a good plan should include a “when” component and a “where” component. Planning when and where you’ll do an activity makes you far more likely to follow through on your commitment.
For instance, instead of telling yourself “I’ll study later tonight,” tell yourself, “I’ll study at the library at seven o’clock tonight.”
A great strategy to make habits stick is the "if-then" planning method. Put simply, this method states that "if X happens, then Y should follow." X can be a time, place, or event. Y is the action you will take in response to it. For instance, if it's Monday at 7pm (X), you know that you should spend 2 hours at your university library (Y). Research shows that you are 2 to 3 times more likely to succeed at your goals by following this method.
2-7. Prepare for obstacles.
Keep in mind that life is not a straight upward curve. It often includes many setbacks along the way. Your success or failure has a lot to do with the way you handle setbacks. People who assume they will encounter obstacles and make plans to overcome them tend to be much more successful than people who assume success will come to them easily.
It isn’t pessimistic to assume things will go wrong – it’s simply realistic. Things do, in fact, go wrong all the time, often for reasons beyond our control. Pessimism assumes that obstacles are insurmountable, while realistic optimism finds ways around them.
2-8. Examine your expectations.
If your expectations are unrealistic, then this may cause you to feel disappointed sometimes. Consider whether or not your expectations for yourself are realistic, and if they are not, then consider how you might adjust them to be more realistic.
For example, if you always expect to get A+ grades on every test you take, then you might feel incredibly disappointed if you get an A- on a test. However, this is still a great grade, so you might want to adjust your expectations to accept a wider range of grades.
3. Beating Pessimism
3-1. Re-examine your beliefs.
Pessimism tends to come from negative beliefs or thought patterns. When you’re feeling pessimistic, take a step back from your emotions and think about where your feelings are coming from.
If you find that you’re holding onto self-defeating ideas or a negative self-image, remind yourself that these ideas aren’t rational and they don’t have to hold you back.
Make sure that you are surrounding yourself with optimistic people as well. You can meet new like-minded people by searching for groups on sites like Meetup.com.
3-2. Use logic to fight negative thoughts.
When you start having pessimistic thoughts, ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Often you’ll find that pessimism is driven by emotions that don’t have much to do with reality. Maintaining a rational mindset can help you see these thoughts for the illusions they are.
For instance, if you have the pessimistic feeling that one of your coworkers doesn’t like you, instead of dwelling on the thought, ask yourself why you think that. Is there a more likely explanation? Perhaps your coworker is having a bad day, or they simply have a gruff demeanor.
3-3. Remember your successes.
When you’re feeling pessimistic, it’s easy to see all the negative in your life and forget to look at the positive. Remind yourself of the good things you’ve achieved in the past to guide yourself back into a better state of mind.
As much as you need to, bring to mind all the accomplishments you have achieved and all the obstacles you have already overcome in your life. Pay yourself on the back for graduating college. Give yourself a round of applause for finally detaching from your toxic best friend.
3-4. Avoid all-or-nothing thinking.
All-or-nothing thinking can easily put you in a negative state of mind because it views any mistake, even a minor one, as a failure. In reality, no one and nothing is perfect.
For example, all-or-nothing thinkers may view others as “either you love me or you hate me,” when, in truth, it’s entirely possible to love someone but not like all their habits or qualities.
Identify areas of your thinking that match this framework and challenge how realistic they sound. Let go of all-or-nothing thinking by focusing on making progress instead of being perfect. Commit to improving on your mistakes while taking your successes into account, too.
Also, be willing to let go of control sometimes and accept that life is unpredictable and uncertain.
3-5. Reach out for support.
Feeling alone and unsupported can be a major trigger for pessimistic thoughts. If you’ve been feeling down or negative, reach out to someone else – a family member, a friend, a coworker – who can help you get back into a positive frame of mind.
Social support is a powerful tool for boosting your hope and optimism, so don’t hesitate to ask others for help when you need it.
Doing something as simple as calling a friend and saying “Hey, I’ve been feeling down lately, do you have a minute to chat?” can work wonders for your state of mind.
If you are constantly feeling pessimistic, then consider seeing a mental health professional to help you with this.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Cultivating Hope\\n1-1. Identify your values\\nKnowing what you value is essential to cultivating hope. Take some time to think about what your life would look like if money was not a factor and nothing was standing in your way. Describe in writing what your relationships, work life, and environment would look like in an ideal world. This will give you some direction and purpose to help you cultivate hope.\\n1-2. Know that you are able to shape your life.\\nTo get into a more hopeful state of mind, realize that your future is yours to take control of. You are in charge of deciding what you will achieve.\\nThink about what you want your life to be like in a year and realize that, with hard work, you are capable of making it happen.\\n1-3. Be open to new possibilities and adventures in your life.\\nA hopeful mindset thrives on possibilities, so be aware of new opportunities that arise in your life. Exploring different options and choices increases your odds of finding fresh resources to help you achieve your goals.\\nThe best way to discover new possibilities is to be open. Try striking up a conversation with a stranger, taking a walk with no set destination, or signing up for a class about something you’ve always wanted to learn.\\n1-4. Set goals that inspire you.\\nSetting achievable, time-bound, and specific goals can help you become more hopeful by giving you a positive future to look forward to. Imagine yourself achieving your goal in as much detail as you can, and think about the different routes you can take to get there.\\nFor example, if you are interested in traveling around the world, you might set a goal to save the money for a plane ticket and other necessities. Then, to get you inspired to work towards the goal on a daily basis, you might imagine, in vivid detail, yourself arriving at your first destination. Think about the sights, sounds, and smells you will encounter to make it seem as real as possible.\\nWrite your goals down to help make them more concrete and read over them daily to remind yourself what you are working towards.\\n1-5. Find reasons to laugh.\\nIt’s true that laughter is the best medicine – researchers have found that a daily dose of humor can help people feel more optimistic about the future. Humor inhibits negative thoughts while stimulating positive emotions, which encourages a hopeful state of mind. \\nWatch a comedy or YouTube video. Spend extra time with that silly classmate of yours. Or, offer to babysit your five-year-old nephew.\\nSee if there is a laughing group in your city. These are groups that meet for the purpose of having a laugh.\\n1-6. Focus on gratitude.\\nThinking about the things you’re grateful for is a powerful way to maintain a hopeful state of mind, even when you’re dealing with difficult circumstances. By focusing on the positive things in your life, no matter how small or large they are, you prime your mind to seek out more positive events and stay optimistic. \\nTo make gratitude a habit, try keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write down several things you felt thankful for that day.\\nYou can also use a phone app to help remind you to add to your gratitude journal daily.\\n2. Staying Realistic\\n2-1. Identify cognitive distortions.\\nCognitive distortions are negative or unrealistic thought patterns that can keep you feeling stressed or depressed. Your mind perceives reality in a distorted manner, leading to rumination or persistent obsessing over negative events or experiences. There are many cognitive distortions recognized in popular psychology. Some are listed below.\\nAll-or-nothing, or black-and-white thinking- seeing everything in absolutes, either this or that no in-between (e.g. \\\"If they do not love me, they must hate me.\\\")\\nEmotional reasoning- attaching your reality to your current emotional state (e.g. \\\"I feel crappy today, so no one will want to be around me.\\\")\\nLabeling- identifying shortcomings excessively (e.g. \\\"I'm a loser.\\\")\\nJumping to conclusions- either mind-reading or predicting a negative future by fortune-telling (e.g. \\\"I saw Chelsea today and she didn't speak to me. She must not be my friend anymore\\\" or \\\"I already know I will make myself look like a fool at the talent show.\\\")\\nMagnification- blowing things out of proportion (e.g. \\\"I made an F on my English paper. I'm going to fail the class and have to take it over again.\\\")\\nShould statements- using \\\"should,\\\" \\\"ought to,\\\" \\\"have to,\\\" or \\\"must\\\" in your self-talk (e.g. \\\"I should have known better than to think he liked me.\\\")\\n2-2. Challenge negative thought patterns.\\nOne you learn what cognitive distortions are and how to identify them, you need to learn how to attack their logic. Doing this gives you power over your thoughts and teaches you to become a constant observer of what's going through your head. If you notice yourself playing into negative thought patterns, try the following strategies:\\nStart by examining the accuracy of your thoughts. For example, you say \\\"No one likes me.\\\" You need to pay attention to see if this seems accurate or not in your life.\\nConsider the evidence. Are you always alone? Do people purposely try to be with you sometimes? Do your friends and family ever comment about how they enjoy your company?\\nPractice mindfulness. It's no fun to beat yourself about your thoughts. When you notice yourself thinking negatively or unrealistically, practice deep breathing and mindfulness. Inhale the positive; exhale the negative. Notice the cognitive distortions, but think of them as ships coming into your harbor. Steer away the negative and allow the positive to safely dock.\\n2-3. Take responsibility.\\nRealistic hope involves taking steps to achieve the goals you want, instead of just waiting for good things to happen to you. Research has found that people who take responsibility for their choices and believe in their own self-control tend to do better at overcoming their difficulties.\\nTaking responsibility for yourself doesn’t mean trying to control every aspect of your life. Rather, it means taking responsibility for your choices, while accepting that some things are outside your control.\\n2-4. Be honest with yourself.\\nBeing realistic means becoming aware of your own biases, flaws, and internal assumptions. Having a clear-eyed view of yourself can help you decide which traits and beliefs are helping you and which ones you need to change. However, make sure that you do not compare yourself to other people. Just stay focused on yourself. \\nAsk yourself which beliefs, either conscious or unconscious, you hold about the world. Are these thought patterns helping you or bringing you down? For example, maybe you have come to believe that people are incapable of fidelity because your last partner cheated on you. How is this helping you? Will it be a positive contribution to your future relationships? No, it won’t.\\nIf you need help coming up with an objective judgment of your personality, ask a trusted friend for their perspective on your flaws and positive traits. Friends can help you to see yourself objectively and point out things you might not notice.\\n2-5. Assess the challenges you face.\\nA good understanding of the reality of a situation – whether positive or negative – is necessary for an accurate outlook on life. When you’re sizing up your current circumstances, don’t shy away from noticing the bad as well as the good. It’s important to take negative situations into account so you can decide to change them or work around them.\\n2-6. Make a plan.\\nLaying out a concrete, workable plan is the surest way to make sure your goals become realities. Plans don’t have to be complex to be effective. However, a good plan should include a “when” component and a “where” component. Planning when and where you’ll do an activity makes you far more likely to follow through on your commitment.\\nFor instance, instead of telling yourself “I’ll study later tonight,” tell yourself, “I’ll study at the library at seven o’clock tonight.”\\nA great strategy to make habits stick is the \\\"if-then\\\" planning method. Put simply, this method states that \\\"if X happens, then Y should follow.\\\" X can be a time, place, or event. Y is the action you will take in response to it. For instance, if it's Monday at 7pm (X), you know that you should spend 2 hours at your university library (Y). Research shows that you are 2 to 3 times more likely to succeed at your goals by following this method.\\n2-7. Prepare for obstacles.\\nKeep in mind that life is not a straight upward curve. It often includes many setbacks along the way. Your success or failure has a lot to do with the way you handle setbacks. People who assume they will encounter obstacles and make plans to overcome them tend to be much more successful than people who assume success will come to them easily.\\nIt isn’t pessimistic to assume things will go wrong – it’s simply realistic. Things do, in fact, go wrong all the time, often for reasons beyond our control. Pessimism assumes that obstacles are insurmountable, while realistic optimism finds ways around them.\\n2-8. Examine your expectations.\\nIf your expectations are unrealistic, then this may cause you to feel disappointed sometimes. Consider whether or not your expectations for yourself are realistic, and if they are not, then consider how you might adjust them to be more realistic. \\nFor example, if you always expect to get A+ grades on every test you take, then you might feel incredibly disappointed if you get an A- on a test. However, this is still a great grade, so you might want to adjust your expectations to accept a wider range of grades.\\n3. Beating Pessimism\\n3-1. Re-examine your beliefs.\\nPessimism tends to come from negative beliefs or thought patterns. When you’re feeling pessimistic, take a step back from your emotions and think about where your feelings are coming from. \\nIf you find that you’re holding onto self-defeating ideas or a negative self-image, remind yourself that these ideas aren’t rational and they don’t have to hold you back.\\nMake sure that you are surrounding yourself with optimistic people as well. You can meet new like-minded people by searching for groups on sites like Meetup.com.\\n3-2. Use logic to fight negative thoughts.\\nWhen you start having pessimistic thoughts, ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Often you’ll find that pessimism is driven by emotions that don’t have much to do with reality. Maintaining a rational mindset can help you see these thoughts for the illusions they are.\\nFor instance, if you have the pessimistic feeling that one of your coworkers doesn’t like you, instead of dwelling on the thought, ask yourself why you think that. Is there a more likely explanation? Perhaps your coworker is having a bad day, or they simply have a gruff demeanor.\\n3-3. Remember your successes.\\nWhen you’re feeling pessimistic, it’s easy to see all the negative in your life and forget to look at the positive. Remind yourself of the good things you’ve achieved in the past to guide yourself back into a better state of mind. \\nAs much as you need to, bring to mind all the accomplishments you have achieved and all the obstacles you have already overcome in your life. Pay yourself on the back for graduating college. Give yourself a round of applause for finally detaching from your toxic best friend.\\n3-4. Avoid all-or-nothing thinking.\\nAll-or-nothing thinking can easily put you in a negative state of mind because it views any mistake, even a minor one, as a failure. In reality, no one and nothing is perfect. \\nFor example, all-or-nothing thinkers may view others as “either you love me or you hate me,” when, in truth, it’s entirely possible to love someone but not like all their habits or qualities.\\nIdentify areas of your thinking that match this framework and challenge how realistic they sound. Let go of all-or-nothing thinking by focusing on making progress instead of being perfect. Commit to improving on your mistakes while taking your successes into account, too.\\nAlso, be willing to let go of control sometimes and accept that life is unpredictable and uncertain.\\n3-5. Reach out for support.\\nFeeling alone and unsupported can be a major trigger for pessimistic thoughts. If you’ve been feeling down or negative, reach out to someone else – a family member, a friend, a coworker – who can help you get back into a positive frame of mind. \\nSocial support is a powerful tool for boosting your hope and optimism, so don’t hesitate to ask others for help when you need it.\\nDoing something as simple as calling a friend and saying “Hey, I’ve been feeling down lately, do you have a minute to chat?” can work wonders for your state of mind.\\nIf you are constantly feeling pessimistic, then consider seeing a mental health professional to help you with this.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Studies have found that optimists tend to have better health, achieve more, and be happier than pessimists. But, there’s a catch. These positive outcomes are associated with an optimistic but realistic outlook on the world, instead of an outlook that’s unrealistically rosy. Realistic optimism blends a hopeful mindset with a practical approach to life. You can learn to harness the power of realistic optimism to achieve your goals and succeed at work, at school, and in your relationships. Get started by nurturing your sense of hope, maintaining a realistic outlook, and battling pessimistic thoughts when they arise.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cultivating Hope\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify your values\", \"描述\": \"Knowing what you value is essential to cultivating hope. Take some time to think about what your life would look like if money was not a factor and nothing was standing in your way. Describe in writing what your relationships, work life, and environment would look like in an ideal world. This will give you some direction and purpose to help you cultivate hope.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know that you are able to shape your life.\", \"描述\": \"To get into a more hopeful state of mind, realize that your future is yours to take control of. You are in charge of deciding what you will achieve.\\nThink about what you want your life to be like in a year and realize that, with hard work, you are capable of making it happen.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be open to new possibilities and adventures in your life.\", \"描述\": \"A hopeful mindset thrives on possibilities, so be aware of new opportunities that arise in your life. Exploring different options and choices increases your odds of finding fresh resources to help you achieve your goals.\\nThe best way to discover new possibilities is to be open. Try striking up a conversation with a stranger, taking a walk with no set destination, or signing up for a class about something you’ve always wanted to learn.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Set goals that inspire you.\", \"描述\": \"Setting achievable, time-bound, and specific goals can help you become more hopeful by giving you a positive future to look forward to. Imagine yourself achieving your goal in as much detail as you can, and think about the different routes you can take to get there.\\nFor example, if you are interested in traveling around the world, you might set a goal to save the money for a plane ticket and other necessities. Then, to get you inspired to work towards the goal on a daily basis, you might imagine, in vivid detail, yourself arriving at your first destination. Think about the sights, sounds, and smells you will encounter to make it seem as real as possible.\\nWrite your goals down to help make them more concrete and read over them daily to remind yourself what you are working towards.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find reasons to laugh.\", \"描述\": \"It’s true that laughter is the best medicine – researchers have found that a daily dose of humor can help people feel more optimistic about the future. Humor inhibits negative thoughts while stimulating positive emotions, which encourages a hopeful state of mind. \\nWatch a comedy or YouTube video. Spend extra time with that silly classmate of yours. Or, offer to babysit your five-year-old nephew.\\nSee if there is a laughing group in your city. These are groups that meet for the purpose of having a laugh.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Focus on gratitude.\", \"描述\": \"Thinking about the things you’re grateful for is a powerful way to maintain a hopeful state of mind, even when you’re dealing with difficult circumstances. By focusing on the positive things in your life, no matter how small or large they are, you prime your mind to seek out more positive events and stay optimistic. \\nTo make gratitude a habit, try keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write down several things you felt thankful for that day.\\nYou can also use a phone app to help remind you to add to your gratitude journal daily.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Staying Realistic\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify cognitive distortions.\", \"描述\": \"Cognitive distortions are negative or unrealistic thought patterns that can keep you feeling stressed or depressed. Your mind perceives reality in a distorted manner, leading to rumination or persistent obsessing over negative events or experiences. There are many cognitive distortions recognized in popular psychology. Some are listed below.\\nAll-or-nothing, or black-and-white thinking- seeing everything in absolutes, either this or that no in-between (e.g. \\\"If they do not love me, they must hate me.\\\")\\nEmotional reasoning- attaching your reality to your current emotional state (e.g. \\\"I feel crappy today, so no one will want to be around me.\\\")\\nLabeling- identifying shortcomings excessively (e.g. \\\"I'm a loser.\\\")\\nJumping to conclusions- either mind-reading or predicting a negative future by fortune-telling (e.g. \\\"I saw Chelsea today and she didn't speak to me. She must not be my friend anymore\\\" or \\\"I already know I will make myself look like a fool at the talent show.\\\")\\nMagnification- blowing things out of proportion (e.g. \\\"I made an F on my English paper. I'm going to fail the class and have to take it over again.\\\")\\nShould statements- using \\\"should,\\\" \\\"ought to,\\\" \\\"have to,\\\" or \\\"must\\\" in your self-talk (e.g. \\\"I should have known better than to think he liked me.\\\")\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Challenge negative thought patterns.\", \"描述\": \"One you learn what cognitive distortions are and how to identify them, you need to learn how to attack their logic. Doing this gives you power over your thoughts and teaches you to become a constant observer of what's going through your head. If you notice yourself playing into negative thought patterns, try the following strategies:\\nStart by examining the accuracy of your thoughts. For example, you say \\\"No one likes me.\\\" You need to pay attention to see if this seems accurate or not in your life.\\nConsider the evidence. Are you always alone? Do people purposely try to be with you sometimes? Do your friends and family ever comment about how they enjoy your company?\\nPractice mindfulness. It's no fun to beat yourself about your thoughts. When you notice yourself thinking negatively or unrealistically, practice deep breathing and mindfulness. Inhale the positive; exhale the negative. Notice the cognitive distortions, but think of them as ships coming into your harbor. Steer away the negative and allow the positive to safely dock.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take responsibility.\", \"描述\": \"Realistic hope involves taking steps to achieve the goals you want, instead of just waiting for good things to happen to you. Research has found that people who take responsibility for their choices and believe in their own self-control tend to do better at overcoming their difficulties.\\nTaking responsibility for yourself doesn’t mean trying to control every aspect of your life. Rather, it means taking responsibility for your choices, while accepting that some things are outside your control.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be honest with yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Being realistic means becoming aware of your own biases, flaws, and internal assumptions. Having a clear-eyed view of yourself can help you decide which traits and beliefs are helping you and which ones you need to change. However, make sure that you do not compare yourself to other people. Just stay focused on yourself. \\nAsk yourself which beliefs, either conscious or unconscious, you hold about the world. Are these thought patterns helping you or bringing you down? For example, maybe you have come to believe that people are incapable of fidelity because your last partner cheated on you. How is this helping you? Will it be a positive contribution to your future relationships? No, it won’t.\\nIf you need help coming up with an objective judgment of your personality, ask a trusted friend for their perspective on your flaws and positive traits. Friends can help you to see yourself objectively and point out things you might not notice.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Assess the challenges you face.\", \"描述\": \"A good understanding of the reality of a situation – whether positive or negative – is necessary for an accurate outlook on life. When you’re sizing up your current circumstances, don’t shy away from noticing the bad as well as the good. It’s important to take negative situations into account so you can decide to change them or work around them.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make a plan.\", \"描述\": \"Laying out a concrete, workable plan is the surest way to make sure your goals become realities. Plans don’t have to be complex to be effective. However, a good plan should include a “when” component and a “where” component. Planning when and where you’ll do an activity makes you far more likely to follow through on your commitment.\\nFor instance, instead of telling yourself “I’ll study later tonight,” tell yourself, “I’ll study at the library at seven o’clock tonight.”\\nA great strategy to make habits stick is the \\\"if-then\\\" planning method. Put simply, this method states that \\\"if X happens, then Y should follow.\\\" X can be a time, place, or event. Y is the action you will take in response to it. For instance, if it's Monday at 7pm (X), you know that you should spend 2 hours at your university library (Y). Research shows that you are 2 to 3 times more likely to succeed at your goals by following this method.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Prepare for obstacles.\", \"描述\": \"Keep in mind that life is not a straight upward curve. It often includes many setbacks along the way. Your success or failure has a lot to do with the way you handle setbacks. People who assume they will encounter obstacles and make plans to overcome them tend to be much more successful than people who assume success will come to them easily.\\nIt isn’t pessimistic to assume things will go wrong – it’s simply realistic. Things do, in fact, go wrong all the time, often for reasons beyond our control. Pessimism assumes that obstacles are insurmountable, while realistic optimism finds ways around them.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Examine your expectations.\", \"描述\": \"If your expectations are unrealistic, then this may cause you to feel disappointed sometimes. Consider whether or not your expectations for yourself are realistic, and if they are not, then consider how you might adjust them to be more realistic. \\nFor example, if you always expect to get A+ grades on every test you take, then you might feel incredibly disappointed if you get an A- on a test. However, this is still a great grade, so you might want to adjust your expectations to accept a wider range of grades.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Beating Pessimism\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Re-examine your beliefs.\", \"描述\": \"Pessimism tends to come from negative beliefs or thought patterns. When you’re feeling pessimistic, take a step back from your emotions and think about where your feelings are coming from. \\nIf you find that you’re holding onto self-defeating ideas or a negative self-image, remind yourself that these ideas aren’t rational and they don’t have to hold you back.\\nMake sure that you are surrounding yourself with optimistic people as well. You can meet new like-minded people by searching for groups on sites like Meetup.com.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use logic to fight negative thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"When you start having pessimistic thoughts, ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Often you’ll find that pessimism is driven by emotions that don’t have much to do with reality. Maintaining a rational mindset can help you see these thoughts for the illusions they are.\\nFor instance, if you have the pessimistic feeling that one of your coworkers doesn’t like you, instead of dwelling on the thought, ask yourself why you think that. Is there a more likely explanation? Perhaps your coworker is having a bad day, or they simply have a gruff demeanor.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remember your successes.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re feeling pessimistic, it’s easy to see all the negative in your life and forget to look at the positive. Remind yourself of the good things you’ve achieved in the past to guide yourself back into a better state of mind. \\nAs much as you need to, bring to mind all the accomplishments you have achieved and all the obstacles you have already overcome in your life. Pay yourself on the back for graduating college. Give yourself a round of applause for finally detaching from your toxic best friend.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid all-or-nothing thinking.\", \"描述\": \"All-or-nothing thinking can easily put you in a negative state of mind because it views any mistake, even a minor one, as a failure. In reality, no one and nothing is perfect. \\nFor example, all-or-nothing thinkers may view others as “either you love me or you hate me,” when, in truth, it’s entirely possible to love someone but not like all their habits or qualities.\\nIdentify areas of your thinking that match this framework and challenge how realistic they sound. Let go of all-or-nothing thinking by focusing on making progress instead of being perfect. Commit to improving on your mistakes while taking your successes into account, too.\\nAlso, be willing to let go of control sometimes and accept that life is unpredictable and uncertain.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Reach out for support.\", \"描述\": \"Feeling alone and unsupported can be a major trigger for pessimistic thoughts. If you’ve been feeling down or negative, reach out to someone else – a family member, a friend, a coworker – who can help you get back into a positive frame of mind. \\nSocial support is a powerful tool for boosting your hope and optimism, so don’t hesitate to ask others for help when you need it.\\nDoing something as simple as calling a friend and saying “Hey, I’ve been feeling down lately, do you have a minute to chat?” can work wonders for your state of mind.\\nIf you are constantly feeling pessimistic, then consider seeing a mental health professional to help you with this.\"}]}]}}",
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3,834 | How to Be Hot | 1. Getting the Look
1-1. Make sure to be "hot" instead of "cute".
Being "hot" has the connotation of being an adult who people have an instant sexual attraction toward. This stands in contrast to being "cute". Usually when someone is considered cute, they are attractive in more of a youthful way and less of a sexual way. So if you want to be a hot person, you can dress to impress and get the attitude.
There is also a misconception that "hot" means "sexy", but they are not actually the same thing. "Sexy" means attractive in a more grown-up, mature way (where you do not need to have an edge). Think of the difference between a Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie is mature and classy (which is where she gets her sexiness from), while Megan Fox is edgy, daring, and seductive (which is mostly what makes her "hot").
1-2. Sharpen your edge.
To look hot, you need to be a little intriguing and mysterious. When people see you, you want them to think "ooh" rather than "aww". You can do this by not telling everyone everything about yourself at once, not always being available, and just taking a longer time to open up. This will keep people wondering and guessing about you.
You need to have a little edge. Think of the difference between a stereotypical rock star and a stereotypical teacher. If both are good-looking, you'd probably think of the rock star as hot, and the teacher as cute. Both are good, but if you want to be considered hot, flirting subtly or a tinge of rebelliousness helps.
1-3. Be comfortable with your body
To be sexually attractive, you need to be comfortable in your own skin and know how to emphasize your best qualities. That doesn't mean you have to show skin, but being just a little seductive doesn't hurt. If you feel comfortable doing it, let people see the parts of your body that you love the most—or just enough to intrigue them. Whether you're showing your sculpted arms or just a bit of cleavage, you'll be on your way to being hot.
If you're having difficulty being comfortable in your own skin, try to find a different way of being with your body. For example, instead of criticizing your body, find ways to move in your body that feel good. Find an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you — the more you use and appreciate your body, the more comfortable you will be with your body.
1-4. Have good posture
Stand up straight and look proud and happy to be who you are and to look how you look. Keep your shoulders up, your head looking straight ahead, and your arms at your sides. Avoid slouching, or you won't look confident. People who are hot have good posture because they're proud to own what they've got—and they love to flaunt it. If you're a woman, walk like a diva and smile seductively from time to time.
1-5. Get in shape
There are many hot people who aren't in the best shape, and there are many people in great shape who aren't hot. However, if you want to get some more attention from others, work to lose weight if you are overweight, or do muscle-building exercises if you are underweight or skinny. Make an appointment with the local gym to see which machines/workout routines are best for you.
Exercising will also make you feel more comfortable in your own skin and happier to be who you are. This will make you look and feel hot, too.
However, remember that the only person who can decide what's good for you and your body is yourself. Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, and you get to choose to love your body as it is.
Always put your health first, not your weight. Remember, what you weigh is not more important than who you are.
1-6. Be hygienic
This means brushing your teeth and flossing at least twice a day, washing your face to get rid of blackheads or acne, washing your hair on a suitable schedule, and generally taking care of your body. You should also use deodorant, trim your fingernails, and smell fresh. If you want, try a nice-smelling fragrance, or treat yourself to a spa day.
No matter how hard you work out, if you show up smelling like you haven't showered in a few days, not many people will consider you hot.
1-7. Look mature.
Make sure you look sharp in your outfits by picking clothes that flatter your figure. Remember that hotness is in the eye of the beholder, but take the time to shop around for clothes that complement you in color and style. Here are some things to keep in mind as you get hotter:
Trying fashion trends can help you become more noticed.
Use jewelry. Look for earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, or bangles.
Don't wear gym clothes, running shoes, or free crew neck T-shirts. Save those for when you work out.
You can dress casually as long as you appear as though you put effort into the way.
1-8. Maintain great hairstyles.
A few great styles include straightening, curling, crimping, a bun, beach-like waves, a fishtail braid, a ponytail, or a messy bun. Hot people are dynamic. They are always mixing things up and keeping people on their toes. Think of J-Law chopping off her locks for a short hairdo—she looks even hotter!
As for guys, if you find one cut that really works for you, you can stick to it for a while. If you're going bald, don't underestimate how hot a fully shaved head can be. And a bit of gray is definitely hot, too.
1-9. Consider wearing makeup, if you want to.
The key is to keep it at a minimum. Eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss or balm is all you need, unless you have acne or a skin-related disease, in which case concealer and optionally foundation is a good choice. Makeup can tell guys that you like their attention (as unrealistic as this sounds, anything "sexy" can give a message that you're begging for attention, so be careful not to go overboard with makeup).
Feel free to try makeup if you're open to that style. Eyeliner in particular can be attractive on people of all genders, or you can just use concealer to cover up imperfections.
1-10. Look a little edgy.
If you're masculine, you can skip this step. For clothes, tanks, shorts, layering tops, yoga-leggings, and jeans are just some ideas. If you are young, you can get in the way with wearing anything (as long as you aren't made fun of for wearing it). Think of Beyonce or what The Saturdays wore in their music video "What About Us". Remember: skimpy clothes don't make you any more hot.
2. Acting Hot
2-1. Be mature
You cannot be "hot" if you remind people of a young child by complaining constantly, picking fights with others, and acting immature. Stay classy in your attitude, present yourself with poise, and be polite to everyone you meet. Treat people with respect, avoid whining, and take responsibility for your actions. If you act mature, people will see that you're a person worth knowing, and someone who should be taken seriously.
You don't want people to be turned off because they think you're a crybaby or a complainer. Make sure to project an image of yourself that isn't childish.
2-2. Be cool.
Ironically, being hot means being cool. For instance, think of Brad Pitt. He is considered by many (but not all) people to be hot because he has a cool demeanor, is handsome, and he's not always smiling or talking (this does not mean you can't smile or talk to others).
Hot people say things that are necessary, witty, or things people want to hear.
During terrifying situations, hot people impress others by simply not freaking out, telling others that it's nothing or okay, and sometimes handling it.
Someone who's hot isn't usually hyper, or nervous.
2-3. Exude confidence.
Hot people know they're hot and have the confidence to back it up. Be proud and happy with who you are, walk with your head high, and talk about positive things and things that make you happy. If you walk around looking like you're waiting to get noticed or like you don't know who you are, then you won't come off as hot. Instead, smile big when you enter a room, be friendly to people, and give people the benefit of the doubt when you first meet them instead of being instantly suspicious of anyone outside your social circle.
If you want to be confident, then try hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself.
Of course, it's okay to doubt yourself. You don't have to act happy with yourself all the time. When you have doubts, talk to a close friend instead of letting everyone around know that you're feeling insecure. However, if you doubt yourself too much, then people will believe that you are weak and not confident, which you must exude in order to be supposedly "hot".
2-4. Don't get too emotional.
You can be really happy or really mad, sure, but in general, hot people keep it pretty even keeled. You don't see them crying for joy, shrieking when they see their friends, or snapping at their teachers. Instead, they pretty much know when to show that they're happy or sad, but they don't overdo it. They don't draw attention to themselves because of how they are feeling. People will notice them because they're awesome, not because they're having a hissy fit.
If you're talking to a friend and feel yourself getting angry, take a minute to take a breather and get to feeling calm again.
2-5. Treat everyone with kindness.
It's a myth that really hot people are only nice to other hot people and ignore the people "below" them. If you're truly hot, then you should be able to see past the exterior and to know which people are worth knowing. Don't just hang out with people who are hot and who make you look good; instead, spend time with the people who you respect and like the most. Look around you and ask about the company you keep; are these people really the nice, kind people you want to be?
If you're nice to everyone, people will be even more impressed by you, because they'll think, "It's so awesome that they are really friendly to everyone in spite of being so hot. They really aren’t letting that get to their head."
This goes for strangers or people you just meet, too. Don't go into a new conversation with suspicion; try excitement or curiosity instead.
Don't be a snob. Don't walk by that girl in your history class and look the other way just because you think it's not "cool" to say hi to people.
2-6. Avoid bragging
Just because you think you're hot, it doesn't give you an excuse to go on and on about how much weight you lifted at the gym, how great you look in your new outfit, or how many phone numbers you got over the weekend. If you're really hot, then other people will notice and they will do the work for you. People won't feel like you're really hot if you're constantly trying to prove it to them. The next time you open your mouth to brag, stop yourself and praise someone else instead.
Being humble and modest can go a long way in making you look and feel hot. If you brag all the time, people won't like you because they'll think you're full of yourself.
2-7. Keep your options open.
Hot people don't get all obsessed over one crush, or spend 100% of their time fawning over their boyfriends and girlfriends. Instead, they play the field a little bit. If they find someone they like, then yeah, they'll stick by them, but in general, hot people take things lightly and enjoy exploring their options. If you're out at a party or a club, don't just home in on the one person you like as if you're a laser: instead, talk to a variety of people, and you may end up liking someone you didn't expect to click with.
Hot people also don't get too disappointed by rejection. Sure, rejection sucks, but don't spend too long feeling sorry for yourself it's just not worth it.
2-8. Avoid checking yourself out in public.
If you're hot, then you should know it. Don't check yourself out in windows outside, and don't take out your mirror and start adjusting your makeup in front of everyone. Your hotness should look easy and effortless. If you need to check up on your appearance, do it in the privacy of a bathroom, not out in the open. Otherwise, you may come off as insecure.
2-9. Be gracious
Hot people should be gracious and happy for what they've got. They shouldn't be sore losers, mad over the little things, or rude to waiters, teachers, or strangers. Gracious people treat everyone with kindness, help people out, and recognize that they're lucky to be alive. Don't act like you deserve to be treated like a million bucks while everyone else is chopped liver; this kind of behavior is ugly and will turn people off.
Gracious people know that they have to work for what they want and don't think that they "deserve" to get the best of everything. If you really want to be hot, then you have to be kind and grateful about it, too.
2-10. Be nice to your friends.
There's a stereotype of people who treat their friends more like accessories (think: Regina George in Mean Girls) because they're just so hot that they can do anything they want. Well, it's up to you to break that trend. Don't treat your friends like lemmings, sidekicks, or followers who are at your beck and call. Instead, treat them like equals, and let them have equal say in what you do. Ask them how they're doing, take the time to do something nice for them, and make sure your friendships are meaningful.
Don't be the person who gossips about his or her friends the second they turn around, either. You'll quickly get a reputation for being fake.
2-11. Be hot around people you're attracted to.
If you want to be hot, then you have to be able to flirt a bit when you're talking to someone you like. However, this doesn't mean that you have to put it all out there and come on too strong. Find a balance between keeping your cool and giving the person a little bit to work with; that way, you'll come off as hot, but people will still want to get to know you. If people think you're an ice queen or in love with yourself, you won't be getting many dates, no matter how hot you are.
And if someone who you're not into comes up to you, be as nice as you can about it. Just because you don't think that person is hot or cool doesn't mean you shouldn't treat them like a human being.
Don't act like you're a queen or a king and that the person should beg for a minute of your time. Always be on equal footing with anyone you're talking to.
Tips
Smile with your eyes. People are drawn in by another's smile, especially when it is authentic.
Remember that if you want to be enticing, you need to dress in a manner that you are comfortable with. If that means showing more or less skin than you do now, do it. However, make sure you are appropriate to the occasion.
A key ingredient to "hot" is enjoying yourself; if you look like you are enjoying your body; it is more likely someone will think that he or she might too!
Warnings
Trying too hard to look hot can make you come off as arrogant or vain. It is more about how you carry yourself than how you look, so don't spend too much time in front of a mirror..
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting the Look\\n1-1. Make sure to be \\\"hot\\\" instead of \\\"cute\\\".\\nBeing \\\"hot\\\" has the connotation of being an adult who people have an instant sexual attraction toward. This stands in contrast to being \\\"cute\\\". Usually when someone is considered cute, they are attractive in more of a youthful way and less of a sexual way. So if you want to be a hot person, you can dress to impress and get the attitude. \\nThere is also a misconception that \\\"hot\\\" means \\\"sexy\\\", but they are not actually the same thing. \\\"Sexy\\\" means attractive in a more grown-up, mature way (where you do not need to have an edge). Think of the difference between a Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie is mature and classy (which is where she gets her sexiness from), while Megan Fox is edgy, daring, and seductive (which is mostly what makes her \\\"hot\\\").\\n1-2. Sharpen your edge.\\nTo look hot, you need to be a little intriguing and mysterious. When people see you, you want them to think \\\"ooh\\\" rather than \\\"aww\\\". You can do this by not telling everyone everything about yourself at once, not always being available, and just taking a longer time to open up. This will keep people wondering and guessing about you.\\nYou need to have a little edge. Think of the difference between a stereotypical rock star and a stereotypical teacher. If both are good-looking, you'd probably think of the rock star as hot, and the teacher as cute. Both are good, but if you want to be considered hot, flirting subtly or a tinge of rebelliousness helps.\\n1-3. Be comfortable with your body\\nTo be sexually attractive, you need to be comfortable in your own skin and know how to emphasize your best qualities. That doesn't mean you have to show skin, but being just a little seductive doesn't hurt. If you feel comfortable doing it, let people see the parts of your body that you love the most—or just enough to intrigue them. Whether you're showing your sculpted arms or just a bit of cleavage, you'll be on your way to being hot.\\nIf you're having difficulty being comfortable in your own skin, try to find a different way of being with your body. For example, instead of criticizing your body, find ways to move in your body that feel good. Find an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you — the more you use and appreciate your body, the more comfortable you will be with your body.\\n1-4. Have good posture\\nStand up straight and look proud and happy to be who you are and to look how you look. Keep your shoulders up, your head looking straight ahead, and your arms at your sides. Avoid slouching, or you won't look confident. People who are hot have good posture because they're proud to own what they've got—and they love to flaunt it. If you're a woman, walk like a diva and smile seductively from time to time.\\n1-5. Get in shape\\nThere are many hot people who aren't in the best shape, and there are many people in great shape who aren't hot. However, if you want to get some more attention from others, work to lose weight if you are overweight, or do muscle-building exercises if you are underweight or skinny. Make an appointment with the local gym to see which machines/workout routines are best for you.\\nExercising will also make you feel more comfortable in your own skin and happier to be who you are. This will make you look and feel hot, too.\\nHowever, remember that the only person who can decide what's good for you and your body is yourself. Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, and you get to choose to love your body as it is.\\nAlways put your health first, not your weight. Remember, what you weigh is not more important than who you are.\\n1-6. Be hygienic\\nThis means brushing your teeth and flossing at least twice a day, washing your face to get rid of blackheads or acne, washing your hair on a suitable schedule, and generally taking care of your body. You should also use deodorant, trim your fingernails, and smell fresh. If you want, try a nice-smelling fragrance, or treat yourself to a spa day.\\nNo matter how hard you work out, if you show up smelling like you haven't showered in a few days, not many people will consider you hot.\\n1-7. Look mature.\\nMake sure you look sharp in your outfits by picking clothes that flatter your figure. Remember that hotness is in the eye of the beholder, but take the time to shop around for clothes that complement you in color and style. Here are some things to keep in mind as you get hotter:\\nTrying fashion trends can help you become more noticed.\\nUse jewelry. Look for earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, or bangles.\\nDon't wear gym clothes, running shoes, or free crew neck T-shirts. Save those for when you work out.\\nYou can dress casually as long as you appear as though you put effort into the way.\\n1-8. Maintain great hairstyles.\\nA few great styles include straightening, curling, crimping, a bun, beach-like waves, a fishtail braid, a ponytail, or a messy bun. Hot people are dynamic. They are always mixing things up and keeping people on their toes. Think of J-Law chopping off her locks for a short hairdo—she looks even hotter!\\nAs for guys, if you find one cut that really works for you, you can stick to it for a while. If you're going bald, don't underestimate how hot a fully shaved head can be. And a bit of gray is definitely hot, too.\\n1-9. Consider wearing makeup, if you want to.\\nThe key is to keep it at a minimum. Eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss or balm is all you need, unless you have acne or a skin-related disease, in which case concealer and optionally foundation is a good choice. Makeup can tell guys that you like their attention (as unrealistic as this sounds, anything \\\"sexy\\\" can give a message that you're begging for attention, so be careful not to go overboard with makeup).\\nFeel free to try makeup if you're open to that style. Eyeliner in particular can be attractive on people of all genders, or you can just use concealer to cover up imperfections.\\n1-10. Look a little edgy.\\nIf you're masculine, you can skip this step. For clothes, tanks, shorts, layering tops, yoga-leggings, and jeans are just some ideas. If you are young, you can get in the way with wearing anything (as long as you aren't made fun of for wearing it). Think of Beyonce or what The Saturdays wore in their music video \\\"What About Us\\\". Remember: skimpy clothes don't make you any more hot.\\n2. Acting Hot\\n2-1. Be mature\\nYou cannot be \\\"hot\\\" if you remind people of a young child by complaining constantly, picking fights with others, and acting immature. Stay classy in your attitude, present yourself with poise, and be polite to everyone you meet. Treat people with respect, avoid whining, and take responsibility for your actions. If you act mature, people will see that you're a person worth knowing, and someone who should be taken seriously.\\nYou don't want people to be turned off because they think you're a crybaby or a complainer. Make sure to project an image of yourself that isn't childish.\\n2-2. Be cool.\\nIronically, being hot means being cool. For instance, think of Brad Pitt. He is considered by many (but not all) people to be hot because he has a cool demeanor, is handsome, and he's not always smiling or talking (this does not mean you can't smile or talk to others).\\nHot people say things that are necessary, witty, or things people want to hear.\\nDuring terrifying situations, hot people impress others by simply not freaking out, telling others that it's nothing or okay, and sometimes handling it.\\nSomeone who's hot isn't usually hyper, or nervous.\\n2-3. Exude confidence.\\nHot people know they're hot and have the confidence to back it up. Be proud and happy with who you are, walk with your head high, and talk about positive things and things that make you happy. If you walk around looking like you're waiting to get noticed or like you don't know who you are, then you won't come off as hot. Instead, smile big when you enter a room, be friendly to people, and give people the benefit of the doubt when you first meet them instead of being instantly suspicious of anyone outside your social circle.\\nIf you want to be confident, then try hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself.\\nOf course, it's okay to doubt yourself. You don't have to act happy with yourself all the time. When you have doubts, talk to a close friend instead of letting everyone around know that you're feeling insecure. However, if you doubt yourself too much, then people will believe that you are weak and not confident, which you must exude in order to be supposedly \\\"hot\\\".\\n2-4. Don't get too emotional.\\nYou can be really happy or really mad, sure, but in general, hot people keep it pretty even keeled. You don't see them crying for joy, shrieking when they see their friends, or snapping at their teachers. Instead, they pretty much know when to show that they're happy or sad, but they don't overdo it. They don't draw attention to themselves because of how they are feeling. People will notice them because they're awesome, not because they're having a hissy fit.\\nIf you're talking to a friend and feel yourself getting angry, take a minute to take a breather and get to feeling calm again.\\n2-5. Treat everyone with kindness.\\nIt's a myth that really hot people are only nice to other hot people and ignore the people \\\"below\\\" them. If you're truly hot, then you should be able to see past the exterior and to know which people are worth knowing. Don't just hang out with people who are hot and who make you look good; instead, spend time with the people who you respect and like the most. Look around you and ask about the company you keep; are these people really the nice, kind people you want to be?\\nIf you're nice to everyone, people will be even more impressed by you, because they'll think, \\\"It's so awesome that they are really friendly to everyone in spite of being so hot. They really aren’t letting that get to their head.\\\"\\nThis goes for strangers or people you just meet, too. Don't go into a new conversation with suspicion; try excitement or curiosity instead.\\nDon't be a snob. Don't walk by that girl in your history class and look the other way just because you think it's not \\\"cool\\\" to say hi to people.\\n2-6. Avoid bragging\\nJust because you think you're hot, it doesn't give you an excuse to go on and on about how much weight you lifted at the gym, how great you look in your new outfit, or how many phone numbers you got over the weekend. If you're really hot, then other people will notice and they will do the work for you. People won't feel like you're really hot if you're constantly trying to prove it to them. The next time you open your mouth to brag, stop yourself and praise someone else instead.\\nBeing humble and modest can go a long way in making you look and feel hot. If you brag all the time, people won't like you because they'll think you're full of yourself.\\n2-7. Keep your options open.\\nHot people don't get all obsessed over one crush, or spend 100% of their time fawning over their boyfriends and girlfriends. Instead, they play the field a little bit. If they find someone they like, then yeah, they'll stick by them, but in general, hot people take things lightly and enjoy exploring their options. If you're out at a party or a club, don't just home in on the one person you like as if you're a laser: instead, talk to a variety of people, and you may end up liking someone you didn't expect to click with.\\nHot people also don't get too disappointed by rejection. Sure, rejection sucks, but don't spend too long feeling sorry for yourself it's just not worth it.\\n2-8. Avoid checking yourself out in public.\\nIf you're hot, then you should know it. Don't check yourself out in windows outside, and don't take out your mirror and start adjusting your makeup in front of everyone. Your hotness should look easy and effortless. If you need to check up on your appearance, do it in the privacy of a bathroom, not out in the open. Otherwise, you may come off as insecure.\\n2-9. Be gracious\\nHot people should be gracious and happy for what they've got. They shouldn't be sore losers, mad over the little things, or rude to waiters, teachers, or strangers. Gracious people treat everyone with kindness, help people out, and recognize that they're lucky to be alive. Don't act like you deserve to be treated like a million bucks while everyone else is chopped liver; this kind of behavior is ugly and will turn people off.\\nGracious people know that they have to work for what they want and don't think that they \\\"deserve\\\" to get the best of everything. If you really want to be hot, then you have to be kind and grateful about it, too.\\n2-10. Be nice to your friends.\\nThere's a stereotype of people who treat their friends more like accessories (think: Regina George in Mean Girls) because they're just so hot that they can do anything they want. Well, it's up to you to break that trend. Don't treat your friends like lemmings, sidekicks, or followers who are at your beck and call. Instead, treat them like equals, and let them have equal say in what you do. Ask them how they're doing, take the time to do something nice for them, and make sure your friendships are meaningful.\\nDon't be the person who gossips about his or her friends the second they turn around, either. You'll quickly get a reputation for being fake.\\n2-11. Be hot around people you're attracted to.\\nIf you want to be hot, then you have to be able to flirt a bit when you're talking to someone you like. However, this doesn't mean that you have to put it all out there and come on too strong. Find a balance between keeping your cool and giving the person a little bit to work with; that way, you'll come off as hot, but people will still want to get to know you. If people think you're an ice queen or in love with yourself, you won't be getting many dates, no matter how hot you are.\\nAnd if someone who you're not into comes up to you, be as nice as you can about it. Just because you don't think that person is hot or cool doesn't mean you shouldn't treat them like a human being.\\nDon't act like you're a queen or a king and that the person should beg for a minute of your time. Always be on equal footing with anyone you're talking to.\\nTips\\nSmile with your eyes. People are drawn in by another's smile, especially when it is authentic.\\nRemember that if you want to be enticing, you need to dress in a manner that you are comfortable with. If that means showing more or less skin than you do now, do it. However, make sure you are appropriate to the occasion.\\nA key ingredient to \\\"hot\\\" is enjoying yourself; if you look like you are enjoying your body; it is more likely someone will think that he or she might too!\\nWarnings\\nTrying too hard to look hot can make you come off as arrogant or vain. It is more about how you carry yourself than how you look, so don't spend too much time in front of a mirror..\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being hot is more than just a look—it's a frame of mind. Not only should you look confident, sexy, and intriguing, but you should also know that you look good, and act like it, too. Whether you're just walking down the street or stopping to have a quick conversation, if you go about it the right way, everyone in your orbit will be thinking you're hot in no time. If you want to know how to be hot, then see step 1 to get started.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting the Look\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make sure to be \\\"hot\\\" instead of \\\"cute\\\".\", \"描述\": \"Being \\\"hot\\\" has the connotation of being an adult who people have an instant sexual attraction toward. This stands in contrast to being \\\"cute\\\". Usually when someone is considered cute, they are attractive in more of a youthful way and less of a sexual way. So if you want to be a hot person, you can dress to impress and get the attitude. \\nThere is also a misconception that \\\"hot\\\" means \\\"sexy\\\", but they are not actually the same thing. \\\"Sexy\\\" means attractive in a more grown-up, mature way (where you do not need to have an edge). Think of the difference between a Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie is mature and classy (which is where she gets her sexiness from), while Megan Fox is edgy, daring, and seductive (which is mostly what makes her \\\"hot\\\").\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sharpen your edge.\", \"描述\": \"To look hot, you need to be a little intriguing and mysterious. When people see you, you want them to think \\\"ooh\\\" rather than \\\"aww\\\". You can do this by not telling everyone everything about yourself at once, not always being available, and just taking a longer time to open up. This will keep people wondering and guessing about you.\\nYou need to have a little edge. Think of the difference between a stereotypical rock star and a stereotypical teacher. If both are good-looking, you'd probably think of the rock star as hot, and the teacher as cute. Both are good, but if you want to be considered hot, flirting subtly or a tinge of rebelliousness helps.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be comfortable with your body\", \"描述\": \"To be sexually attractive, you need to be comfortable in your own skin and know how to emphasize your best qualities. That doesn't mean you have to show skin, but being just a little seductive doesn't hurt. If you feel comfortable doing it, let people see the parts of your body that you love the most—or just enough to intrigue them. Whether you're showing your sculpted arms or just a bit of cleavage, you'll be on your way to being hot.\\nIf you're having difficulty being comfortable in your own skin, try to find a different way of being with your body. For example, instead of criticizing your body, find ways to move in your body that feel good. Find an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you — the more you use and appreciate your body, the more comfortable you will be with your body.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have good posture\", \"描述\": \"Stand up straight and look proud and happy to be who you are and to look how you look. Keep your shoulders up, your head looking straight ahead, and your arms at your sides. Avoid slouching, or you won't look confident. People who are hot have good posture because they're proud to own what they've got—and they love to flaunt it. If you're a woman, walk like a diva and smile seductively from time to time.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get in shape\", \"描述\": \"There are many hot people who aren't in the best shape, and there are many people in great shape who aren't hot. However, if you want to get some more attention from others, work to lose weight if you are overweight, or do muscle-building exercises if you are underweight or skinny. Make an appointment with the local gym to see which machines/workout routines are best for you.\\nExercising will also make you feel more comfortable in your own skin and happier to be who you are. This will make you look and feel hot, too.\\nHowever, remember that the only person who can decide what's good for you and your body is yourself. Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, and you get to choose to love your body as it is.\\nAlways put your health first, not your weight. Remember, what you weigh is not more important than who you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be hygienic\", \"描述\": \"This means brushing your teeth and flossing at least twice a day, washing your face to get rid of blackheads or acne, washing your hair on a suitable schedule, and generally taking care of your body. You should also use deodorant, trim your fingernails, and smell fresh. If you want, try a nice-smelling fragrance, or treat yourself to a spa day.\\nNo matter how hard you work out, if you show up smelling like you haven't showered in a few days, not many people will consider you hot.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Look mature.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure you look sharp in your outfits by picking clothes that flatter your figure. Remember that hotness is in the eye of the beholder, but take the time to shop around for clothes that complement you in color and style. Here are some things to keep in mind as you get hotter:\\nTrying fashion trends can help you become more noticed.\\nUse jewelry. Look for earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, or bangles.\\nDon't wear gym clothes, running shoes, or free crew neck T-shirts. Save those for when you work out.\\nYou can dress casually as long as you appear as though you put effort into the way.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Maintain great hairstyles.\", \"描述\": \"A few great styles include straightening, curling, crimping, a bun, beach-like waves, a fishtail braid, a ponytail, or a messy bun. Hot people are dynamic. They are always mixing things up and keeping people on their toes. Think of J-Law chopping off her locks for a short hairdo—she looks even hotter!\\nAs for guys, if you find one cut that really works for you, you can stick to it for a while. If you're going bald, don't underestimate how hot a fully shaved head can be. And a bit of gray is definitely hot, too.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Consider wearing makeup, if you want to.\", \"描述\": \"The key is to keep it at a minimum. Eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss or balm is all you need, unless you have acne or a skin-related disease, in which case concealer and optionally foundation is a good choice. Makeup can tell guys that you like their attention (as unrealistic as this sounds, anything \\\"sexy\\\" can give a message that you're begging for attention, so be careful not to go overboard with makeup).\\nFeel free to try makeup if you're open to that style. Eyeliner in particular can be attractive on people of all genders, or you can just use concealer to cover up imperfections.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Look a little edgy.\", \"描述\": \"If you're masculine, you can skip this step. For clothes, tanks, shorts, layering tops, yoga-leggings, and jeans are just some ideas. If you are young, you can get in the way with wearing anything (as long as you aren't made fun of for wearing it). Think of Beyonce or what The Saturdays wore in their music video \\\"What About Us\\\". Remember: skimpy clothes don't make you any more hot.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Acting Hot\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be mature\", \"描述\": \"You cannot be \\\"hot\\\" if you remind people of a young child by complaining constantly, picking fights with others, and acting immature. Stay classy in your attitude, present yourself with poise, and be polite to everyone you meet. Treat people with respect, avoid whining, and take responsibility for your actions. If you act mature, people will see that you're a person worth knowing, and someone who should be taken seriously.\\nYou don't want people to be turned off because they think you're a crybaby or a complainer. Make sure to project an image of yourself that isn't childish.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be cool.\", \"描述\": \"Ironically, being hot means being cool. For instance, think of Brad Pitt. He is considered by many (but not all) people to be hot because he has a cool demeanor, is handsome, and he's not always smiling or talking (this does not mean you can't smile or talk to others).\\nHot people say things that are necessary, witty, or things people want to hear.\\nDuring terrifying situations, hot people impress others by simply not freaking out, telling others that it's nothing or okay, and sometimes handling it.\\nSomeone who's hot isn't usually hyper, or nervous.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Exude confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Hot people know they're hot and have the confidence to back it up. Be proud and happy with who you are, walk with your head high, and talk about positive things and things that make you happy. If you walk around looking like you're waiting to get noticed or like you don't know who you are, then you won't come off as hot. Instead, smile big when you enter a room, be friendly to people, and give people the benefit of the doubt when you first meet them instead of being instantly suspicious of anyone outside your social circle.\\nIf you want to be confident, then try hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself.\\nOf course, it's okay to doubt yourself. You don't have to act happy with yourself all the time. When you have doubts, talk to a close friend instead of letting everyone around know that you're feeling insecure. However, if you doubt yourself too much, then people will believe that you are weak and not confident, which you must exude in order to be supposedly \\\"hot\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't get too emotional.\", \"描述\": \"You can be really happy or really mad, sure, but in general, hot people keep it pretty even keeled. You don't see them crying for joy, shrieking when they see their friends, or snapping at their teachers. Instead, they pretty much know when to show that they're happy or sad, but they don't overdo it. They don't draw attention to themselves because of how they are feeling. People will notice them because they're awesome, not because they're having a hissy fit.\\nIf you're talking to a friend and feel yourself getting angry, take a minute to take a breather and get to feeling calm again.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Treat everyone with kindness.\", \"描述\": \"It's a myth that really hot people are only nice to other hot people and ignore the people \\\"below\\\" them. If you're truly hot, then you should be able to see past the exterior and to know which people are worth knowing. Don't just hang out with people who are hot and who make you look good; instead, spend time with the people who you respect and like the most. Look around you and ask about the company you keep; are these people really the nice, kind people you want to be?\\nIf you're nice to everyone, people will be even more impressed by you, because they'll think, \\\"It's so awesome that they are really friendly to everyone in spite of being so hot. They really aren’t letting that get to their head.\\\"\\nThis goes for strangers or people you just meet, too. Don't go into a new conversation with suspicion; try excitement or curiosity instead.\\nDon't be a snob. Don't walk by that girl in your history class and look the other way just because you think it's not \\\"cool\\\" to say hi to people.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid bragging\", \"描述\": \"Just because you think you're hot, it doesn't give you an excuse to go on and on about how much weight you lifted at the gym, how great you look in your new outfit, or how many phone numbers you got over the weekend. If you're really hot, then other people will notice and they will do the work for you. People won't feel like you're really hot if you're constantly trying to prove it to them. The next time you open your mouth to brag, stop yourself and praise someone else instead.\\nBeing humble and modest can go a long way in making you look and feel hot. If you brag all the time, people won't like you because they'll think you're full of yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Keep your options open.\", \"描述\": \"Hot people don't get all obsessed over one crush, or spend 100% of their time fawning over their boyfriends and girlfriends. Instead, they play the field a little bit. If they find someone they like, then yeah, they'll stick by them, but in general, hot people take things lightly and enjoy exploring their options. If you're out at a party or a club, don't just home in on the one person you like as if you're a laser: instead, talk to a variety of people, and you may end up liking someone you didn't expect to click with.\\nHot people also don't get too disappointed by rejection. Sure, rejection sucks, but don't spend too long feeling sorry for yourself it's just not worth it.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Avoid checking yourself out in public.\", \"描述\": \"If you're hot, then you should know it. Don't check yourself out in windows outside, and don't take out your mirror and start adjusting your makeup in front of everyone. Your hotness should look easy and effortless. If you need to check up on your appearance, do it in the privacy of a bathroom, not out in the open. Otherwise, you may come off as insecure.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Be gracious\", \"描述\": \"Hot people should be gracious and happy for what they've got. They shouldn't be sore losers, mad over the little things, or rude to waiters, teachers, or strangers. Gracious people treat everyone with kindness, help people out, and recognize that they're lucky to be alive. Don't act like you deserve to be treated like a million bucks while everyone else is chopped liver; this kind of behavior is ugly and will turn people off.\\nGracious people know that they have to work for what they want and don't think that they \\\"deserve\\\" to get the best of everything. If you really want to be hot, then you have to be kind and grateful about it, too.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Be nice to your friends.\", \"描述\": \"There's a stereotype of people who treat their friends more like accessories (think: Regina George in Mean Girls) because they're just so hot that they can do anything they want. Well, it's up to you to break that trend. Don't treat your friends like lemmings, sidekicks, or followers who are at your beck and call. Instead, treat them like equals, and let them have equal say in what you do. Ask them how they're doing, take the time to do something nice for them, and make sure your friendships are meaningful.\\nDon't be the person who gossips about his or her friends the second they turn around, either. You'll quickly get a reputation for being fake.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Be hot around people you're attracted to.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be hot, then you have to be able to flirt a bit when you're talking to someone you like. However, this doesn't mean that you have to put it all out there and come on too strong. Find a balance between keeping your cool and giving the person a little bit to work with; that way, you'll come off as hot, but people will still want to get to know you. If people think you're an ice queen or in love with yourself, you won't be getting many dates, no matter how hot you are.\\nAnd if someone who you're not into comes up to you, be as nice as you can about it. Just because you don't think that person is hot or cool doesn't mean you shouldn't treat them like a human being.\\nDon't act like you're a queen or a king and that the person should beg for a minute of your time. Always be on equal footing with anyone you're talking to.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Smile with your eyes. People are drawn in by another's smile, especially when it is authentic.\\n\", \"Remember that if you want to be enticing, you need to dress in a manner that you are comfortable with. If that means showing more or less skin than you do now, do it. However, make sure you are appropriate to the occasion.\\n\", \"A key ingredient to \\\"hot\\\" is enjoying yourself; if you look like you are enjoying your body; it is more likely someone will think that he or she might too!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Trying too hard to look hot can make you come off as arrogant or vain. It is more about how you carry yourself than how you look, so don't spend too much time in front of a mirror..\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,835 | How to Be Hot (Guys) | 1. Working on Your Appearance
1-1. Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that suit your style.
There’s no single outfit that signals hotness. Instead, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and attractive. Make sure that the clothes are clean and fit your body well, since attention to details like these helps to exude hotness.
Context matters, of course. You might look hot in your workout gear at the gym, but not so hot if you wear it to the club. Dress for the occasion, but always wear something that fits your style and makes you feel good.
Make sure you have a stylish, well-fitting suit in your wardrobe—a guy can never go wrong with a classic look!
1-2. Keep your hair, nails, skin, and body well-groomed.
Choose a haircut that fits your look and style, and keep your hair clean and well-kept. Trim your nails regularly, and keep up a regular manscaping routine that suits your style. Shave, trim, or manage your facial hair so it shows that you care about your look.
Even if you prefer a more rugged or unkempt look, no one finds hair growing out of your ears, dirt under your fingernails, or crumbs in your beard hot!
1-3. Maintain good personal hygiene so you look and smell clean.
Avoid dousing yourself in cologne like your dad probably does, but do take the time to shower daily, wear a quality deodorant, and freshen up your breath with good dental care. No matter how fit or fashionable you are, you won’t be hot if your body or breath smells bad.
If you do use cologne, remember that a couple of sprays is all you need.
1-4. Exercise regularly to tone your body.
You don't have to have the look of a hardcore bodybuilder, but it helps to be in shape if you want to be hot. Mix cardio with strength training to sculpt a body that gives you self-confidence. This, in turn, will make others find you more attractive.
Hot guys come in every body type. Showing that you care about improving your health, fitness, and appearance is what makes you attractive to others.
Talk to your doctor before beginning an exercise program, especially if you have existing medical conditions or live a sedentary lifestyle.
2. Using the Right Body Language
2-1. Work on your eye contact and facial expressions.
Your goal is to look confident but not intense, calm but not bored, and friendly but not desperate. This may sound like a tall task, but you can convey a lot with just your mouth and eyes!
Look softly (not intensely) into other people’s eyes for 10-15 second increments, then look away briefly before restoring your gaze.
Smile with a closed mouth, and don't smile too widely. Also, let one corner of your mouth go slightly higher than the other.
Practice your eye contact and smile in the mirror before trying them out on others.
2-2. Stand up straight
A man who stands upright looks confident, while a slouch shows that he is insecure and uncomfortable. Developing good posture will give the impression that you think you're attractive, which will in turn influence other people to think the same.
There are a range of exercises you can do to improve your posture, and you can also use medical tape or posture-improving garments to help retrain your muscles.
2-3. Walk with confidence and a little bit of swagger.
Stand up straight, use long, brisk strides, and keep your arms loosely at your sides. You don’t necessarily have to walk into a room like you own it, but at least make it clear that you belong there.
Keep your head up, eyes forward, hands out of your pockets, and feet a little less than shoulder width apart.
2-4. Develop a confident but appealing speaking voice.
In many cases, this means doing breathing and speaking exercises to deepen your voice a little. Don’t try to adopt a ridiculously deep voice (which will sound obviously fake), though—just focus on speaking clearly and confidently.
Don’t let your attempt at speaking confidently come off as being too intense or overbearing. Use your eyes, facial expressions, and vocabulary to exude friendliness.
For instance, saying, "I really like the color of your eyes" in a slightly deepened voice, while also using the eye contact and tight smile you've been practicing, may prove very effective.
2-5. Manage your emotions without burying them.
Self-control is an attractive quality, but don’t act like you’re a heartless robot. Stay calm and confident no matter what the situation brings, yet always be willing to show compassion and concern.
You might think that hot guys tend to have a “too cool to care” attitude, but you’ve got to be able to show interest in and care for those around you if you want them to find you attractive.
For example, instead of getting angry if a stranger spills a drink on your new shirt while you're talking to someone you like, accept the stranger's apology and laugh off the incident.
3. Connecting with Others
3-1. Be polite and respectful.
Being hot doesn’t mean treating others like you know you’re better than them. Instead, show them that you respect them as individuals. Display common courtesies like holding open a door and saying “thank you”—believe it or not, politeness can be hot!
3-2. Focus the conversation on the other person.
If you spend all your time talking about yourself, you’ll leave the impression that you only care about yourself. While you should feel free to share information about yourself so the other person can get to know you, steer the conversation towards the other person so they feel special.
Practice your active listening skills so it’s clear you’re paying close attention. Confirm what they’ve just said and ask follow-up questions to keep them at the center of the conversation.
If they seem eager to keep the conversation focused on you, don’t try too hard to turn it back on them. Take your time building up a comfort level so they feel more comfortable opening up.
3-3. Improve your mind and your awareness of important issues.
Check up on the latest world news. Read a book or a newspaper every day. Take some time to develop your opinions on key topics. The more intelligent and well-informed you are, the more likely you are to impress others.
It takes more than looking good to be hot. If you can’t sustain an intelligent conversation for more than a few seconds, your hotness factor will drop quickly!
Never act like you know all the answers. Be open to listening to and considering others’ opinions.
3-4. Be willing to take a chance when you sense a connection.
If you recognize signals of attraction, act confidently and decisively (without being aggressive or arrogant). Don’t be afraid to ask, “Hey, would you like to go out to dinner?” or, “Can I call you sometime?”
Sometimes you’ll read the signals wrong and get rejected. Stay calm, be polite, brush it off, and be just as confident the next time you try with someone else.
Fear of failure is not an attractive quality. Hot guys learn from their failures and keep trying!
Tips
Accept rejection with grace. Nobody likes a guy that pushes after rejection. Remember, rejection in a romantic situation is not a personal failure, but rather a statement of non-compatibility.[14]
X
Research source
You don't have to be perfect to be hot. The key is to be comfortable in your own skin.
Always respect other people and their wishes. You can do this by listening and adjusting your behavior/conversation to suit their needs.
Warnings
Be careful not to earn a reputation as a player. Potential romantic interests will avoid you if they think that you can't be trusted.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Working on Your Appearance\\n1-1. Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that suit your style.\\nThere’s no single outfit that signals hotness. Instead, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and attractive. Make sure that the clothes are clean and fit your body well, since attention to details like these helps to exude hotness.\\nContext matters, of course. You might look hot in your workout gear at the gym, but not so hot if you wear it to the club. Dress for the occasion, but always wear something that fits your style and makes you feel good.\\nMake sure you have a stylish, well-fitting suit in your wardrobe—a guy can never go wrong with a classic look!\\n1-2. Keep your hair, nails, skin, and body well-groomed.\\nChoose a haircut that fits your look and style, and keep your hair clean and well-kept. Trim your nails regularly, and keep up a regular manscaping routine that suits your style. Shave, trim, or manage your facial hair so it shows that you care about your look.\\nEven if you prefer a more rugged or unkempt look, no one finds hair growing out of your ears, dirt under your fingernails, or crumbs in your beard hot!\\n1-3. Maintain good personal hygiene so you look and smell clean.\\nAvoid dousing yourself in cologne like your dad probably does, but do take the time to shower daily, wear a quality deodorant, and freshen up your breath with good dental care. No matter how fit or fashionable you are, you won’t be hot if your body or breath smells bad.\\nIf you do use cologne, remember that a couple of sprays is all you need.\\n1-4. Exercise regularly to tone your body.\\nYou don't have to have the look of a hardcore bodybuilder, but it helps to be in shape if you want to be hot. Mix cardio with strength training to sculpt a body that gives you self-confidence. This, in turn, will make others find you more attractive.\\nHot guys come in every body type. Showing that you care about improving your health, fitness, and appearance is what makes you attractive to others.\\nTalk to your doctor before beginning an exercise program, especially if you have existing medical conditions or live a sedentary lifestyle.\\n2. Using the Right Body Language\\n2-1. Work on your eye contact and facial expressions.\\nYour goal is to look confident but not intense, calm but not bored, and friendly but not desperate. This may sound like a tall task, but you can convey a lot with just your mouth and eyes!\\nLook softly (not intensely) into other people’s eyes for 10-15 second increments, then look away briefly before restoring your gaze.\\nSmile with a closed mouth, and don't smile too widely. Also, let one corner of your mouth go slightly higher than the other.\\nPractice your eye contact and smile in the mirror before trying them out on others.\\n2-2. Stand up straight\\nA man who stands upright looks confident, while a slouch shows that he is insecure and uncomfortable. Developing good posture will give the impression that you think you're attractive, which will in turn influence other people to think the same.\\nThere are a range of exercises you can do to improve your posture, and you can also use medical tape or posture-improving garments to help retrain your muscles.\\n2-3. Walk with confidence and a little bit of swagger.\\nStand up straight, use long, brisk strides, and keep your arms loosely at your sides. You don’t necessarily have to walk into a room like you own it, but at least make it clear that you belong there.\\nKeep your head up, eyes forward, hands out of your pockets, and feet a little less than shoulder width apart.\\n2-4. Develop a confident but appealing speaking voice.\\nIn many cases, this means doing breathing and speaking exercises to deepen your voice a little. Don’t try to adopt a ridiculously deep voice (which will sound obviously fake), though—just focus on speaking clearly and confidently.\\nDon’t let your attempt at speaking confidently come off as being too intense or overbearing. Use your eyes, facial expressions, and vocabulary to exude friendliness.\\nFor instance, saying, \\\"I really like the color of your eyes\\\" in a slightly deepened voice, while also using the eye contact and tight smile you've been practicing, may prove very effective.\\n2-5. Manage your emotions without burying them.\\nSelf-control is an attractive quality, but don’t act like you’re a heartless robot. Stay calm and confident no matter what the situation brings, yet always be willing to show compassion and concern.\\nYou might think that hot guys tend to have a “too cool to care” attitude, but you’ve got to be able to show interest in and care for those around you if you want them to find you attractive.\\nFor example, instead of getting angry if a stranger spills a drink on your new shirt while you're talking to someone you like, accept the stranger's apology and laugh off the incident.\\n3. Connecting with Others\\n3-1. Be polite and respectful.\\nBeing hot doesn’t mean treating others like you know you’re better than them. Instead, show them that you respect them as individuals. Display common courtesies like holding open a door and saying “thank you”—believe it or not, politeness can be hot!\\n3-2. Focus the conversation on the other person.\\nIf you spend all your time talking about yourself, you’ll leave the impression that you only care about yourself. While you should feel free to share information about yourself so the other person can get to know you, steer the conversation towards the other person so they feel special.\\nPractice your active listening skills so it’s clear you’re paying close attention. Confirm what they’ve just said and ask follow-up questions to keep them at the center of the conversation.\\nIf they seem eager to keep the conversation focused on you, don’t try too hard to turn it back on them. Take your time building up a comfort level so they feel more comfortable opening up.\\n3-3. Improve your mind and your awareness of important issues.\\nCheck up on the latest world news. Read a book or a newspaper every day. Take some time to develop your opinions on key topics. The more intelligent and well-informed you are, the more likely you are to impress others.\\nIt takes more than looking good to be hot. If you can’t sustain an intelligent conversation for more than a few seconds, your hotness factor will drop quickly!\\nNever act like you know all the answers. Be open to listening to and considering others’ opinions.\\n3-4. Be willing to take a chance when you sense a connection.\\nIf you recognize signals of attraction, act confidently and decisively (without being aggressive or arrogant). Don’t be afraid to ask, “Hey, would you like to go out to dinner?” or, “Can I call you sometime?”\\nSometimes you’ll read the signals wrong and get rejected. Stay calm, be polite, brush it off, and be just as confident the next time you try with someone else.\\nFear of failure is not an attractive quality. Hot guys learn from their failures and keep trying!\\nTips\\nAccept rejection with grace. Nobody likes a guy that pushes after rejection. Remember, rejection in a romantic situation is not a personal failure, but rather a statement of non-compatibility.[14]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nYou don't have to be perfect to be hot. The key is to be comfortable in your own skin.\\nAlways respect other people and their wishes. You can do this by listening and adjusting your behavior/conversation to suit their needs.\\nWarnings\\nBe careful not to earn a reputation as a player. Potential romantic interests will avoid you if they think that you can't be trusted.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It takes more than good looks to be a hot guy. In fact, being hot is more about confidence than anything else. Take pride in how you look, but make your style your own. Exude confident but welcoming body language. When you’re trying to make a connection, never be afraid to take your chances. And always remember—hotness is a state of mind!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Working on Your Appearance\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that suit your style.\", \"描述\": \"There’s no single outfit that signals hotness. Instead, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and attractive. Make sure that the clothes are clean and fit your body well, since attention to details like these helps to exude hotness.\\nContext matters, of course. You might look hot in your workout gear at the gym, but not so hot if you wear it to the club. Dress for the occasion, but always wear something that fits your style and makes you feel good.\\nMake sure you have a stylish, well-fitting suit in your wardrobe—a guy can never go wrong with a classic look!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep your hair, nails, skin, and body well-groomed.\", \"描述\": \"Choose a haircut that fits your look and style, and keep your hair clean and well-kept. Trim your nails regularly, and keep up a regular manscaping routine that suits your style. Shave, trim, or manage your facial hair so it shows that you care about your look.\\nEven if you prefer a more rugged or unkempt look, no one finds hair growing out of your ears, dirt under your fingernails, or crumbs in your beard hot!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain good personal hygiene so you look and smell clean.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid dousing yourself in cologne like your dad probably does, but do take the time to shower daily, wear a quality deodorant, and freshen up your breath with good dental care. No matter how fit or fashionable you are, you won’t be hot if your body or breath smells bad.\\nIf you do use cologne, remember that a couple of sprays is all you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Exercise regularly to tone your body.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to have the look of a hardcore bodybuilder, but it helps to be in shape if you want to be hot. Mix cardio with strength training to sculpt a body that gives you self-confidence. This, in turn, will make others find you more attractive.\\nHot guys come in every body type. Showing that you care about improving your health, fitness, and appearance is what makes you attractive to others.\\nTalk to your doctor before beginning an exercise program, especially if you have existing medical conditions or live a sedentary lifestyle.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Using the Right Body Language\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Work on your eye contact and facial expressions.\", \"描述\": \"Your goal is to look confident but not intense, calm but not bored, and friendly but not desperate. This may sound like a tall task, but you can convey a lot with just your mouth and eyes!\\nLook softly (not intensely) into other people’s eyes for 10-15 second increments, then look away briefly before restoring your gaze.\\nSmile with a closed mouth, and don't smile too widely. Also, let one corner of your mouth go slightly higher than the other.\\nPractice your eye contact and smile in the mirror before trying them out on others.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stand up straight\", \"描述\": \"A man who stands upright looks confident, while a slouch shows that he is insecure and uncomfortable. Developing good posture will give the impression that you think you're attractive, which will in turn influence other people to think the same.\\nThere are a range of exercises you can do to improve your posture, and you can also use medical tape or posture-improving garments to help retrain your muscles.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Walk with confidence and a little bit of swagger.\", \"描述\": \"Stand up straight, use long, brisk strides, and keep your arms loosely at your sides. You don’t necessarily have to walk into a room like you own it, but at least make it clear that you belong there.\\nKeep your head up, eyes forward, hands out of your pockets, and feet a little less than shoulder width apart.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Develop a confident but appealing speaking voice.\", \"描述\": \"In many cases, this means doing breathing and speaking exercises to deepen your voice a little. Don’t try to adopt a ridiculously deep voice (which will sound obviously fake), though—just focus on speaking clearly and confidently.\\nDon’t let your attempt at speaking confidently come off as being too intense or overbearing. Use your eyes, facial expressions, and vocabulary to exude friendliness.\\nFor instance, saying, \\\"I really like the color of your eyes\\\" in a slightly deepened voice, while also using the eye contact and tight smile you've been practicing, may prove very effective.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Manage your emotions without burying them.\", \"描述\": \"Self-control is an attractive quality, but don’t act like you’re a heartless robot. Stay calm and confident no matter what the situation brings, yet always be willing to show compassion and concern.\\nYou might think that hot guys tend to have a “too cool to care” attitude, but you’ve got to be able to show interest in and care for those around you if you want them to find you attractive.\\nFor example, instead of getting angry if a stranger spills a drink on your new shirt while you're talking to someone you like, accept the stranger's apology and laugh off the incident.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Connecting with Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be polite and respectful.\", \"描述\": \"Being hot doesn’t mean treating others like you know you’re better than them. Instead, show them that you respect them as individuals. Display common courtesies like holding open a door and saying “thank you”—believe it or not, politeness can be hot!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus the conversation on the other person.\", \"描述\": \"If you spend all your time talking about yourself, you’ll leave the impression that you only care about yourself. While you should feel free to share information about yourself so the other person can get to know you, steer the conversation towards the other person so they feel special.\\nPractice your active listening skills so it’s clear you’re paying close attention. Confirm what they’ve just said and ask follow-up questions to keep them at the center of the conversation.\\nIf they seem eager to keep the conversation focused on you, don’t try too hard to turn it back on them. Take your time building up a comfort level so they feel more comfortable opening up.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Improve your mind and your awareness of important issues.\", \"描述\": \"Check up on the latest world news. Read a book or a newspaper every day. Take some time to develop your opinions on key topics. The more intelligent and well-informed you are, the more likely you are to impress others.\\nIt takes more than looking good to be hot. If you can’t sustain an intelligent conversation for more than a few seconds, your hotness factor will drop quickly!\\nNever act like you know all the answers. Be open to listening to and considering others’ opinions.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be willing to take a chance when you sense a connection.\", \"描述\": \"If you recognize signals of attraction, act confidently and decisively (without being aggressive or arrogant). Don’t be afraid to ask, “Hey, would you like to go out to dinner?” or, “Can I call you sometime?”\\nSometimes you’ll read the signals wrong and get rejected. Stay calm, be polite, brush it off, and be just as confident the next time you try with someone else.\\nFear of failure is not an attractive quality. Hot guys learn from their failures and keep trying!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Accept rejection with grace. Nobody likes a guy that pushes after rejection. Remember, rejection in a romantic situation is not a personal failure, but rather a statement of non-compatibility.[14]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"You don't have to be perfect to be hot. The key is to be comfortable in your own skin.\\n\", \"Always respect other people and their wishes. You can do this by listening and adjusting your behavior/conversation to suit their needs.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be careful not to earn a reputation as a player. Potential romantic interests will avoid you if they think that you can't be trusted.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,836 | How to Be Hot Around Your Boyfriend | 1. Keeping Your Body Healthy
1-1. Get enough sleep.
While it sounds like the least glamorous advice possible, getting sufficient sleep is an important part of looking beautiful. While it's recommended you should get at least 7 hours a night, many try to slip by with far less than that. If you want to look and act your best, make sure to get enough rest. Your skin will dry and age faster if you don't.
It's also a good idea to try to fall asleep at the same time each night. Try to be awake for as much daylight as possible.
Your mood and energy will also be affected by the amount that you sleep. It should come as obvious that you won't be acting with the same charm if you're trying to fight off sleep.
1-2. Maintain good hygiene.
If you want to look your best, it should be a no-brainer that you'll want to keep up with the absolute basics. Brushing your teeth at least twice a day, bathing or showering regularly, trimming toe and fingernails, and brushing your hair are just some of the things you should be keeping an eye on regularly. Even without any type of cosmetics, you can look very beautiful so long as you look healthy and well-maintained.
1-3. Moisturize your skin.
Moisturizing your skin is an important part of keeping it looking vibrant and youthful throughout the years. Although wrinkles on their own aren't necessarily a bad thing, signs of aging may have an impact on your confidence.
It may be a good idea to buy a specific moisturizer for your eyes as well. Eye moisturizers use a more delicate material to adjust for the gentle skin around eyes.
1-4. Get regular exercise.
Regular exercise tightens up your skin and is an essential part of keeping your body in healthy order. Cardio exercise like running will help put you in a great mood throughout the rest of the day. Don't be afraid of working some muscle training into your workouts as well. Some women feel against it because they think it's too masculine. Muscle training is a great way to get fit for both genders however, and you'll look all the better once you commit to a regimen.
2. Dressing Up Your Body
2-1. Make your hands and feet glamorous.
Manicures and pedicures are a great trick to take you from glamorous to casual. They feel great, and your boyfriend will notice the difference in the way you look and feel. It's a good idea to make the hands and feet match if you use nail polish. After all, you want to make yourself a consistent, impressive visual package.
You can moisturize and manicure your hands at home if your budget's a concern. It can take some time to perfect your skills, but saves lots of money in the long run.
2-2. Wear red or black.
A sexy black or fire-engine red are colours that have sex appeal virtually built into them when worn by a woman who knows what she wants. The kind of wardrobe you're wearing shouldn't be completely different from what you're comfortable with, but aiming for suggestive colours can say something on its own.
2-3. Slip into form-fitting or revealing clothes.
A great deal of sex appeal has to do with what someone is wearing. What you wear in particular will have a lot to do with your personal sense of style. As a general rule however, you should try to find clothing that showcases the natural shape of your body. It's not the clothes your boyfriend's interested in; it's what's underneath that counts.
You don't need to dress so provocatively to get a reaction out of someone. Something casual can usually do the trick. It's how you wear it that counts.
2-4. Try a new hairstyle.
Nothing changes the frame of someone's face like new hair. A new hairstyle has the ability to transform someone's look. Certain hairstyles fit different faces better than others, but your best bet is to pick a style that suits your personality and personal tastes. Look at some of the latest trends in hair. Although you shouldn't try to follow fashion unless it matches your own aesthetic, it can be a helpful refresher if you're not sure how you want to reinvent your look. Ask a hairdresser for her advice if you're stumped.
As a general rule, you want your hair to compliment the shape of your face. If your face is boxy, you may want a wavier hairstyle to even it out. On the other hand, if your hair is round, a short cute style can add height to your face.
If you're trying to look hot for your boyfriend specifically, it might help to ask him his advice. While you're not doing this purely for him, a second opinion always helps.
2-5. Try out a sexy scent.
Perfumes and fragrances are a healthy bonus if you want to be really hot. Smell is an underrated way to arouse someone's senses. Although your boyfriend is probably already very attracted to your natural smell, a perfume can attract his scent closer to you. There are lots of different perfumes available, and many of them can be quite expensive. You should go to a makeup counter at a department store or beauty shop and try out a few scents before settling on one in particular.
2-6. Get adventurous with eye makeup.
Eye makeup is arguably the most important cosmetic trick you can do to transform the way someone sees you. Your boyfriend is going to be looking into your eyes most of the time the two of you are spending time together, so it makes sense to capitalize on this opportunity.Try using a bold mascara and an eyeshadow that blends in with your natural skintone. Trying a new makeup look will have your boyfriend looking at you in a new light.
More colourful eyeshadows can make a playful touch. They're not recommended for casual days or nights out, but they can be fun when done once in a while.
Slightly smudged black eyeliner is a great sexy look.
White eyeliner underneath the eyelid can make you look more awake and intense.
2-7. Emphasize your lips.
Lip gloss and lipstick are such common things to use as part of someone's makeup wardrobe that they're easy to take for granted. However, just as with the eyes, you can recreate the look of your face through choosing a different type or style of lipstick. Try using a bolder shade of lipstick than the one you currently use. A lip pencil around the perimeter of your lips can highlight them and attract attention. Remember, lips are one of the most sensual parts of the face and body, and if you want to look as hot as possible, it wouldn't make sense not to give your lips some extra love.
If you want to make your lips look bigger, you can draw lipstick over an area that's just slightly bigger than your lips themselves. This will plump up the look of your lips. Be careful not to go overboard however, as this will make you look very silly.
3. Acting Hot
3-1. Develop confidence.
Confidence is key to being sexy. Even if your boyfriend already knows you well, having confidence will allow you to express yourself in exciting ways.If confidence is something you feel you struggle with, you should put some time aside to work on this part of yourself. Take control of your thoughts, and don't let any negative feelings get in the way of being self-assured.
Making a list of things you like about yourself can be a great help.
3-2. Overcome your shyness.
If you're on the shy side, it can be difficult to overcome the feelings of insecurity that go along with social anxiety. Don't let yourself get too worked up over anything. Remember that you're worth being thought of as hot. If you're able to get outside your head and focus purely on your surroundings, your brain won't have the chance to trip you up.
3-3. Flirt with him.
If the two of you have already been in a relationship for some time, it's quite possible that flirting has stopped being a regular part of your interactions. Reintroducing some of this playful teasing into the mix can do wonders for the relationship. Light touching on the waist, hands or shoulder can go far. Smiling at and complimenting him will show a revitalized interest.
Teasing has its place even in long-term relationships. If he has a cute eccentricity, make a light jab at it. Just make sure he's not insecure about whatever you're poking fun at.
3-4. Text him throughout the day.
If you're planning on meeting up later in the day or evening, it's a good idea to get him excited to see him by texting him. You can text him something suggestive or simply sweet. Something as simple as "I'm missing you a ton right now" will make sure he's thinking of you at that very moment. Every guy likes to be complimented, and a text message is an easy way to tell your boyfriend how you feel.
Emoticons like the 'wink face' can do a lot to suggest emotion if the two of you are far apart.
3-5. Take him somewhere unexpected.
Boyfriends are used to being the ones who make the date plans. It's really hot for a girl to take a guy out on an adventure. He'll be surprised and swept off his feet. Even if the date is to some place he's been before, the spontaneous experience will be exciting for the both of you, and it will definitely have an effect on how attracted he is towards you.
Tips
Being hot isn't the final word on what a guy thinks of you. If he's already in a relationship with you, your boyfriend obviously sees great things about you already. Chances are you're already doing things he thinks are really hot.
Think about some actresses or celebrities you think have a lot of sex appeal. Some of them may not be the best looking, but they have a confidence and aura that convinces everyone they're more than worth desiring. If you want, you can model some of your behaviour after a chosen role model or two.
Warnings
Don't get too fixated on what your boyfriend thinks of you. That is the first seed of insecurity, and insecurity isn't hot at all.
Don't feel bad if your boyfriend doesn't notice the extra effort you've put into being hot for him. On some level, he does notice. Some guys are just shy to bring it up if they think a girl's doing something feminine for them.
It's not hot at all if you're giving your affections out to everyone. Your boyfriend will feel special if he knows your charms are reserved specifically for him.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:03",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Keeping Your Body Healthy\\n1-1. Get enough sleep.\\nWhile it sounds like the least glamorous advice possible, getting sufficient sleep is an important part of looking beautiful. While it's recommended you should get at least 7 hours a night, many try to slip by with far less than that. If you want to look and act your best, make sure to get enough rest. Your skin will dry and age faster if you don't.\\nIt's also a good idea to try to fall asleep at the same time each night. Try to be awake for as much daylight as possible.\\nYour mood and energy will also be affected by the amount that you sleep. It should come as obvious that you won't be acting with the same charm if you're trying to fight off sleep.\\n1-2. Maintain good hygiene.\\nIf you want to look your best, it should be a no-brainer that you'll want to keep up with the absolute basics. Brushing your teeth at least twice a day, bathing or showering regularly, trimming toe and fingernails, and brushing your hair are just some of the things you should be keeping an eye on regularly. Even without any type of cosmetics, you can look very beautiful so long as you look healthy and well-maintained.\\n1-3. Moisturize your skin.\\nMoisturizing your skin is an important part of keeping it looking vibrant and youthful throughout the years. Although wrinkles on their own aren't necessarily a bad thing, signs of aging may have an impact on your confidence.\\nIt may be a good idea to buy a specific moisturizer for your eyes as well. Eye moisturizers use a more delicate material to adjust for the gentle skin around eyes.\\n1-4. Get regular exercise.\\nRegular exercise tightens up your skin and is an essential part of keeping your body in healthy order. Cardio exercise like running will help put you in a great mood throughout the rest of the day. Don't be afraid of working some muscle training into your workouts as well. Some women feel against it because they think it's too masculine. Muscle training is a great way to get fit for both genders however, and you'll look all the better once you commit to a regimen.\\n2. Dressing Up Your Body\\n2-1. Make your hands and feet glamorous.\\nManicures and pedicures are a great trick to take you from glamorous to casual. They feel great, and your boyfriend will notice the difference in the way you look and feel. It's a good idea to make the hands and feet match if you use nail polish. After all, you want to make yourself a consistent, impressive visual package.\\nYou can moisturize and manicure your hands at home if your budget's a concern. It can take some time to perfect your skills, but saves lots of money in the long run.\\n2-2. Wear red or black.\\nA sexy black or fire-engine red are colours that have sex appeal virtually built into them when worn by a woman who knows what she wants. The kind of wardrobe you're wearing shouldn't be completely different from what you're comfortable with, but aiming for suggestive colours can say something on its own.\\n2-3. Slip into form-fitting or revealing clothes.\\nA great deal of sex appeal has to do with what someone is wearing. What you wear in particular will have a lot to do with your personal sense of style. As a general rule however, you should try to find clothing that showcases the natural shape of your body. It's not the clothes your boyfriend's interested in; it's what's underneath that counts.\\nYou don't need to dress so provocatively to get a reaction out of someone. Something casual can usually do the trick. It's how you wear it that counts.\\n2-4. Try a new hairstyle.\\nNothing changes the frame of someone's face like new hair. A new hairstyle has the ability to transform someone's look. Certain hairstyles fit different faces better than others, but your best bet is to pick a style that suits your personality and personal tastes. Look at some of the latest trends in hair. Although you shouldn't try to follow fashion unless it matches your own aesthetic, it can be a helpful refresher if you're not sure how you want to reinvent your look. Ask a hairdresser for her advice if you're stumped.\\nAs a general rule, you want your hair to compliment the shape of your face. If your face is boxy, you may want a wavier hairstyle to even it out. On the other hand, if your hair is round, a short cute style can add height to your face.\\nIf you're trying to look hot for your boyfriend specifically, it might help to ask him his advice. While you're not doing this purely for him, a second opinion always helps.\\n2-5. Try out a sexy scent.\\nPerfumes and fragrances are a healthy bonus if you want to be really hot. Smell is an underrated way to arouse someone's senses. Although your boyfriend is probably already very attracted to your natural smell, a perfume can attract his scent closer to you. There are lots of different perfumes available, and many of them can be quite expensive. You should go to a makeup counter at a department store or beauty shop and try out a few scents before settling on one in particular.\\n2-6. Get adventurous with eye makeup.\\nEye makeup is arguably the most important cosmetic trick you can do to transform the way someone sees you. Your boyfriend is going to be looking into your eyes most of the time the two of you are spending time together, so it makes sense to capitalize on this opportunity.Try using a bold mascara and an eyeshadow that blends in with your natural skintone. Trying a new makeup look will have your boyfriend looking at you in a new light.\\nMore colourful eyeshadows can make a playful touch. They're not recommended for casual days or nights out, but they can be fun when done once in a while.\\nSlightly smudged black eyeliner is a great sexy look.\\nWhite eyeliner underneath the eyelid can make you look more awake and intense.\\n2-7. Emphasize your lips.\\nLip gloss and lipstick are such common things to use as part of someone's makeup wardrobe that they're easy to take for granted. However, just as with the eyes, you can recreate the look of your face through choosing a different type or style of lipstick. Try using a bolder shade of lipstick than the one you currently use. A lip pencil around the perimeter of your lips can highlight them and attract attention. Remember, lips are one of the most sensual parts of the face and body, and if you want to look as hot as possible, it wouldn't make sense not to give your lips some extra love.\\nIf you want to make your lips look bigger, you can draw lipstick over an area that's just slightly bigger than your lips themselves. This will plump up the look of your lips. Be careful not to go overboard however, as this will make you look very silly.\\n3. Acting Hot\\n3-1. Develop confidence.\\nConfidence is key to being sexy. Even if your boyfriend already knows you well, having confidence will allow you to express yourself in exciting ways.If confidence is something you feel you struggle with, you should put some time aside to work on this part of yourself. Take control of your thoughts, and don't let any negative feelings get in the way of being self-assured.\\nMaking a list of things you like about yourself can be a great help.\\n3-2. Overcome your shyness.\\nIf you're on the shy side, it can be difficult to overcome the feelings of insecurity that go along with social anxiety. Don't let yourself get too worked up over anything. Remember that you're worth being thought of as hot. If you're able to get outside your head and focus purely on your surroundings, your brain won't have the chance to trip you up.\\n3-3. Flirt with him.\\nIf the two of you have already been in a relationship for some time, it's quite possible that flirting has stopped being a regular part of your interactions. Reintroducing some of this playful teasing into the mix can do wonders for the relationship. Light touching on the waist, hands or shoulder can go far. Smiling at and complimenting him will show a revitalized interest.\\nTeasing has its place even in long-term relationships. If he has a cute eccentricity, make a light jab at it. Just make sure he's not insecure about whatever you're poking fun at.\\n3-4. Text him throughout the day.\\nIf you're planning on meeting up later in the day or evening, it's a good idea to get him excited to see him by texting him. You can text him something suggestive or simply sweet. Something as simple as \\\"I'm missing you a ton right now\\\" will make sure he's thinking of you at that very moment. Every guy likes to be complimented, and a text message is an easy way to tell your boyfriend how you feel.\\nEmoticons like the 'wink face' can do a lot to suggest emotion if the two of you are far apart.\\n3-5. Take him somewhere unexpected.\\nBoyfriends are used to being the ones who make the date plans. It's really hot for a girl to take a guy out on an adventure. He'll be surprised and swept off his feet. Even if the date is to some place he's been before, the spontaneous experience will be exciting for the both of you, and it will definitely have an effect on how attracted he is towards you.\\nTips\\nBeing hot isn't the final word on what a guy thinks of you. If he's already in a relationship with you, your boyfriend obviously sees great things about you already. Chances are you're already doing things he thinks are really hot.\\nThink about some actresses or celebrities you think have a lot of sex appeal. Some of them may not be the best looking, but they have a confidence and aura that convinces everyone they're more than worth desiring. If you want, you can model some of your behaviour after a chosen role model or two.\\nWarnings\\nDon't get too fixated on what your boyfriend thinks of you. That is the first seed of insecurity, and insecurity isn't hot at all.\\nDon't feel bad if your boyfriend doesn't notice the extra effort you've put into being hot for him. On some level, he does notice. Some guys are just shy to bring it up if they think a girl's doing something feminine for them.\\nIt's not hot at all if you're giving your affections out to everyone. Your boyfriend will feel special if he knows your charms are reserved specifically for him.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"From all we see in movies and magazines, most girls think they have a firm idea of what it means to be hot. Pouting your lips or wearing a sexy dress can factor into the equation, but they're only part of a bigger picture. If you have a boyfriend and want to dazzle him with your sex appeal, you should think about the way you feel and act as much as the way you look. Even if your boyfriend already adores you, you'll still likely blow his socks off if you go that extra mile.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keeping Your Body Healthy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get enough sleep.\", \"描述\": \"While it sounds like the least glamorous advice possible, getting sufficient sleep is an important part of looking beautiful. While it's recommended you should get at least 7 hours a night, many try to slip by with far less than that. If you want to look and act your best, make sure to get enough rest. Your skin will dry and age faster if you don't.\\nIt's also a good idea to try to fall asleep at the same time each night. Try to be awake for as much daylight as possible.\\nYour mood and energy will also be affected by the amount that you sleep. It should come as obvious that you won't be acting with the same charm if you're trying to fight off sleep.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintain good hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to look your best, it should be a no-brainer that you'll want to keep up with the absolute basics. Brushing your teeth at least twice a day, bathing or showering regularly, trimming toe and fingernails, and brushing your hair are just some of the things you should be keeping an eye on regularly. Even without any type of cosmetics, you can look very beautiful so long as you look healthy and well-maintained.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Moisturize your skin.\", \"描述\": \"Moisturizing your skin is an important part of keeping it looking vibrant and youthful throughout the years. Although wrinkles on their own aren't necessarily a bad thing, signs of aging may have an impact on your confidence.\\nIt may be a good idea to buy a specific moisturizer for your eyes as well. Eye moisturizers use a more delicate material to adjust for the gentle skin around eyes.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get regular exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Regular exercise tightens up your skin and is an essential part of keeping your body in healthy order. Cardio exercise like running will help put you in a great mood throughout the rest of the day. Don't be afraid of working some muscle training into your workouts as well. Some women feel against it because they think it's too masculine. Muscle training is a great way to get fit for both genders however, and you'll look all the better once you commit to a regimen.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dressing Up Your Body\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your hands and feet glamorous.\", \"描述\": \"Manicures and pedicures are a great trick to take you from glamorous to casual. They feel great, and your boyfriend will notice the difference in the way you look and feel. It's a good idea to make the hands and feet match if you use nail polish. After all, you want to make yourself a consistent, impressive visual package.\\nYou can moisturize and manicure your hands at home if your budget's a concern. It can take some time to perfect your skills, but saves lots of money in the long run.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear red or black.\", \"描述\": \"A sexy black or fire-engine red are colours that have sex appeal virtually built into them when worn by a woman who knows what she wants. The kind of wardrobe you're wearing shouldn't be completely different from what you're comfortable with, but aiming for suggestive colours can say something on its own.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Slip into form-fitting or revealing clothes.\", \"描述\": \"A great deal of sex appeal has to do with what someone is wearing. What you wear in particular will have a lot to do with your personal sense of style. As a general rule however, you should try to find clothing that showcases the natural shape of your body. It's not the clothes your boyfriend's interested in; it's what's underneath that counts.\\nYou don't need to dress so provocatively to get a reaction out of someone. Something casual can usually do the trick. It's how you wear it that counts.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try a new hairstyle.\", \"描述\": \"Nothing changes the frame of someone's face like new hair. A new hairstyle has the ability to transform someone's look. Certain hairstyles fit different faces better than others, but your best bet is to pick a style that suits your personality and personal tastes. Look at some of the latest trends in hair. Although you shouldn't try to follow fashion unless it matches your own aesthetic, it can be a helpful refresher if you're not sure how you want to reinvent your look. Ask a hairdresser for her advice if you're stumped.\\nAs a general rule, you want your hair to compliment the shape of your face. If your face is boxy, you may want a wavier hairstyle to even it out. On the other hand, if your hair is round, a short cute style can add height to your face.\\nIf you're trying to look hot for your boyfriend specifically, it might help to ask him his advice. While you're not doing this purely for him, a second opinion always helps.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try out a sexy scent.\", \"描述\": \"Perfumes and fragrances are a healthy bonus if you want to be really hot. Smell is an underrated way to arouse someone's senses. Although your boyfriend is probably already very attracted to your natural smell, a perfume can attract his scent closer to you. There are lots of different perfumes available, and many of them can be quite expensive. You should go to a makeup counter at a department store or beauty shop and try out a few scents before settling on one in particular.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get adventurous with eye makeup.\", \"描述\": \"Eye makeup is arguably the most important cosmetic trick you can do to transform the way someone sees you. Your boyfriend is going to be looking into your eyes most of the time the two of you are spending time together, so it makes sense to capitalize on this opportunity.Try using a bold mascara and an eyeshadow that blends in with your natural skintone. Trying a new makeup look will have your boyfriend looking at you in a new light.\\nMore colourful eyeshadows can make a playful touch. They're not recommended for casual days or nights out, but they can be fun when done once in a while.\\nSlightly smudged black eyeliner is a great sexy look.\\nWhite eyeliner underneath the eyelid can make you look more awake and intense.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Emphasize your lips.\", \"描述\": \"Lip gloss and lipstick are such common things to use as part of someone's makeup wardrobe that they're easy to take for granted. However, just as with the eyes, you can recreate the look of your face through choosing a different type or style of lipstick. Try using a bolder shade of lipstick than the one you currently use. A lip pencil around the perimeter of your lips can highlight them and attract attention. Remember, lips are one of the most sensual parts of the face and body, and if you want to look as hot as possible, it wouldn't make sense not to give your lips some extra love.\\nIf you want to make your lips look bigger, you can draw lipstick over an area that's just slightly bigger than your lips themselves. This will plump up the look of your lips. Be careful not to go overboard however, as this will make you look very silly.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acting Hot\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Develop confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Confidence is key to being sexy. Even if your boyfriend already knows you well, having confidence will allow you to express yourself in exciting ways.If confidence is something you feel you struggle with, you should put some time aside to work on this part of yourself. Take control of your thoughts, and don't let any negative feelings get in the way of being self-assured.\\nMaking a list of things you like about yourself can be a great help.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Overcome your shyness.\", \"描述\": \"If you're on the shy side, it can be difficult to overcome the feelings of insecurity that go along with social anxiety. Don't let yourself get too worked up over anything. Remember that you're worth being thought of as hot. If you're able to get outside your head and focus purely on your surroundings, your brain won't have the chance to trip you up.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Flirt with him.\", \"描述\": \"If the two of you have already been in a relationship for some time, it's quite possible that flirting has stopped being a regular part of your interactions. Reintroducing some of this playful teasing into the mix can do wonders for the relationship. Light touching on the waist, hands or shoulder can go far. Smiling at and complimenting him will show a revitalized interest.\\nTeasing has its place even in long-term relationships. If he has a cute eccentricity, make a light jab at it. Just make sure he's not insecure about whatever you're poking fun at.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Text him throughout the day.\", \"描述\": \"If you're planning on meeting up later in the day or evening, it's a good idea to get him excited to see him by texting him. You can text him something suggestive or simply sweet. Something as simple as \\\"I'm missing you a ton right now\\\" will make sure he's thinking of you at that very moment. Every guy likes to be complimented, and a text message is an easy way to tell your boyfriend how you feel.\\nEmoticons like the 'wink face' can do a lot to suggest emotion if the two of you are far apart.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take him somewhere unexpected.\", \"描述\": \"Boyfriends are used to being the ones who make the date plans. It's really hot for a girl to take a guy out on an adventure. He'll be surprised and swept off his feet. Even if the date is to some place he's been before, the spontaneous experience will be exciting for the both of you, and it will definitely have an effect on how attracted he is towards you.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being hot isn't the final word on what a guy thinks of you. If he's already in a relationship with you, your boyfriend obviously sees great things about you already. Chances are you're already doing things he thinks are really hot.\\n\", \"Think about some actresses or celebrities you think have a lot of sex appeal. Some of them may not be the best looking, but they have a confidence and aura that convinces everyone they're more than worth desiring. If you want, you can model some of your behaviour after a chosen role model or two.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't get too fixated on what your boyfriend thinks of you. That is the first seed of insecurity, and insecurity isn't hot at all.\\n\", \"Don't feel bad if your boyfriend doesn't notice the extra effort you've put into being hot for him. On some level, he does notice. Some guys are just shy to bring it up if they think a girl's doing something feminine for them.\\n\", \"It's not hot at all if you're giving your affections out to everyone. Your boyfriend will feel special if he knows your charms are reserved specifically for him.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,837 | How to Be Hot Even If You Wear Glasses | 1. Wearing Your Glasses with Pride
1-1. Be confident
You might feel self-conscious wearing your glasses, especially if you’re new to wearing them. But the truth is that many famous people who are considered attractive wear glasses these days. With the right style of frame, color, and a classy pair of specs, you might even end up looking hotter in your glasses than you did before you had them!
Confidence has been found to give individuals a boost where looks are concerned. Although you might not think your mindset has an influence on how people perceive your appearance, you might only need to improve your confidence before people start thinking you look smokin' hot in your glasses.
1-2. Eat healthy
You'll look even more attractive when you eat right and keep yourself physically active. Being healthy will improve your mood, self-image, contribute to a healthy weight, all of which will likely help you gain confidence and become hotter in the eyes of others. To improve your overall healthy, you might:
Join a sport or physical hobby, like riding a bicycle, walking daily, yoga, and more. Daily physical activity will make you feel better about yourself, even if you don’t notice any large changes in your physical appearance.
1-3. Take care of your hair
Dry and frizzy hair often appears poorly maintained and un-stylish to others, so you should replenish dry hair when necessary. Your hair color also contributes to the overall color balance of your face and the resulting color of your lenses, so you should keep it healthy and clean.
Try new hair styles if you're not satisfied with your current look. Consider your style according to your face shape and pick out a look that adds balance to your shape in the same way you did for your glasses.
1-4. Choose outfits that complement the style of your specs.
Finding your ideal style can take time and effort. You’ll have to try on many different looks and outfits. You may even want to bring a friend so you have a second opinion, but you can also ask the employees at the places you shop for their opinion as well.
Style and fashion are a matter of taste. Men might want to check out how to dress well as a guy for some direction on looking your best. Women, on the other hand, might look into how to dress yourself and look good doing it.
1-5. Practice good hygiene.
Shower as regularly as you need to. For most adults, this will be daily or every other day, although many younger children likely won’t need to shower as frequently. Use deodorant, moisturize so your skin to keep it healthy, drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and improve your skin complexion, and wear clean clothes.
For a more complete idea of what you should do to keep good hygiene, you should check out how to have good hygiene (boys) or how to have good hygiene (girls).
2. Balancing Makeup with Your Glasses
2-1. Hide shadows with concealer.
Even the smallest and most delicate frames and lenses will cast at least a small shadow around your eyes. This can make your eyes look dark or tired, especially if you have a problem with dark circles under your eyes. To brighten up the area around your eyes, you can:
Use concealer. This way your complexion will appear more naturally balanced, and the dark spots under your eyes less dark. Remember to use a little concealer on the lid of your eye as well!
Make use of natural skin-brightening techniques. Using a masque of natural ingredients to improve the coloration of your skin might mean you don’t have to spend money on more expensive, cover-up products.
2-2. Use a gel liner.
There are many kind of eyeliner you can use to restore attention to the eyes hiding behind your lenses, but gel liner is considered to be one of the best. This is especially true if you wear lenses for nearsightedness. These kind of lenses can make your eyes look smaller than they actually are.
Avoid dramatic eye makeup, as it can look too busy when combined with the border of your frames. A prominent smokey eye can leave your eyes looking to dark around their perimeter.
2-3. Curl your lashes to prevent lens interference.
It can be irritating when you have to clean your glasses every few minutes to wipe away oil transferred from your eyelashes to your lenses. To keep this from happening, you should curl your lashes. This has the bonus effect of giving you a bright, alert, and attentive eye appearance.
Lengthening mascaras should be avoided if your lashes already brush against your lenses. Instead, you might have better luck with product that adds volume or thickness. Focus your application on the roots as opposed to the tips of your lashes.
Prevent mascara from coming off onto your lenses by using a creamy formula that is waterproof. You may also have difficulty with mascara flaking off onto your lenses if you’ve owned it for longer than three months.
When curling, you can achieve the best results by focusing your efforts on the base of your lashes. Don’t clamp too tight or you may make your lashes curl too intensely. Following this, you might use an eyelash curler on the midpoint of your lashes to give an impressive curl.
2-4. Prevent your eyebrows from becoming lost behind your frames.
This is especially important if you’ve chosen a pair of frames that are thick. Give your brows a full appearance with an eyebrow pencil and add shape and definition to create better balance between this feature and your chosen glasses.
2-5. Add a pop of color to your lips and cheeks.
A little bit of blush to your cheeks. This will bring warmth to the overall appearance of your face. Strong or bold frames can be balanced by stronger tones on the lips and cheeks, though you should be careful not to apply too much product. Lip color, especially, can either complement your bold choice in frames or create contrast, depending on the requirements of your outfit and the day.
3. Choosing the Right Glasses
3-1. Determine your face shape.
The balance between your face shape and choice of frames will influence the how people judge the attractiveness of your frames and facial features. Generally, symmetry in your face is regarded as attractive, so your goal when choosing frames should be to create a proportional appearance between the left and right side of your face as well as the top and bottom. Four of the most common face types are:
Round faces tend to have full cheeks and a soft, rounded chin. The height of your face, if you are round shaped, will be about the same as its width.
Square faces have a strong jawline. You should notice that your features that are sharper and more angular. Lastly, if your face is square shaped, your forehead should be wider than the lower half of the face.
Oval faces have relatively balanced features while being taller than wide. If your face is oval, you should notice high cheekbones and a chin that is thinner than your forehead.
Heart shaped faces are most noticeable by a characteristic broad forehead and tapered chin that comes to a point. You should also notice that your cheekbones are relatively high on your face.
3-2. Pick out frames that fit your face.
Glasses that are too big for your face will throw off your facial symmetry and make onlookers wonder why you didn’t choose a more flattering shape for your frames. You should use your frames to help balance out the less distinct features of your face or to detract attention away from your more prominent features. Some suggestions for the four most common face shapes include:
Round shaped faces can benefit from frames that have strong, noticeable details. The lens shape should be wider than tall. Nose pads are also a must, as these will keep your frames from accentuating your already round cheeks too much.
Square shaped faces should consider frames that soften your natural sharp angles in the jaw and elongate your relatively short facial height. Frames that are wider than they are deep are an excellent choice, as well as lenses that are wide and thin.
Oval faces are usually considered to be naturally balanced. To preserve this balance, you should find glasses with frames that match the wideness of the broadest part of your face. You might also find that frames with a walnut shape keep your facial features nice and balanced.
Heart shaped faces will benefit from frames that are wider at the bottom than the top. Add to this style of frame a rimless border and you should notice a lighter look in your glasses that lessens the natural wideness at the top of your face.
3-3. Opt for thin lenses.
Thick lenses are not only heavy and bulky, but these can also lead people associate you with nerdy pursuits. Even if your vision isn’t very good, you don't have to suffer with noticeable, thick lenses. Thanks to technology you can purchase lightweight lenses, sometimes referred to as featherweight lenses, which will be much thinner and elegant than your normal ones.
Lightweight lenses make use of a special kind material to create thinner, lighter lenses. The most common material used in this process, polycarbonate, is light, resistant to damage from impact, and relatively affordable compared to other lightweight lenses.
3-4. Choose colored frames.
If you can afford multiple pairs of glasses, you can get creative with your use of color. You can match the color of your frames with your outfit, the weather, and even your mood. However, for a more all-around good look, you should choose either a “cool” color or a “warm” color.
Cool colors are blue based while warm colors are yellow based. Of these two color bases, most people will fall into either one of these two categories. Approximately 60% of the US population are considered to be better suited by cool tones than warm.
Your skin tone can also have a significant impact on the color of your base tone. Warm skin tones tend to have a color described as “peaches and cream”, while olive colors are considered cool.
Examples of warm colored frames include: camel, khaki, gold, copper, peach, orange, coral, off-white, red, blonde tortoise.
Examples of cool colored frames include: black, silver, rose-brown, blueish gray, plum, magenta, pink, blue, amber, darker colored tortoise.
3-5. Match or balance skin type and hair.
One common feature that you might forget to consider is your skin quality. If your skin tends to be oily, shiny frames can draw attention to this and have a negative impact on your look. A matte finish will suit shinier skin types best. In addition to the shine of your skin, you’ll also need to account for the fullness of your hair.
Many people’s hair becomes thinner as they age, but your glasses can steal attention away from your hairline. Choose bold, thick frames to return attention to your eyes, and strong, sharp angles to firm up weakness in the jawline.
Tips
Have confidence in yourself! It makes a huge difference.
Remember, people may judge by appearance, but what's inside is what counts.
From my experience, plastic glasses are more comfortable and light. I have worn metal glasses and they can often hurt behind my ears and on the bridge of my nose. But obviously, try both and see what suits you and what you are more comfortable in. As when you are comfortable, you will feel more relaxed and more confident!
Warnings
Avoid bold bright colors if you only have one pair of glasses. A neutral color will make your lenses more flexible with different outfits. As an example, you probably shouldn’t buy a bright yellow pair of glasses if most of your wardrobe clashes with yellow.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Wearing Your Glasses with Pride\\n1-1. Be confident\\nYou might feel self-conscious wearing your glasses, especially if you’re new to wearing them. But the truth is that many famous people who are considered attractive wear glasses these days. With the right style of frame, color, and a classy pair of specs, you might even end up looking hotter in your glasses than you did before you had them!\\nConfidence has been found to give individuals a boost where looks are concerned. Although you might not think your mindset has an influence on how people perceive your appearance, you might only need to improve your confidence before people start thinking you look smokin' hot in your glasses.\\n1-2. Eat healthy\\nYou'll look even more attractive when you eat right and keep yourself physically active. Being healthy will improve your mood, self-image, contribute to a healthy weight, all of which will likely help you gain confidence and become hotter in the eyes of others. To improve your overall healthy, you might:\\nJoin a sport or physical hobby, like riding a bicycle, walking daily, yoga, and more. Daily physical activity will make you feel better about yourself, even if you don’t notice any large changes in your physical appearance.\\n1-3. Take care of your hair\\nDry and frizzy hair often appears poorly maintained and un-stylish to others, so you should replenish dry hair when necessary. Your hair color also contributes to the overall color balance of your face and the resulting color of your lenses, so you should keep it healthy and clean.\\nTry new hair styles if you're not satisfied with your current look. Consider your style according to your face shape and pick out a look that adds balance to your shape in the same way you did for your glasses.\\n1-4. Choose outfits that complement the style of your specs.\\nFinding your ideal style can take time and effort. You’ll have to try on many different looks and outfits. You may even want to bring a friend so you have a second opinion, but you can also ask the employees at the places you shop for their opinion as well.\\nStyle and fashion are a matter of taste. Men might want to check out how to dress well as a guy for some direction on looking your best. Women, on the other hand, might look into how to dress yourself and look good doing it.\\n1-5. Practice good hygiene.\\nShower as regularly as you need to. For most adults, this will be daily or every other day, although many younger children likely won’t need to shower as frequently. Use deodorant, moisturize so your skin to keep it healthy, drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and improve your skin complexion, and wear clean clothes.\\nFor a more complete idea of what you should do to keep good hygiene, you should check out how to have good hygiene (boys) or how to have good hygiene (girls).\\n2. Balancing Makeup with Your Glasses\\n2-1. Hide shadows with concealer.\\nEven the smallest and most delicate frames and lenses will cast at least a small shadow around your eyes. This can make your eyes look dark or tired, especially if you have a problem with dark circles under your eyes. To brighten up the area around your eyes, you can:\\nUse concealer. This way your complexion will appear more naturally balanced, and the dark spots under your eyes less dark. Remember to use a little concealer on the lid of your eye as well!\\nMake use of natural skin-brightening techniques. Using a masque of natural ingredients to improve the coloration of your skin might mean you don’t have to spend money on more expensive, cover-up products.\\n2-2. Use a gel liner.\\nThere are many kind of eyeliner you can use to restore attention to the eyes hiding behind your lenses, but gel liner is considered to be one of the best. This is especially true if you wear lenses for nearsightedness. These kind of lenses can make your eyes look smaller than they actually are.\\nAvoid dramatic eye makeup, as it can look too busy when combined with the border of your frames. A prominent smokey eye can leave your eyes looking to dark around their perimeter.\\n2-3. Curl your lashes to prevent lens interference.\\nIt can be irritating when you have to clean your glasses every few minutes to wipe away oil transferred from your eyelashes to your lenses. To keep this from happening, you should curl your lashes. This has the bonus effect of giving you a bright, alert, and attentive eye appearance.\\nLengthening mascaras should be avoided if your lashes already brush against your lenses. Instead, you might have better luck with product that adds volume or thickness. Focus your application on the roots as opposed to the tips of your lashes.\\nPrevent mascara from coming off onto your lenses by using a creamy formula that is waterproof. You may also have difficulty with mascara flaking off onto your lenses if you’ve owned it for longer than three months.\\nWhen curling, you can achieve the best results by focusing your efforts on the base of your lashes. Don’t clamp too tight or you may make your lashes curl too intensely. Following this, you might use an eyelash curler on the midpoint of your lashes to give an impressive curl.\\n2-4. Prevent your eyebrows from becoming lost behind your frames.\\nThis is especially important if you’ve chosen a pair of frames that are thick. Give your brows a full appearance with an eyebrow pencil and add shape and definition to create better balance between this feature and your chosen glasses.\\n2-5. Add a pop of color to your lips and cheeks.\\nA little bit of blush to your cheeks. This will bring warmth to the overall appearance of your face. Strong or bold frames can be balanced by stronger tones on the lips and cheeks, though you should be careful not to apply too much product. Lip color, especially, can either complement your bold choice in frames or create contrast, depending on the requirements of your outfit and the day.\\n3. Choosing the Right Glasses\\n3-1. Determine your face shape.\\nThe balance between your face shape and choice of frames will influence the how people judge the attractiveness of your frames and facial features. Generally, symmetry in your face is regarded as attractive, so your goal when choosing frames should be to create a proportional appearance between the left and right side of your face as well as the top and bottom. Four of the most common face types are:\\n\\nRound faces tend to have full cheeks and a soft, rounded chin. The height of your face, if you are round shaped, will be about the same as its width.\\n\\nSquare faces have a strong jawline. You should notice that your features that are sharper and more angular. Lastly, if your face is square shaped, your forehead should be wider than the lower half of the face.\\n\\nOval faces have relatively balanced features while being taller than wide. If your face is oval, you should notice high cheekbones and a chin that is thinner than your forehead.\\n\\nHeart shaped faces are most noticeable by a characteristic broad forehead and tapered chin that comes to a point. You should also notice that your cheekbones are relatively high on your face.\\n3-2. Pick out frames that fit your face.\\nGlasses that are too big for your face will throw off your facial symmetry and make onlookers wonder why you didn’t choose a more flattering shape for your frames. You should use your frames to help balance out the less distinct features of your face or to detract attention away from your more prominent features. Some suggestions for the four most common face shapes include:\\n\\nRound shaped faces can benefit from frames that have strong, noticeable details. The lens shape should be wider than tall. Nose pads are also a must, as these will keep your frames from accentuating your already round cheeks too much.\\nSquare shaped faces should consider frames that soften your natural sharp angles in the jaw and elongate your relatively short facial height. Frames that are wider than they are deep are an excellent choice, as well as lenses that are wide and thin.\\nOval faces are usually considered to be naturally balanced. To preserve this balance, you should find glasses with frames that match the wideness of the broadest part of your face. You might also find that frames with a walnut shape keep your facial features nice and balanced.\\nHeart shaped faces will benefit from frames that are wider at the bottom than the top. Add to this style of frame a rimless border and you should notice a lighter look in your glasses that lessens the natural wideness at the top of your face.\\n3-3. Opt for thin lenses.\\nThick lenses are not only heavy and bulky, but these can also lead people associate you with nerdy pursuits. Even if your vision isn’t very good, you don't have to suffer with noticeable, thick lenses. Thanks to technology you can purchase lightweight lenses, sometimes referred to as featherweight lenses, which will be much thinner and elegant than your normal ones.\\nLightweight lenses make use of a special kind material to create thinner, lighter lenses. The most common material used in this process, polycarbonate, is light, resistant to damage from impact, and relatively affordable compared to other lightweight lenses.\\n3-4. Choose colored frames.\\nIf you can afford multiple pairs of glasses, you can get creative with your use of color. You can match the color of your frames with your outfit, the weather, and even your mood. However, for a more all-around good look, you should choose either a “cool” color or a “warm” color.\\nCool colors are blue based while warm colors are yellow based. Of these two color bases, most people will fall into either one of these two categories. Approximately 60% of the US population are considered to be better suited by cool tones than warm.\\nYour skin tone can also have a significant impact on the color of your base tone. Warm skin tones tend to have a color described as “peaches and cream”, while olive colors are considered cool.\\nExamples of warm colored frames include: camel, khaki, gold, copper, peach, orange, coral, off-white, red, blonde tortoise.\\nExamples of cool colored frames include: black, silver, rose-brown, blueish gray, plum, magenta, pink, blue, amber, darker colored tortoise.\\n3-5. Match or balance skin type and hair.\\nOne common feature that you might forget to consider is your skin quality. If your skin tends to be oily, shiny frames can draw attention to this and have a negative impact on your look. A matte finish will suit shinier skin types best. In addition to the shine of your skin, you’ll also need to account for the fullness of your hair.\\nMany people’s hair becomes thinner as they age, but your glasses can steal attention away from your hairline. Choose bold, thick frames to return attention to your eyes, and strong, sharp angles to firm up weakness in the jawline.\\nTips\\nHave confidence in yourself! It makes a huge difference.\\nRemember, people may judge by appearance, but what's inside is what counts.\\nFrom my experience, plastic glasses are more comfortable and light. I have worn metal glasses and they can often hurt behind my ears and on the bridge of my nose. But obviously, try both and see what suits you and what you are more comfortable in. As when you are comfortable, you will feel more relaxed and more confident!\\nWarnings\\nAvoid bold bright colors if you only have one pair of glasses. A neutral color will make your lenses more flexible with different outfits. As an example, you probably shouldn’t buy a bright yellow pair of glasses if most of your wardrobe clashes with yellow.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Though glasses were once considered to be nerdy and uncool, that idea has been over for a long time since the fashion and beauty industries decided to get involved in making prescription and nonprescription lenses. In fact, many people nowadays consider glasses not just to be necessary for treating vision problems, but also stylish accessories and additions to any outfit. This means that you'll be able to look hot not even though you wear glasses, but because you wear glasses! It all comes down to choosing a great pair that complements your facial shape and wearing them with confidence.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wearing Your Glasses with Pride\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"You might feel self-conscious wearing your glasses, especially if you’re new to wearing them. But the truth is that many famous people who are considered attractive wear glasses these days. With the right style of frame, color, and a classy pair of specs, you might even end up looking hotter in your glasses than you did before you had them!\\nConfidence has been found to give individuals a boost where looks are concerned. Although you might not think your mindset has an influence on how people perceive your appearance, you might only need to improve your confidence before people start thinking you look smokin' hot in your glasses.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eat healthy\", \"描述\": \"You'll look even more attractive when you eat right and keep yourself physically active. Being healthy will improve your mood, self-image, contribute to a healthy weight, all of which will likely help you gain confidence and become hotter in the eyes of others. To improve your overall healthy, you might:\\nJoin a sport or physical hobby, like riding a bicycle, walking daily, yoga, and more. Daily physical activity will make you feel better about yourself, even if you don’t notice any large changes in your physical appearance.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take care of your hair\", \"描述\": \"Dry and frizzy hair often appears poorly maintained and un-stylish to others, so you should replenish dry hair when necessary. Your hair color also contributes to the overall color balance of your face and the resulting color of your lenses, so you should keep it healthy and clean.\\nTry new hair styles if you're not satisfied with your current look. Consider your style according to your face shape and pick out a look that adds balance to your shape in the same way you did for your glasses.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Choose outfits that complement the style of your specs.\", \"描述\": \"Finding your ideal style can take time and effort. You’ll have to try on many different looks and outfits. You may even want to bring a friend so you have a second opinion, but you can also ask the employees at the places you shop for their opinion as well.\\nStyle and fashion are a matter of taste. Men might want to check out how to dress well as a guy for some direction on looking your best. Women, on the other hand, might look into how to dress yourself and look good doing it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice good hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"Shower as regularly as you need to. For most adults, this will be daily or every other day, although many younger children likely won’t need to shower as frequently. Use deodorant, moisturize so your skin to keep it healthy, drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and improve your skin complexion, and wear clean clothes.\\nFor a more complete idea of what you should do to keep good hygiene, you should check out how to have good hygiene (boys) or how to have good hygiene (girls).\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Balancing Makeup with Your Glasses\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hide shadows with concealer.\", \"描述\": \"Even the smallest and most delicate frames and lenses will cast at least a small shadow around your eyes. This can make your eyes look dark or tired, especially if you have a problem with dark circles under your eyes. To brighten up the area around your eyes, you can:\\nUse concealer. This way your complexion will appear more naturally balanced, and the dark spots under your eyes less dark. Remember to use a little concealer on the lid of your eye as well!\\nMake use of natural skin-brightening techniques. Using a masque of natural ingredients to improve the coloration of your skin might mean you don’t have to spend money on more expensive, cover-up products.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use a gel liner.\", \"描述\": \"There are many kind of eyeliner you can use to restore attention to the eyes hiding behind your lenses, but gel liner is considered to be one of the best. This is especially true if you wear lenses for nearsightedness. These kind of lenses can make your eyes look smaller than they actually are.\\nAvoid dramatic eye makeup, as it can look too busy when combined with the border of your frames. A prominent smokey eye can leave your eyes looking to dark around their perimeter.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Curl your lashes to prevent lens interference.\", \"描述\": \"It can be irritating when you have to clean your glasses every few minutes to wipe away oil transferred from your eyelashes to your lenses. To keep this from happening, you should curl your lashes. This has the bonus effect of giving you a bright, alert, and attentive eye appearance.\\nLengthening mascaras should be avoided if your lashes already brush against your lenses. Instead, you might have better luck with product that adds volume or thickness. Focus your application on the roots as opposed to the tips of your lashes.\\nPrevent mascara from coming off onto your lenses by using a creamy formula that is waterproof. You may also have difficulty with mascara flaking off onto your lenses if you’ve owned it for longer than three months.\\nWhen curling, you can achieve the best results by focusing your efforts on the base of your lashes. Don’t clamp too tight or you may make your lashes curl too intensely. Following this, you might use an eyelash curler on the midpoint of your lashes to give an impressive curl.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Prevent your eyebrows from becoming lost behind your frames.\", \"描述\": \"This is especially important if you’ve chosen a pair of frames that are thick. Give your brows a full appearance with an eyebrow pencil and add shape and definition to create better balance between this feature and your chosen glasses.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Add a pop of color to your lips and cheeks.\", \"描述\": \"A little bit of blush to your cheeks. This will bring warmth to the overall appearance of your face. Strong or bold frames can be balanced by stronger tones on the lips and cheeks, though you should be careful not to apply too much product. Lip color, especially, can either complement your bold choice in frames or create contrast, depending on the requirements of your outfit and the day.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choosing the Right Glasses\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine your face shape.\", \"描述\": \"The balance between your face shape and choice of frames will influence the how people judge the attractiveness of your frames and facial features. Generally, symmetry in your face is regarded as attractive, so your goal when choosing frames should be to create a proportional appearance between the left and right side of your face as well as the top and bottom. Four of the most common face types are:\\n\\nRound faces tend to have full cheeks and a soft, rounded chin. The height of your face, if you are round shaped, will be about the same as its width.\\n\\nSquare faces have a strong jawline. You should notice that your features that are sharper and more angular. Lastly, if your face is square shaped, your forehead should be wider than the lower half of the face.\\n\\nOval faces have relatively balanced features while being taller than wide. If your face is oval, you should notice high cheekbones and a chin that is thinner than your forehead.\\n\\nHeart shaped faces are most noticeable by a characteristic broad forehead and tapered chin that comes to a point. You should also notice that your cheekbones are relatively high on your face.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pick out frames that fit your face.\", \"描述\": \"Glasses that are too big for your face will throw off your facial symmetry and make onlookers wonder why you didn’t choose a more flattering shape for your frames. You should use your frames to help balance out the less distinct features of your face or to detract attention away from your more prominent features. Some suggestions for the four most common face shapes include:\\n\\nRound shaped faces can benefit from frames that have strong, noticeable details. The lens shape should be wider than tall. Nose pads are also a must, as these will keep your frames from accentuating your already round cheeks too much.\\nSquare shaped faces should consider frames that soften your natural sharp angles in the jaw and elongate your relatively short facial height. Frames that are wider than they are deep are an excellent choice, as well as lenses that are wide and thin.\\nOval faces are usually considered to be naturally balanced. To preserve this balance, you should find glasses with frames that match the wideness of the broadest part of your face. You might also find that frames with a walnut shape keep your facial features nice and balanced.\\nHeart shaped faces will benefit from frames that are wider at the bottom than the top. Add to this style of frame a rimless border and you should notice a lighter look in your glasses that lessens the natural wideness at the top of your face.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Opt for thin lenses.\", \"描述\": \"Thick lenses are not only heavy and bulky, but these can also lead people associate you with nerdy pursuits. Even if your vision isn’t very good, you don't have to suffer with noticeable, thick lenses. Thanks to technology you can purchase lightweight lenses, sometimes referred to as featherweight lenses, which will be much thinner and elegant than your normal ones.\\nLightweight lenses make use of a special kind material to create thinner, lighter lenses. The most common material used in this process, polycarbonate, is light, resistant to damage from impact, and relatively affordable compared to other lightweight lenses.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Choose colored frames.\", \"描述\": \"If you can afford multiple pairs of glasses, you can get creative with your use of color. You can match the color of your frames with your outfit, the weather, and even your mood. However, for a more all-around good look, you should choose either a “cool” color or a “warm” color.\\nCool colors are blue based while warm colors are yellow based. Of these two color bases, most people will fall into either one of these two categories. Approximately 60% of the US population are considered to be better suited by cool tones than warm.\\nYour skin tone can also have a significant impact on the color of your base tone. Warm skin tones tend to have a color described as “peaches and cream”, while olive colors are considered cool.\\nExamples of warm colored frames include: camel, khaki, gold, copper, peach, orange, coral, off-white, red, blonde tortoise.\\nExamples of cool colored frames include: black, silver, rose-brown, blueish gray, plum, magenta, pink, blue, amber, darker colored tortoise.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Match or balance skin type and hair.\", \"描述\": \"One common feature that you might forget to consider is your skin quality. If your skin tends to be oily, shiny frames can draw attention to this and have a negative impact on your look. A matte finish will suit shinier skin types best. In addition to the shine of your skin, you’ll also need to account for the fullness of your hair.\\nMany people’s hair becomes thinner as they age, but your glasses can steal attention away from your hairline. Choose bold, thick frames to return attention to your eyes, and strong, sharp angles to firm up weakness in the jawline.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Have confidence in yourself! It makes a huge difference.\\n\", \"Remember, people may judge by appearance, but what's inside is what counts.\\n\", \"From my experience, plastic glasses are more comfortable and light. I have worn metal glasses and they can often hurt behind my ears and on the bridge of my nose. But obviously, try both and see what suits you and what you are more comfortable in. As when you are comfortable, you will feel more relaxed and more confident!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Avoid bold bright colors if you only have one pair of glasses. A neutral color will make your lenses more flexible with different outfits. As an example, you probably shouldn’t buy a bright yellow pair of glasses if most of your wardrobe clashes with yellow.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,838 | How to Be Hot in High School | 1. Feel Good in Your Body
1-1. Try on different sizes to get your size right.
Clothing manufactures use a variety of sizing charts, so while you may be a size large in 1 size, you may be a small in another. When you go shopping, try on your size and the size smaller or larger to compare. Go with the garment that fits your frame nicely and isn't too tight or too loose.
For example, the shoulder seam of your shirt should line up with where your arm meets your shoulder.
For girls fitting bras, you can measure your band, bust, and cup size.
If you wear a uniform to school, making sure your clothes fit will be extra important. You want them to fit right so you will feel confident even though you didn’t pick the outfit.
1-2. Wear flattering clothing that makes you feel confident.
Pick your clothes based on your body type. Look in the mirror and pick out a few of your best features. What do you love about yourself? By wearing flattering clothing, you can showcase the parts of your body you love rather than what you are self-conscious about.
For example, if you have great legs, show them off by wearing shorts, skirts, and dresses. If you love your arm muscles, wear flattering, tight fitting T-shirts.
Guys can try wearing slim-fit shirts, cotton polos, regular V-neck shirts, and straight-legged pants.
Girls can wear form-fitting clothing to show off your curves, but make sure your layers aren’t too tight. Try wearing a belt at your waist and shirts with plunging necklines to highlight your figure. You want to look hot, not skimpy!
1-3. Get a haircut you love and try new styling methods.
Research hot hairstyles online and show your inspiration to your hairdresser. They can tailor the look to fit the shape of your face. Try different hairstyles when getting ready for school, like slicking your hair back or part it away from your face. Variety helps you look hot! Have some fun and customize your look.
Guys may not have as much diversity with their hair. You can try brushing it straight back, spiking it up, or a nice crew cut.
Girls can try various hairstyles. Experiment with ponytails, buns, braids, curly styles, and straight looks. Tie your hair up on some days, and style your hair down on others. It is hot to have long hair, so try to grow it out.
Your hairstylist can recommend looks, hair products, and different ways to style your hair.
1-4. Eat healthy foods
Eat 3 meals a day made up of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat dairy, and high protein food. Healthy foods provide your body with vitamins and minerals it needs to maintain a healthy weight and figure.
Aim for at least 4 servings of fruit and 5 servings of vegetables.
Avoid sugar and processed foods. Cut down on drinking soda as well. Foods high in fat, cholesterol, salt, and sugar will not make you hot!
Try to drink 8 to 10 glasses (2 L) of water each day to keep you hydrated and keep your skin looking great.
1-5. Incorporate more physical activity in your day-to-day life.
Squeezing in small bits of activity throughout your day can help you keep fit, especially if you're busy. Even if you have too much homework to go to the gym, you can:
Take the stairs instead of the escalator
Park far from school so you have to walk
Take the long way
Bike to school
Take a five-minute walk during lunch
1-6. Work out
Try to get regular exercise so you feel better and have more energy. If you can, do aerobic exercise to get your blood pumping every day for at least 30 minutes. Work out before or after school, depending on your schedule.
Try things like swimming, basketball, and running.
You can join a sports team, take a gym class, or recruit a friend to be your gym buddy.
A healthy workout routine is to work out 3-5 days a week for about 1 hour a day.
1-7. Strive to get at least 8 hours of sleep.
Sleeping well is vital to looking your best. Sleep between 8-10 hours a night to stay healthy. Get proper rest so look alert and refreshed rather than tired and drained. Dark circles under your eyes are not hot!
If you are having trouble getting at least 8 hours of sleep, try going to bed early or listening to music to help you fall asleep.
If you can't get a full 8 hours, sleep as much as you can and try to squeeze in naps.
2. Boosting Your Confidence
2-1. Stand up straight
Carry yourself with your shoulders pulled back and your spine straight. If you have good posture, you will naturally walk in a way that suggests, “I feel good!” You will look also look taller, leaner, and more self-assured.
Sit up straight when you are seated at your desk as well.
2-2. Flash your smile around your school!
Smile at others as you pass them around school, like in the hallway or cafeteria. Your brain receives a mood boost when you smile, and your happiness will rub off on others.
Use mouthwash and floss often to keep your smile white and radiant!
2-3. Wear a bright color to boost your mood.
A pop of color can make your outfit look fantastic and also boost your confidence. Pick out a bright colored shirt when you get ready in the morning, or grab a scarf in your favorite color.
Go with cool colors if you have a warm skin tone. To tell if you have a warm skintone, compare your skin to a white background. A warm skin tone is yellow or orange-ish in comparison.
Try lighter colors if you have a cool complexion. If your skin has a pinkish hint, you have a cool complexion.
2-4. Surround yourself with positive people who bring out your best.
Evaluate the friends that you do have. Are you closest friends mean and hurtful to each other? Or do they offer compliments and try to build each other up? Make friends with positive, friendly, attractive people. Negative people can bring down your confidence and make you feel ugly.
To make friends, you can join a club or sport, attend after school activities, and compliment other people.
You will feel confident if you know your friends support you and want the best for you!
If you act positive and confident, perhaps the friends of yours that are negative will follow your example and try to be positive too.
2-5. Give yourself pep talks in front of the mirror for reassurance.
Put on an awesome outfit, and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself, “I look great!” Repeat this a few times if it helps you feel confident. Tell yourself you look good until you believe it! Looking great outside starts with feeling great inside.
Switch up your outfit or hairstyle if you are having doubts.
2-6. Fake it
It’s okay if you have doubts at first. Act with confidence, even if you don’t believe it 100%. Try walking through school with your head held high and be friendly to everyone you meet. As more and more students start to notice you, your confidence will grow and you’ll feel hot.
The more you practice feeling great about yourself, the easier it will be to carry yourself confidently.
Don’t feel like you have to fit into a mold. Being yourself is the best way to look hot.
2-7. Get support from your friends, parents, or counselor if you have doubts.
If you can’t find self-confidence or have low self-esteem, reach out to your community for support. Your parents can help you feel better, and your school counselor can help you practice boosting your confidence.
You can say something like, “Mom, I’m trying to look good at school but I just feel ugly,” or “Mrs. Jones, how can I feel better about myself? I have been full of doubts.”
3. Applying Makeup
3-1. Groom your eyebrows
Follow the natural shape of your eyebrow and pluck the extra hairs below it with a tweezer. Trim your eyebrow hairs with small cosmetic scissors.
Keep your eyebrows well groomed to frame your face and make you look hot.
3-2. Apply makeup if you'd like.
Natural beauty can be smokin' hot, though makeup can help accentuate your features. Go without makeup to feature your face, or just apply a little bit, like a dusting of foundation and a little mascara.
3-3. Apply foundation
Foundation evens out your skin tone and covers imperfections. First, apply a medium coverage liquid foundation over your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. Then, dust your face with a powder foundation to smooth everything over.
Always remember to blend your makeup thoroughly!
Take your makeup one step further by applying contour or blush to your cheekbones with a large, fluffy brush.
3-4. Apply eyeshadow with a brush
Eyeshadow draws attention to your eyes and makes them stand out. Cover the tip of your brush in your eyeshadow, and apply it to your eyelid lightly. Pick eyeshadow colors like pinks, purples, reds, and browns. You can go with a smokey eye to look extra hot!
To create a smokey eye, apply dark shadow to the outer corner of your eye and a white or light colored shadow to the inner corner of your eye. This creates an attractive highlight and contrast effect.
3-5. Draw eyeliner on your top eyelid.
Use either liquid or pencil eyeliner, and apply it to your top lid. Try winged eyeliner by extending your line past your lid ever so slightly in an upwards curve.
Winged eyeliner gives your makeup an extra touch, creating a “cat eye” look.
3-6. Apply mascara
Place your wand at the base of your washes and pull the wand towards the tip. You can also try moving the wand back and forth as you work your way to the end. This adds length and volume to your eyelashes.
You can pick from black or brown mascara in voluminous, waterproof, and length-enhancing varieties.
3-7. Throw on a little lip gloss or lipstick to finish your look.
Choose a flattering lip color, like pink or red. Apply the color to your top and bottom lips.
Lip gloss will make your lips look luscious and juicy, while lipstick will make your lips look bold and beautiful. Choose your favorite, or try both!
4. Practicing Personal Hygiene
4-1. Shower often to keep clean and fresh.
You should shower every day or every other day. Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner, and scrub your skin with a body wash. Wash your hair on a regular schedule based on your hair type.
For oily or fine hair, you should wash your hair daily.
For dry, thick, or curly hair, wash your hair when your scalp feels dry or itchy. This may be every other day or 3-4 times a week.
4-2. Brush your teeth 2 times a day.
Be sure to brush and floss your teeth in the morning before school and at night before bed. Use toothbrushes with many bristles to reach all areas of your teeth and gums.
Keep your mouth clean and fresh so your smile looks great at all times.
You can also use whitening toothpaste to help whiten your teeth.
4-3. Apply lotion
Lotion keeps your skin hydrated and healthy. Choose lotion based on your skin type and fragrance preference.
Girls can use sweet, yummy scented lotions to make you smell amazing.
Guys can use masculine, natural smelling or unscented lotions.
Use deep moisturizing lotion for dry skin.
4-4. Maintain a regular skin care routine to minimize acne.
At a minimum, wash your face with a face wash, cleanser, or scrub either daily or every other day, and then apply moisturizer to your face after you scrub it. You can also try using an exfoliating scrub 2 times a week.
Your routine will vary depending on your type of skin. For oily skin, try applying toner daily. For persistent acne, apply a small amount of benzoyl peroxide acne treatment cream directly to blemishes after you apply moisturizer.
Both guys and girls should wash their face often.
If you wear makeup, wash it off before you go to bed.
4-5. Cut your nails regularly.
Be sure to trim your nails when they are too long. You can do your nails yourself or get a manicure. Spending a little more time on your appearance can make you feel more confident.
If you are a girl, file your nails and paint them a pretty color, like red, pink, or purple.
You can treat yourself to a spa day and let your feet soak before you trim your nails.
Tips
Always be nice to your friends and acquaintances. Kindness is hot!
You should enjoy making yourself look hot. Have fun with it! Go on a shopping spree and treat yourself.
Warnings
Be nice to yourself and don’t try to be a perfectionist! Obsessing over your appearance will only make you stressed and upset. Know you are attractive inside and out.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Feel Good in Your Body\\n1-1. Try on different sizes to get your size right.\\nClothing manufactures use a variety of sizing charts, so while you may be a size large in 1 size, you may be a small in another. When you go shopping, try on your size and the size smaller or larger to compare. Go with the garment that fits your frame nicely and isn't too tight or too loose.\\nFor example, the shoulder seam of your shirt should line up with where your arm meets your shoulder.\\nFor girls fitting bras, you can measure your band, bust, and cup size.\\nIf you wear a uniform to school, making sure your clothes fit will be extra important. You want them to fit right so you will feel confident even though you didn’t pick the outfit.\\n1-2. Wear flattering clothing that makes you feel confident.\\nPick your clothes based on your body type. Look in the mirror and pick out a few of your best features. What do you love about yourself? By wearing flattering clothing, you can showcase the parts of your body you love rather than what you are self-conscious about.\\nFor example, if you have great legs, show them off by wearing shorts, skirts, and dresses. If you love your arm muscles, wear flattering, tight fitting T-shirts.\\nGuys can try wearing slim-fit shirts, cotton polos, regular V-neck shirts, and straight-legged pants.\\nGirls can wear form-fitting clothing to show off your curves, but make sure your layers aren’t too tight. Try wearing a belt at your waist and shirts with plunging necklines to highlight your figure. You want to look hot, not skimpy!\\n1-3. Get a haircut you love and try new styling methods.\\nResearch hot hairstyles online and show your inspiration to your hairdresser. They can tailor the look to fit the shape of your face. Try different hairstyles when getting ready for school, like slicking your hair back or part it away from your face. Variety helps you look hot! Have some fun and customize your look.\\nGuys may not have as much diversity with their hair. You can try brushing it straight back, spiking it up, or a nice crew cut.\\nGirls can try various hairstyles. Experiment with ponytails, buns, braids, curly styles, and straight looks. Tie your hair up on some days, and style your hair down on others. It is hot to have long hair, so try to grow it out.\\nYour hairstylist can recommend looks, hair products, and different ways to style your hair.\\n1-4. Eat healthy foods\\nEat 3 meals a day made up of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat dairy, and high protein food. Healthy foods provide your body with vitamins and minerals it needs to maintain a healthy weight and figure.\\nAim for at least 4 servings of fruit and 5 servings of vegetables.\\nAvoid sugar and processed foods. Cut down on drinking soda as well. Foods high in fat, cholesterol, salt, and sugar will not make you hot!\\nTry to drink 8 to 10 glasses (2 L) of water each day to keep you hydrated and keep your skin looking great.\\n1-5. Incorporate more physical activity in your day-to-day life.\\nSqueezing in small bits of activity throughout your day can help you keep fit, especially if you're busy. Even if you have too much homework to go to the gym, you can:\\nTake the stairs instead of the escalator\\nPark far from school so you have to walk\\nTake the long way\\nBike to school\\nTake a five-minute walk during lunch\\n1-6. Work out\\nTry to get regular exercise so you feel better and have more energy. If you can, do aerobic exercise to get your blood pumping every day for at least 30 minutes. Work out before or after school, depending on your schedule.\\nTry things like swimming, basketball, and running.\\nYou can join a sports team, take a gym class, or recruit a friend to be your gym buddy.\\nA healthy workout routine is to work out 3-5 days a week for about 1 hour a day.\\n1-7. Strive to get at least 8 hours of sleep.\\nSleeping well is vital to looking your best. Sleep between 8-10 hours a night to stay healthy. Get proper rest so look alert and refreshed rather than tired and drained. Dark circles under your eyes are not hot!\\nIf you are having trouble getting at least 8 hours of sleep, try going to bed early or listening to music to help you fall asleep.\\nIf you can't get a full 8 hours, sleep as much as you can and try to squeeze in naps.\\n2. Boosting Your Confidence\\n2-1. Stand up straight\\nCarry yourself with your shoulders pulled back and your spine straight. If you have good posture, you will naturally walk in a way that suggests, “I feel good!” You will look also look taller, leaner, and more self-assured.\\nSit up straight when you are seated at your desk as well.\\n2-2. Flash your smile around your school!\\nSmile at others as you pass them around school, like in the hallway or cafeteria. Your brain receives a mood boost when you smile, and your happiness will rub off on others.\\nUse mouthwash and floss often to keep your smile white and radiant!\\n2-3. Wear a bright color to boost your mood.\\nA pop of color can make your outfit look fantastic and also boost your confidence. Pick out a bright colored shirt when you get ready in the morning, or grab a scarf in your favorite color.\\nGo with cool colors if you have a warm skin tone. To tell if you have a warm skintone, compare your skin to a white background. A warm skin tone is yellow or orange-ish in comparison.\\nTry lighter colors if you have a cool complexion. If your skin has a pinkish hint, you have a cool complexion.\\n2-4. Surround yourself with positive people who bring out your best.\\nEvaluate the friends that you do have. Are you closest friends mean and hurtful to each other? Or do they offer compliments and try to build each other up? Make friends with positive, friendly, attractive people. Negative people can bring down your confidence and make you feel ugly.\\nTo make friends, you can join a club or sport, attend after school activities, and compliment other people.\\nYou will feel confident if you know your friends support you and want the best for you!\\nIf you act positive and confident, perhaps the friends of yours that are negative will follow your example and try to be positive too.\\n2-5. Give yourself pep talks in front of the mirror for reassurance.\\nPut on an awesome outfit, and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself, “I look great!” Repeat this a few times if it helps you feel confident. Tell yourself you look good until you believe it! Looking great outside starts with feeling great inside.\\nSwitch up your outfit or hairstyle if you are having doubts.\\n2-6. Fake it\\nIt’s okay if you have doubts at first. Act with confidence, even if you don’t believe it 100%. Try walking through school with your head held high and be friendly to everyone you meet. As more and more students start to notice you, your confidence will grow and you’ll feel hot.\\nThe more you practice feeling great about yourself, the easier it will be to carry yourself confidently.\\nDon’t feel like you have to fit into a mold. Being yourself is the best way to look hot.\\n2-7. Get support from your friends, parents, or counselor if you have doubts.\\nIf you can’t find self-confidence or have low self-esteem, reach out to your community for support. Your parents can help you feel better, and your school counselor can help you practice boosting your confidence.\\nYou can say something like, “Mom, I’m trying to look good at school but I just feel ugly,” or “Mrs. Jones, how can I feel better about myself? I have been full of doubts.”\\n3. Applying Makeup\\n3-1. Groom your eyebrows\\nFollow the natural shape of your eyebrow and pluck the extra hairs below it with a tweezer. Trim your eyebrow hairs with small cosmetic scissors.\\nKeep your eyebrows well groomed to frame your face and make you look hot.\\n3-2. Apply makeup if you'd like.\\nNatural beauty can be smokin' hot, though makeup can help accentuate your features. Go without makeup to feature your face, or just apply a little bit, like a dusting of foundation and a little mascara.\\n3-3. Apply foundation\\nFoundation evens out your skin tone and covers imperfections. First, apply a medium coverage liquid foundation over your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. Then, dust your face with a powder foundation to smooth everything over.\\nAlways remember to blend your makeup thoroughly!\\nTake your makeup one step further by applying contour or blush to your cheekbones with a large, fluffy brush.\\n3-4. Apply eyeshadow with a brush\\nEyeshadow draws attention to your eyes and makes them stand out. Cover the tip of your brush in your eyeshadow, and apply it to your eyelid lightly. Pick eyeshadow colors like pinks, purples, reds, and browns. You can go with a smokey eye to look extra hot!\\nTo create a smokey eye, apply dark shadow to the outer corner of your eye and a white or light colored shadow to the inner corner of your eye. This creates an attractive highlight and contrast effect.\\n3-5. Draw eyeliner on your top eyelid.\\nUse either liquid or pencil eyeliner, and apply it to your top lid. Try winged eyeliner by extending your line past your lid ever so slightly in an upwards curve.\\nWinged eyeliner gives your makeup an extra touch, creating a “cat eye” look.\\n3-6. Apply mascara\\nPlace your wand at the base of your washes and pull the wand towards the tip. You can also try moving the wand back and forth as you work your way to the end. This adds length and volume to your eyelashes.\\nYou can pick from black or brown mascara in voluminous, waterproof, and length-enhancing varieties.\\n3-7. Throw on a little lip gloss or lipstick to finish your look.\\nChoose a flattering lip color, like pink or red. Apply the color to your top and bottom lips.\\nLip gloss will make your lips look luscious and juicy, while lipstick will make your lips look bold and beautiful. Choose your favorite, or try both!\\n4. Practicing Personal Hygiene\\n4-1. Shower often to keep clean and fresh.\\nYou should shower every day or every other day. Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner, and scrub your skin with a body wash. Wash your hair on a regular schedule based on your hair type.\\nFor oily or fine hair, you should wash your hair daily.\\nFor dry, thick, or curly hair, wash your hair when your scalp feels dry or itchy. This may be every other day or 3-4 times a week.\\n4-2. Brush your teeth 2 times a day.\\nBe sure to brush and floss your teeth in the morning before school and at night before bed. Use toothbrushes with many bristles to reach all areas of your teeth and gums.\\nKeep your mouth clean and fresh so your smile looks great at all times.\\nYou can also use whitening toothpaste to help whiten your teeth.\\n4-3. Apply lotion\\nLotion keeps your skin hydrated and healthy. Choose lotion based on your skin type and fragrance preference. \\nGirls can use sweet, yummy scented lotions to make you smell amazing.\\nGuys can use masculine, natural smelling or unscented lotions.\\nUse deep moisturizing lotion for dry skin.\\n4-4. Maintain a regular skin care routine to minimize acne.\\nAt a minimum, wash your face with a face wash, cleanser, or scrub either daily or every other day, and then apply moisturizer to your face after you scrub it. You can also try using an exfoliating scrub 2 times a week.\\nYour routine will vary depending on your type of skin. For oily skin, try applying toner daily. For persistent acne, apply a small amount of benzoyl peroxide acne treatment cream directly to blemishes after you apply moisturizer.\\nBoth guys and girls should wash their face often.\\nIf you wear makeup, wash it off before you go to bed.\\n4-5. Cut your nails regularly.\\nBe sure to trim your nails when they are too long. You can do your nails yourself or get a manicure. Spending a little more time on your appearance can make you feel more confident.\\nIf you are a girl, file your nails and paint them a pretty color, like red, pink, or purple.\\nYou can treat yourself to a spa day and let your feet soak before you trim your nails.\\nTips\\nAlways be nice to your friends and acquaintances. Kindness is hot!\\nYou should enjoy making yourself look hot. Have fun with it! Go on a shopping spree and treat yourself.\\nWarnings\\nBe nice to yourself and don’t try to be a perfectionist! Obsessing over your appearance will only make you stressed and upset. Know you are attractive inside and out.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"In high school, girls and guys may feel the pressure to look hot and attractive. To be hot, you need to feel great about yourself and show your confidence! Boost your confidence by wearing flattering clothes, having great hygiene habits, and eating healthy foods. Love yourself and your body, and you can be known as the “hot” guy or girl at school!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Feel Good in Your Body\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try on different sizes to get your size right.\", \"描述\": \"Clothing manufactures use a variety of sizing charts, so while you may be a size large in 1 size, you may be a small in another. When you go shopping, try on your size and the size smaller or larger to compare. Go with the garment that fits your frame nicely and isn't too tight or too loose.\\nFor example, the shoulder seam of your shirt should line up with where your arm meets your shoulder.\\nFor girls fitting bras, you can measure your band, bust, and cup size.\\nIf you wear a uniform to school, making sure your clothes fit will be extra important. You want them to fit right so you will feel confident even though you didn’t pick the outfit.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear flattering clothing that makes you feel confident.\", \"描述\": \"Pick your clothes based on your body type. Look in the mirror and pick out a few of your best features. What do you love about yourself? By wearing flattering clothing, you can showcase the parts of your body you love rather than what you are self-conscious about.\\nFor example, if you have great legs, show them off by wearing shorts, skirts, and dresses. If you love your arm muscles, wear flattering, tight fitting T-shirts.\\nGuys can try wearing slim-fit shirts, cotton polos, regular V-neck shirts, and straight-legged pants.\\nGirls can wear form-fitting clothing to show off your curves, but make sure your layers aren’t too tight. Try wearing a belt at your waist and shirts with plunging necklines to highlight your figure. You want to look hot, not skimpy!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get a haircut you love and try new styling methods.\", \"描述\": \"Research hot hairstyles online and show your inspiration to your hairdresser. They can tailor the look to fit the shape of your face. Try different hairstyles when getting ready for school, like slicking your hair back or part it away from your face. Variety helps you look hot! Have some fun and customize your look.\\nGuys may not have as much diversity with their hair. You can try brushing it straight back, spiking it up, or a nice crew cut.\\nGirls can try various hairstyles. Experiment with ponytails, buns, braids, curly styles, and straight looks. Tie your hair up on some days, and style your hair down on others. It is hot to have long hair, so try to grow it out.\\nYour hairstylist can recommend looks, hair products, and different ways to style your hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Eat healthy foods\", \"描述\": \"Eat 3 meals a day made up of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat dairy, and high protein food. Healthy foods provide your body with vitamins and minerals it needs to maintain a healthy weight and figure.\\nAim for at least 4 servings of fruit and 5 servings of vegetables.\\nAvoid sugar and processed foods. Cut down on drinking soda as well. Foods high in fat, cholesterol, salt, and sugar will not make you hot!\\nTry to drink 8 to 10 glasses (2 L) of water each day to keep you hydrated and keep your skin looking great.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Incorporate more physical activity in your day-to-day life.\", \"描述\": \"Squeezing in small bits of activity throughout your day can help you keep fit, especially if you're busy. Even if you have too much homework to go to the gym, you can:\\nTake the stairs instead of the escalator\\nPark far from school so you have to walk\\nTake the long way\\nBike to school\\nTake a five-minute walk during lunch\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Work out\", \"描述\": \"Try to get regular exercise so you feel better and have more energy. If you can, do aerobic exercise to get your blood pumping every day for at least 30 minutes. Work out before or after school, depending on your schedule.\\nTry things like swimming, basketball, and running.\\nYou can join a sports team, take a gym class, or recruit a friend to be your gym buddy.\\nA healthy workout routine is to work out 3-5 days a week for about 1 hour a day.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Strive to get at least 8 hours of sleep.\", \"描述\": \"Sleeping well is vital to looking your best. Sleep between 8-10 hours a night to stay healthy. Get proper rest so look alert and refreshed rather than tired and drained. Dark circles under your eyes are not hot!\\nIf you are having trouble getting at least 8 hours of sleep, try going to bed early or listening to music to help you fall asleep.\\nIf you can't get a full 8 hours, sleep as much as you can and try to squeeze in naps.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Boosting Your Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stand up straight\", \"描述\": \"Carry yourself with your shoulders pulled back and your spine straight. If you have good posture, you will naturally walk in a way that suggests, “I feel good!” You will look also look taller, leaner, and more self-assured.\\nSit up straight when you are seated at your desk as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Flash your smile around your school!\", \"描述\": \"Smile at others as you pass them around school, like in the hallway or cafeteria. Your brain receives a mood boost when you smile, and your happiness will rub off on others.\\nUse mouthwash and floss often to keep your smile white and radiant!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear a bright color to boost your mood.\", \"描述\": \"A pop of color can make your outfit look fantastic and also boost your confidence. Pick out a bright colored shirt when you get ready in the morning, or grab a scarf in your favorite color.\\nGo with cool colors if you have a warm skin tone. To tell if you have a warm skintone, compare your skin to a white background. A warm skin tone is yellow or orange-ish in comparison.\\nTry lighter colors if you have a cool complexion. If your skin has a pinkish hint, you have a cool complexion.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with positive people who bring out your best.\", \"描述\": \"Evaluate the friends that you do have. Are you closest friends mean and hurtful to each other? Or do they offer compliments and try to build each other up? Make friends with positive, friendly, attractive people. Negative people can bring down your confidence and make you feel ugly.\\nTo make friends, you can join a club or sport, attend after school activities, and compliment other people.\\nYou will feel confident if you know your friends support you and want the best for you!\\nIf you act positive and confident, perhaps the friends of yours that are negative will follow your example and try to be positive too.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Give yourself pep talks in front of the mirror for reassurance.\", \"描述\": \"Put on an awesome outfit, and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself, “I look great!” Repeat this a few times if it helps you feel confident. Tell yourself you look good until you believe it! Looking great outside starts with feeling great inside.\\nSwitch up your outfit or hairstyle if you are having doubts.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Fake it\", \"描述\": \"It’s okay if you have doubts at first. Act with confidence, even if you don’t believe it 100%. Try walking through school with your head held high and be friendly to everyone you meet. As more and more students start to notice you, your confidence will grow and you’ll feel hot.\\nThe more you practice feeling great about yourself, the easier it will be to carry yourself confidently.\\nDon’t feel like you have to fit into a mold. Being yourself is the best way to look hot.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Get support from your friends, parents, or counselor if you have doubts.\", \"描述\": \"If you can’t find self-confidence or have low self-esteem, reach out to your community for support. Your parents can help you feel better, and your school counselor can help you practice boosting your confidence.\\nYou can say something like, “Mom, I’m trying to look good at school but I just feel ugly,” or “Mrs. Jones, how can I feel better about myself? I have been full of doubts.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Applying Makeup\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Groom your eyebrows\", \"描述\": \"Follow the natural shape of your eyebrow and pluck the extra hairs below it with a tweezer. Trim your eyebrow hairs with small cosmetic scissors.\\nKeep your eyebrows well groomed to frame your face and make you look hot.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Apply makeup if you'd like.\", \"描述\": \"Natural beauty can be smokin' hot, though makeup can help accentuate your features. Go without makeup to feature your face, or just apply a little bit, like a dusting of foundation and a little mascara.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply foundation\", \"描述\": \"Foundation evens out your skin tone and covers imperfections. First, apply a medium coverage liquid foundation over your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. Then, dust your face with a powder foundation to smooth everything over.\\nAlways remember to blend your makeup thoroughly!\\nTake your makeup one step further by applying contour or blush to your cheekbones with a large, fluffy brush.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Apply eyeshadow with a brush\", \"描述\": \"Eyeshadow draws attention to your eyes and makes them stand out. Cover the tip of your brush in your eyeshadow, and apply it to your eyelid lightly. Pick eyeshadow colors like pinks, purples, reds, and browns. You can go with a smokey eye to look extra hot!\\nTo create a smokey eye, apply dark shadow to the outer corner of your eye and a white or light colored shadow to the inner corner of your eye. This creates an attractive highlight and contrast effect.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Draw eyeliner on your top eyelid.\", \"描述\": \"Use either liquid or pencil eyeliner, and apply it to your top lid. Try winged eyeliner by extending your line past your lid ever so slightly in an upwards curve.\\nWinged eyeliner gives your makeup an extra touch, creating a “cat eye” look.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Apply mascara\", \"描述\": \"Place your wand at the base of your washes and pull the wand towards the tip. You can also try moving the wand back and forth as you work your way to the end. This adds length and volume to your eyelashes.\\nYou can pick from black or brown mascara in voluminous, waterproof, and length-enhancing varieties.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Throw on a little lip gloss or lipstick to finish your look.\", \"描述\": \"Choose a flattering lip color, like pink or red. Apply the color to your top and bottom lips.\\nLip gloss will make your lips look luscious and juicy, while lipstick will make your lips look bold and beautiful. Choose your favorite, or try both!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Practicing Personal Hygiene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Shower often to keep clean and fresh.\", \"描述\": \"You should shower every day or every other day. Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner, and scrub your skin with a body wash. Wash your hair on a regular schedule based on your hair type.\\nFor oily or fine hair, you should wash your hair daily.\\nFor dry, thick, or curly hair, wash your hair when your scalp feels dry or itchy. This may be every other day or 3-4 times a week.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Brush your teeth 2 times a day.\", \"描述\": \"Be sure to brush and floss your teeth in the morning before school and at night before bed. Use toothbrushes with many bristles to reach all areas of your teeth and gums.\\nKeep your mouth clean and fresh so your smile looks great at all times.\\nYou can also use whitening toothpaste to help whiten your teeth.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply lotion\", \"描述\": \"Lotion keeps your skin hydrated and healthy. Choose lotion based on your skin type and fragrance preference. \\nGirls can use sweet, yummy scented lotions to make you smell amazing.\\nGuys can use masculine, natural smelling or unscented lotions.\\nUse deep moisturizing lotion for dry skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintain a regular skin care routine to minimize acne.\", \"描述\": \"At a minimum, wash your face with a face wash, cleanser, or scrub either daily or every other day, and then apply moisturizer to your face after you scrub it. You can also try using an exfoliating scrub 2 times a week.\\nYour routine will vary depending on your type of skin. For oily skin, try applying toner daily. For persistent acne, apply a small amount of benzoyl peroxide acne treatment cream directly to blemishes after you apply moisturizer.\\nBoth guys and girls should wash their face often.\\nIf you wear makeup, wash it off before you go to bed.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Cut your nails regularly.\", \"描述\": \"Be sure to trim your nails when they are too long. You can do your nails yourself or get a manicure. Spending a little more time on your appearance can make you feel more confident.\\nIf you are a girl, file your nails and paint them a pretty color, like red, pink, or purple.\\nYou can treat yourself to a spa day and let your feet soak before you trim your nails.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always be nice to your friends and acquaintances. Kindness is hot!\\n\", \"You should enjoy making yourself look hot. Have fun with it! Go on a shopping spree and treat yourself.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be nice to yourself and don’t try to be a perfectionist! Obsessing over your appearance will only make you stressed and upset. Know you are attractive inside and out.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,839 | How to Be Hot in Middle School (Girls) | 1. Have Amazing Hair
1-1. Get a good haircut that flatters you.
Ask a hairdresser what your face shape is, then look below for some reference on what styles might look good on you.
: The best hairstyle for round faces definitely has to be long length, long layers, and a long fringe, hair parted down the side. If you have the length already, get to the hairdressers and add some face shaping, wispy layers - you will be surprised at how much difference this can make to your style.
: There isn't "one" best hairstyle for oval shaped faces - there are many! Lucky for you, you suit almost any hairstyle, as long as it doesn't hide your features, and is styled correctly. If your hair is short at the moment, and you feel you have the willpower, then grow your hair out. Experiment with angled and long, wispy fringes or layers, while its growing, to give your style new looks. This will also stop you from getting bored and having it cut short again.
: The best hairstyles that will do wonders for you heart shaped faces will include the following: Side parts, long, soft layers, a soft side sweeping fringe, highlights/low lights, long, full waves and curls minus the frizz. Just remember, you need to create volume around the bottom of your face, and make it soft and sleek at the top, to balance out your face shape and show off your features!
: Hairstyles that have long, soft layers towards the top of the head are an instant disguise for a square jaw. Soften your square face with waves and curls, which will also add some femininity to your style. Whether you opt for a long or short style, remember not to go too short or too long. A couple of inches below or above the chin is perfect. Add a sweeping side fringe to soften your wide forehead, and you will look fabulous.
: Most hairstyles would look complimentary on you, but hairstyles that would look great on you are ones with side parts and/or layers.
1-2. Always wash your hair.
All shampoos are meant to clean your hair, though some could also de-frizz hair, moisturize dry hair, protect colored/highlighted hair, or deep-clean oily hair.
If your hair is greasy, try going to a salon or looking online for tips and tricks on how to get it less greasy. Also get shampoos and conditioners that suit your hair type.
1-3. Try to change your hairstyle.
You can do a lot of things with hair. Try straightening, curling, or crimping it, or style your hair into beachy waves, a fishtail braid, a side ponytail, a messy bun... the possibilities are endless.
If your hair is frizzy or dry and you don't have any time to do anything to it, try an anti-frizz spray, mousse, or a leave-in conditioner. Then, wear it however you wish. For example, you could wear it up in a ponytail, or down naturally.
2. Getting Groomed
2-1. Be hygienic.
Everyone knows the basic rules of hygiene. The first step to looking good is being clean.
Bathe. This is an obvious one. Take a shower or bathe at least three times a week. It depends on your hair and some people wash it every day.
Brush, floss, and use mouthwash. Your smile is one of the first things people notice about you, so keep it white!
Use deodorant before you leave the house.
2-2. Wash your face.
If you have problems with acne, make sure you wash your face twice a day (once when you wake up, and once before you go to bed). Of course, everyone's skin is different, but for some, what works the best is to use an oil-free cleanser, (helps with oil) an exfoliating scrub, (helps with blackheads) and an oil-free moisturizer that won't clog your pores (helps with dry skin).
2-3. Remove unwanted body hair.
Pluck, shave, wax, or do a hair-removal treatment to your upper lip, legs, and underarms. However, don't do any of this if you don't feel the need to.
2-4. Try flirty fragrances, and choose one that is totally "you".
2-5. Enhance your face with makeup:
In many ways, makeup can make you look gorgeous by highlighting your features and enhancing your face. For a great everyday look, read How to Apply Makeup for a Natural Look.
Use concealer. Skip out on the full face foundation. Get a concealer that matches your skin tone as close as possible. Use this to cover up small imperfections such as pimples, discoloration, white/blackheads, and dark circles.
Use eyeliner. Eyeliner is great! It defines your eyes, and makes them pop! Try to stick to a brown eyeliner. Black is dramatic, but brown gives you a more subtle, natural look.
Use mascara. Mascara make your eyes look awesome, but be careful, it can also become very smudgy or clumpy, and completely ruin the look. Use a clear mascara, as it clumps less, and doesn't smudge noticeably. Try an eyelash-curler beforehand to make your eyelashes more curly (so mascara is less-likely to "clump") and stand out more.
Care for your lips. Don't wear lipstick, as it would make you look older than you are. Instead, try lip gloss, petroleum jelly, lip butter, lip shimmer, etc. If you use lip gloss, put on chapstick with it, so that your lips do not become chapped.
2-6. Wear clothes that accentuate you.
We all have something that grabs other people's attention, whether it's a proof that you will have a great figure, maybe you own great legs, maybe you tan easily, or perhaps you're just one of a few that looks good in all colors.
Try clothing stores such as Abercrombie, Hollister, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Delias, Aeropostale, Dillards, Target, or Kohls. However, if none of these are your style, you don't have to wear them! In fact, it's totally cool to just wear team jerseys with jeans.
It's no secret that the way a girl wears her clothes can get her far in the girl world, so make sure your clothes fit and flatter you.
Wear colors that look good on you.
For shoes, skip heels and Crocs. Instead, try ballet flats, canvas shoes, T-strap sandals, or Uggs. Make sure your shoes are easy to walk in and comfortable.
Don't feel as if you have to go to brand name stores to look pretty, as you can find plenty of really nice clothes for much cheaper. Try second-hand or vintage stores like Plato's Closet or BlueTique. They're much more affordable. You could get a brand new pair of Hollister jeans for $20, or you could get a used pair for around $10.
Be humble. Don't wear skimpy clothing to be cool. In reality, it will just make people think badly about you. Instead, try wearing a fitted top along with loose bottoms, or a loose top with more fitted bottoms.
Also, stuff your bra, or choose a bra that is too big for you just to be "hot". People will see right through it. Wear one that fits you properly.
2-7. Take care of your body.
Eat right, exercise, and drink lots of water every day. If you care for yourself correctly, you will look fresher in return. Your body will thank you! Within a period of time, you'll notice a big difference in your skin, health, and complexion.
Get your beauty sleep! Most teens should get at least nine or ten hours of sleep. You have to be awake at every moment of the day, because you never know what great things during the day await you.
If you're trying to exercise to become thinner, try running, dancing to fast music that you love, using an elliptical, using a treadmill, or even taking a bike ride.
If you want to look more muscular and strong, and not "skinny", consider trying knee push-ups, sit-ups, wall sits, wall push-ups, or lifting weights or your own backpack. Focus mainly on your biceps and triceps.
3. Keep Your Cool
3-1. Be mature.
You can't be considered "hot" if you remind people of a stereotypical little girl by complaining constantly, over-reacting, and picking fights with others. Work on having common sense, keeping your attitude cool, and being polite to everyone you come in contact with.
3-2. Be courageous.
In order to be considered "hot", you have to put yourself out there. Make good first impressions, and have fun with those who lift you up. Laugh often, be charming, be inclusive, and try to talk to as many people as you can in one day, but don't overdo it, or people may think that you are annoying.
4. Being You
4-1. Be confident, and be yourself.
This one is kind of tricky. Middle school is a time in your life when you begin to define yourself as a person. You develop your own style and personality, and sometimes it can feel as if you don't fit in. Don't feel as if you have to fill some sort of mold. "Fitting in" is something that every middle schooler worries about at some point, but in the end, you'll laugh at yourself for believing in such a thing, and realize that "fitting in" isn't all that important.
Stand up for yourself and others if you or the ones you care about get bullied.
Laugh at your mistakes, but try to work to get better at them.
Most importantly, don't let anyone else tell you how you should live your life. As Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
4-2. Read books.
Reading makes you aware of many realities. It opens your mind and makes one smarter. You can read books that help you reflect and find yourself instead if being lost in a quest with a one-sided approach.
4-3. Observe others.
Be observant of your surroundings, your idols and all that drives you. You may learn why it fascinates you and find a ground to base your desire of being hot. Being hot may be easily achieved however continuing and balancing it with the right attitude must be achieved.
Tips
Have a good sense of humor.
Make sure you don't wear too much makeup. If you're walking around with sky blue eyeshadow and bright red lips, it may seem too loud.
Have a decent fashion style. Don't copy others to fit in. Try to stand out, not fit in, no matter what other people think of you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Have Amazing Hair\\n1-1. Get a good haircut that flatters you.\\nAsk a hairdresser what your face shape is, then look below for some reference on what styles might look good on you.\\n\\n: The best hairstyle for round faces definitely has to be long length, long layers, and a long fringe, hair parted down the side. If you have the length already, get to the hairdressers and add some face shaping, wispy layers - you will be surprised at how much difference this can make to your style.\\n: There isn't \\\"one\\\" best hairstyle for oval shaped faces - there are many! Lucky for you, you suit almost any hairstyle, as long as it doesn't hide your features, and is styled correctly. If your hair is short at the moment, and you feel you have the willpower, then grow your hair out. Experiment with angled and long, wispy fringes or layers, while its growing, to give your style new looks. This will also stop you from getting bored and having it cut short again.\\n: The best hairstyles that will do wonders for you heart shaped faces will include the following: Side parts, long, soft layers, a soft side sweeping fringe, highlights/low lights, long, full waves and curls minus the frizz. Just remember, you need to create volume around the bottom of your face, and make it soft and sleek at the top, to balance out your face shape and show off your features!\\n: Hairstyles that have long, soft layers towards the top of the head are an instant disguise for a square jaw. Soften your square face with waves and curls, which will also add some femininity to your style. Whether you opt for a long or short style, remember not to go too short or too long. A couple of inches below or above the chin is perfect. Add a sweeping side fringe to soften your wide forehead, and you will look fabulous.\\n: Most hairstyles would look complimentary on you, but hairstyles that would look great on you are ones with side parts and/or layers.\\n1-2. Always wash your hair.\\nAll shampoos are meant to clean your hair, though some could also de-frizz hair, moisturize dry hair, protect colored/highlighted hair, or deep-clean oily hair.\\nIf your hair is greasy, try going to a salon or looking online for tips and tricks on how to get it less greasy. Also get shampoos and conditioners that suit your hair type.\\n1-3. Try to change your hairstyle.\\nYou can do a lot of things with hair. Try straightening, curling, or crimping it, or style your hair into beachy waves, a fishtail braid, a side ponytail, a messy bun... the possibilities are endless.\\nIf your hair is frizzy or dry and you don't have any time to do anything to it, try an anti-frizz spray, mousse, or a leave-in conditioner. Then, wear it however you wish. For example, you could wear it up in a ponytail, or down naturally.\\n2. Getting Groomed\\n2-1. Be hygienic.\\nEveryone knows the basic rules of hygiene. The first step to looking good is being clean.\\nBathe. This is an obvious one. Take a shower or bathe at least three times a week. It depends on your hair and some people wash it every day.\\nBrush, floss, and use mouthwash. Your smile is one of the first things people notice about you, so keep it white!\\nUse deodorant before you leave the house.\\n2-2. Wash your face.\\nIf you have problems with acne, make sure you wash your face twice a day (once when you wake up, and once before you go to bed). Of course, everyone's skin is different, but for some, what works the best is to use an oil-free cleanser, (helps with oil) an exfoliating scrub, (helps with blackheads) and an oil-free moisturizer that won't clog your pores (helps with dry skin).\\n2-3. Remove unwanted body hair.\\nPluck, shave, wax, or do a hair-removal treatment to your upper lip, legs, and underarms. However, don't do any of this if you don't feel the need to.\\n2-4. Try flirty fragrances, and choose one that is totally \\\"you\\\".\\n\\n2-5. Enhance your face with makeup:\\nIn many ways, makeup can make you look gorgeous by highlighting your features and enhancing your face. For a great everyday look, read How to Apply Makeup for a Natural Look.\\nUse concealer. Skip out on the full face foundation. Get a concealer that matches your skin tone as close as possible. Use this to cover up small imperfections such as pimples, discoloration, white/blackheads, and dark circles.\\nUse eyeliner. Eyeliner is great! It defines your eyes, and makes them pop! Try to stick to a brown eyeliner. Black is dramatic, but brown gives you a more subtle, natural look.\\nUse mascara. Mascara make your eyes look awesome, but be careful, it can also become very smudgy or clumpy, and completely ruin the look. Use a clear mascara, as it clumps less, and doesn't smudge noticeably. Try an eyelash-curler beforehand to make your eyelashes more curly (so mascara is less-likely to \\\"clump\\\") and stand out more.\\nCare for your lips. Don't wear lipstick, as it would make you look older than you are. Instead, try lip gloss, petroleum jelly, lip butter, lip shimmer, etc. If you use lip gloss, put on chapstick with it, so that your lips do not become chapped.\\n2-6. Wear clothes that accentuate you.\\nWe all have something that grabs other people's attention, whether it's a proof that you will have a great figure, maybe you own great legs, maybe you tan easily, or perhaps you're just one of a few that looks good in all colors.\\nTry clothing stores such as Abercrombie, Hollister, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Delias, Aeropostale, Dillards, Target, or Kohls. However, if none of these are your style, you don't have to wear them! In fact, it's totally cool to just wear team jerseys with jeans.\\nIt's no secret that the way a girl wears her clothes can get her far in the girl world, so make sure your clothes fit and flatter you.\\nWear colors that look good on you.\\nFor shoes, skip heels and Crocs. Instead, try ballet flats, canvas shoes, T-strap sandals, or Uggs. Make sure your shoes are easy to walk in and comfortable.\\nDon't feel as if you have to go to brand name stores to look pretty, as you can find plenty of really nice clothes for much cheaper. Try second-hand or vintage stores like Plato's Closet or BlueTique. They're much more affordable. You could get a brand new pair of Hollister jeans for $20, or you could get a used pair for around $10.\\nBe humble. Don't wear skimpy clothing to be cool. In reality, it will just make people think badly about you. Instead, try wearing a fitted top along with loose bottoms, or a loose top with more fitted bottoms.\\nAlso, stuff your bra, or choose a bra that is too big for you just to be \\\"hot\\\". People will see right through it. Wear one that fits you properly.\\n2-7. Take care of your body.\\nEat right, exercise, and drink lots of water every day. If you care for yourself correctly, you will look fresher in return. Your body will thank you! Within a period of time, you'll notice a big difference in your skin, health, and complexion.\\nGet your beauty sleep! Most teens should get at least nine or ten hours of sleep. You have to be awake at every moment of the day, because you never know what great things during the day await you.\\nIf you're trying to exercise to become thinner, try running, dancing to fast music that you love, using an elliptical, using a treadmill, or even taking a bike ride.\\nIf you want to look more muscular and strong, and not \\\"skinny\\\", consider trying knee push-ups, sit-ups, wall sits, wall push-ups, or lifting weights or your own backpack. Focus mainly on your biceps and triceps.\\n3. Keep Your Cool\\n3-1. Be mature.\\nYou can't be considered \\\"hot\\\" if you remind people of a stereotypical little girl by complaining constantly, over-reacting, and picking fights with others. Work on having common sense, keeping your attitude cool, and being polite to everyone you come in contact with.\\n3-2. Be courageous.\\nIn order to be considered \\\"hot\\\", you have to put yourself out there. Make good first impressions, and have fun with those who lift you up. Laugh often, be charming, be inclusive, and try to talk to as many people as you can in one day, but don't overdo it, or people may think that you are annoying.\\n4. Being You\\n4-1. Be confident, and be yourself.\\nThis one is kind of tricky. Middle school is a time in your life when you begin to define yourself as a person. You develop your own style and personality, and sometimes it can feel as if you don't fit in. Don't feel as if you have to fill some sort of mold. \\\"Fitting in\\\" is something that every middle schooler worries about at some point, but in the end, you'll laugh at yourself for believing in such a thing, and realize that \\\"fitting in\\\" isn't all that important.\\nStand up for yourself and others if you or the ones you care about get bullied.\\nLaugh at your mistakes, but try to work to get better at them.\\nMost importantly, don't let anyone else tell you how you should live your life. As Oscar Wilde said, \\\"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.\\\"\\n4-2. Read books.\\nReading makes you aware of many realities. It opens your mind and makes one smarter. You can read books that help you reflect and find yourself instead if being lost in a quest with a one-sided approach.\\n4-3. Observe others.\\nBe observant of your surroundings, your idols and all that drives you. You may learn why it fascinates you and find a ground to base your desire of being hot. Being hot may be easily achieved however continuing and balancing it with the right attitude must be achieved.\\nTips\\nHave a good sense of humor.\\nMake sure you don't wear too much makeup. If you're walking around with sky blue eyeshadow and bright red lips, it may seem too loud.\\nHave a decent fashion style. Don't copy others to fit in. Try to stand out, not fit in, no matter what other people think of you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Middle school is the part of your life when you really begin to define yourself. If you are being made fun of or maybe feeling insecure, you should believe that you are good enough the way you are. Experiment and explore your very own style using these tips. But the most important thing you could learn in regards to attractiveness is that no matter the style, shape, gender, or sexuality you are imperfectly perfect.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have Amazing Hair\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get a good haircut that flatters you.\", \"描述\": \"Ask a hairdresser what your face shape is, then look below for some reference on what styles might look good on you.\\n\\n: The best hairstyle for round faces definitely has to be long length, long layers, and a long fringe, hair parted down the side. If you have the length already, get to the hairdressers and add some face shaping, wispy layers - you will be surprised at how much difference this can make to your style.\\n: There isn't \\\"one\\\" best hairstyle for oval shaped faces - there are many! Lucky for you, you suit almost any hairstyle, as long as it doesn't hide your features, and is styled correctly. If your hair is short at the moment, and you feel you have the willpower, then grow your hair out. Experiment with angled and long, wispy fringes or layers, while its growing, to give your style new looks. This will also stop you from getting bored and having it cut short again.\\n: The best hairstyles that will do wonders for you heart shaped faces will include the following: Side parts, long, soft layers, a soft side sweeping fringe, highlights/low lights, long, full waves and curls minus the frizz. Just remember, you need to create volume around the bottom of your face, and make it soft and sleek at the top, to balance out your face shape and show off your features!\\n: Hairstyles that have long, soft layers towards the top of the head are an instant disguise for a square jaw. Soften your square face with waves and curls, which will also add some femininity to your style. Whether you opt for a long or short style, remember not to go too short or too long. A couple of inches below or above the chin is perfect. Add a sweeping side fringe to soften your wide forehead, and you will look fabulous.\\n: Most hairstyles would look complimentary on you, but hairstyles that would look great on you are ones with side parts and/or layers.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Always wash your hair.\", \"描述\": \"All shampoos are meant to clean your hair, though some could also de-frizz hair, moisturize dry hair, protect colored/highlighted hair, or deep-clean oily hair.\\nIf your hair is greasy, try going to a salon or looking online for tips and tricks on how to get it less greasy. Also get shampoos and conditioners that suit your hair type.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Try to change your hairstyle.\", \"描述\": \"You can do a lot of things with hair. Try straightening, curling, or crimping it, or style your hair into beachy waves, a fishtail braid, a side ponytail, a messy bun... the possibilities are endless.\\nIf your hair is frizzy or dry and you don't have any time to do anything to it, try an anti-frizz spray, mousse, or a leave-in conditioner. Then, wear it however you wish. For example, you could wear it up in a ponytail, or down naturally.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting Groomed\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be hygienic.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone knows the basic rules of hygiene. The first step to looking good is being clean.\\nBathe. This is an obvious one. Take a shower or bathe at least three times a week. It depends on your hair and some people wash it every day.\\nBrush, floss, and use mouthwash. Your smile is one of the first things people notice about you, so keep it white!\\nUse deodorant before you leave the house.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wash your face.\", \"描述\": \"If you have problems with acne, make sure you wash your face twice a day (once when you wake up, and once before you go to bed). Of course, everyone's skin is different, but for some, what works the best is to use an oil-free cleanser, (helps with oil) an exfoliating scrub, (helps with blackheads) and an oil-free moisturizer that won't clog your pores (helps with dry skin).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remove unwanted body hair.\", \"描述\": \"Pluck, shave, wax, or do a hair-removal treatment to your upper lip, legs, and underarms. However, don't do any of this if you don't feel the need to.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try flirty fragrances, and choose one that is totally \\\"you\\\".\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Enhance your face with makeup:\", \"描述\": \"In many ways, makeup can make you look gorgeous by highlighting your features and enhancing your face. For a great everyday look, read How to Apply Makeup for a Natural Look.\\nUse concealer. Skip out on the full face foundation. Get a concealer that matches your skin tone as close as possible. Use this to cover up small imperfections such as pimples, discoloration, white/blackheads, and dark circles.\\nUse eyeliner. Eyeliner is great! It defines your eyes, and makes them pop! Try to stick to a brown eyeliner. Black is dramatic, but brown gives you a more subtle, natural look.\\nUse mascara. Mascara make your eyes look awesome, but be careful, it can also become very smudgy or clumpy, and completely ruin the look. Use a clear mascara, as it clumps less, and doesn't smudge noticeably. Try an eyelash-curler beforehand to make your eyelashes more curly (so mascara is less-likely to \\\"clump\\\") and stand out more.\\nCare for your lips. Don't wear lipstick, as it would make you look older than you are. Instead, try lip gloss, petroleum jelly, lip butter, lip shimmer, etc. If you use lip gloss, put on chapstick with it, so that your lips do not become chapped.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Wear clothes that accentuate you.\", \"描述\": \"We all have something that grabs other people's attention, whether it's a proof that you will have a great figure, maybe you own great legs, maybe you tan easily, or perhaps you're just one of a few that looks good in all colors.\\nTry clothing stores such as Abercrombie, Hollister, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Delias, Aeropostale, Dillards, Target, or Kohls. However, if none of these are your style, you don't have to wear them! In fact, it's totally cool to just wear team jerseys with jeans.\\nIt's no secret that the way a girl wears her clothes can get her far in the girl world, so make sure your clothes fit and flatter you.\\nWear colors that look good on you.\\nFor shoes, skip heels and Crocs. Instead, try ballet flats, canvas shoes, T-strap sandals, or Uggs. Make sure your shoes are easy to walk in and comfortable.\\nDon't feel as if you have to go to brand name stores to look pretty, as you can find plenty of really nice clothes for much cheaper. Try second-hand or vintage stores like Plato's Closet or BlueTique. They're much more affordable. You could get a brand new pair of Hollister jeans for $20, or you could get a used pair for around $10.\\nBe humble. Don't wear skimpy clothing to be cool. In reality, it will just make people think badly about you. Instead, try wearing a fitted top along with loose bottoms, or a loose top with more fitted bottoms.\\nAlso, stuff your bra, or choose a bra that is too big for you just to be \\\"hot\\\". People will see right through it. Wear one that fits you properly.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Take care of your body.\", \"描述\": \"Eat right, exercise, and drink lots of water every day. If you care for yourself correctly, you will look fresher in return. Your body will thank you! Within a period of time, you'll notice a big difference in your skin, health, and complexion.\\nGet your beauty sleep! Most teens should get at least nine or ten hours of sleep. You have to be awake at every moment of the day, because you never know what great things during the day await you.\\nIf you're trying to exercise to become thinner, try running, dancing to fast music that you love, using an elliptical, using a treadmill, or even taking a bike ride.\\nIf you want to look more muscular and strong, and not \\\"skinny\\\", consider trying knee push-ups, sit-ups, wall sits, wall push-ups, or lifting weights or your own backpack. Focus mainly on your biceps and triceps.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep Your Cool\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be mature.\", \"描述\": \"You can't be considered \\\"hot\\\" if you remind people of a stereotypical little girl by complaining constantly, over-reacting, and picking fights with others. Work on having common sense, keeping your attitude cool, and being polite to everyone you come in contact with.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be courageous.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be considered \\\"hot\\\", you have to put yourself out there. Make good first impressions, and have fun with those who lift you up. Laugh often, be charming, be inclusive, and try to talk to as many people as you can in one day, but don't overdo it, or people may think that you are annoying.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Being You\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be confident, and be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"This one is kind of tricky. Middle school is a time in your life when you begin to define yourself as a person. You develop your own style and personality, and sometimes it can feel as if you don't fit in. Don't feel as if you have to fill some sort of mold. \\\"Fitting in\\\" is something that every middle schooler worries about at some point, but in the end, you'll laugh at yourself for believing in such a thing, and realize that \\\"fitting in\\\" isn't all that important.\\nStand up for yourself and others if you or the ones you care about get bullied.\\nLaugh at your mistakes, but try to work to get better at them.\\nMost importantly, don't let anyone else tell you how you should live your life. As Oscar Wilde said, \\\"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Read books.\", \"描述\": \"Reading makes you aware of many realities. It opens your mind and makes one smarter. You can read books that help you reflect and find yourself instead if being lost in a quest with a one-sided approach.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Observe others.\", \"描述\": \"Be observant of your surroundings, your idols and all that drives you. You may learn why it fascinates you and find a ground to base your desire of being hot. Being hot may be easily achieved however continuing and balancing it with the right attitude must be achieved.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Have a good sense of humor.\\n\", \"Make sure you don't wear too much makeup. If you're walking around with sky blue eyeshadow and bright red lips, it may seem too loud.\\n\", \"Have a decent fashion style. Don't copy others to fit in. Try to stand out, not fit in, no matter what other people think of you.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,840 | How to Be Human | 1. Steps
1-1. Meet basic physical needs.
Human beings cannot exist in a vacuum - without caring for certain physical needs, humans will soon die. Take care of your basic well being or you'll have a very hard time meaningfully pursuing the more advanced steps. At the bare minimum, humans need to:
Breathe oxygen. Human beings' most pressing need is to breathe air containing oxygen almost constantly. At the absolute longest, humans can go only about 20 minutes without air; most can only last a fraction of that time.
Eat edible foods and drink water. Humans eat food for energy and to provide vital nutrients for essential body processes. At a minimum, humans should consume adequate amounts of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, as well as several essential vitamins and minerals. Humans also drink water, as it is crucial for many internal processes. The precise amounts of food and water you should consume as a human varies based on your size and your level of physical activity.
Sleep. Humans still aren't completely sure what the purpose of sleep is, though we do know that it's vital for physical and mental performance. The healthiest adult humans usually sleep 7-8 hours a night.
Maintain homeostasis. Essentially, humans need to keep their external environment from interfering with their internal body. This can take many forms - for instance, wearing clothes to regulate body temperature and repairing wounds with sutures, bandages, etc.
1-2. Secure your safety.
A human's second responsibility, after meeting their innate requirements for life, is to eke out their safety. To thrive, humans can't be worried about whether they will starve or die - such thoughts will override any attempts to reach higher levels of human accomplishment. Here are just a few ways to ensure you're "safe" as a human:
Avoid danger. Don't stay near places or situations that can cause physical damage to your body. Injuries can affect your physical health and even cause you to die.
Get or build a home. Humans need a place to live that offers protection from the elements. At the bare minimum, this place should have four walls and a place to sleep.
Pursue a living. Most of the planet earth uses money. Money can be exchanged for goods and services, including food, clothing, and shelter. Most humans eventually get a job to receive a dependable stream of money.
1-3. Form human relationships.
Famous human Aristotle is remembered as saying: "Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human." In your life as a human, you will meet people. Some will make you feel good - these are "friends." You may feel a sexual and/or romantic attraction to some: Such a person is a "romantic interest", who can develop into a spouse. A life lived alone is not a fulfilling one - spend time cultivating healthy relationships for a richer, more emotional life.
To maintain friendships, you'll need to "hang out" with your friends. Invite them over for brunch. Talk about sports. Forge a bond with your friends - help them when they need it, and they'll be around to help you.
If you're looking for a relationship, most of them start when one person asks another out. See our list of articles on asking humans out for guidance.
1-4. Cultivate your self-esteem.
Humans feel better when they consider themselves valuable and they know that others consider them valuable. It's easiest to respect yourself and for others to respect you if you've achieved something. Try to strive for success, whether it's at your job or in other activities that you practice for fun (these are called "hobbies.") Know and be confident in your own abilities. Respect humans who respect you.
Relationships with others can help boost your self-esteem when you feel sad, but self-esteem begins within. Don't depend on other peoples' approval for your self-esteem.
1-5. Validate your existence.
Once humans are physically secure, have a foundation of healthy relationships, and have a good self-image, they may begin to ponder questions such as "Why are we here?" Different humans ascribe a variety of purposes to human life. Many humans adopt a set of moral principles or develop their own. Others embark on creative endeavors, expressing their innermost thoughts through art. Others still try to make sense of the universe through science or philosophy. There's no right way to make the most of your existence, but here are just a few ideas:
Subscribe to an existing (or develop your own) philosophy and/or religion.
Write, draw, play music or dance.
Become an innovator in your craft.
Experience (and care for) nature.
Whatever you choose to do, try to make your mark on the world. Improve the earth for those who come after you in some way, however small.
1-6. Learn how to love others and be loved.
Love is difficult to define; the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as a feeling of intense affection, attachment, and/or desire for another human.Many humans say that the best thing in life is to love (and be loved by) other human beings. Many humans get married to commit to a life of loving a romantic partner. Others still start families and have children so that they can love someone from the beginning of his or her life to the point that they die. There's no right way to live a love-filled life - all you can do is follow your heart and embrace love's mysterious, inexplicable humanity.
You can help a depressed person. The most important aspect of offering support to someone who has depression is through both compassion and boundaries.
You should be compassionate towards them and help them feel less alone in their suffering.
However, It is not a good model for a depressed person if you sacrifice your own needs for them.
Tips
Many human philosophies and religions advocate a concept called "The Golden Rule," which is: "Do to others what you would have them do to you."
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Meet basic physical needs.\\nHuman beings cannot exist in a vacuum - without caring for certain physical needs, humans will soon die. Take care of your basic well being or you'll have a very hard time meaningfully pursuing the more advanced steps. At the bare minimum, humans need to:\\n\\nBreathe oxygen. Human beings' most pressing need is to breathe air containing oxygen almost constantly. At the absolute longest, humans can go only about 20 minutes without air; most can only last a fraction of that time.\\nEat edible foods and drink water. Humans eat food for energy and to provide vital nutrients for essential body processes. At a minimum, humans should consume adequate amounts of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, as well as several essential vitamins and minerals. Humans also drink water, as it is crucial for many internal processes. The precise amounts of food and water you should consume as a human varies based on your size and your level of physical activity.\\nSleep. Humans still aren't completely sure what the purpose of sleep is, though we do know that it's vital for physical and mental performance. The healthiest adult humans usually sleep 7-8 hours a night.\\nMaintain homeostasis. Essentially, humans need to keep their external environment from interfering with their internal body. This can take many forms - for instance, wearing clothes to regulate body temperature and repairing wounds with sutures, bandages, etc.\\n1-2. Secure your safety.\\nA human's second responsibility, after meeting their innate requirements for life, is to eke out their safety. To thrive, humans can't be worried about whether they will starve or die - such thoughts will override any attempts to reach higher levels of human accomplishment. Here are just a few ways to ensure you're \\\"safe\\\" as a human:\\nAvoid danger. Don't stay near places or situations that can cause physical damage to your body. Injuries can affect your physical health and even cause you to die.\\nGet or build a home. Humans need a place to live that offers protection from the elements. At the bare minimum, this place should have four walls and a place to sleep.\\nPursue a living. Most of the planet earth uses money. Money can be exchanged for goods and services, including food, clothing, and shelter. Most humans eventually get a job to receive a dependable stream of money.\\n1-3. Form human relationships.\\nFamous human Aristotle is remembered as saying: \\\"Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.\\\" In your life as a human, you will meet people. Some will make you feel good - these are \\\"friends.\\\" You may feel a sexual and/or romantic attraction to some: Such a person is a \\\"romantic interest\\\", who can develop into a spouse. A life lived alone is not a fulfilling one - spend time cultivating healthy relationships for a richer, more emotional life.\\nTo maintain friendships, you'll need to \\\"hang out\\\" with your friends. Invite them over for brunch. Talk about sports. Forge a bond with your friends - help them when they need it, and they'll be around to help you.\\nIf you're looking for a relationship, most of them start when one person asks another out. See our list of articles on asking humans out for guidance.\\n1-4. Cultivate your self-esteem.\\nHumans feel better when they consider themselves valuable and they know that others consider them valuable. It's easiest to respect yourself and for others to respect you if you've achieved something. Try to strive for success, whether it's at your job or in other activities that you practice for fun (these are called \\\"hobbies.\\\") Know and be confident in your own abilities. Respect humans who respect you.\\nRelationships with others can help boost your self-esteem when you feel sad, but self-esteem begins within. Don't depend on other peoples' approval for your self-esteem.\\n1-5. Validate your existence.\\nOnce humans are physically secure, have a foundation of healthy relationships, and have a good self-image, they may begin to ponder questions such as \\\"Why are we here?\\\" Different humans ascribe a variety of purposes to human life. Many humans adopt a set of moral principles or develop their own. Others embark on creative endeavors, expressing their innermost thoughts through art. Others still try to make sense of the universe through science or philosophy. There's no right way to make the most of your existence, but here are just a few ideas:\\nSubscribe to an existing (or develop your own) philosophy and/or religion.\\nWrite, draw, play music or dance.\\nBecome an innovator in your craft.\\nExperience (and care for) nature.\\nWhatever you choose to do, try to make your mark on the world. Improve the earth for those who come after you in some way, however small.\\n1-6. Learn how to love others and be loved.\\nLove is difficult to define; the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as a feeling of intense affection, attachment, and/or desire for another human.Many humans say that the best thing in life is to love (and be loved by) other human beings. Many humans get married to commit to a life of loving a romantic partner. Others still start families and have children so that they can love someone from the beginning of his or her life to the point that they die. There's no right way to live a love-filled life - all you can do is follow your heart and embrace love's mysterious, inexplicable humanity.\\nYou can help a depressed person. The most important aspect of offering support to someone who has depression is through both compassion and boundaries.\\nYou should be compassionate towards them and help them feel less alone in their suffering.\\nHowever, It is not a good model for a depressed person if you sacrifice your own needs for them.\\nTips\\nMany human philosophies and religions advocate a concept called \\\"The Golden Rule,\\\" which is: \\\"Do to others what you would have them do to you.\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"This article will walk you through the process of living as a human, from the basic necessities of life to the abstract reaches of human aspiration. This article uses the Hierarchy of Needs (conceived by Abraham Maslow, psychologist, and noted human) as its guiding foundation.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Meet basic physical needs.\", \"描述\": \"Human beings cannot exist in a vacuum - without caring for certain physical needs, humans will soon die. Take care of your basic well being or you'll have a very hard time meaningfully pursuing the more advanced steps. At the bare minimum, humans need to:\\n\\nBreathe oxygen. Human beings' most pressing need is to breathe air containing oxygen almost constantly. At the absolute longest, humans can go only about 20 minutes without air; most can only last a fraction of that time.\\nEat edible foods and drink water. Humans eat food for energy and to provide vital nutrients for essential body processes. At a minimum, humans should consume adequate amounts of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, as well as several essential vitamins and minerals. Humans also drink water, as it is crucial for many internal processes. The precise amounts of food and water you should consume as a human varies based on your size and your level of physical activity.\\nSleep. Humans still aren't completely sure what the purpose of sleep is, though we do know that it's vital for physical and mental performance. The healthiest adult humans usually sleep 7-8 hours a night.\\nMaintain homeostasis. Essentially, humans need to keep their external environment from interfering with their internal body. This can take many forms - for instance, wearing clothes to regulate body temperature and repairing wounds with sutures, bandages, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Secure your safety.\", \"描述\": \"A human's second responsibility, after meeting their innate requirements for life, is to eke out their safety. To thrive, humans can't be worried about whether they will starve or die - such thoughts will override any attempts to reach higher levels of human accomplishment. Here are just a few ways to ensure you're \\\"safe\\\" as a human:\\nAvoid danger. Don't stay near places or situations that can cause physical damage to your body. Injuries can affect your physical health and even cause you to die.\\nGet or build a home. Humans need a place to live that offers protection from the elements. At the bare minimum, this place should have four walls and a place to sleep.\\nPursue a living. Most of the planet earth uses money. Money can be exchanged for goods and services, including food, clothing, and shelter. Most humans eventually get a job to receive a dependable stream of money.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Form human relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Famous human Aristotle is remembered as saying: \\\"Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.\\\" In your life as a human, you will meet people. Some will make you feel good - these are \\\"friends.\\\" You may feel a sexual and/or romantic attraction to some: Such a person is a \\\"romantic interest\\\", who can develop into a spouse. A life lived alone is not a fulfilling one - spend time cultivating healthy relationships for a richer, more emotional life.\\nTo maintain friendships, you'll need to \\\"hang out\\\" with your friends. Invite them over for brunch. Talk about sports. Forge a bond with your friends - help them when they need it, and they'll be around to help you.\\nIf you're looking for a relationship, most of them start when one person asks another out. See our list of articles on asking humans out for guidance.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Cultivate your self-esteem.\", \"描述\": \"Humans feel better when they consider themselves valuable and they know that others consider them valuable. It's easiest to respect yourself and for others to respect you if you've achieved something. Try to strive for success, whether it's at your job or in other activities that you practice for fun (these are called \\\"hobbies.\\\") Know and be confident in your own abilities. Respect humans who respect you.\\nRelationships with others can help boost your self-esteem when you feel sad, but self-esteem begins within. Don't depend on other peoples' approval for your self-esteem.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Validate your existence.\", \"描述\": \"Once humans are physically secure, have a foundation of healthy relationships, and have a good self-image, they may begin to ponder questions such as \\\"Why are we here?\\\" Different humans ascribe a variety of purposes to human life. Many humans adopt a set of moral principles or develop their own. Others embark on creative endeavors, expressing their innermost thoughts through art. Others still try to make sense of the universe through science or philosophy. There's no right way to make the most of your existence, but here are just a few ideas:\\nSubscribe to an existing (or develop your own) philosophy and/or religion.\\nWrite, draw, play music or dance.\\nBecome an innovator in your craft.\\nExperience (and care for) nature.\\nWhatever you choose to do, try to make your mark on the world. Improve the earth for those who come after you in some way, however small.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Learn how to love others and be loved.\", \"描述\": \"Love is difficult to define; the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as a feeling of intense affection, attachment, and/or desire for another human.Many humans say that the best thing in life is to love (and be loved by) other human beings. Many humans get married to commit to a life of loving a romantic partner. Others still start families and have children so that they can love someone from the beginning of his or her life to the point that they die. There's no right way to live a love-filled life - all you can do is follow your heart and embrace love's mysterious, inexplicable humanity.\\nYou can help a depressed person. The most important aspect of offering support to someone who has depression is through both compassion and boundaries.\\nYou should be compassionate towards them and help them feel less alone in their suffering.\\nHowever, It is not a good model for a depressed person if you sacrifice your own needs for them.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Many human philosophies and religions advocate a concept called \\\"The Golden Rule,\\\" which is: \\\"Do to others what you would have them do to you.\\\"\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,841 | How to Be Humble | 1. Accepting Your Limitations
1-1. Admit that you're not the best at everything -- or anything.
No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. Look to those who are better and consider the potential for improvement. Nobody is the best at something.
Even if you are 'the best' in the world at doing one thing, there are always other things that you cannot do, and may never be able to do.
Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it does not mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities. It simply means acknowledging that, as human beings, none of us are perfect and none of us can do everything by ourselves.
1-2. Recognize your own faults.
We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at ourselves. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful. Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming. Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. Everybody makes mistakes.
We make judgments about others all the time, usually without even realizing it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead. Consider how you can improve yourself, instead of how you think others should act. After all, you cannot control other people's decisions and behaviors - but you can control yours.
Work to address your flaws. Remember that growth and improvement is a lifelong process that never stops happening, even when you're very skilled at something.
1-3. Be grateful for what you have.
Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just made one wrong choice in life. You could be in their position instead.
Always remember that with a bad choice yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your good choices change your life.
Though you have undoubtedly worked hard for what you have, you could not have done it all without other people's support. Everything we do is a result of what many other people have done to us. It is all because of the people around us that we get shaped and become better persons at some point so that we could achieve our goals.
1-4. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. However, this doesn't mean that you should be sloppy - try to avoid obvious mistakes, but don't be afraid to try new methods or ways of accomplishing your goals.
Each person can only experience a tiny sliver of life at a time. There will always be people who are older and wiser than you. Your elders' opinions could be worth listening to, although you must make the decision based on your knowledge of them.
1-5. Admit your mistakes.
Although you may fear that people will be angry and frustrated with you, it is always better to admit than to cover it up. Whether you've made a mistake as a boss, parent, or friend, people will appreciate the fact that you're willing to admit that you're not perfect and that you're working to improve yourself and the situation. Admitting your mistakes shows that you're not stubborn, selfish, or unwilling to not look perfect.
Admitting your mistakes will make people respect you more, whether they are your own children or your coworkers.
1-6. Avoid bragging.
It's okay to have healthy self-esteem and to feel proud of your accomplishments, but nobody likes it when someone constantly tries to bring attention to themselves and their own achievements. If you feel like you really have done something great, chances are people will have already begun to notice that, and they will come to respect you even more for your humility.
This doesn't mean you should lie about achieving something; if someone asked if you ran a marathon then it's perfectly acceptable to say 'yes'. But don't constantly talk about how absolutely amazing you were for running the marathon, or achieving other goals.
1-7. Be considerate in conversations.
Humble people don't have to be meek wallflowers - being humble doesn't mean not having any self-esteem. However, a humble person should be mindful of everyone in the conversation and shouldn't talk down or disrupt anyone. As a humble person, you should recognize that everyone, including you, has their own goals and dreams and they may want to talk about their achievements and their opinions on things.
Do your best to always be kind to people. You never know what’s happening in someone else’s life, so try asking people what they need rather than focusing on what you want.
1-8. Don't take all the credit.
We are human beings and who we are now has a lot to do with other people's influence and guidance. Countless people have given you support and helped you to become the person you are so that you can achieve your dreams. It's totally fine to be proud about your achievements, but keep in mind that nobody ever does anything totally by themselves, and that as people, we are all helping each other to accomplish our goals.
Share the love. Recognize others who have helped you on your path to success.
2. Appreciating Others
2-1. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others.
Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more - you will be more humble as well.
Being able to appreciate the talents and qualities of others can also help you recognize qualities that you want to improve or obtain yourself.
2-2. Stop comparing yourself to others.
While competition can be healthy and stimulating, it's nearly impossible to be humble when we're constantly striving to be the "best" or trying to be better than others. Instead, try looking at yourself more. Remember, the ultimate goal isn’t to be better than anyone else, but to be better than the person you used to be. When you focus your energy on improving yourself instead of comparing you to everyone else, you'll find that it is much easier to make yourself better since you don't have to worry about whether or not you're better or worse than anyone.
Every individual is unique. Appreciate people for who they are as human beings, not for their skills and appearance in relation to yours.
2-3. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment.
Although it is ultimately up to you to decide if you were right or wrong, it is a whole different thing to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people — even people who disagree with you — may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level.
Instead of simply saying you are humble and as a person you will make mistakes, you should also concentrate on living with that mindset - being humble is a way of life, not a one-time action.
2-4. Seek guidance from written texts.
This is another way of appreciating others. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself and your perception of your own worth (especially compared to others). You can read inspiring biographies, memoirs, the Bible, nonfiction and fiction on how to improve your life, or whatever it is that makes you be more humble and appreciate the insight that others have to offer.
If you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.
2-5. Remain teachable.
Nobody is perfect or the best at anything. There will always be people who are better at you at something, and therein lies the opportunity to learn from them. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas, and ask them to mentor you. Under mentorship; good boundary setting, confidentiality and discernment are required. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable', bring yourself back down to earth again. Being teachable means that you admit that you always have more to learn about life.
You can be more humble by taking classes in something you know nothing about, such as pottery or screenwriting, and knowing that you will let others teach you and show you the way. This can help you realize that everyone is good at different things and we all need to help each other in order to become better people.
2-6. Help others.
A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility. Helping people in need will also make you appreciate what you have even more.
It goes without saying: don't boast about the volunteering you've done. It's great if you're proud of your work but remember: volunteering is not about you, it is about the people you have helped.
2-7. Go last.
If you're always rushing to get things done first and get to the front of the line, challenge yourself to allow others to go before you - for example, elders, disabled people, children, or people in a hurry.
Ask yourself, "Do I really need to do this first so badly?" The answer will almost always be no.
2-8. Compliment others
Give someone you love, or even someone you barely know, a compliment. Tell your partner that he/she looks great today; compliment your co-worker's new hairdo, or tell the cashier at the grocery store that you like her earrings. Or you can go deeper, and compliment important aspects of people's personalities. Give at least one compliment a day and you will see that other people have so much to offer to the world.
Focus on the positive attributes of others instead of always looking for their flaws.
2-9. Apologize
If you've made a mistake, then confess and admit that you're wrong. Even though saying you're sorry to someone else is painful, you'll have to get over your pride and tell another person that you're sorry for the harm you've done. Eventually the pain will subside, replaced by a feeling of relief because you know that you have made amends. This will show the person that you value him or her greatly and that you acknowledge that you've made a mistake.
Make eye contact when you apologize to show that you really care.
Don't be a repeat offender. Apologizing about something does not give you a license to do it again. Doing so will make people distrusting of you and what you say.
2-10. Listen more than you talk.
This is another great way of appreciating others more and being more humble. The next time you engage in a conversation, let the other person talk, don't interrupt, and ask questions to keep the person talking and sharing. Though you should contribute to the conversation, make a habit of letting others express themselves more than you do so you don't act like you're only concerned with the things that are going on in your life.
Ask questions to show that you understand what the person is talking about. Don't just wait for the person to stop talking so that you can start talking. Remember, if you're busy thinking about what you want to say, then you'll have a harder time focusing on what they are saying.
3. Rediscovering a Sense of Wonder
3-1. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder.
Because we as individuals know very little about the world, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Understand your brain? A rose?
The jaded, "I've seen it all" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Nobody has seen it all - nobody knows it all. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.
3-2. Practice gentleness.
The gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with a conflict: absorb the venom from others' attacks and turn it into something positive by trying to understand why they are angry and reacting with gentleness and respect. Practicing gentleness will help you rediscover your sense of wonder as you focus on the positive aspects of life.
3-3. Spend more time in nature.
Go take a walk in the park. Stand near the bottom of a waterfall. Look at the world from the top of a mountain. Go for a long hike. Swim in an ocean. Find your own way of being in nature and take the time to truly appreciate all that it entails. Close your eyes and feel the breeze on your face. You should feel completely humbled by nature - a force that is so immense in its depth and power. As you develop your wonder and respect for all of the things that were there long before you were and which will be there long after you are gone, you will began to realize just how small you are in this world.
Spending more time in nature will make you see how big and complicated the world is -- and that you're not at the center of it.
3-4. Do yoga.
Yoga is the practice of love and gratitude, and it will make you develop your sense of wonder about your breath, your body, and the love and kindness in the world around you. Yoga makes you see how fleeting your time on earth is and to appreciate it even more. Make a habit of practicing yoga at least twice a week and reap all of the emotional benefits as well as the physical ones.
Yoga is all about being humble. There is no such thing as bragging about how you've hit a new pose in yoga. It's all about doing everything at your own pace.
3-5. Spend time around children.
Children possess a sense of wonder at the world that is difficult to replicate as an adult. Spend more time around kids and see how they appreciate the world, are constantly questioning it, and how they get pleasure and joy out of the smallest and most mundane things. To a child, a flower or a toilet paper roll can be the most incredible thing in the world -- for an afternoon, anyway.
Spending more time around children will remind you of how magical the world really is.
Tips
Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.[10]
X
Research source
Be loving and kind-hearted at all times, you never know when someone might need to reach out to you.
It is fine to talk about yourself a little, but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too. It's also a good idea to listen more when you are being talked/responded to.
Warnings
To be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.
Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.
While humility is a good thing, don't take it too far, thus becoming a doormat. Remember, everything in moderation. Humility is not a weak trait, it is actually a very strong one in the same way kindness is strong. Standing up for yourself with humility is entirely possible and just takes some practice. Be prepared to need to practice this, and don't be discouraged if you don't get the balance right initially.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Accepting Your Limitations\\n1-1. Admit that you're not the best at everything -- or anything.\\nNo matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. Look to those who are better and consider the potential for improvement. Nobody is the best at something.\\nEven if you are 'the best' in the world at doing one thing, there are always other things that you cannot do, and may never be able to do.\\nRecognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it does not mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities. It simply means acknowledging that, as human beings, none of us are perfect and none of us can do everything by ourselves.\\n1-2. Recognize your own faults.\\nWe judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at ourselves. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful. Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming. Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. Everybody makes mistakes.\\nWe make judgments about others all the time, usually without even realizing it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead. Consider how you can improve yourself, instead of how you think others should act. After all, you cannot control other people's decisions and behaviors - but you can control yours.\\nWork to address your flaws. Remember that growth and improvement is a lifelong process that never stops happening, even when you're very skilled at something.\\n1-3. Be grateful for what you have.\\nSuppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just made one wrong choice in life. You could be in their position instead.\\nAlways remember that with a bad choice yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your good choices change your life.\\nThough you have undoubtedly worked hard for what you have, you could not have done it all without other people's support. Everything we do is a result of what many other people have done to us. It is all because of the people around us that we get shaped and become better persons at some point so that we could achieve our goals.\\n1-4. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.\\nPart of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. However, this doesn't mean that you should be sloppy - try to avoid obvious mistakes, but don't be afraid to try new methods or ways of accomplishing your goals.\\nEach person can only experience a tiny sliver of life at a time. There will always be people who are older and wiser than you. Your elders' opinions could be worth listening to, although you must make the decision based on your knowledge of them.\\n1-5. Admit your mistakes.\\nAlthough you may fear that people will be angry and frustrated with you, it is always better to admit than to cover it up. Whether you've made a mistake as a boss, parent, or friend, people will appreciate the fact that you're willing to admit that you're not perfect and that you're working to improve yourself and the situation. Admitting your mistakes shows that you're not stubborn, selfish, or unwilling to not look perfect.\\nAdmitting your mistakes will make people respect you more, whether they are your own children or your coworkers.\\n1-6. Avoid bragging.\\nIt's okay to have healthy self-esteem and to feel proud of your accomplishments, but nobody likes it when someone constantly tries to bring attention to themselves and their own achievements. If you feel like you really have done something great, chances are people will have already begun to notice that, and they will come to respect you even more for your humility.\\nThis doesn't mean you should lie about achieving something; if someone asked if you ran a marathon then it's perfectly acceptable to say 'yes'. But don't constantly talk about how absolutely amazing you were for running the marathon, or achieving other goals.\\n1-7. Be considerate in conversations.\\nHumble people don't have to be meek wallflowers - being humble doesn't mean not having any self-esteem. However, a humble person should be mindful of everyone in the conversation and shouldn't talk down or disrupt anyone. As a humble person, you should recognize that everyone, including you, has their own goals and dreams and they may want to talk about their achievements and their opinions on things.\\nDo your best to always be kind to people. You never know what’s happening in someone else’s life, so try asking people what they need rather than focusing on what you want.\\n1-8. Don't take all the credit.\\nWe are human beings and who we are now has a lot to do with other people's influence and guidance. Countless people have given you support and helped you to become the person you are so that you can achieve your dreams. It's totally fine to be proud about your achievements, but keep in mind that nobody ever does anything totally by themselves, and that as people, we are all helping each other to accomplish our goals.\\nShare the love. Recognize others who have helped you on your path to success.\\n2. Appreciating Others\\n2-1. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others.\\nChallenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more - you will be more humble as well.\\nBeing able to appreciate the talents and qualities of others can also help you recognize qualities that you want to improve or obtain yourself.\\n2-2. Stop comparing yourself to others.\\nWhile competition can be healthy and stimulating, it's nearly impossible to be humble when we're constantly striving to be the \\\"best\\\" or trying to be better than others. Instead, try looking at yourself more. Remember, the ultimate goal isn’t to be better than anyone else, but to be better than the person you used to be. When you focus your energy on improving yourself instead of comparing you to everyone else, you'll find that it is much easier to make yourself better since you don't have to worry about whether or not you're better or worse than anyone.\\nEvery individual is unique. Appreciate people for who they are as human beings, not for their skills and appearance in relation to yours.\\n2-3. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment.\\nAlthough it is ultimately up to you to decide if you were right or wrong, it is a whole different thing to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people — even people who disagree with you — may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level.\\nInstead of simply saying you are humble and as a person you will make mistakes, you should also concentrate on living with that mindset - being humble is a way of life, not a one-time action.\\n2-4. Seek guidance from written texts.\\nThis is another way of appreciating others. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself and your perception of your own worth (especially compared to others). You can read inspiring biographies, memoirs, the Bible, nonfiction and fiction on how to improve your life, or whatever it is that makes you be more humble and appreciate the insight that others have to offer.\\nIf you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.\\n2-5. Remain teachable.\\nNobody is perfect or the best at anything. There will always be people who are better at you at something, and therein lies the opportunity to learn from them. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas, and ask them to mentor you. Under mentorship; good boundary setting, confidentiality and discernment are required. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable', bring yourself back down to earth again. Being teachable means that you admit that you always have more to learn about life.\\nYou can be more humble by taking classes in something you know nothing about, such as pottery or screenwriting, and knowing that you will let others teach you and show you the way. This can help you realize that everyone is good at different things and we all need to help each other in order to become better people.\\n2-6. Help others.\\nA big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility. Helping people in need will also make you appreciate what you have even more.\\nIt goes without saying: don't boast about the volunteering you've done. It's great if you're proud of your work but remember: volunteering is not about you, it is about the people you have helped.\\n2-7. Go last.\\nIf you're always rushing to get things done first and get to the front of the line, challenge yourself to allow others to go before you - for example, elders, disabled people, children, or people in a hurry.\\nAsk yourself, \\\"Do I really need to do this first so badly?\\\" The answer will almost always be no.\\n2-8. Compliment others\\nGive someone you love, or even someone you barely know, a compliment. Tell your partner that he/she looks great today; compliment your co-worker's new hairdo, or tell the cashier at the grocery store that you like her earrings. Or you can go deeper, and compliment important aspects of people's personalities. Give at least one compliment a day and you will see that other people have so much to offer to the world.\\nFocus on the positive attributes of others instead of always looking for their flaws.\\n2-9. Apologize\\nIf you've made a mistake, then confess and admit that you're wrong. Even though saying you're sorry to someone else is painful, you'll have to get over your pride and tell another person that you're sorry for the harm you've done. Eventually the pain will subside, replaced by a feeling of relief because you know that you have made amends. This will show the person that you value him or her greatly and that you acknowledge that you've made a mistake.\\nMake eye contact when you apologize to show that you really care.\\nDon't be a repeat offender. Apologizing about something does not give you a license to do it again. Doing so will make people distrusting of you and what you say.\\n2-10. Listen more than you talk.\\nThis is another great way of appreciating others more and being more humble. The next time you engage in a conversation, let the other person talk, don't interrupt, and ask questions to keep the person talking and sharing. Though you should contribute to the conversation, make a habit of letting others express themselves more than you do so you don't act like you're only concerned with the things that are going on in your life.\\nAsk questions to show that you understand what the person is talking about. Don't just wait for the person to stop talking so that you can start talking. Remember, if you're busy thinking about what you want to say, then you'll have a harder time focusing on what they are saying.\\n3. Rediscovering a Sense of Wonder\\n3-1. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder.\\nBecause we as individuals know very little about the world, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Understand your brain? A rose?\\nThe jaded, \\\"I've seen it all\\\" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Nobody has seen it all - nobody knows it all. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.\\n3-2. Practice gentleness.\\nThe gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with a conflict: absorb the venom from others' attacks and turn it into something positive by trying to understand why they are angry and reacting with gentleness and respect. Practicing gentleness will help you rediscover your sense of wonder as you focus on the positive aspects of life.\\n3-3. Spend more time in nature.\\nGo take a walk in the park. Stand near the bottom of a waterfall. Look at the world from the top of a mountain. Go for a long hike. Swim in an ocean. Find your own way of being in nature and take the time to truly appreciate all that it entails. Close your eyes and feel the breeze on your face. You should feel completely humbled by nature - a force that is so immense in its depth and power. As you develop your wonder and respect for all of the things that were there long before you were and which will be there long after you are gone, you will began to realize just how small you are in this world.\\nSpending more time in nature will make you see how big and complicated the world is -- and that you're not at the center of it.\\n3-4. Do yoga.\\nYoga is the practice of love and gratitude, and it will make you develop your sense of wonder about your breath, your body, and the love and kindness in the world around you. Yoga makes you see how fleeting your time on earth is and to appreciate it even more. Make a habit of practicing yoga at least twice a week and reap all of the emotional benefits as well as the physical ones.\\nYoga is all about being humble. There is no such thing as bragging about how you've hit a new pose in yoga. It's all about doing everything at your own pace.\\n3-5. Spend time around children.\\nChildren possess a sense of wonder at the world that is difficult to replicate as an adult. Spend more time around kids and see how they appreciate the world, are constantly questioning it, and how they get pleasure and joy out of the smallest and most mundane things. To a child, a flower or a toilet paper roll can be the most incredible thing in the world -- for an afternoon, anyway.\\nSpending more time around children will remind you of how magical the world really is.\\nTips\\nAppreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.[10]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nBe loving and kind-hearted at all times, you never know when someone might need to reach out to you.\\nIt is fine to talk about yourself a little, but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too. It's also a good idea to listen more when you are being talked/responded to.\\nWarnings\\nTo be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.\\nSimilarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.\\nWhile humility is a good thing, don't take it too far, thus becoming a doormat. Remember, everything in moderation. Humility is not a weak trait, it is actually a very strong one in the same way kindness is strong. Standing up for yourself with humility is entirely possible and just takes some practice. Be prepared to need to practice this, and don't be discouraged if you don't get the balance right initially.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"\\\"It's hard to be humble,\\\" says an old country song, \\\"when you're perfect in every way.\\\" Of course, few people actually think they're perfect in every way. But it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially if you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Yet even in such a culture, humility remains an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most spiritual traditions, and humility can help you develop more fully and enjoy richer relationships with others, as well as create opportunities and earn you respect.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accepting Your Limitations\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Admit that you're not the best at everything -- or anything.\", \"描述\": \"No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. Look to those who are better and consider the potential for improvement. Nobody is the best at something.\\nEven if you are 'the best' in the world at doing one thing, there are always other things that you cannot do, and may never be able to do.\\nRecognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it does not mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities. It simply means acknowledging that, as human beings, none of us are perfect and none of us can do everything by ourselves.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Recognize your own faults.\", \"描述\": \"We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at ourselves. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful. Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming. Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. Everybody makes mistakes.\\nWe make judgments about others all the time, usually without even realizing it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead. Consider how you can improve yourself, instead of how you think others should act. After all, you cannot control other people's decisions and behaviors - but you can control yours.\\nWork to address your flaws. Remember that growth and improvement is a lifelong process that never stops happening, even when you're very skilled at something.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be grateful for what you have.\", \"描述\": \"Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just made one wrong choice in life. You could be in their position instead.\\nAlways remember that with a bad choice yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your good choices change your life.\\nThough you have undoubtedly worked hard for what you have, you could not have done it all without other people's support. Everything we do is a result of what many other people have done to us. It is all because of the people around us that we get shaped and become better persons at some point so that we could achieve our goals.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't be afraid to make mistakes.\", \"描述\": \"Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. However, this doesn't mean that you should be sloppy - try to avoid obvious mistakes, but don't be afraid to try new methods or ways of accomplishing your goals.\\nEach person can only experience a tiny sliver of life at a time. There will always be people who are older and wiser than you. Your elders' opinions could be worth listening to, although you must make the decision based on your knowledge of them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Admit your mistakes.\", \"描述\": \"Although you may fear that people will be angry and frustrated with you, it is always better to admit than to cover it up. Whether you've made a mistake as a boss, parent, or friend, people will appreciate the fact that you're willing to admit that you're not perfect and that you're working to improve yourself and the situation. Admitting your mistakes shows that you're not stubborn, selfish, or unwilling to not look perfect.\\nAdmitting your mistakes will make people respect you more, whether they are your own children or your coworkers.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid bragging.\", \"描述\": \"It's okay to have healthy self-esteem and to feel proud of your accomplishments, but nobody likes it when someone constantly tries to bring attention to themselves and their own achievements. If you feel like you really have done something great, chances are people will have already begun to notice that, and they will come to respect you even more for your humility.\\nThis doesn't mean you should lie about achieving something; if someone asked if you ran a marathon then it's perfectly acceptable to say 'yes'. But don't constantly talk about how absolutely amazing you were for running the marathon, or achieving other goals.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be considerate in conversations.\", \"描述\": \"Humble people don't have to be meek wallflowers - being humble doesn't mean not having any self-esteem. However, a humble person should be mindful of everyone in the conversation and shouldn't talk down or disrupt anyone. As a humble person, you should recognize that everyone, including you, has their own goals and dreams and they may want to talk about their achievements and their opinions on things.\\nDo your best to always be kind to people. You never know what’s happening in someone else’s life, so try asking people what they need rather than focusing on what you want.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Don't take all the credit.\", \"描述\": \"We are human beings and who we are now has a lot to do with other people's influence and guidance. Countless people have given you support and helped you to become the person you are so that you can achieve your dreams. It's totally fine to be proud about your achievements, but keep in mind that nobody ever does anything totally by themselves, and that as people, we are all helping each other to accomplish our goals.\\nShare the love. Recognize others who have helped you on your path to success.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Appreciating Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Appreciate the talents and qualities of others.\", \"描述\": \"Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more - you will be more humble as well.\\nBeing able to appreciate the talents and qualities of others can also help you recognize qualities that you want to improve or obtain yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stop comparing yourself to others.\", \"描述\": \"While competition can be healthy and stimulating, it's nearly impossible to be humble when we're constantly striving to be the \\\"best\\\" or trying to be better than others. Instead, try looking at yourself more. Remember, the ultimate goal isn’t to be better than anyone else, but to be better than the person you used to be. When you focus your energy on improving yourself instead of comparing you to everyone else, you'll find that it is much easier to make yourself better since you don't have to worry about whether or not you're better or worse than anyone.\\nEvery individual is unique. Appreciate people for who they are as human beings, not for their skills and appearance in relation to yours.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment.\", \"描述\": \"Although it is ultimately up to you to decide if you were right or wrong, it is a whole different thing to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people — even people who disagree with you — may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level.\\nInstead of simply saying you are humble and as a person you will make mistakes, you should also concentrate on living with that mindset - being humble is a way of life, not a one-time action.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Seek guidance from written texts.\", \"描述\": \"This is another way of appreciating others. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself and your perception of your own worth (especially compared to others). You can read inspiring biographies, memoirs, the Bible, nonfiction and fiction on how to improve your life, or whatever it is that makes you be more humble and appreciate the insight that others have to offer.\\nIf you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Remain teachable.\", \"描述\": \"Nobody is perfect or the best at anything. There will always be people who are better at you at something, and therein lies the opportunity to learn from them. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas, and ask them to mentor you. Under mentorship; good boundary setting, confidentiality and discernment are required. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable', bring yourself back down to earth again. Being teachable means that you admit that you always have more to learn about life.\\nYou can be more humble by taking classes in something you know nothing about, such as pottery or screenwriting, and knowing that you will let others teach you and show you the way. This can help you realize that everyone is good at different things and we all need to help each other in order to become better people.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Help others.\", \"描述\": \"A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility. Helping people in need will also make you appreciate what you have even more.\\nIt goes without saying: don't boast about the volunteering you've done. It's great if you're proud of your work but remember: volunteering is not about you, it is about the people you have helped.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Go last.\", \"描述\": \"If you're always rushing to get things done first and get to the front of the line, challenge yourself to allow others to go before you - for example, elders, disabled people, children, or people in a hurry.\\nAsk yourself, \\\"Do I really need to do this first so badly?\\\" The answer will almost always be no.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Compliment others\", \"描述\": \"Give someone you love, or even someone you barely know, a compliment. Tell your partner that he/she looks great today; compliment your co-worker's new hairdo, or tell the cashier at the grocery store that you like her earrings. Or you can go deeper, and compliment important aspects of people's personalities. Give at least one compliment a day and you will see that other people have so much to offer to the world.\\nFocus on the positive attributes of others instead of always looking for their flaws.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Apologize\", \"描述\": \"If you've made a mistake, then confess and admit that you're wrong. Even though saying you're sorry to someone else is painful, you'll have to get over your pride and tell another person that you're sorry for the harm you've done. Eventually the pain will subside, replaced by a feeling of relief because you know that you have made amends. This will show the person that you value him or her greatly and that you acknowledge that you've made a mistake.\\nMake eye contact when you apologize to show that you really care.\\nDon't be a repeat offender. Apologizing about something does not give you a license to do it again. Doing so will make people distrusting of you and what you say.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Listen more than you talk.\", \"描述\": \"This is another great way of appreciating others more and being more humble. The next time you engage in a conversation, let the other person talk, don't interrupt, and ask questions to keep the person talking and sharing. Though you should contribute to the conversation, make a habit of letting others express themselves more than you do so you don't act like you're only concerned with the things that are going on in your life.\\nAsk questions to show that you understand what the person is talking about. Don't just wait for the person to stop talking so that you can start talking. Remember, if you're busy thinking about what you want to say, then you'll have a harder time focusing on what they are saying.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Rediscovering a Sense of Wonder\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Rejuvenate your sense of wonder.\", \"描述\": \"Because we as individuals know very little about the world, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Understand your brain? A rose?\\nThe jaded, \\\"I've seen it all\\\" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Nobody has seen it all - nobody knows it all. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice gentleness.\", \"描述\": \"The gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with a conflict: absorb the venom from others' attacks and turn it into something positive by trying to understand why they are angry and reacting with gentleness and respect. Practicing gentleness will help you rediscover your sense of wonder as you focus on the positive aspects of life.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Spend more time in nature.\", \"描述\": \"Go take a walk in the park. Stand near the bottom of a waterfall. Look at the world from the top of a mountain. Go for a long hike. Swim in an ocean. Find your own way of being in nature and take the time to truly appreciate all that it entails. Close your eyes and feel the breeze on your face. You should feel completely humbled by nature - a force that is so immense in its depth and power. As you develop your wonder and respect for all of the things that were there long before you were and which will be there long after you are gone, you will began to realize just how small you are in this world.\\nSpending more time in nature will make you see how big and complicated the world is -- and that you're not at the center of it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Do yoga.\", \"描述\": \"Yoga is the practice of love and gratitude, and it will make you develop your sense of wonder about your breath, your body, and the love and kindness in the world around you. Yoga makes you see how fleeting your time on earth is and to appreciate it even more. Make a habit of practicing yoga at least twice a week and reap all of the emotional benefits as well as the physical ones.\\nYoga is all about being humble. There is no such thing as bragging about how you've hit a new pose in yoga. It's all about doing everything at your own pace.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Spend time around children.\", \"描述\": \"Children possess a sense of wonder at the world that is difficult to replicate as an adult. Spend more time around kids and see how they appreciate the world, are constantly questioning it, and how they get pleasure and joy out of the smallest and most mundane things. To a child, a flower or a toilet paper roll can be the most incredible thing in the world -- for an afternoon, anyway.\\nSpending more time around children will remind you of how magical the world really is.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.[10]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Be loving and kind-hearted at all times, you never know when someone might need to reach out to you.\\n\", \"It is fine to talk about yourself a little, but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too. It's also a good idea to listen more when you are being talked/responded to.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"To be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.\\n\", \"Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.\\n\", \"While humility is a good thing, don't take it too far, thus becoming a doormat. Remember, everything in moderation. Humility is not a weak trait, it is actually a very strong one in the same way kindness is strong. Standing up for yourself with humility is entirely possible and just takes some practice. Be prepared to need to practice this, and don't be discouraged if you don't get the balance right initially.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,842 | 10 Easy Ways to Stay Hydrated (or Get Hydrated Quickly) Without Drinking Water | 1. Tea
Tea is technically just 100% water that is flavored with herbs.
Whether you wake up with a warm cup of ginger tea, or you sip some unsweetened iced tea during your lunch break, tea is a phenomenal non-water option when it comes to staying hydrated. You can choose any flavor or type of tea you’d like, which is great if you like mixing things up!
When it comes to staying hydrated, salt and sugar are your enemy. If you’re drinking tea to get hydrated, skip the sugar.
There’s a myth out there that caffeine makes you dehydrated, but there actually isn’t evidence to support this. A cup of caffeinated tea may make you urinate a little faster than you normally would, but your body will still absorb the water content.
2. Coffee
Despite popular myths, coffee actually hydrates you.
It’s hard to believe, but coffee is made with water, which means you’re getting a good dose of H2O every time you have a cup of Joe. Just be careful—too much coffee can run a number on your stomach, lead to headaches, and make it hard to fall asleep at night.
Like tea, you may not feel like you’re getting hydrated when you drink coffee because it makes you urinate more often. This doesn’t mean you aren’t hydrated, though!
3. Milk
A cup of milk is one of the best ways to get hydrated fast.
Milk contains some proteins and fats which actually take a long time for your stomach to process. As a result, your body actually hydrates itself over a longer period of time when you drink milk instead of water. For these reasons, some evidence suggests that a cup of milk may actually make you more hydrated than water!
Low-fat and fat-free milk are going to be healthier for you than full-fat milk.
This isn’t to say that you should just drink milk and skip the water entirely. Water is still the hands-down champion when it comes to keeping you happy and healthy.
A bowl of cereal is a great way to incorporate some milk into your diet!
4. Fruit
Watermelon, pineapple, and apple are all full of water.
Watermelon in particular is super hydrating because it’s 92% water. Still, basically every fruit is going to naturally have a high water content, so you really can’t go wrong here. Either snack on the fruit on its own, or chop a few different fruits up to make a fruit salad!
Pears, cucumbers, and strawberries stand out as especially good options as well. All of these fruits are refreshing and have an exceptionally high water content.
Even the least hydrating fruits, like bananas and grapes, are still 75-80% water.
Dehydrated fruits still contain 15% water or more, which may be surprising. They won’t refresh you the same way a cup of water or a fresh pear will, but there’s some water in there!
You can also add some pieces of fruit into your water to make it a little more fun and flavorful.
5. Vegetables
Bell peppers, squash, and celery all have high water contents.
Come dinnertime, don’t forget to dice some veggies up for your side dish. You can also incorporate them into your pasta, casserole, or pizza recipes. If you’re looking for a hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat celery and peanut butter. That’s a winning combination of delicious, healthy, and hydrating!
Potatoes do have a high water content on their own. Unfortunately, heating food removes a fair percentage of the water content, and potatoes tend to require high cooking times.
Tomatoes technically count as vegetables. They’re 94% water and you can incorporate them into a ton of different dishes. Cherry tomatoes with olive oil and mozzarella make for a great snack!
6. Salad
Basically any salad is good for hydration since leafy greens are mostly water.
Leafy greens contain a lot of water naturally. In fact, iceberg lettuce is 96% water, which makes it one of the most hydrating foods out there. On top of that, you’re likely throwing in some other veggies or fruits in your salad as well, so you’re double-dipping in the high-water food groups. Cucumbers, carrots, and tomatoes are all going to keep you hydrated, and they all taste great in a salad.
Stay away from the high-salt and high-sugar dressings if possible. Salt and sugar are just going to make you thirstier. Olive oil on its own is a great, subtle alternative if you need one!
7. Soup
Most soups have a lot of water, but clear varieties are best.
Basically, the thicker and more opaque a soup is, the less hydration you’ll get from it. Something like chicken noodle soup is going to be ideal, but minestrone, Italian, and cabbage soup are all great choices as well. Throw some veggies in there to get even more hydration alongside some beneficial nutrients!
Tomatoes are 95% water, so things like tomato soup and tomato bisque are going to be solid options.
Some canned soups are really high in sodium or sugar. Try to get “light” soups, or make your own for the best results!
8. Applesauce
Apples are high in water to begin with, but it gets better.
Most applesauce recipes require water, which is obviously going to help in the hydration department. All things considered, it’s hard to find a healthier, more hydrating snack. You can also mix in a dash of brown sugar and some cinnamon without dramatically altering the water content of the dish.
9. Yogurt
A single serving of yogurt is roughly 85% water!
If you want a healthy, hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat yogurt. It also comes in a variety of different flavors, which is nice if you’re trying to stay more consistently hydrated but you get tired of eating the same thing over and over. You can always mix in some nuts or berries to give your yogurt a more interesting texture as well.
While Greek yogurt is still good from a hydration perspective, regular yogurt contains more water. The difference isn’t that big though, so feel free to choose whichever type of yogurt you like best.
10. Meat
Juicy steaks and tender chicken breasts are high in water.
It’s not your best choice, but a cooked cut of beef or chicken contains roughly 62% water. If you’re trying to orient your diet so that you’re getting more water, don’t worry about cutting meat out entirely. Just cut back on the salt when it comes to the seasoning, and don’t eat more than 3 servings of red meat a week.
Meat is a solid source of protein, and it helps to eat a balanced diet. You shouldn’t be throwing burgers and sausage on the grill every night, but the occasional steak and regular lean meats are perfectly fine.
Tips
Coconut water and fruit-infused water are great ways to stay hydrated if you’re bored of boring old water.[31]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source
Juice will hydrate you, but don’t overdo it. Even 100% juices tend to be overloaded on carbohydrates or sodium.[32]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source
Warnings
Stay away from beverages with a lot of sugar in them if you want to stay hydrated. Any benefit you get from the beverage will be outweighed by the negative health impact of the sugar.[33]
X
Research source
While alcohol often has a high water content, it also suppresses your anti-diuretic hormones, which help to absorb water. This means that while one or two alcoholic beverages may make you feel hydrated, drinking a lot of alcohol will eventually make you dehydrated.[34]
X
Research source
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Tea\\nTea is technically just 100% water that is flavored with herbs.\\nWhether you wake up with a warm cup of ginger tea, or you sip some unsweetened iced tea during your lunch break, tea is a phenomenal non-water option when it comes to staying hydrated. You can choose any flavor or type of tea you’d like, which is great if you like mixing things up!\\nWhen it comes to staying hydrated, salt and sugar are your enemy. If you’re drinking tea to get hydrated, skip the sugar.\\nThere’s a myth out there that caffeine makes you dehydrated, but there actually isn’t evidence to support this. A cup of caffeinated tea may make you urinate a little faster than you normally would, but your body will still absorb the water content.\\n2. Coffee\\nDespite popular myths, coffee actually hydrates you.\\nIt’s hard to believe, but coffee is made with water, which means you’re getting a good dose of H2O every time you have a cup of Joe. Just be careful—too much coffee can run a number on your stomach, lead to headaches, and make it hard to fall asleep at night.\\nLike tea, you may not feel like you’re getting hydrated when you drink coffee because it makes you urinate more often. This doesn’t mean you aren’t hydrated, though!\\n3. Milk\\nA cup of milk is one of the best ways to get hydrated fast.\\nMilk contains some proteins and fats which actually take a long time for your stomach to process. As a result, your body actually hydrates itself over a longer period of time when you drink milk instead of water. For these reasons, some evidence suggests that a cup of milk may actually make you more hydrated than water!\\nLow-fat and fat-free milk are going to be healthier for you than full-fat milk.\\nThis isn’t to say that you should just drink milk and skip the water entirely. Water is still the hands-down champion when it comes to keeping you happy and healthy.\\nA bowl of cereal is a great way to incorporate some milk into your diet!\\n4. Fruit\\nWatermelon, pineapple, and apple are all full of water.\\nWatermelon in particular is super hydrating because it’s 92% water. Still, basically every fruit is going to naturally have a high water content, so you really can’t go wrong here. Either snack on the fruit on its own, or chop a few different fruits up to make a fruit salad!\\nPears, cucumbers, and strawberries stand out as especially good options as well. All of these fruits are refreshing and have an exceptionally high water content.\\nEven the least hydrating fruits, like bananas and grapes, are still 75-80% water.\\nDehydrated fruits still contain 15% water or more, which may be surprising. They won’t refresh you the same way a cup of water or a fresh pear will, but there’s some water in there!\\nYou can also add some pieces of fruit into your water to make it a little more fun and flavorful.\\n5. Vegetables\\nBell peppers, squash, and celery all have high water contents.\\nCome dinnertime, don’t forget to dice some veggies up for your side dish. You can also incorporate them into your pasta, casserole, or pizza recipes. If you’re looking for a hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat celery and peanut butter. That’s a winning combination of delicious, healthy, and hydrating!\\nPotatoes do have a high water content on their own. Unfortunately, heating food removes a fair percentage of the water content, and potatoes tend to require high cooking times.\\nTomatoes technically count as vegetables. They’re 94% water and you can incorporate them into a ton of different dishes. Cherry tomatoes with olive oil and mozzarella make for a great snack!\\n6. Salad\\nBasically any salad is good for hydration since leafy greens are mostly water.\\nLeafy greens contain a lot of water naturally. In fact, iceberg lettuce is 96% water, which makes it one of the most hydrating foods out there. On top of that, you’re likely throwing in some other veggies or fruits in your salad as well, so you’re double-dipping in the high-water food groups. Cucumbers, carrots, and tomatoes are all going to keep you hydrated, and they all taste great in a salad.\\nStay away from the high-salt and high-sugar dressings if possible. Salt and sugar are just going to make you thirstier. Olive oil on its own is a great, subtle alternative if you need one!\\n7. Soup\\nMost soups have a lot of water, but clear varieties are best.\\nBasically, the thicker and more opaque a soup is, the less hydration you’ll get from it. Something like chicken noodle soup is going to be ideal, but minestrone, Italian, and cabbage soup are all great choices as well. Throw some veggies in there to get even more hydration alongside some beneficial nutrients!\\nTomatoes are 95% water, so things like tomato soup and tomato bisque are going to be solid options.\\nSome canned soups are really high in sodium or sugar. Try to get “light” soups, or make your own for the best results!\\n8. Applesauce\\nApples are high in water to begin with, but it gets better.\\nMost applesauce recipes require water, which is obviously going to help in the hydration department. All things considered, it’s hard to find a healthier, more hydrating snack. You can also mix in a dash of brown sugar and some cinnamon without dramatically altering the water content of the dish.\\n9. Yogurt\\nA single serving of yogurt is roughly 85% water!\\nIf you want a healthy, hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat yogurt. It also comes in a variety of different flavors, which is nice if you’re trying to stay more consistently hydrated but you get tired of eating the same thing over and over. You can always mix in some nuts or berries to give your yogurt a more interesting texture as well.\\nWhile Greek yogurt is still good from a hydration perspective, regular yogurt contains more water. The difference isn’t that big though, so feel free to choose whichever type of yogurt you like best.\\n10. Meat\\nJuicy steaks and tender chicken breasts are high in water.\\nIt’s not your best choice, but a cooked cut of beef or chicken contains roughly 62% water. If you’re trying to orient your diet so that you’re getting more water, don’t worry about cutting meat out entirely. Just cut back on the salt when it comes to the seasoning, and don’t eat more than 3 servings of red meat a week.\\nMeat is a solid source of protein, and it helps to eat a balanced diet. You shouldn’t be throwing burgers and sausage on the grill every night, but the occasional steak and regular lean meats are perfectly fine.\\nTips\\nCoconut water and fruit-infused water are great ways to stay hydrated if you’re bored of boring old water.[31]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nMayo Clinic\\nEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals\\nGo to source\\nJuice will hydrate you, but don’t overdo it. Even 100% juices tend to be overloaded on carbohydrates or sodium.[32]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nCleveland Clinic\\nEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals\\nGo to source\\nWarnings\\nStay away from beverages with a lot of sugar in them if you want to stay hydrated. Any benefit you get from the beverage will be outweighed by the negative health impact of the sugar.[33]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nWhile alcohol often has a high water content, it also suppresses your anti-diuretic hormones, which help to absorb water. This means that while one or two alcoholic beverages may make you feel hydrated, drinking a lot of alcohol will eventually make you dehydrated.[34]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You may be surprised, but almost every food and drink you consume contains some water. In fact, roughly 20% of the average person’s daily water intake comes from their food and they don’t even realize it! It’s exceptionally easy to get hydrated without water, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to drink plenty of H2O. While supplementing your diet with some water-rich foods and drinks is a surefire way to stay hydrated, you should still aim to knock back at least 11–15 cups (2.6–3.5 L) of water a day.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tea\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tea is technically just 100% water that is flavored with herbs.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you wake up with a warm cup of ginger tea, or you sip some unsweetened iced tea during your lunch break, tea is a phenomenal non-water option when it comes to staying hydrated. You can choose any flavor or type of tea you’d like, which is great if you like mixing things up!\\nWhen it comes to staying hydrated, salt and sugar are your enemy. If you’re drinking tea to get hydrated, skip the sugar.\\nThere’s a myth out there that caffeine makes you dehydrated, but there actually isn’t evidence to support this. A cup of caffeinated tea may make you urinate a little faster than you normally would, but your body will still absorb the water content.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Coffee\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Despite popular myths, coffee actually hydrates you.\", \"描述\": \"It’s hard to believe, but coffee is made with water, which means you’re getting a good dose of H2O every time you have a cup of Joe. Just be careful—too much coffee can run a number on your stomach, lead to headaches, and make it hard to fall asleep at night.\\nLike tea, you may not feel like you’re getting hydrated when you drink coffee because it makes you urinate more often. This doesn’t mean you aren’t hydrated, though!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Milk\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A cup of milk is one of the best ways to get hydrated fast.\", \"描述\": \"Milk contains some proteins and fats which actually take a long time for your stomach to process. As a result, your body actually hydrates itself over a longer period of time when you drink milk instead of water. For these reasons, some evidence suggests that a cup of milk may actually make you more hydrated than water!\\nLow-fat and fat-free milk are going to be healthier for you than full-fat milk.\\nThis isn’t to say that you should just drink milk and skip the water entirely. Water is still the hands-down champion when it comes to keeping you happy and healthy.\\nA bowl of cereal is a great way to incorporate some milk into your diet!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Fruit\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Watermelon, pineapple, and apple are all full of water.\", \"描述\": \"Watermelon in particular is super hydrating because it’s 92% water. Still, basically every fruit is going to naturally have a high water content, so you really can’t go wrong here. Either snack on the fruit on its own, or chop a few different fruits up to make a fruit salad!\\nPears, cucumbers, and strawberries stand out as especially good options as well. All of these fruits are refreshing and have an exceptionally high water content.\\nEven the least hydrating fruits, like bananas and grapes, are still 75-80% water.\\nDehydrated fruits still contain 15% water or more, which may be surprising. They won’t refresh you the same way a cup of water or a fresh pear will, but there’s some water in there!\\nYou can also add some pieces of fruit into your water to make it a little more fun and flavorful.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Vegetables\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bell peppers, squash, and celery all have high water contents.\", \"描述\": \"Come dinnertime, don’t forget to dice some veggies up for your side dish. You can also incorporate them into your pasta, casserole, or pizza recipes. If you’re looking for a hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat celery and peanut butter. That’s a winning combination of delicious, healthy, and hydrating!\\nPotatoes do have a high water content on their own. Unfortunately, heating food removes a fair percentage of the water content, and potatoes tend to require high cooking times.\\nTomatoes technically count as vegetables. They’re 94% water and you can incorporate them into a ton of different dishes. Cherry tomatoes with olive oil and mozzarella make for a great snack!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Salad\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Basically any salad is good for hydration since leafy greens are mostly water.\", \"描述\": \"Leafy greens contain a lot of water naturally. In fact, iceberg lettuce is 96% water, which makes it one of the most hydrating foods out there. On top of that, you’re likely throwing in some other veggies or fruits in your salad as well, so you’re double-dipping in the high-water food groups. Cucumbers, carrots, and tomatoes are all going to keep you hydrated, and they all taste great in a salad.\\nStay away from the high-salt and high-sugar dressings if possible. Salt and sugar are just going to make you thirstier. Olive oil on its own is a great, subtle alternative if you need one!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Soup\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Most soups have a lot of water, but clear varieties are best.\", \"描述\": \"Basically, the thicker and more opaque a soup is, the less hydration you’ll get from it. Something like chicken noodle soup is going to be ideal, but minestrone, Italian, and cabbage soup are all great choices as well. Throw some veggies in there to get even more hydration alongside some beneficial nutrients!\\nTomatoes are 95% water, so things like tomato soup and tomato bisque are going to be solid options.\\nSome canned soups are really high in sodium or sugar. Try to get “light” soups, or make your own for the best results!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Applesauce\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Apples are high in water to begin with, but it gets better.\", \"描述\": \"Most applesauce recipes require water, which is obviously going to help in the hydration department. All things considered, it’s hard to find a healthier, more hydrating snack. You can also mix in a dash of brown sugar and some cinnamon without dramatically altering the water content of the dish.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Yogurt\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A single serving of yogurt is roughly 85% water!\", \"描述\": \"If you want a healthy, hydrating snack, it’s hard to beat yogurt. It also comes in a variety of different flavors, which is nice if you’re trying to stay more consistently hydrated but you get tired of eating the same thing over and over. You can always mix in some nuts or berries to give your yogurt a more interesting texture as well.\\nWhile Greek yogurt is still good from a hydration perspective, regular yogurt contains more water. The difference isn’t that big though, so feel free to choose whichever type of yogurt you like best.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Meat\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Juicy steaks and tender chicken breasts are high in water.\", \"描述\": \"It’s not your best choice, but a cooked cut of beef or chicken contains roughly 62% water. If you’re trying to orient your diet so that you’re getting more water, don’t worry about cutting meat out entirely. Just cut back on the salt when it comes to the seasoning, and don’t eat more than 3 servings of red meat a week.\\nMeat is a solid source of protein, and it helps to eat a balanced diet. You shouldn’t be throwing burgers and sausage on the grill every night, but the occasional steak and regular lean meats are perfectly fine.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Coconut water and fruit-infused water are great ways to stay hydrated if you’re bored of boring old water.[31]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nMayo Clinic\\nEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals\\nGo to source\\n\", \"Juice will hydrate you, but don’t overdo it. Even 100% juices tend to be overloaded on carbohydrates or sodium.[32]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nCleveland Clinic\\nEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals\\nGo to source\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Stay away from beverages with a lot of sugar in them if you want to stay hydrated. Any benefit you get from the beverage will be outweighed by the negative health impact of the sugar.[33]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"While alcohol often has a high water content, it also suppresses your anti-diuretic hormones, which help to absorb water. This means that while one or two alcoholic beverages may make you feel hydrated, drinking a lot of alcohol will eventually make you dehydrated.[34]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,843 | How to Be Hygienic | 1. Putting Your Best Foot Forward
1-1. Shower every day or at least every other day.
This is the best way to get rid of any dirt, sweat, and/or germs that your body may have accumulated throughout the day, and prevents hygiene-related diseases. As a plus, showering helps you feel, look, and smell your best throughout the day.
Use a loofah, sponge, or hand towel to gently scrub your entire body, removing dead skin cells and dirt. Remember to replace these items regularly as they can easily harbor bacteria.
If you don't want to wash your hair every day, then invest in a shower cap and wash your body with soap and water.
If you don't have time to shower, then use a hand towel to rinse your face, underarms, and genitals at the end of the day.
1-2. Choose a daily face cleanser.
Remember that the skin on your face is more sensitive than on other parts of your body. You can either use your face cleanser in the shower or wash your face separately at the sink. Avoid using hot water as this will make your skin irritated and flaky.
Take your skin type into account when choosing a face cleaner. If you have very dry skin, avoid products that has high alcohol content, as this will further dry out your skin. If you have very sensitive skin, opt for hypo-allergenic products that contain less harsh chemicals.
If you wear a lot of makeup, find a cleanser that also specializes in removing makeup. Otherwise, buy a separate makeup remover and remove all makeup before washing your face at the end of the day.
1-3. Brush your teeth every morning and evening.
Regular tooth-brushing and flossing helps prevent gum disease, which has been linked to other illnesses elsewhere in the body like heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. It is especially important to brush teeth after eating sweets or acidic foods that cause tooth erosion.
To keep your gums extra strong, carry around a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste and brush your teeth in between meals.
Floss your teeth every night to prevent the gum disease gingivitis.
1-4. Use a deodorant or antiperspirant.
Antiperspirant helps control excessive sweat, while deodorant covers up unpleasant body odor caused by sweat. Consider using a natural, aluminum-free deodorant to reduce potential health risks associated with conventional deodorants.
If you choose not to wear deodorant on a daily basis, then consider wearing it on the days when you plan on sweating excessively, or for special occasions. Apply deodorant before playing sports, going to the gym, or attending a formal occasion.
If you don't wear deodorant, then rinse your underarms with soap and water throughout the day to remove unpleasant odor.
1-5. Wash your clothes after wearing them.
In general, shirts should be washed after every use, while pants and shorts can be worn a few times before they require washing. Use your best judgment to determine how often to wash your clothes.
Remove any stains from your clothing before wearing them.
Iron out wrinkles, and use a lint-remover to remove unwanted lint and hair from clothing.
1-6. Trim your hair every 4-8 weeks.
Whether you're trying to grow your hair out or prefer to keep it short, trimming it will keep hair healthy, get rid of split ends, and give an overall cleaner, healthier appearance.
1-7. Clip your fingernails and toenails regularly.
Not only will this keep your hands and feet looking their best, it will prevent hangnails, breakage, and other potential damage to your nails. Short nails can't trap dirt under them the way long nails do. How often you clip your fingernails will depend on your personal desired length. To decide, take into account what you use your hands for on a daily basis. If you spend a lot of time typing on a computer or playing the piano, for example, short nails are probably the best option for you. If you prefer longer nails, that's fine too, but be sure to trim them every so often to prevent breakage.
Use an orange stick to remove dirt from underneath the fingernails to prevent bacterial infections.
2. Preventing Illnesses
2-1. Wash your hands with soap and water.
This is one of the most important ways to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others. Wash your hands after using the restroom; before, during, and after preparing food; before eating food; before and after caring for someone who is sick; after blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing; and after handling animals and/or animal waste.
Consider keeping a hand sanitizer with you at all times in case you do not have direct access to soap and water.
2-2. Clean the surfaces in your home regularly.
You should wipe the kitchen counter, floors, shower, and dining tables at least once a week using either soap and water or conventional household cleaning products. If you live with other people, consider coming up with a system of chores and alternate cleaning jobs every week.
Consider using eco-friendly cleaning products that contain less harsh chemicals than the conventional brands.
Always wipe your shoes on a doormat before entering the home. Consider taking your shoes off and leaving them at the door before entering the home, and asking guests to do the same. This will prevent the spread of dirt and mud throughout the house.
2-3. Cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze.
This is extremely important if you want to avoid spreading germs to those around you. Be sure to wash your hands with soap and water after you cough or sneeze.
2-4. Don't share razors, towels, or makeup with other people.
Sharing personal items like these with other people increases the likelihood of spreading Staph infections. If you do share towels or clothing, be sure to wash them both before and after lending them to others.
2-5. If you use tampons or pad, make sure you change them regularly.
People who use tampons should change them at least once every 4-6 hours to reduce the likelihood of getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS). People who use pads should change them every 4-8 hours. If you plan on sleeping more than eight hours, then wear an overnight pad instead of a tampon while you sleep.
2-6. Keep up with doctor's visits.
Seeing your doctor regularly can help catch illnesses and infections early, making it much easier to treat them. Visit your primary care physician, dentist, gynecologist, cardiologist, or any other physician you may be seeing on a regular basis. Visit your doctor when you are feeling sick or think you may have an infection, and be sure to keep up with routine check-ups.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:04",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Putting Your Best Foot Forward\\n1-1. Shower every day or at least every other day.\\nThis is the best way to get rid of any dirt, sweat, and/or germs that your body may have accumulated throughout the day, and prevents hygiene-related diseases. As a plus, showering helps you feel, look, and smell your best throughout the day.\\nUse a loofah, sponge, or hand towel to gently scrub your entire body, removing dead skin cells and dirt. Remember to replace these items regularly as they can easily harbor bacteria.\\nIf you don't want to wash your hair every day, then invest in a shower cap and wash your body with soap and water.\\nIf you don't have time to shower, then use a hand towel to rinse your face, underarms, and genitals at the end of the day.\\n1-2. Choose a daily face cleanser.\\nRemember that the skin on your face is more sensitive than on other parts of your body. You can either use your face cleanser in the shower or wash your face separately at the sink. Avoid using hot water as this will make your skin irritated and flaky. \\nTake your skin type into account when choosing a face cleaner. If you have very dry skin, avoid products that has high alcohol content, as this will further dry out your skin. If you have very sensitive skin, opt for hypo-allergenic products that contain less harsh chemicals.\\nIf you wear a lot of makeup, find a cleanser that also specializes in removing makeup. Otherwise, buy a separate makeup remover and remove all makeup before washing your face at the end of the day.\\n1-3. Brush your teeth every morning and evening.\\nRegular tooth-brushing and flossing helps prevent gum disease, which has been linked to other illnesses elsewhere in the body like heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. It is especially important to brush teeth after eating sweets or acidic foods that cause tooth erosion.\\nTo keep your gums extra strong, carry around a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste and brush your teeth in between meals.\\nFloss your teeth every night to prevent the gum disease gingivitis.\\n1-4. Use a deodorant or antiperspirant.\\nAntiperspirant helps control excessive sweat, while deodorant covers up unpleasant body odor caused by sweat. Consider using a natural, aluminum-free deodorant to reduce potential health risks associated with conventional deodorants.\\nIf you choose not to wear deodorant on a daily basis, then consider wearing it on the days when you plan on sweating excessively, or for special occasions. Apply deodorant before playing sports, going to the gym, or attending a formal occasion.\\nIf you don't wear deodorant, then rinse your underarms with soap and water throughout the day to remove unpleasant odor.\\n1-5. Wash your clothes after wearing them.\\nIn general, shirts should be washed after every use, while pants and shorts can be worn a few times before they require washing. Use your best judgment to determine how often to wash your clothes.\\nRemove any stains from your clothing before wearing them.\\nIron out wrinkles, and use a lint-remover to remove unwanted lint and hair from clothing.\\n1-6. Trim your hair every 4-8 weeks.\\nWhether you're trying to grow your hair out or prefer to keep it short, trimming it will keep hair healthy, get rid of split ends, and give an overall cleaner, healthier appearance.\\n1-7. Clip your fingernails and toenails regularly.\\nNot only will this keep your hands and feet looking their best, it will prevent hangnails, breakage, and other potential damage to your nails. Short nails can't trap dirt under them the way long nails do. How often you clip your fingernails will depend on your personal desired length. To decide, take into account what you use your hands for on a daily basis. If you spend a lot of time typing on a computer or playing the piano, for example, short nails are probably the best option for you. If you prefer longer nails, that's fine too, but be sure to trim them every so often to prevent breakage.\\nUse an orange stick to remove dirt from underneath the fingernails to prevent bacterial infections.\\n2. Preventing Illnesses\\n2-1. Wash your hands with soap and water.\\nThis is one of the most important ways to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others. Wash your hands after using the restroom; before, during, and after preparing food; before eating food; before and after caring for someone who is sick; after blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing; and after handling animals and/or animal waste.\\nConsider keeping a hand sanitizer with you at all times in case you do not have direct access to soap and water.\\n2-2. Clean the surfaces in your home regularly.\\nYou should wipe the kitchen counter, floors, shower, and dining tables at least once a week using either soap and water or conventional household cleaning products. If you live with other people, consider coming up with a system of chores and alternate cleaning jobs every week.\\nConsider using eco-friendly cleaning products that contain less harsh chemicals than the conventional brands.\\nAlways wipe your shoes on a doormat before entering the home. Consider taking your shoes off and leaving them at the door before entering the home, and asking guests to do the same. This will prevent the spread of dirt and mud throughout the house.\\n2-3. Cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze.\\nThis is extremely important if you want to avoid spreading germs to those around you. Be sure to wash your hands with soap and water after you cough or sneeze.\\n2-4. Don't share razors, towels, or makeup with other people.\\nSharing personal items like these with other people increases the likelihood of spreading Staph infections. If you do share towels or clothing, be sure to wash them both before and after lending them to others.\\n2-5. If you use tampons or pad, make sure you change them regularly.\\nPeople who use tampons should change them at least once every 4-6 hours to reduce the likelihood of getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS). People who use pads should change them every 4-8 hours. If you plan on sleeping more than eight hours, then wear an overnight pad instead of a tampon while you sleep.\\n2-6. Keep up with doctor's visits.\\nSeeing your doctor regularly can help catch illnesses and infections early, making it much easier to treat them. Visit your primary care physician, dentist, gynecologist, cardiologist, or any other physician you may be seeing on a regular basis. Visit your doctor when you are feeling sick or think you may have an infection, and be sure to keep up with routine check-ups.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Managing your personal hygiene is important not only to look and smell your best on a daily basis, but also to prevent the onset and spread of infectious diseases. Taking the proper precautions can help you avoid getting sick and passing illnesses on to those around you. Read this article to learn how to manage personal hygiene to both improve your overall appearance and ward off infections.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Putting Your Best Foot Forward\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Shower every day or at least every other day.\", \"描述\": \"This is the best way to get rid of any dirt, sweat, and/or germs that your body may have accumulated throughout the day, and prevents hygiene-related diseases. As a plus, showering helps you feel, look, and smell your best throughout the day.\\nUse a loofah, sponge, or hand towel to gently scrub your entire body, removing dead skin cells and dirt. Remember to replace these items regularly as they can easily harbor bacteria.\\nIf you don't want to wash your hair every day, then invest in a shower cap and wash your body with soap and water.\\nIf you don't have time to shower, then use a hand towel to rinse your face, underarms, and genitals at the end of the day.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose a daily face cleanser.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that the skin on your face is more sensitive than on other parts of your body. You can either use your face cleanser in the shower or wash your face separately at the sink. Avoid using hot water as this will make your skin irritated and flaky. \\nTake your skin type into account when choosing a face cleaner. If you have very dry skin, avoid products that has high alcohol content, as this will further dry out your skin. If you have very sensitive skin, opt for hypo-allergenic products that contain less harsh chemicals.\\nIf you wear a lot of makeup, find a cleanser that also specializes in removing makeup. Otherwise, buy a separate makeup remover and remove all makeup before washing your face at the end of the day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Brush your teeth every morning and evening.\", \"描述\": \"Regular tooth-brushing and flossing helps prevent gum disease, which has been linked to other illnesses elsewhere in the body like heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. It is especially important to brush teeth after eating sweets or acidic foods that cause tooth erosion.\\nTo keep your gums extra strong, carry around a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste and brush your teeth in between meals.\\nFloss your teeth every night to prevent the gum disease gingivitis.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use a deodorant or antiperspirant.\", \"描述\": \"Antiperspirant helps control excessive sweat, while deodorant covers up unpleasant body odor caused by sweat. Consider using a natural, aluminum-free deodorant to reduce potential health risks associated with conventional deodorants.\\nIf you choose not to wear deodorant on a daily basis, then consider wearing it on the days when you plan on sweating excessively, or for special occasions. Apply deodorant before playing sports, going to the gym, or attending a formal occasion.\\nIf you don't wear deodorant, then rinse your underarms with soap and water throughout the day to remove unpleasant odor.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Wash your clothes after wearing them.\", \"描述\": \"In general, shirts should be washed after every use, while pants and shorts can be worn a few times before they require washing. Use your best judgment to determine how often to wash your clothes.\\nRemove any stains from your clothing before wearing them.\\nIron out wrinkles, and use a lint-remover to remove unwanted lint and hair from clothing.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Trim your hair every 4-8 weeks.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you're trying to grow your hair out or prefer to keep it short, trimming it will keep hair healthy, get rid of split ends, and give an overall cleaner, healthier appearance.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Clip your fingernails and toenails regularly.\", \"描述\": \"Not only will this keep your hands and feet looking their best, it will prevent hangnails, breakage, and other potential damage to your nails. Short nails can't trap dirt under them the way long nails do. How often you clip your fingernails will depend on your personal desired length. To decide, take into account what you use your hands for on a daily basis. If you spend a lot of time typing on a computer or playing the piano, for example, short nails are probably the best option for you. If you prefer longer nails, that's fine too, but be sure to trim them every so often to prevent breakage.\\nUse an orange stick to remove dirt from underneath the fingernails to prevent bacterial infections.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Preventing Illnesses\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wash your hands with soap and water.\", \"描述\": \"This is one of the most important ways to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others. Wash your hands after using the restroom; before, during, and after preparing food; before eating food; before and after caring for someone who is sick; after blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing; and after handling animals and/or animal waste.\\nConsider keeping a hand sanitizer with you at all times in case you do not have direct access to soap and water.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Clean the surfaces in your home regularly.\", \"描述\": \"You should wipe the kitchen counter, floors, shower, and dining tables at least once a week using either soap and water or conventional household cleaning products. If you live with other people, consider coming up with a system of chores and alternate cleaning jobs every week.\\nConsider using eco-friendly cleaning products that contain less harsh chemicals than the conventional brands.\\nAlways wipe your shoes on a doormat before entering the home. Consider taking your shoes off and leaving them at the door before entering the home, and asking guests to do the same. This will prevent the spread of dirt and mud throughout the house.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze.\", \"描述\": \"This is extremely important if you want to avoid spreading germs to those around you. Be sure to wash your hands with soap and water after you cough or sneeze.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't share razors, towels, or makeup with other people.\", \"描述\": \"Sharing personal items like these with other people increases the likelihood of spreading Staph infections. If you do share towels or clothing, be sure to wash them both before and after lending them to others.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"If you use tampons or pad, make sure you change them regularly.\", \"描述\": \"People who use tampons should change them at least once every 4-6 hours to reduce the likelihood of getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS). People who use pads should change them every 4-8 hours. If you plan on sleeping more than eight hours, then wear an overnight pad instead of a tampon while you sleep.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Keep up with doctor's visits.\", \"描述\": \"Seeing your doctor regularly can help catch illnesses and infections early, making it much easier to treat them. Visit your primary care physician, dentist, gynecologist, cardiologist, or any other physician you may be seeing on a regular basis. Visit your doctor when you are feeling sick or think you may have an infection, and be sure to keep up with routine check-ups.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,844 | How to Be Hygienic Using Public Swimming Pools | 1. Getting Ready to Get in the Pool
1-1. Check pool hygiene.
In order to be hygienic at the pool, you first need to make sure the pool is hygienic. Visit your public pool to check the pool inspection results and check the pool's clarity. You can also check the chlorine levels in the pool by bringing your own test kit.
You can also check all other safety measures while you are at the pool.
1-2. Get clean before you get in.
When you are going to the pool, you should make sure that you and your family are clean before you get there. This will ensure that you do not spread any germs when you get into the pool. Have every person in your family shower, wash your hair, and rinse really well.
There should be signs posted at your pool for others to do the same. Look for these posted around the locker room or shower area of the pool.
1-3. Rinse off after you get out of the pool.
Take a shower in the locker room or immediately when you get home. Get the chlorinated water off of your body. You'll also take off other impurities, bacteria, and dead skin cells that can be present even in the cleanest of public pools.
1-4. Wear a swimsuit.
Do not substitute workout shorts or other athletic gear for a swimsuit. Wearing a real swimsuit is the best way to show respect to other swimmers. It's also unhygienic to get into a swimming pool in anything other than a designated swimsuit.
1-5. Wear a swim cap.
It will protect your hair from drying out and getting discolored from the chlorine and other chemicals in the pool. It will also keep you from releasing oils, dandruff, and skin particles from your hair and scalp into the pool water.
1-6. Stay hydrated before you enter the pool.
If you go swimming when you're thirsty, you might be inclined to (even subconsciously) take a few gulps of pool water, which could contain bacteria and make you ill.
1-7. Stay out of the pool if you have diarrhea.
There are some situations when you should stay out of the pool. If you or anyone in your family has diarrhea, stay out of the pool. This can spread diseases through germs or through fecal matter residue that may be left on the body.
There is also a chance of an accident in the pool if you are suffering from diarrhea.
1-8. Avoid the pool with an open wound.
You can also spread germs in the pool if you have an open wound. The residue from the open wound, either pus or blood, may leak into the pool from your wound. Make sure you check the members of your family for open wounds and keep them out of the pool if they have one.
Wrapping the wound up will not prevent this from happening. The bandage will get wet and get into the pool, so keep your family out if they have any wound.
2. Practicing Hygiene in the Pool
2-1. Forbid urinating in the pool.
Urinating in the pool is one of the major ways that residential water illnesses get spread in pools. The urine released into the pool can contain bacteria and interfere with the pH of the pool. No matter how young your family members are, make sure that you explain that there should not be any peeing in the pool.
Use an age appropriate explanation about why urinating in the pool not to be done. This can be harder to explain to younger children, but try to make it clear.
2-2. Take pool breaks.
In order to help prevent urinating or pooping in the pool, take a break from the pool once an hour. This will give you time to check and change the diapers on younger children and make your older children to go to the bathroom.
Make sure you change your children's diapers away from the pool. You don't want to accidentally contaminate the water with germs.
2-3. Do not swallow the water.
Water is the main way that you can get residential water illnesses. To avoid getting sick, make sure you do not swallow any pool water when you are playing in the pool. It is important to be well hydrated before getting into the pool to avoid swallowing pool water by accident. This can expose you to the bacteria and other germs in the water.
Make sure you tell your children to avoid doing this as well. Explain to them that the water can make them sick.
Also avoid opening your eyes underwater. The intense water exposure can cause eye infections from the bacteria or germs.
2-4. Use swim appropriate bottoms.
If you have young children, they cannot wear normal diapers in the pool. Your child should have swim diapers or swim pants on when they go into the pool to help prevent excrement getting into the pool.
These will not prevent your children from contaminating the water if they have diarrhea because these diapers are not completely leak proof.
When your child is in swimming trunks, make sure you change them every 30 to 60 minutes. Always wash your hands afterwards.
2-5. Wear flip flops or sandals to the pool.
When you take your family to the pool, make sure you each wear a pair of flips flops or sandals that are easy to put on and take off. Wear them at all times when you're walking around the pool to keep your feet away from any germs, viruses, or bacteria that might cause skin irritations.
If you don't, it can cause athlete’s foot and warts.
3. Knowing If You Have a Water-Born Diseases
3-1. Recognize the threat of recreational water illnesses (RWIs).
Despite being hygienic, you or your family may still develop a recreational water illness (RWI). These conditions develop when you are exposed to fungi, viruses, bacteria, or additional microbes in the water. The most common of these are E. coli, norovirus, and cryptosporidium.
The RWIs can also be caused by pool chemicals.
You are unlikely to get head lice, MRSA, and pinworms by swimming in a public pool.
3-2. Watch for symptoms of RWIs.
There are many different types of RWIs that you can catch from public swimming pools. These may affect your skin, ears, eyes, respiratory system, or gastrointestinal tract. Look for the common symptoms of the RWI illnesses, which are:
Diarrhea, which develops most often
Ear infections
Skin rashes
Eye and lung irritation
Upper respiratory infections
3-3. Be cautious of different water areas.
Public pools are not the only area where you can contract RWIs. Despite the chemicals used in pools, the germs are still prevalent. This is true of any communal water source, so you need to be cautious of any public recreational area. In addition to the pools, other areas to be careful are:
Splash pads
Water parks
Hot tubs
Spray parks
Rivers
Lakes
Water fountains
Oceans
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting Ready to Get in the Pool\\n1-1. Check pool hygiene.\\nIn order to be hygienic at the pool, you first need to make sure the pool is hygienic. Visit your public pool to check the pool inspection results and check the pool's clarity. You can also check the chlorine levels in the pool by bringing your own test kit.\\nYou can also check all other safety measures while you are at the pool.\\n1-2. Get clean before you get in.\\nWhen you are going to the pool, you should make sure that you and your family are clean before you get there. This will ensure that you do not spread any germs when you get into the pool. Have every person in your family shower, wash your hair, and rinse really well.\\nThere should be signs posted at your pool for others to do the same. Look for these posted around the locker room or shower area of the pool.\\n1-3. Rinse off after you get out of the pool.\\nTake a shower in the locker room or immediately when you get home. Get the chlorinated water off of your body. You'll also take off other impurities, bacteria, and dead skin cells that can be present even in the cleanest of public pools.\\n1-4. Wear a swimsuit.\\nDo not substitute workout shorts or other athletic gear for a swimsuit. Wearing a real swimsuit is the best way to show respect to other swimmers. It's also unhygienic to get into a swimming pool in anything other than a designated swimsuit.\\n1-5. Wear a swim cap.\\nIt will protect your hair from drying out and getting discolored from the chlorine and other chemicals in the pool. It will also keep you from releasing oils, dandruff, and skin particles from your hair and scalp into the pool water.\\n1-6. Stay hydrated before you enter the pool.\\nIf you go swimming when you're thirsty, you might be inclined to (even subconsciously) take a few gulps of pool water, which could contain bacteria and make you ill.\\n1-7. Stay out of the pool if you have diarrhea.\\nThere are some situations when you should stay out of the pool. If you or anyone in your family has diarrhea, stay out of the pool. This can spread diseases through germs or through fecal matter residue that may be left on the body.\\nThere is also a chance of an accident in the pool if you are suffering from diarrhea.\\n1-8. Avoid the pool with an open wound.\\nYou can also spread germs in the pool if you have an open wound. The residue from the open wound, either pus or blood, may leak into the pool from your wound. Make sure you check the members of your family for open wounds and keep them out of the pool if they have one.\\nWrapping the wound up will not prevent this from happening. The bandage will get wet and get into the pool, so keep your family out if they have any wound.\\n2. Practicing Hygiene in the Pool\\n2-1. Forbid urinating in the pool.\\nUrinating in the pool is one of the major ways that residential water illnesses get spread in pools. The urine released into the pool can contain bacteria and interfere with the pH of the pool. No matter how young your family members are, make sure that you explain that there should not be any peeing in the pool.\\nUse an age appropriate explanation about why urinating in the pool not to be done. This can be harder to explain to younger children, but try to make it clear.\\n2-2. Take pool breaks.\\nIn order to help prevent urinating or pooping in the pool, take a break from the pool once an hour. This will give you time to check and change the diapers on younger children and make your older children to go to the bathroom.\\nMake sure you change your children's diapers away from the pool. You don't want to accidentally contaminate the water with germs.\\n2-3. Do not swallow the water.\\nWater is the main way that you can get residential water illnesses. To avoid getting sick, make sure you do not swallow any pool water when you are playing in the pool. It is important to be well hydrated before getting into the pool to avoid swallowing pool water by accident. This can expose you to the bacteria and other germs in the water.\\nMake sure you tell your children to avoid doing this as well. Explain to them that the water can make them sick.\\nAlso avoid opening your eyes underwater. The intense water exposure can cause eye infections from the bacteria or germs.\\n2-4. Use swim appropriate bottoms.\\nIf you have young children, they cannot wear normal diapers in the pool. Your child should have swim diapers or swim pants on when they go into the pool to help prevent excrement getting into the pool.\\nThese will not prevent your children from contaminating the water if they have diarrhea because these diapers are not completely leak proof.\\nWhen your child is in swimming trunks, make sure you change them every 30 to 60 minutes. Always wash your hands afterwards.\\n2-5. Wear flip flops or sandals to the pool.\\nWhen you take your family to the pool, make sure you each wear a pair of flips flops or sandals that are easy to put on and take off. Wear them at all times when you're walking around the pool to keep your feet away from any germs, viruses, or bacteria that might cause skin irritations.\\nIf you don't, it can cause athlete’s foot and warts.\\n3. Knowing If You Have a Water-Born Diseases\\n3-1. Recognize the threat of recreational water illnesses (RWIs).\\nDespite being hygienic, you or your family may still develop a recreational water illness (RWI). These conditions develop when you are exposed to fungi, viruses, bacteria, or additional microbes in the water. The most common of these are E. coli, norovirus, and cryptosporidium.\\nThe RWIs can also be caused by pool chemicals.\\nYou are unlikely to get head lice, MRSA, and pinworms by swimming in a public pool.\\n3-2. Watch for symptoms of RWIs.\\nThere are many different types of RWIs that you can catch from public swimming pools. These may affect your skin, ears, eyes, respiratory system, or gastrointestinal tract. Look for the common symptoms of the RWI illnesses, which are:\\nDiarrhea, which develops most often\\nEar infections\\nSkin rashes\\nEye and lung irritation\\nUpper respiratory infections\\n3-3. Be cautious of different water areas.\\nPublic pools are not the only area where you can contract RWIs. Despite the chemicals used in pools, the germs are still prevalent. This is true of any communal water source, so you need to be cautious of any public recreational area. In addition to the pools, other areas to be careful are:\\nSplash pads\\nWater parks\\nHot tubs\\nSpray parks\\nRivers\\nLakes\\nWater fountains\\nOceans\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Many people utilize public pools during the summer in order to beat the heat. Public pools can be full of germs and diseases known as recreational water illnesses. In order to avoid contributing to these illnesses and to help avoid getting them, there are ways to be hygienic in public pools.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting Ready to Get in the Pool\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Check pool hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be hygienic at the pool, you first need to make sure the pool is hygienic. Visit your public pool to check the pool inspection results and check the pool's clarity. You can also check the chlorine levels in the pool by bringing your own test kit.\\nYou can also check all other safety measures while you are at the pool.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get clean before you get in.\", \"描述\": \"When you are going to the pool, you should make sure that you and your family are clean before you get there. This will ensure that you do not spread any germs when you get into the pool. Have every person in your family shower, wash your hair, and rinse really well.\\nThere should be signs posted at your pool for others to do the same. Look for these posted around the locker room or shower area of the pool.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Rinse off after you get out of the pool.\", \"描述\": \"Take a shower in the locker room or immediately when you get home. Get the chlorinated water off of your body. You'll also take off other impurities, bacteria, and dead skin cells that can be present even in the cleanest of public pools.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wear a swimsuit.\", \"描述\": \"Do not substitute workout shorts or other athletic gear for a swimsuit. Wearing a real swimsuit is the best way to show respect to other swimmers. It's also unhygienic to get into a swimming pool in anything other than a designated swimsuit.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Wear a swim cap.\", \"描述\": \"It will protect your hair from drying out and getting discolored from the chlorine and other chemicals in the pool. It will also keep you from releasing oils, dandruff, and skin particles from your hair and scalp into the pool water.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Stay hydrated before you enter the pool.\", \"描述\": \"If you go swimming when you're thirsty, you might be inclined to (even subconsciously) take a few gulps of pool water, which could contain bacteria and make you ill.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Stay out of the pool if you have diarrhea.\", \"描述\": \"There are some situations when you should stay out of the pool. If you or anyone in your family has diarrhea, stay out of the pool. This can spread diseases through germs or through fecal matter residue that may be left on the body.\\nThere is also a chance of an accident in the pool if you are suffering from diarrhea.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Avoid the pool with an open wound.\", \"描述\": \"You can also spread germs in the pool if you have an open wound. The residue from the open wound, either pus or blood, may leak into the pool from your wound. Make sure you check the members of your family for open wounds and keep them out of the pool if they have one.\\nWrapping the wound up will not prevent this from happening. The bandage will get wet and get into the pool, so keep your family out if they have any wound.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practicing Hygiene in the Pool\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Forbid urinating in the pool.\", \"描述\": \"Urinating in the pool is one of the major ways that residential water illnesses get spread in pools. The urine released into the pool can contain bacteria and interfere with the pH of the pool. No matter how young your family members are, make sure that you explain that there should not be any peeing in the pool.\\nUse an age appropriate explanation about why urinating in the pool not to be done. This can be harder to explain to younger children, but try to make it clear.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take pool breaks.\", \"描述\": \"In order to help prevent urinating or pooping in the pool, take a break from the pool once an hour. This will give you time to check and change the diapers on younger children and make your older children to go to the bathroom.\\nMake sure you change your children's diapers away from the pool. You don't want to accidentally contaminate the water with germs.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do not swallow the water.\", \"描述\": \"Water is the main way that you can get residential water illnesses. To avoid getting sick, make sure you do not swallow any pool water when you are playing in the pool. It is important to be well hydrated before getting into the pool to avoid swallowing pool water by accident. This can expose you to the bacteria and other germs in the water.\\nMake sure you tell your children to avoid doing this as well. Explain to them that the water can make them sick.\\nAlso avoid opening your eyes underwater. The intense water exposure can cause eye infections from the bacteria or germs.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use swim appropriate bottoms.\", \"描述\": \"If you have young children, they cannot wear normal diapers in the pool. Your child should have swim diapers or swim pants on when they go into the pool to help prevent excrement getting into the pool.\\nThese will not prevent your children from contaminating the water if they have diarrhea because these diapers are not completely leak proof.\\nWhen your child is in swimming trunks, make sure you change them every 30 to 60 minutes. Always wash your hands afterwards.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Wear flip flops or sandals to the pool.\", \"描述\": \"When you take your family to the pool, make sure you each wear a pair of flips flops or sandals that are easy to put on and take off. Wear them at all times when you're walking around the pool to keep your feet away from any germs, viruses, or bacteria that might cause skin irritations.\\nIf you don't, it can cause athlete’s foot and warts.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Knowing If You Have a Water-Born Diseases\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize the threat of recreational water illnesses (RWIs).\", \"描述\": \"Despite being hygienic, you or your family may still develop a recreational water illness (RWI). These conditions develop when you are exposed to fungi, viruses, bacteria, or additional microbes in the water. The most common of these are E. coli, norovirus, and cryptosporidium.\\nThe RWIs can also be caused by pool chemicals.\\nYou are unlikely to get head lice, MRSA, and pinworms by swimming in a public pool.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Watch for symptoms of RWIs.\", \"描述\": \"There are many different types of RWIs that you can catch from public swimming pools. These may affect your skin, ears, eyes, respiratory system, or gastrointestinal tract. Look for the common symptoms of the RWI illnesses, which are:\\nDiarrhea, which develops most often\\nEar infections\\nSkin rashes\\nEye and lung irritation\\nUpper respiratory infections\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be cautious of different water areas.\", \"描述\": \"Public pools are not the only area where you can contract RWIs. Despite the chemicals used in pools, the germs are still prevalent. This is true of any communal water source, so you need to be cautious of any public recreational area. In addition to the pools, other areas to be careful are:\\nSplash pads\\nWater parks\\nHot tubs\\nSpray parks\\nRivers\\nLakes\\nWater fountains\\nOceans\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,845 | How to Be Independent | 1. Acting More Independent
1-1. Become financially independent.
It will be difficult because parents have a natural instinct to provide for us. Just politely decline when they offer financial help. It is tempting to depend on others financially, but before you experience independence, you must be independent. Secure your finances. True independent living relies on financial freedom. Pay your own bills, drive your own car, sign a personal check for your rent.
If you don't have the money for these expenses, save aggressively. Not only will you gain financial freedom with your savings, but the money you keep to yourself will give you an incredible feeling of independence and motivation.
1-2. Don't settle for anything, for comfort, for ease, or to "be nice".
Work hard at everything you do. Defend your opinions. And, for you girls, don't let a man feel he has to pamper you and for you boys, vice versa. If you're capable of doing something good, do it. So long as it doesn't have a bad effect, you should do it. That doesn't mean do absolutely everything, but you shouldn't feel it's necessary for people to do things for you that you could do for yourself.
Work your best and hardest to leave people saying "That person doesn't rely on anyone to do things for them. What a strong, independent person."
1-3. Leave your friends and family at home when you can.
This is a difficult step on the journey to independent living, but you must start doing things on your own. You do not need to drive with someone to the restaurant, because you can meet them there. Go shopping alone, spend at least one or two evenings a week by yourself. Work on activities that force you to lead, not follow.
If you're used to always having a buddy when you go hiking or go to the mall, see how it feels to rough it on your own.
1-4. Dump the bad influences in your life.
Don't break friendships unless absolutely necessary. Learn to keep a healthy distance. Even if those friends are "totally cool," they may only hold you back from breaking out on your own. "Weed out your garden"; some people make you shine, while others will stunt your growth and draw all your energy. If you have a friend who is trying to make you do things that make you uncomfortable, whether it's stealing or just being a meaner person, then it's time to cut the cord.
Avoid any friends who really like building a following and having people worship them. These people will want you to only do what they say and will keep you from being independent.
1-5. Save money.
Save as much as reasonably possible. This will help you create an emergency fund, since life can be unpredictable at times. You don't plan accidents. Improve the quality of your life by putting aside a set amount of money each month. There are such things as accidents, health problems, or even natural disasters, which can occur when you least expect it.
You may not think that you have the capacity to save money, but even doing small things, like making your own coffee instead of going to Starbucks once a day, can save you over $30 a week -- that's over $1,500 a year!
1-6. Sign up for a bank account.
Most banks offer a checking and savings account together, in one convenient package. Some companies, institutions, and organizations will require you to have at least a checking account (some only pay employees via direct deposit). Money you earn that isn't necessary for your own expenses should be put into a savings account until you're ready to be independent.
Having your own bank account will keep you from depending on others for money, and will help you stay away from reckless spending.
1-7. Start on a career path.
Experiment with different careers and find the one that you enjoy most. If money makes you happy, be an investment banker or start a small business. If you like kids, be a teacher. If you like being an expert, be a lawyer, professor or consultant. If you enjoy talking to people, be a salesperson or go into the services industry. If knowing how things work is more your game, try engineering, or Psychology and sociology.
The majority of students end up in careers unrelated to their major. Some people do not get far in formal education and end up millionaires. Working in a career that you enjoy is a part of becoming a mature person.
1-8. Find your passion.
Something you are devoted to, whether it is a sport, girlfriend/boyfriends, music, a band, a form of art/dance, religion. Something that you do constantly that takes up some time and boosts your creativity. Video games and playing Barbie all day aren't the best value out there. (This includes wasting your time on the Internet).
Finding a passion will make your life feel more meaningful and will make you feel more like you know what you really want out of life.
1-9. Plan your day around you.
People who are most dependent on others allow their worlds to revolve around the needs of other people or other things. Plan your day according to your own schedule--make a list of what you want to do, what you need to do and what you should have already done. If a friend really needs a favor, fine, but don't let that friend dominate the plan you had made so carefully.
Treat your alone time like it's a date with Brad Pitt. That is, guard it carefully and don't let anyone stop you from spending time with yourself.
1-10. Thank people for helping you.
You don't have to be stubborn to be independent. If someone has really helped you out, then thank that person by giving him a sincere "thank you," writing a card, or giving him a big hug if he's a close friend. There's nothing wrong in admitting that you do need help sometimes and it won't make you any less independent to acknowledge the times when you need help.
1-11. Avoid trends.
Just because somebody wants to pay $60 for a shirt doesn't mean you have to. Dress how you want to dress, and say what you want to say. If you like to act crazy, by all means go for it! A good thing to remember is that good taste and style does not have to cost money - it is something that is innate or learned but can make good of anything with a little know-how.
1-12. Spend time with people with different worldviews.
Hanging out with people who are just like you won't inspire you to be any more independent. Making an effort to be friends with a variety of people who all have different perspectives and occupations can give you more of a sense of what's out there and to see that there's no one way to do it right.
It can be refreshing to hang out with a lawyer if you're a yoga instructor, or to spend time with a chef if you're a student. This can make you more open-minded and more willing to do something completely new on your own.
1-13. Maintain solid friendships.
You don't have to throw away your friends to be independent. In fact, your independence is reinforced with good friends. When your friend needs someone to talk to, be there for them. Be trustworthy. Do not gossip or tell anyone about your friends' secrets or personal matters. Even if they didn't say anything about it. Be a strong person for your friends and loved ones. It not only shows you're selfless, but pretty soon you'll learn how to deal with any situation that comes your way because of your friends' experiences.
2. Navigating the World More Independently
2-1. Learn to drive
You'll never be fully independent if you don't learn to drive or how to get around on your own. How can you call yourself independent if you always depend on your boyfriend, best friend, or parents to drive you around? (This is assuming, of course, that you're old enough to drive). If you live in the suburbs and need a car to get around, take life by the horns and get a driver's license, and then work up to having your own car.
If you're in a big city, don't depend on walking everywhere if the weather is nice or waiting for a friend to give you a lift -- learn how the subway, bus system, or train system works.
Depending on other people to get around will make you more likely to stay home or to wait around for other people to determine your fate. You should be able to do whatever you want to do -- whenever you want.
2-2. Do your own research instead of asking other people for help all the time.
Maybe you always call your dad for help with finances, or maybe you call your mom every five minutes when you're planning a big party or a wedding. Maybe you have a friend who is an expert in every possible thing and that's your go-to person whenever you run into trouble at work, with your car, or when you're trying to fix your TV. Make a habit of doing your own research before you call these people if you want to be more independent.
It's great to have people to turn to, but the next time you pick up your phone, ask yourself: "Can I figure out this information on my own?" The answer will most likely be yes. Sure, it will take longer, but think about how much more rewarding it will feel.
2-3. Learn to be handy around the house.
Are you tired of calling a plumber, repairman, painter, or even a trusted friend every time there's something wrong with your house? Learn to be more handy by watching useful videos, reading wikiHow, or reading Popular Mechanics. If you have a good friend who is a carpenter, ask for some carpentry lessons. Learning how to fix up your own space will make you save lots of money and feel like you don't have to wait around for others to make your life better.
And hey, learning how to quickly unclog a toilet is much better than waiting for somebody else to get to it.
2-4. Cook for yourself.
Don't depend on Trader Joe's or the gourmet deli across the street to cook for you. You don't have to be a master chef to feel like you understand the basics of cooking: how to sauté basic foods, how to use your oven, and how to cook simple dishes like pasta, potatoes, and salad. Knowing that you can go to the supermarket or farmer's market, pick up a few key ingredients, and whip together a delicious meal will make you feel like you are capable of doing anything on your own.
If you become a great cook, you can even invite other people over to enjoy the benefits of your skills.
Not only will learning to cook for yourself make you more independent, but it will help you save lots of money, which is another key to your independence.
2-5. Learn to balance your budget.
Maybe your parents, spouse, or significant other have been balancing your budget for you, or maybe you just haven't given this much thought and have been spending a little too recklessly. Whatever is going on, you should understand how much money you have to spend every month or week, and to make a list of all of the things you are spending it on to have a better sense of where you can cut costs.
Finding ways to save money will make you more independent because you'll have more money to spend however you like.
2-6. Don't depend on your GPS for directions.
Sure, turning on your GPS or the map on your smartphone can help you get from one place to another. But what happens if your GPS suddenly malfunctions, your phone runs out of battery, or you're led to the top of a cliff? Will you follow it all the way down? Hopefully not. Before you go anywhere, make a mental map of where you have to go and print out physical directions to follow if you can. But better yet, know exactly where you're going so you'll feel less dependent on a device.
If you're taking a long trip, then sure, the GPS can be useful. But make sure that you have a strong sense of where you're going regardless, so you don't feel completely clueless.
2-7. Get used to doing things alone.
If you're truly independent, then you won't need a buddy to accomplish every little task or to do any fun activity. Don't wait around for a friend to be available to try that new restaurant in your town or to see that new movie at the theatre. Treat yourself and go it alone -- if you head to the movies, you'll be impressed by how many other people are enjoying a good film solo, too.
It's all in the attitude. If you look and feel like you're really comfortable doing these things on your own, then no one will think twice.
2-8. Take it slowly.
Rome wasn't built in a day, and no one is completely independent. This isn't a hard-and-fast guide that you must stick to. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. This is here to tell you how to be independent, if you want to be.
3. Thinking Independently
3-1. Accept yourself.
You cannot build a strong, independent you if you can't live with yourself. Accept your body, your personality, your opinions, your choices, your preferences, and your life story. Do not say things against yourself. Everyone can be strong enough. Everyone has put up with something, proving their strength. Put behind you your mistakes and learn from them. Make an effort to be a better you and most importantly love yourself.
This is an important part of being independent because accepting who you are will keep you from trying to act like someone else.
3-2. Believe in yourself.
If you don't believe in yourself then who else will? We are all different and have something unique to say. No one can speak the words on your lips and not everyone is going to agree with what you say which is why it's important for you to stand by who you are because at the end of the day you are all you got and if you believe in yourself that's really all that matters. Believing in yourself will make you trust your own decisions -- even if they completely go against someone else's -- or even society's -- expectations.
If you don't have faith in yourself, you will always second guess yourself and turn to others for help every time you have to make a decision. Step away from that.
3-3. Accept the world.
Independent people are not vain, nor do they believe the entire human race is cruel. Independent people are those who see the world, with its good and its bad, and consciously choose to be strong for themselves and others. You are not independent because you do not trust anyone. You are not independent because you think highly of yourself. Follow this guideline: Learn to accept the world, and decide to be strong.
Accepting the world and all of its complications will also help you see that there are an infinite number of ways to live out there -- nobody is forcing you to conform to one of them.
3-4. Be emotionally independent
Chances are, you depend on many people for emotional support. It may be your parents, a significant other, or good close friends. Although it is possible to continue to depend on these people for the rest of your life, it is in your best interest to realize that everyone in your life that you depend on will one day no longer be around. Some will move away, some will stop talking to you, and they all will eventually die. The only person that will always be with you is you. If you depend on yourself for support, you will never be let down.
It's okay to get attached to a few key people in your life, but you cannot let these people determine your level of happiness. That's up to you.
3-5. Be self-motivated.
Other people do not have and will never have the same vested interest in your success. Motivation and success is a function of habit. You must break your bad habit of procrastination, and replace it with one of good planning. The most successful people in the world aren't always the brightest, or the best looking, but no matter what other talents or gifts they have been blessed with, they have underpinning their self-esteem a series of victories over tasks both large and small. This is how you learn anything in school, gain confidence dating, and everything else in life.
If you want to achieve a career goal, it should be to please yourself, not to please your family. If you want to get amazing grades, then the same thing is true.
Don't be motivated to lose weight, publish a book, or build a house just to impress others. Do it because you want to drive yourself to succeed. Do it for yourself.
3-6. Be your own hero.
A role model can help inspire you and show you how to live your life. It's not a bad thing to find someone you deeply admire who shares your values. However, at the end of the day, it's important to think of yourself as your own role model, as a person who is capable of doing and saying anything he or she wants. Aim to be yourself, and be the best you can be. If you can't look up to yourself, you can't be independent.
Avoid idolizing any friends or acquaintances in your social circle. This will only make you even more likely to forget about doing your own thing.
3-7. Accept that life is not fair.
Our parents cared for us so much that they did everything in their power to raise us in a fair and just environment. The real world does not function on that principle which is a big problem today. The rules in the world usually protect either the majority (which you may not be a part of) or people with money and power. You will be treated badly for all sorts of unfair things: your skin color, your intelligence, your height, your weight, how much money you have, your opinions, your gender, and just about everything else that makes you who you are. You have to be happy in spite of that.
Don't let the unfairness of the world keep you from doing what you want to do. Want to be a male nurse? A female in the military? The first person in your family to graduate from college? Go for it instead of convincing yourself that it's just not possible in the world you live in today.
3-8. Stop caring about what other people think.
This is the most important thing about being independent. If you depend on others to tell you if your music is cool, or if your outfit is cute, you won't be very happy! As long as you like it - nothing else matters! Stop worrying about other people's judgments about your life, whether they are thinking about your clothes, your choice of career, or your choice of significant other. These are your decisions, and not anyone else's.
If you always have the nagging thought, "But what will other people think if..." in the back of your head, then you'll always be holding yourself back from doing your own thing.
3-9. Don't just think that you're the best; prove it to yourself!
Your opinion matters the most in your own motivation, but you know when you're pulling your own weight as to your accomplishments. It's far easier to just start dealing with your responsibilities knowing, with an incredibly strong faith in yourself that you can handle what comes up because you have before, than trying to accomplish goals because you're all warm and fuzzy inside. Warm and fuzzy accomplishes very little, but neither does beating yourself up.
3-10. Get your own information.
Watch and read the news and make sure you get it from a variety of sources. Follow it as often as you can and always have a goal of getting both sides of every story before forming an opinion. You can talk to people of a variety of backgrounds to get more information on a relevant topic, too, but never let other people tell you what to think. Make a goal of reading as much as possible, whether you're reading literature or The New York Times. Being well-informed will keep you from being a follower and will lead to more independent thought.
You don't want to be a lemming and to believe something just because your 50 closest Facebook friends tell you to.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acting More Independent\\n1-1. Become financially independent.\\nIt will be difficult because parents have a natural instinct to provide for us. Just politely decline when they offer financial help. It is tempting to depend on others financially, but before you experience independence, you must be independent. Secure your finances. True independent living relies on financial freedom. Pay your own bills, drive your own car, sign a personal check for your rent.\\nIf you don't have the money for these expenses, save aggressively. Not only will you gain financial freedom with your savings, but the money you keep to yourself will give you an incredible feeling of independence and motivation.\\n1-2. Don't settle for anything, for comfort, for ease, or to \\\"be nice\\\".\\nWork hard at everything you do. Defend your opinions. And, for you girls, don't let a man feel he has to pamper you and for you boys, vice versa. If you're capable of doing something good, do it. So long as it doesn't have a bad effect, you should do it. That doesn't mean do absolutely everything, but you shouldn't feel it's necessary for people to do things for you that you could do for yourself.\\nWork your best and hardest to leave people saying \\\"That person doesn't rely on anyone to do things for them. What a strong, independent person.\\\"\\n1-3. Leave your friends and family at home when you can.\\nThis is a difficult step on the journey to independent living, but you must start doing things on your own. You do not need to drive with someone to the restaurant, because you can meet them there. Go shopping alone, spend at least one or two evenings a week by yourself. Work on activities that force you to lead, not follow.\\nIf you're used to always having a buddy when you go hiking or go to the mall, see how it feels to rough it on your own.\\n1-4. Dump the bad influences in your life.\\nDon't break friendships unless absolutely necessary. Learn to keep a healthy distance. Even if those friends are \\\"totally cool,\\\" they may only hold you back from breaking out on your own. \\\"Weed out your garden\\\"; some people make you shine, while others will stunt your growth and draw all your energy. If you have a friend who is trying to make you do things that make you uncomfortable, whether it's stealing or just being a meaner person, then it's time to cut the cord.\\nAvoid any friends who really like building a following and having people worship them. These people will want you to only do what they say and will keep you from being independent.\\n1-5. Save money.\\nSave as much as reasonably possible. This will help you create an emergency fund, since life can be unpredictable at times. You don't plan accidents. Improve the quality of your life by putting aside a set amount of money each month. There are such things as accidents, health problems, or even natural disasters, which can occur when you least expect it.\\nYou may not think that you have the capacity to save money, but even doing small things, like making your own coffee instead of going to Starbucks once a day, can save you over $30 a week -- that's over $1,500 a year!\\n1-6. Sign up for a bank account.\\nMost banks offer a checking and savings account together, in one convenient package. Some companies, institutions, and organizations will require you to have at least a checking account (some only pay employees via direct deposit). Money you earn that isn't necessary for your own expenses should be put into a savings account until you're ready to be independent.\\nHaving your own bank account will keep you from depending on others for money, and will help you stay away from reckless spending.\\n1-7. Start on a career path.\\nExperiment with different careers and find the one that you enjoy most. If money makes you happy, be an investment banker or start a small business. If you like kids, be a teacher. If you like being an expert, be a lawyer, professor or consultant. If you enjoy talking to people, be a salesperson or go into the services industry. If knowing how things work is more your game, try engineering, or Psychology and sociology.\\nThe majority of students end up in careers unrelated to their major. Some people do not get far in formal education and end up millionaires. Working in a career that you enjoy is a part of becoming a mature person.\\n1-8. Find your passion.\\nSomething you are devoted to, whether it is a sport, girlfriend/boyfriends, music, a band, a form of art/dance, religion. Something that you do constantly that takes up some time and boosts your creativity. Video games and playing Barbie all day aren't the best value out there. (This includes wasting your time on the Internet).\\nFinding a passion will make your life feel more meaningful and will make you feel more like you know what you really want out of life.\\n1-9. Plan your day around you.\\nPeople who are most dependent on others allow their worlds to revolve around the needs of other people or other things. Plan your day according to your own schedule--make a list of what you want to do, what you need to do and what you should have already done. If a friend really needs a favor, fine, but don't let that friend dominate the plan you had made so carefully.\\nTreat your alone time like it's a date with Brad Pitt. That is, guard it carefully and don't let anyone stop you from spending time with yourself.\\n1-10. Thank people for helping you.\\nYou don't have to be stubborn to be independent. If someone has really helped you out, then thank that person by giving him a sincere \\\"thank you,\\\" writing a card, or giving him a big hug if he's a close friend. There's nothing wrong in admitting that you do need help sometimes and it won't make you any less independent to acknowledge the times when you need help.\\n1-11. Avoid trends.\\nJust because somebody wants to pay $60 for a shirt doesn't mean you have to. Dress how you want to dress, and say what you want to say. If you like to act crazy, by all means go for it! A good thing to remember is that good taste and style does not have to cost money - it is something that is innate or learned but can make good of anything with a little know-how.\\n1-12. Spend time with people with different worldviews.\\nHanging out with people who are just like you won't inspire you to be any more independent. Making an effort to be friends with a variety of people who all have different perspectives and occupations can give you more of a sense of what's out there and to see that there's no one way to do it right.\\nIt can be refreshing to hang out with a lawyer if you're a yoga instructor, or to spend time with a chef if you're a student. This can make you more open-minded and more willing to do something completely new on your own.\\n1-13. Maintain solid friendships.\\nYou don't have to throw away your friends to be independent. In fact, your independence is reinforced with good friends. When your friend needs someone to talk to, be there for them. Be trustworthy. Do not gossip or tell anyone about your friends' secrets or personal matters. Even if they didn't say anything about it. Be a strong person for your friends and loved ones. It not only shows you're selfless, but pretty soon you'll learn how to deal with any situation that comes your way because of your friends' experiences.\\n2. Navigating the World More Independently\\n2-1. Learn to drive\\nYou'll never be fully independent if you don't learn to drive or how to get around on your own. How can you call yourself independent if you always depend on your boyfriend, best friend, or parents to drive you around? (This is assuming, of course, that you're old enough to drive). If you live in the suburbs and need a car to get around, take life by the horns and get a driver's license, and then work up to having your own car.\\nIf you're in a big city, don't depend on walking everywhere if the weather is nice or waiting for a friend to give you a lift -- learn how the subway, bus system, or train system works.\\nDepending on other people to get around will make you more likely to stay home or to wait around for other people to determine your fate. You should be able to do whatever you want to do -- whenever you want.\\n2-2. Do your own research instead of asking other people for help all the time.\\nMaybe you always call your dad for help with finances, or maybe you call your mom every five minutes when you're planning a big party or a wedding. Maybe you have a friend who is an expert in every possible thing and that's your go-to person whenever you run into trouble at work, with your car, or when you're trying to fix your TV. Make a habit of doing your own research before you call these people if you want to be more independent.\\nIt's great to have people to turn to, but the next time you pick up your phone, ask yourself: \\\"Can I figure out this information on my own?\\\" The answer will most likely be yes. Sure, it will take longer, but think about how much more rewarding it will feel.\\n2-3. Learn to be handy around the house.\\nAre you tired of calling a plumber, repairman, painter, or even a trusted friend every time there's something wrong with your house? Learn to be more handy by watching useful videos, reading wikiHow, or reading Popular Mechanics. If you have a good friend who is a carpenter, ask for some carpentry lessons. Learning how to fix up your own space will make you save lots of money and feel like you don't have to wait around for others to make your life better.\\nAnd hey, learning how to quickly unclog a toilet is much better than waiting for somebody else to get to it.\\n2-4. Cook for yourself.\\nDon't depend on Trader Joe's or the gourmet deli across the street to cook for you. You don't have to be a master chef to feel like you understand the basics of cooking: how to sauté basic foods, how to use your oven, and how to cook simple dishes like pasta, potatoes, and salad. Knowing that you can go to the supermarket or farmer's market, pick up a few key ingredients, and whip together a delicious meal will make you feel like you are capable of doing anything on your own.\\nIf you become a great cook, you can even invite other people over to enjoy the benefits of your skills.\\nNot only will learning to cook for yourself make you more independent, but it will help you save lots of money, which is another key to your independence.\\n2-5. Learn to balance your budget.\\nMaybe your parents, spouse, or significant other have been balancing your budget for you, or maybe you just haven't given this much thought and have been spending a little too recklessly. Whatever is going on, you should understand how much money you have to spend every month or week, and to make a list of all of the things you are spending it on to have a better sense of where you can cut costs.\\nFinding ways to save money will make you more independent because you'll have more money to spend however you like.\\n2-6. Don't depend on your GPS for directions.\\nSure, turning on your GPS or the map on your smartphone can help you get from one place to another. But what happens if your GPS suddenly malfunctions, your phone runs out of battery, or you're led to the top of a cliff? Will you follow it all the way down? Hopefully not. Before you go anywhere, make a mental map of where you have to go and print out physical directions to follow if you can. But better yet, know exactly where you're going so you'll feel less dependent on a device.\\nIf you're taking a long trip, then sure, the GPS can be useful. But make sure that you have a strong sense of where you're going regardless, so you don't feel completely clueless.\\n2-7. Get used to doing things alone.\\nIf you're truly independent, then you won't need a buddy to accomplish every little task or to do any fun activity. Don't wait around for a friend to be available to try that new restaurant in your town or to see that new movie at the theatre. Treat yourself and go it alone -- if you head to the movies, you'll be impressed by how many other people are enjoying a good film solo, too.\\nIt's all in the attitude. If you look and feel like you're really comfortable doing these things on your own, then no one will think twice.\\n2-8. Take it slowly.\\nRome wasn't built in a day, and no one is completely independent. This isn't a hard-and-fast guide that you must stick to. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. This is here to tell you how to be independent, if you want to be.\\n3. Thinking Independently\\n3-1. Accept yourself.\\nYou cannot build a strong, independent you if you can't live with yourself. Accept your body, your personality, your opinions, your choices, your preferences, and your life story. Do not say things against yourself. Everyone can be strong enough. Everyone has put up with something, proving their strength. Put behind you your mistakes and learn from them. Make an effort to be a better you and most importantly love yourself.\\nThis is an important part of being independent because accepting who you are will keep you from trying to act like someone else.\\n3-2. Believe in yourself.\\nIf you don't believe in yourself then who else will? We are all different and have something unique to say. No one can speak the words on your lips and not everyone is going to agree with what you say which is why it's important for you to stand by who you are because at the end of the day you are all you got and if you believe in yourself that's really all that matters. Believing in yourself will make you trust your own decisions -- even if they completely go against someone else's -- or even society's -- expectations.\\nIf you don't have faith in yourself, you will always second guess yourself and turn to others for help every time you have to make a decision. Step away from that.\\n3-3. Accept the world.\\nIndependent people are not vain, nor do they believe the entire human race is cruel. Independent people are those who see the world, with its good and its bad, and consciously choose to be strong for themselves and others. You are not independent because you do not trust anyone. You are not independent because you think highly of yourself. Follow this guideline: Learn to accept the world, and decide to be strong.\\nAccepting the world and all of its complications will also help you see that there are an infinite number of ways to live out there -- nobody is forcing you to conform to one of them.\\n3-4. Be emotionally independent\\nChances are, you depend on many people for emotional support. It may be your parents, a significant other, or good close friends. Although it is possible to continue to depend on these people for the rest of your life, it is in your best interest to realize that everyone in your life that you depend on will one day no longer be around. Some will move away, some will stop talking to you, and they all will eventually die. The only person that will always be with you is you. If you depend on yourself for support, you will never be let down.\\nIt's okay to get attached to a few key people in your life, but you cannot let these people determine your level of happiness. That's up to you.\\n3-5. Be self-motivated.\\nOther people do not have and will never have the same vested interest in your success. Motivation and success is a function of habit. You must break your bad habit of procrastination, and replace it with one of good planning. The most successful people in the world aren't always the brightest, or the best looking, but no matter what other talents or gifts they have been blessed with, they have underpinning their self-esteem a series of victories over tasks both large and small. This is how you learn anything in school, gain confidence dating, and everything else in life.\\nIf you want to achieve a career goal, it should be to please yourself, not to please your family. If you want to get amazing grades, then the same thing is true.\\nDon't be motivated to lose weight, publish a book, or build a house just to impress others. Do it because you want to drive yourself to succeed. Do it for yourself.\\n3-6. Be your own hero.\\nA role model can help inspire you and show you how to live your life. It's not a bad thing to find someone you deeply admire who shares your values. However, at the end of the day, it's important to think of yourself as your own role model, as a person who is capable of doing and saying anything he or she wants. Aim to be yourself, and be the best you can be. If you can't look up to yourself, you can't be independent.\\nAvoid idolizing any friends or acquaintances in your social circle. This will only make you even more likely to forget about doing your own thing.\\n3-7. Accept that life is not fair.\\nOur parents cared for us so much that they did everything in their power to raise us in a fair and just environment. The real world does not function on that principle which is a big problem today. The rules in the world usually protect either the majority (which you may not be a part of) or people with money and power. You will be treated badly for all sorts of unfair things: your skin color, your intelligence, your height, your weight, how much money you have, your opinions, your gender, and just about everything else that makes you who you are. You have to be happy in spite of that.\\nDon't let the unfairness of the world keep you from doing what you want to do. Want to be a male nurse? A female in the military? The first person in your family to graduate from college? Go for it instead of convincing yourself that it's just not possible in the world you live in today.\\n3-8. Stop caring about what other people think.\\nThis is the most important thing about being independent. If you depend on others to tell you if your music is cool, or if your outfit is cute, you won't be very happy! As long as you like it - nothing else matters! Stop worrying about other people's judgments about your life, whether they are thinking about your clothes, your choice of career, or your choice of significant other. These are your decisions, and not anyone else's.\\nIf you always have the nagging thought, \\\"But what will other people think if...\\\" in the back of your head, then you'll always be holding yourself back from doing your own thing.\\n3-9. Don't just think that you're the best; prove it to yourself!\\nYour opinion matters the most in your own motivation, but you know when you're pulling your own weight as to your accomplishments. It's far easier to just start dealing with your responsibilities knowing, with an incredibly strong faith in yourself that you can handle what comes up because you have before, than trying to accomplish goals because you're all warm and fuzzy inside. Warm and fuzzy accomplishes very little, but neither does beating yourself up.\\n3-10. Get your own information.\\nWatch and read the news and make sure you get it from a variety of sources. Follow it as often as you can and always have a goal of getting both sides of every story before forming an opinion. You can talk to people of a variety of backgrounds to get more information on a relevant topic, too, but never let other people tell you what to think. Make a goal of reading as much as possible, whether you're reading literature or The New York Times. Being well-informed will keep you from being a follower and will lead to more independent thought.\\nYou don't want to be a lemming and to believe something just because your 50 closest Facebook friends tell you to.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being independent is a vital skill for people who want to take more control of their lives and feel like they don't need others to accomplish their goals. Being more independent will give you the freedom to do what you want without caring what others think and it will also lead you to find some original solutions to your problems. You may even feel relief and joy as you grow in independence and start taking your life into your own hands.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acting More Independent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Become financially independent.\", \"描述\": \"It will be difficult because parents have a natural instinct to provide for us. Just politely decline when they offer financial help. It is tempting to depend on others financially, but before you experience independence, you must be independent. Secure your finances. True independent living relies on financial freedom. Pay your own bills, drive your own car, sign a personal check for your rent.\\nIf you don't have the money for these expenses, save aggressively. Not only will you gain financial freedom with your savings, but the money you keep to yourself will give you an incredible feeling of independence and motivation.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't settle for anything, for comfort, for ease, or to \\\"be nice\\\".\", \"描述\": \"Work hard at everything you do. Defend your opinions. And, for you girls, don't let a man feel he has to pamper you and for you boys, vice versa. If you're capable of doing something good, do it. So long as it doesn't have a bad effect, you should do it. That doesn't mean do absolutely everything, but you shouldn't feel it's necessary for people to do things for you that you could do for yourself.\\nWork your best and hardest to leave people saying \\\"That person doesn't rely on anyone to do things for them. What a strong, independent person.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Leave your friends and family at home when you can.\", \"描述\": \"This is a difficult step on the journey to independent living, but you must start doing things on your own. You do not need to drive with someone to the restaurant, because you can meet them there. Go shopping alone, spend at least one or two evenings a week by yourself. Work on activities that force you to lead, not follow.\\nIf you're used to always having a buddy when you go hiking or go to the mall, see how it feels to rough it on your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Dump the bad influences in your life.\", \"描述\": \"Don't break friendships unless absolutely necessary. Learn to keep a healthy distance. Even if those friends are \\\"totally cool,\\\" they may only hold you back from breaking out on your own. \\\"Weed out your garden\\\"; some people make you shine, while others will stunt your growth and draw all your energy. If you have a friend who is trying to make you do things that make you uncomfortable, whether it's stealing or just being a meaner person, then it's time to cut the cord.\\nAvoid any friends who really like building a following and having people worship them. These people will want you to only do what they say and will keep you from being independent.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Save money.\", \"描述\": \"Save as much as reasonably possible. This will help you create an emergency fund, since life can be unpredictable at times. You don't plan accidents. Improve the quality of your life by putting aside a set amount of money each month. There are such things as accidents, health problems, or even natural disasters, which can occur when you least expect it.\\nYou may not think that you have the capacity to save money, but even doing small things, like making your own coffee instead of going to Starbucks once a day, can save you over $30 a week -- that's over $1,500 a year!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Sign up for a bank account.\", \"描述\": \"Most banks offer a checking and savings account together, in one convenient package. Some companies, institutions, and organizations will require you to have at least a checking account (some only pay employees via direct deposit). Money you earn that isn't necessary for your own expenses should be put into a savings account until you're ready to be independent.\\nHaving your own bank account will keep you from depending on others for money, and will help you stay away from reckless spending.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Start on a career path.\", \"描述\": \"Experiment with different careers and find the one that you enjoy most. If money makes you happy, be an investment banker or start a small business. If you like kids, be a teacher. If you like being an expert, be a lawyer, professor or consultant. If you enjoy talking to people, be a salesperson or go into the services industry. If knowing how things work is more your game, try engineering, or Psychology and sociology.\\nThe majority of students end up in careers unrelated to their major. Some people do not get far in formal education and end up millionaires. Working in a career that you enjoy is a part of becoming a mature person.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Find your passion.\", \"描述\": \"Something you are devoted to, whether it is a sport, girlfriend/boyfriends, music, a band, a form of art/dance, religion. Something that you do constantly that takes up some time and boosts your creativity. Video games and playing Barbie all day aren't the best value out there. (This includes wasting your time on the Internet).\\nFinding a passion will make your life feel more meaningful and will make you feel more like you know what you really want out of life.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Plan your day around you.\", \"描述\": \"People who are most dependent on others allow their worlds to revolve around the needs of other people or other things. Plan your day according to your own schedule--make a list of what you want to do, what you need to do and what you should have already done. If a friend really needs a favor, fine, but don't let that friend dominate the plan you had made so carefully.\\nTreat your alone time like it's a date with Brad Pitt. That is, guard it carefully and don't let anyone stop you from spending time with yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Thank people for helping you.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to be stubborn to be independent. If someone has really helped you out, then thank that person by giving him a sincere \\\"thank you,\\\" writing a card, or giving him a big hug if he's a close friend. There's nothing wrong in admitting that you do need help sometimes and it won't make you any less independent to acknowledge the times when you need help.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Avoid trends.\", \"描述\": \"Just because somebody wants to pay $60 for a shirt doesn't mean you have to. Dress how you want to dress, and say what you want to say. If you like to act crazy, by all means go for it! A good thing to remember is that good taste and style does not have to cost money - it is something that is innate or learned but can make good of anything with a little know-how.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Spend time with people with different worldviews.\", \"描述\": \"Hanging out with people who are just like you won't inspire you to be any more independent. Making an effort to be friends with a variety of people who all have different perspectives and occupations can give you more of a sense of what's out there and to see that there's no one way to do it right.\\nIt can be refreshing to hang out with a lawyer if you're a yoga instructor, or to spend time with a chef if you're a student. This can make you more open-minded and more willing to do something completely new on your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Maintain solid friendships.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to throw away your friends to be independent. In fact, your independence is reinforced with good friends. When your friend needs someone to talk to, be there for them. Be trustworthy. Do not gossip or tell anyone about your friends' secrets or personal matters. Even if they didn't say anything about it. Be a strong person for your friends and loved ones. It not only shows you're selfless, but pretty soon you'll learn how to deal with any situation that comes your way because of your friends' experiences.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Navigating the World More Independently\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn to drive\", \"描述\": \"You'll never be fully independent if you don't learn to drive or how to get around on your own. How can you call yourself independent if you always depend on your boyfriend, best friend, or parents to drive you around? (This is assuming, of course, that you're old enough to drive). If you live in the suburbs and need a car to get around, take life by the horns and get a driver's license, and then work up to having your own car.\\nIf you're in a big city, don't depend on walking everywhere if the weather is nice or waiting for a friend to give you a lift -- learn how the subway, bus system, or train system works.\\nDepending on other people to get around will make you more likely to stay home or to wait around for other people to determine your fate. You should be able to do whatever you want to do -- whenever you want.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do your own research instead of asking other people for help all the time.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe you always call your dad for help with finances, or maybe you call your mom every five minutes when you're planning a big party or a wedding. Maybe you have a friend who is an expert in every possible thing and that's your go-to person whenever you run into trouble at work, with your car, or when you're trying to fix your TV. Make a habit of doing your own research before you call these people if you want to be more independent.\\nIt's great to have people to turn to, but the next time you pick up your phone, ask yourself: \\\"Can I figure out this information on my own?\\\" The answer will most likely be yes. Sure, it will take longer, but think about how much more rewarding it will feel.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn to be handy around the house.\", \"描述\": \"Are you tired of calling a plumber, repairman, painter, or even a trusted friend every time there's something wrong with your house? Learn to be more handy by watching useful videos, reading wikiHow, or reading Popular Mechanics. If you have a good friend who is a carpenter, ask for some carpentry lessons. Learning how to fix up your own space will make you save lots of money and feel like you don't have to wait around for others to make your life better.\\nAnd hey, learning how to quickly unclog a toilet is much better than waiting for somebody else to get to it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Cook for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Don't depend on Trader Joe's or the gourmet deli across the street to cook for you. You don't have to be a master chef to feel like you understand the basics of cooking: how to sauté basic foods, how to use your oven, and how to cook simple dishes like pasta, potatoes, and salad. Knowing that you can go to the supermarket or farmer's market, pick up a few key ingredients, and whip together a delicious meal will make you feel like you are capable of doing anything on your own.\\nIf you become a great cook, you can even invite other people over to enjoy the benefits of your skills.\\nNot only will learning to cook for yourself make you more independent, but it will help you save lots of money, which is another key to your independence.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn to balance your budget.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe your parents, spouse, or significant other have been balancing your budget for you, or maybe you just haven't given this much thought and have been spending a little too recklessly. Whatever is going on, you should understand how much money you have to spend every month or week, and to make a list of all of the things you are spending it on to have a better sense of where you can cut costs.\\nFinding ways to save money will make you more independent because you'll have more money to spend however you like.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't depend on your GPS for directions.\", \"描述\": \"Sure, turning on your GPS or the map on your smartphone can help you get from one place to another. But what happens if your GPS suddenly malfunctions, your phone runs out of battery, or you're led to the top of a cliff? Will you follow it all the way down? Hopefully not. Before you go anywhere, make a mental map of where you have to go and print out physical directions to follow if you can. But better yet, know exactly where you're going so you'll feel less dependent on a device.\\nIf you're taking a long trip, then sure, the GPS can be useful. But make sure that you have a strong sense of where you're going regardless, so you don't feel completely clueless.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Get used to doing things alone.\", \"描述\": \"If you're truly independent, then you won't need a buddy to accomplish every little task or to do any fun activity. Don't wait around for a friend to be available to try that new restaurant in your town or to see that new movie at the theatre. Treat yourself and go it alone -- if you head to the movies, you'll be impressed by how many other people are enjoying a good film solo, too.\\nIt's all in the attitude. If you look and feel like you're really comfortable doing these things on your own, then no one will think twice.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Take it slowly.\", \"描述\": \"Rome wasn't built in a day, and no one is completely independent. This isn't a hard-and-fast guide that you must stick to. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. This is here to tell you how to be independent, if you want to be.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Thinking Independently\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accept yourself.\", \"描述\": \"You cannot build a strong, independent you if you can't live with yourself. Accept your body, your personality, your opinions, your choices, your preferences, and your life story. Do not say things against yourself. Everyone can be strong enough. Everyone has put up with something, proving their strength. Put behind you your mistakes and learn from them. Make an effort to be a better you and most importantly love yourself.\\nThis is an important part of being independent because accepting who you are will keep you from trying to act like someone else.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Believe in yourself.\", \"描述\": \"If you don't believe in yourself then who else will? We are all different and have something unique to say. No one can speak the words on your lips and not everyone is going to agree with what you say which is why it's important for you to stand by who you are because at the end of the day you are all you got and if you believe in yourself that's really all that matters. Believing in yourself will make you trust your own decisions -- even if they completely go against someone else's -- or even society's -- expectations.\\nIf you don't have faith in yourself, you will always second guess yourself and turn to others for help every time you have to make a decision. Step away from that.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept the world.\", \"描述\": \"Independent people are not vain, nor do they believe the entire human race is cruel. Independent people are those who see the world, with its good and its bad, and consciously choose to be strong for themselves and others. You are not independent because you do not trust anyone. You are not independent because you think highly of yourself. Follow this guideline: Learn to accept the world, and decide to be strong.\\nAccepting the world and all of its complications will also help you see that there are an infinite number of ways to live out there -- nobody is forcing you to conform to one of them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be emotionally independent\", \"描述\": \"Chances are, you depend on many people for emotional support. It may be your parents, a significant other, or good close friends. Although it is possible to continue to depend on these people for the rest of your life, it is in your best interest to realize that everyone in your life that you depend on will one day no longer be around. Some will move away, some will stop talking to you, and they all will eventually die. The only person that will always be with you is you. If you depend on yourself for support, you will never be let down.\\nIt's okay to get attached to a few key people in your life, but you cannot let these people determine your level of happiness. That's up to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be self-motivated.\", \"描述\": \"Other people do not have and will never have the same vested interest in your success. Motivation and success is a function of habit. You must break your bad habit of procrastination, and replace it with one of good planning. The most successful people in the world aren't always the brightest, or the best looking, but no matter what other talents or gifts they have been blessed with, they have underpinning their self-esteem a series of victories over tasks both large and small. This is how you learn anything in school, gain confidence dating, and everything else in life.\\nIf you want to achieve a career goal, it should be to please yourself, not to please your family. If you want to get amazing grades, then the same thing is true.\\nDon't be motivated to lose weight, publish a book, or build a house just to impress others. Do it because you want to drive yourself to succeed. Do it for yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be your own hero.\", \"描述\": \"A role model can help inspire you and show you how to live your life. It's not a bad thing to find someone you deeply admire who shares your values. However, at the end of the day, it's important to think of yourself as your own role model, as a person who is capable of doing and saying anything he or she wants. Aim to be yourself, and be the best you can be. If you can't look up to yourself, you can't be independent.\\nAvoid idolizing any friends or acquaintances in your social circle. This will only make you even more likely to forget about doing your own thing.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Accept that life is not fair.\", \"描述\": \"Our parents cared for us so much that they did everything in their power to raise us in a fair and just environment. The real world does not function on that principle which is a big problem today. The rules in the world usually protect either the majority (which you may not be a part of) or people with money and power. You will be treated badly for all sorts of unfair things: your skin color, your intelligence, your height, your weight, how much money you have, your opinions, your gender, and just about everything else that makes you who you are. You have to be happy in spite of that.\\nDon't let the unfairness of the world keep you from doing what you want to do. Want to be a male nurse? A female in the military? The first person in your family to graduate from college? Go for it instead of convincing yourself that it's just not possible in the world you live in today.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Stop caring about what other people think.\", \"描述\": \"This is the most important thing about being independent. If you depend on others to tell you if your music is cool, or if your outfit is cute, you won't be very happy! As long as you like it - nothing else matters! Stop worrying about other people's judgments about your life, whether they are thinking about your clothes, your choice of career, or your choice of significant other. These are your decisions, and not anyone else's.\\nIf you always have the nagging thought, \\\"But what will other people think if...\\\" in the back of your head, then you'll always be holding yourself back from doing your own thing.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Don't just think that you're the best; prove it to yourself!\", \"描述\": \"Your opinion matters the most in your own motivation, but you know when you're pulling your own weight as to your accomplishments. It's far easier to just start dealing with your responsibilities knowing, with an incredibly strong faith in yourself that you can handle what comes up because you have before, than trying to accomplish goals because you're all warm and fuzzy inside. Warm and fuzzy accomplishes very little, but neither does beating yourself up.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Get your own information.\", \"描述\": \"Watch and read the news and make sure you get it from a variety of sources. Follow it as often as you can and always have a goal of getting both sides of every story before forming an opinion. You can talk to people of a variety of backgrounds to get more information on a relevant topic, too, but never let other people tell you what to think. Make a goal of reading as much as possible, whether you're reading literature or The New York Times. Being well-informed will keep you from being a follower and will lead to more independent thought.\\nYou don't want to be a lemming and to believe something just because your 50 closest Facebook friends tell you to.\"}]}]}}",
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3,846 | How to Be Independent As a Wheelchair User | 1. Adapting Your Lifestyle
1-1. Take a wheelchair skills class.
Individuals in wheelchairs may feel limited by things such as moving while holding things. Many places offer wheelchair skills classes to increase your feeling of independence and inspire you to rethink what your future holds. These classes cover the basics including pushing forwards and backwards, but they also address more complex moves like pushing with 1 hand, going up and down ramps and even stairs, and navigating curbs.
Ask your doctor, physical therapist, or other wheelchair users if they know of any wheelchair skills classes in your area.
Look for online programs to teach you wheelchair skills. Organizations such as the University of Washington or the United Spinal Association offer online wheelchair skills training. Make sure that you have a physical therapist or trained spotter on hand to prevent falls.
1-2. Pursue your interests.
Participating in activities you enjoy can get you outside of your home and help you be more independent. It can also keep you physically and emotionally engaged, which promotes your health and well-being.
Participate in group activities such as book clubs or sports-focused groups. Consider getting together with other wheelchair users for things like a stroll around your local area every morning.
1-3. Maintain a positive outlook.
You might feel like you can do less in a wheelchair. But this isn’t the case: you can do as much as someone who isn’t in a wheelchair, from participating in races to cooking meals and even skydiving. Keeping your outlook positive and expectations for yourself high can help boost your confidence. It can also show others how capable you are, which will keep them from expecting less from you.
Take time to explore all of the things you can do with a wheelchair, including things that wheelchair users may not be able to do. For example, you can try things such as skydiving, parasailing, waterskiing, basketball, hunting, kayaking, rock climbing, golf, skiing, and bowling. Doing these types of activities can boost your mood—and your confidence. Recognize that you can also do things such as preparing a big meal for your family, attend concerts, and even go on a vacation.
Talking with a peer support group of other wheelchair users can help you adjust to being in a wheelchair and figure out ways to stay positive.
1-4. Overcome fear and concerns.
Being in a wheelchair is a big adjustment for any person. It might cause you fear, anxiety, and concern about how to navigate the world. Acknowledging your fears and concerns can help you overcome them and embrace life and the world around you.
Remember that there are few limitations in a wheelchair when you put your mind to something. In fact, new technologies are allowing wheelchair users to push the boundaries of perceived limitations.
Seek out encouragement from friends, family members, and other wheelchair users. These people can boost your confidence and help you tackle anything that you put your mind to.
Meet with a therapist who specializes in working with wheelchair users. This person can give you techniques to overcome your fear, concern, and anxiety. For example, the therapist may suggest scripting, which is visualizing how something will play out and then following through on that scenario in real life.
1-5. Accept help when you need it.
In some cases, you may actually need help with something. There is nothing wrong with asking or accepting help when it’s necessary. This doesn’t mean that you are any less dependent, but understand your boundaries. This can also help others know when you may need a little assistance.
Recognize that many people might want to or offer help. Decline the person or people politely and with a smile. For example, say, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, but I think I’ve got this.”
Reach out for assistance to loved ones if you need it. You can say, “Hi Allie, I’m sorry to bother you, but my transportation service just called to cancel. Would you be able to run me to the store or pick up a few things for me. I am running low on food and some other necessities.”
1-6. Make your home more maneuverable.
One of the easiest ways to be more independent is by removing obstacles that may make it more difficult to move throughout your home. This could mean installing ramps and rails, removing thresholds, to storing items at an easily accessible height. In many cases, you can subsidize modifications to make your home more maneuverable.
Check your flooring to see if you can easily move on it. It may be difficult to navigate with thick carpeting or area rugs. Look for any obstacles that might get in your way. This can be tables, chairs, or even the corners of items in your home.
Keep your basic necessities within arm’s reach. This includes toiletries and medications as well as food and kitchen items. Add ramps and grab bars where you might need them, such as in the bathroom and at entryways to your home.
Consider working with an ergonomics specialist or occupational therapist to find the adaptations that may work best for you.
1-7. Get support for modifying your home.
Once you have an idea of what home modifications you may need, you may start to worry about the cost. It can be expensive to modify your home to be more independent. This shouldn’t be of significant concern because there are many programs available to subsidize the costs of making necessary modifications.
Consult the service offered by the National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modification for information on home modification in your area at http://gero.usc.edu/nrcshhm/directory/.
Speak to your insurance company about what modifications it will cover. Contact local, state, and federal programs designed to provide financial assistance to people who need to make home modifications.
Consider moving to a Center for Independent Living (CIL), which is a consumer‑controlled, community‑based, cross‑disability, nonresidential private nonprofit agency designed and operated by individuals with disabilities within a local community. A CIL also offers a wide array of independent living services. Find and get contact information for your local CIL at http://www.ilru.org/projects/cil-net/cil-center-and-association-directory.
2. Getting out and about with Your Wheelchair
2-1. Investigate adaptive driving.
There are many options for drivers with disabilities, including those individuals who use a wheelchair. Consult a specialist in converting wheelchair-accessible vehicles about your needs and wishes. Driving can greatly increase your independence and may help you have a more active lifestyle.
Consult with your doctor or other medical professionals about any specific modifications you need or they might suggest for you. You can use this information when seeking a dealer who can make modifications to your car.
Follow up with local car dealers to see if they are able to modify your car for adaptive driving. You can also easily find local partners of the Adaptive Driving Alliance (ADA), which is a nationwide group of vehicle modification dealers who offer transportation solutions. Find ADA’s website at http://www.adamobility.com/consumers.
Let the dealer know about your needs and wishes. Ask your dealer about financing options, including Veterans assistance programs, Medicare, Medicaid, Vocational Rehabilitation, and manufacturer rebate programs.
2-2. Find a transportation service
Many localities offer transportation for individuals who use wheelchairs. Using public transportation and/ or transport services can offer you the chance to get out of the house to do activities such as shopping, exercising, or maintaining an active social life.
Call your local public transportation system or ask your medical professionals for information on what services are available to you.
Contact the National Aging and Disability Transport Center (NADTC) for assistance in local public transportation or transportation services in your local area. Call 1.866.983.3222 and press 3 to speak to a Locator Transportation Specialist. Ask the specialist to put you on the list to receive the NADTC’s monthly email alerts about the latest technology trends in transportation for persons with disabilities. You can also contact your state’s 2-1-1 information line for information on local accessible transportation.
2-3. Stick to places with wheelchair access.
In the United States and many other countries, there is legislation that ensures equal opportunity to individuals with disabilities in employment, state and local government services, public accommodations, commercial facilities, and transportation. Many places are marked with the international access symbol, which is a blue square with a person in a wheelchair in white. Look for these signs to locate access features such as ramps, automatic door openers, or elevators.
Figure out options of places you plan to go. Call ahead and ask if they are wheelchair accessible. If they are not, then choose a location that is so that you don’t have to rely on help.
Upload an app to find wheelchair accessible places if you have a smartphone. Apps such as Wheelmap, Wheely, Urban Spoon, and It’s Accessible can all help you locate offices, restaurants, and other places that are wheelchair accessible.
Ask businesses or organization to consider following local, state, and national regulation on accessibility for wheelchair users and others with disabilities.
2-4. Travel on vacation with confidence.
Being in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you just need to stay in your local area or places that you can drive. Decide on a place you’d like to go and consult a travel agent who specializes in disabled travel or has experience working with wheelchair uses.
Consider booking a vacation package designed for persons in wheelchairs.
Book your travel as far in advance as you can. This can not only ensure that you have accessible amenities, but minimizes the risk of potentially uncomfortable situations during your trip. Book transportation over the phone or in person. Ask to speak to a supervisor or person who specializes in travel for those with disabilities to help ensure that your needs are met.
Book travel with major companies throughout your trip. These are more likely to offer accessible amenities and services.
Consult with other friends who are in wheelchairs about travel. You can also consult organizations such as Mobility International, which have tips on how to prepare for your trip.
3. Maintaining Your Health and Wellbeing
3-1. Do physical activity most days.
Working out gives most people improved stamina and muscle tone, which can also improve your ability to be independent. Many exercise programs can be adapted for seated users. Alternatively, you may seek out exercise opportunities geared specifically toward people with disabilities, such as videos, classes or sports events.
Aim for some type of physical activity 5-6 days a week. Remember that activity can also energize you and improve any feelings of isolation you may feel.
Consult your doctor or physical therapist about how much physical activity you can do every week. For example, you might aim for ½ hour every day. You can break the time up into manageable pieces, such as 3-10 minute workouts. Remember to start slowly and gradually increase your activity level as you are able.
Choose activities that challenge your body and that you enjoy without pain. It may take a little trial and error to find what works and what you like. Consider activities such as wheelchair basketball, using a hand-bike, bowling, playing tennis or badminton. If you’re more adventurous, you can also try out skiing, surfing, rock climbing, and scuba diving.
3-2. Make modifications as necessary.
Most activities can be modified to accommodate your needs. Consult with a fitness professional for modifications you can make to activities you enjoy. For example, you could try swimming with a floatation belt or resistance bands to build arm strength.
Make sure to listen to your body and stop if you have any pain. It’s normal to have some discomfort if you exercise, but if it turns into pain, stop what you’re doing.
3-3. Give yourself a chance to rest.
Every individual needs at least 1 full day of rest each week. Because you’re getting more activity as a wheelchair user, you may want to give yourself 2 full days. Getting enough rest can help your body build muscle and recover.
Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night. A 20-30 minute nap can refresh you if you get tired during the day.
3-4. Eat nutrient-rich meals.
Eating healthy foods is important for the health and wellbeing of any person. This is especially important for wheelchair users. Getting a variety of whole, nutrient-rich foods can help you maintain and even boost your health.
Select foods from the five food groups of fruits, vegetables, grains, proteins, and dairy. Vary your choices at every meal to get as many nutrients as possible.
3-5. Stay hydrated.
Drinking enough water throughout the day is important to maintaining your health. It can also keep you from feeling lethargic and getting headaches. Drink approximately 3 liters every day. Have more if you are active.
Stay away from sugary beverages like soda, juice cocktails, specialty coffees, and alcohol. Go for low-sugar choices such as tea, plain coffee, or sparkling water.
Keep in mind that eating fruits and vegetables also increases hydration since these foods are made mostly of water.
Tips
Be confident and patient. Remember that many people will not think about your needs ahead of time, but they are often willing to work with you.
Warnings
Protect yourself when you go out alone. Be aware of your surroundings, keep money and valuables out of sight, and consider sticking to familiar areas until you are completely comfortable venturing out independently.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Adapting Your Lifestyle\\n1-1. Take a wheelchair skills class.\\nIndividuals in wheelchairs may feel limited by things such as moving while holding things. Many places offer wheelchair skills classes to increase your feeling of independence and inspire you to rethink what your future holds. These classes cover the basics including pushing forwards and backwards, but they also address more complex moves like pushing with 1 hand, going up and down ramps and even stairs, and navigating curbs.\\nAsk your doctor, physical therapist, or other wheelchair users if they know of any wheelchair skills classes in your area.\\nLook for online programs to teach you wheelchair skills. Organizations such as the University of Washington or the United Spinal Association offer online wheelchair skills training. Make sure that you have a physical therapist or trained spotter on hand to prevent falls.\\n1-2. Pursue your interests.\\nParticipating in activities you enjoy can get you outside of your home and help you be more independent. It can also keep you physically and emotionally engaged, which promotes your health and well-being.\\nParticipate in group activities such as book clubs or sports-focused groups. Consider getting together with other wheelchair users for things like a stroll around your local area every morning.\\n1-3. Maintain a positive outlook.\\nYou might feel like you can do less in a wheelchair. But this isn’t the case: you can do as much as someone who isn’t in a wheelchair, from participating in races to cooking meals and even skydiving. Keeping your outlook positive and expectations for yourself high can help boost your confidence. It can also show others how capable you are, which will keep them from expecting less from you.\\nTake time to explore all of the things you can do with a wheelchair, including things that wheelchair users may not be able to do. For example, you can try things such as skydiving, parasailing, waterskiing, basketball, hunting, kayaking, rock climbing, golf, skiing, and bowling. Doing these types of activities can boost your mood—and your confidence. Recognize that you can also do things such as preparing a big meal for your family, attend concerts, and even go on a vacation.\\nTalking with a peer support group of other wheelchair users can help you adjust to being in a wheelchair and figure out ways to stay positive.\\n1-4. Overcome fear and concerns.\\nBeing in a wheelchair is a big adjustment for any person. It might cause you fear, anxiety, and concern about how to navigate the world. Acknowledging your fears and concerns can help you overcome them and embrace life and the world around you.\\nRemember that there are few limitations in a wheelchair when you put your mind to something. In fact, new technologies are allowing wheelchair users to push the boundaries of perceived limitations.\\nSeek out encouragement from friends, family members, and other wheelchair users. These people can boost your confidence and help you tackle anything that you put your mind to.\\nMeet with a therapist who specializes in working with wheelchair users. This person can give you techniques to overcome your fear, concern, and anxiety. For example, the therapist may suggest scripting, which is visualizing how something will play out and then following through on that scenario in real life.\\n1-5. Accept help when you need it.\\nIn some cases, you may actually need help with something. There is nothing wrong with asking or accepting help when it’s necessary. This doesn’t mean that you are any less dependent, but understand your boundaries. This can also help others know when you may need a little assistance.\\nRecognize that many people might want to or offer help. Decline the person or people politely and with a smile. For example, say, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, but I think I’ve got this.”\\nReach out for assistance to loved ones if you need it. You can say, “Hi Allie, I’m sorry to bother you, but my transportation service just called to cancel. Would you be able to run me to the store or pick up a few things for me. I am running low on food and some other necessities.”\\n1-6. Make your home more maneuverable.\\nOne of the easiest ways to be more independent is by removing obstacles that may make it more difficult to move throughout your home. This could mean installing ramps and rails, removing thresholds, to storing items at an easily accessible height. In many cases, you can subsidize modifications to make your home more maneuverable.\\nCheck your flooring to see if you can easily move on it. It may be difficult to navigate with thick carpeting or area rugs. Look for any obstacles that might get in your way. This can be tables, chairs, or even the corners of items in your home.\\nKeep your basic necessities within arm’s reach. This includes toiletries and medications as well as food and kitchen items. Add ramps and grab bars where you might need them, such as in the bathroom and at entryways to your home.\\nConsider working with an ergonomics specialist or occupational therapist to find the adaptations that may work best for you.\\n1-7. Get support for modifying your home.\\nOnce you have an idea of what home modifications you may need, you may start to worry about the cost. It can be expensive to modify your home to be more independent. This shouldn’t be of significant concern because there are many programs available to subsidize the costs of making necessary modifications.\\nConsult the service offered by the National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modification for information on home modification in your area at http://gero.usc.edu/nrcshhm/directory/.\\nSpeak to your insurance company about what modifications it will cover. Contact local, state, and federal programs designed to provide financial assistance to people who need to make home modifications.\\nConsider moving to a Center for Independent Living (CIL), which is a consumer‑controlled, community‑based, cross‑disability, nonresidential private nonprofit agency designed and operated by individuals with disabilities within a local community. A CIL also offers a wide array of independent living services. Find and get contact information for your local CIL at http://www.ilru.org/projects/cil-net/cil-center-and-association-directory.\\n2. Getting out and about with Your Wheelchair\\n2-1. Investigate adaptive driving.\\nThere are many options for drivers with disabilities, including those individuals who use a wheelchair. Consult a specialist in converting wheelchair-accessible vehicles about your needs and wishes. Driving can greatly increase your independence and may help you have a more active lifestyle. \\nConsult with your doctor or other medical professionals about any specific modifications you need or they might suggest for you. You can use this information when seeking a dealer who can make modifications to your car.\\nFollow up with local car dealers to see if they are able to modify your car for adaptive driving. You can also easily find local partners of the Adaptive Driving Alliance (ADA), which is a nationwide group of vehicle modification dealers who offer transportation solutions. Find ADA’s website at http://www.adamobility.com/consumers.\\nLet the dealer know about your needs and wishes. Ask your dealer about financing options, including Veterans assistance programs, Medicare, Medicaid, Vocational Rehabilitation, and manufacturer rebate programs.\\n2-2. Find a transportation service\\nMany localities offer transportation for individuals who use wheelchairs. Using public transportation and/ or transport services can offer you the chance to get out of the house to do activities such as shopping, exercising, or maintaining an active social life. \\nCall your local public transportation system or ask your medical professionals for information on what services are available to you.\\nContact the National Aging and Disability Transport Center (NADTC) for assistance in local public transportation or transportation services in your local area. Call 1.866.983.3222 and press 3 to speak to a Locator Transportation Specialist. Ask the specialist to put you on the list to receive the NADTC’s monthly email alerts about the latest technology trends in transportation for persons with disabilities. You can also contact your state’s 2-1-1 information line for information on local accessible transportation.\\n2-3. Stick to places with wheelchair access.\\nIn the United States and many other countries, there is legislation that ensures equal opportunity to individuals with disabilities in employment, state and local government services, public accommodations, commercial facilities, and transportation. Many places are marked with the international access symbol, which is a blue square with a person in a wheelchair in white. Look for these signs to locate access features such as ramps, automatic door openers, or elevators.\\nFigure out options of places you plan to go. Call ahead and ask if they are wheelchair accessible. If they are not, then choose a location that is so that you don’t have to rely on help.\\nUpload an app to find wheelchair accessible places if you have a smartphone. Apps such as Wheelmap, Wheely, Urban Spoon, and It’s Accessible can all help you locate offices, restaurants, and other places that are wheelchair accessible.\\nAsk businesses or organization to consider following local, state, and national regulation on accessibility for wheelchair users and others with disabilities.\\n2-4. Travel on vacation with confidence.\\nBeing in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you just need to stay in your local area or places that you can drive. Decide on a place you’d like to go and consult a travel agent who specializes in disabled travel or has experience working with wheelchair uses.\\nConsider booking a vacation package designed for persons in wheelchairs.\\nBook your travel as far in advance as you can. This can not only ensure that you have accessible amenities, but minimizes the risk of potentially uncomfortable situations during your trip. Book transportation over the phone or in person. Ask to speak to a supervisor or person who specializes in travel for those with disabilities to help ensure that your needs are met.\\nBook travel with major companies throughout your trip. These are more likely to offer accessible amenities and services.\\nConsult with other friends who are in wheelchairs about travel. You can also consult organizations such as Mobility International, which have tips on how to prepare for your trip.\\n3. Maintaining Your Health and Wellbeing\\n3-1. Do physical activity most days.\\nWorking out gives most people improved stamina and muscle tone, which can also improve your ability to be independent. Many exercise programs can be adapted for seated users. Alternatively, you may seek out exercise opportunities geared specifically toward people with disabilities, such as videos, classes or sports events.\\nAim for some type of physical activity 5-6 days a week. Remember that activity can also energize you and improve any feelings of isolation you may feel.\\nConsult your doctor or physical therapist about how much physical activity you can do every week. For example, you might aim for ½ hour every day. You can break the time up into manageable pieces, such as 3-10 minute workouts. Remember to start slowly and gradually increase your activity level as you are able.\\nChoose activities that challenge your body and that you enjoy without pain. It may take a little trial and error to find what works and what you like. Consider activities such as wheelchair basketball, using a hand-bike, bowling, playing tennis or badminton. If you’re more adventurous, you can also try out skiing, surfing, rock climbing, and scuba diving.\\n3-2. Make modifications as necessary.\\nMost activities can be modified to accommodate your needs. Consult with a fitness professional for modifications you can make to activities you enjoy. For example, you could try swimming with a floatation belt or resistance bands to build arm strength.\\nMake sure to listen to your body and stop if you have any pain. It’s normal to have some discomfort if you exercise, but if it turns into pain, stop what you’re doing.\\n3-3. Give yourself a chance to rest.\\nEvery individual needs at least 1 full day of rest each week. Because you’re getting more activity as a wheelchair user, you may want to give yourself 2 full days. Getting enough rest can help your body build muscle and recover.\\nGet 7-9 hours of sleep every night. A 20-30 minute nap can refresh you if you get tired during the day.\\n3-4. Eat nutrient-rich meals.\\nEating healthy foods is important for the health and wellbeing of any person. This is especially important for wheelchair users. Getting a variety of whole, nutrient-rich foods can help you maintain and even boost your health.\\nSelect foods from the five food groups of fruits, vegetables, grains, proteins, and dairy. Vary your choices at every meal to get as many nutrients as possible.\\n3-5. Stay hydrated.\\nDrinking enough water throughout the day is important to maintaining your health. It can also keep you from feeling lethargic and getting headaches. Drink approximately 3 liters every day. Have more if you are active.\\nStay away from sugary beverages like soda, juice cocktails, specialty coffees, and alcohol. Go for low-sugar choices such as tea, plain coffee, or sparkling water.\\nKeep in mind that eating fruits and vegetables also increases hydration since these foods are made mostly of water.\\nTips\\nBe confident and patient. Remember that many people will not think about your needs ahead of time, but they are often willing to work with you.\\nWarnings\\nProtect yourself when you go out alone. Be aware of your surroundings, keep money and valuables out of sight, and consider sticking to familiar areas until you are completely comfortable venturing out independently.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Wheelchair use has been on the rise in the last two decades. As the number of individuals using a wheelchair has increased, so have the opportunities for enjoying a full and independent life. By exploring your options to get out of the house, adapting your lifestyle, and maintaining your health and wellbeing, you can be an independent wheelchair user.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Adapting Your Lifestyle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a wheelchair skills class.\", \"描述\": \"Individuals in wheelchairs may feel limited by things such as moving while holding things. Many places offer wheelchair skills classes to increase your feeling of independence and inspire you to rethink what your future holds. These classes cover the basics including pushing forwards and backwards, but they also address more complex moves like pushing with 1 hand, going up and down ramps and even stairs, and navigating curbs.\\nAsk your doctor, physical therapist, or other wheelchair users if they know of any wheelchair skills classes in your area.\\nLook for online programs to teach you wheelchair skills. Organizations such as the University of Washington or the United Spinal Association offer online wheelchair skills training. Make sure that you have a physical therapist or trained spotter on hand to prevent falls.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pursue your interests.\", \"描述\": \"Participating in activities you enjoy can get you outside of your home and help you be more independent. It can also keep you physically and emotionally engaged, which promotes your health and well-being.\\nParticipate in group activities such as book clubs or sports-focused groups. Consider getting together with other wheelchair users for things like a stroll around your local area every morning.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain a positive outlook.\", \"描述\": \"You might feel like you can do less in a wheelchair. But this isn’t the case: you can do as much as someone who isn’t in a wheelchair, from participating in races to cooking meals and even skydiving. Keeping your outlook positive and expectations for yourself high can help boost your confidence. It can also show others how capable you are, which will keep them from expecting less from you.\\nTake time to explore all of the things you can do with a wheelchair, including things that wheelchair users may not be able to do. For example, you can try things such as skydiving, parasailing, waterskiing, basketball, hunting, kayaking, rock climbing, golf, skiing, and bowling. Doing these types of activities can boost your mood—and your confidence. Recognize that you can also do things such as preparing a big meal for your family, attend concerts, and even go on a vacation.\\nTalking with a peer support group of other wheelchair users can help you adjust to being in a wheelchair and figure out ways to stay positive.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Overcome fear and concerns.\", \"描述\": \"Being in a wheelchair is a big adjustment for any person. It might cause you fear, anxiety, and concern about how to navigate the world. Acknowledging your fears and concerns can help you overcome them and embrace life and the world around you.\\nRemember that there are few limitations in a wheelchair when you put your mind to something. In fact, new technologies are allowing wheelchair users to push the boundaries of perceived limitations.\\nSeek out encouragement from friends, family members, and other wheelchair users. These people can boost your confidence and help you tackle anything that you put your mind to.\\nMeet with a therapist who specializes in working with wheelchair users. This person can give you techniques to overcome your fear, concern, and anxiety. For example, the therapist may suggest scripting, which is visualizing how something will play out and then following through on that scenario in real life.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Accept help when you need it.\", \"描述\": \"In some cases, you may actually need help with something. There is nothing wrong with asking or accepting help when it’s necessary. This doesn’t mean that you are any less dependent, but understand your boundaries. This can also help others know when you may need a little assistance.\\nRecognize that many people might want to or offer help. Decline the person or people politely and with a smile. For example, say, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, but I think I’ve got this.”\\nReach out for assistance to loved ones if you need it. You can say, “Hi Allie, I’m sorry to bother you, but my transportation service just called to cancel. Would you be able to run me to the store or pick up a few things for me. I am running low on food and some other necessities.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make your home more maneuverable.\", \"描述\": \"One of the easiest ways to be more independent is by removing obstacles that may make it more difficult to move throughout your home. This could mean installing ramps and rails, removing thresholds, to storing items at an easily accessible height. In many cases, you can subsidize modifications to make your home more maneuverable.\\nCheck your flooring to see if you can easily move on it. It may be difficult to navigate with thick carpeting or area rugs. Look for any obstacles that might get in your way. This can be tables, chairs, or even the corners of items in your home.\\nKeep your basic necessities within arm’s reach. This includes toiletries and medications as well as food and kitchen items. Add ramps and grab bars where you might need them, such as in the bathroom and at entryways to your home.\\nConsider working with an ergonomics specialist or occupational therapist to find the adaptations that may work best for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Get support for modifying your home.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have an idea of what home modifications you may need, you may start to worry about the cost. It can be expensive to modify your home to be more independent. This shouldn’t be of significant concern because there are many programs available to subsidize the costs of making necessary modifications.\\nConsult the service offered by the National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modification for information on home modification in your area at http://gero.usc.edu/nrcshhm/directory/.\\nSpeak to your insurance company about what modifications it will cover. Contact local, state, and federal programs designed to provide financial assistance to people who need to make home modifications.\\nConsider moving to a Center for Independent Living (CIL), which is a consumer‑controlled, community‑based, cross‑disability, nonresidential private nonprofit agency designed and operated by individuals with disabilities within a local community. A CIL also offers a wide array of independent living services. Find and get contact information for your local CIL at http://www.ilru.org/projects/cil-net/cil-center-and-association-directory.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting out and about with Your Wheelchair\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Investigate adaptive driving.\", \"描述\": \"There are many options for drivers with disabilities, including those individuals who use a wheelchair. Consult a specialist in converting wheelchair-accessible vehicles about your needs and wishes. Driving can greatly increase your independence and may help you have a more active lifestyle. \\nConsult with your doctor or other medical professionals about any specific modifications you need or they might suggest for you. You can use this information when seeking a dealer who can make modifications to your car.\\nFollow up with local car dealers to see if they are able to modify your car for adaptive driving. You can also easily find local partners of the Adaptive Driving Alliance (ADA), which is a nationwide group of vehicle modification dealers who offer transportation solutions. Find ADA’s website at http://www.adamobility.com/consumers.\\nLet the dealer know about your needs and wishes. Ask your dealer about financing options, including Veterans assistance programs, Medicare, Medicaid, Vocational Rehabilitation, and manufacturer rebate programs.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find a transportation service\", \"描述\": \"Many localities offer transportation for individuals who use wheelchairs. Using public transportation and/ or transport services can offer you the chance to get out of the house to do activities such as shopping, exercising, or maintaining an active social life. \\nCall your local public transportation system or ask your medical professionals for information on what services are available to you.\\nContact the National Aging and Disability Transport Center (NADTC) for assistance in local public transportation or transportation services in your local area. Call 1.866.983.3222 and press 3 to speak to a Locator Transportation Specialist. Ask the specialist to put you on the list to receive the NADTC’s monthly email alerts about the latest technology trends in transportation for persons with disabilities. You can also contact your state’s 2-1-1 information line for information on local accessible transportation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stick to places with wheelchair access.\", \"描述\": \"In the United States and many other countries, there is legislation that ensures equal opportunity to individuals with disabilities in employment, state and local government services, public accommodations, commercial facilities, and transportation. Many places are marked with the international access symbol, which is a blue square with a person in a wheelchair in white. Look for these signs to locate access features such as ramps, automatic door openers, or elevators.\\nFigure out options of places you plan to go. Call ahead and ask if they are wheelchair accessible. If they are not, then choose a location that is so that you don’t have to rely on help.\\nUpload an app to find wheelchair accessible places if you have a smartphone. Apps such as Wheelmap, Wheely, Urban Spoon, and It’s Accessible can all help you locate offices, restaurants, and other places that are wheelchair accessible.\\nAsk businesses or organization to consider following local, state, and national regulation on accessibility for wheelchair users and others with disabilities.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Travel on vacation with confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Being in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you just need to stay in your local area or places that you can drive. Decide on a place you’d like to go and consult a travel agent who specializes in disabled travel or has experience working with wheelchair uses.\\nConsider booking a vacation package designed for persons in wheelchairs.\\nBook your travel as far in advance as you can. This can not only ensure that you have accessible amenities, but minimizes the risk of potentially uncomfortable situations during your trip. Book transportation over the phone or in person. Ask to speak to a supervisor or person who specializes in travel for those with disabilities to help ensure that your needs are met.\\nBook travel with major companies throughout your trip. These are more likely to offer accessible amenities and services.\\nConsult with other friends who are in wheelchairs about travel. You can also consult organizations such as Mobility International, which have tips on how to prepare for your trip.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Your Health and Wellbeing\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do physical activity most days.\", \"描述\": \"Working out gives most people improved stamina and muscle tone, which can also improve your ability to be independent. Many exercise programs can be adapted for seated users. Alternatively, you may seek out exercise opportunities geared specifically toward people with disabilities, such as videos, classes or sports events.\\nAim for some type of physical activity 5-6 days a week. Remember that activity can also energize you and improve any feelings of isolation you may feel.\\nConsult your doctor or physical therapist about how much physical activity you can do every week. For example, you might aim for ½ hour every day. You can break the time up into manageable pieces, such as 3-10 minute workouts. Remember to start slowly and gradually increase your activity level as you are able.\\nChoose activities that challenge your body and that you enjoy without pain. It may take a little trial and error to find what works and what you like. Consider activities such as wheelchair basketball, using a hand-bike, bowling, playing tennis or badminton. If you’re more adventurous, you can also try out skiing, surfing, rock climbing, and scuba diving.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make modifications as necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Most activities can be modified to accommodate your needs. Consult with a fitness professional for modifications you can make to activities you enjoy. For example, you could try swimming with a floatation belt or resistance bands to build arm strength.\\nMake sure to listen to your body and stop if you have any pain. It’s normal to have some discomfort if you exercise, but if it turns into pain, stop what you’re doing.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give yourself a chance to rest.\", \"描述\": \"Every individual needs at least 1 full day of rest each week. Because you’re getting more activity as a wheelchair user, you may want to give yourself 2 full days. Getting enough rest can help your body build muscle and recover.\\nGet 7-9 hours of sleep every night. A 20-30 minute nap can refresh you if you get tired during the day.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Eat nutrient-rich meals.\", \"描述\": \"Eating healthy foods is important for the health and wellbeing of any person. This is especially important for wheelchair users. Getting a variety of whole, nutrient-rich foods can help you maintain and even boost your health.\\nSelect foods from the five food groups of fruits, vegetables, grains, proteins, and dairy. Vary your choices at every meal to get as many nutrients as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay hydrated.\", \"描述\": \"Drinking enough water throughout the day is important to maintaining your health. It can also keep you from feeling lethargic and getting headaches. Drink approximately 3 liters every day. Have more if you are active.\\nStay away from sugary beverages like soda, juice cocktails, specialty coffees, and alcohol. Go for low-sugar choices such as tea, plain coffee, or sparkling water.\\nKeep in mind that eating fruits and vegetables also increases hydration since these foods are made mostly of water.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be confident and patient. Remember that many people will not think about your needs ahead of time, but they are often willing to work with you.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Protect yourself when you go out alone. Be aware of your surroundings, keep money and valuables out of sight, and consider sticking to familiar areas until you are completely comfortable venturing out independently.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,847 | How to Be Independent While Living in Your Parent's House | 1. Establishing Boundaries
1-1. Create a communication system.
Communication is important between you and your parents to clarify when you need privacy or space. A simple, predetermined signal can denote when someone needs a moment of breathing room.
You might say something like “I am feeling overwhelmed and need some privacy.” This will communicate to them what you are feeling and what they can do to help you feel better.
1-2. Respect your parents' privacy.
You should maintain your parents' privacy by being respectful of their boundaries. Follow their lead, if in doubt. For example, if their bedroom door is kept closed, keep yours closed as well. Although you are welcome at your parents' home, by inviting you to live with them, they are losing quiet moments and personal space that they once had to themselves.
Make a concerted effort to preserve their quiet, undisturbed moments and use them as an opportunity to have your own as well.
1-3. Let your parents know your plans.
Since you're an adult, you will want to go out with friends sometimes and might even stay out late. It will be helpful to establish with your parents that you will text them to let them know you will be out, and communicate with them beforehand to tell them about any plans you may have.
1-4. Discuss potential houseguests in advance.
It will be helpful to discuss potential friends you might invite over beforehand to avoid any conflict. While living in your parent's home, ensure that you, and anyone you invite into the home, abide by the rules of the house.
1-5. Create a space for yourself.
Whether it's your room, or an office/work area, it is helpful to have a space that is your own. Let your parents know that you'd like this area to be private and that you would prefer to be left alone in this space.
1-6. Set a firm date to move out of your parent's home and stick to it.
Pick a reasonable date to leave the house, even if selected arbitrarily, and let your parents know when you intend to leave. Follow your budget and build your confidence and skills while in your parents home, keeping the date that you chose in mind as a motivator.
2. Contributing to the Household
2-1. Pay your own way.
While living in your parent's home you may feel inclined, or encouraged, to neglect your financial responsibilities; resist the temptation. When you move in, begin contributing to the household immediately and consistently following agreed upon terms.
Create a plan and a budget, and discuss what payment your parents will need from you to cover your living expenses such as rent, utilities, and any additional costs.
2-2. Respect the house and your parents' possessions.
Your parents may have rules in place about shoes on the carpet, food in the living room, or the use of specific rooms. Follow their rules and clean up after yourself. If you, your children, or a friend cause damage, fix it immediately at your own expense and apologize.
2-3. Volunteer to help your parents.
Do tasks that your parents don't wish to or aren't able to do. For example, become the housekeeper in the home. By contributing to the household in addition to finances, you will demonstrate that you respect your parents and want to be helpful and responsible.
Take advantage of the opportunity to impress them with all that you know. Put your skills to good use and make them glad to have you at home to assist them.
In addition to helping your parents, be sure you're taking care of all of your own responsibilities, like doing your own laundry, washing your dishes, and making your own appointments.
2-4. Show your appreciation.
Do something special for your parents whenever possible and thank them for going out of their way to accommodate your needs. Make them dinner, buy a bottle of wine for them to share, or get them a gift certificate to go out to dinner or to a movie together.
Regardless of the circumstances that caused you to move in with your parents, maintain a respectful and appreciative attitude while in their home.
3. Managing Your Personal Life
3-1. Make your own decisions.
It is vital that you maintain and continue building your strength in decision making while living with your parents. Although it is tempting to seek a second opinion, do not carry all of your burdens to the kitchen table seeking advice; be selective. Having confidence in your decision making abilities will only benefit you in the long run.
For example, if you are separated from your spouse and have a child, child care decisions should be made between you and your spouse.
Problems or decisions about your career should be made on your own with your future goals of independence in mind.
3-2. Spend time outside of the house.
Take walks around the neighborhood, go to a park, or visit the library every day. Spending time away from home will give you the chance to think freely without the distractions of being in your parents' environment. They've allowed you to stay in their home; you should, therefore, take advantage of that time by using it to create a more stable independent future for yourself.
3-3. Maintain your friendships.
Time with friends can help you think clearly and take a break from interacting with your parents when it may be taxing for the both of you. Friendships are important for emotional support, especially if you are going through a difficult time.
3-4. Provide adequate care for your children, if you have any.
Although your parents have had plenty of practice raising children, it is your responsibility to take care of your kids while living in your parents' home. Protect your parent's status as grandparents; free to enjoy special time with their grandchildren, but not charged with responsibility for them. Allow your parents to decide when and how they would like to spend time with your children.
You should provide boundaries for your children to follow while in your parent's home. These boundaries might include areas they aren't allowed to enter, times where they should be working on schoolwork, and limits on screen time.
Tips
Count your blessings. Focus your mind on all the good things you have in life and commit to creating even more good things, both for yourself and your parents.
Remember that your parents are part of the solution. If you are moving in with them, you're probably in a situation where you are in need of help, and they are part of the solution. Work on improving yourself and their lives without burdening them with your issues.
When setting goals, include your parents in the successes you plan to enjoy. Make your every milestone something for them to look forward to by showing your appreciation to them each time you reach a goal or make significant progress toward a goal.
Warnings
Do not overstay your welcome. If your parents become unhappy with your presence in their home, arrange to stay with a friend or other family member for a few days to give them a break. While you are there, look for a more permanent living situation.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Establishing Boundaries\\n1-1. Create a communication system.\\nCommunication is important between you and your parents to clarify when you need privacy or space. A simple, predetermined signal can denote when someone needs a moment of breathing room.\\nYou might say something like “I am feeling overwhelmed and need some privacy.” This will communicate to them what you are feeling and what they can do to help you feel better.\\n1-2. Respect your parents' privacy.\\nYou should maintain your parents' privacy by being respectful of their boundaries. Follow their lead, if in doubt. For example, if their bedroom door is kept closed, keep yours closed as well. Although you are welcome at your parents' home, by inviting you to live with them, they are losing quiet moments and personal space that they once had to themselves.\\nMake a concerted effort to preserve their quiet, undisturbed moments and use them as an opportunity to have your own as well.\\n1-3. Let your parents know your plans.\\nSince you're an adult, you will want to go out with friends sometimes and might even stay out late. It will be helpful to establish with your parents that you will text them to let them know you will be out, and communicate with them beforehand to tell them about any plans you may have.\\n1-4. Discuss potential houseguests in advance.\\nIt will be helpful to discuss potential friends you might invite over beforehand to avoid any conflict. While living in your parent's home, ensure that you, and anyone you invite into the home, abide by the rules of the house.\\n1-5. Create a space for yourself.\\nWhether it's your room, or an office/work area, it is helpful to have a space that is your own. Let your parents know that you'd like this area to be private and that you would prefer to be left alone in this space.\\n1-6. Set a firm date to move out of your parent's home and stick to it.\\nPick a reasonable date to leave the house, even if selected arbitrarily, and let your parents know when you intend to leave. Follow your budget and build your confidence and skills while in your parents home, keeping the date that you chose in mind as a motivator.\\n2. Contributing to the Household\\n2-1. Pay your own way.\\nWhile living in your parent's home you may feel inclined, or encouraged, to neglect your financial responsibilities; resist the temptation. When you move in, begin contributing to the household immediately and consistently following agreed upon terms.\\nCreate a plan and a budget, and discuss what payment your parents will need from you to cover your living expenses such as rent, utilities, and any additional costs.\\n2-2. Respect the house and your parents' possessions.\\nYour parents may have rules in place about shoes on the carpet, food in the living room, or the use of specific rooms. Follow their rules and clean up after yourself. If you, your children, or a friend cause damage, fix it immediately at your own expense and apologize.\\n2-3. Volunteer to help your parents.\\nDo tasks that your parents don't wish to or aren't able to do. For example, become the housekeeper in the home. By contributing to the household in addition to finances, you will demonstrate that you respect your parents and want to be helpful and responsible. \\nTake advantage of the opportunity to impress them with all that you know. Put your skills to good use and make them glad to have you at home to assist them.\\nIn addition to helping your parents, be sure you're taking care of all of your own responsibilities, like doing your own laundry, washing your dishes, and making your own appointments.\\n2-4. Show your appreciation.\\nDo something special for your parents whenever possible and thank them for going out of their way to accommodate your needs. Make them dinner, buy a bottle of wine for them to share, or get them a gift certificate to go out to dinner or to a movie together.\\nRegardless of the circumstances that caused you to move in with your parents, maintain a respectful and appreciative attitude while in their home.\\n3. Managing Your Personal Life\\n3-1. Make your own decisions.\\nIt is vital that you maintain and continue building your strength in decision making while living with your parents. Although it is tempting to seek a second opinion, do not carry all of your burdens to the kitchen table seeking advice; be selective. Having confidence in your decision making abilities will only benefit you in the long run.\\nFor example, if you are separated from your spouse and have a child, child care decisions should be made between you and your spouse.\\nProblems or decisions about your career should be made on your own with your future goals of independence in mind.\\n3-2. Spend time outside of the house.\\nTake walks around the neighborhood, go to a park, or visit the library every day. Spending time away from home will give you the chance to think freely without the distractions of being in your parents' environment. They've allowed you to stay in their home; you should, therefore, take advantage of that time by using it to create a more stable independent future for yourself.\\n3-3. Maintain your friendships.\\nTime with friends can help you think clearly and take a break from interacting with your parents when it may be taxing for the both of you. Friendships are important for emotional support, especially if you are going through a difficult time.\\n3-4. Provide adequate care for your children, if you have any.\\nAlthough your parents have had plenty of practice raising children, it is your responsibility to take care of your kids while living in your parents' home. Protect your parent's status as grandparents; free to enjoy special time with their grandchildren, but not charged with responsibility for them. Allow your parents to decide when and how they would like to spend time with your children.\\nYou should provide boundaries for your children to follow while in your parent's home. These boundaries might include areas they aren't allowed to enter, times where they should be working on schoolwork, and limits on screen time.\\nTips\\nCount your blessings. Focus your mind on all the good things you have in life and commit to creating even more good things, both for yourself and your parents.\\nRemember that your parents are part of the solution. If you are moving in with them, you're probably in a situation where you are in need of help, and they are part of the solution. Work on improving yourself and their lives without burdening them with your issues.\\nWhen setting goals, include your parents in the successes you plan to enjoy. Make your every milestone something for them to look forward to by showing your appreciation to them each time you reach a goal or make significant progress toward a goal.\\nWarnings\\nDo not overstay your welcome. If your parents become unhappy with your presence in their home, arrange to stay with a friend or other family member for a few days to give them a break. While you are there, look for a more permanent living situation.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"There are a number of reasons that you would decide to live with your parents as an adult, but that doesn't mean that you will lose your sense of freedom while you are there. By handling your financial situation, contributing to the household, and communicating clearly with your parents, you'll be able to maintain your independence. Above all else, having respect for your parents and yourself will help to keep your independence intact.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Establishing Boundaries\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Create a communication system.\", \"描述\": \"Communication is important between you and your parents to clarify when you need privacy or space. A simple, predetermined signal can denote when someone needs a moment of breathing room.\\nYou might say something like “I am feeling overwhelmed and need some privacy.” This will communicate to them what you are feeling and what they can do to help you feel better.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Respect your parents' privacy.\", \"描述\": \"You should maintain your parents' privacy by being respectful of their boundaries. Follow their lead, if in doubt. For example, if their bedroom door is kept closed, keep yours closed as well. Although you are welcome at your parents' home, by inviting you to live with them, they are losing quiet moments and personal space that they once had to themselves.\\nMake a concerted effort to preserve their quiet, undisturbed moments and use them as an opportunity to have your own as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let your parents know your plans.\", \"描述\": \"Since you're an adult, you will want to go out with friends sometimes and might even stay out late. It will be helpful to establish with your parents that you will text them to let them know you will be out, and communicate with them beforehand to tell them about any plans you may have.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Discuss potential houseguests in advance.\", \"描述\": \"It will be helpful to discuss potential friends you might invite over beforehand to avoid any conflict. While living in your parent's home, ensure that you, and anyone you invite into the home, abide by the rules of the house.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Create a space for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it's your room, or an office/work area, it is helpful to have a space that is your own. Let your parents know that you'd like this area to be private and that you would prefer to be left alone in this space.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Set a firm date to move out of your parent's home and stick to it.\", \"描述\": \"Pick a reasonable date to leave the house, even if selected arbitrarily, and let your parents know when you intend to leave. Follow your budget and build your confidence and skills while in your parents home, keeping the date that you chose in mind as a motivator.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Contributing to the Household\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pay your own way.\", \"描述\": \"While living in your parent's home you may feel inclined, or encouraged, to neglect your financial responsibilities; resist the temptation. When you move in, begin contributing to the household immediately and consistently following agreed upon terms.\\nCreate a plan and a budget, and discuss what payment your parents will need from you to cover your living expenses such as rent, utilities, and any additional costs.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Respect the house and your parents' possessions.\", \"描述\": \"Your parents may have rules in place about shoes on the carpet, food in the living room, or the use of specific rooms. Follow their rules and clean up after yourself. If you, your children, or a friend cause damage, fix it immediately at your own expense and apologize.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Volunteer to help your parents.\", \"描述\": \"Do tasks that your parents don't wish to or aren't able to do. For example, become the housekeeper in the home. By contributing to the household in addition to finances, you will demonstrate that you respect your parents and want to be helpful and responsible. \\nTake advantage of the opportunity to impress them with all that you know. Put your skills to good use and make them glad to have you at home to assist them.\\nIn addition to helping your parents, be sure you're taking care of all of your own responsibilities, like doing your own laundry, washing your dishes, and making your own appointments.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Show your appreciation.\", \"描述\": \"Do something special for your parents whenever possible and thank them for going out of their way to accommodate your needs. Make them dinner, buy a bottle of wine for them to share, or get them a gift certificate to go out to dinner or to a movie together.\\nRegardless of the circumstances that caused you to move in with your parents, maintain a respectful and appreciative attitude while in their home.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Managing Your Personal Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your own decisions.\", \"描述\": \"It is vital that you maintain and continue building your strength in decision making while living with your parents. Although it is tempting to seek a second opinion, do not carry all of your burdens to the kitchen table seeking advice; be selective. Having confidence in your decision making abilities will only benefit you in the long run.\\nFor example, if you are separated from your spouse and have a child, child care decisions should be made between you and your spouse.\\nProblems or decisions about your career should be made on your own with your future goals of independence in mind.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Spend time outside of the house.\", \"描述\": \"Take walks around the neighborhood, go to a park, or visit the library every day. Spending time away from home will give you the chance to think freely without the distractions of being in your parents' environment. They've allowed you to stay in their home; you should, therefore, take advantage of that time by using it to create a more stable independent future for yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain your friendships.\", \"描述\": \"Time with friends can help you think clearly and take a break from interacting with your parents when it may be taxing for the both of you. Friendships are important for emotional support, especially if you are going through a difficult time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Provide adequate care for your children, if you have any.\", \"描述\": \"Although your parents have had plenty of practice raising children, it is your responsibility to take care of your kids while living in your parents' home. Protect your parent's status as grandparents; free to enjoy special time with their grandchildren, but not charged with responsibility for them. Allow your parents to decide when and how they would like to spend time with your children.\\nYou should provide boundaries for your children to follow while in your parent's home. These boundaries might include areas they aren't allowed to enter, times where they should be working on schoolwork, and limits on screen time.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Count your blessings. Focus your mind on all the good things you have in life and commit to creating even more good things, both for yourself and your parents.\\n\", \"Remember that your parents are part of the solution. If you are moving in with them, you're probably in a situation where you are in need of help, and they are part of the solution. Work on improving yourself and their lives without burdening them with your issues.\\n\", \"When setting goals, include your parents in the successes you plan to enjoy. Make your every milestone something for them to look forward to by showing your appreciation to them each time you reach a goal or make significant progress toward a goal.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Do not overstay your welcome. If your parents become unhappy with your presence in their home, arrange to stay with a friend or other family member for a few days to give them a break. While you are there, look for a more permanent living situation.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,848 | How to Be Independent and Unafraid | 1. Becoming Self-Sufficient
1-1. Take responsibility for yourself.
Acknowledge the ways your actions, words, and decisions have shaped your life. Don’t try to blame other people or outside circumstances for the way your life looks right now, even if you’re not happy with your current situation.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming yourself for mistakes you made in the past. Rather, this mindset empowers you to do something about them now.
1-2. Get to know yourself.
Spend some time introspecting when you won’t be disturbed or distracted. Ask yourself what your personality is like when you’re not being influenced by anybody else. Think about your unique strengths, weaknesses, and values.
Self-knowledge is an essential foundation for an independent life. You can better get to know yourself by starting a journaling habit and trying out new activities to learn your likes and dislikes.
1-3. Trust your own judgment.
Learn to rely on your own decision-making skills instead of other people’s advice. If you frequently second-guess yourself, remind yourself that it’s better to make a choice and stick with it than to remain in a perpetual state of indecision.
If you have a hard time with decisions, build your confidence in yourself by becoming more decisive about little things. When you’re picking out clothes in the morning, for instance, go with your first instinct and don’t give yourself time to waver.
1-4. Live by your values.
Know which principles are most important to you, and use them to guide your decisions. Seek out jobs, friends, and opportunities that align with your values instead of clashing with them.
Money has a big impact on our daily lives. If you’re having trouble discerning your values, consider what you would be doing if money were not a factor in your life. Try to live by those core principals.
Identify your values by ranking which of your personality traits mean the most in your life. For instance, you might value honesty, charity, and friendship most of all.
1-5. Learn to rely on yourself emotionally.
Practice regulating your own feelings instead of depending on a friend, cigarette, or candy bar to calm down. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Find some healthy ways to deal with negative emotions, such as taking a walk or writing in a journal.
It’s fine to seek external emotional support when you need it. However, it’s not healthy to rely on other people or substances as a crutch for dealing with your feelings.
Practice noticing negative feelings that come up without being swept away by them. Acknowledge the feeling, but don’t become the feeling.
2. Dealing with Fear
2-1. Face your fears
One of the most effective ways to grow as a person is to face the things that scare you most. Look for ways to get out of your comfort zone every day, whether that means talking to someone new, learning to drive, or taking on new responsibilities at work.
If your fear is too big to tackle all at once, do it a little at a time. Set a small, manageable goal to start with. After you achieve it, set another one that’s slightly more challenging.
For instance, if you’re afraid to travel alone, take a short day trip to a nearby town. Then take an overnight trip a little farther away.
2-2. Entertain the worst-case scenario.
This may sound counterintuitive, but one effective way to conquer fear is by thinking of the worst. Contrary to what you might believe, this won't make you crawl up in a ball. In fact, you'll feel capable once you realize the worst is either unlikely or totally manageable.
Try this: when you have a fear, think about the worst possible scenario. For instance, you worry about not getting a promotion at work. What's the worst that can happen? You'll get passed up and be considered next time. Or, you finally decide to move on from your current job that doesn't recognize your talent. Whatever it is, it likely won't kill you.
2-3. Plan ahead.
Banish your jitters by preparing for things ahead of time. Whether you’re giving a speech, interviewing for a new job, or taking an exam, you’ll do better and feel calmer if you practice beforehand.
Ask a friend to help. Say, “I really want to knock this interview out of the park. Will you help me practice my questions?”
2-4. Ask for help when you need it.
Independence doesn't mean you don't need anyone. In fact, it's impossible to go through life without assistance from others. When you get overwhelmed by fear, have the courage to ask for help from those you trust.
You might seek the experience of a mental health therapist to help you cope with major fears.
Or, you might simply ask a friend or family member to help you role-play anxiety-causing scenarios or accompany you to stressful events.
3. Building Confidence
3-1. Pretend you feel confident.
Stand tall, with your shoulders back. Maintain a calm demeanor. Make eye contact with people, and speak at an unhurried pace. Pretend that you feel completely comfortable in your own skin, and soon you’ll find that your confidence isn’t an act anymore.
“Fake it till you make it” is a common piece of advice for a reason: it works. Your actions have a big influence on your attitude.
3-2. Look the part.
Good grooming habits can make you feel better about yourself, which will give you a confidence boost. Practice good hygiene by showering every day, brushing your teeth, and trimming your nails. Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that are appropriate for the situation you’re in.
If you’re not confident in your appearance, consider getting a new haircut or investing in some flattering clothes.
3-3. Focus on the positive.
Thinking too much about the negative things you’ve said and done will only give you an inaccurate, overly negative self-image. Make an effort to remind yourself of all the good things you’ve done in the past, too. Consider the times you made someone laugh, worked hard at something, or helped somebody. Acknowledging the positive in your life will make you feel more positive as well.
Make a list of your positive qualities, good deeds, and successes. Look at your list when you’re feeling down about yourself.
Try using an app, such as Gratitude Journal, to jot down three things daily that you are grateful for. It will help keep you in a positive mindset.
3-4. Treat other people well.
Focusing on yourself too much can make you self-conscious, so focus on other people instead. Maintain an open, friendly demeanor, and lend a helping hand whenever you can. Look for the best in others.
Making genuine connections with other people will build up your self-esteem and social confidence.
4. Charting Your Own Course
4-1. Set goals.
Goals are the landmarks that help you make progress in life. Think about what you want to achieve, taking your personality and values into account. Then come up with a series of steps that will help you get there.
Set goals that matter deeply to you, and commit to reaching them, even if circumstances are tough and other people don’t support you.
Set short-term and intermediate goals as well as long-term ones.
4-2. Make your own decisions.
When you’ve got a choice to make, think about what you want, not what your mother, partner, or best friend might want. If you don’t know what to do, take a deep breath, pick a course of action, and stick with it.
There’s nothing wrong with asking other people for input when you really need an outside perspective. Most of the time, though, you’re quite capable of making choices for yourself.
4-3. Be patient and persistent.
Even with hard work, your life probably won’t change overnight. Focus on making small changes at first, and celebrate all your successes, even the minor ones. Over time, independence will become a habit.
4-4. Embrace failure.
However much we’ve been trained to avoid them, mistakes are a normal and routine part of learning. When you reframe mistakes as learning tools rather than disasters, you can try new things without fear. This pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you grow.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Becoming Self-Sufficient\\n1-1. Take responsibility for yourself.\\nAcknowledge the ways your actions, words, and decisions have shaped your life. Don’t try to blame other people or outside circumstances for the way your life looks right now, even if you’re not happy with your current situation. \\nTaking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming yourself for mistakes you made in the past. Rather, this mindset empowers you to do something about them now.\\n1-2. Get to know yourself.\\nSpend some time introspecting when you won’t be disturbed or distracted. Ask yourself what your personality is like when you’re not being influenced by anybody else. Think about your unique strengths, weaknesses, and values.\\nSelf-knowledge is an essential foundation for an independent life. You can better get to know yourself by starting a journaling habit and trying out new activities to learn your likes and dislikes.\\n1-3. Trust your own judgment.\\nLearn to rely on your own decision-making skills instead of other people’s advice. If you frequently second-guess yourself, remind yourself that it’s better to make a choice and stick with it than to remain in a perpetual state of indecision.\\nIf you have a hard time with decisions, build your confidence in yourself by becoming more decisive about little things. When you’re picking out clothes in the morning, for instance, go with your first instinct and don’t give yourself time to waver.\\n1-4. Live by your values.\\nKnow which principles are most important to you, and use them to guide your decisions. Seek out jobs, friends, and opportunities that align with your values instead of clashing with them.\\nMoney has a big impact on our daily lives. If you’re having trouble discerning your values, consider what you would be doing if money were not a factor in your life. Try to live by those core principals.\\n Identify your values by ranking which of your personality traits mean the most in your life. For instance, you might value honesty, charity, and friendship most of all.\\n1-5. Learn to rely on yourself emotionally.\\nPractice regulating your own feelings instead of depending on a friend, cigarette, or candy bar to calm down. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Find some healthy ways to deal with negative emotions, such as taking a walk or writing in a journal.\\nIt’s fine to seek external emotional support when you need it. However, it’s not healthy to rely on other people or substances as a crutch for dealing with your feelings.\\nPractice noticing negative feelings that come up without being swept away by them. Acknowledge the feeling, but don’t become the feeling.\\n2. Dealing with Fear\\n2-1. Face your fears\\nOne of the most effective ways to grow as a person is to face the things that scare you most. Look for ways to get out of your comfort zone every day, whether that means talking to someone new, learning to drive, or taking on new responsibilities at work.\\nIf your fear is too big to tackle all at once, do it a little at a time. Set a small, manageable goal to start with. After you achieve it, set another one that’s slightly more challenging.\\nFor instance, if you’re afraid to travel alone, take a short day trip to a nearby town. Then take an overnight trip a little farther away.\\n2-2. Entertain the worst-case scenario.\\nThis may sound counterintuitive, but one effective way to conquer fear is by thinking of the worst. Contrary to what you might believe, this won't make you crawl up in a ball. In fact, you'll feel capable once you realize the worst is either unlikely or totally manageable.\\nTry this: when you have a fear, think about the worst possible scenario. For instance, you worry about not getting a promotion at work. What's the worst that can happen? You'll get passed up and be considered next time. Or, you finally decide to move on from your current job that doesn't recognize your talent. Whatever it is, it likely won't kill you.\\n2-3. Plan ahead.\\nBanish your jitters by preparing for things ahead of time. Whether you’re giving a speech, interviewing for a new job, or taking an exam, you’ll do better and feel calmer if you practice beforehand.\\nAsk a friend to help. Say, “I really want to knock this interview out of the park. Will you help me practice my questions?”\\n2-4. Ask for help when you need it.\\nIndependence doesn't mean you don't need anyone. In fact, it's impossible to go through life without assistance from others. When you get overwhelmed by fear, have the courage to ask for help from those you trust.\\nYou might seek the experience of a mental health therapist to help you cope with major fears.\\nOr, you might simply ask a friend or family member to help you role-play anxiety-causing scenarios or accompany you to stressful events.\\n3. Building Confidence\\n3-1. Pretend you feel confident.\\nStand tall, with your shoulders back. Maintain a calm demeanor. Make eye contact with people, and speak at an unhurried pace. Pretend that you feel completely comfortable in your own skin, and soon you’ll find that your confidence isn’t an act anymore.\\n“Fake it till you make it” is a common piece of advice for a reason: it works. Your actions have a big influence on your attitude.\\n3-2. Look the part.\\nGood grooming habits can make you feel better about yourself, which will give you a confidence boost. Practice good hygiene by showering every day, brushing your teeth, and trimming your nails. Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that are appropriate for the situation you’re in.\\nIf you’re not confident in your appearance, consider getting a new haircut or investing in some flattering clothes.\\n3-3. Focus on the positive.\\nThinking too much about the negative things you’ve said and done will only give you an inaccurate, overly negative self-image. Make an effort to remind yourself of all the good things you’ve done in the past, too. Consider the times you made someone laugh, worked hard at something, or helped somebody. Acknowledging the positive in your life will make you feel more positive as well.\\nMake a list of your positive qualities, good deeds, and successes. Look at your list when you’re feeling down about yourself.\\nTry using an app, such as Gratitude Journal, to jot down three things daily that you are grateful for. It will help keep you in a positive mindset.\\n3-4. Treat other people well.\\nFocusing on yourself too much can make you self-conscious, so focus on other people instead. Maintain an open, friendly demeanor, and lend a helping hand whenever you can. Look for the best in others.\\nMaking genuine connections with other people will build up your self-esteem and social confidence.\\n4. Charting Your Own Course\\n4-1. Set goals.\\nGoals are the landmarks that help you make progress in life. Think about what you want to achieve, taking your personality and values into account. Then come up with a series of steps that will help you get there.\\nSet goals that matter deeply to you, and commit to reaching them, even if circumstances are tough and other people don’t support you.\\nSet short-term and intermediate goals as well as long-term ones.\\n4-2. Make your own decisions.\\nWhen you’ve got a choice to make, think about what you want, not what your mother, partner, or best friend might want. If you don’t know what to do, take a deep breath, pick a course of action, and stick with it.\\nThere’s nothing wrong with asking other people for input when you really need an outside perspective. Most of the time, though, you’re quite capable of making choices for yourself.\\n4-3. Be patient and persistent.\\nEven with hard work, your life probably won’t change overnight. Focus on making small changes at first, and celebrate all your successes, even the minor ones. Over time, independence will become a habit.\\n4-4. Embrace failure.\\nHowever much we’ve been trained to avoid them, mistakes are a normal and routine part of learning. When you reframe mistakes as learning tools rather than disasters, you can try new things without fear. This pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you grow.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Independence is learned, not inborn. Many people don’t become truly independent, even as adults, because they let fear dictate their choices and depend too much on other people’s approval. Don’t limit your potential this way – take charge of your life instead. You can become independent and unafraid by learning to rely on yourself, improving your confidence, and setting goals that take you in the direction you want to go.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Becoming Self-Sufficient\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take responsibility for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Acknowledge the ways your actions, words, and decisions have shaped your life. Don’t try to blame other people or outside circumstances for the way your life looks right now, even if you’re not happy with your current situation. \\nTaking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming yourself for mistakes you made in the past. Rather, this mindset empowers you to do something about them now.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get to know yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Spend some time introspecting when you won’t be disturbed or distracted. Ask yourself what your personality is like when you’re not being influenced by anybody else. Think about your unique strengths, weaknesses, and values.\\nSelf-knowledge is an essential foundation for an independent life. You can better get to know yourself by starting a journaling habit and trying out new activities to learn your likes and dislikes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Trust your own judgment.\", \"描述\": \"Learn to rely on your own decision-making skills instead of other people’s advice. If you frequently second-guess yourself, remind yourself that it’s better to make a choice and stick with it than to remain in a perpetual state of indecision.\\nIf you have a hard time with decisions, build your confidence in yourself by becoming more decisive about little things. When you’re picking out clothes in the morning, for instance, go with your first instinct and don’t give yourself time to waver.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Live by your values.\", \"描述\": \"Know which principles are most important to you, and use them to guide your decisions. Seek out jobs, friends, and opportunities that align with your values instead of clashing with them.\\nMoney has a big impact on our daily lives. If you’re having trouble discerning your values, consider what you would be doing if money were not a factor in your life. Try to live by those core principals.\\n Identify your values by ranking which of your personality traits mean the most in your life. For instance, you might value honesty, charity, and friendship most of all.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn to rely on yourself emotionally.\", \"描述\": \"Practice regulating your own feelings instead of depending on a friend, cigarette, or candy bar to calm down. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Find some healthy ways to deal with negative emotions, such as taking a walk or writing in a journal.\\nIt’s fine to seek external emotional support when you need it. However, it’s not healthy to rely on other people or substances as a crutch for dealing with your feelings.\\nPractice noticing negative feelings that come up without being swept away by them. Acknowledge the feeling, but don’t become the feeling.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dealing with Fear\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Face your fears\", \"描述\": \"One of the most effective ways to grow as a person is to face the things that scare you most. Look for ways to get out of your comfort zone every day, whether that means talking to someone new, learning to drive, or taking on new responsibilities at work.\\nIf your fear is too big to tackle all at once, do it a little at a time. Set a small, manageable goal to start with. After you achieve it, set another one that’s slightly more challenging.\\nFor instance, if you’re afraid to travel alone, take a short day trip to a nearby town. Then take an overnight trip a little farther away.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Entertain the worst-case scenario.\", \"描述\": \"This may sound counterintuitive, but one effective way to conquer fear is by thinking of the worst. Contrary to what you might believe, this won't make you crawl up in a ball. In fact, you'll feel capable once you realize the worst is either unlikely or totally manageable.\\nTry this: when you have a fear, think about the worst possible scenario. For instance, you worry about not getting a promotion at work. What's the worst that can happen? You'll get passed up and be considered next time. Or, you finally decide to move on from your current job that doesn't recognize your talent. Whatever it is, it likely won't kill you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Plan ahead.\", \"描述\": \"Banish your jitters by preparing for things ahead of time. Whether you’re giving a speech, interviewing for a new job, or taking an exam, you’ll do better and feel calmer if you practice beforehand.\\nAsk a friend to help. Say, “I really want to knock this interview out of the park. Will you help me practice my questions?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask for help when you need it.\", \"描述\": \"Independence doesn't mean you don't need anyone. In fact, it's impossible to go through life without assistance from others. When you get overwhelmed by fear, have the courage to ask for help from those you trust.\\nYou might seek the experience of a mental health therapist to help you cope with major fears.\\nOr, you might simply ask a friend or family member to help you role-play anxiety-causing scenarios or accompany you to stressful events.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Building Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pretend you feel confident.\", \"描述\": \"Stand tall, with your shoulders back. Maintain a calm demeanor. Make eye contact with people, and speak at an unhurried pace. Pretend that you feel completely comfortable in your own skin, and soon you’ll find that your confidence isn’t an act anymore.\\n“Fake it till you make it” is a common piece of advice for a reason: it works. Your actions have a big influence on your attitude.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look the part.\", \"描述\": \"Good grooming habits can make you feel better about yourself, which will give you a confidence boost. Practice good hygiene by showering every day, brushing your teeth, and trimming your nails. Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that are appropriate for the situation you’re in.\\nIf you’re not confident in your appearance, consider getting a new haircut or investing in some flattering clothes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on the positive.\", \"描述\": \"Thinking too much about the negative things you’ve said and done will only give you an inaccurate, overly negative self-image. Make an effort to remind yourself of all the good things you’ve done in the past, too. Consider the times you made someone laugh, worked hard at something, or helped somebody. Acknowledging the positive in your life will make you feel more positive as well.\\nMake a list of your positive qualities, good deeds, and successes. Look at your list when you’re feeling down about yourself.\\nTry using an app, such as Gratitude Journal, to jot down three things daily that you are grateful for. It will help keep you in a positive mindset.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Treat other people well.\", \"描述\": \"Focusing on yourself too much can make you self-conscious, so focus on other people instead. Maintain an open, friendly demeanor, and lend a helping hand whenever you can. Look for the best in others.\\nMaking genuine connections with other people will build up your self-esteem and social confidence.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Charting Your Own Course\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set goals.\", \"描述\": \"Goals are the landmarks that help you make progress in life. Think about what you want to achieve, taking your personality and values into account. Then come up with a series of steps that will help you get there.\\nSet goals that matter deeply to you, and commit to reaching them, even if circumstances are tough and other people don’t support you.\\nSet short-term and intermediate goals as well as long-term ones.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make your own decisions.\", \"描述\": \"When you’ve got a choice to make, think about what you want, not what your mother, partner, or best friend might want. If you don’t know what to do, take a deep breath, pick a course of action, and stick with it.\\nThere’s nothing wrong with asking other people for input when you really need an outside perspective. Most of the time, though, you’re quite capable of making choices for yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be patient and persistent.\", \"描述\": \"Even with hard work, your life probably won’t change overnight. Focus on making small changes at first, and celebrate all your successes, even the minor ones. Over time, independence will become a habit.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Embrace failure.\", \"描述\": \"However much we’ve been trained to avoid them, mistakes are a normal and routine part of learning. When you reframe mistakes as learning tools rather than disasters, you can try new things without fear. This pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you grow.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,849 | How to Be Independent in a Relationship | 1. Making Time for Yourself
1-1. Cultivate hobbies and interests apart from your partner.
Don’t let being in a relationship keep you from doing the things you want to do. Have hobbies and interests you don’t share with your partner to help nurture your independence and maintain your sense of self.
Take this opportunity to find something you like doing that your partner doesn’t necessarily enjoy. This way, you can affirm your independence and pursue a hobby that won’t ask any sacrifice of your partner.
Beyond being a source of independence, hobbies can also have a huge impact on your well-being. Studies show that hobbies like painting, writing, and hiking can lower blood pressure, promote creative thinking, and foster a sense of satisfaction. Remember this when you tell your partner why independent hobbies are a good thing!
1-2. Have a space you can call your own.
If you’re living together with your partner, having a part of the home all to yourself is crucial to maintaining your independence. Set aside an area of the house where you can go to be by yourself and your partner won’t disturb you.
You should ensure your partner won’t disturb you by communicating your desire to have your own space and explaining the situation to them. Don’t just lock yourself in a room and not tell your S.O. where you are!
If you’re setting aside part of a shared residence as your own, be sure to put only your own stuff in the area, whether it’s a room or a corner of a room.
Your independent space can also be a public place (e.g., a coffee shop or public park) you can go to spend time away from your partner. Your space only needs to be private in the context of your relationship, not necessarily the rest of the world.
Encourage your partner to have a similar space for themselves.
1-3. Spend time with your own friends and family.
It’s easy to stop seeing your other friends when you’re in a relationship and become dependent on your partner for social interaction. Make time to see friends and family on a regular basis to help maintain your independence.
How often to see friends and family ultimately depends on your own social needs. As often as once a week or as seldom as once a month might be all you need to maintain a healthy social life outside your relationship.
Your friends and family will also serve as a support group when your relationship goes through hard times and will help to keep you grounded. Remember, they love you for you.
To best maintain a unique sense of identity, make sure to spend time with your own friends as well as mutual friends of your partner.
1-4. Take a break from the relationship when you need to.
Although you’re part of a relationship, you also need to make sure to take care of your own needs as an individual. When you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to take time away from being in a relationship to focus on yourself and tend to your own needs.
This is more about taking a mental break than anything else, and so it can last however long you need. Sometimes taking just a day (or even less!) to yourself is all it takes to get yourself back to normal.
Being able to be by yourself without your partner will increase your sense of self-worth and go a long way towards fostering a sense of independence. Prolonged absence will also have the side effect of making your partner’s company more attractive!
Be sure to communicate with your partner first before embarking on your independent mini-vacation. Paradoxically, maintaining your independence should be something your partner supports you in.
1-5. Stay true to your partner during time off.
Taking time away from your partner to maintain your independence does not mean seeing other people. Maintain your commitment to your relationship by not betraying your partner’s trust when taking time off.
If you’re taking time away because you feel overwhelmed and want to reassert your independence, having an affair might seem like a tempting way of accomplishing this goal. However, affairs can be devastating when discovered by monogamous partners and your relationship may not recover if you betray your partner’s trust this way.
Reassuring your partner of your fidelity is also a key aspect of taking time away from the relationship. Remember, open communication is very important.
1-6. Prioritize your goals for yourself.
Being independent means having a self-identity that isn’t subsumed by your relationship and its impact on you. Don’t let yourself lose sight of what kind of person you want to be; you shouldn’t sacrifice your goals for yourself on the altar of your relationship.
Talking to friends and family is a good way of “checking in” on yourself every now and then to see if you’re still the kind of person you want to be.
If you ever find yourself at a point where you’re no longer happy with who you are, that may be a sign that something (maybe even the relationship) needs to change.
2. Communicating Your Desires and Boundaries
2-1. Set healthy boundaries for your relationship.
All healthy relationships have boundaries that recognize each individual’s personal independence and happiness. Communicate with your partner about setting boundaries that will maintain your independence and take care of your needs in the relationship.
For example, if there are things you feel uncomfortable doing for your partner (e.g., lying for them), tell them you’re not willing to do this.
Be direct when setting boundaries, but also be clear about your reasoning; make sure your partner knows that the boundaries you set have nothing to do with your feelings towards them as a person.
Don’t use absolute language or threats when setting your boundaries. This is unrealistic and may end up alienating your partner.
2-2. Be open about your desire for independence.
Whatever you’re doing to maintain your independence, you’ll want to keep your partner informed and reassured. Talk to your partner about why you want to be independent and remind them that you’re still invested in the relationship.
Make sure you frame your words in a way that adequately conveys your concerns without hurting your partner’s feelings. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel hearing this conversation from them. They may feel hurt that you want to spend less time with them and think it’s their fault.
Remember, open and honest communication about any and all issues is essential for any healthy relationship.
2-3. Stand up for what’s important to you.
While you should be willing to compromise and make sacrifices in a relationship, you should also make sure you’re always in control of your own priorities. Be willing to stand your ground on things that matter to you and don’t let your partner sway you away from them.
This doesn’t mean you should never compromise. Rather, decide what morals or values are non-negotiable for you and be willing to reasonably compromise on everything else.
Don’t change your personality for another person. If you’re an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert, find time with them as well as other interpersonal interactions.
For example, if evenly dividing the responsibilities for chores is important to you, say so in a firm but respectful way. Be willing to accommodate your partner where you can, but don’t let them sway you on things you care deeply about.
3. Keeping the Relationship Healthy
3-1. Encourage your partner’s independence and growth.
For a relationship to be healthy it needs to be balanced, with each partner investing in both the relationship and in themselves. While nurturing your own independence, encourage your partner to pursue theirs as well and to maintain their sense of self-identity.
For example, tell your partner it’s ok for them to spend time with their friends and family, to go to movies or concerts without you, or to have their own hobbies they don’t share with you.
You should set expectations for independence in the relationship as soon as you can. It’ll be much harder to nurture independence in both partners if you’re fighting against codependent conventions that have already been established in the relationship.
3-2. Don’t expect your partner to share all your interests.
Sometimes people complain that their partner doesn’t like the same things they do. However, a healthy relationship should be between unique individuals. Curb your expectations and remind yourself that you don’t need your partner to validate your interests.
While relationships are often built on shared interests and hobbies, it’s a mistake to expect your partner to like all of your interests and hobbies as well. Bearing this in mind will help you realize it’s ok to maintain your own independent hobbies.
3-3. Check in on your mental health.
You should never let your relationship make you doubt yourself, your self-worth, or the validity of your hopes and dreams. Remember to take stock of how you’re feeling about yourself and your life every once in a while and don’t let yourself place your relationship before your own mental and emotional wellbeing.
Losing sight of your own goals and self-worth is a common issue that a lot of people in relationships run into. Always keep in mind that your self-validation isn’t dependent on being in a relationship.
3-4. Ask for help if you need it.
It’s easy to become dependent on your partner for emotional support when you’re in a relationship. However, being independent necessarily involves being able to look elsewhere for that type of support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek out support when you need it.
If you’re a student, reach out to your student’s counseling center and see about making an appointment to speak to a counselor.
Friends and family who have gone through relationships or who you trust being vulnerable with are particularly good sources of emotional support in trying times.
Remember, being independent in a relationship doesn’t mean going it alone!
3-5. Recognize if the relationship has become codependent or abusive.
Codependent and abusive relationships are unhealthy for a variety of reasons and will certainly hinder you in your pursuit of independence and growth. Keep an eye out for signs that your relationship may be becoming harmful.
An abusive relationship can feature any sort of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. If your partner hits you, berates you, gaslights you, or emotionally blackmails you, they are being abusive.
Healthy boundaries are very important in a healthy relationship. If you feel like you have lost all your boundaries and do not have an independent personal life, you may be in a codependent relationship.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, seek help. Move in with family and friends for a while or consider temporarily living in a domestic violence shelter.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Making Time for Yourself\\n1-1. Cultivate hobbies and interests apart from your partner.\\nDon’t let being in a relationship keep you from doing the things you want to do. Have hobbies and interests you don’t share with your partner to help nurture your independence and maintain your sense of self.\\nTake this opportunity to find something you like doing that your partner doesn’t necessarily enjoy. This way, you can affirm your independence and pursue a hobby that won’t ask any sacrifice of your partner.\\nBeyond being a source of independence, hobbies can also have a huge impact on your well-being. Studies show that hobbies like painting, writing, and hiking can lower blood pressure, promote creative thinking, and foster a sense of satisfaction. Remember this when you tell your partner why independent hobbies are a good thing!\\n1-2. Have a space you can call your own.\\nIf you’re living together with your partner, having a part of the home all to yourself is crucial to maintaining your independence. Set aside an area of the house where you can go to be by yourself and your partner won’t disturb you.\\nYou should ensure your partner won’t disturb you by communicating your desire to have your own space and explaining the situation to them. Don’t just lock yourself in a room and not tell your S.O. where you are!\\nIf you’re setting aside part of a shared residence as your own, be sure to put only your own stuff in the area, whether it’s a room or a corner of a room.\\nYour independent space can also be a public place (e.g., a coffee shop or public park) you can go to spend time away from your partner. Your space only needs to be private in the context of your relationship, not necessarily the rest of the world.\\nEncourage your partner to have a similar space for themselves.\\n1-3. Spend time with your own friends and family.\\nIt’s easy to stop seeing your other friends when you’re in a relationship and become dependent on your partner for social interaction. Make time to see friends and family on a regular basis to help maintain your independence.\\nHow often to see friends and family ultimately depends on your own social needs. As often as once a week or as seldom as once a month might be all you need to maintain a healthy social life outside your relationship.\\nYour friends and family will also serve as a support group when your relationship goes through hard times and will help to keep you grounded. Remember, they love you for you.\\nTo best maintain a unique sense of identity, make sure to spend time with your own friends as well as mutual friends of your partner.\\n1-4. Take a break from the relationship when you need to.\\nAlthough you’re part of a relationship, you also need to make sure to take care of your own needs as an individual. When you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to take time away from being in a relationship to focus on yourself and tend to your own needs.\\nThis is more about taking a mental break than anything else, and so it can last however long you need. Sometimes taking just a day (or even less!) to yourself is all it takes to get yourself back to normal.\\nBeing able to be by yourself without your partner will increase your sense of self-worth and go a long way towards fostering a sense of independence. Prolonged absence will also have the side effect of making your partner’s company more attractive!\\nBe sure to communicate with your partner first before embarking on your independent mini-vacation. Paradoxically, maintaining your independence should be something your partner supports you in.\\n1-5. Stay true to your partner during time off.\\nTaking time away from your partner to maintain your independence does not mean seeing other people. Maintain your commitment to your relationship by not betraying your partner’s trust when taking time off.\\nIf you’re taking time away because you feel overwhelmed and want to reassert your independence, having an affair might seem like a tempting way of accomplishing this goal. However, affairs can be devastating when discovered by monogamous partners and your relationship may not recover if you betray your partner’s trust this way.\\nReassuring your partner of your fidelity is also a key aspect of taking time away from the relationship. Remember, open communication is very important.\\n1-6. Prioritize your goals for yourself.\\nBeing independent means having a self-identity that isn’t subsumed by your relationship and its impact on you. Don’t let yourself lose sight of what kind of person you want to be; you shouldn’t sacrifice your goals for yourself on the altar of your relationship.\\nTalking to friends and family is a good way of “checking in” on yourself every now and then to see if you’re still the kind of person you want to be.\\nIf you ever find yourself at a point where you’re no longer happy with who you are, that may be a sign that something (maybe even the relationship) needs to change.\\n2. Communicating Your Desires and Boundaries\\n2-1. Set healthy boundaries for your relationship.\\nAll healthy relationships have boundaries that recognize each individual’s personal independence and happiness. Communicate with your partner about setting boundaries that will maintain your independence and take care of your needs in the relationship.\\nFor example, if there are things you feel uncomfortable doing for your partner (e.g., lying for them), tell them you’re not willing to do this.\\nBe direct when setting boundaries, but also be clear about your reasoning; make sure your partner knows that the boundaries you set have nothing to do with your feelings towards them as a person.\\nDon’t use absolute language or threats when setting your boundaries. This is unrealistic and may end up alienating your partner.\\n2-2. Be open about your desire for independence.\\nWhatever you’re doing to maintain your independence, you’ll want to keep your partner informed and reassured. Talk to your partner about why you want to be independent and remind them that you’re still invested in the relationship.\\nMake sure you frame your words in a way that adequately conveys your concerns without hurting your partner’s feelings. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel hearing this conversation from them. They may feel hurt that you want to spend less time with them and think it’s their fault.\\nRemember, open and honest communication about any and all issues is essential for any healthy relationship.\\n2-3. Stand up for what’s important to you.\\nWhile you should be willing to compromise and make sacrifices in a relationship, you should also make sure you’re always in control of your own priorities. Be willing to stand your ground on things that matter to you and don’t let your partner sway you away from them.\\nThis doesn’t mean you should never compromise. Rather, decide what morals or values are non-negotiable for you and be willing to reasonably compromise on everything else.\\nDon’t change your personality for another person. If you’re an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert, find time with them as well as other interpersonal interactions.\\nFor example, if evenly dividing the responsibilities for chores is important to you, say so in a firm but respectful way. Be willing to accommodate your partner where you can, but don’t let them sway you on things you care deeply about.\\n3. Keeping the Relationship Healthy\\n3-1. Encourage your partner’s independence and growth.\\nFor a relationship to be healthy it needs to be balanced, with each partner investing in both the relationship and in themselves. While nurturing your own independence, encourage your partner to pursue theirs as well and to maintain their sense of self-identity.\\nFor example, tell your partner it’s ok for them to spend time with their friends and family, to go to movies or concerts without you, or to have their own hobbies they don’t share with you.\\nYou should set expectations for independence in the relationship as soon as you can. It’ll be much harder to nurture independence in both partners if you’re fighting against codependent conventions that have already been established in the relationship.\\n3-2. Don’t expect your partner to share all your interests.\\nSometimes people complain that their partner doesn’t like the same things they do. However, a healthy relationship should be between unique individuals. Curb your expectations and remind yourself that you don’t need your partner to validate your interests.\\nWhile relationships are often built on shared interests and hobbies, it’s a mistake to expect your partner to like all of your interests and hobbies as well. Bearing this in mind will help you realize it’s ok to maintain your own independent hobbies.\\n3-3. Check in on your mental health.\\nYou should never let your relationship make you doubt yourself, your self-worth, or the validity of your hopes and dreams. Remember to take stock of how you’re feeling about yourself and your life every once in a while and don’t let yourself place your relationship before your own mental and emotional wellbeing.\\nLosing sight of your own goals and self-worth is a common issue that a lot of people in relationships run into. Always keep in mind that your self-validation isn’t dependent on being in a relationship.\\n3-4. Ask for help if you need it.\\nIt’s easy to become dependent on your partner for emotional support when you’re in a relationship. However, being independent necessarily involves being able to look elsewhere for that type of support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek out support when you need it.\\nIf you’re a student, reach out to your student’s counseling center and see about making an appointment to speak to a counselor.\\nFriends and family who have gone through relationships or who you trust being vulnerable with are particularly good sources of emotional support in trying times.\\nRemember, being independent in a relationship doesn’t mean going it alone!\\n3-5. Recognize if the relationship has become codependent or abusive.\\nCodependent and abusive relationships are unhealthy for a variety of reasons and will certainly hinder you in your pursuit of independence and growth. Keep an eye out for signs that your relationship may be becoming harmful.\\nAn abusive relationship can feature any sort of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. If your partner hits you, berates you, gaslights you, or emotionally blackmails you, they are being abusive.\\nHealthy boundaries are very important in a healthy relationship. If you feel like you have lost all your boundaries and do not have an independent personal life, you may be in a codependent relationship.\\nIf you’re in an abusive relationship, seek help. Move in with family and friends for a while or consider temporarily living in a domestic violence shelter.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"A relationship is made up of two people with shared hobbies, interests, and affection for one another, who create a bond that's greater than the sum of all those individual parts. One of the hallmarks of a successful relationship is a commitment to one another. However, it’s also important for people in a relationship to maintain their own independence–whether you've just started dating or have been married for 30 years. Luckily, by setting aside time to yourself, communicating boundaries, and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner, staying independent can be easy and even make your relationship stronger.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Making Time for Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cultivate hobbies and interests apart from your partner.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t let being in a relationship keep you from doing the things you want to do. Have hobbies and interests you don’t share with your partner to help nurture your independence and maintain your sense of self.\\nTake this opportunity to find something you like doing that your partner doesn’t necessarily enjoy. This way, you can affirm your independence and pursue a hobby that won’t ask any sacrifice of your partner.\\nBeyond being a source of independence, hobbies can also have a huge impact on your well-being. Studies show that hobbies like painting, writing, and hiking can lower blood pressure, promote creative thinking, and foster a sense of satisfaction. Remember this when you tell your partner why independent hobbies are a good thing!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have a space you can call your own.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re living together with your partner, having a part of the home all to yourself is crucial to maintaining your independence. Set aside an area of the house where you can go to be by yourself and your partner won’t disturb you.\\nYou should ensure your partner won’t disturb you by communicating your desire to have your own space and explaining the situation to them. Don’t just lock yourself in a room and not tell your S.O. where you are!\\nIf you’re setting aside part of a shared residence as your own, be sure to put only your own stuff in the area, whether it’s a room or a corner of a room.\\nYour independent space can also be a public place (e.g., a coffee shop or public park) you can go to spend time away from your partner. Your space only needs to be private in the context of your relationship, not necessarily the rest of the world.\\nEncourage your partner to have a similar space for themselves.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Spend time with your own friends and family.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy to stop seeing your other friends when you’re in a relationship and become dependent on your partner for social interaction. Make time to see friends and family on a regular basis to help maintain your independence.\\nHow often to see friends and family ultimately depends on your own social needs. As often as once a week or as seldom as once a month might be all you need to maintain a healthy social life outside your relationship.\\nYour friends and family will also serve as a support group when your relationship goes through hard times and will help to keep you grounded. Remember, they love you for you.\\nTo best maintain a unique sense of identity, make sure to spend time with your own friends as well as mutual friends of your partner.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take a break from the relationship when you need to.\", \"描述\": \"Although you’re part of a relationship, you also need to make sure to take care of your own needs as an individual. When you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to take time away from being in a relationship to focus on yourself and tend to your own needs.\\nThis is more about taking a mental break than anything else, and so it can last however long you need. Sometimes taking just a day (or even less!) to yourself is all it takes to get yourself back to normal.\\nBeing able to be by yourself without your partner will increase your sense of self-worth and go a long way towards fostering a sense of independence. Prolonged absence will also have the side effect of making your partner’s company more attractive!\\nBe sure to communicate with your partner first before embarking on your independent mini-vacation. Paradoxically, maintaining your independence should be something your partner supports you in.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay true to your partner during time off.\", \"描述\": \"Taking time away from your partner to maintain your independence does not mean seeing other people. Maintain your commitment to your relationship by not betraying your partner’s trust when taking time off.\\nIf you’re taking time away because you feel overwhelmed and want to reassert your independence, having an affair might seem like a tempting way of accomplishing this goal. However, affairs can be devastating when discovered by monogamous partners and your relationship may not recover if you betray your partner’s trust this way.\\nReassuring your partner of your fidelity is also a key aspect of taking time away from the relationship. Remember, open communication is very important.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Prioritize your goals for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Being independent means having a self-identity that isn’t subsumed by your relationship and its impact on you. Don’t let yourself lose sight of what kind of person you want to be; you shouldn’t sacrifice your goals for yourself on the altar of your relationship.\\nTalking to friends and family is a good way of “checking in” on yourself every now and then to see if you’re still the kind of person you want to be.\\nIf you ever find yourself at a point where you’re no longer happy with who you are, that may be a sign that something (maybe even the relationship) needs to change.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Communicating Your Desires and Boundaries\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set healthy boundaries for your relationship.\", \"描述\": \"All healthy relationships have boundaries that recognize each individual’s personal independence and happiness. Communicate with your partner about setting boundaries that will maintain your independence and take care of your needs in the relationship.\\nFor example, if there are things you feel uncomfortable doing for your partner (e.g., lying for them), tell them you’re not willing to do this.\\nBe direct when setting boundaries, but also be clear about your reasoning; make sure your partner knows that the boundaries you set have nothing to do with your feelings towards them as a person.\\nDon’t use absolute language or threats when setting your boundaries. This is unrealistic and may end up alienating your partner.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be open about your desire for independence.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever you’re doing to maintain your independence, you’ll want to keep your partner informed and reassured. Talk to your partner about why you want to be independent and remind them that you’re still invested in the relationship.\\nMake sure you frame your words in a way that adequately conveys your concerns without hurting your partner’s feelings. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel hearing this conversation from them. They may feel hurt that you want to spend less time with them and think it’s their fault.\\nRemember, open and honest communication about any and all issues is essential for any healthy relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stand up for what’s important to you.\", \"描述\": \"While you should be willing to compromise and make sacrifices in a relationship, you should also make sure you’re always in control of your own priorities. Be willing to stand your ground on things that matter to you and don’t let your partner sway you away from them.\\nThis doesn’t mean you should never compromise. Rather, decide what morals or values are non-negotiable for you and be willing to reasonably compromise on everything else.\\nDon’t change your personality for another person. If you’re an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert, find time with them as well as other interpersonal interactions.\\nFor example, if evenly dividing the responsibilities for chores is important to you, say so in a firm but respectful way. Be willing to accommodate your partner where you can, but don’t let them sway you on things you care deeply about.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keeping the Relationship Healthy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Encourage your partner’s independence and growth.\", \"描述\": \"For a relationship to be healthy it needs to be balanced, with each partner investing in both the relationship and in themselves. While nurturing your own independence, encourage your partner to pursue theirs as well and to maintain their sense of self-identity.\\nFor example, tell your partner it’s ok for them to spend time with their friends and family, to go to movies or concerts without you, or to have their own hobbies they don’t share with you.\\nYou should set expectations for independence in the relationship as soon as you can. It’ll be much harder to nurture independence in both partners if you’re fighting against codependent conventions that have already been established in the relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t expect your partner to share all your interests.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes people complain that their partner doesn’t like the same things they do. However, a healthy relationship should be between unique individuals. Curb your expectations and remind yourself that you don’t need your partner to validate your interests.\\nWhile relationships are often built on shared interests and hobbies, it’s a mistake to expect your partner to like all of your interests and hobbies as well. Bearing this in mind will help you realize it’s ok to maintain your own independent hobbies.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Check in on your mental health.\", \"描述\": \"You should never let your relationship make you doubt yourself, your self-worth, or the validity of your hopes and dreams. Remember to take stock of how you’re feeling about yourself and your life every once in a while and don’t let yourself place your relationship before your own mental and emotional wellbeing.\\nLosing sight of your own goals and self-worth is a common issue that a lot of people in relationships run into. Always keep in mind that your self-validation isn’t dependent on being in a relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask for help if you need it.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy to become dependent on your partner for emotional support when you’re in a relationship. However, being independent necessarily involves being able to look elsewhere for that type of support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek out support when you need it.\\nIf you’re a student, reach out to your student’s counseling center and see about making an appointment to speak to a counselor.\\nFriends and family who have gone through relationships or who you trust being vulnerable with are particularly good sources of emotional support in trying times.\\nRemember, being independent in a relationship doesn’t mean going it alone!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Recognize if the relationship has become codependent or abusive.\", \"描述\": \"Codependent and abusive relationships are unhealthy for a variety of reasons and will certainly hinder you in your pursuit of independence and growth. Keep an eye out for signs that your relationship may be becoming harmful.\\nAn abusive relationship can feature any sort of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. If your partner hits you, berates you, gaslights you, or emotionally blackmails you, they are being abusive.\\nHealthy boundaries are very important in a healthy relationship. If you feel like you have lost all your boundaries and do not have an independent personal life, you may be in a codependent relationship.\\nIf you’re in an abusive relationship, seek help. Move in with family and friends for a while or consider temporarily living in a domestic violence shelter.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,850 | How to Be Indie | 1. Getting the Indie Attitude
1-1. Don't care what people think.
Why should you anyway? You've only got this one life to live, so live it and spend you life openly loving the things that you love. Wear the things that show who you are, listen to music that expresses your soul, and never pay any attention to the haters. They're just upset that they don't enjoy their life that much.
1-2. Appreciate new or forgotten things.
This is really what being indie is all about. It is about liking things and appreciating things that are neglected or that deserve more love than they're getting. From small-time musicians trying to get by to lovingly crafted (rather than lovingly budgeted) films, indie culture is all about finding that diamond in the rough.
1-3. Be independent.
Like the indie movie directors and musicians you admire, make sure to approach life in an independent way. Do the things that make you happy and don't be afraid to deviate from the norm. Dye your hair weird colors because you like the color. Wear clothes that don't match because you like how the patterns clash. Take up a hobby that's considered weird because you don't think it should be weird.
1-4. Don't feel the need to have a normal relationship if you don't want to either.
You can stay totally single, date whoever you want (regardless of what society would think), date more than one person at a time (as long as your significant others agree), and make sure to maintain your independence in any relationship you do have.
1-5. Express yourself.
State your opinions, let your appearance express your individual personality, and take actions in your life that express who you are and what you believe in. If it is extremely important to you that employees get fair treatment, volunteer with a worker's rights organization. If you don't like something going on in your country, protest and work to get your issues on the next ballot.
2. Getting into the Culture
2-1. Have discerning taste.
In mainstream culture, people tend to just like things because everyone else likes them, not because they're actually good. In indie culture, people take quality seriously and you will need to as well. People can of course have different opinions about what is good, but you should evaluate new things to think about whether you think they are actually good. Set the standards bar high for music, food, clothing, and everything else in your life (especially concerning consumer products).
2-2. Look for the timeless, not the ephemeral.
Mainstream culture tends to be really trendy and most things that are popular will only be considered good for a short time. You should look for things, both past and present, which have a timeless quality. This is why indie music tends to take a lot of influence from folk music and fashion usually pulls from the 40s-70s.
2-3. Get into the music.
Indie means independent record label, after all. I won't bother with a list of well-known indie bands for you to listen to; there are new bands with new sounds coming out all the time and to tell you what to listen to would defeat the purpose. Being indie about music is about being open to new things.
Do some research. There are many online services such as Pandora, YouTube, or Spotify that will allow you to put in the name of an artist you enjoy and will make recommendations for you of new artists for you to listen to. Try new things and find some new bands!
Head down to your local record store, if it still exists. Picking through records for hours is how our predecessors found their music and there is a lot to be said for it. If you're lucky enough to still have a local record store, become a patron.
Talk to your friends about music. The best way to learn about artists you will really enjoy is to talk to other people who love music. Being indie is about exchanging new ideas and sharing new things; when you find a band you like, share it with your friends!
Get involved in your local music scene. No matter where you are, there are people playing music in your area. This is the heart of indie music, and a great way to get involved in your community. If you play music yourself, find people to make new sounds with! There's no better way to participate in indie culture than by making indie music.
Don't worry about whether or not your tastes are popular or "indie enough." Listen to what you love. There is no "master indie playlist" that tells us which songs are cool and which are not.
2-4. Get into DIY.
Part of being indie is about making your own stuff, and learning new skills.
Take your existing interests and hobbies to the next step. Love to eat? Learn to cook! Love scarves and knitwear? Learn to knit! Really into your smartphone? Learn to develop apps yourself! The information is out there to self-educate, and the potential is limitless.
Don't be afraid to be creative. Indie labels have always been known for new kinds of music that push boundaries. Push boundaries in your creative endeavors too.
Get your friends involved in DIY too. You can complete more ambitious projects when you have help! Build a community garden or volunteer for a cause you all care about. Being indie is also about doing things together. There are many community organizations to get involved with in your local area.
2-5. Constantly expose yourself to new things.
New movies (from new directors!), new books (or old, neglected ones), new music, or a new look, you should always be open to new things. Even philosophies and ideas. Indie culture is about finding things to love that people have neglected, forgotten about, or haven't had the chance to appreciate yet.
3. Dressing Indie
3-1. Express yourself with your wardrobe.
Almost as if you are a blank white canvas and your style is the art. What would you want to say to people? Indie is about finding your own voice and being proud to speak.
Look for vintage clothes that you like. Older cuts and prints are often lost to time, and some of them are completely worth bringing back!
Don't be afraid to wear something that you might think is a little crazy. Being indie is about being you! If you think it will look good, give it a shot.
3-2. Stay away from big brands and stores.
Visit your local thrift store instead — you will save money, help the earth by recycling, and find treasures you would never see at the mall.
3-3. Make your accessories treasures.
Jewelry, watches, hats, scarves: all of them are avenues of expression. Look for treasures in your travels, but don't forget that you can make them yourself! Your accessories should look like they have significance to you.
3-4. Go for a natural look.
Indie culture tends to focus on a natural look. Minimize the makeup, wear organically shaped clothing (flowy tops or willowy pants), and keep your hair looking great but kind of like you just rolled out of bed or came off the beach.
Tips
Raise awareness whenever you can about issues you care about.
Think about the things you buy and where they come from. Spend money in your local economy or with companies that employ business practices you feel comfortable about.
Be Crafty! There's big money in selling indie crafts on sites like Craigslist or Etsy.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:05",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting the Indie Attitude\\n1-1. Don't care what people think.\\nWhy should you anyway? You've only got this one life to live, so live it and spend you life openly loving the things that you love. Wear the things that show who you are, listen to music that expresses your soul, and never pay any attention to the haters. They're just upset that they don't enjoy their life that much.\\n1-2. Appreciate new or forgotten things.\\nThis is really what being indie is all about. It is about liking things and appreciating things that are neglected or that deserve more love than they're getting. From small-time musicians trying to get by to lovingly crafted (rather than lovingly budgeted) films, indie culture is all about finding that diamond in the rough.\\n1-3. Be independent.\\nLike the indie movie directors and musicians you admire, make sure to approach life in an independent way. Do the things that make you happy and don't be afraid to deviate from the norm. Dye your hair weird colors because you like the color. Wear clothes that don't match because you like how the patterns clash. Take up a hobby that's considered weird because you don't think it should be weird.\\n1-4. Don't feel the need to have a normal relationship if you don't want to either.\\nYou can stay totally single, date whoever you want (regardless of what society would think), date more than one person at a time (as long as your significant others agree), and make sure to maintain your independence in any relationship you do have.\\n1-5. Express yourself.\\nState your opinions, let your appearance express your individual personality, and take actions in your life that express who you are and what you believe in. If it is extremely important to you that employees get fair treatment, volunteer with a worker's rights organization. If you don't like something going on in your country, protest and work to get your issues on the next ballot.\\n2. Getting into the Culture\\n2-1. Have discerning taste.\\nIn mainstream culture, people tend to just like things because everyone else likes them, not because they're actually good. In indie culture, people take quality seriously and you will need to as well. People can of course have different opinions about what is good, but you should evaluate new things to think about whether you think they are actually good. Set the standards bar high for music, food, clothing, and everything else in your life (especially concerning consumer products).\\n2-2. Look for the timeless, not the ephemeral.\\nMainstream culture tends to be really trendy and most things that are popular will only be considered good for a short time. You should look for things, both past and present, which have a timeless quality. This is why indie music tends to take a lot of influence from folk music and fashion usually pulls from the 40s-70s.\\n2-3. Get into the music.\\nIndie means independent record label, after all. I won't bother with a list of well-known indie bands for you to listen to; there are new bands with new sounds coming out all the time and to tell you what to listen to would defeat the purpose. Being indie about music is about being open to new things.\\nDo some research. There are many online services such as Pandora, YouTube, or Spotify that will allow you to put in the name of an artist you enjoy and will make recommendations for you of new artists for you to listen to. Try new things and find some new bands!\\nHead down to your local record store, if it still exists. Picking through records for hours is how our predecessors found their music and there is a lot to be said for it. If you're lucky enough to still have a local record store, become a patron.\\nTalk to your friends about music. The best way to learn about artists you will really enjoy is to talk to other people who love music. Being indie is about exchanging new ideas and sharing new things; when you find a band you like, share it with your friends!\\nGet involved in your local music scene. No matter where you are, there are people playing music in your area. This is the heart of indie music, and a great way to get involved in your community. If you play music yourself, find people to make new sounds with! There's no better way to participate in indie culture than by making indie music.\\nDon't worry about whether or not your tastes are popular or \\\"indie enough.\\\" Listen to what you love. There is no \\\"master indie playlist\\\" that tells us which songs are cool and which are not.\\n2-4. Get into DIY.\\nPart of being indie is about making your own stuff, and learning new skills.\\nTake your existing interests and hobbies to the next step. Love to eat? Learn to cook! Love scarves and knitwear? Learn to knit! Really into your smartphone? Learn to develop apps yourself! The information is out there to self-educate, and the potential is limitless.\\nDon't be afraid to be creative. Indie labels have always been known for new kinds of music that push boundaries. Push boundaries in your creative endeavors too.\\nGet your friends involved in DIY too. You can complete more ambitious projects when you have help! Build a community garden or volunteer for a cause you all care about. Being indie is also about doing things together. There are many community organizations to get involved with in your local area.\\n2-5. Constantly expose yourself to new things.\\nNew movies (from new directors!), new books (or old, neglected ones), new music, or a new look, you should always be open to new things. Even philosophies and ideas. Indie culture is about finding things to love that people have neglected, forgotten about, or haven't had the chance to appreciate yet.\\n3. Dressing Indie\\n3-1. Express yourself with your wardrobe.\\nAlmost as if you are a blank white canvas and your style is the art. What would you want to say to people? Indie is about finding your own voice and being proud to speak.\\nLook for vintage clothes that you like. Older cuts and prints are often lost to time, and some of them are completely worth bringing back!\\nDon't be afraid to wear something that you might think is a little crazy. Being indie is about being you! If you think it will look good, give it a shot.\\n3-2. Stay away from big brands and stores.\\nVisit your local thrift store instead — you will save money, help the earth by recycling, and find treasures you would never see at the mall.\\n3-3. Make your accessories treasures.\\nJewelry, watches, hats, scarves: all of them are avenues of expression. Look for treasures in your travels, but don't forget that you can make them yourself! Your accessories should look like they have significance to you.\\n3-4. Go for a natural look.\\nIndie culture tends to focus on a natural look. Minimize the makeup, wear organically shaped clothing (flowy tops or willowy pants), and keep your hair looking great but kind of like you just rolled out of bed or came off the beach.\\nTips\\nRaise awareness whenever you can about issues you care about.\\nThink about the things you buy and where they come from. Spend money in your local economy or with companies that employ business practices you feel comfortable about.\\nBe Crafty! There's big money in selling indie crafts on sites like Craigslist or Etsy.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"\\\"Being indie\\\" is about a self-representation that highlights your uniqueness. It means independent thinking, making decisions based on your own internal compass instead of going with outside voices. It's more than what you wear and what bands you listen to; indie is a culture and a way of thinking. If you want to embrace the indie culture, read below for some helpful tips.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting the Indie Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't care what people think.\", \"描述\": \"Why should you anyway? You've only got this one life to live, so live it and spend you life openly loving the things that you love. Wear the things that show who you are, listen to music that expresses your soul, and never pay any attention to the haters. They're just upset that they don't enjoy their life that much.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Appreciate new or forgotten things.\", \"描述\": \"This is really what being indie is all about. It is about liking things and appreciating things that are neglected or that deserve more love than they're getting. From small-time musicians trying to get by to lovingly crafted (rather than lovingly budgeted) films, indie culture is all about finding that diamond in the rough.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be independent.\", \"描述\": \"Like the indie movie directors and musicians you admire, make sure to approach life in an independent way. Do the things that make you happy and don't be afraid to deviate from the norm. Dye your hair weird colors because you like the color. Wear clothes that don't match because you like how the patterns clash. Take up a hobby that's considered weird because you don't think it should be weird.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't feel the need to have a normal relationship if you don't want to either.\", \"描述\": \"You can stay totally single, date whoever you want (regardless of what society would think), date more than one person at a time (as long as your significant others agree), and make sure to maintain your independence in any relationship you do have.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Express yourself.\", \"描述\": \"State your opinions, let your appearance express your individual personality, and take actions in your life that express who you are and what you believe in. If it is extremely important to you that employees get fair treatment, volunteer with a worker's rights organization. If you don't like something going on in your country, protest and work to get your issues on the next ballot.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting into the Culture\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have discerning taste.\", \"描述\": \"In mainstream culture, people tend to just like things because everyone else likes them, not because they're actually good. In indie culture, people take quality seriously and you will need to as well. People can of course have different opinions about what is good, but you should evaluate new things to think about whether you think they are actually good. Set the standards bar high for music, food, clothing, and everything else in your life (especially concerning consumer products).\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look for the timeless, not the ephemeral.\", \"描述\": \"Mainstream culture tends to be really trendy and most things that are popular will only be considered good for a short time. You should look for things, both past and present, which have a timeless quality. This is why indie music tends to take a lot of influence from folk music and fashion usually pulls from the 40s-70s.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get into the music.\", \"描述\": \"Indie means independent record label, after all. I won't bother with a list of well-known indie bands for you to listen to; there are new bands with new sounds coming out all the time and to tell you what to listen to would defeat the purpose. Being indie about music is about being open to new things.\\nDo some research. There are many online services such as Pandora, YouTube, or Spotify that will allow you to put in the name of an artist you enjoy and will make recommendations for you of new artists for you to listen to. Try new things and find some new bands!\\nHead down to your local record store, if it still exists. Picking through records for hours is how our predecessors found their music and there is a lot to be said for it. If you're lucky enough to still have a local record store, become a patron.\\nTalk to your friends about music. The best way to learn about artists you will really enjoy is to talk to other people who love music. Being indie is about exchanging new ideas and sharing new things; when you find a band you like, share it with your friends!\\nGet involved in your local music scene. No matter where you are, there are people playing music in your area. This is the heart of indie music, and a great way to get involved in your community. If you play music yourself, find people to make new sounds with! There's no better way to participate in indie culture than by making indie music.\\nDon't worry about whether or not your tastes are popular or \\\"indie enough.\\\" Listen to what you love. There is no \\\"master indie playlist\\\" that tells us which songs are cool and which are not.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get into DIY.\", \"描述\": \"Part of being indie is about making your own stuff, and learning new skills.\\nTake your existing interests and hobbies to the next step. Love to eat? Learn to cook! Love scarves and knitwear? Learn to knit! Really into your smartphone? Learn to develop apps yourself! The information is out there to self-educate, and the potential is limitless.\\nDon't be afraid to be creative. Indie labels have always been known for new kinds of music that push boundaries. Push boundaries in your creative endeavors too.\\nGet your friends involved in DIY too. You can complete more ambitious projects when you have help! Build a community garden or volunteer for a cause you all care about. Being indie is also about doing things together. There are many community organizations to get involved with in your local area.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Constantly expose yourself to new things.\", \"描述\": \"New movies (from new directors!), new books (or old, neglected ones), new music, or a new look, you should always be open to new things. Even philosophies and ideas. Indie culture is about finding things to love that people have neglected, forgotten about, or haven't had the chance to appreciate yet.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Dressing Indie\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Express yourself with your wardrobe.\", \"描述\": \"Almost as if you are a blank white canvas and your style is the art. What would you want to say to people? Indie is about finding your own voice and being proud to speak.\\nLook for vintage clothes that you like. Older cuts and prints are often lost to time, and some of them are completely worth bringing back!\\nDon't be afraid to wear something that you might think is a little crazy. Being indie is about being you! If you think it will look good, give it a shot.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stay away from big brands and stores.\", \"描述\": \"Visit your local thrift store instead — you will save money, help the earth by recycling, and find treasures you would never see at the mall.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make your accessories treasures.\", \"描述\": \"Jewelry, watches, hats, scarves: all of them are avenues of expression. Look for treasures in your travels, but don't forget that you can make them yourself! Your accessories should look like they have significance to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Go for a natural look.\", \"描述\": \"Indie culture tends to focus on a natural look. Minimize the makeup, wear organically shaped clothing (flowy tops or willowy pants), and keep your hair looking great but kind of like you just rolled out of bed or came off the beach.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Raise awareness whenever you can about issues you care about.\\n\", \"Think about the things you buy and where they come from. Spend money in your local economy or with companies that employ business practices you feel comfortable about.\\n\", \"Be Crafty! There's big money in selling indie crafts on sites like Craigslist or Etsy.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,851 | How to Be Indie (for Girls) | 1. Steps
1-1. Be independent
Indie people are individualists. Become aware of what you are really interested in. For example, if you like hardcore folk, Google it and try to find as many hardcore folk bands and learn about the genre. Being yourself is the main point of being Indie. It's about being yourself. If you love football, try out! Don't worry about what people say because they are not helping your pursue dreams or become independent. Being indie doesn't mean you can't join in on your school's activities. It's if you like them or not. If you don't like pep rallies, then don't cheer at them. If you like swimming, then try out for the team. Participate in hobbies that you like, not because someone else likes them. Also, read books that you don't see or think about many other people reading; things like old comics, Rolling Stones and Beatle Biographies - anything! Or, ask your local librarian if they recommend an uncommon series, and if you like it, tell your friends!
1-2. Wear your own clothes and create your own style.
Indie means to an independent style. You're not copying a popular style or attempting to conform into any trend. If you see something from a store that YOU truly like, buy it! It's not a big deal if you buy brand name stores clothes, just as long as you're applying your individual style. Don't get obsessed about non-conforming. That's ignorant because no one is truly a non-conformist. By claiming you are a non-conformist, you are conforming, so stay away from that ignorance. Places that are good for clothing are thrift shops, yard sales, and hand-me-downs. Dress individually, but don't get obsessed with being individual. Be brave about what you wear. Not everyone's going to like it, but you should love it! Remember that you can find some awesome things at thrift and second-hand stores for relatively cheap!
Choose clothes based on your personal style and body type.
1-3. Get accessories.
There are tons of accessories you can add to your outfit. You could wear little beret hat, long beaded necklaces that you can wrap around your neck a few times, or sliver bracelets rings and cute earrings. Triangle necklaces are really indie.
You can wear scarves and hats.
1-4. Try to grow your hair, and leave it natural.
Curly or wavy hair is very indie, and so are bangs. You can add headbands, or put your hair up, but leave it slightly tousled.
Work on your hair. Your hair will complete any look. If you're having a bad hair day, wear a hat. Other than that, your hair can be any length and any natural color. Having a few layers looks good but don't go overboard because that will make you look scene not indie. A side fringe suits most people, but so does a full fringe so pick whichever you prefer.
1-5. Accessories are an important part in any fashion.
It's hard to be considered indie without an awesome assortment of eclectic jewelry! Places like Target sell great jewelry that easily completes any indie girl wardrobe, but if you don't want to shell out the cash for your bling, try DIY-ing. Go to a bead store and get whatever unique beads you can find. Not good with beads? Try attaching small objects like an old key to a chain. Invest in gold bangles, earrings, rings and maybe a few anklets.
1-6. Be classy
Indie girls are nice and fun to be around. Because they are willing to be individual, they respect others' individuality and never make fun of it. People may object to how you dress or what you listen to, but the point of being an indie is to be brave enough to be who you want and what you are. When hanging out with people, don't be afraid to voice your opinion or join in the conversation. Joke around in a way that doesn't hurt anyone! Have fun and be fun!
1-7. Try to find a unique or artistic hobby.
Join art classes if you don't think you're great at art. Start photography, Garden, Make ink paintings, or Read old books.
1-8. Be smart.
Indie girls are smart. They pursue what they're interested in, even if it isn't popular amongst their peers. You don't have to be a genius or have a 100% average in all classes, but focus on your education and try to get at least decent grades! Don't be ignorant and act like you don't care about school to be "cool".
1-9. Find people who inspire you artistically.
You can draw your ideas and fashion from these people. Some indie celebrities include Christofer Drew, Zooey Deschanel and Alison Sudol.
1-10. Take care of yourself
Wear sunscreen (tanned skin is very mainstream, therefore try not to tan), exercise and eat well.
Find an exercise you're good at and like, to help you keep in shape. A vast majority of indie girls own old or retro bikes, which are also great for the environment!
1-11. Love music.
Music is very important to indie girls. Research about your favorite genre's past, and have a wide variety of jams to listen to on your MP3 player. You don't have to like what's deemed "indie" music. Once again, Indie is your own independent style, so if you feel a song, listen to it, and don't be ashamed of it!
Tips
Never use phrases like "That's gay" or "That's retarded". Indies respect everybody, and those statements don't show any respect.
Explore the boundaries of your personality. Find what you like and pursue it! Understanding yourself is key to understanding others and becoming independent in your choices.
If you think old books sound boring, try reading novels with weird names or covers. They're usually the best books! Stephen King novels are good horror stories, and since barely anybody else under the age of twenty five knows who he is, it's a bonus.
Warnings
Don't do things you don't like just to be indie! When it comes down to it, indie is just another label. Just enjoy what you enjoy; if it happens to be offbeat, that's better for you.
If you don't like something that is considered "indie", you don't have to go with it.
Never feel pressured into becoming someone you're not. Originality is key. Your uniqueness makes you a perfectly flawed yet an admirable Indie girl.
Don't let anyone bring you down. If you like your style, carry on with it and be unique.
Never say "I'm so indie" - it's dumb and people don't care about how indie you are. You should let your clothes and your awesome attitude speak for itself anyway!
Just because someone questions your interests does not mean that they are insulting you. Everyone has an opinion, so respect others' and they eventually will respect yours.
Don't call people "posers." You'd feel pretty crappy if someone said that to you, right?
A lot of people think drinking coffee and smoking will make you appear more indie. While it can do this, if you don't smoke or drink coffee, don't start just to be indie. Smoking is very hazardous and coffee is not to everyone's taste. Indie is short for 'independent', so try to be independent!
If someone questions your fashion taste, view it as a compliment. You clearly stood out from the mainstream, and that's always preferable to blending in!
If you tell people you're trying to be indie, people will think badly of you. If you must, just tell people you're trying to be original.
Don't get into any trouble or fights. Indie girls are very respectful and courteous towards others. Act kind, and you will be returned the favor.
Don't be obsessed with being an anti-conformist. You're simply conforming to anti-conforming. Just be yourself. That's the best way to avoid conforming.
Don't become a snob and or think that you are better than anyone because you're indie. Acting that way is pretty much anti-indie! Also referred to as "hipster"
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Be independent\\nIndie people are individualists. Become aware of what you are really interested in. For example, if you like hardcore folk, Google it and try to find as many hardcore folk bands and learn about the genre. Being yourself is the main point of being Indie. It's about being yourself. If you love football, try out! Don't worry about what people say because they are not helping your pursue dreams or become independent. Being indie doesn't mean you can't join in on your school's activities. It's if you like them or not. If you don't like pep rallies, then don't cheer at them. If you like swimming, then try out for the team. Participate in hobbies that you like, not because someone else likes them. Also, read books that you don't see or think about many other people reading; things like old comics, Rolling Stones and Beatle Biographies - anything! Or, ask your local librarian if they recommend an uncommon series, and if you like it, tell your friends!\\n1-2. Wear your own clothes and create your own style.\\nIndie means to an independent style. You're not copying a popular style or attempting to conform into any trend. If you see something from a store that YOU truly like, buy it! It's not a big deal if you buy brand name stores clothes, just as long as you're applying your individual style. Don't get obsessed about non-conforming. That's ignorant because no one is truly a non-conformist. By claiming you are a non-conformist, you are conforming, so stay away from that ignorance. Places that are good for clothing are thrift shops, yard sales, and hand-me-downs. Dress individually, but don't get obsessed with being individual. Be brave about what you wear. Not everyone's going to like it, but you should love it! Remember that you can find some awesome things at thrift and second-hand stores for relatively cheap!\\nChoose clothes based on your personal style and body type.\\n1-3. Get accessories.\\nThere are tons of accessories you can add to your outfit. You could wear little beret hat, long beaded necklaces that you can wrap around your neck a few times, or sliver bracelets rings and cute earrings. Triangle necklaces are really indie.\\nYou can wear scarves and hats.\\n1-4. Try to grow your hair, and leave it natural.\\nCurly or wavy hair is very indie, and so are bangs. You can add headbands, or put your hair up, but leave it slightly tousled.\\nWork on your hair. Your hair will complete any look. If you're having a bad hair day, wear a hat. Other than that, your hair can be any length and any natural color. Having a few layers looks good but don't go overboard because that will make you look scene not indie. A side fringe suits most people, but so does a full fringe so pick whichever you prefer.\\n1-5. Accessories are an important part in any fashion.\\nIt's hard to be considered indie without an awesome assortment of eclectic jewelry! Places like Target sell great jewelry that easily completes any indie girl wardrobe, but if you don't want to shell out the cash for your bling, try DIY-ing. Go to a bead store and get whatever unique beads you can find. Not good with beads? Try attaching small objects like an old key to a chain. Invest in gold bangles, earrings, rings and maybe a few anklets.\\n1-6. Be classy\\nIndie girls are nice and fun to be around. Because they are willing to be individual, they respect others' individuality and never make fun of it. People may object to how you dress or what you listen to, but the point of being an indie is to be brave enough to be who you want and what you are. When hanging out with people, don't be afraid to voice your opinion or join in the conversation. Joke around in a way that doesn't hurt anyone! Have fun and be fun!\\n1-7. Try to find a unique or artistic hobby.\\nJoin art classes if you don't think you're great at art. Start photography, Garden, Make ink paintings, or Read old books.\\n1-8. Be smart.\\nIndie girls are smart. They pursue what they're interested in, even if it isn't popular amongst their peers. You don't have to be a genius or have a 100% average in all classes, but focus on your education and try to get at least decent grades! Don't be ignorant and act like you don't care about school to be \\\"cool\\\".\\n1-9. Find people who inspire you artistically.\\nYou can draw your ideas and fashion from these people. Some indie celebrities include Christofer Drew, Zooey Deschanel and Alison Sudol.\\n1-10. Take care of yourself\\nWear sunscreen (tanned skin is very mainstream, therefore try not to tan), exercise and eat well.\\nFind an exercise you're good at and like, to help you keep in shape. A vast majority of indie girls own old or retro bikes, which are also great for the environment!\\n1-11. Love music.\\nMusic is very important to indie girls. Research about your favorite genre's past, and have a wide variety of jams to listen to on your MP3 player. You don't have to like what's deemed \\\"indie\\\" music. Once again, Indie is your own independent style, so if you feel a song, listen to it, and don't be ashamed of it!\\nTips\\nNever use phrases like \\\"That's gay\\\" or \\\"That's retarded\\\". Indies respect everybody, and those statements don't show any respect.\\nExplore the boundaries of your personality. Find what you like and pursue it! Understanding yourself is key to understanding others and becoming independent in your choices.\\nIf you think old books sound boring, try reading novels with weird names or covers. They're usually the best books! Stephen King novels are good horror stories, and since barely anybody else under the age of twenty five knows who he is, it's a bonus.\\nWarnings\\nDon't do things you don't like just to be indie! When it comes down to it, indie is just another label. Just enjoy what you enjoy; if it happens to be offbeat, that's better for you.\\nIf you don't like something that is considered \\\"indie\\\", you don't have to go with it.\\nNever feel pressured into becoming someone you're not. Originality is key. Your uniqueness makes you a perfectly flawed yet an admirable Indie girl.\\nDon't let anyone bring you down. If you like your style, carry on with it and be unique.\\nNever say \\\"I'm so indie\\\" - it's dumb and people don't care about how indie you are. You should let your clothes and your awesome attitude speak for itself anyway!\\nJust because someone questions your interests does not mean that they are insulting you. Everyone has an opinion, so respect others' and they eventually will respect yours.\\nDon't call people \\\"posers.\\\" You'd feel pretty crappy if someone said that to you, right?\\nA lot of people think drinking coffee and smoking will make you appear more indie. While it can do this, if you don't smoke or drink coffee, don't start just to be indie. Smoking is very hazardous and coffee is not to everyone's taste. Indie is short for 'independent', so try to be independent!\\nIf someone questions your fashion taste, view it as a compliment. You clearly stood out from the mainstream, and that's always preferable to blending in!\\nIf you tell people you're trying to be indie, people will think badly of you. If you must, just tell people you're trying to be original.\\nDon't get into any trouble or fights. Indie girls are very respectful and courteous towards others. Act kind, and you will be returned the favor.\\nDon't be obsessed with being an anti-conformist. You're simply conforming to anti-conforming. Just be yourself. That's the best way to avoid conforming.\\nDon't become a snob and or think that you are better than anyone because you're indie. Acting that way is pretty much anti-indie! Also referred to as \\\"hipster\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Indie girls are easily admirable. Their eclectic style, their unique music preferences, and their spunky attitude are great traits that we don't seem to have enough of in this world. It can be very difficult to understand you, compared to other people, but that's key to being a strong, independent woman.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be independent\", \"描述\": \"Indie people are individualists. Become aware of what you are really interested in. For example, if you like hardcore folk, Google it and try to find as many hardcore folk bands and learn about the genre. Being yourself is the main point of being Indie. It's about being yourself. If you love football, try out! Don't worry about what people say because they are not helping your pursue dreams or become independent. Being indie doesn't mean you can't join in on your school's activities. It's if you like them or not. If you don't like pep rallies, then don't cheer at them. If you like swimming, then try out for the team. Participate in hobbies that you like, not because someone else likes them. Also, read books that you don't see or think about many other people reading; things like old comics, Rolling Stones and Beatle Biographies - anything! Or, ask your local librarian if they recommend an uncommon series, and if you like it, tell your friends!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear your own clothes and create your own style.\", \"描述\": \"Indie means to an independent style. You're not copying a popular style or attempting to conform into any trend. If you see something from a store that YOU truly like, buy it! It's not a big deal if you buy brand name stores clothes, just as long as you're applying your individual style. Don't get obsessed about non-conforming. That's ignorant because no one is truly a non-conformist. By claiming you are a non-conformist, you are conforming, so stay away from that ignorance. Places that are good for clothing are thrift shops, yard sales, and hand-me-downs. Dress individually, but don't get obsessed with being individual. Be brave about what you wear. Not everyone's going to like it, but you should love it! Remember that you can find some awesome things at thrift and second-hand stores for relatively cheap!\\nChoose clothes based on your personal style and body type.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get accessories.\", \"描述\": \"There are tons of accessories you can add to your outfit. You could wear little beret hat, long beaded necklaces that you can wrap around your neck a few times, or sliver bracelets rings and cute earrings. Triangle necklaces are really indie.\\nYou can wear scarves and hats.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try to grow your hair, and leave it natural.\", \"描述\": \"Curly or wavy hair is very indie, and so are bangs. You can add headbands, or put your hair up, but leave it slightly tousled.\\nWork on your hair. Your hair will complete any look. If you're having a bad hair day, wear a hat. Other than that, your hair can be any length and any natural color. Having a few layers looks good but don't go overboard because that will make you look scene not indie. A side fringe suits most people, but so does a full fringe so pick whichever you prefer.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Accessories are an important part in any fashion.\", \"描述\": \"It's hard to be considered indie without an awesome assortment of eclectic jewelry! Places like Target sell great jewelry that easily completes any indie girl wardrobe, but if you don't want to shell out the cash for your bling, try DIY-ing. Go to a bead store and get whatever unique beads you can find. Not good with beads? Try attaching small objects like an old key to a chain. Invest in gold bangles, earrings, rings and maybe a few anklets.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be classy\", \"描述\": \"Indie girls are nice and fun to be around. Because they are willing to be individual, they respect others' individuality and never make fun of it. People may object to how you dress or what you listen to, but the point of being an indie is to be brave enough to be who you want and what you are. When hanging out with people, don't be afraid to voice your opinion or join in the conversation. Joke around in a way that doesn't hurt anyone! Have fun and be fun!\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Try to find a unique or artistic hobby.\", \"描述\": \"Join art classes if you don't think you're great at art. Start photography, Garden, Make ink paintings, or Read old books.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be smart.\", \"描述\": \"Indie girls are smart. They pursue what they're interested in, even if it isn't popular amongst their peers. You don't have to be a genius or have a 100% average in all classes, but focus on your education and try to get at least decent grades! Don't be ignorant and act like you don't care about school to be \\\"cool\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Find people who inspire you artistically.\", \"描述\": \"You can draw your ideas and fashion from these people. Some indie celebrities include Christofer Drew, Zooey Deschanel and Alison Sudol.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Take care of yourself\", \"描述\": \"Wear sunscreen (tanned skin is very mainstream, therefore try not to tan), exercise and eat well.\\nFind an exercise you're good at and like, to help you keep in shape. A vast majority of indie girls own old or retro bikes, which are also great for the environment!\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Love music.\", \"描述\": \"Music is very important to indie girls. Research about your favorite genre's past, and have a wide variety of jams to listen to on your MP3 player. You don't have to like what's deemed \\\"indie\\\" music. Once again, Indie is your own independent style, so if you feel a song, listen to it, and don't be ashamed of it!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Never use phrases like \\\"That's gay\\\" or \\\"That's retarded\\\". Indies respect everybody, and those statements don't show any respect.\\n\", \"Explore the boundaries of your personality. Find what you like and pursue it! Understanding yourself is key to understanding others and becoming independent in your choices.\\n\", \"If you think old books sound boring, try reading novels with weird names or covers. They're usually the best books! Stephen King novels are good horror stories, and since barely anybody else under the age of twenty five knows who he is, it's a bonus.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't do things you don't like just to be indie! When it comes down to it, indie is just another label. Just enjoy what you enjoy; if it happens to be offbeat, that's better for you.\\n\", \"If you don't like something that is considered \\\"indie\\\", you don't have to go with it.\\n\", \"Never feel pressured into becoming someone you're not. Originality is key. Your uniqueness makes you a perfectly flawed yet an admirable Indie girl.\\n\", \"Don't let anyone bring you down. If you like your style, carry on with it and be unique.\\n\", \"Never say \\\"I'm so indie\\\" - it's dumb and people don't care about how indie you are. You should let your clothes and your awesome attitude speak for itself anyway!\\n\", \"Just because someone questions your interests does not mean that they are insulting you. Everyone has an opinion, so respect others' and they eventually will respect yours.\\n\", \"Don't call people \\\"posers.\\\" You'd feel pretty crappy if someone said that to you, right?\\n\", \"A lot of people think drinking coffee and smoking will make you appear more indie. While it can do this, if you don't smoke or drink coffee, don't start just to be indie. Smoking is very hazardous and coffee is not to everyone's taste. Indie is short for 'independent', so try to be independent!\\n\", \"If someone questions your fashion taste, view it as a compliment. You clearly stood out from the mainstream, and that's always preferable to blending in!\\n\", \"If you tell people you're trying to be indie, people will think badly of you. If you must, just tell people you're trying to be original.\\n\", \"Don't get into any trouble or fights. Indie girls are very respectful and courteous towards others. Act kind, and you will be returned the favor.\\n\", \"Don't be obsessed with being an anti-conformist. You're simply conforming to anti-conforming. Just be yourself. That's the best way to avoid conforming.\\n\", \"Don't become a snob and or think that you are better than anyone because you're indie. Acting that way is pretty much anti-indie! Also referred to as \\\"hipster\\\"\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,852 | How to Be Indie (for Guys) | 1. Acting Indie
1-1. Break free from conformity.
One of the most critical aspects to being indie is not adopting other people’s views without evaluating the situation yourself. Going with the crowd is never something that an indie person would do, so make sure that you are making independent decisions when it comes to music, clothing, and your opinions. Do your research on different topics to help inform your opinions.
If you like a band or musician, but everyone else thinks they are bad or weird, then you should stand up for your views.
Don’t watch reality TV or get involved with celebrity gossip. Concentrate on other things like finding new music or watching movies from independent filmmakers.
1-2. Always be accepting of different people.
Contrary to popular belief, being indie does not mean being a member of an exclusive club. The entire purpose of being indie is to be yourself, regardless of what is popular in society. Being around other indie people will most likely mean that you will interact with people who are vastly different than you. Instead of judging them, take the time to get to know them and base your opinion off their character and intentions.
Posers will often ridicule other people who don’t conform to their belief systems. This is not being indie.
You don’t have to like everyone, but you need to give everyone a chance. Allow people time to show you that they are good people.
1-3. Be open and willing to change.
Being indie does not mean maintaining a static personality for your entire life. A great aspect of being indie is the exposure you get to different cultures and opinions. Always be open to new things, and if you find yourself liking something different, don’t be afraid to change. This can include your taste in music, the style of clothes you wear, or even how you treat other people.
Indie bands like Modest Mouse have changed the sound of their music over the past two decades.
1-4. Listen to indie music.
There are many smaller independent labels like Kill Rock Stars and Sub Pop Records that have been around for decades. Artists like Elliott Smith, Nirvana, Xiu Xiu, and Beach House have been featured on these labels. Do your research and find music labels that have bands that you enjoy listening to. If there’s one band you like, chances are they have other artists that you will enjoy.
Other indie labels include Father/Daughter Records, Orchid Tapes, and Double Double Whammy.
There are indie bands and musicians in every genre of music, including hip-hop, rock, folk, and even classical.
Don’t listen to top 10 lists or watch MTV, as these are the most popular artists in the world.
1-5. Watch independent films.
Independent films is a somewhat vague term that could have multiple definitions. Some people consider any film that's not made by a big movie studio like 20th Century Fox, Columbia Pictures, Paramount Pictures, or Universal Pictures an independent film. Others argue that the term "indie film" relates more to the substance and conventions that the writers, director, editors, and producers take when creating it. Look at the subject matter of the film and read reviews to see if it's different or innovative. If it fits this criterion and a major studio didn't produce it, there's a chance it could be an indie film.
Some popular indie films include Pulp Fiction, American Beauty, and Thirteen.
1-6. Follow and appreciate indie art and design.
Much like indie music and indie movies, indie artists and designers are those that don't follow mainstream trends or traditional fashion. Some of this includes installation art or art that uses unique, non-traditional materials. Try to find local indie artists and designers by visiting art galleries in your area. Find artists that you can appreciate and follow their work.
Indie artists and designers are also not likely to paid by a large corporation, and make their money by selling their art directly to a collector or gallery.
2. Dressing Indie
2-1. Wear whatever feels comfortable to you.
While there is no definite style for an indie guy, you shouldn’t be concerned with the newest clothing trends. Instead, figure out what kind of clothes you feel confident and comfortable in. This could be a t-shirt and jeans, a knitted sweater and slacks, or a striped button down and converse shoes.
Some indie people prefer to wear black, similar to musicians in the 1980’s like The Cure and The Banshees.
Wear t-shirts with your favorite indie bands.
Avoid brands like Hollister, Banana Republic, Abercrombie and Fitch and Aeropostale.
2-2. Be open to wearing unique and new things.
There might be a chance that there’s a style you like, but you haven’t seen anyone else wear it in your town. Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things.
Sometimes going to a thrift store and buying clothes from a decade ago can help you achieve your indie style.
A common style for indie guys is to grow out their beard.
2-3. Duplicate styles from indie bands and artists.
Visit the social media or blog of your favorite musicians to get an idea of what kind of clothing that they like to wear. Some indie artists may support independent designers for clothes. If you’re clueless about fashion, this is a great way to create a starting place for your style.
Copy styles from classic indie artists like Bob Dylan, Gregory Isaacs, Johnny Cash, and Andre 3000.
2-4. Wear accessories that complement your style.
An old fashioned watch, sunglasses, or bracelet, may make you stand out from other guys. While wearing accessories isn’t mandatory to being indie, it will help you look unique apart from other people.
Ray Ban Wayfarers are common sunglasses for indie guys.
3. Getting Into the Indie Scene
3-1. Go to music shows in your area.
Attend local venues and check out bands from your area. Supporting the local independent music scene is a great way to watch independent artists at a low cost. Some of these shows will be at small cafés or bars and may not even have an entrance fee.
Some popular indie venues in New York City include The Silent Barn, Secret Project Robot, and the Palisades.
Find venues in your town that host local musicians regularly.
3-2. Go to festivals where your favorite indie bands are playing.
There are indie musical festivals that take place all around the world. Some of the most popular include Field Day in London, Benicàssim in Spain, and Coachella in the United States.
Festival tickets and fees can sometimes cost you thousands of dollars. Make sure to save up before going to them.
Outdoor festivals can sometimes go on for days, so make sure you're prepared to rough it outside.
3-3. Hang out at coffee shops or bars where other indie people go.
Try to locate a bar or coffee shop in town that has other people that like indie music. Good places to look are locations that host poetry nights or open mic nights. Socialize and try to have fun with other people that are into indie music.
Some good indie coffee shops across America include, Boxcar Coffee Roasters in Denver, Toby's Estate Coffee in Brooklyn NY, and Blue Bottle Coffee in San Francisco.
3-4. Put yourself out there and make indie friends.
As you surround yourself with other people that are into indie things, you need to make sure to put forth an effort to become friends with people. Surrounding yourself with people that have similar interests means that you’ll have something to bond over, beyond your indie image.
Make it a point to introduce yourself to people of both genders.
If you find someone pretentious or annoying, you don’t have to be their friend.
3-5. Attend indie film festivals.
Going to an indie film festival will not only help you find critically acclaimed indie films but will also surround you with people in the indie scene. Try to get tickets to an indie film festival close to you. If you can't afford tickets or can't make the trip, try to watch it on TV or see if it's streaming online.
Some indie film festivals include the Cannes Film Festival, New York Independent Film Festival, LA Indie Film Fest, and the Sundance Film Festival.
3-6. Connect with other independent artists.
Join online groups or meetups to link up with other local indie artists. Reach out to artists via social media and try to collaborate with them. If you play music, try to form an indie band. If you're an artist or designer you could work on a body of work together. Make a large circle of indie friends so you can better immerse yourself in the scene.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acting Indie\\n1-1. Break free from conformity.\\nOne of the most critical aspects to being indie is not adopting other people’s views without evaluating the situation yourself. Going with the crowd is never something that an indie person would do, so make sure that you are making independent decisions when it comes to music, clothing, and your opinions. Do your research on different topics to help inform your opinions.\\nIf you like a band or musician, but everyone else thinks they are bad or weird, then you should stand up for your views.\\nDon’t watch reality TV or get involved with celebrity gossip. Concentrate on other things like finding new music or watching movies from independent filmmakers.\\n1-2. Always be accepting of different people.\\nContrary to popular belief, being indie does not mean being a member of an exclusive club. The entire purpose of being indie is to be yourself, regardless of what is popular in society. Being around other indie people will most likely mean that you will interact with people who are vastly different than you. Instead of judging them, take the time to get to know them and base your opinion off their character and intentions.\\nPosers will often ridicule other people who don’t conform to their belief systems. This is not being indie.\\nYou don’t have to like everyone, but you need to give everyone a chance. Allow people time to show you that they are good people.\\n1-3. Be open and willing to change.\\nBeing indie does not mean maintaining a static personality for your entire life. A great aspect of being indie is the exposure you get to different cultures and opinions. Always be open to new things, and if you find yourself liking something different, don’t be afraid to change. This can include your taste in music, the style of clothes you wear, or even how you treat other people.\\nIndie bands like Modest Mouse have changed the sound of their music over the past two decades.\\n1-4. Listen to indie music.\\nThere are many smaller independent labels like Kill Rock Stars and Sub Pop Records that have been around for decades. Artists like Elliott Smith, Nirvana, Xiu Xiu, and Beach House have been featured on these labels. Do your research and find music labels that have bands that you enjoy listening to. If there’s one band you like, chances are they have other artists that you will enjoy.\\nOther indie labels include Father/Daughter Records, Orchid Tapes, and Double Double Whammy.\\nThere are indie bands and musicians in every genre of music, including hip-hop, rock, folk, and even classical.\\nDon’t listen to top 10 lists or watch MTV, as these are the most popular artists in the world.\\n1-5. Watch independent films.\\nIndependent films is a somewhat vague term that could have multiple definitions. Some people consider any film that's not made by a big movie studio like 20th Century Fox, Columbia Pictures, Paramount Pictures, or Universal Pictures an independent film. Others argue that the term \\\"indie film\\\" relates more to the substance and conventions that the writers, director, editors, and producers take when creating it. Look at the subject matter of the film and read reviews to see if it's different or innovative. If it fits this criterion and a major studio didn't produce it, there's a chance it could be an indie film.\\nSome popular indie films include Pulp Fiction, American Beauty, and Thirteen.\\n1-6. Follow and appreciate indie art and design.\\nMuch like indie music and indie movies, indie artists and designers are those that don't follow mainstream trends or traditional fashion. Some of this includes installation art or art that uses unique, non-traditional materials. Try to find local indie artists and designers by visiting art galleries in your area. Find artists that you can appreciate and follow their work.\\nIndie artists and designers are also not likely to paid by a large corporation, and make their money by selling their art directly to a collector or gallery.\\n2. Dressing Indie\\n2-1. Wear whatever feels comfortable to you.\\nWhile there is no definite style for an indie guy, you shouldn’t be concerned with the newest clothing trends. Instead, figure out what kind of clothes you feel confident and comfortable in. This could be a t-shirt and jeans, a knitted sweater and slacks, or a striped button down and converse shoes.\\nSome indie people prefer to wear black, similar to musicians in the 1980’s like The Cure and The Banshees.\\nWear t-shirts with your favorite indie bands.\\nAvoid brands like Hollister, Banana Republic, Abercrombie and Fitch and Aeropostale.\\n2-2. Be open to wearing unique and new things.\\nThere might be a chance that there’s a style you like, but you haven’t seen anyone else wear it in your town. Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things.\\nSometimes going to a thrift store and buying clothes from a decade ago can help you achieve your indie style.\\nA common style for indie guys is to grow out their beard.\\n2-3. Duplicate styles from indie bands and artists.\\nVisit the social media or blog of your favorite musicians to get an idea of what kind of clothing that they like to wear. Some indie artists may support independent designers for clothes. If you’re clueless about fashion, this is a great way to create a starting place for your style.\\nCopy styles from classic indie artists like Bob Dylan, Gregory Isaacs, Johnny Cash, and Andre 3000.\\n2-4. Wear accessories that complement your style.\\nAn old fashioned watch, sunglasses, or bracelet, may make you stand out from other guys. While wearing accessories isn’t mandatory to being indie, it will help you look unique apart from other people.\\nRay Ban Wayfarers are common sunglasses for indie guys.\\n3. Getting Into the Indie Scene\\n3-1. Go to music shows in your area.\\nAttend local venues and check out bands from your area. Supporting the local independent music scene is a great way to watch independent artists at a low cost. Some of these shows will be at small cafés or bars and may not even have an entrance fee.\\nSome popular indie venues in New York City include The Silent Barn, Secret Project Robot, and the Palisades.\\nFind venues in your town that host local musicians regularly.\\n3-2. Go to festivals where your favorite indie bands are playing.\\nThere are indie musical festivals that take place all around the world. Some of the most popular include Field Day in London, Benicàssim in Spain, and Coachella in the United States.\\nFestival tickets and fees can sometimes cost you thousands of dollars. Make sure to save up before going to them.\\nOutdoor festivals can sometimes go on for days, so make sure you're prepared to rough it outside.\\n3-3. Hang out at coffee shops or bars where other indie people go.\\nTry to locate a bar or coffee shop in town that has other people that like indie music. Good places to look are locations that host poetry nights or open mic nights. Socialize and try to have fun with other people that are into indie music.\\nSome good indie coffee shops across America include, Boxcar Coffee Roasters in Denver, Toby's Estate Coffee in Brooklyn NY, and Blue Bottle Coffee in San Francisco.\\n3-4. Put yourself out there and make indie friends.\\nAs you surround yourself with other people that are into indie things, you need to make sure to put forth an effort to become friends with people. Surrounding yourself with people that have similar interests means that you’ll have something to bond over, beyond your indie image.\\nMake it a point to introduce yourself to people of both genders.\\nIf you find someone pretentious or annoying, you don’t have to be their friend.\\n3-5. Attend indie film festivals.\\nGoing to an indie film festival will not only help you find critically acclaimed indie films but will also surround you with people in the indie scene. Try to get tickets to an indie film festival close to you. If you can't afford tickets or can't make the trip, try to watch it on TV or see if it's streaming online.\\nSome indie film festivals include the Cannes Film Festival, New York Independent Film Festival, LA Indie Film Fest, and the Sundance Film Festival.\\n3-6. Connect with other independent artists.\\nJoin online groups or meetups to link up with other local indie artists. Reach out to artists via social media and try to collaborate with them. If you play music, try to form an indie band. If you're an artist or designer you could work on a body of work together. Make a large circle of indie friends so you can better immerse yourself in the scene.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Indie stands for independent and can extend to many different things including music, acting, and designing. It’s defined as a break from conformity or the status quo. In music, for example, being an independent artist can mean that you’re signed to a smaller independent label, or it can mean that your music is different than what’s available in the mainstream. While there are no strict set of guidelines for being indie, there are things you can do to break away from conformity and have others perceive you as such.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acting Indie\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Break free from conformity.\", \"描述\": \"One of the most critical aspects to being indie is not adopting other people’s views without evaluating the situation yourself. Going with the crowd is never something that an indie person would do, so make sure that you are making independent decisions when it comes to music, clothing, and your opinions. Do your research on different topics to help inform your opinions.\\nIf you like a band or musician, but everyone else thinks they are bad or weird, then you should stand up for your views.\\nDon’t watch reality TV or get involved with celebrity gossip. Concentrate on other things like finding new music or watching movies from independent filmmakers.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Always be accepting of different people.\", \"描述\": \"Contrary to popular belief, being indie does not mean being a member of an exclusive club. The entire purpose of being indie is to be yourself, regardless of what is popular in society. Being around other indie people will most likely mean that you will interact with people who are vastly different than you. Instead of judging them, take the time to get to know them and base your opinion off their character and intentions.\\nPosers will often ridicule other people who don’t conform to their belief systems. This is not being indie.\\nYou don’t have to like everyone, but you need to give everyone a chance. Allow people time to show you that they are good people.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be open and willing to change.\", \"描述\": \"Being indie does not mean maintaining a static personality for your entire life. A great aspect of being indie is the exposure you get to different cultures and opinions. Always be open to new things, and if you find yourself liking something different, don’t be afraid to change. This can include your taste in music, the style of clothes you wear, or even how you treat other people.\\nIndie bands like Modest Mouse have changed the sound of their music over the past two decades.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen to indie music.\", \"描述\": \"There are many smaller independent labels like Kill Rock Stars and Sub Pop Records that have been around for decades. Artists like Elliott Smith, Nirvana, Xiu Xiu, and Beach House have been featured on these labels. Do your research and find music labels that have bands that you enjoy listening to. If there’s one band you like, chances are they have other artists that you will enjoy.\\nOther indie labels include Father/Daughter Records, Orchid Tapes, and Double Double Whammy.\\nThere are indie bands and musicians in every genre of music, including hip-hop, rock, folk, and even classical.\\nDon’t listen to top 10 lists or watch MTV, as these are the most popular artists in the world.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Watch independent films.\", \"描述\": \"Independent films is a somewhat vague term that could have multiple definitions. Some people consider any film that's not made by a big movie studio like 20th Century Fox, Columbia Pictures, Paramount Pictures, or Universal Pictures an independent film. Others argue that the term \\\"indie film\\\" relates more to the substance and conventions that the writers, director, editors, and producers take when creating it. Look at the subject matter of the film and read reviews to see if it's different or innovative. If it fits this criterion and a major studio didn't produce it, there's a chance it could be an indie film.\\nSome popular indie films include Pulp Fiction, American Beauty, and Thirteen.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Follow and appreciate indie art and design.\", \"描述\": \"Much like indie music and indie movies, indie artists and designers are those that don't follow mainstream trends or traditional fashion. Some of this includes installation art or art that uses unique, non-traditional materials. Try to find local indie artists and designers by visiting art galleries in your area. Find artists that you can appreciate and follow their work.\\nIndie artists and designers are also not likely to paid by a large corporation, and make their money by selling their art directly to a collector or gallery.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dressing Indie\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear whatever feels comfortable to you.\", \"描述\": \"While there is no definite style for an indie guy, you shouldn’t be concerned with the newest clothing trends. Instead, figure out what kind of clothes you feel confident and comfortable in. This could be a t-shirt and jeans, a knitted sweater and slacks, or a striped button down and converse shoes.\\nSome indie people prefer to wear black, similar to musicians in the 1980’s like The Cure and The Banshees.\\nWear t-shirts with your favorite indie bands.\\nAvoid brands like Hollister, Banana Republic, Abercrombie and Fitch and Aeropostale.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be open to wearing unique and new things.\", \"描述\": \"There might be a chance that there’s a style you like, but you haven’t seen anyone else wear it in your town. Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things.\\nSometimes going to a thrift store and buying clothes from a decade ago can help you achieve your indie style.\\nA common style for indie guys is to grow out their beard.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Duplicate styles from indie bands and artists.\", \"描述\": \"Visit the social media or blog of your favorite musicians to get an idea of what kind of clothing that they like to wear. Some indie artists may support independent designers for clothes. If you’re clueless about fashion, this is a great way to create a starting place for your style.\\nCopy styles from classic indie artists like Bob Dylan, Gregory Isaacs, Johnny Cash, and Andre 3000.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wear accessories that complement your style.\", \"描述\": \"An old fashioned watch, sunglasses, or bracelet, may make you stand out from other guys. While wearing accessories isn’t mandatory to being indie, it will help you look unique apart from other people.\\nRay Ban Wayfarers are common sunglasses for indie guys.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Getting Into the Indie Scene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go to music shows in your area.\", \"描述\": \"Attend local venues and check out bands from your area. Supporting the local independent music scene is a great way to watch independent artists at a low cost. Some of these shows will be at small cafés or bars and may not even have an entrance fee.\\nSome popular indie venues in New York City include The Silent Barn, Secret Project Robot, and the Palisades.\\nFind venues in your town that host local musicians regularly.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Go to festivals where your favorite indie bands are playing.\", \"描述\": \"There are indie musical festivals that take place all around the world. Some of the most popular include Field Day in London, Benicàssim in Spain, and Coachella in the United States.\\nFestival tickets and fees can sometimes cost you thousands of dollars. Make sure to save up before going to them.\\nOutdoor festivals can sometimes go on for days, so make sure you're prepared to rough it outside.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Hang out at coffee shops or bars where other indie people go.\", \"描述\": \"Try to locate a bar or coffee shop in town that has other people that like indie music. Good places to look are locations that host poetry nights or open mic nights. Socialize and try to have fun with other people that are into indie music.\\nSome good indie coffee shops across America include, Boxcar Coffee Roasters in Denver, Toby's Estate Coffee in Brooklyn NY, and Blue Bottle Coffee in San Francisco.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put yourself out there and make indie friends.\", \"描述\": \"As you surround yourself with other people that are into indie things, you need to make sure to put forth an effort to become friends with people. Surrounding yourself with people that have similar interests means that you’ll have something to bond over, beyond your indie image.\\nMake it a point to introduce yourself to people of both genders.\\nIf you find someone pretentious or annoying, you don’t have to be their friend.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Attend indie film festivals.\", \"描述\": \"Going to an indie film festival will not only help you find critically acclaimed indie films but will also surround you with people in the indie scene. Try to get tickets to an indie film festival close to you. If you can't afford tickets or can't make the trip, try to watch it on TV or see if it's streaming online.\\nSome indie film festivals include the Cannes Film Festival, New York Independent Film Festival, LA Indie Film Fest, and the Sundance Film Festival.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Connect with other independent artists.\", \"描述\": \"Join online groups or meetups to link up with other local indie artists. Reach out to artists via social media and try to collaborate with them. If you play music, try to form an indie band. If you're an artist or designer you could work on a body of work together. Make a large circle of indie friends so you can better immerse yourself in the scene.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,853 | How to Be Indifferent | 1. Thinking Indifferently
1-1. Get away from your self.
Yep, that's two separate words. There are several "you"s that exist simultaneously. Sort of like Freud's id, ego, and superego. There's the "you" that behaves, for starters. Then, there's a "you" that monitors that behavior (your highly evolved one, you). And then there's actually a part of you that can step outside and look at things from another perspective entirely -- it's this last one you need to get at to become indifferent. If that's a little confusing, let's put it this way:
There's the you that just does and is. It's like the baby within you -- this is the first "you." You eat, you breathe, you do human things. You don't really question it. It's the you just reading right now.
Then there's the "you" that is monitoring all this behavior, thinking, making sure it's socially acceptable, making sure you survive, etc. Ever thought to yourself, "My God, why did I eat 5 slices of pizza?!" That's the second you.
This third "you" is a bit more elusive. It can look at your behavior and thoughts and come to highly-evolved, self-aware conclusions. This is the "you" we'll be targeting. This you doesn't really feel things or need things -- it just observes. It's indifferent.
1-2. Think of life like a movie.
In order to target this third you, you need to think of life like a movie. That is, you need to be a little less invested in what's going on. Emotions don't really have a place -- or if they do, they only skim the surface and don't have any real repercussions. What kind of movie are you in right now? Who's in control? What's probably going to happen?
If you get this thinking down, you'll start seeing patterns and thinking outside of the box -- less selfishly, more big picture. For example, right now you're sitting at home, eating a bowl of cereal, surfing wikiHow. What's your character feeling and why? How might that change in the coming days? Watching an emotion, seeing that it's there, is a lot different than feeling it.
1-3. Know that it's no big deal.
Whatever it is. Seriously. It is no big deal. In the grand scheme of things, few things are. Maybe the eventual collapse of the universe? That seems pretty huge. But that zit in the middle of your forehead? That comment Trang made that may or may not have been malicious? Nope and nope. Why should these tiny things get any reaction or emotion of out you?
When nothing is a big deal, it's hard to be phased. However, it's hard to get happy too. Know that this is a give and take. In a recent study, those who believed that they had no purpose in life but didn't really care, are middle-of-the-road when it comes to happiness. So while you won't care that your stupid scum of a boyfriend dumped you, you also won't feel super ecstatic when you get that job promotion...because it's all no biggie.
1-4. Open your mind.
Being indifferent is about leaving our assumptions, our beliefs, our pride, our emotions and our vulnerabilities at the door. In order to do so, our minds have to be entirely open. Is some lunatic raving about how your sexual orientation/gender/denomination/race is all going to hell? Hmm. Interesting. Wonder why he thinks that? Any reaction on your part should be merely intrigued -- never offended, angry, or defensive.
Staying rational and logical is a huge hurdle for many of us. When someone personally says something that attacks our belief system, we naturally want to speak up and put that person in their place. Can't do that! You have to keep an open mind and get unattached to your opinions on the matter. So this person thinks something different from you -- good for them!
1-5. Think of the process behind the content.
Whenever you're interacting with others, think of them as their characters. Think of their background and why it is they're saying what they're saying and doing what they're doing. And when it comes to their words, what do they actually mean? In other words, think of the process behind the content.
When someone says, "Hey, ohmigosh, I really have something I want to tell you -- but I totally shouldn't," they're actually saying, "Please give me attention. I have some gossip and it would give me immense satisfaction if you begged for it." The process (what they actually mean to say) is still going on behind the content (what actually came out of their mouths). Seeing behaviors for the process makes it a lot easier to address what's actually going on (and to remove yourself from the situation at hand).
2. Appearing Indifferent
2-1. Keep your facial expressions to a minimum.
Being indifferent is all appearing as if you don't care one way or another. To keep up that impression, it's important not to give away your feelings on your face. If your words are, "Oh, that's slightly interesting," you won't look indifferent with raised eyebrows, eyes aghast, and mouth hanging open.
It's not about reacting negatively or positively or even not reacting. You're still present; you're still an alive human being. It's just about hearing or seeing something and taking it in calmly and definitely not taking it personally. Sort of like every reaction you have when your little sister's friend starts talking about her potato chip addiction. Mild curiosity at best.
2-2. Don't let your body give you away.
So you've got the facial expressions down -- now it's time to make sure your body matches what your face is saying. Turns out most of body language is just that -- the body. Even if your words and your face scream "I couldn't care less" but your body makes it clear you're uncomfortable, you're no longer indifferent.
You should have a relaxed, open position at all times. Like you're watching a decent movie. You're still engaged, but you're comfortable and stress-free. And if you're trying to convince your crush you're indifferent, hanging on them is not the way to mask your body language!
2-3. Stay open and receptive.
Too much of indifference can easily be mistaken for aloofness, being cold, or being just plain negative. That's not what indifference is about! You're still open, welcoming, and receptive -- it's just that you don't care whether people come to you to be welcomed or not. You'll do your thing regardless -- in fact, if no one were in the room, you'd be behaving the same way.
Because you're an observer, you have no reason to close yourself off. Even if your significant other is yelling at you, keep your arms uncrossed and your legs unfolded. This is just a display of their need to control and you'll address it when you can get a word in edgewise calmly. You're still hearing what they have to say, you're just hearing all the levels to it and putting it through an objective analysis.
2-4. Don't enjoy it too much.
Some of us want to be indifferent to achieve some sort of self-satisfaction. We want to get back at an ex, prove to our boss/parents/siblings just how much we don't care, etc. If this is your case, don't enjoy it too much! That will give it away that your indifference is a facade , a show. You're no longer indifferent; you've become a phony.
3. Acting Indifferent
3-1. Be calm.
Since everything is no big deal and you're analyzing the process from afar anyway, why in the world would you be anything but calm? You have nothing to lose in 99% of life's situations when it boils down to it, so why waste your energy?
Lots of people get stressed out during life's situations -- whether it's meeting a deadline, a fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or drama between friends. It's because they care about the outcome -- something you don't do. So the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, think nothing of it. It'll pass soon enough anyway.
3-2. Be stoic.
In addition to staying calm, it's important to be stoic (showing little emotion). You're not only stress-free since '93, but you're also never angry, sad, or overly happy. The situations around you don't phase you much, so you don't have much reason to feel intense emotion.
Whether it's "You killed my fish!" or "I'm dumping you" or "Justin Bieber totally called me last night," your reaction should be as if someone said, "I bought a new lamp today." That's nice and all. Maybe you want to know what color it is, maybe you don't. You'll ask if you feel like it.
To be stoic, remember that there are certain things that are in your control. And there are things that are not in your control. That will allow for a form of neutrality, so that you are able to hear the other person and what they're saying without reacting.
3-3. Be objective.
The world is full of opinions. Everybody has 'em. And most people display them quite readily. You, on the other hand, aren't most people. You see both sides of the coin and analyze situations for what they are -- not seen through a cloud of emotion.
That means seeing your side of the coin, too. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees, but with practice being aware of your own behavior is possible. So when you're fighting with a friend, see what's driving her, but also see what's driving you.
3-4. Address the process.
When you're dealing with people, you don't necessarily have to respond to their words. You need to respond to what they're actually saying. Ignore the content and rely on the process. It'll help you be objective and removed from the emotions swirling around you. Instead, you'll be thinking about people's predispositions, tendencies, and complexes -- pretty neutral territory.
Let's say Julia brought Pete, her husband, a list of things to do. Pete doesn't do it and Julia gets upset. Pete starts thinking Julia is a big nag and Julia thinks Pete doesn't care about her and is lazy. Instead, Pete should be thinking about how that list is really Julia needing her life to be organized and her asking for his help to do this -- Julia needs to realize her own translation of Pete's behavior and that is has nothing to do with her -- it's just that Pete operates on a different wavelength. When they see themselves for how they're acting, they remove themselves from the situation and can solve it.
3-5. Give the common courtesy you give to strangers to all.
If you're truly indifferent, you don't prefer one person over another. Again, it's like you're alone in the room. If there's a specific someone you want to convince of your indifference, treat them like you would a stranger. You'd definitely be civil, you'd definitely respond if they talked to you and you'd make chit chat, but when they walk away that's all it was. And that's totally fine.
This works on enemies, too. Even if you hate the person, indifference is more powerful. They'll be expecting you to react -- when you don't, they won't know what to do. So be civil to them and kill 'em with indifferent kindness.
Tips
The past is gone, the future unknown; remembering is a shame, worry is just pain; to live well in the instant is sane.
Removing whims and desires, one becomes peaceful.
It doesn't matter what others think. Some have no other work but their thoughts. Stop caring about their thoughts.
Warnings
In any case, introspection is the key to accepting things.
These thoughts only work if you truly believe in them.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Thinking Indifferently\\n1-1. Get away from your self.\\nYep, that's two separate words. There are several \\\"you\\\"s that exist simultaneously. Sort of like Freud's id, ego, and superego. There's the \\\"you\\\" that behaves, for starters. Then, there's a \\\"you\\\" that monitors that behavior (your highly evolved one, you). And then there's actually a part of you that can step outside and look at things from another perspective entirely -- it's this last one you need to get at to become indifferent. If that's a little confusing, let's put it this way:\\nThere's the you that just does and is. It's like the baby within you -- this is the first \\\"you.\\\" You eat, you breathe, you do human things. You don't really question it. It's the you just reading right now.\\nThen there's the \\\"you\\\" that is monitoring all this behavior, thinking, making sure it's socially acceptable, making sure you survive, etc. Ever thought to yourself, \\\"My God, why did I eat 5 slices of pizza?!\\\" That's the second you.\\nThis third \\\"you\\\" is a bit more elusive. It can look at your behavior and thoughts and come to highly-evolved, self-aware conclusions. This is the \\\"you\\\" we'll be targeting. This you doesn't really feel things or need things -- it just observes. It's indifferent.\\n1-2. Think of life like a movie.\\nIn order to target this third you, you need to think of life like a movie. That is, you need to be a little less invested in what's going on. Emotions don't really have a place -- or if they do, they only skim the surface and don't have any real repercussions. What kind of movie are you in right now? Who's in control? What's probably going to happen?\\nIf you get this thinking down, you'll start seeing patterns and thinking outside of the box -- less selfishly, more big picture. For example, right now you're sitting at home, eating a bowl of cereal, surfing wikiHow. What's your character feeling and why? How might that change in the coming days? Watching an emotion, seeing that it's there, is a lot different than feeling it.\\n1-3. Know that it's no big deal.\\nWhatever it is. Seriously. It is no big deal. In the grand scheme of things, few things are. Maybe the eventual collapse of the universe? That seems pretty huge. But that zit in the middle of your forehead? That comment Trang made that may or may not have been malicious? Nope and nope. Why should these tiny things get any reaction or emotion of out you?\\nWhen nothing is a big deal, it's hard to be phased. However, it's hard to get happy too. Know that this is a give and take. In a recent study, those who believed that they had no purpose in life but didn't really care, are middle-of-the-road when it comes to happiness. So while you won't care that your stupid scum of a boyfriend dumped you, you also won't feel super ecstatic when you get that job promotion...because it's all no biggie.\\n1-4. Open your mind.\\nBeing indifferent is about leaving our assumptions, our beliefs, our pride, our emotions and our vulnerabilities at the door. In order to do so, our minds have to be entirely open. Is some lunatic raving about how your sexual orientation/gender/denomination/race is all going to hell? Hmm. Interesting. Wonder why he thinks that? Any reaction on your part should be merely intrigued -- never offended, angry, or defensive.\\nStaying rational and logical is a huge hurdle for many of us. When someone personally says something that attacks our belief system, we naturally want to speak up and put that person in their place. Can't do that! You have to keep an open mind and get unattached to your opinions on the matter. So this person thinks something different from you -- good for them!\\n1-5. Think of the process behind the content.\\nWhenever you're interacting with others, think of them as their characters. Think of their background and why it is they're saying what they're saying and doing what they're doing. And when it comes to their words, what do they actually mean? In other words, think of the process behind the content.\\nWhen someone says, \\\"Hey, ohmigosh, I really have something I want to tell you -- but I totally shouldn't,\\\" they're actually saying, \\\"Please give me attention. I have some gossip and it would give me immense satisfaction if you begged for it.\\\" The process (what they actually mean to say) is still going on behind the content (what actually came out of their mouths). Seeing behaviors for the process makes it a lot easier to address what's actually going on (and to remove yourself from the situation at hand).\\n2. Appearing Indifferent\\n2-1. Keep your facial expressions to a minimum.\\nBeing indifferent is all appearing as if you don't care one way or another. To keep up that impression, it's important not to give away your feelings on your face. If your words are, \\\"Oh, that's slightly interesting,\\\" you won't look indifferent with raised eyebrows, eyes aghast, and mouth hanging open.\\nIt's not about reacting negatively or positively or even not reacting. You're still present; you're still an alive human being. It's just about hearing or seeing something and taking it in calmly and definitely not taking it personally. Sort of like every reaction you have when your little sister's friend starts talking about her potato chip addiction. Mild curiosity at best.\\n2-2. Don't let your body give you away.\\nSo you've got the facial expressions down -- now it's time to make sure your body matches what your face is saying. Turns out most of body language is just that -- the body. Even if your words and your face scream \\\"I couldn't care less\\\" but your body makes it clear you're uncomfortable, you're no longer indifferent.\\nYou should have a relaxed, open position at all times. Like you're watching a decent movie. You're still engaged, but you're comfortable and stress-free. And if you're trying to convince your crush you're indifferent, hanging on them is not the way to mask your body language!\\n2-3. Stay open and receptive.\\nToo much of indifference can easily be mistaken for aloofness, being cold, or being just plain negative. That's not what indifference is about! You're still open, welcoming, and receptive -- it's just that you don't care whether people come to you to be welcomed or not. You'll do your thing regardless -- in fact, if no one were in the room, you'd be behaving the same way.\\nBecause you're an observer, you have no reason to close yourself off. Even if your significant other is yelling at you, keep your arms uncrossed and your legs unfolded. This is just a display of their need to control and you'll address it when you can get a word in edgewise calmly. You're still hearing what they have to say, you're just hearing all the levels to it and putting it through an objective analysis.\\n2-4. Don't enjoy it too much.\\nSome of us want to be indifferent to achieve some sort of self-satisfaction. We want to get back at an ex, prove to our boss/parents/siblings just how much we don't care, etc. If this is your case, don't enjoy it too much! That will give it away that your indifference is a facade , a show. You're no longer indifferent; you've become a phony.\\n3. Acting Indifferent\\n3-1. Be calm.\\nSince everything is no big deal and you're analyzing the process from afar anyway, why in the world would you be anything but calm? You have nothing to lose in 99% of life's situations when it boils down to it, so why waste your energy?\\nLots of people get stressed out during life's situations -- whether it's meeting a deadline, a fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or drama between friends. It's because they care about the outcome -- something you don't do. So the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, think nothing of it. It'll pass soon enough anyway.\\n3-2. Be stoic.\\nIn addition to staying calm, it's important to be stoic (showing little emotion). You're not only stress-free since '93, but you're also never angry, sad, or overly happy. The situations around you don't phase you much, so you don't have much reason to feel intense emotion.\\nWhether it's \\\"You killed my fish!\\\" or \\\"I'm dumping you\\\" or \\\"Justin Bieber totally called me last night,\\\" your reaction should be as if someone said, \\\"I bought a new lamp today.\\\" That's nice and all. Maybe you want to know what color it is, maybe you don't. You'll ask if you feel like it.\\nTo be stoic, remember that there are certain things that are in your control. And there are things that are not in your control. That will allow for a form of neutrality, so that you are able to hear the other person and what they're saying without reacting.\\n3-3. Be objective.\\nThe world is full of opinions. Everybody has 'em. And most people display them quite readily. You, on the other hand, aren't most people. You see both sides of the coin and analyze situations for what they are -- not seen through a cloud of emotion.\\nThat means seeing your side of the coin, too. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees, but with practice being aware of your own behavior is possible. So when you're fighting with a friend, see what's driving her, but also see what's driving you.\\n3-4. Address the process.\\nWhen you're dealing with people, you don't necessarily have to respond to their words. You need to respond to what they're actually saying. Ignore the content and rely on the process. It'll help you be objective and removed from the emotions swirling around you. Instead, you'll be thinking about people's predispositions, tendencies, and complexes -- pretty neutral territory.\\nLet's say Julia brought Pete, her husband, a list of things to do. Pete doesn't do it and Julia gets upset. Pete starts thinking Julia is a big nag and Julia thinks Pete doesn't care about her and is lazy. Instead, Pete should be thinking about how that list is really Julia needing her life to be organized and her asking for his help to do this -- Julia needs to realize her own translation of Pete's behavior and that is has nothing to do with her -- it's just that Pete operates on a different wavelength. When they see themselves for how they're acting, they remove themselves from the situation and can solve it.\\n3-5. Give the common courtesy you give to strangers to all.\\nIf you're truly indifferent, you don't prefer one person over another. Again, it's like you're alone in the room. If there's a specific someone you want to convince of your indifference, treat them like you would a stranger. You'd definitely be civil, you'd definitely respond if they talked to you and you'd make chit chat, but when they walk away that's all it was. And that's totally fine.\\nThis works on enemies, too. Even if you hate the person, indifference is more powerful. They'll be expecting you to react -- when you don't, they won't know what to do. So be civil to them and kill 'em with indifferent kindness.\\nTips\\nThe past is gone, the future unknown; remembering is a shame, worry is just pain; to live well in the instant is sane.\\nRemoving whims and desires, one becomes peaceful.\\nIt doesn't matter what others think. Some have no other work but their thoughts. Stop caring about their thoughts.\\nWarnings\\nIn any case, introspection is the key to accepting things.\\nThese thoughts only work if you truly believe in them.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being indifferent means being dispassionate about the things that happen around you. Instead of being caught up in drama and emotion, enjoy the show! People all around you are getting involved in their own production -- how great it would be to sit back and watch, carefree. It's mind over matter, truly.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Thinking Indifferently\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get away from your self.\", \"描述\": \"Yep, that's two separate words. There are several \\\"you\\\"s that exist simultaneously. Sort of like Freud's id, ego, and superego. There's the \\\"you\\\" that behaves, for starters. Then, there's a \\\"you\\\" that monitors that behavior (your highly evolved one, you). And then there's actually a part of you that can step outside and look at things from another perspective entirely -- it's this last one you need to get at to become indifferent. If that's a little confusing, let's put it this way:\\nThere's the you that just does and is. It's like the baby within you -- this is the first \\\"you.\\\" You eat, you breathe, you do human things. You don't really question it. It's the you just reading right now.\\nThen there's the \\\"you\\\" that is monitoring all this behavior, thinking, making sure it's socially acceptable, making sure you survive, etc. Ever thought to yourself, \\\"My God, why did I eat 5 slices of pizza?!\\\" That's the second you.\\nThis third \\\"you\\\" is a bit more elusive. It can look at your behavior and thoughts and come to highly-evolved, self-aware conclusions. This is the \\\"you\\\" we'll be targeting. This you doesn't really feel things or need things -- it just observes. It's indifferent.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think of life like a movie.\", \"描述\": \"In order to target this third you, you need to think of life like a movie. That is, you need to be a little less invested in what's going on. Emotions don't really have a place -- or if they do, they only skim the surface and don't have any real repercussions. What kind of movie are you in right now? Who's in control? What's probably going to happen?\\nIf you get this thinking down, you'll start seeing patterns and thinking outside of the box -- less selfishly, more big picture. For example, right now you're sitting at home, eating a bowl of cereal, surfing wikiHow. What's your character feeling and why? How might that change in the coming days? Watching an emotion, seeing that it's there, is a lot different than feeling it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Know that it's no big deal.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever it is. Seriously. It is no big deal. In the grand scheme of things, few things are. Maybe the eventual collapse of the universe? That seems pretty huge. But that zit in the middle of your forehead? That comment Trang made that may or may not have been malicious? Nope and nope. Why should these tiny things get any reaction or emotion of out you?\\nWhen nothing is a big deal, it's hard to be phased. However, it's hard to get happy too. Know that this is a give and take. In a recent study, those who believed that they had no purpose in life but didn't really care, are middle-of-the-road when it comes to happiness. So while you won't care that your stupid scum of a boyfriend dumped you, you also won't feel super ecstatic when you get that job promotion...because it's all no biggie.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Open your mind.\", \"描述\": \"Being indifferent is about leaving our assumptions, our beliefs, our pride, our emotions and our vulnerabilities at the door. In order to do so, our minds have to be entirely open. Is some lunatic raving about how your sexual orientation/gender/denomination/race is all going to hell? Hmm. Interesting. Wonder why he thinks that? Any reaction on your part should be merely intrigued -- never offended, angry, or defensive.\\nStaying rational and logical is a huge hurdle for many of us. When someone personally says something that attacks our belief system, we naturally want to speak up and put that person in their place. Can't do that! You have to keep an open mind and get unattached to your opinions on the matter. So this person thinks something different from you -- good for them!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Think of the process behind the content.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you're interacting with others, think of them as their characters. Think of their background and why it is they're saying what they're saying and doing what they're doing. And when it comes to their words, what do they actually mean? In other words, think of the process behind the content.\\nWhen someone says, \\\"Hey, ohmigosh, I really have something I want to tell you -- but I totally shouldn't,\\\" they're actually saying, \\\"Please give me attention. I have some gossip and it would give me immense satisfaction if you begged for it.\\\" The process (what they actually mean to say) is still going on behind the content (what actually came out of their mouths). Seeing behaviors for the process makes it a lot easier to address what's actually going on (and to remove yourself from the situation at hand).\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Appearing Indifferent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep your facial expressions to a minimum.\", \"描述\": \"Being indifferent is all appearing as if you don't care one way or another. To keep up that impression, it's important not to give away your feelings on your face. If your words are, \\\"Oh, that's slightly interesting,\\\" you won't look indifferent with raised eyebrows, eyes aghast, and mouth hanging open.\\nIt's not about reacting negatively or positively or even not reacting. You're still present; you're still an alive human being. It's just about hearing or seeing something and taking it in calmly and definitely not taking it personally. Sort of like every reaction you have when your little sister's friend starts talking about her potato chip addiction. Mild curiosity at best.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't let your body give you away.\", \"描述\": \"So you've got the facial expressions down -- now it's time to make sure your body matches what your face is saying. Turns out most of body language is just that -- the body. Even if your words and your face scream \\\"I couldn't care less\\\" but your body makes it clear you're uncomfortable, you're no longer indifferent.\\nYou should have a relaxed, open position at all times. Like you're watching a decent movie. You're still engaged, but you're comfortable and stress-free. And if you're trying to convince your crush you're indifferent, hanging on them is not the way to mask your body language!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay open and receptive.\", \"描述\": \"Too much of indifference can easily be mistaken for aloofness, being cold, or being just plain negative. That's not what indifference is about! You're still open, welcoming, and receptive -- it's just that you don't care whether people come to you to be welcomed or not. You'll do your thing regardless -- in fact, if no one were in the room, you'd be behaving the same way.\\nBecause you're an observer, you have no reason to close yourself off. Even if your significant other is yelling at you, keep your arms uncrossed and your legs unfolded. This is just a display of their need to control and you'll address it when you can get a word in edgewise calmly. You're still hearing what they have to say, you're just hearing all the levels to it and putting it through an objective analysis.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't enjoy it too much.\", \"描述\": \"Some of us want to be indifferent to achieve some sort of self-satisfaction. We want to get back at an ex, prove to our boss/parents/siblings just how much we don't care, etc. If this is your case, don't enjoy it too much! That will give it away that your indifference is a facade , a show. You're no longer indifferent; you've become a phony.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acting Indifferent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be calm.\", \"描述\": \"Since everything is no big deal and you're analyzing the process from afar anyway, why in the world would you be anything but calm? You have nothing to lose in 99% of life's situations when it boils down to it, so why waste your energy?\\nLots of people get stressed out during life's situations -- whether it's meeting a deadline, a fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or drama between friends. It's because they care about the outcome -- something you don't do. So the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, think nothing of it. It'll pass soon enough anyway.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be stoic.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to staying calm, it's important to be stoic (showing little emotion). You're not only stress-free since '93, but you're also never angry, sad, or overly happy. The situations around you don't phase you much, so you don't have much reason to feel intense emotion.\\nWhether it's \\\"You killed my fish!\\\" or \\\"I'm dumping you\\\" or \\\"Justin Bieber totally called me last night,\\\" your reaction should be as if someone said, \\\"I bought a new lamp today.\\\" That's nice and all. Maybe you want to know what color it is, maybe you don't. You'll ask if you feel like it.\\nTo be stoic, remember that there are certain things that are in your control. And there are things that are not in your control. That will allow for a form of neutrality, so that you are able to hear the other person and what they're saying without reacting.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be objective.\", \"描述\": \"The world is full of opinions. Everybody has 'em. And most people display them quite readily. You, on the other hand, aren't most people. You see both sides of the coin and analyze situations for what they are -- not seen through a cloud of emotion.\\nThat means seeing your side of the coin, too. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees, but with practice being aware of your own behavior is possible. So when you're fighting with a friend, see what's driving her, but also see what's driving you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Address the process.\", \"描述\": \"When you're dealing with people, you don't necessarily have to respond to their words. You need to respond to what they're actually saying. Ignore the content and rely on the process. It'll help you be objective and removed from the emotions swirling around you. Instead, you'll be thinking about people's predispositions, tendencies, and complexes -- pretty neutral territory.\\nLet's say Julia brought Pete, her husband, a list of things to do. Pete doesn't do it and Julia gets upset. Pete starts thinking Julia is a big nag and Julia thinks Pete doesn't care about her and is lazy. Instead, Pete should be thinking about how that list is really Julia needing her life to be organized and her asking for his help to do this -- Julia needs to realize her own translation of Pete's behavior and that is has nothing to do with her -- it's just that Pete operates on a different wavelength. When they see themselves for how they're acting, they remove themselves from the situation and can solve it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Give the common courtesy you give to strangers to all.\", \"描述\": \"If you're truly indifferent, you don't prefer one person over another. Again, it's like you're alone in the room. If there's a specific someone you want to convince of your indifference, treat them like you would a stranger. You'd definitely be civil, you'd definitely respond if they talked to you and you'd make chit chat, but when they walk away that's all it was. And that's totally fine.\\nThis works on enemies, too. Even if you hate the person, indifference is more powerful. They'll be expecting you to react -- when you don't, they won't know what to do. So be civil to them and kill 'em with indifferent kindness.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"The past is gone, the future unknown; remembering is a shame, worry is just pain; to live well in the instant is sane.\\n\", \"Removing whims and desires, one becomes peaceful.\\n\", \"It doesn't matter what others think. Some have no other work but their thoughts. Stop caring about their thoughts.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"In any case, introspection is the key to accepting things.\\n\", \"These thoughts only work if you truly believe in them.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,854 | How to Be Influential | 1. Building Your Influence
1-1. Pursue your passions.
It’s hard to get other people to believe in you and follow your guidance if they don’t feel your passion for the cause or topic. To influence others, you have to be inspired to dedicate yourself to expertise and action—in your career, on an important issue, and so on.
Influential educators, for instance, usually believe deeply in the importance of their work and are driven to improve the lives of their students. A teacher who’s just there for the paycheck is less likely to be influential on their students’ lives.
1-2. Become an expert in your field.
Train in something--basketball, coding, social work, accountancy, or whatever your passion may be--that you would like to do for many years. Influential people often have seniority that they’ve built up over the years. Pick hobbies or work that you feel you can sustain with true dedication.
Younger, less experienced people can become influential, but building up expertise through time and effort is the more likely avenue to influence.
Pursue a quality education, and increase your knowledge on topics that interest you most.
Hone your talent. Talent and influence often go hand in hand. You can gain a reputation as someone who should be heard by distinguishing yourself in your work.
1-3. Be hard-working, reliable, and consistent.
You’ll earn the trust and respect of those around you and, in turn, become more capable of influencing them. At work, for example, put in extra hours to get a promotion or earn more respect in your company.
If, for instance, you’re a member of an activist group pursuing better conditions for low wage workers, give your best effort. Show up to every meeting and event, volunteer to help out in whatever way possible, and share your enthusiasm for the cause.
1-4. Build a network of colleagues and collaborators.
Loners don’t tend to become influential. Connect with others in your career or field of interest and earn a reputation for reliability and expertise. Over time, you’ll become influential within your network, and possibly in your network members’ networks.
Seize opportunities to be around other people with similar goals or interests. Attend conferences and parties, or become part of a community organization.
Use your online presence to build your professional and/or social networks as well. If you have a professional profile on LinkedIn, for instance, use it to build a growing base of contacts within your field.
1-5. Work on being engaging and sociable.
A respected person who is outgoing usually has more influence than a quiet person, because they are able and willing to make and use connections. Without these connections, it is difficult to transmit influence.
This doesn’t mean a naturally quiet or introverted person can’t be influential. You will have to find ways to engage with others on a personal level, though.
1-6. Exude genuine optimism.
Pessimists and naysayers can be influential, but people typically are more eager to be uplifted and inspired. People will usually see through you if you try to manufacture fake enthusiasm, but when you do feel good about something, let it show!
An influential coach is more likely to be encouraging players and talking about how it’s “a great day for a ballgame” instead of harping on what the team did wrong last game.
1-7. Stay in touch with your goals.
Regularly ask yourself, “Why do I want to be influential?” and “What kind of influence do I want to have?” Determine what you want to gain from social situations, board meetings, meetings with managers, and other affiliations. Work toward those goals to keep your influential focus on track.
If you’re looking to be influential in order to gain fame, wealth, or power, accept that there are no guarantees and that you may never be satisfied.
If you’re trying to become influential in order to effect positive change, you might also never be fully satisfied with your results, but you may derive more pride and joy from your efforts.
2. Utilizing Your Influence
2-1. Embrace leadership opportunities.
Become useful to people, and soon they will look to you for advice. Being an adviser is being an influencer.
This is especially important if you do not already have status or prestige. Being a leader is a great way to gain the power to influence others.
Volunteer to be the team leader for a tough work project, or become an officer with your social group. Never turn down a chance to show off your leadership skills.
2-2. Engage your interpersonal network regularly.
This can be as simple as saying “hi” to your colleagues in the office every morning, or striking up a conversation in the breakroom instead of eating lunch at your desk. Your ability to stay in touch with people will make you more socially powerful. Find little ways to keep in contact and open the door to your influence.
Call an old friend once a week. Do it just to catch up, instead of only calling when you need a favor.
Join and actively engage with charitable organizations that your friends are involved with.
Compose personalized, thoughtful, hand-written thank-you and holiday notes to your friends and colleagues.
Start a yearly event, such as a summer barbecue, a company holiday party, or a Halloween mixer where you invite people from your social and business circles.
2-3. Grow and utilize your social media network.
Having a large number of Twitter followers or Facebook friends might be seen as proof of your potential influence. Engage with these contacts regularly in order to maintain an open conduit for your influence.
Respond to posts and requests, and share your informed perspectives in a friendly manner.
Keep up to date with social media networks as they wax and wane in popularity, especially if you are looking to influence younger people.
Also make sure you are a part of networks that are appropriate for your position and goals. Start a LinkedIn profile, for instance, if you are gaining influence in the business world.
2-4. Use existing connections to make new connections.
Always look for ways to add to your network of friends, colleagues, and followers. Whether in person or online, keep track of names and key information about new people. This will enable you to build a rapport with them and potentially become influential.
For example, join alumni groups for the university you graduated from. Becoming actively involved in these is a great way to expand your network and possible influence.
2-5. Do favors and ask for favors.
You will not be able to influence others if you are afraid to ask them for things. Likewise, you’ll lose any influence you have if you always turn down requests for assistance. Start trading little favors early, so that you can influence important decisions later on.
As you start doing favors and building connections based on reciprocity, your influence will likely grow.
For instance, offer to help out a colleague with a difficult project, then ask them for a bit of help in turn.
2-6. Adapt to changing circumstances.
You might have built up influence through your leadership position at work, then have a corporate restructuring sweep it away. Or, your online influence may decline as users migrate to other platforms or technologies. Never assume that influence is permanent, or that what works today will work tomorrow.
It takes just as much effort to remain influential as it does to become influential. You have to keep demonstrating passion and expertise, building networks, and establishing reciprocal connections.
3. Using Influential Tactics in Conversations
3-1. Aim to be likeable.
Smiling, laughing, and complimenting are great ways to open the door to influencing people. If people are comfortable around you, they are more likely to take your inspiration or guidance to heart.
Effective salespeople put potential customers at ease right away with charm and tact. In a similar manner, you need to put others at ease in order to “sell” them on your wisdom and leadership qualities.
Practice looking and acting likeable during interactions in front of the mirror, or with good friends or family members.
3-2. Make eye contact during conversation.
Look at people as you talk to them, and as they speak to you. Nod and use other visual or verbal affirmations to show that you are listening.
Keep eye contact more often than not, but don’t stare at the person the whole time. Look away briefly every 15 seconds or so, then return your gaze to them.
3-3. Repeat important information to show you understand and have made connections.
Quickly summarizing what the other person has just said to you proves that you’ve been listening and enhances the connection being made. People won’t be influenced by you if it seems like you can’t even be bothered to pay attention to them for a few seconds.
After they finish speaking, say something like, “So, you feel like HR isn’t responsive enough to the needs of working mothers,” then transition into your thoughts on the matter.
3-4. Learn to name-drop judiciously.
Successful name-dropping means suggesting connections or meetings within your circle. If you are at a party and you want to meet new people or introduce people, use the names of people that are already in the circle.
Don’t name-drop people outside of the social circle. Name-dropping can quickly change to bragging, if you suggest you know politicians, celebrities or musicians that aren’t relevant to your contacts.
Good name-dropping might be: “Oh, I need to introduce you to Don. He’s right over there, and he’s also an environmental attorney.”
Bad name-dropping might be: “You know, when I was an intern for Senator Brown…”
3-5. Find common ground with other people.
During the course of any conversation, you should aim to connect through a shared interest, hobby, or experience. You can reference it to establish common ground going forward.
This doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to a network of people who are as much like you as possible. Embrace diversity and differences, and seek out elements of commonality through conversation and connection.
The common ground might be something as trivial as a shared fandom for a sports team. Or, you might both be passionate about a political cause, despite some differences in the particulars of your views.
3-6. Follow up on contacts and conversations.
You’ll increase your chances of influencing someone if you give them a follow-up call or other form of contact. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to see if they have any questions, or ask them how things turned out. Basically, you want to demonstrate your ongoing interest and availability.
However, make sure you don’t end up nagging them. A single follow-up a few days afterwards is usually sufficient, but try to follow their cues regarding their interest in follow-up conversations.
You might simply call and say something like, "Hi, John, I just wanted to check in and see how that meeting went that we were talking about the other day. Did you get to mention those sales figures we discussed?"
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Building Your Influence\\n1-1. Pursue your passions.\\nIt’s hard to get other people to believe in you and follow your guidance if they don’t feel your passion for the cause or topic. To influence others, you have to be inspired to dedicate yourself to expertise and action—in your career, on an important issue, and so on.\\nInfluential educators, for instance, usually believe deeply in the importance of their work and are driven to improve the lives of their students. A teacher who’s just there for the paycheck is less likely to be influential on their students’ lives.\\n1-2. Become an expert in your field.\\nTrain in something--basketball, coding, social work, accountancy, or whatever your passion may be--that you would like to do for many years. Influential people often have seniority that they’ve built up over the years. Pick hobbies or work that you feel you can sustain with true dedication.\\nYounger, less experienced people can become influential, but building up expertise through time and effort is the more likely avenue to influence.\\nPursue a quality education, and increase your knowledge on topics that interest you most.\\nHone your talent. Talent and influence often go hand in hand. You can gain a reputation as someone who should be heard by distinguishing yourself in your work.\\n1-3. Be hard-working, reliable, and consistent.\\nYou’ll earn the trust and respect of those around you and, in turn, become more capable of influencing them. At work, for example, put in extra hours to get a promotion or earn more respect in your company.\\nIf, for instance, you’re a member of an activist group pursuing better conditions for low wage workers, give your best effort. Show up to every meeting and event, volunteer to help out in whatever way possible, and share your enthusiasm for the cause.\\n1-4. Build a network of colleagues and collaborators.\\nLoners don’t tend to become influential. Connect with others in your career or field of interest and earn a reputation for reliability and expertise. Over time, you’ll become influential within your network, and possibly in your network members’ networks.\\nSeize opportunities to be around other people with similar goals or interests. Attend conferences and parties, or become part of a community organization.\\nUse your online presence to build your professional and/or social networks as well. If you have a professional profile on LinkedIn, for instance, use it to build a growing base of contacts within your field.\\n1-5. Work on being engaging and sociable.\\nA respected person who is outgoing usually has more influence than a quiet person, because they are able and willing to make and use connections. Without these connections, it is difficult to transmit influence.\\nThis doesn’t mean a naturally quiet or introverted person can’t be influential. You will have to find ways to engage with others on a personal level, though.\\n1-6. Exude genuine optimism.\\nPessimists and naysayers can be influential, but people typically are more eager to be uplifted and inspired. People will usually see through you if you try to manufacture fake enthusiasm, but when you do feel good about something, let it show!\\nAn influential coach is more likely to be encouraging players and talking about how it’s “a great day for a ballgame” instead of harping on what the team did wrong last game.\\n1-7. Stay in touch with your goals.\\nRegularly ask yourself, “Why do I want to be influential?” and “What kind of influence do I want to have?” Determine what you want to gain from social situations, board meetings, meetings with managers, and other affiliations. Work toward those goals to keep your influential focus on track.\\nIf you’re looking to be influential in order to gain fame, wealth, or power, accept that there are no guarantees and that you may never be satisfied.\\nIf you’re trying to become influential in order to effect positive change, you might also never be fully satisfied with your results, but you may derive more pride and joy from your efforts.\\n2. Utilizing Your Influence\\n2-1. Embrace leadership opportunities.\\nBecome useful to people, and soon they will look to you for advice. Being an adviser is being an influencer.\\nThis is especially important if you do not already have status or prestige. Being a leader is a great way to gain the power to influence others.\\nVolunteer to be the team leader for a tough work project, or become an officer with your social group. Never turn down a chance to show off your leadership skills.\\n2-2. Engage your interpersonal network regularly.\\nThis can be as simple as saying “hi” to your colleagues in the office every morning, or striking up a conversation in the breakroom instead of eating lunch at your desk. Your ability to stay in touch with people will make you more socially powerful. Find little ways to keep in contact and open the door to your influence.\\nCall an old friend once a week. Do it just to catch up, instead of only calling when you need a favor.\\nJoin and actively engage with charitable organizations that your friends are involved with.\\nCompose personalized, thoughtful, hand-written thank-you and holiday notes to your friends and colleagues.\\nStart a yearly event, such as a summer barbecue, a company holiday party, or a Halloween mixer where you invite people from your social and business circles.\\n2-3. Grow and utilize your social media network.\\nHaving a large number of Twitter followers or Facebook friends might be seen as proof of your potential influence. Engage with these contacts regularly in order to maintain an open conduit for your influence.\\nRespond to posts and requests, and share your informed perspectives in a friendly manner.\\nKeep up to date with social media networks as they wax and wane in popularity, especially if you are looking to influence younger people.\\nAlso make sure you are a part of networks that are appropriate for your position and goals. Start a LinkedIn profile, for instance, if you are gaining influence in the business world.\\n2-4. Use existing connections to make new connections.\\nAlways look for ways to add to your network of friends, colleagues, and followers. Whether in person or online, keep track of names and key information about new people. This will enable you to build a rapport with them and potentially become influential.\\nFor example, join alumni groups for the university you graduated from. Becoming actively involved in these is a great way to expand your network and possible influence.\\n2-5. Do favors and ask for favors.\\nYou will not be able to influence others if you are afraid to ask them for things. Likewise, you’ll lose any influence you have if you always turn down requests for assistance. Start trading little favors early, so that you can influence important decisions later on.\\nAs you start doing favors and building connections based on reciprocity, your influence will likely grow.\\nFor instance, offer to help out a colleague with a difficult project, then ask them for a bit of help in turn.\\n2-6. Adapt to changing circumstances.\\nYou might have built up influence through your leadership position at work, then have a corporate restructuring sweep it away. Or, your online influence may decline as users migrate to other platforms or technologies. Never assume that influence is permanent, or that what works today will work tomorrow.\\nIt takes just as much effort to remain influential as it does to become influential. You have to keep demonstrating passion and expertise, building networks, and establishing reciprocal connections.\\n3. Using Influential Tactics in Conversations\\n3-1. Aim to be likeable.\\nSmiling, laughing, and complimenting are great ways to open the door to influencing people. If people are comfortable around you, they are more likely to take your inspiration or guidance to heart.\\nEffective salespeople put potential customers at ease right away with charm and tact. In a similar manner, you need to put others at ease in order to “sell” them on your wisdom and leadership qualities.\\nPractice looking and acting likeable during interactions in front of the mirror, or with good friends or family members.\\n3-2. Make eye contact during conversation.\\nLook at people as you talk to them, and as they speak to you. Nod and use other visual or verbal affirmations to show that you are listening.\\nKeep eye contact more often than not, but don’t stare at the person the whole time. Look away briefly every 15 seconds or so, then return your gaze to them.\\n3-3. Repeat important information to show you understand and have made connections.\\nQuickly summarizing what the other person has just said to you proves that you’ve been listening and enhances the connection being made. People won’t be influenced by you if it seems like you can’t even be bothered to pay attention to them for a few seconds.\\nAfter they finish speaking, say something like, “So, you feel like HR isn’t responsive enough to the needs of working mothers,” then transition into your thoughts on the matter.\\n3-4. Learn to name-drop judiciously.\\nSuccessful name-dropping means suggesting connections or meetings within your circle. If you are at a party and you want to meet new people or introduce people, use the names of people that are already in the circle.\\nDon’t name-drop people outside of the social circle. Name-dropping can quickly change to bragging, if you suggest you know politicians, celebrities or musicians that aren’t relevant to your contacts.\\nGood name-dropping might be: “Oh, I need to introduce you to Don. He’s right over there, and he’s also an environmental attorney.”\\nBad name-dropping might be: “You know, when I was an intern for Senator Brown…”\\n3-5. Find common ground with other people.\\nDuring the course of any conversation, you should aim to connect through a shared interest, hobby, or experience. You can reference it to establish common ground going forward.\\nThis doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to a network of people who are as much like you as possible. Embrace diversity and differences, and seek out elements of commonality through conversation and connection.\\nThe common ground might be something as trivial as a shared fandom for a sports team. Or, you might both be passionate about a political cause, despite some differences in the particulars of your views.\\n3-6. Follow up on contacts and conversations.\\nYou’ll increase your chances of influencing someone if you give them a follow-up call or other form of contact. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to see if they have any questions, or ask them how things turned out. Basically, you want to demonstrate your ongoing interest and availability.\\nHowever, make sure you don’t end up nagging them. A single follow-up a few days afterwards is usually sufficient, but try to follow their cues regarding their interest in follow-up conversations.\\nYou might simply call and say something like, \\\"Hi, John, I just wanted to check in and see how that meeting went that we were talking about the other day. Did you get to mention those sales figures we discussed?\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Influential people are more likely to be heard and respected, and can effect action and change more readily than others. Influence can be a result of wealth, status, or celebrity, but it’s also a power you can build through everyday action, hard work, networking, and reciprocity. With dedication and focus, you can learn how to be a more influential person.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Building Your Influence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pursue your passions.\", \"描述\": \"It’s hard to get other people to believe in you and follow your guidance if they don’t feel your passion for the cause or topic. To influence others, you have to be inspired to dedicate yourself to expertise and action—in your career, on an important issue, and so on.\\nInfluential educators, for instance, usually believe deeply in the importance of their work and are driven to improve the lives of their students. A teacher who’s just there for the paycheck is less likely to be influential on their students’ lives.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Become an expert in your field.\", \"描述\": \"Train in something--basketball, coding, social work, accountancy, or whatever your passion may be--that you would like to do for many years. Influential people often have seniority that they’ve built up over the years. Pick hobbies or work that you feel you can sustain with true dedication.\\nYounger, less experienced people can become influential, but building up expertise through time and effort is the more likely avenue to influence.\\nPursue a quality education, and increase your knowledge on topics that interest you most.\\nHone your talent. Talent and influence often go hand in hand. You can gain a reputation as someone who should be heard by distinguishing yourself in your work.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be hard-working, reliable, and consistent.\", \"描述\": \"You’ll earn the trust and respect of those around you and, in turn, become more capable of influencing them. At work, for example, put in extra hours to get a promotion or earn more respect in your company.\\nIf, for instance, you’re a member of an activist group pursuing better conditions for low wage workers, give your best effort. Show up to every meeting and event, volunteer to help out in whatever way possible, and share your enthusiasm for the cause.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Build a network of colleagues and collaborators.\", \"描述\": \"Loners don’t tend to become influential. Connect with others in your career or field of interest and earn a reputation for reliability and expertise. Over time, you’ll become influential within your network, and possibly in your network members’ networks.\\nSeize opportunities to be around other people with similar goals or interests. Attend conferences and parties, or become part of a community organization.\\nUse your online presence to build your professional and/or social networks as well. If you have a professional profile on LinkedIn, for instance, use it to build a growing base of contacts within your field.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Work on being engaging and sociable.\", \"描述\": \"A respected person who is outgoing usually has more influence than a quiet person, because they are able and willing to make and use connections. Without these connections, it is difficult to transmit influence.\\nThis doesn’t mean a naturally quiet or introverted person can’t be influential. You will have to find ways to engage with others on a personal level, though.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Exude genuine optimism.\", \"描述\": \"Pessimists and naysayers can be influential, but people typically are more eager to be uplifted and inspired. People will usually see through you if you try to manufacture fake enthusiasm, but when you do feel good about something, let it show!\\nAn influential coach is more likely to be encouraging players and talking about how it’s “a great day for a ballgame” instead of harping on what the team did wrong last game.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Stay in touch with your goals.\", \"描述\": \"Regularly ask yourself, “Why do I want to be influential?” and “What kind of influence do I want to have?” Determine what you want to gain from social situations, board meetings, meetings with managers, and other affiliations. Work toward those goals to keep your influential focus on track.\\nIf you’re looking to be influential in order to gain fame, wealth, or power, accept that there are no guarantees and that you may never be satisfied.\\nIf you’re trying to become influential in order to effect positive change, you might also never be fully satisfied with your results, but you may derive more pride and joy from your efforts.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Utilizing Your Influence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Embrace leadership opportunities.\", \"描述\": \"Become useful to people, and soon they will look to you for advice. Being an adviser is being an influencer.\\nThis is especially important if you do not already have status or prestige. Being a leader is a great way to gain the power to influence others.\\nVolunteer to be the team leader for a tough work project, or become an officer with your social group. Never turn down a chance to show off your leadership skills.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engage your interpersonal network regularly.\", \"描述\": \"This can be as simple as saying “hi” to your colleagues in the office every morning, or striking up a conversation in the breakroom instead of eating lunch at your desk. Your ability to stay in touch with people will make you more socially powerful. Find little ways to keep in contact and open the door to your influence.\\nCall an old friend once a week. Do it just to catch up, instead of only calling when you need a favor.\\nJoin and actively engage with charitable organizations that your friends are involved with.\\nCompose personalized, thoughtful, hand-written thank-you and holiday notes to your friends and colleagues.\\nStart a yearly event, such as a summer barbecue, a company holiday party, or a Halloween mixer where you invite people from your social and business circles.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Grow and utilize your social media network.\", \"描述\": \"Having a large number of Twitter followers or Facebook friends might be seen as proof of your potential influence. Engage with these contacts regularly in order to maintain an open conduit for your influence.\\nRespond to posts and requests, and share your informed perspectives in a friendly manner.\\nKeep up to date with social media networks as they wax and wane in popularity, especially if you are looking to influence younger people.\\nAlso make sure you are a part of networks that are appropriate for your position and goals. Start a LinkedIn profile, for instance, if you are gaining influence in the business world.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use existing connections to make new connections.\", \"描述\": \"Always look for ways to add to your network of friends, colleagues, and followers. Whether in person or online, keep track of names and key information about new people. This will enable you to build a rapport with them and potentially become influential.\\nFor example, join alumni groups for the university you graduated from. Becoming actively involved in these is a great way to expand your network and possible influence.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Do favors and ask for favors.\", \"描述\": \"You will not be able to influence others if you are afraid to ask them for things. Likewise, you’ll lose any influence you have if you always turn down requests for assistance. Start trading little favors early, so that you can influence important decisions later on.\\nAs you start doing favors and building connections based on reciprocity, your influence will likely grow.\\nFor instance, offer to help out a colleague with a difficult project, then ask them for a bit of help in turn.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Adapt to changing circumstances.\", \"描述\": \"You might have built up influence through your leadership position at work, then have a corporate restructuring sweep it away. Or, your online influence may decline as users migrate to other platforms or technologies. Never assume that influence is permanent, or that what works today will work tomorrow.\\nIt takes just as much effort to remain influential as it does to become influential. You have to keep demonstrating passion and expertise, building networks, and establishing reciprocal connections.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Using Influential Tactics in Conversations\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Aim to be likeable.\", \"描述\": \"Smiling, laughing, and complimenting are great ways to open the door to influencing people. If people are comfortable around you, they are more likely to take your inspiration or guidance to heart.\\nEffective salespeople put potential customers at ease right away with charm and tact. In a similar manner, you need to put others at ease in order to “sell” them on your wisdom and leadership qualities.\\nPractice looking and acting likeable during interactions in front of the mirror, or with good friends or family members.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact during conversation.\", \"描述\": \"Look at people as you talk to them, and as they speak to you. Nod and use other visual or verbal affirmations to show that you are listening.\\nKeep eye contact more often than not, but don’t stare at the person the whole time. Look away briefly every 15 seconds or so, then return your gaze to them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Repeat important information to show you understand and have made connections.\", \"描述\": \"Quickly summarizing what the other person has just said to you proves that you’ve been listening and enhances the connection being made. People won’t be influenced by you if it seems like you can’t even be bothered to pay attention to them for a few seconds.\\nAfter they finish speaking, say something like, “So, you feel like HR isn’t responsive enough to the needs of working mothers,” then transition into your thoughts on the matter.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn to name-drop judiciously.\", \"描述\": \"Successful name-dropping means suggesting connections or meetings within your circle. If you are at a party and you want to meet new people or introduce people, use the names of people that are already in the circle.\\nDon’t name-drop people outside of the social circle. Name-dropping can quickly change to bragging, if you suggest you know politicians, celebrities or musicians that aren’t relevant to your contacts.\\nGood name-dropping might be: “Oh, I need to introduce you to Don. He’s right over there, and he’s also an environmental attorney.”\\nBad name-dropping might be: “You know, when I was an intern for Senator Brown…”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find common ground with other people.\", \"描述\": \"During the course of any conversation, you should aim to connect through a shared interest, hobby, or experience. You can reference it to establish common ground going forward.\\nThis doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to a network of people who are as much like you as possible. Embrace diversity and differences, and seek out elements of commonality through conversation and connection.\\nThe common ground might be something as trivial as a shared fandom for a sports team. Or, you might both be passionate about a political cause, despite some differences in the particulars of your views.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Follow up on contacts and conversations.\", \"描述\": \"You’ll increase your chances of influencing someone if you give them a follow-up call or other form of contact. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to see if they have any questions, or ask them how things turned out. Basically, you want to demonstrate your ongoing interest and availability.\\nHowever, make sure you don’t end up nagging them. A single follow-up a few days afterwards is usually sufficient, but try to follow their cues regarding their interest in follow-up conversations.\\nYou might simply call and say something like, \\\"Hi, John, I just wanted to check in and see how that meeting went that we were talking about the other day. Did you get to mention those sales figures we discussed?\\\"\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,855 | How to Be Intelligent | 1. Deepening Your Intellect in a Meaningful Way
1-1. Dedicate yourself to becoming a lifelong learner.
People used to believe intelligence was fixed, and could not be improved through effort. Contemporary evidence, however, suggests this may not be the case; while an unintelligent person may never become a genius, it seems increasingly possible that anyone has the ability to strengthen her intellect to some degree. The process is not as simple as just learning some new vocabulary words, though. It takes time and effort to learn how to engage more deeply and critically with the world around you.
1-2. Follow your passions.
People learn most effectively when they are passionate about their subject matter. If you are passionate about something, you are bound to want to understand it more deeply; it is this kind of focused, the sustained investigation that leads to increased intellect. True intelligence involves deep mastery of a few subjects, rather than a shallow understanding of a broad range of them. Was Albert Einstein equally gifted in physics, anthropology, linguistics, geology, animal behavior, and literary criticism? Of course not. To be a proverbial jack-of-all-trades is to be a master of none; if you try to learn a little bit of everything, you may wind up understanding a whole lot of nothing.
By understanding your strengths and talents, you'll be better able to discover areas of interest that you find personally engaging and more enjoyable to learn about.
1-3. Challenge yourself.
If you’re not struggling, you’re not pushing yourself. Learning shouldn’t be torture. It should be rewarding, though, and it probably won’t be if it doesn’t require much effort. Push yourself to master new ideas and enter unfamiliar intellectual territory.
1-4. Think about how you think.
This is called “metacognition,” and it is something intelligent people excel at. Metacognition allows you to understand how you learn, and to apply those strategies from one context to another. If you realize you learn most effectively when you study on your own, for example, you will know not to join a study group in preparation for a final exam.
Consider your preferred learning style. For instance, if you're a kinesthetic learner, being on your feet and in a place where you can stand and move while studying could make you feel more mentally and emotionally engaged.
If you're a visual learner, you might want to focus on learning new material in a place that has lots of color and brightness.
1-5. Take care of your body.
People sometimes forget that the brain is a physical organ like any other. Just as your skin is healthier if you bathe and your lungs are healthier if you don’t smoke, physically well-cared-for brain functions at a higher level than a neglected one. It may surprise you how much more effectively you process information if you get enough sleep and exercise, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
1-6. Learn a language.
This will force your brain to negotiate new ways of constructing meaning and increase your intuitive and conscious understanding of language systems. Thinking more about language also has the added benefit of improving your facility with your first language, and learning all those new words will help improve your memory.
1-7. Learn to play a musical instrument.
This exercises parts of your brain used for many kinds of cognitive processing and introduces you to new ways of receiving and communicating information. It also helps improve your memory, and reduces stress, which can play a major factor in inhibiting intellectual growth.
1-8. Read the news.
While keeping up with current events may not exactly increase your intellectual capacity, a truly intelligent, curious person should want to engage with the world she lives in. Having new ideas often involves building on existing ones, so it is always wise to understand as much as you can about the problems the world faces, and the ways people are trying to solve them. Remember, all news sources have a bias of some sort; make sure you get your news from a variety of sources, and never accept something as absolute truth just because it is in the newspaper.
1-9. Rely less on technology.
The ease with which we can obtain information today makes our lives much more convenient, but it can also make us more stupid. The neural pathways involved in reading maps, for example, are probably much weaker in Millennials’ brains than in the brains of their parents. This is because most Millennials rely heavily on GPS navigation to help them find their way, while older generations had to get out an atlas if they got lost. In the same vein, if they can’t remember what a word means, many people are more likely to quickly Google it than they are to sit down and focus on trying to remember. Instead of strengthening their ability to recall information, they can effortlessly obtain the information with almost no thought. Try to rely on your phone less, and your brain more.
1-10. Be open-minded.
Don’t write off new ideas because they are scary, different, confusing, or threatening the way you are used to thinking about the world - this natural hesitation of the human mind to hold two opposing views at the same time is called 'Cognitive Dissonance'. Be open to having your perspective changed. The ability to admit when you have been wrong is a hallmark of a great mind.
1-11. Be okay with looking stupid.
Curiosity is not the same as ignorance; truly intelligent people are constantly asking questions. This is because a wise woman knows that she does not know everything. When you start learning a new skill, you will not be very good at it. That’s natural. If you do something you’re bad at enough times, however, you’ll eventually start to be good at it. Embrace the gaps in your knowledge as portals to discovery and growth.
2. Appearing More Intelligent
2-1. Use big words.
It doesn’t take a genius to pick up some new vocabulary, but a few impressive words and some grammatical flourishes might give you the appearance of being an intellectual. Download a word-a-day app, or simply make some flashcards. Identify some common grammatical errors in your speech and correct them. You could even look up a few brainy-sounding literary quotations to pepper into your conversations. Remember, using impressive words is only impressive if you use them correctly--saying "juxtaposition" won't earn you any points if you don't understand what it means or how it's pronounced.
2-2. Be modest and reticent.
In the same way, everyone kind of starts to suspect that the guy who keeps insisting he’s not racist might be kind of racist, if you constantly try to impress everyone with how smart you are, people may start to wonder. If you are taciturn and humble instead, people may infer that you are consumed with deep thoughts. One good opportunity to put this into action is if someone else makes a stupid comment in a group conversation. If you leap in to correct or mock them, you run the risk of seeming mean rather than intelligent. Instead, let them do the work for you--simply stay silent for a moment, letting their remark sink in, and just when it starts to feel awkward, move the conversation along. It will give the impression that you simply couldn't find a way to respond to such a ridiculous comment, and decided to move past it to spare that person further embarrassment.
2-3. Present yourself well.
People tend to naturally assume that well-dressed, well-spoken individuals are more intelligent than sloppy ones who mumble all the time. You may also want to consider starting to wear glasses. It sounds silly, but when it comes to making people think you are intelligent, four eyes are better than two.
2-4. Use your middle initial.
Again, it sounds silly, and frankly, it is, but nonetheless, there is actual evidence to suggest that calling yourself Frank R. Miller instead of Frank Reginald Miller will make you seem smarter to other people. If you want to capitalize on this effect, just add another letter, because yes, apparently it works like that.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Deepening Your Intellect in a Meaningful Way\\n1-1. Dedicate yourself to becoming a lifelong learner.\\nPeople used to believe intelligence was fixed, and could not be improved through effort. Contemporary evidence, however, suggests this may not be the case; while an unintelligent person may never become a genius, it seems increasingly possible that anyone has the ability to strengthen her intellect to some degree. The process is not as simple as just learning some new vocabulary words, though. It takes time and effort to learn how to engage more deeply and critically with the world around you.\\n1-2. Follow your passions.\\nPeople learn most effectively when they are passionate about their subject matter. If you are passionate about something, you are bound to want to understand it more deeply; it is this kind of focused, the sustained investigation that leads to increased intellect. True intelligence involves deep mastery of a few subjects, rather than a shallow understanding of a broad range of them. Was Albert Einstein equally gifted in physics, anthropology, linguistics, geology, animal behavior, and literary criticism? Of course not. To be a proverbial jack-of-all-trades is to be a master of none; if you try to learn a little bit of everything, you may wind up understanding a whole lot of nothing.\\nBy understanding your strengths and talents, you'll be better able to discover areas of interest that you find personally engaging and more enjoyable to learn about.\\n1-3. Challenge yourself.\\nIf you’re not struggling, you’re not pushing yourself. Learning shouldn’t be torture. It should be rewarding, though, and it probably won’t be if it doesn’t require much effort. Push yourself to master new ideas and enter unfamiliar intellectual territory.\\n1-4. Think about how you think.\\nThis is called “metacognition,” and it is something intelligent people excel at. Metacognition allows you to understand how you learn, and to apply those strategies from one context to another. If you realize you learn most effectively when you study on your own, for example, you will know not to join a study group in preparation for a final exam.\\nConsider your preferred learning style. For instance, if you're a kinesthetic learner, being on your feet and in a place where you can stand and move while studying could make you feel more mentally and emotionally engaged.\\nIf you're a visual learner, you might want to focus on learning new material in a place that has lots of color and brightness.\\n1-5. Take care of your body.\\nPeople sometimes forget that the brain is a physical organ like any other. Just as your skin is healthier if you bathe and your lungs are healthier if you don’t smoke, physically well-cared-for brain functions at a higher level than a neglected one. It may surprise you how much more effectively you process information if you get enough sleep and exercise, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.\\n1-6. Learn a language.\\nThis will force your brain to negotiate new ways of constructing meaning and increase your intuitive and conscious understanding of language systems. Thinking more about language also has the added benefit of improving your facility with your first language, and learning all those new words will help improve your memory.\\n1-7. Learn to play a musical instrument.\\nThis exercises parts of your brain used for many kinds of cognitive processing and introduces you to new ways of receiving and communicating information. It also helps improve your memory, and reduces stress, which can play a major factor in inhibiting intellectual growth.\\n1-8. Read the news.\\nWhile keeping up with current events may not exactly increase your intellectual capacity, a truly intelligent, curious person should want to engage with the world she lives in. Having new ideas often involves building on existing ones, so it is always wise to understand as much as you can about the problems the world faces, and the ways people are trying to solve them. Remember, all news sources have a bias of some sort; make sure you get your news from a variety of sources, and never accept something as absolute truth just because it is in the newspaper.\\n1-9. Rely less on technology.\\nThe ease with which we can obtain information today makes our lives much more convenient, but it can also make us more stupid. The neural pathways involved in reading maps, for example, are probably much weaker in Millennials’ brains than in the brains of their parents. This is because most Millennials rely heavily on GPS navigation to help them find their way, while older generations had to get out an atlas if they got lost. In the same vein, if they can’t remember what a word means, many people are more likely to quickly Google it than they are to sit down and focus on trying to remember. Instead of strengthening their ability to recall information, they can effortlessly obtain the information with almost no thought. Try to rely on your phone less, and your brain more.\\n1-10. Be open-minded.\\nDon’t write off new ideas because they are scary, different, confusing, or threatening the way you are used to thinking about the world - this natural hesitation of the human mind to hold two opposing views at the same time is called 'Cognitive Dissonance'. Be open to having your perspective changed. The ability to admit when you have been wrong is a hallmark of a great mind.\\n1-11. Be okay with looking stupid.\\nCuriosity is not the same as ignorance; truly intelligent people are constantly asking questions. This is because a wise woman knows that she does not know everything. When you start learning a new skill, you will not be very good at it. That’s natural. If you do something you’re bad at enough times, however, you’ll eventually start to be good at it. Embrace the gaps in your knowledge as portals to discovery and growth.\\n2. Appearing More Intelligent\\n2-1. Use big words.\\nIt doesn’t take a genius to pick up some new vocabulary, but a few impressive words and some grammatical flourishes might give you the appearance of being an intellectual. Download a word-a-day app, or simply make some flashcards. Identify some common grammatical errors in your speech and correct them. You could even look up a few brainy-sounding literary quotations to pepper into your conversations. Remember, using impressive words is only impressive if you use them correctly--saying \\\"juxtaposition\\\" won't earn you any points if you don't understand what it means or how it's pronounced.\\n2-2. Be modest and reticent.\\nIn the same way, everyone kind of starts to suspect that the guy who keeps insisting he’s not racist might be kind of racist, if you constantly try to impress everyone with how smart you are, people may start to wonder. If you are taciturn and humble instead, people may infer that you are consumed with deep thoughts. One good opportunity to put this into action is if someone else makes a stupid comment in a group conversation. If you leap in to correct or mock them, you run the risk of seeming mean rather than intelligent. Instead, let them do the work for you--simply stay silent for a moment, letting their remark sink in, and just when it starts to feel awkward, move the conversation along. It will give the impression that you simply couldn't find a way to respond to such a ridiculous comment, and decided to move past it to spare that person further embarrassment.\\n2-3. Present yourself well.\\nPeople tend to naturally assume that well-dressed, well-spoken individuals are more intelligent than sloppy ones who mumble all the time. You may also want to consider starting to wear glasses. It sounds silly, but when it comes to making people think you are intelligent, four eyes are better than two.\\n2-4. Use your middle initial.\\nAgain, it sounds silly, and frankly, it is, but nonetheless, there is actual evidence to suggest that calling yourself Frank R. Miller instead of Frank Reginald Miller will make you seem smarter to other people. If you want to capitalize on this effect, just add another letter, because yes, apparently it works like that.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Do you wish you were smarter? Do you wish other people believed you were smarter? The latter may be simpler than the former, but whether you genuinely want to increase your intellectual capacity, or just want to reap the benefits of appearing more intellectual, there are some concrete steps you can take to achieve your goal.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Deepening Your Intellect in a Meaningful Way\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dedicate yourself to becoming a lifelong learner.\", \"描述\": \"People used to believe intelligence was fixed, and could not be improved through effort. Contemporary evidence, however, suggests this may not be the case; while an unintelligent person may never become a genius, it seems increasingly possible that anyone has the ability to strengthen her intellect to some degree. The process is not as simple as just learning some new vocabulary words, though. It takes time and effort to learn how to engage more deeply and critically with the world around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Follow your passions.\", \"描述\": \"People learn most effectively when they are passionate about their subject matter. If you are passionate about something, you are bound to want to understand it more deeply; it is this kind of focused, the sustained investigation that leads to increased intellect. True intelligence involves deep mastery of a few subjects, rather than a shallow understanding of a broad range of them. Was Albert Einstein equally gifted in physics, anthropology, linguistics, geology, animal behavior, and literary criticism? Of course not. To be a proverbial jack-of-all-trades is to be a master of none; if you try to learn a little bit of everything, you may wind up understanding a whole lot of nothing.\\nBy understanding your strengths and talents, you'll be better able to discover areas of interest that you find personally engaging and more enjoyable to learn about.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Challenge yourself.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re not struggling, you’re not pushing yourself. Learning shouldn’t be torture. It should be rewarding, though, and it probably won’t be if it doesn’t require much effort. Push yourself to master new ideas and enter unfamiliar intellectual territory.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Think about how you think.\", \"描述\": \"This is called “metacognition,” and it is something intelligent people excel at. Metacognition allows you to understand how you learn, and to apply those strategies from one context to another. If you realize you learn most effectively when you study on your own, for example, you will know not to join a study group in preparation for a final exam.\\nConsider your preferred learning style. For instance, if you're a kinesthetic learner, being on your feet and in a place where you can stand and move while studying could make you feel more mentally and emotionally engaged.\\nIf you're a visual learner, you might want to focus on learning new material in a place that has lots of color and brightness.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take care of your body.\", \"描述\": \"People sometimes forget that the brain is a physical organ like any other. Just as your skin is healthier if you bathe and your lungs are healthier if you don’t smoke, physically well-cared-for brain functions at a higher level than a neglected one. It may surprise you how much more effectively you process information if you get enough sleep and exercise, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Learn a language.\", \"描述\": \"This will force your brain to negotiate new ways of constructing meaning and increase your intuitive and conscious understanding of language systems. Thinking more about language also has the added benefit of improving your facility with your first language, and learning all those new words will help improve your memory.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Learn to play a musical instrument.\", \"描述\": \"This exercises parts of your brain used for many kinds of cognitive processing and introduces you to new ways of receiving and communicating information. It also helps improve your memory, and reduces stress, which can play a major factor in inhibiting intellectual growth.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Read the news.\", \"描述\": \"While keeping up with current events may not exactly increase your intellectual capacity, a truly intelligent, curious person should want to engage with the world she lives in. Having new ideas often involves building on existing ones, so it is always wise to understand as much as you can about the problems the world faces, and the ways people are trying to solve them. Remember, all news sources have a bias of some sort; make sure you get your news from a variety of sources, and never accept something as absolute truth just because it is in the newspaper.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Rely less on technology.\", \"描述\": \"The ease with which we can obtain information today makes our lives much more convenient, but it can also make us more stupid. The neural pathways involved in reading maps, for example, are probably much weaker in Millennials’ brains than in the brains of their parents. This is because most Millennials rely heavily on GPS navigation to help them find their way, while older generations had to get out an atlas if they got lost. In the same vein, if they can’t remember what a word means, many people are more likely to quickly Google it than they are to sit down and focus on trying to remember. Instead of strengthening their ability to recall information, they can effortlessly obtain the information with almost no thought. Try to rely on your phone less, and your brain more.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Be open-minded.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t write off new ideas because they are scary, different, confusing, or threatening the way you are used to thinking about the world - this natural hesitation of the human mind to hold two opposing views at the same time is called 'Cognitive Dissonance'. Be open to having your perspective changed. The ability to admit when you have been wrong is a hallmark of a great mind.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Be okay with looking stupid.\", \"描述\": \"Curiosity is not the same as ignorance; truly intelligent people are constantly asking questions. This is because a wise woman knows that she does not know everything. When you start learning a new skill, you will not be very good at it. That’s natural. If you do something you’re bad at enough times, however, you’ll eventually start to be good at it. Embrace the gaps in your knowledge as portals to discovery and growth.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Appearing More Intelligent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use big words.\", \"描述\": \"It doesn’t take a genius to pick up some new vocabulary, but a few impressive words and some grammatical flourishes might give you the appearance of being an intellectual. Download a word-a-day app, or simply make some flashcards. Identify some common grammatical errors in your speech and correct them. You could even look up a few brainy-sounding literary quotations to pepper into your conversations. Remember, using impressive words is only impressive if you use them correctly--saying \\\"juxtaposition\\\" won't earn you any points if you don't understand what it means or how it's pronounced.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be modest and reticent.\", \"描述\": \"In the same way, everyone kind of starts to suspect that the guy who keeps insisting he’s not racist might be kind of racist, if you constantly try to impress everyone with how smart you are, people may start to wonder. If you are taciturn and humble instead, people may infer that you are consumed with deep thoughts. One good opportunity to put this into action is if someone else makes a stupid comment in a group conversation. If you leap in to correct or mock them, you run the risk of seeming mean rather than intelligent. Instead, let them do the work for you--simply stay silent for a moment, letting their remark sink in, and just when it starts to feel awkward, move the conversation along. It will give the impression that you simply couldn't find a way to respond to such a ridiculous comment, and decided to move past it to spare that person further embarrassment.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Present yourself well.\", \"描述\": \"People tend to naturally assume that well-dressed, well-spoken individuals are more intelligent than sloppy ones who mumble all the time. You may also want to consider starting to wear glasses. It sounds silly, but when it comes to making people think you are intelligent, four eyes are better than two.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use your middle initial.\", \"描述\": \"Again, it sounds silly, and frankly, it is, but nonetheless, there is actual evidence to suggest that calling yourself Frank R. Miller instead of Frank Reginald Miller will make you seem smarter to other people. If you want to capitalize on this effect, just add another letter, because yes, apparently it works like that.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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3,856 | How to Be Interested in Math | 1. Cultivating Your Interest in Math
1-1. Make math a game.
Make math more interesting by turning it into a game. Download an app on your computer or tablet that uses math to solve puzzles or complete different levels in the game. You can also play old-fashion board games, like Monopoly or Yahtzee, to exercise your math skills while still having fun.
Dice and Card games are also great ways to develop and test your math skills.
1-2. Learn math tricks.
There are a lot of tricks in math that are fun to know because they save you a lot of time. They are often interesting, too. For example, adding up all the numbers from 1 to 100 is a lot of work. But, check out this very easy way to do it: 100 + 1 = 101 and 99 + 2 = 101, right? So does 98 + 3, 97 + 4, 96 + 5, etc. Instead, if you multiply 101 by the amount of these pairs, you will get your sum of all the numbers from 1 to 100, which is 5050. You could have added 1+2+3...but by doing this, you found a way out of doing extra work. That's fun.
Learn math tricks that will make calculating much easier.
1-3. Join a math club.
Math clubs will be filled with people who are passionate about math. By surrounding yourself with math lovers, it will inspire you to become interested in math, and to learn about the different ways in which math is incorporated in your everyday life. Join a club at school, online, or in your local community.
1-4. Make math easy.
A lot of people lose interest in math because it can be difficult to learn. Math can be difficult to learn because, in the modern-day classroom, students are taught to learn math by memorizing formulas. However, by learning math this way, students aren't taught the underlying principles and concepts, which are needed to understand why a particular formula is being used. Therefore, make math easier by learning and understanding the underlying principles and concepts of a given piece of mathematics.
Ask your teacher during or after class why and how a particular formula works, while others do not. Ask your teacher, "What are the underlying principles of this formula?" or "How can I make this formula less abstract and more concrete?"
You can test yourself to see if you understand math by asking yourself these questions:
Can I explain mathematical facts and concepts in simpler facts and concepts?
Can I make logical connections between different concepts and facts?
Can I identify the principles that make everything work in a given piece of mathematics?
1-5. Solve challenging problems.
Many people are bored in math class because the curriculum is using repetitive teaching methods encouraging rote memorization. If that's the case, try doing math competition problems, like AMC and MATHCOUNTS. Another choice is to read further in math textbooks and try to understand, not just memorize.
2. Maintaining Your Interest in Math
2-1. Connect math and reading.
Read books centered on mathematical mysteries or fictional and/or autobiographical books based on famous mathematicians. For example, a lot of Paul Verhoeven’s books incorporate math. Also, The Number Devil by Hans Magnus Enzensberger is a popular fiction book about math.
Read biographies of famous female mathematicians to cultivate and maintain your interest in math. For example, read about Hypatia, one of the earliest known female mathematicians in Alexandria.
2-2. Bake something.
Baking uses a lot of proportions and ratios. By baking your favorite cake, brownies, or cookies, you can learn about proportions and ratios while having fun and satisfying your taste buds.
2-3. Connect math with your interests.
You can promote your interest in math by exploring how math is related to something you love! For example, if you’re interested in historical landmarks, like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Statue of Liberty, learn about the math that was involved in building these landmarks.
If you’re interested in a subject not traditionally associated with math, learn how that subject incorporates math. For example, if you are interested in fashion, explore how cutting patterns and sewing these patterns together involves math.
2-4. Connect math to everyday life.
New math formulas can seem mundane and uninteresting, especially if you do not apply them to anything. Make math interesting by applying mundane formulas to everyday life circumstances. For example, if you have an alarm clock, chances are you are calculating how many extra minutes you can sleep before you get out of bed once you hit the snooze button. Try to notice the different ways you do math in your day-to-day tasks.
2-5. Be positive about math.
Realize that, if you keep an open mind, you can learn anything. Yes, math can be hard at times, but perhaps there is a better way for you to learn math, like playing games with friends or reading a fictional story based on a mathematical mystery.
3. Staying Focused in Math Class
3-1. Be prepared for math class.
By being prepared for math class, you will be able to keep up with the new material being taught by your teacher. You will feel engaged, less distracted, and more interested. Be prepared for math class by completing your homework on time, by getting help beforehand if you do not understand a problem, and by having all your materials ready for class to begin, i.e., pencil, paper, textbook, and calculator.
3-2. Sit up front.
If you find it hard staying focused in math class, try sitting in front of the class, for example, the first or second row. By sitting in the front of the classroom, you will be able to hear everything your teacher is saying. By sitting up front, your teacher will also make eye contact with you, and there are fewer distractions in the front of the classroom.
3-3. Participate in class.
Make math class interesting by participating! This means asking questions when you do not understand something. If you do not understand a math problem, ask your teacher about a real life example. You can also volunteer to work out the math problem on the board, or engage in a friendly competition with a classmate to see who can solve the equation first.
3-4. Take notes.
By taking notes during class, you will be more engaged with the material. You can take notes by drawing pictures or diagrams to help you understand a concept. You can also write down words you have not heard before and their definitions.
Many mathematical words have their origins in Greek, Latin, or Arabic. Try tracing the root of these words to combine math with history.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Cultivating Your Interest in Math\\n1-1. Make math a game.\\nMake math more interesting by turning it into a game. Download an app on your computer or tablet that uses math to solve puzzles or complete different levels in the game. You can also play old-fashion board games, like Monopoly or Yahtzee, to exercise your math skills while still having fun.\\nDice and Card games are also great ways to develop and test your math skills.\\n1-2. Learn math tricks.\\nThere are a lot of tricks in math that are fun to know because they save you a lot of time. They are often interesting, too. For example, adding up all the numbers from 1 to 100 is a lot of work. But, check out this very easy way to do it: 100 + 1 = 101 and 99 + 2 = 101, right? So does 98 + 3, 97 + 4, 96 + 5, etc. Instead, if you multiply 101 by the amount of these pairs, you will get your sum of all the numbers from 1 to 100, which is 5050. You could have added 1+2+3...but by doing this, you found a way out of doing extra work. That's fun.\\nLearn math tricks that will make calculating much easier.\\n1-3. Join a math club.\\nMath clubs will be filled with people who are passionate about math. By surrounding yourself with math lovers, it will inspire you to become interested in math, and to learn about the different ways in which math is incorporated in your everyday life. Join a club at school, online, or in your local community.\\n1-4. Make math easy.\\nA lot of people lose interest in math because it can be difficult to learn. Math can be difficult to learn because, in the modern-day classroom, students are taught to learn math by memorizing formulas. However, by learning math this way, students aren't taught the underlying principles and concepts, which are needed to understand why a particular formula is being used. Therefore, make math easier by learning and understanding the underlying principles and concepts of a given piece of mathematics.\\nAsk your teacher during or after class why and how a particular formula works, while others do not. Ask your teacher, \\\"What are the underlying principles of this formula?\\\" or \\\"How can I make this formula less abstract and more concrete?\\\"\\nYou can test yourself to see if you understand math by asking yourself these questions:\\nCan I explain mathematical facts and concepts in simpler facts and concepts?\\nCan I make logical connections between different concepts and facts?\\nCan I identify the principles that make everything work in a given piece of mathematics?\\n1-5. Solve challenging problems.\\nMany people are bored in math class because the curriculum is using repetitive teaching methods encouraging rote memorization. If that's the case, try doing math competition problems, like AMC and MATHCOUNTS. Another choice is to read further in math textbooks and try to understand, not just memorize.\\n2. Maintaining Your Interest in Math\\n2-1. Connect math and reading.\\nRead books centered on mathematical mysteries or fictional and/or autobiographical books based on famous mathematicians. For example, a lot of Paul Verhoeven’s books incorporate math. Also, The Number Devil by Hans Magnus Enzensberger is a popular fiction book about math.\\nRead biographies of famous female mathematicians to cultivate and maintain your interest in math. For example, read about Hypatia, one of the earliest known female mathematicians in Alexandria.\\n2-2. Bake something.\\nBaking uses a lot of proportions and ratios. By baking your favorite cake, brownies, or cookies, you can learn about proportions and ratios while having fun and satisfying your taste buds.\\n2-3. Connect math with your interests.\\nYou can promote your interest in math by exploring how math is related to something you love! For example, if you’re interested in historical landmarks, like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Statue of Liberty, learn about the math that was involved in building these landmarks.\\nIf you’re interested in a subject not traditionally associated with math, learn how that subject incorporates math. For example, if you are interested in fashion, explore how cutting patterns and sewing these patterns together involves math.\\n2-4. Connect math to everyday life.\\nNew math formulas can seem mundane and uninteresting, especially if you do not apply them to anything. Make math interesting by applying mundane formulas to everyday life circumstances. For example, if you have an alarm clock, chances are you are calculating how many extra minutes you can sleep before you get out of bed once you hit the snooze button. Try to notice the different ways you do math in your day-to-day tasks.\\n2-5. Be positive about math.\\nRealize that, if you keep an open mind, you can learn anything. Yes, math can be hard at times, but perhaps there is a better way for you to learn math, like playing games with friends or reading a fictional story based on a mathematical mystery.\\n3. Staying Focused in Math Class\\n3-1. Be prepared for math class.\\nBy being prepared for math class, you will be able to keep up with the new material being taught by your teacher. You will feel engaged, less distracted, and more interested. Be prepared for math class by completing your homework on time, by getting help beforehand if you do not understand a problem, and by having all your materials ready for class to begin, i.e., pencil, paper, textbook, and calculator.\\n3-2. Sit up front.\\nIf you find it hard staying focused in math class, try sitting in front of the class, for example, the first or second row. By sitting in the front of the classroom, you will be able to hear everything your teacher is saying. By sitting up front, your teacher will also make eye contact with you, and there are fewer distractions in the front of the classroom.\\n3-3. Participate in class.\\nMake math class interesting by participating! This means asking questions when you do not understand something. If you do not understand a math problem, ask your teacher about a real life example. You can also volunteer to work out the math problem on the board, or engage in a friendly competition with a classmate to see who can solve the equation first.\\n3-4. Take notes.\\nBy taking notes during class, you will be more engaged with the material. You can take notes by drawing pictures or diagrams to help you understand a concept. You can also write down words you have not heard before and their definitions.\\nMany mathematical words have their origins in Greek, Latin, or Arabic. Try tracing the root of these words to combine math with history.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"While sitting in math class listening to your teacher multiply and add endless amounts of numbers, math can become tedious and uninteresting pretty quickly. However, you can remedy the monotony of math by making math meaningful to you. Make math meaningful by exploring how math permeates every aspect of life, even your interests!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cultivating Your Interest in Math\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make math a game.\", \"描述\": \"Make math more interesting by turning it into a game. Download an app on your computer or tablet that uses math to solve puzzles or complete different levels in the game. You can also play old-fashion board games, like Monopoly or Yahtzee, to exercise your math skills while still having fun.\\nDice and Card games are also great ways to develop and test your math skills.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learn math tricks.\", \"描述\": \"There are a lot of tricks in math that are fun to know because they save you a lot of time. They are often interesting, too. For example, adding up all the numbers from 1 to 100 is a lot of work. But, check out this very easy way to do it: 100 + 1 = 101 and 99 + 2 = 101, right? So does 98 + 3, 97 + 4, 96 + 5, etc. Instead, if you multiply 101 by the amount of these pairs, you will get your sum of all the numbers from 1 to 100, which is 5050. You could have added 1+2+3...but by doing this, you found a way out of doing extra work. That's fun.\\nLearn math tricks that will make calculating much easier.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Join a math club.\", \"描述\": \"Math clubs will be filled with people who are passionate about math. By surrounding yourself with math lovers, it will inspire you to become interested in math, and to learn about the different ways in which math is incorporated in your everyday life. Join a club at school, online, or in your local community.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make math easy.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of people lose interest in math because it can be difficult to learn. Math can be difficult to learn because, in the modern-day classroom, students are taught to learn math by memorizing formulas. However, by learning math this way, students aren't taught the underlying principles and concepts, which are needed to understand why a particular formula is being used. Therefore, make math easier by learning and understanding the underlying principles and concepts of a given piece of mathematics.\\nAsk your teacher during or after class why and how a particular formula works, while others do not. Ask your teacher, \\\"What are the underlying principles of this formula?\\\" or \\\"How can I make this formula less abstract and more concrete?\\\"\\nYou can test yourself to see if you understand math by asking yourself these questions:\\nCan I explain mathematical facts and concepts in simpler facts and concepts?\\nCan I make logical connections between different concepts and facts?\\nCan I identify the principles that make everything work in a given piece of mathematics?\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Solve challenging problems.\", \"描述\": \"Many people are bored in math class because the curriculum is using repetitive teaching methods encouraging rote memorization. If that's the case, try doing math competition problems, like AMC and MATHCOUNTS. Another choice is to read further in math textbooks and try to understand, not just memorize.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Your Interest in Math\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Connect math and reading.\", \"描述\": \"Read books centered on mathematical mysteries or fictional and/or autobiographical books based on famous mathematicians. For example, a lot of Paul Verhoeven’s books incorporate math. Also, The Number Devil by Hans Magnus Enzensberger is a popular fiction book about math.\\nRead biographies of famous female mathematicians to cultivate and maintain your interest in math. For example, read about Hypatia, one of the earliest known female mathematicians in Alexandria.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Bake something.\", \"描述\": \"Baking uses a lot of proportions and ratios. By baking your favorite cake, brownies, or cookies, you can learn about proportions and ratios while having fun and satisfying your taste buds.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Connect math with your interests.\", \"描述\": \"You can promote your interest in math by exploring how math is related to something you love! For example, if you’re interested in historical landmarks, like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Statue of Liberty, learn about the math that was involved in building these landmarks.\\nIf you’re interested in a subject not traditionally associated with math, learn how that subject incorporates math. For example, if you are interested in fashion, explore how cutting patterns and sewing these patterns together involves math.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Connect math to everyday life.\", \"描述\": \"New math formulas can seem mundane and uninteresting, especially if you do not apply them to anything. Make math interesting by applying mundane formulas to everyday life circumstances. For example, if you have an alarm clock, chances are you are calculating how many extra minutes you can sleep before you get out of bed once you hit the snooze button. Try to notice the different ways you do math in your day-to-day tasks.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be positive about math.\", \"描述\": \"Realize that, if you keep an open mind, you can learn anything. Yes, math can be hard at times, but perhaps there is a better way for you to learn math, like playing games with friends or reading a fictional story based on a mathematical mystery.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Staying Focused in Math Class\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be prepared for math class.\", \"描述\": \"By being prepared for math class, you will be able to keep up with the new material being taught by your teacher. You will feel engaged, less distracted, and more interested. Be prepared for math class by completing your homework on time, by getting help beforehand if you do not understand a problem, and by having all your materials ready for class to begin, i.e., pencil, paper, textbook, and calculator.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sit up front.\", \"描述\": \"If you find it hard staying focused in math class, try sitting in front of the class, for example, the first or second row. By sitting in the front of the classroom, you will be able to hear everything your teacher is saying. By sitting up front, your teacher will also make eye contact with you, and there are fewer distractions in the front of the classroom.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Participate in class.\", \"描述\": \"Make math class interesting by participating! This means asking questions when you do not understand something. If you do not understand a math problem, ask your teacher about a real life example. You can also volunteer to work out the math problem on the board, or engage in a friendly competition with a classmate to see who can solve the equation first.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take notes.\", \"描述\": \"By taking notes during class, you will be more engaged with the material. You can take notes by drawing pictures or diagrams to help you understand a concept. You can also write down words you have not heard before and their definitions.\\nMany mathematical words have their origins in Greek, Latin, or Arabic. Try tracing the root of these words to combine math with history.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,857 | How to Be Interesting | 1. Trying New Activities
1-1. Learn a new skill.
Focus on a skill you have always wanted to try or been curious about, such as painting, drawing, crocheting, or dance. Then, teach yourself the skill or take a class on the skill. Having a new skill will help to broaden your experiences and give you something to talk about with others.
For example, you may take a hip hop dance class if you’ve always been curious about the genre and want to learn something new. Or you may take a still life painting class to get better at painting figures.
Taking up a new skill can also allow you to meet new people and expand your social network. This can help you learn more about different people and be more interesting.
1-2. Develop expertise in topics that interest you.
Think of a topic or subject that you have always been curious about and focus on learning more. Pick a new interest at random and learn all you can about it. Broaden your existing interests to include things you may know nothing about or have a burning desire to learn about.
For example, if you are interested in music, you may get involved in online music forums and attend music shows to deepen your interest. Or if you are interested in painting, you may join a painting group to explore your interest in a deeper way.
If you like to keep up with the news, you may go deeper by reading the texts behind different political theories, such as capitalism, socialism, and anarcha-feminism.
1-3. Travel to new places.
Take a trip to a different country or continent. Go on a solo tour through a foreign area or travel with friends to a new city. Travelling to new places can help you gain new experiences and broaden your understanding of the world.
You may decide to go on a trip around the world to really expand your horizons. Or you may choose just one new area to visit for a few days.
Traveling is a great time to step outside of your comfort zone. You may encounter new and interesting experiences that you wouldn't have if you did what was familiar.
1-4. Get out of your neighborhood and explore.
If you can’t afford to travel too far, you may decide to explore a different neighborhood or space close to where you live. Perhaps you could take a day trip to a nearby historical site or to a community space. You can also do a short overnight trip to an outdoor area close by, like a mountain lodge or a cabin in the woods.
Enlist some friends to go with you on a day adventure to see something new close to where you live. Try to make it a habit to try new things and explore new areas with friends or family.
Once again, stepping outside of your comfort zone can give you unique experiences and stories to share!
1-5. Volunteer.
Look up local organizations or charities in your area. Offer to volunteer for an upcoming event or project they are doing. Donate your time once a week to a cause you care about. Volunteering is a great way to get involved in your community and meet new people. It can also expose you to different experiences and expand your worldview.
For example, you may volunteer at a local arts center to get involved in the arts community and meet artists in your area. Or you may volunteer at a local soup kitchen to interact with people from different walks of life and give back to others.
1-6. Go to cultural events where you live.
Look up events in your local bookstore, community theater, or art gallery. Go to events so you stay up to date with what is currently going on in your area. Try to attend events that you may not usually go to or know much about so you can expose yourself to new things.
For example, you may go to a community market to try new foods and look at interesting crafts. Or you may attend a local music festival so you can hear new music and meet new people.
2. Learning New Things
2-1. Take a class on a new topic or concept.
Pick a topic or concept that you have always been curious about or feel you could know more about. Look at your local university or college for a class on the topic. Search for an online class or tutorial on the topic so you can learn more about it.
For example, you may take a class on advertising and media if you have an interest in that topic. Or you may take a creative writing class to improve your fiction and poetry skills.
You can also look up online tutorials for things like how to curl your hair with braids or how to paint in oils.
2-2. Read books about different subjects.
Get books from the library or buy books from your local book store. Focus on a topic that you have a strong interest in and do a deep dive into books on the subject. Or pick a topic you know nothing about and read books about it to learn more.
For example, if you have a strong interest in fiction books, you may try reading all the award winning novels that came out this year. Or if you have a curiosity about war history, you may look for books on different wars and conflicts at your local library or online.
2-3. Join a discussion group on a topic you are curious about.
Look for a discussion group at your local community center or online through forums and chatrooms. Start a discussion group with friends or family where you choose a topic and talk about it together. Find friends or acquaintances who you disagree with or share an opposing point of view and propose that you meet to discuss your ideas regularly.
For example, you may start a discussion group on local politics with friends or family. Or you may find a discussion group that focuses on sports.
Finding others who have differing opinions or ideas than you can help you to broaden your experience. Discussing your thoughts with them, and listening to what they have to say, can make you a more well-rounded person.
2-4. Watch films and listen to podcasts about different topics.
Expose yourself to media like film, television, radio, and podcasts so you can find out what people are talking and discussing. Try watching and listening to media that focuses on things you know about as well as topics that are new to you.
For example, you may watch documentaries on topics that you do not know much about, such as transgender rights or globalization. Or you can listen to podcasts on topics you are familiar with, such as comedy or true crime.
3. Acting Social and Friendly
3-1. Tell good stories about your experiences.
Be interesting by relying stories in an entertaining way when you talk to people in your friend circle or at parties. Choose a memorable experience from a recent trip or discuss a funny experience at the grocery store. Use a personal story to connect with others and be social.
Include only the important parts of the story, or the highlights, so your listeners are entertained.
Use your body and your voice when telling the story so it is engaging. Talk with your hands, maintain eye contact, and create a character with your voice.
Show pictures of your unique experiences too! Keep these on your phone for easy access when you need them.
3-2. Be a good listener.
Being an interesting person does not mean you always need to be the one talking in a conversation. Instead, you can show others that you are interested in them by being a good listener. Maintain eye contact and nod to show you are listening. Give the person your full attention and do not interrupt them when they are speaking.
Try being a good listener to close friends and to people you just met at a party or gathering. You can often learn new things and become a more interesting person by listening to others speak.
3-3. Connect with others about common interests.
When talking to others, try to find out what you have in common. Talking about shared interests will engage the other person and make them more interested in getting to know you.
When meeting someone, ask questions like "what are your hobbies?" or "what do you enjoy doing?"
Remember that the more you try new things and experiences, the easier it will be to find similar interests with other people.
3-4. Ask engaging questions in conversations.
Pose questions that are thoughtful and relate to what the person is talking about. Ask follow up questions about something you do not understand or are more curious about. This will show others that you are paying attention to what they have to say and interested in the conversation.
For example, you may ask questions like, “What was it like working the night shift?” or “How did you adjust to moving to Canada at a young age?”
3-5. Be open to meeting new people.
Try not to close yourself to meeting new people and engaging them in conversation. Instead, put yourself in situations where you have the opportunity to meet others, such as parties, meetups, or events. Be open to exposing yourself to new people and interesting discussions so you can be well-rounded and in touch with what is going on.
For example, you may challenge yourself to go to social events in your area at least once a week to meet new people. Or you may try talking to strangers in public places to try to meet someone new.
To meet new people, try going to social events in your area, signing up for a class, or using a website like Meetup.com.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:06",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Trying New Activities\\n1-1. Learn a new skill.\\nFocus on a skill you have always wanted to try or been curious about, such as painting, drawing, crocheting, or dance. Then, teach yourself the skill or take a class on the skill. Having a new skill will help to broaden your experiences and give you something to talk about with others.\\nFor example, you may take a hip hop dance class if you’ve always been curious about the genre and want to learn something new. Or you may take a still life painting class to get better at painting figures.\\nTaking up a new skill can also allow you to meet new people and expand your social network. This can help you learn more about different people and be more interesting.\\n1-2. Develop expertise in topics that interest you.\\nThink of a topic or subject that you have always been curious about and focus on learning more. Pick a new interest at random and learn all you can about it. Broaden your existing interests to include things you may know nothing about or have a burning desire to learn about.\\nFor example, if you are interested in music, you may get involved in online music forums and attend music shows to deepen your interest. Or if you are interested in painting, you may join a painting group to explore your interest in a deeper way.\\nIf you like to keep up with the news, you may go deeper by reading the texts behind different political theories, such as capitalism, socialism, and anarcha-feminism.\\n1-3. Travel to new places.\\nTake a trip to a different country or continent. Go on a solo tour through a foreign area or travel with friends to a new city. Travelling to new places can help you gain new experiences and broaden your understanding of the world.\\nYou may decide to go on a trip around the world to really expand your horizons. Or you may choose just one new area to visit for a few days.\\nTraveling is a great time to step outside of your comfort zone. You may encounter new and interesting experiences that you wouldn't have if you did what was familiar.\\n1-4. Get out of your neighborhood and explore.\\nIf you can’t afford to travel too far, you may decide to explore a different neighborhood or space close to where you live. Perhaps you could take a day trip to a nearby historical site or to a community space. You can also do a short overnight trip to an outdoor area close by, like a mountain lodge or a cabin in the woods.\\nEnlist some friends to go with you on a day adventure to see something new close to where you live. Try to make it a habit to try new things and explore new areas with friends or family.\\nOnce again, stepping outside of your comfort zone can give you unique experiences and stories to share!\\n1-5. Volunteer.\\nLook up local organizations or charities in your area. Offer to volunteer for an upcoming event or project they are doing. Donate your time once a week to a cause you care about. Volunteering is a great way to get involved in your community and meet new people. It can also expose you to different experiences and expand your worldview.\\nFor example, you may volunteer at a local arts center to get involved in the arts community and meet artists in your area. Or you may volunteer at a local soup kitchen to interact with people from different walks of life and give back to others.\\n1-6. Go to cultural events where you live.\\nLook up events in your local bookstore, community theater, or art gallery. Go to events so you stay up to date with what is currently going on in your area. Try to attend events that you may not usually go to or know much about so you can expose yourself to new things.\\nFor example, you may go to a community market to try new foods and look at interesting crafts. Or you may attend a local music festival so you can hear new music and meet new people.\\n2. Learning New Things\\n2-1. Take a class on a new topic or concept.\\nPick a topic or concept that you have always been curious about or feel you could know more about. Look at your local university or college for a class on the topic. Search for an online class or tutorial on the topic so you can learn more about it.\\nFor example, you may take a class on advertising and media if you have an interest in that topic. Or you may take a creative writing class to improve your fiction and poetry skills.\\nYou can also look up online tutorials for things like how to curl your hair with braids or how to paint in oils.\\n2-2. Read books about different subjects.\\nGet books from the library or buy books from your local book store. Focus on a topic that you have a strong interest in and do a deep dive into books on the subject. Or pick a topic you know nothing about and read books about it to learn more.\\nFor example, if you have a strong interest in fiction books, you may try reading all the award winning novels that came out this year. Or if you have a curiosity about war history, you may look for books on different wars and conflicts at your local library or online.\\n2-3. Join a discussion group on a topic you are curious about.\\nLook for a discussion group at your local community center or online through forums and chatrooms. Start a discussion group with friends or family where you choose a topic and talk about it together. Find friends or acquaintances who you disagree with or share an opposing point of view and propose that you meet to discuss your ideas regularly.\\nFor example, you may start a discussion group on local politics with friends or family. Or you may find a discussion group that focuses on sports.\\nFinding others who have differing opinions or ideas than you can help you to broaden your experience. Discussing your thoughts with them, and listening to what they have to say, can make you a more well-rounded person.\\n2-4. Watch films and listen to podcasts about different topics.\\nExpose yourself to media like film, television, radio, and podcasts so you can find out what people are talking and discussing. Try watching and listening to media that focuses on things you know about as well as topics that are new to you.\\nFor example, you may watch documentaries on topics that you do not know much about, such as transgender rights or globalization. Or you can listen to podcasts on topics you are familiar with, such as comedy or true crime.\\n3. Acting Social and Friendly\\n3-1. Tell good stories about your experiences.\\nBe interesting by relying stories in an entertaining way when you talk to people in your friend circle or at parties. Choose a memorable experience from a recent trip or discuss a funny experience at the grocery store. Use a personal story to connect with others and be social.\\nInclude only the important parts of the story, or the highlights, so your listeners are entertained.\\nUse your body and your voice when telling the story so it is engaging. Talk with your hands, maintain eye contact, and create a character with your voice.\\nShow pictures of your unique experiences too! Keep these on your phone for easy access when you need them.\\n3-2. Be a good listener.\\nBeing an interesting person does not mean you always need to be the one talking in a conversation. Instead, you can show others that you are interested in them by being a good listener. Maintain eye contact and nod to show you are listening. Give the person your full attention and do not interrupt them when they are speaking.\\nTry being a good listener to close friends and to people you just met at a party or gathering. You can often learn new things and become a more interesting person by listening to others speak.\\n3-3. Connect with others about common interests.\\nWhen talking to others, try to find out what you have in common. Talking about shared interests will engage the other person and make them more interested in getting to know you.\\nWhen meeting someone, ask questions like \\\"what are your hobbies?\\\" or \\\"what do you enjoy doing?\\\"\\nRemember that the more you try new things and experiences, the easier it will be to find similar interests with other people.\\n3-4. Ask engaging questions in conversations.\\nPose questions that are thoughtful and relate to what the person is talking about. Ask follow up questions about something you do not understand or are more curious about. This will show others that you are paying attention to what they have to say and interested in the conversation.\\nFor example, you may ask questions like, “What was it like working the night shift?” or “How did you adjust to moving to Canada at a young age?”\\n3-5. Be open to meeting new people.\\nTry not to close yourself to meeting new people and engaging them in conversation. Instead, put yourself in situations where you have the opportunity to meet others, such as parties, meetups, or events. Be open to exposing yourself to new people and interesting discussions so you can be well-rounded and in touch with what is going on.\\nFor example, you may challenge yourself to go to social events in your area at least once a week to meet new people. Or you may try talking to strangers in public places to try to meet someone new.\\nTo meet new people, try going to social events in your area, signing up for a class, or using a website like Meetup.com.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"To be interesting, be interested. Pay attention to the world around you, and listen closely to the people you meet. Try new and different things: say yes to new experiences! Get educated about topics that appeal to you in order to broaden your conversational scope, and act social and friendly around new people, so they can see that you are an interesting person to know.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Trying New Activities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn a new skill.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on a skill you have always wanted to try or been curious about, such as painting, drawing, crocheting, or dance. Then, teach yourself the skill or take a class on the skill. Having a new skill will help to broaden your experiences and give you something to talk about with others.\\nFor example, you may take a hip hop dance class if you’ve always been curious about the genre and want to learn something new. Or you may take a still life painting class to get better at painting figures.\\nTaking up a new skill can also allow you to meet new people and expand your social network. This can help you learn more about different people and be more interesting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Develop expertise in topics that interest you.\", \"描述\": \"Think of a topic or subject that you have always been curious about and focus on learning more. Pick a new interest at random and learn all you can about it. Broaden your existing interests to include things you may know nothing about or have a burning desire to learn about.\\nFor example, if you are interested in music, you may get involved in online music forums and attend music shows to deepen your interest. Or if you are interested in painting, you may join a painting group to explore your interest in a deeper way.\\nIf you like to keep up with the news, you may go deeper by reading the texts behind different political theories, such as capitalism, socialism, and anarcha-feminism.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Travel to new places.\", \"描述\": \"Take a trip to a different country or continent. Go on a solo tour through a foreign area or travel with friends to a new city. Travelling to new places can help you gain new experiences and broaden your understanding of the world.\\nYou may decide to go on a trip around the world to really expand your horizons. Or you may choose just one new area to visit for a few days.\\nTraveling is a great time to step outside of your comfort zone. You may encounter new and interesting experiences that you wouldn't have if you did what was familiar.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get out of your neighborhood and explore.\", \"描述\": \"If you can’t afford to travel too far, you may decide to explore a different neighborhood or space close to where you live. Perhaps you could take a day trip to a nearby historical site or to a community space. You can also do a short overnight trip to an outdoor area close by, like a mountain lodge or a cabin in the woods.\\nEnlist some friends to go with you on a day adventure to see something new close to where you live. Try to make it a habit to try new things and explore new areas with friends or family.\\nOnce again, stepping outside of your comfort zone can give you unique experiences and stories to share!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Look up local organizations or charities in your area. Offer to volunteer for an upcoming event or project they are doing. Donate your time once a week to a cause you care about. Volunteering is a great way to get involved in your community and meet new people. It can also expose you to different experiences and expand your worldview.\\nFor example, you may volunteer at a local arts center to get involved in the arts community and meet artists in your area. Or you may volunteer at a local soup kitchen to interact with people from different walks of life and give back to others.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Go to cultural events where you live.\", \"描述\": \"Look up events in your local bookstore, community theater, or art gallery. Go to events so you stay up to date with what is currently going on in your area. Try to attend events that you may not usually go to or know much about so you can expose yourself to new things.\\nFor example, you may go to a community market to try new foods and look at interesting crafts. Or you may attend a local music festival so you can hear new music and meet new people.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learning New Things\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a class on a new topic or concept.\", \"描述\": \"Pick a topic or concept that you have always been curious about or feel you could know more about. Look at your local university or college for a class on the topic. Search for an online class or tutorial on the topic so you can learn more about it.\\nFor example, you may take a class on advertising and media if you have an interest in that topic. Or you may take a creative writing class to improve your fiction and poetry skills.\\nYou can also look up online tutorials for things like how to curl your hair with braids or how to paint in oils.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Read books about different subjects.\", \"描述\": \"Get books from the library or buy books from your local book store. Focus on a topic that you have a strong interest in and do a deep dive into books on the subject. Or pick a topic you know nothing about and read books about it to learn more.\\nFor example, if you have a strong interest in fiction books, you may try reading all the award winning novels that came out this year. Or if you have a curiosity about war history, you may look for books on different wars and conflicts at your local library or online.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Join a discussion group on a topic you are curious about.\", \"描述\": \"Look for a discussion group at your local community center or online through forums and chatrooms. Start a discussion group with friends or family where you choose a topic and talk about it together. Find friends or acquaintances who you disagree with or share an opposing point of view and propose that you meet to discuss your ideas regularly.\\nFor example, you may start a discussion group on local politics with friends or family. Or you may find a discussion group that focuses on sports.\\nFinding others who have differing opinions or ideas than you can help you to broaden your experience. Discussing your thoughts with them, and listening to what they have to say, can make you a more well-rounded person.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Watch films and listen to podcasts about different topics.\", \"描述\": \"Expose yourself to media like film, television, radio, and podcasts so you can find out what people are talking and discussing. Try watching and listening to media that focuses on things you know about as well as topics that are new to you.\\nFor example, you may watch documentaries on topics that you do not know much about, such as transgender rights or globalization. Or you can listen to podcasts on topics you are familiar with, such as comedy or true crime.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acting Social and Friendly\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tell good stories about your experiences.\", \"描述\": \"Be interesting by relying stories in an entertaining way when you talk to people in your friend circle or at parties. Choose a memorable experience from a recent trip or discuss a funny experience at the grocery store. Use a personal story to connect with others and be social.\\nInclude only the important parts of the story, or the highlights, so your listeners are entertained.\\nUse your body and your voice when telling the story so it is engaging. Talk with your hands, maintain eye contact, and create a character with your voice.\\nShow pictures of your unique experiences too! Keep these on your phone for easy access when you need them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener.\", \"描述\": \"Being an interesting person does not mean you always need to be the one talking in a conversation. Instead, you can show others that you are interested in them by being a good listener. Maintain eye contact and nod to show you are listening. Give the person your full attention and do not interrupt them when they are speaking.\\nTry being a good listener to close friends and to people you just met at a party or gathering. You can often learn new things and become a more interesting person by listening to others speak.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Connect with others about common interests.\", \"描述\": \"When talking to others, try to find out what you have in common. Talking about shared interests will engage the other person and make them more interested in getting to know you.\\nWhen meeting someone, ask questions like \\\"what are your hobbies?\\\" or \\\"what do you enjoy doing?\\\"\\nRemember that the more you try new things and experiences, the easier it will be to find similar interests with other people.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask engaging questions in conversations.\", \"描述\": \"Pose questions that are thoughtful and relate to what the person is talking about. Ask follow up questions about something you do not understand or are more curious about. This will show others that you are paying attention to what they have to say and interested in the conversation.\\nFor example, you may ask questions like, “What was it like working the night shift?” or “How did you adjust to moving to Canada at a young age?”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be open to meeting new people.\", \"描述\": \"Try not to close yourself to meeting new people and engaging them in conversation. Instead, put yourself in situations where you have the opportunity to meet others, such as parties, meetups, or events. Be open to exposing yourself to new people and interesting discussions so you can be well-rounded and in touch with what is going on.\\nFor example, you may challenge yourself to go to social events in your area at least once a week to meet new people. Or you may try talking to strangers in public places to try to meet someone new.\\nTo meet new people, try going to social events in your area, signing up for a class, or using a website like Meetup.com.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,858 | How to Be Intimidating | 1. Being Physically Intimidating
1-1. Stand up straight.
Body language is very important when it comes to conveying a certain attitude. Making yourself seem as tall and confident as possible will make you seem more intimidating, so be sure to practice good posture. You can even lean forward a bit when communicating with others.
1-2. Fill the space.
Whenever you are sitting, standing, or walking, try and take up as much space as possible. This suggests that you command the space you are in and that you are confident in yourself.
When walking, move with your arms open (swinging, out at your sides, etc.)
When sitting, lean back, and keep your arms and legs loose and open.
When standing, keep your legs apart and arms out whenever possible.
1-3. Place your hands on your hips.
When you are standing in front of or next to others, rest your hands on your hips, and keep your arms open, away from your body. In many contexts, this stance conveys authority and can come across as intimidating.
1-4. Stand in people’s way.
If you physically take up the space that others are trying to move through, they will either have to confront you or move to the side. Most people will want to avoid directly confronting you, and will either ask if you can let them by, or slip by without bothering you. Either way, you will appear intimidating.
Try this technique by blocking hallways, staircases, doorways, etc.
If you want to appear especially intimidating, if someone asks if you can please let them by, say something like “Oh, I didn’t notice you there.”
1-5. Cross your arms.
When standing, walking, or sitting, cross your arms over your chest. In many contexts, this can appear intimidating or aggressive.
Make sure to cross your arms high over your chest, and do so firmly. If you cross your arms over your lower body, or loosely, it might convey nervousness rather than authority.
1-6. Scowl.
While a smile can convey friendliness and agreeableness, a scowl suggests aggressiveness, anger, or displeasure. This can make people slightly afraid to talk to you, which may be desirable when you want to appear intimidating.
1-7. Point fingers.
Using your fingers to point, especially at people, conveys authority and conviction. In some cases, it might even seem slightly rude or aggressive. However, when you want to seem intimidating, this might actually be a good thing.
1-8. Build muscles.
Research shows mixed conclusions, but many believe that a muscular body leads to more assertiveness, and is deemed more intimidating by others. If being muscular makes you feel more intimidating, then you just might come across this way. Try various body building techniques to increase your muscle mass.
1-9. Don’t fidget.
Tapping your hand or foot, shifting your weight from side to side, wringing your hands, and similar body movements convey a sense of nervousness. If you are trying to seem more intimidating, keep your body still and move deliberately. This type of body language signals assertiveness.
1-10. Look well-groomed.
Taking good care of your clothing and personal hygiene, and generally maintaining a good, clean appearance, helps convey a sense of assertiveness and confidence. Get in the habit of practicing a little personal grooming, and see if you come across as more intimidating.
If you’re a man, consider growing a beard. Many believe that beards convey masculinity and assertiveness.
A suit, a nice dress or pants suit, or other formal wear can convey authority. If you are trying to look intimidating, you might dress a little better than everyone else. For example, if standard dress at your workplace is business casual, you might seem slightly intimidating if you wear a full suit instead.
1-11. Maintain a neutral facial expression.
Many of our emotions are conveyed through facial expressions—happiness by smiling, disagreement by frowning, shock by gasping, etc. If you maintain a neutral expression, and limit the amount of emotion you show, then you will come across as more intimidating.
Practice not smiling, laughing, frowning, etc. in situations that normally call for these expressions. You can even practice in front of a mirror or with a friend to perfect this technique.
1-12. Make eye contact.
In many cultures, looking people in the eye is seen as intimidating. Practice looking at people directly in the eye when you talk to them. You may feel yourself coming across as more intimidating, and you may notice others reacting accordingly.
In some cultures, making direct eye contact with people is a sign of disrespect. If there is a cultural taboo against looking people in the eye in your area or among the people you are working with, be very cautious about breaking it. You want to come across as intimidating, but you don't necessarily want to be rude or overly aggressive.
Glaring at people, and rolling your eyes will also appear intimidating. Be careful, however, because this may also seem rude in many contexts.
2. Being Socially Intimidating
2-1. Speak clearly.
Confidence, or a lack of it, is conveyed in the tone of one’s voice. If you mumble, hesitate, or whine when speaking, you may come across as non-assertive. However, if you speak in a clear, even tone, and at a moderate to loud volume, you will exude self-assurance and seem positively intimidating.
If you have trouble speaking clearly or evenly, take a moment to think before you speak. This will give you time to prepare what you want to say. It may also convey that you are confident enough not to be bothered by a little silence, which can itself make you seem more intimidating.
2-2. Be assertive when communicating.
You can showcase your confidence in the way you communicate, thereby increasing your intimidation level. This means doing things like:
Not always agreeing with others.
Voicing your opinion.
Not shying away from conflict.
Using “I” statements, such as “I disagree” rather than “You’re wrong.” This emphasizes your authority.
Agreeing in principle, but not necessarily in detail, by saying things like “That makes sense, but...”
Not becoming defensive when others criticize you, and not offering counter criticisms. Instead, focus on making direct statements about your opinions.
Being persistent. State your point over and over again if necessary, but don’t waver from it.
Being willing to say “no” (or "I'm too busy," etc.) to some requests.
If you're worried about being assertive, remind yourself that you are a powerful person who can make it through anything! The more you embrace this mentality, the easier it is to focus on pleasing yourself instead of pleasing other people.
2-3. Talk trash.
“Trash” talk, or slightly criticizing others, is common in sports as a way of conveying confidence and unsettling opponents. It can be used in other contexts, however (like political ads or in the workplace), to appear intimidating.
Trash talk in other situations can be direct, such as telling a coworker “I’ve got thirteen new accounts listed in my report this month, Jim, and how many do you have? Zero.” It can also include sarcasm, like “Nice job on that report, Jim. Maybe next time you’ll actually win an account to include in it.”
Avoid sexist, racist, and otherwise offensive language. Keep your trash talk focused on a person’s abilities rather than his or her identity.
2-4. Have an entourage.
Walking into a new place with a group of people at your back will make you look like you are powerful and important. The stronger and more confident the other people look, the less likely you are to be bothered. Having an entourage suggests that you are a leader, and can be intimidating in a positive way.
In some locations, you can even rent an entourage for a short period of time.
Ideally, your entourage will be composed of good friends who support you and even idolize you.
Your entourage can even act as your "wingman" by talking up your achievements and impressive qualities to others.
Be kind to your entourage and treat them with respect. Make sure to listen to them and support their interests.
2-5. Flaunt your achievements.
If you have an impressive academic pedigree or honors and awards to show off, and are trying to appear intimidating at work, don’t be shy about decorating your office area with diplomas and certificates. Having your achievements on public display will make you seem intimidating to anyone who stops by to talk.
In order raise your intimidation level, you can also briefly mention your achievements in conversations as often as possible.
2-6. Be mysterious.
Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Try keeping a little distance from others, not being too talkative, and seeming somewhat aloof. If you can cultivate a little mystery about yourself, others might be intimidated and curious about what you are really like.
Don't always speak up. Observe others and appear to listen carefully, but maintain an air of mystery.
Always appear to be busy or occupied with something (such as reading a book or working on a notebook or tablet), but don't let others know what you are doing unless they ask.
Whenever people ask about what you are doing, give short, vague answers that suggest mysterious importance. For instance, if a coworker sees you busy with a tablet and asks what you are doing, just say "Oh, it's this new work project. They probably haven't told you about it yet."
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:07",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Physically Intimidating\\n1-1. Stand up straight.\\nBody language is very important when it comes to conveying a certain attitude. Making yourself seem as tall and confident as possible will make you seem more intimidating, so be sure to practice good posture. You can even lean forward a bit when communicating with others.\\n1-2. Fill the space.\\nWhenever you are sitting, standing, or walking, try and take up as much space as possible. This suggests that you command the space you are in and that you are confident in yourself.\\nWhen walking, move with your arms open (swinging, out at your sides, etc.)\\nWhen sitting, lean back, and keep your arms and legs loose and open.\\nWhen standing, keep your legs apart and arms out whenever possible.\\n1-3. Place your hands on your hips.\\nWhen you are standing in front of or next to others, rest your hands on your hips, and keep your arms open, away from your body. In many contexts, this stance conveys authority and can come across as intimidating.\\n1-4. Stand in people’s way.\\nIf you physically take up the space that others are trying to move through, they will either have to confront you or move to the side. Most people will want to avoid directly confronting you, and will either ask if you can let them by, or slip by without bothering you. Either way, you will appear intimidating.\\nTry this technique by blocking hallways, staircases, doorways, etc.\\nIf you want to appear especially intimidating, if someone asks if you can please let them by, say something like “Oh, I didn’t notice you there.”\\n1-5. Cross your arms.\\nWhen standing, walking, or sitting, cross your arms over your chest. In many contexts, this can appear intimidating or aggressive.\\nMake sure to cross your arms high over your chest, and do so firmly. If you cross your arms over your lower body, or loosely, it might convey nervousness rather than authority.\\n1-6. Scowl.\\nWhile a smile can convey friendliness and agreeableness, a scowl suggests aggressiveness, anger, or displeasure. This can make people slightly afraid to talk to you, which may be desirable when you want to appear intimidating.\\n1-7. Point fingers.\\nUsing your fingers to point, especially at people, conveys authority and conviction. In some cases, it might even seem slightly rude or aggressive. However, when you want to seem intimidating, this might actually be a good thing.\\n1-8. Build muscles.\\nResearch shows mixed conclusions, but many believe that a muscular body leads to more assertiveness, and is deemed more intimidating by others. If being muscular makes you feel more intimidating, then you just might come across this way. Try various body building techniques to increase your muscle mass.\\n1-9. Don’t fidget.\\nTapping your hand or foot, shifting your weight from side to side, wringing your hands, and similar body movements convey a sense of nervousness. If you are trying to seem more intimidating, keep your body still and move deliberately. This type of body language signals assertiveness.\\n1-10. Look well-groomed.\\nTaking good care of your clothing and personal hygiene, and generally maintaining a good, clean appearance, helps convey a sense of assertiveness and confidence. Get in the habit of practicing a little personal grooming, and see if you come across as more intimidating.\\nIf you’re a man, consider growing a beard. Many believe that beards convey masculinity and assertiveness.\\nA suit, a nice dress or pants suit, or other formal wear can convey authority. If you are trying to look intimidating, you might dress a little better than everyone else. For example, if standard dress at your workplace is business casual, you might seem slightly intimidating if you wear a full suit instead.\\n1-11. Maintain a neutral facial expression.\\nMany of our emotions are conveyed through facial expressions—happiness by smiling, disagreement by frowning, shock by gasping, etc. If you maintain a neutral expression, and limit the amount of emotion you show, then you will come across as more intimidating.\\nPractice not smiling, laughing, frowning, etc. in situations that normally call for these expressions. You can even practice in front of a mirror or with a friend to perfect this technique.\\n1-12. Make eye contact.\\nIn many cultures, looking people in the eye is seen as intimidating. Practice looking at people directly in the eye when you talk to them. You may feel yourself coming across as more intimidating, and you may notice others reacting accordingly.\\nIn some cultures, making direct eye contact with people is a sign of disrespect. If there is a cultural taboo against looking people in the eye in your area or among the people you are working with, be very cautious about breaking it. You want to come across as intimidating, but you don't necessarily want to be rude or overly aggressive.\\nGlaring at people, and rolling your eyes will also appear intimidating. Be careful, however, because this may also seem rude in many contexts.\\n2. Being Socially Intimidating\\n2-1. Speak clearly.\\nConfidence, or a lack of it, is conveyed in the tone of one’s voice. If you mumble, hesitate, or whine when speaking, you may come across as non-assertive. However, if you speak in a clear, even tone, and at a moderate to loud volume, you will exude self-assurance and seem positively intimidating.\\nIf you have trouble speaking clearly or evenly, take a moment to think before you speak. This will give you time to prepare what you want to say. It may also convey that you are confident enough not to be bothered by a little silence, which can itself make you seem more intimidating.\\n2-2. Be assertive when communicating.\\nYou can showcase your confidence in the way you communicate, thereby increasing your intimidation level. This means doing things like:\\nNot always agreeing with others.\\nVoicing your opinion.\\nNot shying away from conflict.\\nUsing “I” statements, such as “I disagree” rather than “You’re wrong.” This emphasizes your authority.\\nAgreeing in principle, but not necessarily in detail, by saying things like “That makes sense, but...”\\nNot becoming defensive when others criticize you, and not offering counter criticisms. Instead, focus on making direct statements about your opinions.\\nBeing persistent. State your point over and over again if necessary, but don’t waver from it.\\nBeing willing to say “no” (or \\\"I'm too busy,\\\" etc.) to some requests.\\nIf you're worried about being assertive, remind yourself that you are a powerful person who can make it through anything! The more you embrace this mentality, the easier it is to focus on pleasing yourself instead of pleasing other people.\\n2-3. Talk trash.\\n“Trash” talk, or slightly criticizing others, is common in sports as a way of conveying confidence and unsettling opponents. It can be used in other contexts, however (like political ads or in the workplace), to appear intimidating.\\nTrash talk in other situations can be direct, such as telling a coworker “I’ve got thirteen new accounts listed in my report this month, Jim, and how many do you have? Zero.” It can also include sarcasm, like “Nice job on that report, Jim. Maybe next time you’ll actually win an account to include in it.”\\nAvoid sexist, racist, and otherwise offensive language. Keep your trash talk focused on a person’s abilities rather than his or her identity.\\n2-4. Have an entourage.\\nWalking into a new place with a group of people at your back will make you look like you are powerful and important. The stronger and more confident the other people look, the less likely you are to be bothered. Having an entourage suggests that you are a leader, and can be intimidating in a positive way.\\nIn some locations, you can even rent an entourage for a short period of time.\\nIdeally, your entourage will be composed of good friends who support you and even idolize you.\\nYour entourage can even act as your \\\"wingman\\\" by talking up your achievements and impressive qualities to others.\\nBe kind to your entourage and treat them with respect. Make sure to listen to them and support their interests.\\n2-5. Flaunt your achievements.\\nIf you have an impressive academic pedigree or honors and awards to show off, and are trying to appear intimidating at work, don’t be shy about decorating your office area with diplomas and certificates. Having your achievements on public display will make you seem intimidating to anyone who stops by to talk.\\nIn order raise your intimidation level, you can also briefly mention your achievements in conversations as often as possible.\\n2-6. Be mysterious.\\nSometimes silence speaks louder than words. Try keeping a little distance from others, not being too talkative, and seeming somewhat aloof. If you can cultivate a little mystery about yourself, others might be intimidated and curious about what you are really like.\\nDon't always speak up. Observe others and appear to listen carefully, but maintain an air of mystery.\\nAlways appear to be busy or occupied with something (such as reading a book or working on a notebook or tablet), but don't let others know what you are doing unless they ask.\\nWhenever people ask about what you are doing, give short, vague answers that suggest mysterious importance. For instance, if a coworker sees you busy with a tablet and asks what you are doing, just say \\\"Oh, it's this new work project. They probably haven't told you about it yet.\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Intimidation is making others feel fear, nervousness, or inadequacy in order to gain social standing or produce a desired outcome. Although it is seen as a negative quality in many interpersonal interactions, it can be helpful in sports, business, and other competitive environments. Learning to be intimidating can also help you avoid being intimidated by others.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Physically Intimidating\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stand up straight.\", \"描述\": \"Body language is very important when it comes to conveying a certain attitude. Making yourself seem as tall and confident as possible will make you seem more intimidating, so be sure to practice good posture. You can even lean forward a bit when communicating with others.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Fill the space.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you are sitting, standing, or walking, try and take up as much space as possible. This suggests that you command the space you are in and that you are confident in yourself.\\nWhen walking, move with your arms open (swinging, out at your sides, etc.)\\nWhen sitting, lean back, and keep your arms and legs loose and open.\\nWhen standing, keep your legs apart and arms out whenever possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Place your hands on your hips.\", \"描述\": \"When you are standing in front of or next to others, rest your hands on your hips, and keep your arms open, away from your body. In many contexts, this stance conveys authority and can come across as intimidating.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stand in people’s way.\", \"描述\": \"If you physically take up the space that others are trying to move through, they will either have to confront you or move to the side. Most people will want to avoid directly confronting you, and will either ask if you can let them by, or slip by without bothering you. Either way, you will appear intimidating.\\nTry this technique by blocking hallways, staircases, doorways, etc.\\nIf you want to appear especially intimidating, if someone asks if you can please let them by, say something like “Oh, I didn’t notice you there.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Cross your arms.\", \"描述\": \"When standing, walking, or sitting, cross your arms over your chest. In many contexts, this can appear intimidating or aggressive.\\nMake sure to cross your arms high over your chest, and do so firmly. If you cross your arms over your lower body, or loosely, it might convey nervousness rather than authority.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Scowl.\", \"描述\": \"While a smile can convey friendliness and agreeableness, a scowl suggests aggressiveness, anger, or displeasure. This can make people slightly afraid to talk to you, which may be desirable when you want to appear intimidating.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Point fingers.\", \"描述\": \"Using your fingers to point, especially at people, conveys authority and conviction. In some cases, it might even seem slightly rude or aggressive. However, when you want to seem intimidating, this might actually be a good thing.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Build muscles.\", \"描述\": \"Research shows mixed conclusions, but many believe that a muscular body leads to more assertiveness, and is deemed more intimidating by others. If being muscular makes you feel more intimidating, then you just might come across this way. Try various body building techniques to increase your muscle mass.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Don’t fidget.\", \"描述\": \"Tapping your hand or foot, shifting your weight from side to side, wringing your hands, and similar body movements convey a sense of nervousness. If you are trying to seem more intimidating, keep your body still and move deliberately. This type of body language signals assertiveness.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Look well-groomed.\", \"描述\": \"Taking good care of your clothing and personal hygiene, and generally maintaining a good, clean appearance, helps convey a sense of assertiveness and confidence. Get in the habit of practicing a little personal grooming, and see if you come across as more intimidating.\\nIf you’re a man, consider growing a beard. Many believe that beards convey masculinity and assertiveness.\\nA suit, a nice dress or pants suit, or other formal wear can convey authority. If you are trying to look intimidating, you might dress a little better than everyone else. For example, if standard dress at your workplace is business casual, you might seem slightly intimidating if you wear a full suit instead.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Maintain a neutral facial expression.\", \"描述\": \"Many of our emotions are conveyed through facial expressions—happiness by smiling, disagreement by frowning, shock by gasping, etc. If you maintain a neutral expression, and limit the amount of emotion you show, then you will come across as more intimidating.\\nPractice not smiling, laughing, frowning, etc. in situations that normally call for these expressions. You can even practice in front of a mirror or with a friend to perfect this technique.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"In many cultures, looking people in the eye is seen as intimidating. Practice looking at people directly in the eye when you talk to them. You may feel yourself coming across as more intimidating, and you may notice others reacting accordingly.\\nIn some cultures, making direct eye contact with people is a sign of disrespect. If there is a cultural taboo against looking people in the eye in your area or among the people you are working with, be very cautious about breaking it. You want to come across as intimidating, but you don't necessarily want to be rude or overly aggressive.\\nGlaring at people, and rolling your eyes will also appear intimidating. Be careful, however, because this may also seem rude in many contexts.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Socially Intimidating\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Speak clearly.\", \"描述\": \"Confidence, or a lack of it, is conveyed in the tone of one’s voice. If you mumble, hesitate, or whine when speaking, you may come across as non-assertive. However, if you speak in a clear, even tone, and at a moderate to loud volume, you will exude self-assurance and seem positively intimidating.\\nIf you have trouble speaking clearly or evenly, take a moment to think before you speak. This will give you time to prepare what you want to say. It may also convey that you are confident enough not to be bothered by a little silence, which can itself make you seem more intimidating.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be assertive when communicating.\", \"描述\": \"You can showcase your confidence in the way you communicate, thereby increasing your intimidation level. This means doing things like:\\nNot always agreeing with others.\\nVoicing your opinion.\\nNot shying away from conflict.\\nUsing “I” statements, such as “I disagree” rather than “You’re wrong.” This emphasizes your authority.\\nAgreeing in principle, but not necessarily in detail, by saying things like “That makes sense, but...”\\nNot becoming defensive when others criticize you, and not offering counter criticisms. Instead, focus on making direct statements about your opinions.\\nBeing persistent. State your point over and over again if necessary, but don’t waver from it.\\nBeing willing to say “no” (or \\\"I'm too busy,\\\" etc.) to some requests.\\nIf you're worried about being assertive, remind yourself that you are a powerful person who can make it through anything! The more you embrace this mentality, the easier it is to focus on pleasing yourself instead of pleasing other people.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talk trash.\", \"描述\": \"“Trash” talk, or slightly criticizing others, is common in sports as a way of conveying confidence and unsettling opponents. It can be used in other contexts, however (like political ads or in the workplace), to appear intimidating.\\nTrash talk in other situations can be direct, such as telling a coworker “I’ve got thirteen new accounts listed in my report this month, Jim, and how many do you have? Zero.” It can also include sarcasm, like “Nice job on that report, Jim. Maybe next time you’ll actually win an account to include in it.”\\nAvoid sexist, racist, and otherwise offensive language. Keep your trash talk focused on a person’s abilities rather than his or her identity.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have an entourage.\", \"描述\": \"Walking into a new place with a group of people at your back will make you look like you are powerful and important. The stronger and more confident the other people look, the less likely you are to be bothered. Having an entourage suggests that you are a leader, and can be intimidating in a positive way.\\nIn some locations, you can even rent an entourage for a short period of time.\\nIdeally, your entourage will be composed of good friends who support you and even idolize you.\\nYour entourage can even act as your \\\"wingman\\\" by talking up your achievements and impressive qualities to others.\\nBe kind to your entourage and treat them with respect. Make sure to listen to them and support their interests.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Flaunt your achievements.\", \"描述\": \"If you have an impressive academic pedigree or honors and awards to show off, and are trying to appear intimidating at work, don’t be shy about decorating your office area with diplomas and certificates. Having your achievements on public display will make you seem intimidating to anyone who stops by to talk.\\nIn order raise your intimidation level, you can also briefly mention your achievements in conversations as often as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be mysterious.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Try keeping a little distance from others, not being too talkative, and seeming somewhat aloof. If you can cultivate a little mystery about yourself, others might be intimidated and curious about what you are really like.\\nDon't always speak up. Observe others and appear to listen carefully, but maintain an air of mystery.\\nAlways appear to be busy or occupied with something (such as reading a book or working on a notebook or tablet), but don't let others know what you are doing unless they ask.\\nWhenever people ask about what you are doing, give short, vague answers that suggest mysterious importance. For instance, if a coworker sees you busy with a tablet and asks what you are doing, just say \\\"Oh, it's this new work project. They probably haven't told you about it yet.\\\"\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,859 | How to Be Invisible | 1. Blending In With Other People
1-1. Stick to a crowd when possible.
If you’re at school or a social event, try to stand near other people. If everyone else is in a group and you’re standing alone, you risk sticking out. To be invisible, hang out at the edge of a group of people.
For example, when you’re walking to class try walking a few steps between a few other people. They probably won’t even notice you, but you’ll blend into the group.
1-2. Avoid making eye contact.
Eye contact might cause someone to start a conversation with you. If you’re looking to avoid interaction, try not to catch anyone’s eye. You can still look around, but try to train your gaze just above or just below most people’s eye level.
You can also glance down at your phone to appear busy.
Try not to just stare at the ground or a wall. That might draw unwanted attention.
1-3. Wear a classic outfit in neutral colors.
When you’re trying to blend in, don’t wear flashy or trendy clothes. Instead, choose an outfit in muted tones, like black, grey, navy, or tan. A pair of jeans with a white shirt is also usually a safe bet.
While you might want to hide behind a big hat or sunglasses, wearing either of those indoors might actually cause people to notice you.
1-4. Stay quiet in class to go unnoticed at school.
Raising your hand all the time is a sure way to get noticed. To remain in the background, avoid jumping to answer questions frequently. On the other hand, make sure to speak occasionally. Being too quiet is another way to get noticed!
Of course, you should always answer if the teacher calls on you directly.
1-5. Spend time with close friends.
It’s okay if you’re shy or deal with social anxiety. A lot of people deal with that and you’re not alone. However, that doesn’t mean that you should completely isolate yourself. That can lead to feelings of loneliness. Plus, being labeled a “loner” can make you stand out even more.
Look for friends that share common interests and spend time with them. For example, maybe you hear some classmates talking about playing video games after school. If that’s what you’re into, ask if you can join them sometime!
Make a point to connect with people on a regular basis, even if you prefer to spend most of your time alone. It’s okay to not go to every party or event. But make it a point to try to do something social each week, even if it’s just eating lunch with some other people.
2. Staying Hidden on Social Media
2-1. Make your posts private on Instagram.
In the app, click on the 3 vertical dots in the corner. Once you’re in Settings, use the circle icon to toggle your account to “Private Account.” That way, only people you know will be able to see your posts.
Unlike other sites, Instagram only requires your name to set up an account. Use an anonymous name and don’t provide any other information, such as your email address or phone number.
2-2. Edit your Twitter settings to stay hidden.
Twitter automatically collects and shares your data. If you still want to use the site, change your settings to be more private. Once you are in your account, click on Privacy and Safety. From there, go to Personalization and Data. Click Disable All to keep your information from being tracked and shared. Don’t forget to click Save Changes!
You can also try using a screen name other than your real name. For example, @cat-lover1 can help you remain private.
2-3. Reduce the amount of data you share on Facebook.
When you set up a Facebook profile, you are asked to input personal information like your full name, email address, and phone number. In your account, click on “privacy settings”. There will be an option where you can select who can see your information. Make sure to select “friends”, as it will otherwise default to “everyone.”
When you post something, make sure those settings are also set to “friends.” Otherwise, anyone on the site will be able to view your data.
If you really want to be more private, avoid posting or commenting on other people’s posts.
2-4. Adjust your settings on Snapchat to have more privacy.
Some people like Snapchat because it allows anyone to contact you. But you have options if you’re trying to stay more discreet. Click the gear icon to go to your profile. Under Who Can Contact Me select My Friends.
Under Who Can you can also choose to only let friends view your stories.
2-5. Be selective about what you share.
Whatever site you’re on, be cautious about sharing too much. Turn your location settings off so that people don’t know your physical location. You should also avoid posting photographs that reveal things like your home address.
Making it hard for people to find you is a key part of staying invisible, so always use these precautions.
3. Protecting Your Privacy Online
3-1. Set up a virtual private network (VPN) for increased privacy.
Many businesses rely on a VPN to keep their data secure. You can do the same at home. Start by searching online to find a variety of apps and software that you can download. You’ll likely have to pay for a subscription, but the increased privacy is worth it.
A VPN helps prevent people from being able to see your emails, chats, and photos.
A VPN works by masking your IP address from the world, so no one knows where you're browsing the internet from.
3-2. Download Tor to hide your IP address.
Your IP address is a series of numbers that is assigned to any device that connects to the internet. Other people can use your IP address to see which sites you’ve visited and who you’ve communicated with. Tor is a system that helps to hide that information. Search for the Tor browser and download it to your device. Follow the instructions to install it as your browser.
Make sure to do this on all of your devices, including laptops, phones, and tablets.
3-3. Encrypt sensitive emails.
Encryption is a way to help keep your communications private. Download free services like Lockbin or GPG Mail to keep sensitive data secure.
For example, if you are sending an email that contains financial data, you should definitely encrypt it.
3-4. Use incognito mode on your browser.
When you are in incognito mode, the browser can’t collect your browsing information. You can use this mode no matter which browser you typically use.
In Chrome, click the 3 vertical dots in the top right-hand corner of your screen. In the drop-down menu, select New incognito window.
If you use Firefox, click the Menu button and select New Private Window.
In Internet Explorer, click the gear icon. Hover your cursor over the Safety option that pops up, then select InPrivate Browsing.
Tips
Always be cautious when sharing information online.
If you want to blend in when you’re in public, avoid coloring your hair a bright color.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:07",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Blending In With Other People\\n1-1. Stick to a crowd when possible.\\nIf you’re at school or a social event, try to stand near other people. If everyone else is in a group and you’re standing alone, you risk sticking out. To be invisible, hang out at the edge of a group of people.\\nFor example, when you’re walking to class try walking a few steps between a few other people. They probably won’t even notice you, but you’ll blend into the group.\\n1-2. Avoid making eye contact.\\nEye contact might cause someone to start a conversation with you. If you’re looking to avoid interaction, try not to catch anyone’s eye. You can still look around, but try to train your gaze just above or just below most people’s eye level.\\nYou can also glance down at your phone to appear busy.\\nTry not to just stare at the ground or a wall. That might draw unwanted attention.\\n1-3. Wear a classic outfit in neutral colors.\\nWhen you’re trying to blend in, don’t wear flashy or trendy clothes. Instead, choose an outfit in muted tones, like black, grey, navy, or tan. A pair of jeans with a white shirt is also usually a safe bet.\\nWhile you might want to hide behind a big hat or sunglasses, wearing either of those indoors might actually cause people to notice you.\\n1-4. Stay quiet in class to go unnoticed at school.\\nRaising your hand all the time is a sure way to get noticed. To remain in the background, avoid jumping to answer questions frequently. On the other hand, make sure to speak occasionally. Being too quiet is another way to get noticed!\\nOf course, you should always answer if the teacher calls on you directly.\\n1-5. Spend time with close friends.\\nIt’s okay if you’re shy or deal with social anxiety. A lot of people deal with that and you’re not alone. However, that doesn’t mean that you should completely isolate yourself. That can lead to feelings of loneliness. Plus, being labeled a “loner” can make you stand out even more.\\nLook for friends that share common interests and spend time with them. For example, maybe you hear some classmates talking about playing video games after school. If that’s what you’re into, ask if you can join them sometime!\\nMake a point to connect with people on a regular basis, even if you prefer to spend most of your time alone. It’s okay to not go to every party or event. But make it a point to try to do something social each week, even if it’s just eating lunch with some other people.\\n2. Staying Hidden on Social Media\\n2-1. Make your posts private on Instagram.\\nIn the app, click on the 3 vertical dots in the corner. Once you’re in Settings, use the circle icon to toggle your account to “Private Account.” That way, only people you know will be able to see your posts.\\nUnlike other sites, Instagram only requires your name to set up an account. Use an anonymous name and don’t provide any other information, such as your email address or phone number.\\n2-2. Edit your Twitter settings to stay hidden.\\nTwitter automatically collects and shares your data. If you still want to use the site, change your settings to be more private. Once you are in your account, click on Privacy and Safety. From there, go to Personalization and Data. Click Disable All to keep your information from being tracked and shared. Don’t forget to click Save Changes!\\nYou can also try using a screen name other than your real name. For example, @cat-lover1 can help you remain private.\\n2-3. Reduce the amount of data you share on Facebook.\\nWhen you set up a Facebook profile, you are asked to input personal information like your full name, email address, and phone number. In your account, click on “privacy settings”. There will be an option where you can select who can see your information. Make sure to select “friends”, as it will otherwise default to “everyone.”\\nWhen you post something, make sure those settings are also set to “friends.” Otherwise, anyone on the site will be able to view your data.\\nIf you really want to be more private, avoid posting or commenting on other people’s posts.\\n2-4. Adjust your settings on Snapchat to have more privacy.\\nSome people like Snapchat because it allows anyone to contact you. But you have options if you’re trying to stay more discreet. Click the gear icon to go to your profile. Under Who Can Contact Me select My Friends.\\nUnder Who Can you can also choose to only let friends view your stories.\\n2-5. Be selective about what you share.\\nWhatever site you’re on, be cautious about sharing too much. Turn your location settings off so that people don’t know your physical location. You should also avoid posting photographs that reveal things like your home address.\\nMaking it hard for people to find you is a key part of staying invisible, so always use these precautions.\\n3. Protecting Your Privacy Online\\n3-1. Set up a virtual private network (VPN) for increased privacy.\\nMany businesses rely on a VPN to keep their data secure. You can do the same at home. Start by searching online to find a variety of apps and software that you can download. You’ll likely have to pay for a subscription, but the increased privacy is worth it.\\nA VPN helps prevent people from being able to see your emails, chats, and photos.\\nA VPN works by masking your IP address from the world, so no one knows where you're browsing the internet from.\\n3-2. Download Tor to hide your IP address.\\nYour IP address is a series of numbers that is assigned to any device that connects to the internet. Other people can use your IP address to see which sites you’ve visited and who you’ve communicated with. Tor is a system that helps to hide that information. Search for the Tor browser and download it to your device. Follow the instructions to install it as your browser.\\nMake sure to do this on all of your devices, including laptops, phones, and tablets.\\n3-3. Encrypt sensitive emails.\\nEncryption is a way to help keep your communications private. Download free services like Lockbin or GPG Mail to keep sensitive data secure.\\nFor example, if you are sending an email that contains financial data, you should definitely encrypt it.\\n3-4. Use incognito mode on your browser.\\nWhen you are in incognito mode, the browser can’t collect your browsing information. You can use this mode no matter which browser you typically use.\\nIn Chrome, click the 3 vertical dots in the top right-hand corner of your screen. In the drop-down menu, select New incognito window.\\nIf you use Firefox, click the Menu button and select New Private Window.\\nIn Internet Explorer, click the gear icon. Hover your cursor over the Safety option that pops up, then select InPrivate Browsing.\\nTips\\nAlways be cautious when sharing information online.\\nIf you want to blend in when you’re in public, avoid coloring your hair a bright color.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Interacting with people all the time, whether in person or online, can be exhausting. It’s normal to want to take a break and go unnoticed for a while. You can take steps to easily blend in with the crowd at school or social events. It's also important to keep your information private from hackers and other people who could steal your data. Start by changing your social media settings to maintain your privacy. If you’re looking to be invisible online, there are lots of tools to help you remain private and anonymous.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Blending In With Other People\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stick to a crowd when possible.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re at school or a social event, try to stand near other people. If everyone else is in a group and you’re standing alone, you risk sticking out. To be invisible, hang out at the edge of a group of people.\\nFor example, when you’re walking to class try walking a few steps between a few other people. They probably won’t even notice you, but you’ll blend into the group.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoid making eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"Eye contact might cause someone to start a conversation with you. If you’re looking to avoid interaction, try not to catch anyone’s eye. You can still look around, but try to train your gaze just above or just below most people’s eye level.\\nYou can also glance down at your phone to appear busy.\\nTry not to just stare at the ground or a wall. That might draw unwanted attention.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear a classic outfit in neutral colors.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re trying to blend in, don’t wear flashy or trendy clothes. Instead, choose an outfit in muted tones, like black, grey, navy, or tan. A pair of jeans with a white shirt is also usually a safe bet.\\nWhile you might want to hide behind a big hat or sunglasses, wearing either of those indoors might actually cause people to notice you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stay quiet in class to go unnoticed at school.\", \"描述\": \"Raising your hand all the time is a sure way to get noticed. To remain in the background, avoid jumping to answer questions frequently. On the other hand, make sure to speak occasionally. Being too quiet is another way to get noticed!\\nOf course, you should always answer if the teacher calls on you directly.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Spend time with close friends.\", \"描述\": \"It’s okay if you’re shy or deal with social anxiety. A lot of people deal with that and you’re not alone. However, that doesn’t mean that you should completely isolate yourself. That can lead to feelings of loneliness. Plus, being labeled a “loner” can make you stand out even more.\\nLook for friends that share common interests and spend time with them. For example, maybe you hear some classmates talking about playing video games after school. If that’s what you’re into, ask if you can join them sometime!\\nMake a point to connect with people on a regular basis, even if you prefer to spend most of your time alone. It’s okay to not go to every party or event. But make it a point to try to do something social each week, even if it’s just eating lunch with some other people.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Staying Hidden on Social Media\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your posts private on Instagram.\", \"描述\": \"In the app, click on the 3 vertical dots in the corner. Once you’re in Settings, use the circle icon to toggle your account to “Private Account.” That way, only people you know will be able to see your posts.\\nUnlike other sites, Instagram only requires your name to set up an account. Use an anonymous name and don’t provide any other information, such as your email address or phone number.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Edit your Twitter settings to stay hidden.\", \"描述\": \"Twitter automatically collects and shares your data. If you still want to use the site, change your settings to be more private. Once you are in your account, click on Privacy and Safety. From there, go to Personalization and Data. Click Disable All to keep your information from being tracked and shared. Don’t forget to click Save Changes!\\nYou can also try using a screen name other than your real name. For example, @cat-lover1 can help you remain private.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reduce the amount of data you share on Facebook.\", \"描述\": \"When you set up a Facebook profile, you are asked to input personal information like your full name, email address, and phone number. In your account, click on “privacy settings”. There will be an option where you can select who can see your information. Make sure to select “friends”, as it will otherwise default to “everyone.”\\nWhen you post something, make sure those settings are also set to “friends.” Otherwise, anyone on the site will be able to view your data.\\nIf you really want to be more private, avoid posting or commenting on other people’s posts.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Adjust your settings on Snapchat to have more privacy.\", \"描述\": \"Some people like Snapchat because it allows anyone to contact you. But you have options if you’re trying to stay more discreet. Click the gear icon to go to your profile. Under Who Can Contact Me select My Friends.\\nUnder Who Can you can also choose to only let friends view your stories.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be selective about what you share.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever site you’re on, be cautious about sharing too much. Turn your location settings off so that people don’t know your physical location. You should also avoid posting photographs that reveal things like your home address.\\nMaking it hard for people to find you is a key part of staying invisible, so always use these precautions.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Protecting Your Privacy Online\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set up a virtual private network (VPN) for increased privacy.\", \"描述\": \"Many businesses rely on a VPN to keep their data secure. You can do the same at home. Start by searching online to find a variety of apps and software that you can download. You’ll likely have to pay for a subscription, but the increased privacy is worth it.\\nA VPN helps prevent people from being able to see your emails, chats, and photos.\\nA VPN works by masking your IP address from the world, so no one knows where you're browsing the internet from.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Download Tor to hide your IP address.\", \"描述\": \"Your IP address is a series of numbers that is assigned to any device that connects to the internet. Other people can use your IP address to see which sites you’ve visited and who you’ve communicated with. Tor is a system that helps to hide that information. Search for the Tor browser and download it to your device. Follow the instructions to install it as your browser.\\nMake sure to do this on all of your devices, including laptops, phones, and tablets.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Encrypt sensitive emails.\", \"描述\": \"Encryption is a way to help keep your communications private. Download free services like Lockbin or GPG Mail to keep sensitive data secure.\\nFor example, if you are sending an email that contains financial data, you should definitely encrypt it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use incognito mode on your browser.\", \"描述\": \"When you are in incognito mode, the browser can’t collect your browsing information. You can use this mode no matter which browser you typically use.\\nIn Chrome, click the 3 vertical dots in the top right-hand corner of your screen. In the drop-down menu, select New incognito window.\\nIf you use Firefox, click the Menu button and select New Private Window.\\nIn Internet Explorer, click the gear icon. Hover your cursor over the Safety option that pops up, then select InPrivate Browsing.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always be cautious when sharing information online.\\n\", \"If you want to blend in when you’re in public, avoid coloring your hair a bright color.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,860 | How to Be Invisible Online | 1. Limiting the Data You Share
1-1. Go Incognito.
Every browser has an Incognito feature that disables your browser or other websites from getting your browsing information, such as the sites you frequently visit, your username, and even passwords.
Open your browser’s menu and inside you’ll find its Incognito feature. Developers make this feat easy to access by making it readily available to users that are not tech-savvy.
1-2. Use your chat application’s Invisible feature.
If you’re using chat programs like Skype or Facebook Messenger, you can adjust the settings of these programs to set your chat availability as “Invisible.” This means that while you’re still online, people who have you in their contact lists will see you as not available or offline.
You can still receive their messages, but you don’t have to respond right away.
Like Incognito, this feature is also very easy to use and access. It’s commonly located on your account profile, chat window, or beside the message text field of the chat application you’re using.
1-3. Sign out.
If you can’t use an Invisible feature, sign out completely. If the chat application you’re using—by any chance—doesn’t give you the option to go invisible, just sign out from it completely. Hit the “Log out” button to go offline. You’ll still be receiving messages and can read them later anyway.
2. Hiding Your True Identity
2-1. Use proxy servers.
Proxy servers are computers or programs in a network that act as gateway to a larger network, like the Internet. When you connect to the net using servers, your computer’s digital identity can be hidden from the sites you visit.
To use this, open your browser’s connection settings and enter the address of the proxy server you like to use. Your web browser will connect to the Internet using this server as gateway.
2-2. Use mock email accounts.
Email addresses, just like phone numbers, are very personal. Yet almost all services available on the Internet require you to give out your email address before you can use their services. If you can’t avoid giving out your email address, create one that you can give away.
The mock email accounts don’t have to be completely personal, just sign up for one that you can access anytime when needed (like account activation and such).
2-3. Restrict your social networking activities.
Limit the number of posts you make a day on social networking sites. Facebook and Twitters both have features that can display your current location together with the statuses you post.
Avoid posting pictures or videos where you currently are. If you simply can’t resist sharing these things with people, post pictures after you come home from your trip.
2-4. Create fake accounts.
Using fake identities can greatly help you be invisible while you’re on the Internet. Create fake accounts on social networking sites or sites you frequently visit.
You don’t have to pretend to be someone by copying their identity. Just use whatever name that comes into your mind and grab random pictures from the Internet, just enough for your fake account to have some contents.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:07",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Limiting the Data You Share\\n1-1. Go Incognito.\\nEvery browser has an Incognito feature that disables your browser or other websites from getting your browsing information, such as the sites you frequently visit, your username, and even passwords.\\nOpen your browser’s menu and inside you’ll find its Incognito feature. Developers make this feat easy to access by making it readily available to users that are not tech-savvy.\\n1-2. Use your chat application’s Invisible feature.\\nIf you’re using chat programs like Skype or Facebook Messenger, you can adjust the settings of these programs to set your chat availability as “Invisible.” This means that while you’re still online, people who have you in their contact lists will see you as not available or offline.\\nYou can still receive their messages, but you don’t have to respond right away.\\nLike Incognito, this feature is also very easy to use and access. It’s commonly located on your account profile, chat window, or beside the message text field of the chat application you’re using.\\n1-3. Sign out.\\nIf you can’t use an Invisible feature, sign out completely. If the chat application you’re using—by any chance—doesn’t give you the option to go invisible, just sign out from it completely. Hit the “Log out” button to go offline. You’ll still be receiving messages and can read them later anyway.\\n2. Hiding Your True Identity\\n2-1. Use proxy servers.\\nProxy servers are computers or programs in a network that act as gateway to a larger network, like the Internet. When you connect to the net using servers, your computer’s digital identity can be hidden from the sites you visit.\\nTo use this, open your browser’s connection settings and enter the address of the proxy server you like to use. Your web browser will connect to the Internet using this server as gateway.\\n2-2. Use mock email accounts.\\nEmail addresses, just like phone numbers, are very personal. Yet almost all services available on the Internet require you to give out your email address before you can use their services. If you can’t avoid giving out your email address, create one that you can give away.\\nThe mock email accounts don’t have to be completely personal, just sign up for one that you can access anytime when needed (like account activation and such).\\n2-3. Restrict your social networking activities.\\nLimit the number of posts you make a day on social networking sites. Facebook and Twitters both have features that can display your current location together with the statuses you post.\\nAvoid posting pictures or videos where you currently are. If you simply can’t resist sharing these things with people, post pictures after you come home from your trip.\\n2-4. Create fake accounts.\\nUsing fake identities can greatly help you be invisible while you’re on the Internet. Create fake accounts on social networking sites or sites you frequently visit.\\nYou don’t have to pretend to be someone by copying their identity. Just use whatever name that comes into your mind and grab random pictures from the Internet, just enough for your fake account to have some contents.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Going on the Internet means you’re also exposing some details or information about you. Other people can see you, the things you share, and even talk to you while you’re online. Some personal information can also be stored on servers of sites you visit, which can jeopardize your privacy if you were to do some very private matters like bank transactions. If you want to go under the radar, either for privacy reasons or you just don’t want to be disturbed by others, you can become invisible online in just a few simple steps.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Limiting the Data You Share\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go Incognito.\", \"描述\": \"Every browser has an Incognito feature that disables your browser or other websites from getting your browsing information, such as the sites you frequently visit, your username, and even passwords.\\nOpen your browser’s menu and inside you’ll find its Incognito feature. Developers make this feat easy to access by making it readily available to users that are not tech-savvy.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use your chat application’s Invisible feature.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re using chat programs like Skype or Facebook Messenger, you can adjust the settings of these programs to set your chat availability as “Invisible.” This means that while you’re still online, people who have you in their contact lists will see you as not available or offline.\\nYou can still receive their messages, but you don’t have to respond right away.\\nLike Incognito, this feature is also very easy to use and access. It’s commonly located on your account profile, chat window, or beside the message text field of the chat application you’re using.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Sign out.\", \"描述\": \"If you can’t use an Invisible feature, sign out completely. If the chat application you’re using—by any chance—doesn’t give you the option to go invisible, just sign out from it completely. Hit the “Log out” button to go offline. You’ll still be receiving messages and can read them later anyway.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Hiding Your True Identity\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use proxy servers.\", \"描述\": \"Proxy servers are computers or programs in a network that act as gateway to a larger network, like the Internet. When you connect to the net using servers, your computer’s digital identity can be hidden from the sites you visit.\\nTo use this, open your browser’s connection settings and enter the address of the proxy server you like to use. Your web browser will connect to the Internet using this server as gateway.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use mock email accounts.\", \"描述\": \"Email addresses, just like phone numbers, are very personal. Yet almost all services available on the Internet require you to give out your email address before you can use their services. If you can’t avoid giving out your email address, create one that you can give away.\\nThe mock email accounts don’t have to be completely personal, just sign up for one that you can access anytime when needed (like account activation and such).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Restrict your social networking activities.\", \"描述\": \"Limit the number of posts you make a day on social networking sites. Facebook and Twitters both have features that can display your current location together with the statuses you post.\\nAvoid posting pictures or videos where you currently are. If you simply can’t resist sharing these things with people, post pictures after you come home from your trip.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Create fake accounts.\", \"描述\": \"Using fake identities can greatly help you be invisible while you’re on the Internet. Create fake accounts on social networking sites or sites you frequently visit.\\nYou don’t have to pretend to be someone by copying their identity. Just use whatever name that comes into your mind and grab random pictures from the Internet, just enough for your fake account to have some contents.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,861 | How to Be Irresistible in Middle School (Guys) | 1. Personal
1-1. Take care of yourself.
If you are a raggedy, dirty, bad-smelling guy, you are an immediate turn off for anyone- girls and boys alike. Be healthy, bearing in mind any chronic conditions and make the most of your physical attributes.
Shower regularly, not daily. Twice a week is good because some studies show that a small bacterial build-up is actually good for your body.
Comb/brush your hair every day. Bed head can sometimes go in your favor, but it's better to play it safe. Find a hairstyle that works for you and use it every day.
If you feel the need, groom your eyebrows.
Use deodorant or any antiperspirant. Smelling good is absolutely necessary if you don't want to drive a girl away.
Brush, floss and use mouthwash on a bidaily basis.
Get plenty of sleep. Tired, bag-ridden guys look like zombies, and that is not going to attract anyone.
1-2. Understand that girls don't see "hot" until high school.
If you want someone to date you in middle school, you need to understand that until high school, most girls don't think guys their age are "hot"; they see "cute" and "adorable" instead.
Shave whatever you're trying to grow. One of the best methods to look cute to girls is to look boyish, and facial hair will not accomplish that whatsoever. Don't worry about not looking "manly" around your guy friends who have some decent stubble- you'll look a lot more manly if you get a lady friend.
If at all possible, be a little chubby. Some girls like guys with a little extra (but not too much) body weight because they think it is, as already mentioned, "cute".
2. At School
2-1. Focus primarily on academics.
A guy who is smart is a major attraction to girls. If you have bad grades, a girl is less likely to be attracted to you because she doesn't want to look bad.
Complete all assignments, homework, and projects on time and to the best of your ability. You are capable of many things if you put in the effort, and that effort is very attractive to girls.
Keep your binder, notebooks, backpack, locker, desk, etc. organized.
Learn more about the topic than required.
Pay attention in class, take notes, and ask questions when you don't understand something.
2-2. Participate in extracurricular activities.
If you are into any sport your school offers, take it. Girls love athletes. Even if sports aren't your thing, there are tons of opportunities at your school for you to present yourself in a way you don't often get to.
Whatever you end up doing, work your butt off (sometimes literally!) to be the best you can. Girls love guys who do something special, but they definitely like guys who do it well better.
3. Personality
3-1. Don't be a heartless jerk.
That is just going to make the girl hate you, and much less want to date you. Be kind to everyone, even if the favor isn't returned. It'll become a habit, and you'll feel better as a person.
3-2. Be, as girls say, "sweet".
Even if you aren't theoretically dating the girl, give her small things. Try giving girls you like a small portion of your lunch. If you feel the need, get her flowers, a drink, or something similar.
3-3. Be a gentlemen.
Use your manners, hold the door open for her, say please and thank you, things of that nature. A respectful man is an attractive man.
4. Body/Interests
4-1. Keep your hair done and not scruffy.
This applies to all hair. Brush and comb it every day, and clean it well when you shower.
4-2. Pick up an instrument, especially guitar.
Learning how to sing is a massive help too. If you can learn some basic love songs, like the following, it may help a girl fall in love with you.Songs:
She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel
Your Love - The Outfield
Beast of Burden - The Rolling Stones
The Man Who Lives Forever - Lord Huron
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:07",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Personal\\n1-1. Take care of yourself.\\nIf you are a raggedy, dirty, bad-smelling guy, you are an immediate turn off for anyone- girls and boys alike. Be healthy, bearing in mind any chronic conditions and make the most of your physical attributes.\\nShower regularly, not daily. Twice a week is good because some studies show that a small bacterial build-up is actually good for your body.\\nComb/brush your hair every day. Bed head can sometimes go in your favor, but it's better to play it safe. Find a hairstyle that works for you and use it every day.\\nIf you feel the need, groom your eyebrows.\\nUse deodorant or any antiperspirant. Smelling good is absolutely necessary if you don't want to drive a girl away.\\nBrush, floss and use mouthwash on a bidaily basis.\\nGet plenty of sleep. Tired, bag-ridden guys look like zombies, and that is not going to attract anyone.\\n1-2. Understand that girls don't see \\\"hot\\\" until high school.\\nIf you want someone to date you in middle school, you need to understand that until high school, most girls don't think guys their age are \\\"hot\\\"; they see \\\"cute\\\" and \\\"adorable\\\" instead.\\nShave whatever you're trying to grow. One of the best methods to look cute to girls is to look boyish, and facial hair will not accomplish that whatsoever. Don't worry about not looking \\\"manly\\\" around your guy friends who have some decent stubble- you'll look a lot more manly if you get a lady friend.\\nIf at all possible, be a little chubby. Some girls like guys with a little extra (but not too much) body weight because they think it is, as already mentioned, \\\"cute\\\".\\n2. At School\\n2-1. Focus primarily on academics.\\nA guy who is smart is a major attraction to girls. If you have bad grades, a girl is less likely to be attracted to you because she doesn't want to look bad.\\nComplete all assignments, homework, and projects on time and to the best of your ability. You are capable of many things if you put in the effort, and that effort is very attractive to girls.\\nKeep your binder, notebooks, backpack, locker, desk, etc. organized.\\nLearn more about the topic than required.\\nPay attention in class, take notes, and ask questions when you don't understand something.\\n2-2. Participate in extracurricular activities.\\nIf you are into any sport your school offers, take it. Girls love athletes. Even if sports aren't your thing, there are tons of opportunities at your school for you to present yourself in a way you don't often get to.\\nWhatever you end up doing, work your butt off (sometimes literally!) to be the best you can. Girls love guys who do something special, but they definitely like guys who do it well better.\\n3. Personality\\n3-1. Don't be a heartless jerk.\\nThat is just going to make the girl hate you, and much less want to date you. Be kind to everyone, even if the favor isn't returned. It'll become a habit, and you'll feel better as a person.\\n3-2. Be, as girls say, \\\"sweet\\\".\\nEven if you aren't theoretically dating the girl, give her small things. Try giving girls you like a small portion of your lunch. If you feel the need, get her flowers, a drink, or something similar.\\n3-3. Be a gentlemen.\\nUse your manners, hold the door open for her, say please and thank you, things of that nature. A respectful man is an attractive man.\\n4. Body/Interests\\n4-1. Keep your hair done and not scruffy.\\nThis applies to all hair. Brush and comb it every day, and clean it well when you shower.\\n4-2. Pick up an instrument, especially guitar.\\nLearning how to sing is a massive help too. If you can learn some basic love songs, like the following, it may help a girl fall in love with you.Songs:\\nShe's Always a Woman - Billy Joel\\nYour Love - The Outfield\\nBeast of Burden - The Rolling Stones\\nThe Man Who Lives Forever - Lord Huron\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Want to pick up chicks in sixth, seventh, or eighth grade? Lucky for you, this article has some steps that will help any guy be irresistable in middle school.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Personal\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take care of yourself.\", \"描述\": \"If you are a raggedy, dirty, bad-smelling guy, you are an immediate turn off for anyone- girls and boys alike. Be healthy, bearing in mind any chronic conditions and make the most of your physical attributes.\\nShower regularly, not daily. Twice a week is good because some studies show that a small bacterial build-up is actually good for your body.\\nComb/brush your hair every day. Bed head can sometimes go in your favor, but it's better to play it safe. Find a hairstyle that works for you and use it every day.\\nIf you feel the need, groom your eyebrows.\\nUse deodorant or any antiperspirant. Smelling good is absolutely necessary if you don't want to drive a girl away.\\nBrush, floss and use mouthwash on a bidaily basis.\\nGet plenty of sleep. Tired, bag-ridden guys look like zombies, and that is not going to attract anyone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Understand that girls don't see \\\"hot\\\" until high school.\", \"描述\": \"If you want someone to date you in middle school, you need to understand that until high school, most girls don't think guys their age are \\\"hot\\\"; they see \\\"cute\\\" and \\\"adorable\\\" instead.\\nShave whatever you're trying to grow. One of the best methods to look cute to girls is to look boyish, and facial hair will not accomplish that whatsoever. Don't worry about not looking \\\"manly\\\" around your guy friends who have some decent stubble- you'll look a lot more manly if you get a lady friend.\\nIf at all possible, be a little chubby. Some girls like guys with a little extra (but not too much) body weight because they think it is, as already mentioned, \\\"cute\\\".\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"At School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus primarily on academics.\", \"描述\": \"A guy who is smart is a major attraction to girls. If you have bad grades, a girl is less likely to be attracted to you because she doesn't want to look bad.\\nComplete all assignments, homework, and projects on time and to the best of your ability. You are capable of many things if you put in the effort, and that effort is very attractive to girls.\\nKeep your binder, notebooks, backpack, locker, desk, etc. organized.\\nLearn more about the topic than required.\\nPay attention in class, take notes, and ask questions when you don't understand something.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Participate in extracurricular activities.\", \"描述\": \"If you are into any sport your school offers, take it. Girls love athletes. Even if sports aren't your thing, there are tons of opportunities at your school for you to present yourself in a way you don't often get to.\\nWhatever you end up doing, work your butt off (sometimes literally!) to be the best you can. Girls love guys who do something special, but they definitely like guys who do it well better.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Personality\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't be a heartless jerk.\", \"描述\": \"That is just going to make the girl hate you, and much less want to date you. Be kind to everyone, even if the favor isn't returned. It'll become a habit, and you'll feel better as a person.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be, as girls say, \\\"sweet\\\".\", \"描述\": \"Even if you aren't theoretically dating the girl, give her small things. Try giving girls you like a small portion of your lunch. If you feel the need, get her flowers, a drink, or something similar.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a gentlemen.\", \"描述\": \"Use your manners, hold the door open for her, say please and thank you, things of that nature. A respectful man is an attractive man.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Body/Interests\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep your hair done and not scruffy.\", \"描述\": \"This applies to all hair. Brush and comb it every day, and clean it well when you shower.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pick up an instrument, especially guitar.\", \"描述\": \"Learning how to sing is a massive help too. If you can learn some basic love songs, like the following, it may help a girl fall in love with you.Songs:\\nShe's Always a Woman - Billy Joel\\nYour Love - The Outfield\\nBeast of Burden - The Rolling Stones\\nThe Man Who Lives Forever - Lord Huron\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,862 | How to Be Irresistible to Men | 1. Having an Irresistible Personality
1-1. Be confident
Confidence is one of the most irresistible personality traits a woman can have, so the first step to being irresistible is to learn to love yourself, warts and all!
Think about it -- how can you expect a man to think you're beautiful, smart and cool if you don't believe that you're beautiful, smart and cool?
Stop worrying about your flaws and focus on all of the things you like about yourself -- make a list or repeat positive affirmations if it helps!
Another good tip is to "fake it til you make it." This means pretending that you're full of confidence even if you feel shy or nervous inside. Eventually the confidence will come naturally!
1-2. Be humorous
Having a good sense of humor is always a good thing, especially on the dating scene. Nobody wants a Serious Sally. Plus, you'll look more attractive when you're laughing or smiling.
Having a good sense of humor doesn't mean that you have to be a stand-up comedian (although the ability to make a guy laugh is a bonus). You should at least be able to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously.
Imagine a guy accidentally spills his drink on you. Do you scream at him for ruining your dress, then storm away? Or do you laugh it off and tell him he can buy you a drink to make it up to you? Which version do you think a guy would find more attractive? (Hint: It's the second one.)
1-3. Be nice
Sometimes girls think that acting mysterious and aloof will make them irresistible to men, but this is misguided. If you want a man who's kind-hearted and genuine, it's safer to play nice.
Being nice means being polite and courteous and not treating a would-be suitor like something you'd wipe off the bottom of your shoe (unless the guy's being a total jerk).
If you end up in a conversation with a guy, try to avoid talking about yourself all the time. Express an interest in him and try to really listen to what he's saying. This boosts his ego, unconsciously making him more attracted to you!
Even if you're not interested, you should try to turn the guy down gently. Think about how you'd like to be treated if the situation was reversed.
1-4. Be smart
Let's get one thing straight -- you should never, ever dumb yourself down just to make yourself more attractive to a guy.
This tactic just isn't going to attract the right kind of guy, because any man worth his salt finds intelligence attractive, or even a turn-on!
The right guy will be attracted to your sharp wits, he will appreciate your ability to hold a meaningful conversation and be genuinely interested in your opinion. So don't just sit there with a vacant expression, nodding like a bobblehead!
If you feel like you need to give your conversational skills a boost, the best thing you can do is be informed about current events -- try reading a newspaper or watching the news (if you don't already) and you'll never find yourself short on conversation material
1-5. Be yourself
You've heard it a million times before - be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. Well, you're gonna hear it one more time, because it really is so important - be yourself!
Don't try to play a certain persona just because you think it'll make you more attractive. This rarely works and will just end up being exhausting. Besides, if you think a guy wouldn't like the real you, then what's the point? It's never going to go anywhere!
Of course, it's okay to embellish the truth a little when it comes to small things -- "Sure, I love the Red Sox!" "Yes, I go rock climbing every weekend!" As long as you're not outright lying, a little exaggeration is acceptable for the sake of good conversation.
2. Being Physically Irresistible
2-1. Wear clothes you feel comfortable in.
There's no denying it; what you wear is important -- it tells the world how you want to be seen.
Therefore, it's important to wear clothes that you feel comfortable in -- that express your personality while also making you feel attractive.
Men aren't solely interested in girls who get dolled up to the nines, wearing skin-tight dresses and teetering around in high heels -- although this isn't a bad thing either!
The right guy will be irresistibly attracted to a women who feels comfortable in her own skin, no matter what she's wearing -- a high-powered business suit or paint-splattered overalls.
However, it doesn't hurt to take pride in your appearance by wearing clothes that highlight your best assets -- whether that's your bright, green eyes, your petite waist or your curvaceous booty.
2-2. Do your make-up.
Make-up is a fantastic tool for highlighting your best features, covering up blemishes and generally helping you to feel more confident about your appearance.
The right foundation can cover up a multitude of skin issues -- from acne and redness, to dark spots and under-eye circles. A little contouring can slim a round face, or elongate a short one. Some expertly applied mascara can open your eyes, making them look bigger and brighter. The list goes on.
Make-up shouldn't be plastered on like a mask -- it should be used to highlight your best features and camouflage the ones you're less proud off. And remember -- it's not the make-up itself that will make you more irresistible to men -- it's the confidence that wearing it gives you!
Of course, if you're not a regular make-up wearer and you feel perfectly happy going bare-faced, we're not telling you to do otherwise! Good for you!
2-3. Style your hair.
Beautiful, shiny, well-tended hair can be a big turn-on for guys, so it's important to give it adequate attention.
First and foremost, make an effort to have freshly-washed hair as often as possible. Can you imagine running into the guy of your dreams on a greasy hair day? Mortifying. If you lead a very busy lifestyle, try carrying a can of dry shampoo around in your handbag -- then you can give it a quick spritz in times of emergency.
Get your hair cut regularly, so it looks healthy and well-maintained rather than scraggly and unkempt. If you have color in your hair, don't wait too long between appointments -- you don't want your roots showing!
Experiment with different styles to find a look that works for you and highlights your best features. Could you rock a pixie cut? Or be an ombré-haired goddess? Ask your stylist for some ideas if you're unsure.
2-4. Smell delicious.
Of course, you shouldn't just look good, you should try to appeal to as many of a man's senses as possible! That's why finding your signature scent and smelling irresistibly delicious is so important!
Obviously the first step to smelling great is taking care of personal hygiene. Find some nice smelling shower gel to use during your daily shower and rub on a matching lotion afterwards -- this will help the fragrance to last longer.
Choose a fragrance that matches both your personality and the time of year -- do you want light and fruity, warm and floral, or musky and rich? Don't make a snap decision when it comes to perfume, go to the store and test a sample. Wear it throughout the day to see how the scent develops. If you still like it by the end of the day, you can feel confident about your purchase.
Don't go overboard when it comes to application -- you don't want a guy to be overpowered by the scent. Apply just a small dab on each of your pulse points -- the inside of your wrists, behind your ears, in the crook of your elbows and on your inner thighs. Then he'll get an alluring whiff whenever you walk by!
2-5. Be fit.
You don't need to be a size two to attract a guy, but you do need to take care of yourself and pay attention to your health.
Men are irresistibly attracted to confident women who feel happy and healthy in their own skin -- it's a fact.
So when you're pushing yourself to run that last mile or trying to convince yourself to order a salad instead of a pizza, think about your dream guy -- that should provide some motivation.
Try to find an activity that you enjoy, then the exercise benefits will just be an added bonus. Take up a dance class, do horse riding, learn how to surf -- anything that gets you excited and motivated. This will also give you something interesting to talk about when you're chatting to guys!
Remember that attracting a guy isn't the only or even the best reason to eat well and exercise (you should do it for you), but if that's what gets you motivated, so be it.
3. Being an Irresistible Flirt
3-1. Smile a lot.
Dating coach Connell Barrett stresses that smiling is an essential part of good flirting. Studies have shown that smiling makes you more attractive to the opposite sex -- so what are you waiting for? Flash those pearly whites!
Smiling and laughing also makes you seem much more approachable to men. Which is good if you've been dying for that guy across the bar to come over and talk to you!
Smiling will also make you feel happier and more confident, two very important feeling when it comes to flirting.
3-2. Make eye contact.
Dating coach Connell Barrett agrees that this gesture is a definite sign of interest. Making and holding eye contact is a classic flirting technique which is as effective now as it was hundreds of years ago!
There's something intimate about looking a person directly in the eyes, so making eye contact is a good way to communicate your interest without saying a word.
One trick that guys find particularly irresistible is to stare at the object of your interest until they catch you looking. Hold eye contact for a moment, then smile and look away (while blushing , if possible). He'll be hooked!
3-3. Be a good conversationalist.
No matter how beautiful you look, how good you smell or how bright your smile, you won't be able to hold a guy's attention for long if you can't hold your own in a conversation.
Ask lots of questions -- this gets the guy talking about himself and gives him a chance to show off, which men love. It also prevents you from talking about yourself too much, which can come off as self-centered.
When you're talking, try to drop the guy's name into the conversation as much as possible. As simple as it sounds, this is actually a big turn-on for guys and creates a sense of intimacy between you.
Try to find some common ground, whether it's a love of black and white movies or a passion for your local ice hockey team. This shows him that you're compatible with one another and will allow the conversation to flow more easily.
3-4. Break the touch barrier.
Dating coach Connell Barrett agrees that subtle, playful touches are a great way to show interest. If you've got a good conversation going with your man of interest, you can reel him in even further by breaking the touch barrier.
By making physical contact, you're signalling your interest while also setting his senses tingling and making him want you even more.
The contact can be very subtle -- a light touch on the arm or shoulder, an "accidental" brush of your hand against his, or a gentle lean against his shoulder.
If you're feeling really bold, you can be a little more forthcoming by pretending to fix his collar, tie or hair so you can brush your fingers against his neck or forehead. This also gives you an excuse to get a little closer to him, so take advantage by smiling and making eye contact as you make your move.
3-5. Leave him wanting more.
One of the most important tricks when it comes to flirting is to always leave the guy wanting more. This makes you a little bit mysterious and unattainable and allows the guy to experience the thrill of the chase.
Don't wait until the conversation becomes awkward or boring, try to leave things on a high note. This will require some serious self-control, but the results will be worth it.
Take some initiative and give the guy your number before you leave. You can write it on a scrap of paper and slip it into his pocket, or you can grab his phone and enter it into your contacts. Men love forward-thinking women who are willing to go after what they want.
As you leave, lean in towards him as if for a kiss, but at the last minute turn your head and whisper "I had a great time" in his ear. With those words you'll have him wrapped around your little finger and he won't be able to resist calling you for a date!
Tips
Keep gum or mints handy.
When a guy gives a compliment, accept it gracefully and don't deny it. A simple thank you works.
Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes, even if they're not funny. Just don't laugh at all of them or you'll come off as clingy.
Warnings
Be careful not to be a clingy person, those who are will only come off as annoying.[22]
X
Research source
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:07",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Having an Irresistible Personality\\n1-1. Be confident\\nConfidence is one of the most irresistible personality traits a woman can have, so the first step to being irresistible is to learn to love yourself, warts and all!\\nThink about it -- how can you expect a man to think you're beautiful, smart and cool if you don't believe that you're beautiful, smart and cool?\\nStop worrying about your flaws and focus on all of the things you like about yourself -- make a list or repeat positive affirmations if it helps!\\nAnother good tip is to \\\"fake it til you make it.\\\" This means pretending that you're full of confidence even if you feel shy or nervous inside. Eventually the confidence will come naturally!\\n1-2. Be humorous\\nHaving a good sense of humor is always a good thing, especially on the dating scene. Nobody wants a Serious Sally. Plus, you'll look more attractive when you're laughing or smiling.\\nHaving a good sense of humor doesn't mean that you have to be a stand-up comedian (although the ability to make a guy laugh is a bonus). You should at least be able to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously.\\nImagine a guy accidentally spills his drink on you. Do you scream at him for ruining your dress, then storm away? Or do you laugh it off and tell him he can buy you a drink to make it up to you? Which version do you think a guy would find more attractive? (Hint: It's the second one.)\\n1-3. Be nice\\nSometimes girls think that acting mysterious and aloof will make them irresistible to men, but this is misguided. If you want a man who's kind-hearted and genuine, it's safer to play nice.\\nBeing nice means being polite and courteous and not treating a would-be suitor like something you'd wipe off the bottom of your shoe (unless the guy's being a total jerk).\\nIf you end up in a conversation with a guy, try to avoid talking about yourself all the time. Express an interest in him and try to really listen to what he's saying. This boosts his ego, unconsciously making him more attracted to you!\\nEven if you're not interested, you should try to turn the guy down gently. Think about how you'd like to be treated if the situation was reversed.\\n1-4. Be smart\\nLet's get one thing straight -- you should never, ever dumb yourself down just to make yourself more attractive to a guy.\\nThis tactic just isn't going to attract the right kind of guy, because any man worth his salt finds intelligence attractive, or even a turn-on!\\nThe right guy will be attracted to your sharp wits, he will appreciate your ability to hold a meaningful conversation and be genuinely interested in your opinion. So don't just sit there with a vacant expression, nodding like a bobblehead!\\nIf you feel like you need to give your conversational skills a boost, the best thing you can do is be informed about current events -- try reading a newspaper or watching the news (if you don't already) and you'll never find yourself short on conversation material\\n1-5. Be yourself\\nYou've heard it a million times before - be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. Well, you're gonna hear it one more time, because it really is so important - be yourself!\\nDon't try to play a certain persona just because you think it'll make you more attractive. This rarely works and will just end up being exhausting. Besides, if you think a guy wouldn't like the real you, then what's the point? It's never going to go anywhere!\\nOf course, it's okay to embellish the truth a little when it comes to small things -- \\\"Sure, I love the Red Sox!\\\" \\\"Yes, I go rock climbing every weekend!\\\" As long as you're not outright lying, a little exaggeration is acceptable for the sake of good conversation.\\n2. Being Physically Irresistible\\n2-1. Wear clothes you feel comfortable in.\\nThere's no denying it; what you wear is important -- it tells the world how you want to be seen.\\nTherefore, it's important to wear clothes that you feel comfortable in -- that express your personality while also making you feel attractive.\\nMen aren't solely interested in girls who get dolled up to the nines, wearing skin-tight dresses and teetering around in high heels -- although this isn't a bad thing either!\\nThe right guy will be irresistibly attracted to a women who feels comfortable in her own skin, no matter what she's wearing -- a high-powered business suit or paint-splattered overalls.\\nHowever, it doesn't hurt to take pride in your appearance by wearing clothes that highlight your best assets -- whether that's your bright, green eyes, your petite waist or your curvaceous booty.\\n2-2. Do your make-up.\\nMake-up is a fantastic tool for highlighting your best features, covering up blemishes and generally helping you to feel more confident about your appearance.\\nThe right foundation can cover up a multitude of skin issues -- from acne and redness, to dark spots and under-eye circles. A little contouring can slim a round face, or elongate a short one. Some expertly applied mascara can open your eyes, making them look bigger and brighter. The list goes on.\\nMake-up shouldn't be plastered on like a mask -- it should be used to highlight your best features and camouflage the ones you're less proud off. And remember -- it's not the make-up itself that will make you more irresistible to men -- it's the confidence that wearing it gives you!\\nOf course, if you're not a regular make-up wearer and you feel perfectly happy going bare-faced, we're not telling you to do otherwise! Good for you!\\n2-3. Style your hair.\\nBeautiful, shiny, well-tended hair can be a big turn-on for guys, so it's important to give it adequate attention.\\nFirst and foremost, make an effort to have freshly-washed hair as often as possible. Can you imagine running into the guy of your dreams on a greasy hair day? Mortifying. If you lead a very busy lifestyle, try carrying a can of dry shampoo around in your handbag -- then you can give it a quick spritz in times of emergency.\\nGet your hair cut regularly, so it looks healthy and well-maintained rather than scraggly and unkempt. If you have color in your hair, don't wait too long between appointments -- you don't want your roots showing!\\nExperiment with different styles to find a look that works for you and highlights your best features. Could you rock a pixie cut? Or be an ombré-haired goddess? Ask your stylist for some ideas if you're unsure.\\n2-4. Smell delicious.\\nOf course, you shouldn't just look good, you should try to appeal to as many of a man's senses as possible! That's why finding your signature scent and smelling irresistibly delicious is so important!\\nObviously the first step to smelling great is taking care of personal hygiene. Find some nice smelling shower gel to use during your daily shower and rub on a matching lotion afterwards -- this will help the fragrance to last longer.\\nChoose a fragrance that matches both your personality and the time of year -- do you want light and fruity, warm and floral, or musky and rich? Don't make a snap decision when it comes to perfume, go to the store and test a sample. Wear it throughout the day to see how the scent develops. If you still like it by the end of the day, you can feel confident about your purchase.\\nDon't go overboard when it comes to application -- you don't want a guy to be overpowered by the scent. Apply just a small dab on each of your pulse points -- the inside of your wrists, behind your ears, in the crook of your elbows and on your inner thighs. Then he'll get an alluring whiff whenever you walk by!\\n2-5. Be fit.\\nYou don't need to be a size two to attract a guy, but you do need to take care of yourself and pay attention to your health.\\nMen are irresistibly attracted to confident women who feel happy and healthy in their own skin -- it's a fact.\\nSo when you're pushing yourself to run that last mile or trying to convince yourself to order a salad instead of a pizza, think about your dream guy -- that should provide some motivation.\\nTry to find an activity that you enjoy, then the exercise benefits will just be an added bonus. Take up a dance class, do horse riding, learn how to surf -- anything that gets you excited and motivated. This will also give you something interesting to talk about when you're chatting to guys!\\nRemember that attracting a guy isn't the only or even the best reason to eat well and exercise (you should do it for you), but if that's what gets you motivated, so be it.\\n3. Being an Irresistible Flirt\\n3-1. Smile a lot.\\nDating coach Connell Barrett stresses that smiling is an essential part of good flirting. Studies have shown that smiling makes you more attractive to the opposite sex -- so what are you waiting for? Flash those pearly whites!\\n\\nSmiling and laughing also makes you seem much more approachable to men. Which is good if you've been dying for that guy across the bar to come over and talk to you!\\nSmiling will also make you feel happier and more confident, two very important feeling when it comes to flirting.\\n3-2. Make eye contact.\\nDating coach Connell Barrett agrees that this gesture is a definite sign of interest. Making and holding eye contact is a classic flirting technique which is as effective now as it was hundreds of years ago!\\nThere's something intimate about looking a person directly in the eyes, so making eye contact is a good way to communicate your interest without saying a word.\\nOne trick that guys find particularly irresistible is to stare at the object of your interest until they catch you looking. Hold eye contact for a moment, then smile and look away (while blushing , if possible). He'll be hooked!\\n3-3. Be a good conversationalist.\\nNo matter how beautiful you look, how good you smell or how bright your smile, you won't be able to hold a guy's attention for long if you can't hold your own in a conversation.\\nAsk lots of questions -- this gets the guy talking about himself and gives him a chance to show off, which men love. It also prevents you from talking about yourself too much, which can come off as self-centered.\\nWhen you're talking, try to drop the guy's name into the conversation as much as possible. As simple as it sounds, this is actually a big turn-on for guys and creates a sense of intimacy between you.\\nTry to find some common ground, whether it's a love of black and white movies or a passion for your local ice hockey team. This shows him that you're compatible with one another and will allow the conversation to flow more easily.\\n3-4. Break the touch barrier.\\nDating coach Connell Barrett agrees that subtle, playful touches are a great way to show interest. If you've got a good conversation going with your man of interest, you can reel him in even further by breaking the touch barrier.\\nBy making physical contact, you're signalling your interest while also setting his senses tingling and making him want you even more.\\nThe contact can be very subtle -- a light touch on the arm or shoulder, an \\\"accidental\\\" brush of your hand against his, or a gentle lean against his shoulder.\\nIf you're feeling really bold, you can be a little more forthcoming by pretending to fix his collar, tie or hair so you can brush your fingers against his neck or forehead. This also gives you an excuse to get a little closer to him, so take advantage by smiling and making eye contact as you make your move.\\n3-5. Leave him wanting more.\\nOne of the most important tricks when it comes to flirting is to always leave the guy wanting more. This makes you a little bit mysterious and unattainable and allows the guy to experience the thrill of the chase.\\nDon't wait until the conversation becomes awkward or boring, try to leave things on a high note. This will require some serious self-control, but the results will be worth it.\\nTake some initiative and give the guy your number before you leave. You can write it on a scrap of paper and slip it into his pocket, or you can grab his phone and enter it into your contacts. Men love forward-thinking women who are willing to go after what they want.\\nAs you leave, lean in towards him as if for a kiss, but at the last minute turn your head and whisper \\\"I had a great time\\\" in his ear. With those words you'll have him wrapped around your little finger and he won't be able to resist calling you for a date!\\nTips\\nKeep gum or mints handy.\\nWhen a guy gives a compliment, accept it gracefully and don't deny it. A simple thank you works.\\nGuys like it when you laugh at their jokes, even if they're not funny. Just don't laugh at all of them or you'll come off as clingy.\\nWarnings\\nBe careful not to be a clingy person, those who are will only come off as annoying.[22]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being irresistible to members of the opposite sex is about accentuating every one of your strengths -- whether they're mental, physical or emotional -- and having the confidence to go after what you want. Remember that being irresistible is less about them and more about you, so focus on yourself first. Be the best you that you can be and the men will soon come flocking!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Having an Irresistible Personality\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"Confidence is one of the most irresistible personality traits a woman can have, so the first step to being irresistible is to learn to love yourself, warts and all!\\nThink about it -- how can you expect a man to think you're beautiful, smart and cool if you don't believe that you're beautiful, smart and cool?\\nStop worrying about your flaws and focus on all of the things you like about yourself -- make a list or repeat positive affirmations if it helps!\\nAnother good tip is to \\\"fake it til you make it.\\\" This means pretending that you're full of confidence even if you feel shy or nervous inside. Eventually the confidence will come naturally!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be humorous\", \"描述\": \"Having a good sense of humor is always a good thing, especially on the dating scene. Nobody wants a Serious Sally. Plus, you'll look more attractive when you're laughing or smiling.\\nHaving a good sense of humor doesn't mean that you have to be a stand-up comedian (although the ability to make a guy laugh is a bonus). You should at least be able to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously.\\nImagine a guy accidentally spills his drink on you. Do you scream at him for ruining your dress, then storm away? Or do you laugh it off and tell him he can buy you a drink to make it up to you? Which version do you think a guy would find more attractive? (Hint: It's the second one.)\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be nice\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes girls think that acting mysterious and aloof will make them irresistible to men, but this is misguided. If you want a man who's kind-hearted and genuine, it's safer to play nice.\\nBeing nice means being polite and courteous and not treating a would-be suitor like something you'd wipe off the bottom of your shoe (unless the guy's being a total jerk).\\nIf you end up in a conversation with a guy, try to avoid talking about yourself all the time. Express an interest in him and try to really listen to what he's saying. This boosts his ego, unconsciously making him more attracted to you!\\nEven if you're not interested, you should try to turn the guy down gently. Think about how you'd like to be treated if the situation was reversed.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be smart\", \"描述\": \"Let's get one thing straight -- you should never, ever dumb yourself down just to make yourself more attractive to a guy.\\nThis tactic just isn't going to attract the right kind of guy, because any man worth his salt finds intelligence attractive, or even a turn-on!\\nThe right guy will be attracted to your sharp wits, he will appreciate your ability to hold a meaningful conversation and be genuinely interested in your opinion. So don't just sit there with a vacant expression, nodding like a bobblehead!\\nIf you feel like you need to give your conversational skills a boost, the best thing you can do is be informed about current events -- try reading a newspaper or watching the news (if you don't already) and you'll never find yourself short on conversation material\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be yourself\", \"描述\": \"You've heard it a million times before - be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. Well, you're gonna hear it one more time, because it really is so important - be yourself!\\nDon't try to play a certain persona just because you think it'll make you more attractive. This rarely works and will just end up being exhausting. Besides, if you think a guy wouldn't like the real you, then what's the point? It's never going to go anywhere!\\nOf course, it's okay to embellish the truth a little when it comes to small things -- \\\"Sure, I love the Red Sox!\\\" \\\"Yes, I go rock climbing every weekend!\\\" As long as you're not outright lying, a little exaggeration is acceptable for the sake of good conversation.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Physically Irresistible\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear clothes you feel comfortable in.\", \"描述\": \"There's no denying it; what you wear is important -- it tells the world how you want to be seen.\\nTherefore, it's important to wear clothes that you feel comfortable in -- that express your personality while also making you feel attractive.\\nMen aren't solely interested in girls who get dolled up to the nines, wearing skin-tight dresses and teetering around in high heels -- although this isn't a bad thing either!\\nThe right guy will be irresistibly attracted to a women who feels comfortable in her own skin, no matter what she's wearing -- a high-powered business suit or paint-splattered overalls.\\nHowever, it doesn't hurt to take pride in your appearance by wearing clothes that highlight your best assets -- whether that's your bright, green eyes, your petite waist or your curvaceous booty.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do your make-up.\", \"描述\": \"Make-up is a fantastic tool for highlighting your best features, covering up blemishes and generally helping you to feel more confident about your appearance.\\nThe right foundation can cover up a multitude of skin issues -- from acne and redness, to dark spots and under-eye circles. A little contouring can slim a round face, or elongate a short one. Some expertly applied mascara can open your eyes, making them look bigger and brighter. The list goes on.\\nMake-up shouldn't be plastered on like a mask -- it should be used to highlight your best features and camouflage the ones you're less proud off. And remember -- it's not the make-up itself that will make you more irresistible to men -- it's the confidence that wearing it gives you!\\nOf course, if you're not a regular make-up wearer and you feel perfectly happy going bare-faced, we're not telling you to do otherwise! Good for you!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Style your hair.\", \"描述\": \"Beautiful, shiny, well-tended hair can be a big turn-on for guys, so it's important to give it adequate attention.\\nFirst and foremost, make an effort to have freshly-washed hair as often as possible. Can you imagine running into the guy of your dreams on a greasy hair day? Mortifying. If you lead a very busy lifestyle, try carrying a can of dry shampoo around in your handbag -- then you can give it a quick spritz in times of emergency.\\nGet your hair cut regularly, so it looks healthy and well-maintained rather than scraggly and unkempt. If you have color in your hair, don't wait too long between appointments -- you don't want your roots showing!\\nExperiment with different styles to find a look that works for you and highlights your best features. Could you rock a pixie cut? Or be an ombré-haired goddess? Ask your stylist for some ideas if you're unsure.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Smell delicious.\", \"描述\": \"Of course, you shouldn't just look good, you should try to appeal to as many of a man's senses as possible! That's why finding your signature scent and smelling irresistibly delicious is so important!\\nObviously the first step to smelling great is taking care of personal hygiene. Find some nice smelling shower gel to use during your daily shower and rub on a matching lotion afterwards -- this will help the fragrance to last longer.\\nChoose a fragrance that matches both your personality and the time of year -- do you want light and fruity, warm and floral, or musky and rich? Don't make a snap decision when it comes to perfume, go to the store and test a sample. Wear it throughout the day to see how the scent develops. If you still like it by the end of the day, you can feel confident about your purchase.\\nDon't go overboard when it comes to application -- you don't want a guy to be overpowered by the scent. Apply just a small dab on each of your pulse points -- the inside of your wrists, behind your ears, in the crook of your elbows and on your inner thighs. Then he'll get an alluring whiff whenever you walk by!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be fit.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to be a size two to attract a guy, but you do need to take care of yourself and pay attention to your health.\\nMen are irresistibly attracted to confident women who feel happy and healthy in their own skin -- it's a fact.\\nSo when you're pushing yourself to run that last mile or trying to convince yourself to order a salad instead of a pizza, think about your dream guy -- that should provide some motivation.\\nTry to find an activity that you enjoy, then the exercise benefits will just be an added bonus. Take up a dance class, do horse riding, learn how to surf -- anything that gets you excited and motivated. This will also give you something interesting to talk about when you're chatting to guys!\\nRemember that attracting a guy isn't the only or even the best reason to eat well and exercise (you should do it for you), but if that's what gets you motivated, so be it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being an Irresistible Flirt\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Smile a lot.\", \"描述\": \"Dating coach Connell Barrett stresses that smiling is an essential part of good flirting. Studies have shown that smiling makes you more attractive to the opposite sex -- so what are you waiting for? Flash those pearly whites!\\n\\nSmiling and laughing also makes you seem much more approachable to men. Which is good if you've been dying for that guy across the bar to come over and talk to you!\\nSmiling will also make you feel happier and more confident, two very important feeling when it comes to flirting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"Dating coach Connell Barrett agrees that this gesture is a definite sign of interest. Making and holding eye contact is a classic flirting technique which is as effective now as it was hundreds of years ago!\\nThere's something intimate about looking a person directly in the eyes, so making eye contact is a good way to communicate your interest without saying a word.\\nOne trick that guys find particularly irresistible is to stare at the object of your interest until they catch you looking. Hold eye contact for a moment, then smile and look away (while blushing , if possible). He'll be hooked!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a good conversationalist.\", \"描述\": \"No matter how beautiful you look, how good you smell or how bright your smile, you won't be able to hold a guy's attention for long if you can't hold your own in a conversation.\\nAsk lots of questions -- this gets the guy talking about himself and gives him a chance to show off, which men love. It also prevents you from talking about yourself too much, which can come off as self-centered.\\nWhen you're talking, try to drop the guy's name into the conversation as much as possible. As simple as it sounds, this is actually a big turn-on for guys and creates a sense of intimacy between you.\\nTry to find some common ground, whether it's a love of black and white movies or a passion for your local ice hockey team. This shows him that you're compatible with one another and will allow the conversation to flow more easily.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Break the touch barrier.\", \"描述\": \"Dating coach Connell Barrett agrees that subtle, playful touches are a great way to show interest. If you've got a good conversation going with your man of interest, you can reel him in even further by breaking the touch barrier.\\nBy making physical contact, you're signalling your interest while also setting his senses tingling and making him want you even more.\\nThe contact can be very subtle -- a light touch on the arm or shoulder, an \\\"accidental\\\" brush of your hand against his, or a gentle lean against his shoulder.\\nIf you're feeling really bold, you can be a little more forthcoming by pretending to fix his collar, tie or hair so you can brush your fingers against his neck or forehead. This also gives you an excuse to get a little closer to him, so take advantage by smiling and making eye contact as you make your move.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Leave him wanting more.\", \"描述\": \"One of the most important tricks when it comes to flirting is to always leave the guy wanting more. This makes you a little bit mysterious and unattainable and allows the guy to experience the thrill of the chase.\\nDon't wait until the conversation becomes awkward or boring, try to leave things on a high note. This will require some serious self-control, but the results will be worth it.\\nTake some initiative and give the guy your number before you leave. You can write it on a scrap of paper and slip it into his pocket, or you can grab his phone and enter it into your contacts. Men love forward-thinking women who are willing to go after what they want.\\nAs you leave, lean in towards him as if for a kiss, but at the last minute turn your head and whisper \\\"I had a great time\\\" in his ear. With those words you'll have him wrapped around your little finger and he won't be able to resist calling you for a date!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Keep gum or mints handy.\\n\", \"When a guy gives a compliment, accept it gracefully and don't deny it. A simple thank you works.\\n\", \"Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes, even if they're not funny. Just don't laugh at all of them or you'll come off as clingy.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be careful not to be a clingy person, those who are will only come off as annoying.[22]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,863 | How to Be Irresistible to Women | 1. Be yourself instead of putting on an act.
Don’t lie about your interests or pretend to be someone else.
Women will be able to tell if you try to be someone you’re not, so just be honest. Being irresistible isn’t about putting on a show; truly irresistible people are authentic.
For example, if you don’t like sports, don’t tell a girl you like that you’re great at football just to impress her. Instead, look for interests that you actually share. There's a better chance that she'll be attracted to you if you truly have things in common.
Additionally, authentic people are trustworthy. If people know they can trust you, they’re more likely to gravitate toward you.
Be yourself, but don’t feel like you have to lay out all of your baggage when you’re just getting to know someone. Being honest doesn’t mean you need to confess your deepest secrets on the first date.
2. Project confidence with your body language.
Try to keep your body language open to show others that you’re at ease.
For example, maintain good posture instead of slouching. When you sit down, get in a comfortable, natural position instead of sitting rigidly.
Instead of keeping your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, make hand gestures when you speak to emphasize your points.
Don’t strike poses or make gestures that make you uncomfortable. If you’re naturally shy, for instance, standing straight and tall can project a quiet confidence. Don’t feel like you have to make grand gestures as if you were performing onstage.
3. Tell a good joke to break the ice.
Jokes are especially helpful if you’re nervous and aren’t sure what to say.
You don’t have to do full a stand up routine, but a sense of humor almost always goes a long way. If you’re not good at making witty comments off the top of your head, try memorizing a couple of quick witticisms.
Look online for jokes or check out comedy routines. It’s wise to keep your material tame, especially if you’re just getting to know someone. Additionally, unless you have an established relationship and tease each other, don't tell a joke at her expense.
4. Listen and ask questions when you have conversations.
Ask questions related to what the other person has said to keep conversations going.
Make eye contact during conversations, but keep in mind you shouldn’t unblinkingly stare at the other person. When appropriate, nod your head and say things like “Yes” or “That’s interesting” to let them know you’re listening.
When you’re talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter, ask questions to keep the conversation going. If they told you that they love music, ask about their favorite genres or bands instead of changing the subject.
5. Pay respectful, sincere compliments.
Saying a genuinely nice thing lets her know that you’re really interested.
Avoid heaping on insincere praise, and point out a quality or achievement that you truly admire. Be sure to compliment a woman you like on things other than her looks, and never make inappropriate or sexually charged comments.
Offer thoughtful compliments such as, “You made such a sharp point in class today,” “You’re a brilliant singer,” or “You have great taste in music.”
Comments about appearance are occasionally welcome, provided they're respectful and balanced with compliments about personality. For instance, telling someone “You're absolutely beautiful” or “That's a really nice dress—I love your style!” can be sweet, but saying “Hey hottie, you're looking good!” isn't very nice.
6. Give her space instead of coming on too strong.
Coming on too strong might make you seem a little needy.
Irresistible people are magnetic; they attract people, but they don’t beg for attention. Furthermore, when it comes to dating, coming on too strong can turn off the object of your affection. If you find yourself sending multiple paragraph-long texts and receiving one-word responses, it’s time to give your crush some space.
Bear in mind giving someone space doesn’t mean you need to play hard to get or ignore them completely. You can be honest about your feelings without seeming needy or desperate for attention.
For instance, if you want to ask your crush to hang out, say, “I’ve really wanted to try that new coffee place. Want to meet up there later today?”
After a first or second date, it’s okay to say (or text) “I had a great time on our date!” However, you probably don’t want to send a 5-page text gushing about how you’re madly in love with her.
7. Keep up with your hygiene and grooming.
Bathe regularly, brush your teeth twice a day, floss daily, and wash and comb your hair.
In addition to personal grooming, practice healthy hygiene habits, such as washing your hands often, coughing into your sleeve, and keeping your hands out of your face.
Good personal hygiene is more than just a basic part of looking your best. It shows that you take care of yourself, and being able to meet your needs is an attractive quality. Plus, you won’t attract many people if you look sloppy, smell, or pick your nose in public!
8. Maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Focus on making healthy choices in your life without obsessing Eat a healthy diet, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night, or the amount recommended for your age.
Try not to obsess about having the perfect body or being in perfect shape.
Like personal hygiene, making healthy lifestyle choices shows others that you care about being the best person you can be.
9. Wear presentable, occasion-appropriate clothes.
Choose clothes that fit you well and make you feel good.
Make sure your outfit is clean and presentable when you leave the house. Keep in mind you don’t need to dress up to be well-dressed. Always aim to wear clothes that are appropriate for the setting.
For instance, wearing a tucked-in button-up shirt and dress pants to a picnic where everyone is wearing shorts and sandals might feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, wearing a stained, wrinkled tee shirt and pajama bottoms when you’re out and about won’t attract many women.
10. Make sure you smell great.
Wear scented deodorant and cologne or perfume to improve body odor.
Body odor and bad breath are turn-offs for just about everyone, and smelling great can help you make an irresistible impression.
Keep in mind too much cologne or perfume is just as unattractive as bad body odor. Less is more, especially if the scent you’re wearing is strong. Just apply 1 to 2 sprays to your neck and wrists.
Additionally, keep mints or gum handy to keep your breath smelling fresh.
11. Look your best, but don’t come off as vain.
While you should put your best foot forward, you shouldn’t constantly check the mirror.
Put effort into your appearance, but don’t obsess about how you look. Make sure you look clean and neat, then just try to be comfortable in your own skin.
Women won’t find you attractive if you come off as conceited. On the other hand, if you’re constantly checking your appearance, you might seem insecure, which is not an irresistible quality.
12. Work on building self-confidence.
Don’t come off as arrogant, but be proud of who you are.
Irresistible people are at ease with themselves and have a quiet confidence. You’ll put others at ease if you stand tall and speak with confidence, and women (and people in general) will want to spend more time with you.
Putting yourself down and constantly second-guessing yourself makes others feel uncomfortable. Learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t be afraid to look goofy or say the wrong thing. Remember that no one’s perfect, and everyone says something silly from time to time.
13. Maintain a fun, positive outlook.
Things won’t always go your way, but you should still look on the bright side of life.
When you go on dates or converse with women, try not to be negative, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Focus on having fun, and try to sincerely enjoy getting to know the other person.
Optimism is an attractive quality, and women will be more likely to find you irresistible if hanging out with you is fun.
It’s okay to vent to a loved one if something bad happens, but avoid laying all of your problems on someone you’re just getting to know. For instance, if you’re on a first date, don’t go on and on about how bad your day was or complain about everything that’s wrong with the world.
14. Remind yourself that others’ opinions don’t define you.
Don’t get upset if one person judges you or isn’t attracted to you.
What’s attractive to one person might be a major turn-off for another. Taste is subjective, and women, and people in general, are unique individuals.
Remember that attraction isn’t a choice; it just happens. If someone doesn’t find you irresistible, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
That said, if someone expresses a negative opinion of you, it’s okay to think about how you can use that feedback to improve yourself. If, for example, someone says you talk a lot, work on listening and asking questions when you have conversations.
15. Commit to your own self-improvement.
Women are attracted to people who strive to improve themselves.
Come up with a list of personal, professional, and financial goals. Examples include taking up a new hobby, sticking to a fitness plan, earning a promotion, and buying a car or a house.
Big long-term goals can feel overwhelming, so break them up into smaller steps. If, for instance, your goal is to buy a house, negotiate a raise at work, use the raise to save for a down payment, build credit, and take a financial literacy class for first-time homeowners.
Tips
There's a line between confidence and overconfidence. Having self-esteem doesn't mean you should brag or tell everyone how great you are.
Remember not to treat rejection as the end of the world. If someone is attracted to you or doesn't find you irresistible, don't worry. You'll meet the right person eventually!
Don't gossip or treat people poorly. Your reputation precedes you, and irresistible people show respect and have integrity.
Warnings
Never make unwanted advances and respect a woman’s wishes if she doesn’t want to talk to you or be touched.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Be yourself instead of putting on an act.\\nDon’t lie about your interests or pretend to be someone else.\\nWomen will be able to tell if you try to be someone you’re not, so just be honest. Being irresistible isn’t about putting on a show; truly irresistible people are authentic.\\nFor example, if you don’t like sports, don’t tell a girl you like that you’re great at football just to impress her. Instead, look for interests that you actually share. There's a better chance that she'll be attracted to you if you truly have things in common.\\nAdditionally, authentic people are trustworthy. If people know they can trust you, they’re more likely to gravitate toward you.\\nBe yourself, but don’t feel like you have to lay out all of your baggage when you’re just getting to know someone. Being honest doesn’t mean you need to confess your deepest secrets on the first date.\\n2. Project confidence with your body language.\\nTry to keep your body language open to show others that you’re at ease.\\nFor example, maintain good posture instead of slouching. When you sit down, get in a comfortable, natural position instead of sitting rigidly.\\nInstead of keeping your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, make hand gestures when you speak to emphasize your points.\\nDon’t strike poses or make gestures that make you uncomfortable. If you’re naturally shy, for instance, standing straight and tall can project a quiet confidence. Don’t feel like you have to make grand gestures as if you were performing onstage.\\n3. Tell a good joke to break the ice.\\nJokes are especially helpful if you’re nervous and aren’t sure what to say.\\nYou don’t have to do full a stand up routine, but a sense of humor almost always goes a long way. If you’re not good at making witty comments off the top of your head, try memorizing a couple of quick witticisms.\\nLook online for jokes or check out comedy routines. It’s wise to keep your material tame, especially if you’re just getting to know someone. Additionally, unless you have an established relationship and tease each other, don't tell a joke at her expense.\\n4. Listen and ask questions when you have conversations.\\nAsk questions related to what the other person has said to keep conversations going.\\nMake eye contact during conversations, but keep in mind you shouldn’t unblinkingly stare at the other person. When appropriate, nod your head and say things like “Yes” or “That’s interesting” to let them know you’re listening.\\nWhen you’re talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter, ask questions to keep the conversation going. If they told you that they love music, ask about their favorite genres or bands instead of changing the subject.\\n5. Pay respectful, sincere compliments.\\nSaying a genuinely nice thing lets her know that you’re really interested.\\nAvoid heaping on insincere praise, and point out a quality or achievement that you truly admire. Be sure to compliment a woman you like on things other than her looks, and never make inappropriate or sexually charged comments.\\nOffer thoughtful compliments such as, “You made such a sharp point in class today,” “You’re a brilliant singer,” or “You have great taste in music.”\\nComments about appearance are occasionally welcome, provided they're respectful and balanced with compliments about personality. For instance, telling someone “You're absolutely beautiful” or “That's a really nice dress—I love your style!” can be sweet, but saying “Hey hottie, you're looking good!” isn't very nice.\\n6. Give her space instead of coming on too strong.\\nComing on too strong might make you seem a little needy.\\nIrresistible people are magnetic; they attract people, but they don’t beg for attention. Furthermore, when it comes to dating, coming on too strong can turn off the object of your affection. If you find yourself sending multiple paragraph-long texts and receiving one-word responses, it’s time to give your crush some space.\\nBear in mind giving someone space doesn’t mean you need to play hard to get or ignore them completely. You can be honest about your feelings without seeming needy or desperate for attention.\\nFor instance, if you want to ask your crush to hang out, say, “I’ve really wanted to try that new coffee place. Want to meet up there later today?”\\nAfter a first or second date, it’s okay to say (or text) “I had a great time on our date!” However, you probably don’t want to send a 5-page text gushing about how you’re madly in love with her.\\n7. Keep up with your hygiene and grooming.\\nBathe regularly, brush your teeth twice a day, floss daily, and wash and comb your hair.\\nIn addition to personal grooming, practice healthy hygiene habits, such as washing your hands often, coughing into your sleeve, and keeping your hands out of your face.\\nGood personal hygiene is more than just a basic part of looking your best. It shows that you take care of yourself, and being able to meet your needs is an attractive quality. Plus, you won’t attract many people if you look sloppy, smell, or pick your nose in public!\\n8. Maintain a healthy lifestyle.\\nFocus on making healthy choices in your life without obsessing Eat a healthy diet, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night, or the amount recommended for your age.\\nTry not to obsess about having the perfect body or being in perfect shape.\\nLike personal hygiene, making healthy lifestyle choices shows others that you care about being the best person you can be.\\n9. Wear presentable, occasion-appropriate clothes.\\nChoose clothes that fit you well and make you feel good.\\nMake sure your outfit is clean and presentable when you leave the house. Keep in mind you don’t need to dress up to be well-dressed. Always aim to wear clothes that are appropriate for the setting.\\nFor instance, wearing a tucked-in button-up shirt and dress pants to a picnic where everyone is wearing shorts and sandals might feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, wearing a stained, wrinkled tee shirt and pajama bottoms when you’re out and about won’t attract many women.\\n10. Make sure you smell great.\\nWear scented deodorant and cologne or perfume to improve body odor.\\nBody odor and bad breath are turn-offs for just about everyone, and smelling great can help you make an irresistible impression.\\nKeep in mind too much cologne or perfume is just as unattractive as bad body odor. Less is more, especially if the scent you’re wearing is strong. Just apply 1 to 2 sprays to your neck and wrists.\\nAdditionally, keep mints or gum handy to keep your breath smelling fresh.\\n11. Look your best, but don’t come off as vain.\\nWhile you should put your best foot forward, you shouldn’t constantly check the mirror.\\nPut effort into your appearance, but don’t obsess about how you look. Make sure you look clean and neat, then just try to be comfortable in your own skin.\\nWomen won’t find you attractive if you come off as conceited. On the other hand, if you’re constantly checking your appearance, you might seem insecure, which is not an irresistible quality.\\n12. Work on building self-confidence.\\nDon’t come off as arrogant, but be proud of who you are.\\nIrresistible people are at ease with themselves and have a quiet confidence. You’ll put others at ease if you stand tall and speak with confidence, and women (and people in general) will want to spend more time with you.\\nPutting yourself down and constantly second-guessing yourself makes others feel uncomfortable. Learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t be afraid to look goofy or say the wrong thing. Remember that no one’s perfect, and everyone says something silly from time to time.\\n13. Maintain a fun, positive outlook.\\nThings won’t always go your way, but you should still look on the bright side of life.\\nWhen you go on dates or converse with women, try not to be negative, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Focus on having fun, and try to sincerely enjoy getting to know the other person.\\nOptimism is an attractive quality, and women will be more likely to find you irresistible if hanging out with you is fun.\\nIt’s okay to vent to a loved one if something bad happens, but avoid laying all of your problems on someone you’re just getting to know. For instance, if you’re on a first date, don’t go on and on about how bad your day was or complain about everything that’s wrong with the world.\\n14. Remind yourself that others’ opinions don’t define you.\\nDon’t get upset if one person judges you or isn’t attracted to you.\\nWhat’s attractive to one person might be a major turn-off for another. Taste is subjective, and women, and people in general, are unique individuals.\\nRemember that attraction isn’t a choice; it just happens. If someone doesn’t find you irresistible, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.\\nThat said, if someone expresses a negative opinion of you, it’s okay to think about how you can use that feedback to improve yourself. If, for example, someone says you talk a lot, work on listening and asking questions when you have conversations.\\n15. Commit to your own self-improvement.\\nWomen are attracted to people who strive to improve themselves.\\nCome up with a list of personal, professional, and financial goals. Examples include taking up a new hobby, sticking to a fitness plan, earning a promotion, and buying a car or a house.\\nBig long-term goals can feel overwhelming, so break them up into smaller steps. If, for instance, your goal is to buy a house, negotiate a raise at work, use the raise to save for a down payment, build credit, and take a financial literacy class for first-time homeowners.\\nTips\\nThere's a line between confidence and overconfidence. Having self-esteem doesn't mean you should brag or tell everyone how great you are.\\nRemember not to treat rejection as the end of the world. If someone is attracted to you or doesn't find you irresistible, don't worry. You'll meet the right person eventually!\\nDon't gossip or treat people poorly. Your reputation precedes you, and irresistible people show respect and have integrity.\\nWarnings\\nNever make unwanted advances and respect a woman’s wishes if she doesn’t want to talk to you or be touched.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Has a lovely lady caught your eye that you want to spend more time with? If you want women to find you irresistible, there are a ton of little tricks you can use to instantly seem more attractive. Be yourself, be honest, and show respect when you talk to women. If you take care of yourself, more people will enjoy your company and, as a bonus, you’ll live your best life!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be yourself instead of putting on an act.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t lie about your interests or pretend to be someone else.\", \"描述\": \"Women will be able to tell if you try to be someone you’re not, so just be honest. Being irresistible isn’t about putting on a show; truly irresistible people are authentic.\\nFor example, if you don’t like sports, don’t tell a girl you like that you’re great at football just to impress her. Instead, look for interests that you actually share. There's a better chance that she'll be attracted to you if you truly have things in common.\\nAdditionally, authentic people are trustworthy. If people know they can trust you, they’re more likely to gravitate toward you.\\nBe yourself, but don’t feel like you have to lay out all of your baggage when you’re just getting to know someone. Being honest doesn’t mean you need to confess your deepest secrets on the first date.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Project confidence with your body language.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try to keep your body language open to show others that you’re at ease.\", \"描述\": \"For example, maintain good posture instead of slouching. When you sit down, get in a comfortable, natural position instead of sitting rigidly.\\nInstead of keeping your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, make hand gestures when you speak to emphasize your points.\\nDon’t strike poses or make gestures that make you uncomfortable. If you’re naturally shy, for instance, standing straight and tall can project a quiet confidence. Don’t feel like you have to make grand gestures as if you were performing onstage.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Tell a good joke to break the ice.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Jokes are especially helpful if you’re nervous and aren’t sure what to say.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t have to do full a stand up routine, but a sense of humor almost always goes a long way. If you’re not good at making witty comments off the top of your head, try memorizing a couple of quick witticisms.\\nLook online for jokes or check out comedy routines. It’s wise to keep your material tame, especially if you’re just getting to know someone. Additionally, unless you have an established relationship and tease each other, don't tell a joke at her expense.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen and ask questions when you have conversations.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask questions related to what the other person has said to keep conversations going.\", \"描述\": \"Make eye contact during conversations, but keep in mind you shouldn’t unblinkingly stare at the other person. When appropriate, nod your head and say things like “Yes” or “That’s interesting” to let them know you’re listening.\\nWhen you’re talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter, ask questions to keep the conversation going. If they told you that they love music, ask about their favorite genres or bands instead of changing the subject.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Pay respectful, sincere compliments.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Saying a genuinely nice thing lets her know that you’re really interested.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid heaping on insincere praise, and point out a quality or achievement that you truly admire. Be sure to compliment a woman you like on things other than her looks, and never make inappropriate or sexually charged comments.\\nOffer thoughtful compliments such as, “You made such a sharp point in class today,” “You’re a brilliant singer,” or “You have great taste in music.”\\nComments about appearance are occasionally welcome, provided they're respectful and balanced with compliments about personality. For instance, telling someone “You're absolutely beautiful” or “That's a really nice dress—I love your style!” can be sweet, but saying “Hey hottie, you're looking good!” isn't very nice.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Give her space instead of coming on too strong.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Coming on too strong might make you seem a little needy.\", \"描述\": \"Irresistible people are magnetic; they attract people, but they don’t beg for attention. Furthermore, when it comes to dating, coming on too strong can turn off the object of your affection. If you find yourself sending multiple paragraph-long texts and receiving one-word responses, it’s time to give your crush some space.\\nBear in mind giving someone space doesn’t mean you need to play hard to get or ignore them completely. You can be honest about your feelings without seeming needy or desperate for attention.\\nFor instance, if you want to ask your crush to hang out, say, “I’ve really wanted to try that new coffee place. Want to meet up there later today?”\\nAfter a first or second date, it’s okay to say (or text) “I had a great time on our date!” However, you probably don’t want to send a 5-page text gushing about how you’re madly in love with her.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Keep up with your hygiene and grooming.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathe regularly, brush your teeth twice a day, floss daily, and wash and comb your hair.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to personal grooming, practice healthy hygiene habits, such as washing your hands often, coughing into your sleeve, and keeping your hands out of your face.\\nGood personal hygiene is more than just a basic part of looking your best. It shows that you take care of yourself, and being able to meet your needs is an attractive quality. Plus, you won’t attract many people if you look sloppy, smell, or pick your nose in public!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Maintain a healthy lifestyle.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus on making healthy choices in your life without obsessing Eat a healthy diet, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night, or the amount recommended for your age.\", \"描述\": \"Try not to obsess about having the perfect body or being in perfect shape.\\nLike personal hygiene, making healthy lifestyle choices shows others that you care about being the best person you can be.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Wear presentable, occasion-appropriate clothes.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Choose clothes that fit you well and make you feel good.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure your outfit is clean and presentable when you leave the house. Keep in mind you don’t need to dress up to be well-dressed. Always aim to wear clothes that are appropriate for the setting.\\nFor instance, wearing a tucked-in button-up shirt and dress pants to a picnic where everyone is wearing shorts and sandals might feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, wearing a stained, wrinkled tee shirt and pajama bottoms when you’re out and about won’t attract many women.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Make sure you smell great.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear scented deodorant and cologne or perfume to improve body odor.\", \"描述\": \"Body odor and bad breath are turn-offs for just about everyone, and smelling great can help you make an irresistible impression.\\nKeep in mind too much cologne or perfume is just as unattractive as bad body odor. Less is more, especially if the scent you’re wearing is strong. Just apply 1 to 2 sprays to your neck and wrists.\\nAdditionally, keep mints or gum handy to keep your breath smelling fresh.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Look your best, but don’t come off as vain.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"While you should put your best foot forward, you shouldn’t constantly check the mirror.\", \"描述\": \"Put effort into your appearance, but don’t obsess about how you look. Make sure you look clean and neat, then just try to be comfortable in your own skin.\\nWomen won’t find you attractive if you come off as conceited. On the other hand, if you’re constantly checking your appearance, you might seem insecure, which is not an irresistible quality.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Work on building self-confidence.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t come off as arrogant, but be proud of who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Irresistible people are at ease with themselves and have a quiet confidence. You’ll put others at ease if you stand tall and speak with confidence, and women (and people in general) will want to spend more time with you.\\nPutting yourself down and constantly second-guessing yourself makes others feel uncomfortable. Learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t be afraid to look goofy or say the wrong thing. Remember that no one’s perfect, and everyone says something silly from time to time.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Maintain a fun, positive outlook.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Things won’t always go your way, but you should still look on the bright side of life.\", \"描述\": \"When you go on dates or converse with women, try not to be negative, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Focus on having fun, and try to sincerely enjoy getting to know the other person.\\nOptimism is an attractive quality, and women will be more likely to find you irresistible if hanging out with you is fun.\\nIt’s okay to vent to a loved one if something bad happens, but avoid laying all of your problems on someone you’re just getting to know. For instance, if you’re on a first date, don’t go on and on about how bad your day was or complain about everything that’s wrong with the world.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that others’ opinions don’t define you.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t get upset if one person judges you or isn’t attracted to you.\", \"描述\": \"What’s attractive to one person might be a major turn-off for another. Taste is subjective, and women, and people in general, are unique individuals.\\nRemember that attraction isn’t a choice; it just happens. If someone doesn’t find you irresistible, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.\\nThat said, if someone expresses a negative opinion of you, it’s okay to think about how you can use that feedback to improve yourself. If, for example, someone says you talk a lot, work on listening and asking questions when you have conversations.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"Commit to your own self-improvement.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Women are attracted to people who strive to improve themselves.\", \"描述\": \"Come up with a list of personal, professional, and financial goals. Examples include taking up a new hobby, sticking to a fitness plan, earning a promotion, and buying a car or a house.\\nBig long-term goals can feel overwhelming, so break them up into smaller steps. If, for instance, your goal is to buy a house, negotiate a raise at work, use the raise to save for a down payment, build credit, and take a financial literacy class for first-time homeowners.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"There's a line between confidence and overconfidence. Having self-esteem doesn't mean you should brag or tell everyone how great you are.\\n\", \"Remember not to treat rejection as the end of the world. If someone is attracted to you or doesn't find you irresistible, don't worry. You'll meet the right person eventually!\\n\", \"Don't gossip or treat people poorly. Your reputation precedes you, and irresistible people show respect and have integrity.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Never make unwanted advances and respect a woman’s wishes if she doesn’t want to talk to you or be touched.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,864 | How to Be Irresistible to a Man in Bed | 1. Talk things over before you’re in the bedroom.
Share openly and honestly about your needs and desires.
Sitting down on the couch to talk may not sound like the sexiest move in the world. But, having an honest, two-way conversation about sex helps take some of the guesswork out of things when you do head to the bedroom. Talk about things like your desires, fantasies, and turn-offs, and ask him to share his.
You might start the conversation like this: “Before we take things to the next level, I’d like for us to talk about sex.”
If you’ve been in the relationship for a while and worry that the bedroom spark is gone, talk about it! Whether it’s your first date or you’ve been married for 50 years, talking about sex is an important part of having better sex.
2. Take the lead in getting things started.
Surprise him by making the first move.
As much as he wants to have sex with you, he really wants you to want to have sex with him. Instead of making him take the initiative all the time, or acting like it’s time to have sex because it’s been a while, take charge of the situation. Let him know you want him and you want him now.
You might be more subtle, doing things like dimming the lights and lighting some candles. Or you might be more direct by starting to unbutton his shirt or loosening his belt. Or you could be extremely direct by saying something like “I want your body and I want it now” in a sultry voice.
3. Wear a sexy outfit that gives you body confidence.
Look good for him and feel good for yourself.
Always remember this: when you feel sexy, you look sexy. Pick out a slinky or tight or barely-there bedroom outfit that you feel good wearing. He doesn’t want you to be obviously self-conscious in a supposedly “sexy” outfit; instead, he wants you to wear something that fuels both your body confidence and his sexual desire.
Instead of worrying that your body doesn’t meet some unattainable ideal, confidently give him a preview of your uniquely sexy body. He’ll be turned on by your “here I am, come and get it” attitude.
4. Use a fragrance that turns him (or you) on.
Perfume might arouse you, while food scents might work on him.
There’s no single scent out there that’s guaranteed to drive a guy wild, and “sexy” perfumes marketed toward females might actually be better at arousing women than men. But, if you’re a woman, applying a perfume that helps get you fired up can’t hurt the situation! If you want to target him more directly, try scents like cinnamon rolls, pumpkin pie, doughnuts, and licorice.
Food scents like those listed above may enhance male blood flow, including to the penis, but there’s no clear proof that they actually turn a man on.
Pheromone perfumes and sprays that are supposed to drive men wild don’t appear to work all that well. You’re probably better off sticking with a pumpkin pie scented candle.
5. Engage in foreplay with enthusiasm.
Touch, caress, and kiss him over (almost) all of his body.
Build up anticipation for the “main event” by showing him how eager you are to caress his body. Try kissing his neck, giving him a sensual massage, stroking his inner thigh, or whatever else seems to really get him going. Depending on the guy, you may want to leave his penis out of the equation during foreplay—this can really ratchet up his anticipation!
Even though it may not be the main event, don’t treat foreplay like an obligatory warmup act. Enjoy it—and let him know you’re enjoying it.
6. Make frequent eye contact with him.
Show that you’re confident, turned on, and focused on him.
Avoiding eye contact can make it seem like you’re not engaged or are “somewhere else,” while regular eye contact achieves the opposite. Every so often, give him an “I’m in charge here” kind of deep stare for a few seconds. When you let out a moan or writhe your body as a wave of pleasure hits you, look at him to confirm that he’s the source of your ecstasy.
7. Tell him what you want or ask what he wants.
Take charge, put him in charge, or—best of all—do both.
There’s a practical side to this, since you’ll both be clear on what you want to experience. Additionally, guys get turned on—to varying degrees based on their personalities—by being put in a more “dominant” or “submissive” position. Use your knowledge of him to decide the best strategy mix for the situation.
If you’re taking charge, really take charge: “I want you to … right now” or “I’m going to … now.”
Of course, putting him in control doesn’t take away your right to say “no” to anything at any time. The same holds true for him if you’re in charge.
8. Have fun and a laugh—just not at his expense.
Don’t get so intense that you forget you’re supposed to have fun.
Here’s a guarantee: not everything will go exactly according to plan. You might accidentally bump heads, or your bodies might make an unfortunate squeaking sound as they rub together. If something funny like this happens, have a little laugh about it, then get back to business. After all, guys are always attracted to a good sense of humor!
Be careful, however, not to laugh about something that he might be able to interpret as a shortcoming on his part. Things that might indicate that he’s too fast, or too slow, or somehow below average, or just plain doesn’t know what he’s doing are all big no-nos here.
9. Show and tell him you enjoy what he’s doing.
Give him positive feedback that he can see, hear, and feel.
Guys are always looking for confirmation that they’re getting the job done in the bedroom. Don’t feel like you have to go overboard and completely fake it, but also don’t be shy about grabbing onto him, pulsating your body, moaning, or shouting out a well-timed “yes!” If you’re into doing a little “dirty talk,” let him know how sexually powerful he is.
Every time you give him a sign that you find him irresistible, he’ll find you more irresistible!
10. Redirect him subtly and positively.
Focus on what he can do even better, not on what he’s doing wrong.
Instead of telling him that what he’s doing isn’t getting the job done, encourage him to do what you know will get the job done. Increase his confidence instead of challenging it. When he knows he can please you, he’ll want you all the more!
For example, if a position or a maneuver doesn’t feel good to you, don’t say “Ouch, don’t do that. Try something else.” Instead, say something like “Hmm, let’s try this now,” and guide him into a new position while giving positive verbal or physical feedback.
11. Let him know how great he was.
Make sure he knows that he rocked your world!
Hopefully you won’t have to, but it’s okay to exaggerate a bit here in order to bolster his confidence. Offer him a compliment. Give him an extra flourish of positive verbal and body feedback (like a few extra-loud “Yesses”) as things come to a close, then look him in the eyes and tell him how awesome or fantastic he was.
Even if things don’t end on a perfect high note, still find ways to be encouraging and positive about the experience. You might say something like this: “Wow, that new thing you did with your hand was fantastic. You gotta do that again next time!”
12. Try something different next time around.
Add some intrigue and surprise each time you’re in the bedroom.
Once you find a bedroom routine that works great for both of you, it’s tempting to stick with it and avoid straying from the formula. Definitely keep going with what works, but also throw in some new surprises—like a role-playing element—each time. A little unpredictability can be really attractive.
Here’s one easy way to change things up: take your “bedroom” activities out of the bedroom. Try the couch. Or the kitchen. Or the laundry room. Or a hotel room. Or the backseat of the car!
Be playful. Improv teaches you a lot of really fun games that you can play with your partner.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:08",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Talk things over before you’re in the bedroom.\\nShare openly and honestly about your needs and desires.\\nSitting down on the couch to talk may not sound like the sexiest move in the world. But, having an honest, two-way conversation about sex helps take some of the guesswork out of things when you do head to the bedroom. Talk about things like your desires, fantasies, and turn-offs, and ask him to share his.\\nYou might start the conversation like this: “Before we take things to the next level, I’d like for us to talk about sex.”\\nIf you’ve been in the relationship for a while and worry that the bedroom spark is gone, talk about it! Whether it’s your first date or you’ve been married for 50 years, talking about sex is an important part of having better sex.\\n2. Take the lead in getting things started.\\nSurprise him by making the first move.\\nAs much as he wants to have sex with you, he really wants you to want to have sex with him. Instead of making him take the initiative all the time, or acting like it’s time to have sex because it’s been a while, take charge of the situation. Let him know you want him and you want him now.\\nYou might be more subtle, doing things like dimming the lights and lighting some candles. Or you might be more direct by starting to unbutton his shirt or loosening his belt. Or you could be extremely direct by saying something like “I want your body and I want it now” in a sultry voice.\\n3. Wear a sexy outfit that gives you body confidence.\\nLook good for him and feel good for yourself.\\nAlways remember this: when you feel sexy, you look sexy. Pick out a slinky or tight or barely-there bedroom outfit that you feel good wearing. He doesn’t want you to be obviously self-conscious in a supposedly “sexy” outfit; instead, he wants you to wear something that fuels both your body confidence and his sexual desire.\\nInstead of worrying that your body doesn’t meet some unattainable ideal, confidently give him a preview of your uniquely sexy body. He’ll be turned on by your “here I am, come and get it” attitude.\\n4. Use a fragrance that turns him (or you) on.\\nPerfume might arouse you, while food scents might work on him.\\nThere’s no single scent out there that’s guaranteed to drive a guy wild, and “sexy” perfumes marketed toward females might actually be better at arousing women than men. But, if you’re a woman, applying a perfume that helps get you fired up can’t hurt the situation! If you want to target him more directly, try scents like cinnamon rolls, pumpkin pie, doughnuts, and licorice.\\nFood scents like those listed above may enhance male blood flow, including to the penis, but there’s no clear proof that they actually turn a man on.\\nPheromone perfumes and sprays that are supposed to drive men wild don’t appear to work all that well. You’re probably better off sticking with a pumpkin pie scented candle.\\n5. Engage in foreplay with enthusiasm.\\nTouch, caress, and kiss him over (almost) all of his body.\\nBuild up anticipation for the “main event” by showing him how eager you are to caress his body. Try kissing his neck, giving him a sensual massage, stroking his inner thigh, or whatever else seems to really get him going. Depending on the guy, you may want to leave his penis out of the equation during foreplay—this can really ratchet up his anticipation!\\nEven though it may not be the main event, don’t treat foreplay like an obligatory warmup act. Enjoy it—and let him know you’re enjoying it.\\n6. Make frequent eye contact with him.\\nShow that you’re confident, turned on, and focused on him.\\nAvoiding eye contact can make it seem like you’re not engaged or are “somewhere else,” while regular eye contact achieves the opposite. Every so often, give him an “I’m in charge here” kind of deep stare for a few seconds. When you let out a moan or writhe your body as a wave of pleasure hits you, look at him to confirm that he’s the source of your ecstasy.\\n7. Tell him what you want or ask what he wants.\\nTake charge, put him in charge, or—best of all—do both.\\nThere’s a practical side to this, since you’ll both be clear on what you want to experience. Additionally, guys get turned on—to varying degrees based on their personalities—by being put in a more “dominant” or “submissive” position. Use your knowledge of him to decide the best strategy mix for the situation.\\nIf you’re taking charge, really take charge: “I want you to … right now” or “I’m going to … now.”\\nOf course, putting him in control doesn’t take away your right to say “no” to anything at any time. The same holds true for him if you’re in charge.\\n8. Have fun and a laugh—just not at his expense.\\nDon’t get so intense that you forget you’re supposed to have fun.\\nHere’s a guarantee: not everything will go exactly according to plan. You might accidentally bump heads, or your bodies might make an unfortunate squeaking sound as they rub together. If something funny like this happens, have a little laugh about it, then get back to business. After all, guys are always attracted to a good sense of humor!\\nBe careful, however, not to laugh about something that he might be able to interpret as a shortcoming on his part. Things that might indicate that he’s too fast, or too slow, or somehow below average, or just plain doesn’t know what he’s doing are all big no-nos here.\\n9. Show and tell him you enjoy what he’s doing.\\nGive him positive feedback that he can see, hear, and feel.\\nGuys are always looking for confirmation that they’re getting the job done in the bedroom. Don’t feel like you have to go overboard and completely fake it, but also don’t be shy about grabbing onto him, pulsating your body, moaning, or shouting out a well-timed “yes!” If you’re into doing a little “dirty talk,” let him know how sexually powerful he is.\\nEvery time you give him a sign that you find him irresistible, he’ll find you more irresistible!\\n10. Redirect him subtly and positively.\\nFocus on what he can do even better, not on what he’s doing wrong.\\nInstead of telling him that what he’s doing isn’t getting the job done, encourage him to do what you know will get the job done. Increase his confidence instead of challenging it. When he knows he can please you, he’ll want you all the more!\\nFor example, if a position or a maneuver doesn’t feel good to you, don’t say “Ouch, don’t do that. Try something else.” Instead, say something like “Hmm, let’s try this now,” and guide him into a new position while giving positive verbal or physical feedback.\\n11. Let him know how great he was.\\nMake sure he knows that he rocked your world!\\nHopefully you won’t have to, but it’s okay to exaggerate a bit here in order to bolster his confidence. Offer him a compliment. Give him an extra flourish of positive verbal and body feedback (like a few extra-loud “Yesses”) as things come to a close, then look him in the eyes and tell him how awesome or fantastic he was.\\nEven if things don’t end on a perfect high note, still find ways to be encouraging and positive about the experience. You might say something like this: “Wow, that new thing you did with your hand was fantastic. You gotta do that again next time!”\\n12. Try something different next time around.\\nAdd some intrigue and surprise each time you’re in the bedroom.\\nOnce you find a bedroom routine that works great for both of you, it’s tempting to stick with it and avoid straying from the formula. Definitely keep going with what works, but also throw in some new surprises—like a role-playing element—each time. A little unpredictability can be really attractive.\\nHere’s one easy way to change things up: take your “bedroom” activities out of the bedroom. Try the couch. Or the kitchen. Or the laundry room. Or a hotel room. Or the backseat of the car!\\nBe playful. Improv teaches you a lot of really fun games that you can play with your partner.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"So, how do you go from being “desired” to being “irresistible” in the bedroom? While a few tweaks to your planning and technique can definitely help, don’t discount the importance of a confident attitude. This article lists a bunch of helpful strategies you can bring into the bedroom in order to drive a man wild. After all, you don’t want to finish the night with him wanting more; you want to finish it with him desperate for more!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talk things over before you’re in the bedroom.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Share openly and honestly about your needs and desires.\", \"描述\": \"Sitting down on the couch to talk may not sound like the sexiest move in the world. But, having an honest, two-way conversation about sex helps take some of the guesswork out of things when you do head to the bedroom. Talk about things like your desires, fantasies, and turn-offs, and ask him to share his.\\nYou might start the conversation like this: “Before we take things to the next level, I’d like for us to talk about sex.”\\nIf you’ve been in the relationship for a while and worry that the bedroom spark is gone, talk about it! Whether it’s your first date or you’ve been married for 50 years, talking about sex is an important part of having better sex.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take the lead in getting things started.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Surprise him by making the first move.\", \"描述\": \"As much as he wants to have sex with you, he really wants you to want to have sex with him. Instead of making him take the initiative all the time, or acting like it’s time to have sex because it’s been a while, take charge of the situation. Let him know you want him and you want him now.\\nYou might be more subtle, doing things like dimming the lights and lighting some candles. Or you might be more direct by starting to unbutton his shirt or loosening his belt. Or you could be extremely direct by saying something like “I want your body and I want it now” in a sultry voice.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear a sexy outfit that gives you body confidence.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look good for him and feel good for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Always remember this: when you feel sexy, you look sexy. Pick out a slinky or tight or barely-there bedroom outfit that you feel good wearing. He doesn’t want you to be obviously self-conscious in a supposedly “sexy” outfit; instead, he wants you to wear something that fuels both your body confidence and his sexual desire.\\nInstead of worrying that your body doesn’t meet some unattainable ideal, confidently give him a preview of your uniquely sexy body. He’ll be turned on by your “here I am, come and get it” attitude.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use a fragrance that turns him (or you) on.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Perfume might arouse you, while food scents might work on him.\", \"描述\": \"There’s no single scent out there that’s guaranteed to drive a guy wild, and “sexy” perfumes marketed toward females might actually be better at arousing women than men. But, if you’re a woman, applying a perfume that helps get you fired up can’t hurt the situation! If you want to target him more directly, try scents like cinnamon rolls, pumpkin pie, doughnuts, and licorice.\\nFood scents like those listed above may enhance male blood flow, including to the penis, but there’s no clear proof that they actually turn a man on.\\nPheromone perfumes and sprays that are supposed to drive men wild don’t appear to work all that well. You’re probably better off sticking with a pumpkin pie scented candle.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Engage in foreplay with enthusiasm.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Touch, caress, and kiss him over (almost) all of his body.\", \"描述\": \"Build up anticipation for the “main event” by showing him how eager you are to caress his body. Try kissing his neck, giving him a sensual massage, stroking his inner thigh, or whatever else seems to really get him going. Depending on the guy, you may want to leave his penis out of the equation during foreplay—this can really ratchet up his anticipation!\\nEven though it may not be the main event, don’t treat foreplay like an obligatory warmup act. Enjoy it—and let him know you’re enjoying it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make frequent eye contact with him.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Show that you’re confident, turned on, and focused on him.\", \"描述\": \"Avoiding eye contact can make it seem like you’re not engaged or are “somewhere else,” while regular eye contact achieves the opposite. Every so often, give him an “I’m in charge here” kind of deep stare for a few seconds. When you let out a moan or writhe your body as a wave of pleasure hits you, look at him to confirm that he’s the source of your ecstasy.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Tell him what you want or ask what he wants.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take charge, put him in charge, or—best of all—do both.\", \"描述\": \"There’s a practical side to this, since you’ll both be clear on what you want to experience. Additionally, guys get turned on—to varying degrees based on their personalities—by being put in a more “dominant” or “submissive” position. Use your knowledge of him to decide the best strategy mix for the situation.\\nIf you’re taking charge, really take charge: “I want you to … right now” or “I’m going to … now.”\\nOf course, putting him in control doesn’t take away your right to say “no” to anything at any time. The same holds true for him if you’re in charge.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Have fun and a laugh—just not at his expense.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t get so intense that you forget you’re supposed to have fun.\", \"描述\": \"Here’s a guarantee: not everything will go exactly according to plan. You might accidentally bump heads, or your bodies might make an unfortunate squeaking sound as they rub together. If something funny like this happens, have a little laugh about it, then get back to business. After all, guys are always attracted to a good sense of humor!\\nBe careful, however, not to laugh about something that he might be able to interpret as a shortcoming on his part. Things that might indicate that he’s too fast, or too slow, or somehow below average, or just plain doesn’t know what he’s doing are all big no-nos here.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Show and tell him you enjoy what he’s doing.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give him positive feedback that he can see, hear, and feel.\", \"描述\": \"Guys are always looking for confirmation that they’re getting the job done in the bedroom. Don’t feel like you have to go overboard and completely fake it, but also don’t be shy about grabbing onto him, pulsating your body, moaning, or shouting out a well-timed “yes!” If you’re into doing a little “dirty talk,” let him know how sexually powerful he is.\\nEvery time you give him a sign that you find him irresistible, he’ll find you more irresistible!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Redirect him subtly and positively.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus on what he can do even better, not on what he’s doing wrong.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of telling him that what he’s doing isn’t getting the job done, encourage him to do what you know will get the job done. Increase his confidence instead of challenging it. When he knows he can please you, he’ll want you all the more!\\nFor example, if a position or a maneuver doesn’t feel good to you, don’t say “Ouch, don’t do that. Try something else.” Instead, say something like “Hmm, let’s try this now,” and guide him into a new position while giving positive verbal or physical feedback.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Let him know how great he was.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make sure he knows that he rocked your world!\", \"描述\": \"Hopefully you won’t have to, but it’s okay to exaggerate a bit here in order to bolster his confidence. Offer him a compliment. Give him an extra flourish of positive verbal and body feedback (like a few extra-loud “Yesses”) as things come to a close, then look him in the eyes and tell him how awesome or fantastic he was.\\nEven if things don’t end on a perfect high note, still find ways to be encouraging and positive about the experience. You might say something like this: “Wow, that new thing you did with your hand was fantastic. You gotta do that again next time!”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Try something different next time around.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Add some intrigue and surprise each time you’re in the bedroom.\", \"描述\": \"Once you find a bedroom routine that works great for both of you, it’s tempting to stick with it and avoid straying from the formula. Definitely keep going with what works, but also throw in some new surprises—like a role-playing element—each time. A little unpredictability can be really attractive.\\nHere’s one easy way to change things up: take your “bedroom” activities out of the bedroom. Try the couch. Or the kitchen. Or the laundry room. Or a hotel room. Or the backseat of the car!\\nBe playful. Improv teaches you a lot of really fun games that you can play with your partner.\"}]}]}}",
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3,865 | How to Be Jewish | 1. Studying Judaism
1-1. Read central Jewish texts.
The primary sacred text of Judaism is the Tanach (also known as the Jewish Bible). This document is composed of three parts: the Pentateuch (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im) and the Writings (Ketuvim). Other sacred Jewish books include the Mishnah, Talmud, and Midrash. Find a Jewish study group or private tutor to guide you through these ancient texts.
1-2. Engage in a period of Jewish study.
Whether you are converting to Judaism or simply looking to deepen your practice, a period of study can educate you and connect you to the faith. Many synagogues and Jewish centers offer classes.
For some Jewish communities, taking a course like this is required before you can seek conversion to the faith.
Classes can last anywhere from 14 weeks to 1 year.
Look for a rabbi who will sponsor you and guide you in your journey.
1-3. Learn about the five main denominations of Judaism.
Learn a bit about each of the five major Jewish traditions. This can help you determine where you would like to fit and better understand the Jewish faith. These are:
Hasidic - This denomination is very strict and conservative, embodying the religion in every aspect of life. Hasids also incorporate Jewish mysticism into their teachings.
Orthodox - Orthodox Judaism has several sub-denominations, the most common being Modern Orthodox. In general, Orthodox Jews stringently adhere to all laws and customs of the religion, while Modern Orthodox Jews typically try to balance a secular lifestyle with that as well.
Conservative - Conservative Jews are generally more lenient in observance than Orthodox Jews, but conservatives are adherent to the basic values and tradition of the religion.
Reform - This denomination is quite lenient in observance, though aware of the basic values and traditions of Judaism.
Reconstructionist - This denomination is also very lenient in observance. They practice a mostly secular lifestyle.
1-4. Study the basics of Hebrew.
Even a very primitive grasp of Hebrew can deepen your understanding of the Jewish faith. If you can handle some Hebrew pronunciation, you can participate more fully in the synagogue. If you understand some key words, you can better understand the prayers.
Take a class, or seek a Hebrew tutor.
Ask a rabbi for advice on how to best study basic Hebrew.
1-5. Read about Jewish history.
Learning about the history of Jewish people is an excellent way to connect with your Judaism. Historical knowledge can deepen your connection to Jewish people, and make you a more intelligent conversationalist in the Jewish community. Some books on Jewish history include:
Border Lines by Daniel Boyarin.
Between Muslim and Jew by Steven Wasserstrom.
The Compunctious Poet by Ross Brann.
Two Nations in Your Womb by Israel Jacob Yuval.
Founder of Hasidism by Murray Jay Rosman.
1-6. Visit a Jewish museum.
Visiting a museum can foster feelings of inspiration, connection, and empathy. Experiencing Jewish history, art, and culture through the lens of a museum can deepen your experience of Judaism. You might visit:
The Jewish Museum in Berlin.
Museum of Jewish Heritage in New York City.
The Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C.
Jewish Children’s Museum in Brooklyn.
The Contemporary Jewish Museum in San Francisco.
2. Engaging with Jewish Culture
2-1. Do good deeds.
The act of doing good deeds for others (also called mitzvah) is central to the Jewish faith. Look for opportunities to volunteer in your area, or come up with other ways to be of service. Ideas include:
Bringing a meal to an elderly neighbor.
Offering to watch your friend’s children when they cannot.
Bringing food to your local food pantry.
Donating money to charitable organizations.
2-2. Eat traditionally Jewish foods.
Following a strict kosher diet might be more work than you want to do, but you can still connect more deeply with your Jewish practice by enjoying popular Jewish foods. Some choices include:
Matzoh ball soup.
Challah bread.
Kugel.
Potato latkes.
Jelly-filled sufganiyot.
Rugelach.
2-3. Read books with Jewish characters and themes.
Literature has long been a window into the lives of others. Try reading stories that feature Jewish people and discuss Jewish ideas. Some recent examples include:
The Laws of Gravity by Liz Rosenberg.
Kaaterskill Falls by Allegra Goodman.
The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker.
Herzog by Saul Bellow.
The Innocents by Francesca Segal.
3. Participating in a Jewish Community
3-1. Attend synagogue.
Synagogues are Jewish community centers used for worship, study, and celebration. Find a synagogue that matches your denomination and level of observance. Begin attending synagogue weekly, and participate as much as you can. If you have questions about the service, make an appointment to consult with a rabbi.
Services are commonly held on Shabbat eve (Friday night), Shabbat morning (Saturday morning), and late Shabbat afternoon (Saturday afternoon).
You might also attend services on Jewish holidays, such as Yom Kippur.
This is an important way to get to know your local community and to learn more about Jewish traditions.
3-2. Attend a local Shabbat dinner.
Shabbat is a traditional gathering that occurs at sundown on Friday nights. Look for a Shabbat dinner in your area that is open to all. This is an excellent way to meet other people in the Jewish community and to engage with an ancient custom.
3-3. Celebrate Jewish holidays.
Some of the Jewish holidays include Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hanukkah, Tu B'Shevat, Purim, Lag b'Omer, Shavuot, Tisha B'Av, and Rosh Chodesh. Seek opportunities to celebrate these holidays with your community.
3-4. Learn common Yiddish phrases if you are Ashkenazi Jewish.
Learning the entire Hebrew language might be a bit too much work, but if you are of Ashkenazi descent, learning some commonly used Yiddish phrases can help you to better communicate with other Jews, and to feel more connected to Judaism. Some basic examples include:
Kvetch - to complain.
Mazel Tov - good luck.
Oy vey - an exclamation of dismay.
Shlemiel - a clumsy person.
4. Following the Rules of Orthodox Judaism
4-1. Keep the Sabbath.
Orthodox Judaism is the strictest denomination. If you are seeking a strict and devoted religious practice, you may want to follow Orthodox guidelines. Orthodox Jews are called Shomer Shabbat, or keepers of the Sabbath. During the Sabbath, Orthodox Jews are not allowed to work, travel, carry money, discuss business, use electricity, light a fire, and make/receive phone calls. This time is cherished for its relaxing, spiritual separation from the busy workweek.
The Sabbath starts at sundown every Friday and ends when there are three stars in the sky on Saturday night.
Other non-Orthodox denominations follow the rules of the Sabbath to varying degrees.
4-2. Follow the dietary laws of Kashrut.
Part of participating in an Orthodox Jewish lifestyle means adhering to a kosher diet. There are a several basic guidelines to follow.
For items that come in wrappers or containers, make sure they have the hechsher symbol (most commonly are seen as a U inside a circle or a K, but can be other symbols)
Do not eat shellfish or fish that don’t have scales
Do not eat pig meat or the meat of any other animal without split hooves that does not chew its cud.
Do not eat dairy and meat together.
4-3. Get circumcised.
If you are converting to Orthodox Judaism, and you are male, you may need to be circumcised (also called brit milah). If you’ve already been circumcised, you may undergo a ritual called hatafat dam brit, which involves the drawing a small amount of symbolic blood.
4-4. Seek approval from a rabbinic court (or beit din).
To officially convert to Orthodox Judaism, you will need the approval of a three person rabbinic court, or beit din. This court has the authority to decide whether or not you are ready for conversion. They will evaluate your knowledge, motivation, and intent to live the Jewish faith.
In most instances, you must promise to accept of the yoke of the commandments (or kabbalat ol ha-mitzvot).
4-5. Immerse in a ritual bath (or mikveh).
Once you gain the approval of the rabbinic court, the conversion is completed by immersing in a ritual bath. Usually this is a special pool (called a mikveh), but less conservative sects may allow the use of the ocean or a swimming pool.
4-6. Take a Hebrew name.
After you are welcomed into the faith, you will take on a Hebrew name. Additionally, some Jewish documents may require to list your family connection to Judaism. In these cases, you might list your father as Abraham and your mother as Sarah.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Studying Judaism\\n1-1. Read central Jewish texts.\\nThe primary sacred text of Judaism is the Tanach (also known as the Jewish Bible). This document is composed of three parts: the Pentateuch (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im) and the Writings (Ketuvim). Other sacred Jewish books include the Mishnah, Talmud, and Midrash. Find a Jewish study group or private tutor to guide you through these ancient texts.\\n1-2. Engage in a period of Jewish study.\\nWhether you are converting to Judaism or simply looking to deepen your practice, a period of study can educate you and connect you to the faith. Many synagogues and Jewish centers offer classes.\\nFor some Jewish communities, taking a course like this is required before you can seek conversion to the faith.\\nClasses can last anywhere from 14 weeks to 1 year.\\nLook for a rabbi who will sponsor you and guide you in your journey.\\n1-3. Learn about the five main denominations of Judaism.\\nLearn a bit about each of the five major Jewish traditions. This can help you determine where you would like to fit and better understand the Jewish faith. These are:\\nHasidic - This denomination is very strict and conservative, embodying the religion in every aspect of life. Hasids also incorporate Jewish mysticism into their teachings.\\nOrthodox - Orthodox Judaism has several sub-denominations, the most common being Modern Orthodox. In general, Orthodox Jews stringently adhere to all laws and customs of the religion, while Modern Orthodox Jews typically try to balance a secular lifestyle with that as well.\\nConservative - Conservative Jews are generally more lenient in observance than Orthodox Jews, but conservatives are adherent to the basic values and tradition of the religion.\\nReform - This denomination is quite lenient in observance, though aware of the basic values and traditions of Judaism.\\nReconstructionist - This denomination is also very lenient in observance. They practice a mostly secular lifestyle.\\n1-4. Study the basics of Hebrew.\\nEven a very primitive grasp of Hebrew can deepen your understanding of the Jewish faith. If you can handle some Hebrew pronunciation, you can participate more fully in the synagogue. If you understand some key words, you can better understand the prayers.\\nTake a class, or seek a Hebrew tutor.\\nAsk a rabbi for advice on how to best study basic Hebrew.\\n1-5. Read about Jewish history.\\nLearning about the history of Jewish people is an excellent way to connect with your Judaism. Historical knowledge can deepen your connection to Jewish people, and make you a more intelligent conversationalist in the Jewish community. Some books on Jewish history include:\\n\\nBorder Lines by Daniel Boyarin.\\nBetween Muslim and Jew by Steven Wasserstrom.\\nThe Compunctious Poet by Ross Brann.\\nTwo Nations in Your Womb by Israel Jacob Yuval.\\nFounder of Hasidism by Murray Jay Rosman.\\n1-6. Visit a Jewish museum.\\nVisiting a museum can foster feelings of inspiration, connection, and empathy. Experiencing Jewish history, art, and culture through the lens of a museum can deepen your experience of Judaism. You might visit:\\nThe Jewish Museum in Berlin.\\nMuseum of Jewish Heritage in New York City.\\nThe Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C.\\nJewish Children’s Museum in Brooklyn.\\nThe Contemporary Jewish Museum in San Francisco.\\n2. Engaging with Jewish Culture\\n2-1. Do good deeds.\\nThe act of doing good deeds for others (also called mitzvah) is central to the Jewish faith. Look for opportunities to volunteer in your area, or come up with other ways to be of service. Ideas include:\\nBringing a meal to an elderly neighbor.\\nOffering to watch your friend’s children when they cannot.\\nBringing food to your local food pantry.\\nDonating money to charitable organizations.\\n2-2. Eat traditionally Jewish foods.\\nFollowing a strict kosher diet might be more work than you want to do, but you can still connect more deeply with your Jewish practice by enjoying popular Jewish foods. Some choices include:\\nMatzoh ball soup.\\nChallah bread.\\nKugel.\\nPotato latkes.\\nJelly-filled sufganiyot.\\nRugelach.\\n2-3. Read books with Jewish characters and themes.\\nLiterature has long been a window into the lives of others. Try reading stories that feature Jewish people and discuss Jewish ideas. Some recent examples include:\\n\\nThe Laws of Gravity by Liz Rosenberg.\\nKaaterskill Falls by Allegra Goodman.\\nThe Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker.\\nHerzog by Saul Bellow.\\nThe Innocents by Francesca Segal.\\n3. Participating in a Jewish Community\\n3-1. Attend synagogue.\\nSynagogues are Jewish community centers used for worship, study, and celebration. Find a synagogue that matches your denomination and level of observance. Begin attending synagogue weekly, and participate as much as you can. If you have questions about the service, make an appointment to consult with a rabbi.\\nServices are commonly held on Shabbat eve (Friday night), Shabbat morning (Saturday morning), and late Shabbat afternoon (Saturday afternoon).\\nYou might also attend services on Jewish holidays, such as Yom Kippur.\\nThis is an important way to get to know your local community and to learn more about Jewish traditions.\\n3-2. Attend a local Shabbat dinner.\\nShabbat is a traditional gathering that occurs at sundown on Friday nights. Look for a Shabbat dinner in your area that is open to all. This is an excellent way to meet other people in the Jewish community and to engage with an ancient custom.\\n3-3. Celebrate Jewish holidays.\\nSome of the Jewish holidays include Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hanukkah, Tu B'Shevat, Purim, Lag b'Omer, Shavuot, Tisha B'Av, and Rosh Chodesh. Seek opportunities to celebrate these holidays with your community.\\n3-4. Learn common Yiddish phrases if you are Ashkenazi Jewish.\\nLearning the entire Hebrew language might be a bit too much work, but if you are of Ashkenazi descent, learning some commonly used Yiddish phrases can help you to better communicate with other Jews, and to feel more connected to Judaism. Some basic examples include:\\nKvetch - to complain.\\nMazel Tov - good luck.\\nOy vey - an exclamation of dismay.\\nShlemiel - a clumsy person.\\n4. Following the Rules of Orthodox Judaism\\n4-1. Keep the Sabbath.\\nOrthodox Judaism is the strictest denomination. If you are seeking a strict and devoted religious practice, you may want to follow Orthodox guidelines. Orthodox Jews are called Shomer Shabbat, or keepers of the Sabbath. During the Sabbath, Orthodox Jews are not allowed to work, travel, carry money, discuss business, use electricity, light a fire, and make/receive phone calls. This time is cherished for its relaxing, spiritual separation from the busy workweek.\\nThe Sabbath starts at sundown every Friday and ends when there are three stars in the sky on Saturday night.\\nOther non-Orthodox denominations follow the rules of the Sabbath to varying degrees.\\n4-2. Follow the dietary laws of Kashrut.\\nPart of participating in an Orthodox Jewish lifestyle means adhering to a kosher diet. There are a several basic guidelines to follow.\\nFor items that come in wrappers or containers, make sure they have the hechsher symbol (most commonly are seen as a U inside a circle or a K, but can be other symbols)\\nDo not eat shellfish or fish that don’t have scales\\nDo not eat pig meat or the meat of any other animal without split hooves that does not chew its cud.\\nDo not eat dairy and meat together.\\n4-3. Get circumcised.\\nIf you are converting to Orthodox Judaism, and you are male, you may need to be circumcised (also called brit milah). If you’ve already been circumcised, you may undergo a ritual called hatafat dam brit, which involves the drawing a small amount of symbolic blood.\\n4-4. Seek approval from a rabbinic court (or beit din).\\nTo officially convert to Orthodox Judaism, you will need the approval of a three person rabbinic court, or beit din. This court has the authority to decide whether or not you are ready for conversion. They will evaluate your knowledge, motivation, and intent to live the Jewish faith.\\nIn most instances, you must promise to accept of the yoke of the commandments (or kabbalat ol ha-mitzvot).\\n4-5. Immerse in a ritual bath (or mikveh).\\nOnce you gain the approval of the rabbinic court, the conversion is completed by immersing in a ritual bath. Usually this is a special pool (called a mikveh), but less conservative sects may allow the use of the ocean or a swimming pool.\\n4-6. Take a Hebrew name.\\nAfter you are welcomed into the faith, you will take on a Hebrew name. Additionally, some Jewish documents may require to list your family connection to Judaism. In these cases, you might list your father as Abraham and your mother as Sarah.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Judaism is an ancient religion rich with culture, history, and tradition. Whether you are thinking about converting to Judaism or you simply want to take your Jewish faith a little deeper, there are numerous ways for you to learn about and participate in Judaism. Through Jewish study, participation in Jewish culture, engagement with a Jewish community, and, if desired, a strict devotional practice, you can connect with your faith and deepen your connection to Judaism.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Studying Judaism\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Read central Jewish texts.\", \"描述\": \"The primary sacred text of Judaism is the Tanach (also known as the Jewish Bible). This document is composed of three parts: the Pentateuch (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im) and the Writings (Ketuvim). Other sacred Jewish books include the Mishnah, Talmud, and Midrash. Find a Jewish study group or private tutor to guide you through these ancient texts.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engage in a period of Jewish study.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you are converting to Judaism or simply looking to deepen your practice, a period of study can educate you and connect you to the faith. Many synagogues and Jewish centers offer classes.\\nFor some Jewish communities, taking a course like this is required before you can seek conversion to the faith.\\nClasses can last anywhere from 14 weeks to 1 year.\\nLook for a rabbi who will sponsor you and guide you in your journey.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn about the five main denominations of Judaism.\", \"描述\": \"Learn a bit about each of the five major Jewish traditions. This can help you determine where you would like to fit and better understand the Jewish faith. These are:\\nHasidic - This denomination is very strict and conservative, embodying the religion in every aspect of life. Hasids also incorporate Jewish mysticism into their teachings.\\nOrthodox - Orthodox Judaism has several sub-denominations, the most common being Modern Orthodox. In general, Orthodox Jews stringently adhere to all laws and customs of the religion, while Modern Orthodox Jews typically try to balance a secular lifestyle with that as well.\\nConservative - Conservative Jews are generally more lenient in observance than Orthodox Jews, but conservatives are adherent to the basic values and tradition of the religion.\\nReform - This denomination is quite lenient in observance, though aware of the basic values and traditions of Judaism.\\nReconstructionist - This denomination is also very lenient in observance. They practice a mostly secular lifestyle.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Study the basics of Hebrew.\", \"描述\": \"Even a very primitive grasp of Hebrew can deepen your understanding of the Jewish faith. If you can handle some Hebrew pronunciation, you can participate more fully in the synagogue. If you understand some key words, you can better understand the prayers.\\nTake a class, or seek a Hebrew tutor.\\nAsk a rabbi for advice on how to best study basic Hebrew.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Read about Jewish history.\", \"描述\": \"Learning about the history of Jewish people is an excellent way to connect with your Judaism. Historical knowledge can deepen your connection to Jewish people, and make you a more intelligent conversationalist in the Jewish community. Some books on Jewish history include:\\n\\nBorder Lines by Daniel Boyarin.\\nBetween Muslim and Jew by Steven Wasserstrom.\\nThe Compunctious Poet by Ross Brann.\\nTwo Nations in Your Womb by Israel Jacob Yuval.\\nFounder of Hasidism by Murray Jay Rosman.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Visit a Jewish museum.\", \"描述\": \"Visiting a museum can foster feelings of inspiration, connection, and empathy. Experiencing Jewish history, art, and culture through the lens of a museum can deepen your experience of Judaism. You might visit:\\nThe Jewish Museum in Berlin.\\nMuseum of Jewish Heritage in New York City.\\nThe Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C.\\nJewish Children’s Museum in Brooklyn.\\nThe Contemporary Jewish Museum in San Francisco.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engaging with Jewish Culture\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do good deeds.\", \"描述\": \"The act of doing good deeds for others (also called mitzvah) is central to the Jewish faith. Look for opportunities to volunteer in your area, or come up with other ways to be of service. Ideas include:\\nBringing a meal to an elderly neighbor.\\nOffering to watch your friend’s children when they cannot.\\nBringing food to your local food pantry.\\nDonating money to charitable organizations.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eat traditionally Jewish foods.\", \"描述\": \"Following a strict kosher diet might be more work than you want to do, but you can still connect more deeply with your Jewish practice by enjoying popular Jewish foods. Some choices include:\\nMatzoh ball soup.\\nChallah bread.\\nKugel.\\nPotato latkes.\\nJelly-filled sufganiyot.\\nRugelach.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Read books with Jewish characters and themes.\", \"描述\": \"Literature has long been a window into the lives of others. Try reading stories that feature Jewish people and discuss Jewish ideas. Some recent examples include:\\n\\nThe Laws of Gravity by Liz Rosenberg.\\nKaaterskill Falls by Allegra Goodman.\\nThe Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker.\\nHerzog by Saul Bellow.\\nThe Innocents by Francesca Segal.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Participating in a Jewish Community\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Attend synagogue.\", \"描述\": \"Synagogues are Jewish community centers used for worship, study, and celebration. Find a synagogue that matches your denomination and level of observance. Begin attending synagogue weekly, and participate as much as you can. If you have questions about the service, make an appointment to consult with a rabbi.\\nServices are commonly held on Shabbat eve (Friday night), Shabbat morning (Saturday morning), and late Shabbat afternoon (Saturday afternoon).\\nYou might also attend services on Jewish holidays, such as Yom Kippur.\\nThis is an important way to get to know your local community and to learn more about Jewish traditions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Attend a local Shabbat dinner.\", \"描述\": \"Shabbat is a traditional gathering that occurs at sundown on Friday nights. Look for a Shabbat dinner in your area that is open to all. This is an excellent way to meet other people in the Jewish community and to engage with an ancient custom.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Celebrate Jewish holidays.\", \"描述\": \"Some of the Jewish holidays include Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hanukkah, Tu B'Shevat, Purim, Lag b'Omer, Shavuot, Tisha B'Av, and Rosh Chodesh. Seek opportunities to celebrate these holidays with your community.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn common Yiddish phrases if you are Ashkenazi Jewish.\", \"描述\": \"Learning the entire Hebrew language might be a bit too much work, but if you are of Ashkenazi descent, learning some commonly used Yiddish phrases can help you to better communicate with other Jews, and to feel more connected to Judaism. Some basic examples include:\\nKvetch - to complain.\\nMazel Tov - good luck.\\nOy vey - an exclamation of dismay.\\nShlemiel - a clumsy person.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Following the Rules of Orthodox Judaism\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep the Sabbath.\", \"描述\": \"Orthodox Judaism is the strictest denomination. If you are seeking a strict and devoted religious practice, you may want to follow Orthodox guidelines. Orthodox Jews are called Shomer Shabbat, or keepers of the Sabbath. During the Sabbath, Orthodox Jews are not allowed to work, travel, carry money, discuss business, use electricity, light a fire, and make/receive phone calls. This time is cherished for its relaxing, spiritual separation from the busy workweek.\\nThe Sabbath starts at sundown every Friday and ends when there are three stars in the sky on Saturday night.\\nOther non-Orthodox denominations follow the rules of the Sabbath to varying degrees.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Follow the dietary laws of Kashrut.\", \"描述\": \"Part of participating in an Orthodox Jewish lifestyle means adhering to a kosher diet. There are a several basic guidelines to follow.\\nFor items that come in wrappers or containers, make sure they have the hechsher symbol (most commonly are seen as a U inside a circle or a K, but can be other symbols)\\nDo not eat shellfish or fish that don’t have scales\\nDo not eat pig meat or the meat of any other animal without split hooves that does not chew its cud.\\nDo not eat dairy and meat together.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get circumcised.\", \"描述\": \"If you are converting to Orthodox Judaism, and you are male, you may need to be circumcised (also called brit milah). If you’ve already been circumcised, you may undergo a ritual called hatafat dam brit, which involves the drawing a small amount of symbolic blood.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Seek approval from a rabbinic court (or beit din).\", \"描述\": \"To officially convert to Orthodox Judaism, you will need the approval of a three person rabbinic court, or beit din. This court has the authority to decide whether or not you are ready for conversion. They will evaluate your knowledge, motivation, and intent to live the Jewish faith.\\nIn most instances, you must promise to accept of the yoke of the commandments (or kabbalat ol ha-mitzvot).\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Immerse in a ritual bath (or mikveh).\", \"描述\": \"Once you gain the approval of the rabbinic court, the conversion is completed by immersing in a ritual bath. Usually this is a special pool (called a mikveh), but less conservative sects may allow the use of the ocean or a swimming pool.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Take a Hebrew name.\", \"描述\": \"After you are welcomed into the faith, you will take on a Hebrew name. Additionally, some Jewish documents may require to list your family connection to Judaism. In these cases, you might list your father as Abraham and your mother as Sarah.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,866 | How to Be Joyful | 1. Cultivating Your Joy
1-1. Determine why you don’t feel joyful.
You may realize that you find it difficult to feel joy. You may even frequently feel sad. If this is the case, take some time to figure out what is causing you to not feel joyful. Write these down and figure out how you can actively take steps to find your joy again.
Be open and honest with yourself. Evaluate elements of your life such as your job, family situations, relationships with others, and your physical health.
Make a list of things that sap you of your joy and then ask, “What can I do to change this?” Then write an answer such as, “I’d be more joyful if I didn’t let my wife’s judgmental mother affect my mood.”
1-2. Address medical issues with a professional.
If you realize that you feel more sadness than joy, you may have depression or another disorder such as anxiety. Schedule an appointment with your physician, who can recommend a treatment to help you find more joy than sadness.
Let your doctor know about what you’re feeling. Be as honest as possible. Remember that your doctor is there to help you and you have nothing about which to be ashamed.
Ask questions about what treatment your doctor suggests to find joy again in your life. She may suggest visiting a psychiatrist or other mental health professional to undergo psychotherapy. Your may also get a prescription for an anti-depressant, which can increase serotonin, the hormone that contributes to happiness, in your brain.
1-3. Navigate relationships that sap you of joy.
You may realize that personal and professional relationships contribute to you not feeling joyfulness. The individuals with whom we interact regularly can impact our attitudes, including the ability to feel joy. Limiting or removing anyone who saps you of joy can help you recapture your joy.
Remove a person from your life completely if he is a considerable drain on your joy. You can do so with kindness by saying something to the person such as, “I value you, but I need a bit of a break.” You can choose how much detail you provide.
Choose to limit your exposure to the person if you can’t remove him entirely. You can easily do this by saying some like, “Thank you very much for the kind invitation but I unfortunately can’t make it.”
Counteract negative attitudes, comments, and viewpoints by reminding the person of the positive side of what he said. This could help you feel a little joy and may even cause the person to move on from you.
Remember that challenging experiences and emotions are an important part of life, and that even destructive relationships may ultimately help you learn and grow after they've been ended.
1-4. Find joy in difficult times.
No person sails through life without difficulty. How you approach difficult times can have an effect on your overall mood. By seeking out joy during these difficult times, you may be able to find or retain joyfulness.
Avoid embracing any anger and/or rage you may feel. Find a way to get through situations that cause these emotions constructively so that they don’t become chronic.
Surround yourself with supportive individuals. Sharing what you’re experiencing can cue them into finding ways to make you joyful and happy. Even reaching out on social media may help since the people you love often want nothing but your happiness.
Feel compassion and kindness towards other people and beings such as animals and plants. Doing something nice for others can bring you—and the person or being—joy and happiness.
1-5. List what gives you joy.
Having a good idea of what makes you joyful can actually bring you more joy. Reviewing a list of what makes you joyful every day can help you focus on what makes you happy. It can also offer a bright spot in times you may not be feeling especially joyful.
Write out a list of anything that makes you joyful. It doesn’t have to be anything detailed or fancy. Simple things, such as “my family and I have a comfortable home and plenty to eat,” are excellent. You can also put fancier things, too. Something like a great dinner, massage, or your team winning the playoffs are things that might also bring you joy.
Keep your list in a handy place like your handbag or wallet. This ensures that you can pull it out at any time, especially if you need a ray of sunshine in your day.
1-6. Start your day off on the right foot.
Mornings can often be the hardest part of your day. You have to get out of a cozy bed and face things like work or school. But starting off your day right with elements such as soothing sounds, a good breakfast, and repeating positive words to yourself can help you have a relaxed, healthy, and productive day.
Wake up to soothing sounds instead of a jarring alarm. Consider things like birds chirping or waves lapping up on the shore. Then repeat positive words to yourself such as, "Today is going to be a brilliant day," and, "I will have a really productive day.”
Establish some type of morning ritual so that you can leave your home with as little stress as possible. Your morning ritual could include things like having breakfast with your loved ones, taking a shower, or doing some gentle yoga.
Remember that eating a healthy breakfast can give you the energy and nutrients to get through your day. It also can keep you happy by preventing slumps in blood sugar. Try a slice of whole wheat toast with some jam, a cup of Greek yogurt with fresh berries, and a cup of coffee or tea.
1-7. Move your body.
Exercise and physical activity are powerful ways to increase the amount of serotonin, a mood-enhancing hormone, in your system. Finding ways to move your body every day, such as a walk or swim, can help you stay joyful and be happy.
Get at least 75 minutes of vigorous activity or 150 minutes of moderate activity each week. Do exercises and activities that that you enjoy. Things like walking, hiking, running, yoga, swimming, or biking are a few example of what you can do. You can also do activities like jumping on a trampoline or with a rope. Even taking your dog outside to play works.
1-8. Manage stress throughout the day.
Stress can put a cramp in anyone’s joy and happiness. Reducing any stress that confronts you can help you retain your joy throughout the day.
Step away from any situation that causes you stress if you are able. A five or 10 minute break may do wonders for anyone involved. Use the time to take a short walk or something else you enjoy.
Try deep breathing for a few breaths for squeeze a rubbery stress ball if you cannot leave a situation that causes you stress.
Pull out your list of things that make you joyful to help diffuse your stress.
One way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine is to have an alarm go off at regular intervals to remind you to notice your breath and feel your feet on the ground.
2. Doing Things that Make You Joyful
2-1. Devote time to activities you love.
Any time you do something you truly love, it probably brings joy to your heart and brightens your day. Actively schedule time every day or every weekend to do something you love so that you can be joyful and reduce stress.
Check you list of things that bring you joy and figure out where you can fit them in your schedule. This may require actively carving out time in your day, even if it is only for 10 minutes, to do some yoga poses or grab a cup of coffee and read the paper.
Make sure to devote ample time to thing you love on days you have no responsibilities or commitments. The relaxation and joy from that day can easily carry over into days where you are feeling blue or stressed.
2-2. Find a hobby
Not only can you find joy in things you already love, but you may also in a new hobby. The learning process can bring you joy and happiness.
Try out something you’ve always wanted to do. It could be something like skydiving, doing ballet, kayaking, or creating pottery. Give yourself a few weeks to see if you really love it and if it brings you joy. If you find out it isn’t what you thought, you can always try out something else.
Use your new hobby to meet new people, who may also help you be joyful.
2-3. Indulge in “me” time.
Having time to yourself is important for your physical and mental health. “Me time” can help you relax, improve your concentration, allow you to have some self-discovery, and enhance your relationships. Allow yourself to indulge in alone time to reap its benefits, including joyfulness.
Use your me time to do things you love that bring you joy. This can be as simple as reading a book or even enjoying some solitary running or kayaking in the woods.
Tell someone who asks to go along that you would like to go alone that day. Be nice about it by saying something like, “I’d love for you to go with me, Anna, but I’ve had a really stressful week and need to decompress by myself a bit. I'd be happy to go with you another time, though.”
Pamper yourself during your me time. Remember that your me time is meant to bring you joy, including by reducing your stress. You can pamper yourself in a variety of ways such as getting a massage or letting someone fill your gas at the station.
Self-care may seem cliche, but it really is essential to protect the time and space to keep yourself energized, otherwise you risk burning out.
2-4. Treat yourself.
Allow yourself to buy or do something you’ve really wanted for a while. This might be something as simple as a sundae if you’re dieting, getting yourself a jazzy new pair of shoes, or going on an exotic vacation.
Avoid treating yourself too often. Treating yourself too frequently makes it less of a "treat" and can also cause financial problems.
Consider allowing yourself small treats on a daily basis if you need the pick me up. This could be something such as having a mini candy bar or taking the elevator instead of the stairs.
2-5. Enjoy a meal out.
A nice way to treat and pamper yourself is by going to a restaurant. Having a great meal and attentive service in a cozy environment can help you relax and be joyful. Go to your meal alone or invite your family and/or friends. Order something you love or be a little adventurous and try something new. Make sure to top off the night with a dessert that you love.
2-6. Spend time with loved ones.
Just as it’s important to have “me” time, it’s just as vital to your happiness to spend time with your family and friends. Giving a little time to the ones you love can relax you and bring joy to you — and them.
Do activities that you and your family and friends enjoy. This could be going to happy hour or dinner, talking a walk or vacation together, or even just talking on the phone for a few minutes.
Be aware that it is more important to spend more time with your loved ones than it is to have “me” time. This allows you to connect to them and experience joy in different ways than simply finding it on your own.
2-7. Rekindle an old friendship.
Do you ever find yourself thinking about that good friend from school or work with whom you’ve lost contact? Find a way to get in contact with the person and you may find she was also thinking about you. Talking to the person and getting together can bring both of you a lot of joy.
Find a clever way to contact the person. With social media, it’s often very easy. For example, you could send an old photo of yourself with the person and say, “Remember this? I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” Don’t discount simply calling the person, either.
Avoid forcing the friendship. Friendships are never something that should leave you running after another person. You may also find that you need to have a new type of friendship with the person because people do change over time.
3. Bringing Joy to Others
3-1. Acknowledge a person’s presence.
Any time you interact with another person, take a second or two to acknowledge him. Because you never know what is going on in another person’s life, a simple “hello” or “thank you” can go very far in making the person feel worthy and happy. In turn, the person’s reaction may bring you joy with the response you get.
Start off any interaction with a smile. It doesn’t even need to be a big, toothy grin. A smile to a person you walk past may get a smile in return. Generally, the nicer you are to others, the more they will want you around and you’ll experience the positive social consequences.
Make eye contact whenever you can. Consider greeting others with a cheerful “hello.” Remember to say “please” and “thank you.” Saying these things and incorporating positive behaviors become a habit over time. Even at tough times, they can offer a glimmer of humanity to other people who are struggling.
3-2. Offer simple acts of kindness.
Doing something nice for another person, like offering a compliment or paying for her lunch, can bring both of you a lot of joy. In any situation, consider making a small and kind gesture to another person. Not only will this bring the other person joy, but may also brighten your spirits.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to do something grand. Buying coffee for a friend or colleague who is having a hard time or giving someone a kind word can help the other person—and you—be joyful.
3-3. Volunteer your time with the less fortunate.
There are a lot of people in the world who are less fortunate than you. They may not have a home, job, or their health. Giving some time to these people can give them a glimmer of hope and joy and make you feel great, too.
Offer your time to a health facility or organization that provides aid to those less fortunate than you. Consider working at a place where your skills may be especially welcome. For example, if you like to paint, you could volunteer to paint with sick children or the elderly. You could also help individuals living in shelters develop their job skills.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:08",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Cultivating Your Joy\\n1-1. Determine why you don’t feel joyful.\\nYou may realize that you find it difficult to feel joy. You may even frequently feel sad. If this is the case, take some time to figure out what is causing you to not feel joyful. Write these down and figure out how you can actively take steps to find your joy again.\\nBe open and honest with yourself. Evaluate elements of your life such as your job, family situations, relationships with others, and your physical health.\\nMake a list of things that sap you of your joy and then ask, “What can I do to change this?” Then write an answer such as, “I’d be more joyful if I didn’t let my wife’s judgmental mother affect my mood.”\\n1-2. Address medical issues with a professional.\\nIf you realize that you feel more sadness than joy, you may have depression or another disorder such as anxiety. Schedule an appointment with your physician, who can recommend a treatment to help you find more joy than sadness.\\nLet your doctor know about what you’re feeling. Be as honest as possible. Remember that your doctor is there to help you and you have nothing about which to be ashamed.\\nAsk questions about what treatment your doctor suggests to find joy again in your life. She may suggest visiting a psychiatrist or other mental health professional to undergo psychotherapy. Your may also get a prescription for an anti-depressant, which can increase serotonin, the hormone that contributes to happiness, in your brain.\\n1-3. Navigate relationships that sap you of joy.\\nYou may realize that personal and professional relationships contribute to you not feeling joyfulness. The individuals with whom we interact regularly can impact our attitudes, including the ability to feel joy. Limiting or removing anyone who saps you of joy can help you recapture your joy.\\nRemove a person from your life completely if he is a considerable drain on your joy. You can do so with kindness by saying something to the person such as, “I value you, but I need a bit of a break.” You can choose how much detail you provide.\\nChoose to limit your exposure to the person if you can’t remove him entirely. You can easily do this by saying some like, “Thank you very much for the kind invitation but I unfortunately can’t make it.”\\nCounteract negative attitudes, comments, and viewpoints by reminding the person of the positive side of what he said. This could help you feel a little joy and may even cause the person to move on from you.\\nRemember that challenging experiences and emotions are an important part of life, and that even destructive relationships may ultimately help you learn and grow after they've been ended.\\n1-4. Find joy in difficult times.\\nNo person sails through life without difficulty. How you approach difficult times can have an effect on your overall mood. By seeking out joy during these difficult times, you may be able to find or retain joyfulness.\\nAvoid embracing any anger and/or rage you may feel. Find a way to get through situations that cause these emotions constructively so that they don’t become chronic.\\nSurround yourself with supportive individuals. Sharing what you’re experiencing can cue them into finding ways to make you joyful and happy. Even reaching out on social media may help since the people you love often want nothing but your happiness.\\nFeel compassion and kindness towards other people and beings such as animals and plants. Doing something nice for others can bring you—and the person or being—joy and happiness.\\n1-5. List what gives you joy.\\nHaving a good idea of what makes you joyful can actually bring you more joy. Reviewing a list of what makes you joyful every day can help you focus on what makes you happy. It can also offer a bright spot in times you may not be feeling especially joyful.\\nWrite out a list of anything that makes you joyful. It doesn’t have to be anything detailed or fancy. Simple things, such as “my family and I have a comfortable home and plenty to eat,” are excellent. You can also put fancier things, too. Something like a great dinner, massage, or your team winning the playoffs are things that might also bring you joy.\\nKeep your list in a handy place like your handbag or wallet. This ensures that you can pull it out at any time, especially if you need a ray of sunshine in your day.\\n1-6. Start your day off on the right foot.\\nMornings can often be the hardest part of your day. You have to get out of a cozy bed and face things like work or school. But starting off your day right with elements such as soothing sounds, a good breakfast, and repeating positive words to yourself can help you have a relaxed, healthy, and productive day.\\nWake up to soothing sounds instead of a jarring alarm. Consider things like birds chirping or waves lapping up on the shore. Then repeat positive words to yourself such as, \\\"Today is going to be a brilliant day,\\\" and, \\\"I will have a really productive day.”\\nEstablish some type of morning ritual so that you can leave your home with as little stress as possible. Your morning ritual could include things like having breakfast with your loved ones, taking a shower, or doing some gentle yoga.\\nRemember that eating a healthy breakfast can give you the energy and nutrients to get through your day. It also can keep you happy by preventing slumps in blood sugar. Try a slice of whole wheat toast with some jam, a cup of Greek yogurt with fresh berries, and a cup of coffee or tea.\\n1-7. Move your body.\\nExercise and physical activity are powerful ways to increase the amount of serotonin, a mood-enhancing hormone, in your system. Finding ways to move your body every day, such as a walk or swim, can help you stay joyful and be happy.\\nGet at least 75 minutes of vigorous activity or 150 minutes of moderate activity each week. Do exercises and activities that that you enjoy. Things like walking, hiking, running, yoga, swimming, or biking are a few example of what you can do. You can also do activities like jumping on a trampoline or with a rope. Even taking your dog outside to play works.\\n1-8. Manage stress throughout the day.\\nStress can put a cramp in anyone’s joy and happiness. Reducing any stress that confronts you can help you retain your joy throughout the day.\\nStep away from any situation that causes you stress if you are able. A five or 10 minute break may do wonders for anyone involved. Use the time to take a short walk or something else you enjoy.\\nTry deep breathing for a few breaths for squeeze a rubbery stress ball if you cannot leave a situation that causes you stress.\\nPull out your list of things that make you joyful to help diffuse your stress.\\nOne way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine is to have an alarm go off at regular intervals to remind you to notice your breath and feel your feet on the ground.\\n2. Doing Things that Make You Joyful\\n2-1. Devote time to activities you love.\\nAny time you do something you truly love, it probably brings joy to your heart and brightens your day. Actively schedule time every day or every weekend to do something you love so that you can be joyful and reduce stress.\\nCheck you list of things that bring you joy and figure out where you can fit them in your schedule. This may require actively carving out time in your day, even if it is only for 10 minutes, to do some yoga poses or grab a cup of coffee and read the paper.\\nMake sure to devote ample time to thing you love on days you have no responsibilities or commitments. The relaxation and joy from that day can easily carry over into days where you are feeling blue or stressed.\\n2-2. Find a hobby\\nNot only can you find joy in things you already love, but you may also in a new hobby. The learning process can bring you joy and happiness.\\nTry out something you’ve always wanted to do. It could be something like skydiving, doing ballet, kayaking, or creating pottery. Give yourself a few weeks to see if you really love it and if it brings you joy. If you find out it isn’t what you thought, you can always try out something else.\\nUse your new hobby to meet new people, who may also help you be joyful.\\n2-3. Indulge in “me” time.\\nHaving time to yourself is important for your physical and mental health. “Me time” can help you relax, improve your concentration, allow you to have some self-discovery, and enhance your relationships. Allow yourself to indulge in alone time to reap its benefits, including joyfulness.\\nUse your me time to do things you love that bring you joy. This can be as simple as reading a book or even enjoying some solitary running or kayaking in the woods.\\nTell someone who asks to go along that you would like to go alone that day. Be nice about it by saying something like, “I’d love for you to go with me, Anna, but I’ve had a really stressful week and need to decompress by myself a bit. I'd be happy to go with you another time, though.”\\nPamper yourself during your me time. Remember that your me time is meant to bring you joy, including by reducing your stress. You can pamper yourself in a variety of ways such as getting a massage or letting someone fill your gas at the station.\\nSelf-care may seem cliche, but it really is essential to protect the time and space to keep yourself energized, otherwise you risk burning out.\\n2-4. Treat yourself.\\nAllow yourself to buy or do something you’ve really wanted for a while. This might be something as simple as a sundae if you’re dieting, getting yourself a jazzy new pair of shoes, or going on an exotic vacation. \\nAvoid treating yourself too often. Treating yourself too frequently makes it less of a \\\"treat\\\" and can also cause financial problems.\\nConsider allowing yourself small treats on a daily basis if you need the pick me up. This could be something such as having a mini candy bar or taking the elevator instead of the stairs.\\n2-5. Enjoy a meal out.\\nA nice way to treat and pamper yourself is by going to a restaurant. Having a great meal and attentive service in a cozy environment can help you relax and be joyful. Go to your meal alone or invite your family and/or friends. Order something you love or be a little adventurous and try something new. Make sure to top off the night with a dessert that you love.\\n2-6. Spend time with loved ones.\\nJust as it’s important to have “me” time, it’s just as vital to your happiness to spend time with your family and friends. Giving a little time to the ones you love can relax you and bring joy to you — and them.\\nDo activities that you and your family and friends enjoy. This could be going to happy hour or dinner, talking a walk or vacation together, or even just talking on the phone for a few minutes.\\nBe aware that it is more important to spend more time with your loved ones than it is to have “me” time. This allows you to connect to them and experience joy in different ways than simply finding it on your own.\\n2-7. Rekindle an old friendship.\\nDo you ever find yourself thinking about that good friend from school or work with whom you’ve lost contact? Find a way to get in contact with the person and you may find she was also thinking about you. Talking to the person and getting together can bring both of you a lot of joy.\\nFind a clever way to contact the person. With social media, it’s often very easy. For example, you could send an old photo of yourself with the person and say, “Remember this? I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” Don’t discount simply calling the person, either.\\nAvoid forcing the friendship. Friendships are never something that should leave you running after another person. You may also find that you need to have a new type of friendship with the person because people do change over time.\\n3. Bringing Joy to Others\\n3-1. Acknowledge a person’s presence.\\nAny time you interact with another person, take a second or two to acknowledge him. Because you never know what is going on in another person’s life, a simple “hello” or “thank you” can go very far in making the person feel worthy and happy. In turn, the person’s reaction may bring you joy with the response you get.\\nStart off any interaction with a smile. It doesn’t even need to be a big, toothy grin. A smile to a person you walk past may get a smile in return. Generally, the nicer you are to others, the more they will want you around and you’ll experience the positive social consequences.\\nMake eye contact whenever you can. Consider greeting others with a cheerful “hello.” Remember to say “please” and “thank you.” Saying these things and incorporating positive behaviors become a habit over time. Even at tough times, they can offer a glimmer of humanity to other people who are struggling.\\n3-2. Offer simple acts of kindness.\\nDoing something nice for another person, like offering a compliment or paying for her lunch, can bring both of you a lot of joy. In any situation, consider making a small and kind gesture to another person. Not only will this bring the other person joy, but may also brighten your spirits.\\nKeep in mind that you don’t have to do something grand. Buying coffee for a friend or colleague who is having a hard time or giving someone a kind word can help the other person—and you—be joyful.\\n3-3. Volunteer your time with the less fortunate.\\nThere are a lot of people in the world who are less fortunate than you. They may not have a home, job, or their health. Giving some time to these people can give them a glimmer of hope and joy and make you feel great, too.\\nOffer your time to a health facility or organization that provides aid to those less fortunate than you. Consider working at a place where your skills may be especially welcome. For example, if you like to paint, you could volunteer to paint with sick children or the elderly. You could also help individuals living in shelters develop their job skills.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Everyone needs a little pick-me-up sometimes, but sometimes you also just need some joy. Being joyful and happy can be hugely beneficial to your health, including protecting your heart and lengthening your life. It can also be a great way to reinforce your relationships in life, but you might be confused about how to be joyful. By cultivating your joy, doing things that make you joyful, and bringing that joy to others, you can be joyful in your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cultivating Your Joy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine why you don’t feel joyful.\", \"描述\": \"You may realize that you find it difficult to feel joy. You may even frequently feel sad. If this is the case, take some time to figure out what is causing you to not feel joyful. Write these down and figure out how you can actively take steps to find your joy again.\\nBe open and honest with yourself. Evaluate elements of your life such as your job, family situations, relationships with others, and your physical health.\\nMake a list of things that sap you of your joy and then ask, “What can I do to change this?” Then write an answer such as, “I’d be more joyful if I didn’t let my wife’s judgmental mother affect my mood.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Address medical issues with a professional.\", \"描述\": \"If you realize that you feel more sadness than joy, you may have depression or another disorder such as anxiety. Schedule an appointment with your physician, who can recommend a treatment to help you find more joy than sadness.\\nLet your doctor know about what you’re feeling. Be as honest as possible. Remember that your doctor is there to help you and you have nothing about which to be ashamed.\\nAsk questions about what treatment your doctor suggests to find joy again in your life. She may suggest visiting a psychiatrist or other mental health professional to undergo psychotherapy. Your may also get a prescription for an anti-depressant, which can increase serotonin, the hormone that contributes to happiness, in your brain.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Navigate relationships that sap you of joy.\", \"描述\": \"You may realize that personal and professional relationships contribute to you not feeling joyfulness. The individuals with whom we interact regularly can impact our attitudes, including the ability to feel joy. Limiting or removing anyone who saps you of joy can help you recapture your joy.\\nRemove a person from your life completely if he is a considerable drain on your joy. You can do so with kindness by saying something to the person such as, “I value you, but I need a bit of a break.” You can choose how much detail you provide.\\nChoose to limit your exposure to the person if you can’t remove him entirely. You can easily do this by saying some like, “Thank you very much for the kind invitation but I unfortunately can’t make it.”\\nCounteract negative attitudes, comments, and viewpoints by reminding the person of the positive side of what he said. This could help you feel a little joy and may even cause the person to move on from you.\\nRemember that challenging experiences and emotions are an important part of life, and that even destructive relationships may ultimately help you learn and grow after they've been ended.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find joy in difficult times.\", \"描述\": \"No person sails through life without difficulty. How you approach difficult times can have an effect on your overall mood. By seeking out joy during these difficult times, you may be able to find or retain joyfulness.\\nAvoid embracing any anger and/or rage you may feel. Find a way to get through situations that cause these emotions constructively so that they don’t become chronic.\\nSurround yourself with supportive individuals. Sharing what you’re experiencing can cue them into finding ways to make you joyful and happy. Even reaching out on social media may help since the people you love often want nothing but your happiness.\\nFeel compassion and kindness towards other people and beings such as animals and plants. Doing something nice for others can bring you—and the person or being—joy and happiness.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"List what gives you joy.\", \"描述\": \"Having a good idea of what makes you joyful can actually bring you more joy. Reviewing a list of what makes you joyful every day can help you focus on what makes you happy. It can also offer a bright spot in times you may not be feeling especially joyful.\\nWrite out a list of anything that makes you joyful. It doesn’t have to be anything detailed or fancy. Simple things, such as “my family and I have a comfortable home and plenty to eat,” are excellent. You can also put fancier things, too. Something like a great dinner, massage, or your team winning the playoffs are things that might also bring you joy.\\nKeep your list in a handy place like your handbag or wallet. This ensures that you can pull it out at any time, especially if you need a ray of sunshine in your day.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Start your day off on the right foot.\", \"描述\": \"Mornings can often be the hardest part of your day. You have to get out of a cozy bed and face things like work or school. But starting off your day right with elements such as soothing sounds, a good breakfast, and repeating positive words to yourself can help you have a relaxed, healthy, and productive day.\\nWake up to soothing sounds instead of a jarring alarm. Consider things like birds chirping or waves lapping up on the shore. Then repeat positive words to yourself such as, \\\"Today is going to be a brilliant day,\\\" and, \\\"I will have a really productive day.”\\nEstablish some type of morning ritual so that you can leave your home with as little stress as possible. Your morning ritual could include things like having breakfast with your loved ones, taking a shower, or doing some gentle yoga.\\nRemember that eating a healthy breakfast can give you the energy and nutrients to get through your day. It also can keep you happy by preventing slumps in blood sugar. Try a slice of whole wheat toast with some jam, a cup of Greek yogurt with fresh berries, and a cup of coffee or tea.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Move your body.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise and physical activity are powerful ways to increase the amount of serotonin, a mood-enhancing hormone, in your system. Finding ways to move your body every day, such as a walk or swim, can help you stay joyful and be happy.\\nGet at least 75 minutes of vigorous activity or 150 minutes of moderate activity each week. Do exercises and activities that that you enjoy. Things like walking, hiking, running, yoga, swimming, or biking are a few example of what you can do. You can also do activities like jumping on a trampoline or with a rope. Even taking your dog outside to play works.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Manage stress throughout the day.\", \"描述\": \"Stress can put a cramp in anyone’s joy and happiness. Reducing any stress that confronts you can help you retain your joy throughout the day.\\nStep away from any situation that causes you stress if you are able. A five or 10 minute break may do wonders for anyone involved. Use the time to take a short walk or something else you enjoy.\\nTry deep breathing for a few breaths for squeeze a rubbery stress ball if you cannot leave a situation that causes you stress.\\nPull out your list of things that make you joyful to help diffuse your stress.\\nOne way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine is to have an alarm go off at regular intervals to remind you to notice your breath and feel your feet on the ground.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Doing Things that Make You Joyful\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Devote time to activities you love.\", \"描述\": \"Any time you do something you truly love, it probably brings joy to your heart and brightens your day. Actively schedule time every day or every weekend to do something you love so that you can be joyful and reduce stress.\\nCheck you list of things that bring you joy and figure out where you can fit them in your schedule. This may require actively carving out time in your day, even if it is only for 10 minutes, to do some yoga poses or grab a cup of coffee and read the paper.\\nMake sure to devote ample time to thing you love on days you have no responsibilities or commitments. The relaxation and joy from that day can easily carry over into days where you are feeling blue or stressed.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find a hobby\", \"描述\": \"Not only can you find joy in things you already love, but you may also in a new hobby. The learning process can bring you joy and happiness.\\nTry out something you’ve always wanted to do. It could be something like skydiving, doing ballet, kayaking, or creating pottery. Give yourself a few weeks to see if you really love it and if it brings you joy. If you find out it isn’t what you thought, you can always try out something else.\\nUse your new hobby to meet new people, who may also help you be joyful.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Indulge in “me” time.\", \"描述\": \"Having time to yourself is important for your physical and mental health. “Me time” can help you relax, improve your concentration, allow you to have some self-discovery, and enhance your relationships. Allow yourself to indulge in alone time to reap its benefits, including joyfulness.\\nUse your me time to do things you love that bring you joy. This can be as simple as reading a book or even enjoying some solitary running or kayaking in the woods.\\nTell someone who asks to go along that you would like to go alone that day. Be nice about it by saying something like, “I’d love for you to go with me, Anna, but I’ve had a really stressful week and need to decompress by myself a bit. I'd be happy to go with you another time, though.”\\nPamper yourself during your me time. Remember that your me time is meant to bring you joy, including by reducing your stress. You can pamper yourself in a variety of ways such as getting a massage or letting someone fill your gas at the station.\\nSelf-care may seem cliche, but it really is essential to protect the time and space to keep yourself energized, otherwise you risk burning out.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Treat yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Allow yourself to buy or do something you’ve really wanted for a while. This might be something as simple as a sundae if you’re dieting, getting yourself a jazzy new pair of shoes, or going on an exotic vacation. \\nAvoid treating yourself too often. Treating yourself too frequently makes it less of a \\\"treat\\\" and can also cause financial problems.\\nConsider allowing yourself small treats on a daily basis if you need the pick me up. This could be something such as having a mini candy bar or taking the elevator instead of the stairs.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Enjoy a meal out.\", \"描述\": \"A nice way to treat and pamper yourself is by going to a restaurant. Having a great meal and attentive service in a cozy environment can help you relax and be joyful. Go to your meal alone or invite your family and/or friends. Order something you love or be a little adventurous and try something new. Make sure to top off the night with a dessert that you love.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Spend time with loved ones.\", \"描述\": \"Just as it’s important to have “me” time, it’s just as vital to your happiness to spend time with your family and friends. Giving a little time to the ones you love can relax you and bring joy to you — and them.\\nDo activities that you and your family and friends enjoy. This could be going to happy hour or dinner, talking a walk or vacation together, or even just talking on the phone for a few minutes.\\nBe aware that it is more important to spend more time with your loved ones than it is to have “me” time. This allows you to connect to them and experience joy in different ways than simply finding it on your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Rekindle an old friendship.\", \"描述\": \"Do you ever find yourself thinking about that good friend from school or work with whom you’ve lost contact? Find a way to get in contact with the person and you may find she was also thinking about you. Talking to the person and getting together can bring both of you a lot of joy.\\nFind a clever way to contact the person. With social media, it’s often very easy. For example, you could send an old photo of yourself with the person and say, “Remember this? I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” Don’t discount simply calling the person, either.\\nAvoid forcing the friendship. Friendships are never something that should leave you running after another person. You may also find that you need to have a new type of friendship with the person because people do change over time.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Bringing Joy to Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acknowledge a person’s presence.\", \"描述\": \"Any time you interact with another person, take a second or two to acknowledge him. Because you never know what is going on in another person’s life, a simple “hello” or “thank you” can go very far in making the person feel worthy and happy. In turn, the person’s reaction may bring you joy with the response you get.\\nStart off any interaction with a smile. It doesn’t even need to be a big, toothy grin. A smile to a person you walk past may get a smile in return. Generally, the nicer you are to others, the more they will want you around and you’ll experience the positive social consequences.\\nMake eye contact whenever you can. Consider greeting others with a cheerful “hello.” Remember to say “please” and “thank you.” Saying these things and incorporating positive behaviors become a habit over time. Even at tough times, they can offer a glimmer of humanity to other people who are struggling.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Offer simple acts of kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Doing something nice for another person, like offering a compliment or paying for her lunch, can bring both of you a lot of joy. In any situation, consider making a small and kind gesture to another person. Not only will this bring the other person joy, but may also brighten your spirits.\\nKeep in mind that you don’t have to do something grand. Buying coffee for a friend or colleague who is having a hard time or giving someone a kind word can help the other person—and you—be joyful.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Volunteer your time with the less fortunate.\", \"描述\": \"There are a lot of people in the world who are less fortunate than you. They may not have a home, job, or their health. Giving some time to these people can give them a glimmer of hope and joy and make you feel great, too.\\nOffer your time to a health facility or organization that provides aid to those less fortunate than you. Consider working at a place where your skills may be especially welcome. For example, if you like to paint, you could volunteer to paint with sick children or the elderly. You could also help individuals living in shelters develop their job skills.\"}]}]}}",
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3,867 | How to Be Just Friends with a Member of the Opposite Sex | 1. Getting to Know Each Other
1-1. Ignore gender stereotypes.
Don’t feel like you need to act in a certain way to befriend someone of the opposite sex. You don’t have to play into gender stereotypes just to make a new friend. For example, if you’re a girl, don’t feel like you have to be into football for a guy to be friends with you. Likewise, guys don’t need to pretend to be into things that they think girls typically like, such as fashion or shopping.
If you do like those things, great! Just don’t feel like you have to exhibit any interests that you don’t actually have.
If you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re not going to enjoy the friendship very much.
1-2. Be open to talking about a variety of topics.
When you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to look for things that you have in common. That will help you establish a good friendship. In order to do that, talk about a lot of different things. You might be surprised to know what you learn!
This doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, you might mention that you just tried a great new Thai place. That could lead to a conversation about the other person’s planned trip to Thailand or recommendations for another restaurant. Be willing to let the conversation flow naturally.
Ask questions to show you are interested in their likes. You could say, “That's a cool Colts jersey. I don't know a ton about Indianapolis. Are you from there?"
1-3. Let the other person know if you are in a relationship.
Be upfront with your friend about your romantic status. You wouldn’t hide your relationship from your other friends, right? You don’t have to make a big deal out of it. But it is important to let the other person know that you already have a romantic relationship so that they don’t get confused about your friendship goals.
When you’re getting to know each other, it’s normal to ask if the other person is in a relationship. You can share your status, too.
You can also casually drop the information into the conversation. Say something like, “My boyfriend and I just finished that new documentary on Netflix. Have you seen it?”
1-4. Clearly state your intentions about the friendship.
It’s totally fine to be honest about what you are looking for in a new friendship. You can say, “I’ve noticed that you talk about movies a lot. I’m always looking for someone to see a matinee with. Do you want to be movie buddies?” If you’re looking for a deeper friendship, hopefully, that will develop with time.
If you’re not sure what you want, that’s okay, too. You can start by hanging out and see what kind of friendship naturally develops.
1-5. Reevaluate being friends if you’re not on the same page.
It’s possible that the other person is physically attracted to you. If they seem to hesitate when you make it clear that you just want to be friends, you might want to take a step back. It’s hard to be true friends when you don’t both have the same idea of what the relationship should look like.
You can kindly say, “It’s really important to me to be comfortable in my friendships. It doesn’t seem like we’re on the same page, so we’re probably better off just staying friendly acquaintances.”
2. Making Sure the Friendship Feels Comfortable
2-1. Hang out in groups if that feels more comfortable.
If you’re not used to being friends with someone of the opposite sex, it might take a while for you to get used to it. As your friendship is developing, you can suggest doing things with other people as you grow more comfortable. If you want, you can explain your feelings by saying, “I really prefer to hang out in groups when I’m getting to know new people. Is that cool with you?”
You can also do this without drawing attention to your feelings. Whenever you invite your new friend to do something, just make sure that other people will be there, too.
2-2. Keep physical affection to a minimum to avoid blurring lines.
Even if you’ve made your intentions clear, it might seem like you’re sending mixed signals if you use a lot of physical touches. Avoid holding hands or lingering when you give hugs.
It’s definitely okay for there to be some physical contact. It’s appropriate to offer someone a hug if you are congratulating them or consoling them, for example.
When you go out together, be sure to split the tab evenly.
Always decline any romantic gestures that they offer.
2-3. Stay away from giving relationship advice.
It’s possible that if you spend too much time talking about romance, the other person might misinterpret your motives. Other times, they might feel like you are overstepping your bounds by giving unwanted advice. While the friendship is developing, it’s best to just steer clear of discussing romantic relationships.
Once you have a more established friendship, you can both decide if this is a boundary that can change. Your friendship can grow and develop in any way that works for both of you.
2-4. Respect each other’s romantic relationships.
Sometimes your partner (or your friend’s partner) might be hesitant about your platonic friendship. If they ask you and your friend to put some boundaries in place, try to be accepting of that if they're reasonable. For example, if they ask that you 2 don’t go on weekend trips alone together, that is an understandable boundary.
If your partner (or your friend’s partner) makes seemingly unreasonable demands, you can object. For example, if they try to stipulate that you can’t hang out anymore, try to find a compromise that makes everyone happy.
Take some time to do a little self-reflection. Ask yourself if there is any legitimate reason that someone would think that you and your friend might be or might become more than friends.
If you are in a relationship and your partner tries to unreasonably restrict your friendships, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. No one has the right to control you.
2-5. Check-in about the friendship every several months.
Feelings can change over time, so it’s important to make sure that you and your friend remain on the same page. Plan to have a sort of “state of the friendship” talk every so often. You can say to your friend, “Do you have a little time to talk? I just wanted to make sure we are both still comfortable in our friendship.”
This might feel a little awkward at first, but it will help you make sure that the friendship doesn’t now contain a one-sided attraction.
3. Building a Strong Friendship
3-1. Make it a point to be kind.
This might seem obvious, but it’s easy to sometimes take friends for granted. Instead, show kindness by building your friend up when they are going through a stressful situation. You can say, “You seem pretty upset about what’s going on at work. How can I support you?”
You can also express gratitude. Let your friend know that you are thankful for them. Try saying, “I really appreciate that you always make time to hang out with me. It means a lot.”
3-2. Show that you are honest and trustworthy.
Once you feel comfortable with your friend, try to be really open about yourself. Share concerns that you have, goals for your life, and personal feelings. You might also want to share past experiences to allow them to better understand you. This type of honesty can help build strong friendships.
If your friend shares similar things with you, keep their confidence. Don’t share your conversations with others, and don’t ever gossip about your friend. This will show them they can depend on you.
3-3. Be a good listener.
It’s probably important to you that your friend listens to you. Show them the same courtesy. When they are speaking, give them your full attention. Make eye contact and use facial expressions to show that you are paying attention.
Ask follow-up questions to demonstrate that you care. You can say, “I heard you say that you’re really frustrated with your roommate. Can you tell me a little bit more about why you’re so upset?”
3-4. Commit to spending time with your friend.
All friendships need maintenance. It’s normal to go through periods where you’re busier than usual, but try not to sacrifice your friendship during these times. Try to get together regularly, even if it’s just to catch up quickly over a cup of coffee.
If you can’t meet up, try Facetiming. That’s a great way to “hang out” when your schedule is making actual face-to-face time impossible.
If you really are pressed for time, just explain that to your friend. You can say, “I realize I haven’t had much time to spend with you lately. I’m really sorry. I promise that as soon as I finish this big project, we can go on that hike you’ve been talking about.”
Tips
Don’t worry about it if someone teases you about your friendship. Just let them know that you’re happy to have a good friend no matter what others think.
Allow your friendship to evolve. You don’t have to always do the same things or have the same common interests.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:08",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting to Know Each Other\\n1-1. Ignore gender stereotypes.\\nDon’t feel like you need to act in a certain way to befriend someone of the opposite sex. You don’t have to play into gender stereotypes just to make a new friend. For example, if you’re a girl, don’t feel like you have to be into football for a guy to be friends with you. Likewise, guys don’t need to pretend to be into things that they think girls typically like, such as fashion or shopping.\\nIf you do like those things, great! Just don’t feel like you have to exhibit any interests that you don’t actually have.\\nIf you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re not going to enjoy the friendship very much.\\n1-2. Be open to talking about a variety of topics.\\nWhen you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to look for things that you have in common. That will help you establish a good friendship. In order to do that, talk about a lot of different things. You might be surprised to know what you learn!\\nThis doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, you might mention that you just tried a great new Thai place. That could lead to a conversation about the other person’s planned trip to Thailand or recommendations for another restaurant. Be willing to let the conversation flow naturally.\\nAsk questions to show you are interested in their likes. You could say, “That's a cool Colts jersey. I don't know a ton about Indianapolis. Are you from there?\\\"\\n1-3. Let the other person know if you are in a relationship.\\nBe upfront with your friend about your romantic status. You wouldn’t hide your relationship from your other friends, right? You don’t have to make a big deal out of it. But it is important to let the other person know that you already have a romantic relationship so that they don’t get confused about your friendship goals.\\nWhen you’re getting to know each other, it’s normal to ask if the other person is in a relationship. You can share your status, too.\\nYou can also casually drop the information into the conversation. Say something like, “My boyfriend and I just finished that new documentary on Netflix. Have you seen it?”\\n1-4. Clearly state your intentions about the friendship.\\nIt’s totally fine to be honest about what you are looking for in a new friendship. You can say, “I’ve noticed that you talk about movies a lot. I’m always looking for someone to see a matinee with. Do you want to be movie buddies?” If you’re looking for a deeper friendship, hopefully, that will develop with time.\\nIf you’re not sure what you want, that’s okay, too. You can start by hanging out and see what kind of friendship naturally develops.\\n1-5. Reevaluate being friends if you’re not on the same page.\\nIt’s possible that the other person is physically attracted to you. If they seem to hesitate when you make it clear that you just want to be friends, you might want to take a step back. It’s hard to be true friends when you don’t both have the same idea of what the relationship should look like.\\nYou can kindly say, “It’s really important to me to be comfortable in my friendships. It doesn’t seem like we’re on the same page, so we’re probably better off just staying friendly acquaintances.”\\n2. Making Sure the Friendship Feels Comfortable\\n2-1. Hang out in groups if that feels more comfortable.\\nIf you’re not used to being friends with someone of the opposite sex, it might take a while for you to get used to it. As your friendship is developing, you can suggest doing things with other people as you grow more comfortable. If you want, you can explain your feelings by saying, “I really prefer to hang out in groups when I’m getting to know new people. Is that cool with you?”\\nYou can also do this without drawing attention to your feelings. Whenever you invite your new friend to do something, just make sure that other people will be there, too.\\n2-2. Keep physical affection to a minimum to avoid blurring lines.\\nEven if you’ve made your intentions clear, it might seem like you’re sending mixed signals if you use a lot of physical touches. Avoid holding hands or lingering when you give hugs.\\nIt’s definitely okay for there to be some physical contact. It’s appropriate to offer someone a hug if you are congratulating them or consoling them, for example.\\nWhen you go out together, be sure to split the tab evenly.\\nAlways decline any romantic gestures that they offer.\\n2-3. Stay away from giving relationship advice.\\nIt’s possible that if you spend too much time talking about romance, the other person might misinterpret your motives. Other times, they might feel like you are overstepping your bounds by giving unwanted advice. While the friendship is developing, it’s best to just steer clear of discussing romantic relationships.\\nOnce you have a more established friendship, you can both decide if this is a boundary that can change. Your friendship can grow and develop in any way that works for both of you.\\n2-4. Respect each other’s romantic relationships.\\nSometimes your partner (or your friend’s partner) might be hesitant about your platonic friendship. If they ask you and your friend to put some boundaries in place, try to be accepting of that if they're reasonable. For example, if they ask that you 2 don’t go on weekend trips alone together, that is an understandable boundary.\\nIf your partner (or your friend’s partner) makes seemingly unreasonable demands, you can object. For example, if they try to stipulate that you can’t hang out anymore, try to find a compromise that makes everyone happy.\\nTake some time to do a little self-reflection. Ask yourself if there is any legitimate reason that someone would think that you and your friend might be or might become more than friends.\\nIf you are in a relationship and your partner tries to unreasonably restrict your friendships, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. No one has the right to control you.\\n2-5. Check-in about the friendship every several months.\\nFeelings can change over time, so it’s important to make sure that you and your friend remain on the same page. Plan to have a sort of “state of the friendship” talk every so often. You can say to your friend, “Do you have a little time to talk? I just wanted to make sure we are both still comfortable in our friendship.”\\nThis might feel a little awkward at first, but it will help you make sure that the friendship doesn’t now contain a one-sided attraction.\\n3. Building a Strong Friendship\\n3-1. Make it a point to be kind.\\nThis might seem obvious, but it’s easy to sometimes take friends for granted. Instead, show kindness by building your friend up when they are going through a stressful situation. You can say, “You seem pretty upset about what’s going on at work. How can I support you?”\\nYou can also express gratitude. Let your friend know that you are thankful for them. Try saying, “I really appreciate that you always make time to hang out with me. It means a lot.”\\n3-2. Show that you are honest and trustworthy.\\nOnce you feel comfortable with your friend, try to be really open about yourself. Share concerns that you have, goals for your life, and personal feelings. You might also want to share past experiences to allow them to better understand you. This type of honesty can help build strong friendships.\\nIf your friend shares similar things with you, keep their confidence. Don’t share your conversations with others, and don’t ever gossip about your friend. This will show them they can depend on you.\\n3-3. Be a good listener.\\nIt’s probably important to you that your friend listens to you. Show them the same courtesy. When they are speaking, give them your full attention. Make eye contact and use facial expressions to show that you are paying attention.\\nAsk follow-up questions to demonstrate that you care. You can say, “I heard you say that you’re really frustrated with your roommate. Can you tell me a little bit more about why you’re so upset?”\\n3-4. Commit to spending time with your friend.\\nAll friendships need maintenance. It’s normal to go through periods where you’re busier than usual, but try not to sacrifice your friendship during these times. Try to get together regularly, even if it’s just to catch up quickly over a cup of coffee.\\nIf you can’t meet up, try Facetiming. That’s a great way to “hang out” when your schedule is making actual face-to-face time impossible.\\nIf you really are pressed for time, just explain that to your friend. You can say, “I realize I haven’t had much time to spend with you lately. I’m really sorry. I promise that as soon as I finish this big project, we can go on that hike you’ve been talking about.”\\nTips\\nDon’t worry about it if someone teases you about your friendship. Just let them know that you’re happy to have a good friend no matter what others think.\\nAllow your friendship to evolve. You don’t have to always do the same things or have the same common interests.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You don’t have to limit your friendships to people who are the same sex as you. It can be just as fun to have a wide variety of people as your friends! When you make a new friend, just make it clear that you are looking for friendship and nothing more. Communication is key when having an opposite-sex friend. As long as you both know where the boundaries are, you can create a lasting friendship. Behave as you would with any other friend by being kind, honest, and committed to the friendship. You can be friends with anyone that you get along with.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting to Know Each Other\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ignore gender stereotypes.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t feel like you need to act in a certain way to befriend someone of the opposite sex. You don’t have to play into gender stereotypes just to make a new friend. For example, if you’re a girl, don’t feel like you have to be into football for a guy to be friends with you. Likewise, guys don’t need to pretend to be into things that they think girls typically like, such as fashion or shopping.\\nIf you do like those things, great! Just don’t feel like you have to exhibit any interests that you don’t actually have.\\nIf you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re not going to enjoy the friendship very much.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be open to talking about a variety of topics.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to look for things that you have in common. That will help you establish a good friendship. In order to do that, talk about a lot of different things. You might be surprised to know what you learn!\\nThis doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, you might mention that you just tried a great new Thai place. That could lead to a conversation about the other person’s planned trip to Thailand or recommendations for another restaurant. Be willing to let the conversation flow naturally.\\nAsk questions to show you are interested in their likes. You could say, “That's a cool Colts jersey. I don't know a ton about Indianapolis. Are you from there?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let the other person know if you are in a relationship.\", \"描述\": \"Be upfront with your friend about your romantic status. You wouldn’t hide your relationship from your other friends, right? You don’t have to make a big deal out of it. But it is important to let the other person know that you already have a romantic relationship so that they don’t get confused about your friendship goals.\\nWhen you’re getting to know each other, it’s normal to ask if the other person is in a relationship. You can share your status, too.\\nYou can also casually drop the information into the conversation. Say something like, “My boyfriend and I just finished that new documentary on Netflix. Have you seen it?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Clearly state your intentions about the friendship.\", \"描述\": \"It’s totally fine to be honest about what you are looking for in a new friendship. You can say, “I’ve noticed that you talk about movies a lot. I’m always looking for someone to see a matinee with. Do you want to be movie buddies?” If you’re looking for a deeper friendship, hopefully, that will develop with time.\\nIf you’re not sure what you want, that’s okay, too. You can start by hanging out and see what kind of friendship naturally develops.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Reevaluate being friends if you’re not on the same page.\", \"描述\": \"It’s possible that the other person is physically attracted to you. If they seem to hesitate when you make it clear that you just want to be friends, you might want to take a step back. It’s hard to be true friends when you don’t both have the same idea of what the relationship should look like.\\nYou can kindly say, “It’s really important to me to be comfortable in my friendships. It doesn’t seem like we’re on the same page, so we’re probably better off just staying friendly acquaintances.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Making Sure the Friendship Feels Comfortable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hang out in groups if that feels more comfortable.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re not used to being friends with someone of the opposite sex, it might take a while for you to get used to it. As your friendship is developing, you can suggest doing things with other people as you grow more comfortable. If you want, you can explain your feelings by saying, “I really prefer to hang out in groups when I’m getting to know new people. Is that cool with you?”\\nYou can also do this without drawing attention to your feelings. Whenever you invite your new friend to do something, just make sure that other people will be there, too.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep physical affection to a minimum to avoid blurring lines.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you’ve made your intentions clear, it might seem like you’re sending mixed signals if you use a lot of physical touches. Avoid holding hands or lingering when you give hugs.\\nIt’s definitely okay for there to be some physical contact. It’s appropriate to offer someone a hug if you are congratulating them or consoling them, for example.\\nWhen you go out together, be sure to split the tab evenly.\\nAlways decline any romantic gestures that they offer.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay away from giving relationship advice.\", \"描述\": \"It’s possible that if you spend too much time talking about romance, the other person might misinterpret your motives. Other times, they might feel like you are overstepping your bounds by giving unwanted advice. While the friendship is developing, it’s best to just steer clear of discussing romantic relationships.\\nOnce you have a more established friendship, you can both decide if this is a boundary that can change. Your friendship can grow and develop in any way that works for both of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Respect each other’s romantic relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes your partner (or your friend’s partner) might be hesitant about your platonic friendship. If they ask you and your friend to put some boundaries in place, try to be accepting of that if they're reasonable. For example, if they ask that you 2 don’t go on weekend trips alone together, that is an understandable boundary.\\nIf your partner (or your friend’s partner) makes seemingly unreasonable demands, you can object. For example, if they try to stipulate that you can’t hang out anymore, try to find a compromise that makes everyone happy.\\nTake some time to do a little self-reflection. Ask yourself if there is any legitimate reason that someone would think that you and your friend might be or might become more than friends.\\nIf you are in a relationship and your partner tries to unreasonably restrict your friendships, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. No one has the right to control you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Check-in about the friendship every several months.\", \"描述\": \"Feelings can change over time, so it’s important to make sure that you and your friend remain on the same page. Plan to have a sort of “state of the friendship” talk every so often. You can say to your friend, “Do you have a little time to talk? I just wanted to make sure we are both still comfortable in our friendship.”\\nThis might feel a little awkward at first, but it will help you make sure that the friendship doesn’t now contain a one-sided attraction.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Building a Strong Friendship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make it a point to be kind.\", \"描述\": \"This might seem obvious, but it’s easy to sometimes take friends for granted. Instead, show kindness by building your friend up when they are going through a stressful situation. You can say, “You seem pretty upset about what’s going on at work. How can I support you?”\\nYou can also express gratitude. Let your friend know that you are thankful for them. Try saying, “I really appreciate that you always make time to hang out with me. It means a lot.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show that you are honest and trustworthy.\", \"描述\": \"Once you feel comfortable with your friend, try to be really open about yourself. Share concerns that you have, goals for your life, and personal feelings. You might also want to share past experiences to allow them to better understand you. This type of honesty can help build strong friendships.\\nIf your friend shares similar things with you, keep their confidence. Don’t share your conversations with others, and don’t ever gossip about your friend. This will show them they can depend on you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener.\", \"描述\": \"It’s probably important to you that your friend listens to you. Show them the same courtesy. When they are speaking, give them your full attention. Make eye contact and use facial expressions to show that you are paying attention.\\nAsk follow-up questions to demonstrate that you care. You can say, “I heard you say that you’re really frustrated with your roommate. Can you tell me a little bit more about why you’re so upset?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Commit to spending time with your friend.\", \"描述\": \"All friendships need maintenance. It’s normal to go through periods where you’re busier than usual, but try not to sacrifice your friendship during these times. Try to get together regularly, even if it’s just to catch up quickly over a cup of coffee.\\nIf you can’t meet up, try Facetiming. That’s a great way to “hang out” when your schedule is making actual face-to-face time impossible.\\nIf you really are pressed for time, just explain that to your friend. You can say, “I realize I haven’t had much time to spend with you lately. I’m really sorry. I promise that as soon as I finish this big project, we can go on that hike you’ve been talking about.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don’t worry about it if someone teases you about your friendship. Just let them know that you’re happy to have a good friend no matter what others think.\\n\", \"Allow your friendship to evolve. You don’t have to always do the same things or have the same common interests.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,868 | How to Be Kemetic | 1. Learning About the Faith
1-1. Read books about Kemetism.
Look for books about ancient Egypt, particularly those on religion. While reading old texts can help you understand where the beliefs come from, you also want to read about how the ancient practices have been adapted for modern times.
To learn more about ancient Egypt, read Ancient Egyptian Religion: An Interpretation by Henri Frankfort and The Complete Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Egypt by Richard H. Wilkinson.
Try the following books to learn how to adapt the beliefs for modern times: Eternal Egypt: Ancient Rituals for the Modern World by Richard J. Reidy, Red Land, Black Land by Barbara Mertz, or Temple of the Cosmos: The Ancient Egyptian Experience of the Sacred by Jeremy Naydler.
1-2. Open your mind about the concept of magic.
Kemetism involves ritual magic as one of its components; however, it’s not like the magic depicted in movies. You won’t suddenly have powers that you can throw around, and you won’t be making pacts with any evil entities. Instead, it’s more of a spiritual manifestation, like with a miracle.
Ask yourself what magic means to you. Say, “Why is this faith important to me? What do I hope to gain? How does this help my spiritual growth?”
For example, a ritual might include ringing a bell, lighting incense, inviting your god or goddess to manifest, providing an offering of food, honoring your god or goddess, asking for their assistance, and then saying a closing prayer.
1-3. Research online.
You can find several websites dedicated to Kemetism, and some even have interactive forums where you can talk to experienced individuals. You can find a lot of information about the modern forms of the religion by looking at websites and blogs. These sites will also provide you a great outlet for discussing your new faith, which might not be available where you live.
Try sites like the following:
http://www.kemet.org
https://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/kemeticism/kemetic-starter-guide/
1-4. Take online classes.
Some Kemetic temples offer online classes to help you learn about and join the religion. If you like a more organized approach or prefer a traditional path, then that might be right for you. You can find these programs online.
Try a site like The Kemetic Orthodox Temple.
1-5. Visit a local shrine or temple.
If you’re lucky enough to live near a Kemetic shrine or temple, meet with the local priest or a member of the community to talk about the faith and find out if you can attend a service. You may even be able to find a mentor in the community who is willing to share their faith with you.
Say, “Hi, I’m interested in being Kemetic. Would it be possible for me to attend a service at your temple?”
Try, “You seem very knowledgeable about your faith. Do you think you would have time to share your experiences with me or answer a few questions?”
2. Creating Your Personal Practice
2-1. Live in harmony with creation, seeking the best life for everyone.
Kemetics look beyond themselves to the needs of the community, so focus your thoughts and goals on achieving what’s best for all. Work to create an unselfish mindset and to be kind to others.
Share your abundance with others.
Wish yourself and others well.
Cooperate with others and work for a common good.
Seek to create positive changes in the community.
2-2. Choose the god(s) and goddess(es) you wish to honor.
As part of Kemetism, you will honor the gods and goddesses. Since the Kemetic faith is polytheistic, it features more than one god and goddess, though they all work together. Most Kemetics choose a pair of gods or goddesses to focus on.
Reach out to the gods and goddesses. Light a candle and burn some incense, then talk to them. Over time, one or two should emerge as the ones you should choose to honor.
2-3. Build your shrine.
Choose a location in your home, such as in a cabinet, on a small table, or on a bookshelf, where you can build a small shrine. Place a statue, icon, or picture of the deity or deities you are honoring in the shrine, as well as an offering plate or bowl. Other items to consider include incense, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems.
Choose the incense, stones, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems that you are drawn to or that you feel your god or goddess is asking for.
2-4. Give offerings to your god or goddess.
As part of your religious practice, add offerings such as bread, water, milk, or rice to the plate or bowl on your altar. Most Kemetics do a daily offering, though it is not required. At the end of the ceremony, revert your offering by consuming it. Thank your god or goddess for the shared nourishment of the offering.
If you don't want to eat the offerings, you don't have to use food. Instead, you can use liquids or symbolic offerings, like a stone or gem.
What you offer depends on you, what you can afford, and what you feel called to give. Bread and water are traditional offerings, but you may prefer something else.
2-5. Perform a daily set of prayers.
As part of your practice, designate a time every day to perform prayers at your shrine. During this time, communicate with your gods and goddesses. Your daily prayers don’t have to be complicated, but they should be a regular part of your day.
Your prayers should invite, honor, and thank your god or goddess. You can also use this time to talk to your god or goddess and possibly ask for help.
If you'd like, you can find pre-written Kemetic prayers to incorporate into your practice.
Try lighting a candle or incense in your shrine to help you focus on your prayers.
Choose a time of day that will be easy for you most days.
2-6. Celebrate your family life.
Family is important in the Kemetic faith, so take steps to improve your family life. Eat meals with your family, speak kindly to them, and plan time to spend with them. Remember those who have passed on as well, as your ancestors remain part of the family even after death.
3. Joining a Group Worship
3-1. Be communal in your mindset.
Kemetism is about groups rather than individuals. Seeking out a greater community can help you better practice your faith.
Bring your communal mindset to your everyday life. Be a good team member at work or school, and try to bring positive things to your community.
Volunteer in your community, donate extra food to your local food bank, and provide help to those in need.
3-2. Look for a group in your area.
An established group should have a trained priest that is knowledgeable about the ancient practices, which have been well preserved in books and on temple walls. The priest will perform the ancient ceremonies at a community shrine or temple.
Use Google to look for temples or shrines in your area.
Try sites like meetup.com or Facebook to look for smaller community groups that may still hold rituals or may travel as a group to a temple in a nearby area.
3-3. Join an online group or forum.
Depending on where you live, it may be difficult to locate other Kemetics. If so, try reaching out to online groups and forums to build your community. The internet can quickly connect you to other Kemetics all around the globe.
3-4. Work with other neopagans.
If you can’t find another Kemetic group in your community, reach out to other neopagans to see if they’d be interested in collaborating with you. While your faiths may be different, they will have overlapping features. Having someone to talk to about your faith who is open will at least provide you an outlet to grow spiritually.
4. Honoring Your Ancestors
4-1. Refer to your ancestors as Akhu, which means the blessed dead.
Because your ancestors have passed on, they are closer to the gods and goddesses than you are, which makes them blessed.
It does not matter if your ancestors were not Kemetic. They are still part of you and therefore part of your faith.
4-2. Create a small shrine to honor your ancestors.
Include a photo and/or memento of your ancestors, as well as small gifts like flowers or a candle. If you remember your ancestors, then they live forever.
Feature these items on a shelf or on your mantle. You may even designate a wall in your home for photos of your ancestors if you have them.
It's up to you how many of your ancestors that you include in your shrine. When you think of your ancestors, include as many as you can in your thoughts. For example, you could send out a general thought of thanks to all of your ancestors, even those you don't know about.
4-3. Thank your ancestors for looking after you.
In Kemetism, ancestors who are honored look after their descendants from the beyond, so thank them for their blessings. It’s part of the familial bond.
As you walk by your ancestor shrine, say, “Thank you for giving me life and always watching out for me.”
Tips
Read about Kemetic beliefs and adopt your own beliefs.
If your community doesn’t have a Kemetic community, consider starting one yourself.
Connect with other Kemetics! There are many temples like Kemetic Orthodoxy and forums like eCauldron where one can communicate and learn from those experienced in Kemetism.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:08",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning About the Faith\\n1-1. Read books about Kemetism.\\nLook for books about ancient Egypt, particularly those on religion. While reading old texts can help you understand where the beliefs come from, you also want to read about how the ancient practices have been adapted for modern times.\\nTo learn more about ancient Egypt, read Ancient Egyptian Religion: An Interpretation by Henri Frankfort and The Complete Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Egypt by Richard H. Wilkinson.\\nTry the following books to learn how to adapt the beliefs for modern times: Eternal Egypt: Ancient Rituals for the Modern World by Richard J. Reidy, Red Land, Black Land by Barbara Mertz, or Temple of the Cosmos: The Ancient Egyptian Experience of the Sacred by Jeremy Naydler.\\n1-2. Open your mind about the concept of magic.\\nKemetism involves ritual magic as one of its components; however, it’s not like the magic depicted in movies. You won’t suddenly have powers that you can throw around, and you won’t be making pacts with any evil entities. Instead, it’s more of a spiritual manifestation, like with a miracle.\\nAsk yourself what magic means to you. Say, “Why is this faith important to me? What do I hope to gain? How does this help my spiritual growth?”\\nFor example, a ritual might include ringing a bell, lighting incense, inviting your god or goddess to manifest, providing an offering of food, honoring your god or goddess, asking for their assistance, and then saying a closing prayer.\\n1-3. Research online.\\nYou can find several websites dedicated to Kemetism, and some even have interactive forums where you can talk to experienced individuals. You can find a lot of information about the modern forms of the religion by looking at websites and blogs. These sites will also provide you a great outlet for discussing your new faith, which might not be available where you live.\\nTry sites like the following:\\nhttp://www.kemet.org\\nhttps://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/kemeticism/kemetic-starter-guide/\\n1-4. Take online classes.\\nSome Kemetic temples offer online classes to help you learn about and join the religion. If you like a more organized approach or prefer a traditional path, then that might be right for you. You can find these programs online.\\nTry a site like The Kemetic Orthodox Temple.\\n1-5. Visit a local shrine or temple.\\nIf you’re lucky enough to live near a Kemetic shrine or temple, meet with the local priest or a member of the community to talk about the faith and find out if you can attend a service. You may even be able to find a mentor in the community who is willing to share their faith with you.\\nSay, “Hi, I’m interested in being Kemetic. Would it be possible for me to attend a service at your temple?”\\nTry, “You seem very knowledgeable about your faith. Do you think you would have time to share your experiences with me or answer a few questions?”\\n2. Creating Your Personal Practice\\n2-1. Live in harmony with creation, seeking the best life for everyone.\\nKemetics look beyond themselves to the needs of the community, so focus your thoughts and goals on achieving what’s best for all. Work to create an unselfish mindset and to be kind to others.\\nShare your abundance with others.\\nWish yourself and others well.\\nCooperate with others and work for a common good.\\nSeek to create positive changes in the community.\\n2-2. Choose the god(s) and goddess(es) you wish to honor.\\nAs part of Kemetism, you will honor the gods and goddesses. Since the Kemetic faith is polytheistic, it features more than one god and goddess, though they all work together. Most Kemetics choose a pair of gods or goddesses to focus on.\\nReach out to the gods and goddesses. Light a candle and burn some incense, then talk to them. Over time, one or two should emerge as the ones you should choose to honor.\\n2-3. Build your shrine.\\nChoose a location in your home, such as in a cabinet, on a small table, or on a bookshelf, where you can build a small shrine. Place a statue, icon, or picture of the deity or deities you are honoring in the shrine, as well as an offering plate or bowl. Other items to consider include incense, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems.\\nChoose the incense, stones, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems that you are drawn to or that you feel your god or goddess is asking for.\\n2-4. Give offerings to your god or goddess.\\nAs part of your religious practice, add offerings such as bread, water, milk, or rice to the plate or bowl on your altar. Most Kemetics do a daily offering, though it is not required. At the end of the ceremony, revert your offering by consuming it. Thank your god or goddess for the shared nourishment of the offering.\\nIf you don't want to eat the offerings, you don't have to use food. Instead, you can use liquids or symbolic offerings, like a stone or gem.\\nWhat you offer depends on you, what you can afford, and what you feel called to give. Bread and water are traditional offerings, but you may prefer something else.\\n2-5. Perform a daily set of prayers.\\nAs part of your practice, designate a time every day to perform prayers at your shrine. During this time, communicate with your gods and goddesses. Your daily prayers don’t have to be complicated, but they should be a regular part of your day.\\nYour prayers should invite, honor, and thank your god or goddess. You can also use this time to talk to your god or goddess and possibly ask for help.\\nIf you'd like, you can find pre-written Kemetic prayers to incorporate into your practice.\\nTry lighting a candle or incense in your shrine to help you focus on your prayers.\\nChoose a time of day that will be easy for you most days.\\n2-6. Celebrate your family life.\\nFamily is important in the Kemetic faith, so take steps to improve your family life. Eat meals with your family, speak kindly to them, and plan time to spend with them. Remember those who have passed on as well, as your ancestors remain part of the family even after death.\\n3. Joining a Group Worship\\n3-1. Be communal in your mindset.\\nKemetism is about groups rather than individuals. Seeking out a greater community can help you better practice your faith.\\nBring your communal mindset to your everyday life. Be a good team member at work or school, and try to bring positive things to your community.\\nVolunteer in your community, donate extra food to your local food bank, and provide help to those in need.\\n3-2. Look for a group in your area.\\nAn established group should have a trained priest that is knowledgeable about the ancient practices, which have been well preserved in books and on temple walls. The priest will perform the ancient ceremonies at a community shrine or temple.\\nUse Google to look for temples or shrines in your area.\\nTry sites like meetup.com or Facebook to look for smaller community groups that may still hold rituals or may travel as a group to a temple in a nearby area.\\n3-3. Join an online group or forum.\\nDepending on where you live, it may be difficult to locate other Kemetics. If so, try reaching out to online groups and forums to build your community. The internet can quickly connect you to other Kemetics all around the globe.\\n3-4. Work with other neopagans.\\nIf you can’t find another Kemetic group in your community, reach out to other neopagans to see if they’d be interested in collaborating with you. While your faiths may be different, they will have overlapping features. Having someone to talk to about your faith who is open will at least provide you an outlet to grow spiritually.\\n4. Honoring Your Ancestors\\n4-1. Refer to your ancestors as Akhu, which means the blessed dead.\\nBecause your ancestors have passed on, they are closer to the gods and goddesses than you are, which makes them blessed.\\nIt does not matter if your ancestors were not Kemetic. They are still part of you and therefore part of your faith.\\n4-2. Create a small shrine to honor your ancestors.\\nInclude a photo and/or memento of your ancestors, as well as small gifts like flowers or a candle. If you remember your ancestors, then they live forever.\\nFeature these items on a shelf or on your mantle. You may even designate a wall in your home for photos of your ancestors if you have them.\\nIt's up to you how many of your ancestors that you include in your shrine. When you think of your ancestors, include as many as you can in your thoughts. For example, you could send out a general thought of thanks to all of your ancestors, even those you don't know about.\\n4-3. Thank your ancestors for looking after you.\\nIn Kemetism, ancestors who are honored look after their descendants from the beyond, so thank them for their blessings. It’s part of the familial bond.\\nAs you walk by your ancestor shrine, say, “Thank you for giving me life and always watching out for me.”\\nTips\\nRead about Kemetic beliefs and adopt your own beliefs.\\nIf your community doesn’t have a Kemetic community, consider starting one yourself.\\nConnect with other Kemetics! There are many temples like Kemetic Orthodoxy and forums like eCauldron where one can communicate and learn from those experienced in Kemetism.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being Kemetic allows you to choose a religious path that works for you and helps you live your life in a positive way. Kemetism is the modern practice of the religion of ancient Egypt, which was called Kemet. Kemetism is part of the neopaganism movement, which includes the revival of old religions. The following steps will help you get started on your journey to learn about the faith and create your personal practice.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning About the Faith\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Read books about Kemetism.\", \"描述\": \"Look for books about ancient Egypt, particularly those on religion. While reading old texts can help you understand where the beliefs come from, you also want to read about how the ancient practices have been adapted for modern times.\\nTo learn more about ancient Egypt, read Ancient Egyptian Religion: An Interpretation by Henri Frankfort and The Complete Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Egypt by Richard H. Wilkinson.\\nTry the following books to learn how to adapt the beliefs for modern times: Eternal Egypt: Ancient Rituals for the Modern World by Richard J. Reidy, Red Land, Black Land by Barbara Mertz, or Temple of the Cosmos: The Ancient Egyptian Experience of the Sacred by Jeremy Naydler.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Open your mind about the concept of magic.\", \"描述\": \"Kemetism involves ritual magic as one of its components; however, it’s not like the magic depicted in movies. You won’t suddenly have powers that you can throw around, and you won’t be making pacts with any evil entities. Instead, it’s more of a spiritual manifestation, like with a miracle.\\nAsk yourself what magic means to you. Say, “Why is this faith important to me? What do I hope to gain? How does this help my spiritual growth?”\\nFor example, a ritual might include ringing a bell, lighting incense, inviting your god or goddess to manifest, providing an offering of food, honoring your god or goddess, asking for their assistance, and then saying a closing prayer.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Research online.\", \"描述\": \"You can find several websites dedicated to Kemetism, and some even have interactive forums where you can talk to experienced individuals. You can find a lot of information about the modern forms of the religion by looking at websites and blogs. These sites will also provide you a great outlet for discussing your new faith, which might not be available where you live.\\nTry sites like the following:\\nhttp://www.kemet.org\\nhttps://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/kemeticism/kemetic-starter-guide/\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take online classes.\", \"描述\": \"Some Kemetic temples offer online classes to help you learn about and join the religion. If you like a more organized approach or prefer a traditional path, then that might be right for you. You can find these programs online.\\nTry a site like The Kemetic Orthodox Temple.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Visit a local shrine or temple.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re lucky enough to live near a Kemetic shrine or temple, meet with the local priest or a member of the community to talk about the faith and find out if you can attend a service. You may even be able to find a mentor in the community who is willing to share their faith with you.\\nSay, “Hi, I’m interested in being Kemetic. Would it be possible for me to attend a service at your temple?”\\nTry, “You seem very knowledgeable about your faith. Do you think you would have time to share your experiences with me or answer a few questions?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Creating Your Personal Practice\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Live in harmony with creation, seeking the best life for everyone.\", \"描述\": \"Kemetics look beyond themselves to the needs of the community, so focus your thoughts and goals on achieving what’s best for all. Work to create an unselfish mindset and to be kind to others.\\nShare your abundance with others.\\nWish yourself and others well.\\nCooperate with others and work for a common good.\\nSeek to create positive changes in the community.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose the god(s) and goddess(es) you wish to honor.\", \"描述\": \"As part of Kemetism, you will honor the gods and goddesses. Since the Kemetic faith is polytheistic, it features more than one god and goddess, though they all work together. Most Kemetics choose a pair of gods or goddesses to focus on.\\nReach out to the gods and goddesses. Light a candle and burn some incense, then talk to them. Over time, one or two should emerge as the ones you should choose to honor.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Build your shrine.\", \"描述\": \"Choose a location in your home, such as in a cabinet, on a small table, or on a bookshelf, where you can build a small shrine. Place a statue, icon, or picture of the deity or deities you are honoring in the shrine, as well as an offering plate or bowl. Other items to consider include incense, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems.\\nChoose the incense, stones, flowers, herbs, oils, and gems that you are drawn to or that you feel your god or goddess is asking for.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Give offerings to your god or goddess.\", \"描述\": \"As part of your religious practice, add offerings such as bread, water, milk, or rice to the plate or bowl on your altar. Most Kemetics do a daily offering, though it is not required. At the end of the ceremony, revert your offering by consuming it. Thank your god or goddess for the shared nourishment of the offering.\\nIf you don't want to eat the offerings, you don't have to use food. Instead, you can use liquids or symbolic offerings, like a stone or gem.\\nWhat you offer depends on you, what you can afford, and what you feel called to give. Bread and water are traditional offerings, but you may prefer something else.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Perform a daily set of prayers.\", \"描述\": \"As part of your practice, designate a time every day to perform prayers at your shrine. During this time, communicate with your gods and goddesses. Your daily prayers don’t have to be complicated, but they should be a regular part of your day.\\nYour prayers should invite, honor, and thank your god or goddess. You can also use this time to talk to your god or goddess and possibly ask for help.\\nIf you'd like, you can find pre-written Kemetic prayers to incorporate into your practice.\\nTry lighting a candle or incense in your shrine to help you focus on your prayers.\\nChoose a time of day that will be easy for you most days.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Celebrate your family life.\", \"描述\": \"Family is important in the Kemetic faith, so take steps to improve your family life. Eat meals with your family, speak kindly to them, and plan time to spend with them. Remember those who have passed on as well, as your ancestors remain part of the family even after death.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Joining a Group Worship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be communal in your mindset.\", \"描述\": \"Kemetism is about groups rather than individuals. Seeking out a greater community can help you better practice your faith.\\nBring your communal mindset to your everyday life. Be a good team member at work or school, and try to bring positive things to your community.\\nVolunteer in your community, donate extra food to your local food bank, and provide help to those in need.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look for a group in your area.\", \"描述\": \"An established group should have a trained priest that is knowledgeable about the ancient practices, which have been well preserved in books and on temple walls. The priest will perform the ancient ceremonies at a community shrine or temple.\\nUse Google to look for temples or shrines in your area.\\nTry sites like meetup.com or Facebook to look for smaller community groups that may still hold rituals or may travel as a group to a temple in a nearby area.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Join an online group or forum.\", \"描述\": \"Depending on where you live, it may be difficult to locate other Kemetics. If so, try reaching out to online groups and forums to build your community. The internet can quickly connect you to other Kemetics all around the globe.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work with other neopagans.\", \"描述\": \"If you can’t find another Kemetic group in your community, reach out to other neopagans to see if they’d be interested in collaborating with you. While your faiths may be different, they will have overlapping features. Having someone to talk to about your faith who is open will at least provide you an outlet to grow spiritually.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Honoring Your Ancestors\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Refer to your ancestors as Akhu, which means the blessed dead.\", \"描述\": \"Because your ancestors have passed on, they are closer to the gods and goddesses than you are, which makes them blessed.\\nIt does not matter if your ancestors were not Kemetic. They are still part of you and therefore part of your faith.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Create a small shrine to honor your ancestors.\", \"描述\": \"Include a photo and/or memento of your ancestors, as well as small gifts like flowers or a candle. If you remember your ancestors, then they live forever.\\nFeature these items on a shelf or on your mantle. You may even designate a wall in your home for photos of your ancestors if you have them.\\nIt's up to you how many of your ancestors that you include in your shrine. When you think of your ancestors, include as many as you can in your thoughts. For example, you could send out a general thought of thanks to all of your ancestors, even those you don't know about.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Thank your ancestors for looking after you.\", \"描述\": \"In Kemetism, ancestors who are honored look after their descendants from the beyond, so thank them for their blessings. It’s part of the familial bond.\\nAs you walk by your ancestor shrine, say, “Thank you for giving me life and always watching out for me.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Read about Kemetic beliefs and adopt your own beliefs.\\n\", \"If your community doesn’t have a Kemetic community, consider starting one yourself.\\n\", \"Connect with other Kemetics! There are many temples like Kemetic Orthodoxy and forums like eCauldron where one can communicate and learn from those experienced in Kemetism.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,869 | How to Be Kind | 1. Developing a Kinder Perspective
1-1. Care for others genuinely.
At its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful. Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as being about "making less effort" because it frees us from getting knotted up in negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation. Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.
Practice kindness and generosity toward others. Being out of practice, being shy, or not knowing how to reach out to others can only be overcome in the doing, by continually trying until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind and giving to others.
Ask for nothing in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing, comes with no strings attached, and places no conditions on anything done or said.
1-2. Don't be kind for the sake of getting what you want.
Beware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about "self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette". Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.
Finally, being a people pleaser is not kindness; that's simply behavior designed to give in and not rock the boat because you're afraid that taking a step forward will sink the ship.
1-3. Be kind to yourself.
Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you've put everyone else first.
Self-knowledge allows you to see what causes you pain and conflict, and enables you to embrace your contradictions and inconsistencies. It allows the space to work on things about yourself that you're not happy with. In turn, self-knowledge helps to prevent you from projecting your negative aspects onto other people, thereby empowering you to treat other people with love and kindness..
Take time to become more self-aware and use this learning to be kinder to both yourself (remembering that we all have weaknesses) and to others. In this way, your inner angst is being dealt with rather than fueling your need to project the hurt and pain.
Avoid viewing time taken to become more aware of your own needs and limits as an act of selfishness; far from it, it is a vital pre-condition to being able to reach out to other people with great strength and awareness.
Ask yourself what you think it means to be kinder to yourself. For many people, being kinder to themselves includes monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping your negative thinking.
1-4. Learn kindness from others.
Think about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it's impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.
Remember how other people's kindness "makes your day". What is it about their kindness that makes you feel special and cherished? Are there things that they do that you can replicate from your own heart?
1-5. Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health.
Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.
Although simple, the very ability to be kind is in itself a powerful and consistent reward, a self-esteem booster.
1-6. Make a habit of focusing on kindness.
Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. At the end of this directed focus, you'll be aware of profound changes in your life, you'll feel better about yourself as a person, and you'll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice. Suggestions to help cultivate your kindness include:
Do one kind thing for someone every day. Make a conscious decision at the beginning of the day what that kind act will be and make time to do it during the day.
Be kind, friendly, and compassionate when you interact with someone, and even more so where that person normally makes you angry, stressed, or bothered. Use kindness as your strength.
Build up your small acts of kindness into larger acts of compassion. Volunteering for those in need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering are bigger acts of compassion.
Meditate to help spread kindness. Read Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta) for more details.
1-7. Be kind to everyone, not just people "in need."
Expand your circle of kindness. It can be very easy to be kind when we're unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms "patronizing kindness". This refers to kindness given to those people we feel are truly in need (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, and those who align with our own ideals). Being kind to people close to us, emotionally (like family or friends) or in other ways (from the same country, of the same color, gender etc.), is also easier than being kind to those the philosopher Hegel called "the other". It can be more difficult to be kind to people we may consider our equals, but it will be worth it.
The trouble with restricting our kindness to "convenient" cases is that we fail to recognize that we need to be kind to everyone, no matter who they are, their level of wealth or fortune, their values and beliefs, their behavior and attitudes, their place of origin, their likeness to ourselves, etc.
By choosing to be kind only to those we feel are deserving of kindness, we are unleashing our own biases and judgment, and only practicing conditional kindness. Natural kindness encompasses all beings and while the challenges you'll face when trying to put this broader notion of kindness into practice will sometimes be trying, you'll never stop learning about the depths of your ability to be truly kind.
If you're neglecting being kind to someone else just because you think they can cope without your support or understanding, then you're practicing selective kindness.
1-8. Minimize judgment.
If you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you'll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you'll never fully understand where they're coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are.
If you're judgmental, prone to gossip, or just always bad-mouthing the people around you, you'll never be able to move past your reservations to be kind.
Being kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection.
2. Developing Kind Qualities
2-1. Be compassionate toward others.
It's important to take in the message, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". Attributed to Plato, this saying is a recognition that everyone is undergoing some challenge or other in their lives and that sometimes, it's all too easy for us to lose sight of that when embroiled in our own problems or anger against them. Before committing an action that might impact another person negatively, ask yourself a simple question: "Is this kind?". If you cannot answer this in the affirmative, this is a reminder to change your action and approach immediately.
Even where you're feeling at your very worst, remember that other people are also feeling uncertainty, pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and loss. In no way does this belittle your own feelings but it does allow you to realize that people often react from their hurt and pain rather than from their whole self, and kindness is the key to seeing past the raging emotions and connecting with the real person inside.
2-2. Don't expect perfection.
If you have a tendency toward perfectionism, competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency, self-kindness can often be a victim of your ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear of being seen to be lazy or selfish. Remember to slow down and to forgive yourself when things don't work out as wished.
Learn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up over them, or comparing yourself to others. It is through self-compassionate responses that you can start to see other people's needs in a compassionate light.
2-3. Be present.
The greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence, to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them. Schedule your day differently, and stop being known as the person who always rushes off. Being present means being available; you can only do this if you're not rushing or squeezing in people and activities.
Ease off the technical means of communicating with others. Impersonal and hurried technical communications like text and email have their place in life, but not as your only means of communicating. Take time to connect with people face-to-face, or via an uninterrupted phone call. Send a letter instead of an email and surprise someone with the kindness of your having taken time out of your day to put pen to paper.
2-4. Be a good listener
The act of listening is easier said than done in our fast-paced world, where rushing and being busy are seen as virtues; where cutting someone off because you're too busy, or you need to get somewhere in a hurry, is the norm. Making being busy into a habit is no excuse for unkindness, however. When talking to someone, learn to listen with your whole being and sincerely pay attention to them until they're done revealing their thoughts and story.
Truly listening to someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, and giving a person the time of day is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time to truly absorb what the person is saying before responding with a pre-made answer or interrupting. Show the person that you appreciate the unique situation he's in and that you're there to lend an ear.
Being a good listener doesn't mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there to listen, while acknowledging that you don't know what the person should do.
2-5. Be optimistic.
Happiness, joy, and gratitude rest at the heart of kindness, allowing you to see the good in others and the world, enabling you to press through the challenges, despair, and cruelty you witness and experience, continuously restoring your sense of faith in humanity. Maintaining an optimistic attitude ensures that acts of kindness are committed with genuine joy and cheerfulness rather than with reluctance or out of a sense of duty or service. And keeping your sense of humor ensures that you don't take yourself too seriously and take life's contradictory and contrary moments with good faith.
It's not always easy to be optimistic, especially when you've had a crummy day. But with enough practice, anyone can cultivate optimism by focusing on the positive instead of the negative, thinking ahead to happy things in the future, and living a life that is filled with more joy than sadness. And it doesn't cost a dollar to look on the brighter side of things, either.
Being optimistic and staying positive will not only put you in more of a mindset to be kind, but it will also bring joy to those around you. If you spend much of your time complaining, then it will be more difficult to bring happiness to the people in your orbit.
Read How to be happy, How to be funny, and How to be thankful for more information on how to cultivate optimism.
2-6. Be friendly.
People who are kind tend to also be friendly. This doesn't mean they are the most outgoing people in the room, but that they make an effort to get to know new people and to make them feel at home. If there's someone new at your school or workplace, you can try to talk to that person, explain how things work, and even invite him or her to social events. Even if you're not outgoing, just smiling and making small talk with people can go a long way in making you friendlier, and this kindness will not go unnoticed.
Friendly people are kind because they expect the best from people. They talk to new people and friends alike in an easygoing, reassuring way that makes them feel at home.
If you're naturally shy, you don't have to change your personality completely. Just make a bit more of an effort to be nice to people by giving them your attention, asking them how they are, and showing an interest in them.
2-7. Be polite.
Although being polite is not an indication of kindness in itself, genuine politeness demonstrates your respect for those you're interacting with. Being polite is the kind way of getting people's attention and putting your point across. Some simple ways to do this include:
Find ways to rephrase your requests or responses to others. For example, say "May I?" instead of "Can I?"; say "I'm surprised" instead of "That's not fair"; say "Let me explain that another way" instead of saying "That's not what I said". Rephrasing your language speaks volumes.
Have excellent manners. Hold doors open for people, avoid being overly vulgar in person, and don't be overly familiar with new people.
Make compliments and mean them.
Read How to practice courtesy and kindness for more ideas.
2-8. Be grateful.
People who are truly kind are easily able to express gratitude. They don't take anything for granted and always thank people for helping them out. They know how to say "thank you" and really mean it, they write thank-you cards, and they are comfortable with acknowledging when they have been helped. People who are grateful also thank people just because, for things like making their days brighter, instead of only thanking them for completing specific tasks. If you make a habit of being more grateful to the people around you, you'll see that your capacity for kinds will increase.
If you're more observant of all the nice things other people do for you, then you'll be more ready to do nice things for others. You'll be more aware of how good the kindness of others makes you feel and will feel more inclined to spread the love.
3. Taking Action
3-1. Love animals and the living world.
Loving animals and caring for pets is kindness in action. Nothing compels you to care about beings of another species, especially in a day and age where the tools of human domination are so powerful. And yet, the very act of loving an animal and respecting the animal for its own value is an expression of deep kindness. As well, being kind to the world that sustains and nurtures us is sensible as well as kind, ensuring that we don't poison the very elements that assure us a healthy life.
Adopt or foster a pet. Your kindness will be rewarded by letting another being into your life who will bring you joy and love.
Offer to pet-sit for a friend who is going away. Give your friend the reassurance that someone loving and caring will be tending to her pet while she's away.
Respect the species you're caring for. Humans don't "own" animals; rather, we stand in a relationship of being responsible for their well-being and care.
Take time to restore parts of your local environment with the local community. Go for walks in nature with family, friends, alone, and commune with the world that you're a part of. Share your love for nature with others, to help reawaken their sense of connection with nature.
3-2. Share.
People who are kind are happy to share with others. You can share your favorite sweater, half of your delicious enchilada, or even words of career advice to someone younger than you. The important thing is that you're sharing something that you actually care about, instead of giving away something you don't really need. It's much more meaningful to let your friend borrow your favorite sweater than to give her an old hand-me-down you never wear. Sharing with people will make you more generous and thus, more inclined towards kindness.
Keep an eye out for people who would really benefit from some of the things you have. They may not always ask for them, but you can offer them readily before they admit that they need something from you.
3-3. Smile more.
Smiling is a simple act of kindness that can go a long way. Make a habit of smiling at strangers, or at your friends or acquaintances. Though you don't have to walk around with a smile plastered on your face, smiling at people will make them smile back, and will bring even a modicum of joy to their days. What's more, smiling can actually trick your mind into feeling happier than it previously was. Everybody wins when you smile, and your capacity for kindness will grow in the process.
Smiling at people will also make them more comfortable and will make you look more approachable, which is another way of being kind. Being welcoming to others, and even giving strangers the benefit of the doubt by smiling at them, is another way of being kind.
3-4. Take an interest in people.
People who are truly kind are genuinely interested in other people. They aren't kind to them just because they want to get what they want or because they are fishing for a favor. They do it because they genuinely care about how people are doing and want those around them to be happy and healthy. To be more kind, work on developing an interest in other people and show them that you care by being attentive, asking questions, and paying attention to them. Here are some ways to take an interest in people:
Ask people how they are and mean it.
Ask people about their hobbies, interests, and families.
If someone you cared about had a big life event, ask that person how it went.
If someone you know has a big exam or interview coming up, wish him or her luck.
When you talk to people, make sure they are doing at least about half of the talking. Don't dominate a conversation and focus more on the other person than yourself.
Make eye contact and put away your cell phone when you talk to people. Show that they are your first priority.
3-5. Call up a friend just because.
You don't always need a reason to call up a good friend. Make a goal of calling one friend per week, or even two friends per week, just to catch up and see how that person is doing. Don't call to make plans or to ask that person something specific; call just because you miss your friend and have been thinking about him or her. Getting in touch with your friends out of the blue will make them feel cared for and will make you feel good; this shows kindness and thoughtfulness.
If you're really short on time, you can start by making a habit of calling up your friends on their birthdays. Don't be lazy and send a text message or even a Facebook post, but give your friend a phone call from the heart.
3-6. Donate to charity.
Another way to be kind is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing out your old things or selling them for 50 cents at a garage sale, donate the things you don't need to a good cause. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are in good condition, then making a habit of donating these things to charity instead of storing them up or tossing them is a great way to spread your kindness to others.
If you have some clothes or books that someone you know would want, then don't be shy about donating those items to that person. This is another way of being kind.
3-7. Perform a random act of kindness.
"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” These are the words once said by Princess Diana. The practice of random acts of kindness is alive and well as a conscious effort to spread more kindness; there are even groups that have established themselves to perform this essential civic duty! Here are some great random acts of kindness you can do:
Shovel a neighbor's driveway as well as your own.
Wash a friend's car.
Put money into an expired meter.
Help someone carry a heavy bag.
Leave a gift on someone's doorstep.
For more details on practicing random acts of kindness, read How to practice random acts of kindness.
3-8. Transform your life through kindness.
Changing how you live and how you view the world might seem daunting. But take a note of Aldous Huxley's prescription for transforming your life: "People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is–just be a little kinder." Take Huxley's many years of research to heart and allow kindness to transform your life, to transcend all feelings and actions of aggression, hate, despising, anger, fear, and self-deprecation, and to restore strength worn away by despair.
Through being kind, you take a stand by affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life. It isn't about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.
Through being kind, you let go of the burden of worrying that others have more than you, are less or more deserving than you, or are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. Instead, kindness assumes everyone is worthy, you included.
Through being kind, you recognize that we are all in this together. When you harm another person, you also harm yourself. What you do to support others also supports you.
Tips
Saying hello to everyone you meet, from store salesman to your boss lightens the environment and makes others comfortable. Practice it every day.
You might not like everyone and that's normal; even the nicest people on earth get annoyed. Just continue being polite nonetheless.
Do your best not to hurt people physically or mentally. Self-control can be vital in many situations.
Warnings
If you're truly angry and upset with someone, keep in mind that kindness creates greater indebtedness to another being than an unavenged wrongdoing. People can make all sorts of justifications for committing a wrongdoing but being forgiven through kindness is not something you can run away from.
Don't feel the need to gloat about your good-deeds; be humble. Doing something nice solely for the good graces of those around you isn't really kindness. Aiding someone unaware of your help can feel just as good.
Be sure that your gesture of kindness is wanted. Sometimes unasked for "help" can backfire. "No good deed ever goes unpunished." There are times when we think we are helping, but we can cause problems because we didn't have enough information about the problem.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:08",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Developing a Kinder Perspective\\n1-1. Care for others genuinely.\\nAt its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful. Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as being about \\\"making less effort\\\" because it frees us from getting knotted up in negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation. Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.\\nPractice kindness and generosity toward others. Being out of practice, being shy, or not knowing how to reach out to others can only be overcome in the doing, by continually trying until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind and giving to others.\\nAsk for nothing in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing, comes with no strings attached, and places no conditions on anything done or said.\\n1-2. Don't be kind for the sake of getting what you want.\\nBeware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about \\\"self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette\\\". Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.\\nFinally, being a people pleaser is not kindness; that's simply behavior designed to give in and not rock the boat because you're afraid that taking a step forward will sink the ship.\\n1-3. Be kind to yourself.\\nMany people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you've put everyone else first.\\nSelf-knowledge allows you to see what causes you pain and conflict, and enables you to embrace your contradictions and inconsistencies. It allows the space to work on things about yourself that you're not happy with. In turn, self-knowledge helps to prevent you from projecting your negative aspects onto other people, thereby empowering you to treat other people with love and kindness..\\nTake time to become more self-aware and use this learning to be kinder to both yourself (remembering that we all have weaknesses) and to others. In this way, your inner angst is being dealt with rather than fueling your need to project the hurt and pain.\\nAvoid viewing time taken to become more aware of your own needs and limits as an act of selfishness; far from it, it is a vital pre-condition to being able to reach out to other people with great strength and awareness.\\nAsk yourself what you think it means to be kinder to yourself. For many people, being kinder to themselves includes monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping your negative thinking.\\n1-4. Learn kindness from others.\\nThink about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it's impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.\\nRemember how other people's kindness \\\"makes your day\\\". What is it about their kindness that makes you feel special and cherished? Are there things that they do that you can replicate from your own heart?\\n1-5. Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health.\\nImproved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.\\nAlthough simple, the very ability to be kind is in itself a powerful and consistent reward, a self-esteem booster.\\n1-6. Make a habit of focusing on kindness.\\nLeo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. At the end of this directed focus, you'll be aware of profound changes in your life, you'll feel better about yourself as a person, and you'll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice. Suggestions to help cultivate your kindness include:\\nDo one kind thing for someone every day. Make a conscious decision at the beginning of the day what that kind act will be and make time to do it during the day.\\nBe kind, friendly, and compassionate when you interact with someone, and even more so where that person normally makes you angry, stressed, or bothered. Use kindness as your strength.\\nBuild up your small acts of kindness into larger acts of compassion. Volunteering for those in need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering are bigger acts of compassion.\\nMeditate to help spread kindness. Read Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta) for more details.\\n1-7. Be kind to everyone, not just people \\\"in need.\\\"\\nExpand your circle of kindness. It can be very easy to be kind when we're unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms \\\"patronizing kindness\\\". This refers to kindness given to those people we feel are truly in need (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, and those who align with our own ideals). Being kind to people close to us, emotionally (like family or friends) or in other ways (from the same country, of the same color, gender etc.), is also easier than being kind to those the philosopher Hegel called \\\"the other\\\". It can be more difficult to be kind to people we may consider our equals, but it will be worth it.\\nThe trouble with restricting our kindness to \\\"convenient\\\" cases is that we fail to recognize that we need to be kind to everyone, no matter who they are, their level of wealth or fortune, their values and beliefs, their behavior and attitudes, their place of origin, their likeness to ourselves, etc.\\nBy choosing to be kind only to those we feel are deserving of kindness, we are unleashing our own biases and judgment, and only practicing conditional kindness. Natural kindness encompasses all beings and while the challenges you'll face when trying to put this broader notion of kindness into practice will sometimes be trying, you'll never stop learning about the depths of your ability to be truly kind.\\nIf you're neglecting being kind to someone else just because you think they can cope without your support or understanding, then you're practicing selective kindness.\\n1-8. Minimize judgment.\\nIf you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you'll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you'll never fully understand where they're coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are.\\nIf you're judgmental, prone to gossip, or just always bad-mouthing the people around you, you'll never be able to move past your reservations to be kind.\\nBeing kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection.\\n2. Developing Kind Qualities\\n2-1. Be compassionate toward others.\\nIt's important to take in the message, \\\"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle\\\". Attributed to Plato, this saying is a recognition that everyone is undergoing some challenge or other in their lives and that sometimes, it's all too easy for us to lose sight of that when embroiled in our own problems or anger against them. Before committing an action that might impact another person negatively, ask yourself a simple question: \\\"Is this kind?\\\". If you cannot answer this in the affirmative, this is a reminder to change your action and approach immediately.\\nEven where you're feeling at your very worst, remember that other people are also feeling uncertainty, pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and loss. In no way does this belittle your own feelings but it does allow you to realize that people often react from their hurt and pain rather than from their whole self, and kindness is the key to seeing past the raging emotions and connecting with the real person inside.\\n2-2. Don't expect perfection.\\nIf you have a tendency toward perfectionism, competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency, self-kindness can often be a victim of your ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear of being seen to be lazy or selfish. Remember to slow down and to forgive yourself when things don't work out as wished.\\nLearn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up over them, or comparing yourself to others. It is through self-compassionate responses that you can start to see other people's needs in a compassionate light.\\n2-3. Be present.\\nThe greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence, to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them. Schedule your day differently, and stop being known as the person who always rushes off. Being present means being available; you can only do this if you're not rushing or squeezing in people and activities.\\nEase off the technical means of communicating with others. Impersonal and hurried technical communications like text and email have their place in life, but not as your only means of communicating. Take time to connect with people face-to-face, or via an uninterrupted phone call. Send a letter instead of an email and surprise someone with the kindness of your having taken time out of your day to put pen to paper.\\n2-4. Be a good listener\\nThe act of listening is easier said than done in our fast-paced world, where rushing and being busy are seen as virtues; where cutting someone off because you're too busy, or you need to get somewhere in a hurry, is the norm. Making being busy into a habit is no excuse for unkindness, however. When talking to someone, learn to listen with your whole being and sincerely pay attention to them until they're done revealing their thoughts and story.\\nTruly listening to someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, and giving a person the time of day is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time to truly absorb what the person is saying before responding with a pre-made answer or interrupting. Show the person that you appreciate the unique situation he's in and that you're there to lend an ear.\\nBeing a good listener doesn't mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there to listen, while acknowledging that you don't know what the person should do.\\n2-5. Be optimistic.\\nHappiness, joy, and gratitude rest at the heart of kindness, allowing you to see the good in others and the world, enabling you to press through the challenges, despair, and cruelty you witness and experience, continuously restoring your sense of faith in humanity. Maintaining an optimistic attitude ensures that acts of kindness are committed with genuine joy and cheerfulness rather than with reluctance or out of a sense of duty or service. And keeping your sense of humor ensures that you don't take yourself too seriously and take life's contradictory and contrary moments with good faith.\\nIt's not always easy to be optimistic, especially when you've had a crummy day. But with enough practice, anyone can cultivate optimism by focusing on the positive instead of the negative, thinking ahead to happy things in the future, and living a life that is filled with more joy than sadness. And it doesn't cost a dollar to look on the brighter side of things, either.\\nBeing optimistic and staying positive will not only put you in more of a mindset to be kind, but it will also bring joy to those around you. If you spend much of your time complaining, then it will be more difficult to bring happiness to the people in your orbit.\\nRead How to be happy, How to be funny, and How to be thankful for more information on how to cultivate optimism.\\n2-6. Be friendly.\\nPeople who are kind tend to also be friendly. This doesn't mean they are the most outgoing people in the room, but that they make an effort to get to know new people and to make them feel at home. If there's someone new at your school or workplace, you can try to talk to that person, explain how things work, and even invite him or her to social events. Even if you're not outgoing, just smiling and making small talk with people can go a long way in making you friendlier, and this kindness will not go unnoticed.\\nFriendly people are kind because they expect the best from people. They talk to new people and friends alike in an easygoing, reassuring way that makes them feel at home.\\nIf you're naturally shy, you don't have to change your personality completely. Just make a bit more of an effort to be nice to people by giving them your attention, asking them how they are, and showing an interest in them.\\n2-7. Be polite.\\nAlthough being polite is not an indication of kindness in itself, genuine politeness demonstrates your respect for those you're interacting with. Being polite is the kind way of getting people's attention and putting your point across. Some simple ways to do this include:\\nFind ways to rephrase your requests or responses to others. For example, say \\\"May I?\\\" instead of \\\"Can I?\\\"; say \\\"I'm surprised\\\" instead of \\\"That's not fair\\\"; say \\\"Let me explain that another way\\\" instead of saying \\\"That's not what I said\\\". Rephrasing your language speaks volumes.\\nHave excellent manners. Hold doors open for people, avoid being overly vulgar in person, and don't be overly familiar with new people.\\nMake compliments and mean them.\\nRead How to practice courtesy and kindness for more ideas.\\n2-8. Be grateful.\\nPeople who are truly kind are easily able to express gratitude. They don't take anything for granted and always thank people for helping them out. They know how to say \\\"thank you\\\" and really mean it, they write thank-you cards, and they are comfortable with acknowledging when they have been helped. People who are grateful also thank people just because, for things like making their days brighter, instead of only thanking them for completing specific tasks. If you make a habit of being more grateful to the people around you, you'll see that your capacity for kinds will increase.\\nIf you're more observant of all the nice things other people do for you, then you'll be more ready to do nice things for others. You'll be more aware of how good the kindness of others makes you feel and will feel more inclined to spread the love.\\n3. Taking Action\\n3-1. Love animals and the living world.\\nLoving animals and caring for pets is kindness in action. Nothing compels you to care about beings of another species, especially in a day and age where the tools of human domination are so powerful. And yet, the very act of loving an animal and respecting the animal for its own value is an expression of deep kindness. As well, being kind to the world that sustains and nurtures us is sensible as well as kind, ensuring that we don't poison the very elements that assure us a healthy life.\\nAdopt or foster a pet. Your kindness will be rewarded by letting another being into your life who will bring you joy and love.\\nOffer to pet-sit for a friend who is going away. Give your friend the reassurance that someone loving and caring will be tending to her pet while she's away.\\nRespect the species you're caring for. Humans don't \\\"own\\\" animals; rather, we stand in a relationship of being responsible for their well-being and care.\\nTake time to restore parts of your local environment with the local community. Go for walks in nature with family, friends, alone, and commune with the world that you're a part of. Share your love for nature with others, to help reawaken their sense of connection with nature.\\n3-2. Share.\\nPeople who are kind are happy to share with others. You can share your favorite sweater, half of your delicious enchilada, or even words of career advice to someone younger than you. The important thing is that you're sharing something that you actually care about, instead of giving away something you don't really need. It's much more meaningful to let your friend borrow your favorite sweater than to give her an old hand-me-down you never wear. Sharing with people will make you more generous and thus, more inclined towards kindness.\\nKeep an eye out for people who would really benefit from some of the things you have. They may not always ask for them, but you can offer them readily before they admit that they need something from you.\\n3-3. Smile more.\\nSmiling is a simple act of kindness that can go a long way. Make a habit of smiling at strangers, or at your friends or acquaintances. Though you don't have to walk around with a smile plastered on your face, smiling at people will make them smile back, and will bring even a modicum of joy to their days. What's more, smiling can actually trick your mind into feeling happier than it previously was. Everybody wins when you smile, and your capacity for kindness will grow in the process.\\nSmiling at people will also make them more comfortable and will make you look more approachable, which is another way of being kind. Being welcoming to others, and even giving strangers the benefit of the doubt by smiling at them, is another way of being kind.\\n3-4. Take an interest in people.\\nPeople who are truly kind are genuinely interested in other people. They aren't kind to them just because they want to get what they want or because they are fishing for a favor. They do it because they genuinely care about how people are doing and want those around them to be happy and healthy. To be more kind, work on developing an interest in other people and show them that you care by being attentive, asking questions, and paying attention to them. Here are some ways to take an interest in people:\\nAsk people how they are and mean it.\\nAsk people about their hobbies, interests, and families.\\nIf someone you cared about had a big life event, ask that person how it went.\\nIf someone you know has a big exam or interview coming up, wish him or her luck.\\nWhen you talk to people, make sure they are doing at least about half of the talking. Don't dominate a conversation and focus more on the other person than yourself.\\nMake eye contact and put away your cell phone when you talk to people. Show that they are your first priority.\\n3-5. Call up a friend just because.\\nYou don't always need a reason to call up a good friend. Make a goal of calling one friend per week, or even two friends per week, just to catch up and see how that person is doing. Don't call to make plans or to ask that person something specific; call just because you miss your friend and have been thinking about him or her. Getting in touch with your friends out of the blue will make them feel cared for and will make you feel good; this shows kindness and thoughtfulness.\\nIf you're really short on time, you can start by making a habit of calling up your friends on their birthdays. Don't be lazy and send a text message or even a Facebook post, but give your friend a phone call from the heart.\\n3-6. Donate to charity.\\nAnother way to be kind is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing out your old things or selling them for 50 cents at a garage sale, donate the things you don't need to a good cause. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are in good condition, then making a habit of donating these things to charity instead of storing them up or tossing them is a great way to spread your kindness to others.\\nIf you have some clothes or books that someone you know would want, then don't be shy about donating those items to that person. This is another way of being kind.\\n3-7. Perform a random act of kindness.\\n\\\"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” These are the words once said by Princess Diana. The practice of random acts of kindness is alive and well as a conscious effort to spread more kindness; there are even groups that have established themselves to perform this essential civic duty! Here are some great random acts of kindness you can do:\\nShovel a neighbor's driveway as well as your own.\\nWash a friend's car.\\nPut money into an expired meter.\\nHelp someone carry a heavy bag.\\nLeave a gift on someone's doorstep.\\nFor more details on practicing random acts of kindness, read How to practice random acts of kindness.\\n3-8. Transform your life through kindness.\\nChanging how you live and how you view the world might seem daunting. But take a note of Aldous Huxley's prescription for transforming your life: \\\"People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is–just be a little kinder.\\\" Take Huxley's many years of research to heart and allow kindness to transform your life, to transcend all feelings and actions of aggression, hate, despising, anger, fear, and self-deprecation, and to restore strength worn away by despair.\\nThrough being kind, you take a stand by affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life. It isn't about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.\\nThrough being kind, you let go of the burden of worrying that others have more than you, are less or more deserving than you, or are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. Instead, kindness assumes everyone is worthy, you included.\\nThrough being kind, you recognize that we are all in this together. When you harm another person, you also harm yourself. What you do to support others also supports you.\\nTips\\nSaying hello to everyone you meet, from store salesman to your boss lightens the environment and makes others comfortable. Practice it every day.\\nYou might not like everyone and that's normal; even the nicest people on earth get annoyed. Just continue being polite nonetheless.\\nDo your best not to hurt people physically or mentally. Self-control can be vital in many situations.\\nWarnings\\nIf you're truly angry and upset with someone, keep in mind that kindness creates greater indebtedness to another being than an unavenged wrongdoing. People can make all sorts of justifications for committing a wrongdoing but being forgiven through kindness is not something you can run away from.\\nDon't feel the need to gloat about your good-deeds; be humble. Doing something nice solely for the good graces of those around you isn't really kindness. Aiding someone unaware of your help can feel just as good.\\nBe sure that your gesture of kindness is wanted. Sometimes unasked for \\\"help\\\" can backfire. \\\"No good deed ever goes unpunished.\\\" There are times when we think we are helping, but we can cause problems because we didn't have enough information about the problem.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being kind is an important way of bringing meaning to our own lives. It also brings joy to the lives of others around us. Being kind allows us to communicate better, be more compassionate, and also to be a positive force in people's lives. Kindness has its true source deep within you, and while some people are innately kind, it's something that everyone can learn by choice.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Developing a Kinder Perspective\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Care for others genuinely.\", \"描述\": \"At its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful. Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as being about \\\"making less effort\\\" because it frees us from getting knotted up in negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation. Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.\\nPractice kindness and generosity toward others. Being out of practice, being shy, or not knowing how to reach out to others can only be overcome in the doing, by continually trying until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind and giving to others.\\nAsk for nothing in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing, comes with no strings attached, and places no conditions on anything done or said.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't be kind for the sake of getting what you want.\", \"描述\": \"Beware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about \\\"self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette\\\". Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.\\nFinally, being a people pleaser is not kindness; that's simply behavior designed to give in and not rock the boat because you're afraid that taking a step forward will sink the ship.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be kind to yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you've put everyone else first.\\nSelf-knowledge allows you to see what causes you pain and conflict, and enables you to embrace your contradictions and inconsistencies. It allows the space to work on things about yourself that you're not happy with. In turn, self-knowledge helps to prevent you from projecting your negative aspects onto other people, thereby empowering you to treat other people with love and kindness..\\nTake time to become more self-aware and use this learning to be kinder to both yourself (remembering that we all have weaknesses) and to others. In this way, your inner angst is being dealt with rather than fueling your need to project the hurt and pain.\\nAvoid viewing time taken to become more aware of your own needs and limits as an act of selfishness; far from it, it is a vital pre-condition to being able to reach out to other people with great strength and awareness.\\nAsk yourself what you think it means to be kinder to yourself. For many people, being kinder to themselves includes monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping your negative thinking.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn kindness from others.\", \"描述\": \"Think about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it's impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.\\nRemember how other people's kindness \\\"makes your day\\\". What is it about their kindness that makes you feel special and cherished? Are there things that they do that you can replicate from your own heart?\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health.\", \"描述\": \"Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.\\nAlthough simple, the very ability to be kind is in itself a powerful and consistent reward, a self-esteem booster.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make a habit of focusing on kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. At the end of this directed focus, you'll be aware of profound changes in your life, you'll feel better about yourself as a person, and you'll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice. Suggestions to help cultivate your kindness include:\\nDo one kind thing for someone every day. Make a conscious decision at the beginning of the day what that kind act will be and make time to do it during the day.\\nBe kind, friendly, and compassionate when you interact with someone, and even more so where that person normally makes you angry, stressed, or bothered. Use kindness as your strength.\\nBuild up your small acts of kindness into larger acts of compassion. Volunteering for those in need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering are bigger acts of compassion.\\nMeditate to help spread kindness. Read Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta) for more details.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be kind to everyone, not just people \\\"in need.\\\"\", \"描述\": \"Expand your circle of kindness. It can be very easy to be kind when we're unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms \\\"patronizing kindness\\\". This refers to kindness given to those people we feel are truly in need (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, and those who align with our own ideals). Being kind to people close to us, emotionally (like family or friends) or in other ways (from the same country, of the same color, gender etc.), is also easier than being kind to those the philosopher Hegel called \\\"the other\\\". It can be more difficult to be kind to people we may consider our equals, but it will be worth it.\\nThe trouble with restricting our kindness to \\\"convenient\\\" cases is that we fail to recognize that we need to be kind to everyone, no matter who they are, their level of wealth or fortune, their values and beliefs, their behavior and attitudes, their place of origin, their likeness to ourselves, etc.\\nBy choosing to be kind only to those we feel are deserving of kindness, we are unleashing our own biases and judgment, and only practicing conditional kindness. Natural kindness encompasses all beings and while the challenges you'll face when trying to put this broader notion of kindness into practice will sometimes be trying, you'll never stop learning about the depths of your ability to be truly kind.\\nIf you're neglecting being kind to someone else just because you think they can cope without your support or understanding, then you're practicing selective kindness.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Minimize judgment.\", \"描述\": \"If you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you'll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you'll never fully understand where they're coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are.\\nIf you're judgmental, prone to gossip, or just always bad-mouthing the people around you, you'll never be able to move past your reservations to be kind.\\nBeing kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Developing Kind Qualities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be compassionate toward others.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to take in the message, \\\"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle\\\". Attributed to Plato, this saying is a recognition that everyone is undergoing some challenge or other in their lives and that sometimes, it's all too easy for us to lose sight of that when embroiled in our own problems or anger against them. Before committing an action that might impact another person negatively, ask yourself a simple question: \\\"Is this kind?\\\". If you cannot answer this in the affirmative, this is a reminder to change your action and approach immediately.\\nEven where you're feeling at your very worst, remember that other people are also feeling uncertainty, pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and loss. In no way does this belittle your own feelings but it does allow you to realize that people often react from their hurt and pain rather than from their whole self, and kindness is the key to seeing past the raging emotions and connecting with the real person inside.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't expect perfection.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a tendency toward perfectionism, competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency, self-kindness can often be a victim of your ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear of being seen to be lazy or selfish. Remember to slow down and to forgive yourself when things don't work out as wished.\\nLearn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up over them, or comparing yourself to others. It is through self-compassionate responses that you can start to see other people's needs in a compassionate light.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be present.\", \"描述\": \"The greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence, to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them. Schedule your day differently, and stop being known as the person who always rushes off. Being present means being available; you can only do this if you're not rushing or squeezing in people and activities.\\nEase off the technical means of communicating with others. Impersonal and hurried technical communications like text and email have their place in life, but not as your only means of communicating. Take time to connect with people face-to-face, or via an uninterrupted phone call. Send a letter instead of an email and surprise someone with the kindness of your having taken time out of your day to put pen to paper.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener\", \"描述\": \"The act of listening is easier said than done in our fast-paced world, where rushing and being busy are seen as virtues; where cutting someone off because you're too busy, or you need to get somewhere in a hurry, is the norm. Making being busy into a habit is no excuse for unkindness, however. When talking to someone, learn to listen with your whole being and sincerely pay attention to them until they're done revealing their thoughts and story.\\nTruly listening to someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, and giving a person the time of day is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time to truly absorb what the person is saying before responding with a pre-made answer or interrupting. Show the person that you appreciate the unique situation he's in and that you're there to lend an ear.\\nBeing a good listener doesn't mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there to listen, while acknowledging that you don't know what the person should do.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be optimistic.\", \"描述\": \"Happiness, joy, and gratitude rest at the heart of kindness, allowing you to see the good in others and the world, enabling you to press through the challenges, despair, and cruelty you witness and experience, continuously restoring your sense of faith in humanity. Maintaining an optimistic attitude ensures that acts of kindness are committed with genuine joy and cheerfulness rather than with reluctance or out of a sense of duty or service. And keeping your sense of humor ensures that you don't take yourself too seriously and take life's contradictory and contrary moments with good faith.\\nIt's not always easy to be optimistic, especially when you've had a crummy day. But with enough practice, anyone can cultivate optimism by focusing on the positive instead of the negative, thinking ahead to happy things in the future, and living a life that is filled with more joy than sadness. And it doesn't cost a dollar to look on the brighter side of things, either.\\nBeing optimistic and staying positive will not only put you in more of a mindset to be kind, but it will also bring joy to those around you. If you spend much of your time complaining, then it will be more difficult to bring happiness to the people in your orbit.\\nRead How to be happy, How to be funny, and How to be thankful for more information on how to cultivate optimism.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be friendly.\", \"描述\": \"People who are kind tend to also be friendly. This doesn't mean they are the most outgoing people in the room, but that they make an effort to get to know new people and to make them feel at home. If there's someone new at your school or workplace, you can try to talk to that person, explain how things work, and even invite him or her to social events. Even if you're not outgoing, just smiling and making small talk with people can go a long way in making you friendlier, and this kindness will not go unnoticed.\\nFriendly people are kind because they expect the best from people. They talk to new people and friends alike in an easygoing, reassuring way that makes them feel at home.\\nIf you're naturally shy, you don't have to change your personality completely. Just make a bit more of an effort to be nice to people by giving them your attention, asking them how they are, and showing an interest in them.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be polite.\", \"描述\": \"Although being polite is not an indication of kindness in itself, genuine politeness demonstrates your respect for those you're interacting with. Being polite is the kind way of getting people's attention and putting your point across. Some simple ways to do this include:\\nFind ways to rephrase your requests or responses to others. For example, say \\\"May I?\\\" instead of \\\"Can I?\\\"; say \\\"I'm surprised\\\" instead of \\\"That's not fair\\\"; say \\\"Let me explain that another way\\\" instead of saying \\\"That's not what I said\\\". Rephrasing your language speaks volumes.\\nHave excellent manners. Hold doors open for people, avoid being overly vulgar in person, and don't be overly familiar with new people.\\nMake compliments and mean them.\\nRead How to practice courtesy and kindness for more ideas.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be grateful.\", \"描述\": \"People who are truly kind are easily able to express gratitude. They don't take anything for granted and always thank people for helping them out. They know how to say \\\"thank you\\\" and really mean it, they write thank-you cards, and they are comfortable with acknowledging when they have been helped. People who are grateful also thank people just because, for things like making their days brighter, instead of only thanking them for completing specific tasks. If you make a habit of being more grateful to the people around you, you'll see that your capacity for kinds will increase.\\nIf you're more observant of all the nice things other people do for you, then you'll be more ready to do nice things for others. You'll be more aware of how good the kindness of others makes you feel and will feel more inclined to spread the love.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Taking Action\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Love animals and the living world.\", \"描述\": \"Loving animals and caring for pets is kindness in action. Nothing compels you to care about beings of another species, especially in a day and age where the tools of human domination are so powerful. And yet, the very act of loving an animal and respecting the animal for its own value is an expression of deep kindness. As well, being kind to the world that sustains and nurtures us is sensible as well as kind, ensuring that we don't poison the very elements that assure us a healthy life.\\nAdopt or foster a pet. Your kindness will be rewarded by letting another being into your life who will bring you joy and love.\\nOffer to pet-sit for a friend who is going away. Give your friend the reassurance that someone loving and caring will be tending to her pet while she's away.\\nRespect the species you're caring for. Humans don't \\\"own\\\" animals; rather, we stand in a relationship of being responsible for their well-being and care.\\nTake time to restore parts of your local environment with the local community. Go for walks in nature with family, friends, alone, and commune with the world that you're a part of. Share your love for nature with others, to help reawaken their sense of connection with nature.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Share.\", \"描述\": \"People who are kind are happy to share with others. You can share your favorite sweater, half of your delicious enchilada, or even words of career advice to someone younger than you. The important thing is that you're sharing something that you actually care about, instead of giving away something you don't really need. It's much more meaningful to let your friend borrow your favorite sweater than to give her an old hand-me-down you never wear. Sharing with people will make you more generous and thus, more inclined towards kindness.\\nKeep an eye out for people who would really benefit from some of the things you have. They may not always ask for them, but you can offer them readily before they admit that they need something from you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Smile more.\", \"描述\": \"Smiling is a simple act of kindness that can go a long way. Make a habit of smiling at strangers, or at your friends or acquaintances. Though you don't have to walk around with a smile plastered on your face, smiling at people will make them smile back, and will bring even a modicum of joy to their days. What's more, smiling can actually trick your mind into feeling happier than it previously was. Everybody wins when you smile, and your capacity for kindness will grow in the process.\\nSmiling at people will also make them more comfortable and will make you look more approachable, which is another way of being kind. Being welcoming to others, and even giving strangers the benefit of the doubt by smiling at them, is another way of being kind.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take an interest in people.\", \"描述\": \"People who are truly kind are genuinely interested in other people. They aren't kind to them just because they want to get what they want or because they are fishing for a favor. They do it because they genuinely care about how people are doing and want those around them to be happy and healthy. To be more kind, work on developing an interest in other people and show them that you care by being attentive, asking questions, and paying attention to them. Here are some ways to take an interest in people:\\nAsk people how they are and mean it.\\nAsk people about their hobbies, interests, and families.\\nIf someone you cared about had a big life event, ask that person how it went.\\nIf someone you know has a big exam or interview coming up, wish him or her luck.\\nWhen you talk to people, make sure they are doing at least about half of the talking. Don't dominate a conversation and focus more on the other person than yourself.\\nMake eye contact and put away your cell phone when you talk to people. Show that they are your first priority.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Call up a friend just because.\", \"描述\": \"You don't always need a reason to call up a good friend. Make a goal of calling one friend per week, or even two friends per week, just to catch up and see how that person is doing. Don't call to make plans or to ask that person something specific; call just because you miss your friend and have been thinking about him or her. Getting in touch with your friends out of the blue will make them feel cared for and will make you feel good; this shows kindness and thoughtfulness.\\nIf you're really short on time, you can start by making a habit of calling up your friends on their birthdays. Don't be lazy and send a text message or even a Facebook post, but give your friend a phone call from the heart.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Donate to charity.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to be kind is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing out your old things or selling them for 50 cents at a garage sale, donate the things you don't need to a good cause. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are in good condition, then making a habit of donating these things to charity instead of storing them up or tossing them is a great way to spread your kindness to others.\\nIf you have some clothes or books that someone you know would want, then don't be shy about donating those items to that person. This is another way of being kind.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Perform a random act of kindness.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” These are the words once said by Princess Diana. The practice of random acts of kindness is alive and well as a conscious effort to spread more kindness; there are even groups that have established themselves to perform this essential civic duty! Here are some great random acts of kindness you can do:\\nShovel a neighbor's driveway as well as your own.\\nWash a friend's car.\\nPut money into an expired meter.\\nHelp someone carry a heavy bag.\\nLeave a gift on someone's doorstep.\\nFor more details on practicing random acts of kindness, read How to practice random acts of kindness.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Transform your life through kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Changing how you live and how you view the world might seem daunting. But take a note of Aldous Huxley's prescription for transforming your life: \\\"People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is–just be a little kinder.\\\" Take Huxley's many years of research to heart and allow kindness to transform your life, to transcend all feelings and actions of aggression, hate, despising, anger, fear, and self-deprecation, and to restore strength worn away by despair.\\nThrough being kind, you take a stand by affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life. It isn't about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.\\nThrough being kind, you let go of the burden of worrying that others have more than you, are less or more deserving than you, or are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. Instead, kindness assumes everyone is worthy, you included.\\nThrough being kind, you recognize that we are all in this together. When you harm another person, you also harm yourself. What you do to support others also supports you.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Saying hello to everyone you meet, from store salesman to your boss lightens the environment and makes others comfortable. Practice it every day.\\n\", \"You might not like everyone and that's normal; even the nicest people on earth get annoyed. Just continue being polite nonetheless.\\n\", \"Do your best not to hurt people physically or mentally. Self-control can be vital in many situations.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If you're truly angry and upset with someone, keep in mind that kindness creates greater indebtedness to another being than an unavenged wrongdoing. People can make all sorts of justifications for committing a wrongdoing but being forgiven through kindness is not something you can run away from.\\n\", \"Don't feel the need to gloat about your good-deeds; be humble. Doing something nice solely for the good graces of those around you isn't really kindness. Aiding someone unaware of your help can feel just as good.\\n\", \"Be sure that your gesture of kindness is wanted. Sometimes unasked for \\\"help\\\" can backfire. \\\"No good deed ever goes unpunished.\\\" There are times when we think we are helping, but we can cause problems because we didn't have enough information about the problem.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,870 | How to Be Kind to Animals | 1. Caring for Pets or Domesticated Animals
1-1. Make a lifelong commitment.
No matter how old your pet is, make sure you are ready to take care of it for the rest of its life—or yours. Animals have feelings and bond with their “pet parents” and not taking this commitment seriously can harm your animal. Avoid getting your pet at a pet store or other type of animal factory such as a “puppy mill” by relying on reputable breeders or humane societies. Ask yourself some of the following questions before adopting a pet to make sure it’s the right decision for you:
Why do I want a pet?
Do I have enough time and money to care for my pet?
How well would an animal fit in my home? Am I allowed to have pets in my rental property?
Who will care for my pet if I am away, ill, or pass away?
1-2. Promote your animal’s health.
A healthy pet is a happy pet. Taking care of your pet or animal’s health with regular vet visits and watching for signs of illness can promote their health, well-being, and demonstrate your kindness towards them.
Make sure your animals receive yearly vaccinations against rabies and other diseases. Schedule vaccinations as a part of your pet’s annual visit to the vet.
Groom your animals as necessary for their species. For example, brush your horses, dogs, and cats regularly.
Watch for fleas and other pests like ear mites and treat them accordingly.
1-3. Give animals a comfy personal space.
Just like people, pets and other domesticated animals like horses enjoy sleeping, having alone time, playing, and cleanliness. Making your pet a personal space that is comfortable and clean shows your kindness and can help create a strong bond between the two of you.
Prepare a cozy sleeping space with items like a pet bed, box with a blanket, or a nice pile of clean hay. Put a personal item in the space to remind her of your scent.
Create other spaces where your animals can eat, play, and go to the bathroom. Keep eating and bathroom spaces as far apart as possible because many animals won’t eat near where they defecate.
Allow smaller animals like cats and dogs to live inside with you.
Make sure smaller pets and domesticated animals that stay outside have proper shelter. For example, any animal needs a roof to protect it from rain, snow, or other bad weather. This is especially important for smaller animals because they are not able to regulate their body temperatures in extreme hot or cold.
Keep your pets’ and animals’ spaces as clean as possible. For example, if you have turtles or fish, clean the tank once a week. Likewise, clean a kitty litter box every day.
1-4. Feed your animals regularly.
Part of an animal’s health is getting daily food and water. Mealtimes also show your kindness and help establish a bond you’re your animal.
Give your animals food at the same times every day to establish a routine. Ask your vet or conduct online research to figure out how often you should feed your pet for optimal health.
Feed your animals food that is appropriate for their species. For example, give cats and dogs a mixture of moist and dry foods and pigs vegetables and fruits. You can ask your vet or local pet store or conduct online research to figure out what brands and types of food are best for your best. Aim to get the highest quality food you can afford to promote your pet’s health.
Make sure pets and other animals always have bowl of fresh and clean water in addition to their food. Change the water at least once daily and more often if your pet drinks it or something like food falls in the bowl.
Avoid giving your pet or domesticated animal table scraps or other human foods like chocolate because these can harm their health and even be fatal. Talk to your vet about what types of foods to absolutely keep away from your pets.
Reward your pet with treats when they are being good. Be careful not to feed your animals too many treats, which are often filled with sugar and can contribute to unhealthy weight gain.
1-5. Interact at the right times.
Just like people, animals often enjoy having some space to themselves. Allow your pet or animal to sleep in peace, which can build trust and shows kindness.
Avoid moving or playing with your animal when she is sleeping, eating or drinking, and cleaning herself. Doing so may scare, stress, or annoy animals, which could result in an unpleasant reaction.
Avoid chasing pets because this can scare them. Although you might be tempted to show your animal love by following her and picking her up or interacting with her, this often goes against animal behavior. Allow pets and other animals approach you whenever they want.
Position yourself at your animal’s height to appear less threatening. This can relax them and ensure they are comfortable getting your attention.
1-6. Show your love.
Always show your animal how much you love her by being gentle and affectionate. This helps build trust and can make her more likely to approach and seek out quality time with you.
Pet or stroke and pick up your animals gently. Avoid squeezing your animal or pull her tail while you pet or stroke her.
Reciprocate any affection your animal shows you. This helps form a bond of trust and love between you and your animal. Part of this includes talking to your pet and referring to her by name.
Play with your animal. Most pets and animals are naturally energetic and require play to stay happy and healthy. Give them toys, take them for walks, and do any other type of activity your animal enjoys.
Be patient with your animal if she makes a mistake. Don’t yell, hit, or do anything else retaliatory towards her. Pets learn best from positive responses and may learn to fear you if you yell at or hit them.
1-7. Report suspected animal abuse.
Unfortunately, not every person is kind to animals. If you suspect that someone is abusing an animal, report it to authorities immediately. This is one way to show your kindness to animals. Some signs of abuse you might see are:
animals that are chained in yards without proper food, water, or shelter
hitting or kicking animals, or even screaming at them.
2. Handling Animals with Care
2-1. Avoid forcing any animal.
Chasing after or forcing an animal to approach you if it barks, whinnies, or hisses at you can cause you harm and traumatize the animal. The same goes for attempts to claw, kick, or bite you. Remove yourself from the situation to let the animal calm down.
Consider putting yourself at the level of the animal to help calm it. Kneel down to smaller animals such as dogs, cats, rabbits, or turtles. Avoid putting your face directly in front of an animal’s face, which may stress it and cause you harm.
Keep in mind that animals respond to you the way you treat them.
2-2. Approach animals slowly.
Animals are much more sensitive to behaviors and smells than humans. No matter what type of animal—horses, cats, dogs, turtles, or birds—approach them slowly and quietly to avoid scaring them or causing them undue stress.
Avoid approaching an animal from its blind spots, which can startle it. This may traumatize the animal or could wind up in an injury for you.
Let dogs, cats, and other animals sniff you before you handle it. Extend your hand and let the animal smell you. It will decide if you can approach it more closely from here. Consider washing your hands if you are touching multiple animals as some pets may not like the smell of another species.
Give the animal a few seconds or minutes to approach you. Some animals may be naturally timid and need a little while to get used to your presence. Approaching them before an animal shows it wants your attention can cause it stress.
2-3. Pick up your animal calmly.
If your pet approaches you for attention or you want give her some love by picking her up, move calmly and slowly towards her. If her body seems relaxed, pick her up using correct methods to support her body and prevent harm.
Place your hands under the animal’s legs or on the legs and belly. This provides a stable base so she feels safe. You can also gently move your arms underneath your animal if she is larger. Remember to stay calm and be patient so that you don’t startle your animal. If the animal shows any signs of not wanting to be picked up, allow it to go free and try again another time.
Use proper methods for larger animals. For example, if you need to pick up a horse, cow, or a pig, make sure you have the proper equipment such as a crane that supports the legs, head, and belly.
Stand up slowly once you have a good handle of your pet. This can minimize the risk of startling the animal and traumatizing it.
Avoid picking up an animal by its head, individual legs, or tail. No exceptions, otherwise you can seriously harm and traumatize the animal.
2-4. Hold your animal stably.
Once you’ve calmly picked up your animal, make sure to assure her and help her relax by keeping a stable hold on her. This can ensure that both of you have a relaxing and enjoying bonding experience.
Keep your animal in a balanced position so that she feels safe. Avoid flipping animals, which can not only traumatize, but also harm them.
Consider sitting down with your pet to help both of you relax. This may allow the animal to snuggle into you and further establish your bond of trust. Make sure you talk to your pet and stroke her while you are holding her.
3. Respecting Wild Animals
3-1. Remember that wild animals are just that—wild.
Anyone who spends time in or near nature likely enjoys seeing the critters that inhabit unpopulated areas. Although animals like raccoons, foxes, and alligators are cute and may appear cuddly, they live in the wild and exhibit behaviors of animals that aren’t domesticated such as killing prey or things they perceive as threats.
Be aware that many species of animals, such as alligators, cannot be tamed and you shouldn’t make an attempt to tame them or their offspring.
Be aware that it is often against the law to keep wild animals without a special permit.
3-2. Enjoy wildlife from afar.
Disturbing wildlife is one way to get hurt—or hurt the animal. Observe and enjoy wildlife from afar to show your kindness to it and avoid startling the animal.
Avoid chasing, touching, or picking up wild animals.
Remain quiet and still when watching wildlife. Use binoculars and cameras to get close to wildlife with your eyes.
Keep your pets away from wild animals to prevent disease transmission or any unpleasant interactions.
Stay away from habitats or wild animal areas at mating times or when they are protecting their young.
3-3. Avoid feeding wild animals.
Although it may seem harmless, feeding wildlife can have serious consequences such as altering natural behaviors, exposing them to predators, and damaging their health. Don’t give wild animals any of your food or leave food out for them.
Keep any food, including pet food, you have outside securely stored in containers with lids.
Place trash in secured bins or sealed bags. If you are camping, hiking, or taking a nature walk, look for areas designated for trash. Never throw garbage on the ground or leave it sitting in your yard or elsewhere.
Be aware that the salt from sweat on shoes or boots and scented toiletries can also attract wild animals.
Never use food to bait a wild animal to come closer to you.
3-4. Allow animals to thrive in your area.
At your home, set the conditions so that animals can safely thrive without bothering you. Planting a garden to invite birds or small creatures and avoiding pesticides can show wild animals kindness while continuing to respect their boundaries.
Use organic lawn and garden treatments. Not only can this protect wildlife, but also your pets.
3-5. Take care when driving.
Human development is increasingly encroaching on the habitats of wild animals. Housing area and roads interrupt the natural area of animals such as deer and foxes. Taking care when driving through areas populated by wild animals can show them kindness and consideration.
Avoid swerving to not hit an animal on major roads. This can lead to major accidents and even human fatalities. Do your best to not hit the animal.
Never go out of your way to hit an animal with your car. It’s cruel and could get you in legal trouble if someone sees you.
3-6. Respect wild meat.
The meat of wild animals like deer is in no question, nutritious and beneficial for human consumption. If you wish to take advantage of this as a natural alternative to the horrors of factory farming, make sure you can be a responsible and respectful hunter. Strive to become proficient enough with a gun or bow so that the animal will drop to the ground as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Then be sure to preserve and take all of the animal's meat which will help to sustain you.
3-7. Report injured animals to authorities.
If you accidentally hit an animal or see an injured or sick animal in the wild, let proper authorities know. They can find the best solution to aiding the animal.
Contact park rangers if you are in a natural park.
Call your local wildlife rehabilitator, conservation commission, or police department if you are not in a park. Your local humane society will also have information about who you can contact.
3-8. Support animal conservation efforts.
Animals are threatened and endangered all over the world, possibly including your local area. Making donations to animal charities or even volunteering at a local animal rescue facility can go a long way keeping animals safe and healthy.
Consider making an annual donation to conservation groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation. Groups like this can use the money to protect threatened and endangered species around the world. However, if you want to help animals in your local area, make a donation to a local nature reserve or park.
Offer your time to a local part or animal facility. This can help them save administrative funds and divert them to important efforts such as vaccinations or rebuilding natural habitats.
Tips
It can take a little while for new pets and domesticated animals to approach you; don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly.
Engaging an animal—by holding or petting, for example-- against its wishes may traumatize or harm them or you.
If an animal appears agitated, leave the area and allow it to calm down.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Caring for Pets or Domesticated Animals\\n1-1. Make a lifelong commitment.\\nNo matter how old your pet is, make sure you are ready to take care of it for the rest of its life—or yours. Animals have feelings and bond with their “pet parents” and not taking this commitment seriously can harm your animal. Avoid getting your pet at a pet store or other type of animal factory such as a “puppy mill” by relying on reputable breeders or humane societies. Ask yourself some of the following questions before adopting a pet to make sure it’s the right decision for you:\\nWhy do I want a pet?\\nDo I have enough time and money to care for my pet?\\nHow well would an animal fit in my home? Am I allowed to have pets in my rental property?\\nWho will care for my pet if I am away, ill, or pass away?\\n1-2. Promote your animal’s health.\\nA healthy pet is a happy pet. Taking care of your pet or animal’s health with regular vet visits and watching for signs of illness can promote their health, well-being, and demonstrate your kindness towards them. \\nMake sure your animals receive yearly vaccinations against rabies and other diseases. Schedule vaccinations as a part of your pet’s annual visit to the vet.\\nGroom your animals as necessary for their species. For example, brush your horses, dogs, and cats regularly.\\nWatch for fleas and other pests like ear mites and treat them accordingly.\\n1-3. Give animals a comfy personal space.\\nJust like people, pets and other domesticated animals like horses enjoy sleeping, having alone time, playing, and cleanliness. Making your pet a personal space that is comfortable and clean shows your kindness and can help create a strong bond between the two of you. \\nPrepare a cozy sleeping space with items like a pet bed, box with a blanket, or a nice pile of clean hay. Put a personal item in the space to remind her of your scent.\\nCreate other spaces where your animals can eat, play, and go to the bathroom. Keep eating and bathroom spaces as far apart as possible because many animals won’t eat near where they defecate.\\nAllow smaller animals like cats and dogs to live inside with you.\\nMake sure smaller pets and domesticated animals that stay outside have proper shelter. For example, any animal needs a roof to protect it from rain, snow, or other bad weather. This is especially important for smaller animals because they are not able to regulate their body temperatures in extreme hot or cold.\\nKeep your pets’ and animals’ spaces as clean as possible. For example, if you have turtles or fish, clean the tank once a week. Likewise, clean a kitty litter box every day.\\n1-4. Feed your animals regularly.\\nPart of an animal’s health is getting daily food and water. Mealtimes also show your kindness and help establish a bond you’re your animal.\\nGive your animals food at the same times every day to establish a routine. Ask your vet or conduct online research to figure out how often you should feed your pet for optimal health.\\nFeed your animals food that is appropriate for their species. For example, give cats and dogs a mixture of moist and dry foods and pigs vegetables and fruits. You can ask your vet or local pet store or conduct online research to figure out what brands and types of food are best for your best. Aim to get the highest quality food you can afford to promote your pet’s health.\\nMake sure pets and other animals always have bowl of fresh and clean water in addition to their food. Change the water at least once daily and more often if your pet drinks it or something like food falls in the bowl.\\nAvoid giving your pet or domesticated animal table scraps or other human foods like chocolate because these can harm their health and even be fatal. Talk to your vet about what types of foods to absolutely keep away from your pets.\\nReward your pet with treats when they are being good. Be careful not to feed your animals too many treats, which are often filled with sugar and can contribute to unhealthy weight gain.\\n1-5. Interact at the right times.\\nJust like people, animals often enjoy having some space to themselves. Allow your pet or animal to sleep in peace, which can build trust and shows kindness. \\nAvoid moving or playing with your animal when she is sleeping, eating or drinking, and cleaning herself. Doing so may scare, stress, or annoy animals, which could result in an unpleasant reaction.\\nAvoid chasing pets because this can scare them. Although you might be tempted to show your animal love by following her and picking her up or interacting with her, this often goes against animal behavior. Allow pets and other animals approach you whenever they want.\\nPosition yourself at your animal’s height to appear less threatening. This can relax them and ensure they are comfortable getting your attention.\\n1-6. Show your love.\\nAlways show your animal how much you love her by being gentle and affectionate. This helps build trust and can make her more likely to approach and seek out quality time with you.\\nPet or stroke and pick up your animals gently. Avoid squeezing your animal or pull her tail while you pet or stroke her.\\nReciprocate any affection your animal shows you. This helps form a bond of trust and love between you and your animal. Part of this includes talking to your pet and referring to her by name.\\nPlay with your animal. Most pets and animals are naturally energetic and require play to stay happy and healthy. Give them toys, take them for walks, and do any other type of activity your animal enjoys.\\nBe patient with your animal if she makes a mistake. Don’t yell, hit, or do anything else retaliatory towards her. Pets learn best from positive responses and may learn to fear you if you yell at or hit them.\\n1-7. Report suspected animal abuse.\\nUnfortunately, not every person is kind to animals. If you suspect that someone is abusing an animal, report it to authorities immediately. This is one way to show your kindness to animals. Some signs of abuse you might see are:\\nanimals that are chained in yards without proper food, water, or shelter\\nhitting or kicking animals, or even screaming at them.\\n2. Handling Animals with Care\\n2-1. Avoid forcing any animal.\\nChasing after or forcing an animal to approach you if it barks, whinnies, or hisses at you can cause you harm and traumatize the animal. The same goes for attempts to claw, kick, or bite you. Remove yourself from the situation to let the animal calm down.\\nConsider putting yourself at the level of the animal to help calm it. Kneel down to smaller animals such as dogs, cats, rabbits, or turtles. Avoid putting your face directly in front of an animal’s face, which may stress it and cause you harm.\\nKeep in mind that animals respond to you the way you treat them.\\n2-2. Approach animals slowly.\\nAnimals are much more sensitive to behaviors and smells than humans. No matter what type of animal—horses, cats, dogs, turtles, or birds—approach them slowly and quietly to avoid scaring them or causing them undue stress.\\nAvoid approaching an animal from its blind spots, which can startle it. This may traumatize the animal or could wind up in an injury for you.\\nLet dogs, cats, and other animals sniff you before you handle it. Extend your hand and let the animal smell you. It will decide if you can approach it more closely from here. Consider washing your hands if you are touching multiple animals as some pets may not like the smell of another species.\\nGive the animal a few seconds or minutes to approach you. Some animals may be naturally timid and need a little while to get used to your presence. Approaching them before an animal shows it wants your attention can cause it stress.\\n2-3. Pick up your animal calmly.\\nIf your pet approaches you for attention or you want give her some love by picking her up, move calmly and slowly towards her. If her body seems relaxed, pick her up using correct methods to support her body and prevent harm.\\nPlace your hands under the animal’s legs or on the legs and belly. This provides a stable base so she feels safe. You can also gently move your arms underneath your animal if she is larger. Remember to stay calm and be patient so that you don’t startle your animal. If the animal shows any signs of not wanting to be picked up, allow it to go free and try again another time.\\nUse proper methods for larger animals. For example, if you need to pick up a horse, cow, or a pig, make sure you have the proper equipment such as a crane that supports the legs, head, and belly.\\nStand up slowly once you have a good handle of your pet. This can minimize the risk of startling the animal and traumatizing it.\\nAvoid picking up an animal by its head, individual legs, or tail. No exceptions, otherwise you can seriously harm and traumatize the animal.\\n2-4. Hold your animal stably.\\nOnce you’ve calmly picked up your animal, make sure to assure her and help her relax by keeping a stable hold on her. This can ensure that both of you have a relaxing and enjoying bonding experience.\\nKeep your animal in a balanced position so that she feels safe. Avoid flipping animals, which can not only traumatize, but also harm them.\\nConsider sitting down with your pet to help both of you relax. This may allow the animal to snuggle into you and further establish your bond of trust. Make sure you talk to your pet and stroke her while you are holding her.\\n3. Respecting Wild Animals\\n3-1. Remember that wild animals are just that—wild.\\nAnyone who spends time in or near nature likely enjoys seeing the critters that inhabit unpopulated areas. Although animals like raccoons, foxes, and alligators are cute and may appear cuddly, they live in the wild and exhibit behaviors of animals that aren’t domesticated such as killing prey or things they perceive as threats.\\nBe aware that many species of animals, such as alligators, cannot be tamed and you shouldn’t make an attempt to tame them or their offspring.\\nBe aware that it is often against the law to keep wild animals without a special permit.\\n3-2. Enjoy wildlife from afar.\\nDisturbing wildlife is one way to get hurt—or hurt the animal. Observe and enjoy wildlife from afar to show your kindness to it and avoid startling the animal.\\nAvoid chasing, touching, or picking up wild animals.\\nRemain quiet and still when watching wildlife. Use binoculars and cameras to get close to wildlife with your eyes.\\nKeep your pets away from wild animals to prevent disease transmission or any unpleasant interactions.\\nStay away from habitats or wild animal areas at mating times or when they are protecting their young.\\n3-3. Avoid feeding wild animals.\\nAlthough it may seem harmless, feeding wildlife can have serious consequences such as altering natural behaviors, exposing them to predators, and damaging their health. Don’t give wild animals any of your food or leave food out for them.\\nKeep any food, including pet food, you have outside securely stored in containers with lids.\\nPlace trash in secured bins or sealed bags. If you are camping, hiking, or taking a nature walk, look for areas designated for trash. Never throw garbage on the ground or leave it sitting in your yard or elsewhere.\\nBe aware that the salt from sweat on shoes or boots and scented toiletries can also attract wild animals.\\nNever use food to bait a wild animal to come closer to you.\\n3-4. Allow animals to thrive in your area.\\nAt your home, set the conditions so that animals can safely thrive without bothering you. Planting a garden to invite birds or small creatures and avoiding pesticides can show wild animals kindness while continuing to respect their boundaries. \\nUse organic lawn and garden treatments. Not only can this protect wildlife, but also your pets.\\n3-5. Take care when driving.\\nHuman development is increasingly encroaching on the habitats of wild animals. Housing area and roads interrupt the natural area of animals such as deer and foxes. Taking care when driving through areas populated by wild animals can show them kindness and consideration.\\nAvoid swerving to not hit an animal on major roads. This can lead to major accidents and even human fatalities. Do your best to not hit the animal.\\nNever go out of your way to hit an animal with your car. It’s cruel and could get you in legal trouble if someone sees you.\\n3-6. Respect wild meat.\\nThe meat of wild animals like deer is in no question, nutritious and beneficial for human consumption. If you wish to take advantage of this as a natural alternative to the horrors of factory farming, make sure you can be a responsible and respectful hunter. Strive to become proficient enough with a gun or bow so that the animal will drop to the ground as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Then be sure to preserve and take all of the animal's meat which will help to sustain you.\\n3-7. Report injured animals to authorities.\\nIf you accidentally hit an animal or see an injured or sick animal in the wild, let proper authorities know. They can find the best solution to aiding the animal.\\nContact park rangers if you are in a natural park.\\nCall your local wildlife rehabilitator, conservation commission, or police department if you are not in a park. Your local humane society will also have information about who you can contact.\\n3-8. Support animal conservation efforts.\\nAnimals are threatened and endangered all over the world, possibly including your local area. Making donations to animal charities or even volunteering at a local animal rescue facility can go a long way keeping animals safe and healthy.\\nConsider making an annual donation to conservation groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation. Groups like this can use the money to protect threatened and endangered species around the world. However, if you want to help animals in your local area, make a donation to a local nature reserve or park.\\nOffer your time to a local part or animal facility. This can help them save administrative funds and divert them to important efforts such as vaccinations or rebuilding natural habitats.\\nTips\\nIt can take a little while for new pets and domesticated animals to approach you; don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly.\\nEngaging an animal—by holding or petting, for example-- against its wishes may traumatize or harm them or you.\\nIf an animal appears agitated, leave the area and allow it to calm down.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Animals of all kinds enrich our lives. They can be our friends or inspire our imagination. Whether it’s a house pet such as a cat, a domesticated animal like a horse, or even a wild animal like an owl or alligator, animals deserve kindness from humans. By caring for pets and domesticated animals and respecting animals in the wild, you can show your kindness to any animal.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Caring for Pets or Domesticated Animals\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make a lifelong commitment.\", \"描述\": \"No matter how old your pet is, make sure you are ready to take care of it for the rest of its life—or yours. Animals have feelings and bond with their “pet parents” and not taking this commitment seriously can harm your animal. Avoid getting your pet at a pet store or other type of animal factory such as a “puppy mill” by relying on reputable breeders or humane societies. Ask yourself some of the following questions before adopting a pet to make sure it’s the right decision for you:\\nWhy do I want a pet?\\nDo I have enough time and money to care for my pet?\\nHow well would an animal fit in my home? Am I allowed to have pets in my rental property?\\nWho will care for my pet if I am away, ill, or pass away?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Promote your animal’s health.\", \"描述\": \"A healthy pet is a happy pet. Taking care of your pet or animal’s health with regular vet visits and watching for signs of illness can promote their health, well-being, and demonstrate your kindness towards them. \\nMake sure your animals receive yearly vaccinations against rabies and other diseases. Schedule vaccinations as a part of your pet’s annual visit to the vet.\\nGroom your animals as necessary for their species. For example, brush your horses, dogs, and cats regularly.\\nWatch for fleas and other pests like ear mites and treat them accordingly.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give animals a comfy personal space.\", \"描述\": \"Just like people, pets and other domesticated animals like horses enjoy sleeping, having alone time, playing, and cleanliness. Making your pet a personal space that is comfortable and clean shows your kindness and can help create a strong bond between the two of you. \\nPrepare a cozy sleeping space with items like a pet bed, box with a blanket, or a nice pile of clean hay. Put a personal item in the space to remind her of your scent.\\nCreate other spaces where your animals can eat, play, and go to the bathroom. Keep eating and bathroom spaces as far apart as possible because many animals won’t eat near where they defecate.\\nAllow smaller animals like cats and dogs to live inside with you.\\nMake sure smaller pets and domesticated animals that stay outside have proper shelter. For example, any animal needs a roof to protect it from rain, snow, or other bad weather. This is especially important for smaller animals because they are not able to regulate their body temperatures in extreme hot or cold.\\nKeep your pets’ and animals’ spaces as clean as possible. For example, if you have turtles or fish, clean the tank once a week. Likewise, clean a kitty litter box every day.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Feed your animals regularly.\", \"描述\": \"Part of an animal’s health is getting daily food and water. Mealtimes also show your kindness and help establish a bond you’re your animal.\\nGive your animals food at the same times every day to establish a routine. Ask your vet or conduct online research to figure out how often you should feed your pet for optimal health.\\nFeed your animals food that is appropriate for their species. For example, give cats and dogs a mixture of moist and dry foods and pigs vegetables and fruits. You can ask your vet or local pet store or conduct online research to figure out what brands and types of food are best for your best. Aim to get the highest quality food you can afford to promote your pet’s health.\\nMake sure pets and other animals always have bowl of fresh and clean water in addition to their food. Change the water at least once daily and more often if your pet drinks it or something like food falls in the bowl.\\nAvoid giving your pet or domesticated animal table scraps or other human foods like chocolate because these can harm their health and even be fatal. Talk to your vet about what types of foods to absolutely keep away from your pets.\\nReward your pet with treats when they are being good. Be careful not to feed your animals too many treats, which are often filled with sugar and can contribute to unhealthy weight gain.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Interact at the right times.\", \"描述\": \"Just like people, animals often enjoy having some space to themselves. Allow your pet or animal to sleep in peace, which can build trust and shows kindness. \\nAvoid moving or playing with your animal when she is sleeping, eating or drinking, and cleaning herself. Doing so may scare, stress, or annoy animals, which could result in an unpleasant reaction.\\nAvoid chasing pets because this can scare them. Although you might be tempted to show your animal love by following her and picking her up or interacting with her, this often goes against animal behavior. Allow pets and other animals approach you whenever they want.\\nPosition yourself at your animal’s height to appear less threatening. This can relax them and ensure they are comfortable getting your attention.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Show your love.\", \"描述\": \"Always show your animal how much you love her by being gentle and affectionate. This helps build trust and can make her more likely to approach and seek out quality time with you.\\nPet or stroke and pick up your animals gently. Avoid squeezing your animal or pull her tail while you pet or stroke her.\\nReciprocate any affection your animal shows you. This helps form a bond of trust and love between you and your animal. Part of this includes talking to your pet and referring to her by name.\\nPlay with your animal. Most pets and animals are naturally energetic and require play to stay happy and healthy. Give them toys, take them for walks, and do any other type of activity your animal enjoys.\\nBe patient with your animal if she makes a mistake. Don’t yell, hit, or do anything else retaliatory towards her. Pets learn best from positive responses and may learn to fear you if you yell at or hit them.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Report suspected animal abuse.\", \"描述\": \"Unfortunately, not every person is kind to animals. If you suspect that someone is abusing an animal, report it to authorities immediately. This is one way to show your kindness to animals. Some signs of abuse you might see are:\\nanimals that are chained in yards without proper food, water, or shelter\\nhitting or kicking animals, or even screaming at them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Handling Animals with Care\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid forcing any animal.\", \"描述\": \"Chasing after or forcing an animal to approach you if it barks, whinnies, or hisses at you can cause you harm and traumatize the animal. The same goes for attempts to claw, kick, or bite you. Remove yourself from the situation to let the animal calm down.\\nConsider putting yourself at the level of the animal to help calm it. Kneel down to smaller animals such as dogs, cats, rabbits, or turtles. Avoid putting your face directly in front of an animal’s face, which may stress it and cause you harm.\\nKeep in mind that animals respond to you the way you treat them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Approach animals slowly.\", \"描述\": \"Animals are much more sensitive to behaviors and smells than humans. No matter what type of animal—horses, cats, dogs, turtles, or birds—approach them slowly and quietly to avoid scaring them or causing them undue stress.\\nAvoid approaching an animal from its blind spots, which can startle it. This may traumatize the animal or could wind up in an injury for you.\\nLet dogs, cats, and other animals sniff you before you handle it. Extend your hand and let the animal smell you. It will decide if you can approach it more closely from here. Consider washing your hands if you are touching multiple animals as some pets may not like the smell of another species.\\nGive the animal a few seconds or minutes to approach you. Some animals may be naturally timid and need a little while to get used to your presence. Approaching them before an animal shows it wants your attention can cause it stress.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Pick up your animal calmly.\", \"描述\": \"If your pet approaches you for attention or you want give her some love by picking her up, move calmly and slowly towards her. If her body seems relaxed, pick her up using correct methods to support her body and prevent harm.\\nPlace your hands under the animal’s legs or on the legs and belly. This provides a stable base so she feels safe. You can also gently move your arms underneath your animal if she is larger. Remember to stay calm and be patient so that you don’t startle your animal. If the animal shows any signs of not wanting to be picked up, allow it to go free and try again another time.\\nUse proper methods for larger animals. For example, if you need to pick up a horse, cow, or a pig, make sure you have the proper equipment such as a crane that supports the legs, head, and belly.\\nStand up slowly once you have a good handle of your pet. This can minimize the risk of startling the animal and traumatizing it.\\nAvoid picking up an animal by its head, individual legs, or tail. No exceptions, otherwise you can seriously harm and traumatize the animal.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Hold your animal stably.\", \"描述\": \"Once you’ve calmly picked up your animal, make sure to assure her and help her relax by keeping a stable hold on her. This can ensure that both of you have a relaxing and enjoying bonding experience.\\nKeep your animal in a balanced position so that she feels safe. Avoid flipping animals, which can not only traumatize, but also harm them.\\nConsider sitting down with your pet to help both of you relax. This may allow the animal to snuggle into you and further establish your bond of trust. Make sure you talk to your pet and stroke her while you are holding her.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Respecting Wild Animals\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remember that wild animals are just that—wild.\", \"描述\": \"Anyone who spends time in or near nature likely enjoys seeing the critters that inhabit unpopulated areas. Although animals like raccoons, foxes, and alligators are cute and may appear cuddly, they live in the wild and exhibit behaviors of animals that aren’t domesticated such as killing prey or things they perceive as threats.\\nBe aware that many species of animals, such as alligators, cannot be tamed and you shouldn’t make an attempt to tame them or their offspring.\\nBe aware that it is often against the law to keep wild animals without a special permit.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Enjoy wildlife from afar.\", \"描述\": \"Disturbing wildlife is one way to get hurt—or hurt the animal. Observe and enjoy wildlife from afar to show your kindness to it and avoid startling the animal.\\nAvoid chasing, touching, or picking up wild animals.\\nRemain quiet and still when watching wildlife. Use binoculars and cameras to get close to wildlife with your eyes.\\nKeep your pets away from wild animals to prevent disease transmission or any unpleasant interactions.\\nStay away from habitats or wild animal areas at mating times or when they are protecting their young.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid feeding wild animals.\", \"描述\": \"Although it may seem harmless, feeding wildlife can have serious consequences such as altering natural behaviors, exposing them to predators, and damaging their health. Don’t give wild animals any of your food or leave food out for them.\\nKeep any food, including pet food, you have outside securely stored in containers with lids.\\nPlace trash in secured bins or sealed bags. If you are camping, hiking, or taking a nature walk, look for areas designated for trash. Never throw garbage on the ground or leave it sitting in your yard or elsewhere.\\nBe aware that the salt from sweat on shoes or boots and scented toiletries can also attract wild animals.\\nNever use food to bait a wild animal to come closer to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Allow animals to thrive in your area.\", \"描述\": \"At your home, set the conditions so that animals can safely thrive without bothering you. Planting a garden to invite birds or small creatures and avoiding pesticides can show wild animals kindness while continuing to respect their boundaries. \\nUse organic lawn and garden treatments. Not only can this protect wildlife, but also your pets.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take care when driving.\", \"描述\": \"Human development is increasingly encroaching on the habitats of wild animals. Housing area and roads interrupt the natural area of animals such as deer and foxes. Taking care when driving through areas populated by wild animals can show them kindness and consideration.\\nAvoid swerving to not hit an animal on major roads. This can lead to major accidents and even human fatalities. Do your best to not hit the animal.\\nNever go out of your way to hit an animal with your car. It’s cruel and could get you in legal trouble if someone sees you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Respect wild meat.\", \"描述\": \"The meat of wild animals like deer is in no question, nutritious and beneficial for human consumption. If you wish to take advantage of this as a natural alternative to the horrors of factory farming, make sure you can be a responsible and respectful hunter. Strive to become proficient enough with a gun or bow so that the animal will drop to the ground as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Then be sure to preserve and take all of the animal's meat which will help to sustain you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Report injured animals to authorities.\", \"描述\": \"If you accidentally hit an animal or see an injured or sick animal in the wild, let proper authorities know. They can find the best solution to aiding the animal.\\nContact park rangers if you are in a natural park.\\nCall your local wildlife rehabilitator, conservation commission, or police department if you are not in a park. Your local humane society will also have information about who you can contact.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Support animal conservation efforts.\", \"描述\": \"Animals are threatened and endangered all over the world, possibly including your local area. Making donations to animal charities or even volunteering at a local animal rescue facility can go a long way keeping animals safe and healthy.\\nConsider making an annual donation to conservation groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation. Groups like this can use the money to protect threatened and endangered species around the world. However, if you want to help animals in your local area, make a donation to a local nature reserve or park.\\nOffer your time to a local part or animal facility. This can help them save administrative funds and divert them to important efforts such as vaccinations or rebuilding natural habitats.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"It can take a little while for new pets and domesticated animals to approach you; don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly.\\n\", \"Engaging an animal—by holding or petting, for example-- against its wishes may traumatize or harm them or you.\\n\", \"If an animal appears agitated, leave the area and allow it to calm down.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,871 | How to Be Kind to Your Sister | 1. Building a good relationship
1-1. Use good manners with your sister.
Manners are a way of showing respect and thoughtfulness and help the other person to feel cared about.
Be polite at all times.
Don't argue with your sister or talk back to her. Show respect for her.
Don't curse or abuse her. Saying abusive words is a sign of disrespect.
1-2. Spend time with your sister.
If your sister is bored and wants to do something, don't be afraid ask her if she wants to play with you. You can play video games with her if you like.
Watch TV with your sister. Play with her every once in a while. You don't have to give up your whole life for her, just about 20 minutes a day.
1-3. Talk to your sister.
Even if it is just small talk, talking can make you become better friends with her. Ask her about her day and what she's thinking about doing over the weekend.
1-4. Take care of your sister.
Always help her with her problems. If she needs you, be with her.
Don't make your sister feel left out. Never leave or ignore your sister; it can cause her to feel unwanted or useless.
Don't act like a mom. Don't judge her. Always remember you're her sister not a parent.
1-5. Share everything with your sister.
Sharing is caring. Remember that she is your sister.
2. Dealing with negative aspects of your relationship
2-1. Avoid fighting.
Don't fight, whatever you do. Instead, try to solve the problems by talking it out. If you need space from one another, then take it and come back and resolve your issues later, in a calm and dignified way.
2-2. Don't blame.
If something bad has happened to you and you think it is your sister don't blame her without evidence.
2-3. Don't yell at your sister or think that you're the boss.
Being loud and spiteful will just make her angry. Be equal siblings. Try to be your sister's best friend.
2-4. Put yourself in your sister's shoes.
When going through a rough time, what would you want her to do for you in the situation? Always think about her feelings and try to comfort her.
2-5. Lend a shoulder to cry on.
If something difficult has happened to her, be there for her and be supportive and attentive. Listen without judging and simply let her know that you are there for her.
3. Being kind
3-1. Be helpful.
Help your sister to do her homework, and her chores. Put on some music and teach her some songs to make the time pass quickly.
3-2. Put your sister before yourself sometimes.
It will make her feel good and helps her to know that she can trust you.
3-3. Buy your sister nice gifts for her birthday.
She will really like this! Show her you care by making homemade gifts or getting her that special something that she's been wanting forever.
3-4. Compliment your sister often.
Compliment her new hair-cut or something that's new. She'll see that you actually care about her and that you're observant.
3-5. Make a gesture.
Do things for her that she never thought you would do. Bring her coffee, buy her favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack/ anything. If you both live in the same house, maybe you should fold her laundry or vacuum her room.If she sees that you can scratch her back, then she'll scratch yours.
3-6. Congratulate and be proud of your sister.
Nothing is better than a sibling being proud of another sibling. It's encouraging for a sibling to be praised by another sibling. It gets them going. If you show that you are so proud of her and you tell her, then she's sure to say the words "Thank you."
Tips
Do little things for her that show you care.
Offer help, and tell them that if they want to talk about anything to come to you.
Don't mess with your sibling if she is having a bad day or got into trouble at home. She will talk to you when she is ready to talk!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Building a good relationship\\n1-1. Use good manners with your sister.\\nManners are a way of showing respect and thoughtfulness and help the other person to feel cared about.\\nBe polite at all times.\\nDon't argue with your sister or talk back to her. Show respect for her.\\nDon't curse or abuse her. Saying abusive words is a sign of disrespect.\\n1-2. Spend time with your sister.\\nIf your sister is bored and wants to do something, don't be afraid ask her if she wants to play with you. You can play video games with her if you like.\\nWatch TV with your sister. Play with her every once in a while. You don't have to give up your whole life for her, just about 20 minutes a day.\\n1-3. Talk to your sister.\\nEven if it is just small talk, talking can make you become better friends with her. Ask her about her day and what she's thinking about doing over the weekend.\\n1-4. Take care of your sister.\\nAlways help her with her problems. If she needs you, be with her.\\nDon't make your sister feel left out. Never leave or ignore your sister; it can cause her to feel unwanted or useless.\\nDon't act like a mom. Don't judge her. Always remember you're her sister not a parent.\\n1-5. Share everything with your sister.\\nSharing is caring. Remember that she is your sister.\\n2. Dealing with negative aspects of your relationship\\n2-1. Avoid fighting.\\nDon't fight, whatever you do. Instead, try to solve the problems by talking it out. If you need space from one another, then take it and come back and resolve your issues later, in a calm and dignified way.\\n2-2. Don't blame.\\nIf something bad has happened to you and you think it is your sister don't blame her without evidence.\\n2-3. Don't yell at your sister or think that you're the boss.\\nBeing loud and spiteful will just make her angry. Be equal siblings. Try to be your sister's best friend.\\n2-4. Put yourself in your sister's shoes.\\nWhen going through a rough time, what would you want her to do for you in the situation? Always think about her feelings and try to comfort her.\\n2-5. Lend a shoulder to cry on.\\nIf something difficult has happened to her, be there for her and be supportive and attentive. Listen without judging and simply let her know that you are there for her.\\n3. Being kind\\n3-1. Be helpful.\\nHelp your sister to do her homework, and her chores. Put on some music and teach her some songs to make the time pass quickly.\\n3-2. Put your sister before yourself sometimes.\\nIt will make her feel good and helps her to know that she can trust you.\\n3-3. Buy your sister nice gifts for her birthday.\\nShe will really like this! Show her you care by making homemade gifts or getting her that special something that she's been wanting forever.\\n3-4. Compliment your sister often.\\nCompliment her new hair-cut or something that's new. She'll see that you actually care about her and that you're observant.\\n3-5. Make a gesture.\\nDo things for her that she never thought you would do. Bring her coffee, buy her favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack/ anything. If you both live in the same house, maybe you should fold her laundry or vacuum her room.If she sees that you can scratch her back, then she'll scratch yours.\\n3-6. Congratulate and be proud of your sister.\\nNothing is better than a sibling being proud of another sibling. It's encouraging for a sibling to be praised by another sibling. It gets them going. If you show that you are so proud of her and you tell her, then she's sure to say the words \\\"Thank you.\\\"\\nTips\\nDo little things for her that show you care.\\nOffer help, and tell them that if they want to talk about anything to come to you.\\nDon't mess with your sibling if she is having a bad day or got into trouble at home. She will talk to you when she is ready to talk!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"There may be times when you and your sister don't get along with each other, but that doesn't mean you don't care about each other and always have each other's back. If you want to show your sister just how much you love and appreciate her, there are all kinds of nice gestures you can do. Keep reading to learn how to be kind to your sister and show her how much she means to you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Building a good relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use good manners with your sister.\", \"描述\": \"Manners are a way of showing respect and thoughtfulness and help the other person to feel cared about.\\nBe polite at all times.\\nDon't argue with your sister or talk back to her. Show respect for her.\\nDon't curse or abuse her. Saying abusive words is a sign of disrespect.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Spend time with your sister.\", \"描述\": \"If your sister is bored and wants to do something, don't be afraid ask her if she wants to play with you. You can play video games with her if you like.\\nWatch TV with your sister. Play with her every once in a while. You don't have to give up your whole life for her, just about 20 minutes a day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talk to your sister.\", \"描述\": \"Even if it is just small talk, talking can make you become better friends with her. Ask her about her day and what she's thinking about doing over the weekend.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take care of your sister.\", \"描述\": \"Always help her with her problems. If she needs you, be with her.\\nDon't make your sister feel left out. Never leave or ignore your sister; it can cause her to feel unwanted or useless.\\nDon't act like a mom. Don't judge her. Always remember you're her sister not a parent.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Share everything with your sister.\", \"描述\": \"Sharing is caring. Remember that she is your sister.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dealing with negative aspects of your relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid fighting.\", \"描述\": \"Don't fight, whatever you do. Instead, try to solve the problems by talking it out. If you need space from one another, then take it and come back and resolve your issues later, in a calm and dignified way.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't blame.\", \"描述\": \"If something bad has happened to you and you think it is your sister don't blame her without evidence.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't yell at your sister or think that you're the boss.\", \"描述\": \"Being loud and spiteful will just make her angry. Be equal siblings. Try to be your sister's best friend.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put yourself in your sister's shoes.\", \"描述\": \"When going through a rough time, what would you want her to do for you in the situation? Always think about her feelings and try to comfort her.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Lend a shoulder to cry on.\", \"描述\": \"If something difficult has happened to her, be there for her and be supportive and attentive. Listen without judging and simply let her know that you are there for her.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being kind\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be helpful.\", \"描述\": \"Help your sister to do her homework, and her chores. Put on some music and teach her some songs to make the time pass quickly.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put your sister before yourself sometimes.\", \"描述\": \"It will make her feel good and helps her to know that she can trust you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Buy your sister nice gifts for her birthday.\", \"描述\": \"She will really like this! Show her you care by making homemade gifts or getting her that special something that she's been wanting forever.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Compliment your sister often.\", \"描述\": \"Compliment her new hair-cut or something that's new. She'll see that you actually care about her and that you're observant.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Make a gesture.\", \"描述\": \"Do things for her that she never thought you would do. Bring her coffee, buy her favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack/ anything. If you both live in the same house, maybe you should fold her laundry or vacuum her room.If she sees that you can scratch her back, then she'll scratch yours.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Congratulate and be proud of your sister.\", \"描述\": \"Nothing is better than a sibling being proud of another sibling. It's encouraging for a sibling to be praised by another sibling. It gets them going. If you show that you are so proud of her and you tell her, then she's sure to say the words \\\"Thank you.\\\"\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Do little things for her that show you care.\\n\", \"Offer help, and tell them that if they want to talk about anything to come to you.\\n\", \"Don't mess with your sibling if she is having a bad day or got into trouble at home. She will talk to you when she is ready to talk!\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,872 | How to Be Kissable | 1. Maintaining Good Hygiene
1-1. Brush your teeth twice daily.
Brushing your teeth daily is necessary to maintain good dental hygiene, and it is especially important if you plan to be kissed. Brush your teeth at least twice a day—once in the morning and once at night. You may want to brush your teeth after lunch as well if you plant to kiss someone during the afternoon.
Use a whitening toothpaste when you brush to improve the appearance of your teeth.
1-2. Floss daily.
Flossing is an important part of good dental hygiene. Flossing dislodges trapped food particles in order to prevent bad breath and tooth decay. You should floss at least once a day, but flossing morning and night is ideal. Floss gently so that you don't cause your gums to bleed.
If your gums do bleed excessively, consult a dentist. Bleeding gums could be a sign of gingivitis.
1-3. Gargle with mouthwash.
Use a mouthwash, like Listerine, after you floss. Flossing will dislodge the food, and mouthwash will remove the displaced particles. Gargle with the mouthwash of your choice for 30 to 60 seconds and then spit it out. Repeat this after every flossing.
You can also carry a travel-size mouthwash with you for a quick way to maintain fresh breath on the go.
1-4. Use a tongue scraper.
A tongue scraper is a plastic or metal tool that you go over your tongue with to remove dead cells and bacteria that cause bad breath. Apply the tongue scraper to your tongue and work it in a back and forth motion for about 10 to 20 seconds. Repeat once a night after brushing your teeth.
Many toothbrushes will also come with a tongue scraper on the back of the brush head.
1-5. Keep your breath fresh with products and natural ingredients.
You can carry breath mints, mouthwash, and sprays with you to freshen your breath. These products are available at most supermarkets and drugstores. If you prefer natural alternatives, certain ingredients are thought to help bad breath. Apple cider vinegar, alfalfa tablets, guava, and raw sage leaves can freshen your breath.
A few other natural alternatives are tea tree oil, parsley, fennel seeds, and anise.
1-6. Shower at least once a day to stay fresh and clean.
Being clean and smelling fresh is another important part of being kissable. Shower at least one a day, morning or night, depending on your preference. Wash and condition your hair and use a fragrant soap or body wash as you shower. Shower more than once a day if you are especially active.
You don't have to wash your hair once a day if it is not beneficial for your hair type, but you should keep it clean.
Look for a soap that contains natural ingredients if chemical fragrances irritate your skin.
1-7. Moisturize after your shower to keep your skin soft.
Rub lotion all over your body and face after you take a shower. You may want to use a different type of moisturizer for your face and body. Regularly moisturizing will keep your skin soft and touchable.
Some lotions may be too harsh for facial use, so it is usually better to use a moisturizer specifically made for the face.
2. Getting Kissable Lips
2-1. Exfoliate your lips to keep them soft.
Exfoliate once a week to remove dead skin cells and keep your lips soft. You can buy a lip exfoliator at a beauty supply store, or you can make your own. Simply sprinkle some sugar on the fruit of your choice—like a mango or strawberry. Gently rub your lips with the fruit for about 30 seconds.
Don't continue to exfoliate if your lips begin to feel sore or bleed.
2-2. Carry a lip balm with you to prevent chapping.
Lip balm keeps your lips moisturized and prevents chapping. Put on lip balm in the morning and apply it as needed throughout the day. Any type of lip balm will work. Use whatever lip balm feels and smells the best to you.
2-3. Use a light shade of lipstick that contains Vitamin E to keep your lips hydrated.
If you use makeup, a light shade of lipstick can make your lips appear even more welcoming. Unfortunately, cheaper lipsticks can dry your lips out. Invest in a higher quality brand and look for a lipstick that contains Vitamin E. Apply it as needed so that your lips will look lovely and soft.
Dark-colored lipsticks aren't ideal for kissing because they will likely spread and quickly fade.
2-4. Massage your lips to make your lips appear fuller.
Rub your fingertips over your lips in a circular motion for about 30 seconds once a day. Massaging your lips will make them appear fuller and redder. This is because a massage will stimulate the blood flow to your mouth. You can repeat this up to three times a day if you'd like.
2-5. Stay hydrated to make your lips appear hydrated and healthy.
Your lips will be one of the first parts of your body visibly affected by dehydration. Drink at least 8 cups of water per day. Avoid drinking excessive amounts of alcohol as well to prevent dehydration.
3. Having a Welcoming Attitude
3-1. Make eye contact to let your partner know you're interested.
Don't be afraid to look your partner directly in the eyes. Your eyes will usually portray how you are feeling, so this is a good way to let your partner know that you are wanting to kiss them. Eye contact can't directly give away what you want, but it can make it more obvious. Lean in closer to your partner and lock eyes with them.
If you wear glasses, you may want to remove them when you make deep eye contact with your partner.
3-2. Let your eyes drift to your partner's lips.
Once you've made eye contact, you can let your eyes wander to further hint to your partner that you want to be kissed. Look them in the eyes and then let your eyes drift to your partner's lips. You don't have to keep your eyes on their lips. Look at their lips for a few moments and then return to eye contact.
3-3. Smile at your partner.
Smile at your partner while you maintain eye contact and at any point throughout your time with them. Being tense will show on your face, which could convey an unwanted message. You don't have to constantly smile, but it will help them feel like you are comfortable with them.
3-4. Tell your partner you're okay with being kissed.
The simplest way to be kissed is to let your partner know that you'd be okay with it. You don't have to demand a kiss. Simply let them know that it's something you're open to and would be happy to do.
You can simply say “I would be happy if you kissed me.”
You could also say “I'd really like to kiss you.”
Tips
Dress comfortably so that you can be comfortable and confident. This will help you to appear more kissable.[13]
X
Research source
Go to the dentist for professional cleanings at least once a year or more often if necessary to maintain good dental hygiene.
Consider shaving if you have facial hair. Facial hair can be uncomfortable for the person who you are kissing.
Warnings
Consult your doctor if you have severe bad breath that is not helped by brushing, flossing, and mints.
Avoid all tobacco products. Along with being bad for your overall health, products like smoking and chewing tobacco will yellow your teeth and cause bad breath.[14]
X
Research source
Know your limits before you begin kissing. Don't be afraid to tell your partner to stop if you begin to feel uncomfortable.[15]
X
Research source
Do not lick your lips if they are feeling dry. This will only dry them out more.[16]
X
Research source
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Maintaining Good Hygiene\\n1-1. Brush your teeth twice daily.\\nBrushing your teeth daily is necessary to maintain good dental hygiene, and it is especially important if you plan to be kissed. Brush your teeth at least twice a day—once in the morning and once at night. You may want to brush your teeth after lunch as well if you plant to kiss someone during the afternoon.\\nUse a whitening toothpaste when you brush to improve the appearance of your teeth.\\n1-2. Floss daily.\\nFlossing is an important part of good dental hygiene. Flossing dislodges trapped food particles in order to prevent bad breath and tooth decay. You should floss at least once a day, but flossing morning and night is ideal. Floss gently so that you don't cause your gums to bleed.\\nIf your gums do bleed excessively, consult a dentist. Bleeding gums could be a sign of gingivitis.\\n1-3. Gargle with mouthwash.\\nUse a mouthwash, like Listerine, after you floss. Flossing will dislodge the food, and mouthwash will remove the displaced particles. Gargle with the mouthwash of your choice for 30 to 60 seconds and then spit it out. Repeat this after every flossing.\\nYou can also carry a travel-size mouthwash with you for a quick way to maintain fresh breath on the go.\\n1-4. Use a tongue scraper.\\nA tongue scraper is a plastic or metal tool that you go over your tongue with to remove dead cells and bacteria that cause bad breath. Apply the tongue scraper to your tongue and work it in a back and forth motion for about 10 to 20 seconds. Repeat once a night after brushing your teeth.\\nMany toothbrushes will also come with a tongue scraper on the back of the brush head.\\n1-5. Keep your breath fresh with products and natural ingredients.\\nYou can carry breath mints, mouthwash, and sprays with you to freshen your breath. These products are available at most supermarkets and drugstores. If you prefer natural alternatives, certain ingredients are thought to help bad breath. Apple cider vinegar, alfalfa tablets, guava, and raw sage leaves can freshen your breath.\\nA few other natural alternatives are tea tree oil, parsley, fennel seeds, and anise.\\n1-6. Shower at least once a day to stay fresh and clean.\\nBeing clean and smelling fresh is another important part of being kissable. Shower at least one a day, morning or night, depending on your preference. Wash and condition your hair and use a fragrant soap or body wash as you shower. Shower more than once a day if you are especially active.\\nYou don't have to wash your hair once a day if it is not beneficial for your hair type, but you should keep it clean.\\nLook for a soap that contains natural ingredients if chemical fragrances irritate your skin.\\n1-7. Moisturize after your shower to keep your skin soft.\\nRub lotion all over your body and face after you take a shower. You may want to use a different type of moisturizer for your face and body. Regularly moisturizing will keep your skin soft and touchable.\\nSome lotions may be too harsh for facial use, so it is usually better to use a moisturizer specifically made for the face.\\n2. Getting Kissable Lips\\n2-1. Exfoliate your lips to keep them soft.\\nExfoliate once a week to remove dead skin cells and keep your lips soft. You can buy a lip exfoliator at a beauty supply store, or you can make your own. Simply sprinkle some sugar on the fruit of your choice—like a mango or strawberry. Gently rub your lips with the fruit for about 30 seconds.\\nDon't continue to exfoliate if your lips begin to feel sore or bleed.\\n2-2. Carry a lip balm with you to prevent chapping.\\nLip balm keeps your lips moisturized and prevents chapping. Put on lip balm in the morning and apply it as needed throughout the day. Any type of lip balm will work. Use whatever lip balm feels and smells the best to you.\\n2-3. Use a light shade of lipstick that contains Vitamin E to keep your lips hydrated.\\nIf you use makeup, a light shade of lipstick can make your lips appear even more welcoming. Unfortunately, cheaper lipsticks can dry your lips out. Invest in a higher quality brand and look for a lipstick that contains Vitamin E. Apply it as needed so that your lips will look lovely and soft.\\nDark-colored lipsticks aren't ideal for kissing because they will likely spread and quickly fade.\\n2-4. Massage your lips to make your lips appear fuller.\\nRub your fingertips over your lips in a circular motion for about 30 seconds once a day. Massaging your lips will make them appear fuller and redder. This is because a massage will stimulate the blood flow to your mouth. You can repeat this up to three times a day if you'd like.\\n2-5. Stay hydrated to make your lips appear hydrated and healthy.\\nYour lips will be one of the first parts of your body visibly affected by dehydration. Drink at least 8 cups of water per day. Avoid drinking excessive amounts of alcohol as well to prevent dehydration.\\n3. Having a Welcoming Attitude\\n3-1. Make eye contact to let your partner know you're interested.\\nDon't be afraid to look your partner directly in the eyes. Your eyes will usually portray how you are feeling, so this is a good way to let your partner know that you are wanting to kiss them. Eye contact can't directly give away what you want, but it can make it more obvious. Lean in closer to your partner and lock eyes with them.\\nIf you wear glasses, you may want to remove them when you make deep eye contact with your partner.\\n3-2. Let your eyes drift to your partner's lips.\\nOnce you've made eye contact, you can let your eyes wander to further hint to your partner that you want to be kissed. Look them in the eyes and then let your eyes drift to your partner's lips. You don't have to keep your eyes on their lips. Look at their lips for a few moments and then return to eye contact.\\n3-3. Smile at your partner.\\nSmile at your partner while you maintain eye contact and at any point throughout your time with them. Being tense will show on your face, which could convey an unwanted message. You don't have to constantly smile, but it will help them feel like you are comfortable with them.\\n3-4. Tell your partner you're okay with being kissed.\\nThe simplest way to be kissed is to let your partner know that you'd be okay with it. You don't have to demand a kiss. Simply let them know that it's something you're open to and would be happy to do.\\nYou can simply say “I would be happy if you kissed me.”\\nYou could also say “I'd really like to kiss you.”\\nTips\\nDress comfortably so that you can be comfortable and confident. This will help you to appear more kissable.[13]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nGo to the dentist for professional cleanings at least once a year or more often if necessary to maintain good dental hygiene.\\nConsider shaving if you have facial hair. Facial hair can be uncomfortable for the person who you are kissing.\\nWarnings\\nConsult your doctor if you have severe bad breath that is not helped by brushing, flossing, and mints.\\nAvoid all tobacco products. Along with being bad for your overall health, products like smoking and chewing tobacco will yellow your teeth and cause bad breath.[14]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nKnow your limits before you begin kissing. Don't be afraid to tell your partner to stop if you begin to feel uncomfortable.[15]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nDo not lick your lips if they are feeling dry. This will only dry them out more.[16]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The most important part of being kissable is being yourself and having the right partner. There are, however, definitely some things you can do to become even more kissable. Problems like bad breath, dry lips, and a lack of confidence can prevent you from kissing the person of your dreams. Luckily, those problems can be easily fixed or avoided. They can be avoided by maintaining good hygiene, taking care of your lips, and have a confident attitude so that you can be not only kissable, but nearly irresistible, to your partner.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Good Hygiene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Brush your teeth twice daily.\", \"描述\": \"Brushing your teeth daily is necessary to maintain good dental hygiene, and it is especially important if you plan to be kissed. Brush your teeth at least twice a day—once in the morning and once at night. You may want to brush your teeth after lunch as well if you plant to kiss someone during the afternoon.\\nUse a whitening toothpaste when you brush to improve the appearance of your teeth.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Floss daily.\", \"描述\": \"Flossing is an important part of good dental hygiene. Flossing dislodges trapped food particles in order to prevent bad breath and tooth decay. You should floss at least once a day, but flossing morning and night is ideal. Floss gently so that you don't cause your gums to bleed.\\nIf your gums do bleed excessively, consult a dentist. Bleeding gums could be a sign of gingivitis.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Gargle with mouthwash.\", \"描述\": \"Use a mouthwash, like Listerine, after you floss. Flossing will dislodge the food, and mouthwash will remove the displaced particles. Gargle with the mouthwash of your choice for 30 to 60 seconds and then spit it out. Repeat this after every flossing.\\nYou can also carry a travel-size mouthwash with you for a quick way to maintain fresh breath on the go.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use a tongue scraper.\", \"描述\": \"A tongue scraper is a plastic or metal tool that you go over your tongue with to remove dead cells and bacteria that cause bad breath. Apply the tongue scraper to your tongue and work it in a back and forth motion for about 10 to 20 seconds. Repeat once a night after brushing your teeth.\\nMany toothbrushes will also come with a tongue scraper on the back of the brush head.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep your breath fresh with products and natural ingredients.\", \"描述\": \"You can carry breath mints, mouthwash, and sprays with you to freshen your breath. These products are available at most supermarkets and drugstores. If you prefer natural alternatives, certain ingredients are thought to help bad breath. Apple cider vinegar, alfalfa tablets, guava, and raw sage leaves can freshen your breath.\\nA few other natural alternatives are tea tree oil, parsley, fennel seeds, and anise.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Shower at least once a day to stay fresh and clean.\", \"描述\": \"Being clean and smelling fresh is another important part of being kissable. Shower at least one a day, morning or night, depending on your preference. Wash and condition your hair and use a fragrant soap or body wash as you shower. Shower more than once a day if you are especially active.\\nYou don't have to wash your hair once a day if it is not beneficial for your hair type, but you should keep it clean.\\nLook for a soap that contains natural ingredients if chemical fragrances irritate your skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Moisturize after your shower to keep your skin soft.\", \"描述\": \"Rub lotion all over your body and face after you take a shower. You may want to use a different type of moisturizer for your face and body. Regularly moisturizing will keep your skin soft and touchable.\\nSome lotions may be too harsh for facial use, so it is usually better to use a moisturizer specifically made for the face.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting Kissable Lips\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Exfoliate your lips to keep them soft.\", \"描述\": \"Exfoliate once a week to remove dead skin cells and keep your lips soft. You can buy a lip exfoliator at a beauty supply store, or you can make your own. Simply sprinkle some sugar on the fruit of your choice—like a mango or strawberry. Gently rub your lips with the fruit for about 30 seconds.\\nDon't continue to exfoliate if your lips begin to feel sore or bleed.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Carry a lip balm with you to prevent chapping.\", \"描述\": \"Lip balm keeps your lips moisturized and prevents chapping. Put on lip balm in the morning and apply it as needed throughout the day. Any type of lip balm will work. Use whatever lip balm feels and smells the best to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use a light shade of lipstick that contains Vitamin E to keep your lips hydrated.\", \"描述\": \"If you use makeup, a light shade of lipstick can make your lips appear even more welcoming. Unfortunately, cheaper lipsticks can dry your lips out. Invest in a higher quality brand and look for a lipstick that contains Vitamin E. Apply it as needed so that your lips will look lovely and soft.\\nDark-colored lipsticks aren't ideal for kissing because they will likely spread and quickly fade.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Massage your lips to make your lips appear fuller.\", \"描述\": \"Rub your fingertips over your lips in a circular motion for about 30 seconds once a day. Massaging your lips will make them appear fuller and redder. This is because a massage will stimulate the blood flow to your mouth. You can repeat this up to three times a day if you'd like.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay hydrated to make your lips appear hydrated and healthy.\", \"描述\": \"Your lips will be one of the first parts of your body visibly affected by dehydration. Drink at least 8 cups of water per day. Avoid drinking excessive amounts of alcohol as well to prevent dehydration.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Having a Welcoming Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact to let your partner know you're interested.\", \"描述\": \"Don't be afraid to look your partner directly in the eyes. Your eyes will usually portray how you are feeling, so this is a good way to let your partner know that you are wanting to kiss them. Eye contact can't directly give away what you want, but it can make it more obvious. Lean in closer to your partner and lock eyes with them.\\nIf you wear glasses, you may want to remove them when you make deep eye contact with your partner.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let your eyes drift to your partner's lips.\", \"描述\": \"Once you've made eye contact, you can let your eyes wander to further hint to your partner that you want to be kissed. Look them in the eyes and then let your eyes drift to your partner's lips. You don't have to keep your eyes on their lips. Look at their lips for a few moments and then return to eye contact.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Smile at your partner.\", \"描述\": \"Smile at your partner while you maintain eye contact and at any point throughout your time with them. Being tense will show on your face, which could convey an unwanted message. You don't have to constantly smile, but it will help them feel like you are comfortable with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Tell your partner you're okay with being kissed.\", \"描述\": \"The simplest way to be kissed is to let your partner know that you'd be okay with it. You don't have to demand a kiss. Simply let them know that it's something you're open to and would be happy to do.\\nYou can simply say “I would be happy if you kissed me.”\\nYou could also say “I'd really like to kiss you.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Dress comfortably so that you can be comfortable and confident. This will help you to appear more kissable.[13]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Go to the dentist for professional cleanings at least once a year or more often if necessary to maintain good dental hygiene.\\n\", \"Consider shaving if you have facial hair. Facial hair can be uncomfortable for the person who you are kissing.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Consult your doctor if you have severe bad breath that is not helped by brushing, flossing, and mints.\\n\", \"Avoid all tobacco products. Along with being bad for your overall health, products like smoking and chewing tobacco will yellow your teeth and cause bad breath.[14]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Know your limits before you begin kissing. Don't be afraid to tell your partner to stop if you begin to feel uncomfortable.[15]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Do not lick your lips if they are feeling dry. This will only dry them out more.[16]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,873 | How to Be Knowledgeable | 1. Gaining Book Knowledge
1-1. Read widely.
Books, newspapers, magazines, websites. You will get a variety of information and viewpoints, which can help you broaden your mind and learn more about different topics.
Make sure to read viewpoints other than yours. This will take you outside your comfort zone, and may even challenge assumptions you have about the world, or your chosen topic.
Reading helps your brain with memory, and with fighting dementia. Keep your brain active and reading and searching for knowledge.
Even reading fiction, it turns out, is a great way of acquiring knowledge. Scientists have found that reading certain evocative passages in books, stimulates a neurological response similar to experience that passage, highlighting smells, sight, sound, etc. It is a good way to experience other forms of living. Again, be certain to read outside your comfort zone. Accessing books about lives foreign to you is a good way to build your empathy and knowledge of how other people live.
Quite a few of the classics are available for free download online. Inlibris is a good place to locate free books to continue your education.
Reading and getting new information can create outgoing new ideas.
1-2. Take college or university courses.
Although this can be expensive, engaging with learning through classes can help you think outside the box and outside your own experience. It will introduce you to resources and people who challenge you and help you engage with learning. There are ways do this sort of learning without spending a fortune.
Quite a few prestigious universities, such as Oxford and Harvard, offer free online courses for students and non-students alike, with pre-recorded lectures and access to the syllabi.
Many university courses post their syllabi online. By buying or checking out the books used in a class of interest even non-students can keep up with current intellectual trends and continue their education.
Museum and universities often bring in speakers from around the world to lecture on a variety of topics. Many of these are free and open to the public. Check on your local museum and university websites. The lecture series are usual easy to find, because they want people to attend them.
1-3. Visit the library.
It may seem like an outdated notion, but libraries are a tremendous source of knowledge. They are also a free resource, allowing you to access books, magazines, and newspapers that you otherwise might not be able to afford.
Librarians can provide research help in terms of pointing you towards the right books to help in your learning. If you need help understanding how to research certain subjects librarians, especially college librarians, can help with that. Often, librarians can also point you to other resources that might interest you. Likewise, check for your item on WorldCat. If your library doesn't have it, often they can get it on loan from another library.
The public library costs no money (except for late fines!) and has access to a wide variety of materials. If they don't have a particular resource that you need, request it! Libraries will often get patron's requests.
College libraries are useful for both college students and the general public. College librarians are trained to help with research, providing access to skills and to knowledge. If you're a student, ask them for help researching your topic and have them point you towards other resources. For the general public, most college libraries only check the i.d. cards of people coming into the library at night. Even if you can't check a book out, you can make use of the specified material. College libraries will tend to have more books on esoteric materials, or in-depth on their subjects.
1-4. Memorize your new information.
Keeping the information you have learned in your brain is important after doing all the work to access it. Memorization helps learning languages, remembering lists, and important quotations and dates.
Repetition is key. Memorizing and remembering anything means repeating multiple times until you can recall it in your sleep (forgive the slight hyperbole, but people often find when they repeat something enough they start to dream about it).
Focus on keywords. This is sometimes known as the "Journey Method." It means using certain words (or numbers) as landmarks on your journey through the quotation, list, or speech. In your mind, place these keywords along a well known physical path, such as your route to work from your house. Writing it down can help. Now, when you follow the mental route you choose, you should assign words to it. Example: Front door--I came; Car--I saw; Work parking lot--I conquered.
Another good way to memorize something, especially with a language is to write it down over and over and over again until you can recite it with your eyes closed.
2. Beginning to Collect Knowledge
2-1. Keep an open mind.
Learning often challenges our assumptions and our pre-wired reaction is to ignore the ideas that conflict with ours. Don't automatically dismiss something because it does not fit neatly into your current vision of the world.
Understand your own bias. Bias, or leaning toward a certain way of thinking, arises from your upbringing - both at home and within society - and forms your core belief set. Recognize that everyone has a viewpoint that is a function of upbringing and past experience and that each viewpoint has validity within the context of a person's life. Realize, too, that each person's perception of reality is colored by bias and does not actually correspond to reality. One way to mitigate the effects of bias is to consciously practice adopting different viewpoints and internalizing those alter-biases.
As you expand your knowledge, even in the most basic forms, you will have to revise your opinions and the way you do things.
Learn how to be wrong. As you learn, you will encounter people and situations where you will be in the wrong. Treat these as a learning experience.
2-2. Decide what kind of knowledge you are looking for.
Are you seeking to have extremely specialized understanding of writing codes? Are you looking to be a historian focused on the Medieval Middle-East? Or are you trying to have a broad knowledge base covering abilities from home appliance repair to ancient Greek? Any and all of these are valid. Knowledge is not simply college learning.
For generalized knowledge you will want to focus on breadth rather than depth. Read and experiment widely. Talk to as many different people about as many different subjects as you can.
For specific knowledge you will need to focus on the depth of the information or skills you are looking to acquire. This means reading on the subject, talking to experts in that field and practicing.
2-3. Get out of your own comfort zone.
Learn about things that might not be your keenest interest. You may find new hobbies and interests you never dreamed of.
This means getting out in your community. Check local announcement boards (often at the library or grocery store) or your community's website. This will give you access to a variety of learning opportunities: dance classes, economic aid, community theater. All are good ways to start learning.
Look at the people you look up to and see what they do as far as the day-to-day aspects of their life. Try to get some ideas from there.
2-4. Don't be afraid to fail.
Above all, this is the most important advice in learning to be knowledgeable. You don't know everything and you will get things and information wrong. Owning up to your mistakes and learning from them will help you gain knowledge and help you remember better the correct information.
Examine what you did wrong and come up with solutions for what you might do differently in the future. This way you'll be prepared and will show that you are taking your knowledge accumulation seriously.
You will be wrong at times, especially in the beginning. This step ties back to keeping an open mind. Accept your failing, learn from it, and continue working hard.
3. Gaining Practical Knowledge
3-1. Acquire the skills to fix things.
This includes fixing things like home appliances, understanding how your car operates, or how to put in a windowpane. They also cover making objects like quilts, carved wood, and blown-glass. Skills like these will help you navigate life and sometimes even find a job.
Fixing things is important for anyone to know. Check your community website, or community boards at the library or grocery stores. Often there are free, or cheap, classes put on by someone in your community on wide-ranging things: fixing a flat tire on your bike your car, or your television.
If you're only interested in learning the basic skills, check your library for self-help books, or find a YouTube tutorial. If you know someone who has the skill you want to learn, ask them for help.
If fixing certain things is important and interesting to you, find a trade school in your area and learn your craft well.
See if someone who practices the skill you're trying to learn will take you on as an apprentice. Apprenticing can be a great way to get in-depth with your chosen interest and possibly lead to a job. Be warned: it may take a few tries before you find someone willing to take you on, but even if your chosen person doesn't, they might be able to point you in the direction of someone who will.
3-2. Learn to make something tangible.
This can mean any number of things: carving wood, blowing glass, quilting, knitting. Being able to present something at the end of your learning is extremely rewarding and you can see how far you've come. Handmade objects also make great gifts.
If you're in school, some cities have after-school programs for learning how to make tangible objects. See what your district might offer, or might be willing to offer.
Colleges often have at least some sort of art department. They occasionally offer free classes, both to students and, sometimes, to the community. Be certain to check by calling your local college.
Find people who sell the object you're looking to make. Go to a yarn store, or quilting shop. Find a place that sells hand-blown glass. Ask if they ever offer classes, or know of anyone who does. Often the people who sell these objects, or the things to make the objects, are crafters themselves!
3-3. Gain technological skills.
Technology surrounds us these days. It is important to know how to navigate and use it. Using technology can also help in your quest for other knowledge, so it is an important skill to learn. A website like TechWeb can help link those trying to learn technology with information and others who share that interest.
Learn how to use computers. There are different types of computers, which all operate differently. The best thing to do is discuss with the seller how your computer works when you first buy it. Often companies will have help numbers to call, or websites that can give you tips on how to operate your system.
A few tips for the Mac user: the desktop is where you put files, the finder helps you find your files, the dock shows icons of certain applications that are on your desktop. These are basic information you will need to operate your computer. Mac has tutorials that take you further than the basics.
A few tips for the Windows user: Windows has the "Ease of Access" button in the control panel. By clicking "Get recommendations to make your computer easier to use" the computer will help you find recommendations of how to make your time on the computer easier.
Most computer websites have forums where you can post questions and look for answers. The people who run these forums tend to be knowledgeable about their product and don't mind answering questions.
If you are using computers at the library, you can also ask for help from a librarian.
3-4. Learn to navigate and understand the internet.
While similar to understanding technology, learning about the internet is a huge task in and of itself. However, being able to search for relevant information, understand and write your own basic code, allows you to better utilize your own learning.
Navigating search engines can be difficult. This means both searching for things yourself and having your internet stuff be searchable. By making your own website searchable, you need to understand how to use HTML (or other code) to optimize it, how to make the navigation of your site accessible to search engines, and making sure to hit the right keywords.
Knowing the best way for search for something using a search engine like Google can be difficult. A few tips for Google: use site:websitename.com to search the pages of a website, quotation marks " " around a phrase searches for that exact phrase. Using ~example word, will search for related terms. Google Scholar can help find academic articles, GoPubMed is a search engine for science and medical results.
Learn code. There is a huge variety of code, so the easiest way is to focus on one specific type and learn it well: HTML, JavaScript, PHP, Python, Ruby, Perl, etc. There are lots of online tutorials for all the different codes. Experiment with different ones and practice your code writing. A few places to start would be Code Academy or w3schools.
3-5. Learn things that will help with being an adult.
This knowledge will serve you well in the long run and allow you to navigate the challenges of being an adult. This is something that is good to learn early.
Learning the terms to manage your money. Find out what a budget is and how to set one. Learn what an asset is (something you own) and how liabilities (money you owe) impact them. Figure out the difference between net worth and net income (what you earn after taxes). Learning these terms and how to use them will help enable you to make smart financial decisions in the future.
Discover the wonderful world of paying taxes. The less you understand about this world, the easier it will be to mess it up, which can lead to some major problems. The varieties of taxes are wide and varied: income tax, property tax, sales tax, tariffs. They all have a different place in the system.
Make sure you understand what taxes you are responsible in your given country. Even better, discover why they are in place and what they are responsible in your system of government (in the U.S. taxes pay for things like the public school system, roads, bridges, welfare programs; England has the National Health Service; it varies country to country. Talk to a tax consultant (although this costs money).
For the United States the IRS has several tools for understanding the basics of taxation.
3-6. Garner home remedies and knowledge gleaned from folklore.
Those old wives often knew their stuff and it can help to grow your knowledge to encompass ideas outside the norm, like how to tell the weather forecast without using an instrument or how to treat your cold without medication! Of course these don't work 100% of the time (but then, the weatherman doesn't seem to get it right every time, either).
Learn how to determine the weather without instruments. Pay attention to the clouds: wispy and white tends to mean good weather, if they are dense and dark a bad change in weather is usually coming. Red skies usually mean humidity in the air, check which direction the red sky is in at dawn, east or west to determine the weather. A halo around the moon can indicate rain.
Learn to treat your awful cold with home remedies. Make a saltwater gargle (1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon salt in an 8-ounce glass of warm water). Do things like inhale steam, drink water, stay and warm.
4. Continuing your Study
4-1. Talk to experts.
This step is important, because it allows you to interact with someone in your chosen field or fields. You can ask questions and get a dialogue going.
Talk to the mechanics at the garage you take your car to, get the person who is fixing your computer to give you an overview of what they are doing to fix it.
Prepare questions in advance and during a lecture or class at a college, community center, or museum. If they haven't been answered, afterwards approach the speaker and ask them. Speakers almost always are happy to engage further in their chosen material. Be polite and respectful.
Museums often have a contact number or email. Approach them with your questions. It might take them some time to reply and they might not know the answers, but they can often put you in contact with someone who does.
Professors usually have a university email somewhere on their university's website. You could try sending them an email outlining your interest in your subject and asking for their help. Remember that professors are busy people, so don't contact them around midterms or finals.
There are certain internet resources where it is possible to talk with an expert and ask them questions covering a wide variety of topics.
4-2. Constantly pursue knowledge.
Gathering knowledge, learning, is a lifelong endeavor. Pay attention to the world around you to look for new opportunities to learn. Keep an open mind and learn from your mistakes and you will be quite knowledgeable.
Information changes constantly, be it science, literature, or even wood working. Keep learning on your chosen topics.
Tips
Practice applying your knowledge. If you don't keep it in your brain you won't be able to recall it at the appropriate time.
Warnings
Take in information with a healthy skepticism. Not everything you read on the internet, in a book, or learn from someone is going to be correct or useful.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Gaining Book Knowledge\\n1-1. Read widely.\\nBooks, newspapers, magazines, websites. You will get a variety of information and viewpoints, which can help you broaden your mind and learn more about different topics.\\nMake sure to read viewpoints other than yours. This will take you outside your comfort zone, and may even challenge assumptions you have about the world, or your chosen topic.\\nReading helps your brain with memory, and with fighting dementia. Keep your brain active and reading and searching for knowledge. \\nEven reading fiction, it turns out, is a great way of acquiring knowledge. Scientists have found that reading certain evocative passages in books, stimulates a neurological response similar to experience that passage, highlighting smells, sight, sound, etc. It is a good way to experience other forms of living. Again, be certain to read outside your comfort zone. Accessing books about lives foreign to you is a good way to build your empathy and knowledge of how other people live.\\nQuite a few of the classics are available for free download online. Inlibris is a good place to locate free books to continue your education.\\nReading and getting new information can create outgoing new ideas.\\n1-2. Take college or university courses.\\nAlthough this can be expensive, engaging with learning through classes can help you think outside the box and outside your own experience. It will introduce you to resources and people who challenge you and help you engage with learning. There are ways do this sort of learning without spending a fortune.\\nQuite a few prestigious universities, such as Oxford and Harvard, offer free online courses for students and non-students alike, with pre-recorded lectures and access to the syllabi.\\nMany university courses post their syllabi online. By buying or checking out the books used in a class of interest even non-students can keep up with current intellectual trends and continue their education.\\nMuseum and universities often bring in speakers from around the world to lecture on a variety of topics. Many of these are free and open to the public. Check on your local museum and university websites. The lecture series are usual easy to find, because they want people to attend them.\\n1-3. Visit the library.\\nIt may seem like an outdated notion, but libraries are a tremendous source of knowledge. They are also a free resource, allowing you to access books, magazines, and newspapers that you otherwise might not be able to afford.\\nLibrarians can provide research help in terms of pointing you towards the right books to help in your learning. If you need help understanding how to research certain subjects librarians, especially college librarians, can help with that. Often, librarians can also point you to other resources that might interest you. Likewise, check for your item on WorldCat. If your library doesn't have it, often they can get it on loan from another library.\\nThe public library costs no money (except for late fines!) and has access to a wide variety of materials. If they don't have a particular resource that you need, request it! Libraries will often get patron's requests.\\nCollege libraries are useful for both college students and the general public. College librarians are trained to help with research, providing access to skills and to knowledge. If you're a student, ask them for help researching your topic and have them point you towards other resources. For the general public, most college libraries only check the i.d. cards of people coming into the library at night. Even if you can't check a book out, you can make use of the specified material. College libraries will tend to have more books on esoteric materials, or in-depth on their subjects.\\n1-4. Memorize your new information.\\nKeeping the information you have learned in your brain is important after doing all the work to access it. Memorization helps learning languages, remembering lists, and important quotations and dates. \\nRepetition is key. Memorizing and remembering anything means repeating multiple times until you can recall it in your sleep (forgive the slight hyperbole, but people often find when they repeat something enough they start to dream about it).\\nFocus on keywords. This is sometimes known as the \\\"Journey Method.\\\" It means using certain words (or numbers) as landmarks on your journey through the quotation, list, or speech. In your mind, place these keywords along a well known physical path, such as your route to work from your house. Writing it down can help. Now, when you follow the mental route you choose, you should assign words to it. Example: Front door--I came; Car--I saw; Work parking lot--I conquered.\\nAnother good way to memorize something, especially with a language is to write it down over and over and over again until you can recite it with your eyes closed.\\n2. Beginning to Collect Knowledge\\n2-1. Keep an open mind.\\nLearning often challenges our assumptions and our pre-wired reaction is to ignore the ideas that conflict with ours. Don't automatically dismiss something because it does not fit neatly into your current vision of the world.\\nUnderstand your own bias. Bias, or leaning toward a certain way of thinking, arises from your upbringing - both at home and within society - and forms your core belief set. Recognize that everyone has a viewpoint that is a function of upbringing and past experience and that each viewpoint has validity within the context of a person's life. Realize, too, that each person's perception of reality is colored by bias and does not actually correspond to reality. One way to mitigate the effects of bias is to consciously practice adopting different viewpoints and internalizing those alter-biases.\\nAs you expand your knowledge, even in the most basic forms, you will have to revise your opinions and the way you do things.\\nLearn how to be wrong. As you learn, you will encounter people and situations where you will be in the wrong. Treat these as a learning experience.\\n2-2. Decide what kind of knowledge you are looking for.\\nAre you seeking to have extremely specialized understanding of writing codes? Are you looking to be a historian focused on the Medieval Middle-East? Or are you trying to have a broad knowledge base covering abilities from home appliance repair to ancient Greek? Any and all of these are valid. Knowledge is not simply college learning.\\nFor generalized knowledge you will want to focus on breadth rather than depth. Read and experiment widely. Talk to as many different people about as many different subjects as you can.\\nFor specific knowledge you will need to focus on the depth of the information or skills you are looking to acquire. This means reading on the subject, talking to experts in that field and practicing.\\n2-3. Get out of your own comfort zone.\\nLearn about things that might not be your keenest interest. You may find new hobbies and interests you never dreamed of.\\nThis means getting out in your community. Check local announcement boards (often at the library or grocery store) or your community's website. This will give you access to a variety of learning opportunities: dance classes, economic aid, community theater. All are good ways to start learning.\\nLook at the people you look up to and see what they do as far as the day-to-day aspects of their life. Try to get some ideas from there.\\n2-4. Don't be afraid to fail.\\nAbove all, this is the most important advice in learning to be knowledgeable. You don't know everything and you will get things and information wrong. Owning up to your mistakes and learning from them will help you gain knowledge and help you remember better the correct information.\\nExamine what you did wrong and come up with solutions for what you might do differently in the future. This way you'll be prepared and will show that you are taking your knowledge accumulation seriously.\\nYou will be wrong at times, especially in the beginning. This step ties back to keeping an open mind. Accept your failing, learn from it, and continue working hard.\\n3. Gaining Practical Knowledge\\n3-1. Acquire the skills to fix things.\\nThis includes fixing things like home appliances, understanding how your car operates, or how to put in a windowpane. They also cover making objects like quilts, carved wood, and blown-glass. Skills like these will help you navigate life and sometimes even find a job.\\nFixing things is important for anyone to know. Check your community website, or community boards at the library or grocery stores. Often there are free, or cheap, classes put on by someone in your community on wide-ranging things: fixing a flat tire on your bike your car, or your television.\\nIf you're only interested in learning the basic skills, check your library for self-help books, or find a YouTube tutorial. If you know someone who has the skill you want to learn, ask them for help.\\nIf fixing certain things is important and interesting to you, find a trade school in your area and learn your craft well.\\nSee if someone who practices the skill you're trying to learn will take you on as an apprentice. Apprenticing can be a great way to get in-depth with your chosen interest and possibly lead to a job. Be warned: it may take a few tries before you find someone willing to take you on, but even if your chosen person doesn't, they might be able to point you in the direction of someone who will.\\n3-2. Learn to make something tangible.\\nThis can mean any number of things: carving wood, blowing glass, quilting, knitting. Being able to present something at the end of your learning is extremely rewarding and you can see how far you've come. Handmade objects also make great gifts.\\nIf you're in school, some cities have after-school programs for learning how to make tangible objects. See what your district might offer, or might be willing to offer.\\nColleges often have at least some sort of art department. They occasionally offer free classes, both to students and, sometimes, to the community. Be certain to check by calling your local college.\\nFind people who sell the object you're looking to make. Go to a yarn store, or quilting shop. Find a place that sells hand-blown glass. Ask if they ever offer classes, or know of anyone who does. Often the people who sell these objects, or the things to make the objects, are crafters themselves!\\n3-3. Gain technological skills.\\nTechnology surrounds us these days. It is important to know how to navigate and use it. Using technology can also help in your quest for other knowledge, so it is an important skill to learn. A website like TechWeb can help link those trying to learn technology with information and others who share that interest.\\n\\nLearn how to use computers. There are different types of computers, which all operate differently. The best thing to do is discuss with the seller how your computer works when you first buy it. Often companies will have help numbers to call, or websites that can give you tips on how to operate your system.\\nA few tips for the Mac user: the desktop is where you put files, the finder helps you find your files, the dock shows icons of certain applications that are on your desktop. These are basic information you will need to operate your computer. Mac has tutorials that take you further than the basics.\\nA few tips for the Windows user: Windows has the \\\"Ease of Access\\\" button in the control panel. By clicking \\\"Get recommendations to make your computer easier to use\\\" the computer will help you find recommendations of how to make your time on the computer easier.\\n\\nMost computer websites have forums where you can post questions and look for answers. The people who run these forums tend to be knowledgeable about their product and don't mind answering questions.\\nIf you are using computers at the library, you can also ask for help from a librarian.\\n3-4. Learn to navigate and understand the internet.\\nWhile similar to understanding technology, learning about the internet is a huge task in and of itself. However, being able to search for relevant information, understand and write your own basic code, allows you to better utilize your own learning.\\nNavigating search engines can be difficult. This means both searching for things yourself and having your internet stuff be searchable. By making your own website searchable, you need to understand how to use HTML (or other code) to optimize it, how to make the navigation of your site accessible to search engines, and making sure to hit the right keywords.\\nKnowing the best way for search for something using a search engine like Google can be difficult. A few tips for Google: use site:websitename.com to search the pages of a website, quotation marks \\\" \\\" around a phrase searches for that exact phrase. Using ~example word, will search for related terms. Google Scholar can help find academic articles, GoPubMed is a search engine for science and medical results.\\nLearn code. There is a huge variety of code, so the easiest way is to focus on one specific type and learn it well: HTML, JavaScript, PHP, Python, Ruby, Perl, etc. There are lots of online tutorials for all the different codes. Experiment with different ones and practice your code writing. A few places to start would be Code Academy or w3schools.\\n3-5. Learn things that will help with being an adult.\\nThis knowledge will serve you well in the long run and allow you to navigate the challenges of being an adult. This is something that is good to learn early.\\nLearning the terms to manage your money. Find out what a budget is and how to set one. Learn what an asset is (something you own) and how liabilities (money you owe) impact them. Figure out the difference between net worth and net income (what you earn after taxes). Learning these terms and how to use them will help enable you to make smart financial decisions in the future.\\nDiscover the wonderful world of paying taxes. The less you understand about this world, the easier it will be to mess it up, which can lead to some major problems. The varieties of taxes are wide and varied: income tax, property tax, sales tax, tariffs. They all have a different place in the system.\\nMake sure you understand what taxes you are responsible in your given country. Even better, discover why they are in place and what they are responsible in your system of government (in the U.S. taxes pay for things like the public school system, roads, bridges, welfare programs; England has the National Health Service; it varies country to country. Talk to a tax consultant (although this costs money).\\nFor the United States the IRS has several tools for understanding the basics of taxation.\\n3-6. Garner home remedies and knowledge gleaned from folklore.\\nThose old wives often knew their stuff and it can help to grow your knowledge to encompass ideas outside the norm, like how to tell the weather forecast without using an instrument or how to treat your cold without medication! Of course these don't work 100% of the time (but then, the weatherman doesn't seem to get it right every time, either).\\nLearn how to determine the weather without instruments. Pay attention to the clouds: wispy and white tends to mean good weather, if they are dense and dark a bad change in weather is usually coming. Red skies usually mean humidity in the air, check which direction the red sky is in at dawn, east or west to determine the weather. A halo around the moon can indicate rain.\\nLearn to treat your awful cold with home remedies. Make a saltwater gargle (1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon salt in an 8-ounce glass of warm water). Do things like inhale steam, drink water, stay and warm.\\n4. Continuing your Study\\n4-1. Talk to experts.\\nThis step is important, because it allows you to interact with someone in your chosen field or fields. You can ask questions and get a dialogue going.\\nTalk to the mechanics at the garage you take your car to, get the person who is fixing your computer to give you an overview of what they are doing to fix it.\\nPrepare questions in advance and during a lecture or class at a college, community center, or museum. If they haven't been answered, afterwards approach the speaker and ask them. Speakers almost always are happy to engage further in their chosen material. Be polite and respectful.\\nMuseums often have a contact number or email. Approach them with your questions. It might take them some time to reply and they might not know the answers, but they can often put you in contact with someone who does.\\nProfessors usually have a university email somewhere on their university's website. You could try sending them an email outlining your interest in your subject and asking for their help. Remember that professors are busy people, so don't contact them around midterms or finals.\\nThere are certain internet resources where it is possible to talk with an expert and ask them questions covering a wide variety of topics.\\n4-2. Constantly pursue knowledge.\\nGathering knowledge, learning, is a lifelong endeavor. Pay attention to the world around you to look for new opportunities to learn. Keep an open mind and learn from your mistakes and you will be quite knowledgeable.\\nInformation changes constantly, be it science, literature, or even wood working. Keep learning on your chosen topics.\\nTips\\nPractice applying your knowledge. If you don't keep it in your brain you won't be able to recall it at the appropriate time.\\nWarnings\\nTake in information with a healthy skepticism. Not everything you read on the internet, in a book, or learn from someone is going to be correct or useful.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Knowledge is power, but how do you go about acquiring it? Actually, there are all kinds of simple things you can do every day to become more knowledgeable, whether you want to know more about world affairs, art history, your field of work, or any other subject that interests you. To help you get started, we've rounded up the best tips for pursuing knowledge. Try out some of the strategies below to start exploring and learning about the world around you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Gaining Book Knowledge\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Read widely.\", \"描述\": \"Books, newspapers, magazines, websites. You will get a variety of information and viewpoints, which can help you broaden your mind and learn more about different topics.\\nMake sure to read viewpoints other than yours. This will take you outside your comfort zone, and may even challenge assumptions you have about the world, or your chosen topic.\\nReading helps your brain with memory, and with fighting dementia. Keep your brain active and reading and searching for knowledge. \\nEven reading fiction, it turns out, is a great way of acquiring knowledge. Scientists have found that reading certain evocative passages in books, stimulates a neurological response similar to experience that passage, highlighting smells, sight, sound, etc. It is a good way to experience other forms of living. Again, be certain to read outside your comfort zone. Accessing books about lives foreign to you is a good way to build your empathy and knowledge of how other people live.\\nQuite a few of the classics are available for free download online. Inlibris is a good place to locate free books to continue your education.\\nReading and getting new information can create outgoing new ideas.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take college or university courses.\", \"描述\": \"Although this can be expensive, engaging with learning through classes can help you think outside the box and outside your own experience. It will introduce you to resources and people who challenge you and help you engage with learning. There are ways do this sort of learning without spending a fortune.\\nQuite a few prestigious universities, such as Oxford and Harvard, offer free online courses for students and non-students alike, with pre-recorded lectures and access to the syllabi.\\nMany university courses post their syllabi online. By buying or checking out the books used in a class of interest even non-students can keep up with current intellectual trends and continue their education.\\nMuseum and universities often bring in speakers from around the world to lecture on a variety of topics. Many of these are free and open to the public. Check on your local museum and university websites. The lecture series are usual easy to find, because they want people to attend them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Visit the library.\", \"描述\": \"It may seem like an outdated notion, but libraries are a tremendous source of knowledge. They are also a free resource, allowing you to access books, magazines, and newspapers that you otherwise might not be able to afford.\\nLibrarians can provide research help in terms of pointing you towards the right books to help in your learning. If you need help understanding how to research certain subjects librarians, especially college librarians, can help with that. Often, librarians can also point you to other resources that might interest you. Likewise, check for your item on WorldCat. If your library doesn't have it, often they can get it on loan from another library.\\nThe public library costs no money (except for late fines!) and has access to a wide variety of materials. If they don't have a particular resource that you need, request it! Libraries will often get patron's requests.\\nCollege libraries are useful for both college students and the general public. College librarians are trained to help with research, providing access to skills and to knowledge. If you're a student, ask them for help researching your topic and have them point you towards other resources. For the general public, most college libraries only check the i.d. cards of people coming into the library at night. Even if you can't check a book out, you can make use of the specified material. College libraries will tend to have more books on esoteric materials, or in-depth on their subjects.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Memorize your new information.\", \"描述\": \"Keeping the information you have learned in your brain is important after doing all the work to access it. Memorization helps learning languages, remembering lists, and important quotations and dates. \\nRepetition is key. Memorizing and remembering anything means repeating multiple times until you can recall it in your sleep (forgive the slight hyperbole, but people often find when they repeat something enough they start to dream about it).\\nFocus on keywords. This is sometimes known as the \\\"Journey Method.\\\" It means using certain words (or numbers) as landmarks on your journey through the quotation, list, or speech. In your mind, place these keywords along a well known physical path, such as your route to work from your house. Writing it down can help. Now, when you follow the mental route you choose, you should assign words to it. Example: Front door--I came; Car--I saw; Work parking lot--I conquered.\\nAnother good way to memorize something, especially with a language is to write it down over and over and over again until you can recite it with your eyes closed.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Beginning to Collect Knowledge\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep an open mind.\", \"描述\": \"Learning often challenges our assumptions and our pre-wired reaction is to ignore the ideas that conflict with ours. Don't automatically dismiss something because it does not fit neatly into your current vision of the world.\\nUnderstand your own bias. Bias, or leaning toward a certain way of thinking, arises from your upbringing - both at home and within society - and forms your core belief set. Recognize that everyone has a viewpoint that is a function of upbringing and past experience and that each viewpoint has validity within the context of a person's life. Realize, too, that each person's perception of reality is colored by bias and does not actually correspond to reality. One way to mitigate the effects of bias is to consciously practice adopting different viewpoints and internalizing those alter-biases.\\nAs you expand your knowledge, even in the most basic forms, you will have to revise your opinions and the way you do things.\\nLearn how to be wrong. As you learn, you will encounter people and situations where you will be in the wrong. Treat these as a learning experience.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Decide what kind of knowledge you are looking for.\", \"描述\": \"Are you seeking to have extremely specialized understanding of writing codes? Are you looking to be a historian focused on the Medieval Middle-East? Or are you trying to have a broad knowledge base covering abilities from home appliance repair to ancient Greek? Any and all of these are valid. Knowledge is not simply college learning.\\nFor generalized knowledge you will want to focus on breadth rather than depth. Read and experiment widely. Talk to as many different people about as many different subjects as you can.\\nFor specific knowledge you will need to focus on the depth of the information or skills you are looking to acquire. This means reading on the subject, talking to experts in that field and practicing.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get out of your own comfort zone.\", \"描述\": \"Learn about things that might not be your keenest interest. You may find new hobbies and interests you never dreamed of.\\nThis means getting out in your community. Check local announcement boards (often at the library or grocery store) or your community's website. This will give you access to a variety of learning opportunities: dance classes, economic aid, community theater. All are good ways to start learning.\\nLook at the people you look up to and see what they do as far as the day-to-day aspects of their life. Try to get some ideas from there.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't be afraid to fail.\", \"描述\": \"Above all, this is the most important advice in learning to be knowledgeable. You don't know everything and you will get things and information wrong. Owning up to your mistakes and learning from them will help you gain knowledge and help you remember better the correct information.\\nExamine what you did wrong and come up with solutions for what you might do differently in the future. This way you'll be prepared and will show that you are taking your knowledge accumulation seriously.\\nYou will be wrong at times, especially in the beginning. This step ties back to keeping an open mind. Accept your failing, learn from it, and continue working hard.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Gaining Practical Knowledge\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acquire the skills to fix things.\", \"描述\": \"This includes fixing things like home appliances, understanding how your car operates, or how to put in a windowpane. They also cover making objects like quilts, carved wood, and blown-glass. Skills like these will help you navigate life and sometimes even find a job.\\nFixing things is important for anyone to know. Check your community website, or community boards at the library or grocery stores. Often there are free, or cheap, classes put on by someone in your community on wide-ranging things: fixing a flat tire on your bike your car, or your television.\\nIf you're only interested in learning the basic skills, check your library for self-help books, or find a YouTube tutorial. If you know someone who has the skill you want to learn, ask them for help.\\nIf fixing certain things is important and interesting to you, find a trade school in your area and learn your craft well.\\nSee if someone who practices the skill you're trying to learn will take you on as an apprentice. Apprenticing can be a great way to get in-depth with your chosen interest and possibly lead to a job. Be warned: it may take a few tries before you find someone willing to take you on, but even if your chosen person doesn't, they might be able to point you in the direction of someone who will.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learn to make something tangible.\", \"描述\": \"This can mean any number of things: carving wood, blowing glass, quilting, knitting. Being able to present something at the end of your learning is extremely rewarding and you can see how far you've come. Handmade objects also make great gifts.\\nIf you're in school, some cities have after-school programs for learning how to make tangible objects. See what your district might offer, or might be willing to offer.\\nColleges often have at least some sort of art department. They occasionally offer free classes, both to students and, sometimes, to the community. Be certain to check by calling your local college.\\nFind people who sell the object you're looking to make. Go to a yarn store, or quilting shop. Find a place that sells hand-blown glass. Ask if they ever offer classes, or know of anyone who does. Often the people who sell these objects, or the things to make the objects, are crafters themselves!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Gain technological skills.\", \"描述\": \"Technology surrounds us these days. It is important to know how to navigate and use it. Using technology can also help in your quest for other knowledge, so it is an important skill to learn. A website like TechWeb can help link those trying to learn technology with information and others who share that interest.\\n\\nLearn how to use computers. There are different types of computers, which all operate differently. The best thing to do is discuss with the seller how your computer works when you first buy it. Often companies will have help numbers to call, or websites that can give you tips on how to operate your system.\\nA few tips for the Mac user: the desktop is where you put files, the finder helps you find your files, the dock shows icons of certain applications that are on your desktop. These are basic information you will need to operate your computer. Mac has tutorials that take you further than the basics.\\nA few tips for the Windows user: Windows has the \\\"Ease of Access\\\" button in the control panel. By clicking \\\"Get recommendations to make your computer easier to use\\\" the computer will help you find recommendations of how to make your time on the computer easier.\\n\\nMost computer websites have forums where you can post questions and look for answers. The people who run these forums tend to be knowledgeable about their product and don't mind answering questions.\\nIf you are using computers at the library, you can also ask for help from a librarian.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn to navigate and understand the internet.\", \"描述\": \"While similar to understanding technology, learning about the internet is a huge task in and of itself. However, being able to search for relevant information, understand and write your own basic code, allows you to better utilize your own learning.\\nNavigating search engines can be difficult. This means both searching for things yourself and having your internet stuff be searchable. By making your own website searchable, you need to understand how to use HTML (or other code) to optimize it, how to make the navigation of your site accessible to search engines, and making sure to hit the right keywords.\\nKnowing the best way for search for something using a search engine like Google can be difficult. A few tips for Google: use site:websitename.com to search the pages of a website, quotation marks \\\" \\\" around a phrase searches for that exact phrase. Using ~example word, will search for related terms. Google Scholar can help find academic articles, GoPubMed is a search engine for science and medical results.\\nLearn code. There is a huge variety of code, so the easiest way is to focus on one specific type and learn it well: HTML, JavaScript, PHP, Python, Ruby, Perl, etc. There are lots of online tutorials for all the different codes. Experiment with different ones and practice your code writing. A few places to start would be Code Academy or w3schools.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn things that will help with being an adult.\", \"描述\": \"This knowledge will serve you well in the long run and allow you to navigate the challenges of being an adult. This is something that is good to learn early.\\nLearning the terms to manage your money. Find out what a budget is and how to set one. Learn what an asset is (something you own) and how liabilities (money you owe) impact them. Figure out the difference between net worth and net income (what you earn after taxes). Learning these terms and how to use them will help enable you to make smart financial decisions in the future.\\nDiscover the wonderful world of paying taxes. The less you understand about this world, the easier it will be to mess it up, which can lead to some major problems. The varieties of taxes are wide and varied: income tax, property tax, sales tax, tariffs. They all have a different place in the system.\\nMake sure you understand what taxes you are responsible in your given country. Even better, discover why they are in place and what they are responsible in your system of government (in the U.S. taxes pay for things like the public school system, roads, bridges, welfare programs; England has the National Health Service; it varies country to country. Talk to a tax consultant (although this costs money).\\nFor the United States the IRS has several tools for understanding the basics of taxation.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Garner home remedies and knowledge gleaned from folklore.\", \"描述\": \"Those old wives often knew their stuff and it can help to grow your knowledge to encompass ideas outside the norm, like how to tell the weather forecast without using an instrument or how to treat your cold without medication! Of course these don't work 100% of the time (but then, the weatherman doesn't seem to get it right every time, either).\\nLearn how to determine the weather without instruments. Pay attention to the clouds: wispy and white tends to mean good weather, if they are dense and dark a bad change in weather is usually coming. Red skies usually mean humidity in the air, check which direction the red sky is in at dawn, east or west to determine the weather. A halo around the moon can indicate rain.\\nLearn to treat your awful cold with home remedies. Make a saltwater gargle (1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon salt in an 8-ounce glass of warm water). Do things like inhale steam, drink water, stay and warm.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Continuing your Study\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talk to experts.\", \"描述\": \"This step is important, because it allows you to interact with someone in your chosen field or fields. You can ask questions and get a dialogue going.\\nTalk to the mechanics at the garage you take your car to, get the person who is fixing your computer to give you an overview of what they are doing to fix it.\\nPrepare questions in advance and during a lecture or class at a college, community center, or museum. If they haven't been answered, afterwards approach the speaker and ask them. Speakers almost always are happy to engage further in their chosen material. Be polite and respectful.\\nMuseums often have a contact number or email. Approach them with your questions. It might take them some time to reply and they might not know the answers, but they can often put you in contact with someone who does.\\nProfessors usually have a university email somewhere on their university's website. You could try sending them an email outlining your interest in your subject and asking for their help. Remember that professors are busy people, so don't contact them around midterms or finals.\\nThere are certain internet resources where it is possible to talk with an expert and ask them questions covering a wide variety of topics.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Constantly pursue knowledge.\", \"描述\": \"Gathering knowledge, learning, is a lifelong endeavor. Pay attention to the world around you to look for new opportunities to learn. Keep an open mind and learn from your mistakes and you will be quite knowledgeable.\\nInformation changes constantly, be it science, literature, or even wood working. Keep learning on your chosen topics.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Practice applying your knowledge. If you don't keep it in your brain you won't be able to recall it at the appropriate time.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Take in information with a healthy skepticism. Not everything you read on the internet, in a book, or learn from someone is going to be correct or useful.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,874 | How to Be Known As a Rebel in Your School | 1. Thinking Like a Rebel
1-1. Expand your horizons.
Learning new things is the first big step in becoming a rebel. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have new experiences.
Try listening to different styles of music than you usually do. Thrash or Death metal is a great way to go. Or try reading a book by an author that you have never read. Reading is a great way to expose yourself to new ideas.
1-2. Question the rules.
Don't just accept the rules or practices at your school without thinking about them. Contemplate them and decide if they make sense or not before deciding whether you to obey them.
Use the 5 Whys interrogation technique. Ask the question "why?" until you understand the root of cause or problem with a rule. For example, if your teacher asks you not to chew gum in class, ask "why?" Likely, she will respond that is the rule. Ask "why?" Your teacher will then explain the reason if there is one.
1-3. Form your own opinions.
Being rebellious is a sign of normal brain development and helps develop analytical thinking as an adult. Learn not to accept what others think is right, and find out what is right for yourself. Having your own opinions will not only make you more of a rebel, but it will make you more interesting to have a conversation with as well. You might even sway others to begin seeing the world as you do.
Ignore public opinions. Be yourself. Some people may not like your attitude or the image you project, but part of being a rebel is learning that everyone has an opinion.
1-4. Use your freedom of expression.
Say what you think, even if it isn't popular or appropriate. Don't say what others expect you to say just to live up to their expectations.
2. Cultivating a Rebel Style
2-1. Learn from style rebels.
Cultivating a rebellious style today is not the same as it used to be. Style rebels like Johnny Depp, Pharrell Williams, Rebel Wilson, Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Ke$ha, Taylor Momsen, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Andre 3000 have become new icons for rebelling from fashion trends.
You might not think your Batman or Bart Simpson shirt is rebellious, but if you look at fashion styles by designers like Jeremy Scott you can see how easily it can be. He designs styles for celebrities that are style rebels, like Katy Perry, and many of his designs can be easily mimicked without spending too much money.
2-2. Be creative.
Dressing rebelliously is more than just ripping your jeans or getting a piercing. To cultivate a rebellious style notice what everyone else in school wears. Then be brave enough to wear something different. When people can tell you are dressing differently intentionally, it will make you seem more accomplished and improve your perceived status.
Consider getting a permanent or temporary piercing if your school doesn't allow them.
Fake a tattoo.
Wear your hair messy. Instead of ripping your jeans to fit in with the style of a certain group of kids, wear some sneakers with dress slacks. Creativity in your style is the key to being a rebel.
2-3. Be bold.
You don't need to go over the top, but you want a bold element to your style to make your look pop. No matter what crowd you gravitate toward, you can still keep the same social circles while dressing like you want.
For example, Young Thug is a well-known hip-hop artist and fashion rebel. His style of puffy blouses with preppy blazers goes against everything you thought hip-hop style is about.
2-4. Buy some new sneakers, then draw on them.
Take a page out of Pharrell William's style book and use some neon paint to write and draw on your sneakers. Purchase sneakers that are one shade to have your writing stand out. You can even write something that your support of a cause.
2-5. Get a leather jacket.
Leather jackets have always been a staple of a rebellious look. Guys can wear it over a dress shirt or sweater, and girls can drape it over dresses to add a rebellious look without trying to look like James Dean throwback.
2-6. Wear edgy makeup.
It is not permanent like piercings or tattoos, but edgy makeup can help stand out and go against the trends. Try some metallic glitter or black nail polish.
2-7. Accessorize rebelliously.
Having a couple of perfect accessories can help to polish your rebel style without spending too much on entirely new wardrobe.
Wear your sunglasses indoors. No matter what your style, a cool pair of sunglasses worn indoors is the sure sign of a rebel.
Find a unique hat. You can pick a traditional fedora, a top hat, or a baseball cap with studs or gold bling all over it. A really good hat can be like a trademark for your style and can show your individuality.
2-8. Alter your school uniform.
If your school has a uniform, you alter it or add an accessory to declare your individuality without getting in trouble. You can cut off some holes in the elbows of a school jacket and add patches, or add some buttons. Depending on what the school dress code is, you can figure out a way to get around them and express your inner rebel.
3. Behaving Rebelliously
3-1. Do your own thing.
At school, many kids will stick to their different cliques or groups of friends. Skateboarders hang out together, cheerleaders hang out with other cheerleaders, athletes will hang out with their teammates. Don't restrict yourself to one group of friends. Make friends with anyone who you enjoy being around.
3-2. Break the rules.
Chew gum in class. Interrupt the teacher and challenge their lesson if you don't think it makes sense or see the point. You can even prank or joke around, just be aware of the consequences if you get caught pushing your freedoms too far.
3-3. Demand change.
If you don't agree with a rule, argue it at a school meeting or see the principal. You can also start a petition and turn your rebellion into a movement.
3-4. Maintain your personal interests.
Most people think that being a rebel means that you have to misbehave or get into trouble. This can lead to behavior that is harmful to yourself or others. Being a rebel is about challenging the status quo, not fighting against the system. Act in a way that still benefits you and allows you to learn, without accepting whatever they tell you without question.
Don't think you need to quit a team sport to be a rebel. If you like baseball, you can still play and be a rebel, too. Think about Charlie Sheen's character in the movie "Major League." He played baseball with a mohawk and geeky glasses and stood out from everyone else on the team.
3-5. Take a stand.
Stand up and help others that go against expectations. Don't tolerate or support bullying. Do not let any other students push you around. Usually, bullying is just a way that people reject someone for being different from the norm, which is what being a rebel is all about too.
Tips
Be a little wild sometimes. Just let go and be spontaneous.
Speak the truth, don't make statements, just ask polite direct questions to people and let them decide the way they want to look dumb.
Read about rebels and campaigners and find a hero that you like. Find out about Rosa Parks, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Harriet Tubman.
Warnings
Doing something illegal, like assaulting teachers, will land you in serious trouble.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Thinking Like a Rebel\\n1-1. Expand your horizons.\\nLearning new things is the first big step in becoming a rebel. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have new experiences.\\nTry listening to different styles of music than you usually do. Thrash or Death metal is a great way to go. Or try reading a book by an author that you have never read. Reading is a great way to expose yourself to new ideas.\\n1-2. Question the rules.\\nDon't just accept the rules or practices at your school without thinking about them. Contemplate them and decide if they make sense or not before deciding whether you to obey them.\\nUse the 5 Whys interrogation technique. Ask the question \\\"why?\\\" until you understand the root of cause or problem with a rule. For example, if your teacher asks you not to chew gum in class, ask \\\"why?\\\" Likely, she will respond that is the rule. Ask \\\"why?\\\" Your teacher will then explain the reason if there is one.\\n1-3. Form your own opinions.\\nBeing rebellious is a sign of normal brain development and helps develop analytical thinking as an adult. Learn not to accept what others think is right, and find out what is right for yourself. Having your own opinions will not only make you more of a rebel, but it will make you more interesting to have a conversation with as well. You might even sway others to begin seeing the world as you do.\\nIgnore public opinions. Be yourself. Some people may not like your attitude or the image you project, but part of being a rebel is learning that everyone has an opinion.\\n1-4. Use your freedom of expression.\\nSay what you think, even if it isn't popular or appropriate. Don't say what others expect you to say just to live up to their expectations.\\n2. Cultivating a Rebel Style\\n2-1. Learn from style rebels.\\nCultivating a rebellious style today is not the same as it used to be. Style rebels like Johnny Depp, Pharrell Williams, Rebel Wilson, Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Ke$ha, Taylor Momsen, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Andre 3000 have become new icons for rebelling from fashion trends.\\nYou might not think your Batman or Bart Simpson shirt is rebellious, but if you look at fashion styles by designers like Jeremy Scott you can see how easily it can be. He designs styles for celebrities that are style rebels, like Katy Perry, and many of his designs can be easily mimicked without spending too much money.\\n2-2. Be creative.\\nDressing rebelliously is more than just ripping your jeans or getting a piercing. To cultivate a rebellious style notice what everyone else in school wears. Then be brave enough to wear something different. When people can tell you are dressing differently intentionally, it will make you seem more accomplished and improve your perceived status.\\nConsider getting a permanent or temporary piercing if your school doesn't allow them.\\nFake a tattoo.\\nWear your hair messy. Instead of ripping your jeans to fit in with the style of a certain group of kids, wear some sneakers with dress slacks. Creativity in your style is the key to being a rebel.\\n2-3. Be bold.\\nYou don't need to go over the top, but you want a bold element to your style to make your look pop. No matter what crowd you gravitate toward, you can still keep the same social circles while dressing like you want.\\nFor example, Young Thug is a well-known hip-hop artist and fashion rebel. His style of puffy blouses with preppy blazers goes against everything you thought hip-hop style is about.\\n2-4. Buy some new sneakers, then draw on them.\\nTake a page out of Pharrell William's style book and use some neon paint to write and draw on your sneakers. Purchase sneakers that are one shade to have your writing stand out. You can even write something that your support of a cause.\\n2-5. Get a leather jacket.\\nLeather jackets have always been a staple of a rebellious look. Guys can wear it over a dress shirt or sweater, and girls can drape it over dresses to add a rebellious look without trying to look like James Dean throwback.\\n2-6. Wear edgy makeup.\\nIt is not permanent like piercings or tattoos, but edgy makeup can help stand out and go against the trends. Try some metallic glitter or black nail polish.\\n2-7. Accessorize rebelliously.\\nHaving a couple of perfect accessories can help to polish your rebel style without spending too much on entirely new wardrobe.\\nWear your sunglasses indoors. No matter what your style, a cool pair of sunglasses worn indoors is the sure sign of a rebel.\\nFind a unique hat. You can pick a traditional fedora, a top hat, or a baseball cap with studs or gold bling all over it. A really good hat can be like a trademark for your style and can show your individuality.\\n2-8. Alter your school uniform.\\nIf your school has a uniform, you alter it or add an accessory to declare your individuality without getting in trouble. You can cut off some holes in the elbows of a school jacket and add patches, or add some buttons. Depending on what the school dress code is, you can figure out a way to get around them and express your inner rebel.\\n3. Behaving Rebelliously\\n3-1. Do your own thing.\\nAt school, many kids will stick to their different cliques or groups of friends. Skateboarders hang out together, cheerleaders hang out with other cheerleaders, athletes will hang out with their teammates. Don't restrict yourself to one group of friends. Make friends with anyone who you enjoy being around.\\n3-2. Break the rules.\\nChew gum in class. Interrupt the teacher and challenge their lesson if you don't think it makes sense or see the point. You can even prank or joke around, just be aware of the consequences if you get caught pushing your freedoms too far.\\n3-3. Demand change.\\nIf you don't agree with a rule, argue it at a school meeting or see the principal. You can also start a petition and turn your rebellion into a movement.\\n3-4. Maintain your personal interests.\\nMost people think that being a rebel means that you have to misbehave or get into trouble. This can lead to behavior that is harmful to yourself or others. Being a rebel is about challenging the status quo, not fighting against the system. Act in a way that still benefits you and allows you to learn, without accepting whatever they tell you without question.\\nDon't think you need to quit a team sport to be a rebel. If you like baseball, you can still play and be a rebel, too. Think about Charlie Sheen's character in the movie \\\"Major League.\\\" He played baseball with a mohawk and geeky glasses and stood out from everyone else on the team.\\n3-5. Take a stand.\\nStand up and help others that go against expectations. Don't tolerate or support bullying. Do not let any other students push you around. Usually, bullying is just a way that people reject someone for being different from the norm, which is what being a rebel is all about too.\\nTips\\nBe a little wild sometimes. Just let go and be spontaneous.\\nSpeak the truth, don't make statements, just ask polite direct questions to people and let them decide the way they want to look dumb.\\nRead about rebels and campaigners and find a hero that you like. Find out about Rosa Parks, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Harriet Tubman.\\nWarnings\\nDoing something illegal, like assaulting teachers, will land you in serious trouble.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being known as a rebel can be a way to stand out at school. It's about more than looking cool, it's a way of thinking and acting that go against authority and conformity. Being a rebel all about learning who you really are and learning to think for yourself.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Thinking Like a Rebel\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Expand your horizons.\", \"描述\": \"Learning new things is the first big step in becoming a rebel. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have new experiences.\\nTry listening to different styles of music than you usually do. Thrash or Death metal is a great way to go. Or try reading a book by an author that you have never read. Reading is a great way to expose yourself to new ideas.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Question the rules.\", \"描述\": \"Don't just accept the rules or practices at your school without thinking about them. Contemplate them and decide if they make sense or not before deciding whether you to obey them.\\nUse the 5 Whys interrogation technique. Ask the question \\\"why?\\\" until you understand the root of cause or problem with a rule. For example, if your teacher asks you not to chew gum in class, ask \\\"why?\\\" Likely, she will respond that is the rule. Ask \\\"why?\\\" Your teacher will then explain the reason if there is one.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Form your own opinions.\", \"描述\": \"Being rebellious is a sign of normal brain development and helps develop analytical thinking as an adult. Learn not to accept what others think is right, and find out what is right for yourself. Having your own opinions will not only make you more of a rebel, but it will make you more interesting to have a conversation with as well. You might even sway others to begin seeing the world as you do.\\nIgnore public opinions. Be yourself. Some people may not like your attitude or the image you project, but part of being a rebel is learning that everyone has an opinion.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use your freedom of expression.\", \"描述\": \"Say what you think, even if it isn't popular or appropriate. Don't say what others expect you to say just to live up to their expectations.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Cultivating a Rebel Style\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn from style rebels.\", \"描述\": \"Cultivating a rebellious style today is not the same as it used to be. Style rebels like Johnny Depp, Pharrell Williams, Rebel Wilson, Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Ke$ha, Taylor Momsen, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Andre 3000 have become new icons for rebelling from fashion trends.\\nYou might not think your Batman or Bart Simpson shirt is rebellious, but if you look at fashion styles by designers like Jeremy Scott you can see how easily it can be. He designs styles for celebrities that are style rebels, like Katy Perry, and many of his designs can be easily mimicked without spending too much money.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be creative.\", \"描述\": \"Dressing rebelliously is more than just ripping your jeans or getting a piercing. To cultivate a rebellious style notice what everyone else in school wears. Then be brave enough to wear something different. When people can tell you are dressing differently intentionally, it will make you seem more accomplished and improve your perceived status.\\nConsider getting a permanent or temporary piercing if your school doesn't allow them.\\nFake a tattoo.\\nWear your hair messy. Instead of ripping your jeans to fit in with the style of a certain group of kids, wear some sneakers with dress slacks. Creativity in your style is the key to being a rebel.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be bold.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to go over the top, but you want a bold element to your style to make your look pop. No matter what crowd you gravitate toward, you can still keep the same social circles while dressing like you want.\\nFor example, Young Thug is a well-known hip-hop artist and fashion rebel. His style of puffy blouses with preppy blazers goes against everything you thought hip-hop style is about.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Buy some new sneakers, then draw on them.\", \"描述\": \"Take a page out of Pharrell William's style book and use some neon paint to write and draw on your sneakers. Purchase sneakers that are one shade to have your writing stand out. You can even write something that your support of a cause.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get a leather jacket.\", \"描述\": \"Leather jackets have always been a staple of a rebellious look. Guys can wear it over a dress shirt or sweater, and girls can drape it over dresses to add a rebellious look without trying to look like James Dean throwback.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Wear edgy makeup.\", \"描述\": \"It is not permanent like piercings or tattoos, but edgy makeup can help stand out and go against the trends. Try some metallic glitter or black nail polish.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Accessorize rebelliously.\", \"描述\": \"Having a couple of perfect accessories can help to polish your rebel style without spending too much on entirely new wardrobe.\\nWear your sunglasses indoors. No matter what your style, a cool pair of sunglasses worn indoors is the sure sign of a rebel.\\nFind a unique hat. You can pick a traditional fedora, a top hat, or a baseball cap with studs or gold bling all over it. A really good hat can be like a trademark for your style and can show your individuality.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Alter your school uniform.\", \"描述\": \"If your school has a uniform, you alter it or add an accessory to declare your individuality without getting in trouble. You can cut off some holes in the elbows of a school jacket and add patches, or add some buttons. Depending on what the school dress code is, you can figure out a way to get around them and express your inner rebel.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Behaving Rebelliously\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do your own thing.\", \"描述\": \"At school, many kids will stick to their different cliques or groups of friends. Skateboarders hang out together, cheerleaders hang out with other cheerleaders, athletes will hang out with their teammates. Don't restrict yourself to one group of friends. Make friends with anyone who you enjoy being around.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Break the rules.\", \"描述\": \"Chew gum in class. Interrupt the teacher and challenge their lesson if you don't think it makes sense or see the point. You can even prank or joke around, just be aware of the consequences if you get caught pushing your freedoms too far.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Demand change.\", \"描述\": \"If you don't agree with a rule, argue it at a school meeting or see the principal. You can also start a petition and turn your rebellion into a movement.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintain your personal interests.\", \"描述\": \"Most people think that being a rebel means that you have to misbehave or get into trouble. This can lead to behavior that is harmful to yourself or others. Being a rebel is about challenging the status quo, not fighting against the system. Act in a way that still benefits you and allows you to learn, without accepting whatever they tell you without question.\\nDon't think you need to quit a team sport to be a rebel. If you like baseball, you can still play and be a rebel, too. Think about Charlie Sheen's character in the movie \\\"Major League.\\\" He played baseball with a mohawk and geeky glasses and stood out from everyone else on the team.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take a stand.\", \"描述\": \"Stand up and help others that go against expectations. Don't tolerate or support bullying. Do not let any other students push you around. Usually, bullying is just a way that people reject someone for being different from the norm, which is what being a rebel is all about too.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be a little wild sometimes. Just let go and be spontaneous.\\n\", \"Speak the truth, don't make statements, just ask polite direct questions to people and let them decide the way they want to look dumb.\\n\", \"Read about rebels and campaigners and find a hero that you like. Find out about Rosa Parks, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Harriet Tubman.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Doing something illegal, like assaulting teachers, will land you in serious trouble.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,875 | How to Be Laid Back | 1. Relaxing in the Moment
1-1. Take deep breaths.
If you want to be more laid back, you need to learn how to cope with anxiety in the moment. If you struggle to stay calm under pressure, simply taking deep breaths can help you slow down, relax, and regroup.
Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful means to reduce anxiety. Inhale through your nose, channeling your breath into your stomach. It can be helpful to place your hand on your stomach and make sure it rises when you take in air.
Then, hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale through your mouth. While a fairly simple procedure, it's a good start to work towards a more laid back mindset.
1-2. Deconstruct anxious thoughts.
Many times people who want to be more laid back suffer from chronic overthinking. If you're prone to anxious thoughts, take a second to deconstruct any negative thoughts you encounter. Pause when you're feeling anxious and ask yourself a series of questions.
What are you worrying about? Is this a realistic worry? Are the possible outcomes you're imagining likely to actually occur?
Consider what, realistically, the worst possible outcome is. Is that outcome really insurmountable? Are there ways you could deal with this outcome that wouldn't be so bad?
Is there any way you can prepare for what might happen? Is what you're seeing and believing actual truth or just your own perception?
1-3. Focus on the present moment.
Try to keep your thoughts in the present moment. People who are more laid back are able to occupy a single brain space at a time. When you start thinking ahead, and getting nervous or agitated, pause and try to return to the present.
It's perfectly okay to make plans and have to-do lists, but you should try to focus on one thing at a time. You might know you need to do the dishes after work, but try not to linger on the dreaded chore. Simply relax and do your job.
Mindfulness meditation is a form of meditation in which you focus on aspects of the present moment, such as your breath, your body's sensations, and your environment. Regularly practicing mindfulness meditation can help you stay in the present and feel more laid back overall. There are many free guided mindfulness meditation routines you can find online. These can help you get started with regular meditation.
1-4. Use calming visualizations.
Calming visualizations can also help you unwind in the moment. Picture yourself relaxing in a place you enjoy. Maybe you're resting your feet in the sand on the beach. You could be lying in a hammock in the woods. Try to imagine with all your sensations. How does it feel, taste, smell, sound? Going on a mental vacation to a safe, relaxing environment can help you stay calm under stress.
1-5. Accept your thoughts are not reality.
People who are laid back tend to avoid overthinking. Social interactions, plans, events, and other aspect of life are things they can maneuver with ease. If you're prone to overthinking, and convincing yourself something is wrong in any given situation, make an effort to change. Try to periodically remind yourself your thoughts are not necessarily a reflection of reality.
If you perceive something a certain way, you may start imagining your worldview or perspective represents truth. For example, say you made a comment at work you feel have rubbed a coworker the wrong way. You may go from wondering if you bothered your co-worker to imagining her sitting alone, thinking negative thoughts about you. This is not a particularly realistic scenario, but if you're anxiety-prone you may convince yourself your perception represents the reality.
In such a scenario, remind yourself your thoughts are not reality. Your co-worker is probably not thinking poorly of you. Even if she was bothered by the comment, it's doubtful she is even still thinking about it. Your thoughts are, by nature, very centered around yourself and your own actions. Other people likely do not think about you as much as you think about yourself. Try to relax and remember this fact on occasion.
2. Simplifying Your Life
2-1. Prioritize what's important.
You may struggle to feel laid back if you're overcommitted. Prioritizing what truly matters to you can help you simplify your life. This will reduce stress and may result in you having a more relaxed, laid back approach to life.
Consider how you spend most of your time. Try writing a list of everything you do during the course of a day and roughly how much time that all takes up. How much time are you spending doing what you want? Compare that to how much time you spend on errands, events, and other tasks you feel you have to do.
Is there anything you could stand to do less? Are there any events or activities you pack into your life that aren't particularly fulfilling or personally important to you?
It's perfectly okay to work at a pace that seems comfortable and reasonable for you. You may think you have to put in overtime hours each week to make more money, but are you really getting to enjoy that money? Try to spend your time more wisely, giving yourself space to rest and relax.
2-2. Learn to say no.
Many people who consider themselves high-strung or overstressed have trouble saying "No." It's important to remember that just because you can do something does not mean you have to do something. An important step to becoming laid back is accepting that it's okay to tell someone "No."
It's very difficult to be laid back if you have no time for yourself. Many people feel obligated to say yes when a friend asks a favor or when an organization needs volunteers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help out, but before agreeing to something pause and ask yourself if you really have time. If you're already suffer from a lack of downtime, sometimes it's okay to give yourself some needed rest and relaxation.
You'll actually find it's easier to accomplish things if you commit yourself to less. Needlessly packing your schedule means your energy will be spread out across 10 different tasks. Instead, pick one or two tasks to focus on and do a really good job. The pressure to be perceived as successful often translates to feeling a need to be busy. Business does not equate success.
For example, say your friend is going away with her boyfriend for the weekend. She asks you if you could stop in twice a day to feed her cat from Friday to Monday. You could do it, but it would mean sacrificing much of your own weekend as your friend lives across town. You have a fairly stressful job and weekends are important to you as it's a chance to unwind. Do not feel guilty about telling your friend "No." While you technically could look after her cat, you should not feel obligated to do so simply because you can. It's important for you to have time for yourself, to relax, rest, and have downtime. No one can truly be laid back if they're busy all the time.
2-3. Enjoy small pleasures.
People who are laid back tend to be able to relax and unwind easily. However, when caught up in daily obligations and stress people often struggle to find pleasure and levity. If you open yourself up to embracing small pleasures, you'll find yourself feeling more laid back throughout the day.
Try to count the simple pleasures you encounter each day. Begin when you get up in the morning. Even something small can provide great joy. For example, really take a moment to enjoy the taste and smell of your morning coffee. Appreciate the great song that's playing on your iPod on your morning commute.
Take time to indulge in pleasures. You might not have time to treat yourself to a lavish dinner out, but maybe make yourself a cocktail when eating at home. If you want to go on a hike this weekend but have a work commitment, take a half hour stroll around your neighborhood instead. Embracing pleasure throughout the day can help you feel more laid back.
2-4. Let go of your fear of missing out.
Oftentimes, we pay a lot of attention to the lives of those around us on social media. This can lead to a fear of missing out. If you want to be more laid back, try to be content with yourself, your friends, your life, your job, and your own experiences.
Many people are online for the majority of their days. This fuels a lot of anxiety about missing out. If you're on your phone or your computer constantly, it's only natural you'll develop curiosity about what others are doing. Anxiety about missing out and comparing yourself with others is inevitable. This can lead to feeling high strung and feeling pressure to participate in certain social events or rituals.
Make a conscious effort to disengage. This does not necessarily mean deleting your Facebook account and ditching your smart phone. Even short breaks from your phone or computer, about 10 minutes in length every few hours, can help reduce feelings of anxiety over missing out. Get off the computer every few hours and go for a walk with your phone turned off or in your pocket out of sight.
3. Developing Perspective
3-1. Stop being a perfectionist.
Oftentimes, perfectionism is what makes feeling laid back difficult. If you're a perfectionist by nature, try to work against the tendency.
Periodically remind yourself no one expects you to be perfect. People will still like you if you make a mistake. Try to work to be less critical of yourself and avoid thinking of life in terms of either success or failure. Your accomplishments are not a reflection of your worth as a person and many perceives failures are only minor setbacks.
Perfectionists often have a tendency to compare themselves to others, feeling that they're falling behind or that they have more flaws than others. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another person, stop. It may be difficult at first so you might have to do something to distract yourself. Go for a walk, for example, or watch something on TV.
Try to do a little less each day. This might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you'll be taking a tremendous amount of pressure off yourself longterm. Start small. For example, cut 5 minutes off your daily run or take a little longer at lunch during work.
3-2. Process your thoughts before reacting.
When an event occurs, especially an event that's perceives as stressful, your first thought may be to react. This can lead to acting impulsively and saying or doing things that worsen the situation. Instead of reacting immediately to stress, pause to process. The vast majority of situations do not require an immediate responses. When you experience something stressful, give yourself a few hours to process before reacting. Do something relaxing, like reading a book or watching a movie, to take your mind off the stress before trying to deal with the situation.
3-3. Accept what you can and cannot control.
It can be very difficult to let go of what is beyond your own control. However, if you want to be laid back it's important to be able to live with life's frustrations. Try to make a conscious effort to recognize when a situation is beyond your control and accept the fact.
Focus precisely on what you're concerned about in the present moment. For example, say you're stressed because your brother is coming into town. He can sometimes be difficult to get along with and tends to pick fights with other family members.
From there, figure out what you can control in the situation. In regards to your brother's visit, you can choose to disengage if he tries to bait you into an argument. You can try to be polite, even if he's being difficult. You cannot, however, reasonably control or change another person's behavior. Therefore, try to let go of any frustrating comments or behavior your brother makes. As you have very little control over it, it's best not to linger.
3-4. Embrace downtime.
It's important to embrace downtime. Downtimes is a necessity in life, not a luxury. You can't be expected to be a laid back person if you're always on the go. Make time in your schedule to spend an hour each day doing something you find relaxing. You could take a bath before bed each night, read a short story after work, watch a movie you've never seen before, or call a long distance friend. If you work at actively embrace downtime, and accept your need for it, you'll feel more laid back in your day-to-day life.
3-5. Seek therapy, if necessary.
Some people struggle to feel laid back due to an underlying mental health condition. If you have an anxiety disorder or are depressed, it can be hard to cope on your own. If you consistently struggle to enjoy life's pleasures and can't let go of worrisome thoughts, make an appointment with a psychiatrist or counselor.
You can ask your regular doctor for a referral to a therapist. You can also call your insurance company and ask for a list of mental health providers in your area.
If you're a student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your college or university.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:09",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Relaxing in the Moment\\n1-1. Take deep breaths.\\nIf you want to be more laid back, you need to learn how to cope with anxiety in the moment. If you struggle to stay calm under pressure, simply taking deep breaths can help you slow down, relax, and regroup.\\nDeep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful means to reduce anxiety. Inhale through your nose, channeling your breath into your stomach. It can be helpful to place your hand on your stomach and make sure it rises when you take in air.\\nThen, hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale through your mouth. While a fairly simple procedure, it's a good start to work towards a more laid back mindset.\\n1-2. Deconstruct anxious thoughts.\\nMany times people who want to be more laid back suffer from chronic overthinking. If you're prone to anxious thoughts, take a second to deconstruct any negative thoughts you encounter. Pause when you're feeling anxious and ask yourself a series of questions.\\nWhat are you worrying about? Is this a realistic worry? Are the possible outcomes you're imagining likely to actually occur?\\nConsider what, realistically, the worst possible outcome is. Is that outcome really insurmountable? Are there ways you could deal with this outcome that wouldn't be so bad?\\nIs there any way you can prepare for what might happen? Is what you're seeing and believing actual truth or just your own perception?\\n1-3. Focus on the present moment.\\nTry to keep your thoughts in the present moment. People who are more laid back are able to occupy a single brain space at a time. When you start thinking ahead, and getting nervous or agitated, pause and try to return to the present.\\nIt's perfectly okay to make plans and have to-do lists, but you should try to focus on one thing at a time. You might know you need to do the dishes after work, but try not to linger on the dreaded chore. Simply relax and do your job.\\nMindfulness meditation is a form of meditation in which you focus on aspects of the present moment, such as your breath, your body's sensations, and your environment. Regularly practicing mindfulness meditation can help you stay in the present and feel more laid back overall. There are many free guided mindfulness meditation routines you can find online. These can help you get started with regular meditation.\\n1-4. Use calming visualizations.\\nCalming visualizations can also help you unwind in the moment. Picture yourself relaxing in a place you enjoy. Maybe you're resting your feet in the sand on the beach. You could be lying in a hammock in the woods. Try to imagine with all your sensations. How does it feel, taste, smell, sound? Going on a mental vacation to a safe, relaxing environment can help you stay calm under stress.\\n1-5. Accept your thoughts are not reality.\\nPeople who are laid back tend to avoid overthinking. Social interactions, plans, events, and other aspect of life are things they can maneuver with ease. If you're prone to overthinking, and convincing yourself something is wrong in any given situation, make an effort to change. Try to periodically remind yourself your thoughts are not necessarily a reflection of reality.\\nIf you perceive something a certain way, you may start imagining your worldview or perspective represents truth. For example, say you made a comment at work you feel have rubbed a coworker the wrong way. You may go from wondering if you bothered your co-worker to imagining her sitting alone, thinking negative thoughts about you. This is not a particularly realistic scenario, but if you're anxiety-prone you may convince yourself your perception represents the reality.\\nIn such a scenario, remind yourself your thoughts are not reality. Your co-worker is probably not thinking poorly of you. Even if she was bothered by the comment, it's doubtful she is even still thinking about it. Your thoughts are, by nature, very centered around yourself and your own actions. Other people likely do not think about you as much as you think about yourself. Try to relax and remember this fact on occasion.\\n2. Simplifying Your Life\\n2-1. Prioritize what's important.\\nYou may struggle to feel laid back if you're overcommitted. Prioritizing what truly matters to you can help you simplify your life. This will reduce stress and may result in you having a more relaxed, laid back approach to life.\\nConsider how you spend most of your time. Try writing a list of everything you do during the course of a day and roughly how much time that all takes up. How much time are you spending doing what you want? Compare that to how much time you spend on errands, events, and other tasks you feel you have to do.\\nIs there anything you could stand to do less? Are there any events or activities you pack into your life that aren't particularly fulfilling or personally important to you?\\nIt's perfectly okay to work at a pace that seems comfortable and reasonable for you. You may think you have to put in overtime hours each week to make more money, but are you really getting to enjoy that money? Try to spend your time more wisely, giving yourself space to rest and relax.\\n2-2. Learn to say no.\\nMany people who consider themselves high-strung or overstressed have trouble saying \\\"No.\\\" It's important to remember that just because you can do something does not mean you have to do something. An important step to becoming laid back is accepting that it's okay to tell someone \\\"No.\\\"\\nIt's very difficult to be laid back if you have no time for yourself. Many people feel obligated to say yes when a friend asks a favor or when an organization needs volunteers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help out, but before agreeing to something pause and ask yourself if you really have time. If you're already suffer from a lack of downtime, sometimes it's okay to give yourself some needed rest and relaxation.\\nYou'll actually find it's easier to accomplish things if you commit yourself to less. Needlessly packing your schedule means your energy will be spread out across 10 different tasks. Instead, pick one or two tasks to focus on and do a really good job. The pressure to be perceived as successful often translates to feeling a need to be busy. Business does not equate success.\\nFor example, say your friend is going away with her boyfriend for the weekend. She asks you if you could stop in twice a day to feed her cat from Friday to Monday. You could do it, but it would mean sacrificing much of your own weekend as your friend lives across town. You have a fairly stressful job and weekends are important to you as it's a chance to unwind. Do not feel guilty about telling your friend \\\"No.\\\" While you technically could look after her cat, you should not feel obligated to do so simply because you can. It's important for you to have time for yourself, to relax, rest, and have downtime. No one can truly be laid back if they're busy all the time.\\n2-3. Enjoy small pleasures.\\nPeople who are laid back tend to be able to relax and unwind easily. However, when caught up in daily obligations and stress people often struggle to find pleasure and levity. If you open yourself up to embracing small pleasures, you'll find yourself feeling more laid back throughout the day.\\nTry to count the simple pleasures you encounter each day. Begin when you get up in the morning. Even something small can provide great joy. For example, really take a moment to enjoy the taste and smell of your morning coffee. Appreciate the great song that's playing on your iPod on your morning commute.\\nTake time to indulge in pleasures. You might not have time to treat yourself to a lavish dinner out, but maybe make yourself a cocktail when eating at home. If you want to go on a hike this weekend but have a work commitment, take a half hour stroll around your neighborhood instead. Embracing pleasure throughout the day can help you feel more laid back.\\n2-4. Let go of your fear of missing out.\\nOftentimes, we pay a lot of attention to the lives of those around us on social media. This can lead to a fear of missing out. If you want to be more laid back, try to be content with yourself, your friends, your life, your job, and your own experiences.\\nMany people are online for the majority of their days. This fuels a lot of anxiety about missing out. If you're on your phone or your computer constantly, it's only natural you'll develop curiosity about what others are doing. Anxiety about missing out and comparing yourself with others is inevitable. This can lead to feeling high strung and feeling pressure to participate in certain social events or rituals.\\nMake a conscious effort to disengage. This does not necessarily mean deleting your Facebook account and ditching your smart phone. Even short breaks from your phone or computer, about 10 minutes in length every few hours, can help reduce feelings of anxiety over missing out. Get off the computer every few hours and go for a walk with your phone turned off or in your pocket out of sight.\\n3. Developing Perspective\\n3-1. Stop being a perfectionist.\\nOftentimes, perfectionism is what makes feeling laid back difficult. If you're a perfectionist by nature, try to work against the tendency.\\nPeriodically remind yourself no one expects you to be perfect. People will still like you if you make a mistake. Try to work to be less critical of yourself and avoid thinking of life in terms of either success or failure. Your accomplishments are not a reflection of your worth as a person and many perceives failures are only minor setbacks.\\nPerfectionists often have a tendency to compare themselves to others, feeling that they're falling behind or that they have more flaws than others. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another person, stop. It may be difficult at first so you might have to do something to distract yourself. Go for a walk, for example, or watch something on TV.\\nTry to do a little less each day. This might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you'll be taking a tremendous amount of pressure off yourself longterm. Start small. For example, cut 5 minutes off your daily run or take a little longer at lunch during work.\\n3-2. Process your thoughts before reacting.\\nWhen an event occurs, especially an event that's perceives as stressful, your first thought may be to react. This can lead to acting impulsively and saying or doing things that worsen the situation. Instead of reacting immediately to stress, pause to process. The vast majority of situations do not require an immediate responses. When you experience something stressful, give yourself a few hours to process before reacting. Do something relaxing, like reading a book or watching a movie, to take your mind off the stress before trying to deal with the situation.\\n3-3. Accept what you can and cannot control.\\nIt can be very difficult to let go of what is beyond your own control. However, if you want to be laid back it's important to be able to live with life's frustrations. Try to make a conscious effort to recognize when a situation is beyond your control and accept the fact.\\nFocus precisely on what you're concerned about in the present moment. For example, say you're stressed because your brother is coming into town. He can sometimes be difficult to get along with and tends to pick fights with other family members.\\nFrom there, figure out what you can control in the situation. In regards to your brother's visit, you can choose to disengage if he tries to bait you into an argument. You can try to be polite, even if he's being difficult. You cannot, however, reasonably control or change another person's behavior. Therefore, try to let go of any frustrating comments or behavior your brother makes. As you have very little control over it, it's best not to linger.\\n3-4. Embrace downtime.\\nIt's important to embrace downtime. Downtimes is a necessity in life, not a luxury. You can't be expected to be a laid back person if you're always on the go. Make time in your schedule to spend an hour each day doing something you find relaxing. You could take a bath before bed each night, read a short story after work, watch a movie you've never seen before, or call a long distance friend. If you work at actively embrace downtime, and accept your need for it, you'll feel more laid back in your day-to-day life.\\n3-5. Seek therapy, if necessary.\\nSome people struggle to feel laid back due to an underlying mental health condition. If you have an anxiety disorder or are depressed, it can be hard to cope on your own. If you consistently struggle to enjoy life's pleasures and can't let go of worrisome thoughts, make an appointment with a psychiatrist or counselor.\\nYou can ask your regular doctor for a referral to a therapist. You can also call your insurance company and ask for a list of mental health providers in your area.\\nIf you're a student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your college or university.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Many people wish they could be more laid back. If you're overstressed or overcommitted, you may wonder how other people can glide through life with ease. There are several steps you can take to reduce anxiety and adopt a more laid back perspective. Develop coping mechanisms to deal with stress when it occurs, work on simplifying your life, and try to change your perspective.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Relaxing in the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take deep breaths.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be more laid back, you need to learn how to cope with anxiety in the moment. If you struggle to stay calm under pressure, simply taking deep breaths can help you slow down, relax, and regroup.\\nDeep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful means to reduce anxiety. Inhale through your nose, channeling your breath into your stomach. It can be helpful to place your hand on your stomach and make sure it rises when you take in air.\\nThen, hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale through your mouth. While a fairly simple procedure, it's a good start to work towards a more laid back mindset.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Deconstruct anxious thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"Many times people who want to be more laid back suffer from chronic overthinking. If you're prone to anxious thoughts, take a second to deconstruct any negative thoughts you encounter. Pause when you're feeling anxious and ask yourself a series of questions.\\nWhat are you worrying about? Is this a realistic worry? Are the possible outcomes you're imagining likely to actually occur?\\nConsider what, realistically, the worst possible outcome is. Is that outcome really insurmountable? Are there ways you could deal with this outcome that wouldn't be so bad?\\nIs there any way you can prepare for what might happen? Is what you're seeing and believing actual truth or just your own perception?\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on the present moment.\", \"描述\": \"Try to keep your thoughts in the present moment. People who are more laid back are able to occupy a single brain space at a time. When you start thinking ahead, and getting nervous or agitated, pause and try to return to the present.\\nIt's perfectly okay to make plans and have to-do lists, but you should try to focus on one thing at a time. You might know you need to do the dishes after work, but try not to linger on the dreaded chore. Simply relax and do your job.\\nMindfulness meditation is a form of meditation in which you focus on aspects of the present moment, such as your breath, your body's sensations, and your environment. Regularly practicing mindfulness meditation can help you stay in the present and feel more laid back overall. There are many free guided mindfulness meditation routines you can find online. These can help you get started with regular meditation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use calming visualizations.\", \"描述\": \"Calming visualizations can also help you unwind in the moment. Picture yourself relaxing in a place you enjoy. Maybe you're resting your feet in the sand on the beach. You could be lying in a hammock in the woods. Try to imagine with all your sensations. How does it feel, taste, smell, sound? Going on a mental vacation to a safe, relaxing environment can help you stay calm under stress.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Accept your thoughts are not reality.\", \"描述\": \"People who are laid back tend to avoid overthinking. Social interactions, plans, events, and other aspect of life are things they can maneuver with ease. If you're prone to overthinking, and convincing yourself something is wrong in any given situation, make an effort to change. Try to periodically remind yourself your thoughts are not necessarily a reflection of reality.\\nIf you perceive something a certain way, you may start imagining your worldview or perspective represents truth. For example, say you made a comment at work you feel have rubbed a coworker the wrong way. You may go from wondering if you bothered your co-worker to imagining her sitting alone, thinking negative thoughts about you. This is not a particularly realistic scenario, but if you're anxiety-prone you may convince yourself your perception represents the reality.\\nIn such a scenario, remind yourself your thoughts are not reality. Your co-worker is probably not thinking poorly of you. Even if she was bothered by the comment, it's doubtful she is even still thinking about it. Your thoughts are, by nature, very centered around yourself and your own actions. Other people likely do not think about you as much as you think about yourself. Try to relax and remember this fact on occasion.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Simplifying Your Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Prioritize what's important.\", \"描述\": \"You may struggle to feel laid back if you're overcommitted. Prioritizing what truly matters to you can help you simplify your life. This will reduce stress and may result in you having a more relaxed, laid back approach to life.\\nConsider how you spend most of your time. Try writing a list of everything you do during the course of a day and roughly how much time that all takes up. How much time are you spending doing what you want? Compare that to how much time you spend on errands, events, and other tasks you feel you have to do.\\nIs there anything you could stand to do less? Are there any events or activities you pack into your life that aren't particularly fulfilling or personally important to you?\\nIt's perfectly okay to work at a pace that seems comfortable and reasonable for you. You may think you have to put in overtime hours each week to make more money, but are you really getting to enjoy that money? Try to spend your time more wisely, giving yourself space to rest and relax.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learn to say no.\", \"描述\": \"Many people who consider themselves high-strung or overstressed have trouble saying \\\"No.\\\" It's important to remember that just because you can do something does not mean you have to do something. An important step to becoming laid back is accepting that it's okay to tell someone \\\"No.\\\"\\nIt's very difficult to be laid back if you have no time for yourself. Many people feel obligated to say yes when a friend asks a favor or when an organization needs volunteers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help out, but before agreeing to something pause and ask yourself if you really have time. If you're already suffer from a lack of downtime, sometimes it's okay to give yourself some needed rest and relaxation.\\nYou'll actually find it's easier to accomplish things if you commit yourself to less. Needlessly packing your schedule means your energy will be spread out across 10 different tasks. Instead, pick one or two tasks to focus on and do a really good job. The pressure to be perceived as successful often translates to feeling a need to be busy. Business does not equate success.\\nFor example, say your friend is going away with her boyfriend for the weekend. She asks you if you could stop in twice a day to feed her cat from Friday to Monday. You could do it, but it would mean sacrificing much of your own weekend as your friend lives across town. You have a fairly stressful job and weekends are important to you as it's a chance to unwind. Do not feel guilty about telling your friend \\\"No.\\\" While you technically could look after her cat, you should not feel obligated to do so simply because you can. It's important for you to have time for yourself, to relax, rest, and have downtime. No one can truly be laid back if they're busy all the time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Enjoy small pleasures.\", \"描述\": \"People who are laid back tend to be able to relax and unwind easily. However, when caught up in daily obligations and stress people often struggle to find pleasure and levity. If you open yourself up to embracing small pleasures, you'll find yourself feeling more laid back throughout the day.\\nTry to count the simple pleasures you encounter each day. Begin when you get up in the morning. Even something small can provide great joy. For example, really take a moment to enjoy the taste and smell of your morning coffee. Appreciate the great song that's playing on your iPod on your morning commute.\\nTake time to indulge in pleasures. You might not have time to treat yourself to a lavish dinner out, but maybe make yourself a cocktail when eating at home. If you want to go on a hike this weekend but have a work commitment, take a half hour stroll around your neighborhood instead. Embracing pleasure throughout the day can help you feel more laid back.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Let go of your fear of missing out.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes, we pay a lot of attention to the lives of those around us on social media. This can lead to a fear of missing out. If you want to be more laid back, try to be content with yourself, your friends, your life, your job, and your own experiences.\\nMany people are online for the majority of their days. This fuels a lot of anxiety about missing out. If you're on your phone or your computer constantly, it's only natural you'll develop curiosity about what others are doing. Anxiety about missing out and comparing yourself with others is inevitable. This can lead to feeling high strung and feeling pressure to participate in certain social events or rituals.\\nMake a conscious effort to disengage. This does not necessarily mean deleting your Facebook account and ditching your smart phone. Even short breaks from your phone or computer, about 10 minutes in length every few hours, can help reduce feelings of anxiety over missing out. Get off the computer every few hours and go for a walk with your phone turned off or in your pocket out of sight.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Developing Perspective\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop being a perfectionist.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes, perfectionism is what makes feeling laid back difficult. If you're a perfectionist by nature, try to work against the tendency.\\nPeriodically remind yourself no one expects you to be perfect. People will still like you if you make a mistake. Try to work to be less critical of yourself and avoid thinking of life in terms of either success or failure. Your accomplishments are not a reflection of your worth as a person and many perceives failures are only minor setbacks.\\nPerfectionists often have a tendency to compare themselves to others, feeling that they're falling behind or that they have more flaws than others. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another person, stop. It may be difficult at first so you might have to do something to distract yourself. Go for a walk, for example, or watch something on TV.\\nTry to do a little less each day. This might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you'll be taking a tremendous amount of pressure off yourself longterm. Start small. For example, cut 5 minutes off your daily run or take a little longer at lunch during work.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Process your thoughts before reacting.\", \"描述\": \"When an event occurs, especially an event that's perceives as stressful, your first thought may be to react. This can lead to acting impulsively and saying or doing things that worsen the situation. Instead of reacting immediately to stress, pause to process. The vast majority of situations do not require an immediate responses. When you experience something stressful, give yourself a few hours to process before reacting. Do something relaxing, like reading a book or watching a movie, to take your mind off the stress before trying to deal with the situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept what you can and cannot control.\", \"描述\": \"It can be very difficult to let go of what is beyond your own control. However, if you want to be laid back it's important to be able to live with life's frustrations. Try to make a conscious effort to recognize when a situation is beyond your control and accept the fact.\\nFocus precisely on what you're concerned about in the present moment. For example, say you're stressed because your brother is coming into town. He can sometimes be difficult to get along with and tends to pick fights with other family members.\\nFrom there, figure out what you can control in the situation. In regards to your brother's visit, you can choose to disengage if he tries to bait you into an argument. You can try to be polite, even if he's being difficult. You cannot, however, reasonably control or change another person's behavior. Therefore, try to let go of any frustrating comments or behavior your brother makes. As you have very little control over it, it's best not to linger.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Embrace downtime.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to embrace downtime. Downtimes is a necessity in life, not a luxury. You can't be expected to be a laid back person if you're always on the go. Make time in your schedule to spend an hour each day doing something you find relaxing. You could take a bath before bed each night, read a short story after work, watch a movie you've never seen before, or call a long distance friend. If you work at actively embrace downtime, and accept your need for it, you'll feel more laid back in your day-to-day life.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Seek therapy, if necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Some people struggle to feel laid back due to an underlying mental health condition. If you have an anxiety disorder or are depressed, it can be hard to cope on your own. If you consistently struggle to enjoy life's pleasures and can't let go of worrisome thoughts, make an appointment with a psychiatrist or counselor.\\nYou can ask your regular doctor for a referral to a therapist. You can also call your insurance company and ask for a list of mental health providers in your area.\\nIf you're a student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your college or university.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,876 | How to Be Lazy | 1. Adjusting Your Mindset
1-1. Reflect on what "lazy" means to you.
Depending on your background and beliefs, the import of "being lazy" will likely differ, but ultimately, it's a term that tends to carry a negative implication about not pulling one's weight or not doing things when other people are doing a lot; it also tends to imply that a person does little to improve themselves or their living standards. However, what about seeing lazy in a different light? Here are some ways to do this:
How about seeing lazy as meaning that your mind and body want to rest? Many people would be far less stressed and a lot happier and attuned to their own real body pace if they gave in to heeding the body's and mind's cry for a "bit of lazy" now and then.
Lazy means you're probably getting a bit tired of something that is mundane and routine. And who said we have to love the mundane and routine of life? Sure, we can be grateful for all we have and for those around us, but this doesn't need to extend to being grateful for dull routine!
Lazy can mean you've got an internal struggle going on about what you think you should be doing and what you'd rather be doing. It’s possible that those "shoulds" are visited on you by external pressures.
Lazy can mean that someone else is not doing what you want them to or vice versa. It's not necessarily lazy then; it could be tied up in control issues (manipulating people into doing things) or in an inability to communicate clearly, and calling the behavior lazy is an easy excuse.
Lazy means you've got something truly relaxing in mind. Like nothing, totally nothing at all, including leaving that unwashed pile of dishes... unwashed. Is that so bad when it's an irregular, spontaneous occurrence? What about the benefits like renewed vigor and a sense of well-being?
1-2. Reflect on how your lazy self can bring you to work out how to do less.
Since when has getting the job done with less effort become a vice? Do you prefer to do things the hard way all the time? If so, whatever for? If the same result can be achieved with less effort, why not take that path and listen to your laziness? Think about this reality before leaping to a puritanical response: just about all of the advances in technology today are the result of laziness. Here are some things to think about:
We drive cars instead of walking because we're too lazy to walk. We use washing machines to wash our clothes because we're too lazy to be putting in that scrubbing effort. We use computers because we're too lazy to write it all out by hand (and besides which, typing is faster, so it's done sooner, so we can relax faster).
The good side to laziness is that there isn't anything wrong with working out better ways to do things with less stress, less energy, and less time involved. Yet it is important to acknowledge the traditional challenges you're likely to feel about embracing the positives of being lazy now and then.
1-3. Consider who or what benefits from the busy, ever-working you.
Every time you complain that your job consumes your soul and runs your life by the timesheet, you're actually complaining that you don't have the time to really switch off. As a generalization, the idea of lazy people isn't good for business and judgmental terms such as "bums", "good-for-nothings", "bludgers", and "time-wasters", are given to those who are not thought pulling their weight enough. We worry incessantly that someone might label us this way, even as we dare to label others lazy whenever we feel overworked.
And while a rested worker is actually a more productive and happy one, ironically many people work longer hours than they need to because the focus is on being seen to be busy rather than on being productive in a shorter space of time.
Ultimately, a society that encourages work-life balance and a sense of knowing when enough is enough is likely to be more, not less, productive.
1-4. Know that time spent away from work could renew your energy and spirit.
The "virtue" matched to the "vice" of sloth is "diligence". For some, the art of applying oneself to the task at hand with a zealous and unquestioning belief in the worth of working hard has become more about working longer hours to earn more money and to impress others. Yet, this isn't how everyone sees the world; indeed, the Danes work a 37 hour week, find most of their wages consumed by taxes (in return for excellent social benefits), and have an average of six weeks vacation, yet they consistently score as one of the happiest nations on Earth.
For many, that extra time away from work is spent doing other things they enjoy and is a recognition that all work and no play makes for a dull population. Maybe diligence could learn a little from sloth, in that allowing the mind and body rest ensures renewed strength and inspiration.
Laziness is nuanced, just as diligence is — neither is wholly good nor bad and each has their place in moderation. Insisting that one is good and one is evil is too simplistic and denies your opportunity to give in to moments of sheer restfulness.
1-5. Redefine productivity.
The how of being lazy is pretty straightforward (as it should be). At first, it may seem paradoxical to you that doing less (aka being lazy) can mean you're more productive. However, what's really going on here is a shift in your definition of "productivity". If you view being productive as "doing more", "getting more done", or perhaps the extreme of "never being caught doing nothing", then the idea of being lazy will probably freak you out.
On the other hand, if you define "productivity" as a means of making the most of what you do do, as a way of making the most of the time you do set aside for working (or for doing anything), and about being as effective as you can possibly be within the parameters of the time and energy you have allotted, then doing less or being lazy is actually the best way to be productive.
Consider: you can work all day in a flurry of frenetic activity, only to achieve very little, especially when it's assessed in terms of a lasting achievement.
Or, you can do just a few things in each hour but make them key actions that result in real achievement. In the second example, you did less, but the time you spent counted for more. At this point, take a long hard look at your work method and be honest as to whether or not half of what you do is about "looking busy" rather than "being productive".
1-6. Know to stop when you’re no longer being productive.
You may have the mindset that if you’re sitting at your desk, then it means you’re working, or if you’re scrubbing a counter that’s already pretty clean, that you’re doing housework. However, if you want to be lazy, then you have to be able to recognize when you’re just no longer getting anything done and to move on. This can help you save energy, to get done what you really need to get done, and to be more lazy in the process.
If you’ve already wrapped up a project at work and are just sitting around to look good, either ask for something productive to do or go home. Sitting at your desk checking email and trying to look busy isn’t doing you or anyone in the office any favors.
Let’s say you’re trying to write a novel. You may have written some really good stuff for your first two hours in front of the computer, but you now find yourself drawing a blank. If you find that you just don’t really have the strength or motivation to keep going right now, stop staring at the screen and give yourself some time off before picking the work up again the next day.
1-7. Know that it’s okay to just spend quality time with people.
Not everything has to be about multi-tasking or doing as much work as possible. If your spouse, best friend, cousin, or new acquaintance wants to spend some time with you, give in to that feeling wholeheartedly. Don’t ask your friend if she wants to go grocery shopping with you or send work emails during family movie night; instead, learn to be okay with just enjoying the time you spend with people even if it means you won’t be doing a lick of work.
Spending time with people and giving them your full attention will improve your relationships, make you happier, and will give you time to decompress from all the work that you do.
Don’t feel disappointed in yourself for giving in to just having some fun; it’s good for you!
1-8. Stop all of the planning.
Though it’s great to be organized and to have a sense of the work that you have to do, if you want to be lazier, then you can’t try to plan your entire life down to the minute. Sure, it’s great to schedule meetings, make a plan for meeting a work deadline, or even plan your social calendar a few weeks in advance, but if planning is actually making you more stressed out about any unknowns out there, then you may need to take a step back and let go of the need for control.
If you find that obsessively planning is stressing you out, then it’s time to learn to be okay with having a few unknowns in your schedule. This can help you relax a bit and yes, it can even make it okay to be a bit lazy!
Plus, if you don’t plan everything down to the minute, you can end up having some unexpected spontaneous fun, which can help you relax and get ready for any work you have ahead of you.
2. Taking Action
2-1. Be smarter about doing less
If you're lazy, then the choice is simple. Do less. But do it smartly: the lazy person makes every second count when they're doing something. If the action isn't going to count, isn't going to shave time off and free you up sooner, then either don't do it, or work out how it can be done in a way that does lessen the time and pain of input to allow you to do less. Here are some ways to do it:
Send fewer emails but make the ones you do send more important. As an added benefit to doing this, people will take notice when you do send them and treat them with more import than if you're always sending emails to a) cover your back and b) prove you're working.
Stamp this message to your forehead (okay, just write it on a Post-It note and put it somewhere obvious): Laziness does not mean that less is more; laziness means that less is better.
2-2. Enjoy nature.
When was the last time you just sat in an open field and stared out at the beauty around you? If the answer is “When I was a kid” or even, “Never,” then your time in nature is long overdue. Even if you’re not the outdoorsy type, just spending a few hours hanging out by a pretty field, lake, beach, forest, garden, or mountain range can help you feel at ease and can rejuvenate your mind and body.
Bring a friend, some reading material, a snack, or just something else that will help you relax. Don’t bring anything you have to do for work or try to multi-task. Just be content with not doing very much.
2-3. Allow yourself weekend lie-ins.
There is a lot of sleep research about that suggests regular sleep patterns are important to maintain, so sudden changes to your sleeping habits are not recommended. However, a lie-in is not about sleeping; it is about staying in bed and indulging yourself. Read a good book, eat breakfast in bed, draw in bed, or do anything you fancy while simply chilling out in bed.
Invite the pets and the kids to loll about with you; first, pets are naturals at being lazy at all the right times, and second, you can never teach kids too young that chilling is an important part of being whole and healthy.
Call up a few old friends and see how they’re doing.
If being in bed all day is making you too lethargic, you can take a walk to get some fresh air. However, don’t do too much more than that.
2-4. Shop less
Less shopping gives you more time to be doing enjoyable things, like spending time with your friends, spouse, or kids, or hanging around the beach. Have a list, a plan, and do your shopping only when needed. And spending less means you acquire less, so then you own less, which means you have less to maintain and clean, and you're in better financial shape without the clutter. How's that for laziness?
If you plan to take just one or two big grocery shopping trips per month, for example, then this will save you a lot of time and will give you more time to just be lazy.
You can even ask other members of your family to do some shopping for you, or do it online.
2-5. Shelve your inner busy-bee.
Busyness is a habit (often unquestioned), not a pathway to success. Needing to look and be busy all the time will reduce your productiveness dramatically because your focus is on the busy, not the achievement. Instead of running around doing lots of things, slow down. Do less and live a calmer, more peaceful life. Be content to sit, to do nothing. Relax a little. Smile and be happy.
Look at your “to do” list and ask how many of the things on the list really need to get done. Do a few things, but don’t stress out over it or let it take up all of your free time.
2-6. Simplify your life.
Own less clothes, less cars, less stuff, less anything that needs maintenance, time, attention and elbow grease. Make an effort to donate or give away the clothes you no longer wear, to clean out your kitchen cabinets, to make your social schedule less hectic, and just to make your life easier whenever you can. Though this will take more effort up front, it will leave you time for more laziness later on.
Ask yourself if you’ve signed up for too many activities, volunteered to help out too many friends, said you would cook too many complicated meals, or just have spread yourself so thin that there’s no time for laziness. Look at what you can cut back to open up more time to just relax and do nothing.
2-7. Let someone else do it.
This is not about manipulation; it's about letting the right person for the task do it. If they're willing, happy, and most competent at the task, leave them be and don't interfere. Many of us carry guilt about letting someone get on with something, even where that person has made it clear they're best doing it on their own, because we feel compelled to help; sometimes our help is nothing more than a hindrance, and at other times, it can be viewed as overbearing and unwelcome.
For those in management positions, trust that your staff, child, or volunteer is capable and don't over-manage or over-parent them.
Doing less managing gives employees, children, or volunteers the freedom, the chance to explore their creativity, the room to learn on their own, and the space to succeed and fail.
The less you do, the more others figure out how to do things. You can guide and teach but don't interfere.
It's best to share the cleaning, cooking, organizing, and garbage removal duties. Most people usually find them inherently tiresome, so share them for a sense of togetherness at least and prompt progress to something more enjoyable. It is quite possible that household duties are the original source of the wrath against laziness!
Delegate and trust your delegation. Many hands make light work, for everyone. Give everyone the chance to go home earlier by sharing the burden as a team or group, whether it's work, the local church gala, or a big wiki meet-up.
2-8. Hop off the communications bandwagon.
Constant online interactions without putting boundaries on your input can end up being time-sucking work instead of being fun or productive. Communicate less and give yourself lazy space. Less talking, less convincing, less yelling, less arguing, less emails, less IM, less phone calling, less checking in. If you make an effort to do this, you’ll be surprised by how quickly you’ll feel more “lazy” and relaxed.
We're living in a world where many don't know or don't want to know where to place limits on communicating anymore, so much so that if feels like a chore, an obligation, and if we don't keep it up, we feel bizarre guilt or even as if we're slighting people by withdrawing. Yet so much of this talk is nothing but jabbering at each other, with very little listening. It is noise.
Let silence into your life. Let stillness pervade your mind. Let yourself be lazy about your online, social media, and texting "obligations".
Make every email count. Only instant message when it's necessary.
Spend less time on the phone, on Twitter, on the Blackberry, Android, and iPhone, and more time with... humans, with yourself, your favorite book, and in the present.
2-9. Do things when they need doing.
This sounds like work! The reality is that many things are best done immediately to save greater effort later. A true devotee of the doing less and being lazy crowd will have long ago realized that much of true work results from not doing something well at the start. Remember the saying, “A stitch in time saves nine.” Here are some ways to save time by getting work done correctly the first time around:
Learn to write really good first drafts quickly. It can be done with practice.
Fold your clothes after removing them from the dryer or taking them off the line. They're ready to be put away immediately and they'll crease far less than if they’re left to sit in the dryer or clothes basket for days on end.
Paint the house right the first time. If you don't, you'll spend many hours fixing the botch job. Most renovation and building jobs have exactly the same principle underlying them; do it right to begin with and you'll have far less maintenance and fixing work later.
Read your emails and then act on them as they arrive. When you leave them sitting around "to deal with later", invariably it turns into a Herculean task you don't want to face, you then resent, and you then feel mired in. If they're not worth your attention at all, delete them immediately; for those that can be replied to immediately, do so. Try to keep the emails you sit on down to a minimum of 5 percent of your in-box, and have a very good reason for doing so (such as finding out a correct answer, or sleeping on an angry response).
Buy your seasonal or celebratory gifts well in advance of the day before. You'll be less rushed and you won't feel hassled; the lazy person has time to avoid rushes.
2-10. Quit moaning.
Lazy people don't complain; first, it takes too much energy and second, complaining is sourced from a sense of unfairness, missing out, and feeling worn into-the-ground. Less complaining and criticizing frees up time and mental space for more creative thinking and more resourceful responses to situations, including finding more productive ways of solving your problems through less focus on blame and more focus on solutions.
Everyone moans and criticizes now and then. Just don't let it be a habit and get used to catching yourself at it and reminding yourself of all the energy it's wasting and how you could be more productively using that time to relax and move on from whatever has bothered you.
If you have a big reason for complaining, then you could be spending time doing something constructive rather than moaning, like writing a letter to your local representative or spray-painting your huge protest sign for a sit-in on a comfortable cushion.
Cultivate compassion, acceptance, love and understanding. They are the antidote to complaining.
Stop catastrophizing. It may never happen and even if it does, will your worrying make it any better? Perhaps it's just that you like being proven right so that you can shake your finger and say "I told you so" but there are better ways of dealing with the future than worrying and fussing about it.
Learn to go with the flow, look for opportunities, find the natural path of things, and do what is needed in the moment. You can't control outcomes, but if you learn to work fluidly and have constructively readied yourself for events (such as putting your emergency kit into place), then you can modify the impact of the outcome's impact on you.
2-11. Be spontaneously lazy.
Once in a while, do things differently. Sleep on the couch in all of your clothes by choice (and not just because you're too exhausted to move). Create a tent from blankets with your kids and crawl in and just fall asleep in a heap together. Lie on the grass and count the clouds or stars until you can't be bothered, and just drift off. Don't get dressed all Sunday if you don't feel like it; don’t bother worrying about what the neighbors think.
Go with the flow. Just let things happen. Step back and let things happen without you.
Don't force things. Be like the water that finds the path of least resistance and smooths the way as it flows.
Find life's pressure points and push those instead of pushing brick walls. Find where things give with the least amount of pressure. This takes smarts, not evasion of responsibility.
2-12. Just put your feet up.
If you’ve had a long day, or you just feel like sitting there doing nothing, do it with pride. Sit wherever you feel the most comfortable, put your feet up, lean back, and enjoy the sensation of doing absolutely nothing. Don’t think about all of the things you have to do later or worry about how much you’re being judged; think about something that makes you smile, or nothing at all.
Before putting your feet up, take off your shoes and socks. If feels good, especially when you have had a hard day or week at school or work.
Laziness loves company. If you have a good friend who also wants to do nothing more than to sit around with his or her feet up, invite him or her over and you two can be lazy together.
You can listen to your favorite music, pet your pet, eat, or do whatever it is you want to do while just sitting there.
Tips
Consider setting aside one time a week to be lazy. Perhaps your Sunday, perhaps one afternoon or evening. Just make it a time for you, for chilling, and for not responding to anything, no matter how much guilt it produces initially. You'll grow into this space with time and come to guard it fiercely for the sense of balance it restores in your life.
Being lazy all the time comes with a cost if you're not being smart about doing less.
Many hunter and gatherer tribes had patterns involving doing the least possible other than that requires to sustain their basic needs. Reducing things to basic needs can go a long way to freeing up your time for activities and thinking you'd rather be doing.
Warnings
Don't equate laziness with permanent slovenliness or the cockroaches will become your new residents. Occasional unwashed dishes and smelly towels are fine; it's when you're tying open the kitchen door to let the stench of unwashed dishes waft out that you've got a major hygiene and self-care problem instead of a quest for doing less with your time...
Some people are born "stress-bunnies" who need to keep busy and to comment on other people's lack of busyness. For such people, being busy is a habit and a moral judgment. You might want to give them a wide berth most days.
Don't beat yourself up for chilling; it's permitted! Rename it "soul restoration" if you must, but don't feel you have to apologize for doing less and getting more out of life.
Avoid manipulating or blackmailing others to do things for you. That's not laziness, that is manipulation and blackmailing, which is about trying to control people. And as with all things that are about control, it's an action that takes a lot of energy to plan and sustain. So it's not the lazy person's way and it's also rotten karma.
If you goof off with a hobby like drawing for years, you may reach a point of skill where people expect you to become professional. Seriously ask yourself if you want to turn it into a job and change its place in your life. If you do change careers to follow a hobby that turned into a dream, it's vital to take up a new hobby that you can keep in its place for goofing off without worrying about whether it's any good! However, marketing enough of your crafts and hobbies to pay for their materials is just elegant when it comes to budgeting, part of keeping your life simple.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:10",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Adjusting Your Mindset\\n1-1. Reflect on what \\\"lazy\\\" means to you.\\nDepending on your background and beliefs, the import of \\\"being lazy\\\" will likely differ, but ultimately, it's a term that tends to carry a negative implication about not pulling one's weight or not doing things when other people are doing a lot; it also tends to imply that a person does little to improve themselves or their living standards. However, what about seeing lazy in a different light? Here are some ways to do this:\\nHow about seeing lazy as meaning that your mind and body want to rest? Many people would be far less stressed and a lot happier and attuned to their own real body pace if they gave in to heeding the body's and mind's cry for a \\\"bit of lazy\\\" now and then.\\nLazy means you're probably getting a bit tired of something that is mundane and routine. And who said we have to love the mundane and routine of life? Sure, we can be grateful for all we have and for those around us, but this doesn't need to extend to being grateful for dull routine!\\nLazy can mean you've got an internal struggle going on about what you think you should be doing and what you'd rather be doing. It’s possible that those \\\"shoulds\\\" are visited on you by external pressures.\\nLazy can mean that someone else is not doing what you want them to or vice versa. It's not necessarily lazy then; it could be tied up in control issues (manipulating people into doing things) or in an inability to communicate clearly, and calling the behavior lazy is an easy excuse.\\nLazy means you've got something truly relaxing in mind. Like nothing, totally nothing at all, including leaving that unwashed pile of dishes... unwashed. Is that so bad when it's an irregular, spontaneous occurrence? What about the benefits like renewed vigor and a sense of well-being?\\n1-2. Reflect on how your lazy self can bring you to work out how to do less.\\nSince when has getting the job done with less effort become a vice? Do you prefer to do things the hard way all the time? If so, whatever for? If the same result can be achieved with less effort, why not take that path and listen to your laziness? Think about this reality before leaping to a puritanical response: just about all of the advances in technology today are the result of laziness. Here are some things to think about:\\nWe drive cars instead of walking because we're too lazy to walk. We use washing machines to wash our clothes because we're too lazy to be putting in that scrubbing effort. We use computers because we're too lazy to write it all out by hand (and besides which, typing is faster, so it's done sooner, so we can relax faster).\\nThe good side to laziness is that there isn't anything wrong with working out better ways to do things with less stress, less energy, and less time involved. Yet it is important to acknowledge the traditional challenges you're likely to feel about embracing the positives of being lazy now and then.\\n1-3. Consider who or what benefits from the busy, ever-working you.\\nEvery time you complain that your job consumes your soul and runs your life by the timesheet, you're actually complaining that you don't have the time to really switch off. As a generalization, the idea of lazy people isn't good for business and judgmental terms such as \\\"bums\\\", \\\"good-for-nothings\\\", \\\"bludgers\\\", and \\\"time-wasters\\\", are given to those who are not thought pulling their weight enough. We worry incessantly that someone might label us this way, even as we dare to label others lazy whenever we feel overworked.\\nAnd while a rested worker is actually a more productive and happy one, ironically many people work longer hours than they need to because the focus is on being seen to be busy rather than on being productive in a shorter space of time.\\nUltimately, a society that encourages work-life balance and a sense of knowing when enough is enough is likely to be more, not less, productive.\\n1-4. Know that time spent away from work could renew your energy and spirit.\\nThe \\\"virtue\\\" matched to the \\\"vice\\\" of sloth is \\\"diligence\\\". For some, the art of applying oneself to the task at hand with a zealous and unquestioning belief in the worth of working hard has become more about working longer hours to earn more money and to impress others. Yet, this isn't how everyone sees the world; indeed, the Danes work a 37 hour week, find most of their wages consumed by taxes (in return for excellent social benefits), and have an average of six weeks vacation, yet they consistently score as one of the happiest nations on Earth.\\nFor many, that extra time away from work is spent doing other things they enjoy and is a recognition that all work and no play makes for a dull population. Maybe diligence could learn a little from sloth, in that allowing the mind and body rest ensures renewed strength and inspiration.\\nLaziness is nuanced, just as diligence is — neither is wholly good nor bad and each has their place in moderation. Insisting that one is good and one is evil is too simplistic and denies your opportunity to give in to moments of sheer restfulness.\\n1-5. Redefine productivity.\\nThe how of being lazy is pretty straightforward (as it should be). At first, it may seem paradoxical to you that doing less (aka being lazy) can mean you're more productive. However, what's really going on here is a shift in your definition of \\\"productivity\\\". If you view being productive as \\\"doing more\\\", \\\"getting more done\\\", or perhaps the extreme of \\\"never being caught doing nothing\\\", then the idea of being lazy will probably freak you out.\\nOn the other hand, if you define \\\"productivity\\\" as a means of making the most of what you do do, as a way of making the most of the time you do set aside for working (or for doing anything), and about being as effective as you can possibly be within the parameters of the time and energy you have allotted, then doing less or being lazy is actually the best way to be productive.\\nConsider: you can work all day in a flurry of frenetic activity, only to achieve very little, especially when it's assessed in terms of a lasting achievement.\\nOr, you can do just a few things in each hour but make them key actions that result in real achievement. In the second example, you did less, but the time you spent counted for more. At this point, take a long hard look at your work method and be honest as to whether or not half of what you do is about \\\"looking busy\\\" rather than \\\"being productive\\\".\\n1-6. Know to stop when you’re no longer being productive.\\nYou may have the mindset that if you’re sitting at your desk, then it means you’re working, or if you’re scrubbing a counter that’s already pretty clean, that you’re doing housework. However, if you want to be lazy, then you have to be able to recognize when you’re just no longer getting anything done and to move on. This can help you save energy, to get done what you really need to get done, and to be more lazy in the process.\\nIf you’ve already wrapped up a project at work and are just sitting around to look good, either ask for something productive to do or go home. Sitting at your desk checking email and trying to look busy isn’t doing you or anyone in the office any favors.\\nLet’s say you’re trying to write a novel. You may have written some really good stuff for your first two hours in front of the computer, but you now find yourself drawing a blank. If you find that you just don’t really have the strength or motivation to keep going right now, stop staring at the screen and give yourself some time off before picking the work up again the next day.\\n1-7. Know that it’s okay to just spend quality time with people.\\nNot everything has to be about multi-tasking or doing as much work as possible. If your spouse, best friend, cousin, or new acquaintance wants to spend some time with you, give in to that feeling wholeheartedly. Don’t ask your friend if she wants to go grocery shopping with you or send work emails during family movie night; instead, learn to be okay with just enjoying the time you spend with people even if it means you won’t be doing a lick of work.\\nSpending time with people and giving them your full attention will improve your relationships, make you happier, and will give you time to decompress from all the work that you do.\\nDon’t feel disappointed in yourself for giving in to just having some fun; it’s good for you!\\n1-8. Stop all of the planning.\\nThough it’s great to be organized and to have a sense of the work that you have to do, if you want to be lazier, then you can’t try to plan your entire life down to the minute. Sure, it’s great to schedule meetings, make a plan for meeting a work deadline, or even plan your social calendar a few weeks in advance, but if planning is actually making you more stressed out about any unknowns out there, then you may need to take a step back and let go of the need for control.\\nIf you find that obsessively planning is stressing you out, then it’s time to learn to be okay with having a few unknowns in your schedule. This can help you relax a bit and yes, it can even make it okay to be a bit lazy!\\nPlus, if you don’t plan everything down to the minute, you can end up having some unexpected spontaneous fun, which can help you relax and get ready for any work you have ahead of you.\\n2. Taking Action\\n2-1. Be smarter about doing less\\nIf you're lazy, then the choice is simple. Do less. But do it smartly: the lazy person makes every second count when they're doing something. If the action isn't going to count, isn't going to shave time off and free you up sooner, then either don't do it, or work out how it can be done in a way that does lessen the time and pain of input to allow you to do less. Here are some ways to do it:\\nSend fewer emails but make the ones you do send more important. As an added benefit to doing this, people will take notice when you do send them and treat them with more import than if you're always sending emails to a) cover your back and b) prove you're working.\\nStamp this message to your forehead (okay, just write it on a Post-It note and put it somewhere obvious): Laziness does not mean that less is more; laziness means that less is better.\\n2-2. Enjoy nature.\\nWhen was the last time you just sat in an open field and stared out at the beauty around you? If the answer is “When I was a kid” or even, “Never,” then your time in nature is long overdue. Even if you’re not the outdoorsy type, just spending a few hours hanging out by a pretty field, lake, beach, forest, garden, or mountain range can help you feel at ease and can rejuvenate your mind and body.\\nBring a friend, some reading material, a snack, or just something else that will help you relax. Don’t bring anything you have to do for work or try to multi-task. Just be content with not doing very much.\\n2-3. Allow yourself weekend lie-ins.\\nThere is a lot of sleep research about that suggests regular sleep patterns are important to maintain, so sudden changes to your sleeping habits are not recommended. However, a lie-in is not about sleeping; it is about staying in bed and indulging yourself. Read a good book, eat breakfast in bed, draw in bed, or do anything you fancy while simply chilling out in bed.\\nInvite the pets and the kids to loll about with you; first, pets are naturals at being lazy at all the right times, and second, you can never teach kids too young that chilling is an important part of being whole and healthy.\\nCall up a few old friends and see how they’re doing.\\nIf being in bed all day is making you too lethargic, you can take a walk to get some fresh air. However, don’t do too much more than that.\\n2-4. Shop less\\nLess shopping gives you more time to be doing enjoyable things, like spending time with your friends, spouse, or kids, or hanging around the beach. Have a list, a plan, and do your shopping only when needed. And spending less means you acquire less, so then you own less, which means you have less to maintain and clean, and you're in better financial shape without the clutter. How's that for laziness?\\nIf you plan to take just one or two big grocery shopping trips per month, for example, then this will save you a lot of time and will give you more time to just be lazy.\\nYou can even ask other members of your family to do some shopping for you, or do it online.\\n2-5. Shelve your inner busy-bee.\\nBusyness is a habit (often unquestioned), not a pathway to success. Needing to look and be busy all the time will reduce your productiveness dramatically because your focus is on the busy, not the achievement. Instead of running around doing lots of things, slow down. Do less and live a calmer, more peaceful life. Be content to sit, to do nothing. Relax a little. Smile and be happy.\\nLook at your “to do” list and ask how many of the things on the list really need to get done. Do a few things, but don’t stress out over it or let it take up all of your free time.\\n2-6. Simplify your life.\\nOwn less clothes, less cars, less stuff, less anything that needs maintenance, time, attention and elbow grease. Make an effort to donate or give away the clothes you no longer wear, to clean out your kitchen cabinets, to make your social schedule less hectic, and just to make your life easier whenever you can. Though this will take more effort up front, it will leave you time for more laziness later on.\\nAsk yourself if you’ve signed up for too many activities, volunteered to help out too many friends, said you would cook too many complicated meals, or just have spread yourself so thin that there’s no time for laziness. Look at what you can cut back to open up more time to just relax and do nothing.\\n2-7. Let someone else do it.\\nThis is not about manipulation; it's about letting the right person for the task do it. If they're willing, happy, and most competent at the task, leave them be and don't interfere. Many of us carry guilt about letting someone get on with something, even where that person has made it clear they're best doing it on their own, because we feel compelled to help; sometimes our help is nothing more than a hindrance, and at other times, it can be viewed as overbearing and unwelcome.\\nFor those in management positions, trust that your staff, child, or volunteer is capable and don't over-manage or over-parent them.\\nDoing less managing gives employees, children, or volunteers the freedom, the chance to explore their creativity, the room to learn on their own, and the space to succeed and fail.\\nThe less you do, the more others figure out how to do things. You can guide and teach but don't interfere.\\nIt's best to share the cleaning, cooking, organizing, and garbage removal duties. Most people usually find them inherently tiresome, so share them for a sense of togetherness at least and prompt progress to something more enjoyable. It is quite possible that household duties are the original source of the wrath against laziness!\\nDelegate and trust your delegation. Many hands make light work, for everyone. Give everyone the chance to go home earlier by sharing the burden as a team or group, whether it's work, the local church gala, or a big wiki meet-up.\\n2-8. Hop off the communications bandwagon.\\nConstant online interactions without putting boundaries on your input can end up being time-sucking work instead of being fun or productive. Communicate less and give yourself lazy space. Less talking, less convincing, less yelling, less arguing, less emails, less IM, less phone calling, less checking in. If you make an effort to do this, you’ll be surprised by how quickly you’ll feel more “lazy” and relaxed.\\nWe're living in a world where many don't know or don't want to know where to place limits on communicating anymore, so much so that if feels like a chore, an obligation, and if we don't keep it up, we feel bizarre guilt or even as if we're slighting people by withdrawing. Yet so much of this talk is nothing but jabbering at each other, with very little listening. It is noise.\\nLet silence into your life. Let stillness pervade your mind. Let yourself be lazy about your online, social media, and texting \\\"obligations\\\".\\nMake every email count. Only instant message when it's necessary.\\nSpend less time on the phone, on Twitter, on the Blackberry, Android, and iPhone, and more time with... humans, with yourself, your favorite book, and in the present.\\n2-9. Do things when they need doing.\\nThis sounds like work! The reality is that many things are best done immediately to save greater effort later. A true devotee of the doing less and being lazy crowd will have long ago realized that much of true work results from not doing something well at the start. Remember the saying, “A stitch in time saves nine.” Here are some ways to save time by getting work done correctly the first time around:\\nLearn to write really good first drafts quickly. It can be done with practice.\\nFold your clothes after removing them from the dryer or taking them off the line. They're ready to be put away immediately and they'll crease far less than if they’re left to sit in the dryer or clothes basket for days on end.\\nPaint the house right the first time. If you don't, you'll spend many hours fixing the botch job. Most renovation and building jobs have exactly the same principle underlying them; do it right to begin with and you'll have far less maintenance and fixing work later.\\nRead your emails and then act on them as they arrive. When you leave them sitting around \\\"to deal with later\\\", invariably it turns into a Herculean task you don't want to face, you then resent, and you then feel mired in. If they're not worth your attention at all, delete them immediately; for those that can be replied to immediately, do so. Try to keep the emails you sit on down to a minimum of 5 percent of your in-box, and have a very good reason for doing so (such as finding out a correct answer, or sleeping on an angry response).\\nBuy your seasonal or celebratory gifts well in advance of the day before. You'll be less rushed and you won't feel hassled; the lazy person has time to avoid rushes.\\n2-10. Quit moaning.\\nLazy people don't complain; first, it takes too much energy and second, complaining is sourced from a sense of unfairness, missing out, and feeling worn into-the-ground. Less complaining and criticizing frees up time and mental space for more creative thinking and more resourceful responses to situations, including finding more productive ways of solving your problems through less focus on blame and more focus on solutions.\\nEveryone moans and criticizes now and then. Just don't let it be a habit and get used to catching yourself at it and reminding yourself of all the energy it's wasting and how you could be more productively using that time to relax and move on from whatever has bothered you.\\nIf you have a big reason for complaining, then you could be spending time doing something constructive rather than moaning, like writing a letter to your local representative or spray-painting your huge protest sign for a sit-in on a comfortable cushion.\\nCultivate compassion, acceptance, love and understanding. They are the antidote to complaining.\\nStop catastrophizing. It may never happen and even if it does, will your worrying make it any better? Perhaps it's just that you like being proven right so that you can shake your finger and say \\\"I told you so\\\" but there are better ways of dealing with the future than worrying and fussing about it.\\nLearn to go with the flow, look for opportunities, find the natural path of things, and do what is needed in the moment. You can't control outcomes, but if you learn to work fluidly and have constructively readied yourself for events (such as putting your emergency kit into place), then you can modify the impact of the outcome's impact on you.\\n2-11. Be spontaneously lazy.\\nOnce in a while, do things differently. Sleep on the couch in all of your clothes by choice (and not just because you're too exhausted to move). Create a tent from blankets with your kids and crawl in and just fall asleep in a heap together. Lie on the grass and count the clouds or stars until you can't be bothered, and just drift off. Don't get dressed all Sunday if you don't feel like it; don’t bother worrying about what the neighbors think.\\nGo with the flow. Just let things happen. Step back and let things happen without you.\\nDon't force things. Be like the water that finds the path of least resistance and smooths the way as it flows.\\nFind life's pressure points and push those instead of pushing brick walls. Find where things give with the least amount of pressure. This takes smarts, not evasion of responsibility.\\n2-12. Just put your feet up.\\nIf you’ve had a long day, or you just feel like sitting there doing nothing, do it with pride. Sit wherever you feel the most comfortable, put your feet up, lean back, and enjoy the sensation of doing absolutely nothing. Don’t think about all of the things you have to do later or worry about how much you’re being judged; think about something that makes you smile, or nothing at all.\\nBefore putting your feet up, take off your shoes and socks. If feels good, especially when you have had a hard day or week at school or work.\\nLaziness loves company. If you have a good friend who also wants to do nothing more than to sit around with his or her feet up, invite him or her over and you two can be lazy together.\\nYou can listen to your favorite music, pet your pet, eat, or do whatever it is you want to do while just sitting there.\\nTips\\nConsider setting aside one time a week to be lazy. Perhaps your Sunday, perhaps one afternoon or evening. Just make it a time for you, for chilling, and for not responding to anything, no matter how much guilt it produces initially. You'll grow into this space with time and come to guard it fiercely for the sense of balance it restores in your life.\\nBeing lazy all the time comes with a cost if you're not being smart about doing less.\\nMany hunter and gatherer tribes had patterns involving doing the least possible other than that requires to sustain their basic needs. Reducing things to basic needs can go a long way to freeing up your time for activities and thinking you'd rather be doing.\\nWarnings\\nDon't equate laziness with permanent slovenliness or the cockroaches will become your new residents. Occasional unwashed dishes and smelly towels are fine; it's when you're tying open the kitchen door to let the stench of unwashed dishes waft out that you've got a major hygiene and self-care problem instead of a quest for doing less with your time...\\nSome people are born \\\"stress-bunnies\\\" who need to keep busy and to comment on other people's lack of busyness. For such people, being busy is a habit and a moral judgment. You might want to give them a wide berth most days.\\nDon't beat yourself up for chilling; it's permitted! Rename it \\\"soul restoration\\\" if you must, but don't feel you have to apologize for doing less and getting more out of life.\\nAvoid manipulating or blackmailing others to do things for you. That's not laziness, that is manipulation and blackmailing, which is about trying to control people. And as with all things that are about control, it's an action that takes a lot of energy to plan and sustain. So it's not the lazy person's way and it's also rotten karma.\\nIf you goof off with a hobby like drawing for years, you may reach a point of skill where people expect you to become professional. Seriously ask yourself if you want to turn it into a job and change its place in your life. If you do change careers to follow a hobby that turned into a dream, it's vital to take up a new hobby that you can keep in its place for goofing off without worrying about whether it's any good! However, marketing enough of your crafts and hobbies to pay for their materials is just elegant when it comes to budgeting, part of keeping your life simple.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being lazy has a negative connotation, but have you ever stopped to consider why? Is it because all those over-stressed workaholics think the world will fall apart if they take a one-minute breather to do—gasp!—nothing? Or is it because your faith tells you that laziness is a sin? Or is it because it's just a much repeated \\\"sin\\\" from the seven deadly sins (\\\"sloth\\\") that has been drummed into you from birth as a \\\"no-can-do\\\"? It’s time to take a step back and see that laziness isn’t all it’s made out to be. In fact, being lazy now and then is a pathway to happiness, relaxation, and even success. Remember, being lazy isn’t wrong if done occasionally!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Adjusting Your Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reflect on what \\\"lazy\\\" means to you.\", \"描述\": \"Depending on your background and beliefs, the import of \\\"being lazy\\\" will likely differ, but ultimately, it's a term that tends to carry a negative implication about not pulling one's weight or not doing things when other people are doing a lot; it also tends to imply that a person does little to improve themselves or their living standards. However, what about seeing lazy in a different light? Here are some ways to do this:\\nHow about seeing lazy as meaning that your mind and body want to rest? Many people would be far less stressed and a lot happier and attuned to their own real body pace if they gave in to heeding the body's and mind's cry for a \\\"bit of lazy\\\" now and then.\\nLazy means you're probably getting a bit tired of something that is mundane and routine. And who said we have to love the mundane and routine of life? Sure, we can be grateful for all we have and for those around us, but this doesn't need to extend to being grateful for dull routine!\\nLazy can mean you've got an internal struggle going on about what you think you should be doing and what you'd rather be doing. It’s possible that those \\\"shoulds\\\" are visited on you by external pressures.\\nLazy can mean that someone else is not doing what you want them to or vice versa. It's not necessarily lazy then; it could be tied up in control issues (manipulating people into doing things) or in an inability to communicate clearly, and calling the behavior lazy is an easy excuse.\\nLazy means you've got something truly relaxing in mind. Like nothing, totally nothing at all, including leaving that unwashed pile of dishes... unwashed. Is that so bad when it's an irregular, spontaneous occurrence? What about the benefits like renewed vigor and a sense of well-being?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Reflect on how your lazy self can bring you to work out how to do less.\", \"描述\": \"Since when has getting the job done with less effort become a vice? Do you prefer to do things the hard way all the time? If so, whatever for? If the same result can be achieved with less effort, why not take that path and listen to your laziness? Think about this reality before leaping to a puritanical response: just about all of the advances in technology today are the result of laziness. Here are some things to think about:\\nWe drive cars instead of walking because we're too lazy to walk. We use washing machines to wash our clothes because we're too lazy to be putting in that scrubbing effort. We use computers because we're too lazy to write it all out by hand (and besides which, typing is faster, so it's done sooner, so we can relax faster).\\nThe good side to laziness is that there isn't anything wrong with working out better ways to do things with less stress, less energy, and less time involved. Yet it is important to acknowledge the traditional challenges you're likely to feel about embracing the positives of being lazy now and then.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Consider who or what benefits from the busy, ever-working you.\", \"描述\": \"Every time you complain that your job consumes your soul and runs your life by the timesheet, you're actually complaining that you don't have the time to really switch off. As a generalization, the idea of lazy people isn't good for business and judgmental terms such as \\\"bums\\\", \\\"good-for-nothings\\\", \\\"bludgers\\\", and \\\"time-wasters\\\", are given to those who are not thought pulling their weight enough. We worry incessantly that someone might label us this way, even as we dare to label others lazy whenever we feel overworked.\\nAnd while a rested worker is actually a more productive and happy one, ironically many people work longer hours than they need to because the focus is on being seen to be busy rather than on being productive in a shorter space of time.\\nUltimately, a society that encourages work-life balance and a sense of knowing when enough is enough is likely to be more, not less, productive.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Know that time spent away from work could renew your energy and spirit.\", \"描述\": \"The \\\"virtue\\\" matched to the \\\"vice\\\" of sloth is \\\"diligence\\\". For some, the art of applying oneself to the task at hand with a zealous and unquestioning belief in the worth of working hard has become more about working longer hours to earn more money and to impress others. Yet, this isn't how everyone sees the world; indeed, the Danes work a 37 hour week, find most of their wages consumed by taxes (in return for excellent social benefits), and have an average of six weeks vacation, yet they consistently score as one of the happiest nations on Earth.\\nFor many, that extra time away from work is spent doing other things they enjoy and is a recognition that all work and no play makes for a dull population. Maybe diligence could learn a little from sloth, in that allowing the mind and body rest ensures renewed strength and inspiration.\\nLaziness is nuanced, just as diligence is — neither is wholly good nor bad and each has their place in moderation. Insisting that one is good and one is evil is too simplistic and denies your opportunity to give in to moments of sheer restfulness.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Redefine productivity.\", \"描述\": \"The how of being lazy is pretty straightforward (as it should be). At first, it may seem paradoxical to you that doing less (aka being lazy) can mean you're more productive. However, what's really going on here is a shift in your definition of \\\"productivity\\\". If you view being productive as \\\"doing more\\\", \\\"getting more done\\\", or perhaps the extreme of \\\"never being caught doing nothing\\\", then the idea of being lazy will probably freak you out.\\nOn the other hand, if you define \\\"productivity\\\" as a means of making the most of what you do do, as a way of making the most of the time you do set aside for working (or for doing anything), and about being as effective as you can possibly be within the parameters of the time and energy you have allotted, then doing less or being lazy is actually the best way to be productive.\\nConsider: you can work all day in a flurry of frenetic activity, only to achieve very little, especially when it's assessed in terms of a lasting achievement.\\nOr, you can do just a few things in each hour but make them key actions that result in real achievement. In the second example, you did less, but the time you spent counted for more. At this point, take a long hard look at your work method and be honest as to whether or not half of what you do is about \\\"looking busy\\\" rather than \\\"being productive\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Know to stop when you’re no longer being productive.\", \"描述\": \"You may have the mindset that if you’re sitting at your desk, then it means you’re working, or if you’re scrubbing a counter that’s already pretty clean, that you’re doing housework. However, if you want to be lazy, then you have to be able to recognize when you’re just no longer getting anything done and to move on. This can help you save energy, to get done what you really need to get done, and to be more lazy in the process.\\nIf you’ve already wrapped up a project at work and are just sitting around to look good, either ask for something productive to do or go home. Sitting at your desk checking email and trying to look busy isn’t doing you or anyone in the office any favors.\\nLet’s say you’re trying to write a novel. You may have written some really good stuff for your first two hours in front of the computer, but you now find yourself drawing a blank. If you find that you just don’t really have the strength or motivation to keep going right now, stop staring at the screen and give yourself some time off before picking the work up again the next day.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Know that it’s okay to just spend quality time with people.\", \"描述\": \"Not everything has to be about multi-tasking or doing as much work as possible. If your spouse, best friend, cousin, or new acquaintance wants to spend some time with you, give in to that feeling wholeheartedly. Don’t ask your friend if she wants to go grocery shopping with you or send work emails during family movie night; instead, learn to be okay with just enjoying the time you spend with people even if it means you won’t be doing a lick of work.\\nSpending time with people and giving them your full attention will improve your relationships, make you happier, and will give you time to decompress from all the work that you do.\\nDon’t feel disappointed in yourself for giving in to just having some fun; it’s good for you!\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Stop all of the planning.\", \"描述\": \"Though it’s great to be organized and to have a sense of the work that you have to do, if you want to be lazier, then you can’t try to plan your entire life down to the minute. Sure, it’s great to schedule meetings, make a plan for meeting a work deadline, or even plan your social calendar a few weeks in advance, but if planning is actually making you more stressed out about any unknowns out there, then you may need to take a step back and let go of the need for control.\\nIf you find that obsessively planning is stressing you out, then it’s time to learn to be okay with having a few unknowns in your schedule. This can help you relax a bit and yes, it can even make it okay to be a bit lazy!\\nPlus, if you don’t plan everything down to the minute, you can end up having some unexpected spontaneous fun, which can help you relax and get ready for any work you have ahead of you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Taking Action\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be smarter about doing less\", \"描述\": \"If you're lazy, then the choice is simple. Do less. But do it smartly: the lazy person makes every second count when they're doing something. If the action isn't going to count, isn't going to shave time off and free you up sooner, then either don't do it, or work out how it can be done in a way that does lessen the time and pain of input to allow you to do less. Here are some ways to do it:\\nSend fewer emails but make the ones you do send more important. As an added benefit to doing this, people will take notice when you do send them and treat them with more import than if you're always sending emails to a) cover your back and b) prove you're working.\\nStamp this message to your forehead (okay, just write it on a Post-It note and put it somewhere obvious): Laziness does not mean that less is more; laziness means that less is better.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Enjoy nature.\", \"描述\": \"When was the last time you just sat in an open field and stared out at the beauty around you? If the answer is “When I was a kid” or even, “Never,” then your time in nature is long overdue. Even if you’re not the outdoorsy type, just spending a few hours hanging out by a pretty field, lake, beach, forest, garden, or mountain range can help you feel at ease and can rejuvenate your mind and body.\\nBring a friend, some reading material, a snack, or just something else that will help you relax. Don’t bring anything you have to do for work or try to multi-task. Just be content with not doing very much.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Allow yourself weekend lie-ins.\", \"描述\": \"There is a lot of sleep research about that suggests regular sleep patterns are important to maintain, so sudden changes to your sleeping habits are not recommended. However, a lie-in is not about sleeping; it is about staying in bed and indulging yourself. Read a good book, eat breakfast in bed, draw in bed, or do anything you fancy while simply chilling out in bed.\\nInvite the pets and the kids to loll about with you; first, pets are naturals at being lazy at all the right times, and second, you can never teach kids too young that chilling is an important part of being whole and healthy.\\nCall up a few old friends and see how they’re doing.\\nIf being in bed all day is making you too lethargic, you can take a walk to get some fresh air. However, don’t do too much more than that.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Shop less\", \"描述\": \"Less shopping gives you more time to be doing enjoyable things, like spending time with your friends, spouse, or kids, or hanging around the beach. Have a list, a plan, and do your shopping only when needed. And spending less means you acquire less, so then you own less, which means you have less to maintain and clean, and you're in better financial shape without the clutter. How's that for laziness?\\nIf you plan to take just one or two big grocery shopping trips per month, for example, then this will save you a lot of time and will give you more time to just be lazy.\\nYou can even ask other members of your family to do some shopping for you, or do it online.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Shelve your inner busy-bee.\", \"描述\": \"Busyness is a habit (often unquestioned), not a pathway to success. Needing to look and be busy all the time will reduce your productiveness dramatically because your focus is on the busy, not the achievement. Instead of running around doing lots of things, slow down. Do less and live a calmer, more peaceful life. Be content to sit, to do nothing. Relax a little. Smile and be happy.\\nLook at your “to do” list and ask how many of the things on the list really need to get done. Do a few things, but don’t stress out over it or let it take up all of your free time.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Simplify your life.\", \"描述\": \"Own less clothes, less cars, less stuff, less anything that needs maintenance, time, attention and elbow grease. Make an effort to donate or give away the clothes you no longer wear, to clean out your kitchen cabinets, to make your social schedule less hectic, and just to make your life easier whenever you can. Though this will take more effort up front, it will leave you time for more laziness later on.\\nAsk yourself if you’ve signed up for too many activities, volunteered to help out too many friends, said you would cook too many complicated meals, or just have spread yourself so thin that there’s no time for laziness. Look at what you can cut back to open up more time to just relax and do nothing.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Let someone else do it.\", \"描述\": \"This is not about manipulation; it's about letting the right person for the task do it. If they're willing, happy, and most competent at the task, leave them be and don't interfere. Many of us carry guilt about letting someone get on with something, even where that person has made it clear they're best doing it on their own, because we feel compelled to help; sometimes our help is nothing more than a hindrance, and at other times, it can be viewed as overbearing and unwelcome.\\nFor those in management positions, trust that your staff, child, or volunteer is capable and don't over-manage or over-parent them.\\nDoing less managing gives employees, children, or volunteers the freedom, the chance to explore their creativity, the room to learn on their own, and the space to succeed and fail.\\nThe less you do, the more others figure out how to do things. You can guide and teach but don't interfere.\\nIt's best to share the cleaning, cooking, organizing, and garbage removal duties. Most people usually find them inherently tiresome, so share them for a sense of togetherness at least and prompt progress to something more enjoyable. It is quite possible that household duties are the original source of the wrath against laziness!\\nDelegate and trust your delegation. Many hands make light work, for everyone. Give everyone the chance to go home earlier by sharing the burden as a team or group, whether it's work, the local church gala, or a big wiki meet-up.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Hop off the communications bandwagon.\", \"描述\": \"Constant online interactions without putting boundaries on your input can end up being time-sucking work instead of being fun or productive. Communicate less and give yourself lazy space. Less talking, less convincing, less yelling, less arguing, less emails, less IM, less phone calling, less checking in. If you make an effort to do this, you’ll be surprised by how quickly you’ll feel more “lazy” and relaxed.\\nWe're living in a world where many don't know or don't want to know where to place limits on communicating anymore, so much so that if feels like a chore, an obligation, and if we don't keep it up, we feel bizarre guilt or even as if we're slighting people by withdrawing. Yet so much of this talk is nothing but jabbering at each other, with very little listening. It is noise.\\nLet silence into your life. Let stillness pervade your mind. Let yourself be lazy about your online, social media, and texting \\\"obligations\\\".\\nMake every email count. Only instant message when it's necessary.\\nSpend less time on the phone, on Twitter, on the Blackberry, Android, and iPhone, and more time with... humans, with yourself, your favorite book, and in the present.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Do things when they need doing.\", \"描述\": \"This sounds like work! The reality is that many things are best done immediately to save greater effort later. A true devotee of the doing less and being lazy crowd will have long ago realized that much of true work results from not doing something well at the start. Remember the saying, “A stitch in time saves nine.” Here are some ways to save time by getting work done correctly the first time around:\\nLearn to write really good first drafts quickly. It can be done with practice.\\nFold your clothes after removing them from the dryer or taking them off the line. They're ready to be put away immediately and they'll crease far less than if they’re left to sit in the dryer or clothes basket for days on end.\\nPaint the house right the first time. If you don't, you'll spend many hours fixing the botch job. Most renovation and building jobs have exactly the same principle underlying them; do it right to begin with and you'll have far less maintenance and fixing work later.\\nRead your emails and then act on them as they arrive. When you leave them sitting around \\\"to deal with later\\\", invariably it turns into a Herculean task you don't want to face, you then resent, and you then feel mired in. If they're not worth your attention at all, delete them immediately; for those that can be replied to immediately, do so. Try to keep the emails you sit on down to a minimum of 5 percent of your in-box, and have a very good reason for doing so (such as finding out a correct answer, or sleeping on an angry response).\\nBuy your seasonal or celebratory gifts well in advance of the day before. You'll be less rushed and you won't feel hassled; the lazy person has time to avoid rushes.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Quit moaning.\", \"描述\": \"Lazy people don't complain; first, it takes too much energy and second, complaining is sourced from a sense of unfairness, missing out, and feeling worn into-the-ground. Less complaining and criticizing frees up time and mental space for more creative thinking and more resourceful responses to situations, including finding more productive ways of solving your problems through less focus on blame and more focus on solutions.\\nEveryone moans and criticizes now and then. Just don't let it be a habit and get used to catching yourself at it and reminding yourself of all the energy it's wasting and how you could be more productively using that time to relax and move on from whatever has bothered you.\\nIf you have a big reason for complaining, then you could be spending time doing something constructive rather than moaning, like writing a letter to your local representative or spray-painting your huge protest sign for a sit-in on a comfortable cushion.\\nCultivate compassion, acceptance, love and understanding. They are the antidote to complaining.\\nStop catastrophizing. It may never happen and even if it does, will your worrying make it any better? Perhaps it's just that you like being proven right so that you can shake your finger and say \\\"I told you so\\\" but there are better ways of dealing with the future than worrying and fussing about it.\\nLearn to go with the flow, look for opportunities, find the natural path of things, and do what is needed in the moment. You can't control outcomes, but if you learn to work fluidly and have constructively readied yourself for events (such as putting your emergency kit into place), then you can modify the impact of the outcome's impact on you.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Be spontaneously lazy.\", \"描述\": \"Once in a while, do things differently. Sleep on the couch in all of your clothes by choice (and not just because you're too exhausted to move). Create a tent from blankets with your kids and crawl in and just fall asleep in a heap together. Lie on the grass and count the clouds or stars until you can't be bothered, and just drift off. Don't get dressed all Sunday if you don't feel like it; don’t bother worrying about what the neighbors think.\\nGo with the flow. Just let things happen. Step back and let things happen without you.\\nDon't force things. Be like the water that finds the path of least resistance and smooths the way as it flows.\\nFind life's pressure points and push those instead of pushing brick walls. Find where things give with the least amount of pressure. This takes smarts, not evasion of responsibility.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Just put your feet up.\", \"描述\": \"If you’ve had a long day, or you just feel like sitting there doing nothing, do it with pride. Sit wherever you feel the most comfortable, put your feet up, lean back, and enjoy the sensation of doing absolutely nothing. Don’t think about all of the things you have to do later or worry about how much you’re being judged; think about something that makes you smile, or nothing at all.\\nBefore putting your feet up, take off your shoes and socks. If feels good, especially when you have had a hard day or week at school or work.\\nLaziness loves company. If you have a good friend who also wants to do nothing more than to sit around with his or her feet up, invite him or her over and you two can be lazy together.\\nYou can listen to your favorite music, pet your pet, eat, or do whatever it is you want to do while just sitting there.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Consider setting aside one time a week to be lazy. Perhaps your Sunday, perhaps one afternoon or evening. Just make it a time for you, for chilling, and for not responding to anything, no matter how much guilt it produces initially. You'll grow into this space with time and come to guard it fiercely for the sense of balance it restores in your life.\\n\", \"Being lazy all the time comes with a cost if you're not being smart about doing less.\\n\", \"Many hunter and gatherer tribes had patterns involving doing the least possible other than that requires to sustain their basic needs. Reducing things to basic needs can go a long way to freeing up your time for activities and thinking you'd rather be doing.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't equate laziness with permanent slovenliness or the cockroaches will become your new residents. Occasional unwashed dishes and smelly towels are fine; it's when you're tying open the kitchen door to let the stench of unwashed dishes waft out that you've got a major hygiene and self-care problem instead of a quest for doing less with your time...\\n\", \"Some people are born \\\"stress-bunnies\\\" who need to keep busy and to comment on other people's lack of busyness. For such people, being busy is a habit and a moral judgment. You might want to give them a wide berth most days.\\n\", \"Don't beat yourself up for chilling; it's permitted! Rename it \\\"soul restoration\\\" if you must, but don't feel you have to apologize for doing less and getting more out of life.\\n\", \"Avoid manipulating or blackmailing others to do things for you. That's not laziness, that is manipulation and blackmailing, which is about trying to control people. And as with all things that are about control, it's an action that takes a lot of energy to plan and sustain. So it's not the lazy person's way and it's also rotten karma.\\n\", \"If you goof off with a hobby like drawing for years, you may reach a point of skill where people expect you to become professional. Seriously ask yourself if you want to turn it into a job and change its place in your life. If you do change careers to follow a hobby that turned into a dream, it's vital to take up a new hobby that you can keep in its place for goofing off without worrying about whether it's any good! However, marketing enough of your crafts and hobbies to pay for their materials is just elegant when it comes to budgeting, part of keeping your life simple.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,877 | How to Be Led by the Holy Spirit | 1. Initiating Spirituality
1-1. Recognize that the primary way that God will lead you is through your conscience and the Bible (Romans 8:14-16, John 17:17).
Even Jesus followed His conscience (Mark 2:8). You should follow Him first before expecting your prayers being met. John 15:7 says, "If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you."
1-2. Avoid all that sinful.
For your conscience to be a good guide, you must avoid associating with sinners or it will contaminate your spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1).
1-3. Ask God for Guidance (Jeremiah 33:3, James 1:5, John 16:13).
1 John 5:14-15 says, "And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us..." You can pray for wisdom (Ephesians 1:17). James 1:5 shows that God wants you to have wisdom and He wants you to have it in abundance but you must ask in faith.
1-4. Be still (Psalms 46:10).
You don't have to be on your knees. God gets your prayer anyway, though you must be in a state of reverence.
1-5. Address Jesus.
Start with saying, "Dear God," or "Dear Lord"
1-6. Ask what He would like you to do.
You must show willingness to leave everything for Jesus just like Abraham showed willingness to give his only son to God. God happily gave his son back to him. But a certain wealthy man turned away when he asked Jesus and Jesus told him to sell all he has. He denied Jesus. James 4:3 says, "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss..."
1-7. Ask for forgiveness for your sins.
You can then end with, "In Jesus name I pray. Amen"
2. Receiving God's Command for You
2-1. Allow silence.
The next type of leading is when God is silent. This is where I do not have any leading in my conscience. God is saying, "Wait it is not His timing or it is not His will." In I Kings 13, the younger prophet lost his life when he proceeded without a leading from God.
2-2. Find God's peace.
The next type of leading is the green light where you feel joy or peace or God's presence. This is God saying, "Yes" and sometimes it comes with a revelation as to what to do (like Acts 16 and Acts 27), you just know supernaturally what to do inside your conscience.
2-3. Renew your mind as spoken to you.
Renew your thoughts and desires with the Word of God as that will help you to mature (Roman 12:2) and make better decisions.You must be able to perceive the No's before you actually get guidance (I Corinthians 14:10, Acts 16:6-7, Acts 27:10). Paul says that there are many voices in the world and they all have their significance. There is the voice of diet, exercise, education, mastering a trade, but what is God telling you to do? When you perceive a "No", you may not usually feel good inside. God is trying to warn you that if you proceed, there will be danger or failure.
2-4. Thank Him for His blessings.
Praise Jesus as you feel a sudden positivity. Do not hate God if your prayer is not answered the way you wanted! God has your whole life planned. Keep on following what is true and evaluate if your journey thus far has been blessed outside of your effort.
Tips
Devotion to prayer helps a person who wishes to be led by the Holy Spirit. Some people use the Holy Rosary for certain prayers.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Initiating Spirituality\\n1-1. Recognize that the primary way that God will lead you is through your conscience and the Bible (Romans 8:14-16, John 17:17).\\nEven Jesus followed His conscience (Mark 2:8). You should follow Him first before expecting your prayers being met. John 15:7 says, \\\"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.\\\"\\n1-2. Avoid all that sinful.\\nFor your conscience to be a good guide, you must avoid associating with sinners or it will contaminate your spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1).\\n1-3. Ask God for Guidance (Jeremiah 33:3, James 1:5, John 16:13).\\n1 John 5:14-15 says, \\\"And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us...\\\" You can pray for wisdom (Ephesians 1:17). James 1:5 shows that God wants you to have wisdom and He wants you to have it in abundance but you must ask in faith.\\n1-4. Be still (Psalms 46:10).\\nYou don't have to be on your knees. God gets your prayer anyway, though you must be in a state of reverence.\\n1-5. Address Jesus.\\nStart with saying, \\\"Dear God,\\\" or \\\"Dear Lord\\\"\\n1-6. Ask what He would like you to do.\\nYou must show willingness to leave everything for Jesus just like Abraham showed willingness to give his only son to God. God happily gave his son back to him. But a certain wealthy man turned away when he asked Jesus and Jesus told him to sell all he has. He denied Jesus. James 4:3 says, \\\"Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss...\\\"\\n1-7. Ask for forgiveness for your sins.\\nYou can then end with, \\\"In Jesus name I pray. Amen\\\"\\n2. Receiving God's Command for You\\n2-1. Allow silence.\\nThe next type of leading is when God is silent. This is where I do not have any leading in my conscience. God is saying, \\\"Wait it is not His timing or it is not His will.\\\" In I Kings 13, the younger prophet lost his life when he proceeded without a leading from God.\\n2-2. Find God's peace.\\nThe next type of leading is the green light where you feel joy or peace or God's presence. This is God saying, \\\"Yes\\\" and sometimes it comes with a revelation as to what to do (like Acts 16 and Acts 27), you just know supernaturally what to do inside your conscience.\\n2-3. Renew your mind as spoken to you.\\nRenew your thoughts and desires with the Word of God as that will help you to mature (Roman 12:2) and make better decisions.You must be able to perceive the No's before you actually get guidance (I Corinthians 14:10, Acts 16:6-7, Acts 27:10). Paul says that there are many voices in the world and they all have their significance. There is the voice of diet, exercise, education, mastering a trade, but what is God telling you to do? When you perceive a \\\"No\\\", you may not usually feel good inside. God is trying to warn you that if you proceed, there will be danger or failure.\\n2-4. Thank Him for His blessings.\\nPraise Jesus as you feel a sudden positivity. Do not hate God if your prayer is not answered the way you wanted! God has your whole life planned. Keep on following what is true and evaluate if your journey thus far has been blessed outside of your effort.\\nTips\\nDevotion to prayer helps a person who wishes to be led by the Holy Spirit. Some people use the Holy Rosary for certain prayers.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Paul said in Acts 23:1 that he always followed his conscience. Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, \\\"My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day.\\\" And in I Timothy 4:2 Paul said that a sign of the last times is that people would not follow their conscience; \\\"paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron,...\\\" (I Timothy 4:2)This article explains how to say a good prayer, keep on loving God and Jesus and be led by the Holy Spirit.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Initiating Spirituality\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize that the primary way that God will lead you is through your conscience and the Bible (Romans 8:14-16, John 17:17).\", \"描述\": \"Even Jesus followed His conscience (Mark 2:8). You should follow Him first before expecting your prayers being met. John 15:7 says, \\\"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoid all that sinful.\", \"描述\": \"For your conscience to be a good guide, you must avoid associating with sinners or it will contaminate your spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask God for Guidance (Jeremiah 33:3, James 1:5, John 16:13).\", \"描述\": \"1 John 5:14-15 says, \\\"And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us...\\\" You can pray for wisdom (Ephesians 1:17). James 1:5 shows that God wants you to have wisdom and He wants you to have it in abundance but you must ask in faith.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be still (Psalms 46:10).\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to be on your knees. God gets your prayer anyway, though you must be in a state of reverence.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Address Jesus.\", \"描述\": \"Start with saying, \\\"Dear God,\\\" or \\\"Dear Lord\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Ask what He would like you to do.\", \"描述\": \"You must show willingness to leave everything for Jesus just like Abraham showed willingness to give his only son to God. God happily gave his son back to him. But a certain wealthy man turned away when he asked Jesus and Jesus told him to sell all he has. He denied Jesus. James 4:3 says, \\\"Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss...\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Ask for forgiveness for your sins.\", \"描述\": \"You can then end with, \\\"In Jesus name I pray. Amen\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Receiving God's Command for You\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Allow silence.\", \"描述\": \"The next type of leading is when God is silent. This is where I do not have any leading in my conscience. God is saying, \\\"Wait it is not His timing or it is not His will.\\\" In I Kings 13, the younger prophet lost his life when he proceeded without a leading from God.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find God's peace.\", \"描述\": \"The next type of leading is the green light where you feel joy or peace or God's presence. This is God saying, \\\"Yes\\\" and sometimes it comes with a revelation as to what to do (like Acts 16 and Acts 27), you just know supernaturally what to do inside your conscience.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Renew your mind as spoken to you.\", \"描述\": \"Renew your thoughts and desires with the Word of God as that will help you to mature (Roman 12:2) and make better decisions.You must be able to perceive the No's before you actually get guidance (I Corinthians 14:10, Acts 16:6-7, Acts 27:10). Paul says that there are many voices in the world and they all have their significance. There is the voice of diet, exercise, education, mastering a trade, but what is God telling you to do? When you perceive a \\\"No\\\", you may not usually feel good inside. God is trying to warn you that if you proceed, there will be danger or failure.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Thank Him for His blessings.\", \"描述\": \"Praise Jesus as you feel a sudden positivity. Do not hate God if your prayer is not answered the way you wanted! God has your whole life planned. Keep on following what is true and evaluate if your journey thus far has been blessed outside of your effort.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Devotion to prayer helps a person who wishes to be led by the Holy Spirit. Some people use the Holy Rosary for certain prayers.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,878 | Tired of Losing Your Cool? 16 Ways to Feel Less Irritable | 1. Dealing with Annoying People
1-1. Take a deep breath
Breathing exercises are like a superpower—in 10 seconds, you can reduce your body’s stress response, meaning less angry feelings for you. When you’re angry in the moment, try this quick breathing exercise and repeat the steps until you feel calmer:
First, release your breath from your mouth.
Next, breathe in through your nose—as you go, count to “4 Mississippi” (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…).
Now, hold your breath for another 4-second count.
Finally, slowly exhale (again, through your mouth) as you count to “4 Mississippi” again.
1-2. Manage your expectations of other people.
The truth is, no one in your life is perfect, and some people just won’t be your cup of tea. Can this be annoying—or at times disappointing? Yes. But internalize this fact, and you’ll find it much easier to cut others some slack (and free yourself from angry feelings). When you catch yourself getting annoyed, try reminding yourself:
I can’t control others’ actions, just my own.
It’s not my job to hold this person to a certain standard.
Part of caring and supporting someone else is accepting them for who they are—and not punishing them for failing to be who I want them to be.
1-3. Remind yourself that getting annoyed doesn’t serve your interests.
The truth is, being annoyed doesn’t feel good. At times, it might even cause us to do things we wish we wouldn’t or distract us from things we’d like to do. Remind yourself that by reining in your irritation, you’re actually doing yourself a solid. Try saying to yourself:
I deserve to feel in control of my emotions.
I get to choose how I react to this.
I know getting angry will make me feel worse, and I don’t want that. So I’m choosing not to indulge this feeling.
1-4. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
So often, the things that annoy us about other people are totally unintentional. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe their mind is on something else. Either way, try to imagine the other person’s perspective, and be as generous as possible. This can help you cool off—while mulling over potential bad intentions will just fire you up more.
Say your roommate is blaring music. Instead of assuming the worst, think: “Maybe they don't know that I'm home. I'll shoot them a text instead of getting angry!”
Or, maybe your sister is chewing super loudly—annoying! Take a second to remember: she does a lot for me and doesn’t do it on purpose. The least I can do is cut her some slack!
1-5. Reflect on things that are more important than your irritated feelings.
When you're angry, maybe the last thing you want to think is, “This really not that big of deal.” But sometimes, connecting with what’s really important can be a huge help. Try to remember everything you feel grateful for—maybe it’s your job, your family, or your sweet pup. This kid kicking your airplane seat, at the end of the day, isn’t all that important!
One helpful way to maintain a healthy perspective is to remind yourself that feelings like this always pass. You’re angry now, but you won’t be forever. So in that way, this feeling might not be as powerful as it seems!
1-6. Remind yourself that self-restraint takes strength.
Sometimes, it might feel like snapping back or getting angry can give us power over other people. Oftentimes though, people might regret those reactions later on, and they don’t always have the desired effect. Psychologists say that it’s a myth that “letting all your anger out” helps you and those around you—so remind yourself that by working to control your annoyance, you’re doing yourself (and others) a service.
There are some cases, though, where this isn’t as true. If someone is harassing or bullying you or someone else, it’s best to take action.
1-7. Monitor to your body language if you want to hide your annoyance.
When someone’s gotten under your skin, your goal might be to hide that fact. If that’s the case for you, try to project friendly body language. Sporting crossed arms, a low brow, thin lips, and flared nostrils? In that case, the other person can probably sense that you’re upset. Try out these tips to come off cool as a cucumber:
Try using approachable body language (turn towards the other person and relax your arms).
Relax your facial muscles and make eye contact with the person you’re speaking with.
If this sounds tough, try practicing in the mirror first. That way, you’ll know how best to keep your composure on the outside, even when you’re annoyed on the inside!
1-8. Walk away from the person or situation.
Maybe it’s too hard to keep your cool—that’s okay! If you’re having trouble controlling irritated feelings but are determined not to react, we commend you. Take a breath, excuse yourself if you need to, and walk away. You don’t need to be strong all the time, and it’s totally within your rights to protect your peace when you need to.
If your in a casual setting, use an excuse: “Oof, I’m feeling a little lightheaded. I’m going to step out for some fresh air.”
Or, if you need to, it’s okay to be honest, too: “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m feeling a little irritated. I’m going to step away, but I’ll talk to you soon.”
2. Becoming Less Irritable
2-1. Get regular exercise.
The less stress you feel, the less day-to-day irritation you’ll face, too. Work out or move around most days of the week, and you’ll probably notice yourself feeling less annoyed. And it doesn’t have to be intense exercise; start small if that feels more doable. Try getting into nature or enjoying an adult sports league to add to all the fun!
If you’re looking for light exercise, try a nice walk outdoors, a leisurely bike ride, or dancing around your kitchen while you cook dinner.
Into more intense workouts? Try strength training, swimming, running, kickboxing, or rowing.
2-2. Limit your caffeine and alcohol intake.
Though there are some emotional and mental benefits to a daily cup of joe, too much coffee means more anxiety, stress, and irritability. Plus, if you end up dependent on caffeine, then you might feel even more angry on days you go without. Alcohol, on the other hand, can intensify angry feelings when you drink, and leave you feel anxious (and yes, annoyed) days after, too.
Stick to the daily recommended coffee limit (max 4 cups) and pay attention to how you feel, too. If you feel stressed at just 2 cups, then drink less than that.
Limit alcohol use if you’re looking to feel less angry overall. If this feels daunting, start small—cutting down just a little could help, giving you more motivation to drink less.
2-3. Go enjoy some time alone, relaxing in the peace and quiet.
Sometimes, you just need a timeout. If you feel like you’re constantly running around, or under the thumbs of others—remember that you deserve rest and rejuvenation. Take time to yourself as a means of taking care of yourself, and you’ll find yourself feeling more at peace over time.
Spend time doing something that you really love. Dedicating time to your passion is sure to leave you refreshed, whether that means painting, singing, or writing.
Pick up a hobby that’s super relaxing. Some people find working with their hands, cleaning, or meditating to be great ways to reset—find yours and make time for it!
Try getting out into nature for extra benefits. A simple hike, swim, or stroll through nature can reduce your stress levels overall.
2-4. Prioritize your sleep schedule.
If you’re not getting enough sleep, that’s likely to make you feel more annoyed on the whole. Where you can, grab a quick nap instead of sitting on your phone. Do your best to get those 8 hours every night, because the payoff could be huge. Another pro tip: aim to wake up and go to sleep at the same time each day, as this promotes a healthy sleep cycle.
Make sure your environment is suited to sleep. Keep your room cool, dark, and quiet.
Don’t use your bed for anything besides sleep—study, watch movies, and read on your couch instead.
Practice a nightly sleep routine. Wind yourself down for bed by dropping screens for an hour prior and enjoying a relaxing activity (like listening to music).
2-5. Talk to someone who makes you happy.
Connecting with a pal (one who doesn’t annoy you!) can be an amazing way to cool off and keep angry feelings at bay. Call up someone who makes you feel loved, or drop by a friendly neighbor’s house just for fun. By smiling and chatting with someone who you love, you’ll reduce stress—and in turn, feel less irritated.
If you can’t think of anyone off hand, that’s okay (and totally normal, too). Try reaching out to your local Friendship hotline. Or, stop by a local shop that’s always busy with strangers. Strike up a friendly convo with someone new.
2-6. Get a hug from a loved one.
Physical affection can have amazing benefits. A quick hug, kiss, or cuddle with someone you care about can make you feel more zen, and less frazzled. So make sure to grab as much physical contact from your loved ones as possible—you might be surprised by it’s ability to keep you feeling annoyance-free.
Ask to give your partner a massage. That way, you’ll be showing appreciation while also getting some well-needed touch. Win-win!
Do you have a family member who’s been feeling low? Give them a good squeeze. That way, you’ll both feel the hug’s healing benefits.
Not sure who to ask? That’s okay! There might probably professional cuddlers in your area—or, people you can hire to help you lower stress through touch.
2-7. Find a reason to laugh.
Laughing has tons of surprising health benefits—and one of those is less stressed, annoyed feelings. Try injecting more humor into your day, or spend time with people you find really funny. There are so many ways to do this, but try out a few of these tips below:
Seek out funny media that you love, like comedic TV shows, movies, videos, books, podcasts, or magazines.
Look for the humor in daily life. When things happen, try to see the silliness in your situation (the coffee shop wrote “Bark” instead of “Clark” on my cup—so funny!).
You could even try something a bit off the beaten path—look for “laughing yoga” classes in your area, which help you giggle using breathing exercises!
2-8. Cut yourself some slack—getting annoyed is just part of being human.
The harder you are on yourself, the less control you might feel over your emotions. The truth is, we’re all just people doing our best. If you snap at a coworker or roll your eyes at a friend, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And tomorrow’s a new day!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:10",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Dealing with Annoying People\\n1-1. Take a deep breath\\nBreathing exercises are like a superpower—in 10 seconds, you can reduce your body’s stress response, meaning less angry feelings for you. When you’re angry in the moment, try this quick breathing exercise and repeat the steps until you feel calmer:\\nFirst, release your breath from your mouth.\\nNext, breathe in through your nose—as you go, count to “4 Mississippi” (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…).\\nNow, hold your breath for another 4-second count.\\nFinally, slowly exhale (again, through your mouth) as you count to “4 Mississippi” again.\\n1-2. Manage your expectations of other people.\\nThe truth is, no one in your life is perfect, and some people just won’t be your cup of tea. Can this be annoying—or at times disappointing? Yes. But internalize this fact, and you’ll find it much easier to cut others some slack (and free yourself from angry feelings). When you catch yourself getting annoyed, try reminding yourself:\\nI can’t control others’ actions, just my own.\\nIt’s not my job to hold this person to a certain standard.\\nPart of caring and supporting someone else is accepting them for who they are—and not punishing them for failing to be who I want them to be.\\n1-3. Remind yourself that getting annoyed doesn’t serve your interests.\\nThe truth is, being annoyed doesn’t feel good. At times, it might even cause us to do things we wish we wouldn’t or distract us from things we’d like to do. Remind yourself that by reining in your irritation, you’re actually doing yourself a solid. Try saying to yourself:\\nI deserve to feel in control of my emotions.\\nI get to choose how I react to this.\\nI know getting angry will make me feel worse, and I don’t want that. So I’m choosing not to indulge this feeling.\\n1-4. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.\\nSo often, the things that annoy us about other people are totally unintentional. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe their mind is on something else. Either way, try to imagine the other person’s perspective, and be as generous as possible. This can help you cool off—while mulling over potential bad intentions will just fire you up more.\\nSay your roommate is blaring music. Instead of assuming the worst, think: “Maybe they don't know that I'm home. I'll shoot them a text instead of getting angry!”\\nOr, maybe your sister is chewing super loudly—annoying! Take a second to remember: she does a lot for me and doesn’t do it on purpose. The least I can do is cut her some slack!\\n1-5. Reflect on things that are more important than your irritated feelings.\\nWhen you're angry, maybe the last thing you want to think is, “This really not that big of deal.” But sometimes, connecting with what’s really important can be a huge help. Try to remember everything you feel grateful for—maybe it’s your job, your family, or your sweet pup. This kid kicking your airplane seat, at the end of the day, isn’t all that important!\\nOne helpful way to maintain a healthy perspective is to remind yourself that feelings like this always pass. You’re angry now, but you won’t be forever. So in that way, this feeling might not be as powerful as it seems!\\n1-6. Remind yourself that self-restraint takes strength.\\nSometimes, it might feel like snapping back or getting angry can give us power over other people. Oftentimes though, people might regret those reactions later on, and they don’t always have the desired effect. Psychologists say that it’s a myth that “letting all your anger out” helps you and those around you—so remind yourself that by working to control your annoyance, you’re doing yourself (and others) a service.\\nThere are some cases, though, where this isn’t as true. If someone is harassing or bullying you or someone else, it’s best to take action.\\n1-7. Monitor to your body language if you want to hide your annoyance.\\nWhen someone’s gotten under your skin, your goal might be to hide that fact. If that’s the case for you, try to project friendly body language. Sporting crossed arms, a low brow, thin lips, and flared nostrils? In that case, the other person can probably sense that you’re upset. Try out these tips to come off cool as a cucumber:\\nTry using approachable body language (turn towards the other person and relax your arms).\\nRelax your facial muscles and make eye contact with the person you’re speaking with.\\nIf this sounds tough, try practicing in the mirror first. That way, you’ll know how best to keep your composure on the outside, even when you’re annoyed on the inside!\\n1-8. Walk away from the person or situation.\\nMaybe it’s too hard to keep your cool—that’s okay! If you’re having trouble controlling irritated feelings but are determined not to react, we commend you. Take a breath, excuse yourself if you need to, and walk away. You don’t need to be strong all the time, and it’s totally within your rights to protect your peace when you need to.\\nIf your in a casual setting, use an excuse: “Oof, I’m feeling a little lightheaded. I’m going to step out for some fresh air.”\\nOr, if you need to, it’s okay to be honest, too: “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m feeling a little irritated. I’m going to step away, but I’ll talk to you soon.”\\n2. Becoming Less Irritable\\n2-1. Get regular exercise.\\nThe less stress you feel, the less day-to-day irritation you’ll face, too. Work out or move around most days of the week, and you’ll probably notice yourself feeling less annoyed. And it doesn’t have to be intense exercise; start small if that feels more doable. Try getting into nature or enjoying an adult sports league to add to all the fun!\\nIf you’re looking for light exercise, try a nice walk outdoors, a leisurely bike ride, or dancing around your kitchen while you cook dinner.\\nInto more intense workouts? Try strength training, swimming, running, kickboxing, or rowing.\\n2-2. Limit your caffeine and alcohol intake.\\nThough there are some emotional and mental benefits to a daily cup of joe, too much coffee means more anxiety, stress, and irritability. Plus, if you end up dependent on caffeine, then you might feel even more angry on days you go without. Alcohol, on the other hand, can intensify angry feelings when you drink, and leave you feel anxious (and yes, annoyed) days after, too.\\nStick to the daily recommended coffee limit (max 4 cups) and pay attention to how you feel, too. If you feel stressed at just 2 cups, then drink less than that.\\nLimit alcohol use if you’re looking to feel less angry overall. If this feels daunting, start small—cutting down just a little could help, giving you more motivation to drink less.\\n2-3. Go enjoy some time alone, relaxing in the peace and quiet.\\nSometimes, you just need a timeout. If you feel like you’re constantly running around, or under the thumbs of others—remember that you deserve rest and rejuvenation. Take time to yourself as a means of taking care of yourself, and you’ll find yourself feeling more at peace over time. \\nSpend time doing something that you really love. Dedicating time to your passion is sure to leave you refreshed, whether that means painting, singing, or writing.\\nPick up a hobby that’s super relaxing. Some people find working with their hands, cleaning, or meditating to be great ways to reset—find yours and make time for it!\\nTry getting out into nature for extra benefits. A simple hike, swim, or stroll through nature can reduce your stress levels overall.\\n2-4. Prioritize your sleep schedule.\\nIf you’re not getting enough sleep, that’s likely to make you feel more annoyed on the whole. Where you can, grab a quick nap instead of sitting on your phone. Do your best to get those 8 hours every night, because the payoff could be huge. Another pro tip: aim to wake up and go to sleep at the same time each day, as this promotes a healthy sleep cycle.\\nMake sure your environment is suited to sleep. Keep your room cool, dark, and quiet.\\nDon’t use your bed for anything besides sleep—study, watch movies, and read on your couch instead.\\nPractice a nightly sleep routine. Wind yourself down for bed by dropping screens for an hour prior and enjoying a relaxing activity (like listening to music).\\n2-5. Talk to someone who makes you happy.\\nConnecting with a pal (one who doesn’t annoy you!) can be an amazing way to cool off and keep angry feelings at bay. Call up someone who makes you feel loved, or drop by a friendly neighbor’s house just for fun. By smiling and chatting with someone who you love, you’ll reduce stress—and in turn, feel less irritated.\\nIf you can’t think of anyone off hand, that’s okay (and totally normal, too). Try reaching out to your local Friendship hotline. Or, stop by a local shop that’s always busy with strangers. Strike up a friendly convo with someone new.\\n2-6. Get a hug from a loved one.\\nPhysical affection can have amazing benefits. A quick hug, kiss, or cuddle with someone you care about can make you feel more zen, and less frazzled. So make sure to grab as much physical contact from your loved ones as possible—you might be surprised by it’s ability to keep you feeling annoyance-free.\\nAsk to give your partner a massage. That way, you’ll be showing appreciation while also getting some well-needed touch. Win-win!\\nDo you have a family member who’s been feeling low? Give them a good squeeze. That way, you’ll both feel the hug’s healing benefits.\\nNot sure who to ask? That’s okay! There might probably professional cuddlers in your area—or, people you can hire to help you lower stress through touch.\\n2-7. Find a reason to laugh.\\nLaughing has tons of surprising health benefits—and one of those is less stressed, annoyed feelings. Try injecting more humor into your day, or spend time with people you find really funny. There are so many ways to do this, but try out a few of these tips below:\\nSeek out funny media that you love, like comedic TV shows, movies, videos, books, podcasts, or magazines.\\nLook for the humor in daily life. When things happen, try to see the silliness in your situation (the coffee shop wrote “Bark” instead of “Clark” on my cup—so funny!).\\nYou could even try something a bit off the beaten path—look for “laughing yoga” classes in your area, which help you giggle using breathing exercises!\\n2-8. Cut yourself some slack—getting annoyed is just part of being human.\\nThe harder you are on yourself, the less control you might feel over your emotions. The truth is, we’re all just people doing our best. If you snap at a coworker or roll your eyes at a friend, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And tomorrow’s a new day!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You're doing your best to stay calm, but sometimes, it all just becomes too much—and so you snap. Feeling annoyed all the time can be super frustrating, so if you're looking to feel less irritated, that makes sense. There are actually so many easy, science-backed ways to calm yourself in the moment and become a less annoyed person on the whole. Below, we've gathered all the tips you need. Let's get started. \\n\\nPsst! In the wrong place? If you were searching for an article on how not to annoy others, check out our guide here.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dealing with Annoying People\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a deep breath\", \"描述\": \"Breathing exercises are like a superpower—in 10 seconds, you can reduce your body’s stress response, meaning less angry feelings for you. When you’re angry in the moment, try this quick breathing exercise and repeat the steps until you feel calmer:\\nFirst, release your breath from your mouth.\\nNext, breathe in through your nose—as you go, count to “4 Mississippi” (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…).\\nNow, hold your breath for another 4-second count.\\nFinally, slowly exhale (again, through your mouth) as you count to “4 Mississippi” again.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Manage your expectations of other people.\", \"描述\": \"The truth is, no one in your life is perfect, and some people just won’t be your cup of tea. Can this be annoying—or at times disappointing? Yes. But internalize this fact, and you’ll find it much easier to cut others some slack (and free yourself from angry feelings). When you catch yourself getting annoyed, try reminding yourself:\\nI can’t control others’ actions, just my own.\\nIt’s not my job to hold this person to a certain standard.\\nPart of caring and supporting someone else is accepting them for who they are—and not punishing them for failing to be who I want them to be.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that getting annoyed doesn’t serve your interests.\", \"描述\": \"The truth is, being annoyed doesn’t feel good. At times, it might even cause us to do things we wish we wouldn’t or distract us from things we’d like to do. Remind yourself that by reining in your irritation, you’re actually doing yourself a solid. Try saying to yourself:\\nI deserve to feel in control of my emotions.\\nI get to choose how I react to this.\\nI know getting angry will make me feel worse, and I don’t want that. So I’m choosing not to indulge this feeling.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put yourself in the other person's shoes.\", \"描述\": \"So often, the things that annoy us about other people are totally unintentional. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe their mind is on something else. Either way, try to imagine the other person’s perspective, and be as generous as possible. This can help you cool off—while mulling over potential bad intentions will just fire you up more.\\nSay your roommate is blaring music. Instead of assuming the worst, think: “Maybe they don't know that I'm home. I'll shoot them a text instead of getting angry!”\\nOr, maybe your sister is chewing super loudly—annoying! Take a second to remember: she does a lot for me and doesn’t do it on purpose. The least I can do is cut her some slack!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Reflect on things that are more important than your irritated feelings.\", \"描述\": \"When you're angry, maybe the last thing you want to think is, “This really not that big of deal.” But sometimes, connecting with what’s really important can be a huge help. Try to remember everything you feel grateful for—maybe it’s your job, your family, or your sweet pup. This kid kicking your airplane seat, at the end of the day, isn’t all that important!\\nOne helpful way to maintain a healthy perspective is to remind yourself that feelings like this always pass. You’re angry now, but you won’t be forever. So in that way, this feeling might not be as powerful as it seems!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that self-restraint takes strength.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, it might feel like snapping back or getting angry can give us power over other people. Oftentimes though, people might regret those reactions later on, and they don’t always have the desired effect. Psychologists say that it’s a myth that “letting all your anger out” helps you and those around you—so remind yourself that by working to control your annoyance, you’re doing yourself (and others) a service.\\nThere are some cases, though, where this isn’t as true. If someone is harassing or bullying you or someone else, it’s best to take action.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Monitor to your body language if you want to hide your annoyance.\", \"描述\": \"When someone’s gotten under your skin, your goal might be to hide that fact. If that’s the case for you, try to project friendly body language. Sporting crossed arms, a low brow, thin lips, and flared nostrils? In that case, the other person can probably sense that you’re upset. Try out these tips to come off cool as a cucumber:\\nTry using approachable body language (turn towards the other person and relax your arms).\\nRelax your facial muscles and make eye contact with the person you’re speaking with.\\nIf this sounds tough, try practicing in the mirror first. That way, you’ll know how best to keep your composure on the outside, even when you’re annoyed on the inside!\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Walk away from the person or situation.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe it’s too hard to keep your cool—that’s okay! If you’re having trouble controlling irritated feelings but are determined not to react, we commend you. Take a breath, excuse yourself if you need to, and walk away. You don’t need to be strong all the time, and it’s totally within your rights to protect your peace when you need to.\\nIf your in a casual setting, use an excuse: “Oof, I’m feeling a little lightheaded. I’m going to step out for some fresh air.”\\nOr, if you need to, it’s okay to be honest, too: “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m feeling a little irritated. I’m going to step away, but I’ll talk to you soon.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Becoming Less Irritable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get regular exercise.\", \"描述\": \"The less stress you feel, the less day-to-day irritation you’ll face, too. Work out or move around most days of the week, and you’ll probably notice yourself feeling less annoyed. And it doesn’t have to be intense exercise; start small if that feels more doable. Try getting into nature or enjoying an adult sports league to add to all the fun!\\nIf you’re looking for light exercise, try a nice walk outdoors, a leisurely bike ride, or dancing around your kitchen while you cook dinner.\\nInto more intense workouts? Try strength training, swimming, running, kickboxing, or rowing.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Limit your caffeine and alcohol intake.\", \"描述\": \"Though there are some emotional and mental benefits to a daily cup of joe, too much coffee means more anxiety, stress, and irritability. Plus, if you end up dependent on caffeine, then you might feel even more angry on days you go without. Alcohol, on the other hand, can intensify angry feelings when you drink, and leave you feel anxious (and yes, annoyed) days after, too.\\nStick to the daily recommended coffee limit (max 4 cups) and pay attention to how you feel, too. If you feel stressed at just 2 cups, then drink less than that.\\nLimit alcohol use if you’re looking to feel less angry overall. If this feels daunting, start small—cutting down just a little could help, giving you more motivation to drink less.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Go enjoy some time alone, relaxing in the peace and quiet.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, you just need a timeout. If you feel like you’re constantly running around, or under the thumbs of others—remember that you deserve rest and rejuvenation. Take time to yourself as a means of taking care of yourself, and you’ll find yourself feeling more at peace over time. \\nSpend time doing something that you really love. Dedicating time to your passion is sure to leave you refreshed, whether that means painting, singing, or writing.\\nPick up a hobby that’s super relaxing. Some people find working with their hands, cleaning, or meditating to be great ways to reset—find yours and make time for it!\\nTry getting out into nature for extra benefits. A simple hike, swim, or stroll through nature can reduce your stress levels overall.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Prioritize your sleep schedule.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re not getting enough sleep, that’s likely to make you feel more annoyed on the whole. Where you can, grab a quick nap instead of sitting on your phone. Do your best to get those 8 hours every night, because the payoff could be huge. Another pro tip: aim to wake up and go to sleep at the same time each day, as this promotes a healthy sleep cycle.\\nMake sure your environment is suited to sleep. Keep your room cool, dark, and quiet.\\nDon’t use your bed for anything besides sleep—study, watch movies, and read on your couch instead.\\nPractice a nightly sleep routine. Wind yourself down for bed by dropping screens for an hour prior and enjoying a relaxing activity (like listening to music).\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Talk to someone who makes you happy.\", \"描述\": \"Connecting with a pal (one who doesn’t annoy you!) can be an amazing way to cool off and keep angry feelings at bay. Call up someone who makes you feel loved, or drop by a friendly neighbor’s house just for fun. By smiling and chatting with someone who you love, you’ll reduce stress—and in turn, feel less irritated.\\nIf you can’t think of anyone off hand, that’s okay (and totally normal, too). Try reaching out to your local Friendship hotline. Or, stop by a local shop that’s always busy with strangers. Strike up a friendly convo with someone new.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get a hug from a loved one.\", \"描述\": \"Physical affection can have amazing benefits. A quick hug, kiss, or cuddle with someone you care about can make you feel more zen, and less frazzled. So make sure to grab as much physical contact from your loved ones as possible—you might be surprised by it’s ability to keep you feeling annoyance-free.\\nAsk to give your partner a massage. That way, you’ll be showing appreciation while also getting some well-needed touch. Win-win!\\nDo you have a family member who’s been feeling low? Give them a good squeeze. That way, you’ll both feel the hug’s healing benefits.\\nNot sure who to ask? That’s okay! There might probably professional cuddlers in your area—or, people you can hire to help you lower stress through touch.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Find a reason to laugh.\", \"描述\": \"Laughing has tons of surprising health benefits—and one of those is less stressed, annoyed feelings. Try injecting more humor into your day, or spend time with people you find really funny. There are so many ways to do this, but try out a few of these tips below:\\nSeek out funny media that you love, like comedic TV shows, movies, videos, books, podcasts, or magazines.\\nLook for the humor in daily life. When things happen, try to see the silliness in your situation (the coffee shop wrote “Bark” instead of “Clark” on my cup—so funny!).\\nYou could even try something a bit off the beaten path—look for “laughing yoga” classes in your area, which help you giggle using breathing exercises!\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Cut yourself some slack—getting annoyed is just part of being human.\", \"描述\": \"The harder you are on yourself, the less control you might feel over your emotions. The truth is, we’re all just people doing our best. If you snap at a coworker or roll your eyes at a friend, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And tomorrow’s a new day!\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,879 | How to Be Less Annoying Towards Friends | 1. Respecting Boundaries
1-1. Respect the word "stop."
If someone is uncomfortable with something you're doing, pay attention. If they say they want you to stop, or you notice nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and body language) that show something makes them uncomfortable, then you should stop.
1-2. Keep your hands to yourself unless it's clearly okay to touch someone.
Don't touch someone by surprise, such as poking them or coming up from behind and touching them. Instead, let them see it coming so that they have the opportunity to say no or lean away if they don't want to be touched.
1-3. Don't talk about people behind their backs; especially if you have not stated your issue with the person in the first place.
This is especially true of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.
1-4. Give people space if they'd like space.
Avoid showing up uninvited or pestering someone with calls or texts if they aren't responding. Give them time to come to you.
1-5. Ask how to help an upset friend.
If you notice that your friend is in a bad mood, don't assume you know how to fix it. Sometimes people want company and sometimes they want to be alone. Sometimes they want a distraction and sometimes they want to talk about it.
Try saying "You seem down. What would help you feel better right now?"
Listen when they tell you what they want. For example, if they say "I want to be alone," then leave them alone for a while.
1-6. Do not go through people's stuff.
Even if their things are not private, they may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to give the item to you.
1-7. Mind your own business.
Avoid butting into a conversation by (for example) saying, "What are you talking about?" If you hear someone talking about something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it alone.
2. Keeping a Healthy Attitude
2-1. Be humble.
Just because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success. There are some people who need to prove that they, and only they, had the ultimate experience. This is known as “One-upping” your friends. This is so universally hated that people actually will laugh at you if they see you doing this consistently. Bragging does not make your friends think you are any greater, it makes you look pathetic, it makes friends sick of you and it is human nature to avoid braggarts.
2-2. Share the spotlight.
Being the center of attention can be fun. Remember that other people deserve to take turns too. Make time for them to talk about their lives and their issues.
If it's someone else's turn, avoid trying to turn things back to you. You'd feel upset if someone did that to you, so don't do that to your friend. Let things focus on them. You can take your turn once their turn is over.
Try to have a list of interesting questions on hand that you can ask to get to know other people on a deeper level.
2-3. Read the room when it comes to your emotions.
Notice the general mood that everyone else has. If you try to interrupt that feeling (e.g. telling jokes when someone just told a sad story), people may feel like you aren't paying attention to what's important to them right now.
Of course, you can still bring up things about your life. Just wait a bit if it seems like a bad time.
2-4. Avoid judging people for harmless differences or mistakes.
Sometimes people are imperfect or different from you, and that's okay. Avoid badmouthing them or treating them like they're inferior. People notice this type of thing and they feel less comfortable around you because they'll worry that you judge them too.
2-5. Don’t pretend you are perfect.
Apologize when you upset someone. You messed up, just accept it and be humble enough to apologize. This helps people trust you more.
Remember—being perfect isn't relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up once in awhile. Handling yourself maturely makes you look more human and relatable, thus increasing your charisma.
3. Skipping Bad Habits
3-1. Stay aware of other people in public spaces.
Don't block walkways, blast your music, or create strong smells (e.g. cigarette smoke or intense perfume) in an area where people are "trapped" (such as a bus stop or crosswalk). Your actions shouldn't interfere with other people's ability to move through public unbothered.
3-2. Be polite and hygienic.
Don't peek down people's shirts for instance, don’t talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean clothes every day.
3-3. Avoid making distracting noises or motions that affect others.
Issues like pencil tapping, chewing with your mouth open, or shaking your leg such that it shakes someone else's desk can bother people.
It's okay to be fidgety if that's the way you are. Find a way to fidget quietly without distracting others.
Redirect your fidgeting if someone says it's bothering them.
3-4. Don't copy people.
People may find it irritating if you are always trying to copy their actions. Not only will it make them uncomfortable, it will create the impression that you're not happy with yourself and can't value your individuality.
3-5. Practice good email and text etiquette.
Send things because you think it'll improve your relationship or be helpful to someone. Stay polite and kind in all your messages.
Don't forward chain mail, even if it's warning about something scary or suggesting you could get paid. This type of stuff is always fake and it can annoy people.
Avoid sending more than 2 messages in a row if someone isn't responding. Give them time to answer you. It may be that they're busy right now and will be able to get to you later.
4. Speaking Politely
4-1. Speak clearly.
Try to speak at a moderate pace and volume. If you've been told you talk too quietly or too quickly, work on changing that so people can understand you better.
4-2. Avoid interrupting people when they're talking.
Interruptions can make people feel like you don't care what they have to say. Give them time to finish their thoughts. Wait for a short pause before you speak.
Accidents happen. If you interrupt someone, say "I'm sorry. What were you saying?" Then listen closely.
4-3. Remember to listen to the other person.
When you're talking, give pauses to let them comment or ask questions. When they're talking, listen actively and show that you care what they have to say.
When in doubt, focus on being interested, not interesting. People love it when you listen to them.
4-4. Avoid correcting people over things that don't matter.
Correcting people on issues like spelling, grammar, or minor facts will usually annoy them instead of helping them. Let it slide unless they have asked for your help or if they are wrong about something important.
If you do need to correct someone, do it gently and try to help them save face.
4-5. Avoid needless arguments.
Arguing can stress people out and make them uncomfortable around you. Don't push people into a debate if they aren't interested, and if they seem uncomfortable, let it drop.
Avoid telling people that their life experiences are wrong.
4-6. Don't complain all the time.
Remember the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent. But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to be optimistic.
4-7. Making an inside joke or reference with a friend while a second friend is present can make the second friend feel left out, if you do this then you should tell the other friend what you are talking about or try to explain what you mean.
Most times this isn’t something that gets on peoples nerves, but if it happens multiple times in a single conversation, it’ll irritate the second friend to the point of him wanting never to talk to you.
4-8. If you’re doing something no one else around you is doing and you know they don't think what you’re doing is a good thing then you need to stop.
4-9. Recognize signs that someone isn't interested in the current topic.
As you talk, keep an eye on your conversation partner's mood. If they seem disengaged, then let the subject change.
If someone isn't interested, it usually doesn't mean anything bad about you. It just means that this isn't the right topic right now. Try asking about something that they're interested in.
4-10. Don’t patronize your friends; don’t ever act condescending or disrespectful to people.
4-11. Don’t act like the friend’s parent when driving, warning them about obstacles and dangers.
If they have their license they know how to drive, if not, why are you in the car with them driving?
4-12. Dodge sensitive topics if you can tell someone doesn't want to talk about it.
If someone mentions a fact that they seem to be sad or embarrassed about, avoid bringing it up.
If you aren't sure what would make them happy, try saying "we can talk about it or not talk about it if you'd like."
4-13. Between friends there is harmless teasing and such, this is very common and acceptable.
However, this is taken too far by some people. Relentless insulting and name calling isn’t a way to bond with a person.
4-14. A person with absolutely no moral boundaries will repel those around them.
It is very unattractive and annoying to hang out with someone who ignores principles and ethical standards. Be conscientious of the beliefs others have.
4-15. The two worst ways to get on someone’s nerves are to:
(a) Act insensitive and therefore hurt their feelings. (b) Act overly sensitive and constantly annoy your friends by making a huge deal out of something that didn’t really matter and getting hurt by things that are very minuscule. The solutions to both of these problems are: (a) Stop acting like a jerk. (b) Stop reading into things so much, the world doesn’t revolve around you.
4-16. Be mindful of how the things you say are perceived by others.
Even if your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to hate your guts. Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.
Tips
Try not to pay attention to your friends a lot-if you don't then they will get more curious and stick with you.
Don't point out your friend's flaws, like bad eyesight, hearing, or memory.
Don't copy the things your friend does. This is beyond annoying.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:10",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Respecting Boundaries\\n1-1. Respect the word \\\"stop.\\\"\\nIf someone is uncomfortable with something you're doing, pay attention. If they say they want you to stop, or you notice nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and body language) that show something makes them uncomfortable, then you should stop.\\n1-2. Keep your hands to yourself unless it's clearly okay to touch someone.\\nDon't touch someone by surprise, such as poking them or coming up from behind and touching them. Instead, let them see it coming so that they have the opportunity to say no or lean away if they don't want to be touched.\\n1-3. Don't talk about people behind their backs; especially if you have not stated your issue with the person in the first place.\\nThis is especially true of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.\\n1-4. Give people space if they'd like space.\\nAvoid showing up uninvited or pestering someone with calls or texts if they aren't responding. Give them time to come to you.\\n1-5. Ask how to help an upset friend.\\nIf you notice that your friend is in a bad mood, don't assume you know how to fix it. Sometimes people want company and sometimes they want to be alone. Sometimes they want a distraction and sometimes they want to talk about it. \\nTry saying \\\"You seem down. What would help you feel better right now?\\\"\\nListen when they tell you what they want. For example, if they say \\\"I want to be alone,\\\" then leave them alone for a while.\\n1-6. Do not go through people's stuff.\\nEven if their things are not private, they may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to give the item to you.\\n1-7. Mind your own business.\\nAvoid butting into a conversation by (for example) saying, \\\"What are you talking about?\\\" If you hear someone talking about something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it alone.\\n2. Keeping a Healthy Attitude\\n2-1. Be humble.\\nJust because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success. There are some people who need to prove that they, and only they, had the ultimate experience. This is known as “One-upping” your friends. This is so universally hated that people actually will laugh at you if they see you doing this consistently. Bragging does not make your friends think you are any greater, it makes you look pathetic, it makes friends sick of you and it is human nature to avoid braggarts.\\n2-2. Share the spotlight.\\nBeing the center of attention can be fun. Remember that other people deserve to take turns too. Make time for them to talk about their lives and their issues.\\nIf it's someone else's turn, avoid trying to turn things back to you. You'd feel upset if someone did that to you, so don't do that to your friend. Let things focus on them. You can take your turn once their turn is over.\\nTry to have a list of interesting questions on hand that you can ask to get to know other people on a deeper level.\\n2-3. Read the room when it comes to your emotions.\\nNotice the general mood that everyone else has. If you try to interrupt that feeling (e.g. telling jokes when someone just told a sad story), people may feel like you aren't paying attention to what's important to them right now. \\nOf course, you can still bring up things about your life. Just wait a bit if it seems like a bad time.\\n2-4. Avoid judging people for harmless differences or mistakes.\\nSometimes people are imperfect or different from you, and that's okay. Avoid badmouthing them or treating them like they're inferior. People notice this type of thing and they feel less comfortable around you because they'll worry that you judge them too.\\n2-5. Don’t pretend you are perfect.\\nApologize when you upset someone. You messed up, just accept it and be humble enough to apologize. This helps people trust you more.\\nRemember—being perfect isn't relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up once in awhile. Handling yourself maturely makes you look more human and relatable, thus increasing your charisma.\\n3. Skipping Bad Habits\\n3-1. Stay aware of other people in public spaces.\\nDon't block walkways, blast your music, or create strong smells (e.g. cigarette smoke or intense perfume) in an area where people are \\\"trapped\\\" (such as a bus stop or crosswalk). Your actions shouldn't interfere with other people's ability to move through public unbothered.\\n3-2. Be polite and hygienic.\\nDon't peek down people's shirts for instance, don’t talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean clothes every day.\\n3-3. Avoid making distracting noises or motions that affect others.\\nIssues like pencil tapping, chewing with your mouth open, or shaking your leg such that it shakes someone else's desk can bother people. \\nIt's okay to be fidgety if that's the way you are. Find a way to fidget quietly without distracting others.\\nRedirect your fidgeting if someone says it's bothering them.\\n3-4. Don't copy people.\\nPeople may find it irritating if you are always trying to copy their actions. Not only will it make them uncomfortable, it will create the impression that you're not happy with yourself and can't value your individuality.\\n3-5. Practice good email and text etiquette.\\nSend things because you think it'll improve your relationship or be helpful to someone. Stay polite and kind in all your messages. \\nDon't forward chain mail, even if it's warning about something scary or suggesting you could get paid. This type of stuff is always fake and it can annoy people.\\nAvoid sending more than 2 messages in a row if someone isn't responding. Give them time to answer you. It may be that they're busy right now and will be able to get to you later.\\n4. Speaking Politely\\n4-1. Speak clearly.\\nTry to speak at a moderate pace and volume. If you've been told you talk too quietly or too quickly, work on changing that so people can understand you better.\\n4-2. Avoid interrupting people when they're talking.\\nInterruptions can make people feel like you don't care what they have to say. Give them time to finish their thoughts. Wait for a short pause before you speak. \\nAccidents happen. If you interrupt someone, say \\\"I'm sorry. What were you saying?\\\" Then listen closely.\\n4-3. Remember to listen to the other person.\\nWhen you're talking, give pauses to let them comment or ask questions. When they're talking, listen actively and show that you care what they have to say. \\nWhen in doubt, focus on being interested, not interesting. People love it when you listen to them.\\n4-4. Avoid correcting people over things that don't matter.\\nCorrecting people on issues like spelling, grammar, or minor facts will usually annoy them instead of helping them. Let it slide unless they have asked for your help or if they are wrong about something important. \\nIf you do need to correct someone, do it gently and try to help them save face.\\n4-5. Avoid needless arguments.\\nArguing can stress people out and make them uncomfortable around you. Don't push people into a debate if they aren't interested, and if they seem uncomfortable, let it drop. \\nAvoid telling people that their life experiences are wrong.\\n4-6. Don't complain all the time.\\nRemember the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent. But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to be optimistic.\\n4-7. Making an inside joke or reference with a friend while a second friend is present can make the second friend feel left out, if you do this then you should tell the other friend what you are talking about or try to explain what you mean.\\nMost times this isn’t something that gets on peoples nerves, but if it happens multiple times in a single conversation, it’ll irritate the second friend to the point of him wanting never to talk to you.\\n4-8. If you’re doing something no one else around you is doing and you know they don't think what you’re doing is a good thing then you need to stop.\\n\\n4-9. Recognize signs that someone isn't interested in the current topic.\\nAs you talk, keep an eye on your conversation partner's mood. If they seem disengaged, then let the subject change. \\nIf someone isn't interested, it usually doesn't mean anything bad about you. It just means that this isn't the right topic right now. Try asking about something that they're interested in.\\n4-10. Don’t patronize your friends; don’t ever act condescending or disrespectful to people.\\n\\n4-11. Don’t act like the friend’s parent when driving, warning them about obstacles and dangers.\\nIf they have their license they know how to drive, if not, why are you in the car with them driving?\\n4-12. Dodge sensitive topics if you can tell someone doesn't want to talk about it.\\nIf someone mentions a fact that they seem to be sad or embarrassed about, avoid bringing it up. \\nIf you aren't sure what would make them happy, try saying \\\"we can talk about it or not talk about it if you'd like.\\\"\\n4-13. Between friends there is harmless teasing and such, this is very common and acceptable.\\nHowever, this is taken too far by some people. Relentless insulting and name calling isn’t a way to bond with a person.\\n4-14. A person with absolutely no moral boundaries will repel those around them.\\nIt is very unattractive and annoying to hang out with someone who ignores principles and ethical standards. Be conscientious of the beliefs others have.\\n4-15. The two worst ways to get on someone’s nerves are to:\\n(a) Act insensitive and therefore hurt their feelings. (b) Act overly sensitive and constantly annoy your friends by making a huge deal out of something that didn’t really matter and getting hurt by things that are very minuscule. The solutions to both of these problems are: (a) Stop acting like a jerk. (b) Stop reading into things so much, the world doesn’t revolve around you.\\n4-16. Be mindful of how the things you say are perceived by others.\\nEven if your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to hate your guts. Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.\\nTips\\nTry not to pay attention to your friends a lot-if you don't then they will get more curious and stick with you.\\nDon't point out your friend's flaws, like bad eyesight, hearing, or memory.\\nDon't copy the things your friend does. This is beyond annoying.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It's natural for everyone to feel that they are outcasted by peers and/or friends. Sometimes, people may act this way because they feel annoyed by the way someone treats them, especially inside a friend group. There are many factors, small and large, that causes others to label your actions as irritating. If you feel like you may be annoying to your friends, you can improve on certain areas to be more comfortable with your peers, and with yourself too.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Respecting Boundaries\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Respect the word \\\"stop.\\\"\", \"描述\": \"If someone is uncomfortable with something you're doing, pay attention. If they say they want you to stop, or you notice nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and body language) that show something makes them uncomfortable, then you should stop.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep your hands to yourself unless it's clearly okay to touch someone.\", \"描述\": \"Don't touch someone by surprise, such as poking them or coming up from behind and touching them. Instead, let them see it coming so that they have the opportunity to say no or lean away if they don't want to be touched.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't talk about people behind their backs; especially if you have not stated your issue with the person in the first place.\", \"描述\": \"This is especially true of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Give people space if they'd like space.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid showing up uninvited or pestering someone with calls or texts if they aren't responding. Give them time to come to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask how to help an upset friend.\", \"描述\": \"If you notice that your friend is in a bad mood, don't assume you know how to fix it. Sometimes people want company and sometimes they want to be alone. Sometimes they want a distraction and sometimes they want to talk about it. \\nTry saying \\\"You seem down. What would help you feel better right now?\\\"\\nListen when they tell you what they want. For example, if they say \\\"I want to be alone,\\\" then leave them alone for a while.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Do not go through people's stuff.\", \"描述\": \"Even if their things are not private, they may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to give the item to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Mind your own business.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid butting into a conversation by (for example) saying, \\\"What are you talking about?\\\" If you hear someone talking about something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it alone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keeping a Healthy Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be humble.\", \"描述\": \"Just because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success. There are some people who need to prove that they, and only they, had the ultimate experience. This is known as “One-upping” your friends. This is so universally hated that people actually will laugh at you if they see you doing this consistently. Bragging does not make your friends think you are any greater, it makes you look pathetic, it makes friends sick of you and it is human nature to avoid braggarts.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Share the spotlight.\", \"描述\": \"Being the center of attention can be fun. Remember that other people deserve to take turns too. Make time for them to talk about their lives and their issues.\\nIf it's someone else's turn, avoid trying to turn things back to you. You'd feel upset if someone did that to you, so don't do that to your friend. Let things focus on them. You can take your turn once their turn is over.\\nTry to have a list of interesting questions on hand that you can ask to get to know other people on a deeper level.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Read the room when it comes to your emotions.\", \"描述\": \"Notice the general mood that everyone else has. If you try to interrupt that feeling (e.g. telling jokes when someone just told a sad story), people may feel like you aren't paying attention to what's important to them right now. \\nOf course, you can still bring up things about your life. Just wait a bit if it seems like a bad time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid judging people for harmless differences or mistakes.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes people are imperfect or different from you, and that's okay. Avoid badmouthing them or treating them like they're inferior. People notice this type of thing and they feel less comfortable around you because they'll worry that you judge them too.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don’t pretend you are perfect.\", \"描述\": \"Apologize when you upset someone. You messed up, just accept it and be humble enough to apologize. This helps people trust you more.\\nRemember—being perfect isn't relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up once in awhile. Handling yourself maturely makes you look more human and relatable, thus increasing your charisma.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Skipping Bad Habits\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay aware of other people in public spaces.\", \"描述\": \"Don't block walkways, blast your music, or create strong smells (e.g. cigarette smoke or intense perfume) in an area where people are \\\"trapped\\\" (such as a bus stop or crosswalk). Your actions shouldn't interfere with other people's ability to move through public unbothered.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be polite and hygienic.\", \"描述\": \"Don't peek down people's shirts for instance, don’t talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean clothes every day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid making distracting noises or motions that affect others.\", \"描述\": \"Issues like pencil tapping, chewing with your mouth open, or shaking your leg such that it shakes someone else's desk can bother people. \\nIt's okay to be fidgety if that's the way you are. Find a way to fidget quietly without distracting others.\\nRedirect your fidgeting if someone says it's bothering them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't copy people.\", \"描述\": \"People may find it irritating if you are always trying to copy their actions. Not only will it make them uncomfortable, it will create the impression that you're not happy with yourself and can't value your individuality.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice good email and text etiquette.\", \"描述\": \"Send things because you think it'll improve your relationship or be helpful to someone. Stay polite and kind in all your messages. \\nDon't forward chain mail, even if it's warning about something scary or suggesting you could get paid. This type of stuff is always fake and it can annoy people.\\nAvoid sending more than 2 messages in a row if someone isn't responding. Give them time to answer you. It may be that they're busy right now and will be able to get to you later.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Speaking Politely\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Speak clearly.\", \"描述\": \"Try to speak at a moderate pace and volume. If you've been told you talk too quietly or too quickly, work on changing that so people can understand you better.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoid interrupting people when they're talking.\", \"描述\": \"Interruptions can make people feel like you don't care what they have to say. Give them time to finish their thoughts. Wait for a short pause before you speak. \\nAccidents happen. If you interrupt someone, say \\\"I'm sorry. What were you saying?\\\" Then listen closely.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remember to listen to the other person.\", \"描述\": \"When you're talking, give pauses to let them comment or ask questions. When they're talking, listen actively and show that you care what they have to say. \\nWhen in doubt, focus on being interested, not interesting. People love it when you listen to them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid correcting people over things that don't matter.\", \"描述\": \"Correcting people on issues like spelling, grammar, or minor facts will usually annoy them instead of helping them. Let it slide unless they have asked for your help or if they are wrong about something important. \\nIf you do need to correct someone, do it gently and try to help them save face.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid needless arguments.\", \"描述\": \"Arguing can stress people out and make them uncomfortable around you. Don't push people into a debate if they aren't interested, and if they seem uncomfortable, let it drop. \\nAvoid telling people that their life experiences are wrong.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't complain all the time.\", \"描述\": \"Remember the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent. But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to be optimistic.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Making an inside joke or reference with a friend while a second friend is present can make the second friend feel left out, if you do this then you should tell the other friend what you are talking about or try to explain what you mean.\", \"描述\": \"Most times this isn’t something that gets on peoples nerves, but if it happens multiple times in a single conversation, it’ll irritate the second friend to the point of him wanting never to talk to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"If you’re doing something no one else around you is doing and you know they don't think what you’re doing is a good thing then you need to stop.\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Recognize signs that someone isn't interested in the current topic.\", \"描述\": \"As you talk, keep an eye on your conversation partner's mood. If they seem disengaged, then let the subject change. \\nIf someone isn't interested, it usually doesn't mean anything bad about you. It just means that this isn't the right topic right now. Try asking about something that they're interested in.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Don’t patronize your friends; don’t ever act condescending or disrespectful to people.\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Don’t act like the friend’s parent when driving, warning them about obstacles and dangers.\", \"描述\": \"If they have their license they know how to drive, if not, why are you in the car with them driving?\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Dodge sensitive topics if you can tell someone doesn't want to talk about it.\", \"描述\": \"If someone mentions a fact that they seem to be sad or embarrassed about, avoid bringing it up. \\nIf you aren't sure what would make them happy, try saying \\\"we can talk about it or not talk about it if you'd like.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Between friends there is harmless teasing and such, this is very common and acceptable.\", \"描述\": \"However, this is taken too far by some people. Relentless insulting and name calling isn’t a way to bond with a person.\"}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"A person with absolutely no moral boundaries will repel those around them.\", \"描述\": \"It is very unattractive and annoying to hang out with someone who ignores principles and ethical standards. Be conscientious of the beliefs others have.\"}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"The two worst ways to get on someone’s nerves are to:\", \"描述\": \"(a) Act insensitive and therefore hurt their feelings. (b) Act overly sensitive and constantly annoy your friends by making a huge deal out of something that didn’t really matter and getting hurt by things that are very minuscule. The solutions to both of these problems are: (a) Stop acting like a jerk. (b) Stop reading into things so much, the world doesn’t revolve around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 16, \"标题\": \"Be mindful of how the things you say are perceived by others.\", \"描述\": \"Even if your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to hate your guts. Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Try not to pay attention to your friends a lot-if you don't then they will get more curious and stick with you.\\n\", \"Don't point out your friend's flaws, like bad eyesight, hearing, or memory.\\n\", \"Don't copy the things your friend does. This is beyond annoying.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,880 | 5 Ways to Be Less Appealing to Mosquitoes | 1. Reducing Your Attractiveness to Mosquitoes
1-1. Wear subdued, light-colored clothing.
Mosquitoes might not have the best eyesight, but they are more attracted to certain colors. Dark hues like navy and black, as well as bright oranges and reds, are like bullseyes to mosquitoes. So, stick to understated colors like white, cream, and tan to keep mosquitoes away.
1-2. Cover up as much as possible.
One of the easiest ways to stop mosquitoes from biting you is to create a barrier between you and them. Mosquitoes have a hard time biting through clothes, so long, loose tops and pants are great to wear when the weather allows.
Avoid wearing skin-tight tops and pants, even when they’re long, as mosquitoes can bite through them.
Spray your clothes with permethrin to directly repel mosquitoes. Permethrin is an insecticide that kills and keeps mosquitoes away. It’s not meant for your skin, so wear gloves when spraying it on your clothes and shoes.
1-3. Use unscented body wash and shampoo.
Mosquitoes use their great sense of smell to find hosts, with fruity, floral scents being some of their favorite smells. During peak mosquito season, switch out your scented body wash, shampoo, and conditioner with unscented versions. If you’re camping or traveling to a mosquito-heavy area, keep unscented travel-sized options with you too.
Also avoid wearing scented lotions, perfumes, and colognes when spending time outside. While you might not smell as nice, you’ll avoid attracting a lot of mosquitoes.
1-4. Spray a mosquito repellant on your skin.
This might seem obvious, but insect repellants are a super easy way to be less attractive to mosquitoes. Just spray an effective repellant like DEET or picaridin on your arms, legs, and any other parts of exposed skin. Clip-on repellants that emit metofluthrin, such as OFF! Clip-Ons, are great alternatives if you don’t want to deal with sprays.
If you don’t want to use chemicals, make your own repellant with citronella oil, geraniol oil, and essential oils like peppermint, lavender, and eucalyptus.
Lighting a citronella candle is another great alternative to using sprays. They typically work best when they’re right next to you and there’s little wind.
Contrary to popular belief, there’s no scientific evidence that eating garlic, vitamin B, or bananas repel mosquitoes.
1-5. Stay behind a screen.
If you live in a mosquito-prone area but like to enjoy the outdoors, enclose your balcony or porch with mesh screens. If you prefer catching a breeze while you’re inside, make sure your windows and doors are screened too. Mosquitoes can’t bite you if you’re tucked away behind a screen, no matter how attractive you might be.
2. What attracts mosquitoes?
2-1. Mosquitoes detect and fly towards carbon dioxide, or CO2.
Mosquitoes have special sensors that detect CO2, which tells them that a host is nearby. When you breathe, you take in oxygen and exhale CO2. The mosquitoes buzzing in your yard notice your exhale and follow the trail directly to you. So, just breathing outdoors attracts mosquitoes to you.
2-2. Mosquitoes are attracted to certain smells on your skin, like lactic acid.
Getting a whiff of CO2 just draws a mosquito to you. It will want to land on you and bite if it also smells a blend of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids wafting off your skin.
Mosquitoes are often more attracted to people when they’re sweating and exercising. Your sweat contains lactic acid, which your body produces when you exercise.
Bacteria on your skin are responsible for the odors that attract mosquitoes. Your skin’s bacteria interact with secretions from the glands on your skin, producing volatile fatty acids like lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids.
2-3. Mosquitoes might have a blood type preference.
You’ve probably heard someone tell you that mosquitoes like you so much because your blood is sweet. That’s not entirely true, but mosquitoes might prefer some blood types over others. While researchers are studying what blood types mosquitoes favor more, the results are still pretty inconclusive.
For example, some researchers found that mosquitoes flock to people with type O blood more than A, B, and AB. Other research indicates that mosquitoes prefer type B blood.
Mosquitoes aren’t particularly attracted to people with anemia, or a blood iron deficiency. In places where dengue fever is common though, having anemic blood can increase its spread.
3. Are some people more attractive to mosquitoes?
People who emit more lactic acid and CO2 attract more mosquitoes.
Some people naturally have higher levels of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids on their skin, making them smell more intoxicating to mosquitoes. Additionally, people who exhale more CO2, such as those who are pregnant or overweight, often draw more mosquitoes to them.
The amount of lactic acid and other chemicals on your skin comes down to your genetics and body composition. So unfortunately, it can’t be changed.
Exercising and drinking alcohol tends to make you more attractive to mosquitoes in the short-term because you emit more CO2.
If you’re highly attractive to mosquitoes, they might still bite you even if you’re wearing repellant.
Some people can gain a tolerance to mosquito bites. As they get bitten, their body produces fewer antibodies to deal with each new bite. This usually makes the bites feel less itchy.
4. Why do mosquitoes bite?
Mosquitoes bite you and suck your blood in order to reproduce.
While both male and female mosquitoes drink nectar to survive, only females suck blood. They need specific proteins only found in human and animal blood to develop their eggs, which nectar doesn’t provide.
Warnings
Read the directions on your insect repellant before using it. Do not spray repellents directly on your face and keep the spray away from food.[20]
X
Trustworthy Source
United States Environmental Protection Agency
Independent U.S. government agency responsible for promoting safe environmental practices
Go to source
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:10",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Reducing Your Attractiveness to Mosquitoes\\n1-1. Wear subdued, light-colored clothing.\\nMosquitoes might not have the best eyesight, but they are more attracted to certain colors. Dark hues like navy and black, as well as bright oranges and reds, are like bullseyes to mosquitoes. So, stick to understated colors like white, cream, and tan to keep mosquitoes away.\\n1-2. Cover up as much as possible.\\nOne of the easiest ways to stop mosquitoes from biting you is to create a barrier between you and them. Mosquitoes have a hard time biting through clothes, so long, loose tops and pants are great to wear when the weather allows.\\nAvoid wearing skin-tight tops and pants, even when they’re long, as mosquitoes can bite through them.\\nSpray your clothes with permethrin to directly repel mosquitoes. Permethrin is an insecticide that kills and keeps mosquitoes away. It’s not meant for your skin, so wear gloves when spraying it on your clothes and shoes.\\n1-3. Use unscented body wash and shampoo.\\nMosquitoes use their great sense of smell to find hosts, with fruity, floral scents being some of their favorite smells. During peak mosquito season, switch out your scented body wash, shampoo, and conditioner with unscented versions. If you’re camping or traveling to a mosquito-heavy area, keep unscented travel-sized options with you too.\\nAlso avoid wearing scented lotions, perfumes, and colognes when spending time outside. While you might not smell as nice, you’ll avoid attracting a lot of mosquitoes.\\n1-4. Spray a mosquito repellant on your skin.\\nThis might seem obvious, but insect repellants are a super easy way to be less attractive to mosquitoes. Just spray an effective repellant like DEET or picaridin on your arms, legs, and any other parts of exposed skin. Clip-on repellants that emit metofluthrin, such as OFF! Clip-Ons, are great alternatives if you don’t want to deal with sprays.\\nIf you don’t want to use chemicals, make your own repellant with citronella oil, geraniol oil, and essential oils like peppermint, lavender, and eucalyptus.\\nLighting a citronella candle is another great alternative to using sprays. They typically work best when they’re right next to you and there’s little wind.\\nContrary to popular belief, there’s no scientific evidence that eating garlic, vitamin B, or bananas repel mosquitoes.\\n1-5. Stay behind a screen.\\nIf you live in a mosquito-prone area but like to enjoy the outdoors, enclose your balcony or porch with mesh screens. If you prefer catching a breeze while you’re inside, make sure your windows and doors are screened too. Mosquitoes can’t bite you if you’re tucked away behind a screen, no matter how attractive you might be.\\n2. What attracts mosquitoes?\\n2-1. Mosquitoes detect and fly towards carbon dioxide, or CO2.\\nMosquitoes have special sensors that detect CO2, which tells them that a host is nearby. When you breathe, you take in oxygen and exhale CO2. The mosquitoes buzzing in your yard notice your exhale and follow the trail directly to you. So, just breathing outdoors attracts mosquitoes to you.\\n2-2. Mosquitoes are attracted to certain smells on your skin, like lactic acid.\\nGetting a whiff of CO2 just draws a mosquito to you. It will want to land on you and bite if it also smells a blend of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids wafting off your skin.\\nMosquitoes are often more attracted to people when they’re sweating and exercising. Your sweat contains lactic acid, which your body produces when you exercise.\\nBacteria on your skin are responsible for the odors that attract mosquitoes. Your skin’s bacteria interact with secretions from the glands on your skin, producing volatile fatty acids like lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids.\\n2-3. Mosquitoes might have a blood type preference.\\nYou’ve probably heard someone tell you that mosquitoes like you so much because your blood is sweet. That’s not entirely true, but mosquitoes might prefer some blood types over others. While researchers are studying what blood types mosquitoes favor more, the results are still pretty inconclusive.\\nFor example, some researchers found that mosquitoes flock to people with type O blood more than A, B, and AB. Other research indicates that mosquitoes prefer type B blood.\\nMosquitoes aren’t particularly attracted to people with anemia, or a blood iron deficiency. In places where dengue fever is common though, having anemic blood can increase its spread.\\n3. Are some people more attractive to mosquitoes?\\nPeople who emit more lactic acid and CO2 attract more mosquitoes.\\nSome people naturally have higher levels of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids on their skin, making them smell more intoxicating to mosquitoes. Additionally, people who exhale more CO2, such as those who are pregnant or overweight, often draw more mosquitoes to them.\\nThe amount of lactic acid and other chemicals on your skin comes down to your genetics and body composition. So unfortunately, it can’t be changed.\\nExercising and drinking alcohol tends to make you more attractive to mosquitoes in the short-term because you emit more CO2.\\nIf you’re highly attractive to mosquitoes, they might still bite you even if you’re wearing repellant.\\nSome people can gain a tolerance to mosquito bites. As they get bitten, their body produces fewer antibodies to deal with each new bite. This usually makes the bites feel less itchy.\\n4. Why do mosquitoes bite?\\nMosquitoes bite you and suck your blood in order to reproduce.\\nWhile both male and female mosquitoes drink nectar to survive, only females suck blood. They need specific proteins only found in human and animal blood to develop their eggs, which nectar doesn’t provide.\\nWarnings\\nRead the directions on your insect repellant before using it. Do not spray repellents directly on your face and keep the spray away from food.[20]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nUnited States Environmental Protection Agency\\nIndependent U.S. government agency responsible for promoting safe environmental practices\\nGo to source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Ah, there’s nothing like enjoying a balmy summer evening outdoors…except when you’re the only one swatting away mosquitoes while your friends don’t notice a thing! Clearly, you’re more attractive to mosquitoes than your friends, but what makes you such a magnet? And what can you do to be less attractive to these pests? Well, you’ve come to the right place to find out. In this article, we’ll tell you why mosquitoes are more attracted to some people and what you can do to keep them away. Read on to learn more!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reducing Your Attractiveness to Mosquitoes\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear subdued, light-colored clothing.\", \"描述\": \"Mosquitoes might not have the best eyesight, but they are more attracted to certain colors. Dark hues like navy and black, as well as bright oranges and reds, are like bullseyes to mosquitoes. So, stick to understated colors like white, cream, and tan to keep mosquitoes away.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Cover up as much as possible.\", \"描述\": \"One of the easiest ways to stop mosquitoes from biting you is to create a barrier between you and them. Mosquitoes have a hard time biting through clothes, so long, loose tops and pants are great to wear when the weather allows.\\nAvoid wearing skin-tight tops and pants, even when they’re long, as mosquitoes can bite through them.\\nSpray your clothes with permethrin to directly repel mosquitoes. Permethrin is an insecticide that kills and keeps mosquitoes away. It’s not meant for your skin, so wear gloves when spraying it on your clothes and shoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use unscented body wash and shampoo.\", \"描述\": \"Mosquitoes use their great sense of smell to find hosts, with fruity, floral scents being some of their favorite smells. During peak mosquito season, switch out your scented body wash, shampoo, and conditioner with unscented versions. If you’re camping or traveling to a mosquito-heavy area, keep unscented travel-sized options with you too.\\nAlso avoid wearing scented lotions, perfumes, and colognes when spending time outside. While you might not smell as nice, you’ll avoid attracting a lot of mosquitoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Spray a mosquito repellant on your skin.\", \"描述\": \"This might seem obvious, but insect repellants are a super easy way to be less attractive to mosquitoes. Just spray an effective repellant like DEET or picaridin on your arms, legs, and any other parts of exposed skin. Clip-on repellants that emit metofluthrin, such as OFF! Clip-Ons, are great alternatives if you don’t want to deal with sprays.\\nIf you don’t want to use chemicals, make your own repellant with citronella oil, geraniol oil, and essential oils like peppermint, lavender, and eucalyptus.\\nLighting a citronella candle is another great alternative to using sprays. They typically work best when they’re right next to you and there’s little wind.\\nContrary to popular belief, there’s no scientific evidence that eating garlic, vitamin B, or bananas repel mosquitoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay behind a screen.\", \"描述\": \"If you live in a mosquito-prone area but like to enjoy the outdoors, enclose your balcony or porch with mesh screens. If you prefer catching a breeze while you’re inside, make sure your windows and doors are screened too. Mosquitoes can’t bite you if you’re tucked away behind a screen, no matter how attractive you might be.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"What attracts mosquitoes?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Mosquitoes detect and fly towards carbon dioxide, or CO2.\", \"描述\": \"Mosquitoes have special sensors that detect CO2, which tells them that a host is nearby. When you breathe, you take in oxygen and exhale CO2. The mosquitoes buzzing in your yard notice your exhale and follow the trail directly to you. So, just breathing outdoors attracts mosquitoes to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Mosquitoes are attracted to certain smells on your skin, like lactic acid.\", \"描述\": \"Getting a whiff of CO2 just draws a mosquito to you. It will want to land on you and bite if it also smells a blend of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids wafting off your skin.\\nMosquitoes are often more attracted to people when they’re sweating and exercising. Your sweat contains lactic acid, which your body produces when you exercise.\\nBacteria on your skin are responsible for the odors that attract mosquitoes. Your skin’s bacteria interact with secretions from the glands on your skin, producing volatile fatty acids like lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Mosquitoes might have a blood type preference.\", \"描述\": \"You’ve probably heard someone tell you that mosquitoes like you so much because your blood is sweet. That’s not entirely true, but mosquitoes might prefer some blood types over others. While researchers are studying what blood types mosquitoes favor more, the results are still pretty inconclusive.\\nFor example, some researchers found that mosquitoes flock to people with type O blood more than A, B, and AB. Other research indicates that mosquitoes prefer type B blood.\\nMosquitoes aren’t particularly attracted to people with anemia, or a blood iron deficiency. In places where dengue fever is common though, having anemic blood can increase its spread.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Are some people more attractive to mosquitoes?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"People who emit more lactic acid and CO2 attract more mosquitoes.\", \"描述\": \"Some people naturally have higher levels of lactic acid, ammonia, and carboxylic acids on their skin, making them smell more intoxicating to mosquitoes. Additionally, people who exhale more CO2, such as those who are pregnant or overweight, often draw more mosquitoes to them.\\nThe amount of lactic acid and other chemicals on your skin comes down to your genetics and body composition. So unfortunately, it can’t be changed.\\nExercising and drinking alcohol tends to make you more attractive to mosquitoes in the short-term because you emit more CO2.\\nIf you’re highly attractive to mosquitoes, they might still bite you even if you’re wearing repellant.\\nSome people can gain a tolerance to mosquito bites. As they get bitten, their body produces fewer antibodies to deal with each new bite. This usually makes the bites feel less itchy.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Why do mosquitoes bite?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Mosquitoes bite you and suck your blood in order to reproduce.\", \"描述\": \"While both male and female mosquitoes drink nectar to survive, only females suck blood. They need specific proteins only found in human and animal blood to develop their eggs, which nectar doesn’t provide.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"Read the directions on your insect repellant before using it. Do not spray repellents directly on your face and keep the spray away from food.[20]\\nX\\nTrustworthy Source\\nUnited States Environmental Protection Agency\\nIndependent U.S. government agency responsible for promoting safe environmental practices\\nGo to source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,881 | How to Be Less Awkward | 1. Be Less Awkward in General
1-1. Put yourself out there.
If you already feel too awkward to even know how to properly greet your next-door neighbor, then the last thing you probably want to do is to put yourself out there and spend more time interacting with people. However, the more time you spend with people, the more comfortable you'll be socially, and the less afraid you'll be of saying or doing the wrong thing. Make a goal of spending more time with people and less time holed up at home.
Meet a variety of people through different networks, such as the school newspaper, the tennis team, or a youth group, and learn how to hang out with people with different interests and backgrounds.
If you don't feel like you thrive in a group environment, invite a friend or an acquaintance for coffee or a small outing first. Getting to know people on an individual level can help you build the confidence to hang out in a group setting.
Don't be silent. You can still not be putting yourself out there even if you're in a room full of people. Though you don't have to try to be the belle of the ball, if you're the shy sort of awkward, then make it a goal to speak up a bit more and to make your presence known so you're more comfortable with people reacting to you.
1-2. Stop caring what people think -- or look like it.
Though it's impossible for anyone, even Justin Bieber or Brad Pitt, to ever fully stop caring about what people think, you can still make an effort to care less about what people think about you. If you're paralyzed by the thought of doing something wrong because you don't want to offend, bore, or annoy anyone around you, then you'll never be able to overcome your social awkwardness.
The next time you talk to someone, tell yourself that you're taking a risk and being dynamic, and that it's better to get the reaction you want than to do nothing.
People can also tell if you're obsessed with what they think if you're constantly asking questions about what they think. If you always say things like, "Do you think my new haircut sucks?" or "Do you think I should stop playing the cello?" then you'll look like you don't have a mind of your own.
If you stop caring about what people think, you'll be on your way to developing your confidence and sense of self. Working to meet your private goals and doing the things you love is a lot more important than pleasing the people around you.
Don't let people catch you checking out your reflection in a window or staring at yourself in the mirror. This will make it look like you're overly-concerned with your image.
1-3. Develop your confidence.
Though developing your confidence is easier said than done, you need to work on improving your self-worth if you want to be less awkward. Part of being awkward stems from feeling like you just don't "get it," and don't know how to act around people who all look like they know what they're doing. Well, until you see that you're not any worse than the people around you, you won't be able to interact with others on an equal playing field.
Take pride in doing the things you love. Whether you love classic movies, building model planes, or running, you should spend time doing the things you enjoy to improve your sense of self.
Though no perfect wardrobe or haircut will actually make you feel confident, taking the time to shower, groom yourself, and offer a presentable face to the world will make you feel better about yourself for sure.
Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself instead of the people who put you down. Part of the reason you may be feeling awkward around other people is because the people you're with don't make you feel valued.
1-4. Get a grip on social norms.
Another reason that people feel awkward is because they feel like they just don't know what to do in a social situation, and find themselves constantly saying something inappropriate or misreading social cues. Well, there's no handbook that can teach you exactly how to understand social norms and to be less awkward, but there are a few things you can do to get a better grip on social norms:
If you have a friend or just an acquaintance who has amazing social skills, try to spend more time around that person to get a better understanding of how he pulls it off.
If you did something that really offended someone or just failed socially, make a note of it so you can avoid it the next time around.
Learn to read the dynamics of situation before you jump into it. If people are joking around in a group, it's not the time to talk about the hard math test coming up. On the other hand, if one person is talking about how sad he is after his break-up, it's not the time to tell an off-color joke.
1-5. Embrace your awkwardness.
You don't have to be as cool as James Dean to make people like you. In fact, being awkward, bumbling around, and spilling food all over yourself can actually endear you to people. Though you can work on improving your social skills, you shouldn't try to be super smooth, or people will know that you're not really being yourself. Embracing your awkwardness doesn't mean saying, "I'm so awkward!" every two seconds; but it does mean being comfortable with your occasional lack of social grace.
Learn to laugh at yourself. That will make people more comfortable around you and will be happy that you're willing to admit you're imperfect.
You don't have to be self-deprecating to make fun of yourself occasionally using the right tone. For example, if you always spill on yourself and someone has pointed out the big awkward ketchup stain on your pants, just say, "Trust me, it's usually worse," instead of looking all embarrassed and uncomfortable.
1-6. Don't show up too early or too late.
Though this may sound like a small point, a lot of social awkwardness comes from bad timing. If you showed up super early to an event and are the first one there, then you may get stuck talking to the person organizing the event without having much to say, or you may feel like you're just in the way and are better standing off to the side. On the other hand, if you show up to an event way too late, everyone will have already developed their dynamic, and it may be more difficult to insert yourself into the conversation.
If you're going to a party, showing up exactly on time may make you look a little bit too eager. Show up at least fifteen minutes late if there's no rigid deadline. Of course, don't show up late if it'll look rude.
2. Be Less Awkward Around New People
2-1. Be interested -- not interesting.
This is a key rule when meeting new people. You may be obsessed with reporting the coolest fact you read on the news or you may want to wow your new acquaintance with your extensive knowledge of Italian cuisine, but if you want to have a positive social interaction, you should focus on showing interest in the other person's life instead of talking on and on about yourself. Here are some ways to show interest without coming on too strong at the beginning of a conversation:
If the person is reading a book, ask him how he likes it.
If the person is wearing a sweater with a college's name on it and you know something about the school, ask if the person went there and talk about what he thinks of it.
You can ask the person where he or she is headed if you bump into each other, and that can strike up a conversation about that person's interests.
Ask the person about his or her plans for the weekend.
Try coming up with a list of questions you are comfortable asking that enables you to find out more about the other person in different scenarios.
2-2. Ask thoughtful and open-ended questions.
When you should interest in a person, you shouldn't just ask any question that comes to your mind or the person will think you're being random or even rude. Ask questions that can lead to a long answer and show that you're putting in some effort in getting to know the person. Don't ask a question that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" unless you have an immediate follow-up. Here are some ways to pose a thoughtful question:
"Nice tennis racket. How long have you been playing?"
"Mary always throws the best parties. How do you know her?"
"I love Catcher in the Rye. Are you reading that for fun, or for school? What do you think of it?"
"What did you think of Mr. Peterson's test? I couldn't believe how hard it was."
2-3. Master the art of small talk.
To get to know new people, you have to master the art of small talk. Small talk may sound silly, but it's exactly what gets you to know a person and to be able to have a more meaningful discussion as the conversation progresses. Making small talk just means being able to keep up the flow of a conversation, to learn to build from one topic to the next, and to read social cues to see what the person really want to talk about. Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to make small talk:
Make the person comfortable. Put the person at ease by smiling, not leaning in too close, and giving him all of your attention.
Reveal something small about yourself. Say that you love watching hockey, that you grew up in Brooklyn, or that your favorite subject is history -- just give the other person something small to work with.
Be a good listener. If the person mentions that he has a sister in passing, you can circle back to it if the subject of siblings come up; then, you can say, "You mentioned you had a sister. Are you close in age?" and the person will be impressed that you remembered.
Engage the person. Make sure that you're asking questions and keeping the conversation moving back and forth without dominating the conversation or letting the person do all the talking.
2-4. Avoid personal subjects at first.
As you and the other person get to know each other, you can start to talk about more personal topics. At first, though, it's better to steer clear, or you'll risk making the other person uncomfortable. One of the reason people feel awkward is because they bring up a subject that clearly makes the other person uncomfortable but they don't know why. Here are some topics to avoid when you're talking to a person for the first time:
Serious breakups
The death of a loved one
Sexual experience
Health problems you may be having
Deep personal struggles
Embarrassing moments
2-5. Don't overshare.
Oversharing is related to getting too personal. You may be the kind of awkward person who sees that the other person has nothing to say, and then compensates by talking nonstop, wondering, "How the heck did I end up talking about my grandmother's bronchitis?" Though you may think that talking about anything that comes to your mind will make the conversation keep going, it's actually better to pause and redirect the conversation in a more comfortable way. Here are some other things you should avoid mentioning to a new person unless you want to risk oversharing:
Your deepest longings
Your deep-seated issues with your parents
Your unsatisfying childhood
Your feelings of sadness, loneliness, alienation, or any other deeply negative emotion
The weird rash on your arm
That time you got so drunk that you threw up
2-6. Read the person to avoid offending him or her.
You should get a sense of what the new person is like before you try out your raunchiest jokes or start harshly criticizing a past president. Remember that every person is different, and that not everybody shares your perspective on politics, religion, or even sports. Remember that you and the new person may be in a similar social circle, but that this doesn't mean that the person has the same perspective on all the people around you. Here are some topics to avoid so you don't offend a new person:
Any lewd jokes
Harsh criticism of the current or past president
Comments on the undoubtable/impossible existence of God
Criticism of a person you both know
Criticism of all the fans of an "inferior" sports team that the person might like
Inside jokes that you share with other people
Any general comments that would make the person think, "I guess I have to get to know this person for that weird comment to make sense..."
3. Be Less Awkward Around Someone You Like
3-1. Don't be too eager.
Being awkward around your peers and perfect strangers is difficult enough, but being awkward around someone you actually like can begin to feel impossible. Still, there are a few things you can do to have more social grace around your crush, and it starts with playing it cool and not acting like a puppy who is ready to hump the leg of anyone who comes by. Here are some ways to play it cool without looking too eager:
Smile and say hello, but don't go in for a hug unless you're at "hug" status with the person. If you're not sure, wait for the person to initiate the hug.
If you see the person coming down the hall, approach him or her if you're nearby, but don't run to the other end of the building just to say hi or you'll look like a stalker.
Don't nod too vigorously at everything the person says, thinking that it will just help you show your interest. Making meaningful replies is more effective than nodding.
Avoid laughing at every little thing the person says -- especially if he or she isn't even trying to be funny.
3-2. Give meaningful compliments.
To be less socially awkward, you have to be able to recognize the difference between a "creepy comment" and a "nice comment." Don't tell a girl, "You have such soft, fluffy hair. I just want to run my hands through it," unless you want her to slowly back away. Instead, say, "I like your haircut. It makes you look kind of like [insert name of cute celebrity here.]" The compliment should let the person see that you're paying attention without feeling like you're putting too much pressure on.
"You have a great smile" or "You have a great laugh" are usually safe bets.
Complimenting a girl's dress or jewelry can make her feel special.
Complimenting an aspect of the person's personality can work too; telling a guy he has a great sense of humor will make him feel good.
Use your compliments sparingly. If you compliment the person every two seconds, he or she may get annoyed or even overwhelmed.
3-3. Manage your body language.
One socially awkward move is the "close talk," which is standing so close to a person that you're practically already trying to kiss him or her. You may be doing this just because you want to show interest, but standing inches away from a person and leaning in so far that the person keeps moving back will not endear you to your love interest.
Maintain a respectable distance and use your arms to gesture occasionally to make your conversation more dynamic.
Make eye contact but look away every once in a while so you don't come off as too intense.
Don't reach out to touch a girl's hair unless you're invited to. It's important to respect her personal space for her to remain comfortable with you.
3-4. Put the person at ease.
Remember that the person you like may return your feelings and could be feeling a little awkward too. You should work on putting the person at ease by being friendly, laughing at something the person said if you know it was meant to be funny, and giving the person the reaction she wants from her statements. If she says something funny, laugh; if she's being serious, get the big grin off your face. Make the person feel like you're on the same level and that you won't be pulling any tricks.
If you're entertaining you love interest as a guest, make her feel more comfortable by offer her a drink, snacks, or a seat.
Poking fun at yourself a bit will make the person feel more relaxed.
If the person accidentally spills or drops something, just say, "That happens to me all the time."
3-5. Know when to leave.
Since social awkwardness does have a lot to do with timing, you should not only know when you should enter a conversation, but you should also know when you should leave it. If you're talking to a person you like, you should get out of the conversation before you both run out of things to say, when you're still having an easy flow of conversation, so the person will want to keep talking to you next time.
And if the person makes it clear that you're not wanted by checking her watch or phone or looking around for her friends, then politely say goodbye.
If you're not wanted, just say, "It's been fun talking to you" instead of, "Well, I know when I'm not wanted," which will only make things worse.
And if you've had a good conversation, just say, "I look forward to catching up again soon" and leave with your head high.
Tips
Don't stand around staring at people. That makes you look even more awkward and also, if you stare too much, it's just flat out weird.
Don't be afraid of making an impression. If you have something to say, say it. Hesitation usually makes you look more awkward, but still watch what you say.
Once you've met somebody, talk to more people. invite anyone who's just standing around into your conversation. You want to know more than one person.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:10",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Be Less Awkward in General\\n1-1. Put yourself out there.\\nIf you already feel too awkward to even know how to properly greet your next-door neighbor, then the last thing you probably want to do is to put yourself out there and spend more time interacting with people. However, the more time you spend with people, the more comfortable you'll be socially, and the less afraid you'll be of saying or doing the wrong thing. Make a goal of spending more time with people and less time holed up at home.\\nMeet a variety of people through different networks, such as the school newspaper, the tennis team, or a youth group, and learn how to hang out with people with different interests and backgrounds.\\nIf you don't feel like you thrive in a group environment, invite a friend or an acquaintance for coffee or a small outing first. Getting to know people on an individual level can help you build the confidence to hang out in a group setting.\\nDon't be silent. You can still not be putting yourself out there even if you're in a room full of people. Though you don't have to try to be the belle of the ball, if you're the shy sort of awkward, then make it a goal to speak up a bit more and to make your presence known so you're more comfortable with people reacting to you.\\n1-2. Stop caring what people think -- or look like it.\\nThough it's impossible for anyone, even Justin Bieber or Brad Pitt, to ever fully stop caring about what people think, you can still make an effort to care less about what people think about you. If you're paralyzed by the thought of doing something wrong because you don't want to offend, bore, or annoy anyone around you, then you'll never be able to overcome your social awkwardness.\\nThe next time you talk to someone, tell yourself that you're taking a risk and being dynamic, and that it's better to get the reaction you want than to do nothing.\\nPeople can also tell if you're obsessed with what they think if you're constantly asking questions about what they think. If you always say things like, \\\"Do you think my new haircut sucks?\\\" or \\\"Do you think I should stop playing the cello?\\\" then you'll look like you don't have a mind of your own.\\nIf you stop caring about what people think, you'll be on your way to developing your confidence and sense of self. Working to meet your private goals and doing the things you love is a lot more important than pleasing the people around you.\\nDon't let people catch you checking out your reflection in a window or staring at yourself in the mirror. This will make it look like you're overly-concerned with your image.\\n1-3. Develop your confidence.\\nThough developing your confidence is easier said than done, you need to work on improving your self-worth if you want to be less awkward. Part of being awkward stems from feeling like you just don't \\\"get it,\\\" and don't know how to act around people who all look like they know what they're doing. Well, until you see that you're not any worse than the people around you, you won't be able to interact with others on an equal playing field.\\nTake pride in doing the things you love. Whether you love classic movies, building model planes, or running, you should spend time doing the things you enjoy to improve your sense of self.\\nThough no perfect wardrobe or haircut will actually make you feel confident, taking the time to shower, groom yourself, and offer a presentable face to the world will make you feel better about yourself for sure.\\nHang out with people who make you feel good about yourself instead of the people who put you down. Part of the reason you may be feeling awkward around other people is because the people you're with don't make you feel valued.\\n1-4. Get a grip on social norms.\\nAnother reason that people feel awkward is because they feel like they just don't know what to do in a social situation, and find themselves constantly saying something inappropriate or misreading social cues. Well, there's no handbook that can teach you exactly how to understand social norms and to be less awkward, but there are a few things you can do to get a better grip on social norms:\\nIf you have a friend or just an acquaintance who has amazing social skills, try to spend more time around that person to get a better understanding of how he pulls it off.\\nIf you did something that really offended someone or just failed socially, make a note of it so you can avoid it the next time around.\\nLearn to read the dynamics of situation before you jump into it. If people are joking around in a group, it's not the time to talk about the hard math test coming up. On the other hand, if one person is talking about how sad he is after his break-up, it's not the time to tell an off-color joke.\\n1-5. Embrace your awkwardness.\\nYou don't have to be as cool as James Dean to make people like you. In fact, being awkward, bumbling around, and spilling food all over yourself can actually endear you to people. Though you can work on improving your social skills, you shouldn't try to be super smooth, or people will know that you're not really being yourself. Embracing your awkwardness doesn't mean saying, \\\"I'm so awkward!\\\" every two seconds; but it does mean being comfortable with your occasional lack of social grace.\\nLearn to laugh at yourself. That will make people more comfortable around you and will be happy that you're willing to admit you're imperfect.\\nYou don't have to be self-deprecating to make fun of yourself occasionally using the right tone. For example, if you always spill on yourself and someone has pointed out the big awkward ketchup stain on your pants, just say, \\\"Trust me, it's usually worse,\\\" instead of looking all embarrassed and uncomfortable.\\n1-6. Don't show up too early or too late.\\nThough this may sound like a small point, a lot of social awkwardness comes from bad timing. If you showed up super early to an event and are the first one there, then you may get stuck talking to the person organizing the event without having much to say, or you may feel like you're just in the way and are better standing off to the side. On the other hand, if you show up to an event way too late, everyone will have already developed their dynamic, and it may be more difficult to insert yourself into the conversation.\\nIf you're going to a party, showing up exactly on time may make you look a little bit too eager. Show up at least fifteen minutes late if there's no rigid deadline. Of course, don't show up late if it'll look rude.\\n2. Be Less Awkward Around New People\\n2-1. Be interested -- not interesting.\\nThis is a key rule when meeting new people. You may be obsessed with reporting the coolest fact you read on the news or you may want to wow your new acquaintance with your extensive knowledge of Italian cuisine, but if you want to have a positive social interaction, you should focus on showing interest in the other person's life instead of talking on and on about yourself. Here are some ways to show interest without coming on too strong at the beginning of a conversation:\\nIf the person is reading a book, ask him how he likes it.\\nIf the person is wearing a sweater with a college's name on it and you know something about the school, ask if the person went there and talk about what he thinks of it.\\nYou can ask the person where he or she is headed if you bump into each other, and that can strike up a conversation about that person's interests.\\nAsk the person about his or her plans for the weekend.\\nTry coming up with a list of questions you are comfortable asking that enables you to find out more about the other person in different scenarios.\\n2-2. Ask thoughtful and open-ended questions.\\nWhen you should interest in a person, you shouldn't just ask any question that comes to your mind or the person will think you're being random or even rude. Ask questions that can lead to a long answer and show that you're putting in some effort in getting to know the person. Don't ask a question that can be answered with a simple \\\"yes\\\" or \\\"no\\\" unless you have an immediate follow-up. Here are some ways to pose a thoughtful question:\\n\\\"Nice tennis racket. How long have you been playing?\\\"\\n\\\"Mary always throws the best parties. How do you know her?\\\"\\n\\\"I love Catcher in the Rye. Are you reading that for fun, or for school? What do you think of it?\\\"\\n\\\"What did you think of Mr. Peterson's test? I couldn't believe how hard it was.\\\"\\n2-3. Master the art of small talk.\\nTo get to know new people, you have to master the art of small talk. Small talk may sound silly, but it's exactly what gets you to know a person and to be able to have a more meaningful discussion as the conversation progresses. Making small talk just means being able to keep up the flow of a conversation, to learn to build from one topic to the next, and to read social cues to see what the person really want to talk about. Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to make small talk:\\nMake the person comfortable. Put the person at ease by smiling, not leaning in too close, and giving him all of your attention.\\nReveal something small about yourself. Say that you love watching hockey, that you grew up in Brooklyn, or that your favorite subject is history -- just give the other person something small to work with.\\nBe a good listener. If the person mentions that he has a sister in passing, you can circle back to it if the subject of siblings come up; then, you can say, \\\"You mentioned you had a sister. Are you close in age?\\\" and the person will be impressed that you remembered.\\nEngage the person. Make sure that you're asking questions and keeping the conversation moving back and forth without dominating the conversation or letting the person do all the talking.\\n2-4. Avoid personal subjects at first.\\nAs you and the other person get to know each other, you can start to talk about more personal topics. At first, though, it's better to steer clear, or you'll risk making the other person uncomfortable. One of the reason people feel awkward is because they bring up a subject that clearly makes the other person uncomfortable but they don't know why. Here are some topics to avoid when you're talking to a person for the first time:\\nSerious breakups\\nThe death of a loved one\\nSexual experience\\nHealth problems you may be having\\nDeep personal struggles\\nEmbarrassing moments\\n2-5. Don't overshare.\\nOversharing is related to getting too personal. You may be the kind of awkward person who sees that the other person has nothing to say, and then compensates by talking nonstop, wondering, \\\"How the heck did I end up talking about my grandmother's bronchitis?\\\" Though you may think that talking about anything that comes to your mind will make the conversation keep going, it's actually better to pause and redirect the conversation in a more comfortable way. Here are some other things you should avoid mentioning to a new person unless you want to risk oversharing:\\nYour deepest longings\\nYour deep-seated issues with your parents\\nYour unsatisfying childhood\\nYour feelings of sadness, loneliness, alienation, or any other deeply negative emotion\\nThe weird rash on your arm\\nThat time you got so drunk that you threw up\\n2-6. Read the person to avoid offending him or her.\\nYou should get a sense of what the new person is like before you try out your raunchiest jokes or start harshly criticizing a past president. Remember that every person is different, and that not everybody shares your perspective on politics, religion, or even sports. Remember that you and the new person may be in a similar social circle, but that this doesn't mean that the person has the same perspective on all the people around you. Here are some topics to avoid so you don't offend a new person:\\nAny lewd jokes\\nHarsh criticism of the current or past president\\nComments on the undoubtable/impossible existence of God\\nCriticism of a person you both know\\nCriticism of all the fans of an \\\"inferior\\\" sports team that the person might like\\nInside jokes that you share with other people\\nAny general comments that would make the person think, \\\"I guess I have to get to know this person for that weird comment to make sense...\\\"\\n3. Be Less Awkward Around Someone You Like\\n3-1. Don't be too eager.\\nBeing awkward around your peers and perfect strangers is difficult enough, but being awkward around someone you actually like can begin to feel impossible. Still, there are a few things you can do to have more social grace around your crush, and it starts with playing it cool and not acting like a puppy who is ready to hump the leg of anyone who comes by. Here are some ways to play it cool without looking too eager:\\nSmile and say hello, but don't go in for a hug unless you're at \\\"hug\\\" status with the person. If you're not sure, wait for the person to initiate the hug.\\nIf you see the person coming down the hall, approach him or her if you're nearby, but don't run to the other end of the building just to say hi or you'll look like a stalker.\\nDon't nod too vigorously at everything the person says, thinking that it will just help you show your interest. Making meaningful replies is more effective than nodding.\\nAvoid laughing at every little thing the person says -- especially if he or she isn't even trying to be funny.\\n3-2. Give meaningful compliments.\\nTo be less socially awkward, you have to be able to recognize the difference between a \\\"creepy comment\\\" and a \\\"nice comment.\\\" Don't tell a girl, \\\"You have such soft, fluffy hair. I just want to run my hands through it,\\\" unless you want her to slowly back away. Instead, say, \\\"I like your haircut. It makes you look kind of like [insert name of cute celebrity here.]\\\" The compliment should let the person see that you're paying attention without feeling like you're putting too much pressure on.\\n\\\"You have a great smile\\\" or \\\"You have a great laugh\\\" are usually safe bets.\\nComplimenting a girl's dress or jewelry can make her feel special.\\nComplimenting an aspect of the person's personality can work too; telling a guy he has a great sense of humor will make him feel good.\\nUse your compliments sparingly. If you compliment the person every two seconds, he or she may get annoyed or even overwhelmed.\\n3-3. Manage your body language.\\nOne socially awkward move is the \\\"close talk,\\\" which is standing so close to a person that you're practically already trying to kiss him or her. You may be doing this just because you want to show interest, but standing inches away from a person and leaning in so far that the person keeps moving back will not endear you to your love interest.\\nMaintain a respectable distance and use your arms to gesture occasionally to make your conversation more dynamic.\\nMake eye contact but look away every once in a while so you don't come off as too intense.\\nDon't reach out to touch a girl's hair unless you're invited to. It's important to respect her personal space for her to remain comfortable with you.\\n3-4. Put the person at ease.\\nRemember that the person you like may return your feelings and could be feeling a little awkward too. You should work on putting the person at ease by being friendly, laughing at something the person said if you know it was meant to be funny, and giving the person the reaction she wants from her statements. If she says something funny, laugh; if she's being serious, get the big grin off your face. Make the person feel like you're on the same level and that you won't be pulling any tricks.\\nIf you're entertaining you love interest as a guest, make her feel more comfortable by offer her a drink, snacks, or a seat.\\nPoking fun at yourself a bit will make the person feel more relaxed.\\nIf the person accidentally spills or drops something, just say, \\\"That happens to me all the time.\\\"\\n3-5. Know when to leave.\\nSince social awkwardness does have a lot to do with timing, you should not only know when you should enter a conversation, but you should also know when you should leave it. If you're talking to a person you like, you should get out of the conversation before you both run out of things to say, when you're still having an easy flow of conversation, so the person will want to keep talking to you next time.\\nAnd if the person makes it clear that you're not wanted by checking her watch or phone or looking around for her friends, then politely say goodbye.\\nIf you're not wanted, just say, \\\"It's been fun talking to you\\\" instead of, \\\"Well, I know when I'm not wanted,\\\" which will only make things worse.\\nAnd if you've had a good conversation, just say, \\\"I look forward to catching up again soon\\\" and leave with your head high.\\nTips\\nDon't stand around staring at people. That makes you look even more awkward and also, if you stare too much, it's just flat out weird.\\nDon't be afraid of making an impression. If you have something to say, say it. Hesitation usually makes you look more awkward, but still watch what you say.\\nOnce you've met somebody, talk to more people. invite anyone who's just standing around into your conversation. You want to know more than one person.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Are you the girl who has accidentally walked into a screen door in front of a room full of people, or the guy who was babbling on to his crush and ended up talking about his pet rock collection? If so, worry not -- awkwardness is a part of life, and everyone has worried about how to be less awkward at some point. If you want to feel less self-conscious and improve your social interactions, just follow these steps.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be Less Awkward in General\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Put yourself out there.\", \"描述\": \"If you already feel too awkward to even know how to properly greet your next-door neighbor, then the last thing you probably want to do is to put yourself out there and spend more time interacting with people. However, the more time you spend with people, the more comfortable you'll be socially, and the less afraid you'll be of saying or doing the wrong thing. Make a goal of spending more time with people and less time holed up at home.\\nMeet a variety of people through different networks, such as the school newspaper, the tennis team, or a youth group, and learn how to hang out with people with different interests and backgrounds.\\nIf you don't feel like you thrive in a group environment, invite a friend or an acquaintance for coffee or a small outing first. Getting to know people on an individual level can help you build the confidence to hang out in a group setting.\\nDon't be silent. You can still not be putting yourself out there even if you're in a room full of people. Though you don't have to try to be the belle of the ball, if you're the shy sort of awkward, then make it a goal to speak up a bit more and to make your presence known so you're more comfortable with people reacting to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stop caring what people think -- or look like it.\", \"描述\": \"Though it's impossible for anyone, even Justin Bieber or Brad Pitt, to ever fully stop caring about what people think, you can still make an effort to care less about what people think about you. If you're paralyzed by the thought of doing something wrong because you don't want to offend, bore, or annoy anyone around you, then you'll never be able to overcome your social awkwardness.\\nThe next time you talk to someone, tell yourself that you're taking a risk and being dynamic, and that it's better to get the reaction you want than to do nothing.\\nPeople can also tell if you're obsessed with what they think if you're constantly asking questions about what they think. If you always say things like, \\\"Do you think my new haircut sucks?\\\" or \\\"Do you think I should stop playing the cello?\\\" then you'll look like you don't have a mind of your own.\\nIf you stop caring about what people think, you'll be on your way to developing your confidence and sense of self. Working to meet your private goals and doing the things you love is a lot more important than pleasing the people around you.\\nDon't let people catch you checking out your reflection in a window or staring at yourself in the mirror. This will make it look like you're overly-concerned with your image.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Develop your confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Though developing your confidence is easier said than done, you need to work on improving your self-worth if you want to be less awkward. Part of being awkward stems from feeling like you just don't \\\"get it,\\\" and don't know how to act around people who all look like they know what they're doing. Well, until you see that you're not any worse than the people around you, you won't be able to interact with others on an equal playing field.\\nTake pride in doing the things you love. Whether you love classic movies, building model planes, or running, you should spend time doing the things you enjoy to improve your sense of self.\\nThough no perfect wardrobe or haircut will actually make you feel confident, taking the time to shower, groom yourself, and offer a presentable face to the world will make you feel better about yourself for sure.\\nHang out with people who make you feel good about yourself instead of the people who put you down. Part of the reason you may be feeling awkward around other people is because the people you're with don't make you feel valued.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get a grip on social norms.\", \"描述\": \"Another reason that people feel awkward is because they feel like they just don't know what to do in a social situation, and find themselves constantly saying something inappropriate or misreading social cues. Well, there's no handbook that can teach you exactly how to understand social norms and to be less awkward, but there are a few things you can do to get a better grip on social norms:\\nIf you have a friend or just an acquaintance who has amazing social skills, try to spend more time around that person to get a better understanding of how he pulls it off.\\nIf you did something that really offended someone or just failed socially, make a note of it so you can avoid it the next time around.\\nLearn to read the dynamics of situation before you jump into it. If people are joking around in a group, it's not the time to talk about the hard math test coming up. On the other hand, if one person is talking about how sad he is after his break-up, it's not the time to tell an off-color joke.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Embrace your awkwardness.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to be as cool as James Dean to make people like you. In fact, being awkward, bumbling around, and spilling food all over yourself can actually endear you to people. Though you can work on improving your social skills, you shouldn't try to be super smooth, or people will know that you're not really being yourself. Embracing your awkwardness doesn't mean saying, \\\"I'm so awkward!\\\" every two seconds; but it does mean being comfortable with your occasional lack of social grace.\\nLearn to laugh at yourself. That will make people more comfortable around you and will be happy that you're willing to admit you're imperfect.\\nYou don't have to be self-deprecating to make fun of yourself occasionally using the right tone. For example, if you always spill on yourself and someone has pointed out the big awkward ketchup stain on your pants, just say, \\\"Trust me, it's usually worse,\\\" instead of looking all embarrassed and uncomfortable.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't show up too early or too late.\", \"描述\": \"Though this may sound like a small point, a lot of social awkwardness comes from bad timing. If you showed up super early to an event and are the first one there, then you may get stuck talking to the person organizing the event without having much to say, or you may feel like you're just in the way and are better standing off to the side. On the other hand, if you show up to an event way too late, everyone will have already developed their dynamic, and it may be more difficult to insert yourself into the conversation.\\nIf you're going to a party, showing up exactly on time may make you look a little bit too eager. Show up at least fifteen minutes late if there's no rigid deadline. Of course, don't show up late if it'll look rude.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be Less Awkward Around New People\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be interested -- not interesting.\", \"描述\": \"This is a key rule when meeting new people. You may be obsessed with reporting the coolest fact you read on the news or you may want to wow your new acquaintance with your extensive knowledge of Italian cuisine, but if you want to have a positive social interaction, you should focus on showing interest in the other person's life instead of talking on and on about yourself. Here are some ways to show interest without coming on too strong at the beginning of a conversation:\\nIf the person is reading a book, ask him how he likes it.\\nIf the person is wearing a sweater with a college's name on it and you know something about the school, ask if the person went there and talk about what he thinks of it.\\nYou can ask the person where he or she is headed if you bump into each other, and that can strike up a conversation about that person's interests.\\nAsk the person about his or her plans for the weekend.\\nTry coming up with a list of questions you are comfortable asking that enables you to find out more about the other person in different scenarios.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask thoughtful and open-ended questions.\", \"描述\": \"When you should interest in a person, you shouldn't just ask any question that comes to your mind or the person will think you're being random or even rude. Ask questions that can lead to a long answer and show that you're putting in some effort in getting to know the person. Don't ask a question that can be answered with a simple \\\"yes\\\" or \\\"no\\\" unless you have an immediate follow-up. Here are some ways to pose a thoughtful question:\\n\\\"Nice tennis racket. How long have you been playing?\\\"\\n\\\"Mary always throws the best parties. How do you know her?\\\"\\n\\\"I love Catcher in the Rye. Are you reading that for fun, or for school? What do you think of it?\\\"\\n\\\"What did you think of Mr. Peterson's test? I couldn't believe how hard it was.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Master the art of small talk.\", \"描述\": \"To get to know new people, you have to master the art of small talk. Small talk may sound silly, but it's exactly what gets you to know a person and to be able to have a more meaningful discussion as the conversation progresses. Making small talk just means being able to keep up the flow of a conversation, to learn to build from one topic to the next, and to read social cues to see what the person really want to talk about. Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to make small talk:\\nMake the person comfortable. Put the person at ease by smiling, not leaning in too close, and giving him all of your attention.\\nReveal something small about yourself. Say that you love watching hockey, that you grew up in Brooklyn, or that your favorite subject is history -- just give the other person something small to work with.\\nBe a good listener. If the person mentions that he has a sister in passing, you can circle back to it if the subject of siblings come up; then, you can say, \\\"You mentioned you had a sister. Are you close in age?\\\" and the person will be impressed that you remembered.\\nEngage the person. Make sure that you're asking questions and keeping the conversation moving back and forth without dominating the conversation or letting the person do all the talking.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid personal subjects at first.\", \"描述\": \"As you and the other person get to know each other, you can start to talk about more personal topics. At first, though, it's better to steer clear, or you'll risk making the other person uncomfortable. One of the reason people feel awkward is because they bring up a subject that clearly makes the other person uncomfortable but they don't know why. Here are some topics to avoid when you're talking to a person for the first time:\\nSerious breakups\\nThe death of a loved one\\nSexual experience\\nHealth problems you may be having\\nDeep personal struggles\\nEmbarrassing moments\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't overshare.\", \"描述\": \"Oversharing is related to getting too personal. You may be the kind of awkward person who sees that the other person has nothing to say, and then compensates by talking nonstop, wondering, \\\"How the heck did I end up talking about my grandmother's bronchitis?\\\" Though you may think that talking about anything that comes to your mind will make the conversation keep going, it's actually better to pause and redirect the conversation in a more comfortable way. Here are some other things you should avoid mentioning to a new person unless you want to risk oversharing:\\nYour deepest longings\\nYour deep-seated issues with your parents\\nYour unsatisfying childhood\\nYour feelings of sadness, loneliness, alienation, or any other deeply negative emotion\\nThe weird rash on your arm\\nThat time you got so drunk that you threw up\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Read the person to avoid offending him or her.\", \"描述\": \"You should get a sense of what the new person is like before you try out your raunchiest jokes or start harshly criticizing a past president. Remember that every person is different, and that not everybody shares your perspective on politics, religion, or even sports. Remember that you and the new person may be in a similar social circle, but that this doesn't mean that the person has the same perspective on all the people around you. Here are some topics to avoid so you don't offend a new person:\\nAny lewd jokes\\nHarsh criticism of the current or past president\\nComments on the undoubtable/impossible existence of God\\nCriticism of a person you both know\\nCriticism of all the fans of an \\\"inferior\\\" sports team that the person might like\\nInside jokes that you share with other people\\nAny general comments that would make the person think, \\\"I guess I have to get to know this person for that weird comment to make sense...\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be Less Awkward Around Someone You Like\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't be too eager.\", \"描述\": \"Being awkward around your peers and perfect strangers is difficult enough, but being awkward around someone you actually like can begin to feel impossible. Still, there are a few things you can do to have more social grace around your crush, and it starts with playing it cool and not acting like a puppy who is ready to hump the leg of anyone who comes by. Here are some ways to play it cool without looking too eager:\\nSmile and say hello, but don't go in for a hug unless you're at \\\"hug\\\" status with the person. If you're not sure, wait for the person to initiate the hug.\\nIf you see the person coming down the hall, approach him or her if you're nearby, but don't run to the other end of the building just to say hi or you'll look like a stalker.\\nDon't nod too vigorously at everything the person says, thinking that it will just help you show your interest. Making meaningful replies is more effective than nodding.\\nAvoid laughing at every little thing the person says -- especially if he or she isn't even trying to be funny.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Give meaningful compliments.\", \"描述\": \"To be less socially awkward, you have to be able to recognize the difference between a \\\"creepy comment\\\" and a \\\"nice comment.\\\" Don't tell a girl, \\\"You have such soft, fluffy hair. I just want to run my hands through it,\\\" unless you want her to slowly back away. Instead, say, \\\"I like your haircut. It makes you look kind of like [insert name of cute celebrity here.]\\\" The compliment should let the person see that you're paying attention without feeling like you're putting too much pressure on.\\n\\\"You have a great smile\\\" or \\\"You have a great laugh\\\" are usually safe bets.\\nComplimenting a girl's dress or jewelry can make her feel special.\\nComplimenting an aspect of the person's personality can work too; telling a guy he has a great sense of humor will make him feel good.\\nUse your compliments sparingly. If you compliment the person every two seconds, he or she may get annoyed or even overwhelmed.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Manage your body language.\", \"描述\": \"One socially awkward move is the \\\"close talk,\\\" which is standing so close to a person that you're practically already trying to kiss him or her. You may be doing this just because you want to show interest, but standing inches away from a person and leaning in so far that the person keeps moving back will not endear you to your love interest.\\nMaintain a respectable distance and use your arms to gesture occasionally to make your conversation more dynamic.\\nMake eye contact but look away every once in a while so you don't come off as too intense.\\nDon't reach out to touch a girl's hair unless you're invited to. It's important to respect her personal space for her to remain comfortable with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put the person at ease.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that the person you like may return your feelings and could be feeling a little awkward too. You should work on putting the person at ease by being friendly, laughing at something the person said if you know it was meant to be funny, and giving the person the reaction she wants from her statements. If she says something funny, laugh; if she's being serious, get the big grin off your face. Make the person feel like you're on the same level and that you won't be pulling any tricks.\\nIf you're entertaining you love interest as a guest, make her feel more comfortable by offer her a drink, snacks, or a seat.\\nPoking fun at yourself a bit will make the person feel more relaxed.\\nIf the person accidentally spills or drops something, just say, \\\"That happens to me all the time.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Know when to leave.\", \"描述\": \"Since social awkwardness does have a lot to do with timing, you should not only know when you should enter a conversation, but you should also know when you should leave it. If you're talking to a person you like, you should get out of the conversation before you both run out of things to say, when you're still having an easy flow of conversation, so the person will want to keep talking to you next time.\\nAnd if the person makes it clear that you're not wanted by checking her watch or phone or looking around for her friends, then politely say goodbye.\\nIf you're not wanted, just say, \\\"It's been fun talking to you\\\" instead of, \\\"Well, I know when I'm not wanted,\\\" which will only make things worse.\\nAnd if you've had a good conversation, just say, \\\"I look forward to catching up again soon\\\" and leave with your head high.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't stand around staring at people. That makes you look even more awkward and also, if you stare too much, it's just flat out weird.\\n\", \"Don't be afraid of making an impression. If you have something to say, say it. Hesitation usually makes you look more awkward, but still watch what you say.\\n\", \"Once you've met somebody, talk to more people. invite anyone who's just standing around into your conversation. You want to know more than one person.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,882 | How to Be Less Bored (for Teen Girls) | 1. Getting Not-Bored at Home
1-1. Find new music.
Read a new music website, search for playlists by a musician you like, or listen to a website that makes suggestions. Scroll through your social media and tell yourself you have to listen to the first song any friend has posted. Listen to that, and if you don't like it do it again.
Look up your favorite music artists and find out who they call an influence. You might be surprised by the sounds your favorites grew up hearing.
Alternatively, look through your music to find something you haven't listened to in forever. Take a trip down sonic memory lane.
1-2. Improve your reading skills
Read a novel, a comic, or poetry. Look through bookshelves if there are any in your house. Read magazine articles online about a topic that intrigues you. If you don't have any books in the house, visit your local library. If you can't find the books you want, sometimes you can order them through interlibrary loan: ask your librarian, or look on your library's website.
Read up. If you're a good reader and are bored with YA, read books written for adults. If you don't understand everything, don't worry. There is value in reading difficult literature, and it can often be more interesting to read something you don't understand than something you find easy.
Visit the library and browse through your favorite sections. Choose books with enthralling picture and titles, and read the blurb to find out more.
Read some old YA authors. Before YA was popular, authors like Diana Wynne Jones, Tove Jansson, Roald Dahl, and Noel Streatfeild wrote novels for children that are appropriate for teen and adult readers.
1-3. Meditate
If you can't think of anything to do, try thinking of nothing at all. Do a concentration meditation in which you focus on one thing, such as a candle flame, a flower, or a repetitive motion. Focus for several minutes. When your mind wanders, remind yourself to focus on what you are doing.
Do a mindfulness meditation in which you focus on your senses. Pay attention to your breathing, how each part of your body feels, and what you can hear, see, smell, and taste.
1-4. Revisit your childhood.
Go back to anything that made you happy as a kid. Build a pillow sheet fort, dig up a long-forgotten stuffed animal, or try to remember and write down an imagination game that used to fascinate you. Find an old drawing and attempt to recreate it—it's harder than it sounds.
Find an old photo album and learn what your parents thought was fashionable when they were your age.
Pose for your baby pictures again-try to get the lighting, the outfit, the pose and the facial expression just right.
1-5. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while.
You can call your grandfather or an old friend who moved out of state. Catch up on this person's life by asking lots of questions. Ask what he or she has been thinking about lately, worrying about lately, and enjoying lately.
1-6. Watch something unusual.
If you normally watch comedies, look up a documentary. If you normally watch shows, watch a lengthy feature film. Don't just go for whatever gets suggested: look up lists of the best art house films of all time, the greatest films ever made, the most beautiful animated films, the documentaries that changed the world. Watch a comedy from the 1930s and wrap your head around the ways humor has changed.
If you need another guideline, pick your film according to a rule. For instance, use the Bechdel test. You can only watch a film if it has (1) at least two named female characters who (2) have at least one conversation together (3) about anything other than men.
1-7. Create a schedule.
This sounds boring, but think about it: boredom feels like you're in an endless desert of time. A schedule helps you shape the time you have. Think about what you need to do today (homework, chores), what you want to do today, and then write yourself up a schedule of those things. Include the basic stuff, like "lunch."
1-8. Be bored.
Boredom is unpleasant, but it can also be useful. If you were busy or entertained all the time, you wouldn't have time to form any life-changing thoughts. When you're bored, you unconsciously take stock of your life and set new goals. If you weren't bored, you wouldn't change, so take it to the next level: think about the things that have made you bored, and figure out what needs to change.
For instance, if you are always alone after school, now could be the time to join an after-school organization.
If you are bored because you don't have many friends, making friends could be your new goal.
If you are bored because you have lost interest in the things you like, or you can't focus on anything, you might be depressed. If you are anxious and bored, you might have ADHD. Talk to an adult or a doctor about your boredom.
2. Getting Not-Bored Out In The World
2-1. Go on a wander.
Instead of going on a walk, go on a wander. Instead of walking somewhere you go all the time, walk on streets you don't know well. Take public transportation to a park, lake, or other natural space you haven't visited. Take your cell phone, take a friend with you if you want, and let your family know that you are wandering.
Take a map and draw a wiggly path on it without looking. Challenge yourself to walk along the path you drew as closely as you can. Make sure it loops you back home!
2-2. Visit strange shops.
Is there a downtown or shopping center where you live? Go to stores you have never entered. Challenge yourself to find something you like in each place. You don't have to buy anything, but try to get a sense of what you would buy if you were someone who shopped there. Each store is selling an image, so explore the ways those images can fit you or not.
For instance, you could visit an vintage store and explore dated fashion and obsolete technology. Imagine what it was like to wear a corset, wear a hat every day, or "dial" a phone.
2-3. Pack a picnic
Ask a friend to go on a picnic with you, and pack a bag or a basket of treats, a picnic blanket, and maybe a good book or two. You can pack the whole picnic yourself, or ask your friend to bring one or two things (a beverage, a fruit) while you bring the rest.
Visit a farmer's market or a grocery store together and pick out 3-6 things together. You might get fresh bread, apples, cheese, chocolate, carrots, and hummus, for example.
Take your picnic somewhere green and quiet, or somewhere with a good view.
Go on a hike if you can. Eat the picnic at the top of the mountain or end of the trail. Make sure to pack water!
3. Making
3-1. Start a zine.
By yourself or with a friend, design a casual journal you can put out once a month or every two weeks. You can write content, invite contributions from others, and even share editing responsibilities with a friend: for instance, she or he could be in charge of art and poetry, while you could supply opinion pieces and book reviews.
Possible content for a zine include: reviews of shows, books, movies, and albums, outside submissions of poetry, photographs, and drawings, lists, trivia, humor, political commentary, and fashion tips.
Stay true to the punk spirit of the "zine" and make them yourself. All you need is a photocopier and a stapler.
Pass out your zine to members of your community. Leave them in lobbies, common rooms, and sneak them into magazine racks at stores.
Zines are fun because they are super representative of the place they are made. Ask for contributions from the people you see weekly: the proctors at your school, your favorite barista, the kids you babysit, your grandmother.
3-2. Design a website
Teach yourself to build a website from scratch, or use a blogging template. Your website can showcase your work, your tastes, or be an online journal. You can also start a webzine instead of a "zine," and solicit contributions from strangers in the world.
3-3. Cook something new.
Look up some basic recipes you have never tried. How basic can they be? Try to find 3-5 ingredient recipes. For example, you can make a flatbread with just water and flour and salt. You can make truffles out of tahini, cocoa powder, and dates. You can make an omelet with just eggs, butter, and salt.
Cook without a recipe. Use inexpensive ingredients and experiment. Try to recreate something you have eaten in a restaurant, or invent a twist on a dish you enjoy.
Clean up as you go. Cooking is more fun when there aren't a bunch of dishes at the end.
3-4. Make art.
Do you like to draw, to write, to dance, to sing? Get some space and materials and make something. Get yourself started by spacing out with the medium you use: move around to music, doodle shapes, freewrite. If your mind is blank, give yourself a prompt. For instance, if you are writing, start yourself off with a line from a song you like.
Make something you can use, like a notebook or a scarf.
Make art for someone. Make a card, write a beautiful letter, or paint a picture for someone you love. If you know someone who is going through a hard time, make something for them.
Make a movie. Make a long film of something interesting. You can appear in it, or it can focus on other people, animals, things you observe. Try to film a portrait of a place: all the most strikingly beautiful, plain, ugly, active, and quiet places in your neighborhood, for instance.
Write fanfiction. Take the characters from a book or show you enjoy, and write them some adventures. Take a neglected character and give her a starring role.
3-5. Start a band
Get your musical friends with tastes similar to yours and start a band. If you know how to play instruments, so much the better. You don't need much to make a sound: you can improvise drums, you can sing together, and someone somewhere probably knows how to play guitar.
4. Being Useful
4-1. Plant something.
If you have space for a garden at your house, see what grows well in your local climate and plant it. If you don't have space for a garden, see if you have space for planters, pots, or a window box. You can grow herbs and flowers in very little space. If you live somewhere dry, succulents can be beautiful and need very little care.
A garden is a commitment, so start small if you're not ready to be in charge of an army of zucchini. Grow one plant in a pot, and if that goes well, you can start tilling earth.
4-2. Volunteer.
Volunteer to help out in a place that interests you. Places like elementary schools, schools for people with special needs, hospitals, and retirement communities often need volunteers. You can also volunteer for temporary organizations, such as political campaigns or fundraising events.
Ask someone in your life if they need help. Just do it right now. Ask a parent, a grandparent, or a neighbor.
4-3. Get a job
Earning money and learning new skills can be entertaining as well as useful. Visit businesses you can get to by bike or by bus and ask if they are hiring. Look online at job boards. Ask your family members for tips: they may know someone who can help you find a job that isn't advertised.
Go into business for yourself. Sell things you craft online, sell cookies at school, or call neighbors and family friends and offer to babysit, sit for cats, look after plants, walk dogs, mow lawns, or wash cars.
4-4. Perform a random act of kindness.
Do something unexpected that you know will be appreciated. Drop flowers or candy at your best friend's house, or wash your family's car. Offer to play a game you know a little sibling loves, even though you find it boring. You're already bored, so you might as well be bored in a sweet way.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:11",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting Not-Bored at Home\\n1-1. Find new music.\\nRead a new music website, search for playlists by a musician you like, or listen to a website that makes suggestions. Scroll through your social media and tell yourself you have to listen to the first song any friend has posted. Listen to that, and if you don't like it do it again.\\nLook up your favorite music artists and find out who they call an influence. You might be surprised by the sounds your favorites grew up hearing.\\nAlternatively, look through your music to find something you haven't listened to in forever. Take a trip down sonic memory lane.\\n1-2. Improve your reading skills\\nRead a novel, a comic, or poetry. Look through bookshelves if there are any in your house. Read magazine articles online about a topic that intrigues you. If you don't have any books in the house, visit your local library. If you can't find the books you want, sometimes you can order them through interlibrary loan: ask your librarian, or look on your library's website.\\nRead up. If you're a good reader and are bored with YA, read books written for adults. If you don't understand everything, don't worry. There is value in reading difficult literature, and it can often be more interesting to read something you don't understand than something you find easy.\\nVisit the library and browse through your favorite sections. Choose books with enthralling picture and titles, and read the blurb to find out more.\\nRead some old YA authors. Before YA was popular, authors like Diana Wynne Jones, Tove Jansson, Roald Dahl, and Noel Streatfeild wrote novels for children that are appropriate for teen and adult readers.\\n1-3. Meditate\\nIf you can't think of anything to do, try thinking of nothing at all. Do a concentration meditation in which you focus on one thing, such as a candle flame, a flower, or a repetitive motion. Focus for several minutes. When your mind wanders, remind yourself to focus on what you are doing.\\nDo a mindfulness meditation in which you focus on your senses. Pay attention to your breathing, how each part of your body feels, and what you can hear, see, smell, and taste.\\n1-4. Revisit your childhood.\\nGo back to anything that made you happy as a kid. Build a pillow sheet fort, dig up a long-forgotten stuffed animal, or try to remember and write down an imagination game that used to fascinate you. Find an old drawing and attempt to recreate it—it's harder than it sounds.\\nFind an old photo album and learn what your parents thought was fashionable when they were your age.\\nPose for your baby pictures again-try to get the lighting, the outfit, the pose and the facial expression just right.\\n1-5. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while.\\nYou can call your grandfather or an old friend who moved out of state. Catch up on this person's life by asking lots of questions. Ask what he or she has been thinking about lately, worrying about lately, and enjoying lately.\\n1-6. Watch something unusual.\\nIf you normally watch comedies, look up a documentary. If you normally watch shows, watch a lengthy feature film. Don't just go for whatever gets suggested: look up lists of the best art house films of all time, the greatest films ever made, the most beautiful animated films, the documentaries that changed the world. Watch a comedy from the 1930s and wrap your head around the ways humor has changed.\\nIf you need another guideline, pick your film according to a rule. For instance, use the Bechdel test. You can only watch a film if it has (1) at least two named female characters who (2) have at least one conversation together (3) about anything other than men.\\n1-7. Create a schedule.\\nThis sounds boring, but think about it: boredom feels like you're in an endless desert of time. A schedule helps you shape the time you have. Think about what you need to do today (homework, chores), what you want to do today, and then write yourself up a schedule of those things. Include the basic stuff, like \\\"lunch.\\\"\\n1-8. Be bored.\\nBoredom is unpleasant, but it can also be useful. If you were busy or entertained all the time, you wouldn't have time to form any life-changing thoughts. When you're bored, you unconsciously take stock of your life and set new goals. If you weren't bored, you wouldn't change, so take it to the next level: think about the things that have made you bored, and figure out what needs to change.\\nFor instance, if you are always alone after school, now could be the time to join an after-school organization.\\nIf you are bored because you don't have many friends, making friends could be your new goal.\\nIf you are bored because you have lost interest in the things you like, or you can't focus on anything, you might be depressed. If you are anxious and bored, you might have ADHD. Talk to an adult or a doctor about your boredom.\\n2. Getting Not-Bored Out In The World\\n2-1. Go on a wander.\\nInstead of going on a walk, go on a wander. Instead of walking somewhere you go all the time, walk on streets you don't know well. Take public transportation to a park, lake, or other natural space you haven't visited. Take your cell phone, take a friend with you if you want, and let your family know that you are wandering.\\nTake a map and draw a wiggly path on it without looking. Challenge yourself to walk along the path you drew as closely as you can. Make sure it loops you back home!\\n2-2. Visit strange shops.\\nIs there a downtown or shopping center where you live? Go to stores you have never entered. Challenge yourself to find something you like in each place. You don't have to buy anything, but try to get a sense of what you would buy if you were someone who shopped there. Each store is selling an image, so explore the ways those images can fit you or not.\\nFor instance, you could visit an vintage store and explore dated fashion and obsolete technology. Imagine what it was like to wear a corset, wear a hat every day, or \\\"dial\\\" a phone.\\n2-3. Pack a picnic\\nAsk a friend to go on a picnic with you, and pack a bag or a basket of treats, a picnic blanket, and maybe a good book or two. You can pack the whole picnic yourself, or ask your friend to bring one or two things (a beverage, a fruit) while you bring the rest.\\nVisit a farmer's market or a grocery store together and pick out 3-6 things together. You might get fresh bread, apples, cheese, chocolate, carrots, and hummus, for example.\\nTake your picnic somewhere green and quiet, or somewhere with a good view.\\nGo on a hike if you can. Eat the picnic at the top of the mountain or end of the trail. Make sure to pack water!\\n3. Making\\n3-1. Start a zine.\\nBy yourself or with a friend, design a casual journal you can put out once a month or every two weeks. You can write content, invite contributions from others, and even share editing responsibilities with a friend: for instance, she or he could be in charge of art and poetry, while you could supply opinion pieces and book reviews.\\nPossible content for a zine include: reviews of shows, books, movies, and albums, outside submissions of poetry, photographs, and drawings, lists, trivia, humor, political commentary, and fashion tips.\\nStay true to the punk spirit of the \\\"zine\\\" and make them yourself. All you need is a photocopier and a stapler.\\nPass out your zine to members of your community. Leave them in lobbies, common rooms, and sneak them into magazine racks at stores.\\nZines are fun because they are super representative of the place they are made. Ask for contributions from the people you see weekly: the proctors at your school, your favorite barista, the kids you babysit, your grandmother.\\n3-2. Design a website\\nTeach yourself to build a website from scratch, or use a blogging template. Your website can showcase your work, your tastes, or be an online journal. You can also start a webzine instead of a \\\"zine,\\\" and solicit contributions from strangers in the world.\\n3-3. Cook something new.\\nLook up some basic recipes you have never tried. How basic can they be? Try to find 3-5 ingredient recipes. For example, you can make a flatbread with just water and flour and salt. You can make truffles out of tahini, cocoa powder, and dates. You can make an omelet with just eggs, butter, and salt.\\nCook without a recipe. Use inexpensive ingredients and experiment. Try to recreate something you have eaten in a restaurant, or invent a twist on a dish you enjoy.\\nClean up as you go. Cooking is more fun when there aren't a bunch of dishes at the end.\\n3-4. Make art.\\nDo you like to draw, to write, to dance, to sing? Get some space and materials and make something. Get yourself started by spacing out with the medium you use: move around to music, doodle shapes, freewrite. If your mind is blank, give yourself a prompt. For instance, if you are writing, start yourself off with a line from a song you like.\\nMake something you can use, like a notebook or a scarf.\\nMake art for someone. Make a card, write a beautiful letter, or paint a picture for someone you love. If you know someone who is going through a hard time, make something for them.\\nMake a movie. Make a long film of something interesting. You can appear in it, or it can focus on other people, animals, things you observe. Try to film a portrait of a place: all the most strikingly beautiful, plain, ugly, active, and quiet places in your neighborhood, for instance.\\nWrite fanfiction. Take the characters from a book or show you enjoy, and write them some adventures. Take a neglected character and give her a starring role.\\n3-5. Start a band\\nGet your musical friends with tastes similar to yours and start a band. If you know how to play instruments, so much the better. You don't need much to make a sound: you can improvise drums, you can sing together, and someone somewhere probably knows how to play guitar.\\n4. Being Useful\\n4-1. Plant something.\\nIf you have space for a garden at your house, see what grows well in your local climate and plant it. If you don't have space for a garden, see if you have space for planters, pots, or a window box. You can grow herbs and flowers in very little space. If you live somewhere dry, succulents can be beautiful and need very little care.\\nA garden is a commitment, so start small if you're not ready to be in charge of an army of zucchini. Grow one plant in a pot, and if that goes well, you can start tilling earth.\\n4-2. Volunteer.\\nVolunteer to help out in a place that interests you. Places like elementary schools, schools for people with special needs, hospitals, and retirement communities often need volunteers. You can also volunteer for temporary organizations, such as political campaigns or fundraising events.\\nAsk someone in your life if they need help. Just do it right now. Ask a parent, a grandparent, or a neighbor.\\n4-3. Get a job\\nEarning money and learning new skills can be entertaining as well as useful. Visit businesses you can get to by bike or by bus and ask if they are hiring. Look online at job boards. Ask your family members for tips: they may know someone who can help you find a job that isn't advertised.\\nGo into business for yourself. Sell things you craft online, sell cookies at school, or call neighbors and family friends and offer to babysit, sit for cats, look after plants, walk dogs, mow lawns, or wash cars.\\n4-4. Perform a random act of kindness.\\nDo something unexpected that you know will be appreciated. Drop flowers or candy at your best friend's house, or wash your family's car. Offer to play a game you know a little sibling loves, even though you find it boring. You're already bored, so you might as well be bored in a sweet way.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Getting bored is just your cue that something needs to change. Whether you're bored right now, bored all the time, or worried about being bored in the future, there are things you can do now to harness your energy and make something beautiful with it.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting Not-Bored at Home\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find new music.\", \"描述\": \"Read a new music website, search for playlists by a musician you like, or listen to a website that makes suggestions. Scroll through your social media and tell yourself you have to listen to the first song any friend has posted. Listen to that, and if you don't like it do it again.\\nLook up your favorite music artists and find out who they call an influence. You might be surprised by the sounds your favorites grew up hearing.\\nAlternatively, look through your music to find something you haven't listened to in forever. Take a trip down sonic memory lane.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Improve your reading skills\", \"描述\": \"Read a novel, a comic, or poetry. Look through bookshelves if there are any in your house. Read magazine articles online about a topic that intrigues you. If you don't have any books in the house, visit your local library. If you can't find the books you want, sometimes you can order them through interlibrary loan: ask your librarian, or look on your library's website.\\nRead up. If you're a good reader and are bored with YA, read books written for adults. If you don't understand everything, don't worry. There is value in reading difficult literature, and it can often be more interesting to read something you don't understand than something you find easy.\\nVisit the library and browse through your favorite sections. Choose books with enthralling picture and titles, and read the blurb to find out more.\\nRead some old YA authors. Before YA was popular, authors like Diana Wynne Jones, Tove Jansson, Roald Dahl, and Noel Streatfeild wrote novels for children that are appropriate for teen and adult readers.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Meditate\", \"描述\": \"If you can't think of anything to do, try thinking of nothing at all. Do a concentration meditation in which you focus on one thing, such as a candle flame, a flower, or a repetitive motion. Focus for several minutes. When your mind wanders, remind yourself to focus on what you are doing.\\nDo a mindfulness meditation in which you focus on your senses. Pay attention to your breathing, how each part of your body feels, and what you can hear, see, smell, and taste.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Revisit your childhood.\", \"描述\": \"Go back to anything that made you happy as a kid. Build a pillow sheet fort, dig up a long-forgotten stuffed animal, or try to remember and write down an imagination game that used to fascinate you. Find an old drawing and attempt to recreate it—it's harder than it sounds.\\nFind an old photo album and learn what your parents thought was fashionable when they were your age.\\nPose for your baby pictures again-try to get the lighting, the outfit, the pose and the facial expression just right.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while.\", \"描述\": \"You can call your grandfather or an old friend who moved out of state. Catch up on this person's life by asking lots of questions. Ask what he or she has been thinking about lately, worrying about lately, and enjoying lately.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Watch something unusual.\", \"描述\": \"If you normally watch comedies, look up a documentary. If you normally watch shows, watch a lengthy feature film. Don't just go for whatever gets suggested: look up lists of the best art house films of all time, the greatest films ever made, the most beautiful animated films, the documentaries that changed the world. Watch a comedy from the 1930s and wrap your head around the ways humor has changed.\\nIf you need another guideline, pick your film according to a rule. For instance, use the Bechdel test. You can only watch a film if it has (1) at least two named female characters who (2) have at least one conversation together (3) about anything other than men.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Create a schedule.\", \"描述\": \"This sounds boring, but think about it: boredom feels like you're in an endless desert of time. A schedule helps you shape the time you have. Think about what you need to do today (homework, chores), what you want to do today, and then write yourself up a schedule of those things. Include the basic stuff, like \\\"lunch.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be bored.\", \"描述\": \"Boredom is unpleasant, but it can also be useful. If you were busy or entertained all the time, you wouldn't have time to form any life-changing thoughts. When you're bored, you unconsciously take stock of your life and set new goals. If you weren't bored, you wouldn't change, so take it to the next level: think about the things that have made you bored, and figure out what needs to change.\\nFor instance, if you are always alone after school, now could be the time to join an after-school organization.\\nIf you are bored because you don't have many friends, making friends could be your new goal.\\nIf you are bored because you have lost interest in the things you like, or you can't focus on anything, you might be depressed. If you are anxious and bored, you might have ADHD. Talk to an adult or a doctor about your boredom.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting Not-Bored Out In The World\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go on a wander.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of going on a walk, go on a wander. Instead of walking somewhere you go all the time, walk on streets you don't know well. Take public transportation to a park, lake, or other natural space you haven't visited. Take your cell phone, take a friend with you if you want, and let your family know that you are wandering.\\nTake a map and draw a wiggly path on it without looking. Challenge yourself to walk along the path you drew as closely as you can. Make sure it loops you back home!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Visit strange shops.\", \"描述\": \"Is there a downtown or shopping center where you live? Go to stores you have never entered. Challenge yourself to find something you like in each place. You don't have to buy anything, but try to get a sense of what you would buy if you were someone who shopped there. Each store is selling an image, so explore the ways those images can fit you or not.\\nFor instance, you could visit an vintage store and explore dated fashion and obsolete technology. Imagine what it was like to wear a corset, wear a hat every day, or \\\"dial\\\" a phone.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Pack a picnic\", \"描述\": \"Ask a friend to go on a picnic with you, and pack a bag or a basket of treats, a picnic blanket, and maybe a good book or two. You can pack the whole picnic yourself, or ask your friend to bring one or two things (a beverage, a fruit) while you bring the rest.\\nVisit a farmer's market or a grocery store together and pick out 3-6 things together. You might get fresh bread, apples, cheese, chocolate, carrots, and hummus, for example.\\nTake your picnic somewhere green and quiet, or somewhere with a good view.\\nGo on a hike if you can. Eat the picnic at the top of the mountain or end of the trail. Make sure to pack water!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start a zine.\", \"描述\": \"By yourself or with a friend, design a casual journal you can put out once a month or every two weeks. You can write content, invite contributions from others, and even share editing responsibilities with a friend: for instance, she or he could be in charge of art and poetry, while you could supply opinion pieces and book reviews.\\nPossible content for a zine include: reviews of shows, books, movies, and albums, outside submissions of poetry, photographs, and drawings, lists, trivia, humor, political commentary, and fashion tips.\\nStay true to the punk spirit of the \\\"zine\\\" and make them yourself. All you need is a photocopier and a stapler.\\nPass out your zine to members of your community. Leave them in lobbies, common rooms, and sneak them into magazine racks at stores.\\nZines are fun because they are super representative of the place they are made. Ask for contributions from the people you see weekly: the proctors at your school, your favorite barista, the kids you babysit, your grandmother.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Design a website\", \"描述\": \"Teach yourself to build a website from scratch, or use a blogging template. Your website can showcase your work, your tastes, or be an online journal. You can also start a webzine instead of a \\\"zine,\\\" and solicit contributions from strangers in the world.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Cook something new.\", \"描述\": \"Look up some basic recipes you have never tried. How basic can they be? Try to find 3-5 ingredient recipes. For example, you can make a flatbread with just water and flour and salt. You can make truffles out of tahini, cocoa powder, and dates. You can make an omelet with just eggs, butter, and salt.\\nCook without a recipe. Use inexpensive ingredients and experiment. Try to recreate something you have eaten in a restaurant, or invent a twist on a dish you enjoy.\\nClean up as you go. Cooking is more fun when there aren't a bunch of dishes at the end.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make art.\", \"描述\": \"Do you like to draw, to write, to dance, to sing? Get some space and materials and make something. Get yourself started by spacing out with the medium you use: move around to music, doodle shapes, freewrite. If your mind is blank, give yourself a prompt. For instance, if you are writing, start yourself off with a line from a song you like.\\nMake something you can use, like a notebook or a scarf.\\nMake art for someone. Make a card, write a beautiful letter, or paint a picture for someone you love. If you know someone who is going through a hard time, make something for them.\\nMake a movie. Make a long film of something interesting. You can appear in it, or it can focus on other people, animals, things you observe. Try to film a portrait of a place: all the most strikingly beautiful, plain, ugly, active, and quiet places in your neighborhood, for instance.\\nWrite fanfiction. Take the characters from a book or show you enjoy, and write them some adventures. Take a neglected character and give her a starring role.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Start a band\", \"描述\": \"Get your musical friends with tastes similar to yours and start a band. If you know how to play instruments, so much the better. You don't need much to make a sound: you can improvise drums, you can sing together, and someone somewhere probably knows how to play guitar.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Being Useful\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Plant something.\", \"描述\": \"If you have space for a garden at your house, see what grows well in your local climate and plant it. If you don't have space for a garden, see if you have space for planters, pots, or a window box. You can grow herbs and flowers in very little space. If you live somewhere dry, succulents can be beautiful and need very little care.\\nA garden is a commitment, so start small if you're not ready to be in charge of an army of zucchini. Grow one plant in a pot, and if that goes well, you can start tilling earth.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteer to help out in a place that interests you. Places like elementary schools, schools for people with special needs, hospitals, and retirement communities often need volunteers. You can also volunteer for temporary organizations, such as political campaigns or fundraising events.\\nAsk someone in your life if they need help. Just do it right now. Ask a parent, a grandparent, or a neighbor.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get a job\", \"描述\": \"Earning money and learning new skills can be entertaining as well as useful. Visit businesses you can get to by bike or by bus and ask if they are hiring. Look online at job boards. Ask your family members for tips: they may know someone who can help you find a job that isn't advertised.\\nGo into business for yourself. Sell things you craft online, sell cookies at school, or call neighbors and family friends and offer to babysit, sit for cats, look after plants, walk dogs, mow lawns, or wash cars.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Perform a random act of kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Do something unexpected that you know will be appreciated. Drop flowers or candy at your best friend's house, or wash your family's car. Offer to play a game you know a little sibling loves, even though you find it boring. You're already bored, so you might as well be bored in a sweet way.\"}]}]}}",
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3,883 | How to Be Less Clingy | 1. Working on Yourself
1-1. Build your confidence.
A lot of people are clingy because they are unhappy with who they are and feel insecure about being alone, being left behind, or being ignored. Clingy people can even become overly paranoid that people are hanging out without them because they think that nobody may really like them in the end. Get over these feelings and work on loving who you are. If you're confident, then you won't be obsessed with people leaving you and will be less clingy.
Think of at least three things that make you special. Learn to love yourself.
Take pleasure in being good at something, whether it's running, the hard work you do, or your ability to make people laugh.
Have the body language of a confident person. Stand tall with your arms away from your chest, and smile as much as you can.
Work on addressing your flaws. Everyone has flaws, and addressing them will make you feel better about yourself.
1-2. Work on your trust issues.
Many people are clingy because they have trust issues, whether they stem from feeling abandoned as a child, being ditched by a former best friend, or even being cheated on by a former significant other. These causes must have been very painful, but you need to learn that you should approach each new relationship on its own terms, and that the past cannot dictate the present.
Learn to let go of the people or situations that hurt you in the past, and look toward building a better, healthier future of fulfilling relationships.
Tell yourself that clinging to people is not the way to make them be more loyal to you -- in fact, clinging to someone is much more likely to push him or her away.
Don't be frustrated with yourself. You can't resolve all of your trust issues overnight -- but you can take baby steps that make you feel more open to trusting people without being by their side all the time.
1-3. Ease your anxiety.
A lot of clingy behavior is rooted in anxiety -- you may be anxious about being alone forever, anxious about not having a best friend, or anxious that people are laughing at you behind your back the second you leave the room. You may also just be anxious about trying to navigate multiple or new relationships, so you stick to the person or few people that you know well to deal with your fear of the unknown.
A lot of anxiety is mixed with stress -- you may be feeling anxious because your world is so crazy and busy and you have so much on your plate that you feel like you can't handle it on your own. Take some steps to reduce stress, like meditating, doing yoga, and maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, and see if you feel less anxious.
Before you walk into a room full of people, just take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself that it's okay to talk to new people and to branch out instead of being glued to the person you're with.
1-4. Talk to someone.
If you feel so clingy that you're dependent on your mother's, boyfriend's, or best friend's every move, then you may need to talk to someone about your problem. You can start by opening up to a close friend, significant other, or family member about your problems. If you feel out of control, you can talk to a doctor or therapist and see if your problems are linked to an anxiety disorder or depression.
Talking to someone can help you look for the root causes of your clingy nature. There are many reasons for being clingy -- maybe you grew up in a house full of rambunctious siblings and were fighting a losing battle for attention, or maybe you ended a relationship with a loved one because you weren't invested enough and are over correcting.
2. Managing Your Relationships
2-1. Give people space when they ask for it.
Giving people space is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship. Whether you're giving your best friend or boyfriend some breathing room, you should know that being apart from someone will actually make that person appreciate you more when you do come together.
Give people space in your communication. Don't constantly text, call, or just "show up" to hang out with a person, unless they're alright with it. This can be annoying and even rude. Make sure the person you're calling also calls you.
Don't smother people. If you smother someone, then you're always around, and asking about every little detail of that person's day without giving him a chance to do anything on his own.
Try spend at least three times as much time away from a person as you do with him. Even if you're so madly in love that you can't keep your hands off your new man, know that this feeling can't last forever.
Enjoy pursuing your interests when you're not with the person or people you want to hang out with. Don't look at it as just "killing time" until you can hang out with that person again.
Learn to read the signs. If a person needs some alone time, he or she may not be answering your calls as often, withdrawing when you're together, or saying that he's having a really busy week. Don't try to be around even more if this happens, but give the person some breathing room.
2-2. Take it slow when you meet someone new.
A lot of clingy people immediately latch on to a new person, whether it's a new person or someone they've had just one or two dates with. This is a defense mechanism that says you're afraid that the person doesn't return your affection and will let you go if you're not as aggressive as possible. Just take it easy and relax with a new person, trying not to hang out with him or her more than once a week.
If you start planning your entire social schedule around a new person, you'll be likely to scare him or her off.
Don't immediately open up and talk about how you've been looking for a new friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend -- this will scare the person off.
Don't initiate every hangout with the new person. Make sure there's a balance and that you both try to hang out equally.
2-3. Don't baby anyone.
A lot of clingy people think that people need them to take care of them and hang around trying to help people or give advice to people who don't really need it. Sometimes people will need your help, but don't take on a motherly role with everyone you meet, thinking that a person's life won't be complete without all of your attention and advice.
If people need your help, they'll ask for it most of the time, so don't assume that people always need you to take care of them.
2-4. Watch your body language.
Even your body language can overwhelm people and make you feel like you're trying a little too hard to be in their personal space. If you're with a friend, don't stand too close, give too many hugs or touches, or play with that friend's hair or accessories, or you may smother her.
If you're with a significant other, cuddling and kissing is nice, but if you have to hold hands 100% of the time and be glued to the person at parties or social events, then you'll be coming on too strong.
Though you should give your attention to the person you're talking to, don't corner the person, maintain intense eye contact, and keep the person from talking to other people.
2-5. Don't get taken for granted.
One of the downfalls of being clingy is that you'll get taken for granted. Clingy people can be taken for granted because they are always around -- if you're clingy, your friend or boyfriend knows that you'll appear to help or hangout in the blink of an eye. If you don't want to get taken for granted, make sure you're not always around or available.
Make it clear that you have other people in your social network -- mention hanging out with them and don't spend all of your time with the person you're clinging to.
Mention other things that take up your time, whether it's a project at school, your club soccer team, or planning your mother's birthday party. Let people know that you're busy and have to fit them into your schedule, not rearrange your life so you can see that person.
Though you shouldn't blow off your friends, don't answer your phone instantly or respond to a text or Facebook message within seconds, or you'll look like you have nothing better to do.
2-6. Enjoy keeping a healthy distance.
Once you learn to stop being clingy, you'll actually love maintaining a healthy distance from the people you love. This will give you a time to work out your own issues, pursue your own interests and goals, and truly appreciate the person when you do hang out. Having a busy and interesting life should make you feel much better than spending all of your time with one person without anything else going on.
Take pleasure in maintaining several or even many wonderful relationships without spending your time obsessing over just one person.
Check in with people once in a while. Don't be afraid to ask, "I'm not overwhelming you too much this week, am I?" Once you're aware of your tendency to cling, you'll be much better at avoiding it.
Think about how much more you love yourself now that you know how to be alone and to do the things you really love without company. Being a person who is comfortable being alone will also naturally draw more people towards you.
3. Living a More Fulfilling Life
3-1. Pursue your own interests.
The easiest way to stop being clingy is to lead a busy and exciting life that is full of things to look forward to. If you don't have a whole lot going on for yourself, it'll be much easier for you to want to spend all of your time with your boyfriend or best friend. If your life is filled with exciting and rewarding activities, you'll be much less likely to be clingy. Here are some things to try:
Find your passion. You may have a love for photography, yoga, or the piano that you never even knew you had. Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone to try something new that could end up filling a lot of your hours.
Find a fun form of exercise. Whether you're running, mountain biking, or taking a kickboxing class, find something that lets you release your extra energy and feel good about yourself in the process. If you take an exercise class, commit to going at least two or three times a week, so you create a new routine that doesn't involve depending on other people.
Devote a few hours a week to your favorite hobby. Whether you love writing songs or poetry, gardening, or making jewelry, make sure to spend at least a few hours on this each week. Not only will you feel accomplished for doing something you love, but you'll enjoy being on your own more.
3-2. Pursue your own goals.
Pursuing your own goals is just as important as pursuing your own interests when it comes to not being clingy. Pursuing your own goals will help you focus on your own short and long term dreams and will keep you focused on what's ahead for you -- not for your best friend or sister. No matter how old you are, you should have some short and long term goals that keep you driven and thinking about yourself.
Set some short-term goals. This can be as simple as training for a 5K or finally finishing War and Peace. You can write down the target dates for these goals in your planner to keep you motivated.
Make a plan for achieving your long-term goals. Whether you want to graduate college with a 3.8 GPA, get a promotion at work, or write a novel, make a plan for making your dreams come true. This will give you plenty to think about other than what your boyfriend is up to every night.
Write about your goals in a journal. Journals can help you be in touch with who you are and what a good future will look like for you. This will make you be focused on what's important to you.
3-3. Expand your social network.
This is another excellent way to be less clingy. You're much more likely to be clingy if you only have two friends or if your boyfriend is your only real friend in town. The more people in your social network, the richer your social experience will be, and the less likely you'll be to focus all of your attention on what just one person is up to. Here's how you can expand your social network:
You don't have to have ten best friends to expand your network. Just ask a more casual friend out for coffee, or even turn an acquaintance into a friend.
Be friendlier with your coworkers or the students in your classes. This can turn into a friendship, or it can just give you something to do. Even if you're just going to happy hour with your coworkers twice a month, you'll still be expanding your social network.
Get in touch with old friends. Maybe you've brushed some old friends aside because you were so busy being focused on one person. Get back in touch with those people and apologize for falling off the grid.
Don't be afraid to make a friend date. If you really click with a girl at a party, ask her if she wants to try a class at your yoga studio or to grab a glass of wine some time.
3-4. Learn to like being alone.
Many clingy people prefer to spend 99% of their time with other people. Wanting to always hang out with other people will make it particularly hard for you to be alone. Enjoying your "me time" is an important way to build confidence, find what makes you happy, and just to decompress and spend time away from other people. Here are some ways to like being alone:
Go for long walks. This is not only healthy but will help you get in touch with your thoughts.
Find a love for reading. Reading is not only entertaining and educational, but a book can be a perfect companion.
Redecorate. Redecorating your own space can make you more in touch with what appeals to you and can make you more excited to spend time in your space.
3-5. Volunteer.
Volunteering is not only a great way to help out in your community, but it can make you feel needed and useful, instead of being needy. Find a way to help out in your local soup kitchen, clean up a park, or teach people to learn to read at the local library.
Once you find a volunteering activity that appeals to you, you should commit to doing it at least once or twice a week. This is another way to maintain a busy and fulfilling schedule without depending on others.
Volunteering can also help you expand your social network. You can find another fellow volunteer that you really click with and can start a new friendship.
Tips
Allow "hearts to grow closer" through absence. Every person in your life is important and so you are to them. And the more space you grant each person, the fonder they will be of you because you're not in their pockets all the time. Importantly, they're not in your pocket all the time either, so you can be liberated from feeling suffocated by others because you're setting an obvious standard to them that you expect space to form a part of your relationships with others.
If you're with a clingy person, suggest separate activities that play to the other person's interests and strengths. Help them gradually realize that they are better off pursuing the things they enjoy doing with other people or by themselves when it's not an interest of your own. Help ease the transition by combining separate activities with at least one shared activity to balance out the change in approach to your relationship.
Spot the signs of your own clinging behavior. You will see irritation and frustration relayed back to you from the people you're targeting. Don't be tempted to manipulate that against them; instead, use it as a mirror of your own behavior and find other ways to interact with these people, giving them space and finding your own ways of coping.
Warnings
Long-term clinginess loses friends and other people's patience wears thin in any kind of relationship. After a time, even the most patient person recognizes helplessness-as-manipulation when it's always targeted at them.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Working on Yourself\\n1-1. Build your confidence.\\nA lot of people are clingy because they are unhappy with who they are and feel insecure about being alone, being left behind, or being ignored. Clingy people can even become overly paranoid that people are hanging out without them because they think that nobody may really like them in the end. Get over these feelings and work on loving who you are. If you're confident, then you won't be obsessed with people leaving you and will be less clingy.\\nThink of at least three things that make you special. Learn to love yourself.\\nTake pleasure in being good at something, whether it's running, the hard work you do, or your ability to make people laugh.\\nHave the body language of a confident person. Stand tall with your arms away from your chest, and smile as much as you can.\\nWork on addressing your flaws. Everyone has flaws, and addressing them will make you feel better about yourself.\\n1-2. Work on your trust issues.\\nMany people are clingy because they have trust issues, whether they stem from feeling abandoned as a child, being ditched by a former best friend, or even being cheated on by a former significant other. These causes must have been very painful, but you need to learn that you should approach each new relationship on its own terms, and that the past cannot dictate the present.\\nLearn to let go of the people or situations that hurt you in the past, and look toward building a better, healthier future of fulfilling relationships.\\nTell yourself that clinging to people is not the way to make them be more loyal to you -- in fact, clinging to someone is much more likely to push him or her away.\\nDon't be frustrated with yourself. You can't resolve all of your trust issues overnight -- but you can take baby steps that make you feel more open to trusting people without being by their side all the time.\\n1-3. Ease your anxiety.\\nA lot of clingy behavior is rooted in anxiety -- you may be anxious about being alone forever, anxious about not having a best friend, or anxious that people are laughing at you behind your back the second you leave the room. You may also just be anxious about trying to navigate multiple or new relationships, so you stick to the person or few people that you know well to deal with your fear of the unknown.\\nA lot of anxiety is mixed with stress -- you may be feeling anxious because your world is so crazy and busy and you have so much on your plate that you feel like you can't handle it on your own. Take some steps to reduce stress, like meditating, doing yoga, and maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, and see if you feel less anxious.\\nBefore you walk into a room full of people, just take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself that it's okay to talk to new people and to branch out instead of being glued to the person you're with.\\n1-4. Talk to someone.\\nIf you feel so clingy that you're dependent on your mother's, boyfriend's, or best friend's every move, then you may need to talk to someone about your problem. You can start by opening up to a close friend, significant other, or family member about your problems. If you feel out of control, you can talk to a doctor or therapist and see if your problems are linked to an anxiety disorder or depression.\\nTalking to someone can help you look for the root causes of your clingy nature. There are many reasons for being clingy -- maybe you grew up in a house full of rambunctious siblings and were fighting a losing battle for attention, or maybe you ended a relationship with a loved one because you weren't invested enough and are over correcting.\\n2. Managing Your Relationships\\n2-1. Give people space when they ask for it.\\nGiving people space is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship. Whether you're giving your best friend or boyfriend some breathing room, you should know that being apart from someone will actually make that person appreciate you more when you do come together.\\nGive people space in your communication. Don't constantly text, call, or just \\\"show up\\\" to hang out with a person, unless they're alright with it. This can be annoying and even rude. Make sure the person you're calling also calls you.\\nDon't smother people. If you smother someone, then you're always around, and asking about every little detail of that person's day without giving him a chance to do anything on his own.\\nTry spend at least three times as much time away from a person as you do with him. Even if you're so madly in love that you can't keep your hands off your new man, know that this feeling can't last forever.\\nEnjoy pursuing your interests when you're not with the person or people you want to hang out with. Don't look at it as just \\\"killing time\\\" until you can hang out with that person again.\\nLearn to read the signs. If a person needs some alone time, he or she may not be answering your calls as often, withdrawing when you're together, or saying that he's having a really busy week. Don't try to be around even more if this happens, but give the person some breathing room.\\n2-2. Take it slow when you meet someone new.\\nA lot of clingy people immediately latch on to a new person, whether it's a new person or someone they've had just one or two dates with. This is a defense mechanism that says you're afraid that the person doesn't return your affection and will let you go if you're not as aggressive as possible. Just take it easy and relax with a new person, trying not to hang out with him or her more than once a week.\\nIf you start planning your entire social schedule around a new person, you'll be likely to scare him or her off.\\nDon't immediately open up and talk about how you've been looking for a new friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend -- this will scare the person off.\\nDon't initiate every hangout with the new person. Make sure there's a balance and that you both try to hang out equally.\\n2-3. Don't baby anyone.\\nA lot of clingy people think that people need them to take care of them and hang around trying to help people or give advice to people who don't really need it. Sometimes people will need your help, but don't take on a motherly role with everyone you meet, thinking that a person's life won't be complete without all of your attention and advice.\\nIf people need your help, they'll ask for it most of the time, so don't assume that people always need you to take care of them.\\n2-4. Watch your body language.\\nEven your body language can overwhelm people and make you feel like you're trying a little too hard to be in their personal space. If you're with a friend, don't stand too close, give too many hugs or touches, or play with that friend's hair or accessories, or you may smother her.\\nIf you're with a significant other, cuddling and kissing is nice, but if you have to hold hands 100% of the time and be glued to the person at parties or social events, then you'll be coming on too strong.\\nThough you should give your attention to the person you're talking to, don't corner the person, maintain intense eye contact, and keep the person from talking to other people.\\n2-5. Don't get taken for granted.\\nOne of the downfalls of being clingy is that you'll get taken for granted. Clingy people can be taken for granted because they are always around -- if you're clingy, your friend or boyfriend knows that you'll appear to help or hangout in the blink of an eye. If you don't want to get taken for granted, make sure you're not always around or available.\\nMake it clear that you have other people in your social network -- mention hanging out with them and don't spend all of your time with the person you're clinging to.\\nMention other things that take up your time, whether it's a project at school, your club soccer team, or planning your mother's birthday party. Let people know that you're busy and have to fit them into your schedule, not rearrange your life so you can see that person.\\nThough you shouldn't blow off your friends, don't answer your phone instantly or respond to a text or Facebook message within seconds, or you'll look like you have nothing better to do.\\n2-6. Enjoy keeping a healthy distance.\\nOnce you learn to stop being clingy, you'll actually love maintaining a healthy distance from the people you love. This will give you a time to work out your own issues, pursue your own interests and goals, and truly appreciate the person when you do hang out. Having a busy and interesting life should make you feel much better than spending all of your time with one person without anything else going on.\\nTake pleasure in maintaining several or even many wonderful relationships without spending your time obsessing over just one person.\\nCheck in with people once in a while. Don't be afraid to ask, \\\"I'm not overwhelming you too much this week, am I?\\\" Once you're aware of your tendency to cling, you'll be much better at avoiding it.\\nThink about how much more you love yourself now that you know how to be alone and to do the things you really love without company. Being a person who is comfortable being alone will also naturally draw more people towards you.\\n3. Living a More Fulfilling Life\\n3-1. Pursue your own interests.\\nThe easiest way to stop being clingy is to lead a busy and exciting life that is full of things to look forward to. If you don't have a whole lot going on for yourself, it'll be much easier for you to want to spend all of your time with your boyfriend or best friend. If your life is filled with exciting and rewarding activities, you'll be much less likely to be clingy. Here are some things to try:\\n\\nFind your passion. You may have a love for photography, yoga, or the piano that you never even knew you had. Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone to try something new that could end up filling a lot of your hours.\\nFind a fun form of exercise. Whether you're running, mountain biking, or taking a kickboxing class, find something that lets you release your extra energy and feel good about yourself in the process. If you take an exercise class, commit to going at least two or three times a week, so you create a new routine that doesn't involve depending on other people.\\nDevote a few hours a week to your favorite hobby. Whether you love writing songs or poetry, gardening, or making jewelry, make sure to spend at least a few hours on this each week. Not only will you feel accomplished for doing something you love, but you'll enjoy being on your own more.\\n3-2. Pursue your own goals.\\nPursuing your own goals is just as important as pursuing your own interests when it comes to not being clingy. Pursuing your own goals will help you focus on your own short and long term dreams and will keep you focused on what's ahead for you -- not for your best friend or sister. No matter how old you are, you should have some short and long term goals that keep you driven and thinking about yourself.\\nSet some short-term goals. This can be as simple as training for a 5K or finally finishing War and Peace. You can write down the target dates for these goals in your planner to keep you motivated.\\nMake a plan for achieving your long-term goals. Whether you want to graduate college with a 3.8 GPA, get a promotion at work, or write a novel, make a plan for making your dreams come true. This will give you plenty to think about other than what your boyfriend is up to every night.\\nWrite about your goals in a journal. Journals can help you be in touch with who you are and what a good future will look like for you. This will make you be focused on what's important to you.\\n3-3. Expand your social network.\\nThis is another excellent way to be less clingy. You're much more likely to be clingy if you only have two friends or if your boyfriend is your only real friend in town. The more people in your social network, the richer your social experience will be, and the less likely you'll be to focus all of your attention on what just one person is up to. Here's how you can expand your social network:\\nYou don't have to have ten best friends to expand your network. Just ask a more casual friend out for coffee, or even turn an acquaintance into a friend.\\nBe friendlier with your coworkers or the students in your classes. This can turn into a friendship, or it can just give you something to do. Even if you're just going to happy hour with your coworkers twice a month, you'll still be expanding your social network.\\nGet in touch with old friends. Maybe you've brushed some old friends aside because you were so busy being focused on one person. Get back in touch with those people and apologize for falling off the grid.\\nDon't be afraid to make a friend date. If you really click with a girl at a party, ask her if she wants to try a class at your yoga studio or to grab a glass of wine some time.\\n3-4. Learn to like being alone.\\nMany clingy people prefer to spend 99% of their time with other people. Wanting to always hang out with other people will make it particularly hard for you to be alone. Enjoying your \\\"me time\\\" is an important way to build confidence, find what makes you happy, and just to decompress and spend time away from other people. Here are some ways to like being alone:\\nGo for long walks. This is not only healthy but will help you get in touch with your thoughts.\\nFind a love for reading. Reading is not only entertaining and educational, but a book can be a perfect companion.\\nRedecorate. Redecorating your own space can make you more in touch with what appeals to you and can make you more excited to spend time in your space.\\n3-5. Volunteer.\\nVolunteering is not only a great way to help out in your community, but it can make you feel needed and useful, instead of being needy. Find a way to help out in your local soup kitchen, clean up a park, or teach people to learn to read at the local library.\\nOnce you find a volunteering activity that appeals to you, you should commit to doing it at least once or twice a week. This is another way to maintain a busy and fulfilling schedule without depending on others.\\nVolunteering can also help you expand your social network. You can find another fellow volunteer that you really click with and can start a new friendship.\\nTips\\nAllow \\\"hearts to grow closer\\\" through absence. Every person in your life is important and so you are to them. And the more space you grant each person, the fonder they will be of you because you're not in their pockets all the time. Importantly, they're not in your pocket all the time either, so you can be liberated from feeling suffocated by others because you're setting an obvious standard to them that you expect space to form a part of your relationships with others.\\nIf you're with a clingy person, suggest separate activities that play to the other person's interests and strengths. Help them gradually realize that they are better off pursuing the things they enjoy doing with other people or by themselves when it's not an interest of your own. Help ease the transition by combining separate activities with at least one shared activity to balance out the change in approach to your relationship.\\nSpot the signs of your own clinging behavior. You will see irritation and frustration relayed back to you from the people you're targeting. Don't be tempted to manipulate that against them; instead, use it as a mirror of your own behavior and find other ways to interact with these people, giving them space and finding your own ways of coping.\\nWarnings\\nLong-term clinginess loses friends and other people's patience wears thin in any kind of relationship. After a time, even the most patient person recognizes helplessness-as-manipulation when it's always targeted at them.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Knowing that you're clingy is the first step to improving your behavior. If you're clingy, then you're the kind of person who gets obsessed with a new person the moment you meet, whether you're making friends or dating. After that, you're likely to call the person constantly, ask to hang out all the time, and feel sad or abandoned if you have to spend some time alone. If you've exhibited some of this behavior, or if the people in your life have asked you to give them space, then you need to work on improving yourself and your approach to relationships so you can be less clingy. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Working on Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Build your confidence.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of people are clingy because they are unhappy with who they are and feel insecure about being alone, being left behind, or being ignored. Clingy people can even become overly paranoid that people are hanging out without them because they think that nobody may really like them in the end. Get over these feelings and work on loving who you are. If you're confident, then you won't be obsessed with people leaving you and will be less clingy.\\nThink of at least three things that make you special. Learn to love yourself.\\nTake pleasure in being good at something, whether it's running, the hard work you do, or your ability to make people laugh.\\nHave the body language of a confident person. Stand tall with your arms away from your chest, and smile as much as you can.\\nWork on addressing your flaws. Everyone has flaws, and addressing them will make you feel better about yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Work on your trust issues.\", \"描述\": \"Many people are clingy because they have trust issues, whether they stem from feeling abandoned as a child, being ditched by a former best friend, or even being cheated on by a former significant other. These causes must have been very painful, but you need to learn that you should approach each new relationship on its own terms, and that the past cannot dictate the present.\\nLearn to let go of the people or situations that hurt you in the past, and look toward building a better, healthier future of fulfilling relationships.\\nTell yourself that clinging to people is not the way to make them be more loyal to you -- in fact, clinging to someone is much more likely to push him or her away.\\nDon't be frustrated with yourself. You can't resolve all of your trust issues overnight -- but you can take baby steps that make you feel more open to trusting people without being by their side all the time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ease your anxiety.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of clingy behavior is rooted in anxiety -- you may be anxious about being alone forever, anxious about not having a best friend, or anxious that people are laughing at you behind your back the second you leave the room. You may also just be anxious about trying to navigate multiple or new relationships, so you stick to the person or few people that you know well to deal with your fear of the unknown.\\nA lot of anxiety is mixed with stress -- you may be feeling anxious because your world is so crazy and busy and you have so much on your plate that you feel like you can't handle it on your own. Take some steps to reduce stress, like meditating, doing yoga, and maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, and see if you feel less anxious.\\nBefore you walk into a room full of people, just take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself that it's okay to talk to new people and to branch out instead of being glued to the person you're with.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Talk to someone.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel so clingy that you're dependent on your mother's, boyfriend's, or best friend's every move, then you may need to talk to someone about your problem. You can start by opening up to a close friend, significant other, or family member about your problems. If you feel out of control, you can talk to a doctor or therapist and see if your problems are linked to an anxiety disorder or depression.\\nTalking to someone can help you look for the root causes of your clingy nature. There are many reasons for being clingy -- maybe you grew up in a house full of rambunctious siblings and were fighting a losing battle for attention, or maybe you ended a relationship with a loved one because you weren't invested enough and are over correcting.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Managing Your Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give people space when they ask for it.\", \"描述\": \"Giving people space is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship. Whether you're giving your best friend or boyfriend some breathing room, you should know that being apart from someone will actually make that person appreciate you more when you do come together.\\nGive people space in your communication. Don't constantly text, call, or just \\\"show up\\\" to hang out with a person, unless they're alright with it. This can be annoying and even rude. Make sure the person you're calling also calls you.\\nDon't smother people. If you smother someone, then you're always around, and asking about every little detail of that person's day without giving him a chance to do anything on his own.\\nTry spend at least three times as much time away from a person as you do with him. Even if you're so madly in love that you can't keep your hands off your new man, know that this feeling can't last forever.\\nEnjoy pursuing your interests when you're not with the person or people you want to hang out with. Don't look at it as just \\\"killing time\\\" until you can hang out with that person again.\\nLearn to read the signs. If a person needs some alone time, he or she may not be answering your calls as often, withdrawing when you're together, or saying that he's having a really busy week. Don't try to be around even more if this happens, but give the person some breathing room.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take it slow when you meet someone new.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of clingy people immediately latch on to a new person, whether it's a new person or someone they've had just one or two dates with. This is a defense mechanism that says you're afraid that the person doesn't return your affection and will let you go if you're not as aggressive as possible. Just take it easy and relax with a new person, trying not to hang out with him or her more than once a week.\\nIf you start planning your entire social schedule around a new person, you'll be likely to scare him or her off.\\nDon't immediately open up and talk about how you've been looking for a new friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend -- this will scare the person off.\\nDon't initiate every hangout with the new person. Make sure there's a balance and that you both try to hang out equally.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't baby anyone.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of clingy people think that people need them to take care of them and hang around trying to help people or give advice to people who don't really need it. Sometimes people will need your help, but don't take on a motherly role with everyone you meet, thinking that a person's life won't be complete without all of your attention and advice.\\nIf people need your help, they'll ask for it most of the time, so don't assume that people always need you to take care of them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Watch your body language.\", \"描述\": \"Even your body language can overwhelm people and make you feel like you're trying a little too hard to be in their personal space. If you're with a friend, don't stand too close, give too many hugs or touches, or play with that friend's hair or accessories, or you may smother her.\\nIf you're with a significant other, cuddling and kissing is nice, but if you have to hold hands 100% of the time and be glued to the person at parties or social events, then you'll be coming on too strong.\\nThough you should give your attention to the person you're talking to, don't corner the person, maintain intense eye contact, and keep the person from talking to other people.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't get taken for granted.\", \"描述\": \"One of the downfalls of being clingy is that you'll get taken for granted. Clingy people can be taken for granted because they are always around -- if you're clingy, your friend or boyfriend knows that you'll appear to help or hangout in the blink of an eye. If you don't want to get taken for granted, make sure you're not always around or available.\\nMake it clear that you have other people in your social network -- mention hanging out with them and don't spend all of your time with the person you're clinging to.\\nMention other things that take up your time, whether it's a project at school, your club soccer team, or planning your mother's birthday party. Let people know that you're busy and have to fit them into your schedule, not rearrange your life so you can see that person.\\nThough you shouldn't blow off your friends, don't answer your phone instantly or respond to a text or Facebook message within seconds, or you'll look like you have nothing better to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Enjoy keeping a healthy distance.\", \"描述\": \"Once you learn to stop being clingy, you'll actually love maintaining a healthy distance from the people you love. This will give you a time to work out your own issues, pursue your own interests and goals, and truly appreciate the person when you do hang out. Having a busy and interesting life should make you feel much better than spending all of your time with one person without anything else going on.\\nTake pleasure in maintaining several or even many wonderful relationships without spending your time obsessing over just one person.\\nCheck in with people once in a while. Don't be afraid to ask, \\\"I'm not overwhelming you too much this week, am I?\\\" Once you're aware of your tendency to cling, you'll be much better at avoiding it.\\nThink about how much more you love yourself now that you know how to be alone and to do the things you really love without company. Being a person who is comfortable being alone will also naturally draw more people towards you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Living a More Fulfilling Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pursue your own interests.\", \"描述\": \"The easiest way to stop being clingy is to lead a busy and exciting life that is full of things to look forward to. If you don't have a whole lot going on for yourself, it'll be much easier for you to want to spend all of your time with your boyfriend or best friend. If your life is filled with exciting and rewarding activities, you'll be much less likely to be clingy. Here are some things to try:\\n\\nFind your passion. You may have a love for photography, yoga, or the piano that you never even knew you had. Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone to try something new that could end up filling a lot of your hours.\\nFind a fun form of exercise. Whether you're running, mountain biking, or taking a kickboxing class, find something that lets you release your extra energy and feel good about yourself in the process. If you take an exercise class, commit to going at least two or three times a week, so you create a new routine that doesn't involve depending on other people.\\nDevote a few hours a week to your favorite hobby. Whether you love writing songs or poetry, gardening, or making jewelry, make sure to spend at least a few hours on this each week. Not only will you feel accomplished for doing something you love, but you'll enjoy being on your own more.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pursue your own goals.\", \"描述\": \"Pursuing your own goals is just as important as pursuing your own interests when it comes to not being clingy. Pursuing your own goals will help you focus on your own short and long term dreams and will keep you focused on what's ahead for you -- not for your best friend or sister. No matter how old you are, you should have some short and long term goals that keep you driven and thinking about yourself.\\nSet some short-term goals. This can be as simple as training for a 5K or finally finishing War and Peace. You can write down the target dates for these goals in your planner to keep you motivated.\\nMake a plan for achieving your long-term goals. Whether you want to graduate college with a 3.8 GPA, get a promotion at work, or write a novel, make a plan for making your dreams come true. This will give you plenty to think about other than what your boyfriend is up to every night.\\nWrite about your goals in a journal. Journals can help you be in touch with who you are and what a good future will look like for you. This will make you be focused on what's important to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Expand your social network.\", \"描述\": \"This is another excellent way to be less clingy. You're much more likely to be clingy if you only have two friends or if your boyfriend is your only real friend in town. The more people in your social network, the richer your social experience will be, and the less likely you'll be to focus all of your attention on what just one person is up to. Here's how you can expand your social network:\\nYou don't have to have ten best friends to expand your network. Just ask a more casual friend out for coffee, or even turn an acquaintance into a friend.\\nBe friendlier with your coworkers or the students in your classes. This can turn into a friendship, or it can just give you something to do. Even if you're just going to happy hour with your coworkers twice a month, you'll still be expanding your social network.\\nGet in touch with old friends. Maybe you've brushed some old friends aside because you were so busy being focused on one person. Get back in touch with those people and apologize for falling off the grid.\\nDon't be afraid to make a friend date. If you really click with a girl at a party, ask her if she wants to try a class at your yoga studio or to grab a glass of wine some time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn to like being alone.\", \"描述\": \"Many clingy people prefer to spend 99% of their time with other people. Wanting to always hang out with other people will make it particularly hard for you to be alone. Enjoying your \\\"me time\\\" is an important way to build confidence, find what makes you happy, and just to decompress and spend time away from other people. Here are some ways to like being alone:\\nGo for long walks. This is not only healthy but will help you get in touch with your thoughts.\\nFind a love for reading. Reading is not only entertaining and educational, but a book can be a perfect companion.\\nRedecorate. Redecorating your own space can make you more in touch with what appeals to you and can make you more excited to spend time in your space.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteering is not only a great way to help out in your community, but it can make you feel needed and useful, instead of being needy. Find a way to help out in your local soup kitchen, clean up a park, or teach people to learn to read at the local library.\\nOnce you find a volunteering activity that appeals to you, you should commit to doing it at least once or twice a week. This is another way to maintain a busy and fulfilling schedule without depending on others.\\nVolunteering can also help you expand your social network. You can find another fellow volunteer that you really click with and can start a new friendship.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Allow \\\"hearts to grow closer\\\" through absence. Every person in your life is important and so you are to them. And the more space you grant each person, the fonder they will be of you because you're not in their pockets all the time. Importantly, they're not in your pocket all the time either, so you can be liberated from feeling suffocated by others because you're setting an obvious standard to them that you expect space to form a part of your relationships with others.\\n\", \"If you're with a clingy person, suggest separate activities that play to the other person's interests and strengths. Help them gradually realize that they are better off pursuing the things they enjoy doing with other people or by themselves when it's not an interest of your own. Help ease the transition by combining separate activities with at least one shared activity to balance out the change in approach to your relationship.\\n\", \"Spot the signs of your own clinging behavior. You will see irritation and frustration relayed back to you from the people you're targeting. Don't be tempted to manipulate that against them; instead, use it as a mirror of your own behavior and find other ways to interact with these people, giving them space and finding your own ways of coping.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Long-term clinginess loses friends and other people's patience wears thin in any kind of relationship. After a time, even the most patient person recognizes helplessness-as-manipulation when it's always targeted at them.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,884 | How to Be Less Dependent in a Relationship | 1. Get to know yourself.
Who are you outside of this relationship?
What do you enjoy? What are your values? If you aren’t sure, try sitting down for 10 minutes a day and reflecting on your life as a whole. It will help you stay true to who you are and not lose yourself in a relationship.
Getting to know yourself can be a little tough. If you’re having a hard time, you could practice meditation and self-care to spend more time with yourself.
2. Make your own decisions.
Don’t let your partner decide things for you.
Even little things, like how you’d like to spend your day off or what you want to eat for lunch. Making small decisions like this every day can lead to more confidence when it’s time to make larger decisions.
Oftentimes, we defer to our partners to make decisions because we’re afraid of rejection. Keep in mind that the only person’s approval you need is your own.
3. Set goals for yourself.
Figure out what you’d like to achieve in your life.
This could be career-related, hobby-related, or even family-related. If you can keep these goals in mind, you can work toward achieving them and support your partner in achieving theirs.
Try not to sacrifice your goals for the sake of your partner. Doing that can lead to a lot of resentment down the line, which isn’t a great foundation for a healthy relationship.
4. Meet your own emotional needs.
Try not to rely on your partner for comfort or validation.
It’s totally fine to seek praise and comfort from your partner every now and then, but your main source should be yourself. If you feel emotional, check in with yourself and figure out what you need. Then, you can take steps on doing that for yourself and maintain your independence.
For instance, maybe you’ve had a bad day and you’re feeling stressed. Try taking a long bath or watching a funny movie to lift your spirits and help you relax.
Or, maybe you got a promotion at work and you’re feeling proud of yourself. Go buy yourself something fun from the store as a reward to make yourself happy.
5. Maintain your own interests.
Keep up with your hobbies outside of the relationship.
It will help you remember who you were before you met your partner. If you don’t have a hobby that you love, try diving into a new one that you’ve always wanted to try. Doing activities outside of your relationship will give you and your partner some much-needed alone time.
If you’re nervous about trying a new hobby on your own, invite one of your friends to try it with you.
6. Learn to love yourself.
When we love ourselves, we depend less on others.
As you work on becoming less dependent, make sure you say nice things to yourself, praise yourself for your hard work, and take care of your body by eating right and exercising. The more you can uplift yourself, the less you’ll need it from your partner.
Try using a loving touch on yourself, like giving yourself a neck massage or a foot rub.
If you notice anything that you really like about yourself, write it down.
7. Take responsibility for yourself.
This includes owning your mistakes, too.
Remember that the only person in charge of your life is you, not anyone else. The more you can own who you are and where you’re going, the better you’ll be able to take charge and change your life for the better.
8. Set boundaries with your partner.
Tell your partner that you’d like to become more independent.
Sometimes, partners fall into their roles pretty hard, and it can be tough to detach. As you work on becoming less dependent, let your partner know that they need to let you make these changes.
For instance, maybe your partner handles the finances. If you’d like to become more independent, tell them that you want to take over paying some of the bills.
Or, maybe your partner is used to going out with you every time you leave the house. Let them know that you’d like to do a few things on your own instead.
9. Stand up for yourself.
Be assertive, and don’t let others take advantage of you.
If you don’t want to do something, tell your partner that. Make your voice heard, and remember that your opinions and your feelings matter.
This can be as simple as telling your partner that you want to eat tacos instead of sushi for dinner. Or, it can be about bigger issues, like which city you want to live in or what career path you’d like to take.
10. Talk to a mental health professional.
Dependency can be tough to break free from.
If you’re having a hard time breaking out of your habits, it might be worthwhile to talk to a mental health professional. They can teach you coping skills and mechanisms to maintain your independence while staying in a relationship.
They can also teach you ways to boost your self esteem and stand up for yourself.
Tips
If you feel like you and your partner are codependent, it might be helpful to talk to a couple’s counselor.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:11",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Get to know yourself.\\nWho are you outside of this relationship?\\nWhat do you enjoy? What are your values? If you aren’t sure, try sitting down for 10 minutes a day and reflecting on your life as a whole. It will help you stay true to who you are and not lose yourself in a relationship.\\nGetting to know yourself can be a little tough. If you’re having a hard time, you could practice meditation and self-care to spend more time with yourself.\\n2. Make your own decisions.\\nDon’t let your partner decide things for you.\\nEven little things, like how you’d like to spend your day off or what you want to eat for lunch. Making small decisions like this every day can lead to more confidence when it’s time to make larger decisions.\\nOftentimes, we defer to our partners to make decisions because we’re afraid of rejection. Keep in mind that the only person’s approval you need is your own.\\n3. Set goals for yourself.\\nFigure out what you’d like to achieve in your life.\\nThis could be career-related, hobby-related, or even family-related. If you can keep these goals in mind, you can work toward achieving them and support your partner in achieving theirs.\\nTry not to sacrifice your goals for the sake of your partner. Doing that can lead to a lot of resentment down the line, which isn’t a great foundation for a healthy relationship.\\n4. Meet your own emotional needs.\\nTry not to rely on your partner for comfort or validation.\\nIt’s totally fine to seek praise and comfort from your partner every now and then, but your main source should be yourself. If you feel emotional, check in with yourself and figure out what you need. Then, you can take steps on doing that for yourself and maintain your independence.\\nFor instance, maybe you’ve had a bad day and you’re feeling stressed. Try taking a long bath or watching a funny movie to lift your spirits and help you relax.\\nOr, maybe you got a promotion at work and you’re feeling proud of yourself. Go buy yourself something fun from the store as a reward to make yourself happy.\\n5. Maintain your own interests.\\nKeep up with your hobbies outside of the relationship.\\nIt will help you remember who you were before you met your partner. If you don’t have a hobby that you love, try diving into a new one that you’ve always wanted to try. Doing activities outside of your relationship will give you and your partner some much-needed alone time.\\nIf you’re nervous about trying a new hobby on your own, invite one of your friends to try it with you.\\n6. Learn to love yourself.\\nWhen we love ourselves, we depend less on others.\\nAs you work on becoming less dependent, make sure you say nice things to yourself, praise yourself for your hard work, and take care of your body by eating right and exercising. The more you can uplift yourself, the less you’ll need it from your partner.\\nTry using a loving touch on yourself, like giving yourself a neck massage or a foot rub.\\nIf you notice anything that you really like about yourself, write it down.\\n7. Take responsibility for yourself.\\nThis includes owning your mistakes, too.\\nRemember that the only person in charge of your life is you, not anyone else. The more you can own who you are and where you’re going, the better you’ll be able to take charge and change your life for the better.\\n8. Set boundaries with your partner.\\nTell your partner that you’d like to become more independent.\\nSometimes, partners fall into their roles pretty hard, and it can be tough to detach. As you work on becoming less dependent, let your partner know that they need to let you make these changes.\\nFor instance, maybe your partner handles the finances. If you’d like to become more independent, tell them that you want to take over paying some of the bills.\\nOr, maybe your partner is used to going out with you every time you leave the house. Let them know that you’d like to do a few things on your own instead.\\n9. Stand up for yourself.\\nBe assertive, and don’t let others take advantage of you.\\nIf you don’t want to do something, tell your partner that. Make your voice heard, and remember that your opinions and your feelings matter.\\nThis can be as simple as telling your partner that you want to eat tacos instead of sushi for dinner. Or, it can be about bigger issues, like which city you want to live in or what career path you’d like to take.\\n10. Talk to a mental health professional.\\nDependency can be tough to break free from.\\nIf you’re having a hard time breaking out of your habits, it might be worthwhile to talk to a mental health professional. They can teach you coping skills and mechanisms to maintain your independence while staying in a relationship.\\nThey can also teach you ways to boost your self esteem and stand up for yourself.\\nTips\\nIf you feel like you and your partner are codependent, it might be helpful to talk to a couple’s counselor.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When you’re in a relationship, it can be easy to lean on your partner so often that you lose yourself. Relying on your partner for some things is fine, but maintaining your independence is crucial if you want to live a happy, fulfilling life. Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can do to become less dependent on your significant other while keeping your relationship strong.\\n\\nHere are 10 ways you can be more independent in your relationship.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get to know yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Who are you outside of this relationship?\", \"描述\": \"What do you enjoy? What are your values? If you aren’t sure, try sitting down for 10 minutes a day and reflecting on your life as a whole. It will help you stay true to who you are and not lose yourself in a relationship.\\nGetting to know yourself can be a little tough. If you’re having a hard time, you could practice meditation and self-care to spend more time with yourself.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make your own decisions.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t let your partner decide things for you.\", \"描述\": \"Even little things, like how you’d like to spend your day off or what you want to eat for lunch. Making small decisions like this every day can lead to more confidence when it’s time to make larger decisions.\\nOftentimes, we defer to our partners to make decisions because we’re afraid of rejection. Keep in mind that the only person’s approval you need is your own.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Set goals for yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Figure out what you’d like to achieve in your life.\", \"描述\": \"This could be career-related, hobby-related, or even family-related. If you can keep these goals in mind, you can work toward achieving them and support your partner in achieving theirs.\\nTry not to sacrifice your goals for the sake of your partner. Doing that can lead to a lot of resentment down the line, which isn’t a great foundation for a healthy relationship.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Meet your own emotional needs.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try not to rely on your partner for comfort or validation.\", \"描述\": \"It’s totally fine to seek praise and comfort from your partner every now and then, but your main source should be yourself. If you feel emotional, check in with yourself and figure out what you need. Then, you can take steps on doing that for yourself and maintain your independence.\\nFor instance, maybe you’ve had a bad day and you’re feeling stressed. Try taking a long bath or watching a funny movie to lift your spirits and help you relax.\\nOr, maybe you got a promotion at work and you’re feeling proud of yourself. Go buy yourself something fun from the store as a reward to make yourself happy.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Maintain your own interests.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep up with your hobbies outside of the relationship.\", \"描述\": \"It will help you remember who you were before you met your partner. If you don’t have a hobby that you love, try diving into a new one that you’ve always wanted to try. Doing activities outside of your relationship will give you and your partner some much-needed alone time.\\nIf you’re nervous about trying a new hobby on your own, invite one of your friends to try it with you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Learn to love yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"When we love ourselves, we depend less on others.\", \"描述\": \"As you work on becoming less dependent, make sure you say nice things to yourself, praise yourself for your hard work, and take care of your body by eating right and exercising. The more you can uplift yourself, the less you’ll need it from your partner.\\nTry using a loving touch on yourself, like giving yourself a neck massage or a foot rub.\\nIf you notice anything that you really like about yourself, write it down.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Take responsibility for yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"This includes owning your mistakes, too.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that the only person in charge of your life is you, not anyone else. The more you can own who you are and where you’re going, the better you’ll be able to take charge and change your life for the better.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Set boundaries with your partner.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tell your partner that you’d like to become more independent.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, partners fall into their roles pretty hard, and it can be tough to detach. As you work on becoming less dependent, let your partner know that they need to let you make these changes.\\nFor instance, maybe your partner handles the finances. If you’d like to become more independent, tell them that you want to take over paying some of the bills.\\nOr, maybe your partner is used to going out with you every time you leave the house. Let them know that you’d like to do a few things on your own instead.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Stand up for yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be assertive, and don’t let others take advantage of you.\", \"描述\": \"If you don’t want to do something, tell your partner that. Make your voice heard, and remember that your opinions and your feelings matter.\\nThis can be as simple as telling your partner that you want to eat tacos instead of sushi for dinner. Or, it can be about bigger issues, like which city you want to live in or what career path you’d like to take.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Talk to a mental health professional.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dependency can be tough to break free from.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re having a hard time breaking out of your habits, it might be worthwhile to talk to a mental health professional. They can teach you coping skills and mechanisms to maintain your independence while staying in a relationship.\\nThey can also teach you ways to boost your self esteem and stand up for yourself.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you feel like you and your partner are codependent, it might be helpful to talk to a couple’s counselor.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,885 | How to Be Less Emotional | 1. Changing Your Emotional Approach
1-1. Practice breathing techniques.
Breathing can help calm you down when you’re experiencing overwhelming emotions such as rage, endless crying, or deep disappointment. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotional intensity, pause to focus on your breathing. Breathing techniques can help you manage your emotions more effectively and help you handle intense emotions better. You may notice that as you experience intense emotions, they bring you further from experiencing yourself and your body. Breathing helps bring you back to your body and back into the present moment.
Learn to moderate your emotions by using your breath. Start by lengthening your breaths, noticing that you feel more and more relaxed. Breath deeply into your lungs, and feel your stomach rise and fall. Count slowly as you exhale, and feel your body, mind, and emotions relax.
For more breathing exercises, check out How to Breathe Deeply.
1-2. Learn from past events and move forward.
If you spend much time dwelling on the past or wondering “what if...”, you may start to feel low, negative, or depressed. While it’s good to learn from past mistakes and reflect on your behavior, it can become overwhelming when your thoughts and feelings live more in the past than the present. When ruminating, you may have a more difficult time forgiving yourself or other people or harbor negative feelings.
If you find yourself ruminating, take your mind and emotions off of the situation. Exercise, read a book, or call a friend (but don’t talk about what you’re ruminating on!).
Use the past to learn and grow from, yet know when to let it go. If reflections in the past causes distress or you find yourself returning over and over to a situation you “messed up”, learn to let it go, knowing you cannot change it. Instead, determine to let the event change your future behavior.
Rumination is linked to depression. Depression can make a difficult past hard to move forward from, and often finds relief through therapy. If you think you may have depression, check out How to Know if You Have Depression and How to Overcome Depression.
1-3. Avoid jumping to conclusions about the future.
If you feel anxious, you may notice you burn a lot of emotional energy worrying. You may experience fears such as not doing tasks correctly or getting sick from germ exposure. You may even know your fears are irrational, but you can’t help but worry or fear them. You may fear catastrophes anticipate the worst in situations. If this sounds like you, learn ways to calm your anxiety, such as using relaxation techniques like visualization, and practice cognitive approaches, like accepting uncertainty.
For more information, check out How to Control Anxiety.
1-4. Change your coping strategy.
If you’re trying to deal with unpleasant emotions and find that you’re struggling to remove yourself, try a different strategy. You may not be able to remove the emotional experience, but you may be able to cope with it better. For instance, if you’re trying to cope with rage and still feel angry even after removing yourself from the situation, try drawing or coloring or doing some exercise.
Try distracting yourself with music or going for a walk. Play with your pet, read a book, or garden.
1-5. Use a stress diary.
Write in a diary throughout the day about your stressors and how you deal with them or react to them. Assess what events you responded well to and which ones were more difficult. Find ways to cope with emotions consistently that help you move past them quickly.
Using a diary can help you track what methods work well, which situations trigger your emotional reactivity, and how you work through each situation.
2. Monitoring Your Emotional Health
2-1. Monitor your expectations.
Sometimes, the way you feel may be mediated by how you expect to feel. For instance, if you expect that watching a movie may make you sad, you may end up feeling sad. If you notice yourself placing expectations on how you ‘’should’’ feel, hold off on making that judgment until you’ve completed the situation. Or, you may consider which situations you want to enter into beforehand.
2-2. Adjust your routines to reduce stress.
Think about what events trigger your strong emotions, and problem solve how to either avoid them or curb your response. For instance, if you tend to get anxious because you often run late for work, adjust your morning routine so that you are not rushing, and budget extra time for traffic or other surprises. If there is a group of people that bring out lots of unpleasant emotions, decrease your time with them. When you have control of a situation, take it.
2-3. Modify the situation.
If you find yourself constantly disappointed in yourself or your abilities, modify your expectations. You may be a perfectionist and feel like if something isn’t 100% perfect, it’s not worth sharing with other people. Especially if you have a deadline, it’s okay to modify the situation in order to manage your emotions more effectively. For instance, you can say, “While my project isn’t 100% perfect, I’m proud of it and I know I did good work.”
If you tend to have lofty ideas and expectations, start modifying how you accomplish them. For instance, you can call in help from other people, or choose a goal that is less lofty, but attainable.
2-4. Remind yourself that feelings are valid, although not always “truth.
While you are absolutely allowed to feel your feelings, remember that a feeling doesn’t equate with truth. This is also true of thoughts. When you feel like reacting to something, remind yourself that you may not have all of the information yet, and your thoughts and feelings may change.
Your thoughts and feelings change constantly and do not define you.
3. Interacting With Others
3-1. Inquire before judging.
You may jump to conclusions instead of getting all of the information first. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making a snap judgment, wait until you have all of the information. And while you’re at it, avoid planning your next move if you’re in an argument. Instead, ask questions and seek to understand the full situation before assigning a judgment or emotionally investing yourself.
If you’re upset that your partner is late, don’t jump to conclusions as to why he may be late. Instead, gently ask what happened without coming across as judgmental or accusing.
3-2. Avoid reacting to emotional outbursts.
If someone is emotionally reactive in an argument, don’t meet this reactivity with more reactivity. Instead, practice active listening skills. Reacting to another person’s strong emotions will likely escalate the situation and will not contribute to a solution.
For example, if someone is angry and is attacking you, don’t go straight to the defense. Instead, hear the person out, make an effort to understand her thoughts and feelings, ask questions, and calmly reply.
3-3. Use “I” statements.
By blaming, you automatically put someone on the defensive, which can lead to conflict. The other person may also be more likely to blame you back for something. Claim your emotions as a way of not blaming others and taking responsibility for your emotions. By claiming your emotions as your own, you gain control of them.
Instead of blaming someone by saying, “You didn't show up and you blew me off again; you’re such a jerk,” say, “I felt really hurt and abandoned that you didn’t show this evening, and I felt confused that you didn't let me know you weren’t coming.”
4. Relating to Emotions Positively
4-1. Identify emotions.
It’s important to know what you feel so that you can adequately address each emotion appropriately. Start to reflect on how your body feels when you notice an emotion coming through. If you feel anger, for instance, you may start to notice your breathing quickening, your muscles tensing, or your skin feeling flushed. If you’re happy, you may notice smiling or feelings of lightness in your body. Tune in to your body’s communication.
Journal each emotion. For instance, write a journal entry for “sadness” and write down all the things that make you feel sad. Do the same thing for “anger,” “joy,” “peace,” “rage,” or any other emotion you want to focus on.
4-2. Decode each emotion’s message.
Often, you feel emotions as a communication system. For instance, you may feel anxiety as a way to express fear of something. Emotions can trigger emotional or physical perceived stressors that we choose to move toward or away from. When your emotions come up, ask them what they are communicating to you.
If you feel sadness, ask yourself, “What have I lost or what do I perceive I will lose?”
When experiencing anger, ask, “Do I feel like my values are being attacked?” or, “ Is there some action I should be taking?”
When happy, ask, “What do I feel has been added to my life?”
4-3. Increase your empathy.
Empathy means observing your emotions less and the emotions of those around you. Having empathy is part of having emotional intelligence. If you find yourself focusing largely on your own emotions, take a step back and notice the emotions of the people around you. Contemplate their emotional experience and recognize the emotions they feel. Increasing your empathy helps you relate to people more effectively, respect their emotional experience, and take the spotlight off of yourself.
Ask yourself, “What is this person feeling and experiencing right now?”
4-4. Be mindful.
Staying present can help you moderate your emotions. Practicing mindfulness means you allow your thoughts and feelings to come and observe them without judgement. If you find yourself feeling sad, try to turn yourself away from judgemental thoughts like, "I shouldn't still be sad about this. What's wrong with me?" Instead, try to be objective, maybe simply observing, "I still have strong emotions about that incident. That's interesting." Practicing mindfulness can have benefits for emotional, mental, and physical health. Some mindfulness practices to try include tuning into your senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing) and observing them. Focus on your breathing and see how that moderates the way you feel.
For more information, check out How to Do Mindful Meditation.
4-5. See a therapist.
If you find it difficult to relate to your emotions positively or cannot find ways to control your emotions, a therapist can help you. A therapist can help you process your difficult emotions while also providing an outlet for you to release your emotions in a positive and constructive way. If controlling your emotions feels impossible, talk to a therapist to find ways to make this more manageable.
Find a therapist you feel comfortable talking to and seeing regularly. Your therapist should be someone you can trust and with whom you are comfortable sharing vulnerable or embarrassing things. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist or just don't feel a connection, it's okay to see someone else.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:11",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Changing Your Emotional Approach\\n1-1. Practice breathing techniques.\\nBreathing can help calm you down when you’re experiencing overwhelming emotions such as rage, endless crying, or deep disappointment. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotional intensity, pause to focus on your breathing. Breathing techniques can help you manage your emotions more effectively and help you handle intense emotions better. You may notice that as you experience intense emotions, they bring you further from experiencing yourself and your body. Breathing helps bring you back to your body and back into the present moment.\\nLearn to moderate your emotions by using your breath. Start by lengthening your breaths, noticing that you feel more and more relaxed. Breath deeply into your lungs, and feel your stomach rise and fall. Count slowly as you exhale, and feel your body, mind, and emotions relax.\\nFor more breathing exercises, check out How to Breathe Deeply.\\n1-2. Learn from past events and move forward.\\nIf you spend much time dwelling on the past or wondering “what if...”, you may start to feel low, negative, or depressed. While it’s good to learn from past mistakes and reflect on your behavior, it can become overwhelming when your thoughts and feelings live more in the past than the present. When ruminating, you may have a more difficult time forgiving yourself or other people or harbor negative feelings.\\nIf you find yourself ruminating, take your mind and emotions off of the situation. Exercise, read a book, or call a friend (but don’t talk about what you’re ruminating on!).\\nUse the past to learn and grow from, yet know when to let it go. If reflections in the past causes distress or you find yourself returning over and over to a situation you “messed up”, learn to let it go, knowing you cannot change it. Instead, determine to let the event change your future behavior.\\nRumination is linked to depression. Depression can make a difficult past hard to move forward from, and often finds relief through therapy. If you think you may have depression, check out How to Know if You Have Depression and How to Overcome Depression.\\n1-3. Avoid jumping to conclusions about the future.\\nIf you feel anxious, you may notice you burn a lot of emotional energy worrying. You may experience fears such as not doing tasks correctly or getting sick from germ exposure. You may even know your fears are irrational, but you can’t help but worry or fear them. You may fear catastrophes anticipate the worst in situations. If this sounds like you, learn ways to calm your anxiety, such as using relaxation techniques like visualization, and practice cognitive approaches, like accepting uncertainty.\\nFor more information, check out How to Control Anxiety.\\n1-4. Change your coping strategy.\\nIf you’re trying to deal with unpleasant emotions and find that you’re struggling to remove yourself, try a different strategy. You may not be able to remove the emotional experience, but you may be able to cope with it better. For instance, if you’re trying to cope with rage and still feel angry even after removing yourself from the situation, try drawing or coloring or doing some exercise.\\nTry distracting yourself with music or going for a walk. Play with your pet, read a book, or garden.\\n1-5. Use a stress diary.\\nWrite in a diary throughout the day about your stressors and how you deal with them or react to them. Assess what events you responded well to and which ones were more difficult. Find ways to cope with emotions consistently that help you move past them quickly.\\nUsing a diary can help you track what methods work well, which situations trigger your emotional reactivity, and how you work through each situation.\\n2. Monitoring Your Emotional Health\\n2-1. Monitor your expectations.\\nSometimes, the way you feel may be mediated by how you expect to feel. For instance, if you expect that watching a movie may make you sad, you may end up feeling sad. If you notice yourself placing expectations on how you ‘’should’’ feel, hold off on making that judgment until you’ve completed the situation. Or, you may consider which situations you want to enter into beforehand.\\n2-2. Adjust your routines to reduce stress.\\nThink about what events trigger your strong emotions, and problem solve how to either avoid them or curb your response. For instance, if you tend to get anxious because you often run late for work, adjust your morning routine so that you are not rushing, and budget extra time for traffic or other surprises. If there is a group of people that bring out lots of unpleasant emotions, decrease your time with them. When you have control of a situation, take it.\\n2-3. Modify the situation.\\nIf you find yourself constantly disappointed in yourself or your abilities, modify your expectations. You may be a perfectionist and feel like if something isn’t 100% perfect, it’s not worth sharing with other people. Especially if you have a deadline, it’s okay to modify the situation in order to manage your emotions more effectively. For instance, you can say, “While my project isn’t 100% perfect, I’m proud of it and I know I did good work.”\\nIf you tend to have lofty ideas and expectations, start modifying how you accomplish them. For instance, you can call in help from other people, or choose a goal that is less lofty, but attainable.\\n2-4. Remind yourself that feelings are valid, although not always “truth.\\nWhile you are absolutely allowed to feel your feelings, remember that a feeling doesn’t equate with truth. This is also true of thoughts. When you feel like reacting to something, remind yourself that you may not have all of the information yet, and your thoughts and feelings may change.\\nYour thoughts and feelings change constantly and do not define you.\\n3. Interacting With Others\\n3-1. Inquire before judging.\\nYou may jump to conclusions instead of getting all of the information first. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making a snap judgment, wait until you have all of the information. And while you’re at it, avoid planning your next move if you’re in an argument. Instead, ask questions and seek to understand the full situation before assigning a judgment or emotionally investing yourself.\\nIf you’re upset that your partner is late, don’t jump to conclusions as to why he may be late. Instead, gently ask what happened without coming across as judgmental or accusing.\\n3-2. Avoid reacting to emotional outbursts.\\nIf someone is emotionally reactive in an argument, don’t meet this reactivity with more reactivity. Instead, practice active listening skills. Reacting to another person’s strong emotions will likely escalate the situation and will not contribute to a solution.\\nFor example, if someone is angry and is attacking you, don’t go straight to the defense. Instead, hear the person out, make an effort to understand her thoughts and feelings, ask questions, and calmly reply.\\n3-3. Use “I” statements.\\nBy blaming, you automatically put someone on the defensive, which can lead to conflict. The other person may also be more likely to blame you back for something. Claim your emotions as a way of not blaming others and taking responsibility for your emotions. By claiming your emotions as your own, you gain control of them.\\nInstead of blaming someone by saying, “You didn't show up and you blew me off again; you’re such a jerk,” say, “I felt really hurt and abandoned that you didn’t show this evening, and I felt confused that you didn't let me know you weren’t coming.”\\n4. Relating to Emotions Positively\\n4-1. Identify emotions.\\nIt’s important to know what you feel so that you can adequately address each emotion appropriately. Start to reflect on how your body feels when you notice an emotion coming through. If you feel anger, for instance, you may start to notice your breathing quickening, your muscles tensing, or your skin feeling flushed. If you’re happy, you may notice smiling or feelings of lightness in your body. Tune in to your body’s communication.\\nJournal each emotion. For instance, write a journal entry for “sadness” and write down all the things that make you feel sad. Do the same thing for “anger,” “joy,” “peace,” “rage,” or any other emotion you want to focus on.\\n4-2. Decode each emotion’s message.\\nOften, you feel emotions as a communication system. For instance, you may feel anxiety as a way to express fear of something. Emotions can trigger emotional or physical perceived stressors that we choose to move toward or away from. When your emotions come up, ask them what they are communicating to you.\\nIf you feel sadness, ask yourself, “What have I lost or what do I perceive I will lose?”\\nWhen experiencing anger, ask, “Do I feel like my values are being attacked?” or, “ Is there some action I should be taking?”\\nWhen happy, ask, “What do I feel has been added to my life?”\\n4-3. Increase your empathy.\\nEmpathy means observing your emotions less and the emotions of those around you. Having empathy is part of having emotional intelligence. If you find yourself focusing largely on your own emotions, take a step back and notice the emotions of the people around you. Contemplate their emotional experience and recognize the emotions they feel. Increasing your empathy helps you relate to people more effectively, respect their emotional experience, and take the spotlight off of yourself.\\nAsk yourself, “What is this person feeling and experiencing right now?”\\n4-4. Be mindful.\\nStaying present can help you moderate your emotions. Practicing mindfulness means you allow your thoughts and feelings to come and observe them without judgement. If you find yourself feeling sad, try to turn yourself away from judgemental thoughts like, \\\"I shouldn't still be sad about this. What's wrong with me?\\\" Instead, try to be objective, maybe simply observing, \\\"I still have strong emotions about that incident. That's interesting.\\\" Practicing mindfulness can have benefits for emotional, mental, and physical health. Some mindfulness practices to try include tuning into your senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing) and observing them. Focus on your breathing and see how that moderates the way you feel.\\nFor more information, check out How to Do Mindful Meditation.\\n4-5. See a therapist.\\nIf you find it difficult to relate to your emotions positively or cannot find ways to control your emotions, a therapist can help you. A therapist can help you process your difficult emotions while also providing an outlet for you to release your emotions in a positive and constructive way. If controlling your emotions feels impossible, talk to a therapist to find ways to make this more manageable.\\nFind a therapist you feel comfortable talking to and seeing regularly. Your therapist should be someone you can trust and with whom you are comfortable sharing vulnerable or embarrassing things. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist or just don't feel a connection, it's okay to see someone else.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being overly emotional may mean reacting to feelings like anger, sadness, and fear quickly instead of letting all of your intelligence weigh in. Chances are, if you feel overly emotional you are relating to your emotions in a way that isn’t always constructive. However, it’s important to listen to your emotions in a way that benefits you, not hurts you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Emotional Approach\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice breathing techniques.\", \"描述\": \"Breathing can help calm you down when you’re experiencing overwhelming emotions such as rage, endless crying, or deep disappointment. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotional intensity, pause to focus on your breathing. Breathing techniques can help you manage your emotions more effectively and help you handle intense emotions better. You may notice that as you experience intense emotions, they bring you further from experiencing yourself and your body. Breathing helps bring you back to your body and back into the present moment.\\nLearn to moderate your emotions by using your breath. Start by lengthening your breaths, noticing that you feel more and more relaxed. Breath deeply into your lungs, and feel your stomach rise and fall. Count slowly as you exhale, and feel your body, mind, and emotions relax.\\nFor more breathing exercises, check out How to Breathe Deeply.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learn from past events and move forward.\", \"描述\": \"If you spend much time dwelling on the past or wondering “what if...”, you may start to feel low, negative, or depressed. While it’s good to learn from past mistakes and reflect on your behavior, it can become overwhelming when your thoughts and feelings live more in the past than the present. When ruminating, you may have a more difficult time forgiving yourself or other people or harbor negative feelings.\\nIf you find yourself ruminating, take your mind and emotions off of the situation. Exercise, read a book, or call a friend (but don’t talk about what you’re ruminating on!).\\nUse the past to learn and grow from, yet know when to let it go. If reflections in the past causes distress or you find yourself returning over and over to a situation you “messed up”, learn to let it go, knowing you cannot change it. Instead, determine to let the event change your future behavior.\\nRumination is linked to depression. Depression can make a difficult past hard to move forward from, and often finds relief through therapy. If you think you may have depression, check out How to Know if You Have Depression and How to Overcome Depression.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid jumping to conclusions about the future.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel anxious, you may notice you burn a lot of emotional energy worrying. You may experience fears such as not doing tasks correctly or getting sick from germ exposure. You may even know your fears are irrational, but you can’t help but worry or fear them. You may fear catastrophes anticipate the worst in situations. If this sounds like you, learn ways to calm your anxiety, such as using relaxation techniques like visualization, and practice cognitive approaches, like accepting uncertainty.\\nFor more information, check out How to Control Anxiety.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Change your coping strategy.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re trying to deal with unpleasant emotions and find that you’re struggling to remove yourself, try a different strategy. You may not be able to remove the emotional experience, but you may be able to cope with it better. For instance, if you’re trying to cope with rage and still feel angry even after removing yourself from the situation, try drawing or coloring or doing some exercise.\\nTry distracting yourself with music or going for a walk. Play with your pet, read a book, or garden.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use a stress diary.\", \"描述\": \"Write in a diary throughout the day about your stressors and how you deal with them or react to them. Assess what events you responded well to and which ones were more difficult. Find ways to cope with emotions consistently that help you move past them quickly.\\nUsing a diary can help you track what methods work well, which situations trigger your emotional reactivity, and how you work through each situation.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Monitoring Your Emotional Health\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Monitor your expectations.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, the way you feel may be mediated by how you expect to feel. For instance, if you expect that watching a movie may make you sad, you may end up feeling sad. If you notice yourself placing expectations on how you ‘’should’’ feel, hold off on making that judgment until you’ve completed the situation. Or, you may consider which situations you want to enter into beforehand.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Adjust your routines to reduce stress.\", \"描述\": \"Think about what events trigger your strong emotions, and problem solve how to either avoid them or curb your response. For instance, if you tend to get anxious because you often run late for work, adjust your morning routine so that you are not rushing, and budget extra time for traffic or other surprises. If there is a group of people that bring out lots of unpleasant emotions, decrease your time with them. When you have control of a situation, take it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Modify the situation.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself constantly disappointed in yourself or your abilities, modify your expectations. You may be a perfectionist and feel like if something isn’t 100% perfect, it’s not worth sharing with other people. Especially if you have a deadline, it’s okay to modify the situation in order to manage your emotions more effectively. For instance, you can say, “While my project isn’t 100% perfect, I’m proud of it and I know I did good work.”\\nIf you tend to have lofty ideas and expectations, start modifying how you accomplish them. For instance, you can call in help from other people, or choose a goal that is less lofty, but attainable.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that feelings are valid, although not always “truth.\", \"描述\": \"While you are absolutely allowed to feel your feelings, remember that a feeling doesn’t equate with truth. This is also true of thoughts. When you feel like reacting to something, remind yourself that you may not have all of the information yet, and your thoughts and feelings may change.\\nYour thoughts and feelings change constantly and do not define you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Interacting With Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Inquire before judging.\", \"描述\": \"You may jump to conclusions instead of getting all of the information first. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making a snap judgment, wait until you have all of the information. And while you’re at it, avoid planning your next move if you’re in an argument. Instead, ask questions and seek to understand the full situation before assigning a judgment or emotionally investing yourself.\\nIf you’re upset that your partner is late, don’t jump to conclusions as to why he may be late. Instead, gently ask what happened without coming across as judgmental or accusing.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoid reacting to emotional outbursts.\", \"描述\": \"If someone is emotionally reactive in an argument, don’t meet this reactivity with more reactivity. Instead, practice active listening skills. Reacting to another person’s strong emotions will likely escalate the situation and will not contribute to a solution.\\nFor example, if someone is angry and is attacking you, don’t go straight to the defense. Instead, hear the person out, make an effort to understand her thoughts and feelings, ask questions, and calmly reply.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use “I” statements.\", \"描述\": \"By blaming, you automatically put someone on the defensive, which can lead to conflict. The other person may also be more likely to blame you back for something. Claim your emotions as a way of not blaming others and taking responsibility for your emotions. By claiming your emotions as your own, you gain control of them.\\nInstead of blaming someone by saying, “You didn't show up and you blew me off again; you’re such a jerk,” say, “I felt really hurt and abandoned that you didn’t show this evening, and I felt confused that you didn't let me know you weren’t coming.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Relating to Emotions Positively\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify emotions.\", \"描述\": \"It’s important to know what you feel so that you can adequately address each emotion appropriately. Start to reflect on how your body feels when you notice an emotion coming through. If you feel anger, for instance, you may start to notice your breathing quickening, your muscles tensing, or your skin feeling flushed. If you’re happy, you may notice smiling or feelings of lightness in your body. Tune in to your body’s communication.\\nJournal each emotion. For instance, write a journal entry for “sadness” and write down all the things that make you feel sad. Do the same thing for “anger,” “joy,” “peace,” “rage,” or any other emotion you want to focus on.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Decode each emotion’s message.\", \"描述\": \"Often, you feel emotions as a communication system. For instance, you may feel anxiety as a way to express fear of something. Emotions can trigger emotional or physical perceived stressors that we choose to move toward or away from. When your emotions come up, ask them what they are communicating to you.\\nIf you feel sadness, ask yourself, “What have I lost or what do I perceive I will lose?”\\nWhen experiencing anger, ask, “Do I feel like my values are being attacked?” or, “ Is there some action I should be taking?”\\nWhen happy, ask, “What do I feel has been added to my life?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Increase your empathy.\", \"描述\": \"Empathy means observing your emotions less and the emotions of those around you. Having empathy is part of having emotional intelligence. If you find yourself focusing largely on your own emotions, take a step back and notice the emotions of the people around you. Contemplate their emotional experience and recognize the emotions they feel. Increasing your empathy helps you relate to people more effectively, respect their emotional experience, and take the spotlight off of yourself.\\nAsk yourself, “What is this person feeling and experiencing right now?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be mindful.\", \"描述\": \"Staying present can help you moderate your emotions. Practicing mindfulness means you allow your thoughts and feelings to come and observe them without judgement. If you find yourself feeling sad, try to turn yourself away from judgemental thoughts like, \\\"I shouldn't still be sad about this. What's wrong with me?\\\" Instead, try to be objective, maybe simply observing, \\\"I still have strong emotions about that incident. That's interesting.\\\" Practicing mindfulness can have benefits for emotional, mental, and physical health. Some mindfulness practices to try include tuning into your senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing) and observing them. Focus on your breathing and see how that moderates the way you feel.\\nFor more information, check out How to Do Mindful Meditation.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"See a therapist.\", \"描述\": \"If you find it difficult to relate to your emotions positively or cannot find ways to control your emotions, a therapist can help you. A therapist can help you process your difficult emotions while also providing an outlet for you to release your emotions in a positive and constructive way. If controlling your emotions feels impossible, talk to a therapist to find ways to make this more manageable.\\nFind a therapist you feel comfortable talking to and seeing regularly. Your therapist should be someone you can trust and with whom you are comfortable sharing vulnerable or embarrassing things. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist or just don't feel a connection, it's okay to see someone else.\"}]}]}}",
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3,886 | How to Be Less Emotional in a Relationship | 1. Processing Your Emotions
1-1. Identify your emotions carefully and specifically.
Before you can work through negative emotions, you need to identify them. Imagine you’re writing a report on your emotions and you need to be as detailed as possible. You shouldn’t only think about type of emotion, but the intensity of that emotion, too.
“Upset” is a pretty vague way to describe your emotional state. Dig deeper to find a more specific identifier, like “deeply disappointed.”
Rather than saying you feel “good,” you could describe yourself as feeling “ecstatic” or “relaxed.”
Remember that you are not your emotions. An emotion is a temporary condition, much like a weather system passing through. Instead of saying “I am angry,” say “I feel angry right now.”
1-2. Observe your emotions without judging yourself.
If you’re feeling angry at your partner, let yourself feel angry. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, or beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. You’re only human! Instead, let yourself sit with the thoughts and sensations that come with the emotion. Allow yourself to explore the emotions and experience them fully, rather than trying to suppress them.
Notice the strange physical sensations that accompany the emotion, like the tightening of your chest or the rapid beating of your heart.
You might think, “Ok, I’m feeling angry at John because he forgot to call when he arrived at the hotel. It’s ok to feel angry--it doesn’t mean I’m being a crazy girlfriend.”
1-3. Figure out why you’re feeling upset.
Once you’ve identified and observed your emotions, it’s time for a little detective work. Take care not to project feelings arising from your own issues onto your partner. Ask yourself a few questions to determine where the feelings are coming from. For example, what exactly triggered your reaction? Are you mad because you feel disrespected by your partner, or does your anger have more to do with a rough day at work?
If you’re feeling jealous, ask yourself if your jealousy is the result of past hurts. Think about your relationships with family, friends, and exes. Do any wounds from these relationships explain your current feelings of jealousy?
1-4. Avoid dwelling on your negative emotions.
Worrying about the details of past fights or “what ifs” can drive you a little crazy. Instead, put past conflicts behind you and focus on the present.
Say to yourself, “Ok, that conversation didn’t go as well as I planned, and I’m feeling anxious about it. However, there’s nothing I can do now to change what happened. I’ll try to manage arguments better in the future.”
1-5. See a doctor if you have a hard time regulating your emotions.
If you struggle with your mood or experience extreme emotional lows or highs, there may be an underlying physical reason. For example, thyroid disorders can cause mood disturbances such as anxiety, depression, or mood swings. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing, and work together to come up with a solution that works for you.
2. Having Calm, Productive Conversations
2-1. Discuss your emotions with your partner using “I” statements.
Communicate your emotions to your partner in a calm, non-accusatory way using “I” statements. These handy statements help you take ownership of your emotions while shifting the blame away from your partner.
Instead of saying, “You’re driving me crazy with your yelling,” you should say, “I feel upset when you raise your voice at me.”
Instead of, “You’re wrong!” try, “I don’t agree with you.”
Focus on your own feelings and perspective on the situation, rather than attacking or blaming your partner.
2-2. Listen to your partner without getting defensive.
Getting angry and defensive is a natural reaction, but try to listen to what your partner is actually trying to tell you. Do your best to see the situation from your partner’s perspective.
If your partner accuses you of not caring about them, don’t yell back that they’re being irrational. Hear them out. Maybe you haven’t been the best partner lately because you’ve been so busy with school. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but it might be time to make some changes.
If you realize that you are in the wrong, take responsibility and admit it. Try to learn from the experience going forward.
2-3. Keep your voice down.
Raising your voice can cause an argument to spin out of control. Keep your voice steady and calm. Chances are, you’ll have a more successful conversation.
2-4. Avoid aggressive body language.
If you’re wondering why your partner seems so reactive, take a look at your body language. Are you crossing your arms, tapping your feet, or clenching your fists? These actions can make you look hostile, which can cause your partner to react in a hostile way in turn.
Instead, keep your arms and shoulders relaxed, hold your head up, and make eye contact. You may feel more relaxed already!
2-5. Practice speaking slowly.
If you find yourself getting wound up and agitated, try slowing down your speech. Speaking more slowly will help you feel less anxious, give you time to think about what you are saying, and help your partner understand you better.
If you have trouble slowing down, practice by writing down what you want to say and reading it out loud. Break up your speech into short phrases, and pause to take a deep breath after each phrase.
2-6. Take deep breaths when you feel yourself getting worked up.
This is one of the easiest ways to get your emotions in check. Deep breathing reduces stress-inducing hormones, making you feel more relaxed during a tense argument.
2-7. Leave an argument before you lose your cool.
You know the feeling: your face gets hot, your stomach tightens, your hands start to prickle. Before you have an emotional blow up, leave the conversation and come back when you’re calmer. Here’s a good rule of thumb: try to leave before your anger level gets past a four on a scale from one to ten.
Say something like, “I’m sorry, but I think I need to calm down before we can finish this discussion.”
2-8. Focus on the issue at hand.
If you’re arguing about keeping the house clean, don’t bring up the fact that your partner bailed on your date the other night, however tempting it may be. You and your partner will only get more worked up, and then neither issue will get solved.
2-9. Think of something funny or relaxing after the argument to calm yourself.
Imagine yourself lounging in your favorite park with a tasty picnic, or recall a hilarious night with your besties. It’ll make it easier to let go of leftover anger.
3. Developing a Positive Outlook
3-1. Stay away from situations or behaviors that trigger destructive emotions.
If stalking your partner’s ex on Instagram always sends you into a jealous fit, stop doing it. Maybe you’ve taken on too many responsibilities, and it has put you in an irritable mood. Try to delegate some of these responsibilities so that you’re not so short-tempered with your partner.
Of course, you won’t be able to avoid every triggering situation, but steer clear of the ones you can.
3-2. Focus on the good, not the bad.
When you feel negative emotions creeping in, try to look at the situation from a new perspective. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, focus on the positive ones. Rather than zooming in on the person’s negative qualities, pay attention to their strengths.
Imagine your partner is late coming home from work again. Instead of accusing them of being a workaholic, try to appreciate how hardworking they are.
3-3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Negative thought cycles can take on a life of their own. One negative thought creates another negative thought, and before you know it, you can’t think straight! Combat negative thoughts with more realistic, neutral ones. Once you’ve gotten the hang of thinking more neutrally and objectively about yourself, you will find it easier to focus on the positive.
If you find yourself thinking, “My partner doesn’t care about me,” remind yourself of all the kind things they’ve done for you. Remember the time they dropped everything to comfort you when you were sick, or surprised you with a lavish feast on your birthday?
Address a negative thought like, “I’m not good enough for my partner” by remembering all the people in your life who think you’re fantastic.
3-4. Don’t jump to conclusions.
It’s easy for the mind to go to worst-case scenarios, but most of the time, these are pretty far fetched. Identify catastrophic thoughts and use your logic to nip them in the bud.
If your partner isn’t answering their phone, don’t automatically assume they’re having an affair. Instead, think, “Janet always forgets her phone charger. Her phone probably died, and that’s why she isn’t answering.”
3-5. Watch out for faulty thinking.
It’s easy to fall into patterns of unrealistic, counterproductive thinking. Look for these patterns in your own thinking, and try to catch them when they happen. Common thinking errors include:
All-or-nothing thinking, or the tendency to see situations in black and white without noticing shades of grey (e.g., “I am a failure,” or “My partner is a bad person.”).
Overgeneralizing, in which you generalize one specific event to all aspects of your life. For example, if one relationship fell apart, you might find yourself thinking, “I am not able to have healthy relationships.”
Filtering out the positive aspects of a situation and focusing only on the negative ones.
Assuming that you know what is going on in someone else’s mind. For example, “Bernadette finished grad school, but I didn’t. She must think I’m an idiot.”
Catastrophizing, or thinking that a situation is far worse than it actually is. E.g., if you break up with somebody, you might find yourself thinking, “I will never find love again.”
Reasoning based on emotions rather than objective facts. For example, you might tell yourself, “I feel like I can’t do anything right, so I guess that must be true.”
Labeling yourself and others, rather than focusing on actions and intentions. E.g., thinking, “She’s a jerk!” instead of, “She wasn’t very considerate of my feelings just then.”
Fortune-telling, or predicting the outcome of a situation based on feelings rather than rational thought. E.g., “Why should we even try to work through this? We’re just going to break up anyway.”
3-6. Write down your strengths.
Jealousy and other negative emotions can take over when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Make a list of all your positive qualities and strengths, and review it regularly to give yourself a boost. You may be surprised by how many awesome qualities you have!
Everyone has strengths. Ask a good friend or family member to help you if you feel stuck.
3-7. Assess if your relationship is healthy.
You may be feeling emotional because your partner is dishonest, manipulative, or abusive. Is your relationship is built on respect and trust? If not, you may need to seek therapy or find a way out of the relationship.
Tips
Don’t get upset with yourself for being an emotional person. With emotion comes great creativity and spirit. Embrace this quality and learn how to use it in your favor.
Warnings
If your emotions are interfering with your daily functioning or your other relationships, seek professional help.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Processing Your Emotions\\n1-1. Identify your emotions carefully and specifically.\\nBefore you can work through negative emotions, you need to identify them. Imagine you’re writing a report on your emotions and you need to be as detailed as possible. You shouldn’t only think about type of emotion, but the intensity of that emotion, too.\\n“Upset” is a pretty vague way to describe your emotional state. Dig deeper to find a more specific identifier, like “deeply disappointed.”\\nRather than saying you feel “good,” you could describe yourself as feeling “ecstatic” or “relaxed.”\\nRemember that you are not your emotions. An emotion is a temporary condition, much like a weather system passing through. Instead of saying “I am angry,” say “I feel angry right now.”\\n1-2. Observe your emotions without judging yourself.\\nIf you’re feeling angry at your partner, let yourself feel angry. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, or beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. You’re only human! Instead, let yourself sit with the thoughts and sensations that come with the emotion. Allow yourself to explore the emotions and experience them fully, rather than trying to suppress them.\\nNotice the strange physical sensations that accompany the emotion, like the tightening of your chest or the rapid beating of your heart.\\nYou might think, “Ok, I’m feeling angry at John because he forgot to call when he arrived at the hotel. It’s ok to feel angry--it doesn’t mean I’m being a crazy girlfriend.”\\n1-3. Figure out why you’re feeling upset.\\nOnce you’ve identified and observed your emotions, it’s time for a little detective work. Take care not to project feelings arising from your own issues onto your partner. Ask yourself a few questions to determine where the feelings are coming from. For example, what exactly triggered your reaction? Are you mad because you feel disrespected by your partner, or does your anger have more to do with a rough day at work? \\nIf you’re feeling jealous, ask yourself if your jealousy is the result of past hurts. Think about your relationships with family, friends, and exes. Do any wounds from these relationships explain your current feelings of jealousy?\\n1-4. Avoid dwelling on your negative emotions.\\nWorrying about the details of past fights or “what ifs” can drive you a little crazy. Instead, put past conflicts behind you and focus on the present.\\nSay to yourself, “Ok, that conversation didn’t go as well as I planned, and I’m feeling anxious about it. However, there’s nothing I can do now to change what happened. I’ll try to manage arguments better in the future.”\\n1-5. See a doctor if you have a hard time regulating your emotions.\\nIf you struggle with your mood or experience extreme emotional lows or highs, there may be an underlying physical reason. For example, thyroid disorders can cause mood disturbances such as anxiety, depression, or mood swings. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing, and work together to come up with a solution that works for you.\\n2. Having Calm, Productive Conversations\\n2-1. Discuss your emotions with your partner using “I” statements.\\nCommunicate your emotions to your partner in a calm, non-accusatory way using “I” statements. These handy statements help you take ownership of your emotions while shifting the blame away from your partner.\\nInstead of saying, “You’re driving me crazy with your yelling,” you should say, “I feel upset when you raise your voice at me.”\\nInstead of, “You’re wrong!” try, “I don’t agree with you.”\\nFocus on your own feelings and perspective on the situation, rather than attacking or blaming your partner.\\n2-2. Listen to your partner without getting defensive.\\nGetting angry and defensive is a natural reaction, but try to listen to what your partner is actually trying to tell you. Do your best to see the situation from your partner’s perspective.\\nIf your partner accuses you of not caring about them, don’t yell back that they’re being irrational. Hear them out. Maybe you haven’t been the best partner lately because you’ve been so busy with school. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but it might be time to make some changes.\\nIf you realize that you are in the wrong, take responsibility and admit it. Try to learn from the experience going forward.\\n2-3. Keep your voice down.\\nRaising your voice can cause an argument to spin out of control. Keep your voice steady and calm. Chances are, you’ll have a more successful conversation.\\n2-4. Avoid aggressive body language.\\nIf you’re wondering why your partner seems so reactive, take a look at your body language. Are you crossing your arms, tapping your feet, or clenching your fists? These actions can make you look hostile, which can cause your partner to react in a hostile way in turn.\\nInstead, keep your arms and shoulders relaxed, hold your head up, and make eye contact. You may feel more relaxed already!\\n2-5. Practice speaking slowly.\\nIf you find yourself getting wound up and agitated, try slowing down your speech. Speaking more slowly will help you feel less anxious, give you time to think about what you are saying, and help your partner understand you better.\\nIf you have trouble slowing down, practice by writing down what you want to say and reading it out loud. Break up your speech into short phrases, and pause to take a deep breath after each phrase.\\n2-6. Take deep breaths when you feel yourself getting worked up.\\nThis is one of the easiest ways to get your emotions in check. Deep breathing reduces stress-inducing hormones, making you feel more relaxed during a tense argument.\\n2-7. Leave an argument before you lose your cool.\\nYou know the feeling: your face gets hot, your stomach tightens, your hands start to prickle. Before you have an emotional blow up, leave the conversation and come back when you’re calmer. Here’s a good rule of thumb: try to leave before your anger level gets past a four on a scale from one to ten.\\nSay something like, “I’m sorry, but I think I need to calm down before we can finish this discussion.”\\n2-8. Focus on the issue at hand.\\nIf you’re arguing about keeping the house clean, don’t bring up the fact that your partner bailed on your date the other night, however tempting it may be. You and your partner will only get more worked up, and then neither issue will get solved.\\n2-9. Think of something funny or relaxing after the argument to calm yourself.\\nImagine yourself lounging in your favorite park with a tasty picnic, or recall a hilarious night with your besties. It’ll make it easier to let go of leftover anger.\\n3. Developing a Positive Outlook\\n3-1. Stay away from situations or behaviors that trigger destructive emotions.\\nIf stalking your partner’s ex on Instagram always sends you into a jealous fit, stop doing it. Maybe you’ve taken on too many responsibilities, and it has put you in an irritable mood. Try to delegate some of these responsibilities so that you’re not so short-tempered with your partner.\\nOf course, you won’t be able to avoid every triggering situation, but steer clear of the ones you can.\\n3-2. Focus on the good, not the bad.\\nWhen you feel negative emotions creeping in, try to look at the situation from a new perspective. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, focus on the positive ones. Rather than zooming in on the person’s negative qualities, pay attention to their strengths.\\nImagine your partner is late coming home from work again. Instead of accusing them of being a workaholic, try to appreciate how hardworking they are.\\n3-3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.\\nNegative thought cycles can take on a life of their own. One negative thought creates another negative thought, and before you know it, you can’t think straight! Combat negative thoughts with more realistic, neutral ones. Once you’ve gotten the hang of thinking more neutrally and objectively about yourself, you will find it easier to focus on the positive.\\nIf you find yourself thinking, “My partner doesn’t care about me,” remind yourself of all the kind things they’ve done for you. Remember the time they dropped everything to comfort you when you were sick, or surprised you with a lavish feast on your birthday?\\nAddress a negative thought like, “I’m not good enough for my partner” by remembering all the people in your life who think you’re fantastic.\\n3-4. Don’t jump to conclusions.\\nIt’s easy for the mind to go to worst-case scenarios, but most of the time, these are pretty far fetched. Identify catastrophic thoughts and use your logic to nip them in the bud.\\nIf your partner isn’t answering their phone, don’t automatically assume they’re having an affair. Instead, think, “Janet always forgets her phone charger. Her phone probably died, and that’s why she isn’t answering.”\\n3-5. Watch out for faulty thinking.\\nIt’s easy to fall into patterns of unrealistic, counterproductive thinking. Look for these patterns in your own thinking, and try to catch them when they happen. Common thinking errors include:\\nAll-or-nothing thinking, or the tendency to see situations in black and white without noticing shades of grey (e.g., “I am a failure,” or “My partner is a bad person.”).\\nOvergeneralizing, in which you generalize one specific event to all aspects of your life. For example, if one relationship fell apart, you might find yourself thinking, “I am not able to have healthy relationships.”\\nFiltering out the positive aspects of a situation and focusing only on the negative ones.\\nAssuming that you know what is going on in someone else’s mind. For example, “Bernadette finished grad school, but I didn’t. She must think I’m an idiot.”\\nCatastrophizing, or thinking that a situation is far worse than it actually is. E.g., if you break up with somebody, you might find yourself thinking, “I will never find love again.”\\nReasoning based on emotions rather than objective facts. For example, you might tell yourself, “I feel like I can’t do anything right, so I guess that must be true.”\\nLabeling yourself and others, rather than focusing on actions and intentions. E.g., thinking, “She’s a jerk!” instead of, “She wasn’t very considerate of my feelings just then.”\\nFortune-telling, or predicting the outcome of a situation based on feelings rather than rational thought. E.g., “Why should we even try to work through this? We’re just going to break up anyway.”\\n3-6. Write down your strengths.\\nJealousy and other negative emotions can take over when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Make a list of all your positive qualities and strengths, and review it regularly to give yourself a boost. You may be surprised by how many awesome qualities you have! \\nEveryone has strengths. Ask a good friend or family member to help you if you feel stuck.\\n3-7. Assess if your relationship is healthy.\\nYou may be feeling emotional because your partner is dishonest, manipulative, or abusive. Is your relationship is built on respect and trust? If not, you may need to seek therapy or find a way out of the relationship.\\nTips\\nDon’t get upset with yourself for being an emotional person. With emotion comes great creativity and spirit. Embrace this quality and learn how to use it in your favor.\\nWarnings\\nIf your emotions are interfering with your daily functioning or your other relationships, seek professional help.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Have you ever found yourself in tears or yelling at your partner, wondering how things escalated so quickly? You might be a little overemotional. Don’t beat yourself up--it happens to everyone! However, it’s important that you get these emotions under control for a happier relationship. Learn to accept and process your emotions in a nonjudgmental way. Stay calm and listen to your partner, especially during heated arguments. Finally, try to develop a more positive outlook so you feel more confident in yourself and your relationship.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Processing Your Emotions\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify your emotions carefully and specifically.\", \"描述\": \"Before you can work through negative emotions, you need to identify them. Imagine you’re writing a report on your emotions and you need to be as detailed as possible. You shouldn’t only think about type of emotion, but the intensity of that emotion, too.\\n“Upset” is a pretty vague way to describe your emotional state. Dig deeper to find a more specific identifier, like “deeply disappointed.”\\nRather than saying you feel “good,” you could describe yourself as feeling “ecstatic” or “relaxed.”\\nRemember that you are not your emotions. An emotion is a temporary condition, much like a weather system passing through. Instead of saying “I am angry,” say “I feel angry right now.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Observe your emotions without judging yourself.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re feeling angry at your partner, let yourself feel angry. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, or beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. You’re only human! Instead, let yourself sit with the thoughts and sensations that come with the emotion. Allow yourself to explore the emotions and experience them fully, rather than trying to suppress them.\\nNotice the strange physical sensations that accompany the emotion, like the tightening of your chest or the rapid beating of your heart.\\nYou might think, “Ok, I’m feeling angry at John because he forgot to call when he arrived at the hotel. It’s ok to feel angry--it doesn’t mean I’m being a crazy girlfriend.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Figure out why you’re feeling upset.\", \"描述\": \"Once you’ve identified and observed your emotions, it’s time for a little detective work. Take care not to project feelings arising from your own issues onto your partner. Ask yourself a few questions to determine where the feelings are coming from. For example, what exactly triggered your reaction? Are you mad because you feel disrespected by your partner, or does your anger have more to do with a rough day at work? \\nIf you’re feeling jealous, ask yourself if your jealousy is the result of past hurts. Think about your relationships with family, friends, and exes. Do any wounds from these relationships explain your current feelings of jealousy?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid dwelling on your negative emotions.\", \"描述\": \"Worrying about the details of past fights or “what ifs” can drive you a little crazy. Instead, put past conflicts behind you and focus on the present.\\nSay to yourself, “Ok, that conversation didn’t go as well as I planned, and I’m feeling anxious about it. However, there’s nothing I can do now to change what happened. I’ll try to manage arguments better in the future.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"See a doctor if you have a hard time regulating your emotions.\", \"描述\": \"If you struggle with your mood or experience extreme emotional lows or highs, there may be an underlying physical reason. For example, thyroid disorders can cause mood disturbances such as anxiety, depression, or mood swings. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing, and work together to come up with a solution that works for you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Having Calm, Productive Conversations\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Discuss your emotions with your partner using “I” statements.\", \"描述\": \"Communicate your emotions to your partner in a calm, non-accusatory way using “I” statements. These handy statements help you take ownership of your emotions while shifting the blame away from your partner.\\nInstead of saying, “You’re driving me crazy with your yelling,” you should say, “I feel upset when you raise your voice at me.”\\nInstead of, “You’re wrong!” try, “I don’t agree with you.”\\nFocus on your own feelings and perspective on the situation, rather than attacking or blaming your partner.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Listen to your partner without getting defensive.\", \"描述\": \"Getting angry and defensive is a natural reaction, but try to listen to what your partner is actually trying to tell you. Do your best to see the situation from your partner’s perspective.\\nIf your partner accuses you of not caring about them, don’t yell back that they’re being irrational. Hear them out. Maybe you haven’t been the best partner lately because you’ve been so busy with school. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but it might be time to make some changes.\\nIf you realize that you are in the wrong, take responsibility and admit it. Try to learn from the experience going forward.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep your voice down.\", \"描述\": \"Raising your voice can cause an argument to spin out of control. Keep your voice steady and calm. Chances are, you’ll have a more successful conversation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid aggressive body language.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re wondering why your partner seems so reactive, take a look at your body language. Are you crossing your arms, tapping your feet, or clenching your fists? These actions can make you look hostile, which can cause your partner to react in a hostile way in turn.\\nInstead, keep your arms and shoulders relaxed, hold your head up, and make eye contact. You may feel more relaxed already!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice speaking slowly.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself getting wound up and agitated, try slowing down your speech. Speaking more slowly will help you feel less anxious, give you time to think about what you are saying, and help your partner understand you better.\\nIf you have trouble slowing down, practice by writing down what you want to say and reading it out loud. Break up your speech into short phrases, and pause to take a deep breath after each phrase.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Take deep breaths when you feel yourself getting worked up.\", \"描述\": \"This is one of the easiest ways to get your emotions in check. Deep breathing reduces stress-inducing hormones, making you feel more relaxed during a tense argument.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Leave an argument before you lose your cool.\", \"描述\": \"You know the feeling: your face gets hot, your stomach tightens, your hands start to prickle. Before you have an emotional blow up, leave the conversation and come back when you’re calmer. Here’s a good rule of thumb: try to leave before your anger level gets past a four on a scale from one to ten.\\nSay something like, “I’m sorry, but I think I need to calm down before we can finish this discussion.”\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Focus on the issue at hand.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re arguing about keeping the house clean, don’t bring up the fact that your partner bailed on your date the other night, however tempting it may be. You and your partner will only get more worked up, and then neither issue will get solved.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Think of something funny or relaxing after the argument to calm yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Imagine yourself lounging in your favorite park with a tasty picnic, or recall a hilarious night with your besties. It’ll make it easier to let go of leftover anger.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Developing a Positive Outlook\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay away from situations or behaviors that trigger destructive emotions.\", \"描述\": \"If stalking your partner’s ex on Instagram always sends you into a jealous fit, stop doing it. Maybe you’ve taken on too many responsibilities, and it has put you in an irritable mood. Try to delegate some of these responsibilities so that you’re not so short-tempered with your partner.\\nOf course, you won’t be able to avoid every triggering situation, but steer clear of the ones you can.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus on the good, not the bad.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel negative emotions creeping in, try to look at the situation from a new perspective. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, focus on the positive ones. Rather than zooming in on the person’s negative qualities, pay attention to their strengths.\\nImagine your partner is late coming home from work again. Instead of accusing them of being a workaholic, try to appreciate how hardworking they are.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.\", \"描述\": \"Negative thought cycles can take on a life of their own. One negative thought creates another negative thought, and before you know it, you can’t think straight! Combat negative thoughts with more realistic, neutral ones. Once you’ve gotten the hang of thinking more neutrally and objectively about yourself, you will find it easier to focus on the positive.\\nIf you find yourself thinking, “My partner doesn’t care about me,” remind yourself of all the kind things they’ve done for you. Remember the time they dropped everything to comfort you when you were sick, or surprised you with a lavish feast on your birthday?\\nAddress a negative thought like, “I’m not good enough for my partner” by remembering all the people in your life who think you’re fantastic.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don’t jump to conclusions.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy for the mind to go to worst-case scenarios, but most of the time, these are pretty far fetched. Identify catastrophic thoughts and use your logic to nip them in the bud.\\nIf your partner isn’t answering their phone, don’t automatically assume they’re having an affair. Instead, think, “Janet always forgets her phone charger. Her phone probably died, and that’s why she isn’t answering.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Watch out for faulty thinking.\", \"描述\": \"It’s easy to fall into patterns of unrealistic, counterproductive thinking. Look for these patterns in your own thinking, and try to catch them when they happen. Common thinking errors include:\\nAll-or-nothing thinking, or the tendency to see situations in black and white without noticing shades of grey (e.g., “I am a failure,” or “My partner is a bad person.”).\\nOvergeneralizing, in which you generalize one specific event to all aspects of your life. For example, if one relationship fell apart, you might find yourself thinking, “I am not able to have healthy relationships.”\\nFiltering out the positive aspects of a situation and focusing only on the negative ones.\\nAssuming that you know what is going on in someone else’s mind. For example, “Bernadette finished grad school, but I didn’t. She must think I’m an idiot.”\\nCatastrophizing, or thinking that a situation is far worse than it actually is. E.g., if you break up with somebody, you might find yourself thinking, “I will never find love again.”\\nReasoning based on emotions rather than objective facts. For example, you might tell yourself, “I feel like I can’t do anything right, so I guess that must be true.”\\nLabeling yourself and others, rather than focusing on actions and intentions. E.g., thinking, “She’s a jerk!” instead of, “She wasn’t very considerate of my feelings just then.”\\nFortune-telling, or predicting the outcome of a situation based on feelings rather than rational thought. E.g., “Why should we even try to work through this? We’re just going to break up anyway.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Write down your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"Jealousy and other negative emotions can take over when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Make a list of all your positive qualities and strengths, and review it regularly to give yourself a boost. You may be surprised by how many awesome qualities you have! \\nEveryone has strengths. Ask a good friend or family member to help you if you feel stuck.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Assess if your relationship is healthy.\", \"描述\": \"You may be feeling emotional because your partner is dishonest, manipulative, or abusive. Is your relationship is built on respect and trust? If not, you may need to seek therapy or find a way out of the relationship.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don’t get upset with yourself for being an emotional person. With emotion comes great creativity and spirit. Embrace this quality and learn how to use it in your favor.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If your emotions are interfering with your daily functioning or your other relationships, seek professional help.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,887 | How to Be Less Impulsive | 1. Try a breathing exercise.
Mindful breathing has been proven to lessen impulsive behaviors.
A UCLA research study showed that a yoga-based breathing program called Sudarshan Kriya resulted in a significant decrease of impulsive behaviors among teens. The breathing exercises include four basic types of breathing:
Ujjayi or “Victorious Breath”, which is a type of slow, intentional breathing where focus is on the breath touching the throat.
Bhastrika or “Bellows Breath,” in which breath is exhaled forcefully through nostrils, followed by a rapid inhale, at the rate of 30 breaths per minute.
Chanting “Om” 3 times in a row, which requires sustained, controlled expiration.
Breathing in a rhythmic pattern, whether slow, medium or fast.
2. Start a yoga practice.
Yoga has been shown to improve attention and decrease impulsivity.
Schoolchildren who are taught to do daily sun salutations, and regulated breathing activities demonstrate better sustained attention.
The benefits increase when yoga is done in different settings. For instance, if you’re getting ready to go shopping, take a few moments before entering the store to do yogic breathing. At home, do a sun salutation before grabbing junk food to snack on.
3. Develop a daily exercise routine.
Exercise, particularly aerobic exercise, will help you be less impulsive.
Exercise lifts your mood, and decreases feelings of stress and anxiety.
In addition, exercise keeps a person’s attention actively engaged. If you’re more likely to act impulsively out of boredom or frustration, you can put this energy to better use through exercise.
Research suggests that 40 minutes per day of aerobic activity improved executive functioning in overweight kids.
All ages will benefit from increased exercise.
4. Learn more about mindfulness practices.
Becoming aware of your feelings and learn to connect with your impulsive thoughts.
Mindfulness helps by allowing you some distance from your impulses, offering you the opportunity to choose to act upon your impulses or not.
When you notice an urge, articulate that urge mentally to yourself before acting on it. For example, “I am angry that my partner just said that, and I want to criticize her.” Follow this with a more constructive response, such as, “I can try to calm down.”
Mindfulness means to focus on what’s going on inside yourself, and it may take time to notice what’s going on in your body before you act impulsively rather than afterwards.
5. Look at pictures of nature.
Research shows people who look at photographs of nature are less likely to make impulsive decisions.
Photographs included pictures of mountains, forests, beaches, etc.
If you’re trying to become less impulsive, post a postcard or a photograph of your favorite natural environment near your desk or on your notebook.
Before making a decision, pause and reflect by looking at an image of the natural world. Your decision is then less likely to be impulsive.
6. Take a nap.
Napping helps decrease impulsivity in adults.
The amount of nap time in the research study was a 60-minute, but you may not have to be asleep for the full 60 minutes in order to benefit from this approach.
Napping also appears to help people remain calmer and less frustrated as they work to complete a task. People who nap are more likely to remain focused on the activity until it’s finished.
The benefits of napping are not limited to those people who don’t receive the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep per night. All research subjects appeared to benefit from napping.
7. Talk to people you trust.
Surround yourself with people you can go to for help.
When your impulsivity is based in anxiety, you can help yourself by spending time with people you trust. Making sure to have people in your life with whom you can share things you’re concerned about may help ease your anxiety, and decrease your impulsiveness.
You might consider talking with a professional, such as a counselor, life coach, or professional organizer, about your difficulties with impulsivity.
Just spending time talking with trusted friends can help address your anxiety, even if you’re not having a serious conversation.
8. Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
A friend can help you stay accountable for the goals you've set for yourself.
Find a friend who is reliable and nonjudgmental, and share with her what your goal is for yourself. You can decide how you'd like to be held accountable for your goal.
For example, do you want your friend to call you to check on your progress? Or do you want to schedule regular meetings so that she can check in on your commitment to your goal?
You'll also need to have a plan for what your friend might do to support you if you're not staying focused on your goal, and acting impulsively instead.
You might offer to help your friend stay accountable for something she's struggling with. This way, you'll be accountability partners.
9. Engage in activities that will calm you down.
Guided meditations and calming music can help you relax.
Getting more relaxed can help you avoid acting impulsively.
Do a body scan to locate any areas of your body which are holding tension, then intentionally focus on relaxing these areas.
Set a timer for 5 minutes, and allow yourself to focus on your breath for this limited period of time. This short break will help you relax, and prevent any hasty reactive actions.
10. Write down your goals.
Determine how you want to prioritize your time.
The first step to being less impulsive is to figure out what you want and hope to achieve. Then, before acting impulsively, check and make sure your actions reflect the values you’ve written down for yourself.
This might mean writing a master task list. It might mean creating a business plan. If you're a student, you might want to create a study plan. The important thing is to record your current goals in order to measure them against your impulses.
You might think of this written record as a kind of container for your values, intentions, commitments, best practices for yourself, and tasks that support these goals.
You can use a notebook, a spreadsheet, or another method that works for you. The main thing is that the framework is accessible and functional.
11. Set aside time for regular review and planning.
Notice how effective your schedule is.
In order to make the most out of your organizational system, you’ll need to commit to reviewing your routine. If something's not working, plan out any needed changes.
You might find you need to sit down once a week to consider your actions of the previous week. Did you follow your listed priorities? Note what went well, what you found challenging, and what you might do better.
You might find that you need to do this review more often until you find a system that works for you. Doing a brief daily review is recommended; you might also do a more extensive monthly review.
12. Follow a daily schedule.
Unstructured time can lead to impulsive acts.
Try writing down a daily schedule for yourself, using 30 minute blocks of time. It’s okay if you spend more than one 30-minute block on a task, but don’t leave any blocks empty and unstructured.
If you don’t know how to plan ahead for certain activities, write in a series of choices for yourself. For instance, if you’re not sure yet whether a friend is coming over or not, write: “Friend or ______.”
Your daily schedule should include your social time and free time too. A schedule that doesn’t include any downtime will ultimately fail.
13. Write checklists for yourself.
Keep yourself on track with a to-do list.
If you’re the kind of person who’s prone to impulsively changing directions in the middle of a task, using checklists can help you stay focused. Checklists minimize opportunities to act impulsively by ensuring that nothing is forgotten and that no unnecessary steps are added to a task.
Checklists have been proven to increase attention to the task even for medical professionals. Many surgeons are required to follow checklists when they perform surgery to help them stay on task.
Checklists can be used across multiple settings. Use a travel checklist to help you pack more efficiently; a shopping checklist to help you only purchase the intended items; a study checklist to make sure you attend to each part of the assignment.
Crossing items off a checklist can provide motivation to complete a task.
14. Color-code your calendar.
Keeping a calendar is essential for anyone who struggles with impulsivity.
You’ll need to have access to daily, weekly, and monthly calendars in order to prioritize your attention. Using different colors for different categories of activity will help support your use of a calendar.
For example, a student might use red ink for upcoming tests, blue ink for long-term projects, black ink for daily schoolwork and green for fun or social activities.
A portable calendar, such as an app on your phone, will help you access your calendar across settings.
15. Understand how impulsivity functions in your life.
Sometimes being impulsive can have positive as well as negative effects.
For example, if you have a hard time making decisions, you may find yourself making last minute decisions as a means of avoiding the anxiety you feel when trying to make a thoughtful decision.
If you’re experiencing benefits from acting impulsively, try to find more effective ways of achieving this benefit.
Remember that you can still be spontaneous even if you’re less impulsive. Being less impulsive doesn’t mean your life will be dull and conventional. It just means that you’ll be more in control of what you choose to spend your money, time, and attention on.
16. Make it harder to act impulsively.
Putting limits on yourself can protect you from impulsive acts and decisions.
For example, if you have trouble preventing yourself from blurting out everything you think, consider writing down all your comments and questions before saying them out loud. By taking the time to write them down, you may be able to avoid inappropriate impulsive remarks.
If you have difficulty overspending, leave your credit card at home when shopping, and pay with cash.
Putting items on hold for 24 hours will help prevent impulsive purchases, and give you a chance to decide whether you really need to buy the items.
17. Consider cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps your focus on connecting thoughts and feelings with behaviors.
CBT is a common treatment for anxiety and impulse disorders, among others. The goal of CBT is to identify the thoughts that often result in impulsive activity.
Impulsive behavior is often the result of automatic thoughts, which are the thoughts that your mind produces as an immediate reaction to certain situations. These thoughts can be negative and may lead you to make poor decisions. CBT helps you to identify these automatic thought patterns and reframe them in new ways.
A therapist or behavioral specialist can help you explore the ways that CBT might work in your life!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:11",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Try a breathing exercise.\\nMindful breathing has been proven to lessen impulsive behaviors.\\nA UCLA research study showed that a yoga-based breathing program called Sudarshan Kriya resulted in a significant decrease of impulsive behaviors among teens. The breathing exercises include four basic types of breathing:\\nUjjayi or “Victorious Breath”, which is a type of slow, intentional breathing where focus is on the breath touching the throat.\\nBhastrika or “Bellows Breath,” in which breath is exhaled forcefully through nostrils, followed by a rapid inhale, at the rate of 30 breaths per minute.\\nChanting “Om” 3 times in a row, which requires sustained, controlled expiration.\\nBreathing in a rhythmic pattern, whether slow, medium or fast.\\n2. Start a yoga practice.\\nYoga has been shown to improve attention and decrease impulsivity.\\nSchoolchildren who are taught to do daily sun salutations, and regulated breathing activities demonstrate better sustained attention.\\nThe benefits increase when yoga is done in different settings. For instance, if you’re getting ready to go shopping, take a few moments before entering the store to do yogic breathing. At home, do a sun salutation before grabbing junk food to snack on.\\n3. Develop a daily exercise routine.\\nExercise, particularly aerobic exercise, will help you be less impulsive.\\nExercise lifts your mood, and decreases feelings of stress and anxiety.\\nIn addition, exercise keeps a person’s attention actively engaged. If you’re more likely to act impulsively out of boredom or frustration, you can put this energy to better use through exercise.\\nResearch suggests that 40 minutes per day of aerobic activity improved executive functioning in overweight kids.\\nAll ages will benefit from increased exercise.\\n4. Learn more about mindfulness practices.\\nBecoming aware of your feelings and learn to connect with your impulsive thoughts.\\nMindfulness helps by allowing you some distance from your impulses, offering you the opportunity to choose to act upon your impulses or not.\\nWhen you notice an urge, articulate that urge mentally to yourself before acting on it. For example, “I am angry that my partner just said that, and I want to criticize her.” Follow this with a more constructive response, such as, “I can try to calm down.”\\nMindfulness means to focus on what’s going on inside yourself, and it may take time to notice what’s going on in your body before you act impulsively rather than afterwards.\\n5. Look at pictures of nature.\\nResearch shows people who look at photographs of nature are less likely to make impulsive decisions.\\nPhotographs included pictures of mountains, forests, beaches, etc.\\nIf you’re trying to become less impulsive, post a postcard or a photograph of your favorite natural environment near your desk or on your notebook.\\nBefore making a decision, pause and reflect by looking at an image of the natural world. Your decision is then less likely to be impulsive.\\n6. Take a nap.\\nNapping helps decrease impulsivity in adults.\\nThe amount of nap time in the research study was a 60-minute, but you may not have to be asleep for the full 60 minutes in order to benefit from this approach.\\nNapping also appears to help people remain calmer and less frustrated as they work to complete a task. People who nap are more likely to remain focused on the activity until it’s finished.\\nThe benefits of napping are not limited to those people who don’t receive the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep per night. All research subjects appeared to benefit from napping.\\n7. Talk to people you trust.\\nSurround yourself with people you can go to for help.\\nWhen your impulsivity is based in anxiety, you can help yourself by spending time with people you trust. Making sure to have people in your life with whom you can share things you’re concerned about may help ease your anxiety, and decrease your impulsiveness.\\nYou might consider talking with a professional, such as a counselor, life coach, or professional organizer, about your difficulties with impulsivity.\\nJust spending time talking with trusted friends can help address your anxiety, even if you’re not having a serious conversation.\\n8. Ask a friend to hold you accountable.\\nA friend can help you stay accountable for the goals you've set for yourself.\\nFind a friend who is reliable and nonjudgmental, and share with her what your goal is for yourself. You can decide how you'd like to be held accountable for your goal.\\nFor example, do you want your friend to call you to check on your progress? Or do you want to schedule regular meetings so that she can check in on your commitment to your goal?\\nYou'll also need to have a plan for what your friend might do to support you if you're not staying focused on your goal, and acting impulsively instead.\\nYou might offer to help your friend stay accountable for something she's struggling with. This way, you'll be accountability partners.\\n9. Engage in activities that will calm you down.\\nGuided meditations and calming music can help you relax.\\nGetting more relaxed can help you avoid acting impulsively.\\nDo a body scan to locate any areas of your body which are holding tension, then intentionally focus on relaxing these areas.\\nSet a timer for 5 minutes, and allow yourself to focus on your breath for this limited period of time. This short break will help you relax, and prevent any hasty reactive actions.\\n10. Write down your goals.\\nDetermine how you want to prioritize your time.\\nThe first step to being less impulsive is to figure out what you want and hope to achieve. Then, before acting impulsively, check and make sure your actions reflect the values you’ve written down for yourself.\\nThis might mean writing a master task list. It might mean creating a business plan. If you're a student, you might want to create a study plan. The important thing is to record your current goals in order to measure them against your impulses.\\nYou might think of this written record as a kind of container for your values, intentions, commitments, best practices for yourself, and tasks that support these goals.\\nYou can use a notebook, a spreadsheet, or another method that works for you. The main thing is that the framework is accessible and functional.\\n11. Set aside time for regular review and planning.\\nNotice how effective your schedule is.\\nIn order to make the most out of your organizational system, you’ll need to commit to reviewing your routine. If something's not working, plan out any needed changes.\\nYou might find you need to sit down once a week to consider your actions of the previous week. Did you follow your listed priorities? Note what went well, what you found challenging, and what you might do better.\\nYou might find that you need to do this review more often until you find a system that works for you. Doing a brief daily review is recommended; you might also do a more extensive monthly review.\\n12. Follow a daily schedule.\\nUnstructured time can lead to impulsive acts.\\nTry writing down a daily schedule for yourself, using 30 minute blocks of time. It’s okay if you spend more than one 30-minute block on a task, but don’t leave any blocks empty and unstructured.\\nIf you don’t know how to plan ahead for certain activities, write in a series of choices for yourself. For instance, if you’re not sure yet whether a friend is coming over or not, write: “Friend or ______.”\\nYour daily schedule should include your social time and free time too. A schedule that doesn’t include any downtime will ultimately fail.\\n13. Write checklists for yourself.\\nKeep yourself on track with a to-do list.\\nIf you’re the kind of person who’s prone to impulsively changing directions in the middle of a task, using checklists can help you stay focused. Checklists minimize opportunities to act impulsively by ensuring that nothing is forgotten and that no unnecessary steps are added to a task.\\nChecklists have been proven to increase attention to the task even for medical professionals. Many surgeons are required to follow checklists when they perform surgery to help them stay on task.\\nChecklists can be used across multiple settings. Use a travel checklist to help you pack more efficiently; a shopping checklist to help you only purchase the intended items; a study checklist to make sure you attend to each part of the assignment.\\nCrossing items off a checklist can provide motivation to complete a task.\\n14. Color-code your calendar.\\nKeeping a calendar is essential for anyone who struggles with impulsivity.\\nYou’ll need to have access to daily, weekly, and monthly calendars in order to prioritize your attention. Using different colors for different categories of activity will help support your use of a calendar. \\nFor example, a student might use red ink for upcoming tests, blue ink for long-term projects, black ink for daily schoolwork and green for fun or social activities.\\nA portable calendar, such as an app on your phone, will help you access your calendar across settings.\\n15. Understand how impulsivity functions in your life.\\nSometimes being impulsive can have positive as well as negative effects.\\nFor example, if you have a hard time making decisions, you may find yourself making last minute decisions as a means of avoiding the anxiety you feel when trying to make a thoughtful decision.\\nIf you’re experiencing benefits from acting impulsively, try to find more effective ways of achieving this benefit.\\nRemember that you can still be spontaneous even if you’re less impulsive. Being less impulsive doesn’t mean your life will be dull and conventional. It just means that you’ll be more in control of what you choose to spend your money, time, and attention on.\\n16. Make it harder to act impulsively.\\nPutting limits on yourself can protect you from impulsive acts and decisions.\\nFor example, if you have trouble preventing yourself from blurting out everything you think, consider writing down all your comments and questions before saying them out loud. By taking the time to write them down, you may be able to avoid inappropriate impulsive remarks.\\nIf you have difficulty overspending, leave your credit card at home when shopping, and pay with cash.\\nPutting items on hold for 24 hours will help prevent impulsive purchases, and give you a chance to decide whether you really need to buy the items.\\n17. Consider cognitive-behavioral therapy.\\nCognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps your focus on connecting thoughts and feelings with behaviors.\\nCBT is a common treatment for anxiety and impulse disorders, among others. The goal of CBT is to identify the thoughts that often result in impulsive activity.\\nImpulsive behavior is often the result of automatic thoughts, which are the thoughts that your mind produces as an immediate reaction to certain situations. These thoughts can be negative and may lead you to make poor decisions. CBT helps you to identify these automatic thought patterns and reframe them in new ways.\\nA therapist or behavioral specialist can help you explore the ways that CBT might work in your life!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being impulsive can lead to a host of challenges. Being impulsive at the grocery store can mean spending too much money, or buying junk food and sweets when you meant to buy healthy items. You might spontaneously spend the day shopping instead of studying, or playing video games when you meant to go to the gym. You can become less impulsive when you learn to use effective organizational tools. Focus your attention through specific interventions, and develop daily habits to improve your attention.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try a breathing exercise.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Mindful breathing has been proven to lessen impulsive behaviors.\", \"描述\": \"A UCLA research study showed that a yoga-based breathing program called Sudarshan Kriya resulted in a significant decrease of impulsive behaviors among teens. The breathing exercises include four basic types of breathing:\\nUjjayi or “Victorious Breath”, which is a type of slow, intentional breathing where focus is on the breath touching the throat.\\nBhastrika or “Bellows Breath,” in which breath is exhaled forcefully through nostrils, followed by a rapid inhale, at the rate of 30 breaths per minute.\\nChanting “Om” 3 times in a row, which requires sustained, controlled expiration.\\nBreathing in a rhythmic pattern, whether slow, medium or fast.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Start a yoga practice.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Yoga has been shown to improve attention and decrease impulsivity.\", \"描述\": \"Schoolchildren who are taught to do daily sun salutations, and regulated breathing activities demonstrate better sustained attention.\\nThe benefits increase when yoga is done in different settings. For instance, if you’re getting ready to go shopping, take a few moments before entering the store to do yogic breathing. At home, do a sun salutation before grabbing junk food to snack on.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Develop a daily exercise routine.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Exercise, particularly aerobic exercise, will help you be less impulsive.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise lifts your mood, and decreases feelings of stress and anxiety.\\nIn addition, exercise keeps a person’s attention actively engaged. If you’re more likely to act impulsively out of boredom or frustration, you can put this energy to better use through exercise.\\nResearch suggests that 40 minutes per day of aerobic activity improved executive functioning in overweight kids.\\nAll ages will benefit from increased exercise.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn more about mindfulness practices.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Becoming aware of your feelings and learn to connect with your impulsive thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"Mindfulness helps by allowing you some distance from your impulses, offering you the opportunity to choose to act upon your impulses or not.\\nWhen you notice an urge, articulate that urge mentally to yourself before acting on it. For example, “I am angry that my partner just said that, and I want to criticize her.” Follow this with a more constructive response, such as, “I can try to calm down.”\\nMindfulness means to focus on what’s going on inside yourself, and it may take time to notice what’s going on in your body before you act impulsively rather than afterwards.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Look at pictures of nature.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Research shows people who look at photographs of nature are less likely to make impulsive decisions.\", \"描述\": \"Photographs included pictures of mountains, forests, beaches, etc.\\nIf you’re trying to become less impulsive, post a postcard or a photograph of your favorite natural environment near your desk or on your notebook.\\nBefore making a decision, pause and reflect by looking at an image of the natural world. Your decision is then less likely to be impulsive.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Take a nap.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Napping helps decrease impulsivity in adults.\", \"描述\": \"The amount of nap time in the research study was a 60-minute, but you may not have to be asleep for the full 60 minutes in order to benefit from this approach.\\nNapping also appears to help people remain calmer and less frustrated as they work to complete a task. People who nap are more likely to remain focused on the activity until it’s finished.\\nThe benefits of napping are not limited to those people who don’t receive the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep per night. All research subjects appeared to benefit from napping.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Talk to people you trust.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with people you can go to for help.\", \"描述\": \"When your impulsivity is based in anxiety, you can help yourself by spending time with people you trust. Making sure to have people in your life with whom you can share things you’re concerned about may help ease your anxiety, and decrease your impulsiveness.\\nYou might consider talking with a professional, such as a counselor, life coach, or professional organizer, about your difficulties with impulsivity.\\nJust spending time talking with trusted friends can help address your anxiety, even if you’re not having a serious conversation.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Ask a friend to hold you accountable.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A friend can help you stay accountable for the goals you've set for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Find a friend who is reliable and nonjudgmental, and share with her what your goal is for yourself. You can decide how you'd like to be held accountable for your goal.\\nFor example, do you want your friend to call you to check on your progress? Or do you want to schedule regular meetings so that she can check in on your commitment to your goal?\\nYou'll also need to have a plan for what your friend might do to support you if you're not staying focused on your goal, and acting impulsively instead.\\nYou might offer to help your friend stay accountable for something she's struggling with. This way, you'll be accountability partners.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Engage in activities that will calm you down.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Guided meditations and calming music can help you relax.\", \"描述\": \"Getting more relaxed can help you avoid acting impulsively.\\nDo a body scan to locate any areas of your body which are holding tension, then intentionally focus on relaxing these areas.\\nSet a timer for 5 minutes, and allow yourself to focus on your breath for this limited period of time. This short break will help you relax, and prevent any hasty reactive actions.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Write down your goals.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine how you want to prioritize your time.\", \"描述\": \"The first step to being less impulsive is to figure out what you want and hope to achieve. Then, before acting impulsively, check and make sure your actions reflect the values you’ve written down for yourself.\\nThis might mean writing a master task list. It might mean creating a business plan. If you're a student, you might want to create a study plan. The important thing is to record your current goals in order to measure them against your impulses.\\nYou might think of this written record as a kind of container for your values, intentions, commitments, best practices for yourself, and tasks that support these goals.\\nYou can use a notebook, a spreadsheet, or another method that works for you. The main thing is that the framework is accessible and functional.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Set aside time for regular review and planning.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Notice how effective your schedule is.\", \"描述\": \"In order to make the most out of your organizational system, you’ll need to commit to reviewing your routine. If something's not working, plan out any needed changes.\\nYou might find you need to sit down once a week to consider your actions of the previous week. Did you follow your listed priorities? Note what went well, what you found challenging, and what you might do better.\\nYou might find that you need to do this review more often until you find a system that works for you. Doing a brief daily review is recommended; you might also do a more extensive monthly review.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Follow a daily schedule.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Unstructured time can lead to impulsive acts.\", \"描述\": \"Try writing down a daily schedule for yourself, using 30 minute blocks of time. It’s okay if you spend more than one 30-minute block on a task, but don’t leave any blocks empty and unstructured.\\nIf you don’t know how to plan ahead for certain activities, write in a series of choices for yourself. For instance, if you’re not sure yet whether a friend is coming over or not, write: “Friend or ______.”\\nYour daily schedule should include your social time and free time too. A schedule that doesn’t include any downtime will ultimately fail.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Write checklists for yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep yourself on track with a to-do list.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re the kind of person who’s prone to impulsively changing directions in the middle of a task, using checklists can help you stay focused. Checklists minimize opportunities to act impulsively by ensuring that nothing is forgotten and that no unnecessary steps are added to a task.\\nChecklists have been proven to increase attention to the task even for medical professionals. Many surgeons are required to follow checklists when they perform surgery to help them stay on task.\\nChecklists can be used across multiple settings. Use a travel checklist to help you pack more efficiently; a shopping checklist to help you only purchase the intended items; a study checklist to make sure you attend to each part of the assignment.\\nCrossing items off a checklist can provide motivation to complete a task.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Color-code your calendar.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keeping a calendar is essential for anyone who struggles with impulsivity.\", \"描述\": \"You’ll need to have access to daily, weekly, and monthly calendars in order to prioritize your attention. Using different colors for different categories of activity will help support your use of a calendar. \\nFor example, a student might use red ink for upcoming tests, blue ink for long-term projects, black ink for daily schoolwork and green for fun or social activities.\\nA portable calendar, such as an app on your phone, will help you access your calendar across settings.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"Understand how impulsivity functions in your life.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sometimes being impulsive can have positive as well as negative effects.\", \"描述\": \"For example, if you have a hard time making decisions, you may find yourself making last minute decisions as a means of avoiding the anxiety you feel when trying to make a thoughtful decision.\\nIf you’re experiencing benefits from acting impulsively, try to find more effective ways of achieving this benefit.\\nRemember that you can still be spontaneous even if you’re less impulsive. Being less impulsive doesn’t mean your life will be dull and conventional. It just means that you’ll be more in control of what you choose to spend your money, time, and attention on.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 16, \"标题\": \"Make it harder to act impulsively.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Putting limits on yourself can protect you from impulsive acts and decisions.\", \"描述\": \"For example, if you have trouble preventing yourself from blurting out everything you think, consider writing down all your comments and questions before saying them out loud. By taking the time to write them down, you may be able to avoid inappropriate impulsive remarks.\\nIf you have difficulty overspending, leave your credit card at home when shopping, and pay with cash.\\nPutting items on hold for 24 hours will help prevent impulsive purchases, and give you a chance to decide whether you really need to buy the items.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 17, \"标题\": \"Consider cognitive-behavioral therapy.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps your focus on connecting thoughts and feelings with behaviors.\", \"描述\": \"CBT is a common treatment for anxiety and impulse disorders, among others. The goal of CBT is to identify the thoughts that often result in impulsive activity.\\nImpulsive behavior is often the result of automatic thoughts, which are the thoughts that your mind produces as an immediate reaction to certain situations. These thoughts can be negative and may lead you to make poor decisions. CBT helps you to identify these automatic thought patterns and reframe them in new ways.\\nA therapist or behavioral specialist can help you explore the ways that CBT might work in your life!\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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3,888 | How to Be Less Insecure | 1. Improving Your Self-Esteem
1-1. Take stock of your strengths.
It is quite common to discount our own strengths, talents, and abilities. But taking time to find and acknowledge your strengths will aid in increasing your self-esteem. Taking stock of your strengths can help you to use these in situations where you feel insecure as a little reminder of your worth and value.
Write down your strengths in a journal. Write down what makes you feel strong and capable. What are you doing in these moments? What is happening that you are able to recognize your strength?
1-2. Make a “strength box” with reminders about your strengths.
Start a strength box that you can go to when you are feeling “less-than.” Inside the box, include different pieces of paper with your strengths listed on them, or pictures or objects that remind you of your strengths.
If you have a hard time coming up with your strengths on your own, ask your family and friends what they think your strengths are. An outside perspective can be helpful.
1-3. Try journaling about your feelings.
Journaling is a tool you can use to organize your thoughts and feelings, as well as gain insight into moments or situations you feel insecure. Not only is journaling beneficial to emotional health, but it has been shown to improve immune health and reduce stress.
Start by journaling for 10 to 20 minutes per day for stress relief and increased clarity on your insecurities. If you don’t know what to write about, start with these prompts:
When do I notice feeling insecure? What is it about these moments that cause my feelings of insecurity to increase?
How old is my insecurity? Has it always been there? When did it show up? How has it changed?
1-4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Negative thoughts about yourself can deflate your self-esteem quickly and keep you feeling insecure about yourself. Put-downs, fear of failure, and other negative thinking will keep you feeling as though you are not enough. Start changing these mental habits to begin to build yourself up and increase your confidence. Here are some example of how you can begin to change how you think about yourself:
Say you have a thought such as, “I don’t have anything interesting to say, so I can see why people think I’m pathetic.” Catch unkind thoughts like this and make a conscious effort to change these thoughts by correcting yourself. Tell yourself: “Sometimes I don’t have much to say, and that is okay. I don’t have to keep others entertained or take on the entire responsibility for this conversation.”
Replace critical thoughts with productive thoughts. For example, here is a critical thought: “There is no way I am meeting everyone for dinner. Last time I went, I was so embarrassed at my off-topic comment. I am so stupid.” Replace this with a productive thought: “I was so embarrassed at the last dinner, but I know that I make mistakes and that is okay. I am not stupid. I just made an honest mistake.”
As you practice catching these thoughts and changing them, you will notice that you self-esteem will increase along with your confidence.
1-5. Remember that your insecurity is invisible.
Other people can’t see your insecurity because it’s not a visible characteristic. People won’t automatically recognize you as insecure if you don’t tell them. Keep this in mind as you approach new situations. If you are feeling insecure about attending a new school, for example, remember that your peers can’t see this aspect of you.
2. Putting Yourself First
2-1. Make yourself your priority.
Focus on what you like and what you need. When you’re with friends, go to a restaurant that you want to try. See the movie you want to see.
While you can’t always get your own way, you can certainly increase how much you direct the activity at hand.
2-2. Focus on what you have control over.
Oftentimes, we feel insecure because we feel like we’re out of control, or that someone else is in charge. When you hyper-focus on what you can’t change, you risk increasing your insecurities. But when you focus on what you can control, you put yourself in charge of the situation.
For example, you might feel insecure about how you dance when you go out with friends. Take charge of the situation by taking dance lessons. Or, if you feel insecure about how you look, consult with your hairdresser to get a new haircut that complements your face.
2-3. Avoid criticizing yourself.
Thinking in a critical way about yourself will deplete your self-esteem and increase your feelings of insecurity. In fact, criticism of yourself and others has been linked to emotions such as anger and inadequacy. Because our thoughts influence how we are feeling, which then influences our behaviors, it is important to change critical thinking. Then you won’t promote feelings of insecurity, which can lead to changes in behaviors such as declining invitations to social events.
Reframe negative thoughts about yourself. Say you tell yourself something like, "I can't believe I said that. I'm such an idiot." Be aware of what you're saying to yourself. Reframe your negative thought by saying, "Everyone makes mistakes. I am sure no one even noticed."
Or, a negative thought might be: "I'm so ugly and overweight." Reframe this negative thought by saying, "My weight is healthy for my body frame. I have amazing eyes and great hair."
2-4. Don’t dwell on past mistakes.
It’s tempting to replay an event or conversation and pick it apart, noticing all of your missteps. But this is an unproductive action. Move on from past mistakes and remember that every day is a new day where you can start with a clean slate. Chances are, no one is giving the conversation a second thought.
2-5. Stop trying to be a people-pleaser
When you feel insecure, you may have a tendency to put someone else’s needs before your own. You might rationalize this by thinking that the other person will like you better if you bend over backwards for him or her. But you are sacrificing your own happiness and instead causing yourself stress and anxiety. Will this other person recognize your effort? Does this person like you better? Is this person even thinking about you? Stop being a people-pleaser by prioritizing yourself first.
Set boundaries with other people. Feel free to say no to requests, or set time limits so that you’re not overextending yourself.
3. Finding Support
3-1. Spend time with supportive people.
When you feel insecure, it doesn’t help when you surround yourself with people who make you feel more insecure. Instead, spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. These people are supportive no matter what, and they don’t put conditions on your relationship.
3-2. Talk with a therapist.
It can be helpful to talk with a mental health professional about your insecurities. This person can help you uncover reasons for your insecurities. He or she can also suggest strategies for coping with your insecurities.
Find a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of therapy addresses your patterns of thought, which therefore will improve how a person feels and behaves.
3-3. Find activities that you like to do.
When you are enjoying yourself, you become less aware of your insecurities and more focused on your happiness. Find activities that are pleasing and fun for you. This might be a sport like surfing or skateboarding, or it might be a hobby like woodworking or bird-watching. You can create a safe space for yourself where you know that you’ll feel relief from your insecurities when you do this activity.
If you can find people to join you in these activities, this might help you overcome some insecurities.
4. Soothing Your Anxieties
4-1. Try deep breathing techniques.
Insecurity can sometimes cause feelings of anxiety and a related physiological response such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, and sweating. it is important to have ways to help reduce these responses. It’s especially important because these sensations can be uncomfortable and may actually make you feel more stressed. Controlling your breathing can trigger a calming response, signaling your body to begin to relax and slow breathing and heart rate.
Take a full breath to a count of ten and ensure that you breath expands your abdomen.
Hold it for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds.
Be sure to take two normal breaths in between your deep diaphragm breathing.
4-2. Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a great tool to use when you are especially self-aware and feeling insecure. You might be noticing thoughts that you don’t look good enough, or aren’t smart enough, or don’t know what to say. In these situations, mindfulness can help you bring your mind away from these worries and criticisms, and help you focus on the present moment. Critical thoughts and worries about what others are thinking of you can produce negative emotions such as sadness or embarrassment, or nervousness.
During nervousness or anxiety, the amount of adrenaline in the bloodstream increases, which increases your heart rate and blood pressure. This type of physical reaction may make you even more aware of how nervous you are, which may make you feel even more insecure.
To help calm your nerves, worries, and critical thoughts, practice focusing on the present moment, while letting go of worries and criticisms. Letting go of your worries is not pushing them away with force, but it is actually letting your thoughts flow through your mind while noticing them without judgment. Let your worries float in and then out just as easily.
Practice tuning into your senses and ask yourself what you hear, smell, or sense in your surroundings. Continue to practice being fully in the moment until you begin to relax. Research has shown that with time, practicing mindfulness can help you have more control over your emotions and help increase mental flexibility when dealing with change.
4-3. Relax your muscles through progressive muscle relaxation.
You can access a calming response by using progressive muscle relaxation. This type of relaxation reduces muscle tension, sending a signal your body to begin relaxing. By tensing and then releasing the tension in your muscles, you can slowing bring your body back to a calm state.
Tighten your muscles for six seconds and then release for six seconds. Pay close attention to how each muscle is relaxing.
Work from your head to your toes until you feel your body begin to relax.
4-4. Distract yourself.
If you notice that you are feeling insecure or worried about how you are being received, try to distract yourself from these thoughts. Distracting yourself with other tasks or a hobby can be a way to snap you out of thoughts and worries that promote insecurity. It can also help reduce the stress of the moment.
If you are feeling insecure or worrying when you’re at home, try doing an activity such as reading, walking the dog, or cleaning the house.
If you are in a social situation and you are feeling insecure, try going for a short walk, asking someone about their day, or reviewing the menu, or dancing – if that is appropriate. Any distraction to help get yourself “outside of your head” will help you focus on other things and not on your worries of being insecure.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:11",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Improving Your Self-Esteem\\n1-1. Take stock of your strengths.\\nIt is quite common to discount our own strengths, talents, and abilities. But taking time to find and acknowledge your strengths will aid in increasing your self-esteem. Taking stock of your strengths can help you to use these in situations where you feel insecure as a little reminder of your worth and value.\\nWrite down your strengths in a journal. Write down what makes you feel strong and capable. What are you doing in these moments? What is happening that you are able to recognize your strength?\\n1-2. Make a “strength box” with reminders about your strengths.\\nStart a strength box that you can go to when you are feeling “less-than.” Inside the box, include different pieces of paper with your strengths listed on them, or pictures or objects that remind you of your strengths.\\nIf you have a hard time coming up with your strengths on your own, ask your family and friends what they think your strengths are. An outside perspective can be helpful.\\n1-3. Try journaling about your feelings.\\nJournaling is a tool you can use to organize your thoughts and feelings, as well as gain insight into moments or situations you feel insecure. Not only is journaling beneficial to emotional health, but it has been shown to improve immune health and reduce stress.\\nStart by journaling for 10 to 20 minutes per day for stress relief and increased clarity on your insecurities. If you don’t know what to write about, start with these prompts:\\nWhen do I notice feeling insecure? What is it about these moments that cause my feelings of insecurity to increase?\\nHow old is my insecurity? Has it always been there? When did it show up? How has it changed?\\n1-4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.\\nNegative thoughts about yourself can deflate your self-esteem quickly and keep you feeling insecure about yourself. Put-downs, fear of failure, and other negative thinking will keep you feeling as though you are not enough. Start changing these mental habits to begin to build yourself up and increase your confidence. Here are some example of how you can begin to change how you think about yourself:\\nSay you have a thought such as, “I don’t have anything interesting to say, so I can see why people think I’m pathetic.” Catch unkind thoughts like this and make a conscious effort to change these thoughts by correcting yourself. Tell yourself: “Sometimes I don’t have much to say, and that is okay. I don’t have to keep others entertained or take on the entire responsibility for this conversation.”\\nReplace critical thoughts with productive thoughts. For example, here is a critical thought: “There is no way I am meeting everyone for dinner. Last time I went, I was so embarrassed at my off-topic comment. I am so stupid.” Replace this with a productive thought: “I was so embarrassed at the last dinner, but I know that I make mistakes and that is okay. I am not stupid. I just made an honest mistake.”\\nAs you practice catching these thoughts and changing them, you will notice that you self-esteem will increase along with your confidence.\\n1-5. Remember that your insecurity is invisible.\\nOther people can’t see your insecurity because it’s not a visible characteristic. People won’t automatically recognize you as insecure if you don’t tell them. Keep this in mind as you approach new situations. If you are feeling insecure about attending a new school, for example, remember that your peers can’t see this aspect of you.\\n2. Putting Yourself First\\n2-1. Make yourself your priority.\\nFocus on what you like and what you need. When you’re with friends, go to a restaurant that you want to try. See the movie you want to see.\\nWhile you can’t always get your own way, you can certainly increase how much you direct the activity at hand.\\n2-2. Focus on what you have control over.\\nOftentimes, we feel insecure because we feel like we’re out of control, or that someone else is in charge. When you hyper-focus on what you can’t change, you risk increasing your insecurities. But when you focus on what you can control, you put yourself in charge of the situation.\\nFor example, you might feel insecure about how you dance when you go out with friends. Take charge of the situation by taking dance lessons. Or, if you feel insecure about how you look, consult with your hairdresser to get a new haircut that complements your face.\\n2-3. Avoid criticizing yourself.\\nThinking in a critical way about yourself will deplete your self-esteem and increase your feelings of insecurity. In fact, criticism of yourself and others has been linked to emotions such as anger and inadequacy. Because our thoughts influence how we are feeling, which then influences our behaviors, it is important to change critical thinking. Then you won’t promote feelings of insecurity, which can lead to changes in behaviors such as declining invitations to social events.\\nReframe negative thoughts about yourself. Say you tell yourself something like, \\\"I can't believe I said that. I'm such an idiot.\\\" Be aware of what you're saying to yourself. Reframe your negative thought by saying, \\\"Everyone makes mistakes. I am sure no one even noticed.\\\"\\nOr, a negative thought might be: \\\"I'm so ugly and overweight.\\\" Reframe this negative thought by saying, \\\"My weight is healthy for my body frame. I have amazing eyes and great hair.\\\"\\n2-4. Don’t dwell on past mistakes.\\nIt’s tempting to replay an event or conversation and pick it apart, noticing all of your missteps. But this is an unproductive action. Move on from past mistakes and remember that every day is a new day where you can start with a clean slate. Chances are, no one is giving the conversation a second thought.\\n2-5. Stop trying to be a people-pleaser\\nWhen you feel insecure, you may have a tendency to put someone else’s needs before your own. You might rationalize this by thinking that the other person will like you better if you bend over backwards for him or her. But you are sacrificing your own happiness and instead causing yourself stress and anxiety. Will this other person recognize your effort? Does this person like you better? Is this person even thinking about you? Stop being a people-pleaser by prioritizing yourself first.\\nSet boundaries with other people. Feel free to say no to requests, or set time limits so that you’re not overextending yourself.\\n3. Finding Support\\n3-1. Spend time with supportive people.\\nWhen you feel insecure, it doesn’t help when you surround yourself with people who make you feel more insecure. Instead, spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. These people are supportive no matter what, and they don’t put conditions on your relationship.\\n3-2. Talk with a therapist.\\nIt can be helpful to talk with a mental health professional about your insecurities. This person can help you uncover reasons for your insecurities. He or she can also suggest strategies for coping with your insecurities.\\nFind a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of therapy addresses your patterns of thought, which therefore will improve how a person feels and behaves.\\n3-3. Find activities that you like to do.\\nWhen you are enjoying yourself, you become less aware of your insecurities and more focused on your happiness. Find activities that are pleasing and fun for you. This might be a sport like surfing or skateboarding, or it might be a hobby like woodworking or bird-watching. You can create a safe space for yourself where you know that you’ll feel relief from your insecurities when you do this activity.\\nIf you can find people to join you in these activities, this might help you overcome some insecurities.\\n4. Soothing Your Anxieties\\n4-1. Try deep breathing techniques.\\nInsecurity can sometimes cause feelings of anxiety and a related physiological response such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, and sweating. it is important to have ways to help reduce these responses. It’s especially important because these sensations can be uncomfortable and may actually make you feel more stressed. Controlling your breathing can trigger a calming response, signaling your body to begin to relax and slow breathing and heart rate.\\nTake a full breath to a count of ten and ensure that you breath expands your abdomen.\\nHold it for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds.\\nBe sure to take two normal breaths in between your deep diaphragm breathing.\\n4-2. Practice mindfulness.\\nMindfulness is a great tool to use when you are especially self-aware and feeling insecure. You might be noticing thoughts that you don’t look good enough, or aren’t smart enough, or don’t know what to say. In these situations, mindfulness can help you bring your mind away from these worries and criticisms, and help you focus on the present moment. Critical thoughts and worries about what others are thinking of you can produce negative emotions such as sadness or embarrassment, or nervousness.\\nDuring nervousness or anxiety, the amount of adrenaline in the bloodstream increases, which increases your heart rate and blood pressure. This type of physical reaction may make you even more aware of how nervous you are, which may make you feel even more insecure.\\nTo help calm your nerves, worries, and critical thoughts, practice focusing on the present moment, while letting go of worries and criticisms. Letting go of your worries is not pushing them away with force, but it is actually letting your thoughts flow through your mind while noticing them without judgment. Let your worries float in and then out just as easily.\\nPractice tuning into your senses and ask yourself what you hear, smell, or sense in your surroundings. Continue to practice being fully in the moment until you begin to relax. Research has shown that with time, practicing mindfulness can help you have more control over your emotions and help increase mental flexibility when dealing with change.\\n4-3. Relax your muscles through progressive muscle relaxation.\\nYou can access a calming response by using progressive muscle relaxation. This type of relaxation reduces muscle tension, sending a signal your body to begin relaxing. By tensing and then releasing the tension in your muscles, you can slowing bring your body back to a calm state.\\nTighten your muscles for six seconds and then release for six seconds. Pay close attention to how each muscle is relaxing.\\nWork from your head to your toes until you feel your body begin to relax.\\n4-4. Distract yourself.\\nIf you notice that you are feeling insecure or worried about how you are being received, try to distract yourself from these thoughts. Distracting yourself with other tasks or a hobby can be a way to snap you out of thoughts and worries that promote insecurity. It can also help reduce the stress of the moment.\\nIf you are feeling insecure or worrying when you’re at home, try doing an activity such as reading, walking the dog, or cleaning the house.\\nIf you are in a social situation and you are feeling insecure, try going for a short walk, asking someone about their day, or reviewing the menu, or dancing – if that is appropriate. Any distraction to help get yourself “outside of your head” will help you focus on other things and not on your worries of being insecure.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Everyone experiences insecurity in their lives. It can happen in school, at work, in relationships, or about your looks. Insecurities often stem from low self-esteem. There are many theories about how insecurities develop, and the majority of them look to your attachment and relationships with your parents. However, low self-esteem can also happen due to life events, such as experiencing an abusive relationship, or having a mental illness such as depression. Whatever the reason, combat feelings of insecurity by improving your self-esteem and putting yourself first. As you do so, it’s important to develop a solid support network. Trying relaxation techniques can also help soothe the anxieties that are caused by feelings of insecurity.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Self-Esteem\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take stock of your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"It is quite common to discount our own strengths, talents, and abilities. But taking time to find and acknowledge your strengths will aid in increasing your self-esteem. Taking stock of your strengths can help you to use these in situations where you feel insecure as a little reminder of your worth and value.\\nWrite down your strengths in a journal. Write down what makes you feel strong and capable. What are you doing in these moments? What is happening that you are able to recognize your strength?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make a “strength box” with reminders about your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"Start a strength box that you can go to when you are feeling “less-than.” Inside the box, include different pieces of paper with your strengths listed on them, or pictures or objects that remind you of your strengths.\\nIf you have a hard time coming up with your strengths on your own, ask your family and friends what they think your strengths are. An outside perspective can be helpful.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Try journaling about your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Journaling is a tool you can use to organize your thoughts and feelings, as well as gain insight into moments or situations you feel insecure. Not only is journaling beneficial to emotional health, but it has been shown to improve immune health and reduce stress.\\nStart by journaling for 10 to 20 minutes per day for stress relief and increased clarity on your insecurities. If you don’t know what to write about, start with these prompts:\\nWhen do I notice feeling insecure? What is it about these moments that cause my feelings of insecurity to increase?\\nHow old is my insecurity? Has it always been there? When did it show up? How has it changed?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.\", \"描述\": \"Negative thoughts about yourself can deflate your self-esteem quickly and keep you feeling insecure about yourself. Put-downs, fear of failure, and other negative thinking will keep you feeling as though you are not enough. Start changing these mental habits to begin to build yourself up and increase your confidence. Here are some example of how you can begin to change how you think about yourself:\\nSay you have a thought such as, “I don’t have anything interesting to say, so I can see why people think I’m pathetic.” Catch unkind thoughts like this and make a conscious effort to change these thoughts by correcting yourself. Tell yourself: “Sometimes I don’t have much to say, and that is okay. I don’t have to keep others entertained or take on the entire responsibility for this conversation.”\\nReplace critical thoughts with productive thoughts. For example, here is a critical thought: “There is no way I am meeting everyone for dinner. Last time I went, I was so embarrassed at my off-topic comment. I am so stupid.” Replace this with a productive thought: “I was so embarrassed at the last dinner, but I know that I make mistakes and that is okay. I am not stupid. I just made an honest mistake.”\\nAs you practice catching these thoughts and changing them, you will notice that you self-esteem will increase along with your confidence.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Remember that your insecurity is invisible.\", \"描述\": \"Other people can’t see your insecurity because it’s not a visible characteristic. People won’t automatically recognize you as insecure if you don’t tell them. Keep this in mind as you approach new situations. If you are feeling insecure about attending a new school, for example, remember that your peers can’t see this aspect of you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Putting Yourself First\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make yourself your priority.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on what you like and what you need. When you’re with friends, go to a restaurant that you want to try. See the movie you want to see.\\nWhile you can’t always get your own way, you can certainly increase how much you direct the activity at hand.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus on what you have control over.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes, we feel insecure because we feel like we’re out of control, or that someone else is in charge. When you hyper-focus on what you can’t change, you risk increasing your insecurities. But when you focus on what you can control, you put yourself in charge of the situation.\\nFor example, you might feel insecure about how you dance when you go out with friends. Take charge of the situation by taking dance lessons. Or, if you feel insecure about how you look, consult with your hairdresser to get a new haircut that complements your face.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid criticizing yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Thinking in a critical way about yourself will deplete your self-esteem and increase your feelings of insecurity. In fact, criticism of yourself and others has been linked to emotions such as anger and inadequacy. Because our thoughts influence how we are feeling, which then influences our behaviors, it is important to change critical thinking. Then you won’t promote feelings of insecurity, which can lead to changes in behaviors such as declining invitations to social events.\\nReframe negative thoughts about yourself. Say you tell yourself something like, \\\"I can't believe I said that. I'm such an idiot.\\\" Be aware of what you're saying to yourself. Reframe your negative thought by saying, \\\"Everyone makes mistakes. I am sure no one even noticed.\\\"\\nOr, a negative thought might be: \\\"I'm so ugly and overweight.\\\" Reframe this negative thought by saying, \\\"My weight is healthy for my body frame. I have amazing eyes and great hair.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don’t dwell on past mistakes.\", \"描述\": \"It’s tempting to replay an event or conversation and pick it apart, noticing all of your missteps. But this is an unproductive action. Move on from past mistakes and remember that every day is a new day where you can start with a clean slate. Chances are, no one is giving the conversation a second thought.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stop trying to be a people-pleaser\", \"描述\": \"When you feel insecure, you may have a tendency to put someone else’s needs before your own. You might rationalize this by thinking that the other person will like you better if you bend over backwards for him or her. But you are sacrificing your own happiness and instead causing yourself stress and anxiety. Will this other person recognize your effort? Does this person like you better? Is this person even thinking about you? Stop being a people-pleaser by prioritizing yourself first.\\nSet boundaries with other people. Feel free to say no to requests, or set time limits so that you’re not overextending yourself.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Finding Support\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spend time with supportive people.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel insecure, it doesn’t help when you surround yourself with people who make you feel more insecure. Instead, spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. These people are supportive no matter what, and they don’t put conditions on your relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Talk with a therapist.\", \"描述\": \"It can be helpful to talk with a mental health professional about your insecurities. This person can help you uncover reasons for your insecurities. He or she can also suggest strategies for coping with your insecurities.\\nFind a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of therapy addresses your patterns of thought, which therefore will improve how a person feels and behaves.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find activities that you like to do.\", \"描述\": \"When you are enjoying yourself, you become less aware of your insecurities and more focused on your happiness. Find activities that are pleasing and fun for you. This might be a sport like surfing or skateboarding, or it might be a hobby like woodworking or bird-watching. You can create a safe space for yourself where you know that you’ll feel relief from your insecurities when you do this activity.\\nIf you can find people to join you in these activities, this might help you overcome some insecurities.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Soothing Your Anxieties\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try deep breathing techniques.\", \"描述\": \"Insecurity can sometimes cause feelings of anxiety and a related physiological response such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, and sweating. it is important to have ways to help reduce these responses. It’s especially important because these sensations can be uncomfortable and may actually make you feel more stressed. Controlling your breathing can trigger a calming response, signaling your body to begin to relax and slow breathing and heart rate.\\nTake a full breath to a count of ten and ensure that you breath expands your abdomen.\\nHold it for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds.\\nBe sure to take two normal breaths in between your deep diaphragm breathing.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice mindfulness.\", \"描述\": \"Mindfulness is a great tool to use when you are especially self-aware and feeling insecure. You might be noticing thoughts that you don’t look good enough, or aren’t smart enough, or don’t know what to say. In these situations, mindfulness can help you bring your mind away from these worries and criticisms, and help you focus on the present moment. Critical thoughts and worries about what others are thinking of you can produce negative emotions such as sadness or embarrassment, or nervousness.\\nDuring nervousness or anxiety, the amount of adrenaline in the bloodstream increases, which increases your heart rate and blood pressure. This type of physical reaction may make you even more aware of how nervous you are, which may make you feel even more insecure.\\nTo help calm your nerves, worries, and critical thoughts, practice focusing on the present moment, while letting go of worries and criticisms. Letting go of your worries is not pushing them away with force, but it is actually letting your thoughts flow through your mind while noticing them without judgment. Let your worries float in and then out just as easily.\\nPractice tuning into your senses and ask yourself what you hear, smell, or sense in your surroundings. Continue to practice being fully in the moment until you begin to relax. Research has shown that with time, practicing mindfulness can help you have more control over your emotions and help increase mental flexibility when dealing with change.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Relax your muscles through progressive muscle relaxation.\", \"描述\": \"You can access a calming response by using progressive muscle relaxation. This type of relaxation reduces muscle tension, sending a signal your body to begin relaxing. By tensing and then releasing the tension in your muscles, you can slowing bring your body back to a calm state.\\nTighten your muscles for six seconds and then release for six seconds. Pay close attention to how each muscle is relaxing.\\nWork from your head to your toes until you feel your body begin to relax.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Distract yourself.\", \"描述\": \"If you notice that you are feeling insecure or worried about how you are being received, try to distract yourself from these thoughts. Distracting yourself with other tasks or a hobby can be a way to snap you out of thoughts and worries that promote insecurity. It can also help reduce the stress of the moment.\\nIf you are feeling insecure or worrying when you’re at home, try doing an activity such as reading, walking the dog, or cleaning the house.\\nIf you are in a social situation and you are feeling insecure, try going for a short walk, asking someone about their day, or reviewing the menu, or dancing – if that is appropriate. Any distraction to help get yourself “outside of your head” will help you focus on other things and not on your worries of being insecure.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,889 | How to Be Less Irritable | 1. Adopting Healthy Habits
1-1. Get more exercise.
Not only is it great for your physical health, but exercise can actually improve your mood. Exercising frequently can make you feel less stressed, which can lessen the likelihood of you becoming irritable. Hitting the gym is also a great way to blow off steam, if you do find yourself feeling cranky during the day.
Get in a routine. Doctors recommend at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise six days a week. Try scheduling your exercise the same way you schedule other appointments. By making it a priority, you'll be more likely to make time each day for some physical activity.
Choose an activity that you like. Have you always enjoyed swimming? Find a gym or a nearby park with an indoor pool. If you choose an exercise that feels like fun for you, you'll get added mood boosting benefits.
Head outside. Being outdoors can lighten your mood and ease feelings of anxiety. Take a long walk and enjoy exploring a new neighborhood or local hiking trail.
1-2. Eat a healthy diet.
The foods you eat can have a big impact on your mood. If you eat too much sugar or a lot of processed foods, you will likely experience more symptoms of mood swings, including irritability. Instead, reach for whole foods, especially lots of fruits and veggies. When your body feels better, you will likely be in a better mood.
Aim for at least five servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit each day. Leafy greens such as kale have a ton of nutrients that will help your overall health.
Berries have a lot of antioxidants which have been shown to increase brain function. When your brain feels good, you're more likely to be in a good mood. Try making a smoothie each morning loaded with raspberries or blueberries.
Avoid having too much caffeine. It can make you feel jittery and cause spikes and dips in your energy levels that can leave you feeling cranky.
1-3. Rest up.
There is a definite correlation between sleep and mood. You probably know that even one night of not enough sleep can cause you to feel stressed and overly emotional. To avoid these changes to your mood, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night.
Get on a sleep schedule. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. This will help your body regulate its internal clock and you will sleep better. This will also help regulate your mood.
Power down the electronics before bed. Try to avoid having the tv on or checking your e-mail within an hour of bedtime. The glow from the screen can interfere with your brain's ability to shut itself off.
1-4. Avoid excess alcohol.
While a glass of wine after work can make you feel relaxed, drinking much more than that can have adverse effects. Research shows that because alcohol lowers inhibitions, it can lead to you saying things that make you sound angry or irritable. For example, if you have several drinks, you are more likely to be very irritated that your partner forgot to do the dishes--and you won't be afraid to make your irritation known. Women should try to limit their alcohol intake to one drink per day, while men should stick to two.
Be aware of how alcohol makes you feel. If you know that drinking often leads to you feeling emotional or angry, try to avoid it altogether.
Alcohol can also interfere with your sleep. Avoid drinking within 2-3 hours of your bedtime.
2. Changing Your Mindset
2-1. Make time for yourself.
Feeling irritable might be your mind's way of telling you that you need to take a break. When you feel a mood change coming on, make it a point to step away from the situation and take some time for yourself. This can be as simple as taking a quick walk around the block to calm yourself down.
Make it a habit to set some time aside your yourself each day. Maybe you can reserve the last half hour of each day to read a book. Or you could wake up a little early to enjoy having your first cup of coffee in complete silence.
When you notice yourself being irritable, give yourself a break. Take some time to listen to music or do a few relaxing yoga stretches.
2-2. Practice patience.
When you are impatient, you are more likely to feel irritable, overwhelmed, and stressed. Try to practice patience in your everyday life. It's not easy, but it will have positive benefits for your overall mood.
Try to slow down. Research shows that by moving at a slower pace, you will feel less hurried, and therefore less impatient. Try to eat more slowly, breathe more slowly, and take time to appreciate your surroundings.
Be flexible. It's important to know that things won't always go your way. Be prepared for things to go wrong or take longer than expected. For example, maybe you only scheduled thirty minutes to get your kids dressed and off to school. Try building a little flex time into your schedule. That way, if it takes a little longer than expected, you won't feel like your entire day has been thrown off course.
2-3. Meditate.
Meditation can having amazing emotional benefits. Reports say that it can cause decreased irritability, greater ability to deal with conflict, and more emotional balance. Try adding meditation to your daily routine. You will see definite changes in your mental health.
You can mediate by choosing a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply. You can let your mind drift or focus on a mental image, such as rolling waves or a flickering candle.
There are many guided meditations available. Try downloading one to your phone. They are available in many time increments, from two minutes to two hours. Guided sessions are great for those new to mediation.
2-4. Let it go.
You may feel that you are chronically irritated about something. For example, maybe your child can never seem to remember to make his bed before school. Instead of letting this ruin each and every morning by causing irritation, talk to yourself about reasons to just let it go.
This is also known as "dropping the story". Instead of letting the messy room invade your thoughts all day, practice some self-talk. Whenever you think of the unmade bed, remind yourself that your child is sweet, caring, and humorous. Eventually, those will be the thoughts that your brain instinctively focuses on.
2-5. Allow for the unexpected.
Anxiety is one of the primary reasons we become irritable. Often, unexpected events can cause that anxiety, leading to an overall irritability. Think about what happens to your mood when a traffic accident causes you to be 20 minutes late for work. That unexpected delay can cause ripple effects throughout your whole day. You can't stop the unexpected from happening, but you can definitely take steps to handle surprises better.
Take a deep breath. Calming yourself with slow, conscious breathing can help you stay calm and stave off irritability.
Allow your anxiety to exist. Don't cause yourself to feel worse by being angry at yourself for being anxious. Instead, acknowledge your emotions, make a plan to fix the situation, and move on. If you're going to be late for work, maybe just acknowledge that you'll have to eat lunch at your desk to make up for lost time.
2-6. Surround yourself with positive people.
It's possible that you are irritable because you are surrounded by people who are negative. Moods are contagious. If you want to be in a good mood, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with those people who make you happy and relaxed.
You cannot always choose who you spend time with. For example, if you have a negative co-worker, you obviously can't just cut her out of your life. You can, however, make a conscious choice to not allow your own mood to be affected by her negative attitude. You can also limit your interactions with her as much as possible.
Think positive thoughts. Throughout the day, take some time to focus on something good. It can be as easy as appreciating the smell of your morning coffee.
2-7. Organize your surroundings.
If your home is cluttered, chances are your mind is, too. Having disorganization in your daily life can lead to greater stress, which can increase feelings of irritability. Try keeping your environment neater. You'll feel better mentally.
Take 10 minutes each evening to do a general straightening-up of your living space. Your mind will feel relaxed as you go to bed, and you'll wake up feeling better prepared to calmly face the day.
Try keeping your desk neat. You'll end up feeling calmer at work, and less likely to be crabby.
3. Communicating with People
3-1. Set boundaries.
Other people are the cause of many day-to-day annoyances. If you work on improving your communication skills, you can help yourself cope with irritating people. By setting boundaries and conveying those boundaries to others, you can limit irritating interactions.
Make your feelings clear. For example, if you have a co-worker who regularly asks when you are going to have children and you feel that his questions are an annoying invasion of privacy, you could say "My husband and I are very happy with our lives." Then move on.
Say no. We are often irritable when we feel overwhelmed and worn down. This tends to happen when we are too busy. Try saying no when someone asks you to do something that you don't have time for. Say, "Actually, I'm not available to fill in for you at the client dinner this Thursday. I have a lot of my own projects that I need to focus on."
3-2. Try new tactics.
When you are feeling irritable, there are several steps you can take to avoid taking it out on other people. One of the most effective methods is to take a break, or a time-out. If you're irritable during a meeting, excuse yourself for a minute. Grab a drink of water, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself a minute to process your emotions. This might avoid helping you snap at someone.
Try using "I" statements. Instead of getting mad and exploding when you come home to a sink full of dirty dishes, phrase your annoyance productively. Say "I would appreciate having some help cleaning up," or "I feel overwhelmed when I come home to a messy house at the end of a busy day". This way, you are explaining your emotions without using a blame-placing statement.
Consider the other person's point of view. Before getting mad, take a minute to think. Did the other person have a hectic day? Is that why the household chores aren't done? Maybe take that into consideration before jumping immediately to irritability.
3-3. Ask questions.
Sometimes your view of a situation might not consider the whole picture. We have a tendency to assume that other people's actions are focused on us. In reality, they probably have their own reasons that might have nothing to do with you. Try asking some questions to figure out the situation.
It can be irritating when your partner doesn't remember to take the trash out. Instead of immediately thinking, "Why doesn't he care about me?", try to assess the situation by saying, "What's the situation with the trash? Were you running late to work this morning?
4. Understanding Your Irritability
4-1. Learn the cause.
If you find yourself being irritable on a regular basis, you need to determine the reason. Irritability can be a symptom of underlying health issues such as anxiety and depression. In women, hormonal imbalance can lead to irritability.
Irritability can also be a symptom of serious illness such as cardiovascular disease or lung disease.
Certain medications can also cause irritability. Ask your doctor to help you find the cause of your problem.
4-2. Consider treatment.
Consult your doctor on the best way to treat your irritability. If it is a symptom of a physical ailment, such as chronic pain, it is time to be more aggressive in treating your illness. Ask your doctor to suggest changes in your medication or lifestyle.
If your doctor concludes that your irritability is the result of a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression, ask him to refer a counselor. Talk therapy can be very effective in helping you deal with these issues.
4-3. Make a lifestyle change.
If your irritability is not the result of a physical problem, it is likely situational. That means it is caused by something going on in your life: stress at work, or problems in a relationship. Spend some time trying to pinpoint what it is that is making you unhappy. Then take steps to try to make positive changes in that area.
If you find that work is one of the major causes of your bad mood, consider making a career change. Make a list of the things you consider most important in a job: pay, creative challenges, security, a positive work environment. Then spend some time brainstorming what sort of career would best suit you.
If you are having a problem with a personal relationship, try to communicate your thoughts to the other person. For example, if you find yourself constantly frustrated with your partner, ask to have a conversation about your feelings. Clearing the air can make you feel emotionally better, and can result in positive changes.
Tips
Try several different methods of relaxation until you find the one that works best for you.
If you are grouchy, try to shift your focus. Put on some happy music, or do something relaxing to distract yourself.
When you are really irritated by the people around you, try to think of your beloved one. It may be your love, friend or relatives such as mom, brother etc. It will help to calm you down.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Adopting Healthy Habits\\n1-1. Get more exercise.\\nNot only is it great for your physical health, but exercise can actually improve your mood. Exercising frequently can make you feel less stressed, which can lessen the likelihood of you becoming irritable. Hitting the gym is also a great way to blow off steam, if you do find yourself feeling cranky during the day.\\nGet in a routine. Doctors recommend at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise six days a week. Try scheduling your exercise the same way you schedule other appointments. By making it a priority, you'll be more likely to make time each day for some physical activity.\\nChoose an activity that you like. Have you always enjoyed swimming? Find a gym or a nearby park with an indoor pool. If you choose an exercise that feels like fun for you, you'll get added mood boosting benefits.\\nHead outside. Being outdoors can lighten your mood and ease feelings of anxiety. Take a long walk and enjoy exploring a new neighborhood or local hiking trail.\\n1-2. Eat a healthy diet.\\nThe foods you eat can have a big impact on your mood. If you eat too much sugar or a lot of processed foods, you will likely experience more symptoms of mood swings, including irritability. Instead, reach for whole foods, especially lots of fruits and veggies. When your body feels better, you will likely be in a better mood.\\nAim for at least five servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit each day. Leafy greens such as kale have a ton of nutrients that will help your overall health.\\nBerries have a lot of antioxidants which have been shown to increase brain function. When your brain feels good, you're more likely to be in a good mood. Try making a smoothie each morning loaded with raspberries or blueberries.\\nAvoid having too much caffeine. It can make you feel jittery and cause spikes and dips in your energy levels that can leave you feeling cranky.\\n1-3. Rest up.\\nThere is a definite correlation between sleep and mood. You probably know that even one night of not enough sleep can cause you to feel stressed and overly emotional. To avoid these changes to your mood, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night.\\nGet on a sleep schedule. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. This will help your body regulate its internal clock and you will sleep better. This will also help regulate your mood.\\nPower down the electronics before bed. Try to avoid having the tv on or checking your e-mail within an hour of bedtime. The glow from the screen can interfere with your brain's ability to shut itself off.\\n1-4. Avoid excess alcohol.\\nWhile a glass of wine after work can make you feel relaxed, drinking much more than that can have adverse effects. Research shows that because alcohol lowers inhibitions, it can lead to you saying things that make you sound angry or irritable. For example, if you have several drinks, you are more likely to be very irritated that your partner forgot to do the dishes--and you won't be afraid to make your irritation known. Women should try to limit their alcohol intake to one drink per day, while men should stick to two.\\nBe aware of how alcohol makes you feel. If you know that drinking often leads to you feeling emotional or angry, try to avoid it altogether.\\nAlcohol can also interfere with your sleep. Avoid drinking within 2-3 hours of your bedtime.\\n2. Changing Your Mindset\\n2-1. Make time for yourself.\\nFeeling irritable might be your mind's way of telling you that you need to take a break. When you feel a mood change coming on, make it a point to step away from the situation and take some time for yourself. This can be as simple as taking a quick walk around the block to calm yourself down.\\nMake it a habit to set some time aside your yourself each day. Maybe you can reserve the last half hour of each day to read a book. Or you could wake up a little early to enjoy having your first cup of coffee in complete silence.\\nWhen you notice yourself being irritable, give yourself a break. Take some time to listen to music or do a few relaxing yoga stretches.\\n2-2. Practice patience.\\nWhen you are impatient, you are more likely to feel irritable, overwhelmed, and stressed. Try to practice patience in your everyday life. It's not easy, but it will have positive benefits for your overall mood.\\nTry to slow down. Research shows that by moving at a slower pace, you will feel less hurried, and therefore less impatient. Try to eat more slowly, breathe more slowly, and take time to appreciate your surroundings.\\nBe flexible. It's important to know that things won't always go your way. Be prepared for things to go wrong or take longer than expected. For example, maybe you only scheduled thirty minutes to get your kids dressed and off to school. Try building a little flex time into your schedule. That way, if it takes a little longer than expected, you won't feel like your entire day has been thrown off course.\\n2-3. Meditate.\\nMeditation can having amazing emotional benefits. Reports say that it can cause decreased irritability, greater ability to deal with conflict, and more emotional balance. Try adding meditation to your daily routine. You will see definite changes in your mental health.\\nYou can mediate by choosing a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply. You can let your mind drift or focus on a mental image, such as rolling waves or a flickering candle.\\nThere are many guided meditations available. Try downloading one to your phone. They are available in many time increments, from two minutes to two hours. Guided sessions are great for those new to mediation.\\n2-4. Let it go.\\nYou may feel that you are chronically irritated about something. For example, maybe your child can never seem to remember to make his bed before school. Instead of letting this ruin each and every morning by causing irritation, talk to yourself about reasons to just let it go.\\nThis is also known as \\\"dropping the story\\\". Instead of letting the messy room invade your thoughts all day, practice some self-talk. Whenever you think of the unmade bed, remind yourself that your child is sweet, caring, and humorous. Eventually, those will be the thoughts that your brain instinctively focuses on.\\n2-5. Allow for the unexpected.\\nAnxiety is one of the primary reasons we become irritable. Often, unexpected events can cause that anxiety, leading to an overall irritability. Think about what happens to your mood when a traffic accident causes you to be 20 minutes late for work. That unexpected delay can cause ripple effects throughout your whole day. You can't stop the unexpected from happening, but you can definitely take steps to handle surprises better.\\nTake a deep breath. Calming yourself with slow, conscious breathing can help you stay calm and stave off irritability.\\nAllow your anxiety to exist. Don't cause yourself to feel worse by being angry at yourself for being anxious. Instead, acknowledge your emotions, make a plan to fix the situation, and move on. If you're going to be late for work, maybe just acknowledge that you'll have to eat lunch at your desk to make up for lost time.\\n2-6. Surround yourself with positive people.\\nIt's possible that you are irritable because you are surrounded by people who are negative. Moods are contagious. If you want to be in a good mood, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with those people who make you happy and relaxed.\\nYou cannot always choose who you spend time with. For example, if you have a negative co-worker, you obviously can't just cut her out of your life. You can, however, make a conscious choice to not allow your own mood to be affected by her negative attitude. You can also limit your interactions with her as much as possible.\\nThink positive thoughts. Throughout the day, take some time to focus on something good. It can be as easy as appreciating the smell of your morning coffee.\\n2-7. Organize your surroundings.\\nIf your home is cluttered, chances are your mind is, too. Having disorganization in your daily life can lead to greater stress, which can increase feelings of irritability. Try keeping your environment neater. You'll feel better mentally. \\nTake 10 minutes each evening to do a general straightening-up of your living space. Your mind will feel relaxed as you go to bed, and you'll wake up feeling better prepared to calmly face the day.\\nTry keeping your desk neat. You'll end up feeling calmer at work, and less likely to be crabby.\\n3. Communicating with People\\n3-1. Set boundaries.\\nOther people are the cause of many day-to-day annoyances. If you work on improving your communication skills, you can help yourself cope with irritating people. By setting boundaries and conveying those boundaries to others, you can limit irritating interactions.\\nMake your feelings clear. For example, if you have a co-worker who regularly asks when you are going to have children and you feel that his questions are an annoying invasion of privacy, you could say \\\"My husband and I are very happy with our lives.\\\" Then move on.\\nSay no. We are often irritable when we feel overwhelmed and worn down. This tends to happen when we are too busy. Try saying no when someone asks you to do something that you don't have time for. Say, \\\"Actually, I'm not available to fill in for you at the client dinner this Thursday. I have a lot of my own projects that I need to focus on.\\\"\\n3-2. Try new tactics.\\nWhen you are feeling irritable, there are several steps you can take to avoid taking it out on other people. One of the most effective methods is to take a break, or a time-out. If you're irritable during a meeting, excuse yourself for a minute. Grab a drink of water, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself a minute to process your emotions. This might avoid helping you snap at someone.\\nTry using \\\"I\\\" statements. Instead of getting mad and exploding when you come home to a sink full of dirty dishes, phrase your annoyance productively. Say \\\"I would appreciate having some help cleaning up,\\\" or \\\"I feel overwhelmed when I come home to a messy house at the end of a busy day\\\". This way, you are explaining your emotions without using a blame-placing statement.\\nConsider the other person's point of view. Before getting mad, take a minute to think. Did the other person have a hectic day? Is that why the household chores aren't done? Maybe take that into consideration before jumping immediately to irritability.\\n3-3. Ask questions.\\nSometimes your view of a situation might not consider the whole picture. We have a tendency to assume that other people's actions are focused on us. In reality, they probably have their own reasons that might have nothing to do with you. Try asking some questions to figure out the situation. \\nIt can be irritating when your partner doesn't remember to take the trash out. Instead of immediately thinking, \\\"Why doesn't he care about me?\\\", try to assess the situation by saying, \\\"What's the situation with the trash? Were you running late to work this morning?\\n4. Understanding Your Irritability\\n4-1. Learn the cause.\\nIf you find yourself being irritable on a regular basis, you need to determine the reason. Irritability can be a symptom of underlying health issues such as anxiety and depression. In women, hormonal imbalance can lead to irritability.\\nIrritability can also be a symptom of serious illness such as cardiovascular disease or lung disease.\\nCertain medications can also cause irritability. Ask your doctor to help you find the cause of your problem.\\n4-2. Consider treatment.\\nConsult your doctor on the best way to treat your irritability. If it is a symptom of a physical ailment, such as chronic pain, it is time to be more aggressive in treating your illness. Ask your doctor to suggest changes in your medication or lifestyle.\\nIf your doctor concludes that your irritability is the result of a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression, ask him to refer a counselor. Talk therapy can be very effective in helping you deal with these issues.\\n4-3. Make a lifestyle change.\\nIf your irritability is not the result of a physical problem, it is likely situational. That means it is caused by something going on in your life: stress at work, or problems in a relationship. Spend some time trying to pinpoint what it is that is making you unhappy. Then take steps to try to make positive changes in that area.\\nIf you find that work is one of the major causes of your bad mood, consider making a career change. Make a list of the things you consider most important in a job: pay, creative challenges, security, a positive work environment. Then spend some time brainstorming what sort of career would best suit you.\\nIf you are having a problem with a personal relationship, try to communicate your thoughts to the other person. For example, if you find yourself constantly frustrated with your partner, ask to have a conversation about your feelings. Clearing the air can make you feel emotionally better, and can result in positive changes.\\nTips\\nTry several different methods of relaxation until you find the one that works best for you.\\nIf you are grouchy, try to shift your focus. Put on some happy music, or do something relaxing to distract yourself.\\nWhen you are really irritated by the people around you, try to think of your beloved one. It may be your love, friend or relatives such as mom, brother etc. It will help to calm you down.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When you are feeling irritable, it can cause friction between you and your family, friends, and co-workers. It can also be emotionally draining to feel frequently out of sorts. Whether your irritation is situational or caused by a physical problem, there are steps you can take to feel better. When you are less irritable, you'll notice positive changes in your outlook.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Adopting Healthy Habits\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get more exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Not only is it great for your physical health, but exercise can actually improve your mood. Exercising frequently can make you feel less stressed, which can lessen the likelihood of you becoming irritable. Hitting the gym is also a great way to blow off steam, if you do find yourself feeling cranky during the day.\\nGet in a routine. Doctors recommend at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise six days a week. Try scheduling your exercise the same way you schedule other appointments. By making it a priority, you'll be more likely to make time each day for some physical activity.\\nChoose an activity that you like. Have you always enjoyed swimming? Find a gym or a nearby park with an indoor pool. If you choose an exercise that feels like fun for you, you'll get added mood boosting benefits.\\nHead outside. Being outdoors can lighten your mood and ease feelings of anxiety. Take a long walk and enjoy exploring a new neighborhood or local hiking trail.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eat a healthy diet.\", \"描述\": \"The foods you eat can have a big impact on your mood. If you eat too much sugar or a lot of processed foods, you will likely experience more symptoms of mood swings, including irritability. Instead, reach for whole foods, especially lots of fruits and veggies. When your body feels better, you will likely be in a better mood.\\nAim for at least five servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit each day. Leafy greens such as kale have a ton of nutrients that will help your overall health.\\nBerries have a lot of antioxidants which have been shown to increase brain function. When your brain feels good, you're more likely to be in a good mood. Try making a smoothie each morning loaded with raspberries or blueberries.\\nAvoid having too much caffeine. It can make you feel jittery and cause spikes and dips in your energy levels that can leave you feeling cranky.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Rest up.\", \"描述\": \"There is a definite correlation between sleep and mood. You probably know that even one night of not enough sleep can cause you to feel stressed and overly emotional. To avoid these changes to your mood, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night.\\nGet on a sleep schedule. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. This will help your body regulate its internal clock and you will sleep better. This will also help regulate your mood.\\nPower down the electronics before bed. Try to avoid having the tv on or checking your e-mail within an hour of bedtime. The glow from the screen can interfere with your brain's ability to shut itself off.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid excess alcohol.\", \"描述\": \"While a glass of wine after work can make you feel relaxed, drinking much more than that can have adverse effects. Research shows that because alcohol lowers inhibitions, it can lead to you saying things that make you sound angry or irritable. For example, if you have several drinks, you are more likely to be very irritated that your partner forgot to do the dishes--and you won't be afraid to make your irritation known. Women should try to limit their alcohol intake to one drink per day, while men should stick to two.\\nBe aware of how alcohol makes you feel. If you know that drinking often leads to you feeling emotional or angry, try to avoid it altogether.\\nAlcohol can also interfere with your sleep. Avoid drinking within 2-3 hours of your bedtime.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make time for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Feeling irritable might be your mind's way of telling you that you need to take a break. When you feel a mood change coming on, make it a point to step away from the situation and take some time for yourself. This can be as simple as taking a quick walk around the block to calm yourself down.\\nMake it a habit to set some time aside your yourself each day. Maybe you can reserve the last half hour of each day to read a book. Or you could wake up a little early to enjoy having your first cup of coffee in complete silence.\\nWhen you notice yourself being irritable, give yourself a break. Take some time to listen to music or do a few relaxing yoga stretches.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice patience.\", \"描述\": \"When you are impatient, you are more likely to feel irritable, overwhelmed, and stressed. Try to practice patience in your everyday life. It's not easy, but it will have positive benefits for your overall mood.\\nTry to slow down. Research shows that by moving at a slower pace, you will feel less hurried, and therefore less impatient. Try to eat more slowly, breathe more slowly, and take time to appreciate your surroundings.\\nBe flexible. It's important to know that things won't always go your way. Be prepared for things to go wrong or take longer than expected. For example, maybe you only scheduled thirty minutes to get your kids dressed and off to school. Try building a little flex time into your schedule. That way, if it takes a little longer than expected, you won't feel like your entire day has been thrown off course.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Meditate.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation can having amazing emotional benefits. Reports say that it can cause decreased irritability, greater ability to deal with conflict, and more emotional balance. Try adding meditation to your daily routine. You will see definite changes in your mental health.\\nYou can mediate by choosing a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply. You can let your mind drift or focus on a mental image, such as rolling waves or a flickering candle.\\nThere are many guided meditations available. Try downloading one to your phone. They are available in many time increments, from two minutes to two hours. Guided sessions are great for those new to mediation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Let it go.\", \"描述\": \"You may feel that you are chronically irritated about something. For example, maybe your child can never seem to remember to make his bed before school. Instead of letting this ruin each and every morning by causing irritation, talk to yourself about reasons to just let it go.\\nThis is also known as \\\"dropping the story\\\". Instead of letting the messy room invade your thoughts all day, practice some self-talk. Whenever you think of the unmade bed, remind yourself that your child is sweet, caring, and humorous. Eventually, those will be the thoughts that your brain instinctively focuses on.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Allow for the unexpected.\", \"描述\": \"Anxiety is one of the primary reasons we become irritable. Often, unexpected events can cause that anxiety, leading to an overall irritability. Think about what happens to your mood when a traffic accident causes you to be 20 minutes late for work. That unexpected delay can cause ripple effects throughout your whole day. You can't stop the unexpected from happening, but you can definitely take steps to handle surprises better.\\nTake a deep breath. Calming yourself with slow, conscious breathing can help you stay calm and stave off irritability.\\nAllow your anxiety to exist. Don't cause yourself to feel worse by being angry at yourself for being anxious. Instead, acknowledge your emotions, make a plan to fix the situation, and move on. If you're going to be late for work, maybe just acknowledge that you'll have to eat lunch at your desk to make up for lost time.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with positive people.\", \"描述\": \"It's possible that you are irritable because you are surrounded by people who are negative. Moods are contagious. If you want to be in a good mood, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with those people who make you happy and relaxed.\\nYou cannot always choose who you spend time with. For example, if you have a negative co-worker, you obviously can't just cut her out of your life. You can, however, make a conscious choice to not allow your own mood to be affected by her negative attitude. You can also limit your interactions with her as much as possible.\\nThink positive thoughts. Throughout the day, take some time to focus on something good. It can be as easy as appreciating the smell of your morning coffee.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Organize your surroundings.\", \"描述\": \"If your home is cluttered, chances are your mind is, too. Having disorganization in your daily life can lead to greater stress, which can increase feelings of irritability. Try keeping your environment neater. You'll feel better mentally. \\nTake 10 minutes each evening to do a general straightening-up of your living space. Your mind will feel relaxed as you go to bed, and you'll wake up feeling better prepared to calmly face the day.\\nTry keeping your desk neat. You'll end up feeling calmer at work, and less likely to be crabby.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Communicating with People\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"Other people are the cause of many day-to-day annoyances. If you work on improving your communication skills, you can help yourself cope with irritating people. By setting boundaries and conveying those boundaries to others, you can limit irritating interactions.\\nMake your feelings clear. For example, if you have a co-worker who regularly asks when you are going to have children and you feel that his questions are an annoying invasion of privacy, you could say \\\"My husband and I are very happy with our lives.\\\" Then move on.\\nSay no. We are often irritable when we feel overwhelmed and worn down. This tends to happen when we are too busy. Try saying no when someone asks you to do something that you don't have time for. Say, \\\"Actually, I'm not available to fill in for you at the client dinner this Thursday. I have a lot of my own projects that I need to focus on.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try new tactics.\", \"描述\": \"When you are feeling irritable, there are several steps you can take to avoid taking it out on other people. One of the most effective methods is to take a break, or a time-out. If you're irritable during a meeting, excuse yourself for a minute. Grab a drink of water, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself a minute to process your emotions. This might avoid helping you snap at someone.\\nTry using \\\"I\\\" statements. Instead of getting mad and exploding when you come home to a sink full of dirty dishes, phrase your annoyance productively. Say \\\"I would appreciate having some help cleaning up,\\\" or \\\"I feel overwhelmed when I come home to a messy house at the end of a busy day\\\". This way, you are explaining your emotions without using a blame-placing statement.\\nConsider the other person's point of view. Before getting mad, take a minute to think. Did the other person have a hectic day? Is that why the household chores aren't done? Maybe take that into consideration before jumping immediately to irritability.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask questions.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes your view of a situation might not consider the whole picture. We have a tendency to assume that other people's actions are focused on us. In reality, they probably have their own reasons that might have nothing to do with you. Try asking some questions to figure out the situation. \\nIt can be irritating when your partner doesn't remember to take the trash out. Instead of immediately thinking, \\\"Why doesn't he care about me?\\\", try to assess the situation by saying, \\\"What's the situation with the trash? Were you running late to work this morning?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Understanding Your Irritability\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn the cause.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself being irritable on a regular basis, you need to determine the reason. Irritability can be a symptom of underlying health issues such as anxiety and depression. In women, hormonal imbalance can lead to irritability.\\nIrritability can also be a symptom of serious illness such as cardiovascular disease or lung disease.\\nCertain medications can also cause irritability. Ask your doctor to help you find the cause of your problem.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Consider treatment.\", \"描述\": \"Consult your doctor on the best way to treat your irritability. If it is a symptom of a physical ailment, such as chronic pain, it is time to be more aggressive in treating your illness. Ask your doctor to suggest changes in your medication or lifestyle.\\nIf your doctor concludes that your irritability is the result of a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression, ask him to refer a counselor. Talk therapy can be very effective in helping you deal with these issues.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make a lifestyle change.\", \"描述\": \"If your irritability is not the result of a physical problem, it is likely situational. That means it is caused by something going on in your life: stress at work, or problems in a relationship. Spend some time trying to pinpoint what it is that is making you unhappy. Then take steps to try to make positive changes in that area.\\nIf you find that work is one of the major causes of your bad mood, consider making a career change. Make a list of the things you consider most important in a job: pay, creative challenges, security, a positive work environment. Then spend some time brainstorming what sort of career would best suit you.\\nIf you are having a problem with a personal relationship, try to communicate your thoughts to the other person. For example, if you find yourself constantly frustrated with your partner, ask to have a conversation about your feelings. Clearing the air can make you feel emotionally better, and can result in positive changes.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Try several different methods of relaxation until you find the one that works best for you.\\n\", \"If you are grouchy, try to shift your focus. Put on some happy music, or do something relaxing to distract yourself.\\n\", \"When you are really irritated by the people around you, try to think of your beloved one. It may be your love, friend or relatives such as mom, brother etc. It will help to calm you down.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,890 | How to Be Less Judgmental | 1. Changing Your Perspective
1-1. Embrace positive thinking
A negative mindset can lead to judgemental thinking. Try to see the positive aspects in every situation, rather than the negatives. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, challenge them. Then, challenge yourself to pick out something positive.
You can still be realistic while being positive. You don’t have to ignore negative aspects, just don’t focus exclusively on them.
It’s okay to have bad days. Forgive yourself on days when you are feeling down and negative.
Having a positive attitude can improve your life in many ways!
1-2. Separate people’s individual actions from their personality.
Sometimes people will do things that you find abhorrent, such as stealing someone’s lunch money or cutting in a line. Although their actions may be wrong, it’s important not to judge them solely on one action. They likely have positive qualities that you haven’t seen yet.
Consider that their actions in that one moment may be driven by a circumstance you don’t understand. For example, they may have stolen the lunch money because they haven’t had a meal in 2 days.
1-3. Notice when you're judging.
Nip judgments in the bud by identifying how and when you’re thinking about other people. When you catch yourself having critical thoughts about someone, ask yourself how you or they benefit from those thoughts. Then, offer a compliment instead.
For example, you might catch yourself thinking, “That girl needs to lose some weight.” Challenge that thought, asking yourself why it’s your business. Then say something nice that you noticed, such as, “You have a beautiful smile!”
1-4. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Every person is a unique individual with different talents, skills, personalities, and life experiences. Additionally, people are shaped by their upbringing, including where they grew up, how they were treated, and their living conditions. As you get to know people, try to imagine yourself in a similar position. Even if you may not have made the same choices, accept that they have a right to make their own decisions.
For example, a person you consider to be too needy may have grown up without a supportive parent. Similarly, a person that you believe has not applied themselves enough academically may have prioritized earning money to help support their family.
1-5. Find common ground.
Whenever you find yourself tempted to judge someone who is different from you, look for commonalities rather than differences. We all have something in common because we’re all humans! This will help you see them in a positive light, rather than one clouded by judgment.
Casually mention a few topics until you find something that you can both talk about and be interested in. This will help you realize that people aren’t so different from you.
1-6. Be grateful
Appreciate the good things in your life, especially those that have helped you get to where you are in life. Celebrate your friends, family, health, opportunities, relationships, and how you grew up. Recognize that not everyone has had the same benefits that you have had, so judging them for living differently is unfair.
If you feel tempted to say something negative about someone, take a deep breath. Instead, wish them all of the luck you’ve had in life.
1-7. Show compassion.
Being compassionate is the opposite of being judgmental. Instead of judging people and thinking bad thoughts about them, try to empathize with a person and to really try to imagine what that person is thinking or feeling. It won't be easy to go from thinking bad things about people and wanting the best for them, but this transition is possible. Focus on wanting to give people what they need and to help them out instead of wanting the worst for them.
Compassion is also one key to happiness. If you want to be a more compassionate person, then you have to have positive feelings toward people and the world.
2. Broadening Your Horizons
2-1. Be curious.
Curiosity is a great tool for overcoming a judgemental attitude. When you would normally think judgemental thoughts, instead explore your curiosity about something you don’t understand. Let yourself see possibility instead of something wrong or different.
For example, you may see someone cut the line at the lunch counter. Instead of judging them to be a rude person, consider if they might have a pressing appointment or have a health issue.
2-2. Step out of your comfort zone.
Actively seek out new experiences that are different from the things you normally do. At first this may be scary, but it can also be a lot of fun! Invite a few friends to join you as you try new things. Here are some ways to step out of your comfort zone:
Use a different mode of transportation to get to work.
Try a cuisine that you’ve never sampled.
See a movie with subtitles.
Go to a religious service outside of your belief system.
Do something that scares you. Stand on top of a tall building, go mountain climbing, or eat raw fish.
2-3. Hang out with a diverse group of people.
Making an effort to hang out with people who are different from you in many ways can help open up your mind. Whether your friends are different because of their race, culture, religion, interests, class, ideas, hobbies, careers, or whatever else, being around people who come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of perspectives can help you have a better sense of all of the ideas that are out in the world.
You don't have to recruit friends of a variety of backgrounds, but you should make an effort to get to know more people who aren't exactly like you. You'll only grow from the experience.
Befriending someone you always thought you had nothing in common with can help you be more understanding and open-minded.
Let your friends know that you’re interested in attending events with them, if they’d like to invite you. Say, “It’s so cool that your family moved here from Japan. I’m really interested in Japanese culture, so I’d love it if you let me know when public events are happening.”
2-4. Attend an event that would normally not appeal to you.
Choose an activity that you would normally think was boring, stupid, or lame. Challenge yourself to go and participate. Try to learn something new! Doing this once will let you meet more different people, understand different perspectives, and will also make you more likely to do something that will open your mind in the future.
For example, attend a poetry reading, salsa dancing class, or political rally.
Talk to the other people there and try to get to know them. If you feel tempted to judge them, remember how you would feel if they were judging you, especially since you’re not normally a part of their scene.
2-5. Travel as much as you can.
Traveling can broaden your horizons and show you how other people live all over the world. If you don't have a big budget, you can travel to the next town or take a weekend trip to the next state. What's important is that you'll see that there are an infinite amount of ways to live your life and that no one person is right about what to say or do.
You can save money when traveling by staying in hostels.
Make a goal of traveling at least once a year. This will take you out of your comfort zone and will expose you to a variety of people.
You can also try armchair traveling. Pick up a travel book about a faraway location and immerse yourself. Take it further by watching a movie based in that location.
2-6. Spend a day with a friend's family.
This will help you see that other families operate in completely different ways from yours. Even if you do a lot of things the same, you likely have some differences. This is okay!
Ask your friend to include you in a special event, such as a cultural activity or religious service. However, don’t push them to include you if they aren’t comfortable doing so.
2-7. Learn something from every person you meet.
Every person you meet offers value for your life because they all come with lessons you can learn. Ask yourself what each person has to teach you, whether it’s knowledge, a skill, or a lesson about yourself.
For example, a person from another culture may be able to share knowledge about their practices with you. Similarly, a person who has a talent for art may be able to show you a new skill.
Pay it forward and share something from yourself as well. Be the first to open up and share.
2-8. Ask a lot of questions.
This will help you better understand people and where they’re coming from. It’ll also help you expand your understanding of different backgrounds, cultures, and practices.
If you want to get to know a person for real, then you have to learn more about where they're coming from. You might ask questions like these: Do you have siblings? Where are you from? What are you studying? How do you earn a living? What do you enjoy doing on the weekend?
Don’t press the person to answer your questions. However, showing an interest in them may make them want to open up.
3. Keeping an Open Mind
3-1. Stop your addiction to being right.
Every person has his own ideas about how the world should work, and many times, those ideas are in conflict. Whether or not you’re acting from an educated knowledge base, your values will still shape your viewpoint. Others are in a similar position, so accept that they may not agree with you.
The next time you engage in a debate, remember that the other person may also have a valid opinion.
Focus on sharing your perspective without trying to change people’s mind.
Remember that most situations are complicated and can't be judged on what is "right" and "wrong" -- there are many shades of gray.
3-2. Form your own opinions.
Set aside gossip and negative information that you hear about a person, culture, etc. Challenge assumptions before making a decision about a particular person or group. Don’t let yourself be swayed by falsehoods.
Keep in mind that people have their own motives for sharing gossip or negative opinions. For example, a person may talk bad about someone because of jealousy, or they may share concerns about a foreign concept out of fear.
Think about times that you’ve had gossip spread about you. Would you want people judging you based on this?
3-3. Don’t judge people based on their appearance.
While it’s true that people often dress in a way that expresses who they are, that doesn’t mean that their appearance can tell you all you need to know about a person. Similarly, there are people of all different types within different lifestyles.
For example, don’t assume that someone who has a lot of tattoos and piercings can’t also hold a professional job.
The next time you go out, study yourself in the mirror. What would people think of you based on your appearance on this one day? How would they be right or wrong?
3-4. Stop labeling people.
Labels don’t tell the whole story about a person. In fact, they limit your perspective on them. Try to see each person as an individual. Learn to see past a person's appearance or the people they hang out with, and focus on getting that person's individual story before you jump to conclusions.
For example, don’t refer to people as Goths, Nerds, Jocks, etc.
3-5. Withhold making judgments about people.
Let people tell you who they are, rather than assuming that you already know. You are only seeing a small side of each person you meet, and if they perceive you as being judgemental, that will be a very small slice. Let your perceptions about a person change as you get to know them better.
Accept people on their own terms.
Would it be fair for the person to judge you based on talking to you for five minutes? How much could the person really learn about you in such a short amount of time?
3-6. Give people another chance.
Sometimes people are going to rub you the wrong way, but don’t assume the worst about them. Chances are, you’ve also had days when you didn’t put your best foot forward. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and keep negative thoughts at bay.
For example, the person may have been having a bad day when you met. Similarly, shy people may at first seem distant or stuck-up.
3-7. Don’t gossip about other people.
Gossiping spreads ill will and makes people form judgments about one another without knowing the real story. Plus, if you develop a reputation as a gossip, people will like coming to you for juicy tidbits about other people, but they won't really be able to trust you.
The next time you open your mouth to say something negative about someone, flip it around and say something positive. Instead of saying, "Did you hear that Annie hooked up with Jason last night?" say, "Did you know that Annie is an amazing artist? You should see one of her paintings sometime!" Think about how much better you'll feel about spreading goodwill.
Tips
Remember that everyone is different, and that makes the world more interesting!
Warnings
Focus on living your own life, not on dictating someone else’s.
Being judgmental can really hurt someone's feelings, just as it would hurt your own.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Changing Your Perspective\\n1-1. Embrace positive thinking\\nA negative mindset can lead to judgemental thinking. Try to see the positive aspects in every situation, rather than the negatives. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, challenge them. Then, challenge yourself to pick out something positive.\\nYou can still be realistic while being positive. You don’t have to ignore negative aspects, just don’t focus exclusively on them.\\nIt’s okay to have bad days. Forgive yourself on days when you are feeling down and negative.\\nHaving a positive attitude can improve your life in many ways!\\n1-2. Separate people’s individual actions from their personality.\\nSometimes people will do things that you find abhorrent, such as stealing someone’s lunch money or cutting in a line. Although their actions may be wrong, it’s important not to judge them solely on one action. They likely have positive qualities that you haven’t seen yet.\\nConsider that their actions in that one moment may be driven by a circumstance you don’t understand. For example, they may have stolen the lunch money because they haven’t had a meal in 2 days.\\n1-3. Notice when you're judging.\\nNip judgments in the bud by identifying how and when you’re thinking about other people. When you catch yourself having critical thoughts about someone, ask yourself how you or they benefit from those thoughts. Then, offer a compliment instead.\\nFor example, you might catch yourself thinking, “That girl needs to lose some weight.” Challenge that thought, asking yourself why it’s your business. Then say something nice that you noticed, such as, “You have a beautiful smile!”\\n1-4. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.\\nEvery person is a unique individual with different talents, skills, personalities, and life experiences. Additionally, people are shaped by their upbringing, including where they grew up, how they were treated, and their living conditions. As you get to know people, try to imagine yourself in a similar position. Even if you may not have made the same choices, accept that they have a right to make their own decisions.\\nFor example, a person you consider to be too needy may have grown up without a supportive parent. Similarly, a person that you believe has not applied themselves enough academically may have prioritized earning money to help support their family.\\n1-5. Find common ground.\\nWhenever you find yourself tempted to judge someone who is different from you, look for commonalities rather than differences. We all have something in common because we’re all humans! This will help you see them in a positive light, rather than one clouded by judgment.\\nCasually mention a few topics until you find something that you can both talk about and be interested in. This will help you realize that people aren’t so different from you.\\n1-6. Be grateful\\nAppreciate the good things in your life, especially those that have helped you get to where you are in life. Celebrate your friends, family, health, opportunities, relationships, and how you grew up. Recognize that not everyone has had the same benefits that you have had, so judging them for living differently is unfair.\\nIf you feel tempted to say something negative about someone, take a deep breath. Instead, wish them all of the luck you’ve had in life.\\n1-7. Show compassion.\\nBeing compassionate is the opposite of being judgmental. Instead of judging people and thinking bad thoughts about them, try to empathize with a person and to really try to imagine what that person is thinking or feeling. It won't be easy to go from thinking bad things about people and wanting the best for them, but this transition is possible. Focus on wanting to give people what they need and to help them out instead of wanting the worst for them.\\nCompassion is also one key to happiness. If you want to be a more compassionate person, then you have to have positive feelings toward people and the world.\\n2. Broadening Your Horizons\\n2-1. Be curious.\\nCuriosity is a great tool for overcoming a judgemental attitude. When you would normally think judgemental thoughts, instead explore your curiosity about something you don’t understand. Let yourself see possibility instead of something wrong or different.\\nFor example, you may see someone cut the line at the lunch counter. Instead of judging them to be a rude person, consider if they might have a pressing appointment or have a health issue.\\n2-2. Step out of your comfort zone.\\nActively seek out new experiences that are different from the things you normally do. At first this may be scary, but it can also be a lot of fun! Invite a few friends to join you as you try new things. Here are some ways to step out of your comfort zone:\\nUse a different mode of transportation to get to work.\\nTry a cuisine that you’ve never sampled.\\nSee a movie with subtitles.\\nGo to a religious service outside of your belief system.\\nDo something that scares you. Stand on top of a tall building, go mountain climbing, or eat raw fish.\\n2-3. Hang out with a diverse group of people.\\nMaking an effort to hang out with people who are different from you in many ways can help open up your mind. Whether your friends are different because of their race, culture, religion, interests, class, ideas, hobbies, careers, or whatever else, being around people who come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of perspectives can help you have a better sense of all of the ideas that are out in the world.\\nYou don't have to recruit friends of a variety of backgrounds, but you should make an effort to get to know more people who aren't exactly like you. You'll only grow from the experience.\\nBefriending someone you always thought you had nothing in common with can help you be more understanding and open-minded.\\nLet your friends know that you’re interested in attending events with them, if they’d like to invite you. Say, “It’s so cool that your family moved here from Japan. I’m really interested in Japanese culture, so I’d love it if you let me know when public events are happening.”\\n2-4. Attend an event that would normally not appeal to you.\\nChoose an activity that you would normally think was boring, stupid, or lame. Challenge yourself to go and participate. Try to learn something new! Doing this once will let you meet more different people, understand different perspectives, and will also make you more likely to do something that will open your mind in the future.\\nFor example, attend a poetry reading, salsa dancing class, or political rally.\\nTalk to the other people there and try to get to know them. If you feel tempted to judge them, remember how you would feel if they were judging you, especially since you’re not normally a part of their scene.\\n2-5. Travel as much as you can.\\nTraveling can broaden your horizons and show you how other people live all over the world. If you don't have a big budget, you can travel to the next town or take a weekend trip to the next state. What's important is that you'll see that there are an infinite amount of ways to live your life and that no one person is right about what to say or do.\\nYou can save money when traveling by staying in hostels.\\nMake a goal of traveling at least once a year. This will take you out of your comfort zone and will expose you to a variety of people.\\nYou can also try armchair traveling. Pick up a travel book about a faraway location and immerse yourself. Take it further by watching a movie based in that location.\\n2-6. Spend a day with a friend's family.\\nThis will help you see that other families operate in completely different ways from yours. Even if you do a lot of things the same, you likely have some differences. This is okay!\\nAsk your friend to include you in a special event, such as a cultural activity or religious service. However, don’t push them to include you if they aren’t comfortable doing so.\\n2-7. Learn something from every person you meet.\\nEvery person you meet offers value for your life because they all come with lessons you can learn. Ask yourself what each person has to teach you, whether it’s knowledge, a skill, or a lesson about yourself.\\nFor example, a person from another culture may be able to share knowledge about their practices with you. Similarly, a person who has a talent for art may be able to show you a new skill.\\nPay it forward and share something from yourself as well. Be the first to open up and share.\\n2-8. Ask a lot of questions.\\nThis will help you better understand people and where they’re coming from. It’ll also help you expand your understanding of different backgrounds, cultures, and practices.\\nIf you want to get to know a person for real, then you have to learn more about where they're coming from. You might ask questions like these: Do you have siblings? Where are you from? What are you studying? How do you earn a living? What do you enjoy doing on the weekend?\\nDon’t press the person to answer your questions. However, showing an interest in them may make them want to open up.\\n3. Keeping an Open Mind\\n3-1. Stop your addiction to being right.\\nEvery person has his own ideas about how the world should work, and many times, those ideas are in conflict. Whether or not you’re acting from an educated knowledge base, your values will still shape your viewpoint. Others are in a similar position, so accept that they may not agree with you.\\nThe next time you engage in a debate, remember that the other person may also have a valid opinion.\\nFocus on sharing your perspective without trying to change people’s mind.\\nRemember that most situations are complicated and can't be judged on what is \\\"right\\\" and \\\"wrong\\\" -- there are many shades of gray.\\n3-2. Form your own opinions.\\nSet aside gossip and negative information that you hear about a person, culture, etc. Challenge assumptions before making a decision about a particular person or group. Don’t let yourself be swayed by falsehoods.\\nKeep in mind that people have their own motives for sharing gossip or negative opinions. For example, a person may talk bad about someone because of jealousy, or they may share concerns about a foreign concept out of fear.\\nThink about times that you’ve had gossip spread about you. Would you want people judging you based on this?\\n3-3. Don’t judge people based on their appearance.\\nWhile it’s true that people often dress in a way that expresses who they are, that doesn’t mean that their appearance can tell you all you need to know about a person. Similarly, there are people of all different types within different lifestyles.\\nFor example, don’t assume that someone who has a lot of tattoos and piercings can’t also hold a professional job.\\nThe next time you go out, study yourself in the mirror. What would people think of you based on your appearance on this one day? How would they be right or wrong?\\n3-4. Stop labeling people.\\nLabels don’t tell the whole story about a person. In fact, they limit your perspective on them. Try to see each person as an individual. Learn to see past a person's appearance or the people they hang out with, and focus on getting that person's individual story before you jump to conclusions.\\nFor example, don’t refer to people as Goths, Nerds, Jocks, etc.\\n3-5. Withhold making judgments about people.\\nLet people tell you who they are, rather than assuming that you already know. You are only seeing a small side of each person you meet, and if they perceive you as being judgemental, that will be a very small slice. Let your perceptions about a person change as you get to know them better.\\nAccept people on their own terms.\\nWould it be fair for the person to judge you based on talking to you for five minutes? How much could the person really learn about you in such a short amount of time?\\n3-6. Give people another chance.\\nSometimes people are going to rub you the wrong way, but don’t assume the worst about them. Chances are, you’ve also had days when you didn’t put your best foot forward. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and keep negative thoughts at bay.\\nFor example, the person may have been having a bad day when you met. Similarly, shy people may at first seem distant or stuck-up.\\n3-7. Don’t gossip about other people.\\nGossiping spreads ill will and makes people form judgments about one another without knowing the real story. Plus, if you develop a reputation as a gossip, people will like coming to you for juicy tidbits about other people, but they won't really be able to trust you.\\nThe next time you open your mouth to say something negative about someone, flip it around and say something positive. Instead of saying, \\\"Did you hear that Annie hooked up with Jason last night?\\\" say, \\\"Did you know that Annie is an amazing artist? You should see one of her paintings sometime!\\\" Think about how much better you'll feel about spreading goodwill.\\nTips\\nRemember that everyone is different, and that makes the world more interesting!\\nWarnings\\nFocus on living your own life, not on dictating someone else’s.\\nBeing judgmental can really hurt someone's feelings, just as it would hurt your own.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It’s easy to be judgemental without knowing you are. For example, you may think you know how everyone should look, think, and act. Oftentimes, thinking you have everything figured out can give you a sense of comfort; however, being judgemental can prevent you from making new friends and trying new things. Fortunately, you can learn to be less judgemental by changing your perspective, broadening your horizons, and keeping an open mind.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Perspective\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Embrace positive thinking\", \"描述\": \"A negative mindset can lead to judgemental thinking. Try to see the positive aspects in every situation, rather than the negatives. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, challenge them. Then, challenge yourself to pick out something positive.\\nYou can still be realistic while being positive. You don’t have to ignore negative aspects, just don’t focus exclusively on them.\\nIt’s okay to have bad days. Forgive yourself on days when you are feeling down and negative.\\nHaving a positive attitude can improve your life in many ways!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Separate people’s individual actions from their personality.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes people will do things that you find abhorrent, such as stealing someone’s lunch money or cutting in a line. Although their actions may be wrong, it’s important not to judge them solely on one action. They likely have positive qualities that you haven’t seen yet.\\nConsider that their actions in that one moment may be driven by a circumstance you don’t understand. For example, they may have stolen the lunch money because they haven’t had a meal in 2 days.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Notice when you're judging.\", \"描述\": \"Nip judgments in the bud by identifying how and when you’re thinking about other people. When you catch yourself having critical thoughts about someone, ask yourself how you or they benefit from those thoughts. Then, offer a compliment instead.\\nFor example, you might catch yourself thinking, “That girl needs to lose some weight.” Challenge that thought, asking yourself why it’s your business. Then say something nice that you noticed, such as, “You have a beautiful smile!”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.\", \"描述\": \"Every person is a unique individual with different talents, skills, personalities, and life experiences. Additionally, people are shaped by their upbringing, including where they grew up, how they were treated, and their living conditions. As you get to know people, try to imagine yourself in a similar position. Even if you may not have made the same choices, accept that they have a right to make their own decisions.\\nFor example, a person you consider to be too needy may have grown up without a supportive parent. Similarly, a person that you believe has not applied themselves enough academically may have prioritized earning money to help support their family.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find common ground.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you find yourself tempted to judge someone who is different from you, look for commonalities rather than differences. We all have something in common because we’re all humans! This will help you see them in a positive light, rather than one clouded by judgment.\\nCasually mention a few topics until you find something that you can both talk about and be interested in. This will help you realize that people aren’t so different from you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be grateful\", \"描述\": \"Appreciate the good things in your life, especially those that have helped you get to where you are in life. Celebrate your friends, family, health, opportunities, relationships, and how you grew up. Recognize that not everyone has had the same benefits that you have had, so judging them for living differently is unfair.\\nIf you feel tempted to say something negative about someone, take a deep breath. Instead, wish them all of the luck you’ve had in life.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Show compassion.\", \"描述\": \"Being compassionate is the opposite of being judgmental. Instead of judging people and thinking bad thoughts about them, try to empathize with a person and to really try to imagine what that person is thinking or feeling. It won't be easy to go from thinking bad things about people and wanting the best for them, but this transition is possible. Focus on wanting to give people what they need and to help them out instead of wanting the worst for them.\\nCompassion is also one key to happiness. If you want to be a more compassionate person, then you have to have positive feelings toward people and the world.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Broadening Your Horizons\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be curious.\", \"描述\": \"Curiosity is a great tool for overcoming a judgemental attitude. When you would normally think judgemental thoughts, instead explore your curiosity about something you don’t understand. Let yourself see possibility instead of something wrong or different.\\nFor example, you may see someone cut the line at the lunch counter. Instead of judging them to be a rude person, consider if they might have a pressing appointment or have a health issue.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Step out of your comfort zone.\", \"描述\": \"Actively seek out new experiences that are different from the things you normally do. At first this may be scary, but it can also be a lot of fun! Invite a few friends to join you as you try new things. Here are some ways to step out of your comfort zone:\\nUse a different mode of transportation to get to work.\\nTry a cuisine that you’ve never sampled.\\nSee a movie with subtitles.\\nGo to a religious service outside of your belief system.\\nDo something that scares you. Stand on top of a tall building, go mountain climbing, or eat raw fish.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Hang out with a diverse group of people.\", \"描述\": \"Making an effort to hang out with people who are different from you in many ways can help open up your mind. Whether your friends are different because of their race, culture, religion, interests, class, ideas, hobbies, careers, or whatever else, being around people who come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of perspectives can help you have a better sense of all of the ideas that are out in the world.\\nYou don't have to recruit friends of a variety of backgrounds, but you should make an effort to get to know more people who aren't exactly like you. You'll only grow from the experience.\\nBefriending someone you always thought you had nothing in common with can help you be more understanding and open-minded.\\nLet your friends know that you’re interested in attending events with them, if they’d like to invite you. Say, “It’s so cool that your family moved here from Japan. I’m really interested in Japanese culture, so I’d love it if you let me know when public events are happening.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Attend an event that would normally not appeal to you.\", \"描述\": \"Choose an activity that you would normally think was boring, stupid, or lame. Challenge yourself to go and participate. Try to learn something new! Doing this once will let you meet more different people, understand different perspectives, and will also make you more likely to do something that will open your mind in the future.\\nFor example, attend a poetry reading, salsa dancing class, or political rally.\\nTalk to the other people there and try to get to know them. If you feel tempted to judge them, remember how you would feel if they were judging you, especially since you’re not normally a part of their scene.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Travel as much as you can.\", \"描述\": \"Traveling can broaden your horizons and show you how other people live all over the world. If you don't have a big budget, you can travel to the next town or take a weekend trip to the next state. What's important is that you'll see that there are an infinite amount of ways to live your life and that no one person is right about what to say or do.\\nYou can save money when traveling by staying in hostels.\\nMake a goal of traveling at least once a year. This will take you out of your comfort zone and will expose you to a variety of people.\\nYou can also try armchair traveling. Pick up a travel book about a faraway location and immerse yourself. Take it further by watching a movie based in that location.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Spend a day with a friend's family.\", \"描述\": \"This will help you see that other families operate in completely different ways from yours. Even if you do a lot of things the same, you likely have some differences. This is okay!\\nAsk your friend to include you in a special event, such as a cultural activity or religious service. However, don’t push them to include you if they aren’t comfortable doing so.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Learn something from every person you meet.\", \"描述\": \"Every person you meet offers value for your life because they all come with lessons you can learn. Ask yourself what each person has to teach you, whether it’s knowledge, a skill, or a lesson about yourself.\\nFor example, a person from another culture may be able to share knowledge about their practices with you. Similarly, a person who has a talent for art may be able to show you a new skill.\\nPay it forward and share something from yourself as well. Be the first to open up and share.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Ask a lot of questions.\", \"描述\": \"This will help you better understand people and where they’re coming from. It’ll also help you expand your understanding of different backgrounds, cultures, and practices.\\nIf you want to get to know a person for real, then you have to learn more about where they're coming from. You might ask questions like these: Do you have siblings? Where are you from? What are you studying? How do you earn a living? What do you enjoy doing on the weekend?\\nDon’t press the person to answer your questions. However, showing an interest in them may make them want to open up.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keeping an Open Mind\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop your addiction to being right.\", \"描述\": \"Every person has his own ideas about how the world should work, and many times, those ideas are in conflict. Whether or not you’re acting from an educated knowledge base, your values will still shape your viewpoint. Others are in a similar position, so accept that they may not agree with you.\\nThe next time you engage in a debate, remember that the other person may also have a valid opinion.\\nFocus on sharing your perspective without trying to change people’s mind.\\nRemember that most situations are complicated and can't be judged on what is \\\"right\\\" and \\\"wrong\\\" -- there are many shades of gray.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Form your own opinions.\", \"描述\": \"Set aside gossip and negative information that you hear about a person, culture, etc. Challenge assumptions before making a decision about a particular person or group. Don’t let yourself be swayed by falsehoods.\\nKeep in mind that people have their own motives for sharing gossip or negative opinions. For example, a person may talk bad about someone because of jealousy, or they may share concerns about a foreign concept out of fear.\\nThink about times that you’ve had gossip spread about you. Would you want people judging you based on this?\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don’t judge people based on their appearance.\", \"描述\": \"While it’s true that people often dress in a way that expresses who they are, that doesn’t mean that their appearance can tell you all you need to know about a person. Similarly, there are people of all different types within different lifestyles.\\nFor example, don’t assume that someone who has a lot of tattoos and piercings can’t also hold a professional job.\\nThe next time you go out, study yourself in the mirror. What would people think of you based on your appearance on this one day? How would they be right or wrong?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stop labeling people.\", \"描述\": \"Labels don’t tell the whole story about a person. In fact, they limit your perspective on them. Try to see each person as an individual. Learn to see past a person's appearance or the people they hang out with, and focus on getting that person's individual story before you jump to conclusions.\\nFor example, don’t refer to people as Goths, Nerds, Jocks, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Withhold making judgments about people.\", \"描述\": \"Let people tell you who they are, rather than assuming that you already know. You are only seeing a small side of each person you meet, and if they perceive you as being judgemental, that will be a very small slice. Let your perceptions about a person change as you get to know them better.\\nAccept people on their own terms.\\nWould it be fair for the person to judge you based on talking to you for five minutes? How much could the person really learn about you in such a short amount of time?\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Give people another chance.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes people are going to rub you the wrong way, but don’t assume the worst about them. Chances are, you’ve also had days when you didn’t put your best foot forward. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and keep negative thoughts at bay.\\nFor example, the person may have been having a bad day when you met. Similarly, shy people may at first seem distant or stuck-up.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Don’t gossip about other people.\", \"描述\": \"Gossiping spreads ill will and makes people form judgments about one another without knowing the real story. Plus, if you develop a reputation as a gossip, people will like coming to you for juicy tidbits about other people, but they won't really be able to trust you.\\nThe next time you open your mouth to say something negative about someone, flip it around and say something positive. Instead of saying, \\\"Did you hear that Annie hooked up with Jason last night?\\\" say, \\\"Did you know that Annie is an amazing artist? You should see one of her paintings sometime!\\\" Think about how much better you'll feel about spreading goodwill.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Remember that everyone is different, and that makes the world more interesting!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Focus on living your own life, not on dictating someone else’s.\\n\", \"Being judgmental can really hurt someone's feelings, just as it would hurt your own.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,891 | How to Be Less Naive | 1. Opening Your Eyes to the World
1-1. Meet people from different backgrounds.
Sometimes, people are perceived as being naive because their worldview is narrow or they have only limited life experience. Getting out and interacting with people who live distinctively separate lives can be a learning experience that helps you understand the world with greater nuance.
You might be naive because you grew up well-off and are blind to those less fortunate than you. Having friends from different socioeconomic backgrounds can help you to appreciate how fortunate you are.
Individuals who grow up in small towns often are naive to urban lifestyles. Visiting a city and connecting with people who live there can empower you and bring you knowledge about worlds different than your own.
Friendships between people from different cultures helps you to develop empathy for all human beings and respect other cultures' beliefs and practices.
You could try joining a cultural club in your community or learning a foreign language. If you know people from other cultures and walks of life, ask them questions (politely, of course) about their customs, views, and experiences. You can only learn as much as you're willing to listen.
1-2. Engage in novel experiences.
Some naive people are that way because they were raised in very sheltered environments. Maybe your parents didn't allow you to go to parties or hang out with other kids your age, so you missed out on certain experiences.
Make up for lost time by doing all the exciting activities you can think of to change your perspective of the world and the people in it. Go skydiving, hike/camp through a national park, write a novel, or learn a new language.
Novel experiences stimulate new brain cell growth. So, not only are you expanding your behavioral repertoire and collecting stories to tell, but you're also benefiting brain health.
1-3. Go beyond your comfort zone.
When you have always done things a certain way, it can be challenging to suddenly change the direction of your sails. However, you will never know exactly how talented you are or what you are capable of if you don't break out of the box you've been in.
Don't settle for an ordinary life just because you're comfortable. Strive for the extraordinary in all your endeavors. You will become more knowledgeable about the world in the process.
Stepping out of your comfort zone may help you to reinvigorate your life and get in touch with a part of yourself that, up until now, lies dormant. Claiming more new and challenging opportunities results in greater productivity, enhanced creativity and satisfaction.
1-4. Travel more.
Whether it's to the next state over or around the globe, visiting new places makes the world smaller. You instantly shed your "green" skin and become more worldly with travel.
Naive individuals may have underdeveloped social skills, making them less likely to get out there. However, by traveling the world, you can acquire social skills and transform the way you view and interact with others locally and globally.
Solo travel, for example, boosts your natural instincts and challenges you so that when you return home, making new friends, eating alone in a restaurant, or seeing a movie on your own are all much easier. Flying solo also enhances your confidence and removes the focus of a companion, increasing your chances of meeting new people and participating in new experiences.
Just make sure you commit to being open to new experiences. "Culture shock" upon encountering a culture that's different to what you're used to is very real and may be even more significant if you're a fairly naive person. Accept that when you travel, you will encounter experiences and people who are very different and that you may even have times when your experiences make you uncomfortable. That's all part of learning about life in other places.
1-5. Volunteer.
Just as connecting with others from different backgrounds gives you a new perspective on life, so does helping out those in need. In addition, to helping you stomp out your inexperienced self, your efforts will also solve problems and improve communities.
Believe it or not, volunteering is even good for your health. It has positive effects on physical and mental health, including giving people an increased sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Consider what you have to offer. Many volunteering opportunities require no special skills, but if you're great with computers or a "people person," you may find opportunities that suit your skills and personality.
2. Being More Careful Socially
2-1. Be more alert.
Once you get out there more, you will realize that, no matter where you are, there are both good people and bad people. Be aware of the kind of people around you.
2-2. Determine if people are trustworthy.
Give people a chance to show you who they are before you put your trust in them. It's okay to enjoy people's company without letting them get too close too fast.
If you have a tendency to get too close too fast, bring someone along for initial meetings with new acquaintances so that you can get a second opinion before beginning new friendships or relationships.
If someone you've known for a long time suddenly does something hurtful to you, use your previous relationship with them to decide what to do. If they've otherwise been trustworthy and you think they're genuinely sorry, it might be worth giving them a second chance—or, you might decide the relationship is no longer sustainable.
2-3. Identify the signs of dishonesty.
Meeting someone new can be fresh and exciting, but you need to watch for certain indicators that a person may not have your best interests at heart.
Not all liars look away while telling a lie. The most experienced liars can hold eye contact even when being deceitful.
Fidgeting may be a sign of dishonesty, especially if it only occurs during specific incidents or stories rather than being a general habit.
Other body language that indicates dishonesty includes frequent throat clearing or swallowing, a hand near the base of the neck (such as toying with a necklace), leaning backward, or a lack of "emphatic gestures" such as pointing or head tilting. No one sign is proof that the person is lying, and many of these behaviors could just be a sign of nervousness. However, if you see several of them at once, it may be a sign of dishonesty.
Be wary of new people who are extremely interested in you. Individuals trying to learn too much about you too quickly are a red flag, particularly if they are concerned about your personal life, work, or financial situation. These people may have an underlying motivation to be friends with you.
2-4. Listen more, talk less.
Engage in surface-level conversations until you feel more comfortable with new acquaintances. Listen more to what the other person says rather than sharing so much about yourself. Plus, this kind of behavior with new friends can be a perk since most people enjoy talking about themselves and are often thrilled to have a willing listener.
Keep your secrets close to your vest. Naive people often trust strangers too quickly. Don't let anybody know about your personal life and business except for your family and a trusted best friend or partner. Avoid over-sharing.
Refrain from talking impulsively. If you are a person who rarely thinks before you speak, take action to avoid saying things you might regret. Pause and ponder your words before speaking.
2-5. Learn to read people.
What people say and what they feel deep inside are usually two different things. Words make up only 7 percent of our communication. 55 percent is body language and 30 percent is tone of voice.
Is your acquaintance leaning away from you versus toward you? This could reveal that this person does not like you.
Are your acquaintance's hands tucked under legs, in pockets, or behind the person's back? This could reveal that the person is not interested in the conversation or interaction.
Check for questionable body language. An open-arm posture facing you square on is indicative of someone who is comfortable with what's going on.
Is your acquaintance grinding teeth or pursing lips? These are indicators that the person may be feeling tension in the current situation.
If deep down, you think someone is fishy or dishonest, distance yourself from this person immediately. Learn to trust your instincts.
2-6. Recognize that you can't "fix" people.
Sometimes, people may be called naive if they believe that they can "fix" others by helping them, loving them, believing in them, etc. This is particularly common in romantic relationships. To become less naive, acknowledge that each person is responsible for his or her own behavior and actions.
For example, a common sign of an unhealthy romantic relationship is that a person believes that s/he can "love" the other person into giving up unhealthy behaviors or becoming a better person. While you can certainly support your partner, you can't "fix" someone by loving.
2-7. Have confidence in yourself.
Even if you are naive, you still have something unique to offer the world. In fact, naive people may take more risks and be more productive than more experienced people who are always second-guessing themselves. Learn to accept how you are naturally.
2-8. Give yourself time.
You will not change from being naive overnight. Allow yourself a period of time to adjust to being more discerning of those around you. Go on a sabbatical from starting any new relationships for a while until you feel more capable of judging the intentions of others.
Warnings
When in a new environment or meeting with a new acquaintance, always make someone aware of where you are by giving them an address or a way to reach you in case of emergency. Always meet new people in public places.
The downsides of oversharing go beyond in-person conversations. Be mindful of not sharing personal details on social media, as well.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Opening Your Eyes to the World\\n1-1. Meet people from different backgrounds.\\nSometimes, people are perceived as being naive because their worldview is narrow or they have only limited life experience. Getting out and interacting with people who live distinctively separate lives can be a learning experience that helps you understand the world with greater nuance.\\nYou might be naive because you grew up well-off and are blind to those less fortunate than you. Having friends from different socioeconomic backgrounds can help you to appreciate how fortunate you are.\\nIndividuals who grow up in small towns often are naive to urban lifestyles. Visiting a city and connecting with people who live there can empower you and bring you knowledge about worlds different than your own.\\nFriendships between people from different cultures helps you to develop empathy for all human beings and respect other cultures' beliefs and practices.\\nYou could try joining a cultural club in your community or learning a foreign language. If you know people from other cultures and walks of life, ask them questions (politely, of course) about their customs, views, and experiences. You can only learn as much as you're willing to listen.\\n1-2. Engage in novel experiences.\\nSome naive people are that way because they were raised in very sheltered environments. Maybe your parents didn't allow you to go to parties or hang out with other kids your age, so you missed out on certain experiences.\\nMake up for lost time by doing all the exciting activities you can think of to change your perspective of the world and the people in it. Go skydiving, hike/camp through a national park, write a novel, or learn a new language.\\nNovel experiences stimulate new brain cell growth. So, not only are you expanding your behavioral repertoire and collecting stories to tell, but you're also benefiting brain health.\\n1-3. Go beyond your comfort zone.\\nWhen you have always done things a certain way, it can be challenging to suddenly change the direction of your sails. However, you will never know exactly how talented you are or what you are capable of if you don't break out of the box you've been in.\\nDon't settle for an ordinary life just because you're comfortable. Strive for the extraordinary in all your endeavors. You will become more knowledgeable about the world in the process.\\nStepping out of your comfort zone may help you to reinvigorate your life and get in touch with a part of yourself that, up until now, lies dormant. Claiming more new and challenging opportunities results in greater productivity, enhanced creativity and satisfaction.\\n1-4. Travel more.\\nWhether it's to the next state over or around the globe, visiting new places makes the world smaller. You instantly shed your \\\"green\\\" skin and become more worldly with travel.\\nNaive individuals may have underdeveloped social skills, making them less likely to get out there. However, by traveling the world, you can acquire social skills and transform the way you view and interact with others locally and globally.\\nSolo travel, for example, boosts your natural instincts and challenges you so that when you return home, making new friends, eating alone in a restaurant, or seeing a movie on your own are all much easier. Flying solo also enhances your confidence and removes the focus of a companion, increasing your chances of meeting new people and participating in new experiences.\\nJust make sure you commit to being open to new experiences. \\\"Culture shock\\\" upon encountering a culture that's different to what you're used to is very real and may be even more significant if you're a fairly naive person. Accept that when you travel, you will encounter experiences and people who are very different and that you may even have times when your experiences make you uncomfortable. That's all part of learning about life in other places.\\n1-5. Volunteer.\\nJust as connecting with others from different backgrounds gives you a new perspective on life, so does helping out those in need. In addition, to helping you stomp out your inexperienced self, your efforts will also solve problems and improve communities.\\nBelieve it or not, volunteering is even good for your health. It has positive effects on physical and mental health, including giving people an increased sense of purpose and fulfillment.\\nConsider what you have to offer. Many volunteering opportunities require no special skills, but if you're great with computers or a \\\"people person,\\\" you may find opportunities that suit your skills and personality.\\n2. Being More Careful Socially\\n2-1. Be more alert.\\nOnce you get out there more, you will realize that, no matter where you are, there are both good people and bad people. Be aware of the kind of people around you.\\n2-2. Determine if people are trustworthy.\\nGive people a chance to show you who they are before you put your trust in them. It's okay to enjoy people's company without letting them get too close too fast.\\nIf you have a tendency to get too close too fast, bring someone along for initial meetings with new acquaintances so that you can get a second opinion before beginning new friendships or relationships.\\nIf someone you've known for a long time suddenly does something hurtful to you, use your previous relationship with them to decide what to do. If they've otherwise been trustworthy and you think they're genuinely sorry, it might be worth giving them a second chance—or, you might decide the relationship is no longer sustainable.\\n2-3. Identify the signs of dishonesty.\\nMeeting someone new can be fresh and exciting, but you need to watch for certain indicators that a person may not have your best interests at heart.\\nNot all liars look away while telling a lie. The most experienced liars can hold eye contact even when being deceitful.\\nFidgeting may be a sign of dishonesty, especially if it only occurs during specific incidents or stories rather than being a general habit.\\nOther body language that indicates dishonesty includes frequent throat clearing or swallowing, a hand near the base of the neck (such as toying with a necklace), leaning backward, or a lack of \\\"emphatic gestures\\\" such as pointing or head tilting. No one sign is proof that the person is lying, and many of these behaviors could just be a sign of nervousness. However, if you see several of them at once, it may be a sign of dishonesty.\\nBe wary of new people who are extremely interested in you. Individuals trying to learn too much about you too quickly are a red flag, particularly if they are concerned about your personal life, work, or financial situation. These people may have an underlying motivation to be friends with you.\\n2-4. Listen more, talk less.\\nEngage in surface-level conversations until you feel more comfortable with new acquaintances. Listen more to what the other person says rather than sharing so much about yourself. Plus, this kind of behavior with new friends can be a perk since most people enjoy talking about themselves and are often thrilled to have a willing listener.\\nKeep your secrets close to your vest. Naive people often trust strangers too quickly. Don't let anybody know about your personal life and business except for your family and a trusted best friend or partner. Avoid over-sharing.\\nRefrain from talking impulsively. If you are a person who rarely thinks before you speak, take action to avoid saying things you might regret. Pause and ponder your words before speaking.\\n2-5. Learn to read people.\\nWhat people say and what they feel deep inside are usually two different things. Words make up only 7 percent of our communication. 55 percent is body language and 30 percent is tone of voice.\\nIs your acquaintance leaning away from you versus toward you? This could reveal that this person does not like you.\\nAre your acquaintance's hands tucked under legs, in pockets, or behind the person's back? This could reveal that the person is not interested in the conversation or interaction.\\nCheck for questionable body language. An open-arm posture facing you square on is indicative of someone who is comfortable with what's going on.\\nIs your acquaintance grinding teeth or pursing lips? These are indicators that the person may be feeling tension in the current situation.\\nIf deep down, you think someone is fishy or dishonest, distance yourself from this person immediately. Learn to trust your instincts.\\n2-6. Recognize that you can't \\\"fix\\\" people.\\nSometimes, people may be called naive if they believe that they can \\\"fix\\\" others by helping them, loving them, believing in them, etc. This is particularly common in romantic relationships. To become less naive, acknowledge that each person is responsible for his or her own behavior and actions.\\nFor example, a common sign of an unhealthy romantic relationship is that a person believes that s/he can \\\"love\\\" the other person into giving up unhealthy behaviors or becoming a better person. While you can certainly support your partner, you can't \\\"fix\\\" someone by loving.\\n2-7. Have confidence in yourself.\\nEven if you are naive, you still have something unique to offer the world. In fact, naive people may take more risks and be more productive than more experienced people who are always second-guessing themselves. Learn to accept how you are naturally.\\n2-8. Give yourself time.\\nYou will not change from being naive overnight. Allow yourself a period of time to adjust to being more discerning of those around you. Go on a sabbatical from starting any new relationships for a while until you feel more capable of judging the intentions of others.\\nWarnings\\nWhen in a new environment or meeting with a new acquaintance, always make someone aware of where you are by giving them an address or a way to reach you in case of emergency. Always meet new people in public places.\\nThe downsides of oversharing go beyond in-person conversations. Be mindful of not sharing personal details on social media, as well.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Someone might call you \\\"naive\\\" if you are overly trusting or lack experience in the world. Naive people are often so trusting of others around them that their natural innocence results in them getting cheated or hurt. Naiveté isn't always a bad thing; it may help you be more optimistic and entrepreneurial. Nevertheless, if you want to be less naive, you'll want to open yourself up more to experiences, instead of shying away from them. You also want to take certain precautions in social situations.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Opening Your Eyes to the World\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Meet people from different backgrounds.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, people are perceived as being naive because their worldview is narrow or they have only limited life experience. Getting out and interacting with people who live distinctively separate lives can be a learning experience that helps you understand the world with greater nuance.\\nYou might be naive because you grew up well-off and are blind to those less fortunate than you. Having friends from different socioeconomic backgrounds can help you to appreciate how fortunate you are.\\nIndividuals who grow up in small towns often are naive to urban lifestyles. Visiting a city and connecting with people who live there can empower you and bring you knowledge about worlds different than your own.\\nFriendships between people from different cultures helps you to develop empathy for all human beings and respect other cultures' beliefs and practices.\\nYou could try joining a cultural club in your community or learning a foreign language. If you know people from other cultures and walks of life, ask them questions (politely, of course) about their customs, views, and experiences. You can only learn as much as you're willing to listen.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engage in novel experiences.\", \"描述\": \"Some naive people are that way because they were raised in very sheltered environments. Maybe your parents didn't allow you to go to parties or hang out with other kids your age, so you missed out on certain experiences.\\nMake up for lost time by doing all the exciting activities you can think of to change your perspective of the world and the people in it. Go skydiving, hike/camp through a national park, write a novel, or learn a new language.\\nNovel experiences stimulate new brain cell growth. So, not only are you expanding your behavioral repertoire and collecting stories to tell, but you're also benefiting brain health.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Go beyond your comfort zone.\", \"描述\": \"When you have always done things a certain way, it can be challenging to suddenly change the direction of your sails. However, you will never know exactly how talented you are or what you are capable of if you don't break out of the box you've been in.\\nDon't settle for an ordinary life just because you're comfortable. Strive for the extraordinary in all your endeavors. You will become more knowledgeable about the world in the process.\\nStepping out of your comfort zone may help you to reinvigorate your life and get in touch with a part of yourself that, up until now, lies dormant. Claiming more new and challenging opportunities results in greater productivity, enhanced creativity and satisfaction.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Travel more.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it's to the next state over or around the globe, visiting new places makes the world smaller. You instantly shed your \\\"green\\\" skin and become more worldly with travel.\\nNaive individuals may have underdeveloped social skills, making them less likely to get out there. However, by traveling the world, you can acquire social skills and transform the way you view and interact with others locally and globally.\\nSolo travel, for example, boosts your natural instincts and challenges you so that when you return home, making new friends, eating alone in a restaurant, or seeing a movie on your own are all much easier. Flying solo also enhances your confidence and removes the focus of a companion, increasing your chances of meeting new people and participating in new experiences.\\nJust make sure you commit to being open to new experiences. \\\"Culture shock\\\" upon encountering a culture that's different to what you're used to is very real and may be even more significant if you're a fairly naive person. Accept that when you travel, you will encounter experiences and people who are very different and that you may even have times when your experiences make you uncomfortable. That's all part of learning about life in other places.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Just as connecting with others from different backgrounds gives you a new perspective on life, so does helping out those in need. In addition, to helping you stomp out your inexperienced self, your efforts will also solve problems and improve communities.\\nBelieve it or not, volunteering is even good for your health. It has positive effects on physical and mental health, including giving people an increased sense of purpose and fulfillment.\\nConsider what you have to offer. Many volunteering opportunities require no special skills, but if you're great with computers or a \\\"people person,\\\" you may find opportunities that suit your skills and personality.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being More Careful Socially\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be more alert.\", \"描述\": \"Once you get out there more, you will realize that, no matter where you are, there are both good people and bad people. Be aware of the kind of people around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Determine if people are trustworthy.\", \"描述\": \"Give people a chance to show you who they are before you put your trust in them. It's okay to enjoy people's company without letting them get too close too fast.\\nIf you have a tendency to get too close too fast, bring someone along for initial meetings with new acquaintances so that you can get a second opinion before beginning new friendships or relationships.\\nIf someone you've known for a long time suddenly does something hurtful to you, use your previous relationship with them to decide what to do. If they've otherwise been trustworthy and you think they're genuinely sorry, it might be worth giving them a second chance—or, you might decide the relationship is no longer sustainable.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Identify the signs of dishonesty.\", \"描述\": \"Meeting someone new can be fresh and exciting, but you need to watch for certain indicators that a person may not have your best interests at heart.\\nNot all liars look away while telling a lie. The most experienced liars can hold eye contact even when being deceitful.\\nFidgeting may be a sign of dishonesty, especially if it only occurs during specific incidents or stories rather than being a general habit.\\nOther body language that indicates dishonesty includes frequent throat clearing or swallowing, a hand near the base of the neck (such as toying with a necklace), leaning backward, or a lack of \\\"emphatic gestures\\\" such as pointing or head tilting. No one sign is proof that the person is lying, and many of these behaviors could just be a sign of nervousness. However, if you see several of them at once, it may be a sign of dishonesty.\\nBe wary of new people who are extremely interested in you. Individuals trying to learn too much about you too quickly are a red flag, particularly if they are concerned about your personal life, work, or financial situation. These people may have an underlying motivation to be friends with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen more, talk less.\", \"描述\": \"Engage in surface-level conversations until you feel more comfortable with new acquaintances. Listen more to what the other person says rather than sharing so much about yourself. Plus, this kind of behavior with new friends can be a perk since most people enjoy talking about themselves and are often thrilled to have a willing listener.\\nKeep your secrets close to your vest. Naive people often trust strangers too quickly. Don't let anybody know about your personal life and business except for your family and a trusted best friend or partner. Avoid over-sharing.\\nRefrain from talking impulsively. If you are a person who rarely thinks before you speak, take action to avoid saying things you might regret. Pause and ponder your words before speaking.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn to read people.\", \"描述\": \"What people say and what they feel deep inside are usually two different things. Words make up only 7 percent of our communication. 55 percent is body language and 30 percent is tone of voice.\\nIs your acquaintance leaning away from you versus toward you? This could reveal that this person does not like you.\\nAre your acquaintance's hands tucked under legs, in pockets, or behind the person's back? This could reveal that the person is not interested in the conversation or interaction.\\nCheck for questionable body language. An open-arm posture facing you square on is indicative of someone who is comfortable with what's going on.\\nIs your acquaintance grinding teeth or pursing lips? These are indicators that the person may be feeling tension in the current situation.\\nIf deep down, you think someone is fishy or dishonest, distance yourself from this person immediately. Learn to trust your instincts.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Recognize that you can't \\\"fix\\\" people.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, people may be called naive if they believe that they can \\\"fix\\\" others by helping them, loving them, believing in them, etc. This is particularly common in romantic relationships. To become less naive, acknowledge that each person is responsible for his or her own behavior and actions.\\nFor example, a common sign of an unhealthy romantic relationship is that a person believes that s/he can \\\"love\\\" the other person into giving up unhealthy behaviors or becoming a better person. While you can certainly support your partner, you can't \\\"fix\\\" someone by loving.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Have confidence in yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you are naive, you still have something unique to offer the world. In fact, naive people may take more risks and be more productive than more experienced people who are always second-guessing themselves. Learn to accept how you are naturally.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Give yourself time.\", \"描述\": \"You will not change from being naive overnight. Allow yourself a period of time to adjust to being more discerning of those around you. Go on a sabbatical from starting any new relationships for a while until you feel more capable of judging the intentions of others.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"When in a new environment or meeting with a new acquaintance, always make someone aware of where you are by giving them an address or a way to reach you in case of emergency. Always meet new people in public places.\\n\", \"The downsides of oversharing go beyond in-person conversations. Be mindful of not sharing personal details on social media, as well.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,892 | How to Be Less Needy with Your Spouse | 1. Taking Steps to Become Less Needy
1-1. Build self-worth.
Perhaps the most important step in becoming less needy with your spouse is becoming more confident in yourself. In practicing these exercises, you may realize that although you love your spouse, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, and that it’s natural to want to do things on your own.
When you rely on other people for your self-worth, you create this unfortunate sense of codependency towards other people. This can develop into a toxic trait of not feeling fulfilled, especially when you have to depend on someone else for your own level of happiness.
Work on self-love to boost your self-confidence. Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of. For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook. You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community. In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes.
Tell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable. If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist.
Other ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things. When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth.
1-2. Pursue your own interests or hobbies.
Developing your own life outside of your spouse’s is another way to gain your independence. A hallmark of a healthy relationship is both partners being able to have both separate and mutual interests. Due to your clinginess, you probably already join in on many of your spouse’s activities. So, now you need to consider what you like doing and cultivate some hobbies of your own.
Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt.
You may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse.
Remember—you are an individual with your own individual life. There are plenty of aspects of your routine that your spouse won't be involved with.
1-3. Allow your spouse to spend time alone.
The truth is, everyone needs a little alone time. This doesn’t mean that they don’t necessarily want to spend time with you; rather, they just want to spend some time with themselves. Give your spouse the space and trust they need to be happy and your relationship will likely benefit as a result.
It may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship. This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse. Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall.
1-4. Match your partner’s level of affection.
When you think about it, most people give out the amount of affection they are comfortable with receiving. If your partner isn’t very affectionate, but you are constantly giving hugs and kisses and demanding it in return, you may start to make them uncomfortable. Instead, mirror their level of affection and attention.
For example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount. Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move. Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end.
1-5. Seek professional therapy.
Clinginess in relationships is often a hallmark of codependency, an unhealthy and one-sided relational dynamic. If you are unable to overcome your neediness, it may help to see a mental health therapist.
A therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills. You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online
2. Working to Stop Neediness
2-1. Get honest with yourself.
Those who are clingy often feel insecure, jealous, and lonely. When it comes down to it, these emotions can make the needy person feel simply awful and ultimately, unhappy with the relationship. When they are unhappy, they tend to project this onto their partner. This may cause the more secure partner to leave because they are tired of the way their spouse is treating them.
Ask your spouse if they think you tend to exhibit these behaviors towards them. For instance, you could say, “Do you think I act jealous or insecure about our relationship? If so, how does that make you feel and why do you think I behave the way I do?”
Opening up the lines of communication with your spouse helps them to understand that you believe you may have a problem and value their opinion regarding it. You can also work together to brainstorm solutions.
2-2. Find ways to stop “suffocating” your partner.
In new relationships, it is common for those involved to want to be around each other all of the time. After a while, though, it is natural for that initial spark to begin to fade and those in the relationship start to become more independent.
If one spouse begins that normal tendency while the other continues to want to spend lots of time together, the other may begin to feel “suffocated.”
You can overcome this dynamic by spending more time apart. You might say to your partner, "I think I have been suffocating you, and I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I think it will be healthy if we start spending more time with friends or family to give each other some space."
If being apart from your partner frightens you, fill your social calendar. Schedule gatherings with friends. Pursue your education or complete goals that have been left unfinished. Take up a new hobby or skill.
2-3. Show your spouse that you trust them.
When needy spouses are constantly checking in with their spouses, forbidding them to go anywhere without them, or berate them with questions when they come home, the more secure spouse may think the clingy spouse doesn’t trust them.
Overcome the trust issues associated with neediness by using language that demonstrates faith in your partner and the relationship. When your partner goes out with friends, say "Be careful, sweetie. Have a good time." rather than berating them about calling you every hour on the hour.
Trusting your partner to be away from you and still uphold the values of your relationship is important. Avoid texting or calling them nonstop when you are apart. Don't check their call logs or emails.
3. Understanding Why You Are Needy
3-1. Look at your childhood.
When people grow up feeling unloved, they often look for the affection and acceptance they didn’t get during their childhood, from their spouses. If the affection isn’t met, they often believe that the other person doesn’t care about them. Even if it’s something as small as not answering the phone right away, the needy person often becomes paranoid about the relationship and becomes even more clingy.
If you have siblings or other loved ones who experienced the same type of childhood you did, look at how they behave in relationships. If they are also clingy with their spouses or significant others, you likely are the way you are because your emotional and physical needs were not met as a child.
3-2. Determine your self-worth.
Needy people tend to have low self-esteem, just as secure people are typically very self-confident. Often, those who are clingy with their spouses are because they are trying to validate themselves. When they don’t receive the love and affection they seek, they often feel even worse about themselves and become even more clingy.
It’s normal to feel good when your spouse shows affection or tells you they love you. However, if you become crushed or think bad about yourself when they give you less than what you want, it could be because you don’t have enough self-worth.
It's really important to have your own sense of self-worth, rather than expecting other people to make you fulfilled and happy.
3-3. Look at your past relationships.
A common trait among those who are clingy in marriages is that they have had failed relationships in the past. Perhaps they were cheated on or were treated poorly. As a result, they become desperate for the love and affection they didn’t receive in the other relationships.
If a person doesn’t have high self-esteem or didn’t have a loving childhood and are needy with significant others, their clinginess could be the reason why their relationships failed. Then in the next relationship, they display the same type of behavior, and may fail in that relationship, as well. Until the problem is resolved, the person may continue to experience the same types of situations.
For example, if someone was cheated on in the past, they might become extra controlling with their current spouse as a result of that experience.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Taking Steps to Become Less Needy\\n1-1. Build self-worth.\\nPerhaps the most important step in becoming less needy with your spouse is becoming more confident in yourself. In practicing these exercises, you may realize that although you love your spouse, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, and that it’s natural to want to do things on your own. \\nWhen you rely on other people for your self-worth, you create this unfortunate sense of codependency towards other people. This can develop into a toxic trait of not feeling fulfilled, especially when you have to depend on someone else for your own level of happiness.\\nWork on self-love to boost your self-confidence. Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of. For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook. You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community. In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes.\\nTell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable. If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist.\\nOther ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things. When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth.\\n1-2. Pursue your own interests or hobbies.\\nDeveloping your own life outside of your spouse’s is another way to gain your independence. A hallmark of a healthy relationship is both partners being able to have both separate and mutual interests. Due to your clinginess, you probably already join in on many of your spouse’s activities. So, now you need to consider what you like doing and cultivate some hobbies of your own. \\nDo not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt.\\nYou may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse.\\nRemember—you are an individual with your own individual life. There are plenty of aspects of your routine that your spouse won't be involved with.\\n1-3. Allow your spouse to spend time alone.\\nThe truth is, everyone needs a little alone time. This doesn’t mean that they don’t necessarily want to spend time with you; rather, they just want to spend some time with themselves. Give your spouse the space and trust they need to be happy and your relationship will likely benefit as a result. \\nIt may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship. This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse. Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall.\\n1-4. Match your partner’s level of affection.\\nWhen you think about it, most people give out the amount of affection they are comfortable with receiving. If your partner isn’t very affectionate, but you are constantly giving hugs and kisses and demanding it in return, you may start to make them uncomfortable. Instead, mirror their level of affection and attention.\\nFor example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount. Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move. Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end.\\n1-5. Seek professional therapy.\\nClinginess in relationships is often a hallmark of codependency, an unhealthy and one-sided relational dynamic. If you are unable to overcome your neediness, it may help to see a mental health therapist.\\nA therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills. You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online\\n2. Working to Stop Neediness\\n2-1. Get honest with yourself.\\nThose who are clingy often feel insecure, jealous, and lonely. When it comes down to it, these emotions can make the needy person feel simply awful and ultimately, unhappy with the relationship. When they are unhappy, they tend to project this onto their partner. This may cause the more secure partner to leave because they are tired of the way their spouse is treating them. \\nAsk your spouse if they think you tend to exhibit these behaviors towards them. For instance, you could say, “Do you think I act jealous or insecure about our relationship? If so, how does that make you feel and why do you think I behave the way I do?”\\nOpening up the lines of communication with your spouse helps them to understand that you believe you may have a problem and value their opinion regarding it. You can also work together to brainstorm solutions.\\n2-2. Find ways to stop “suffocating” your partner.\\nIn new relationships, it is common for those involved to want to be around each other all of the time. After a while, though, it is natural for that initial spark to begin to fade and those in the relationship start to become more independent.\\nIf one spouse begins that normal tendency while the other continues to want to spend lots of time together, the other may begin to feel “suffocated.”\\nYou can overcome this dynamic by spending more time apart. You might say to your partner, \\\"I think I have been suffocating you, and I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I think it will be healthy if we start spending more time with friends or family to give each other some space.\\\"\\nIf being apart from your partner frightens you, fill your social calendar. Schedule gatherings with friends. Pursue your education or complete goals that have been left unfinished. Take up a new hobby or skill.\\n2-3. Show your spouse that you trust them.\\nWhen needy spouses are constantly checking in with their spouses, forbidding them to go anywhere without them, or berate them with questions when they come home, the more secure spouse may think the clingy spouse doesn’t trust them.\\nOvercome the trust issues associated with neediness by using language that demonstrates faith in your partner and the relationship. When your partner goes out with friends, say \\\"Be careful, sweetie. Have a good time.\\\" rather than berating them about calling you every hour on the hour.\\nTrusting your partner to be away from you and still uphold the values of your relationship is important. Avoid texting or calling them nonstop when you are apart. Don't check their call logs or emails.\\n3. Understanding Why You Are Needy\\n3-1. Look at your childhood.\\nWhen people grow up feeling unloved, they often look for the affection and acceptance they didn’t get during their childhood, from their spouses. If the affection isn’t met, they often believe that the other person doesn’t care about them. Even if it’s something as small as not answering the phone right away, the needy person often becomes paranoid about the relationship and becomes even more clingy. \\nIf you have siblings or other loved ones who experienced the same type of childhood you did, look at how they behave in relationships. If they are also clingy with their spouses or significant others, you likely are the way you are because your emotional and physical needs were not met as a child.\\n3-2. Determine your self-worth.\\nNeedy people tend to have low self-esteem, just as secure people are typically very self-confident. Often, those who are clingy with their spouses are because they are trying to validate themselves. When they don’t receive the love and affection they seek, they often feel even worse about themselves and become even more clingy. \\nIt’s normal to feel good when your spouse shows affection or tells you they love you. However, if you become crushed or think bad about yourself when they give you less than what you want, it could be because you don’t have enough self-worth.\\nIt's really important to have your own sense of self-worth, rather than expecting other people to make you fulfilled and happy.\\n3-3. Look at your past relationships.\\nA common trait among those who are clingy in marriages is that they have had failed relationships in the past. Perhaps they were cheated on or were treated poorly. As a result, they become desperate for the love and affection they didn’t receive in the other relationships. \\nIf a person doesn’t have high self-esteem or didn’t have a loving childhood and are needy with significant others, their clinginess could be the reason why their relationships failed. Then in the next relationship, they display the same type of behavior, and may fail in that relationship, as well. Until the problem is resolved, the person may continue to experience the same types of situations.\\nFor example, if someone was cheated on in the past, they might become extra controlling with their current spouse as a result of that experience.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Most married couples would agree that marriage isn’t easy. In fact, it may be one of the most challenging tasks a person can take on. This is particularly true when one spouse is needy, while the other is more secure. Being too clingy may seem like a good thing, unless you are the recipient and are uncomfortable with your spouse’s behavior. Fortunately, a needy spouse may be able to change their ways by understanding why they are needy, realizing how their behavior may sabotage the relationship, and taking steps to become less needy.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Taking Steps to Become Less Needy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Build self-worth.\", \"描述\": \"Perhaps the most important step in becoming less needy with your spouse is becoming more confident in yourself. In practicing these exercises, you may realize that although you love your spouse, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, and that it’s natural to want to do things on your own. \\nWhen you rely on other people for your self-worth, you create this unfortunate sense of codependency towards other people. This can develop into a toxic trait of not feeling fulfilled, especially when you have to depend on someone else for your own level of happiness.\\nWork on self-love to boost your self-confidence. Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of. For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook. You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community. In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes.\\nTell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable. If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist.\\nOther ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things. When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pursue your own interests or hobbies.\", \"描述\": \"Developing your own life outside of your spouse’s is another way to gain your independence. A hallmark of a healthy relationship is both partners being able to have both separate and mutual interests. Due to your clinginess, you probably already join in on many of your spouse’s activities. So, now you need to consider what you like doing and cultivate some hobbies of your own. \\nDo not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt.\\nYou may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse.\\nRemember—you are an individual with your own individual life. There are plenty of aspects of your routine that your spouse won't be involved with.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Allow your spouse to spend time alone.\", \"描述\": \"The truth is, everyone needs a little alone time. This doesn’t mean that they don’t necessarily want to spend time with you; rather, they just want to spend some time with themselves. Give your spouse the space and trust they need to be happy and your relationship will likely benefit as a result. \\nIt may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship. This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse. Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Match your partner’s level of affection.\", \"描述\": \"When you think about it, most people give out the amount of affection they are comfortable with receiving. If your partner isn’t very affectionate, but you are constantly giving hugs and kisses and demanding it in return, you may start to make them uncomfortable. Instead, mirror their level of affection and attention.\\nFor example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount. Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move. Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Seek professional therapy.\", \"描述\": \"Clinginess in relationships is often a hallmark of codependency, an unhealthy and one-sided relational dynamic. If you are unable to overcome your neediness, it may help to see a mental health therapist.\\nA therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills. You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Working to Stop Neediness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get honest with yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Those who are clingy often feel insecure, jealous, and lonely. When it comes down to it, these emotions can make the needy person feel simply awful and ultimately, unhappy with the relationship. When they are unhappy, they tend to project this onto their partner. This may cause the more secure partner to leave because they are tired of the way their spouse is treating them. \\nAsk your spouse if they think you tend to exhibit these behaviors towards them. For instance, you could say, “Do you think I act jealous or insecure about our relationship? If so, how does that make you feel and why do you think I behave the way I do?”\\nOpening up the lines of communication with your spouse helps them to understand that you believe you may have a problem and value their opinion regarding it. You can also work together to brainstorm solutions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find ways to stop “suffocating” your partner.\", \"描述\": \"In new relationships, it is common for those involved to want to be around each other all of the time. After a while, though, it is natural for that initial spark to begin to fade and those in the relationship start to become more independent.\\nIf one spouse begins that normal tendency while the other continues to want to spend lots of time together, the other may begin to feel “suffocated.”\\nYou can overcome this dynamic by spending more time apart. You might say to your partner, \\\"I think I have been suffocating you, and I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I think it will be healthy if we start spending more time with friends or family to give each other some space.\\\"\\nIf being apart from your partner frightens you, fill your social calendar. Schedule gatherings with friends. Pursue your education or complete goals that have been left unfinished. Take up a new hobby or skill.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show your spouse that you trust them.\", \"描述\": \"When needy spouses are constantly checking in with their spouses, forbidding them to go anywhere without them, or berate them with questions when they come home, the more secure spouse may think the clingy spouse doesn’t trust them.\\nOvercome the trust issues associated with neediness by using language that demonstrates faith in your partner and the relationship. When your partner goes out with friends, say \\\"Be careful, sweetie. Have a good time.\\\" rather than berating them about calling you every hour on the hour.\\nTrusting your partner to be away from you and still uphold the values of your relationship is important. Avoid texting or calling them nonstop when you are apart. Don't check their call logs or emails.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Understanding Why You Are Needy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look at your childhood.\", \"描述\": \"When people grow up feeling unloved, they often look for the affection and acceptance they didn’t get during their childhood, from their spouses. If the affection isn’t met, they often believe that the other person doesn’t care about them. Even if it’s something as small as not answering the phone right away, the needy person often becomes paranoid about the relationship and becomes even more clingy. \\nIf you have siblings or other loved ones who experienced the same type of childhood you did, look at how they behave in relationships. If they are also clingy with their spouses or significant others, you likely are the way you are because your emotional and physical needs were not met as a child.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Determine your self-worth.\", \"描述\": \"Needy people tend to have low self-esteem, just as secure people are typically very self-confident. Often, those who are clingy with their spouses are because they are trying to validate themselves. When they don’t receive the love and affection they seek, they often feel even worse about themselves and become even more clingy. \\nIt’s normal to feel good when your spouse shows affection or tells you they love you. However, if you become crushed or think bad about yourself when they give you less than what you want, it could be because you don’t have enough self-worth.\\nIt's really important to have your own sense of self-worth, rather than expecting other people to make you fulfilled and happy.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Look at your past relationships.\", \"描述\": \"A common trait among those who are clingy in marriages is that they have had failed relationships in the past. Perhaps they were cheated on or were treated poorly. As a result, they become desperate for the love and affection they didn’t receive in the other relationships. \\nIf a person doesn’t have high self-esteem or didn’t have a loving childhood and are needy with significant others, their clinginess could be the reason why their relationships failed. Then in the next relationship, they display the same type of behavior, and may fail in that relationship, as well. Until the problem is resolved, the person may continue to experience the same types of situations.\\nFor example, if someone was cheated on in the past, they might become extra controlling with their current spouse as a result of that experience.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,893 | How to Be Less Perverted | 1. Confronting Thoughts and Emotions
1-1. Think about how your sexual thoughts affect your life.
You may spend hours each day obsessing over certain videos or fantasize about sex in a way that takes away from you living your life. How much is your perversion preventing you from living a productive or happy life? Do people get hurt? How are these thoughts and behaviors causing problems?
Reflect on how your thoughts and actions affect your day-to-day life and how your life would change if they were to disappear. Would you free up more time? Would you feel better about yourself? Would other people think differently of you?
Keep in mind that sexual thoughts are natural and not evil. If you have heard that thinking about sex makes you an evil person or that you will be punished because if these thoughts, keep in mind that everyone has these thoughts and they are natural. Especially during your teen years, you will have a wide range of sexual thoughts that are a normal part of exploring your sexuality.
1-2. Understand healthy sexuality more fully.
Healthy sexuality can be difficult to understand. For instance, some people enjoy engaging in casual sex while to others this practice would be horrifying; some people enjoy masturbation while others are embarrassed or refuse to masturbate. Defining healthy sexuality means doing what feels healthy for you in a way that enriches your life. It means feeling sexually fulfilled and happy without having residual feelings of shame or hatred toward yourself.
Keep in mind that by nature, humans are sexual beings and it is okay and completely normal to have sexual desires and feelings.
1-3. Define your own healthy sexuality.
While you are trying to lessen your perceived perverted thoughts, it’s important to also decide what you do consider healthy. Don’t focus on removing all sexuality from your life. Instead, focus on creating a healthy sexual atmosphere for yourself, in your body and within your mind. Remember that it is not realistic to hold yourself to a standard of not having any sexual thoughts or desires. You do, however, have control over your behaviors.
Write a list of what you believe healthy sexuality is to you. Focus on defining healthy thoughts and actions, how you engage with other people in a sexual way, and how you feel about about yourself afterward.
Think about the things that make you feel good versus the things that make you feel bad. What is the difference between these two things?
1-4. Confront shame.
Shame often functions from the belief that “Because of this behavior, I am bad.” If you feel you are perverted, it is likely you experience some shame related to this belief. Feeling shame toward yourself can lead to feelings of lower self-esteem. Confront the shame and recognize it does not play a positive role in your life.
Recognize when you feel ashamed. Is it after masturbating or after viewing pornography? Is it after having sexual thoughts? Notice what evokes shame. Then, decide what needs to leave, the action or the shame. Decide how you feel about the action, whether you would feel better stopping the action, or if you need to work through that action without a shame response.
Where does the shame stem from? Is this a belief that was passed down in your family? Does it relate to deeply held religious beliefs? Understanding the source of the shame can help you work through it.
If working through feelings of shame you wish to let go, say to yourself, “I am able to love and express my sexuality in a way that is healthy and pleasurable to me. It's not shameful to express my sexuality.”
1-5. Confront guilt.
Guilt can be a healthy emotion when recognized for the role it can play in shaping behavior. For instance, if you feel remorse for an action, guilt may accompany this, and lead you to choose a different decision the next time you are faced with a similar situation.
If you have guilt about your sexual thoughts or feelings, treat it as a guidepost and pay attention to it. Try and spend some time understanding the guilt, where it originates from, and how you can engage in healthy sexuality without feeling guilty.
Ask yourself when you experience guilt. Is it related to sexual acts/thoughts, your own sexuality, or outside influences (such as religion or beliefs)? Is the guilt justified?
If you do not want to experience guilt related to your sexuality, say to yourself, “I am allowed to be a sexual being and express my sexuality in a healthy way without guilt.”
If you’ve hurt someone in a sexual way, it is absolutely imperative to confront the situation.
1-6. Relate to your body healthfully.
If you feel shame or embarrassment toward your own body, learn to accept yourself as you are. Accept your body in skin color, hair texture, height, and weight. If you hate your body, you may find yourself overly fixated on other body types and engage in perverted thought patterns. Start with self acceptance. The more you accept yourself, your body, and your own sexuality, the less you may experience unhealthy sexuality.
If you are ashamed of your body for having stretch marks, loose skin, or scars, forgive your body. Learn to appreciate the functions your body does for you such as digesting food, sorting out toxins, and converting food to nutrients.
You may not celebrate all parts of your body, but take some time to express gratitude for the little things your body does for you and the abilities it gives you.
Your body tells a story. your skin tone, freckles, and scars each encapsulate a story of ancestry and experience. Celebrate your family and your own unique experiences on your living canvas.
2. Taking Action
2-1. Erase images or videos off your computer.
Rid your electronics of any material that may cause you to stray. Keeping your computer and phone free of temptations means you foster an environment that supports you in your goal of less unpleasant thoughts and feelings about sex.
Use a parental control tool from preventing you "unintentionally" opening porn web sites. If you have to unlock that software, this buys you some seconds to think again and direct the impulse somewhere else.
If you struggle with consuming pornography, check out How to Deal With Porn Addiction.
2-2. Discard magazines or images you have.
This may also include taking down any posters you have in your room, or getting rid of any t-shirts, stickers, or hats that don’t support your view of healthy sexuality. You want to create an environment that encourages you to stick to your goals and takes away any thoughts or feelings that do not align with your version of healthy sexuality.
2-3. Monitor your humor.
Making sexual jokes may be your way of making sexual comments with the guise of being funny, but in reality the joke is hostile or disrespectful. Sexual jokes are often not funny, especially when directed at someone directly. They can often be disrespectful and hurtful. Poking fun at someone’s sexuality is never appropriate, especially when spread as gossip or intended to hurt someone. Just don’t do it.
If you find a joke you find funny yet you know it will hurt someone, keep it to yourself.
2-4. Distract yourself.
You may need to distract your thoughts and/or behaviors. Once you catch yourself in a thought or behavior you want to change, divert your attention. You may need to change your gaze, start a different conversation, or excuse yourself from the situation.
If you’re having a hard time staying focused, take a break and go to the bathroom, take a walk, or engage in something else altogether.
If you find yourself staring at someone inappropriately, catch yourself and divert your attention.
If you’re about to tell an inappropriate joke, stop yourself and say something different.
2-5. Interact respectfully.
If you have perverted thoughts toward people, make sure you treat all people with value and respect. If you are interested in women, treat all women with respect. If you are interested in men, treat all men with respect. Respect each person’s sexual limits. Before engaging in sex, talk about it beforehand. Establish boundaries and communicate your preferences and desires, and make sure you understand your partner’s preferences and desires.
Don’t approach any person in a manner that devalues him or her in a sexual way.
2-6. Try not to reinforce other people’s ideas about you.
If others have been telling you that you are a pervert, then there are things that you can do to avoid reinforcing these people’s ideas about you. Some behaviors can even be considered sexual harassment or bullying, which could get you into a lot of trouble. Make sure that you avoid:
making sexual jokes or gestures.
bringing up sex in inappropriate situations, such as during class, while someone is telling you a story, or in other situations you think it might make people feel uncomfortable.
sending sexual text messages or inappropriate pictures to people.
touching your private parts in public.
touching other people in inappropriate and/or unwelcome ways.
exposing yourself to people.
3. Making Personal Changes
3-1. Cope with stress effectively.
If you feel stressed, you may be more vulnerable to revert back to bad habits. Find ways to relieve and manage stress daily. Don’t let stress build up; find ways to decrease stress each day. Engaging in exercise, being social, and avoiding unnecessary stress are excellent ways to manage stress.
Join a running club, start yoga, or go for daily walks with your dog.
Call up a friend, host a game night, or plan to see your friends for dinner.
If you feel chronically stressed but are not sure how to pinpoint it, start a stress journal and keep track of what stresses you each day/week/month. You may start to find patterns of the stressors you experience, then begin to tackle them one by one.
3-2. Choose your friends carefully.
Don’t surround yourself with people that encourage you to think or act in a perverted way. You may need to take a break from friends or choose new friends altogether. Allow people in your life that support you and encourage you to live in the way you find most beneficial for you. Having good support in your life helps you combat stress.
If there are people that negatively influence you yet are a fixture in your life, kindly ask them to tone down their comments or behavior, or not to discuss those things in your presence.
3-3. Reach out to your friends.
Your friends can help you along your journey and make it easier by supporting you. Start an accountability group if you and your friends struggle with similar problems. Send supportive texts, meet for lunch, and keep each other on track.
You can also join a support group, either locally or online, such as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health or Sex Addicts Anonymous.
3-4. See a therapist.
If you feel like you cannot control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and don’t think you can do the journey on your own, see a therapist. A therapist can help you confront your feelings, find coping strategies, and work through the process of decreasing negative sexual thoughts. Your therapist is there to support you and help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.
For more information about going to therapy, check out How to Tell if You Need to See a Therapist.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Confronting Thoughts and Emotions\\n1-1. Think about how your sexual thoughts affect your life.\\nYou may spend hours each day obsessing over certain videos or fantasize about sex in a way that takes away from you living your life. How much is your perversion preventing you from living a productive or happy life? Do people get hurt? How are these thoughts and behaviors causing problems?\\nReflect on how your thoughts and actions affect your day-to-day life and how your life would change if they were to disappear. Would you free up more time? Would you feel better about yourself? Would other people think differently of you?\\nKeep in mind that sexual thoughts are natural and not evil. If you have heard that thinking about sex makes you an evil person or that you will be punished because if these thoughts, keep in mind that everyone has these thoughts and they are natural. Especially during your teen years, you will have a wide range of sexual thoughts that are a normal part of exploring your sexuality.\\n1-2. Understand healthy sexuality more fully.\\nHealthy sexuality can be difficult to understand. For instance, some people enjoy engaging in casual sex while to others this practice would be horrifying; some people enjoy masturbation while others are embarrassed or refuse to masturbate. Defining healthy sexuality means doing what feels healthy for you in a way that enriches your life. It means feeling sexually fulfilled and happy without having residual feelings of shame or hatred toward yourself.\\nKeep in mind that by nature, humans are sexual beings and it is okay and completely normal to have sexual desires and feelings.\\n1-3. Define your own healthy sexuality.\\nWhile you are trying to lessen your perceived perverted thoughts, it’s important to also decide what you do consider healthy. Don’t focus on removing all sexuality from your life. Instead, focus on creating a healthy sexual atmosphere for yourself, in your body and within your mind. Remember that it is not realistic to hold yourself to a standard of not having any sexual thoughts or desires. You do, however, have control over your behaviors.\\nWrite a list of what you believe healthy sexuality is to you. Focus on defining healthy thoughts and actions, how you engage with other people in a sexual way, and how you feel about about yourself afterward.\\nThink about the things that make you feel good versus the things that make you feel bad. What is the difference between these two things?\\n1-4. Confront shame.\\nShame often functions from the belief that “Because of this behavior, I am bad.” If you feel you are perverted, it is likely you experience some shame related to this belief. Feeling shame toward yourself can lead to feelings of lower self-esteem. Confront the shame and recognize it does not play a positive role in your life.\\nRecognize when you feel ashamed. Is it after masturbating or after viewing pornography? Is it after having sexual thoughts? Notice what evokes shame. Then, decide what needs to leave, the action or the shame. Decide how you feel about the action, whether you would feel better stopping the action, or if you need to work through that action without a shame response.\\nWhere does the shame stem from? Is this a belief that was passed down in your family? Does it relate to deeply held religious beliefs? Understanding the source of the shame can help you work through it.\\nIf working through feelings of shame you wish to let go, say to yourself, “I am able to love and express my sexuality in a way that is healthy and pleasurable to me. It's not shameful to express my sexuality.”\\n1-5. Confront guilt.\\nGuilt can be a healthy emotion when recognized for the role it can play in shaping behavior. For instance, if you feel remorse for an action, guilt may accompany this, and lead you to choose a different decision the next time you are faced with a similar situation.\\nIf you have guilt about your sexual thoughts or feelings, treat it as a guidepost and pay attention to it. Try and spend some time understanding the guilt, where it originates from, and how you can engage in healthy sexuality without feeling guilty.\\nAsk yourself when you experience guilt. Is it related to sexual acts/thoughts, your own sexuality, or outside influences (such as religion or beliefs)? Is the guilt justified?\\nIf you do not want to experience guilt related to your sexuality, say to yourself, “I am allowed to be a sexual being and express my sexuality in a healthy way without guilt.”\\nIf you’ve hurt someone in a sexual way, it is absolutely imperative to confront the situation.\\n1-6. Relate to your body healthfully.\\nIf you feel shame or embarrassment toward your own body, learn to accept yourself as you are. Accept your body in skin color, hair texture, height, and weight. If you hate your body, you may find yourself overly fixated on other body types and engage in perverted thought patterns. Start with self acceptance. The more you accept yourself, your body, and your own sexuality, the less you may experience unhealthy sexuality.\\nIf you are ashamed of your body for having stretch marks, loose skin, or scars, forgive your body. Learn to appreciate the functions your body does for you such as digesting food, sorting out toxins, and converting food to nutrients.\\nYou may not celebrate all parts of your body, but take some time to express gratitude for the little things your body does for you and the abilities it gives you.\\nYour body tells a story. your skin tone, freckles, and scars each encapsulate a story of ancestry and experience. Celebrate your family and your own unique experiences on your living canvas.\\n2. Taking Action\\n2-1. Erase images or videos off your computer.\\nRid your electronics of any material that may cause you to stray. Keeping your computer and phone free of temptations means you foster an environment that supports you in your goal of less unpleasant thoughts and feelings about sex.\\nUse a parental control tool from preventing you \\\"unintentionally\\\" opening porn web sites. If you have to unlock that software, this buys you some seconds to think again and direct the impulse somewhere else.\\nIf you struggle with consuming pornography, check out How to Deal With Porn Addiction.\\n2-2. Discard magazines or images you have.\\nThis may also include taking down any posters you have in your room, or getting rid of any t-shirts, stickers, or hats that don’t support your view of healthy sexuality. You want to create an environment that encourages you to stick to your goals and takes away any thoughts or feelings that do not align with your version of healthy sexuality.\\n2-3. Monitor your humor.\\nMaking sexual jokes may be your way of making sexual comments with the guise of being funny, but in reality the joke is hostile or disrespectful. Sexual jokes are often not funny, especially when directed at someone directly. They can often be disrespectful and hurtful. Poking fun at someone’s sexuality is never appropriate, especially when spread as gossip or intended to hurt someone. Just don’t do it.\\nIf you find a joke you find funny yet you know it will hurt someone, keep it to yourself.\\n2-4. Distract yourself.\\nYou may need to distract your thoughts and/or behaviors. Once you catch yourself in a thought or behavior you want to change, divert your attention. You may need to change your gaze, start a different conversation, or excuse yourself from the situation.\\nIf you’re having a hard time staying focused, take a break and go to the bathroom, take a walk, or engage in something else altogether.\\nIf you find yourself staring at someone inappropriately, catch yourself and divert your attention.\\nIf you’re about to tell an inappropriate joke, stop yourself and say something different.\\n2-5. Interact respectfully.\\nIf you have perverted thoughts toward people, make sure you treat all people with value and respect. If you are interested in women, treat all women with respect. If you are interested in men, treat all men with respect. Respect each person’s sexual limits. Before engaging in sex, talk about it beforehand. Establish boundaries and communicate your preferences and desires, and make sure you understand your partner’s preferences and desires.\\nDon’t approach any person in a manner that devalues him or her in a sexual way.\\n2-6. Try not to reinforce other people’s ideas about you.\\nIf others have been telling you that you are a pervert, then there are things that you can do to avoid reinforcing these people’s ideas about you. Some behaviors can even be considered sexual harassment or bullying, which could get you into a lot of trouble. Make sure that you avoid:\\nmaking sexual jokes or gestures.\\nbringing up sex in inappropriate situations, such as during class, while someone is telling you a story, or in other situations you think it might make people feel uncomfortable.\\nsending sexual text messages or inappropriate pictures to people.\\ntouching your private parts in public.\\ntouching other people in inappropriate and/or unwelcome ways.\\nexposing yourself to people.\\n3. Making Personal Changes\\n3-1. Cope with stress effectively.\\nIf you feel stressed, you may be more vulnerable to revert back to bad habits. Find ways to relieve and manage stress daily. Don’t let stress build up; find ways to decrease stress each day. Engaging in exercise, being social, and avoiding unnecessary stress are excellent ways to manage stress.\\nJoin a running club, start yoga, or go for daily walks with your dog.\\nCall up a friend, host a game night, or plan to see your friends for dinner.\\nIf you feel chronically stressed but are not sure how to pinpoint it, start a stress journal and keep track of what stresses you each day/week/month. You may start to find patterns of the stressors you experience, then begin to tackle them one by one.\\n3-2. Choose your friends carefully.\\nDon’t surround yourself with people that encourage you to think or act in a perverted way. You may need to take a break from friends or choose new friends altogether. Allow people in your life that support you and encourage you to live in the way you find most beneficial for you. Having good support in your life helps you combat stress.\\nIf there are people that negatively influence you yet are a fixture in your life, kindly ask them to tone down their comments or behavior, or not to discuss those things in your presence.\\n3-3. Reach out to your friends.\\nYour friends can help you along your journey and make it easier by supporting you. Start an accountability group if you and your friends struggle with similar problems. Send supportive texts, meet for lunch, and keep each other on track.\\nYou can also join a support group, either locally or online, such as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health or Sex Addicts Anonymous.\\n3-4. See a therapist.\\nIf you feel like you cannot control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and don’t think you can do the journey on your own, see a therapist. A therapist can help you confront your feelings, find coping strategies, and work through the process of decreasing negative sexual thoughts. Your therapist is there to support you and help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.\\nFor more information about going to therapy, check out How to Tell if You Need to See a Therapist.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you feel you are perverted, you may feel ashamed for the thoughts and actions you have regarding sex. You may feel shame due to religious or spiritual beliefs or due to your relationship status (such as being in a monogamous relationship or marriage). Whatever it is, you likely feel outside the norm or at least outside of where you would like to be in terms of your sexual desires. Remember that it is difficult to define sexual \\\"normality\\\" and that sexuality lies on a spectrum of thoughts, desires, and practices.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Confronting Thoughts and Emotions\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think about how your sexual thoughts affect your life.\", \"描述\": \"You may spend hours each day obsessing over certain videos or fantasize about sex in a way that takes away from you living your life. How much is your perversion preventing you from living a productive or happy life? Do people get hurt? How are these thoughts and behaviors causing problems?\\nReflect on how your thoughts and actions affect your day-to-day life and how your life would change if they were to disappear. Would you free up more time? Would you feel better about yourself? Would other people think differently of you?\\nKeep in mind that sexual thoughts are natural and not evil. If you have heard that thinking about sex makes you an evil person or that you will be punished because if these thoughts, keep in mind that everyone has these thoughts and they are natural. Especially during your teen years, you will have a wide range of sexual thoughts that are a normal part of exploring your sexuality.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Understand healthy sexuality more fully.\", \"描述\": \"Healthy sexuality can be difficult to understand. For instance, some people enjoy engaging in casual sex while to others this practice would be horrifying; some people enjoy masturbation while others are embarrassed or refuse to masturbate. Defining healthy sexuality means doing what feels healthy for you in a way that enriches your life. It means feeling sexually fulfilled and happy without having residual feelings of shame or hatred toward yourself.\\nKeep in mind that by nature, humans are sexual beings and it is okay and completely normal to have sexual desires and feelings.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Define your own healthy sexuality.\", \"描述\": \"While you are trying to lessen your perceived perverted thoughts, it’s important to also decide what you do consider healthy. Don’t focus on removing all sexuality from your life. Instead, focus on creating a healthy sexual atmosphere for yourself, in your body and within your mind. Remember that it is not realistic to hold yourself to a standard of not having any sexual thoughts or desires. You do, however, have control over your behaviors.\\nWrite a list of what you believe healthy sexuality is to you. Focus on defining healthy thoughts and actions, how you engage with other people in a sexual way, and how you feel about about yourself afterward.\\nThink about the things that make you feel good versus the things that make you feel bad. What is the difference between these two things?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Confront shame.\", \"描述\": \"Shame often functions from the belief that “Because of this behavior, I am bad.” If you feel you are perverted, it is likely you experience some shame related to this belief. Feeling shame toward yourself can lead to feelings of lower self-esteem. Confront the shame and recognize it does not play a positive role in your life.\\nRecognize when you feel ashamed. Is it after masturbating or after viewing pornography? Is it after having sexual thoughts? Notice what evokes shame. Then, decide what needs to leave, the action or the shame. Decide how you feel about the action, whether you would feel better stopping the action, or if you need to work through that action without a shame response.\\nWhere does the shame stem from? Is this a belief that was passed down in your family? Does it relate to deeply held religious beliefs? Understanding the source of the shame can help you work through it.\\nIf working through feelings of shame you wish to let go, say to yourself, “I am able to love and express my sexuality in a way that is healthy and pleasurable to me. It's not shameful to express my sexuality.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Confront guilt.\", \"描述\": \"Guilt can be a healthy emotion when recognized for the role it can play in shaping behavior. For instance, if you feel remorse for an action, guilt may accompany this, and lead you to choose a different decision the next time you are faced with a similar situation.\\nIf you have guilt about your sexual thoughts or feelings, treat it as a guidepost and pay attention to it. Try and spend some time understanding the guilt, where it originates from, and how you can engage in healthy sexuality without feeling guilty.\\nAsk yourself when you experience guilt. Is it related to sexual acts/thoughts, your own sexuality, or outside influences (such as religion or beliefs)? Is the guilt justified?\\nIf you do not want to experience guilt related to your sexuality, say to yourself, “I am allowed to be a sexual being and express my sexuality in a healthy way without guilt.”\\nIf you’ve hurt someone in a sexual way, it is absolutely imperative to confront the situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Relate to your body healthfully.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel shame or embarrassment toward your own body, learn to accept yourself as you are. Accept your body in skin color, hair texture, height, and weight. If you hate your body, you may find yourself overly fixated on other body types and engage in perverted thought patterns. Start with self acceptance. The more you accept yourself, your body, and your own sexuality, the less you may experience unhealthy sexuality.\\nIf you are ashamed of your body for having stretch marks, loose skin, or scars, forgive your body. Learn to appreciate the functions your body does for you such as digesting food, sorting out toxins, and converting food to nutrients.\\nYou may not celebrate all parts of your body, but take some time to express gratitude for the little things your body does for you and the abilities it gives you.\\nYour body tells a story. your skin tone, freckles, and scars each encapsulate a story of ancestry and experience. Celebrate your family and your own unique experiences on your living canvas.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Taking Action\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Erase images or videos off your computer.\", \"描述\": \"Rid your electronics of any material that may cause you to stray. Keeping your computer and phone free of temptations means you foster an environment that supports you in your goal of less unpleasant thoughts and feelings about sex.\\nUse a parental control tool from preventing you \\\"unintentionally\\\" opening porn web sites. If you have to unlock that software, this buys you some seconds to think again and direct the impulse somewhere else.\\nIf you struggle with consuming pornography, check out How to Deal With Porn Addiction.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Discard magazines or images you have.\", \"描述\": \"This may also include taking down any posters you have in your room, or getting rid of any t-shirts, stickers, or hats that don’t support your view of healthy sexuality. You want to create an environment that encourages you to stick to your goals and takes away any thoughts or feelings that do not align with your version of healthy sexuality.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Monitor your humor.\", \"描述\": \"Making sexual jokes may be your way of making sexual comments with the guise of being funny, but in reality the joke is hostile or disrespectful. Sexual jokes are often not funny, especially when directed at someone directly. They can often be disrespectful and hurtful. Poking fun at someone’s sexuality is never appropriate, especially when spread as gossip or intended to hurt someone. Just don’t do it.\\nIf you find a joke you find funny yet you know it will hurt someone, keep it to yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Distract yourself.\", \"描述\": \"You may need to distract your thoughts and/or behaviors. Once you catch yourself in a thought or behavior you want to change, divert your attention. You may need to change your gaze, start a different conversation, or excuse yourself from the situation.\\nIf you’re having a hard time staying focused, take a break and go to the bathroom, take a walk, or engage in something else altogether.\\nIf you find yourself staring at someone inappropriately, catch yourself and divert your attention.\\nIf you’re about to tell an inappropriate joke, stop yourself and say something different.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Interact respectfully.\", \"描述\": \"If you have perverted thoughts toward people, make sure you treat all people with value and respect. If you are interested in women, treat all women with respect. If you are interested in men, treat all men with respect. Respect each person’s sexual limits. Before engaging in sex, talk about it beforehand. Establish boundaries and communicate your preferences and desires, and make sure you understand your partner’s preferences and desires.\\nDon’t approach any person in a manner that devalues him or her in a sexual way.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Try not to reinforce other people’s ideas about you.\", \"描述\": \"If others have been telling you that you are a pervert, then there are things that you can do to avoid reinforcing these people’s ideas about you. Some behaviors can even be considered sexual harassment or bullying, which could get you into a lot of trouble. Make sure that you avoid:\\nmaking sexual jokes or gestures.\\nbringing up sex in inappropriate situations, such as during class, while someone is telling you a story, or in other situations you think it might make people feel uncomfortable.\\nsending sexual text messages or inappropriate pictures to people.\\ntouching your private parts in public.\\ntouching other people in inappropriate and/or unwelcome ways.\\nexposing yourself to people.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making Personal Changes\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cope with stress effectively.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel stressed, you may be more vulnerable to revert back to bad habits. Find ways to relieve and manage stress daily. Don’t let stress build up; find ways to decrease stress each day. Engaging in exercise, being social, and avoiding unnecessary stress are excellent ways to manage stress.\\nJoin a running club, start yoga, or go for daily walks with your dog.\\nCall up a friend, host a game night, or plan to see your friends for dinner.\\nIf you feel chronically stressed but are not sure how to pinpoint it, start a stress journal and keep track of what stresses you each day/week/month. You may start to find patterns of the stressors you experience, then begin to tackle them one by one.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose your friends carefully.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t surround yourself with people that encourage you to think or act in a perverted way. You may need to take a break from friends or choose new friends altogether. Allow people in your life that support you and encourage you to live in the way you find most beneficial for you. Having good support in your life helps you combat stress.\\nIf there are people that negatively influence you yet are a fixture in your life, kindly ask them to tone down their comments or behavior, or not to discuss those things in your presence.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reach out to your friends.\", \"描述\": \"Your friends can help you along your journey and make it easier by supporting you. Start an accountability group if you and your friends struggle with similar problems. Send supportive texts, meet for lunch, and keep each other on track.\\nYou can also join a support group, either locally or online, such as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health or Sex Addicts Anonymous.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"See a therapist.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel like you cannot control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and don’t think you can do the journey on your own, see a therapist. A therapist can help you confront your feelings, find coping strategies, and work through the process of decreasing negative sexual thoughts. Your therapist is there to support you and help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.\\nFor more information about going to therapy, check out How to Tell if You Need to See a Therapist.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,894 | How to Be Less Possessive of Your Partner | 1. Calming Yourself in the Moment
1-1. Take a timeout.
When you feel yourself becoming too possessive of your partner, taking a time out to evaluate yourself is a good idea. A little break gives you the chance to think about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what effect it might have on your relationship.
For example, if you are at a restaurant with your partner and notice that you are beginning to feel possessive because the server is smiling at you all, excuse yourself for a moment.
Take a mental timeout if you can't leave the immediate area. Take three slow, deep breaths and during that time focus only on your breathing.
Use the time to ask yourself why this situation is making you feel possessive. For instance, ask yourself, “Am I feeling jealous? Insecure? Why am I feeling so possessive?”
1-2. Express yourself appropriately.
It's okay to feel a little jealous or insecure some times. It's also okay to express to your partner that you're feeling this way as long as you do so in the right way. You can be less possessive of your partner if you talk to them and express any feelings of jealousy or insecurity in a calm, mature way.
Tell your partner how you are feeling and what you think is making you feel that way.
Let your partner know what they can do to help you overcome your feelings.
Try saying something like, “I'm feeling kind of possessive right now. It's silly, but I think I'm jealous of the attention you're getting.”
1-3. Apologize when you need to.
There may be times that you do something that shows how possessive you are before you can stop yourself. If this happens then you need to apologize to your partner and anyone else involved in the situation.
For example, if you are rude to a salesclerk because you felt possessive when they greeted your partner, then you should apologize to the salesclerk and our partner.
When you are apologizing to someone else, you might say, “I'm sorry for the way I just behaved. It was uncalled for and won't happen again.”
When you need to apologize to your partner you can start with, “I need to apologize for the way I acted. I was feeling too possessive. It's no excuse, but it's what happened.”
2. Building Trust in Your Relationship
2-1. Address relationship issues.
In some cases, you may feel possessive because things have happened in the relationship that make you question the relationship's stability. If this is the case, you should address the issues with your partner. This way you can resolve the issues, you will know where your relationship stands, and you can start being less possessive of your partner.
Tell your partner you'd like to talk about some of the issues you all have been having in the relationship. You might say, “Can we talk about the problems we've been having lately?”
Have an open and honest conversation about the things that have been bothering you.
Remember that resolving some issues such as past betrayals may take more than one conversation and a bit of time. Leaving these unresolved can also lead to an ongoing lack of trust.
2-2. Trust your partner.
One of the keys to a successful relationship is trust. You have to trust that your partner cares about you and is honest with you, just as they trust the same things about you. Part of the problem with being too possessive is that it sends your partner the message that you don't trust them. Be less possessive with your partner by having faith in their feelings and their actions.
Trust your partner when they say they are going somewhere or doing something. You don't need to check up on them to see if they are being faithful.
Believe what your partner tells you. Unless you know for a fact that your partner is dishonest, you should trust what they say.
Have faith in your partner's feelings for you. Trust that your partner cares about you as much as they say they do.
2-3. Respect your partner.
One issue with being possessive of your partner is that it may cause you to act in ways that are disrespectful to your partner, yourself, or others. You may say or do things that are humiliating, patronizing, or hurtful. You can be less possessive of your partner and build a stronger relationship if you make an effort to show them the respect they deserve.
Talk respectfully to and about your partner. Don't yell or scream at them or intentionally say things to make them feel bad.
Respect your partner's privacy. Avoid going through your partner's things or reading your partner's texts and messages without permission – this most often leads to misunderstanding.
2-4. Talk with your partner.
Once you realize and admit to yourself that you need to be less possessive of your partner then you should talk to your partner about what has been going on. Talking about it with your partner can help you stop acting on your jealous and possessive thoughts.
Tell your partner that you realize that you have been acting possessively lately. For instance, you might say, “Can we talk? I know I've been acting pretty possessive lately.”
Explain to your partner how you have been feeling and why you are feeling that way. You could try saying, “I've been feeling jealous because of some past relationship issues I have.”
Listen to your partner, as well. This should be a conversation between the two of you. You need to understand how your possessiveness affects them, too.
3. Preventing Possessive Behavior in the Future
3-1. Be honest with yourself.
Recognizing that you might be too possessive with your partner is one of the first steps in becoming less possessive. You've also got to be honest with yourself about why you are feeling and acting this way. Being honest with yourself will allow you to address whatever issues you have that are making you be so possessive of your partner.
Ask yourself if you are so possessive because of something from your past. For example, did your ex-partner from a previous relationship leave you for someone else? Or, perhaps there was infidelity in your family when you were younger?
Determine if there is something your partner is doing that makes you feel possessive. For instance, does your partner flirt a lot with others?
Be honest about any self-esteem or self-confidence issues you are having. For example, do you feel unattractive or like your partner is too good to be with you?
3-2. Have confidence in yourself.
Sometimes you may act possessively because you feel insecure. You may feel that you don't deserve your partner. If you think you might be acting possessive because of personal insecurities or self-doubt, build your self-confidence so that you can be less possessive of your partner.
Keep a journal or make a list of all the great qualities about you. List everything from your great eyes to your sense of humor to your love of anime.
Use positive self-talk. For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I'm a great catch and Kelsey is lucky to have me, just like I'm lucky to have Kelsey.”
Write it down when your partner gives you a compliment or does something to show you that they care.
3-3. Take care of yourself.
It's a lot easier to get jealous and start acting possessively when you are tired, stressed, hungry, or just don't feel well. You just don't have the mental or physical energy to combat jealous thoughts and possessive behavior. You can be less possessive of your partner if you take the time to make sure you are taking care of your health.
Eat balanced meals and healthy snacks to make sure that your body is getting the nutrients and energy you need.
Get regular physical activity. This can help reduce your stress level overall which will help you stay calm when you start feeling jealous and possessive.
Try to get 6 – 8 hours of sleep each night. Set up a regular bedtime routine so that you can get the rest you need.
3-4. Seek professional help.
When possessiveness becomes extreme, you end up hurting your relationship and causing your partner (and yourself) emotional, mental, or even physical pain. If your partner or others says you need to be less possessive, take it as a warning and consider seeking professional help.
A counselor or therapist can help you determine why you are so possessive and help you become less possessive of your partner.
If you are involved in a religious community, you can talk to your religious leader about what is going on. You might say, “Could we speak later about some problems I'm having in my relationship? I feel I'm being too possessive.”
A marriage, family, or relationship counselor can help you and your partner address any relationship issues that you all are having, as well.
Tips
Trust your partner. They chose to be in a relationship with you, not anyone else.
Warnings
Being too possessive may make your partner feel as though you don't trust them and this may cause problems in the relationship.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:12",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Calming Yourself in the Moment\\n1-1. Take a timeout.\\nWhen you feel yourself becoming too possessive of your partner, taking a time out to evaluate yourself is a good idea. A little break gives you the chance to think about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what effect it might have on your relationship.\\nFor example, if you are at a restaurant with your partner and notice that you are beginning to feel possessive because the server is smiling at you all, excuse yourself for a moment.\\nTake a mental timeout if you can't leave the immediate area. Take three slow, deep breaths and during that time focus only on your breathing.\\nUse the time to ask yourself why this situation is making you feel possessive. For instance, ask yourself, “Am I feeling jealous? Insecure? Why am I feeling so possessive?”\\n1-2. Express yourself appropriately.\\nIt's okay to feel a little jealous or insecure some times. It's also okay to express to your partner that you're feeling this way as long as you do so in the right way. You can be less possessive of your partner if you talk to them and express any feelings of jealousy or insecurity in a calm, mature way.\\nTell your partner how you are feeling and what you think is making you feel that way.\\nLet your partner know what they can do to help you overcome your feelings.\\nTry saying something like, “I'm feeling kind of possessive right now. It's silly, but I think I'm jealous of the attention you're getting.”\\n1-3. Apologize when you need to.\\nThere may be times that you do something that shows how possessive you are before you can stop yourself. If this happens then you need to apologize to your partner and anyone else involved in the situation.\\nFor example, if you are rude to a salesclerk because you felt possessive when they greeted your partner, then you should apologize to the salesclerk and our partner.\\nWhen you are apologizing to someone else, you might say, “I'm sorry for the way I just behaved. It was uncalled for and won't happen again.”\\nWhen you need to apologize to your partner you can start with, “I need to apologize for the way I acted. I was feeling too possessive. It's no excuse, but it's what happened.”\\n2. Building Trust in Your Relationship\\n2-1. Address relationship issues.\\nIn some cases, you may feel possessive because things have happened in the relationship that make you question the relationship's stability. If this is the case, you should address the issues with your partner. This way you can resolve the issues, you will know where your relationship stands, and you can start being less possessive of your partner.\\nTell your partner you'd like to talk about some of the issues you all have been having in the relationship. You might say, “Can we talk about the problems we've been having lately?”\\nHave an open and honest conversation about the things that have been bothering you.\\nRemember that resolving some issues such as past betrayals may take more than one conversation and a bit of time. Leaving these unresolved can also lead to an ongoing lack of trust.\\n2-2. Trust your partner.\\nOne of the keys to a successful relationship is trust. You have to trust that your partner cares about you and is honest with you, just as they trust the same things about you. Part of the problem with being too possessive is that it sends your partner the message that you don't trust them. Be less possessive with your partner by having faith in their feelings and their actions.\\nTrust your partner when they say they are going somewhere or doing something. You don't need to check up on them to see if they are being faithful.\\nBelieve what your partner tells you. Unless you know for a fact that your partner is dishonest, you should trust what they say.\\nHave faith in your partner's feelings for you. Trust that your partner cares about you as much as they say they do.\\n2-3. Respect your partner.\\nOne issue with being possessive of your partner is that it may cause you to act in ways that are disrespectful to your partner, yourself, or others. You may say or do things that are humiliating, patronizing, or hurtful. You can be less possessive of your partner and build a stronger relationship if you make an effort to show them the respect they deserve.\\nTalk respectfully to and about your partner. Don't yell or scream at them or intentionally say things to make them feel bad.\\nRespect your partner's privacy. Avoid going through your partner's things or reading your partner's texts and messages without permission – this most often leads to misunderstanding.\\n2-4. Talk with your partner.\\nOnce you realize and admit to yourself that you need to be less possessive of your partner then you should talk to your partner about what has been going on. Talking about it with your partner can help you stop acting on your jealous and possessive thoughts.\\nTell your partner that you realize that you have been acting possessively lately. For instance, you might say, “Can we talk? I know I've been acting pretty possessive lately.”\\nExplain to your partner how you have been feeling and why you are feeling that way. You could try saying, “I've been feeling jealous because of some past relationship issues I have.”\\nListen to your partner, as well. This should be a conversation between the two of you. You need to understand how your possessiveness affects them, too.\\n3. Preventing Possessive Behavior in the Future\\n3-1. Be honest with yourself.\\nRecognizing that you might be too possessive with your partner is one of the first steps in becoming less possessive. You've also got to be honest with yourself about why you are feeling and acting this way. Being honest with yourself will allow you to address whatever issues you have that are making you be so possessive of your partner.\\nAsk yourself if you are so possessive because of something from your past. For example, did your ex-partner from a previous relationship leave you for someone else? Or, perhaps there was infidelity in your family when you were younger?\\nDetermine if there is something your partner is doing that makes you feel possessive. For instance, does your partner flirt a lot with others?\\nBe honest about any self-esteem or self-confidence issues you are having. For example, do you feel unattractive or like your partner is too good to be with you?\\n3-2. Have confidence in yourself.\\nSometimes you may act possessively because you feel insecure. You may feel that you don't deserve your partner. If you think you might be acting possessive because of personal insecurities or self-doubt, build your self-confidence so that you can be less possessive of your partner.\\nKeep a journal or make a list of all the great qualities about you. List everything from your great eyes to your sense of humor to your love of anime.\\nUse positive self-talk. For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I'm a great catch and Kelsey is lucky to have me, just like I'm lucky to have Kelsey.”\\nWrite it down when your partner gives you a compliment or does something to show you that they care.\\n3-3. Take care of yourself.\\nIt's a lot easier to get jealous and start acting possessively when you are tired, stressed, hungry, or just don't feel well. You just don't have the mental or physical energy to combat jealous thoughts and possessive behavior. You can be less possessive of your partner if you take the time to make sure you are taking care of your health.\\nEat balanced meals and healthy snacks to make sure that your body is getting the nutrients and energy you need.\\nGet regular physical activity. This can help reduce your stress level overall which will help you stay calm when you start feeling jealous and possessive.\\nTry to get 6 – 8 hours of sleep each night. Set up a regular bedtime routine so that you can get the rest you need.\\n3-4. Seek professional help.\\nWhen possessiveness becomes extreme, you end up hurting your relationship and causing your partner (and yourself) emotional, mental, or even physical pain. If your partner or others says you need to be less possessive, take it as a warning and consider seeking professional help.\\nA counselor or therapist can help you determine why you are so possessive and help you become less possessive of your partner.\\nIf you are involved in a religious community, you can talk to your religious leader about what is going on. You might say, “Could we speak later about some problems I'm having in my relationship? I feel I'm being too possessive.”\\nA marriage, family, or relationship counselor can help you and your partner address any relationship issues that you all are having, as well.\\nTips\\nTrust your partner. They chose to be in a relationship with you, not anyone else.\\nWarnings\\nBeing too possessive may make your partner feel as though you don't trust them and this may cause problems in the relationship.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being in a relationship can be an exciting, wonderful feeling. You may feel a strong connection with someone that you care about and who cares about you. Sometimes, though, feelings of jealousy or insecurity can pop up and begin creating problems in the relationship. You may find yourself questioning your partner, making accusations, and acting possessively without meaning to. You can be less possessive of your partner. All you need to do is calm yourself in the moment, build trust in your relationship, and prevent possessive behavior in the future.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Calming Yourself in the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a timeout.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel yourself becoming too possessive of your partner, taking a time out to evaluate yourself is a good idea. A little break gives you the chance to think about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what effect it might have on your relationship.\\nFor example, if you are at a restaurant with your partner and notice that you are beginning to feel possessive because the server is smiling at you all, excuse yourself for a moment.\\nTake a mental timeout if you can't leave the immediate area. Take three slow, deep breaths and during that time focus only on your breathing.\\nUse the time to ask yourself why this situation is making you feel possessive. For instance, ask yourself, “Am I feeling jealous? Insecure? Why am I feeling so possessive?”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Express yourself appropriately.\", \"描述\": \"It's okay to feel a little jealous or insecure some times. It's also okay to express to your partner that you're feeling this way as long as you do so in the right way. You can be less possessive of your partner if you talk to them and express any feelings of jealousy or insecurity in a calm, mature way.\\nTell your partner how you are feeling and what you think is making you feel that way.\\nLet your partner know what they can do to help you overcome your feelings.\\nTry saying something like, “I'm feeling kind of possessive right now. It's silly, but I think I'm jealous of the attention you're getting.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apologize when you need to.\", \"描述\": \"There may be times that you do something that shows how possessive you are before you can stop yourself. If this happens then you need to apologize to your partner and anyone else involved in the situation.\\nFor example, if you are rude to a salesclerk because you felt possessive when they greeted your partner, then you should apologize to the salesclerk and our partner.\\nWhen you are apologizing to someone else, you might say, “I'm sorry for the way I just behaved. It was uncalled for and won't happen again.”\\nWhen you need to apologize to your partner you can start with, “I need to apologize for the way I acted. I was feeling too possessive. It's no excuse, but it's what happened.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building Trust in Your Relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Address relationship issues.\", \"描述\": \"In some cases, you may feel possessive because things have happened in the relationship that make you question the relationship's stability. If this is the case, you should address the issues with your partner. This way you can resolve the issues, you will know where your relationship stands, and you can start being less possessive of your partner.\\nTell your partner you'd like to talk about some of the issues you all have been having in the relationship. You might say, “Can we talk about the problems we've been having lately?”\\nHave an open and honest conversation about the things that have been bothering you.\\nRemember that resolving some issues such as past betrayals may take more than one conversation and a bit of time. Leaving these unresolved can also lead to an ongoing lack of trust.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Trust your partner.\", \"描述\": \"One of the keys to a successful relationship is trust. You have to trust that your partner cares about you and is honest with you, just as they trust the same things about you. Part of the problem with being too possessive is that it sends your partner the message that you don't trust them. Be less possessive with your partner by having faith in their feelings and their actions.\\nTrust your partner when they say they are going somewhere or doing something. You don't need to check up on them to see if they are being faithful.\\nBelieve what your partner tells you. Unless you know for a fact that your partner is dishonest, you should trust what they say.\\nHave faith in your partner's feelings for you. Trust that your partner cares about you as much as they say they do.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Respect your partner.\", \"描述\": \"One issue with being possessive of your partner is that it may cause you to act in ways that are disrespectful to your partner, yourself, or others. You may say or do things that are humiliating, patronizing, or hurtful. You can be less possessive of your partner and build a stronger relationship if you make an effort to show them the respect they deserve.\\nTalk respectfully to and about your partner. Don't yell or scream at them or intentionally say things to make them feel bad.\\nRespect your partner's privacy. Avoid going through your partner's things or reading your partner's texts and messages without permission – this most often leads to misunderstanding.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Talk with your partner.\", \"描述\": \"Once you realize and admit to yourself that you need to be less possessive of your partner then you should talk to your partner about what has been going on. Talking about it with your partner can help you stop acting on your jealous and possessive thoughts.\\nTell your partner that you realize that you have been acting possessively lately. For instance, you might say, “Can we talk? I know I've been acting pretty possessive lately.”\\nExplain to your partner how you have been feeling and why you are feeling that way. You could try saying, “I've been feeling jealous because of some past relationship issues I have.”\\nListen to your partner, as well. This should be a conversation between the two of you. You need to understand how your possessiveness affects them, too.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Preventing Possessive Behavior in the Future\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be honest with yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Recognizing that you might be too possessive with your partner is one of the first steps in becoming less possessive. You've also got to be honest with yourself about why you are feeling and acting this way. Being honest with yourself will allow you to address whatever issues you have that are making you be so possessive of your partner.\\nAsk yourself if you are so possessive because of something from your past. For example, did your ex-partner from a previous relationship leave you for someone else? Or, perhaps there was infidelity in your family when you were younger?\\nDetermine if there is something your partner is doing that makes you feel possessive. For instance, does your partner flirt a lot with others?\\nBe honest about any self-esteem or self-confidence issues you are having. For example, do you feel unattractive or like your partner is too good to be with you?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have confidence in yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes you may act possessively because you feel insecure. You may feel that you don't deserve your partner. If you think you might be acting possessive because of personal insecurities or self-doubt, build your self-confidence so that you can be less possessive of your partner.\\nKeep a journal or make a list of all the great qualities about you. List everything from your great eyes to your sense of humor to your love of anime.\\nUse positive self-talk. For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I'm a great catch and Kelsey is lucky to have me, just like I'm lucky to have Kelsey.”\\nWrite it down when your partner gives you a compliment or does something to show you that they care.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take care of yourself.\", \"描述\": \"It's a lot easier to get jealous and start acting possessively when you are tired, stressed, hungry, or just don't feel well. You just don't have the mental or physical energy to combat jealous thoughts and possessive behavior. You can be less possessive of your partner if you take the time to make sure you are taking care of your health.\\nEat balanced meals and healthy snacks to make sure that your body is getting the nutrients and energy you need.\\nGet regular physical activity. This can help reduce your stress level overall which will help you stay calm when you start feeling jealous and possessive.\\nTry to get 6 – 8 hours of sleep each night. Set up a regular bedtime routine so that you can get the rest you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Seek professional help.\", \"描述\": \"When possessiveness becomes extreme, you end up hurting your relationship and causing your partner (and yourself) emotional, mental, or even physical pain. If your partner or others says you need to be less possessive, take it as a warning and consider seeking professional help.\\nA counselor or therapist can help you determine why you are so possessive and help you become less possessive of your partner.\\nIf you are involved in a religious community, you can talk to your religious leader about what is going on. You might say, “Could we speak later about some problems I'm having in my relationship? I feel I'm being too possessive.”\\nA marriage, family, or relationship counselor can help you and your partner address any relationship issues that you all are having, as well.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Trust your partner. They chose to be in a relationship with you, not anyone else.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Being too possessive may make your partner feel as though you don't trust them and this may cause problems in the relationship.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,895 | How to Be Less Scared at Night | 1. Confronting Anxiety
1-1. Identify daytime stressors.
Stress during the day can lead to anxiety and panic at night. Children and adults are more likely to be afraid at night if they are stressed by something in real life. Keep track of your mood during the day, writing down moments of stress and the place and time they occur. What thoughts bring them on?
Are you especially stressed at work? At school? In social situations?
Sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder are especially likely to experience fear at night, nightmares, and sleep disorders. If you have survived a traumatizing experience, such as violence, abuse, or danger, ask for a referral to therapist who has worked with people with PTSD.
1-2. Name your fears.
When you feel yourself getting scared at night, name the emotion. Say it aloud, if you feel comfortable doing so. Say, "I am scared," or, "I am anxious," or, "I am having a frightening thought." Next, state what brings it up. For instance, say "The shadow that the tree makes on my wall at night is frightening me," or say, "I feel vulnerable at night because I feel alone, and I worry that nobody is here to protect me."
1-3. Address yourself by name.
Speaking to yourself can help you calm down and regain control of your emotions. Using your first name instead of "I" or "me" can dramatically boost that effect. Give yourself simple, loving commands using your first name.
You might say "Now, Jane, calm down. Get cozy. Pull the covers up and close those eyes. You know that's just the wind outside, and you know it always scares you."
1-4. Keep a journal.
Writing fears down can help you move past them. You can write down your fears in a "worry diary," or you can keep a regular journal in which you write about many things, including your fears. Try writing in your journal before bed, and include the things that are worrying you.
1-5. Speak to a friend or family member.
There is no need to suffer alone. Speaking to a loved one can help you clear your mind. Saying things out loud can be incredibly therapeutic. You may even get some helpful advice.
1-6. Speak to a therapist.
Nighttime anxiety is anxiety, and anxiety becomes harder to treat if left unaddressed. Speak to your doctor about your fears, and ask for a referral to see a therapist. Talk to your doctor or therapist about your night fears, and ask for help with stress management.
2. Building a Sense of Safety
2-1. Meditate
Beside or in your bed, take some time to put your cares in the hands of the universe. If you pray, try talking a little about your fears when you pray. If you meditate, try thinking of nothing at all, or repeat a mantra such as, "I have fears, but they do not hurt me," or "I am safe; I am home." Sit so you are comfortable and take your time.
2-2. Breathe deeply.
This can help you relax. As you breathe, concentrate on the feeling of the breath coming in and out of you. Feel which parts of your body rise and fall. Pay attention to your breath, and remind yourself to do so when you begin worrying about other things.
2-3. Treat your bed like a safe space.
Instead of getting scared at night and fleeing your bed, try treating your bed like an oasis. Dedicate your bed to relaxing and sleeping only. If you do anything in your bed other than sleep, make sure it is extremely calming. If you watch movies in bed, watch comforting ones. Save dramas and action films for the couch.
When you get in bed to sleep, spend some time paying attention to your bed. Touch all the fabrics. Squeeze your pillows and pet your sheets. Get anchored in the present moment by letting yourself notice all the sensory information you are taking in.
Make your bed in the morning.
2-4. Use a night light, but keep it low.
If you are afraid of the dark, you might need to sleep with some sort of light on. Light disturbs your sleep, so pick a night light that turns itself off automatically. If you are afraid of waking up to pitch dark, choose a very dim night light, or try keeping a light on in the hall instead of in your room.
2-5. Let comfort in.
Feeling alone at night may be one of your biggest triggers. To remedy that, find ways of opening your room to others. If you live with other people, keep your bedroom door open at night. If you live alone, put up pictures of loved ones, and get in a phone call in the evening. If you have someone you can really rely on, like a parent, sibling, or best friend, ask them to call you at the same time every night.
Sleeping with a pet nearby may help you feel safe. Some dogs and cats like sharing your bed. You may find that just having a pet in the house helps you feel less alone.
Sleep with a stuffed animal, a prized blanket, or an object that reminds you of a person you love.
Wear soft pajamas you feel good in.
Decorate your room with things you like to see, and remove anything that has the potential to frighten you at night.
3. Falling Asleep and Staying Asleep
3-1. Have a consistent bedtime routine.
Going to bed the same way helps train your body to sleep, and can also train your body to begin to relax. Go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. Brush your teeth, use the bathroom, and do everything else to get ready in the same order every night.
3-2. Guard against nightmares.
You might be afraid at night because you have nightmares, which can make anything related to darkness and sleeping seem scary. To guard against nightmares, make sure you sleep long and hard. Adults should sleep seven to eight hours a night. Children and teenagers need closer to nine to eleven hours of sleep.
Skip the nap. Infants and toddlers need roughly three hours of naptime during the day, but napping interferes with the sleep of adults, teenagers, and older kids.
Use the bathroom before you sleep. Having an overfull bladder can cause nightmares.
Avoid eating food or drinking alcohol or caffeine near your bedtime. These can interfere with your sleep, and may provoke nightmares.
3-3. Take a warm bath an hour or two before bed.
This will warm up your body, which feels comforting. You will gradually cool off when you step outside of the tub. Your body temperature lowering will help put you to sleep. Stay cool. Don't pile on more blankets than you need. You might have trouble sleeping from being overheated.
3-4. Stay active.
Exercise helps you sleep, and also lowers your stress. Both these things help you avoid fears at night. Take a walk or go for a bike ride during the day. Don't exercise right before bed, as this will get your energy up and make sleeping difficult.
4. Being Less Scared as a Kid
4-1. Go to bed at the same time every night.
Sleep for nine to eleven hours every night. If you get enough sleep and have a regular bedtime, you will have an easier time falling asleep.
4-2. Ask to be put to bed.
Nobody is too old to be put to bed. Going to bed alone can make you feel lonely, and feeling lonely can make you feel afraid. Ask for a parent or guardian to sit with you and say goodnight. Ask them to read to you, sing to you, or just talk a little.
Ask for a hug goodnight.
4-3. Do the same things every night.
Having a bedtime routine helps your body relax. Try to get ready for bed and do something you like in the same order every night. You might want to brush your teeth, take a bath, and read a chapter of a book before you fall asleep.
4-4. Don't watch scary movies.
Scary movies, violent video games, and creepy stories can make you scared at night. That's what they're supposed to do! If you are getting scared at night, cut out the scary stuff. Never watch a scary movie or a violent video game at night.
4-5. Imagine a relaxing scene.
When you go to bed, close your eyes and picture a beautiful place. This could be your favorite real place, like a treehouse or a beach. It could be an imaginary place, like a castle or a magical forest. Imagine as many details of it as you can.
4-6. Remind yourself that nightmares aren't real.
If your fears come up, remind yourself that they are fears. Say, "That's not a ghost, that's my fear." Say, "I'm scared, but nothing is going to hurt me." Tell yourself to think about your beautiful scene instead.
If you are thinking about real life things that are scary, like people you love dying, say, "I get worried at night, but that doesn't mean the night is dangerous."
4-7. Have a cozy bed.
Have a cozy bed with soft clean sheets and warm blankets. Keep your favorite stuffed animal or special blanket in your bed for comfort. You can put a night light in the hall or in your bedroom if you want. Ask for a special night light that turns off after a while, so it doesn't disturb your sleep.
Stay in bed when you're scared. If you need help, call for help. Staying in bed will help you learn that your bed is safe.
4-8. Talk about it.
You don't have to feel bad about being scared at night. Fear happens to everyone. Even grown ups need comfort to fall asleep. You can tell your family and friends when you are scared. If you wake up from a nightmare, you can ask for a hug before you go back to bed.
If you wake up from a nightmare, you might feel okay afterwards and just fall back asleep. Tell your parents about it in the morning.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:13",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Confronting Anxiety\\n1-1. Identify daytime stressors.\\nStress during the day can lead to anxiety and panic at night. Children and adults are more likely to be afraid at night if they are stressed by something in real life. Keep track of your mood during the day, writing down moments of stress and the place and time they occur. What thoughts bring them on?\\nAre you especially stressed at work? At school? In social situations?\\nSufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder are especially likely to experience fear at night, nightmares, and sleep disorders. If you have survived a traumatizing experience, such as violence, abuse, or danger, ask for a referral to therapist who has worked with people with PTSD.\\n1-2. Name your fears.\\nWhen you feel yourself getting scared at night, name the emotion. Say it aloud, if you feel comfortable doing so. Say, \\\"I am scared,\\\" or, \\\"I am anxious,\\\" or, \\\"I am having a frightening thought.\\\" Next, state what brings it up. For instance, say \\\"The shadow that the tree makes on my wall at night is frightening me,\\\" or say, \\\"I feel vulnerable at night because I feel alone, and I worry that nobody is here to protect me.\\\"\\n1-3. Address yourself by name.\\nSpeaking to yourself can help you calm down and regain control of your emotions. Using your first name instead of \\\"I\\\" or \\\"me\\\" can dramatically boost that effect. Give yourself simple, loving commands using your first name.\\nYou might say \\\"Now, Jane, calm down. Get cozy. Pull the covers up and close those eyes. You know that's just the wind outside, and you know it always scares you.\\\"\\n1-4. Keep a journal.\\nWriting fears down can help you move past them. You can write down your fears in a \\\"worry diary,\\\" or you can keep a regular journal in which you write about many things, including your fears. Try writing in your journal before bed, and include the things that are worrying you.\\n1-5. Speak to a friend or family member.\\nThere is no need to suffer alone. Speaking to a loved one can help you clear your mind. Saying things out loud can be incredibly therapeutic. You may even get some helpful advice.\\n1-6. Speak to a therapist.\\nNighttime anxiety is anxiety, and anxiety becomes harder to treat if left unaddressed. Speak to your doctor about your fears, and ask for a referral to see a therapist. Talk to your doctor or therapist about your night fears, and ask for help with stress management.\\n2. Building a Sense of Safety\\n2-1. Meditate\\nBeside or in your bed, take some time to put your cares in the hands of the universe. If you pray, try talking a little about your fears when you pray. If you meditate, try thinking of nothing at all, or repeat a mantra such as, \\\"I have fears, but they do not hurt me,\\\" or \\\"I am safe; I am home.\\\" Sit so you are comfortable and take your time.\\n2-2. Breathe deeply.\\nThis can help you relax. As you breathe, concentrate on the feeling of the breath coming in and out of you. Feel which parts of your body rise and fall. Pay attention to your breath, and remind yourself to do so when you begin worrying about other things.\\n2-3. Treat your bed like a safe space.\\nInstead of getting scared at night and fleeing your bed, try treating your bed like an oasis. Dedicate your bed to relaxing and sleeping only. If you do anything in your bed other than sleep, make sure it is extremely calming. If you watch movies in bed, watch comforting ones. Save dramas and action films for the couch.\\nWhen you get in bed to sleep, spend some time paying attention to your bed. Touch all the fabrics. Squeeze your pillows and pet your sheets. Get anchored in the present moment by letting yourself notice all the sensory information you are taking in.\\nMake your bed in the morning.\\n2-4. Use a night light, but keep it low.\\nIf you are afraid of the dark, you might need to sleep with some sort of light on. Light disturbs your sleep, so pick a night light that turns itself off automatically. If you are afraid of waking up to pitch dark, choose a very dim night light, or try keeping a light on in the hall instead of in your room.\\n2-5. Let comfort in.\\nFeeling alone at night may be one of your biggest triggers. To remedy that, find ways of opening your room to others. If you live with other people, keep your bedroom door open at night. If you live alone, put up pictures of loved ones, and get in a phone call in the evening. If you have someone you can really rely on, like a parent, sibling, or best friend, ask them to call you at the same time every night.\\nSleeping with a pet nearby may help you feel safe. Some dogs and cats like sharing your bed. You may find that just having a pet in the house helps you feel less alone.\\nSleep with a stuffed animal, a prized blanket, or an object that reminds you of a person you love.\\nWear soft pajamas you feel good in.\\nDecorate your room with things you like to see, and remove anything that has the potential to frighten you at night.\\n3. Falling Asleep and Staying Asleep\\n3-1. Have a consistent bedtime routine.\\nGoing to bed the same way helps train your body to sleep, and can also train your body to begin to relax. Go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. Brush your teeth, use the bathroom, and do everything else to get ready in the same order every night.\\n3-2. Guard against nightmares.\\nYou might be afraid at night because you have nightmares, which can make anything related to darkness and sleeping seem scary. To guard against nightmares, make sure you sleep long and hard. Adults should sleep seven to eight hours a night. Children and teenagers need closer to nine to eleven hours of sleep.\\nSkip the nap. Infants and toddlers need roughly three hours of naptime during the day, but napping interferes with the sleep of adults, teenagers, and older kids.\\nUse the bathroom before you sleep. Having an overfull bladder can cause nightmares.\\nAvoid eating food or drinking alcohol or caffeine near your bedtime. These can interfere with your sleep, and may provoke nightmares.\\n3-3. Take a warm bath an hour or two before bed.\\nThis will warm up your body, which feels comforting. You will gradually cool off when you step outside of the tub. Your body temperature lowering will help put you to sleep. Stay cool. Don't pile on more blankets than you need. You might have trouble sleeping from being overheated.\\n3-4. Stay active.\\nExercise helps you sleep, and also lowers your stress. Both these things help you avoid fears at night. Take a walk or go for a bike ride during the day. Don't exercise right before bed, as this will get your energy up and make sleeping difficult.\\n4. Being Less Scared as a Kid\\n4-1. Go to bed at the same time every night.\\nSleep for nine to eleven hours every night. If you get enough sleep and have a regular bedtime, you will have an easier time falling asleep.\\n4-2. Ask to be put to bed.\\nNobody is too old to be put to bed. Going to bed alone can make you feel lonely, and feeling lonely can make you feel afraid. Ask for a parent or guardian to sit with you and say goodnight. Ask them to read to you, sing to you, or just talk a little.\\nAsk for a hug goodnight.\\n4-3. Do the same things every night.\\nHaving a bedtime routine helps your body relax. Try to get ready for bed and do something you like in the same order every night. You might want to brush your teeth, take a bath, and read a chapter of a book before you fall asleep.\\n4-4. Don't watch scary movies.\\nScary movies, violent video games, and creepy stories can make you scared at night. That's what they're supposed to do! If you are getting scared at night, cut out the scary stuff. Never watch a scary movie or a violent video game at night.\\n4-5. Imagine a relaxing scene.\\nWhen you go to bed, close your eyes and picture a beautiful place. This could be your favorite real place, like a treehouse or a beach. It could be an imaginary place, like a castle or a magical forest. Imagine as many details of it as you can.\\n4-6. Remind yourself that nightmares aren't real.\\nIf your fears come up, remind yourself that they are fears. Say, \\\"That's not a ghost, that's my fear.\\\" Say, \\\"I'm scared, but nothing is going to hurt me.\\\" Tell yourself to think about your beautiful scene instead.\\nIf you are thinking about real life things that are scary, like people you love dying, say, \\\"I get worried at night, but that doesn't mean the night is dangerous.\\\"\\n4-7. Have a cozy bed.\\nHave a cozy bed with soft clean sheets and warm blankets. Keep your favorite stuffed animal or special blanket in your bed for comfort. You can put a night light in the hall or in your bedroom if you want. Ask for a special night light that turns off after a while, so it doesn't disturb your sleep.\\nStay in bed when you're scared. If you need help, call for help. Staying in bed will help you learn that your bed is safe.\\n4-8. Talk about it.\\nYou don't have to feel bad about being scared at night. Fear happens to everyone. Even grown ups need comfort to fall asleep. You can tell your family and friends when you are scared. If you wake up from a nightmare, you can ask for a hug before you go back to bed.\\nIf you wake up from a nightmare, you might feel okay afterwards and just fall back asleep. Tell your parents about it in the morning.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When you're tired, you're less able to identify and dismiss illogical fears. The anxieties you normally keep under control sneak in, sometimes in new forms. You might be afraid of things you know are not real, or things you know are highly unlikely, such as burglars. You might find the dark, or the sense of solitude, particularly frightening. Learning to name your fears, comfort yourself, and get a good night's sleep will help you be less scared at night.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Confronting Anxiety\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify daytime stressors.\", \"描述\": \"Stress during the day can lead to anxiety and panic at night. Children and adults are more likely to be afraid at night if they are stressed by something in real life. Keep track of your mood during the day, writing down moments of stress and the place and time they occur. What thoughts bring them on?\\nAre you especially stressed at work? At school? In social situations?\\nSufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder are especially likely to experience fear at night, nightmares, and sleep disorders. If you have survived a traumatizing experience, such as violence, abuse, or danger, ask for a referral to therapist who has worked with people with PTSD.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Name your fears.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel yourself getting scared at night, name the emotion. Say it aloud, if you feel comfortable doing so. Say, \\\"I am scared,\\\" or, \\\"I am anxious,\\\" or, \\\"I am having a frightening thought.\\\" Next, state what brings it up. For instance, say \\\"The shadow that the tree makes on my wall at night is frightening me,\\\" or say, \\\"I feel vulnerable at night because I feel alone, and I worry that nobody is here to protect me.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Address yourself by name.\", \"描述\": \"Speaking to yourself can help you calm down and regain control of your emotions. Using your first name instead of \\\"I\\\" or \\\"me\\\" can dramatically boost that effect. Give yourself simple, loving commands using your first name.\\nYou might say \\\"Now, Jane, calm down. Get cozy. Pull the covers up and close those eyes. You know that's just the wind outside, and you know it always scares you.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep a journal.\", \"描述\": \"Writing fears down can help you move past them. You can write down your fears in a \\\"worry diary,\\\" or you can keep a regular journal in which you write about many things, including your fears. Try writing in your journal before bed, and include the things that are worrying you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Speak to a friend or family member.\", \"描述\": \"There is no need to suffer alone. Speaking to a loved one can help you clear your mind. Saying things out loud can be incredibly therapeutic. You may even get some helpful advice.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Speak to a therapist.\", \"描述\": \"Nighttime anxiety is anxiety, and anxiety becomes harder to treat if left unaddressed. Speak to your doctor about your fears, and ask for a referral to see a therapist. Talk to your doctor or therapist about your night fears, and ask for help with stress management.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building a Sense of Safety\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Meditate\", \"描述\": \"Beside or in your bed, take some time to put your cares in the hands of the universe. If you pray, try talking a little about your fears when you pray. If you meditate, try thinking of nothing at all, or repeat a mantra such as, \\\"I have fears, but they do not hurt me,\\\" or \\\"I am safe; I am home.\\\" Sit so you are comfortable and take your time.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Breathe deeply.\", \"描述\": \"This can help you relax. As you breathe, concentrate on the feeling of the breath coming in and out of you. Feel which parts of your body rise and fall. Pay attention to your breath, and remind yourself to do so when you begin worrying about other things.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Treat your bed like a safe space.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of getting scared at night and fleeing your bed, try treating your bed like an oasis. Dedicate your bed to relaxing and sleeping only. If you do anything in your bed other than sleep, make sure it is extremely calming. If you watch movies in bed, watch comforting ones. Save dramas and action films for the couch.\\nWhen you get in bed to sleep, spend some time paying attention to your bed. Touch all the fabrics. Squeeze your pillows and pet your sheets. Get anchored in the present moment by letting yourself notice all the sensory information you are taking in.\\nMake your bed in the morning.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use a night light, but keep it low.\", \"描述\": \"If you are afraid of the dark, you might need to sleep with some sort of light on. Light disturbs your sleep, so pick a night light that turns itself off automatically. If you are afraid of waking up to pitch dark, choose a very dim night light, or try keeping a light on in the hall instead of in your room.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Let comfort in.\", \"描述\": \"Feeling alone at night may be one of your biggest triggers. To remedy that, find ways of opening your room to others. If you live with other people, keep your bedroom door open at night. If you live alone, put up pictures of loved ones, and get in a phone call in the evening. If you have someone you can really rely on, like a parent, sibling, or best friend, ask them to call you at the same time every night.\\nSleeping with a pet nearby may help you feel safe. Some dogs and cats like sharing your bed. You may find that just having a pet in the house helps you feel less alone.\\nSleep with a stuffed animal, a prized blanket, or an object that reminds you of a person you love.\\nWear soft pajamas you feel good in.\\nDecorate your room with things you like to see, and remove anything that has the potential to frighten you at night.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Falling Asleep and Staying Asleep\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have a consistent bedtime routine.\", \"描述\": \"Going to bed the same way helps train your body to sleep, and can also train your body to begin to relax. Go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. Brush your teeth, use the bathroom, and do everything else to get ready in the same order every night.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Guard against nightmares.\", \"描述\": \"You might be afraid at night because you have nightmares, which can make anything related to darkness and sleeping seem scary. To guard against nightmares, make sure you sleep long and hard. Adults should sleep seven to eight hours a night. Children and teenagers need closer to nine to eleven hours of sleep.\\nSkip the nap. Infants and toddlers need roughly three hours of naptime during the day, but napping interferes with the sleep of adults, teenagers, and older kids.\\nUse the bathroom before you sleep. Having an overfull bladder can cause nightmares.\\nAvoid eating food or drinking alcohol or caffeine near your bedtime. These can interfere with your sleep, and may provoke nightmares.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take a warm bath an hour or two before bed.\", \"描述\": \"This will warm up your body, which feels comforting. You will gradually cool off when you step outside of the tub. Your body temperature lowering will help put you to sleep. Stay cool. Don't pile on more blankets than you need. You might have trouble sleeping from being overheated.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stay active.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise helps you sleep, and also lowers your stress. Both these things help you avoid fears at night. Take a walk or go for a bike ride during the day. Don't exercise right before bed, as this will get your energy up and make sleeping difficult.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Being Less Scared as a Kid\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go to bed at the same time every night.\", \"描述\": \"Sleep for nine to eleven hours every night. If you get enough sleep and have a regular bedtime, you will have an easier time falling asleep.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask to be put to bed.\", \"描述\": \"Nobody is too old to be put to bed. Going to bed alone can make you feel lonely, and feeling lonely can make you feel afraid. Ask for a parent or guardian to sit with you and say goodnight. Ask them to read to you, sing to you, or just talk a little.\\nAsk for a hug goodnight.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do the same things every night.\", \"描述\": \"Having a bedtime routine helps your body relax. Try to get ready for bed and do something you like in the same order every night. You might want to brush your teeth, take a bath, and read a chapter of a book before you fall asleep.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't watch scary movies.\", \"描述\": \"Scary movies, violent video games, and creepy stories can make you scared at night. That's what they're supposed to do! If you are getting scared at night, cut out the scary stuff. Never watch a scary movie or a violent video game at night.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Imagine a relaxing scene.\", \"描述\": \"When you go to bed, close your eyes and picture a beautiful place. This could be your favorite real place, like a treehouse or a beach. It could be an imaginary place, like a castle or a magical forest. Imagine as many details of it as you can.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that nightmares aren't real.\", \"描述\": \"If your fears come up, remind yourself that they are fears. Say, \\\"That's not a ghost, that's my fear.\\\" Say, \\\"I'm scared, but nothing is going to hurt me.\\\" Tell yourself to think about your beautiful scene instead.\\nIf you are thinking about real life things that are scary, like people you love dying, say, \\\"I get worried at night, but that doesn't mean the night is dangerous.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Have a cozy bed.\", \"描述\": \"Have a cozy bed with soft clean sheets and warm blankets. Keep your favorite stuffed animal or special blanket in your bed for comfort. You can put a night light in the hall or in your bedroom if you want. Ask for a special night light that turns off after a while, so it doesn't disturb your sleep.\\nStay in bed when you're scared. If you need help, call for help. Staying in bed will help you learn that your bed is safe.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Talk about it.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to feel bad about being scared at night. Fear happens to everyone. Even grown ups need comfort to fall asleep. You can tell your family and friends when you are scared. If you wake up from a nightmare, you can ask for a hug before you go back to bed.\\nIf you wake up from a nightmare, you might feel okay afterwards and just fall back asleep. Tell your parents about it in the morning.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,896 | How to Be Less Self Absorbed | 1. Being a Good Listener
1-1. Hear people out when they're talking.
When others speak to you, really listen. That is, listen to understand their message, not to to prepare your response. Turn to face them, make occasional eye contact, and avoid interrupting.
Try to plan your conversations in distraction-free environments where both speakers can communicate and listen attentively.
1-2. Notice their verbal and nonverbal cues.
Words tell a lot about what a person is saying, but they don't give the full picture. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all give insight into what the person is trying to communicate.
Pay attention to these cues when communicating. They often support the message, but they sometimes contradict the message.
For example, you ask a favor from someone and they say, “Okay, I'll do it.” Yet their voice sounds exasperated, their facial expression looks worried, and their body language is closed, they may not actually want to do the favor.
1-3. Restate what was said to be sure you got the right message.
Paraphrasing what the other person said before you respond with your own ideas can help you avoid misunderstandings. Plus, restating is a way to show the person you were actually listening, and not otherwise distracted by your own thoughts.
This might sound like, “From what I'm hearing, you seem to be really overwhelmed about the responsibilities of the coming week. Am I right?”
If the person confirms that you heard right, then you can share your own response.
1-4. Ask clarifying questions if you don't understand.
Is something unclear about the person's message? If so, pose a question to get clarification.
An example of a clarifying question might be, “I'm not sure if I get what you're trying to say. Are you saying you lost the information?”
You could also say something like "Did I hear you correctly?"
2. Shifting Your Focus
2-1. Do favors without considering what's in it for you.
Instead of weighing the possible benefits of helping others, simply say “yes." If the request is within your means, agree to it. Don't spend time figuring out what you’ll get out of the deal.
Over time, you'll likely notice that you don't even care what you get out of it anymore— it will feel good just because you're being selfless.
2-2. Volunteer in your local community.
Volunteerism is an excellent way to direct your attention outwards, to others. Find a place of need in your city or town and fill it.
Volunteer opportunities are endless, such as reading to children at the library, caring for pets at an animal shelter, or looking after preschoolers so their parents can attend church.
2-3. Advocate for a cause you believe in.
Expand your volunteer efforts to include organizations in your region or country that represent issues you care about. Sign up as an advocate and find ways you can spread the organization’s message to others.
For example, if you have a relative with mental health issues, you might participate in a regional NAMI chapter or help organize a mental health awareness campaign.
If you're concerned about political decisions, speak at your local library, write a letter to a congressperson, or start an online petition.
Being an advocate may involve community service just like hands-on volunteering, but the main point is to spread awareness about a particular cause.
2-4. Get up to speed on current events.
If you're self-absorbed, you may show little interest in circumstances that don't directly affect you. However, certain events happening in your region, nation, or the world may actually affect your family, friends, or neighbors.
Start watching the news—both locally and nationally—to learn more about what issues are affecting people near and far.
Staying up-to-date on events can also educate you about the concerns of others, helping you to focus on yourself less.
2-5. Stand in awe of something.
Being self-focused can cause you to miss out on all the amazing things the world has to offer. For the next week or so, make an effort to notice the wonder around you.
When you listen to music, close your eyes and lose yourself in the notes. Go outside and marvel at natural landscapes and wildlife. Visit a museum and appreciate the history and art.
3. Learning Empathy
3-1. Imagine stepping into the shoes of others.
Being empathetic can help you tune in more to the experiences of others. It can help build bridges and increase understanding.
Choose one person each day to truly notice. Perhaps you'll observe a classmate who seems to be having a hard time, or you might focus on one of your siblings or parents.
Step outside of your own experience into theirs. Ask yourself what it would be like to live this person's life. Doing this will likely change the way you look at and treat this person.
3-2. Practice validating others, even if you don't totally agree.
People want to feel heard and understood. If a friend or family member seems to be having a hard time with something, first actively listen and then try to validate their experience.
Validation might sound like, “I can see that this is really hard for you" or “I'm sorry you're feeling this way.”
The wonderful thing about validation is you don't even have to agree with what the person is saying to offer it. It's a way to acknowledge shared humanity (and pain), and that helps you get closer to others.
3-3. Spend time watching strangers.
Do you ever take out the time to observe the people you encounter in daily life, or do you merely pass through on the way to your next appointment or destination? Purposely observing others helps you to stop being less self-absorbed and become more in tune with the world around you.
Wile away an afternoon on a park bench, in a coffee shop, or at a corner cafe. Simply observe as people go to and fro.
Imagine what the people are thinking and feeling. Make up stories about where they are headed or the conversations they are having.
3-4. Perform loving-kindness meditation directed at others.
Choose about 5 to 10 minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes and take deep, cleansing breaths. Bring to mind a person in your life— perhaps a close friend, a family member or an acquaintance.
Use your meditation session to radiate good thoughts towards the person, almost as if you were giving them a virtual hug.
Choose a new person to focus on each day.
3-5. Read more fiction.
Fiction books allow you to experience the world from someone else's perspective. As a result of being in different character's heads, you come to feel greater empathy for the unique experiences of others.
Check out a fiction book from your local library. As you read, try to notice text that tells you what each character is thinking or feeling. Then, draw context clues from the surrounding text to determine why they might think or feel that way.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:13",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being a Good Listener\\n1-1. Hear people out when they're talking.\\nWhen others speak to you, really listen. That is, listen to understand their message, not to to prepare your response. Turn to face them, make occasional eye contact, and avoid interrupting.\\nTry to plan your conversations in distraction-free environments where both speakers can communicate and listen attentively.\\n1-2. Notice their verbal and nonverbal cues.\\nWords tell a lot about what a person is saying, but they don't give the full picture. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all give insight into what the person is trying to communicate.\\nPay attention to these cues when communicating. They often support the message, but they sometimes contradict the message.\\nFor example, you ask a favor from someone and they say, “Okay, I'll do it.” Yet their voice sounds exasperated, their facial expression looks worried, and their body language is closed, they may not actually want to do the favor.\\n1-3. Restate what was said to be sure you got the right message.\\nParaphrasing what the other person said before you respond with your own ideas can help you avoid misunderstandings. Plus, restating is a way to show the person you were actually listening, and not otherwise distracted by your own thoughts.\\nThis might sound like, “From what I'm hearing, you seem to be really overwhelmed about the responsibilities of the coming week. Am I right?”\\nIf the person confirms that you heard right, then you can share your own response.\\n1-4. Ask clarifying questions if you don't understand.\\nIs something unclear about the person's message? If so, pose a question to get clarification.\\nAn example of a clarifying question might be, “I'm not sure if I get what you're trying to say. Are you saying you lost the information?”\\nYou could also say something like \\\"Did I hear you correctly?\\\"\\n2. Shifting Your Focus\\n2-1. Do favors without considering what's in it for you.\\nInstead of weighing the possible benefits of helping others, simply say “yes.\\\" If the request is within your means, agree to it. Don't spend time figuring out what you’ll get out of the deal.\\nOver time, you'll likely notice that you don't even care what you get out of it anymore— it will feel good just because you're being selfless.\\n2-2. Volunteer in your local community.\\nVolunteerism is an excellent way to direct your attention outwards, to others. Find a place of need in your city or town and fill it.\\nVolunteer opportunities are endless, such as reading to children at the library, caring for pets at an animal shelter, or looking after preschoolers so their parents can attend church.\\n2-3. Advocate for a cause you believe in.\\nExpand your volunteer efforts to include organizations in your region or country that represent issues you care about. Sign up as an advocate and find ways you can spread the organization’s message to others.\\nFor example, if you have a relative with mental health issues, you might participate in a regional NAMI chapter or help organize a mental health awareness campaign.\\nIf you're concerned about political decisions, speak at your local library, write a letter to a congressperson, or start an online petition.\\nBeing an advocate may involve community service just like hands-on volunteering, but the main point is to spread awareness about a particular cause.\\n2-4. Get up to speed on current events.\\nIf you're self-absorbed, you may show little interest in circumstances that don't directly affect you. However, certain events happening in your region, nation, or the world may actually affect your family, friends, or neighbors.\\nStart watching the news—both locally and nationally—to learn more about what issues are affecting people near and far.\\nStaying up-to-date on events can also educate you about the concerns of others, helping you to focus on yourself less.\\n2-5. Stand in awe of something.\\nBeing self-focused can cause you to miss out on all the amazing things the world has to offer. For the next week or so, make an effort to notice the wonder around you.\\nWhen you listen to music, close your eyes and lose yourself in the notes. Go outside and marvel at natural landscapes and wildlife. Visit a museum and appreciate the history and art.\\n3. Learning Empathy\\n3-1. Imagine stepping into the shoes of others.\\nBeing empathetic can help you tune in more to the experiences of others. It can help build bridges and increase understanding.\\nChoose one person each day to truly notice. Perhaps you'll observe a classmate who seems to be having a hard time, or you might focus on one of your siblings or parents.\\nStep outside of your own experience into theirs. Ask yourself what it would be like to live this person's life. Doing this will likely change the way you look at and treat this person.\\n3-2. Practice validating others, even if you don't totally agree.\\nPeople want to feel heard and understood. If a friend or family member seems to be having a hard time with something, first actively listen and then try to validate their experience.\\nValidation might sound like, “I can see that this is really hard for you\\\" or “I'm sorry you're feeling this way.”\\nThe wonderful thing about validation is you don't even have to agree with what the person is saying to offer it. It's a way to acknowledge shared humanity (and pain), and that helps you get closer to others.\\n3-3. Spend time watching strangers.\\nDo you ever take out the time to observe the people you encounter in daily life, or do you merely pass through on the way to your next appointment or destination? Purposely observing others helps you to stop being less self-absorbed and become more in tune with the world around you.\\nWile away an afternoon on a park bench, in a coffee shop, or at a corner cafe. Simply observe as people go to and fro.\\nImagine what the people are thinking and feeling. Make up stories about where they are headed or the conversations they are having.\\n3-4. Perform loving-kindness meditation directed at others.\\nChoose about 5 to 10 minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes and take deep, cleansing breaths. Bring to mind a person in your life— perhaps a close friend, a family member or an acquaintance.\\nUse your meditation session to radiate good thoughts towards the person, almost as if you were giving them a virtual hug.\\nChoose a new person to focus on each day.\\n3-5. Read more fiction.\\nFiction books allow you to experience the world from someone else's perspective. As a result of being in different character's heads, you come to feel greater empathy for the unique experiences of others.\\nCheck out a fiction book from your local library. As you read, try to notice text that tells you what each character is thinking or feeling. Then, draw context clues from the surrounding text to determine why they might think or feel that way.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Modern society often encourages self-centered thinking: it says you should be focused on getting yourself where you want to be, sometimes at the expense of others. But focusing on yourself too much can cause problems, like distancing you from others or even causing you to miss out on opportunities. If you want to stop being so individualistic, turning some of that inward attention onto others will significantly improve your relationships and help you become a happier, more fulfilled person.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being a Good Listener\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hear people out when they're talking.\", \"描述\": \"When others speak to you, really listen. That is, listen to understand their message, not to to prepare your response. Turn to face them, make occasional eye contact, and avoid interrupting.\\nTry to plan your conversations in distraction-free environments where both speakers can communicate and listen attentively.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Notice their verbal and nonverbal cues.\", \"描述\": \"Words tell a lot about what a person is saying, but they don't give the full picture. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all give insight into what the person is trying to communicate.\\nPay attention to these cues when communicating. They often support the message, but they sometimes contradict the message.\\nFor example, you ask a favor from someone and they say, “Okay, I'll do it.” Yet their voice sounds exasperated, their facial expression looks worried, and their body language is closed, they may not actually want to do the favor.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Restate what was said to be sure you got the right message.\", \"描述\": \"Paraphrasing what the other person said before you respond with your own ideas can help you avoid misunderstandings. Plus, restating is a way to show the person you were actually listening, and not otherwise distracted by your own thoughts.\\nThis might sound like, “From what I'm hearing, you seem to be really overwhelmed about the responsibilities of the coming week. Am I right?”\\nIf the person confirms that you heard right, then you can share your own response.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask clarifying questions if you don't understand.\", \"描述\": \"Is something unclear about the person's message? If so, pose a question to get clarification.\\nAn example of a clarifying question might be, “I'm not sure if I get what you're trying to say. Are you saying you lost the information?”\\nYou could also say something like \\\"Did I hear you correctly?\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Shifting Your Focus\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do favors without considering what's in it for you.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of weighing the possible benefits of helping others, simply say “yes.\\\" If the request is within your means, agree to it. Don't spend time figuring out what you’ll get out of the deal.\\nOver time, you'll likely notice that you don't even care what you get out of it anymore— it will feel good just because you're being selfless.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Volunteer in your local community.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteerism is an excellent way to direct your attention outwards, to others. Find a place of need in your city or town and fill it.\\nVolunteer opportunities are endless, such as reading to children at the library, caring for pets at an animal shelter, or looking after preschoolers so their parents can attend church.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Advocate for a cause you believe in.\", \"描述\": \"Expand your volunteer efforts to include organizations in your region or country that represent issues you care about. Sign up as an advocate and find ways you can spread the organization’s message to others.\\nFor example, if you have a relative with mental health issues, you might participate in a regional NAMI chapter or help organize a mental health awareness campaign.\\nIf you're concerned about political decisions, speak at your local library, write a letter to a congressperson, or start an online petition.\\nBeing an advocate may involve community service just like hands-on volunteering, but the main point is to spread awareness about a particular cause.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get up to speed on current events.\", \"描述\": \"If you're self-absorbed, you may show little interest in circumstances that don't directly affect you. However, certain events happening in your region, nation, or the world may actually affect your family, friends, or neighbors.\\nStart watching the news—both locally and nationally—to learn more about what issues are affecting people near and far.\\nStaying up-to-date on events can also educate you about the concerns of others, helping you to focus on yourself less.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stand in awe of something.\", \"描述\": \"Being self-focused can cause you to miss out on all the amazing things the world has to offer. For the next week or so, make an effort to notice the wonder around you.\\nWhen you listen to music, close your eyes and lose yourself in the notes. Go outside and marvel at natural landscapes and wildlife. Visit a museum and appreciate the history and art.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learning Empathy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Imagine stepping into the shoes of others.\", \"描述\": \"Being empathetic can help you tune in more to the experiences of others. It can help build bridges and increase understanding.\\nChoose one person each day to truly notice. Perhaps you'll observe a classmate who seems to be having a hard time, or you might focus on one of your siblings or parents.\\nStep outside of your own experience into theirs. Ask yourself what it would be like to live this person's life. Doing this will likely change the way you look at and treat this person.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice validating others, even if you don't totally agree.\", \"描述\": \"People want to feel heard and understood. If a friend or family member seems to be having a hard time with something, first actively listen and then try to validate their experience.\\nValidation might sound like, “I can see that this is really hard for you\\\" or “I'm sorry you're feeling this way.”\\nThe wonderful thing about validation is you don't even have to agree with what the person is saying to offer it. It's a way to acknowledge shared humanity (and pain), and that helps you get closer to others.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Spend time watching strangers.\", \"描述\": \"Do you ever take out the time to observe the people you encounter in daily life, or do you merely pass through on the way to your next appointment or destination? Purposely observing others helps you to stop being less self-absorbed and become more in tune with the world around you.\\nWile away an afternoon on a park bench, in a coffee shop, or at a corner cafe. Simply observe as people go to and fro.\\nImagine what the people are thinking and feeling. Make up stories about where they are headed or the conversations they are having.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Perform loving-kindness meditation directed at others.\", \"描述\": \"Choose about 5 to 10 minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes and take deep, cleansing breaths. Bring to mind a person in your life— perhaps a close friend, a family member or an acquaintance.\\nUse your meditation session to radiate good thoughts towards the person, almost as if you were giving them a virtual hug.\\nChoose a new person to focus on each day.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Read more fiction.\", \"描述\": \"Fiction books allow you to experience the world from someone else's perspective. As a result of being in different character's heads, you come to feel greater empathy for the unique experiences of others.\\nCheck out a fiction book from your local library. As you read, try to notice text that tells you what each character is thinking or feeling. Then, draw context clues from the surrounding text to determine why they might think or feel that way.\"}]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,897 | How to Be Less Selfish | 1. Increasing Self-Awareness
1-1. Join a team.
Just about any team will do. Join a sports league, or the welcoming committee in your neighborhood, or become a member of the French club after school. No matter what activity you choose, being part of a team will help you see that working with others is important, and that many individual needs have to be balanced for success; not being selfish is a bit part of being a team player, so joining a team is a great place to practice your generosity and fairness. Successful teamwork is also a critically important skill for many occupations.
Being part of a team will make it harder for you to put your needs above the needs of others as you may be outwardly criticized for your selfishness, which can bring down your entire team.
1-2. Practice empathy.
Empathy means to understand or share the feelings of another person, or to "put yourself in their shoes." Empathy is a skill that can be worked on and strengthened, and can help you become less selfish. Work on understanding another's point of view and suspending your own wants and needs; in doing so, you will likely become more generous and understanding. Some ways to practice empathy include:
Ask the other person how he is doing. Instead of making assumptions or dismissing someone when he does something you do not agree with, ask him what is happening in his life. Be curious and concerned about this person and see if you can understand his view of what is going on.
Imagine sympathetic reasons for the person's behavior. If you are behind an older woman in line and they are taking a long time to check out, try to let go of judgement and frustration. Perhaps the woman spends most of their days alone, and they're chatting with the clerk a little longer because she rarely sees anyone. It doesn't matter if this is the true reason they're holding up the line; what matters is that it helps you have empathy for the other person.
1-3. Balance your needs with the needs of others.
If you tend to put yourself first, making sure you get what you want, when you want it, you must start letting go of getting your way and think about finding balance in your relationships. Start thinking about what your children, friends, or significant other might want, even if it's in conflict with your needs. Whenever you're in a conflicting situation, think about what would make the other person happy instead of what would make you content. Try to find a compromise, or try putting your needs aside.
Remember that everyone's needs, wants, and desires hold equal weight.
If your significant other really wants to watch their favorite team play baseball in the playoffs but you want to go to the movies, let they get what they want this time.
1-4. Show appreciation for others' kind actions towards you.
If you find yourself taking advantage of or expecting things from others, like a friend who always gives you a ride, or someone who used their personal network to help get you a job, it's time to start saying "Thank you." When someone does you a favor or is kind to you, show them gratitude by thanking them, either with your words, or even a note or small gift. Let them know you really appreciate that they went out of their way to help you.
Try doing good deeds for your friends or even strangers, expecting nothing in return. A truly selfless act of kindness is done without the expectation of reward or praise.
1-5. Learn to compromise.
Think about finding a happy medium where everyone involved in the situation can get some of what they want. Compromising is a skill that will help you succeed not only in friendships and relationships, but also in the business world.
When you're trying to solve a problem, think about who really wants it more. If you and your significant other are picking a movie to watch, and they've been dying to see one movie, while you're only lukewarm on your different choice, let them have their way.
If you find that you don't feel so strongly about your position, then reach an agreement that favors the other people. Then next time you really want something, it will be your turn. It all comes down to picking your battles.
Before your reach an agreement, make sure that everyone has time to express his or her views. This can help you have a more balanced perspective before you reach a decision.
1-6. Share.
Let a friend borrow your favorite dress. Share your lunch with a friend who forgot theirs. Let your significant other use your stereo for an afternoon.
Get in the habit of sharing something you were previously very possessive of. This will help you show others that they matter to you and will make it easier for you to be giving. It will change your self-perspective from being someone who is selfish to being someone who is selfless.
1-7. Volunteer.
Take the time to volunteer in your community, whether it's through school, work, or an independent activity. You can work in your school library, clean up a local park, work in a soup kitchen, or spend time teaching adults and children learn to read. Volunteering is a broadening your perspective of the world by seeing how others are in need and how you can make a difference. Volunteering will also make you more appreciative of what you have when you see that not everyone is lucky enough to have all of the things you do.
Make a goal of volunteering at least once a week, and see how much less selfish you feel.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, many places where you might be volunteering will be closed to promote social distancing. Find a way of volunteering that you can do alone or in a very small group.
2. Being a Better Friend
2-1. Be a better listener.
If you want to stop being selfish, then you have to learn to listen to other people. And that means you should really listen, not just nod, and say "Uh huh," until it's your turn to speak. Listening means absorbing what people say, remembering what people say, and understanding the problems of your friends, significant others, and coworkers. It can also help if you ask open-ended questions that give your conversation partner a chance to express him or herself.
Don't interrupt.
After your friend talks, give a thoughtful response by referencing points made in the conversation to show that you really paid attention.
If your friend has a problem, don't instantly compare it to your own problem, which you claim is "way worse." Take every problem on its own terms and give relevant advice when you can without making it all about you. You can say something like, "I was in a similar situation, and this is what helped me. Do you think it might work for you?"
2-2. Let your friend pick what you'll do together.
This small and simple gesture could make a big difference in your friendship. One key aspect of being a good friend is being supportive, which includes supporting your friend's activities from time to time. The next time you and your friend hang out, let her pick the movie, the dinner place, the happy hour bar, or the activity that you'll do together.
Once you get in the habit of doing this, you may find that you get pleasure out of making the people you care about happy.
You can also take turns. They can pick what you'll do one week and you can pick what you do the next.
2-3. Prepare a home-cooked meal for your friend.
Go to the store, shop for the things that you know your friend will love, and then spend at least an hour cooking a delicious meal and setting the table. Preparing a meal for your friend takes time, money, and effort, and you'll see how good it feels to do something nice for another person. This is an especially nice gesture if your friend is tired, broke, or in need of some comfort.
Don't make your friend bring over anything except something to drink. You'll be doing all the work that night.
If you find that you really like cooking for others, you can even start baking cookies or making stews and then dropping them off at your friends' houses in the evening.
2-4. Give good advice.
Stopping to give good, heartfelt, and meaningful advice to a friend can really make you feel more giving and less selfish. Not all gifts are physical; sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is help them figure out their problems. Don't just tell your friend what they want to hear; instead, take the time to give them meaningful and actionable advice that can really change their life.
Giving good advice to your friends may also make you more aware of what your friends really need instead of what you need.
2-5. Stop talking about yourself all the time.
This is easier said than done. Though being selfish and being self-involved aren't exactly the same thing, they do go hand in hand. So, make a point of talking about yourself only a third of the time when you're with a friend; spend the rest of your time talking about your friend, about other people you know, or about other outside topics.
If your friend brings up a problem and you've experienced a similar thing, it is OK to briefly talk about yourself to say you've gone through something similar as long as the goal of your doing so is to tell your friend that you can readily empathize with them. After you mention this, quickly turn the spotlight back to them so they can continue talking.
2-6. Ask your friends about themselves.
If you don't normally do this, you should really make a habit of it. The next time you're with your friends, ask them how they're doing, what they're feeling, how their days went, or what they have coming up that week. Don't make it too obvious that you're changing your trajectory and start bombarding them with questions at once; instead, make your way around to asking them questions about themselves and what they have going on.
Showing an interest in others is a great way to be less selfish.
It shouldn't feel superficial. You should ask your friends about themselves because they're your friends and because you care.
2-7. Do your friend a favor just because.
Don't do your friend a favor as a calculated ploy for getting something that you want later; do it out of the goodness of your heart. The favor can be big or small, anything from picking up coffee for your friend when they're stuck in a major study session to taking three hours out of your evening to explain chemical equations to them. If you see that your friend really needs something but is afraid to ask, you should be the one to suggest it even before your friend does.
And sometimes, you can do your friend a favor even if they really doesn't need anything, just because you're feeling nice or saw something that made you think of them.
3. Showing Gratitude
3-1. Make a gratitude list once a month.
One day per month, spend fifteen minutes with a notebook to write down all of the things you are grateful for. Don't stop until you've come up with at least ten things. Keep the list, and add on to it every month. Use this list to remind yourself that your life is full, and think about how grateful you are for the people in your life. Then, go out and tell them!
3-2. Give a small gift.
Sure, giving your friend, family member, or significant other a gift on their birthday is a nice gesture. But an even nicer and more spontaneous gesture will be when you give your friend a gift because you are grateful that you know this person. Doing so will make both of you all the happier.
It doesn't have to be brand-new or expensive. It could be a souvenir, a used book, or a piece of jewelry. What's important is showing your friend know that you are grateful; the price of the gift matters much less.
3-3. Give away something you love.
This is another great way to show gratitude. Giving away an old shirt you don't care about is one thing, but giving your favorite sweater to your little sibling or your best friend is another. If you have something that you're attached to but that you don't really have a use for, give it to someone who can actually use it, even if it means a lot to you. This kind of giving can be contagious; think about how the good you do may spread beyond its direct source!
Getting into the habit of giving away things you love will make you less selfish, and less attached to all of your possessions.
3-4. Appreciate nature.
Go for a hike or a run in the park. Take a long walk on the beach. Surround yourself in nature, immerse yourself in its beauty, and focus on the gift of the present moment. Being in awe of the beauty of nature can make you more grateful for what you've got and more willing to give to others.
Being out in nature can also help you put things into perspective. You'll have a much harder time viewing your own little perspective as all-important when you're standing at the bottom of a gushing and powerful waterfall.
3-5. Write thank you cards.
Any time someone does something that really matters to you, take the time to get a thank you card. Be sure to mention exactly how much what this person did meant to you. Don't just send the cards to teachers, co-workers, or professors; get in the habit of writing the cards to near and dear friends, to show them that you notice their efforts and are grateful for them.
Buy a pack of ten thank-you cards. Make a goal of using them all within the year.
Tips
Be glad that you have the means to help those less fortunate than you. Think about them and be grateful for what you have.
Try empathizing with the hungry and donating food to the food bank.
Warnings
Be careful not to go too far in the other direction or you may be taken advantage of by people. Be strong and protect yourself, but also flexible and willing to share your time, resources, and love with those who you deem are good, trustworthy people.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:13",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Increasing Self-Awareness\\n1-1. Join a team.\\nJust about any team will do. Join a sports league, or the welcoming committee in your neighborhood, or become a member of the French club after school. No matter what activity you choose, being part of a team will help you see that working with others is important, and that many individual needs have to be balanced for success; not being selfish is a bit part of being a team player, so joining a team is a great place to practice your generosity and fairness. Successful teamwork is also a critically important skill for many occupations.\\nBeing part of a team will make it harder for you to put your needs above the needs of others as you may be outwardly criticized for your selfishness, which can bring down your entire team.\\n1-2. Practice empathy.\\nEmpathy means to understand or share the feelings of another person, or to \\\"put yourself in their shoes.\\\" Empathy is a skill that can be worked on and strengthened, and can help you become less selfish. Work on understanding another's point of view and suspending your own wants and needs; in doing so, you will likely become more generous and understanding. Some ways to practice empathy include:\\nAsk the other person how he is doing. Instead of making assumptions or dismissing someone when he does something you do not agree with, ask him what is happening in his life. Be curious and concerned about this person and see if you can understand his view of what is going on.\\nImagine sympathetic reasons for the person's behavior. If you are behind an older woman in line and they are taking a long time to check out, try to let go of judgement and frustration. Perhaps the woman spends most of their days alone, and they're chatting with the clerk a little longer because she rarely sees anyone. It doesn't matter if this is the true reason they're holding up the line; what matters is that it helps you have empathy for the other person.\\n1-3. Balance your needs with the needs of others.\\nIf you tend to put yourself first, making sure you get what you want, when you want it, you must start letting go of getting your way and think about finding balance in your relationships. Start thinking about what your children, friends, or significant other might want, even if it's in conflict with your needs. Whenever you're in a conflicting situation, think about what would make the other person happy instead of what would make you content. Try to find a compromise, or try putting your needs aside.\\nRemember that everyone's needs, wants, and desires hold equal weight.\\nIf your significant other really wants to watch their favorite team play baseball in the playoffs but you want to go to the movies, let they get what they want this time.\\n1-4. Show appreciation for others' kind actions towards you.\\nIf you find yourself taking advantage of or expecting things from others, like a friend who always gives you a ride, or someone who used their personal network to help get you a job, it's time to start saying \\\"Thank you.\\\" When someone does you a favor or is kind to you, show them gratitude by thanking them, either with your words, or even a note or small gift. Let them know you really appreciate that they went out of their way to help you.\\nTry doing good deeds for your friends or even strangers, expecting nothing in return. A truly selfless act of kindness is done without the expectation of reward or praise.\\n1-5. Learn to compromise.\\nThink about finding a happy medium where everyone involved in the situation can get some of what they want. Compromising is a skill that will help you succeed not only in friendships and relationships, but also in the business world. \\nWhen you're trying to solve a problem, think about who really wants it more. If you and your significant other are picking a movie to watch, and they've been dying to see one movie, while you're only lukewarm on your different choice, let them have their way.\\nIf you find that you don't feel so strongly about your position, then reach an agreement that favors the other people. Then next time you really want something, it will be your turn. It all comes down to picking your battles.\\nBefore your reach an agreement, make sure that everyone has time to express his or her views. This can help you have a more balanced perspective before you reach a decision.\\n1-6. Share.\\nLet a friend borrow your favorite dress. Share your lunch with a friend who forgot theirs. Let your significant other use your stereo for an afternoon. \\nGet in the habit of sharing something you were previously very possessive of. This will help you show others that they matter to you and will make it easier for you to be giving. It will change your self-perspective from being someone who is selfish to being someone who is selfless.\\n1-7. Volunteer.\\nTake the time to volunteer in your community, whether it's through school, work, or an independent activity. You can work in your school library, clean up a local park, work in a soup kitchen, or spend time teaching adults and children learn to read. Volunteering is a broadening your perspective of the world by seeing how others are in need and how you can make a difference. Volunteering will also make you more appreciative of what you have when you see that not everyone is lucky enough to have all of the things you do.\\nMake a goal of volunteering at least once a week, and see how much less selfish you feel.\\nDuring the COVID-19 pandemic, many places where you might be volunteering will be closed to promote social distancing. Find a way of volunteering that you can do alone or in a very small group.\\n2. Being a Better Friend\\n2-1. Be a better listener.\\nIf you want to stop being selfish, then you have to learn to listen to other people. And that means you should really listen, not just nod, and say \\\"Uh huh,\\\" until it's your turn to speak. Listening means absorbing what people say, remembering what people say, and understanding the problems of your friends, significant others, and coworkers. It can also help if you ask open-ended questions that give your conversation partner a chance to express him or herself. \\nDon't interrupt.\\nAfter your friend talks, give a thoughtful response by referencing points made in the conversation to show that you really paid attention.\\nIf your friend has a problem, don't instantly compare it to your own problem, which you claim is \\\"way worse.\\\" Take every problem on its own terms and give relevant advice when you can without making it all about you. You can say something like, \\\"I was in a similar situation, and this is what helped me. Do you think it might work for you?\\\"\\n2-2. Let your friend pick what you'll do together.\\nThis small and simple gesture could make a big difference in your friendship. One key aspect of being a good friend is being supportive, which includes supporting your friend's activities from time to time. The next time you and your friend hang out, let her pick the movie, the dinner place, the happy hour bar, or the activity that you'll do together. \\nOnce you get in the habit of doing this, you may find that you get pleasure out of making the people you care about happy.\\nYou can also take turns. They can pick what you'll do one week and you can pick what you do the next.\\n2-3. Prepare a home-cooked meal for your friend.\\nGo to the store, shop for the things that you know your friend will love, and then spend at least an hour cooking a delicious meal and setting the table. Preparing a meal for your friend takes time, money, and effort, and you'll see how good it feels to do something nice for another person. This is an especially nice gesture if your friend is tired, broke, or in need of some comfort.\\nDon't make your friend bring over anything except something to drink. You'll be doing all the work that night.\\nIf you find that you really like cooking for others, you can even start baking cookies or making stews and then dropping them off at your friends' houses in the evening.\\n2-4. Give good advice.\\nStopping to give good, heartfelt, and meaningful advice to a friend can really make you feel more giving and less selfish. Not all gifts are physical; sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is help them figure out their problems. Don't just tell your friend what they want to hear; instead, take the time to give them meaningful and actionable advice that can really change their life.\\nGiving good advice to your friends may also make you more aware of what your friends really need instead of what you need.\\n2-5. Stop talking about yourself all the time.\\nThis is easier said than done. Though being selfish and being self-involved aren't exactly the same thing, they do go hand in hand. So, make a point of talking about yourself only a third of the time when you're with a friend; spend the rest of your time talking about your friend, about other people you know, or about other outside topics. \\nIf your friend brings up a problem and you've experienced a similar thing, it is OK to briefly talk about yourself to say you've gone through something similar as long as the goal of your doing so is to tell your friend that you can readily empathize with them. After you mention this, quickly turn the spotlight back to them so they can continue talking.\\n2-6. Ask your friends about themselves.\\nIf you don't normally do this, you should really make a habit of it. The next time you're with your friends, ask them how they're doing, what they're feeling, how their days went, or what they have coming up that week. Don't make it too obvious that you're changing your trajectory and start bombarding them with questions at once; instead, make your way around to asking them questions about themselves and what they have going on.\\nShowing an interest in others is a great way to be less selfish.\\nIt shouldn't feel superficial. You should ask your friends about themselves because they're your friends and because you care.\\n2-7. Do your friend a favor just because.\\nDon't do your friend a favor as a calculated ploy for getting something that you want later; do it out of the goodness of your heart. The favor can be big or small, anything from picking up coffee for your friend when they're stuck in a major study session to taking three hours out of your evening to explain chemical equations to them. If you see that your friend really needs something but is afraid to ask, you should be the one to suggest it even before your friend does.\\nAnd sometimes, you can do your friend a favor even if they really doesn't need anything, just because you're feeling nice or saw something that made you think of them.\\n3. Showing Gratitude\\n3-1. Make a gratitude list once a month.\\nOne day per month, spend fifteen minutes with a notebook to write down all of the things you are grateful for. Don't stop until you've come up with at least ten things. Keep the list, and add on to it every month. Use this list to remind yourself that your life is full, and think about how grateful you are for the people in your life. Then, go out and tell them!\\n3-2. Give a small gift.\\nSure, giving your friend, family member, or significant other a gift on their birthday is a nice gesture. But an even nicer and more spontaneous gesture will be when you give your friend a gift because you are grateful that you know this person. Doing so will make both of you all the happier. \\nIt doesn't have to be brand-new or expensive. It could be a souvenir, a used book, or a piece of jewelry. What's important is showing your friend know that you are grateful; the price of the gift matters much less.\\n3-3. Give away something you love.\\nThis is another great way to show gratitude. Giving away an old shirt you don't care about is one thing, but giving your favorite sweater to your little sibling or your best friend is another. If you have something that you're attached to but that you don't really have a use for, give it to someone who can actually use it, even if it means a lot to you. This kind of giving can be contagious; think about how the good you do may spread beyond its direct source!\\nGetting into the habit of giving away things you love will make you less selfish, and less attached to all of your possessions.\\n3-4. Appreciate nature.\\nGo for a hike or a run in the park. Take a long walk on the beach. Surround yourself in nature, immerse yourself in its beauty, and focus on the gift of the present moment. Being in awe of the beauty of nature can make you more grateful for what you've got and more willing to give to others.\\nBeing out in nature can also help you put things into perspective. You'll have a much harder time viewing your own little perspective as all-important when you're standing at the bottom of a gushing and powerful waterfall.\\n3-5. Write thank you cards.\\nAny time someone does something that really matters to you, take the time to get a thank you card. Be sure to mention exactly how much what this person did meant to you. Don't just send the cards to teachers, co-workers, or professors; get in the habit of writing the cards to near and dear friends, to show them that you notice their efforts and are grateful for them.\\nBuy a pack of ten thank-you cards. Make a goal of using them all within the year.\\nTips\\nBe glad that you have the means to help those less fortunate than you. Think about them and be grateful for what you have.\\nTry empathizing with the hungry and donating food to the food bank.\\nWarnings\\nBe careful not to go too far in the other direction or you may be taken advantage of by people. Be strong and protect yourself, but also flexible and willing to share your time, resources, and love with those who you deem are good, trustworthy people.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Has more than one person pointed out how selfish you are? If you tend to think you're the center of the universe, always insist on getting your way, and hate sharing or doing favors for others, then yeah, you probably have a bit of a selfishness problem. Though being less selfish doesn't happen overnight, there are a few things you can do to become a person who is known for giving, not taking.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Increasing Self-Awareness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Join a team.\", \"描述\": \"Just about any team will do. Join a sports league, or the welcoming committee in your neighborhood, or become a member of the French club after school. No matter what activity you choose, being part of a team will help you see that working with others is important, and that many individual needs have to be balanced for success; not being selfish is a bit part of being a team player, so joining a team is a great place to practice your generosity and fairness. Successful teamwork is also a critically important skill for many occupations.\\nBeing part of a team will make it harder for you to put your needs above the needs of others as you may be outwardly criticized for your selfishness, which can bring down your entire team.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice empathy.\", \"描述\": \"Empathy means to understand or share the feelings of another person, or to \\\"put yourself in their shoes.\\\" Empathy is a skill that can be worked on and strengthened, and can help you become less selfish. Work on understanding another's point of view and suspending your own wants and needs; in doing so, you will likely become more generous and understanding. Some ways to practice empathy include:\\nAsk the other person how he is doing. Instead of making assumptions or dismissing someone when he does something you do not agree with, ask him what is happening in his life. Be curious and concerned about this person and see if you can understand his view of what is going on.\\nImagine sympathetic reasons for the person's behavior. If you are behind an older woman in line and they are taking a long time to check out, try to let go of judgement and frustration. Perhaps the woman spends most of their days alone, and they're chatting with the clerk a little longer because she rarely sees anyone. It doesn't matter if this is the true reason they're holding up the line; what matters is that it helps you have empathy for the other person.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Balance your needs with the needs of others.\", \"描述\": \"If you tend to put yourself first, making sure you get what you want, when you want it, you must start letting go of getting your way and think about finding balance in your relationships. Start thinking about what your children, friends, or significant other might want, even if it's in conflict with your needs. Whenever you're in a conflicting situation, think about what would make the other person happy instead of what would make you content. Try to find a compromise, or try putting your needs aside.\\nRemember that everyone's needs, wants, and desires hold equal weight.\\nIf your significant other really wants to watch their favorite team play baseball in the playoffs but you want to go to the movies, let they get what they want this time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Show appreciation for others' kind actions towards you.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself taking advantage of or expecting things from others, like a friend who always gives you a ride, or someone who used their personal network to help get you a job, it's time to start saying \\\"Thank you.\\\" When someone does you a favor or is kind to you, show them gratitude by thanking them, either with your words, or even a note or small gift. Let them know you really appreciate that they went out of their way to help you.\\nTry doing good deeds for your friends or even strangers, expecting nothing in return. A truly selfless act of kindness is done without the expectation of reward or praise.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn to compromise.\", \"描述\": \"Think about finding a happy medium where everyone involved in the situation can get some of what they want. Compromising is a skill that will help you succeed not only in friendships and relationships, but also in the business world. \\nWhen you're trying to solve a problem, think about who really wants it more. If you and your significant other are picking a movie to watch, and they've been dying to see one movie, while you're only lukewarm on your different choice, let them have their way.\\nIf you find that you don't feel so strongly about your position, then reach an agreement that favors the other people. Then next time you really want something, it will be your turn. It all comes down to picking your battles.\\nBefore your reach an agreement, make sure that everyone has time to express his or her views. This can help you have a more balanced perspective before you reach a decision.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Share.\", \"描述\": \"Let a friend borrow your favorite dress. Share your lunch with a friend who forgot theirs. Let your significant other use your stereo for an afternoon. \\nGet in the habit of sharing something you were previously very possessive of. This will help you show others that they matter to you and will make it easier for you to be giving. It will change your self-perspective from being someone who is selfish to being someone who is selfless.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Take the time to volunteer in your community, whether it's through school, work, or an independent activity. You can work in your school library, clean up a local park, work in a soup kitchen, or spend time teaching adults and children learn to read. Volunteering is a broadening your perspective of the world by seeing how others are in need and how you can make a difference. Volunteering will also make you more appreciative of what you have when you see that not everyone is lucky enough to have all of the things you do.\\nMake a goal of volunteering at least once a week, and see how much less selfish you feel.\\nDuring the COVID-19 pandemic, many places where you might be volunteering will be closed to promote social distancing. Find a way of volunteering that you can do alone or in a very small group.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being a Better Friend\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be a better listener.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to stop being selfish, then you have to learn to listen to other people. And that means you should really listen, not just nod, and say \\\"Uh huh,\\\" until it's your turn to speak. Listening means absorbing what people say, remembering what people say, and understanding the problems of your friends, significant others, and coworkers. It can also help if you ask open-ended questions that give your conversation partner a chance to express him or herself. \\nDon't interrupt.\\nAfter your friend talks, give a thoughtful response by referencing points made in the conversation to show that you really paid attention.\\nIf your friend has a problem, don't instantly compare it to your own problem, which you claim is \\\"way worse.\\\" Take every problem on its own terms and give relevant advice when you can without making it all about you. You can say something like, \\\"I was in a similar situation, and this is what helped me. Do you think it might work for you?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let your friend pick what you'll do together.\", \"描述\": \"This small and simple gesture could make a big difference in your friendship. One key aspect of being a good friend is being supportive, which includes supporting your friend's activities from time to time. The next time you and your friend hang out, let her pick the movie, the dinner place, the happy hour bar, or the activity that you'll do together. \\nOnce you get in the habit of doing this, you may find that you get pleasure out of making the people you care about happy.\\nYou can also take turns. They can pick what you'll do one week and you can pick what you do the next.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Prepare a home-cooked meal for your friend.\", \"描述\": \"Go to the store, shop for the things that you know your friend will love, and then spend at least an hour cooking a delicious meal and setting the table. Preparing a meal for your friend takes time, money, and effort, and you'll see how good it feels to do something nice for another person. This is an especially nice gesture if your friend is tired, broke, or in need of some comfort.\\nDon't make your friend bring over anything except something to drink. You'll be doing all the work that night.\\nIf you find that you really like cooking for others, you can even start baking cookies or making stews and then dropping them off at your friends' houses in the evening.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Give good advice.\", \"描述\": \"Stopping to give good, heartfelt, and meaningful advice to a friend can really make you feel more giving and less selfish. Not all gifts are physical; sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is help them figure out their problems. Don't just tell your friend what they want to hear; instead, take the time to give them meaningful and actionable advice that can really change their life.\\nGiving good advice to your friends may also make you more aware of what your friends really need instead of what you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stop talking about yourself all the time.\", \"描述\": \"This is easier said than done. Though being selfish and being self-involved aren't exactly the same thing, they do go hand in hand. So, make a point of talking about yourself only a third of the time when you're with a friend; spend the rest of your time talking about your friend, about other people you know, or about other outside topics. \\nIf your friend brings up a problem and you've experienced a similar thing, it is OK to briefly talk about yourself to say you've gone through something similar as long as the goal of your doing so is to tell your friend that you can readily empathize with them. After you mention this, quickly turn the spotlight back to them so they can continue talking.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Ask your friends about themselves.\", \"描述\": \"If you don't normally do this, you should really make a habit of it. The next time you're with your friends, ask them how they're doing, what they're feeling, how their days went, or what they have coming up that week. Don't make it too obvious that you're changing your trajectory and start bombarding them with questions at once; instead, make your way around to asking them questions about themselves and what they have going on.\\nShowing an interest in others is a great way to be less selfish.\\nIt shouldn't feel superficial. You should ask your friends about themselves because they're your friends and because you care.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Do your friend a favor just because.\", \"描述\": \"Don't do your friend a favor as a calculated ploy for getting something that you want later; do it out of the goodness of your heart. The favor can be big or small, anything from picking up coffee for your friend when they're stuck in a major study session to taking three hours out of your evening to explain chemical equations to them. If you see that your friend really needs something but is afraid to ask, you should be the one to suggest it even before your friend does.\\nAnd sometimes, you can do your friend a favor even if they really doesn't need anything, just because you're feeling nice or saw something that made you think of them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Showing Gratitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make a gratitude list once a month.\", \"描述\": \"One day per month, spend fifteen minutes with a notebook to write down all of the things you are grateful for. Don't stop until you've come up with at least ten things. Keep the list, and add on to it every month. Use this list to remind yourself that your life is full, and think about how grateful you are for the people in your life. Then, go out and tell them!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Give a small gift.\", \"描述\": \"Sure, giving your friend, family member, or significant other a gift on their birthday is a nice gesture. But an even nicer and more spontaneous gesture will be when you give your friend a gift because you are grateful that you know this person. Doing so will make both of you all the happier. \\nIt doesn't have to be brand-new or expensive. It could be a souvenir, a used book, or a piece of jewelry. What's important is showing your friend know that you are grateful; the price of the gift matters much less.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give away something you love.\", \"描述\": \"This is another great way to show gratitude. Giving away an old shirt you don't care about is one thing, but giving your favorite sweater to your little sibling or your best friend is another. If you have something that you're attached to but that you don't really have a use for, give it to someone who can actually use it, even if it means a lot to you. This kind of giving can be contagious; think about how the good you do may spread beyond its direct source!\\nGetting into the habit of giving away things you love will make you less selfish, and less attached to all of your possessions.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Appreciate nature.\", \"描述\": \"Go for a hike or a run in the park. Take a long walk on the beach. Surround yourself in nature, immerse yourself in its beauty, and focus on the gift of the present moment. Being in awe of the beauty of nature can make you more grateful for what you've got and more willing to give to others.\\nBeing out in nature can also help you put things into perspective. You'll have a much harder time viewing your own little perspective as all-important when you're standing at the bottom of a gushing and powerful waterfall.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Write thank you cards.\", \"描述\": \"Any time someone does something that really matters to you, take the time to get a thank you card. Be sure to mention exactly how much what this person did meant to you. Don't just send the cards to teachers, co-workers, or professors; get in the habit of writing the cards to near and dear friends, to show them that you notice their efforts and are grateful for them.\\nBuy a pack of ten thank-you cards. Make a goal of using them all within the year.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be glad that you have the means to help those less fortunate than you. Think about them and be grateful for what you have.\\n\", \"Try empathizing with the hungry and donating food to the food bank.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be careful not to go too far in the other direction or you may be taken advantage of by people. Be strong and protect yourself, but also flexible and willing to share your time, resources, and love with those who you deem are good, trustworthy people.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,898 | How to Be Less Sensitive | 1. Managing Your Emotions in the Moment
1-1. Take a deep breath to relax yourself.
Breathe slowly through your nose, counting to 5. Hold your breath for a count of 5, then slowly exhale. Repeat 5 times to help your body relax.
As another option, simply focus on your breath. Notice your lungs filling as you slowly inhale, then observe how you feel as you slowly exhale.
1-2. Name your emotions so you can release them.
Denying your emotions won’t make them go away. The best way to work through your emotions is to acknowledge how you feel and let it pass. You can feel something without letting your emotions control you.
You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry because my coworker took credit for my work. I have a right to feel this way.” Then, imagine that the emotion is a bird that's flying away from you, or picture the emotion as a rock that you are throwing away.
1-3. Reframe your perspective on the situation to reduce your negative emotions.
Try to look at things in a more positive light. This might help you relieve your emotions. Here are some ways to reframe:
Look at the situation from someone else’s perspective. For example, imagine how your best friend might see it.
Assign positive motives to people’s words or actions. For instance, assume that your boss made your coworker the lead on a new project because your schedule is already busy.
List the positives that could come out of a situation. As an example, you might think of ways the situation that's upsetting you offers opportunities to grow or try something new.
Tell yourself a different story about the situation at hand. For instance, if you are doubting your abilities after a setback at work or school, you might turn your thoughts to how you will bounce back from the setback.
1-4. Distract yourself from what’s bothering you to control your reaction.
Shifting your thoughts can help you calm yourself down. Change the subject if you’re talking to someone, or think about something else. As another option, you can read positive quotes, take a coffee break, or switch to a new task.
For example, if your boss gives you a piece of criticism, you might distract yourself by listing off the next few tasks you want to accomplish.
1-5. Practice mindfulness
Being in the present can help you feel less emotional because it helps reduce your stress. Engage your 5 senses to ground you in the moment. Here’s how to do it:
Sight: describe your environment to yourself or look for everything blue.
Sound: notice what you hear or listen to calming music.
Touch: observe how your feet feel on the ground or feel the texture of something in your environment.
Smell: pick out the scents in your environment or sniff an essential oil.
Taste: sip on a cup of coffee or savor a small snack.
1-6. Excuse yourself if you need a moment to calm down.
Don’t tell anyone what’s going on with you. Instead, go to the restroom or pretend you need to retrieve something from elsewhere. Once you get there, take a few moments to calm down.
For example, you might go to the restroom and splash cold water on your face.
1-7. Do something that boosts your mood to get your mind off the issue.
When you’re feeling negative emotions, give yourself a reason to perk up. This can help you reduce your sensitivity in the moment. Try one of these pick-me-ups:
Drink a cup of your favorite tea.
Call or text a friend.
Look at your favorite meme.
Eat a small piece of candy.
Go for a brief walk.
Step outside into the sunshine.
2. Handling Constructive Criticism
2-1. Recognize the role of criticism is to help you improve.
It’s normal to receive constructive feedback from teachers, bosses, coaches, family members, and friends. At times, this criticism is going to seem negative because its purpose is to help you better your performance. Don’t view criticism as an attack because it’s really meant to help you.
Don’t just focus on the negative criticism. Hear the positives, as well.
For example, your coach might point out that you're repeatedly making the same error during games. They aren't trying to make you feel bad or telling you that you aren't good. They want to you to know what to work on for next time.
2-2. Ask for clarification if you aren’t sure what the criticism means.
Don’t try to figure out what someone else is thinking. Talk to them about what they meant and ask how they would have done things differently. Be open to seeing things from someone else’s point of view.
Say, “I want to incorporate your feedback, but I’m unsure what you meant when you said I need to open up more. How would you suggest I do that?”
2-3. Look at the criticism from the other person’s perspective.
This can help you realize the person's true purpose so you can decide if the criticism is worth taking. Think about where they’re coming from, as well as the reason they're giving the criticism. Additionally, consider what they might be seeing that you don’t, as well as what you know that they don’t.
In some cases, seeing the criticism from the other person's perspective can also help you realize that they aren't attacking you. Being told that you need to improve on something can really hurt, but if no one ever gives you criticism, you'll never grow.
Are they speaking from a positive place? If so, think about how you can use their criticisms to improve.
If you think they’re speaking from a negative place, such as out of jealousy, you might decide their criticisms aren’t valid for you.
2-4. Stop the critical voices in your head.
Chances are, you’re your worst critic. Don’t let your own critical thoughts about yourself make other people’s helpful criticisms seem worse than they are. Switch out your negative thoughts for positive self-talk.
When you notice a negative thought, acknowledge it. Then, turn it into something positive.
For example, after a presentation you might tell yourself, “I’m no good at public speaking.” You can replace this thought with, “Every speech I give gets better, and I’m proud of my progress.”
2-5. Build up your confidence
Having low self-confidence makes you more vulnerable to criticism. On the other hand, recognizing your value helps you accept criticism and use it constructively. Here are small ways to improve your level of confidence:
Make a list of your strengths.
Do something each day that allows you to be successful.
Celebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small.
Recognize your past achievements.
Notice your efforts, not just the results.
3. Reducing Sensitivity While in a Relationship
3-1. Tend to your needs, not just your partner's.
Don’t make your life revolve around your partner, as this is a sure-fire way to make you more sensitive. They can’t be responsible for all of your needs, just as you shouldn’t take responsibility for theirs. Give yourself the love and attention you need rather than demanding it from your partner.
It’s normal for you and your partner to do things out of love. However, you can’t and shouldn’t try to do everything for them.
Don’t expect someone to notice what you need. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, speak up.
3-2. Remind yourself that not everything is about you.
There are going to be days when your partner is upset or angry. Don’t automatically assume it’s about you. Instead, ask them about their day and be aware of what could be causing their emotions.
Don’t take things personally. People are usually focused on their own issues and aren’t thinking about you.
3-3. Talk to your partner if you have relationship worries caused by sensitivity.
Your concerns about your relationship may be accurate, but you won't know for sure until you talk to your partner. You may find out that it's all a misunderstanding. It’s okay to question things sometimes, but don’t try to guess at what might be wrong. Bring up your concerns with your partner and ask how they feel. Then, listen to what they have to say.
You might say, “You’ve seemed really distant lately. Are you comfortable talking about it?”
3-4. Challenge any feelings of rejection and jealousy.
Your sensitivity may make you feel rejected or jealous when your partner doesn't give you the attention you want. This can make you feel upset and anxious, plus it threatens your relationship. Working through these feelings can help you feel better. Here's how you can challenge these feelings:
Ask yourself if the feelings hold any truth.
List other possible explanations for the reason you feel jealous or rejected.
Talk to someone you trust about your feelings and get their opinion.
Consider where the feeling might be coming from. Have you been cheated on? Is there any reason to not trust your partner?
Ask yourself what you need from your partner in order to trust them. Talk to your partner about these needs.
3-5. Set boundaries to protect your emotions.
It's normal for people who are sensitive to take on the feelings of others. You might also agree to do things you don't want to do just to make your partner happy. Over time, putting their needs above yours like this can trigger your negative feelings and leave you feeling upset. Instead, set boundaries by doing the following:
Be direct when telling them what you need. For example, tell them if you need time to yourself or need for them to spend more time with you.
Tell your partner what you can and cannot do for them. For instance, you might be willing to cook dinner every night but want them to clean the kitchen.
Set communication boundaries if you need to. For example, you might put your phone on silent during your self-care time or when you go to bed.
4. Embracing Your Sensitivity
4-1. Celebrate the positives of being a sensitive person.
Being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It’s part of who you are and can even be a big asset. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about the positives of being sensitive. Here are some common traits of people who are very sensitive:
Better developed intuition.
Awareness of the world around you.
Empathy for others.
Passion for life, your beliefs, or your career.
Creativity.
Appreciation for beauty, nature, and the arts.
4-2. Identify and avoid your triggers.
Notice when you start to feel angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious. Consider what might be making you feel this way. Keep a list of these potential triggers and minimize them in your life. This will help you manage your emotions.
Replace your triggers with things that make you feel positive. For example, let's say watching the morning news makes you feel anxious for the next several hours. Instead of watching the news, you might listen to a podcast about living your best life.
4-3. Manage your hunger to help regulate your emotions.
Being "hangry" is a real issue for people who feel sensitive. Feeling hungry makes it harder to manage your emotions and makes you more likely to react negatively to stressors. Eat regular meals and always carry a healthy snack with you.
For example, you might carry a protein bar with you to help you control your hunger. As another option, you might munch on some trail mix or eat a small container of yogurt.
4-4. Exercise
Exercise releases endorphins in your body that help you feel better. This may help you control your emotions when someone or something triggers your feelings. Choose an activity that you enjoy so that exercise is easier to fit into your day. Here are some ideas:
Walk around your neighborhood or the park.
Swim laps or do a water workout.
Take an aerobics class.
Do yoga.
Take a dance class.
Do a video workout.
4-5. Manage your stress levels.
People who are sensitive can become easily stressed. Unfortunately, feeling stressed makes you more emotional, so you may become even more sensitive. Taking time to relax and take care of yourself can help you reduce your stress levels and be less sensitive. Here are some ways to manage your stress:
Engage in your hobbies.
Journal.
Talk to someone you love.
Spend time with your pet.
Read a book.
Do something creative.
Soak in a bathtub.
Meditate for at least 5 minutes.
Spend time outside.
4-6. Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.
If you aren’t well-rested, it will be harder to control your emotions. Feeling tired will make you more vulnerable to your triggers. Use good sleep hygiene to help you sleep well every night:
Avoid caffeine after noon.
Relax for 1 to 2 hours before bed.
Cut off screens at least 1 hour before bed.
Turn down your thermostat to make your bedroom cool.
Choose comfortable bed linens.
Make sure your bedroom is completely dark.
4-7. Talk to a therapist if being sensitive greatly impacts your life.
A therapist can help you identify your triggers and learn how to cope with them so you don’t react emotionally. They can also help you identify events in your past that might make you feel more sensitive now. This can help you be less sensitive.
You can find a therapist online.
Tips
When you expect to deal with a situation that triggers your sensitivity, mentally prepare yourself for how you will handle the situation. Imagine yourself successfully controlling your emotions.[23]
X
Research source
Schedule downtime into your week. It’s common for emotionally sensitive people to need recovery time.
Warnings
If being sensitive is interfering with work, your education, or your relationships, talk to a therapist. You may have an underlying mental health condition, which treatment can help.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Managing Your Emotions in the Moment\\n1-1. Take a deep breath to relax yourself.\\nBreathe slowly through your nose, counting to 5. Hold your breath for a count of 5, then slowly exhale. Repeat 5 times to help your body relax.\\nAs another option, simply focus on your breath. Notice your lungs filling as you slowly inhale, then observe how you feel as you slowly exhale.\\n1-2. Name your emotions so you can release them.\\nDenying your emotions won’t make them go away. The best way to work through your emotions is to acknowledge how you feel and let it pass. You can feel something without letting your emotions control you.\\nYou might say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry because my coworker took credit for my work. I have a right to feel this way.” Then, imagine that the emotion is a bird that's flying away from you, or picture the emotion as a rock that you are throwing away.\\n1-3. Reframe your perspective on the situation to reduce your negative emotions.\\nTry to look at things in a more positive light. This might help you relieve your emotions. Here are some ways to reframe:\\nLook at the situation from someone else’s perspective. For example, imagine how your best friend might see it.\\nAssign positive motives to people’s words or actions. For instance, assume that your boss made your coworker the lead on a new project because your schedule is already busy.\\nList the positives that could come out of a situation. As an example, you might think of ways the situation that's upsetting you offers opportunities to grow or try something new.\\nTell yourself a different story about the situation at hand. For instance, if you are doubting your abilities after a setback at work or school, you might turn your thoughts to how you will bounce back from the setback.\\n1-4. Distract yourself from what’s bothering you to control your reaction.\\nShifting your thoughts can help you calm yourself down. Change the subject if you’re talking to someone, or think about something else. As another option, you can read positive quotes, take a coffee break, or switch to a new task.\\nFor example, if your boss gives you a piece of criticism, you might distract yourself by listing off the next few tasks you want to accomplish.\\n1-5. Practice mindfulness\\nBeing in the present can help you feel less emotional because it helps reduce your stress. Engage your 5 senses to ground you in the moment. Here’s how to do it:\\nSight: describe your environment to yourself or look for everything blue.\\nSound: notice what you hear or listen to calming music.\\nTouch: observe how your feet feel on the ground or feel the texture of something in your environment.\\nSmell: pick out the scents in your environment or sniff an essential oil.\\nTaste: sip on a cup of coffee or savor a small snack.\\n1-6. Excuse yourself if you need a moment to calm down.\\nDon’t tell anyone what’s going on with you. Instead, go to the restroom or pretend you need to retrieve something from elsewhere. Once you get there, take a few moments to calm down.\\nFor example, you might go to the restroom and splash cold water on your face.\\n1-7. Do something that boosts your mood to get your mind off the issue.\\nWhen you’re feeling negative emotions, give yourself a reason to perk up. This can help you reduce your sensitivity in the moment. Try one of these pick-me-ups:\\nDrink a cup of your favorite tea.\\nCall or text a friend.\\nLook at your favorite meme.\\nEat a small piece of candy.\\nGo for a brief walk.\\nStep outside into the sunshine.\\n2. Handling Constructive Criticism\\n2-1. Recognize the role of criticism is to help you improve.\\nIt’s normal to receive constructive feedback from teachers, bosses, coaches, family members, and friends. At times, this criticism is going to seem negative because its purpose is to help you better your performance. Don’t view criticism as an attack because it’s really meant to help you.\\nDon’t just focus on the negative criticism. Hear the positives, as well.\\nFor example, your coach might point out that you're repeatedly making the same error during games. They aren't trying to make you feel bad or telling you that you aren't good. They want to you to know what to work on for next time.\\n2-2. Ask for clarification if you aren’t sure what the criticism means.\\nDon’t try to figure out what someone else is thinking. Talk to them about what they meant and ask how they would have done things differently. Be open to seeing things from someone else’s point of view.\\nSay, “I want to incorporate your feedback, but I’m unsure what you meant when you said I need to open up more. How would you suggest I do that?”\\n2-3. Look at the criticism from the other person’s perspective.\\nThis can help you realize the person's true purpose so you can decide if the criticism is worth taking. Think about where they’re coming from, as well as the reason they're giving the criticism. Additionally, consider what they might be seeing that you don’t, as well as what you know that they don’t.\\nIn some cases, seeing the criticism from the other person's perspective can also help you realize that they aren't attacking you. Being told that you need to improve on something can really hurt, but if no one ever gives you criticism, you'll never grow.\\nAre they speaking from a positive place? If so, think about how you can use their criticisms to improve.\\nIf you think they’re speaking from a negative place, such as out of jealousy, you might decide their criticisms aren’t valid for you.\\n2-4. Stop the critical voices in your head.\\nChances are, you’re your worst critic. Don’t let your own critical thoughts about yourself make other people’s helpful criticisms seem worse than they are. Switch out your negative thoughts for positive self-talk.\\nWhen you notice a negative thought, acknowledge it. Then, turn it into something positive.\\nFor example, after a presentation you might tell yourself, “I’m no good at public speaking.” You can replace this thought with, “Every speech I give gets better, and I’m proud of my progress.”\\n2-5. Build up your confidence\\nHaving low self-confidence makes you more vulnerable to criticism. On the other hand, recognizing your value helps you accept criticism and use it constructively. Here are small ways to improve your level of confidence:\\nMake a list of your strengths.\\nDo something each day that allows you to be successful.\\nCelebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small.\\nRecognize your past achievements.\\nNotice your efforts, not just the results.\\n3. Reducing Sensitivity While in a Relationship\\n3-1. Tend to your needs, not just your partner's.\\nDon’t make your life revolve around your partner, as this is a sure-fire way to make you more sensitive. They can’t be responsible for all of your needs, just as you shouldn’t take responsibility for theirs. Give yourself the love and attention you need rather than demanding it from your partner. \\nIt’s normal for you and your partner to do things out of love. However, you can’t and shouldn’t try to do everything for them.\\nDon’t expect someone to notice what you need. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, speak up.\\n3-2. Remind yourself that not everything is about you.\\nThere are going to be days when your partner is upset or angry. Don’t automatically assume it’s about you. Instead, ask them about their day and be aware of what could be causing their emotions.\\nDon’t take things personally. People are usually focused on their own issues and aren’t thinking about you.\\n3-3. Talk to your partner if you have relationship worries caused by sensitivity.\\nYour concerns about your relationship may be accurate, but you won't know for sure until you talk to your partner. You may find out that it's all a misunderstanding. It’s okay to question things sometimes, but don’t try to guess at what might be wrong. Bring up your concerns with your partner and ask how they feel. Then, listen to what they have to say.\\nYou might say, “You’ve seemed really distant lately. Are you comfortable talking about it?”\\n3-4. Challenge any feelings of rejection and jealousy.\\nYour sensitivity may make you feel rejected or jealous when your partner doesn't give you the attention you want. This can make you feel upset and anxious, plus it threatens your relationship. Working through these feelings can help you feel better. Here's how you can challenge these feelings:\\nAsk yourself if the feelings hold any truth.\\nList other possible explanations for the reason you feel jealous or rejected.\\nTalk to someone you trust about your feelings and get their opinion.\\nConsider where the feeling might be coming from. Have you been cheated on? Is there any reason to not trust your partner?\\nAsk yourself what you need from your partner in order to trust them. Talk to your partner about these needs.\\n3-5. Set boundaries to protect your emotions.\\nIt's normal for people who are sensitive to take on the feelings of others. You might also agree to do things you don't want to do just to make your partner happy. Over time, putting their needs above yours like this can trigger your negative feelings and leave you feeling upset. Instead, set boundaries by doing the following: \\nBe direct when telling them what you need. For example, tell them if you need time to yourself or need for them to spend more time with you.\\nTell your partner what you can and cannot do for them. For instance, you might be willing to cook dinner every night but want them to clean the kitchen.\\nSet communication boundaries if you need to. For example, you might put your phone on silent during your self-care time or when you go to bed.\\n4. Embracing Your Sensitivity\\n4-1. Celebrate the positives of being a sensitive person.\\nBeing sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It’s part of who you are and can even be a big asset. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about the positives of being sensitive. Here are some common traits of people who are very sensitive:\\nBetter developed intuition.\\nAwareness of the world around you.\\nEmpathy for others.\\nPassion for life, your beliefs, or your career.\\nCreativity.\\nAppreciation for beauty, nature, and the arts.\\n4-2. Identify and avoid your triggers.\\nNotice when you start to feel angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious. Consider what might be making you feel this way. Keep a list of these potential triggers and minimize them in your life. This will help you manage your emotions.\\nReplace your triggers with things that make you feel positive. For example, let's say watching the morning news makes you feel anxious for the next several hours. Instead of watching the news, you might listen to a podcast about living your best life.\\n4-3. Manage your hunger to help regulate your emotions.\\nBeing \\\"hangry\\\" is a real issue for people who feel sensitive. Feeling hungry makes it harder to manage your emotions and makes you more likely to react negatively to stressors. Eat regular meals and always carry a healthy snack with you.\\nFor example, you might carry a protein bar with you to help you control your hunger. As another option, you might munch on some trail mix or eat a small container of yogurt.\\n4-4. Exercise\\nExercise releases endorphins in your body that help you feel better. This may help you control your emotions when someone or something triggers your feelings. Choose an activity that you enjoy so that exercise is easier to fit into your day. Here are some ideas:\\n\\nWalk around your neighborhood or the park.\\nSwim laps or do a water workout.\\nTake an aerobics class.\\nDo yoga.\\nTake a dance class.\\nDo a video workout.\\n4-5. Manage your stress levels.\\nPeople who are sensitive can become easily stressed. Unfortunately, feeling stressed makes you more emotional, so you may become even more sensitive. Taking time to relax and take care of yourself can help you reduce your stress levels and be less sensitive. Here are some ways to manage your stress:\\nEngage in your hobbies.\\nJournal.\\nTalk to someone you love.\\nSpend time with your pet.\\nRead a book.\\nDo something creative.\\nSoak in a bathtub.\\nMeditate for at least 5 minutes.\\nSpend time outside.\\n4-6. Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.\\nIf you aren’t well-rested, it will be harder to control your emotions. Feeling tired will make you more vulnerable to your triggers. Use good sleep hygiene to help you sleep well every night:\\nAvoid caffeine after noon.\\nRelax for 1 to 2 hours before bed.\\nCut off screens at least 1 hour before bed.\\nTurn down your thermostat to make your bedroom cool.\\nChoose comfortable bed linens.\\nMake sure your bedroom is completely dark.\\n4-7. Talk to a therapist if being sensitive greatly impacts your life.\\nA therapist can help you identify your triggers and learn how to cope with them so you don’t react emotionally. They can also help you identify events in your past that might make you feel more sensitive now. This can help you be less sensitive.\\nYou can find a therapist online.\\nTips\\nWhen you expect to deal with a situation that triggers your sensitivity, mentally prepare yourself for how you will handle the situation. Imagine yourself successfully controlling your emotions.[23]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nSchedule downtime into your week. It’s common for emotionally sensitive people to need recovery time.\\nWarnings\\nIf being sensitive is interfering with work, your education, or your relationships, talk to a therapist. You may have an underlying mental health condition, which treatment can help.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being told you’re too sensitive can be frustrating, but don't feel pressured to change who you are. Being sensitive is totally normal, as 15-20% of people are considered to be highly sensitive. If you want to be less sensitive, learn to manage your emotions in the moment and deal with constructive criticism. You can also learn to manage your sensitivity while in a relationship and embrace who you are.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Managing Your Emotions in the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a deep breath to relax yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Breathe slowly through your nose, counting to 5. Hold your breath for a count of 5, then slowly exhale. Repeat 5 times to help your body relax.\\nAs another option, simply focus on your breath. Notice your lungs filling as you slowly inhale, then observe how you feel as you slowly exhale.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Name your emotions so you can release them.\", \"描述\": \"Denying your emotions won’t make them go away. The best way to work through your emotions is to acknowledge how you feel and let it pass. You can feel something without letting your emotions control you.\\nYou might say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry because my coworker took credit for my work. I have a right to feel this way.” Then, imagine that the emotion is a bird that's flying away from you, or picture the emotion as a rock that you are throwing away.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reframe your perspective on the situation to reduce your negative emotions.\", \"描述\": \"Try to look at things in a more positive light. This might help you relieve your emotions. Here are some ways to reframe:\\nLook at the situation from someone else’s perspective. For example, imagine how your best friend might see it.\\nAssign positive motives to people’s words or actions. For instance, assume that your boss made your coworker the lead on a new project because your schedule is already busy.\\nList the positives that could come out of a situation. As an example, you might think of ways the situation that's upsetting you offers opportunities to grow or try something new.\\nTell yourself a different story about the situation at hand. For instance, if you are doubting your abilities after a setback at work or school, you might turn your thoughts to how you will bounce back from the setback.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Distract yourself from what’s bothering you to control your reaction.\", \"描述\": \"Shifting your thoughts can help you calm yourself down. Change the subject if you’re talking to someone, or think about something else. As another option, you can read positive quotes, take a coffee break, or switch to a new task.\\nFor example, if your boss gives you a piece of criticism, you might distract yourself by listing off the next few tasks you want to accomplish.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice mindfulness\", \"描述\": \"Being in the present can help you feel less emotional because it helps reduce your stress. Engage your 5 senses to ground you in the moment. Here’s how to do it:\\nSight: describe your environment to yourself or look for everything blue.\\nSound: notice what you hear or listen to calming music.\\nTouch: observe how your feet feel on the ground or feel the texture of something in your environment.\\nSmell: pick out the scents in your environment or sniff an essential oil.\\nTaste: sip on a cup of coffee or savor a small snack.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Excuse yourself if you need a moment to calm down.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t tell anyone what’s going on with you. Instead, go to the restroom or pretend you need to retrieve something from elsewhere. Once you get there, take a few moments to calm down.\\nFor example, you might go to the restroom and splash cold water on your face.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Do something that boosts your mood to get your mind off the issue.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re feeling negative emotions, give yourself a reason to perk up. This can help you reduce your sensitivity in the moment. Try one of these pick-me-ups:\\nDrink a cup of your favorite tea.\\nCall or text a friend.\\nLook at your favorite meme.\\nEat a small piece of candy.\\nGo for a brief walk.\\nStep outside into the sunshine.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Handling Constructive Criticism\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize the role of criticism is to help you improve.\", \"描述\": \"It’s normal to receive constructive feedback from teachers, bosses, coaches, family members, and friends. At times, this criticism is going to seem negative because its purpose is to help you better your performance. Don’t view criticism as an attack because it’s really meant to help you.\\nDon’t just focus on the negative criticism. Hear the positives, as well.\\nFor example, your coach might point out that you're repeatedly making the same error during games. They aren't trying to make you feel bad or telling you that you aren't good. They want to you to know what to work on for next time.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask for clarification if you aren’t sure what the criticism means.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t try to figure out what someone else is thinking. Talk to them about what they meant and ask how they would have done things differently. Be open to seeing things from someone else’s point of view.\\nSay, “I want to incorporate your feedback, but I’m unsure what you meant when you said I need to open up more. How would you suggest I do that?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Look at the criticism from the other person’s perspective.\", \"描述\": \"This can help you realize the person's true purpose so you can decide if the criticism is worth taking. Think about where they’re coming from, as well as the reason they're giving the criticism. Additionally, consider what they might be seeing that you don’t, as well as what you know that they don’t.\\nIn some cases, seeing the criticism from the other person's perspective can also help you realize that they aren't attacking you. Being told that you need to improve on something can really hurt, but if no one ever gives you criticism, you'll never grow.\\nAre they speaking from a positive place? If so, think about how you can use their criticisms to improve.\\nIf you think they’re speaking from a negative place, such as out of jealousy, you might decide their criticisms aren’t valid for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stop the critical voices in your head.\", \"描述\": \"Chances are, you’re your worst critic. Don’t let your own critical thoughts about yourself make other people’s helpful criticisms seem worse than they are. Switch out your negative thoughts for positive self-talk.\\nWhen you notice a negative thought, acknowledge it. Then, turn it into something positive.\\nFor example, after a presentation you might tell yourself, “I’m no good at public speaking.” You can replace this thought with, “Every speech I give gets better, and I’m proud of my progress.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Build up your confidence\", \"描述\": \"Having low self-confidence makes you more vulnerable to criticism. On the other hand, recognizing your value helps you accept criticism and use it constructively. Here are small ways to improve your level of confidence:\\nMake a list of your strengths.\\nDo something each day that allows you to be successful.\\nCelebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small.\\nRecognize your past achievements.\\nNotice your efforts, not just the results.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reducing Sensitivity While in a Relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tend to your needs, not just your partner's.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t make your life revolve around your partner, as this is a sure-fire way to make you more sensitive. They can’t be responsible for all of your needs, just as you shouldn’t take responsibility for theirs. Give yourself the love and attention you need rather than demanding it from your partner. \\nIt’s normal for you and your partner to do things out of love. However, you can’t and shouldn’t try to do everything for them.\\nDon’t expect someone to notice what you need. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, speak up.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that not everything is about you.\", \"描述\": \"There are going to be days when your partner is upset or angry. Don’t automatically assume it’s about you. Instead, ask them about their day and be aware of what could be causing their emotions.\\nDon’t take things personally. People are usually focused on their own issues and aren’t thinking about you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talk to your partner if you have relationship worries caused by sensitivity.\", \"描述\": \"Your concerns about your relationship may be accurate, but you won't know for sure until you talk to your partner. You may find out that it's all a misunderstanding. It’s okay to question things sometimes, but don’t try to guess at what might be wrong. Bring up your concerns with your partner and ask how they feel. Then, listen to what they have to say.\\nYou might say, “You’ve seemed really distant lately. Are you comfortable talking about it?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Challenge any feelings of rejection and jealousy.\", \"描述\": \"Your sensitivity may make you feel rejected or jealous when your partner doesn't give you the attention you want. This can make you feel upset and anxious, plus it threatens your relationship. Working through these feelings can help you feel better. Here's how you can challenge these feelings:\\nAsk yourself if the feelings hold any truth.\\nList other possible explanations for the reason you feel jealous or rejected.\\nTalk to someone you trust about your feelings and get their opinion.\\nConsider where the feeling might be coming from. Have you been cheated on? Is there any reason to not trust your partner?\\nAsk yourself what you need from your partner in order to trust them. Talk to your partner about these needs.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Set boundaries to protect your emotions.\", \"描述\": \"It's normal for people who are sensitive to take on the feelings of others. You might also agree to do things you don't want to do just to make your partner happy. Over time, putting their needs above yours like this can trigger your negative feelings and leave you feeling upset. Instead, set boundaries by doing the following: \\nBe direct when telling them what you need. For example, tell them if you need time to yourself or need for them to spend more time with you.\\nTell your partner what you can and cannot do for them. For instance, you might be willing to cook dinner every night but want them to clean the kitchen.\\nSet communication boundaries if you need to. For example, you might put your phone on silent during your self-care time or when you go to bed.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Embracing Your Sensitivity\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Celebrate the positives of being a sensitive person.\", \"描述\": \"Being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It’s part of who you are and can even be a big asset. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about the positives of being sensitive. Here are some common traits of people who are very sensitive:\\nBetter developed intuition.\\nAwareness of the world around you.\\nEmpathy for others.\\nPassion for life, your beliefs, or your career.\\nCreativity.\\nAppreciation for beauty, nature, and the arts.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identify and avoid your triggers.\", \"描述\": \"Notice when you start to feel angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious. Consider what might be making you feel this way. Keep a list of these potential triggers and minimize them in your life. This will help you manage your emotions.\\nReplace your triggers with things that make you feel positive. For example, let's say watching the morning news makes you feel anxious for the next several hours. Instead of watching the news, you might listen to a podcast about living your best life.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Manage your hunger to help regulate your emotions.\", \"描述\": \"Being \\\"hangry\\\" is a real issue for people who feel sensitive. Feeling hungry makes it harder to manage your emotions and makes you more likely to react negatively to stressors. Eat regular meals and always carry a healthy snack with you.\\nFor example, you might carry a protein bar with you to help you control your hunger. As another option, you might munch on some trail mix or eat a small container of yogurt.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Exercise\", \"描述\": \"Exercise releases endorphins in your body that help you feel better. This may help you control your emotions when someone or something triggers your feelings. Choose an activity that you enjoy so that exercise is easier to fit into your day. Here are some ideas:\\n\\nWalk around your neighborhood or the park.\\nSwim laps or do a water workout.\\nTake an aerobics class.\\nDo yoga.\\nTake a dance class.\\nDo a video workout.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Manage your stress levels.\", \"描述\": \"People who are sensitive can become easily stressed. Unfortunately, feeling stressed makes you more emotional, so you may become even more sensitive. Taking time to relax and take care of yourself can help you reduce your stress levels and be less sensitive. Here are some ways to manage your stress:\\nEngage in your hobbies.\\nJournal.\\nTalk to someone you love.\\nSpend time with your pet.\\nRead a book.\\nDo something creative.\\nSoak in a bathtub.\\nMeditate for at least 5 minutes.\\nSpend time outside.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.\", \"描述\": \"If you aren’t well-rested, it will be harder to control your emotions. Feeling tired will make you more vulnerable to your triggers. Use good sleep hygiene to help you sleep well every night:\\nAvoid caffeine after noon.\\nRelax for 1 to 2 hours before bed.\\nCut off screens at least 1 hour before bed.\\nTurn down your thermostat to make your bedroom cool.\\nChoose comfortable bed linens.\\nMake sure your bedroom is completely dark.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Talk to a therapist if being sensitive greatly impacts your life.\", \"描述\": \"A therapist can help you identify your triggers and learn how to cope with them so you don’t react emotionally. They can also help you identify events in your past that might make you feel more sensitive now. This can help you be less sensitive.\\nYou can find a therapist online.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"When you expect to deal with a situation that triggers your sensitivity, mentally prepare yourself for how you will handle the situation. Imagine yourself successfully controlling your emotions.[23]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Schedule downtime into your week. It’s common for emotionally sensitive people to need recovery time.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If being sensitive is interfering with work, your education, or your relationships, talk to a therapist. You may have an underlying mental health condition, which treatment can help.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,899 | How to Be Less Talkative | 1. Learning to Be Quiet
1-1. Identify the reasons why you're talking so much.
Talking is an innate part of being human and helps you maintain social connections. However, it's also a way to cope with feelings of nervousness and stress. Ask yourself if you may be chattering because you're anxious or feeling awkward, then adopt new habits to help you feel calm and confident.
Meditate to calm yourself.
Visualize yourself staying calm and allowing others to speak.
Spend some time sitting with your emotions. Consider how you're feeling, accept those feelings, and then release them.
Journal to help you work through your thoughts.
1-2. Unplug from technology.
A lot of times, the need to talk is a reaction from being so overly stimulated by things you find on Twitter a viral video on YouTube, a snap from Snapchat, etc. Spend some time away from those distractions and reconnect with yourself.
Find joy in silence by unplugging and replace mindless distraction with something constructive like arts and crafts projects. Use your hands and draw something.
Practice the art of not reacting to anything and everything that is brought to your attention. Harness that energy and focus it on cutting and pasting things with your hands from scratch.
1-3. Write your thoughts in a journal.
If the people around you seem increasingly disinterested in what you have to say, write it down in a journal. Learn to express yourself while maintaining self-restraint in how you impose your thoughts on others.
If you're having trouble trying to find where to begin, keep in mind that journaling allows free-flowing thoughts – whatever that is to you. It doesn't have to make sense or have rhyme or reason, etc. Google journaling prompts online to help act as a starting point if need be.
Journal in the traditional way with a paper and pen or write your thoughts in an empty document on your PC.
1-4. Meditate for self-awareness.
Meditation doesn't have to be an intense yogi experience where you sit in absolute silence with your back against the wall as you "om". Take five to ten minutes out of your day to use meditation as a tool to become more aware of your thoughts and appreciative of the art of being quiet.
You can find several apps to help you with your meditation, including Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace.
If being in absolute silence intimidates you, meditate in other ways and in other areas. Meditate in the shower, center yourself, or allow music to act as a soundtrack in those moments.
The more you practice, the more at ease with yourself you will become and you will start to realize that you don't have to beg people to notice you through talking. You will realize your power is in your presence and the overcompensation will lessen dramatically.
1-5. Be an observer of your surroundings.
Often the key to being quiet in an organic way is to insert yourself in situations that demand your attention in a healthy way. The best way to accomplish this is to be one with the things that surround you everyday.
Take 10-15 minutes to go outside and appreciate the sun and wind on your body. Admire the clouds in the sky, their shapes, and their sizes.
Take a walk down a busy street and pay attention to all of the sights and sounds as they pass you by. After a while, see if you can isolate which sounds come from where: a car honk in the distance, a baby crying right next to you, a text message alert, etc.
2. Becoming a Better Listener
2-1. Practice sitting in silence.
If you feel uncomfortable in silence, then you'll feel internal pressure to fill that silence with speech. You then talk too much to cope with the awkward feelings brought on by the silence. Luckily, you can learn to sit with these feelings through practice.
Ask the people who are closest to you to sit with you in silence. Make a pact not to talk for a set period of time. Keep doing this until you don't feel awkward anymore.
2-2. Be aware of the differences between listening and hearing.
Hearing is strictly an auditory process. Listening is whole, involve the ears and also the heart, mind, soul, and body.
Find genuine interest in being present with people you're speaking with. Give attention, show concern, and prepare yourself to learn something from people you interact with.
Put yourself on the back burner and listen without expectation or need to fill space with talking about yourself.
2-3. Know that listening is all about the other person.
When you quiet your talking and focus less on bringing attention to yourself, you free your focus up to the person you're talking to and for better listening.
Good listening is 80% being patient and listening to the other person without interruption and 20% reflecting and following up for more information.
Be fully present in those moments, without thinking about the past, future, or your intentions, focus solely on the person speaking to you.
2-4. Observe body language and tones.
Picking up changes in baseline behavior like a person's voice, face, or body language is something good listeners are great at doing. Adapt to those changes accordingly as you listen.
If the speaker, your friend, has tension in their voice, face, or body language suddenly, it's up to you to appear non-confrontational and relaxed to mellow out the situation.
If the speaker, or your friend, seems emotionally charged and is raising his or her voice suddenly, nod your head in concern or lean forward to make the person feel like they have support in their emotions.
2-5. Practice being accepting and non-judgmental.
When you listen to someone without being judgmental in your responses, you prevent them from shutting down and help them feel a sense of freedom and acceptance. You also gain acceptance from them too.
Respect the other person and contribute to the conversation rather than judging beliefs you might disagree with. Remember facial expressions such as a visible wince, eye rolls, or body language speak as loudly as any verbal judgmental response would.
Accepting someone's ideas does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Keep in mind that understanding through listening does not mean your opinions become mutually in sync with one another.
2-6. Check yourself on whether or not things should be left unsaid.
Rationally decide when it is okay to listen and when it is okay to respond and ask follow-up questions. Timing and restraint is everything.
Think of the outcome of talking. Will it affect the conversation and relationship positively or negatively? Never let your desire to impress ruin how you relate to people.
Use the following question as a guideline to help you speak less: "Do I want to speak to add true content or am I just trying to fill up space?"
3. Participating in Everyday Conversations
3-1. Show your willingness to listen.
When the other person hints that they want to talk, do something to show that they have your full, undivided attention. Close the book you're reading or put down your phone.
Make sure your body language reads fully engaged. Lean forward slightly and maintain eye contact as they speak to you.
Smile softly if the tone of the conversation calls for it and give an occasional nod to show that you're listening without talking to interrupt.
To show that you understand what's being said, summarize and repeat what was said to you by paraphrasing.
3-2. Think before you respond.
Always try as much as possible to think twice before you speak. Listen to others, understand the topic, and be sure of what you want to contribute.
Avoid saying more than you have to be by taking a moment to reflect after the speaker asks you for your opinion.
Pause for a beat, even say, "Give me a minute to think about it." Reflect, exercise restraint, and then add your two cents to the conversation.
3-3. Refrain from interrupting people when they talk.
Interrupting looks like talking over someone or putting your thoughts into the conversation before it was your turn. Let the person speak; you will get your turn to contribute and avoid making the other person feel invalidated in the process.
If you're trying to interrupt someone while they're speaking, try bookmarking it as a mental note until they're done. If you'd rather have something tangible, use a notepad or your phone to jot down your thoughts and talk about them when it's your turn to speak.
Try to catch yourself in moments where you interrupt the other person. Look at them for facial cues, like an eye roll or a glance to the side, to keep you alert about your actions. Once you catch yourself, just say, "Oh, I'm sorry, go on." or "My bad, go ahead."
3-4. Speak when it is appropriate.
Try to stay on topic. Discuss what makes sense and try to stay away from examples that may seem irrelevant, unreasonable, and ambiguous. Give simple facts and clear logic that will help the listener to gain some sense.
Use the silence and the context of the conversation as guidelines of when to talk. If someone is venting to you, it's probably not a great time to talk about a rave you have been trying to attend for weeks.
If you don't know what you want to say, ask more investigative questions, such as what does this mean? Who can we hold responsible, how, and why? This encourages the person to speak more. Try to ask open-ended questions, as they allow the person to speak more while allowing you to speak less.
Tips
Try not to contradict yourself.
Avoid rambling.
Realize why you talk so much and do your best to curb it by enjoying moments of silence and listening better to friends, family, and professionals.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:13",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning to Be Quiet\\n1-1. Identify the reasons why you're talking so much.\\nTalking is an innate part of being human and helps you maintain social connections. However, it's also a way to cope with feelings of nervousness and stress. Ask yourself if you may be chattering because you're anxious or feeling awkward, then adopt new habits to help you feel calm and confident.\\n\\nMeditate to calm yourself.\\nVisualize yourself staying calm and allowing others to speak.\\nSpend some time sitting with your emotions. Consider how you're feeling, accept those feelings, and then release them.\\nJournal to help you work through your thoughts.\\n1-2. Unplug from technology.\\nA lot of times, the need to talk is a reaction from being so overly stimulated by things you find on Twitter a viral video on YouTube, a snap from Snapchat, etc. Spend some time away from those distractions and reconnect with yourself.\\nFind joy in silence by unplugging and replace mindless distraction with something constructive like arts and crafts projects. Use your hands and draw something.\\nPractice the art of not reacting to anything and everything that is brought to your attention. Harness that energy and focus it on cutting and pasting things with your hands from scratch.\\n1-3. Write your thoughts in a journal.\\nIf the people around you seem increasingly disinterested in what you have to say, write it down in a journal. Learn to express yourself while maintaining self-restraint in how you impose your thoughts on others.\\nIf you're having trouble trying to find where to begin, keep in mind that journaling allows free-flowing thoughts – whatever that is to you. It doesn't have to make sense or have rhyme or reason, etc. Google journaling prompts online to help act as a starting point if need be.\\nJournal in the traditional way with a paper and pen or write your thoughts in an empty document on your PC.\\n1-4. Meditate for self-awareness.\\nMeditation doesn't have to be an intense yogi experience where you sit in absolute silence with your back against the wall as you \\\"om\\\". Take five to ten minutes out of your day to use meditation as a tool to become more aware of your thoughts and appreciative of the art of being quiet.\\nYou can find several apps to help you with your meditation, including Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace.\\nIf being in absolute silence intimidates you, meditate in other ways and in other areas. Meditate in the shower, center yourself, or allow music to act as a soundtrack in those moments.\\nThe more you practice, the more at ease with yourself you will become and you will start to realize that you don't have to beg people to notice you through talking. You will realize your power is in your presence and the overcompensation will lessen dramatically.\\n1-5. Be an observer of your surroundings.\\nOften the key to being quiet in an organic way is to insert yourself in situations that demand your attention in a healthy way. The best way to accomplish this is to be one with the things that surround you everyday.\\nTake 10-15 minutes to go outside and appreciate the sun and wind on your body. Admire the clouds in the sky, their shapes, and their sizes.\\nTake a walk down a busy street and pay attention to all of the sights and sounds as they pass you by. After a while, see if you can isolate which sounds come from where: a car honk in the distance, a baby crying right next to you, a text message alert, etc.\\n2. Becoming a Better Listener\\n2-1. Practice sitting in silence.\\nIf you feel uncomfortable in silence, then you'll feel internal pressure to fill that silence with speech. You then talk too much to cope with the awkward feelings brought on by the silence. Luckily, you can learn to sit with these feelings through practice.\\nAsk the people who are closest to you to sit with you in silence. Make a pact not to talk for a set period of time. Keep doing this until you don't feel awkward anymore.\\n2-2. Be aware of the differences between listening and hearing.\\nHearing is strictly an auditory process. Listening is whole, involve the ears and also the heart, mind, soul, and body.\\nFind genuine interest in being present with people you're speaking with. Give attention, show concern, and prepare yourself to learn something from people you interact with.\\nPut yourself on the back burner and listen without expectation or need to fill space with talking about yourself.\\n2-3. Know that listening is all about the other person.\\nWhen you quiet your talking and focus less on bringing attention to yourself, you free your focus up to the person you're talking to and for better listening.\\nGood listening is 80% being patient and listening to the other person without interruption and 20% reflecting and following up for more information.\\nBe fully present in those moments, without thinking about the past, future, or your intentions, focus solely on the person speaking to you.\\n2-4. Observe body language and tones.\\nPicking up changes in baseline behavior like a person's voice, face, or body language is something good listeners are great at doing. Adapt to those changes accordingly as you listen.\\nIf the speaker, your friend, has tension in their voice, face, or body language suddenly, it's up to you to appear non-confrontational and relaxed to mellow out the situation.\\nIf the speaker, or your friend, seems emotionally charged and is raising his or her voice suddenly, nod your head in concern or lean forward to make the person feel like they have support in their emotions.\\n2-5. Practice being accepting and non-judgmental.\\nWhen you listen to someone without being judgmental in your responses, you prevent them from shutting down and help them feel a sense of freedom and acceptance. You also gain acceptance from them too.\\nRespect the other person and contribute to the conversation rather than judging beliefs you might disagree with. Remember facial expressions such as a visible wince, eye rolls, or body language speak as loudly as any verbal judgmental response would.\\nAccepting someone's ideas does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Keep in mind that understanding through listening does not mean your opinions become mutually in sync with one another.\\n2-6. Check yourself on whether or not things should be left unsaid.\\nRationally decide when it is okay to listen and when it is okay to respond and ask follow-up questions. Timing and restraint is everything.\\nThink of the outcome of talking. Will it affect the conversation and relationship positively or negatively? Never let your desire to impress ruin how you relate to people.\\nUse the following question as a guideline to help you speak less: \\\"Do I want to speak to add true content or am I just trying to fill up space?\\\"\\n3. Participating in Everyday Conversations\\n3-1. Show your willingness to listen.\\nWhen the other person hints that they want to talk, do something to show that they have your full, undivided attention. Close the book you're reading or put down your phone.\\nMake sure your body language reads fully engaged. Lean forward slightly and maintain eye contact as they speak to you.\\nSmile softly if the tone of the conversation calls for it and give an occasional nod to show that you're listening without talking to interrupt.\\nTo show that you understand what's being said, summarize and repeat what was said to you by paraphrasing.\\n3-2. Think before you respond.\\nAlways try as much as possible to think twice before you speak. Listen to others, understand the topic, and be sure of what you want to contribute.\\nAvoid saying more than you have to be by taking a moment to reflect after the speaker asks you for your opinion.\\nPause for a beat, even say, \\\"Give me a minute to think about it.\\\" Reflect, exercise restraint, and then add your two cents to the conversation.\\n3-3. Refrain from interrupting people when they talk.\\nInterrupting looks like talking over someone or putting your thoughts into the conversation before it was your turn. Let the person speak; you will get your turn to contribute and avoid making the other person feel invalidated in the process.\\nIf you're trying to interrupt someone while they're speaking, try bookmarking it as a mental note until they're done. If you'd rather have something tangible, use a notepad or your phone to jot down your thoughts and talk about them when it's your turn to speak.\\nTry to catch yourself in moments where you interrupt the other person. Look at them for facial cues, like an eye roll or a glance to the side, to keep you alert about your actions. Once you catch yourself, just say, \\\"Oh, I'm sorry, go on.\\\" or \\\"My bad, go ahead.\\\"\\n3-4. Speak when it is appropriate.\\nTry to stay on topic. Discuss what makes sense and try to stay away from examples that may seem irrelevant, unreasonable, and ambiguous. Give simple facts and clear logic that will help the listener to gain some sense.\\nUse the silence and the context of the conversation as guidelines of when to talk. If someone is venting to you, it's probably not a great time to talk about a rave you have been trying to attend for weeks.\\nIf you don't know what you want to say, ask more investigative questions, such as what does this mean? Who can we hold responsible, how, and why? This encourages the person to speak more. Try to ask open-ended questions, as they allow the person to speak more while allowing you to speak less.\\nTips\\nTry not to contradict yourself.\\nAvoid rambling.\\nRealize why you talk so much and do your best to curb it by enjoying moments of silence and listening better to friends, family, and professionals.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When you tend to talk too much, people undervalue what it is you bring to the table. While talking is not a bad thing, being too talkative is. Fostering new relationships and maintaining the ones you have means learning when to speak and especially when not to. To do this, you may need to practice some basic skills. People will begin to respect you as a speaker in no time at all.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning to Be Quiet\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify the reasons why you're talking so much.\", \"描述\": \"Talking is an innate part of being human and helps you maintain social connections. However, it's also a way to cope with feelings of nervousness and stress. Ask yourself if you may be chattering because you're anxious or feeling awkward, then adopt new habits to help you feel calm and confident.\\n\\nMeditate to calm yourself.\\nVisualize yourself staying calm and allowing others to speak.\\nSpend some time sitting with your emotions. Consider how you're feeling, accept those feelings, and then release them.\\nJournal to help you work through your thoughts.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Unplug from technology.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of times, the need to talk is a reaction from being so overly stimulated by things you find on Twitter a viral video on YouTube, a snap from Snapchat, etc. Spend some time away from those distractions and reconnect with yourself.\\nFind joy in silence by unplugging and replace mindless distraction with something constructive like arts and crafts projects. Use your hands and draw something.\\nPractice the art of not reacting to anything and everything that is brought to your attention. Harness that energy and focus it on cutting and pasting things with your hands from scratch.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Write your thoughts in a journal.\", \"描述\": \"If the people around you seem increasingly disinterested in what you have to say, write it down in a journal. Learn to express yourself while maintaining self-restraint in how you impose your thoughts on others.\\nIf you're having trouble trying to find where to begin, keep in mind that journaling allows free-flowing thoughts – whatever that is to you. It doesn't have to make sense or have rhyme or reason, etc. Google journaling prompts online to help act as a starting point if need be.\\nJournal in the traditional way with a paper and pen or write your thoughts in an empty document on your PC.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Meditate for self-awareness.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation doesn't have to be an intense yogi experience where you sit in absolute silence with your back against the wall as you \\\"om\\\". Take five to ten minutes out of your day to use meditation as a tool to become more aware of your thoughts and appreciative of the art of being quiet.\\nYou can find several apps to help you with your meditation, including Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace.\\nIf being in absolute silence intimidates you, meditate in other ways and in other areas. Meditate in the shower, center yourself, or allow music to act as a soundtrack in those moments.\\nThe more you practice, the more at ease with yourself you will become and you will start to realize that you don't have to beg people to notice you through talking. You will realize your power is in your presence and the overcompensation will lessen dramatically.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be an observer of your surroundings.\", \"描述\": \"Often the key to being quiet in an organic way is to insert yourself in situations that demand your attention in a healthy way. The best way to accomplish this is to be one with the things that surround you everyday.\\nTake 10-15 minutes to go outside and appreciate the sun and wind on your body. Admire the clouds in the sky, their shapes, and their sizes.\\nTake a walk down a busy street and pay attention to all of the sights and sounds as they pass you by. After a while, see if you can isolate which sounds come from where: a car honk in the distance, a baby crying right next to you, a text message alert, etc.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Becoming a Better Listener\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice sitting in silence.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel uncomfortable in silence, then you'll feel internal pressure to fill that silence with speech. You then talk too much to cope with the awkward feelings brought on by the silence. Luckily, you can learn to sit with these feelings through practice.\\nAsk the people who are closest to you to sit with you in silence. Make a pact not to talk for a set period of time. Keep doing this until you don't feel awkward anymore.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be aware of the differences between listening and hearing.\", \"描述\": \"Hearing is strictly an auditory process. Listening is whole, involve the ears and also the heart, mind, soul, and body.\\nFind genuine interest in being present with people you're speaking with. Give attention, show concern, and prepare yourself to learn something from people you interact with.\\nPut yourself on the back burner and listen without expectation or need to fill space with talking about yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Know that listening is all about the other person.\", \"描述\": \"When you quiet your talking and focus less on bringing attention to yourself, you free your focus up to the person you're talking to and for better listening.\\nGood listening is 80% being patient and listening to the other person without interruption and 20% reflecting and following up for more information.\\nBe fully present in those moments, without thinking about the past, future, or your intentions, focus solely on the person speaking to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Observe body language and tones.\", \"描述\": \"Picking up changes in baseline behavior like a person's voice, face, or body language is something good listeners are great at doing. Adapt to those changes accordingly as you listen.\\nIf the speaker, your friend, has tension in their voice, face, or body language suddenly, it's up to you to appear non-confrontational and relaxed to mellow out the situation.\\nIf the speaker, or your friend, seems emotionally charged and is raising his or her voice suddenly, nod your head in concern or lean forward to make the person feel like they have support in their emotions.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice being accepting and non-judgmental.\", \"描述\": \"When you listen to someone without being judgmental in your responses, you prevent them from shutting down and help them feel a sense of freedom and acceptance. You also gain acceptance from them too.\\nRespect the other person and contribute to the conversation rather than judging beliefs you might disagree with. Remember facial expressions such as a visible wince, eye rolls, or body language speak as loudly as any verbal judgmental response would.\\nAccepting someone's ideas does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Keep in mind that understanding through listening does not mean your opinions become mutually in sync with one another.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Check yourself on whether or not things should be left unsaid.\", \"描述\": \"Rationally decide when it is okay to listen and when it is okay to respond and ask follow-up questions. Timing and restraint is everything.\\nThink of the outcome of talking. Will it affect the conversation and relationship positively or negatively? Never let your desire to impress ruin how you relate to people.\\nUse the following question as a guideline to help you speak less: \\\"Do I want to speak to add true content or am I just trying to fill up space?\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Participating in Everyday Conversations\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Show your willingness to listen.\", \"描述\": \"When the other person hints that they want to talk, do something to show that they have your full, undivided attention. Close the book you're reading or put down your phone.\\nMake sure your body language reads fully engaged. Lean forward slightly and maintain eye contact as they speak to you.\\nSmile softly if the tone of the conversation calls for it and give an occasional nod to show that you're listening without talking to interrupt.\\nTo show that you understand what's being said, summarize and repeat what was said to you by paraphrasing.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think before you respond.\", \"描述\": \"Always try as much as possible to think twice before you speak. Listen to others, understand the topic, and be sure of what you want to contribute.\\nAvoid saying more than you have to be by taking a moment to reflect after the speaker asks you for your opinion.\\nPause for a beat, even say, \\\"Give me a minute to think about it.\\\" Reflect, exercise restraint, and then add your two cents to the conversation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Refrain from interrupting people when they talk.\", \"描述\": \"Interrupting looks like talking over someone or putting your thoughts into the conversation before it was your turn. Let the person speak; you will get your turn to contribute and avoid making the other person feel invalidated in the process.\\nIf you're trying to interrupt someone while they're speaking, try bookmarking it as a mental note until they're done. If you'd rather have something tangible, use a notepad or your phone to jot down your thoughts and talk about them when it's your turn to speak.\\nTry to catch yourself in moments where you interrupt the other person. Look at them for facial cues, like an eye roll or a glance to the side, to keep you alert about your actions. Once you catch yourself, just say, \\\"Oh, I'm sorry, go on.\\\" or \\\"My bad, go ahead.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Speak when it is appropriate.\", \"描述\": \"Try to stay on topic. Discuss what makes sense and try to stay away from examples that may seem irrelevant, unreasonable, and ambiguous. Give simple facts and clear logic that will help the listener to gain some sense.\\nUse the silence and the context of the conversation as guidelines of when to talk. If someone is venting to you, it's probably not a great time to talk about a rave you have been trying to attend for weeks.\\nIf you don't know what you want to say, ask more investigative questions, such as what does this mean? Who can we hold responsible, how, and why? This encourages the person to speak more. Try to ask open-ended questions, as they allow the person to speak more while allowing you to speak less.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Try not to contradict yourself.\\n\", \"Avoid rambling.\\n\", \"Realize why you talk so much and do your best to curb it by enjoying moments of silence and listening better to friends, family, and professionals.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,900 | How to Be Less Ticklish During Medical Exams | 1. Dealing With the Mental Aspects of Ticklishness
1-1. Get over your nervousness.
Being ticklish is determined by your brain, not your skin's touch receptors, and nervousness is a significant factor in triggering your brain to think that a person's touch is ticklish. As such, try to control your nervousness before a medical exam. Convince yourself that medical exams are not painful and they will help the doctor find your problem and make you feel better.
Deep breathing, meditation, positive visualizing and listening to calming music within an hour of a medical exam can help reduce your nervousness and anxiety.
Caffeine can make people more jittery and cause their minds to race, which tends to make nervousness worse. As such, refrain from drinking coffee, black tea, colas and energy drinks at least 6 hours before medical exams.
1-2. Request a nurse be present.
In addition to nervousness, feeling uncomfortable being confined with your doctor in a small exam room can also make your muscles tense and more susceptible to being ticklish. Request that a third person be present in the room during your medical exam, such as a nurse or assistant of some sort.
Having a third person of the same gender in the exam room with you can greatly ease your issues with having to wear a gown and expose some of your body.
This strategy might be particularly important if you have a history of sexual abuse or trauma.
If a nurse or assistant is the same gender as you, it can help diffuse any sexual tension that may exist between the doctor and you.
1-3. Don't be embarrassed about disrobing.
In addition to potentially making patients shiver, examination gowns also make some patients embarrassed or feel vulnerable about exposing too much of their body. Like nervousness and anxiety, embarrassment and vulnerability can increase a person's level of ticklishness. Either come to terms with your embarrassment or ask if there's any way not to wear a gown or robe for the exam — not all exams require gowning.
Make sure to choose a larger-sized gown in order to cover as much of your body as possible to reduce your embarrassment.
Some people prefer to cover their faces during exams to reduce their embarrassment, but then they won't be able to anticipate the doctor's touch, which can reduce ticklishness.
2. Reducing Some Physical Aspects of Ticklishness
2-1. Go to the bathroom before the exam.
One of the symptoms of a full bladder (and bowels) is lower abdominal pressure and tightness, which can feel uncomfortable or ticklish if touched, palpated or probed by a doctor during a medical exam. Having to go to the bathroom urgently can also make you very anxious or nervous, which can heighten ticklishness. Therefore, empty your bladder (and bowels) before heading to your scheduled medical exam.
Avoiding caffeine, a diuretic that triggers frequent urination, for a few hours prior to the exam is also beneficial in this regard.
Going to the bathroom prior to a gynecological exam is especially important because the bladder and urethra may be pressed upon directly.
2-2. Keep yourself warm.
Being too cold causes shivering, which is your body's method of warming itself up. However, while you're chilly and shivering, your muscles are either contracting or at least under more tension, which can trigger ticklishness when touched, poked or prodded more easily. Thus, dress appropriately for your medical exam and plan for the office being a little too cool.
If the office is exceptionally cool, ask the doctor or nurse if the temperature can be turned up for your exam.
If you have to wear an examination gown or robe, ask the doctor what you can leave on to remain warm — such as your socks, underwear, undershirt, etc.
2-3. Rub or pinch your skin while being examined.
While your doctor is palpating various parts of your body to figure out what's wrong with you, distract your brain a little by rubbing or lightly pinching another part of your body, such as your hand. Distracting your brain by giving it different sensations to process is an effective tool to help reduce pain, sensitivities and even ticklishness.
While your brain is focused on processing the rubbing or pinching sensation that you're creating, it will have trouble registering the doctor's touch (palpation) as ticklish.
Even just rubbing your fingers together might be helpful, or scratching the side of your leg. Apply enough pressure to your skin that it's not lightly ticklish, but not too much to cause pain.
3. Using Helpful Techniques During Medical Exams
3-1. Ask your doctor to communicate their intentions clearly.
Probably the most important thing a doctor can do to reduce ticklishness in patients during physical exams is clearly communicating their intentions before they do anything. Tell your doctor about your self-perceived level of ticklishness before getting touched. Ask if they use lighter or deeper palpation (touches) while conducting exams so you can prepare yourself for it.
Ask your doctor to tell you where and when they're going to touch you before they do. Removing anticipation often eliminates ticklishness.
Ask your doctor to be particularly careful of your highly ticklish areas, such as your underarms, lower abdomen, groin and/or feet.
Always maintain professionalism in order to prevent any sexual or flirtatious undertones, which can cause nervousness / anxiety / arousal and trigger ticklishness.
3-2. Request that your doctor take their time.
Although most doctors are busy and don't always have the luxury of taking lots of time for physical exams, it's helpful for making patients feel more comfortable and potentially less ticklish. An unrushed purposeful touch is usually better received than a hurried and clumsy touch. It's also best for your doctor to start your medical exam by feeling less sensitive areas and then concluding with the more sensitive spots.
The back (spine) is typically one of the least ticklish areas for touching, examining, massaging, etc, whereas the abdomen and feet are often the most sensitive.
With thoughtful and purposeful sequencing during a physical exam, your doctor can make it easier for you to develop a level of comfort and confidence before having to endure being touched in your more sensitive body parts.
A ticklish / jumpy patient can waste a lot of valuable time, so your doctor shouldn't mind spending a little more time initially making you feel more comfortable in order to save time in the long run.
3-3. Ask your doctor to keep their hands warm and dry.
Another cause of ticklish and jumpy behavior in patients is being touched by cold or wet hands. As such, it's important that doctors keep their hands warm and dry during physical exams, regardless of the time of year or temperature inside the clinic. They can rub their hands together or blow on them to warm them up prior to touching you. Clapping them together a few times or shaking them for a few seconds can also improve circulation.
Using hand sanitizer is great for cleaning hands prior to touching patients, but make sure your doctor's hands are dry before starting the exam.
Chronic smoking and caffeine consumption often leads to poor circulation to the hands, which tends to make them feel cold.
3-4. Place your hands underneath the doctor's while palpating.
An effective technique to use on ticklish or hypersensitive patients is called the "hand sandwich," which involves placing the doctors hand over top of your hands while they're palpating sensitive parts of your body. In effect, the doctor is feeling your body through your hands or fingertips. This is most effective for palpating / percussing your abdominal organs, but not really appropriate for finer work such as feeling your skin.
This technique seems to work because people can predict the movements of the doctor's hand as they apply pressure to the skin, which makes them feel like they are in control more.
Because it's not possible for people to tickle themselves (the brain doesn't allow it), the "hand sandwich" technique fools your brain into thinking the pressure is coming from your own hand, thus reducing your ticklishness.
Tips
It's unclear why people are ticklish. It's likely the brain's reaction to the sensation of an unexpected or surprise touch.
The more medical exams you go through, especially if it's with the same doctor, the less ticklish you're bound to be because you'll feel more comfortable and know what to anticipate.
Ticklishness is much more common in kids compared to adults.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:13",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Dealing With the Mental Aspects of Ticklishness\\n1-1. Get over your nervousness.\\nBeing ticklish is determined by your brain, not your skin's touch receptors, and nervousness is a significant factor in triggering your brain to think that a person's touch is ticklish. As such, try to control your nervousness before a medical exam. Convince yourself that medical exams are not painful and they will help the doctor find your problem and make you feel better.\\nDeep breathing, meditation, positive visualizing and listening to calming music within an hour of a medical exam can help reduce your nervousness and anxiety.\\nCaffeine can make people more jittery and cause their minds to race, which tends to make nervousness worse. As such, refrain from drinking coffee, black tea, colas and energy drinks at least 6 hours before medical exams.\\n1-2. Request a nurse be present.\\nIn addition to nervousness, feeling uncomfortable being confined with your doctor in a small exam room can also make your muscles tense and more susceptible to being ticklish. Request that a third person be present in the room during your medical exam, such as a nurse or assistant of some sort.\\nHaving a third person of the same gender in the exam room with you can greatly ease your issues with having to wear a gown and expose some of your body.\\nThis strategy might be particularly important if you have a history of sexual abuse or trauma.\\nIf a nurse or assistant is the same gender as you, it can help diffuse any sexual tension that may exist between the doctor and you.\\n1-3. Don't be embarrassed about disrobing.\\nIn addition to potentially making patients shiver, examination gowns also make some patients embarrassed or feel vulnerable about exposing too much of their body. Like nervousness and anxiety, embarrassment and vulnerability can increase a person's level of ticklishness. Either come to terms with your embarrassment or ask if there's any way not to wear a gown or robe for the exam — not all exams require gowning.\\nMake sure to choose a larger-sized gown in order to cover as much of your body as possible to reduce your embarrassment.\\nSome people prefer to cover their faces during exams to reduce their embarrassment, but then they won't be able to anticipate the doctor's touch, which can reduce ticklishness.\\n2. Reducing Some Physical Aspects of Ticklishness\\n2-1. Go to the bathroom before the exam.\\nOne of the symptoms of a full bladder (and bowels) is lower abdominal pressure and tightness, which can feel uncomfortable or ticklish if touched, palpated or probed by a doctor during a medical exam. Having to go to the bathroom urgently can also make you very anxious or nervous, which can heighten ticklishness. Therefore, empty your bladder (and bowels) before heading to your scheduled medical exam.\\nAvoiding caffeine, a diuretic that triggers frequent urination, for a few hours prior to the exam is also beneficial in this regard.\\nGoing to the bathroom prior to a gynecological exam is especially important because the bladder and urethra may be pressed upon directly.\\n2-2. Keep yourself warm.\\nBeing too cold causes shivering, which is your body's method of warming itself up. However, while you're chilly and shivering, your muscles are either contracting or at least under more tension, which can trigger ticklishness when touched, poked or prodded more easily. Thus, dress appropriately for your medical exam and plan for the office being a little too cool.\\nIf the office is exceptionally cool, ask the doctor or nurse if the temperature can be turned up for your exam.\\nIf you have to wear an examination gown or robe, ask the doctor what you can leave on to remain warm — such as your socks, underwear, undershirt, etc.\\n2-3. Rub or pinch your skin while being examined.\\nWhile your doctor is palpating various parts of your body to figure out what's wrong with you, distract your brain a little by rubbing or lightly pinching another part of your body, such as your hand. Distracting your brain by giving it different sensations to process is an effective tool to help reduce pain, sensitivities and even ticklishness.\\nWhile your brain is focused on processing the rubbing or pinching sensation that you're creating, it will have trouble registering the doctor's touch (palpation) as ticklish.\\nEven just rubbing your fingers together might be helpful, or scratching the side of your leg. Apply enough pressure to your skin that it's not lightly ticklish, but not too much to cause pain.\\n3. Using Helpful Techniques During Medical Exams\\n3-1. Ask your doctor to communicate their intentions clearly.\\nProbably the most important thing a doctor can do to reduce ticklishness in patients during physical exams is clearly communicating their intentions before they do anything. Tell your doctor about your self-perceived level of ticklishness before getting touched. Ask if they use lighter or deeper palpation (touches) while conducting exams so you can prepare yourself for it.\\nAsk your doctor to tell you where and when they're going to touch you before they do. Removing anticipation often eliminates ticklishness.\\nAsk your doctor to be particularly careful of your highly ticklish areas, such as your underarms, lower abdomen, groin and/or feet.\\nAlways maintain professionalism in order to prevent any sexual or flirtatious undertones, which can cause nervousness / anxiety / arousal and trigger ticklishness.\\n3-2. Request that your doctor take their time.\\nAlthough most doctors are busy and don't always have the luxury of taking lots of time for physical exams, it's helpful for making patients feel more comfortable and potentially less ticklish. An unrushed purposeful touch is usually better received than a hurried and clumsy touch. It's also best for your doctor to start your medical exam by feeling less sensitive areas and then concluding with the more sensitive spots.\\nThe back (spine) is typically one of the least ticklish areas for touching, examining, massaging, etc, whereas the abdomen and feet are often the most sensitive.\\nWith thoughtful and purposeful sequencing during a physical exam, your doctor can make it easier for you to develop a level of comfort and confidence before having to endure being touched in your more sensitive body parts.\\nA ticklish / jumpy patient can waste a lot of valuable time, so your doctor shouldn't mind spending a little more time initially making you feel more comfortable in order to save time in the long run.\\n3-3. Ask your doctor to keep their hands warm and dry.\\nAnother cause of ticklish and jumpy behavior in patients is being touched by cold or wet hands. As such, it's important that doctors keep their hands warm and dry during physical exams, regardless of the time of year or temperature inside the clinic. They can rub their hands together or blow on them to warm them up prior to touching you. Clapping them together a few times or shaking them for a few seconds can also improve circulation.\\nUsing hand sanitizer is great for cleaning hands prior to touching patients, but make sure your doctor's hands are dry before starting the exam.\\nChronic smoking and caffeine consumption often leads to poor circulation to the hands, which tends to make them feel cold.\\n3-4. Place your hands underneath the doctor's while palpating.\\nAn effective technique to use on ticklish or hypersensitive patients is called the \\\"hand sandwich,\\\" which involves placing the doctors hand over top of your hands while they're palpating sensitive parts of your body. In effect, the doctor is feeling your body through your hands or fingertips. This is most effective for palpating / percussing your abdominal organs, but not really appropriate for finer work such as feeling your skin.\\nThis technique seems to work because people can predict the movements of the doctor's hand as they apply pressure to the skin, which makes them feel like they are in control more.\\nBecause it's not possible for people to tickle themselves (the brain doesn't allow it), the \\\"hand sandwich\\\" technique fools your brain into thinking the pressure is coming from your own hand, thus reducing your ticklishness.\\nTips\\nIt's unclear why people are ticklish. It's likely the brain's reaction to the sensation of an unexpected or surprise touch.\\nThe more medical exams you go through, especially if it's with the same doctor, the less ticklish you're bound to be because you'll feel more comfortable and know what to anticipate.\\nTicklishness is much more common in kids compared to adults.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Medical exams are important for doctors to do in order to help figure out what's causing your problems or symptoms. They involve the doctor touching your body, either directly with their hands or through diagnostic instruments. However, a significant proportion of people get ticklish when touched on their abdomen, feet and other body parts, which makes it difficult for doctors to get meaningful findings from the exams. Use some helpful tips to reduce ticklishness during your medical exams.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dealing With the Mental Aspects of Ticklishness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get over your nervousness.\", \"描述\": \"Being ticklish is determined by your brain, not your skin's touch receptors, and nervousness is a significant factor in triggering your brain to think that a person's touch is ticklish. As such, try to control your nervousness before a medical exam. Convince yourself that medical exams are not painful and they will help the doctor find your problem and make you feel better.\\nDeep breathing, meditation, positive visualizing and listening to calming music within an hour of a medical exam can help reduce your nervousness and anxiety.\\nCaffeine can make people more jittery and cause their minds to race, which tends to make nervousness worse. As such, refrain from drinking coffee, black tea, colas and energy drinks at least 6 hours before medical exams.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Request a nurse be present.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to nervousness, feeling uncomfortable being confined with your doctor in a small exam room can also make your muscles tense and more susceptible to being ticklish. Request that a third person be present in the room during your medical exam, such as a nurse or assistant of some sort.\\nHaving a third person of the same gender in the exam room with you can greatly ease your issues with having to wear a gown and expose some of your body.\\nThis strategy might be particularly important if you have a history of sexual abuse or trauma.\\nIf a nurse or assistant is the same gender as you, it can help diffuse any sexual tension that may exist between the doctor and you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't be embarrassed about disrobing.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to potentially making patients shiver, examination gowns also make some patients embarrassed or feel vulnerable about exposing too much of their body. Like nervousness and anxiety, embarrassment and vulnerability can increase a person's level of ticklishness. Either come to terms with your embarrassment or ask if there's any way not to wear a gown or robe for the exam — not all exams require gowning.\\nMake sure to choose a larger-sized gown in order to cover as much of your body as possible to reduce your embarrassment.\\nSome people prefer to cover their faces during exams to reduce their embarrassment, but then they won't be able to anticipate the doctor's touch, which can reduce ticklishness.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Reducing Some Physical Aspects of Ticklishness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go to the bathroom before the exam.\", \"描述\": \"One of the symptoms of a full bladder (and bowels) is lower abdominal pressure and tightness, which can feel uncomfortable or ticklish if touched, palpated or probed by a doctor during a medical exam. Having to go to the bathroom urgently can also make you very anxious or nervous, which can heighten ticklishness. Therefore, empty your bladder (and bowels) before heading to your scheduled medical exam.\\nAvoiding caffeine, a diuretic that triggers frequent urination, for a few hours prior to the exam is also beneficial in this regard.\\nGoing to the bathroom prior to a gynecological exam is especially important because the bladder and urethra may be pressed upon directly.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep yourself warm.\", \"描述\": \"Being too cold causes shivering, which is your body's method of warming itself up. However, while you're chilly and shivering, your muscles are either contracting or at least under more tension, which can trigger ticklishness when touched, poked or prodded more easily. Thus, dress appropriately for your medical exam and plan for the office being a little too cool.\\nIf the office is exceptionally cool, ask the doctor or nurse if the temperature can be turned up for your exam.\\nIf you have to wear an examination gown or robe, ask the doctor what you can leave on to remain warm — such as your socks, underwear, undershirt, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Rub or pinch your skin while being examined.\", \"描述\": \"While your doctor is palpating various parts of your body to figure out what's wrong with you, distract your brain a little by rubbing or lightly pinching another part of your body, such as your hand. Distracting your brain by giving it different sensations to process is an effective tool to help reduce pain, sensitivities and even ticklishness.\\nWhile your brain is focused on processing the rubbing or pinching sensation that you're creating, it will have trouble registering the doctor's touch (palpation) as ticklish.\\nEven just rubbing your fingers together might be helpful, or scratching the side of your leg. Apply enough pressure to your skin that it's not lightly ticklish, but not too much to cause pain.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Using Helpful Techniques During Medical Exams\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask your doctor to communicate their intentions clearly.\", \"描述\": \"Probably the most important thing a doctor can do to reduce ticklishness in patients during physical exams is clearly communicating their intentions before they do anything. Tell your doctor about your self-perceived level of ticklishness before getting touched. Ask if they use lighter or deeper palpation (touches) while conducting exams so you can prepare yourself for it.\\nAsk your doctor to tell you where and when they're going to touch you before they do. Removing anticipation often eliminates ticklishness.\\nAsk your doctor to be particularly careful of your highly ticklish areas, such as your underarms, lower abdomen, groin and/or feet.\\nAlways maintain professionalism in order to prevent any sexual or flirtatious undertones, which can cause nervousness / anxiety / arousal and trigger ticklishness.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Request that your doctor take their time.\", \"描述\": \"Although most doctors are busy and don't always have the luxury of taking lots of time for physical exams, it's helpful for making patients feel more comfortable and potentially less ticklish. An unrushed purposeful touch is usually better received than a hurried and clumsy touch. It's also best for your doctor to start your medical exam by feeling less sensitive areas and then concluding with the more sensitive spots.\\nThe back (spine) is typically one of the least ticklish areas for touching, examining, massaging, etc, whereas the abdomen and feet are often the most sensitive.\\nWith thoughtful and purposeful sequencing during a physical exam, your doctor can make it easier for you to develop a level of comfort and confidence before having to endure being touched in your more sensitive body parts.\\nA ticklish / jumpy patient can waste a lot of valuable time, so your doctor shouldn't mind spending a little more time initially making you feel more comfortable in order to save time in the long run.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask your doctor to keep their hands warm and dry.\", \"描述\": \"Another cause of ticklish and jumpy behavior in patients is being touched by cold or wet hands. As such, it's important that doctors keep their hands warm and dry during physical exams, regardless of the time of year or temperature inside the clinic. They can rub their hands together or blow on them to warm them up prior to touching you. Clapping them together a few times or shaking them for a few seconds can also improve circulation.\\nUsing hand sanitizer is great for cleaning hands prior to touching patients, but make sure your doctor's hands are dry before starting the exam.\\nChronic smoking and caffeine consumption often leads to poor circulation to the hands, which tends to make them feel cold.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Place your hands underneath the doctor's while palpating.\", \"描述\": \"An effective technique to use on ticklish or hypersensitive patients is called the \\\"hand sandwich,\\\" which involves placing the doctors hand over top of your hands while they're palpating sensitive parts of your body. In effect, the doctor is feeling your body through your hands or fingertips. This is most effective for palpating / percussing your abdominal organs, but not really appropriate for finer work such as feeling your skin.\\nThis technique seems to work because people can predict the movements of the doctor's hand as they apply pressure to the skin, which makes them feel like they are in control more.\\nBecause it's not possible for people to tickle themselves (the brain doesn't allow it), the \\\"hand sandwich\\\" technique fools your brain into thinking the pressure is coming from your own hand, thus reducing your ticklishness.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"It's unclear why people are ticklish. It's likely the brain's reaction to the sensation of an unexpected or surprise touch.\\n\", \"The more medical exams you go through, especially if it's with the same doctor, the less ticklish you're bound to be because you'll feel more comfortable and know what to anticipate.\\n\", \"Ticklishness is much more common in kids compared to adults.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,901 | How to Be Less Whiny | 1. Overcoming Whining as a Kid
1-1. Ask what you want in a polite, normal voice.
If your parents or other adults hear whining, they may often shut down with a firm “no” or even ignore you. Try asking whatever you want in your normal voice and make sure you’re polite about it. You may find that this gets you much farther in your request than whining to the adult.
Make sure to use your usual voice or even try a whisper if that helps you. Say, “Mom, there is something I’d like to ask you. Can I do that now?” or “Mrs. Smith, may I please play with those colored pencils?”
Avoid asking for something if you’re upset. Give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down and then ask in your normal voice.
1-2. Accept decisions when you get them.
If you ask politely for something and are told “no,” thank the person for listening and accept the decision. This might be difficult for you, but it may help you get what you want in the long run.
Tell the person, “Ok, thank you” and walk away from the situation. Revisit your questions either later in the day or at a time when it seems more appropriate.
1-3. Start a whine jar.
If whining is a big problem for you, consider having a jar or box that you pay money into each time you whine. Then donate the money to a charity or something else you want, such as your school. Seeing your money go into a pot that you can’t spend on yourself may help you stop whining.
Let your parents know what you are doing. Tell them to say, “Go put 25 cents in the jar” whenever you whine.
Consider asking your teacher to start a whine jar for your whole class. You can use that money to buy supplies for the classroom or donate money to a charitable cause you choose as a class.
1-4. Find alternatives to whining.
Chances are you are whining about something specific, such as you’re out of bananas at home or there aren’t any volleyballs available in gym class. Instead of whining about these to your parent or another adult, acknowledge the problem and then find a solution as well as an alternative activity.
Figure out how you can overcome the problem quickly. For example, if you don’t have any bananas at home, tell your mom, “I’m going to put them on our shopping list and have an apple instead.”
Distract yourself entirely if needed. For example, if you really wanted to play volleyball but can’t find one, consider improvising by throwing a soft rubber ball against a wall.
1-5. Point out when your parents whine.
Everyone—including your parents-- whines occasionally and that is ok. But if your parents whine a lot, you may find that this affects your behavior, too. Telling your mom or dad when he or she whines may help you stop whining around them so often.
Make sure to be polite and nice when you’re pointing out your parents’ whining so they don’t get mad. You could say, “Mom, please don’t whine when you ask me to take out the dog. I need to finish this math problem and then I’ll do it.”
Consider asking your parents to contribute to the whine jar. You could donate the proceeds or use it towards a family fun day.
2. Avoiding Typical Tactics of Adult Whiners
2-1. Watch your voice inflections.
In many cases, what others perceive as whining is just how you’re speaking to get the person’s attention. Actively listening to yourself in situations that might cause you to whine can keep you from doing so. In addition, it might help you get what you want.
Try and use sentences instead of words, which may naturally help you keep your voice inflections within a normal range. Instead of saying, “Please,” you can say, “Would you please do this for me? It would be a huge help.” This can prevent the person to whom you are talking from shutting down completely and get him or her to listen to you.
Remove yourself from a situation if you don’t think you can control your voice. Come back to your statement once you’ve had a chance to calm down.
2-2. Be aware of your eyes and face, too.
Just like your voice, your face and eyes are mirrors of your feelings and emotions. Consider your expressions when you’re making a statement that would otherwise be whining. Trying to be genuine in your voice inflections can also change the expressions in your face and eyes.
Try giving a small smile when you’re talking so that your words, face, and eyes follow suit. For example, if your wife or husband is going away again, say, “I love you so much and love spending time together. It would be nice if you could give me a bit more notice when you’re traveling so I can prepare myself to be alone for a few days.” Visualize yourself saying this in a non-whiny tone with a neutral face. If you need to, look elsewhere so that the person to whom you are speaking doesn’t think you’re pointing daggers out of your eyes.
2-3. Steer clear of wearing people down with your whining.
Like children, many adults will whine continuously to wear down another person. In many cases, this is a very effective tactic because the person doesn’t want to listen to you whine any longer. If you need to make a whiny comment, say it once and then move on. Not doing so may result in you angering the other person and hurting your reputation.
Make your request or statement only once. Any more and you’re indulging in the behavior of a child—and you’re not a child, nor do you want others to think you are. Part of being an adult is accepting that you can’t always have things exactly your way. For example, say, “Can you please take me off the project? I can’t handle working with Alex,” or “Oof, I just don’t want to work with Alex on this.” Accept whatever comes after your statement and move on to whatever you need to do.
Consider finding something to distract yourself if you feel the need to harangue someone with whining to get your way.
2-4. Stop guilt tripping people.
Another common tactic whiners use to get their way is the guilt trip—done in a whiny voice. Guilt is another form of aggression, which is something you want to avoid with people. If you commonly guilt-trip people into getting your way, take a step back before making statements that may make another person feel guilty. This can ultimately stop you from using whiny guilt trips to get your way.
Use open communication with a person instead of a guilt trip. Keep in mind that this is more constructive and can save your relationship with the person instead of ultimately upsetting him or her. For example, say, “I appreciate the assignment and am excited to participate in the project. But I am concerned that the poor working relationship Chris and I have may have an affect on the overall project. Can you suggest a way to get around this?” This statement sounds much better than, “Ugh, can you take me off of this project. I won’t be able to concentrate or function if I have to work with Chris.”
2-5. Win people over with honey, not vinegar.
There is an old truism that holds “You win a lot more bees with honey than vinegar.” Kindness breeds kindness just as much as being whiny or nasty breeds nastiness. Remembering these simple facts can help you keep your interactions as positive and kind as possible. This may keep you from whining to those you love or with whom you work and create a more positive environment for everyone.
3. Welcoming Positivity
3-1. Identify things that cause you to whine.
You may find that you consistently whine about the same things. Friends, colleagues, lack of finances, and many other things may irritate or annoy you, causing you to complain. Recognizing sources of negativity can help start making positive change.
Write a list of things that cause you to whine. You could even ask a trusted friend or family member if they notice that you complain about something a lot. Go over your list and figure out things you can change. For example, you can reframe or eliminate relationships that make you whine a lot. Ask yourself, “What is it about Chris that causes me to moan and complain so often? If I limit my exposure to him will it help me complain less?”
3-2. Focus on the positive.
Whining and complaining can be draining. Being happy and positive is often invigorating. Finding the positive in anything can help you whine less.
Remember that even in the most whine-inducing situation, there is likely something positive. For example, maybe your colleague opted to teach the same course so you got stuck with a large class. Instead of complaining about what a lazy loser the person is, say to yourself, “Other colleagues realize that Chris is not carrying his weight in courses. Thankfully, they realize I’m putting forth a huge effort.”
3-3. Keep expectations realistic.
There are many things that may cause you to complain from sticking to your goals to how you interact with others. It’s important to remember to keep your expectations realistic, such as what you can easily do in a typical workday. This can also reduces stress that may cause you to be more whiny.
See if your expectations are realistic by looking at the plan you’ve developed. For example, depending on how much you make, you may not be able to save $100 every month. But you may be able to save $50 every month, which is still saving. Remember to give yourself a little wiggle room. Accepting that you and others are not perfect can help you complain less and attain your goals.
3-4. Keep moving forward.
You’ll occasionally need to whine or vent. This is completely normal and acceptable, but acknowledge the problem, vent, and then let it go. This can keep you positive and help you not dwell on something that may make you complain too often.
3-5. Volunteer with the less fortunate.
Reminding yourself that many others are less fortunate can do wonders for you. It can put things that make you whine into broader perspective and realize that your concerns are not as significant as others’. It may also keep you from dwelling on things that make you whine.
Offer to volunteer at a health facility or organization that helps the less fortunate. Recognizing that you really don’t have anything about which to complain can help you focus on the positive. Even giving your support to friends and family members who are struggling can help you whine less.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Overcoming Whining as a Kid\\n1-1. Ask what you want in a polite, normal voice.\\nIf your parents or other adults hear whining, they may often shut down with a firm “no” or even ignore you. Try asking whatever you want in your normal voice and make sure you’re polite about it. You may find that this gets you much farther in your request than whining to the adult.\\nMake sure to use your usual voice or even try a whisper if that helps you. Say, “Mom, there is something I’d like to ask you. Can I do that now?” or “Mrs. Smith, may I please play with those colored pencils?”\\nAvoid asking for something if you’re upset. Give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down and then ask in your normal voice.\\n1-2. Accept decisions when you get them.\\nIf you ask politely for something and are told “no,” thank the person for listening and accept the decision. This might be difficult for you, but it may help you get what you want in the long run.\\nTell the person, “Ok, thank you” and walk away from the situation. Revisit your questions either later in the day or at a time when it seems more appropriate.\\n1-3. Start a whine jar.\\nIf whining is a big problem for you, consider having a jar or box that you pay money into each time you whine. Then donate the money to a charity or something else you want, such as your school. Seeing your money go into a pot that you can’t spend on yourself may help you stop whining.\\nLet your parents know what you are doing. Tell them to say, “Go put 25 cents in the jar” whenever you whine.\\nConsider asking your teacher to start a whine jar for your whole class. You can use that money to buy supplies for the classroom or donate money to a charitable cause you choose as a class.\\n1-4. Find alternatives to whining.\\nChances are you are whining about something specific, such as you’re out of bananas at home or there aren’t any volleyballs available in gym class. Instead of whining about these to your parent or another adult, acknowledge the problem and then find a solution as well as an alternative activity.\\nFigure out how you can overcome the problem quickly. For example, if you don’t have any bananas at home, tell your mom, “I’m going to put them on our shopping list and have an apple instead.”\\nDistract yourself entirely if needed. For example, if you really wanted to play volleyball but can’t find one, consider improvising by throwing a soft rubber ball against a wall.\\n1-5. Point out when your parents whine.\\nEveryone—including your parents-- whines occasionally and that is ok. But if your parents whine a lot, you may find that this affects your behavior, too. Telling your mom or dad when he or she whines may help you stop whining around them so often.\\nMake sure to be polite and nice when you’re pointing out your parents’ whining so they don’t get mad. You could say, “Mom, please don’t whine when you ask me to take out the dog. I need to finish this math problem and then I’ll do it.”\\nConsider asking your parents to contribute to the whine jar. You could donate the proceeds or use it towards a family fun day.\\n2. Avoiding Typical Tactics of Adult Whiners\\n2-1. Watch your voice inflections.\\nIn many cases, what others perceive as whining is just how you’re speaking to get the person’s attention. Actively listening to yourself in situations that might cause you to whine can keep you from doing so. In addition, it might help you get what you want.\\nTry and use sentences instead of words, which may naturally help you keep your voice inflections within a normal range. Instead of saying, “Please,” you can say, “Would you please do this for me? It would be a huge help.” This can prevent the person to whom you are talking from shutting down completely and get him or her to listen to you.\\nRemove yourself from a situation if you don’t think you can control your voice. Come back to your statement once you’ve had a chance to calm down.\\n2-2. Be aware of your eyes and face, too.\\nJust like your voice, your face and eyes are mirrors of your feelings and emotions. Consider your expressions when you’re making a statement that would otherwise be whining. Trying to be genuine in your voice inflections can also change the expressions in your face and eyes.\\nTry giving a small smile when you’re talking so that your words, face, and eyes follow suit. For example, if your wife or husband is going away again, say, “I love you so much and love spending time together. It would be nice if you could give me a bit more notice when you’re traveling so I can prepare myself to be alone for a few days.” Visualize yourself saying this in a non-whiny tone with a neutral face. If you need to, look elsewhere so that the person to whom you are speaking doesn’t think you’re pointing daggers out of your eyes.\\n2-3. Steer clear of wearing people down with your whining.\\nLike children, many adults will whine continuously to wear down another person. In many cases, this is a very effective tactic because the person doesn’t want to listen to you whine any longer. If you need to make a whiny comment, say it once and then move on. Not doing so may result in you angering the other person and hurting your reputation.\\nMake your request or statement only once. Any more and you’re indulging in the behavior of a child—and you’re not a child, nor do you want others to think you are. Part of being an adult is accepting that you can’t always have things exactly your way. For example, say, “Can you please take me off the project? I can’t handle working with Alex,” or “Oof, I just don’t want to work with Alex on this.” Accept whatever comes after your statement and move on to whatever you need to do.\\nConsider finding something to distract yourself if you feel the need to harangue someone with whining to get your way.\\n2-4. Stop guilt tripping people.\\nAnother common tactic whiners use to get their way is the guilt trip—done in a whiny voice. Guilt is another form of aggression, which is something you want to avoid with people. If you commonly guilt-trip people into getting your way, take a step back before making statements that may make another person feel guilty. This can ultimately stop you from using whiny guilt trips to get your way.\\nUse open communication with a person instead of a guilt trip. Keep in mind that this is more constructive and can save your relationship with the person instead of ultimately upsetting him or her. For example, say, “I appreciate the assignment and am excited to participate in the project. But I am concerned that the poor working relationship Chris and I have may have an affect on the overall project. Can you suggest a way to get around this?” This statement sounds much better than, “Ugh, can you take me off of this project. I won’t be able to concentrate or function if I have to work with Chris.”\\n2-5. Win people over with honey, not vinegar.\\nThere is an old truism that holds “You win a lot more bees with honey than vinegar.” Kindness breeds kindness just as much as being whiny or nasty breeds nastiness. Remembering these simple facts can help you keep your interactions as positive and kind as possible. This may keep you from whining to those you love or with whom you work and create a more positive environment for everyone.\\n3. Welcoming Positivity\\n3-1. Identify things that cause you to whine.\\nYou may find that you consistently whine about the same things. Friends, colleagues, lack of finances, and many other things may irritate or annoy you, causing you to complain. Recognizing sources of negativity can help start making positive change.\\nWrite a list of things that cause you to whine. You could even ask a trusted friend or family member if they notice that you complain about something a lot. Go over your list and figure out things you can change. For example, you can reframe or eliminate relationships that make you whine a lot. Ask yourself, “What is it about Chris that causes me to moan and complain so often? If I limit my exposure to him will it help me complain less?”\\n3-2. Focus on the positive.\\nWhining and complaining can be draining. Being happy and positive is often invigorating. Finding the positive in anything can help you whine less.\\nRemember that even in the most whine-inducing situation, there is likely something positive. For example, maybe your colleague opted to teach the same course so you got stuck with a large class. Instead of complaining about what a lazy loser the person is, say to yourself, “Other colleagues realize that Chris is not carrying his weight in courses. Thankfully, they realize I’m putting forth a huge effort.”\\n3-3. Keep expectations realistic.\\nThere are many things that may cause you to complain from sticking to your goals to how you interact with others. It’s important to remember to keep your expectations realistic, such as what you can easily do in a typical workday. This can also reduces stress that may cause you to be more whiny.\\nSee if your expectations are realistic by looking at the plan you’ve developed. For example, depending on how much you make, you may not be able to save $100 every month. But you may be able to save $50 every month, which is still saving. Remember to give yourself a little wiggle room. Accepting that you and others are not perfect can help you complain less and attain your goals.\\n3-4. Keep moving forward.\\nYou’ll occasionally need to whine or vent. This is completely normal and acceptable, but acknowledge the problem, vent, and then let it go. This can keep you positive and help you not dwell on something that may make you complain too often.\\n3-5. Volunteer with the less fortunate.\\nReminding yourself that many others are less fortunate can do wonders for you. It can put things that make you whine into broader perspective and realize that your concerns are not as significant as others’. It may also keep you from dwelling on things that make you whine.\\nOffer to volunteer at a health facility or organization that helps the less fortunate. Recognizing that you really don’t have anything about which to complain can help you focus on the positive. Even giving your support to friends and family members who are struggling can help you whine less.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Every person needs to whine or complain sometimes. But if you find yourself constantly being whiny, you may realize that you’re losing friends and even the confidence of teachers or employers. Being whiny can annoy others and even make your overall mood negative. But by complaining less, avoiding whiny tactics, and welcoming positivity, you can be less whiny.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Overcoming Whining as a Kid\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask what you want in a polite, normal voice.\", \"描述\": \"If your parents or other adults hear whining, they may often shut down with a firm “no” or even ignore you. Try asking whatever you want in your normal voice and make sure you’re polite about it. You may find that this gets you much farther in your request than whining to the adult.\\nMake sure to use your usual voice or even try a whisper if that helps you. Say, “Mom, there is something I’d like to ask you. Can I do that now?” or “Mrs. Smith, may I please play with those colored pencils?”\\nAvoid asking for something if you’re upset. Give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down and then ask in your normal voice.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Accept decisions when you get them.\", \"描述\": \"If you ask politely for something and are told “no,” thank the person for listening and accept the decision. This might be difficult for you, but it may help you get what you want in the long run.\\nTell the person, “Ok, thank you” and walk away from the situation. Revisit your questions either later in the day or at a time when it seems more appropriate.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Start a whine jar.\", \"描述\": \"If whining is a big problem for you, consider having a jar or box that you pay money into each time you whine. Then donate the money to a charity or something else you want, such as your school. Seeing your money go into a pot that you can’t spend on yourself may help you stop whining.\\nLet your parents know what you are doing. Tell them to say, “Go put 25 cents in the jar” whenever you whine.\\nConsider asking your teacher to start a whine jar for your whole class. You can use that money to buy supplies for the classroom or donate money to a charitable cause you choose as a class.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find alternatives to whining.\", \"描述\": \"Chances are you are whining about something specific, such as you’re out of bananas at home or there aren’t any volleyballs available in gym class. Instead of whining about these to your parent or another adult, acknowledge the problem and then find a solution as well as an alternative activity.\\nFigure out how you can overcome the problem quickly. For example, if you don’t have any bananas at home, tell your mom, “I’m going to put them on our shopping list and have an apple instead.”\\nDistract yourself entirely if needed. For example, if you really wanted to play volleyball but can’t find one, consider improvising by throwing a soft rubber ball against a wall.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Point out when your parents whine.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone—including your parents-- whines occasionally and that is ok. But if your parents whine a lot, you may find that this affects your behavior, too. Telling your mom or dad when he or she whines may help you stop whining around them so often.\\nMake sure to be polite and nice when you’re pointing out your parents’ whining so they don’t get mad. You could say, “Mom, please don’t whine when you ask me to take out the dog. I need to finish this math problem and then I’ll do it.”\\nConsider asking your parents to contribute to the whine jar. You could donate the proceeds or use it towards a family fun day.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoiding Typical Tactics of Adult Whiners\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Watch your voice inflections.\", \"描述\": \"In many cases, what others perceive as whining is just how you’re speaking to get the person’s attention. Actively listening to yourself in situations that might cause you to whine can keep you from doing so. In addition, it might help you get what you want.\\nTry and use sentences instead of words, which may naturally help you keep your voice inflections within a normal range. Instead of saying, “Please,” you can say, “Would you please do this for me? It would be a huge help.” This can prevent the person to whom you are talking from shutting down completely and get him or her to listen to you.\\nRemove yourself from a situation if you don’t think you can control your voice. Come back to your statement once you’ve had a chance to calm down.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be aware of your eyes and face, too.\", \"描述\": \"Just like your voice, your face and eyes are mirrors of your feelings and emotions. Consider your expressions when you’re making a statement that would otherwise be whining. Trying to be genuine in your voice inflections can also change the expressions in your face and eyes.\\nTry giving a small smile when you’re talking so that your words, face, and eyes follow suit. For example, if your wife or husband is going away again, say, “I love you so much and love spending time together. It would be nice if you could give me a bit more notice when you’re traveling so I can prepare myself to be alone for a few days.” Visualize yourself saying this in a non-whiny tone with a neutral face. If you need to, look elsewhere so that the person to whom you are speaking doesn’t think you’re pointing daggers out of your eyes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Steer clear of wearing people down with your whining.\", \"描述\": \"Like children, many adults will whine continuously to wear down another person. In many cases, this is a very effective tactic because the person doesn’t want to listen to you whine any longer. If you need to make a whiny comment, say it once and then move on. Not doing so may result in you angering the other person and hurting your reputation.\\nMake your request or statement only once. Any more and you’re indulging in the behavior of a child—and you’re not a child, nor do you want others to think you are. Part of being an adult is accepting that you can’t always have things exactly your way. For example, say, “Can you please take me off the project? I can’t handle working with Alex,” or “Oof, I just don’t want to work with Alex on this.” Accept whatever comes after your statement and move on to whatever you need to do.\\nConsider finding something to distract yourself if you feel the need to harangue someone with whining to get your way.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stop guilt tripping people.\", \"描述\": \"Another common tactic whiners use to get their way is the guilt trip—done in a whiny voice. Guilt is another form of aggression, which is something you want to avoid with people. If you commonly guilt-trip people into getting your way, take a step back before making statements that may make another person feel guilty. This can ultimately stop you from using whiny guilt trips to get your way.\\nUse open communication with a person instead of a guilt trip. Keep in mind that this is more constructive and can save your relationship with the person instead of ultimately upsetting him or her. For example, say, “I appreciate the assignment and am excited to participate in the project. But I am concerned that the poor working relationship Chris and I have may have an affect on the overall project. Can you suggest a way to get around this?” This statement sounds much better than, “Ugh, can you take me off of this project. I won’t be able to concentrate or function if I have to work with Chris.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Win people over with honey, not vinegar.\", \"描述\": \"There is an old truism that holds “You win a lot more bees with honey than vinegar.” Kindness breeds kindness just as much as being whiny or nasty breeds nastiness. Remembering these simple facts can help you keep your interactions as positive and kind as possible. This may keep you from whining to those you love or with whom you work and create a more positive environment for everyone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Welcoming Positivity\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify things that cause you to whine.\", \"描述\": \"You may find that you consistently whine about the same things. Friends, colleagues, lack of finances, and many other things may irritate or annoy you, causing you to complain. Recognizing sources of negativity can help start making positive change.\\nWrite a list of things that cause you to whine. You could even ask a trusted friend or family member if they notice that you complain about something a lot. Go over your list and figure out things you can change. For example, you can reframe or eliminate relationships that make you whine a lot. Ask yourself, “What is it about Chris that causes me to moan and complain so often? If I limit my exposure to him will it help me complain less?”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus on the positive.\", \"描述\": \"Whining and complaining can be draining. Being happy and positive is often invigorating. Finding the positive in anything can help you whine less.\\nRemember that even in the most whine-inducing situation, there is likely something positive. For example, maybe your colleague opted to teach the same course so you got stuck with a large class. Instead of complaining about what a lazy loser the person is, say to yourself, “Other colleagues realize that Chris is not carrying his weight in courses. Thankfully, they realize I’m putting forth a huge effort.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep expectations realistic.\", \"描述\": \"There are many things that may cause you to complain from sticking to your goals to how you interact with others. It’s important to remember to keep your expectations realistic, such as what you can easily do in a typical workday. This can also reduces stress that may cause you to be more whiny.\\nSee if your expectations are realistic by looking at the plan you’ve developed. For example, depending on how much you make, you may not be able to save $100 every month. But you may be able to save $50 every month, which is still saving. Remember to give yourself a little wiggle room. Accepting that you and others are not perfect can help you complain less and attain your goals.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep moving forward.\", \"描述\": \"You’ll occasionally need to whine or vent. This is completely normal and acceptable, but acknowledge the problem, vent, and then let it go. This can keep you positive and help you not dwell on something that may make you complain too often.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Volunteer with the less fortunate.\", \"描述\": \"Reminding yourself that many others are less fortunate can do wonders for you. It can put things that make you whine into broader perspective and realize that your concerns are not as significant as others’. It may also keep you from dwelling on things that make you whine.\\nOffer to volunteer at a health facility or organization that helps the less fortunate. Recognizing that you really don’t have anything about which to complain can help you focus on the positive. Even giving your support to friends and family members who are struggling can help you whine less.\"}]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,902 | How to Be Likable | 1. Being Likable in Everyday Conversation
1-1. Be respectful
This means your friends, complete strangers and, most importantly, yourself! If you act judgmental or with a dismissive attitude towards other people, they will most likely return the same negative feelings towards you. Making others feel welcomed and appreciated will go a long way towards your success in making friends.
Interact with strangers nicely and calmly, request favors patiently, respond to others promptly and remember your pleases and thank-you's.
Remember that everyone you're interacting with is human, too. Just because you're paying someone to wait on your table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat them like you'd want to be treated if you were in their position.
As J.K. Rowling put it, "It's easier to see what someone is really like by how they treat their inferiors, not their equals."
1-2. Be confident
People like to be around others who are sure of themselves without being arrogant. Be confident in who you are without constantly stepping on others' toes. A healthy level of confidence is knowing you're pretty great, but that there's always someone better than you.
If you always criticize yourself and seem to be unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of people feeling the same way about you. After all, if you aren't pleased with yourself, why should others be?
The other side of the coin is just as bad -- too cocky and people will think you like yourself so much that no one else needs to. The aim is contentment, not excessive pride.
1-3. Be honest
It is particularly important to be honest to your friends and people who solicit you for advice. Usually, people can tell when someone is lying and fake; insincere people are not well-liked. People you want to be around should not tolerate liars.
When someone asks, "Does this make me look fat?" (yes, it's a cliché, but it's a classic example), make your comments gently, framed in a way that is unlikely to upset them. If you know your fashion, tell them WHY. They're sure to trust you knowing that you were honest and appreciate that you're helping them.
It is a trickier idea to be brutally honest with someone who does not solicit your advice. Bringing up a comment like that can either generate appreciative responses or offended looks, depending on the person's personality, so judge the situation at your own risk. You should probably avoid initiating negative comments, no matter how truthful, with people whom you are not closely acquainted or good friends with.
1-4. Listen.
There is not a single person on this planet who feels like they receive too much attention (a single person not constantly followed by paparazzi at least). When we humans engage in conversation, most of us are looking for someone to be genuinely interested in what we have to say -- the input of the other is secondary. Don't think you're being boring! You're letting the other person feel good about themselves.
It's important to listen actively, though. If someone is going on and on about the most effective way to wash their dog, glazing over, while tempting, is not being a good listener. Try to engage your entire self at all times -- your eyes, the nodding of your head, commenting and questioning, and the positioning of your body -- it should all be focused on them.
1-5. Ask questions.
A huge part of being a good conversationalist (and when you're listening) is asking questions. A social jiu-jitsu master has someone walking away after a conversation feeling good and not realizing they didn't learn a dang thing about the other person because they were talking so much. Be that person. Ask who, why, or how. The other will feel appreciated, liked, and go on a spiel that takes the pressure off you. And they'll like you for it.
Keep everything open-ended. If Jill from the office says, "God, I just spend hours on this freakin' Powerpoint," jump in! Ask her what it was for, why it took longer than normal, or how she did the research. Even a bias topic like a Powerpoint can start a good conversation where Jill feels paid attention to.
1-6. Use their name.
One of the tenants of Dale Carnegie's massively successfully "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is to use a person's name in conversation. Hearing our own name activates a region in our brains that remains dormant at any other sound and we love it. Our names are our identity and conversing with someone who uses it makes us feel like our identity is acknowledged. So the next time you're speaking to that acquaintance, slip their name in. Odds are they'll feel a bond to you that may not exist otherwise.
This is fairly easy to do. The most obvious way is to add it on to your greeting. "Hey, Rob, how are you?" is much more personal than, "Hey, how are you?" And if you're close enough to Rob to say, "Hey, Rockin' Robby D! How are you, man?" that works, too. Apart from greetings, it can be inserted casually just about anywhere. Initiating a conversation -- "What do you think of this for my desktop, Rob?" -- or just as a comment, "Rob, you're being ridiculous again." Rob will practically feel like your best friend.
1-7. Know your audience.
Odds are you know people from a few different social groups. Getting the Plastics at high school to like you (if they're capable of actually liking people) is a much different path than getting your engineering classmates at Harvard to call you up on a Friday night. So know who you're dealing with. What do they like? What do they seem to value? What interests them?
If you want to be genuinely liked (being popular and being liked are not the same thing), you're in luck: generally, humans all like the same qualities. And no, wealth and attractiveness aren't high up on the list. Trustworthiness, honesty, warmth and kindness are, in a recent study, the highest rated, most valued qualities (across the board of relationships), while extraversion, intelligence and sense of humor come in close behind.
1-8. Recognize reciprocation.
You can ask all the questions you want, be super polite, say all the right things, and sometimes people still won't be having it. If every time you walk up to Johnny he miraculously gets a phone call, take the hint. Spend your resources elsewhere. This will happen -- there's no pleasing everyone. While it's very important to put in effort, put it in where it's due.
Relationships are a give and take. If you're constantly the one making the effort, sending the texts, going out of your way to be nice and friendly, take a look at the situation. If there's an explanation (the person is going through a hard time, they work 60 hours a week, etc.), then you may have to do the brunt of the work. But if they're responsive to other people but don't seem to have the time for you, go elsewhere. You can't be friends with everyone.
1-9. Make them laugh.
Everyone and their brother appreciates the person who can ease the tension in the room and make them laugh. A good sense of humor can go a long, long way. When people know you're playful and looking to have a good time, they want to join in. It's also a great way to be approachable because people know what to say (they want to be liked just as much as you do) -- they can joke with you, too! Win, win, win.
If once in a while people have to laugh at you, great! If you can laugh too, you're good to go. That shows you're down-to-earth and not overly concerned with your image -- two very good things. And research even shows that embarrassing yourself makes people like and trust you more -- you become a real person. Makes sense, doesn't it?
2. Mastering Likeable Body Language
2-1. Remember to smile!
You emanate a good vibe with this simple gesture, and you can improve the mood of everyone around you. Even if you don't feel particularly joyous or are stuck in a mood slump, the voluntary action of your muscles turning up into a smile can sometimes trigger feelings of lightheartedness and happiness.
Think of happy thoughts or past moments that did make you grin to help trigger a genuine smile. If nothing else, people will be wondering what the heck you're smiling about!
It takes more facial muscles to frown than to smile -- and for good reason! Everyone should be smiling more often than frowning.
2-2. Open up.
The fact of the matter is that everyone wants to be liked. Everyone. It's simple logic -- the more liked you are, the easier life is. Because everyone's fighting the same battle you are, help them out a little. Be approachable (when you're not doing the approaching yourself -- which you may have to do). Smile, uncross your arms, and set down your phone. The world is in front of you. What will come to you if you let it?
Think about the people you want to be friends with. Odds are an adjective you wouldn't use to describe them is "surly." If you want to pull your half of the weight in making a friend, be sure your vibe is welcoming. Keep your body relaxed, seem engaged in your environment, and notice people. Half the battle, really.
2-3. Make eye contact.
Have you ever been talking to someone and their eyes seem to wander around the room to everything but you? That's a pretty crappy feeling -- as soon as you notice it, it's tempting to just shut up then and there and see if they snap out of it. Don't be that guy. If someone is saying something offhand, it's fine to lapse (you don't want to start a staring contest), but if they really care about the topic at hand, give them your attention. You'd want it, too!
Some people have issues with eye contact -- they just can't really do it. If this is you, try tricking yourself and looking at the bridge of their nose or their eyebrows. People tend to get a little disconcerted when you don't look at them, so trick them and trick you by staying in the vicinity of their orbital bones.
2-4. Mirror them.
A known way of subconsciously increasing rapport between two parties is mirroring or mimicry -- where both end up with the same stance, facial expression, weight distribution, overall body position, etc. Consider toying with this when you're in conversation -- a perceived "sameness" can go a long way. However, as it's supposed to be subconscious, don't mess with it too much -- you could become preoccupied!
This is generally good when working with peers -- not when you're working with superiors. Recent research has said that the adverse effect can take place -- feelings of coldness, etc. -- when the two subjects aren't in an appropriate scenario (dealing with money, job issues, and so forth). So keep it to that group of friends you want to get closer to and not your boss.
2-5. Show deference.
Odds are at some point in your lifetime someone stressed the importance of keeping your shoulders back, your head high, and having a firm handshake. While these definitely have their place (like a job interview), making friends and getting people to like you isn't exactly the place for it. Your body should be relaxed, not squared off. Show that you're not challenging the other person.
Think of greeting someone. In that video where Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela meet (two people that have the right to think they're each a pretty big deal), both show deference -- a slight lean-in and step forward, using the free arm for extra touch, smiling. They're conveying that they respect and like the other -- which goes a long way to being liked in return.
2-6. Use the power of touch.
Humans need other humans to survive and, of course, be happy. Babies that aren't touched enough don't thrive. That doesn't exactly go away in adulthood! If you want to form a more concrete bond with someone, find small opportunities for touch. Appropriate touch, of course! A brush of the arm or shoulder or even a high-five. Those small moments get turned into connections when touch is added.
Think of someone walking up to you and saying, "Hi! How are you?" Now imagine that same person walking up to you and saying, "[Your name]! How are you?" and lightly touching your arm as they pass. Which greeting left you feeling a bit warmer on the inside? Probably the second one, huh? Use that. It doesn't cost a thing.
3. Thinking the Part
3-1. Like people.
Straight up, the easiest way to get someone to like you is to like them. Not exactly rocket science, is it? Surely you've been around someone who just didn't seem to give a hoot about whether you were there or not. And you've probably been around the opposite too -- people who make you feel appreciated and are quite clearly glad you're there. Which do you like more, even if you can't explain it?
You can't expect people to like you if you can't say the same for yourself. Odds are you do like the people you want to like you (why else would you care?) so make it clear! Smile when they walk in the room. Make conversation. Comment on a detail they mentioned last Wednesday to show you were listening. The little things will tune them into your genuineness.
3-2. Be positive
Everyone wants to be around the person that has that sunny disposition that lights up the entire room. And the opposite rings true -- no one wants to be around Debbie Downer. To get people to like you, be positive. That means smiling, being enthusiastic, happy, and looking on the bright side. You probably know someone like this who you can emulate.
This is very much so a 24/7 thing. It's gonna be hard to be positive in front of people when you're negative by yourself. You have to train your brain to have certain habits -- positivity being one of them. Try to always think positive even when you're alone; that way it can become old hat in no time.
Know when to commiserate. There is a certain level of bonding that can be had over group complaining. Talking to your coworkers about how terrible the new boss is will foster friendship -- but if it's all you do, you'll be associated with negativity. Use the complaining sparingly and use it only to relate -- not to spark conversation or turn it around.
3-3. Think of your unique strengths and explore opportunities for showcasing them.
What talent or trait do friends admire in you? Show them to the world! People are naturally drawn to those with passions and abilities. It makes us useful, valuable, and interesting. Whatever it is, wear your flag proudly.
If you are a good singer, get up on karaoke night and entertain the room. A good baker? Bring a treat to the office. A painter? Invite a group to your showing or simply hang something in the communal area. Let people see your personality to get to know you a bit better.
3-4. Most importantly, remember to be yourself.
It's impossible to get everyone to like you -- differing personalities will inevitably result in some clash at some point of your life -- but you will earn the admiration of those who are compatible with you and those who matter.
People like others who come off as sincere and genuine, so avoid taking steps to change so far that you are uncomfortable with your actions. Faking anything may be a red flag to those who are tuned in. Mean everything you say and do. If you want people to like you, you'll have good intentions and be fine.
3-5. Know that others are only momentarily impressed by the superficial.
They sincerely like the genuine. So while that Coach purse or those six-pack abs might get you a fan or two, it won't be that meaningful and it certainly won't last. It's tempting to think being attractive will make people like you -- and it will, but only to a point. You need the goods to back it up. If people find out you're a lying scumbag, they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes regardless of what you look like.
In a recent study, people were asked what qualities they thought others looked for in friends and relationships. Money, appearance, and status were pretty high up there. But when they were asked what they valued, they answered with things like honest, warmth, and kindness. Society tells us (wrongfully so) that looks and money are more important than anything else and deep down we know it's not true. If you want people to actually like you, worry about the inside of your book, not the cover.
That being said, it's important to be hygienic. People won't likely give you the time of day if you smell like you're fresh off the manure farm. Even if you have the personality of Mother Theresa and Bill Cosby's lovechild, you'll probably be given the cold shoulder. So take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror before you leave, and then go out there with a smile.
3-6. Recognize that you'll feel vulnerable.
Wanting to be liked puts you at the mercy of everyone else. Going outside of your box to get this accomplished will make you feel a bit uneasy. The actions you undertake will feel scary. This is good. This is challenging. This promotes growth. As long as you still feel you're being yourself, you're only building on your character, improving it. It may be scary, but it'll be worth it.
There's a difference between wanting people to like you and needing to be liked in order to be happy. Your self-image should not be based on the approval of others; that will leave you hurting in no time. But if you are comfortable with yourself and just want to be well-received, that's respectable. People will see that and respond. That scare-factor will go away with time.
3-7. Control your insecurities.
Most people are turned off by people who can't turn off their insecurities. Saying something like, "It's okay...it's good enough for me" or constantly commenting on how fat or ugly you are gives off the red light that you don't like you. That personal negativity isn't becoming on anyone. So leave it at the door. It's not good for you and it's not good for your friendships.
Insecurities are what we call the feelings we get and the behavior we display when we're uncomfortable with ourselves. If you're uncomfortable with yourself, it puts a damper on the entire room and plenty of people aren't going to deal with that. Don't worry about coming off as humble or arrogant. Say things like they are. You have worth. We all do.
3-8. Know that you can control your thoughts.
Negativity can be learned and unlearned; no one says, "Gosh, my baby is just so negative. If positivity is an issue for you, luckily you're the only one who can change it! Your brain is plastic and it can be trained. You just gotta buckle down and do it.
The simplest way to start is to stop. Stop the negativity in its track. When you catch yourself thinking something bad about yourself, don't finish the thought. Replace it with something a little more realistic and positive. You'll feel better, too. Turn "I'm so fat" into "I'd like to lose a little weight. How might I go about doing that?" and a new train of thought will start. So get on board.
3-9. Be unconcerned with others' preconceived ideas.
We've covered how confidence is a very, very likeable trait, and being unconcerned with how you present yourself goes along those same lines. When you start self-presenting, people will notice. Think of the guy at the party who's "peacocking." He's trying to strut his machismo for the entire room to notice. It's not attractive. It's disingenuous and, quite frankly, it's sad; he doesn't think who he naturally is is good enough. Don't be that guy.
Whether you're a dork or a hipster or a jock, it doesn't matter. If people have the idea that your penchant for sparkly nail polish means you're an idiot, let 'em be wrong. If they think your veganism makes you a liberal loony toon, great. Hilarious even. People are gonna judge you -- let 'em. They can think what they want. It shouldn't have any effect on you.
4. Adopting Likable Habits
4-1. Be warm and kind.
You know why shy people get a bad rap? Because people mistake their shyness for being cold and aloof. Those are two qualities that really intimidate people and turn them off. So be the opposite! Being warm and kind are highly valued in any society -- it shows you have the other person's interests in mind and want the best for them. Who wouldn't like that?
Initiate random acts of kindness. Do things for other people, even if you don't know them. Hold a door when going in or out of a building, pick something up for a stranger when they drop it, and offer to take a picture for a group who looks like they're trying to take one. This type of selfless giving inspires others to do the same in return -- not just for you, but for others in their life as well.
4-2. Be extroverted.
. Generally speaking, people value a certain level of extroversion. It makes sense: we all want conversation and being social to be easy and extroverts lessen the risk of awkwardness. If you sit mutely at the table not contributing, well, you might as well be somewhere else. Chime in! Let your voice be heard. How else will people find out you're valuable?
However, if you know you're guilty of not being able to put a lid on it, so to speak, you may want to tone it down. While everyone likes a good conversationalist, they are not looking to spend their time with someone who won't let them get a word in edgewise. If the last 5 points that were made were yours, back off a bit. The other person might not be the type that will jump in; they may need an invitation. Ask them their opinions to share the spotlight with you.
4-3. Don't be a suck up.
People like likable people, not people who are dying to be liked. If you're constantly complimenting them and following them around like a puppy dog, you won't get what you want. As much as you're being nice, you'll be viewed as a pesky gnat that needs to get swatted away. Avoid being the clingy, needy one.
If you stay attentive, you'll be able to see the clues. If someone doesn't return your calls, engages in niceties only, doesn't make much of an effort -- and you're constantly hounding them to hang out, you might be a suck up. While you have good intentions, being desperate isn't attractive. Back off and see if they come around.
4-4. Ask for favors.
If you've ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect, you'll know where this is going. Turns out we often take cues from our own behavior to determine how we think. If you do something nice for someone, you'll like them more. If you hurt someone, you'll like them less. It's all about cognitive dissonance. So ask for a favor -- if the other person does it for you, they may end up liking you more.
The idea here is that we subconsciously look at our behavior and ask ourselves why we did it. Why did we loan that acquaintance of ours our favorite coffee mug? Well, gee...must be because we like them. Light bulb! Funnily enough, deciding we like someone is no different than actually liking them.
4-5. Keep your promises.
Make sure you can follow through on all your commitments. They're called "commitments" because you've committed to making the effort for that task or event, so don't back out last-minute. If breaking a commitment is unavoidable, let everyone else involved know as soon as you are aware that you cannot make it. It may still be annoying to the other parties, but at least they expect it and can adjust their schedules as necessary.
Whether it's making it to dinner or finishing up a project, it's important to keep your friends and co-workers in the loop about your progress. Whether it's a quick email to say everything's on track or a note apologizing for unexpected delays, people appreciate communication. Not knowing what's going on can be extremely frustrating, even if the project is ultimately completed on time and in top-notch quality.
4-6. Stand up for your beliefs without preaching them.
To be liked you gotta have personality. No one would argue with that. Part of having personality is having beliefs, opinions, and standards. Express those! They're part of you. They liven up the room. If we all had the same ones, life would be incredibly boring. Chip in your two cents. It could spark something interesting.
Standing up for your beliefs is one thing; preaching them is another. If you don't agree with someone's stance on a topic, great! Explore it. Talk about it. Have an intellectual discussion on your opposing viewpoints. You two will both learn something. Instead of shutting them down, telling them they're wrong, and preaching your own ideas, open your mind and try to see their point of view. Maybe you'll realize something, too.
4-7. Know that it's more important to keep people happy than anything else.
People are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts spouting off about how the Easter Bunny is the long lost son of Jesus Christ and you really want them to like you, don't make a scene about how they must be inbred. Let them be. The same thing goes if someone says something like, "I really think my best quality is how amazingly down-to-earth I am. I mean, all my actions are humble and selfless." That's not an opportunity to call them out on their raging arrogance and lack of self-awareness.
Again, it's only if you want to be liked by these people. After enough comments on how great a person is, you're totally entitled to lose your cool. But if you're still new to the person/group, it's sometimes best to just go with the flow.
4-8. Give compliments.
Everyone looks for reaffirmation. We want to be told we're good-looking, smart, funny, have it going on, etc. We can barely be told it enough. So when that one person comes up and says something positive about us, it can make our day. Think of this: some people go their entire lives without hearing anything positive about them. Change that. It'll take two seconds of your time.
Be genuine. Don't walk up to someone and tell them you like their khaki pants. Make it meaningful. Make it something about them. It can be something as simple as "that's a great idea." Often the smaller ones are more thoughtful (and more believable). "You're hilarious" after a joke or "that article you wrote was really insightful; it really got me thinking." Whatever you say, mean it. You'll probably get something back.
4-9. Make the effort.
Most people aren't social butterflies. We'd love some attention, but we don't really know how to go about getting it. We all feel vulnerable in social situations and we all want to minimize that. Recognizing that everyone else is in the same boat you are will help you realize that making the effort isn't an odd thing -- it's just the brave thing. Everyone else wants to, they're just complacent. If there's someone you'd like to be friends with, start talking to them. It could be just the thing they were waiting for.
It's impossible to be liked if you're not really a factor at all. Often we feel like we're not liked when really, people don't have feelings one way or another -- and that's because we haven't put ourselves out there. Next time you're in a group of people you'd like to feel liked with, show your personality. Make the effort to fill a role in the group. Crack a joke, a smile, initiate a simple conversation. It'll springboard from there.
Tips
Likable people are people who like people. People will sense if you like them. If you want someone to like you, focus on something that you like about them. If you really don't like them... perhaps it is not important that they like you.
Don't brag. Braggarts are unappealing. It doesn't make you look better; it makes you look like you're looking for applause. That's not endearing.
Say hi and remember that your not the only one trying to become likable too and being more likable makes you one step closer to becoming popular.
Warnings
Remember that it is neither possible nor desirable to get everyone to like you! There are always people you will upset and who will upset you, rightly or wrongly. Know when to let things go and to be respectful and mature about the conflict. Don't beat yourself up over these occurrences, and stay confident in yourself.
Even if you notice things that you should change about yourself, don't forget to still be proud of yourself. Your core personality is amazing and something to be unabashed about showing, and there are little things everyone can improve on.
Do not try to expressly convince others to like you. Listing your positive attributes will make you come off as arrogant. Let others see your greatness in their own time.
Don't be a social climber or make it obvious that you are desperate to befriend people. Others can tell and it is a major turn-off.
Don't be fake. People will see the lapses in your manners and understand that you're putting on an act. You have to believe what you're doing, otherwise it reflects even worse on you. First impressions are important, however, and it might feel "fake" to act like you care about this new, random person in your life when you don't. Good rule of thumb: Just treat them as you would want to be treated.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Likable in Everyday Conversation\\n1-1. Be respectful\\nThis means your friends, complete strangers and, most importantly, yourself! If you act judgmental or with a dismissive attitude towards other people, they will most likely return the same negative feelings towards you. Making others feel welcomed and appreciated will go a long way towards your success in making friends.\\nInteract with strangers nicely and calmly, request favors patiently, respond to others promptly and remember your pleases and thank-you's.\\nRemember that everyone you're interacting with is human, too. Just because you're paying someone to wait on your table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat them like you'd want to be treated if you were in their position.\\nAs J.K. Rowling put it, \\\"It's easier to see what someone is really like by how they treat their inferiors, not their equals.\\\"\\n1-2. Be confident\\nPeople like to be around others who are sure of themselves without being arrogant. Be confident in who you are without constantly stepping on others' toes. A healthy level of confidence is knowing you're pretty great, but that there's always someone better than you.\\nIf you always criticize yourself and seem to be unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of people feeling the same way about you. After all, if you aren't pleased with yourself, why should others be?\\nThe other side of the coin is just as bad -- too cocky and people will think you like yourself so much that no one else needs to. The aim is contentment, not excessive pride.\\n1-3. Be honest\\nIt is particularly important to be honest to your friends and people who solicit you for advice. Usually, people can tell when someone is lying and fake; insincere people are not well-liked. People you want to be around should not tolerate liars.\\nWhen someone asks, \\\"Does this make me look fat?\\\" (yes, it's a cliché, but it's a classic example), make your comments gently, framed in a way that is unlikely to upset them. If you know your fashion, tell them WHY. They're sure to trust you knowing that you were honest and appreciate that you're helping them.\\nIt is a trickier idea to be brutally honest with someone who does not solicit your advice. Bringing up a comment like that can either generate appreciative responses or offended looks, depending on the person's personality, so judge the situation at your own risk. You should probably avoid initiating negative comments, no matter how truthful, with people whom you are not closely acquainted or good friends with.\\n1-4. Listen.\\nThere is not a single person on this planet who feels like they receive too much attention (a single person not constantly followed by paparazzi at least). When we humans engage in conversation, most of us are looking for someone to be genuinely interested in what we have to say -- the input of the other is secondary. Don't think you're being boring! You're letting the other person feel good about themselves.\\nIt's important to listen actively, though. If someone is going on and on about the most effective way to wash their dog, glazing over, while tempting, is not being a good listener. Try to engage your entire self at all times -- your eyes, the nodding of your head, commenting and questioning, and the positioning of your body -- it should all be focused on them.\\n1-5. Ask questions.\\nA huge part of being a good conversationalist (and when you're listening) is asking questions. A social jiu-jitsu master has someone walking away after a conversation feeling good and not realizing they didn't learn a dang thing about the other person because they were talking so much. Be that person. Ask who, why, or how. The other will feel appreciated, liked, and go on a spiel that takes the pressure off you. And they'll like you for it.\\nKeep everything open-ended. If Jill from the office says, \\\"God, I just spend hours on this freakin' Powerpoint,\\\" jump in! Ask her what it was for, why it took longer than normal, or how she did the research. Even a bias topic like a Powerpoint can start a good conversation where Jill feels paid attention to.\\n1-6. Use their name.\\nOne of the tenants of Dale Carnegie's massively successfully \\\"How to Win Friends and Influence People\\\" is to use a person's name in conversation. Hearing our own name activates a region in our brains that remains dormant at any other sound and we love it. Our names are our identity and conversing with someone who uses it makes us feel like our identity is acknowledged. So the next time you're speaking to that acquaintance, slip their name in. Odds are they'll feel a bond to you that may not exist otherwise. \\nThis is fairly easy to do. The most obvious way is to add it on to your greeting. \\\"Hey, Rob, how are you?\\\" is much more personal than, \\\"Hey, how are you?\\\" And if you're close enough to Rob to say, \\\"Hey, Rockin' Robby D! How are you, man?\\\" that works, too. Apart from greetings, it can be inserted casually just about anywhere. Initiating a conversation -- \\\"What do you think of this for my desktop, Rob?\\\" -- or just as a comment, \\\"Rob, you're being ridiculous again.\\\" Rob will practically feel like your best friend.\\n1-7. Know your audience.\\nOdds are you know people from a few different social groups. Getting the Plastics at high school to like you (if they're capable of actually liking people) is a much different path than getting your engineering classmates at Harvard to call you up on a Friday night. So know who you're dealing with. What do they like? What do they seem to value? What interests them? \\nIf you want to be genuinely liked (being popular and being liked are not the same thing), you're in luck: generally, humans all like the same qualities. And no, wealth and attractiveness aren't high up on the list. Trustworthiness, honesty, warmth and kindness are, in a recent study, the highest rated, most valued qualities (across the board of relationships), while extraversion, intelligence and sense of humor come in close behind.\\n1-8. Recognize reciprocation.\\nYou can ask all the questions you want, be super polite, say all the right things, and sometimes people still won't be having it. If every time you walk up to Johnny he miraculously gets a phone call, take the hint. Spend your resources elsewhere. This will happen -- there's no pleasing everyone. While it's very important to put in effort, put it in where it's due. \\nRelationships are a give and take. If you're constantly the one making the effort, sending the texts, going out of your way to be nice and friendly, take a look at the situation. If there's an explanation (the person is going through a hard time, they work 60 hours a week, etc.), then you may have to do the brunt of the work. But if they're responsive to other people but don't seem to have the time for you, go elsewhere. You can't be friends with everyone.\\n1-9. Make them laugh.\\nEveryone and their brother appreciates the person who can ease the tension in the room and make them laugh. A good sense of humor can go a long, long way. When people know you're playful and looking to have a good time, they want to join in. It's also a great way to be approachable because people know what to say (they want to be liked just as much as you do) -- they can joke with you, too! Win, win, win. \\nIf once in a while people have to laugh at you, great! If you can laugh too, you're good to go. That shows you're down-to-earth and not overly concerned with your image -- two very good things. And research even shows that embarrassing yourself makes people like and trust you more -- you become a real person. Makes sense, doesn't it?\\n2. Mastering Likeable Body Language\\n2-1. Remember to smile!\\nYou emanate a good vibe with this simple gesture, and you can improve the mood of everyone around you. Even if you don't feel particularly joyous or are stuck in a mood slump, the voluntary action of your muscles turning up into a smile can sometimes trigger feelings of lightheartedness and happiness.\\nThink of happy thoughts or past moments that did make you grin to help trigger a genuine smile. If nothing else, people will be wondering what the heck you're smiling about!\\nIt takes more facial muscles to frown than to smile -- and for good reason! Everyone should be smiling more often than frowning.\\n2-2. Open up.\\nThe fact of the matter is that everyone wants to be liked. Everyone. It's simple logic -- the more liked you are, the easier life is. Because everyone's fighting the same battle you are, help them out a little. Be approachable (when you're not doing the approaching yourself -- which you may have to do). Smile, uncross your arms, and set down your phone. The world is in front of you. What will come to you if you let it?\\nThink about the people you want to be friends with. Odds are an adjective you wouldn't use to describe them is \\\"surly.\\\" If you want to pull your half of the weight in making a friend, be sure your vibe is welcoming. Keep your body relaxed, seem engaged in your environment, and notice people. Half the battle, really.\\n2-3. Make eye contact.\\nHave you ever been talking to someone and their eyes seem to wander around the room to everything but you? That's a pretty crappy feeling -- as soon as you notice it, it's tempting to just shut up then and there and see if they snap out of it. Don't be that guy. If someone is saying something offhand, it's fine to lapse (you don't want to start a staring contest), but if they really care about the topic at hand, give them your attention. You'd want it, too! \\nSome people have issues with eye contact -- they just can't really do it. If this is you, try tricking yourself and looking at the bridge of their nose or their eyebrows. People tend to get a little disconcerted when you don't look at them, so trick them and trick you by staying in the vicinity of their orbital bones.\\n2-4. Mirror them.\\nA known way of subconsciously increasing rapport between two parties is mirroring or mimicry -- where both end up with the same stance, facial expression, weight distribution, overall body position, etc. Consider toying with this when you're in conversation -- a perceived \\\"sameness\\\" can go a long way. However, as it's supposed to be subconscious, don't mess with it too much -- you could become preoccupied! \\nThis is generally good when working with peers -- not when you're working with superiors. Recent research has said that the adverse effect can take place -- feelings of coldness, etc. -- when the two subjects aren't in an appropriate scenario (dealing with money, job issues, and so forth). So keep it to that group of friends you want to get closer to and not your boss.\\n2-5. Show deference.\\nOdds are at some point in your lifetime someone stressed the importance of keeping your shoulders back, your head high, and having a firm handshake. While these definitely have their place (like a job interview), making friends and getting people to like you isn't exactly the place for it. Your body should be relaxed, not squared off. Show that you're not challenging the other person. \\nThink of greeting someone. In that video where Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela meet (two people that have the right to think they're each a pretty big deal), both show deference -- a slight lean-in and step forward, using the free arm for extra touch, smiling. They're conveying that they respect and like the other -- which goes a long way to being liked in return.\\n2-6. Use the power of touch.\\nHumans need other humans to survive and, of course, be happy. Babies that aren't touched enough don't thrive. That doesn't exactly go away in adulthood! If you want to form a more concrete bond with someone, find small opportunities for touch. Appropriate touch, of course! A brush of the arm or shoulder or even a high-five. Those small moments get turned into connections when touch is added. \\nThink of someone walking up to you and saying, \\\"Hi! How are you?\\\" Now imagine that same person walking up to you and saying, \\\"[Your name]! How are you?\\\" and lightly touching your arm as they pass. Which greeting left you feeling a bit warmer on the inside? Probably the second one, huh? Use that. It doesn't cost a thing.\\n3. Thinking the Part\\n3-1. Like people.\\nStraight up, the easiest way to get someone to like you is to like them. Not exactly rocket science, is it? Surely you've been around someone who just didn't seem to give a hoot about whether you were there or not. And you've probably been around the opposite too -- people who make you feel appreciated and are quite clearly glad you're there. Which do you like more, even if you can't explain it? \\nYou can't expect people to like you if you can't say the same for yourself. Odds are you do like the people you want to like you (why else would you care?) so make it clear! Smile when they walk in the room. Make conversation. Comment on a detail they mentioned last Wednesday to show you were listening. The little things will tune them into your genuineness.\\n3-2. Be positive\\nEveryone wants to be around the person that has that sunny disposition that lights up the entire room. And the opposite rings true -- no one wants to be around Debbie Downer. To get people to like you, be positive. That means smiling, being enthusiastic, happy, and looking on the bright side. You probably know someone like this who you can emulate. \\nThis is very much so a 24/7 thing. It's gonna be hard to be positive in front of people when you're negative by yourself. You have to train your brain to have certain habits -- positivity being one of them. Try to always think positive even when you're alone; that way it can become old hat in no time.\\nKnow when to commiserate. There is a certain level of bonding that can be had over group complaining. Talking to your coworkers about how terrible the new boss is will foster friendship -- but if it's all you do, you'll be associated with negativity. Use the complaining sparingly and use it only to relate -- not to spark conversation or turn it around.\\n3-3. Think of your unique strengths and explore opportunities for showcasing them.\\nWhat talent or trait do friends admire in you? Show them to the world! People are naturally drawn to those with passions and abilities. It makes us useful, valuable, and interesting. Whatever it is, wear your flag proudly.\\nIf you are a good singer, get up on karaoke night and entertain the room. A good baker? Bring a treat to the office. A painter? Invite a group to your showing or simply hang something in the communal area. Let people see your personality to get to know you a bit better.\\n3-4. Most importantly, remember to be yourself.\\nIt's impossible to get everyone to like you -- differing personalities will inevitably result in some clash at some point of your life -- but you will earn the admiration of those who are compatible with you and those who matter.\\nPeople like others who come off as sincere and genuine, so avoid taking steps to change so far that you are uncomfortable with your actions. Faking anything may be a red flag to those who are tuned in. Mean everything you say and do. If you want people to like you, you'll have good intentions and be fine.\\n3-5. Know that others are only momentarily impressed by the superficial.\\nThey sincerely like the genuine. So while that Coach purse or those six-pack abs might get you a fan or two, it won't be that meaningful and it certainly won't last. It's tempting to think being attractive will make people like you -- and it will, but only to a point. You need the goods to back it up. If people find out you're a lying scumbag, they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes regardless of what you look like. \\nIn a recent study, people were asked what qualities they thought others looked for in friends and relationships. Money, appearance, and status were pretty high up there. But when they were asked what they valued, they answered with things like honest, warmth, and kindness. Society tells us (wrongfully so) that looks and money are more important than anything else and deep down we know it's not true. If you want people to actually like you, worry about the inside of your book, not the cover.\\nThat being said, it's important to be hygienic. People won't likely give you the time of day if you smell like you're fresh off the manure farm. Even if you have the personality of Mother Theresa and Bill Cosby's lovechild, you'll probably be given the cold shoulder. So take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror before you leave, and then go out there with a smile.\\n3-6. Recognize that you'll feel vulnerable.\\nWanting to be liked puts you at the mercy of everyone else. Going outside of your box to get this accomplished will make you feel a bit uneasy. The actions you undertake will feel scary. This is good. This is challenging. This promotes growth. As long as you still feel you're being yourself, you're only building on your character, improving it. It may be scary, but it'll be worth it. \\nThere's a difference between wanting people to like you and needing to be liked in order to be happy. Your self-image should not be based on the approval of others; that will leave you hurting in no time. But if you are comfortable with yourself and just want to be well-received, that's respectable. People will see that and respond. That scare-factor will go away with time.\\n3-7. Control your insecurities.\\nMost people are turned off by people who can't turn off their insecurities. Saying something like, \\\"It's okay...it's good enough for me\\\" or constantly commenting on how fat or ugly you are gives off the red light that you don't like you. That personal negativity isn't becoming on anyone. So leave it at the door. It's not good for you and it's not good for your friendships. \\nInsecurities are what we call the feelings we get and the behavior we display when we're uncomfortable with ourselves. If you're uncomfortable with yourself, it puts a damper on the entire room and plenty of people aren't going to deal with that. Don't worry about coming off as humble or arrogant. Say things like they are. You have worth. We all do.\\n3-8. Know that you can control your thoughts.\\nNegativity can be learned and unlearned; no one says, \\\"Gosh, my baby is just so negative. If positivity is an issue for you, luckily you're the only one who can change it! Your brain is plastic and it can be trained. You just gotta buckle down and do it. \\nThe simplest way to start is to stop. Stop the negativity in its track. When you catch yourself thinking something bad about yourself, don't finish the thought. Replace it with something a little more realistic and positive. You'll feel better, too. Turn \\\"I'm so fat\\\" into \\\"I'd like to lose a little weight. How might I go about doing that?\\\" and a new train of thought will start. So get on board.\\n3-9. Be unconcerned with others' preconceived ideas.\\nWe've covered how confidence is a very, very likeable trait, and being unconcerned with how you present yourself goes along those same lines. When you start self-presenting, people will notice. Think of the guy at the party who's \\\"peacocking.\\\" He's trying to strut his machismo for the entire room to notice. It's not attractive. It's disingenuous and, quite frankly, it's sad; he doesn't think who he naturally is is good enough. Don't be that guy. \\nWhether you're a dork or a hipster or a jock, it doesn't matter. If people have the idea that your penchant for sparkly nail polish means you're an idiot, let 'em be wrong. If they think your veganism makes you a liberal loony toon, great. Hilarious even. People are gonna judge you -- let 'em. They can think what they want. It shouldn't have any effect on you.\\n4. Adopting Likable Habits\\n4-1. Be warm and kind.\\nYou know why shy people get a bad rap? Because people mistake their shyness for being cold and aloof. Those are two qualities that really intimidate people and turn them off. So be the opposite! Being warm and kind are highly valued in any society -- it shows you have the other person's interests in mind and want the best for them. Who wouldn't like that?\\nInitiate random acts of kindness. Do things for other people, even if you don't know them. Hold a door when going in or out of a building, pick something up for a stranger when they drop it, and offer to take a picture for a group who looks like they're trying to take one. This type of selfless giving inspires others to do the same in return -- not just for you, but for others in their life as well.\\n4-2. Be extroverted.\\n. Generally speaking, people value a certain level of extroversion. It makes sense: we all want conversation and being social to be easy and extroverts lessen the risk of awkwardness. If you sit mutely at the table not contributing, well, you might as well be somewhere else. Chime in! Let your voice be heard. How else will people find out you're valuable? \\nHowever, if you know you're guilty of not being able to put a lid on it, so to speak, you may want to tone it down. While everyone likes a good conversationalist, they are not looking to spend their time with someone who won't let them get a word in edgewise. If the last 5 points that were made were yours, back off a bit. The other person might not be the type that will jump in; they may need an invitation. Ask them their opinions to share the spotlight with you.\\n4-3. Don't be a suck up.\\nPeople like likable people, not people who are dying to be liked. If you're constantly complimenting them and following them around like a puppy dog, you won't get what you want. As much as you're being nice, you'll be viewed as a pesky gnat that needs to get swatted away. Avoid being the clingy, needy one. \\nIf you stay attentive, you'll be able to see the clues. If someone doesn't return your calls, engages in niceties only, doesn't make much of an effort -- and you're constantly hounding them to hang out, you might be a suck up. While you have good intentions, being desperate isn't attractive. Back off and see if they come around.\\n4-4. Ask for favors.\\nIf you've ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect, you'll know where this is going. Turns out we often take cues from our own behavior to determine how we think. If you do something nice for someone, you'll like them more. If you hurt someone, you'll like them less. It's all about cognitive dissonance. So ask for a favor -- if the other person does it for you, they may end up liking you more. \\nThe idea here is that we subconsciously look at our behavior and ask ourselves why we did it. Why did we loan that acquaintance of ours our favorite coffee mug? Well, gee...must be because we like them. Light bulb! Funnily enough, deciding we like someone is no different than actually liking them.\\n4-5. Keep your promises.\\nMake sure you can follow through on all your commitments. They're called \\\"commitments\\\" because you've committed to making the effort for that task or event, so don't back out last-minute. If breaking a commitment is unavoidable, let everyone else involved know as soon as you are aware that you cannot make it. It may still be annoying to the other parties, but at least they expect it and can adjust their schedules as necessary.\\nWhether it's making it to dinner or finishing up a project, it's important to keep your friends and co-workers in the loop about your progress. Whether it's a quick email to say everything's on track or a note apologizing for unexpected delays, people appreciate communication. Not knowing what's going on can be extremely frustrating, even if the project is ultimately completed on time and in top-notch quality.\\n4-6. Stand up for your beliefs without preaching them.\\nTo be liked you gotta have personality. No one would argue with that. Part of having personality is having beliefs, opinions, and standards. Express those! They're part of you. They liven up the room. If we all had the same ones, life would be incredibly boring. Chip in your two cents. It could spark something interesting. \\nStanding up for your beliefs is one thing; preaching them is another. If you don't agree with someone's stance on a topic, great! Explore it. Talk about it. Have an intellectual discussion on your opposing viewpoints. You two will both learn something. Instead of shutting them down, telling them they're wrong, and preaching your own ideas, open your mind and try to see their point of view. Maybe you'll realize something, too.\\n4-7. Know that it's more important to keep people happy than anything else.\\nPeople are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts spouting off about how the Easter Bunny is the long lost son of Jesus Christ and you really want them to like you, don't make a scene about how they must be inbred. Let them be. The same thing goes if someone says something like, \\\"I really think my best quality is how amazingly down-to-earth I am. I mean, all my actions are humble and selfless.\\\" That's not an opportunity to call them out on their raging arrogance and lack of self-awareness. \\nAgain, it's only if you want to be liked by these people. After enough comments on how great a person is, you're totally entitled to lose your cool. But if you're still new to the person/group, it's sometimes best to just go with the flow.\\n4-8. Give compliments.\\nEveryone looks for reaffirmation. We want to be told we're good-looking, smart, funny, have it going on, etc. We can barely be told it enough. So when that one person comes up and says something positive about us, it can make our day. Think of this: some people go their entire lives without hearing anything positive about them. Change that. It'll take two seconds of your time. \\nBe genuine. Don't walk up to someone and tell them you like their khaki pants. Make it meaningful. Make it something about them. It can be something as simple as \\\"that's a great idea.\\\" Often the smaller ones are more thoughtful (and more believable). \\\"You're hilarious\\\" after a joke or \\\"that article you wrote was really insightful; it really got me thinking.\\\" Whatever you say, mean it. You'll probably get something back.\\n4-9. Make the effort.\\nMost people aren't social butterflies. We'd love some attention, but we don't really know how to go about getting it. We all feel vulnerable in social situations and we all want to minimize that. Recognizing that everyone else is in the same boat you are will help you realize that making the effort isn't an odd thing -- it's just the brave thing. Everyone else wants to, they're just complacent. If there's someone you'd like to be friends with, start talking to them. It could be just the thing they were waiting for. \\nIt's impossible to be liked if you're not really a factor at all. Often we feel like we're not liked when really, people don't have feelings one way or another -- and that's because we haven't put ourselves out there. Next time you're in a group of people you'd like to feel liked with, show your personality. Make the effort to fill a role in the group. Crack a joke, a smile, initiate a simple conversation. It'll springboard from there.\\nTips\\nLikable people are people who like people. People will sense if you like them. If you want someone to like you, focus on something that you like about them. If you really don't like them... perhaps it is not important that they like you.\\nDon't brag. Braggarts are unappealing. It doesn't make you look better; it makes you look like you're looking for applause. That's not endearing.\\nSay hi and remember that your not the only one trying to become likable too and being more likable makes you one step closer to becoming popular.\\nWarnings\\nRemember that it is neither possible nor desirable to get everyone to like you! There are always people you will upset and who will upset you, rightly or wrongly. Know when to let things go and to be respectful and mature about the conflict. Don't beat yourself up over these occurrences, and stay confident in yourself.\\nEven if you notice things that you should change about yourself, don't forget to still be proud of yourself. Your core personality is amazing and something to be unabashed about showing, and there are little things everyone can improve on.\\nDo not try to expressly convince others to like you. Listing your positive attributes will make you come off as arrogant. Let others see your greatness in their own time.\\nDon't be a social climber or make it obvious that you are desperate to befriend people. Others can tell and it is a major turn-off.\\nDon't be fake. People will see the lapses in your manners and understand that you're putting on an act. You have to believe what you're doing, otherwise it reflects even worse on you. First impressions are important, however, and it might feel \\\"fake\\\" to act like you care about this new, random person in your life when you don't. Good rule of thumb: Just treat them as you would want to be treated.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Even though everyone is entitled to their own personality and self-expression, there are basic steps that everyone can take to improve relationships with those around you. Making a better impression on those around you and developing a stronger reputation can go a long way in networking, career development and socialization.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Likable in Everyday Conversation\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be respectful\", \"描述\": \"This means your friends, complete strangers and, most importantly, yourself! If you act judgmental or with a dismissive attitude towards other people, they will most likely return the same negative feelings towards you. Making others feel welcomed and appreciated will go a long way towards your success in making friends.\\nInteract with strangers nicely and calmly, request favors patiently, respond to others promptly and remember your pleases and thank-you's.\\nRemember that everyone you're interacting with is human, too. Just because you're paying someone to wait on your table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat them like you'd want to be treated if you were in their position.\\nAs J.K. Rowling put it, \\\"It's easier to see what someone is really like by how they treat their inferiors, not their equals.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"People like to be around others who are sure of themselves without being arrogant. Be confident in who you are without constantly stepping on others' toes. A healthy level of confidence is knowing you're pretty great, but that there's always someone better than you.\\nIf you always criticize yourself and seem to be unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of people feeling the same way about you. After all, if you aren't pleased with yourself, why should others be?\\nThe other side of the coin is just as bad -- too cocky and people will think you like yourself so much that no one else needs to. The aim is contentment, not excessive pride.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be honest\", \"描述\": \"It is particularly important to be honest to your friends and people who solicit you for advice. Usually, people can tell when someone is lying and fake; insincere people are not well-liked. People you want to be around should not tolerate liars.\\nWhen someone asks, \\\"Does this make me look fat?\\\" (yes, it's a cliché, but it's a classic example), make your comments gently, framed in a way that is unlikely to upset them. If you know your fashion, tell them WHY. They're sure to trust you knowing that you were honest and appreciate that you're helping them.\\nIt is a trickier idea to be brutally honest with someone who does not solicit your advice. Bringing up a comment like that can either generate appreciative responses or offended looks, depending on the person's personality, so judge the situation at your own risk. You should probably avoid initiating negative comments, no matter how truthful, with people whom you are not closely acquainted or good friends with.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen.\", \"描述\": \"There is not a single person on this planet who feels like they receive too much attention (a single person not constantly followed by paparazzi at least). When we humans engage in conversation, most of us are looking for someone to be genuinely interested in what we have to say -- the input of the other is secondary. Don't think you're being boring! You're letting the other person feel good about themselves.\\nIt's important to listen actively, though. If someone is going on and on about the most effective way to wash their dog, glazing over, while tempting, is not being a good listener. Try to engage your entire self at all times -- your eyes, the nodding of your head, commenting and questioning, and the positioning of your body -- it should all be focused on them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask questions.\", \"描述\": \"A huge part of being a good conversationalist (and when you're listening) is asking questions. A social jiu-jitsu master has someone walking away after a conversation feeling good and not realizing they didn't learn a dang thing about the other person because they were talking so much. Be that person. Ask who, why, or how. The other will feel appreciated, liked, and go on a spiel that takes the pressure off you. And they'll like you for it.\\nKeep everything open-ended. If Jill from the office says, \\\"God, I just spend hours on this freakin' Powerpoint,\\\" jump in! Ask her what it was for, why it took longer than normal, or how she did the research. Even a bias topic like a Powerpoint can start a good conversation where Jill feels paid attention to.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Use their name.\", \"描述\": \"One of the tenants of Dale Carnegie's massively successfully \\\"How to Win Friends and Influence People\\\" is to use a person's name in conversation. Hearing our own name activates a region in our brains that remains dormant at any other sound and we love it. Our names are our identity and conversing with someone who uses it makes us feel like our identity is acknowledged. So the next time you're speaking to that acquaintance, slip their name in. Odds are they'll feel a bond to you that may not exist otherwise. \\nThis is fairly easy to do. The most obvious way is to add it on to your greeting. \\\"Hey, Rob, how are you?\\\" is much more personal than, \\\"Hey, how are you?\\\" And if you're close enough to Rob to say, \\\"Hey, Rockin' Robby D! How are you, man?\\\" that works, too. Apart from greetings, it can be inserted casually just about anywhere. Initiating a conversation -- \\\"What do you think of this for my desktop, Rob?\\\" -- or just as a comment, \\\"Rob, you're being ridiculous again.\\\" Rob will practically feel like your best friend.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Know your audience.\", \"描述\": \"Odds are you know people from a few different social groups. Getting the Plastics at high school to like you (if they're capable of actually liking people) is a much different path than getting your engineering classmates at Harvard to call you up on a Friday night. So know who you're dealing with. What do they like? What do they seem to value? What interests them? \\nIf you want to be genuinely liked (being popular and being liked are not the same thing), you're in luck: generally, humans all like the same qualities. And no, wealth and attractiveness aren't high up on the list. Trustworthiness, honesty, warmth and kindness are, in a recent study, the highest rated, most valued qualities (across the board of relationships), while extraversion, intelligence and sense of humor come in close behind.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Recognize reciprocation.\", \"描述\": \"You can ask all the questions you want, be super polite, say all the right things, and sometimes people still won't be having it. If every time you walk up to Johnny he miraculously gets a phone call, take the hint. Spend your resources elsewhere. This will happen -- there's no pleasing everyone. While it's very important to put in effort, put it in where it's due. \\nRelationships are a give and take. If you're constantly the one making the effort, sending the texts, going out of your way to be nice and friendly, take a look at the situation. If there's an explanation (the person is going through a hard time, they work 60 hours a week, etc.), then you may have to do the brunt of the work. But if they're responsive to other people but don't seem to have the time for you, go elsewhere. You can't be friends with everyone.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Make them laugh.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone and their brother appreciates the person who can ease the tension in the room and make them laugh. A good sense of humor can go a long, long way. When people know you're playful and looking to have a good time, they want to join in. It's also a great way to be approachable because people know what to say (they want to be liked just as much as you do) -- they can joke with you, too! Win, win, win. \\nIf once in a while people have to laugh at you, great! If you can laugh too, you're good to go. That shows you're down-to-earth and not overly concerned with your image -- two very good things. And research even shows that embarrassing yourself makes people like and trust you more -- you become a real person. Makes sense, doesn't it?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Mastering Likeable Body Language\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remember to smile!\", \"描述\": \"You emanate a good vibe with this simple gesture, and you can improve the mood of everyone around you. Even if you don't feel particularly joyous or are stuck in a mood slump, the voluntary action of your muscles turning up into a smile can sometimes trigger feelings of lightheartedness and happiness.\\nThink of happy thoughts or past moments that did make you grin to help trigger a genuine smile. If nothing else, people will be wondering what the heck you're smiling about!\\nIt takes more facial muscles to frown than to smile -- and for good reason! Everyone should be smiling more often than frowning.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Open up.\", \"描述\": \"The fact of the matter is that everyone wants to be liked. Everyone. It's simple logic -- the more liked you are, the easier life is. Because everyone's fighting the same battle you are, help them out a little. Be approachable (when you're not doing the approaching yourself -- which you may have to do). Smile, uncross your arms, and set down your phone. The world is in front of you. What will come to you if you let it?\\nThink about the people you want to be friends with. Odds are an adjective you wouldn't use to describe them is \\\"surly.\\\" If you want to pull your half of the weight in making a friend, be sure your vibe is welcoming. Keep your body relaxed, seem engaged in your environment, and notice people. Half the battle, really.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"Have you ever been talking to someone and their eyes seem to wander around the room to everything but you? That's a pretty crappy feeling -- as soon as you notice it, it's tempting to just shut up then and there and see if they snap out of it. Don't be that guy. If someone is saying something offhand, it's fine to lapse (you don't want to start a staring contest), but if they really care about the topic at hand, give them your attention. You'd want it, too! \\nSome people have issues with eye contact -- they just can't really do it. If this is you, try tricking yourself and looking at the bridge of their nose or their eyebrows. People tend to get a little disconcerted when you don't look at them, so trick them and trick you by staying in the vicinity of their orbital bones.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Mirror them.\", \"描述\": \"A known way of subconsciously increasing rapport between two parties is mirroring or mimicry -- where both end up with the same stance, facial expression, weight distribution, overall body position, etc. Consider toying with this when you're in conversation -- a perceived \\\"sameness\\\" can go a long way. However, as it's supposed to be subconscious, don't mess with it too much -- you could become preoccupied! \\nThis is generally good when working with peers -- not when you're working with superiors. Recent research has said that the adverse effect can take place -- feelings of coldness, etc. -- when the two subjects aren't in an appropriate scenario (dealing with money, job issues, and so forth). So keep it to that group of friends you want to get closer to and not your boss.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Show deference.\", \"描述\": \"Odds are at some point in your lifetime someone stressed the importance of keeping your shoulders back, your head high, and having a firm handshake. While these definitely have their place (like a job interview), making friends and getting people to like you isn't exactly the place for it. Your body should be relaxed, not squared off. Show that you're not challenging the other person. \\nThink of greeting someone. In that video where Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela meet (two people that have the right to think they're each a pretty big deal), both show deference -- a slight lean-in and step forward, using the free arm for extra touch, smiling. They're conveying that they respect and like the other -- which goes a long way to being liked in return.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Use the power of touch.\", \"描述\": \"Humans need other humans to survive and, of course, be happy. Babies that aren't touched enough don't thrive. That doesn't exactly go away in adulthood! If you want to form a more concrete bond with someone, find small opportunities for touch. Appropriate touch, of course! A brush of the arm or shoulder or even a high-five. Those small moments get turned into connections when touch is added. \\nThink of someone walking up to you and saying, \\\"Hi! How are you?\\\" Now imagine that same person walking up to you and saying, \\\"[Your name]! How are you?\\\" and lightly touching your arm as they pass. Which greeting left you feeling a bit warmer on the inside? Probably the second one, huh? Use that. It doesn't cost a thing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Thinking the Part\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Like people.\", \"描述\": \"Straight up, the easiest way to get someone to like you is to like them. Not exactly rocket science, is it? Surely you've been around someone who just didn't seem to give a hoot about whether you were there or not. And you've probably been around the opposite too -- people who make you feel appreciated and are quite clearly glad you're there. Which do you like more, even if you can't explain it? \\nYou can't expect people to like you if you can't say the same for yourself. Odds are you do like the people you want to like you (why else would you care?) so make it clear! Smile when they walk in the room. Make conversation. Comment on a detail they mentioned last Wednesday to show you were listening. The little things will tune them into your genuineness.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be positive\", \"描述\": \"Everyone wants to be around the person that has that sunny disposition that lights up the entire room. And the opposite rings true -- no one wants to be around Debbie Downer. To get people to like you, be positive. That means smiling, being enthusiastic, happy, and looking on the bright side. You probably know someone like this who you can emulate. \\nThis is very much so a 24/7 thing. It's gonna be hard to be positive in front of people when you're negative by yourself. You have to train your brain to have certain habits -- positivity being one of them. Try to always think positive even when you're alone; that way it can become old hat in no time.\\nKnow when to commiserate. There is a certain level of bonding that can be had over group complaining. Talking to your coworkers about how terrible the new boss is will foster friendship -- but if it's all you do, you'll be associated with negativity. Use the complaining sparingly and use it only to relate -- not to spark conversation or turn it around.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Think of your unique strengths and explore opportunities for showcasing them.\", \"描述\": \"What talent or trait do friends admire in you? Show them to the world! People are naturally drawn to those with passions and abilities. It makes us useful, valuable, and interesting. Whatever it is, wear your flag proudly.\\nIf you are a good singer, get up on karaoke night and entertain the room. A good baker? Bring a treat to the office. A painter? Invite a group to your showing or simply hang something in the communal area. Let people see your personality to get to know you a bit better.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Most importantly, remember to be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"It's impossible to get everyone to like you -- differing personalities will inevitably result in some clash at some point of your life -- but you will earn the admiration of those who are compatible with you and those who matter.\\nPeople like others who come off as sincere and genuine, so avoid taking steps to change so far that you are uncomfortable with your actions. Faking anything may be a red flag to those who are tuned in. Mean everything you say and do. If you want people to like you, you'll have good intentions and be fine.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Know that others are only momentarily impressed by the superficial.\", \"描述\": \"They sincerely like the genuine. So while that Coach purse or those six-pack abs might get you a fan or two, it won't be that meaningful and it certainly won't last. It's tempting to think being attractive will make people like you -- and it will, but only to a point. You need the goods to back it up. If people find out you're a lying scumbag, they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes regardless of what you look like. \\nIn a recent study, people were asked what qualities they thought others looked for in friends and relationships. Money, appearance, and status were pretty high up there. But when they were asked what they valued, they answered with things like honest, warmth, and kindness. Society tells us (wrongfully so) that looks and money are more important than anything else and deep down we know it's not true. If you want people to actually like you, worry about the inside of your book, not the cover.\\nThat being said, it's important to be hygienic. People won't likely give you the time of day if you smell like you're fresh off the manure farm. Even if you have the personality of Mother Theresa and Bill Cosby's lovechild, you'll probably be given the cold shoulder. So take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror before you leave, and then go out there with a smile.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Recognize that you'll feel vulnerable.\", \"描述\": \"Wanting to be liked puts you at the mercy of everyone else. Going outside of your box to get this accomplished will make you feel a bit uneasy. The actions you undertake will feel scary. This is good. This is challenging. This promotes growth. As long as you still feel you're being yourself, you're only building on your character, improving it. It may be scary, but it'll be worth it. \\nThere's a difference between wanting people to like you and needing to be liked in order to be happy. Your self-image should not be based on the approval of others; that will leave you hurting in no time. But if you are comfortable with yourself and just want to be well-received, that's respectable. People will see that and respond. That scare-factor will go away with time.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Control your insecurities.\", \"描述\": \"Most people are turned off by people who can't turn off their insecurities. Saying something like, \\\"It's okay...it's good enough for me\\\" or constantly commenting on how fat or ugly you are gives off the red light that you don't like you. That personal negativity isn't becoming on anyone. So leave it at the door. It's not good for you and it's not good for your friendships. \\nInsecurities are what we call the feelings we get and the behavior we display when we're uncomfortable with ourselves. If you're uncomfortable with yourself, it puts a damper on the entire room and plenty of people aren't going to deal with that. Don't worry about coming off as humble or arrogant. Say things like they are. You have worth. We all do.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Know that you can control your thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"Negativity can be learned and unlearned; no one says, \\\"Gosh, my baby is just so negative. If positivity is an issue for you, luckily you're the only one who can change it! Your brain is plastic and it can be trained. You just gotta buckle down and do it. \\nThe simplest way to start is to stop. Stop the negativity in its track. When you catch yourself thinking something bad about yourself, don't finish the thought. Replace it with something a little more realistic and positive. You'll feel better, too. Turn \\\"I'm so fat\\\" into \\\"I'd like to lose a little weight. How might I go about doing that?\\\" and a new train of thought will start. So get on board.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Be unconcerned with others' preconceived ideas.\", \"描述\": \"We've covered how confidence is a very, very likeable trait, and being unconcerned with how you present yourself goes along those same lines. When you start self-presenting, people will notice. Think of the guy at the party who's \\\"peacocking.\\\" He's trying to strut his machismo for the entire room to notice. It's not attractive. It's disingenuous and, quite frankly, it's sad; he doesn't think who he naturally is is good enough. Don't be that guy. \\nWhether you're a dork or a hipster or a jock, it doesn't matter. If people have the idea that your penchant for sparkly nail polish means you're an idiot, let 'em be wrong. If they think your veganism makes you a liberal loony toon, great. Hilarious even. People are gonna judge you -- let 'em. They can think what they want. It shouldn't have any effect on you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Adopting Likable Habits\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be warm and kind.\", \"描述\": \"You know why shy people get a bad rap? Because people mistake their shyness for being cold and aloof. Those are two qualities that really intimidate people and turn them off. So be the opposite! Being warm and kind are highly valued in any society -- it shows you have the other person's interests in mind and want the best for them. Who wouldn't like that?\\nInitiate random acts of kindness. Do things for other people, even if you don't know them. Hold a door when going in or out of a building, pick something up for a stranger when they drop it, and offer to take a picture for a group who looks like they're trying to take one. This type of selfless giving inspires others to do the same in return -- not just for you, but for others in their life as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be extroverted.\", \"描述\": \". Generally speaking, people value a certain level of extroversion. It makes sense: we all want conversation and being social to be easy and extroverts lessen the risk of awkwardness. If you sit mutely at the table not contributing, well, you might as well be somewhere else. Chime in! Let your voice be heard. How else will people find out you're valuable? \\nHowever, if you know you're guilty of not being able to put a lid on it, so to speak, you may want to tone it down. While everyone likes a good conversationalist, they are not looking to spend their time with someone who won't let them get a word in edgewise. If the last 5 points that were made were yours, back off a bit. The other person might not be the type that will jump in; they may need an invitation. Ask them their opinions to share the spotlight with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't be a suck up.\", \"描述\": \"People like likable people, not people who are dying to be liked. If you're constantly complimenting them and following them around like a puppy dog, you won't get what you want. As much as you're being nice, you'll be viewed as a pesky gnat that needs to get swatted away. Avoid being the clingy, needy one. \\nIf you stay attentive, you'll be able to see the clues. If someone doesn't return your calls, engages in niceties only, doesn't make much of an effort -- and you're constantly hounding them to hang out, you might be a suck up. While you have good intentions, being desperate isn't attractive. Back off and see if they come around.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask for favors.\", \"描述\": \"If you've ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect, you'll know where this is going. Turns out we often take cues from our own behavior to determine how we think. If you do something nice for someone, you'll like them more. If you hurt someone, you'll like them less. It's all about cognitive dissonance. So ask for a favor -- if the other person does it for you, they may end up liking you more. \\nThe idea here is that we subconsciously look at our behavior and ask ourselves why we did it. Why did we loan that acquaintance of ours our favorite coffee mug? Well, gee...must be because we like them. Light bulb! Funnily enough, deciding we like someone is no different than actually liking them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep your promises.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure you can follow through on all your commitments. They're called \\\"commitments\\\" because you've committed to making the effort for that task or event, so don't back out last-minute. If breaking a commitment is unavoidable, let everyone else involved know as soon as you are aware that you cannot make it. It may still be annoying to the other parties, but at least they expect it and can adjust their schedules as necessary.\\nWhether it's making it to dinner or finishing up a project, it's important to keep your friends and co-workers in the loop about your progress. Whether it's a quick email to say everything's on track or a note apologizing for unexpected delays, people appreciate communication. Not knowing what's going on can be extremely frustrating, even if the project is ultimately completed on time and in top-notch quality.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Stand up for your beliefs without preaching them.\", \"描述\": \"To be liked you gotta have personality. No one would argue with that. Part of having personality is having beliefs, opinions, and standards. Express those! They're part of you. They liven up the room. If we all had the same ones, life would be incredibly boring. Chip in your two cents. It could spark something interesting. \\nStanding up for your beliefs is one thing; preaching them is another. If you don't agree with someone's stance on a topic, great! Explore it. Talk about it. Have an intellectual discussion on your opposing viewpoints. You two will both learn something. Instead of shutting them down, telling them they're wrong, and preaching your own ideas, open your mind and try to see their point of view. Maybe you'll realize something, too.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Know that it's more important to keep people happy than anything else.\", \"描述\": \"People are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts spouting off about how the Easter Bunny is the long lost son of Jesus Christ and you really want them to like you, don't make a scene about how they must be inbred. Let them be. The same thing goes if someone says something like, \\\"I really think my best quality is how amazingly down-to-earth I am. I mean, all my actions are humble and selfless.\\\" That's not an opportunity to call them out on their raging arrogance and lack of self-awareness. \\nAgain, it's only if you want to be liked by these people. After enough comments on how great a person is, you're totally entitled to lose your cool. But if you're still new to the person/group, it's sometimes best to just go with the flow.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Give compliments.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone looks for reaffirmation. We want to be told we're good-looking, smart, funny, have it going on, etc. We can barely be told it enough. So when that one person comes up and says something positive about us, it can make our day. Think of this: some people go their entire lives without hearing anything positive about them. Change that. It'll take two seconds of your time. \\nBe genuine. Don't walk up to someone and tell them you like their khaki pants. Make it meaningful. Make it something about them. It can be something as simple as \\\"that's a great idea.\\\" Often the smaller ones are more thoughtful (and more believable). \\\"You're hilarious\\\" after a joke or \\\"that article you wrote was really insightful; it really got me thinking.\\\" Whatever you say, mean it. You'll probably get something back.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Make the effort.\", \"描述\": \"Most people aren't social butterflies. We'd love some attention, but we don't really know how to go about getting it. We all feel vulnerable in social situations and we all want to minimize that. Recognizing that everyone else is in the same boat you are will help you realize that making the effort isn't an odd thing -- it's just the brave thing. Everyone else wants to, they're just complacent. If there's someone you'd like to be friends with, start talking to them. It could be just the thing they were waiting for. \\nIt's impossible to be liked if you're not really a factor at all. Often we feel like we're not liked when really, people don't have feelings one way or another -- and that's because we haven't put ourselves out there. Next time you're in a group of people you'd like to feel liked with, show your personality. Make the effort to fill a role in the group. Crack a joke, a smile, initiate a simple conversation. It'll springboard from there.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Likable people are people who like people. People will sense if you like them. If you want someone to like you, focus on something that you like about them. If you really don't like them... perhaps it is not important that they like you.\\n\", \"Don't brag. Braggarts are unappealing. It doesn't make you look better; it makes you look like you're looking for applause. That's not endearing.\\n\", \"Say hi and remember that your not the only one trying to become likable too and being more likable makes you one step closer to becoming popular.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Remember that it is neither possible nor desirable to get everyone to like you! There are always people you will upset and who will upset you, rightly or wrongly. Know when to let things go and to be respectful and mature about the conflict. Don't beat yourself up over these occurrences, and stay confident in yourself.\\n\", \"Even if you notice things that you should change about yourself, don't forget to still be proud of yourself. Your core personality is amazing and something to be unabashed about showing, and there are little things everyone can improve on.\\n\", \"Do not try to expressly convince others to like you. Listing your positive attributes will make you come off as arrogant. Let others see your greatness in their own time.\\n\", \"Don't be a social climber or make it obvious that you are desperate to befriend people. Others can tell and it is a major turn-off.\\n\", \"Don't be fake. People will see the lapses in your manners and understand that you're putting on an act. You have to believe what you're doing, otherwise it reflects even worse on you. First impressions are important, however, and it might feel \\\"fake\\\" to act like you care about this new, random person in your life when you don't. Good rule of thumb: Just treat them as you would want to be treated.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,903 | How to Be Liked | 1. Getting in the Zone
1-1. Get comfortable with yourself.
You've probably been preached it a billion times already: In order to get people to like you, you gotta like yourself first. Easier said than done, huh? But you know it's true -- think about someone you know that has really low self-worth. They're probably a little negative, overly sensitive, and not a ton of fun to be around. If only they were comfortable with themselves, their entire world would treat them differently
Write down a list of good things about yourself. Do something that makes you feel happy and confident. Don't be afraid to try something new and scary. Don't even think about skipping this step -- it's crucial. You don't have to be outgoing and hilarious, you just have to have a healthy level of self-esteem.
1-2. Be genuine
Once you're comfortable with yourself, stick to it. Putting on false pretenses and self-presenting and trying to maintain an image, apart from being downright exhausting, is just a huge turnoff. Who you are is good, flaws and all. Instead of being a second-rate version of something else, be a first-rate you, you know? What's the point in doing anything else?
Believe it or not, research has shown that embarrassing yourself in front of other people can actually get them to like and trust you! After a second thinking about it, it makes sense: you show everyone you're real, just like them. What a relief! You're no longer perfect. Phew. Close one. The more genuine you are, the better.
1-3. Get enthusiastic.
Let's get down to brass tacks here: Imagine you're in bed with someone, doing the deed. That person is going through the motions, but you can't really tell how they're feeling one way or another. Would you be anxious to jump into bed with them again? Probably not. The same goes for life! Everyone wants to be around that one person that likes up the room with their excitement. There's no reason that can't be you.
Once you realize the little things in life can be thrilling, the enthusiasm will flow. After all, life is short. Not every cup of coffee has to be the best cup of coffee you've ever had (in fact, it could be the worst), but you can still be enthusiastic about it. Woo, coffee! Finally! Morning jitters! It feels so good.
1-4. Be curious.
This is mainly about other people, but really you should be curious about the entire world. When something is presented to you, actually think about it. Don't just accept it. If there's something you don't understand, seek to learn more about it. This should go for concepts, sure, but it should go double for people.
So the next time you meet someone who's 24 and they're telling you about the time they spent making chainmail and sous-chef-ing at one of your favorite French bistros, allow your jaw to drop in subtle incredulity and ask for an explanation. Pry a little. You're interested!
1-5. Be hygienic.
In case you've been living on a deserted island, turns out humans prefer contact with those who don't smell. Science is still out on why. So do yourself a favor and shower, brush your teeth, and dress with the lights on. People won't give you the time of day if you don't.
It's best to put a little effort in (read: more than just a shower). Humans go off of looks probably more than they should. If you've read Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink," you're familiar with the Woodrow Wilson effect (and how he got elected based on his authoritative good looks and good timing (photojournalism being new and all) and even if you're not, you probably know enough about JFK to see the link. Whether we like it or not, being pretty has its definite benefits. No two ways around it.
1-6. Know how you come off and why.
Humans interact on three different levels: verbal, non-verbal, and paraverbal. You're probably okay with the first two, huh? But paraverbal is how you say your words. You know, the tone, the pitch, the pacing. That stuff matters just as much!
Start by observing someone who's really well-liked on these three levels. How do they stand in relation to others? When they're on their own, do they seem easily approachable? Now how do they talk? What do they say and how do they say it? When you start noticing patterns, start observing yourself. What patterns could serve you to emulate?
1-7. Know that it's different for men and women.
While this is true for every environment, it goes double in the workplace. Men and women get away with very different things when it comes to being liked. A man can be assertive and even angry and it's a display of his passion; a woman shows the same emotions and she's deemed out of control by some. Take any advice you get with a grain of salt and as for any observations you make, it may be wisest to account for gender.
Though it doesn't go for everyone, it's usually safe to say that women are more liked when they're a bit softer. Two words: Hillary Clinton. The butt of more jokes than possibly anyone ever. And why? Because she acts like a man in a man's world when she's not one. She's also awesome and a great role model, so if you're a woman, aim for something between her and June Cleaver.
2. Being a Conversational Ninja
2-1. Genuinely like other people.
Take an interest in other people's hobbies and interests. When they see that you like them, they will like you in return. Humans are funny creatures -- once in a while they may sense!
If someone walks in the room and you immediately light up and smile, they'll recognize it. How awesome would it feel to be received like that? You're capable of giving everyone warm, fuzzy feelings just be seeming genuinely interested in them because you just plain ol' like them. It's not making yourself vulnerable; it's being real.
2-2. Be sincere
Be kind. Whatever you say, mean it. Don't mess with people, don't get caught up in lies or manipulation. When it comes down to it, you should treat others like you want to be treated. If you wanna get your foot in the door anywhere, being sincere and warm will do it.
Start by being as patient and polite as you can with people. Listen and try to help if you can. Do things for people because you want to, not to get something back. No matter how much of a bad mood you're in, be as nice as you can to people. Remembering to be kind and sincere when you're not feeling like it can actually turn your mood around.
2-3. Get them talking.
Most everyone loves talking about themselves. They love people who want to listen to them talk about themselves. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are just waiting to pipe in with something that can steer the conversation in their direction. Take advantage of this by getting them talking! Ask them something about themselves and let them run wild.
Let's say you walk up to your coworker at work and you great home by name and say, "How was your weekend?". and he replies with a simple, "Good, good. Got to spend some time with the fam." Instead of saying, "Oh, that must've been nice," keep it open-ended. Respond with, "Oh, do you not get to see them much?" Soon he'll be relaying you with the moving patterns of his second cousins. As long as you seem interested he'll keep going!
2-4. Use self-deprecating humor.
This one is a toughie -- if you do it too seriously, people may be confused as to whether you're being funny or if you just genuinely hate yourself. If you do it with a smile and a laugh though, you'll be safe. When Conan O'Brien quipped about Michael Phelps being "out of shape," he added, "If he's out of shape, I've been dead for five years." Showing you're lighthearted and willing to poke fun of yourself is an incredibly endearing quality.
Being able to take a joke is a very useful quality. When people get to know each other, there's a level of crap-giving that builds solidarity and allows for bonding. If you can do this for other people, it shows that you're fun, flexible, and comfortable with yourself.
Use other kinds of humor too! It's all good. If you can use the kind that unites the group, even better. Getting people on the same level allows them to feel more at ease around you. So make 'em laugh!
2-5. Flirt and flatter
Everyone likes being flirted with. It just feels good. It's playful and makes us feel like someone is paying attention to us because we're attractive. What's not to like about that situation? What we enjoy less is flirting with someone who doesn't show us they're receptive to it. So do the initial deed and start flirting. You'll show them you're personable, open, and playful. Awesome.
Touching a person can create an immediate bond. Think of someone saying hi to you, giving you a wave, and passing by. Now think of someone saying hi, brushing you affectionately across the shoulder, and passing by (probably smiling and making eye contact, too). Which person do you feel more connected with?
2-6. Make them feel special.
This doesn't have to be some grand gesture. In fact, it shouldn't be. The smaller things often speak volumes. So go ahead, get a little personal. Let them know you're interested in them as a person and they'll likely return the favor.
Use the person you're talking to's name. Work it in. Per Dale Carnegie, it's the sweetest sound to any person. And if you've just met them, it'll help you remember it!
Remember details. Did your boss mention his daughter's cookie sale randomly and in passing last week? Ask him how it's going. You may or may not have a sweet tooth that needs squelching.
2-7. Don't make it all about you.
Sometimes insecure people try to make up for their low self-worth by coming off as really self-absorbed. They think they're coming off as awesome when they're really just coming off as selfish. They should really be doing the opposite -- putting the focus on the other person. They'd be more comfortable and be more well-received!
When people compliment you, just say "Thank you." If you find an opportunity to talk about how great you are, let the moment pass. People don't have to know how many awards you've won or how many names you can drop or how many things you've seen and done. Those will come out naturally in conversation. You don't need to insert them.
2-8. Be positive
This one barely needs explaining. Happiness and positivity is contagious. People like happy people. If you have a positive spin on something, it's refreshing. While it's tempting to want to appear modest by beating yourself down or to try to appear intellectual by hating everything (we all know that person), don't do it. It's no good for you, your wrinkles, or the people around you.
That being said (you knew there was a caveat, didn't you?), know when to commiserate. Complaining is a tool that can drive people together. Just make sure you don't do it all the time! Did your boss just take away casual Friday and insist everyone work late? Appropriate. Did Sheila just take the last donut? Not appropriate. Again, pick your battles.
2-9. Know when to end the conversation.
There is no conversation on the entire planet that is or should be infinitely long. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. And some should be shorter than others. When you sense yours dying down, let it. Tell the person how interesting the conversation was (unless it was terrible; in which case, why are you wasting your time on this person?) and tell them you'll talk soon. Boom. Done.
If it's getting awkward, politely excuse yourself. A simple, "Well, I have to get going. I'll see you later!" is not something to be questioned. And don't think it's just you: Awkward conversations make up 17% of all conversations. Maybe. There will be science on it eventually. Probably.
3. Mastering the Skills
3-1. Have good manners
When's the last time you hung out with someone who was straight up rude? If it was recently, it was probably one of your old, embittered relatives. If you really had the choice, you wouldn't. So don't be your cranky grandpa. Use "please," "thank you," and hold the door for the person behind you. Can you think of one reason not to?
It is not impressive to treat people beneath you as if they're beneath you. So tip the waitress. Ask her about her day. Don't scowl at the grocery clerk about the clean-up in aisle 5. Be polite to everyone.
3-2. Use emotional self-control
The most likeable people are those who are calm, laid back, and easy-going. People (especially strangers) may get turned off if they see that you are overly neurotic, difficult, or paranoid. Try not to get angry or overreact when things don't go your way. It will only make you feel more stressed out and strangers uncomfortable.
That doesn't mean you should be aloof to the emotional needs of others, but try to help others in a comforting and reasonable way. People want to see a person that is stable and happy. Try not to get easily offended by harmless jokes, and have a good sense of humor about things in general.
3-3. Get involved.
Just getting yourself out there is half the battle! If you're on someone's soccer team, for example, it gives you ammo for making conversation and it also shows them that you're similar. We humans like to know when people are like us! So join a club or group and get around people. You can't be liked if you're at home by yourself!
This will also put you around people that you may naturally get along with. It's hard getting along with strangers and people that you don't have anything in common with. A club or group is a great place to test your new social jiujitsu!
3-4. Smile
You can say all the nicest, most interesting things in the world, but if you're frowning and staring at your cup of coffee, no one's going to pay you any mind. Soon enough, you'll be the person in the corner talking to their morning cup of Joe. So smile! Let people know you're approachable and in the moment. And when they talk to you, look at them! Rocket science, huh?
When we're nervous, it's tempting to avoid eye contact. If this is an issue of yours, make it a point to look at you. If you don't, it can be a little offensive -- especially if they're talking! They'll not know of your issues and just assume you're not paying attention. A good rule of thumb is if they're talking about something that seems important to them, make the effort. If it's just casual, off-hand remarks, let your gaze wander.
3-5. Read up.
To hold your own in conversations, it's imperative to use the right tone, have approachable body language and a general aura of positivity, but if you have nothing to say, you'll feel pretty useless. So read up on current hot topics! Treat yourself to some TV and some mindless Internet surfing. You'll feel better having interesting things to say.
Not everyone shares the same interests. Because of this, not everyone will like you. Reading up on NASA's latest findings and getting tickets to the Doctor Who one-night special won't get you into the group that spent last night watching Real Housewives of Alcatraz. Stick to what interests you -- it's all that really matters.
3-6. Don't try too hard.
We all know that person that's too nice for their own good. They're constantly complimenting others, going out of their way to accommodate everyone, and not making any decisions because they don't want to rock the boat. Don't be the doormat, trying to please everyone! You'll be better liked if you do have a backbone and a sense of self. Without a personality, there's no one under that skin of yours to like!
It deserves to be said once more: there is no pleasing everyone. You will get along with some people and you won't get along so well with others. This is how the world works. So when you don't jive with someone, don't stress. You'll jive with someone else.
3-7. Be confident
Seriously. If you think people don't like you, there's a large possibility it's all in your head. You have a unique personality that has value in this world. You just gotta show off your stuff to know it! So get out there! Can't win if you don't play.
Tips
Be adventurous. People like others who like to try new things and take part in things outside of their comfort zone. Be more daring and curious; stay interested and see where it goes..
Always be yourself. If people love you for someone you're not, it may seem like a good idea to keep pretending that's who you are, but it's not a good idea. Just don't be scared-show people who you are. And stick to people who love you for who you are.
Start small. This entire process is incredibly challenging and will take time, so don't rush into it and then get upset if things don't work out the way you planned. Make small goals for yourself, or just work very thoroughly on each step before moving on.
Warnings
Do not use your friend, and do not be used. Have an equal relationship. If you feel like you constantly need to give in and chase after your friend, this is a toxic relationship. Talk it out with him/her, and if it doesn't work, still be friendly and polite, but avoid that person.
This article is not on how to be popular. It's just on how to be liked. So don't be angry or upset if you don't climb a step on the social ladder.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting in the Zone\\n1-1. Get comfortable with yourself.\\nYou've probably been preached it a billion times already: In order to get people to like you, you gotta like yourself first. Easier said than done, huh? But you know it's true -- think about someone you know that has really low self-worth. They're probably a little negative, overly sensitive, and not a ton of fun to be around. If only they were comfortable with themselves, their entire world would treat them differently\\nWrite down a list of good things about yourself. Do something that makes you feel happy and confident. Don't be afraid to try something new and scary. Don't even think about skipping this step -- it's crucial. You don't have to be outgoing and hilarious, you just have to have a healthy level of self-esteem.\\n1-2. Be genuine\\nOnce you're comfortable with yourself, stick to it. Putting on false pretenses and self-presenting and trying to maintain an image, apart from being downright exhausting, is just a huge turnoff. Who you are is good, flaws and all. Instead of being a second-rate version of something else, be a first-rate you, you know? What's the point in doing anything else?\\nBelieve it or not, research has shown that embarrassing yourself in front of other people can actually get them to like and trust you! After a second thinking about it, it makes sense: you show everyone you're real, just like them. What a relief! You're no longer perfect. Phew. Close one. The more genuine you are, the better.\\n1-3. Get enthusiastic.\\nLet's get down to brass tacks here: Imagine you're in bed with someone, doing the deed. That person is going through the motions, but you can't really tell how they're feeling one way or another. Would you be anxious to jump into bed with them again? Probably not. The same goes for life! Everyone wants to be around that one person that likes up the room with their excitement. There's no reason that can't be you.\\nOnce you realize the little things in life can be thrilling, the enthusiasm will flow. After all, life is short. Not every cup of coffee has to be the best cup of coffee you've ever had (in fact, it could be the worst), but you can still be enthusiastic about it. Woo, coffee! Finally! Morning jitters! It feels so good.\\n1-4. Be curious.\\nThis is mainly about other people, but really you should be curious about the entire world. When something is presented to you, actually think about it. Don't just accept it. If there's something you don't understand, seek to learn more about it. This should go for concepts, sure, but it should go double for people.\\nSo the next time you meet someone who's 24 and they're telling you about the time they spent making chainmail and sous-chef-ing at one of your favorite French bistros, allow your jaw to drop in subtle incredulity and ask for an explanation. Pry a little. You're interested!\\n1-5. Be hygienic.\\nIn case you've been living on a deserted island, turns out humans prefer contact with those who don't smell. Science is still out on why. So do yourself a favor and shower, brush your teeth, and dress with the lights on. People won't give you the time of day if you don't.\\nIt's best to put a little effort in (read: more than just a shower). Humans go off of looks probably more than they should. If you've read Malcolm Gladwell's \\\"Blink,\\\" you're familiar with the Woodrow Wilson effect (and how he got elected based on his authoritative good looks and good timing (photojournalism being new and all) and even if you're not, you probably know enough about JFK to see the link. Whether we like it or not, being pretty has its definite benefits. No two ways around it.\\n1-6. Know how you come off and why.\\nHumans interact on three different levels: verbal, non-verbal, and paraverbal. You're probably okay with the first two, huh? But paraverbal is how you say your words. You know, the tone, the pitch, the pacing. That stuff matters just as much!\\nStart by observing someone who's really well-liked on these three levels. How do they stand in relation to others? When they're on their own, do they seem easily approachable? Now how do they talk? What do they say and how do they say it? When you start noticing patterns, start observing yourself. What patterns could serve you to emulate?\\n1-7. Know that it's different for men and women.\\nWhile this is true for every environment, it goes double in the workplace. Men and women get away with very different things when it comes to being liked. A man can be assertive and even angry and it's a display of his passion; a woman shows the same emotions and she's deemed out of control by some. Take any advice you get with a grain of salt and as for any observations you make, it may be wisest to account for gender.\\nThough it doesn't go for everyone, it's usually safe to say that women are more liked when they're a bit softer. Two words: Hillary Clinton. The butt of more jokes than possibly anyone ever. And why? Because she acts like a man in a man's world when she's not one. She's also awesome and a great role model, so if you're a woman, aim for something between her and June Cleaver.\\n2. Being a Conversational Ninja\\n2-1. Genuinely like other people.\\nTake an interest in other people's hobbies and interests. When they see that you like them, they will like you in return. Humans are funny creatures -- once in a while they may sense!\\nIf someone walks in the room and you immediately light up and smile, they'll recognize it. How awesome would it feel to be received like that? You're capable of giving everyone warm, fuzzy feelings just be seeming genuinely interested in them because you just plain ol' like them. It's not making yourself vulnerable; it's being real.\\n2-2. Be sincere\\nBe kind. Whatever you say, mean it. Don't mess with people, don't get caught up in lies or manipulation. When it comes down to it, you should treat others like you want to be treated. If you wanna get your foot in the door anywhere, being sincere and warm will do it.\\nStart by being as patient and polite as you can with people. Listen and try to help if you can. Do things for people because you want to, not to get something back. No matter how much of a bad mood you're in, be as nice as you can to people. Remembering to be kind and sincere when you're not feeling like it can actually turn your mood around.\\n2-3. Get them talking.\\nMost everyone loves talking about themselves. They love people who want to listen to them talk about themselves. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are just waiting to pipe in with something that can steer the conversation in their direction. Take advantage of this by getting them talking! Ask them something about themselves and let them run wild.\\nLet's say you walk up to your coworker at work and you great home by name and say, \\\"How was your weekend?\\\". and he replies with a simple, \\\"Good, good. Got to spend some time with the fam.\\\" Instead of saying, \\\"Oh, that must've been nice,\\\" keep it open-ended. Respond with, \\\"Oh, do you not get to see them much?\\\" Soon he'll be relaying you with the moving patterns of his second cousins. As long as you seem interested he'll keep going!\\n2-4. Use self-deprecating humor.\\nThis one is a toughie -- if you do it too seriously, people may be confused as to whether you're being funny or if you just genuinely hate yourself. If you do it with a smile and a laugh though, you'll be safe. When Conan O'Brien quipped about Michael Phelps being \\\"out of shape,\\\" he added, \\\"If he's out of shape, I've been dead for five years.\\\" Showing you're lighthearted and willing to poke fun of yourself is an incredibly endearing quality.\\nBeing able to take a joke is a very useful quality. When people get to know each other, there's a level of crap-giving that builds solidarity and allows for bonding. If you can do this for other people, it shows that you're fun, flexible, and comfortable with yourself.\\nUse other kinds of humor too! It's all good. If you can use the kind that unites the group, even better. Getting people on the same level allows them to feel more at ease around you. So make 'em laugh!\\n2-5. Flirt and flatter\\nEveryone likes being flirted with. It just feels good. It's playful and makes us feel like someone is paying attention to us because we're attractive. What's not to like about that situation? What we enjoy less is flirting with someone who doesn't show us they're receptive to it. So do the initial deed and start flirting. You'll show them you're personable, open, and playful. Awesome.\\nTouching a person can create an immediate bond. Think of someone saying hi to you, giving you a wave, and passing by. Now think of someone saying hi, brushing you affectionately across the shoulder, and passing by (probably smiling and making eye contact, too). Which person do you feel more connected with?\\n2-6. Make them feel special.\\nThis doesn't have to be some grand gesture. In fact, it shouldn't be. The smaller things often speak volumes. So go ahead, get a little personal. Let them know you're interested in them as a person and they'll likely return the favor.\\nUse the person you're talking to's name. Work it in. Per Dale Carnegie, it's the sweetest sound to any person. And if you've just met them, it'll help you remember it!\\nRemember details. Did your boss mention his daughter's cookie sale randomly and in passing last week? Ask him how it's going. You may or may not have a sweet tooth that needs squelching.\\n2-7. Don't make it all about you.\\nSometimes insecure people try to make up for their low self-worth by coming off as really self-absorbed. They think they're coming off as awesome when they're really just coming off as selfish. They should really be doing the opposite -- putting the focus on the other person. They'd be more comfortable and be more well-received!\\nWhen people compliment you, just say \\\"Thank you.\\\" If you find an opportunity to talk about how great you are, let the moment pass. People don't have to know how many awards you've won or how many names you can drop or how many things you've seen and done. Those will come out naturally in conversation. You don't need to insert them.\\n2-8. Be positive\\nThis one barely needs explaining. Happiness and positivity is contagious. People like happy people. If you have a positive spin on something, it's refreshing. While it's tempting to want to appear modest by beating yourself down or to try to appear intellectual by hating everything (we all know that person), don't do it. It's no good for you, your wrinkles, or the people around you.\\nThat being said (you knew there was a caveat, didn't you?), know when to commiserate. Complaining is a tool that can drive people together. Just make sure you don't do it all the time! Did your boss just take away casual Friday and insist everyone work late? Appropriate. Did Sheila just take the last donut? Not appropriate. Again, pick your battles.\\n2-9. Know when to end the conversation.\\nThere is no conversation on the entire planet that is or should be infinitely long. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. And some should be shorter than others. When you sense yours dying down, let it. Tell the person how interesting the conversation was (unless it was terrible; in which case, why are you wasting your time on this person?) and tell them you'll talk soon. Boom. Done.\\nIf it's getting awkward, politely excuse yourself. A simple, \\\"Well, I have to get going. I'll see you later!\\\" is not something to be questioned. And don't think it's just you: Awkward conversations make up 17% of all conversations. Maybe. There will be science on it eventually. Probably.\\n3. Mastering the Skills\\n3-1. Have good manners\\nWhen's the last time you hung out with someone who was straight up rude? If it was recently, it was probably one of your old, embittered relatives. If you really had the choice, you wouldn't. So don't be your cranky grandpa. Use \\\"please,\\\" \\\"thank you,\\\" and hold the door for the person behind you. Can you think of one reason not to?\\nIt is not impressive to treat people beneath you as if they're beneath you. So tip the waitress. Ask her about her day. Don't scowl at the grocery clerk about the clean-up in aisle 5. Be polite to everyone.\\n3-2. Use emotional self-control\\nThe most likeable people are those who are calm, laid back, and easy-going. People (especially strangers) may get turned off if they see that you are overly neurotic, difficult, or paranoid. Try not to get angry or overreact when things don't go your way. It will only make you feel more stressed out and strangers uncomfortable.\\nThat doesn't mean you should be aloof to the emotional needs of others, but try to help others in a comforting and reasonable way. People want to see a person that is stable and happy. Try not to get easily offended by harmless jokes, and have a good sense of humor about things in general.\\n3-3. Get involved.\\nJust getting yourself out there is half the battle! If you're on someone's soccer team, for example, it gives you ammo for making conversation and it also shows them that you're similar. We humans like to know when people are like us! So join a club or group and get around people. You can't be liked if you're at home by yourself!\\nThis will also put you around people that you may naturally get along with. It's hard getting along with strangers and people that you don't have anything in common with. A club or group is a great place to test your new social jiujitsu!\\n3-4. Smile\\nYou can say all the nicest, most interesting things in the world, but if you're frowning and staring at your cup of coffee, no one's going to pay you any mind. Soon enough, you'll be the person in the corner talking to their morning cup of Joe. So smile! Let people know you're approachable and in the moment. And when they talk to you, look at them! Rocket science, huh?\\nWhen we're nervous, it's tempting to avoid eye contact. If this is an issue of yours, make it a point to look at you. If you don't, it can be a little offensive -- especially if they're talking! They'll not know of your issues and just assume you're not paying attention. A good rule of thumb is if they're talking about something that seems important to them, make the effort. If it's just casual, off-hand remarks, let your gaze wander.\\n3-5. Read up.\\nTo hold your own in conversations, it's imperative to use the right tone, have approachable body language and a general aura of positivity, but if you have nothing to say, you'll feel pretty useless. So read up on current hot topics! Treat yourself to some TV and some mindless Internet surfing. You'll feel better having interesting things to say.\\nNot everyone shares the same interests. Because of this, not everyone will like you. Reading up on NASA's latest findings and getting tickets to the Doctor Who one-night special won't get you into the group that spent last night watching Real Housewives of Alcatraz. Stick to what interests you -- it's all that really matters.\\n3-6. Don't try too hard.\\nWe all know that person that's too nice for their own good. They're constantly complimenting others, going out of their way to accommodate everyone, and not making any decisions because they don't want to rock the boat. Don't be the doormat, trying to please everyone! You'll be better liked if you do have a backbone and a sense of self. Without a personality, there's no one under that skin of yours to like!\\nIt deserves to be said once more: there is no pleasing everyone. You will get along with some people and you won't get along so well with others. This is how the world works. So when you don't jive with someone, don't stress. You'll jive with someone else.\\n3-7. Be confident\\nSeriously. If you think people don't like you, there's a large possibility it's all in your head. You have a unique personality that has value in this world. You just gotta show off your stuff to know it! So get out there! Can't win if you don't play.\\nTips\\nBe adventurous. People like others who like to try new things and take part in things outside of their comfort zone. Be more daring and curious; stay interested and see where it goes..\\nAlways be yourself. If people love you for someone you're not, it may seem like a good idea to keep pretending that's who you are, but it's not a good idea. Just don't be scared-show people who you are. And stick to people who love you for who you are.\\nStart small. This entire process is incredibly challenging and will take time, so don't rush into it and then get upset if things don't work out the way you planned. Make small goals for yourself, or just work very thoroughly on each step before moving on.\\nWarnings\\nDo not use your friend, and do not be used. Have an equal relationship. If you feel like you constantly need to give in and chase after your friend, this is a toxic relationship. Talk it out with him/her, and if it doesn't work, still be friendly and polite, but avoid that person.\\nThis article is not on how to be popular. It's just on how to be liked. So don't be angry or upset if you don't climb a step on the social ladder.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"All of us at one time or another feel like the world just doesn't care for us as much as we'd like it to. If you've been in that funk for a while, maybe it's time to take action. With a quick revamp of your thinking and a few social pointers, you'll be well on your way to being that person in no time.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting in the Zone\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get comfortable with yourself.\", \"描述\": \"You've probably been preached it a billion times already: In order to get people to like you, you gotta like yourself first. Easier said than done, huh? But you know it's true -- think about someone you know that has really low self-worth. They're probably a little negative, overly sensitive, and not a ton of fun to be around. If only they were comfortable with themselves, their entire world would treat them differently\\nWrite down a list of good things about yourself. Do something that makes you feel happy and confident. Don't be afraid to try something new and scary. Don't even think about skipping this step -- it's crucial. You don't have to be outgoing and hilarious, you just have to have a healthy level of self-esteem.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be genuine\", \"描述\": \"Once you're comfortable with yourself, stick to it. Putting on false pretenses and self-presenting and trying to maintain an image, apart from being downright exhausting, is just a huge turnoff. Who you are is good, flaws and all. Instead of being a second-rate version of something else, be a first-rate you, you know? What's the point in doing anything else?\\nBelieve it or not, research has shown that embarrassing yourself in front of other people can actually get them to like and trust you! After a second thinking about it, it makes sense: you show everyone you're real, just like them. What a relief! You're no longer perfect. Phew. Close one. The more genuine you are, the better.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get enthusiastic.\", \"描述\": \"Let's get down to brass tacks here: Imagine you're in bed with someone, doing the deed. That person is going through the motions, but you can't really tell how they're feeling one way or another. Would you be anxious to jump into bed with them again? Probably not. The same goes for life! Everyone wants to be around that one person that likes up the room with their excitement. There's no reason that can't be you.\\nOnce you realize the little things in life can be thrilling, the enthusiasm will flow. After all, life is short. Not every cup of coffee has to be the best cup of coffee you've ever had (in fact, it could be the worst), but you can still be enthusiastic about it. Woo, coffee! Finally! Morning jitters! It feels so good.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be curious.\", \"描述\": \"This is mainly about other people, but really you should be curious about the entire world. When something is presented to you, actually think about it. Don't just accept it. If there's something you don't understand, seek to learn more about it. This should go for concepts, sure, but it should go double for people.\\nSo the next time you meet someone who's 24 and they're telling you about the time they spent making chainmail and sous-chef-ing at one of your favorite French bistros, allow your jaw to drop in subtle incredulity and ask for an explanation. Pry a little. You're interested!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be hygienic.\", \"描述\": \"In case you've been living on a deserted island, turns out humans prefer contact with those who don't smell. Science is still out on why. So do yourself a favor and shower, brush your teeth, and dress with the lights on. People won't give you the time of day if you don't.\\nIt's best to put a little effort in (read: more than just a shower). Humans go off of looks probably more than they should. If you've read Malcolm Gladwell's \\\"Blink,\\\" you're familiar with the Woodrow Wilson effect (and how he got elected based on his authoritative good looks and good timing (photojournalism being new and all) and even if you're not, you probably know enough about JFK to see the link. Whether we like it or not, being pretty has its definite benefits. No two ways around it.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Know how you come off and why.\", \"描述\": \"Humans interact on three different levels: verbal, non-verbal, and paraverbal. You're probably okay with the first two, huh? But paraverbal is how you say your words. You know, the tone, the pitch, the pacing. That stuff matters just as much!\\nStart by observing someone who's really well-liked on these three levels. How do they stand in relation to others? When they're on their own, do they seem easily approachable? Now how do they talk? What do they say and how do they say it? When you start noticing patterns, start observing yourself. What patterns could serve you to emulate?\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Know that it's different for men and women.\", \"描述\": \"While this is true for every environment, it goes double in the workplace. Men and women get away with very different things when it comes to being liked. A man can be assertive and even angry and it's a display of his passion; a woman shows the same emotions and she's deemed out of control by some. Take any advice you get with a grain of salt and as for any observations you make, it may be wisest to account for gender.\\nThough it doesn't go for everyone, it's usually safe to say that women are more liked when they're a bit softer. Two words: Hillary Clinton. The butt of more jokes than possibly anyone ever. And why? Because she acts like a man in a man's world when she's not one. She's also awesome and a great role model, so if you're a woman, aim for something between her and June Cleaver.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being a Conversational Ninja\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Genuinely like other people.\", \"描述\": \"Take an interest in other people's hobbies and interests. When they see that you like them, they will like you in return. Humans are funny creatures -- once in a while they may sense!\\nIf someone walks in the room and you immediately light up and smile, they'll recognize it. How awesome would it feel to be received like that? You're capable of giving everyone warm, fuzzy feelings just be seeming genuinely interested in them because you just plain ol' like them. It's not making yourself vulnerable; it's being real.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be sincere\", \"描述\": \"Be kind. Whatever you say, mean it. Don't mess with people, don't get caught up in lies or manipulation. When it comes down to it, you should treat others like you want to be treated. If you wanna get your foot in the door anywhere, being sincere and warm will do it.\\nStart by being as patient and polite as you can with people. Listen and try to help if you can. Do things for people because you want to, not to get something back. No matter how much of a bad mood you're in, be as nice as you can to people. Remembering to be kind and sincere when you're not feeling like it can actually turn your mood around.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get them talking.\", \"描述\": \"Most everyone loves talking about themselves. They love people who want to listen to them talk about themselves. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are just waiting to pipe in with something that can steer the conversation in their direction. Take advantage of this by getting them talking! Ask them something about themselves and let them run wild.\\nLet's say you walk up to your coworker at work and you great home by name and say, \\\"How was your weekend?\\\". and he replies with a simple, \\\"Good, good. Got to spend some time with the fam.\\\" Instead of saying, \\\"Oh, that must've been nice,\\\" keep it open-ended. Respond with, \\\"Oh, do you not get to see them much?\\\" Soon he'll be relaying you with the moving patterns of his second cousins. As long as you seem interested he'll keep going!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use self-deprecating humor.\", \"描述\": \"This one is a toughie -- if you do it too seriously, people may be confused as to whether you're being funny or if you just genuinely hate yourself. If you do it with a smile and a laugh though, you'll be safe. When Conan O'Brien quipped about Michael Phelps being \\\"out of shape,\\\" he added, \\\"If he's out of shape, I've been dead for five years.\\\" Showing you're lighthearted and willing to poke fun of yourself is an incredibly endearing quality.\\nBeing able to take a joke is a very useful quality. When people get to know each other, there's a level of crap-giving that builds solidarity and allows for bonding. If you can do this for other people, it shows that you're fun, flexible, and comfortable with yourself.\\nUse other kinds of humor too! It's all good. If you can use the kind that unites the group, even better. Getting people on the same level allows them to feel more at ease around you. So make 'em laugh!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Flirt and flatter\", \"描述\": \"Everyone likes being flirted with. It just feels good. It's playful and makes us feel like someone is paying attention to us because we're attractive. What's not to like about that situation? What we enjoy less is flirting with someone who doesn't show us they're receptive to it. So do the initial deed and start flirting. You'll show them you're personable, open, and playful. Awesome.\\nTouching a person can create an immediate bond. Think of someone saying hi to you, giving you a wave, and passing by. Now think of someone saying hi, brushing you affectionately across the shoulder, and passing by (probably smiling and making eye contact, too). Which person do you feel more connected with?\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make them feel special.\", \"描述\": \"This doesn't have to be some grand gesture. In fact, it shouldn't be. The smaller things often speak volumes. So go ahead, get a little personal. Let them know you're interested in them as a person and they'll likely return the favor.\\nUse the person you're talking to's name. Work it in. Per Dale Carnegie, it's the sweetest sound to any person. And if you've just met them, it'll help you remember it!\\nRemember details. Did your boss mention his daughter's cookie sale randomly and in passing last week? Ask him how it's going. You may or may not have a sweet tooth that needs squelching.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Don't make it all about you.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes insecure people try to make up for their low self-worth by coming off as really self-absorbed. They think they're coming off as awesome when they're really just coming off as selfish. They should really be doing the opposite -- putting the focus on the other person. They'd be more comfortable and be more well-received!\\nWhen people compliment you, just say \\\"Thank you.\\\" If you find an opportunity to talk about how great you are, let the moment pass. People don't have to know how many awards you've won or how many names you can drop or how many things you've seen and done. Those will come out naturally in conversation. You don't need to insert them.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be positive\", \"描述\": \"This one barely needs explaining. Happiness and positivity is contagious. People like happy people. If you have a positive spin on something, it's refreshing. While it's tempting to want to appear modest by beating yourself down or to try to appear intellectual by hating everything (we all know that person), don't do it. It's no good for you, your wrinkles, or the people around you.\\nThat being said (you knew there was a caveat, didn't you?), know when to commiserate. Complaining is a tool that can drive people together. Just make sure you don't do it all the time! Did your boss just take away casual Friday and insist everyone work late? Appropriate. Did Sheila just take the last donut? Not appropriate. Again, pick your battles.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Know when to end the conversation.\", \"描述\": \"There is no conversation on the entire planet that is or should be infinitely long. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. And some should be shorter than others. When you sense yours dying down, let it. Tell the person how interesting the conversation was (unless it was terrible; in which case, why are you wasting your time on this person?) and tell them you'll talk soon. Boom. Done.\\nIf it's getting awkward, politely excuse yourself. A simple, \\\"Well, I have to get going. I'll see you later!\\\" is not something to be questioned. And don't think it's just you: Awkward conversations make up 17% of all conversations. Maybe. There will be science on it eventually. Probably.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Mastering the Skills\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have good manners\", \"描述\": \"When's the last time you hung out with someone who was straight up rude? If it was recently, it was probably one of your old, embittered relatives. If you really had the choice, you wouldn't. So don't be your cranky grandpa. Use \\\"please,\\\" \\\"thank you,\\\" and hold the door for the person behind you. Can you think of one reason not to?\\nIt is not impressive to treat people beneath you as if they're beneath you. So tip the waitress. Ask her about her day. Don't scowl at the grocery clerk about the clean-up in aisle 5. Be polite to everyone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use emotional self-control\", \"描述\": \"The most likeable people are those who are calm, laid back, and easy-going. People (especially strangers) may get turned off if they see that you are overly neurotic, difficult, or paranoid. Try not to get angry or overreact when things don't go your way. It will only make you feel more stressed out and strangers uncomfortable.\\nThat doesn't mean you should be aloof to the emotional needs of others, but try to help others in a comforting and reasonable way. People want to see a person that is stable and happy. Try not to get easily offended by harmless jokes, and have a good sense of humor about things in general.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get involved.\", \"描述\": \"Just getting yourself out there is half the battle! If you're on someone's soccer team, for example, it gives you ammo for making conversation and it also shows them that you're similar. We humans like to know when people are like us! So join a club or group and get around people. You can't be liked if you're at home by yourself!\\nThis will also put you around people that you may naturally get along with. It's hard getting along with strangers and people that you don't have anything in common with. A club or group is a great place to test your new social jiujitsu!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Smile\", \"描述\": \"You can say all the nicest, most interesting things in the world, but if you're frowning and staring at your cup of coffee, no one's going to pay you any mind. Soon enough, you'll be the person in the corner talking to their morning cup of Joe. So smile! Let people know you're approachable and in the moment. And when they talk to you, look at them! Rocket science, huh?\\nWhen we're nervous, it's tempting to avoid eye contact. If this is an issue of yours, make it a point to look at you. If you don't, it can be a little offensive -- especially if they're talking! They'll not know of your issues and just assume you're not paying attention. A good rule of thumb is if they're talking about something that seems important to them, make the effort. If it's just casual, off-hand remarks, let your gaze wander.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Read up.\", \"描述\": \"To hold your own in conversations, it's imperative to use the right tone, have approachable body language and a general aura of positivity, but if you have nothing to say, you'll feel pretty useless. So read up on current hot topics! Treat yourself to some TV and some mindless Internet surfing. You'll feel better having interesting things to say.\\nNot everyone shares the same interests. Because of this, not everyone will like you. Reading up on NASA's latest findings and getting tickets to the Doctor Who one-night special won't get you into the group that spent last night watching Real Housewives of Alcatraz. Stick to what interests you -- it's all that really matters.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't try too hard.\", \"描述\": \"We all know that person that's too nice for their own good. They're constantly complimenting others, going out of their way to accommodate everyone, and not making any decisions because they don't want to rock the boat. Don't be the doormat, trying to please everyone! You'll be better liked if you do have a backbone and a sense of self. Without a personality, there's no one under that skin of yours to like!\\nIt deserves to be said once more: there is no pleasing everyone. You will get along with some people and you won't get along so well with others. This is how the world works. So when you don't jive with someone, don't stress. You'll jive with someone else.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"Seriously. If you think people don't like you, there's a large possibility it's all in your head. You have a unique personality that has value in this world. You just gotta show off your stuff to know it! So get out there! Can't win if you don't play.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be adventurous. People like others who like to try new things and take part in things outside of their comfort zone. Be more daring and curious; stay interested and see where it goes..\\n\", \"Always be yourself. If people love you for someone you're not, it may seem like a good idea to keep pretending that's who you are, but it's not a good idea. Just don't be scared-show people who you are. And stick to people who love you for who you are.\\n\", \"Start small. This entire process is incredibly challenging and will take time, so don't rush into it and then get upset if things don't work out the way you planned. Make small goals for yourself, or just work very thoroughly on each step before moving on.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Do not use your friend, and do not be used. Have an equal relationship. If you feel like you constantly need to give in and chase after your friend, this is a toxic relationship. Talk it out with him/her, and if it doesn't work, still be friendly and polite, but avoid that person.\\n\", \"This article is not on how to be popular. It's just on how to be liked. So don't be angry or upset if you don't climb a step on the social ladder.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,904 | How to Be Lively | 1. Being Fun
1-1. Be a responsive person.
Being responsive can really attract people to you. If you're responsive, that means you are listening to the other person and engaging with them honestly.
Responsiveness means you are making sure others know they are being heard and listened to. They should feel comfortable and valued in your presence.
If you are talking to someone, you should validate their feelings and thoughts. Give them positive verbal feedback (such as “I understand” or “That must be difficult”) to show that are listening to what they are saying.
1-2. Show expressions when talking to others.
If you are expressive when talking and listening to others, it's clear that you are engaged in what they are saying. They will want to talk to you and be around you more often when you're showing clearly interested in them and their thoughts.
Lack of expression on someone's face makes others think you are not interested. Additionally, it can sometimes be unsettling when meeting new people.
Expressiveness shows you are vulnerable and open towards others. Instead of hiding behind a mask of impassiveness, having an expressive face lets others know you are willing to share your feelings with them.
1-3. Speak well of other people.
Lively people are more inclined to speak kindly of other people and not put them down. If you're spending too much time putting down others, you're not spending much time building yourself up.
Conversations about others can often lack substance. Instead of spending your time talking about other's shortcomings, you can praise others and show what you value, instead of just what you dislike.
Additionally, gossip about other people can hurt your self-esteem. If you avoid talking about others, you'll feel better about yourself as well.
If you do not like others, don't conceal your dislike. It's better to be honest about your feelings than to be fake.
1-4. Be spontaneous.
Spontaneity can make you more fun to be around and more interesting. However, it's a practice you have to develop through making conscious choices.
Try to say yes as much as possible. If you agree to going places with people or doing things, you'll have more fun adventures.
If you try to not be afraid of trying new things, you'll be more inclined to do them. Be motivated about why you should do new things and how you could do them.
2. Being Energetic
2-1. Act like you're fully of energy.
If you're moving faster, your metabolism increases. Even if you're feeling sluggish, acting energetic can make you feel more energetic.
Take plenty of physical activity breaks in your day. Anything from working out to running to dancing can keep your energy level up.
Keep engaged constantly with something. Often, you may lack energy because you are bored or not doing anything mentally or physically.
2-2. Get plenty of exercise.
Exercise can give you energy and make you feel more active throughout the day. While you don't need to exercise a lot to feel more energetic, just a little physical activity can greatly increase your energy level.
For the most part, 20 minutes or more of light physical exercise as little as three days a week can make you more full of energy. You'll feel less fatigued throughout the day and more capable of getting through the day with energy.
Exercise can be better for your energy level than other things that give you energy. It's a healthier option than stimulants and can flush your body of toxins.
2-3. Listen to energetic music.
Energetic music can improve your mood and make you feel ready to take on the world. Happy or up-tempo music can be useful, especially if you're feeling down or tired.
Music will make you feel better if you're sad. It releases a number of chemicals in the brain, including dopamine and serotonin, that improve your sense of well-being.
You can also become motivated by music. Playing songs that make you feel ready to conquer the world can encourage you to get up and do something.
2-4. Take short naps.
Sometimes, you may need to replenish your energy by taking a nap. However, shorter naps can make you feel better than trying to sleep for a long time during the middle of the day.
If you take a 20-30-minute nap, you'll feel more alert and focused. You also won't feel groggy and the nap should not change your sleep during the evening.
Longer naps for an hour or more can make you feel groggy when you wake up. They can also make it harder to fall asleep at night.
2-5. Don't use food or caffeine.
Food or caffeine can seem tempting as an artificial stimulant. However, they only boost you up temporarily, only to bring you back down when their effects wear off.
Caffeine is a stimulant that people often use to be energetic. However, it can be less effective over time and cause you to crash.
Eating to feel more energetic is often counterproductive. In many cases, especially with foods high in fat or sugar, eating will make you tired after the initial effect has worn off.
3. Being Personable
3-1. Talk to people when you meet them.
When you first meet new people, come up and start talking to them immediately. Instead of hanging back and waiting for them to approach you, try to talk to them immediately.
Keep your conversation on generally happy topics. You don't want to dwell on negative topics, especially when you first meet a new person.
React to what the other person is saying. If you're listening to them, you can steer the conversation in fun and interesting ways.
3-2. Convey open body language.
Body language communicates to the other person how you feel about them. Have a relaxed, easy-going posture and position when talking with others.
Keep your arms and feet open. Crossed arms or feet give the impression that you are closed off to the other person and what they are saying.
Maintain eye contact with the other person. While you don't want to stare at them, it's important that they know you are directed towards them and what they are saying.
3-3. Ask plenty of questions about the other person.
It's important to be a good listener and be interested in what the other person is saying in order to be personable. While you don't want to grill the other person, asking them about themselves can be a good way to get to know someone.
When you're asking questions about another person, be respectful of their boundaries and what they are telling you. If someone doesn't feel comfortable talking about something, don't pressure them.
Always talk less than you listen. It's important to contribute to a conversation with someone, but make your contributions relate to what they are talking about, so it feels like a back and forth rather than a series of monologues.
3-4. Have a sense of humor.
A sense of humor can make people more comfortable around you and show that you're personable. Looking at the funny side of things helps others feel good and relaxed around you.
Find the joke in any situation. While you want to be careful not to offend anybody, there's always something to laugh at about most any situation.
It's also important to let humor come naturally. If you try to tell jokes artificially or force humor, it can make people uncomfortable.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Fun\\n1-1. Be a responsive person.\\nBeing responsive can really attract people to you. If you're responsive, that means you are listening to the other person and engaging with them honestly.\\nResponsiveness means you are making sure others know they are being heard and listened to. They should feel comfortable and valued in your presence.\\nIf you are talking to someone, you should validate their feelings and thoughts. Give them positive verbal feedback (such as “I understand” or “That must be difficult”) to show that are listening to what they are saying.\\n1-2. Show expressions when talking to others.\\nIf you are expressive when talking and listening to others, it's clear that you are engaged in what they are saying. They will want to talk to you and be around you more often when you're showing clearly interested in them and their thoughts.\\nLack of expression on someone's face makes others think you are not interested. Additionally, it can sometimes be unsettling when meeting new people.\\nExpressiveness shows you are vulnerable and open towards others. Instead of hiding behind a mask of impassiveness, having an expressive face lets others know you are willing to share your feelings with them.\\n1-3. Speak well of other people.\\nLively people are more inclined to speak kindly of other people and not put them down. If you're spending too much time putting down others, you're not spending much time building yourself up.\\nConversations about others can often lack substance. Instead of spending your time talking about other's shortcomings, you can praise others and show what you value, instead of just what you dislike.\\nAdditionally, gossip about other people can hurt your self-esteem. If you avoid talking about others, you'll feel better about yourself as well.\\nIf you do not like others, don't conceal your dislike. It's better to be honest about your feelings than to be fake.\\n1-4. Be spontaneous.\\nSpontaneity can make you more fun to be around and more interesting. However, it's a practice you have to develop through making conscious choices. \\nTry to say yes as much as possible. If you agree to going places with people or doing things, you'll have more fun adventures.\\nIf you try to not be afraid of trying new things, you'll be more inclined to do them. Be motivated about why you should do new things and how you could do them.\\n2. Being Energetic\\n2-1. Act like you're fully of energy.\\nIf you're moving faster, your metabolism increases. Even if you're feeling sluggish, acting energetic can make you feel more energetic.\\nTake plenty of physical activity breaks in your day. Anything from working out to running to dancing can keep your energy level up.\\nKeep engaged constantly with something. Often, you may lack energy because you are bored or not doing anything mentally or physically.\\n2-2. Get plenty of exercise.\\nExercise can give you energy and make you feel more active throughout the day. While you don't need to exercise a lot to feel more energetic, just a little physical activity can greatly increase your energy level.\\nFor the most part, 20 minutes or more of light physical exercise as little as three days a week can make you more full of energy. You'll feel less fatigued throughout the day and more capable of getting through the day with energy.\\nExercise can be better for your energy level than other things that give you energy. It's a healthier option than stimulants and can flush your body of toxins.\\n2-3. Listen to energetic music.\\nEnergetic music can improve your mood and make you feel ready to take on the world. Happy or up-tempo music can be useful, especially if you're feeling down or tired.\\nMusic will make you feel better if you're sad. It releases a number of chemicals in the brain, including dopamine and serotonin, that improve your sense of well-being.\\nYou can also become motivated by music. Playing songs that make you feel ready to conquer the world can encourage you to get up and do something.\\n2-4. Take short naps.\\nSometimes, you may need to replenish your energy by taking a nap. However, shorter naps can make you feel better than trying to sleep for a long time during the middle of the day.\\nIf you take a 20-30-minute nap, you'll feel more alert and focused. You also won't feel groggy and the nap should not change your sleep during the evening.\\nLonger naps for an hour or more can make you feel groggy when you wake up. They can also make it harder to fall asleep at night.\\n2-5. Don't use food or caffeine.\\nFood or caffeine can seem tempting as an artificial stimulant. However, they only boost you up temporarily, only to bring you back down when their effects wear off. \\nCaffeine is a stimulant that people often use to be energetic. However, it can be less effective over time and cause you to crash.\\nEating to feel more energetic is often counterproductive. In many cases, especially with foods high in fat or sugar, eating will make you tired after the initial effect has worn off.\\n3. Being Personable\\n3-1. Talk to people when you meet them.\\nWhen you first meet new people, come up and start talking to them immediately. Instead of hanging back and waiting for them to approach you, try to talk to them immediately.\\nKeep your conversation on generally happy topics. You don't want to dwell on negative topics, especially when you first meet a new person.\\nReact to what the other person is saying. If you're listening to them, you can steer the conversation in fun and interesting ways.\\n3-2. Convey open body language.\\nBody language communicates to the other person how you feel about them. Have a relaxed, easy-going posture and position when talking with others.\\nKeep your arms and feet open. Crossed arms or feet give the impression that you are closed off to the other person and what they are saying.\\nMaintain eye contact with the other person. While you don't want to stare at them, it's important that they know you are directed towards them and what they are saying.\\n3-3. Ask plenty of questions about the other person.\\nIt's important to be a good listener and be interested in what the other person is saying in order to be personable. While you don't want to grill the other person, asking them about themselves can be a good way to get to know someone.\\nWhen you're asking questions about another person, be respectful of their boundaries and what they are telling you. If someone doesn't feel comfortable talking about something, don't pressure them.\\nAlways talk less than you listen. It's important to contribute to a conversation with someone, but make your contributions relate to what they are talking about, so it feels like a back and forth rather than a series of monologues.\\n3-4. Have a sense of humor.\\nA sense of humor can make people more comfortable around you and show that you're personable. Looking at the funny side of things helps others feel good and relaxed around you.\\nFind the joke in any situation. While you want to be careful not to offend anybody, there's always something to laugh at about most any situation.\\nIt's also important to let humor come naturally. If you try to tell jokes artificially or force humor, it can make people uncomfortable.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being lively is being happy or confident, but being able to express it. If you are lively, people want to be around you, since they are drawn to your happiness and confidence. In order to be lively, it's important to be fun, energetic, and personable. Being lively can really attract people to you and make you a happier and healthier person.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Fun\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be a responsive person.\", \"描述\": \"Being responsive can really attract people to you. If you're responsive, that means you are listening to the other person and engaging with them honestly.\\nResponsiveness means you are making sure others know they are being heard and listened to. They should feel comfortable and valued in your presence.\\nIf you are talking to someone, you should validate their feelings and thoughts. Give them positive verbal feedback (such as “I understand” or “That must be difficult”) to show that are listening to what they are saying.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show expressions when talking to others.\", \"描述\": \"If you are expressive when talking and listening to others, it's clear that you are engaged in what they are saying. They will want to talk to you and be around you more often when you're showing clearly interested in them and their thoughts.\\nLack of expression on someone's face makes others think you are not interested. Additionally, it can sometimes be unsettling when meeting new people.\\nExpressiveness shows you are vulnerable and open towards others. Instead of hiding behind a mask of impassiveness, having an expressive face lets others know you are willing to share your feelings with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Speak well of other people.\", \"描述\": \"Lively people are more inclined to speak kindly of other people and not put them down. If you're spending too much time putting down others, you're not spending much time building yourself up.\\nConversations about others can often lack substance. Instead of spending your time talking about other's shortcomings, you can praise others and show what you value, instead of just what you dislike.\\nAdditionally, gossip about other people can hurt your self-esteem. If you avoid talking about others, you'll feel better about yourself as well.\\nIf you do not like others, don't conceal your dislike. It's better to be honest about your feelings than to be fake.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be spontaneous.\", \"描述\": \"Spontaneity can make you more fun to be around and more interesting. However, it's a practice you have to develop through making conscious choices. \\nTry to say yes as much as possible. If you agree to going places with people or doing things, you'll have more fun adventures.\\nIf you try to not be afraid of trying new things, you'll be more inclined to do them. Be motivated about why you should do new things and how you could do them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Energetic\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Act like you're fully of energy.\", \"描述\": \"If you're moving faster, your metabolism increases. Even if you're feeling sluggish, acting energetic can make you feel more energetic.\\nTake plenty of physical activity breaks in your day. Anything from working out to running to dancing can keep your energy level up.\\nKeep engaged constantly with something. Often, you may lack energy because you are bored or not doing anything mentally or physically.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get plenty of exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise can give you energy and make you feel more active throughout the day. While you don't need to exercise a lot to feel more energetic, just a little physical activity can greatly increase your energy level.\\nFor the most part, 20 minutes or more of light physical exercise as little as three days a week can make you more full of energy. You'll feel less fatigued throughout the day and more capable of getting through the day with energy.\\nExercise can be better for your energy level than other things that give you energy. It's a healthier option than stimulants and can flush your body of toxins.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Listen to energetic music.\", \"描述\": \"Energetic music can improve your mood and make you feel ready to take on the world. Happy or up-tempo music can be useful, especially if you're feeling down or tired.\\nMusic will make you feel better if you're sad. It releases a number of chemicals in the brain, including dopamine and serotonin, that improve your sense of well-being.\\nYou can also become motivated by music. Playing songs that make you feel ready to conquer the world can encourage you to get up and do something.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take short naps.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, you may need to replenish your energy by taking a nap. However, shorter naps can make you feel better than trying to sleep for a long time during the middle of the day.\\nIf you take a 20-30-minute nap, you'll feel more alert and focused. You also won't feel groggy and the nap should not change your sleep during the evening.\\nLonger naps for an hour or more can make you feel groggy when you wake up. They can also make it harder to fall asleep at night.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't use food or caffeine.\", \"描述\": \"Food or caffeine can seem tempting as an artificial stimulant. However, they only boost you up temporarily, only to bring you back down when their effects wear off. \\nCaffeine is a stimulant that people often use to be energetic. However, it can be less effective over time and cause you to crash.\\nEating to feel more energetic is often counterproductive. In many cases, especially with foods high in fat or sugar, eating will make you tired after the initial effect has worn off.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Personable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talk to people when you meet them.\", \"描述\": \"When you first meet new people, come up and start talking to them immediately. Instead of hanging back and waiting for them to approach you, try to talk to them immediately.\\nKeep your conversation on generally happy topics. You don't want to dwell on negative topics, especially when you first meet a new person.\\nReact to what the other person is saying. If you're listening to them, you can steer the conversation in fun and interesting ways.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Convey open body language.\", \"描述\": \"Body language communicates to the other person how you feel about them. Have a relaxed, easy-going posture and position when talking with others.\\nKeep your arms and feet open. Crossed arms or feet give the impression that you are closed off to the other person and what they are saying.\\nMaintain eye contact with the other person. While you don't want to stare at them, it's important that they know you are directed towards them and what they are saying.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask plenty of questions about the other person.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to be a good listener and be interested in what the other person is saying in order to be personable. While you don't want to grill the other person, asking them about themselves can be a good way to get to know someone.\\nWhen you're asking questions about another person, be respectful of their boundaries and what they are telling you. If someone doesn't feel comfortable talking about something, don't pressure them.\\nAlways talk less than you listen. It's important to contribute to a conversation with someone, but make your contributions relate to what they are talking about, so it feels like a back and forth rather than a series of monologues.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have a sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"A sense of humor can make people more comfortable around you and show that you're personable. Looking at the funny side of things helps others feel good and relaxed around you.\\nFind the joke in any situation. While you want to be careful not to offend anybody, there's always something to laugh at about most any situation.\\nIt's also important to let humor come naturally. If you try to tell jokes artificially or force humor, it can make people uncomfortable.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,905 | How to Be Lovable | 1. Learning to Love Yourself
1-1. Understand that you determine how other people will see you.
If you see yourself as ultimately unlovable that's going to influence people into thinking that you're unlovable. It's important, first and foremost, to see yourself as lovable, because you are lovable.
Expecting people to find you lovable if you don't find yourself lovable is putting way too much pressure on other people. It also takes the control out of your hands and puts it into the hands of other people, who may or may not be good enough for that.
Because you determine how you see yourself, if you act with confidence in your own lovableness, other people are more likely to see that and respond to that, even if they are only doing so subconsciously.
1-2. Be compassionate with your feelings.
The more you tell yourself that you're wrong for having those feelings, the more you try to suppress your feelings, or change them, you're going to make yourself feel rejected and abandoned. That's not a kind way to treat yourself.
Pay attention to how you feel. If you feel down about something, ask yourself why you feel that way? What caused it? Is it related to something bigger than just one specific incident?
Emotions alert you to the fact that something could be wrong. For example, if you're feeling upset about something, it acts in a similar way to physical pain. It's telling you that something is wrong (a situation is unhealthy for you, a person is not healthy for you, the way you've been treating yourself is unhealthy, and so on).
1-3. Learn to recognize the negative things you tell yourself.
Everyone has an inner critic that tells them all the awful and bad things they're doing. You can never fully get rid of that inner critic, but you can help shed light on those negative thoughts, giving them less power to control you.
Consider why you feel like you're not lovable. Is it because someone recently broke up with you? Is it because you tell yourself that you're ugly, or that your personality is too weird?
Pay attention to these thought processes. When you do find that you're having a negative thought about yourself, acknowledge that you're having a negative thought, and replace it with a positive or neutral thought.
1-4. Validate yourself instead of seeking validation.
Putting the pressure on other people to validate you and make you feel good about yourself puts you in a completely powerless situation. Instead of looking for other people to validate you, practice validating yourself.
Set up a gratitude journal that is focused on the things you appreciate about yourself. Record at least three things every day that you're grateful for about yourself.
Before you come to someone with a painful story that requires validation, give yourself the validation that you need. This doesn't mean that you stop reaching and connecting with others, it means that you are first off there for yourself.
Ask yourself what sort of validation you need right now. Ask yourself what will make you feel better, feel more balanced, healthier, and then give that validation to yourself.
1-5. Avoid taking yourself too seriously.
It's hard to deal with life when every single thing that happens makes you feel the weight of the world. If you have a tendency to talk too much with a person that you're romantically into, don't get down on yourself about it. Instead make a joke out of the situation.
Things like being a little clumsy, doing something horrifically embarrassing can be a chance to laugh at yourself (kindly).
1-6. Let yourself be imperfect.
At no point in life are you going to be perfect. That's okay! No one else is either. If you're thinking that you have to be perfect to be lovable, cease that thinking right now.
You deserve love no matter how imperfect you are, no matter if your hair has a tendency to frizz at the slightest hint of moisture, or if you have a goofy laugh, or braces. None of those things makes you the slightest bit less lovable.
Also, when you create the expectations of perfection for yourself, you tend to begin applying those expectations to other people, to relationships. It's hard to love someone who is constantly making you feel like you aren't good enough (and that includes you making yourself feel like you aren't good enough).
1-7. Enjoy your life.
People tend to be drawn to those who are happier and are having more fun with their life. Instead of trying to make yourself or your life "perfect," start to enjoy the things that are already in it.
Being lovable is about being open and when you're open to the vagaries of life you're going to be happier than if you shut yourself off or focus completely on trying to make things better.
Try to find ways to enjoy your job. If it isn't a job that you specifically enjoy, then do your best to build fun things into your workday so that you don't feel so down about it. Make yourself a delicious lunch that you can look forward to, go for a walk in the sun on your break.
Spend time with your friends. You don't have to do anything particularly exciting, but just hanging out and drinking tea together can rejuvenate you and make you feel happier about yourself and your life.
1-8. Learn to be alone.
No one is guaranteed a relationship and that's okay, because you don't need a relationship to be happy. Being lovable is all about being okay on your own, loving yourself so that you don't depend on other people to do so.
Have dates with yourself. Take yourself out for a picnic with a lovely book, or treat yourself to a fancy dinner.
2. Cultivating Lovable Tendencies
2-1. Avoid walling yourself off from love.
It can be really easy to wall yourself off from loving other people, especially if you've been hurt in romance or friendships in the past. Being open tends to cause people to be drawn to you.
The more you love people, the more love you’ll attract to yourself. This doesn't mean that you need to love every single person you come across, but it means not shutting yourself down even after experiencing a difficult romantic or friendship betrayal.
2-2. Choose who you love carefully.
While you don't want to shut yourself off from love, you should be careful about who you love. Lovability doesn't just come about because you make yourself lovable. It comes about because you pick the people who can love you best.
Look for people who can be intimate with you, people who can open up and show the vulnerable parts of themselves. People who can share themselves in intimate (this does not necessarily mean sexual) ways are people who can care deeply about you.
Keep people who make you feel like the very best version of yourself. If someone consistently talks down to you, or talks over you, or encourages you in things that aren't healthy, you shouldn't keep that person around. Now if someone listens to you, supports you when you're feeling run down, and encourages the best sides of you, that's a keeper.
2-3. Set boundaries.
It may seem counter-intuitive to create boundaries when you're talking about love, but it's incredibly important. You need to be clear about what you need from a relationship with someone, and you need to be clear about your own needs.
Put your own needs on the same level as other people's. Your needs aren't more important than theirs but you shouldn't feel like your needs are less important than the people around you.
If someone cannot give you the emotional support and love that you need, then you have every right not to make them a close, particular friend or lover. Not everyone is going to give you love and you're allowed to need that in a relationship.
2-4. Learn to express your need for love in a positive way.
Everyone needs love, everyone. Some people might pretend that they don't, it's simply a pretense. Because of this you need to learn to express your need for love in a way that isn't needy, or whiny, or demanding, or controlling.
Do your best to make the life of the person you are loving life just a little bit easier. Offer them help or a little gift without expecting anything in return.
Tell people that you love them freely and without expecting anything in return (if they aren't giving you any reciprocity then they aren't worth your time).
2-5. Practice kindness towards others.
You shouldn't just practice kindness towards people you hope will love you. Make kindness your default way of dealing with everyone, including people who are difficult. Kindness isn't rolling over and taking everyone's ridiculousness, but it does mean that you see people as human beings and worthy of kindness and empathy.
Practice the “Loving Kindness” meditation. Sit with your eyes close and imagine what you'd wish for your life. Pick three or four phrases to demonstrate your desires (May I be healthy and strong. May I be lovable. May I be happy.). You will repeat these desires, directing them at different people. Start with yourself, move on to someone who has helped you, move on to someone that you feel neutral towards (neither like nor dislike), move on to someone you dislike or have issues with, finish by focusing on everyone.
2-6. Take loving action for other people.
Being lovable means being kind and one aspect of kindness is helping other people. You can help someone by holding a door for them, offering to carry their groceries, driving your grandmother to a doctor's appointment.
It also includes speaking out against unkindness. When you see that someone is being bullied, or talked down to, or treated poorly, take action. Step in and explain to the bully why their behavior is inappropriate.
2-7. Cultivate gratitude.
Being appreciative of the world can open you up in more positive ways than if you shut yourself down. This is especially true when you’re feeling less than happy with yourself or with the world. People are more attracted to people who are positive in their habits.
Focus on the small things in life. Be grateful for the little things like getting a parking space, and having a few moments to yourself in the morning while you finish your tea. This will help you feel more positive about yourself and appreciative of the world around you.
Challenge yourself to come up with three things you’re grateful for every single day. If the sun was shining, write that down, if you had a delicious meal with a favorite friend, that's something to be grateful for!
3. Cultivating Lovable Qualities
3-1. Make eye contact with people.
Making eye contact with people shows that you see them and acknowledge them as a person. Don't just do it with that really attractive person at the other end of the bar. Acknowledge the checkout person at the grocery store, the person standing in line behind you for the bus, and so on.
People respond to acknowledgement and it makes them feel good about themselves. The more loved and appreciated you make other people seem, the more love and appreciation you'll be offered.
3-2. Smile.
There's nothing like having a bad day and seeing the smile of someone you don't even know, or even the smile of good friend. Like eye contact this is acknowledgement and kindness.
It also makes you seem more approachable when you smile. People often pair approachability with lovableness.
3-3. Be social.
You don't have to be the center of every single party, but cultivating some good social skills will help you be successful when you're out in the world and meeting people. Eye contact and smiling, obviously go along with this.
Talk to people at parties. Introduce yourself if you don't know someone and ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and they'll think fondly of you if you seem interested in them.
Remember that, even if you feel awkward, not only do most other people feel the same way, but they're probably not going to notice your seeming awkwardness.
3-4. Listen to people.
True listening is a skill that's gone out of style. So often people don't feel like they're being heard by the people in their own life and it's something that most people desperately want.
When someone is talking to you, make eye contact. Ask questions to show that you're listening, or if you space out for a moment or get distracted, ask for clarification.
3-5. Be the kind of friend or significant other you would want.
The Golden Rule is a big one here, whether you're religious or not. Doing to others what you would want them to do to you is a great way to live your life.
Be the friend who is available to help out if needed. Offer your help to move them, drive them to a doctor's appointment or a job interview, and so on.
Invite your friend or significant other out for something fun. Make them dinner, take them to the movies, and so on.
3-6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
You don't need to make every feeling you ever have clear as a bell to each person you meet and definitely don't bottle it all up because that only makes things harder! Instead, you need to be open to letting the people you care about and trust into your heart and your emotions.
This is especially important to do if you've been hurt previously. The knee-jerk reaction is to pull away from any possibility of vulnerability due to previous hurt be it emotional or physical, but shutting yourself down and hiding away from this is not going to make you lovable, because you won't be able to let people love you or know you properly.
The desire to be loved initially may direct you to be subservient to others for them to like you. But being nice to be loved is different from being emotionally available to be easily hurt by others, don't let it all out at once try braking it down only when you feel you need to let something out. Let no one have the audacity to take advantage of your niceness for which you will need to strengthen your defenses, being nice is not weakness it means you care and you have a kind heart. Be witty, have a sense of humor while dealing with imbecile or ignorant ones and free yourself from being used, controlled or influenced for things unnecessary.
Tips
All of these steps take time and effort to put into practice. Don't beat yourself up, because you don't end up being instantly lovable.
Be a good listener.
Warnings
It's okay to say no to something you don't want to do. Just let people down gently and offer an alternative plan if you could.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning to Love Yourself\\n1-1. Understand that you determine how other people will see you.\\nIf you see yourself as ultimately unlovable that's going to influence people into thinking that you're unlovable. It's important, first and foremost, to see yourself as lovable, because you are lovable.\\nExpecting people to find you lovable if you don't find yourself lovable is putting way too much pressure on other people. It also takes the control out of your hands and puts it into the hands of other people, who may or may not be good enough for that.\\nBecause you determine how you see yourself, if you act with confidence in your own lovableness, other people are more likely to see that and respond to that, even if they are only doing so subconsciously.\\n1-2. Be compassionate with your feelings.\\nThe more you tell yourself that you're wrong for having those feelings, the more you try to suppress your feelings, or change them, you're going to make yourself feel rejected and abandoned. That's not a kind way to treat yourself.\\nPay attention to how you feel. If you feel down about something, ask yourself why you feel that way? What caused it? Is it related to something bigger than just one specific incident?\\nEmotions alert you to the fact that something could be wrong. For example, if you're feeling upset about something, it acts in a similar way to physical pain. It's telling you that something is wrong (a situation is unhealthy for you, a person is not healthy for you, the way you've been treating yourself is unhealthy, and so on).\\n1-3. Learn to recognize the negative things you tell yourself.\\nEveryone has an inner critic that tells them all the awful and bad things they're doing. You can never fully get rid of that inner critic, but you can help shed light on those negative thoughts, giving them less power to control you.\\nConsider why you feel like you're not lovable. Is it because someone recently broke up with you? Is it because you tell yourself that you're ugly, or that your personality is too weird?\\nPay attention to these thought processes. When you do find that you're having a negative thought about yourself, acknowledge that you're having a negative thought, and replace it with a positive or neutral thought.\\n1-4. Validate yourself instead of seeking validation.\\nPutting the pressure on other people to validate you and make you feel good about yourself puts you in a completely powerless situation. Instead of looking for other people to validate you, practice validating yourself.\\nSet up a gratitude journal that is focused on the things you appreciate about yourself. Record at least three things every day that you're grateful for about yourself.\\nBefore you come to someone with a painful story that requires validation, give yourself the validation that you need. This doesn't mean that you stop reaching and connecting with others, it means that you are first off there for yourself.\\nAsk yourself what sort of validation you need right now. Ask yourself what will make you feel better, feel more balanced, healthier, and then give that validation to yourself.\\n1-5. Avoid taking yourself too seriously.\\nIt's hard to deal with life when every single thing that happens makes you feel the weight of the world. If you have a tendency to talk too much with a person that you're romantically into, don't get down on yourself about it. Instead make a joke out of the situation.\\nThings like being a little clumsy, doing something horrifically embarrassing can be a chance to laugh at yourself (kindly).\\n1-6. Let yourself be imperfect.\\nAt no point in life are you going to be perfect. That's okay! No one else is either. If you're thinking that you have to be perfect to be lovable, cease that thinking right now.\\nYou deserve love no matter how imperfect you are, no matter if your hair has a tendency to frizz at the slightest hint of moisture, or if you have a goofy laugh, or braces. None of those things makes you the slightest bit less lovable.\\nAlso, when you create the expectations of perfection for yourself, you tend to begin applying those expectations to other people, to relationships. It's hard to love someone who is constantly making you feel like you aren't good enough (and that includes you making yourself feel like you aren't good enough).\\n1-7. Enjoy your life.\\nPeople tend to be drawn to those who are happier and are having more fun with their life. Instead of trying to make yourself or your life \\\"perfect,\\\" start to enjoy the things that are already in it.\\nBeing lovable is about being open and when you're open to the vagaries of life you're going to be happier than if you shut yourself off or focus completely on trying to make things better.\\nTry to find ways to enjoy your job. If it isn't a job that you specifically enjoy, then do your best to build fun things into your workday so that you don't feel so down about it. Make yourself a delicious lunch that you can look forward to, go for a walk in the sun on your break.\\nSpend time with your friends. You don't have to do anything particularly exciting, but just hanging out and drinking tea together can rejuvenate you and make you feel happier about yourself and your life.\\n1-8. Learn to be alone.\\nNo one is guaranteed a relationship and that's okay, because you don't need a relationship to be happy. Being lovable is all about being okay on your own, loving yourself so that you don't depend on other people to do so.\\nHave dates with yourself. Take yourself out for a picnic with a lovely book, or treat yourself to a fancy dinner.\\n2. Cultivating Lovable Tendencies\\n2-1. Avoid walling yourself off from love.\\nIt can be really easy to wall yourself off from loving other people, especially if you've been hurt in romance or friendships in the past. Being open tends to cause people to be drawn to you.\\nThe more you love people, the more love you’ll attract to yourself. This doesn't mean that you need to love every single person you come across, but it means not shutting yourself down even after experiencing a difficult romantic or friendship betrayal.\\n2-2. Choose who you love carefully.\\nWhile you don't want to shut yourself off from love, you should be careful about who you love. Lovability doesn't just come about because you make yourself lovable. It comes about because you pick the people who can love you best.\\nLook for people who can be intimate with you, people who can open up and show the vulnerable parts of themselves. People who can share themselves in intimate (this does not necessarily mean sexual) ways are people who can care deeply about you.\\nKeep people who make you feel like the very best version of yourself. If someone consistently talks down to you, or talks over you, or encourages you in things that aren't healthy, you shouldn't keep that person around. Now if someone listens to you, supports you when you're feeling run down, and encourages the best sides of you, that's a keeper.\\n2-3. Set boundaries.\\nIt may seem counter-intuitive to create boundaries when you're talking about love, but it's incredibly important. You need to be clear about what you need from a relationship with someone, and you need to be clear about your own needs.\\nPut your own needs on the same level as other people's. Your needs aren't more important than theirs but you shouldn't feel like your needs are less important than the people around you.\\nIf someone cannot give you the emotional support and love that you need, then you have every right not to make them a close, particular friend or lover. Not everyone is going to give you love and you're allowed to need that in a relationship.\\n2-4. Learn to express your need for love in a positive way.\\nEveryone needs love, everyone. Some people might pretend that they don't, it's simply a pretense. Because of this you need to learn to express your need for love in a way that isn't needy, or whiny, or demanding, or controlling.\\nDo your best to make the life of the person you are loving life just a little bit easier. Offer them help or a little gift without expecting anything in return.\\nTell people that you love them freely and without expecting anything in return (if they aren't giving you any reciprocity then they aren't worth your time).\\n2-5. Practice kindness towards others.\\nYou shouldn't just practice kindness towards people you hope will love you. Make kindness your default way of dealing with everyone, including people who are difficult. Kindness isn't rolling over and taking everyone's ridiculousness, but it does mean that you see people as human beings and worthy of kindness and empathy.\\nPractice the “Loving Kindness” meditation. Sit with your eyes close and imagine what you'd wish for your life. Pick three or four phrases to demonstrate your desires (May I be healthy and strong. May I be lovable. May I be happy.). You will repeat these desires, directing them at different people. Start with yourself, move on to someone who has helped you, move on to someone that you feel neutral towards (neither like nor dislike), move on to someone you dislike or have issues with, finish by focusing on everyone.\\n2-6. Take loving action for other people.\\nBeing lovable means being kind and one aspect of kindness is helping other people. You can help someone by holding a door for them, offering to carry their groceries, driving your grandmother to a doctor's appointment.\\nIt also includes speaking out against unkindness. When you see that someone is being bullied, or talked down to, or treated poorly, take action. Step in and explain to the bully why their behavior is inappropriate.\\n2-7. Cultivate gratitude.\\nBeing appreciative of the world can open you up in more positive ways than if you shut yourself down. This is especially true when you’re feeling less than happy with yourself or with the world. People are more attracted to people who are positive in their habits.\\nFocus on the small things in life. Be grateful for the little things like getting a parking space, and having a few moments to yourself in the morning while you finish your tea. This will help you feel more positive about yourself and appreciative of the world around you.\\nChallenge yourself to come up with three things you’re grateful for every single day. If the sun was shining, write that down, if you had a delicious meal with a favorite friend, that's something to be grateful for!\\n3. Cultivating Lovable Qualities\\n3-1. Make eye contact with people.\\nMaking eye contact with people shows that you see them and acknowledge them as a person. Don't just do it with that really attractive person at the other end of the bar. Acknowledge the checkout person at the grocery store, the person standing in line behind you for the bus, and so on.\\nPeople respond to acknowledgement and it makes them feel good about themselves. The more loved and appreciated you make other people seem, the more love and appreciation you'll be offered.\\n3-2. Smile.\\nThere's nothing like having a bad day and seeing the smile of someone you don't even know, or even the smile of good friend. Like eye contact this is acknowledgement and kindness.\\nIt also makes you seem more approachable when you smile. People often pair approachability with lovableness.\\n3-3. Be social.\\nYou don't have to be the center of every single party, but cultivating some good social skills will help you be successful when you're out in the world and meeting people. Eye contact and smiling, obviously go along with this.\\nTalk to people at parties. Introduce yourself if you don't know someone and ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and they'll think fondly of you if you seem interested in them.\\nRemember that, even if you feel awkward, not only do most other people feel the same way, but they're probably not going to notice your seeming awkwardness.\\n3-4. Listen to people.\\nTrue listening is a skill that's gone out of style. So often people don't feel like they're being heard by the people in their own life and it's something that most people desperately want.\\nWhen someone is talking to you, make eye contact. Ask questions to show that you're listening, or if you space out for a moment or get distracted, ask for clarification.\\n3-5. Be the kind of friend or significant other you would want.\\nThe Golden Rule is a big one here, whether you're religious or not. Doing to others what you would want them to do to you is a great way to live your life.\\nBe the friend who is available to help out if needed. Offer your help to move them, drive them to a doctor's appointment or a job interview, and so on.\\nInvite your friend or significant other out for something fun. Make them dinner, take them to the movies, and so on.\\n3-6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.\\nYou don't need to make every feeling you ever have clear as a bell to each person you meet and definitely don't bottle it all up because that only makes things harder! Instead, you need to be open to letting the people you care about and trust into your heart and your emotions.\\nThis is especially important to do if you've been hurt previously. The knee-jerk reaction is to pull away from any possibility of vulnerability due to previous hurt be it emotional or physical, but shutting yourself down and hiding away from this is not going to make you lovable, because you won't be able to let people love you or know you properly.\\nThe desire to be loved initially may direct you to be subservient to others for them to like you. But being nice to be loved is different from being emotionally available to be easily hurt by others, don't let it all out at once try braking it down only when you feel you need to let something out. Let no one have the audacity to take advantage of your niceness for which you will need to strengthen your defenses, being nice is not weakness it means you care and you have a kind heart. Be witty, have a sense of humor while dealing with imbecile or ignorant ones and free yourself from being used, controlled or influenced for things unnecessary.\\nTips\\nAll of these steps take time and effort to put into practice. Don't beat yourself up, because you don't end up being instantly lovable.\\nBe a good listener.\\nWarnings\\nIt's okay to say no to something you don't want to do. Just let people down gently and offer an alternative plan if you could.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Making yourself open to other people, learning to be vulnerable, and validating yourself rather than seeking validation are all key components to drawing the love of other people. This is not something that's going to happen overnight, but the more you practice accepting and loving yourself and loving other people, the more people are likely to love you!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning to Love Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understand that you determine how other people will see you.\", \"描述\": \"If you see yourself as ultimately unlovable that's going to influence people into thinking that you're unlovable. It's important, first and foremost, to see yourself as lovable, because you are lovable.\\nExpecting people to find you lovable if you don't find yourself lovable is putting way too much pressure on other people. It also takes the control out of your hands and puts it into the hands of other people, who may or may not be good enough for that.\\nBecause you determine how you see yourself, if you act with confidence in your own lovableness, other people are more likely to see that and respond to that, even if they are only doing so subconsciously.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be compassionate with your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"The more you tell yourself that you're wrong for having those feelings, the more you try to suppress your feelings, or change them, you're going to make yourself feel rejected and abandoned. That's not a kind way to treat yourself.\\nPay attention to how you feel. If you feel down about something, ask yourself why you feel that way? What caused it? Is it related to something bigger than just one specific incident?\\nEmotions alert you to the fact that something could be wrong. For example, if you're feeling upset about something, it acts in a similar way to physical pain. It's telling you that something is wrong (a situation is unhealthy for you, a person is not healthy for you, the way you've been treating yourself is unhealthy, and so on).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn to recognize the negative things you tell yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone has an inner critic that tells them all the awful and bad things they're doing. You can never fully get rid of that inner critic, but you can help shed light on those negative thoughts, giving them less power to control you.\\nConsider why you feel like you're not lovable. Is it because someone recently broke up with you? Is it because you tell yourself that you're ugly, or that your personality is too weird?\\nPay attention to these thought processes. When you do find that you're having a negative thought about yourself, acknowledge that you're having a negative thought, and replace it with a positive or neutral thought.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Validate yourself instead of seeking validation.\", \"描述\": \"Putting the pressure on other people to validate you and make you feel good about yourself puts you in a completely powerless situation. Instead of looking for other people to validate you, practice validating yourself.\\nSet up a gratitude journal that is focused on the things you appreciate about yourself. Record at least three things every day that you're grateful for about yourself.\\nBefore you come to someone with a painful story that requires validation, give yourself the validation that you need. This doesn't mean that you stop reaching and connecting with others, it means that you are first off there for yourself.\\nAsk yourself what sort of validation you need right now. Ask yourself what will make you feel better, feel more balanced, healthier, and then give that validation to yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid taking yourself too seriously.\", \"描述\": \"It's hard to deal with life when every single thing that happens makes you feel the weight of the world. If you have a tendency to talk too much with a person that you're romantically into, don't get down on yourself about it. Instead make a joke out of the situation.\\nThings like being a little clumsy, doing something horrifically embarrassing can be a chance to laugh at yourself (kindly).\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Let yourself be imperfect.\", \"描述\": \"At no point in life are you going to be perfect. That's okay! No one else is either. If you're thinking that you have to be perfect to be lovable, cease that thinking right now.\\nYou deserve love no matter how imperfect you are, no matter if your hair has a tendency to frizz at the slightest hint of moisture, or if you have a goofy laugh, or braces. None of those things makes you the slightest bit less lovable.\\nAlso, when you create the expectations of perfection for yourself, you tend to begin applying those expectations to other people, to relationships. It's hard to love someone who is constantly making you feel like you aren't good enough (and that includes you making yourself feel like you aren't good enough).\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Enjoy your life.\", \"描述\": \"People tend to be drawn to those who are happier and are having more fun with their life. Instead of trying to make yourself or your life \\\"perfect,\\\" start to enjoy the things that are already in it.\\nBeing lovable is about being open and when you're open to the vagaries of life you're going to be happier than if you shut yourself off or focus completely on trying to make things better.\\nTry to find ways to enjoy your job. If it isn't a job that you specifically enjoy, then do your best to build fun things into your workday so that you don't feel so down about it. Make yourself a delicious lunch that you can look forward to, go for a walk in the sun on your break.\\nSpend time with your friends. You don't have to do anything particularly exciting, but just hanging out and drinking tea together can rejuvenate you and make you feel happier about yourself and your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Learn to be alone.\", \"描述\": \"No one is guaranteed a relationship and that's okay, because you don't need a relationship to be happy. Being lovable is all about being okay on your own, loving yourself so that you don't depend on other people to do so.\\nHave dates with yourself. Take yourself out for a picnic with a lovely book, or treat yourself to a fancy dinner.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Cultivating Lovable Tendencies\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid walling yourself off from love.\", \"描述\": \"It can be really easy to wall yourself off from loving other people, especially if you've been hurt in romance or friendships in the past. Being open tends to cause people to be drawn to you.\\nThe more you love people, the more love you’ll attract to yourself. This doesn't mean that you need to love every single person you come across, but it means not shutting yourself down even after experiencing a difficult romantic or friendship betrayal.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose who you love carefully.\", \"描述\": \"While you don't want to shut yourself off from love, you should be careful about who you love. Lovability doesn't just come about because you make yourself lovable. It comes about because you pick the people who can love you best.\\nLook for people who can be intimate with you, people who can open up and show the vulnerable parts of themselves. People who can share themselves in intimate (this does not necessarily mean sexual) ways are people who can care deeply about you.\\nKeep people who make you feel like the very best version of yourself. If someone consistently talks down to you, or talks over you, or encourages you in things that aren't healthy, you shouldn't keep that person around. Now if someone listens to you, supports you when you're feeling run down, and encourages the best sides of you, that's a keeper.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Set boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"It may seem counter-intuitive to create boundaries when you're talking about love, but it's incredibly important. You need to be clear about what you need from a relationship with someone, and you need to be clear about your own needs.\\nPut your own needs on the same level as other people's. Your needs aren't more important than theirs but you shouldn't feel like your needs are less important than the people around you.\\nIf someone cannot give you the emotional support and love that you need, then you have every right not to make them a close, particular friend or lover. Not everyone is going to give you love and you're allowed to need that in a relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn to express your need for love in a positive way.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone needs love, everyone. Some people might pretend that they don't, it's simply a pretense. Because of this you need to learn to express your need for love in a way that isn't needy, or whiny, or demanding, or controlling.\\nDo your best to make the life of the person you are loving life just a little bit easier. Offer them help or a little gift without expecting anything in return.\\nTell people that you love them freely and without expecting anything in return (if they aren't giving you any reciprocity then they aren't worth your time).\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Practice kindness towards others.\", \"描述\": \"You shouldn't just practice kindness towards people you hope will love you. Make kindness your default way of dealing with everyone, including people who are difficult. Kindness isn't rolling over and taking everyone's ridiculousness, but it does mean that you see people as human beings and worthy of kindness and empathy.\\nPractice the “Loving Kindness” meditation. Sit with your eyes close and imagine what you'd wish for your life. Pick three or four phrases to demonstrate your desires (May I be healthy and strong. May I be lovable. May I be happy.). You will repeat these desires, directing them at different people. Start with yourself, move on to someone who has helped you, move on to someone that you feel neutral towards (neither like nor dislike), move on to someone you dislike or have issues with, finish by focusing on everyone.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Take loving action for other people.\", \"描述\": \"Being lovable means being kind and one aspect of kindness is helping other people. You can help someone by holding a door for them, offering to carry their groceries, driving your grandmother to a doctor's appointment.\\nIt also includes speaking out against unkindness. When you see that someone is being bullied, or talked down to, or treated poorly, take action. Step in and explain to the bully why their behavior is inappropriate.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Cultivate gratitude.\", \"描述\": \"Being appreciative of the world can open you up in more positive ways than if you shut yourself down. This is especially true when you’re feeling less than happy with yourself or with the world. People are more attracted to people who are positive in their habits.\\nFocus on the small things in life. Be grateful for the little things like getting a parking space, and having a few moments to yourself in the morning while you finish your tea. This will help you feel more positive about yourself and appreciative of the world around you.\\nChallenge yourself to come up with three things you’re grateful for every single day. If the sun was shining, write that down, if you had a delicious meal with a favorite friend, that's something to be grateful for!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Cultivating Lovable Qualities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact with people.\", \"描述\": \"Making eye contact with people shows that you see them and acknowledge them as a person. Don't just do it with that really attractive person at the other end of the bar. Acknowledge the checkout person at the grocery store, the person standing in line behind you for the bus, and so on.\\nPeople respond to acknowledgement and it makes them feel good about themselves. The more loved and appreciated you make other people seem, the more love and appreciation you'll be offered.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smile.\", \"描述\": \"There's nothing like having a bad day and seeing the smile of someone you don't even know, or even the smile of good friend. Like eye contact this is acknowledgement and kindness.\\nIt also makes you seem more approachable when you smile. People often pair approachability with lovableness.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be social.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to be the center of every single party, but cultivating some good social skills will help you be successful when you're out in the world and meeting people. Eye contact and smiling, obviously go along with this.\\nTalk to people at parties. Introduce yourself if you don't know someone and ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and they'll think fondly of you if you seem interested in them.\\nRemember that, even if you feel awkward, not only do most other people feel the same way, but they're probably not going to notice your seeming awkwardness.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen to people.\", \"描述\": \"True listening is a skill that's gone out of style. So often people don't feel like they're being heard by the people in their own life and it's something that most people desperately want.\\nWhen someone is talking to you, make eye contact. Ask questions to show that you're listening, or if you space out for a moment or get distracted, ask for clarification.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be the kind of friend or significant other you would want.\", \"描述\": \"The Golden Rule is a big one here, whether you're religious or not. Doing to others what you would want them to do to you is a great way to live your life.\\nBe the friend who is available to help out if needed. Offer your help to move them, drive them to a doctor's appointment or a job interview, and so on.\\nInvite your friend or significant other out for something fun. Make them dinner, take them to the movies, and so on.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Allow yourself to be vulnerable.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to make every feeling you ever have clear as a bell to each person you meet and definitely don't bottle it all up because that only makes things harder! Instead, you need to be open to letting the people you care about and trust into your heart and your emotions.\\nThis is especially important to do if you've been hurt previously. The knee-jerk reaction is to pull away from any possibility of vulnerability due to previous hurt be it emotional or physical, but shutting yourself down and hiding away from this is not going to make you lovable, because you won't be able to let people love you or know you properly.\\nThe desire to be loved initially may direct you to be subservient to others for them to like you. But being nice to be loved is different from being emotionally available to be easily hurt by others, don't let it all out at once try braking it down only when you feel you need to let something out. Let no one have the audacity to take advantage of your niceness for which you will need to strengthen your defenses, being nice is not weakness it means you care and you have a kind heart. Be witty, have a sense of humor while dealing with imbecile or ignorant ones and free yourself from being used, controlled or influenced for things unnecessary.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"All of these steps take time and effort to put into practice. Don't beat yourself up, because you don't end up being instantly lovable.\\n\", \"Be a good listener.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"It's okay to say no to something you don't want to do. Just let people down gently and offer an alternative plan if you could.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,906 | How to Be Loved | 1. Develop your self-esteem.
This helps you love yourself first.
Cultivate your self-esteem by practicing positive self-talk. Anytime you catch yourself being down on yourself, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. You might also try taking good care of yourself by getting good sleep, eating healthy, and getting active. When in doubt, remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and have faith in yourself.
Next time you think something like "I'm so stupid" or "I look terrible" replace those thoughts with something positive.
Try, "I made a mistake that I can learn from now. I'm a smart and capable person" or "I'm beautiful on the inside and out."
2. Feed your passions.
Love what makes you happy and meet like-minded people along the way.
Evaluate what activities you love with all of your heart, like making music or playing sports. Throw yourself into those interests by practicing regularly, attending related community events, and joining a local team or club. Taking time for your passions will help you find love within yourself, and that self-love will only make you more attractive and interesting to potential friends and lovers.
Pursuing your interests also helps lead you to like-minded people who enjoy the same things. These new connections can lead to romantic love or an equally fulfilling platonic relationship.
3. Show people your authentic self.
To be loved, you have to be vulnerable.
When you meet new people, be yourself and resist the urge to pretend to be someone you're not. Though it can be tough, try your best to be comfortable with yourself, your interests, and even your quirks. People admire and love those who own who they are and aren't afraid to flaunt what makes them unique.
Being yourself can be hard at first. If you're still figuring out who you are, that's totally okay! Keep pursuing what makes you happy, avoid the urge to compare yourself to other people, and embrace what makes you unique.
4. Listen to what people have to say.
This is a way to show people that you really care about their perspective.
When someone is speaking to you, put your phone away, make eye contact, and focus your attention on their words. After they're done speaking, rephrase what they said to make sure you understood them correctly. Being an attentive listener will strengthen your relationships and make people love talking to you.
Avoid listening to people just to think of your response. Instead, take a moment after the person is done speaking to think of what you'll say next.
5. Communicate honestly with others.
Tell people how you really feel, good and bad.
Open up to people about how much you care about them. When you run into conflict with someone, be open about that, too. Broach the subject in a calm, respectful manner and use "I" statements that communicate your feelings without making the person feel defensive. Your genuine, thoughtful words will help you cultivate loving friendships and relationships.
It can feel pretty vulnerable to tell someone how much you appreciate them. Try something simple like, "You're the funniest person I've ever met" or "You always make me smile."
An example of an "I" statement would be, "I feel a little hurt when you text while I'm talking. I know you don't mean anything by it, but it'd make me feel better if we didn't text while we talked to each other."
Part of cultivating loving, healthy relationships is getting through conflict together. When in doubt, try to empathize with the other person's perspective and come up with a solution that you both feel good about.
6. Be kind to other people.
Cultivate love in your life by being loving and showing affection to others.
Smile at other people and make friendly conversation with strangers. Do nice things for your friends and family, like giving them rides to work or listening when they need someone to talk to. Practice patience if you find yourself getting frustrated with someone and try to see their perspective if you don't get along. Your kindness will make people drawn to and appreciate you.
If a friend of yours mentions that they had a bad day, see if there's anything you can do to help. You might say, "I'm sorry you're upset. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"
Other things you can do to be nice to new people include saying hello, complimenting them, and asking them how their day is going.
7. Spend time with your friends and family.
Invest in the love you have in your life already.
Spend time with your friends and family by making regular plans and catching up often. If you'd like to make new friends, put yourself out there by joining local clubs, attending community events, and taking classes in subjects related to your interests. Strong relationships with your friends and family provide an immense amount of love in your life and can help you get more comfortable accepting the love of others.
If you live close to your family, see if they'd like to make dinner together a few times a month. If they live out of town, try calling and catching up over the phone.
If you have a contentious relationship with your family, it's okay to need some space. You might try investing more time in your friendships or seeking out new friendships with people in your community instead.
You might try getting coffee or going for a walk with a friend a few times a week.
Be open to new friendships. If an interesting coworker asks if you'd like to hang out after work, try accepting the invitation.
8. Make new connections in your community.
Getting involved in the community can help you be loved by many.
To find a community that's right for you, get involved in a cause that you're passionate about, sign up to volunteer at a local community event (you might try a local music festival or social justice outreach event), or even join a church or spiritual group in your area. If you're not sure there are opportunities in your area, try getting involved in an online community related to your interests.
Social media can be a great place to find a community. Look up accounts related to your interests, like art, music, or pop culture, and reach out to people with like-minded passions.
By working together with others in a community, you'll foster loving relationships with others who share similar goals and values.
9. Seek out healthy romantic relationships.
Everyone deserves a loving relationship if they want one.
If you'd like to be loved by a romantic partner, try putting yourself out there and dating new people. Download dating apps, make conversation with interesting strangers, and ask people out when you feel a connection. As you get to know people, make sure they make you feel encouraged, confident, and secure around you. That's a good sign that you're developing a healthy, loving connection.
If dating apps aren't your style, you can meet potential romantic partners anywhere. Try making conversations with people at the supermarket, community events, and bars.
If you start seeing someone, cultivate a loving relationship with them by making time for each other, practicing open communication, and maintaining your outside interests and friendships.
Dating has its ups and downs for everyone. If you experience rejection, remind yourself that everyone does at some point. Always remember that you're worthy of love and keep being yourself. The right person will love you for you.
10. Let go of your past to move forward.
You might struggle to be loved because of past relationships.
Practice self-compassion by evaluating your past choices, contemplating what changes you want to make going forward, and letting the past go so that you can work towards a more positive future. Learning from your experiences can help you seek more fulfilling relationships, whether they be loving friendships or romantic relationships.
Perhaps you've only had partners that treated you poorly. Remember that everyone deserves a kind, loving partner. Try evaluating what dynamics you didn't like about your past relationships to figure out what you're looking for in a future relationship.
If you're past partner was dismissive of your goals and ambitions, for example, focus your attention on people who build you up and make you feel good about your big dreams.
11. Talk to a mental health professional if you're still struggling.
Sometimes, past wounds prevent you from feeling like you can be loved.
It's very common to struggle with this, especially if you have a history of difficult or troubled relationships with friends, family, and lovers. To get the help you need, look online for a mental health professional in your area or get a referral from your doctor. They can give you the tools you need to see yourself as worthy of love (and you definitely are!).
A mental health professional may work with you to explore your past relationships and how they may have affected your self-image and the relationships you seek now.
Seeking help from a mental health professional is not only totally normal, it's a healthy, brave act of self-love. Try your best not to feel any shame about seeking counseling.
Tips
When in doubt, treat people like how you want others to treat you. This method can work wonders in bringing more love to your life.
Work on building confidence within yourself. If you are confident in yourself, you couldn't be more attractive, as a friend or as a lover.
Warnings
As important as it is to be loved, remember that another person can't be your main source of happiness. That ultimately has to come from within.
Heartbreak can be a devastating experience, but remember that you are worthy of love no matter what. Prioritize yourself, spend time with friends and family, and remember that you'll get more chances at love.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Develop your self-esteem.\\nThis helps you love yourself first.\\nCultivate your self-esteem by practicing positive self-talk. Anytime you catch yourself being down on yourself, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. You might also try taking good care of yourself by getting good sleep, eating healthy, and getting active. When in doubt, remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and have faith in yourself.\\nNext time you think something like \\\"I'm so stupid\\\" or \\\"I look terrible\\\" replace those thoughts with something positive.\\nTry, \\\"I made a mistake that I can learn from now. I'm a smart and capable person\\\" or \\\"I'm beautiful on the inside and out.\\\"\\n2. Feed your passions.\\nLove what makes you happy and meet like-minded people along the way.\\nEvaluate what activities you love with all of your heart, like making music or playing sports. Throw yourself into those interests by practicing regularly, attending related community events, and joining a local team or club. Taking time for your passions will help you find love within yourself, and that self-love will only make you more attractive and interesting to potential friends and lovers.\\nPursuing your interests also helps lead you to like-minded people who enjoy the same things. These new connections can lead to romantic love or an equally fulfilling platonic relationship.\\n3. Show people your authentic self.\\nTo be loved, you have to be vulnerable.\\nWhen you meet new people, be yourself and resist the urge to pretend to be someone you're not. Though it can be tough, try your best to be comfortable with yourself, your interests, and even your quirks. People admire and love those who own who they are and aren't afraid to flaunt what makes them unique.\\nBeing yourself can be hard at first. If you're still figuring out who you are, that's totally okay! Keep pursuing what makes you happy, avoid the urge to compare yourself to other people, and embrace what makes you unique.\\n4. Listen to what people have to say.\\nThis is a way to show people that you really care about their perspective.\\nWhen someone is speaking to you, put your phone away, make eye contact, and focus your attention on their words. After they're done speaking, rephrase what they said to make sure you understood them correctly. Being an attentive listener will strengthen your relationships and make people love talking to you.\\nAvoid listening to people just to think of your response. Instead, take a moment after the person is done speaking to think of what you'll say next.\\n5. Communicate honestly with others.\\nTell people how you really feel, good and bad.\\nOpen up to people about how much you care about them. When you run into conflict with someone, be open about that, too. Broach the subject in a calm, respectful manner and use \\\"I\\\" statements that communicate your feelings without making the person feel defensive. Your genuine, thoughtful words will help you cultivate loving friendships and relationships.\\nIt can feel pretty vulnerable to tell someone how much you appreciate them. Try something simple like, \\\"You're the funniest person I've ever met\\\" or \\\"You always make me smile.\\\"\\nAn example of an \\\"I\\\" statement would be, \\\"I feel a little hurt when you text while I'm talking. I know you don't mean anything by it, but it'd make me feel better if we didn't text while we talked to each other.\\\"\\nPart of cultivating loving, healthy relationships is getting through conflict together. When in doubt, try to empathize with the other person's perspective and come up with a solution that you both feel good about.\\n6. Be kind to other people.\\nCultivate love in your life by being loving and showing affection to others.\\nSmile at other people and make friendly conversation with strangers. Do nice things for your friends and family, like giving them rides to work or listening when they need someone to talk to. Practice patience if you find yourself getting frustrated with someone and try to see their perspective if you don't get along. Your kindness will make people drawn to and appreciate you.\\nIf a friend of yours mentions that they had a bad day, see if there's anything you can do to help. You might say, \\\"I'm sorry you're upset. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?\\\"\\nOther things you can do to be nice to new people include saying hello, complimenting them, and asking them how their day is going.\\n7. Spend time with your friends and family.\\nInvest in the love you have in your life already.\\nSpend time with your friends and family by making regular plans and catching up often. If you'd like to make new friends, put yourself out there by joining local clubs, attending community events, and taking classes in subjects related to your interests. Strong relationships with your friends and family provide an immense amount of love in your life and can help you get more comfortable accepting the love of others.\\nIf you live close to your family, see if they'd like to make dinner together a few times a month. If they live out of town, try calling and catching up over the phone.\\nIf you have a contentious relationship with your family, it's okay to need some space. You might try investing more time in your friendships or seeking out new friendships with people in your community instead.\\nYou might try getting coffee or going for a walk with a friend a few times a week.\\nBe open to new friendships. If an interesting coworker asks if you'd like to hang out after work, try accepting the invitation.\\n8. Make new connections in your community.\\nGetting involved in the community can help you be loved by many.\\nTo find a community that's right for you, get involved in a cause that you're passionate about, sign up to volunteer at a local community event (you might try a local music festival or social justice outreach event), or even join a church or spiritual group in your area. If you're not sure there are opportunities in your area, try getting involved in an online community related to your interests.\\nSocial media can be a great place to find a community. Look up accounts related to your interests, like art, music, or pop culture, and reach out to people with like-minded passions.\\nBy working together with others in a community, you'll foster loving relationships with others who share similar goals and values.\\n9. Seek out healthy romantic relationships.\\nEveryone deserves a loving relationship if they want one.\\nIf you'd like to be loved by a romantic partner, try putting yourself out there and dating new people. Download dating apps, make conversation with interesting strangers, and ask people out when you feel a connection. As you get to know people, make sure they make you feel encouraged, confident, and secure around you. That's a good sign that you're developing a healthy, loving connection.\\nIf dating apps aren't your style, you can meet potential romantic partners anywhere. Try making conversations with people at the supermarket, community events, and bars.\\nIf you start seeing someone, cultivate a loving relationship with them by making time for each other, practicing open communication, and maintaining your outside interests and friendships.\\nDating has its ups and downs for everyone. If you experience rejection, remind yourself that everyone does at some point. Always remember that you're worthy of love and keep being yourself. The right person will love you for you.\\n10. Let go of your past to move forward.\\nYou might struggle to be loved because of past relationships.\\nPractice self-compassion by evaluating your past choices, contemplating what changes you want to make going forward, and letting the past go so that you can work towards a more positive future. Learning from your experiences can help you seek more fulfilling relationships, whether they be loving friendships or romantic relationships.\\nPerhaps you've only had partners that treated you poorly. Remember that everyone deserves a kind, loving partner. Try evaluating what dynamics you didn't like about your past relationships to figure out what you're looking for in a future relationship.\\nIf you're past partner was dismissive of your goals and ambitions, for example, focus your attention on people who build you up and make you feel good about your big dreams.\\n11. Talk to a mental health professional if you're still struggling.\\nSometimes, past wounds prevent you from feeling like you can be loved.\\nIt's very common to struggle with this, especially if you have a history of difficult or troubled relationships with friends, family, and lovers. To get the help you need, look online for a mental health professional in your area or get a referral from your doctor. They can give you the tools you need to see yourself as worthy of love (and you definitely are!).\\nA mental health professional may work with you to explore your past relationships and how they may have affected your self-image and the relationships you seek now.\\nSeeking help from a mental health professional is not only totally normal, it's a healthy, brave act of self-love. Try your best not to feel any shame about seeking counseling.\\nTips\\nWhen in doubt, treat people like how you want others to treat you. This method can work wonders in bringing more love to your life.\\nWork on building confidence within yourself. If you are confident in yourself, you couldn't be more attractive, as a friend or as a lover.\\nWarnings\\nAs important as it is to be loved, remember that another person can't be your main source of happiness. That ultimately has to come from within.\\nHeartbreak can be a devastating experience, but remember that you are worthy of love no matter what. Prioritize yourself, spend time with friends and family, and remember that you'll get more chances at love.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"all i want is to be loved\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Develop your self-esteem.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"This helps you love yourself first.\", \"描述\": \"Cultivate your self-esteem by practicing positive self-talk. Anytime you catch yourself being down on yourself, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. You might also try taking good care of yourself by getting good sleep, eating healthy, and getting active. When in doubt, remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and have faith in yourself.\\nNext time you think something like \\\"I'm so stupid\\\" or \\\"I look terrible\\\" replace those thoughts with something positive.\\nTry, \\\"I made a mistake that I can learn from now. I'm a smart and capable person\\\" or \\\"I'm beautiful on the inside and out.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Feed your passions.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Love what makes you happy and meet like-minded people along the way.\", \"描述\": \"Evaluate what activities you love with all of your heart, like making music or playing sports. Throw yourself into those interests by practicing regularly, attending related community events, and joining a local team or club. Taking time for your passions will help you find love within yourself, and that self-love will only make you more attractive and interesting to potential friends and lovers.\\nPursuing your interests also helps lead you to like-minded people who enjoy the same things. These new connections can lead to romantic love or an equally fulfilling platonic relationship.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show people your authentic self.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"To be loved, you have to be vulnerable.\", \"描述\": \"When you meet new people, be yourself and resist the urge to pretend to be someone you're not. Though it can be tough, try your best to be comfortable with yourself, your interests, and even your quirks. People admire and love those who own who they are and aren't afraid to flaunt what makes them unique.\\nBeing yourself can be hard at first. If you're still figuring out who you are, that's totally okay! Keep pursuing what makes you happy, avoid the urge to compare yourself to other people, and embrace what makes you unique.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen to what people have to say.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"This is a way to show people that you really care about their perspective.\", \"描述\": \"When someone is speaking to you, put your phone away, make eye contact, and focus your attention on their words. After they're done speaking, rephrase what they said to make sure you understood them correctly. Being an attentive listener will strengthen your relationships and make people love talking to you.\\nAvoid listening to people just to think of your response. Instead, take a moment after the person is done speaking to think of what you'll say next.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Communicate honestly with others.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tell people how you really feel, good and bad.\", \"描述\": \"Open up to people about how much you care about them. When you run into conflict with someone, be open about that, too. Broach the subject in a calm, respectful manner and use \\\"I\\\" statements that communicate your feelings without making the person feel defensive. Your genuine, thoughtful words will help you cultivate loving friendships and relationships.\\nIt can feel pretty vulnerable to tell someone how much you appreciate them. Try something simple like, \\\"You're the funniest person I've ever met\\\" or \\\"You always make me smile.\\\"\\nAn example of an \\\"I\\\" statement would be, \\\"I feel a little hurt when you text while I'm talking. I know you don't mean anything by it, but it'd make me feel better if we didn't text while we talked to each other.\\\"\\nPart of cultivating loving, healthy relationships is getting through conflict together. When in doubt, try to empathize with the other person's perspective and come up with a solution that you both feel good about.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be kind to other people.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Cultivate love in your life by being loving and showing affection to others.\", \"描述\": \"Smile at other people and make friendly conversation with strangers. Do nice things for your friends and family, like giving them rides to work or listening when they need someone to talk to. Practice patience if you find yourself getting frustrated with someone and try to see their perspective if you don't get along. Your kindness will make people drawn to and appreciate you.\\nIf a friend of yours mentions that they had a bad day, see if there's anything you can do to help. You might say, \\\"I'm sorry you're upset. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?\\\"\\nOther things you can do to be nice to new people include saying hello, complimenting them, and asking them how their day is going.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Spend time with your friends and family.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Invest in the love you have in your life already.\", \"描述\": \"Spend time with your friends and family by making regular plans and catching up often. If you'd like to make new friends, put yourself out there by joining local clubs, attending community events, and taking classes in subjects related to your interests. Strong relationships with your friends and family provide an immense amount of love in your life and can help you get more comfortable accepting the love of others.\\nIf you live close to your family, see if they'd like to make dinner together a few times a month. If they live out of town, try calling and catching up over the phone.\\nIf you have a contentious relationship with your family, it's okay to need some space. You might try investing more time in your friendships or seeking out new friendships with people in your community instead.\\nYou might try getting coffee or going for a walk with a friend a few times a week.\\nBe open to new friendships. If an interesting coworker asks if you'd like to hang out after work, try accepting the invitation.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Make new connections in your community.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting involved in the community can help you be loved by many.\", \"描述\": \"To find a community that's right for you, get involved in a cause that you're passionate about, sign up to volunteer at a local community event (you might try a local music festival or social justice outreach event), or even join a church or spiritual group in your area. If you're not sure there are opportunities in your area, try getting involved in an online community related to your interests.\\nSocial media can be a great place to find a community. Look up accounts related to your interests, like art, music, or pop culture, and reach out to people with like-minded passions.\\nBy working together with others in a community, you'll foster loving relationships with others who share similar goals and values.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Seek out healthy romantic relationships.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Everyone deserves a loving relationship if they want one.\", \"描述\": \"If you'd like to be loved by a romantic partner, try putting yourself out there and dating new people. Download dating apps, make conversation with interesting strangers, and ask people out when you feel a connection. As you get to know people, make sure they make you feel encouraged, confident, and secure around you. That's a good sign that you're developing a healthy, loving connection.\\nIf dating apps aren't your style, you can meet potential romantic partners anywhere. Try making conversations with people at the supermarket, community events, and bars.\\nIf you start seeing someone, cultivate a loving relationship with them by making time for each other, practicing open communication, and maintaining your outside interests and friendships.\\nDating has its ups and downs for everyone. If you experience rejection, remind yourself that everyone does at some point. Always remember that you're worthy of love and keep being yourself. The right person will love you for you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Let go of your past to move forward.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You might struggle to be loved because of past relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Practice self-compassion by evaluating your past choices, contemplating what changes you want to make going forward, and letting the past go so that you can work towards a more positive future. Learning from your experiences can help you seek more fulfilling relationships, whether they be loving friendships or romantic relationships.\\nPerhaps you've only had partners that treated you poorly. Remember that everyone deserves a kind, loving partner. Try evaluating what dynamics you didn't like about your past relationships to figure out what you're looking for in a future relationship.\\nIf you're past partner was dismissive of your goals and ambitions, for example, focus your attention on people who build you up and make you feel good about your big dreams.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Talk to a mental health professional if you're still struggling.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sometimes, past wounds prevent you from feeling like you can be loved.\", \"描述\": \"It's very common to struggle with this, especially if you have a history of difficult or troubled relationships with friends, family, and lovers. To get the help you need, look online for a mental health professional in your area or get a referral from your doctor. They can give you the tools you need to see yourself as worthy of love (and you definitely are!).\\nA mental health professional may work with you to explore your past relationships and how they may have affected your self-image and the relationships you seek now.\\nSeeking help from a mental health professional is not only totally normal, it's a healthy, brave act of self-love. Try your best not to feel any shame about seeking counseling.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"When in doubt, treat people like how you want others to treat you. This method can work wonders in bringing more love to your life.\\n\", \"Work on building confidence within yourself. If you are confident in yourself, you couldn't be more attractive, as a friend or as a lover.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"As important as it is to be loved, remember that another person can't be your main source of happiness. That ultimately has to come from within.\\n\", \"Heartbreak can be a devastating experience, but remember that you are worthy of love no matter what. Prioritize yourself, spend time with friends and family, and remember that you'll get more chances at love.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,907 | How to Be Loved by Little Kids | 1. Bonding with the Child
1-1. Maintain a smile and open body language so you’re not intimidating.
Adults can seem super scary to kids, especially if they don’t know you well. Put the child at ease by showing them you're friendly. Smile at the child, keep your arms open, and angle your body toward them. When you need to talk to them directly, try to get down on their level.
If you seem closed off, the child might think you’re mean or don’t like them.
1-2. Give the child a small gift or candy to win them over.
A small trinket will probably make the child like you more right away. Choose something you think the child will enjoy. Show them the present right away so they warm up to you.
For example, you might bring something like a slinky, a mini box of legos, an inexpensive doll, a container of Play Dough, a coloring book, or a piece of candy.
Check with the child’s parent before you give them a gift or candy to make sure it’s okay.
1-3. Share the child's excitement when they show you something.
Little kids are excited about the world around them, so they’ll want to show you things like butterflies, leaves, or a new toy. Always display excitement and wonder when a child engages with you. You might even ask them follow-up questions.
If the child points out a big cloud, say, “Cool! What do you think the cloud looks like?”
If the child hands you a leaf, you could say, “Thanks, buddy! This is a cool leaf!”
If they have a new toy, you might say, “What does this toy do?” or “Are you having fun playing with it?”
1-4. Give the child time to warm up to you if you've just met them.
Don’t expect the child to engage with you immediately. On your first meeting, introduce yourself to them and offer a high-five or handshake to show you respect their boundaries. Then, ask their permission before touching them, giving them a hug, or picking them up.
You might ask, “Is it okay if I help you with your shoes?” “Can I help you with your coat?” or "Do you want a hug?"
If the child doesn't want you to touch them, keep smiling at them and tell them it's okay. You could say something like, "I understand. Sometimes I don't want a hug, too."
1-5. Show affection to the child when it’s appropriate.
Being affectionate toward a child is important for bonding and can help you create happy memories together. When you’re first meeting a child, stick to handshakes, high fives, and fist bumps. Once you establish a relationship with them, they might feel ready to give you hugs. If you’re in a caregiving role, they may eventually like to cuddle while you’re reading or watching TV together. Follow the child’s lead when showing affection.
Little kids are very cute, so it's totally understandable that you want to hug them or pick them up. However, this can be scary to the child if they aren't used to you yet. Respect the child’s space and don’t try to force affection on them.
2. Playing with Small Children
2-1. Focus all of your attention on the child while you’re playing with them.
You likely have a lot on your mind, but try not to let that stop you from being fully present during playtime. Give the child your full attention for a set period of time, even if it’s just 15 minutes. Tap into your inner child and just enjoy playing.
If you’re babysitting the child, you might spend all of the time you’re with them playing.
If you’re a parent, caregiver, or other adult, you might designate a set period of time for play. You could say, “I’m going to color with you for 30 minutes, but then I have to start dinner, or “Let’s play with your blocks for 15 minutes, then I need to go talk to your mommy.”
2-2. Go with the flow instead of worrying about rules.
As an adult, you likely want to bring structure to games and activities. However, little kids are still learning and enjoy exploring. If you try to show them the “right way” to do something, they’ll likely get frustrated and might shut down. Instead, let them lead the way and be open to playing their way.
Let’s say you’re building with Legos or blocks. You might be tempted to show the child how to make a sturdy foundation or how to follow instructions to make cool projects. Instead, let the child experiment with the blocks.
Similarly, let’s say you’re coloring with the child. It’s okay if they want to scribble outside the lines.
2-3. Suggest fun activities you know the child will like.
Kids may get more excited about playing with you if you seem interested in the activity. Instead of waiting for the child to ask you to play, bring up activities you think they might like. Ask them if they’d want to play with you.
You might say, “I heard you’re great at coloring. Could you show me how to make pretty pictures?” or “It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to build something with blocks. Do you think we could play with yours together?”
If you have the space or can use some outdoor space, build an obstacle course. Get creative and use whatever supplies you have to hand.
2-4. Act silly or funny when you’re playing together.
Kids will feel more comfortable around you if you seem child-like. When you’re playing one-on-one with them, try not to be serious. Make silly voices and sounds, act goofy, and see if you can make the child laugh. If they’re having fun, they’ll enjoy spending time with you.
If you’re playing with dolls, plushies, or action figures, pick them up and make them “talk” with goofy voices.
If you’re making things with clay or Play Dough, you might make fart sounds or other sound effects when you squish or shape the dough.
2-5. Play make-believe to keep the child engaged.
Kids have active imaginations, so be willing to think outside the box when it comes to play. Suggest make believe games based on what you know about the child. Then, make up a story to guide your playtime.
You might suggest make-believe scenarios like superheroes, pirates, or spaceship.
If you were playing superheroes, you might ask the child where the bad guy is. Then, come up with your gadgets and super powers. Pretend you’re doing things like fighting bad guys or flying around.
Build the ultimate fort. Use blankets, pillows, sheets and cushions to make a soft, cozy and safe fort. Have the kids suggest what shape or style of fort they'd like. Then you can encourage them to play make-believe games using the fort.
2-6. Read
Reading is fun and helps with learning. Ask the child to pick their favorite story book or offer them choices that are appropriate for their age range. As you read, use fun voices for the characters, talk slowly, and make facial expressions that go along with the story.
You can also tell stories with finger puppets or props if you want to make storytime more exciting.
Involve the child in the story by asking them what they think happens next.
If the child can’t sit still through the whole story, set the book aside and let them come back to it if they want to start reading again.
2-7. Use games to encourage interactive play.
Pick a game that’s age appropriate for the child. For toddlers, you might put together a puzzle, play hide-and-seek, or play Simon Says. If the children are preschool or kindergarten age, you can try playing simple board games or card games with them.
Don’t worry as much about the rules while you’re playing the game with the child. You might gently remind them of rules when they break them, but try to just have fun.
If you’re outdoors, try playing tag, drawing with chalk, or kicking a ball around.
Make chores and clean-up a fun game to play. For example, you may say, “I bet you can’t clean up all of your toys in 1 minute.”
Make up your own card game. With the help of the child or children, assign an activity to each suit, like hearts as jumping jacks and diamonds as making funny faces. Upon each draw of a card from the pack, the child has to perform the fun task the card requires. For example, if you draw the 6 of hearts, you must do 6 jumping jacks!
3. Talking to the Child
3-1. Make eye contact with the child when you’re talking or listening to them.
Meeting a child’s eyes shows respect and care for them. Additionally, it helps you create a connection with them that encourages them to like you more. Look kids in the eye if you’re telling them something or asking them a question. When they’re talking to you, make eye contact to show you’re listening.
You don’t have to make sustained eye contact. It’s okay to shift your eyes away for a few seconds at a time.
Consider getting down on the child’s level to make it easier to make eye contact. If you’re towering over them, the child could feel intimidated.
3-2. Use normal speech instead of baby talk in regular conversations.
You might be tempted to imitate how a toddler or young child speaks, but they can perceive this as talking down to them. Instead, use a kind tone and stick to short sentences that are easier for the child to follow. If you think they don’t understand, repeat what you said in a different way.
It's okay to use silly voices and baby talk to entertain the child during play.
Very young children may like baby talk. Pay attention to how other adults talk to the child to see if baby talk may work with them.
Not only will this show the child you respect them, it might also help their verbal skills.
3-3. Ask the child questions to show you’re interested in them.
Children feel special when they know you care about their interests and activities. Choose 2 to 3 simple questions you can ask the child. Then, really listen to their answers. If you have follow-up questions, go ahead and ask those as well.
You might ask questions like, “What’s your favorite part of Frozen?” “What are you building with your blocks?” or “What did you find on your walk today?”
Raise the pitch of your voice when you reach the end of a question so the child recognizes when it’s time to respond.
Don’t pepper the child with questions because they might get overwhelmed. Instead, stick to a few specific questions you think they can answer.
3-4. Listen with enthusiasm when they tell you about what they like.
It’s totally normal for kids to ramble on when they talk to you, and it’s okay to feel frustrated when this happens. However, it’s important to stay excited and nod along so the child knows you care about them. They’re sharing something important with you, so smile, nod, and give interested responses, like “Wow,” or “Cool!”
Try not to interrupt the child while they’re talking. It’s okay to make little comments like, “That must be exciting” or “What happened next?” to show you’re following along.
Don’t use your phone while you’re listening to the child. Always give them your full attention.
3-5. Praise the child for good behavior and small accomplishments.
Little kids want to know you value and appreciate them, especially when they try hard at things. Be generous with praise so the child feels encouraged and loved. Look for opportunities to dish out a compliment.
Give them compliments like, “Wow! Great job stacking your blocks!” “Good job coloring!” or “Great job putting your toys up!”
Even if the child did something you don’t want them to do, you can still praise them as long as you give them a warning, too. For example, you could say, “I love that you practiced drawing, but let’s try it on paper instead of the wall this time.”
Tips
Have fun when you’re playing with little kids. If they see that you’re having fun, they’re more likely to have fun around you, too.
Warnings
Don’t give too many gifts to the child since they may think that you’ll always bring something for them.
Try not to raise your voice around little kids because they may get scared.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Bonding with the Child\\n1-1. Maintain a smile and open body language so you’re not intimidating.\\nAdults can seem super scary to kids, especially if they don’t know you well. Put the child at ease by showing them you're friendly. Smile at the child, keep your arms open, and angle your body toward them. When you need to talk to them directly, try to get down on their level.\\nIf you seem closed off, the child might think you’re mean or don’t like them.\\n1-2. Give the child a small gift or candy to win them over.\\nA small trinket will probably make the child like you more right away. Choose something you think the child will enjoy. Show them the present right away so they warm up to you.\\nFor example, you might bring something like a slinky, a mini box of legos, an inexpensive doll, a container of Play Dough, a coloring book, or a piece of candy.\\nCheck with the child’s parent before you give them a gift or candy to make sure it’s okay.\\n1-3. Share the child's excitement when they show you something.\\nLittle kids are excited about the world around them, so they’ll want to show you things like butterflies, leaves, or a new toy. Always display excitement and wonder when a child engages with you. You might even ask them follow-up questions.\\nIf the child points out a big cloud, say, “Cool! What do you think the cloud looks like?”\\nIf the child hands you a leaf, you could say, “Thanks, buddy! This is a cool leaf!”\\nIf they have a new toy, you might say, “What does this toy do?” or “Are you having fun playing with it?”\\n1-4. Give the child time to warm up to you if you've just met them.\\nDon’t expect the child to engage with you immediately. On your first meeting, introduce yourself to them and offer a high-five or handshake to show you respect their boundaries. Then, ask their permission before touching them, giving them a hug, or picking them up.\\nYou might ask, “Is it okay if I help you with your shoes?” “Can I help you with your coat?” or \\\"Do you want a hug?\\\"\\nIf the child doesn't want you to touch them, keep smiling at them and tell them it's okay. You could say something like, \\\"I understand. Sometimes I don't want a hug, too.\\\"\\n1-5. Show affection to the child when it’s appropriate.\\nBeing affectionate toward a child is important for bonding and can help you create happy memories together. When you’re first meeting a child, stick to handshakes, high fives, and fist bumps. Once you establish a relationship with them, they might feel ready to give you hugs. If you’re in a caregiving role, they may eventually like to cuddle while you’re reading or watching TV together. Follow the child’s lead when showing affection.\\nLittle kids are very cute, so it's totally understandable that you want to hug them or pick them up. However, this can be scary to the child if they aren't used to you yet. Respect the child’s space and don’t try to force affection on them.\\n2. Playing with Small Children\\n2-1. Focus all of your attention on the child while you’re playing with them.\\nYou likely have a lot on your mind, but try not to let that stop you from being fully present during playtime. Give the child your full attention for a set period of time, even if it’s just 15 minutes. Tap into your inner child and just enjoy playing.\\nIf you’re babysitting the child, you might spend all of the time you’re with them playing.\\nIf you’re a parent, caregiver, or other adult, you might designate a set period of time for play. You could say, “I’m going to color with you for 30 minutes, but then I have to start dinner, or “Let’s play with your blocks for 15 minutes, then I need to go talk to your mommy.”\\n2-2. Go with the flow instead of worrying about rules.\\nAs an adult, you likely want to bring structure to games and activities. However, little kids are still learning and enjoy exploring. If you try to show them the “right way” to do something, they’ll likely get frustrated and might shut down. Instead, let them lead the way and be open to playing their way.\\nLet’s say you’re building with Legos or blocks. You might be tempted to show the child how to make a sturdy foundation or how to follow instructions to make cool projects. Instead, let the child experiment with the blocks.\\nSimilarly, let’s say you’re coloring with the child. It’s okay if they want to scribble outside the lines.\\n2-3. Suggest fun activities you know the child will like.\\nKids may get more excited about playing with you if you seem interested in the activity. Instead of waiting for the child to ask you to play, bring up activities you think they might like. Ask them if they’d want to play with you.\\nYou might say, “I heard you’re great at coloring. Could you show me how to make pretty pictures?” or “It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to build something with blocks. Do you think we could play with yours together?”\\nIf you have the space or can use some outdoor space, build an obstacle course. Get creative and use whatever supplies you have to hand.\\n2-4. Act silly or funny when you’re playing together.\\nKids will feel more comfortable around you if you seem child-like. When you’re playing one-on-one with them, try not to be serious. Make silly voices and sounds, act goofy, and see if you can make the child laugh. If they’re having fun, they’ll enjoy spending time with you.\\nIf you’re playing with dolls, plushies, or action figures, pick them up and make them “talk” with goofy voices.\\nIf you’re making things with clay or Play Dough, you might make fart sounds or other sound effects when you squish or shape the dough.\\n2-5. Play make-believe to keep the child engaged.\\nKids have active imaginations, so be willing to think outside the box when it comes to play. Suggest make believe games based on what you know about the child. Then, make up a story to guide your playtime.\\nYou might suggest make-believe scenarios like superheroes, pirates, or spaceship.\\nIf you were playing superheroes, you might ask the child where the bad guy is. Then, come up with your gadgets and super powers. Pretend you’re doing things like fighting bad guys or flying around.\\nBuild the ultimate fort. Use blankets, pillows, sheets and cushions to make a soft, cozy and safe fort. Have the kids suggest what shape or style of fort they'd like. Then you can encourage them to play make-believe games using the fort.\\n2-6. Read\\nReading is fun and helps with learning. Ask the child to pick their favorite story book or offer them choices that are appropriate for their age range. As you read, use fun voices for the characters, talk slowly, and make facial expressions that go along with the story.\\nYou can also tell stories with finger puppets or props if you want to make storytime more exciting.\\nInvolve the child in the story by asking them what they think happens next.\\nIf the child can’t sit still through the whole story, set the book aside and let them come back to it if they want to start reading again.\\n2-7. Use games to encourage interactive play.\\nPick a game that’s age appropriate for the child. For toddlers, you might put together a puzzle, play hide-and-seek, or play Simon Says. If the children are preschool or kindergarten age, you can try playing simple board games or card games with them.\\nDon’t worry as much about the rules while you’re playing the game with the child. You might gently remind them of rules when they break them, but try to just have fun.\\nIf you’re outdoors, try playing tag, drawing with chalk, or kicking a ball around.\\nMake chores and clean-up a fun game to play. For example, you may say, “I bet you can’t clean up all of your toys in 1 minute.”\\nMake up your own card game. With the help of the child or children, assign an activity to each suit, like hearts as jumping jacks and diamonds as making funny faces. Upon each draw of a card from the pack, the child has to perform the fun task the card requires. For example, if you draw the 6 of hearts, you must do 6 jumping jacks!\\n3. Talking to the Child\\n3-1. Make eye contact with the child when you’re talking or listening to them.\\nMeeting a child’s eyes shows respect and care for them. Additionally, it helps you create a connection with them that encourages them to like you more. Look kids in the eye if you’re telling them something or asking them a question. When they’re talking to you, make eye contact to show you’re listening.\\nYou don’t have to make sustained eye contact. It’s okay to shift your eyes away for a few seconds at a time.\\nConsider getting down on the child’s level to make it easier to make eye contact. If you’re towering over them, the child could feel intimidated.\\n3-2. Use normal speech instead of baby talk in regular conversations.\\nYou might be tempted to imitate how a toddler or young child speaks, but they can perceive this as talking down to them. Instead, use a kind tone and stick to short sentences that are easier for the child to follow. If you think they don’t understand, repeat what you said in a different way.\\nIt's okay to use silly voices and baby talk to entertain the child during play.\\nVery young children may like baby talk. Pay attention to how other adults talk to the child to see if baby talk may work with them.\\nNot only will this show the child you respect them, it might also help their verbal skills.\\n3-3. Ask the child questions to show you’re interested in them.\\nChildren feel special when they know you care about their interests and activities. Choose 2 to 3 simple questions you can ask the child. Then, really listen to their answers. If you have follow-up questions, go ahead and ask those as well.\\nYou might ask questions like, “What’s your favorite part of Frozen?” “What are you building with your blocks?” or “What did you find on your walk today?”\\nRaise the pitch of your voice when you reach the end of a question so the child recognizes when it’s time to respond.\\nDon’t pepper the child with questions because they might get overwhelmed. Instead, stick to a few specific questions you think they can answer.\\n3-4. Listen with enthusiasm when they tell you about what they like.\\nIt’s totally normal for kids to ramble on when they talk to you, and it’s okay to feel frustrated when this happens. However, it’s important to stay excited and nod along so the child knows you care about them. They’re sharing something important with you, so smile, nod, and give interested responses, like “Wow,” or “Cool!”\\nTry not to interrupt the child while they’re talking. It’s okay to make little comments like, “That must be exciting” or “What happened next?” to show you’re following along.\\nDon’t use your phone while you’re listening to the child. Always give them your full attention.\\n3-5. Praise the child for good behavior and small accomplishments.\\nLittle kids want to know you value and appreciate them, especially when they try hard at things. Be generous with praise so the child feels encouraged and loved. Look for opportunities to dish out a compliment.\\nGive them compliments like, “Wow! Great job stacking your blocks!” “Good job coloring!” or “Great job putting your toys up!”\\nEven if the child did something you don’t want them to do, you can still praise them as long as you give them a warning, too. For example, you could say, “I love that you practiced drawing, but let’s try it on paper instead of the wall this time.”\\nTips\\nHave fun when you’re playing with little kids. If they see that you’re having fun, they’re more likely to have fun around you, too.\\nWarnings\\nDon’t give too many gifts to the child since they may think that you’ll always bring something for them.\\nTry not to raise your voice around little kids because they may get scared.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Little kids are adorable, but they can also be intimidating. You might feel like you aren’t good with kids, especially if you haven’t spent a lot of time around them. Fortunately, there are several easy things you can do to quickly bond with a child and get them to enjoy spending time with you. No matter what role you play in a child’s life, you can win them over and get them to love you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bonding with the Child\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Maintain a smile and open body language so you’re not intimidating.\", \"描述\": \"Adults can seem super scary to kids, especially if they don’t know you well. Put the child at ease by showing them you're friendly. Smile at the child, keep your arms open, and angle your body toward them. When you need to talk to them directly, try to get down on their level.\\nIf you seem closed off, the child might think you’re mean or don’t like them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Give the child a small gift or candy to win them over.\", \"描述\": \"A small trinket will probably make the child like you more right away. Choose something you think the child will enjoy. Show them the present right away so they warm up to you.\\nFor example, you might bring something like a slinky, a mini box of legos, an inexpensive doll, a container of Play Dough, a coloring book, or a piece of candy.\\nCheck with the child’s parent before you give them a gift or candy to make sure it’s okay.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Share the child's excitement when they show you something.\", \"描述\": \"Little kids are excited about the world around them, so they’ll want to show you things like butterflies, leaves, or a new toy. Always display excitement and wonder when a child engages with you. You might even ask them follow-up questions.\\nIf the child points out a big cloud, say, “Cool! What do you think the cloud looks like?”\\nIf the child hands you a leaf, you could say, “Thanks, buddy! This is a cool leaf!”\\nIf they have a new toy, you might say, “What does this toy do?” or “Are you having fun playing with it?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Give the child time to warm up to you if you've just met them.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t expect the child to engage with you immediately. On your first meeting, introduce yourself to them and offer a high-five or handshake to show you respect their boundaries. Then, ask their permission before touching them, giving them a hug, or picking them up.\\nYou might ask, “Is it okay if I help you with your shoes?” “Can I help you with your coat?” or \\\"Do you want a hug?\\\"\\nIf the child doesn't want you to touch them, keep smiling at them and tell them it's okay. You could say something like, \\\"I understand. Sometimes I don't want a hug, too.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Show affection to the child when it’s appropriate.\", \"描述\": \"Being affectionate toward a child is important for bonding and can help you create happy memories together. When you’re first meeting a child, stick to handshakes, high fives, and fist bumps. Once you establish a relationship with them, they might feel ready to give you hugs. If you’re in a caregiving role, they may eventually like to cuddle while you’re reading or watching TV together. Follow the child’s lead when showing affection.\\nLittle kids are very cute, so it's totally understandable that you want to hug them or pick them up. However, this can be scary to the child if they aren't used to you yet. Respect the child’s space and don’t try to force affection on them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Playing with Small Children\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus all of your attention on the child while you’re playing with them.\", \"描述\": \"You likely have a lot on your mind, but try not to let that stop you from being fully present during playtime. Give the child your full attention for a set period of time, even if it’s just 15 minutes. Tap into your inner child and just enjoy playing.\\nIf you’re babysitting the child, you might spend all of the time you’re with them playing.\\nIf you’re a parent, caregiver, or other adult, you might designate a set period of time for play. You could say, “I’m going to color with you for 30 minutes, but then I have to start dinner, or “Let’s play with your blocks for 15 minutes, then I need to go talk to your mommy.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Go with the flow instead of worrying about rules.\", \"描述\": \"As an adult, you likely want to bring structure to games and activities. However, little kids are still learning and enjoy exploring. If you try to show them the “right way” to do something, they’ll likely get frustrated and might shut down. Instead, let them lead the way and be open to playing their way.\\nLet’s say you’re building with Legos or blocks. You might be tempted to show the child how to make a sturdy foundation or how to follow instructions to make cool projects. Instead, let the child experiment with the blocks.\\nSimilarly, let’s say you’re coloring with the child. It’s okay if they want to scribble outside the lines.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Suggest fun activities you know the child will like.\", \"描述\": \"Kids may get more excited about playing with you if you seem interested in the activity. Instead of waiting for the child to ask you to play, bring up activities you think they might like. Ask them if they’d want to play with you.\\nYou might say, “I heard you’re great at coloring. Could you show me how to make pretty pictures?” or “It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to build something with blocks. Do you think we could play with yours together?”\\nIf you have the space or can use some outdoor space, build an obstacle course. Get creative and use whatever supplies you have to hand.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Act silly or funny when you’re playing together.\", \"描述\": \"Kids will feel more comfortable around you if you seem child-like. When you’re playing one-on-one with them, try not to be serious. Make silly voices and sounds, act goofy, and see if you can make the child laugh. If they’re having fun, they’ll enjoy spending time with you.\\nIf you’re playing with dolls, plushies, or action figures, pick them up and make them “talk” with goofy voices.\\nIf you’re making things with clay or Play Dough, you might make fart sounds or other sound effects when you squish or shape the dough.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Play make-believe to keep the child engaged.\", \"描述\": \"Kids have active imaginations, so be willing to think outside the box when it comes to play. Suggest make believe games based on what you know about the child. Then, make up a story to guide your playtime.\\nYou might suggest make-believe scenarios like superheroes, pirates, or spaceship.\\nIf you were playing superheroes, you might ask the child where the bad guy is. Then, come up with your gadgets and super powers. Pretend you’re doing things like fighting bad guys or flying around.\\nBuild the ultimate fort. Use blankets, pillows, sheets and cushions to make a soft, cozy and safe fort. Have the kids suggest what shape or style of fort they'd like. Then you can encourage them to play make-believe games using the fort.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Read\", \"描述\": \"Reading is fun and helps with learning. Ask the child to pick their favorite story book or offer them choices that are appropriate for their age range. As you read, use fun voices for the characters, talk slowly, and make facial expressions that go along with the story.\\nYou can also tell stories with finger puppets or props if you want to make storytime more exciting.\\nInvolve the child in the story by asking them what they think happens next.\\nIf the child can’t sit still through the whole story, set the book aside and let them come back to it if they want to start reading again.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Use games to encourage interactive play.\", \"描述\": \"Pick a game that’s age appropriate for the child. For toddlers, you might put together a puzzle, play hide-and-seek, or play Simon Says. If the children are preschool or kindergarten age, you can try playing simple board games or card games with them.\\nDon’t worry as much about the rules while you’re playing the game with the child. You might gently remind them of rules when they break them, but try to just have fun.\\nIf you’re outdoors, try playing tag, drawing with chalk, or kicking a ball around.\\nMake chores and clean-up a fun game to play. For example, you may say, “I bet you can’t clean up all of your toys in 1 minute.”\\nMake up your own card game. With the help of the child or children, assign an activity to each suit, like hearts as jumping jacks and diamonds as making funny faces. Upon each draw of a card from the pack, the child has to perform the fun task the card requires. For example, if you draw the 6 of hearts, you must do 6 jumping jacks!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talking to the Child\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact with the child when you’re talking or listening to them.\", \"描述\": \"Meeting a child’s eyes shows respect and care for them. Additionally, it helps you create a connection with them that encourages them to like you more. Look kids in the eye if you’re telling them something or asking them a question. When they’re talking to you, make eye contact to show you’re listening.\\nYou don’t have to make sustained eye contact. It’s okay to shift your eyes away for a few seconds at a time.\\nConsider getting down on the child’s level to make it easier to make eye contact. If you’re towering over them, the child could feel intimidated.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use normal speech instead of baby talk in regular conversations.\", \"描述\": \"You might be tempted to imitate how a toddler or young child speaks, but they can perceive this as talking down to them. Instead, use a kind tone and stick to short sentences that are easier for the child to follow. If you think they don’t understand, repeat what you said in a different way.\\nIt's okay to use silly voices and baby talk to entertain the child during play.\\nVery young children may like baby talk. Pay attention to how other adults talk to the child to see if baby talk may work with them.\\nNot only will this show the child you respect them, it might also help their verbal skills.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask the child questions to show you’re interested in them.\", \"描述\": \"Children feel special when they know you care about their interests and activities. Choose 2 to 3 simple questions you can ask the child. Then, really listen to their answers. If you have follow-up questions, go ahead and ask those as well.\\nYou might ask questions like, “What’s your favorite part of Frozen?” “What are you building with your blocks?” or “What did you find on your walk today?”\\nRaise the pitch of your voice when you reach the end of a question so the child recognizes when it’s time to respond.\\nDon’t pepper the child with questions because they might get overwhelmed. Instead, stick to a few specific questions you think they can answer.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen with enthusiasm when they tell you about what they like.\", \"描述\": \"It’s totally normal for kids to ramble on when they talk to you, and it’s okay to feel frustrated when this happens. However, it’s important to stay excited and nod along so the child knows you care about them. They’re sharing something important with you, so smile, nod, and give interested responses, like “Wow,” or “Cool!”\\nTry not to interrupt the child while they’re talking. It’s okay to make little comments like, “That must be exciting” or “What happened next?” to show you’re following along.\\nDon’t use your phone while you’re listening to the child. Always give them your full attention.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Praise the child for good behavior and small accomplishments.\", \"描述\": \"Little kids want to know you value and appreciate them, especially when they try hard at things. Be generous with praise so the child feels encouraged and loved. Look for opportunities to dish out a compliment.\\nGive them compliments like, “Wow! Great job stacking your blocks!” “Good job coloring!” or “Great job putting your toys up!”\\nEven if the child did something you don’t want them to do, you can still praise them as long as you give them a warning, too. For example, you could say, “I love that you practiced drawing, but let’s try it on paper instead of the wall this time.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Have fun when you’re playing with little kids. If they see that you’re having fun, they’re more likely to have fun around you, too.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don’t give too many gifts to the child since they may think that you’ll always bring something for them.\\n\", \"Try not to raise your voice around little kids because they may get scared.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,908 | How to Be Loved by Your Family | 1. Share with your family how you’re feeling.
Use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need.
This is a tough conversation to have, so make sure to give yourself credit just for trying. Also make sure to choose a time to talk when everyone is calm and able to focus on the conversation. Speak from your own perspective—“I feel…,” “I need…,” etc.—instead of using “you” statements that make family members get defensive because they feel like they’re being attacked and blamed. Do your best to speak clearly and calmly so you can get everything out in the open and get working toward improving the situation.
Compare, for example, the following “I” and “you” statements and how family members would be likely to respond:
“I understand that you’re all very busy, but I feel ignored and left out all the time, and I don’t believe that’s fair or good for me.”
“You’re all so busy with your own things that you completely ignore me and don’t seem to care that you’re hurting me.”
2. Listen to your family’s perspective.
You don’t need to agree with them, but you should hear them out.
If you’re lucky, your family will be very receptive to your concerns and eager to work together to improve things. However, they may instead argue against your point of view and try to justify why things are the way they are. Do your best to listen carefully to what everyone has to say. Try to find areas of common ground so you can work together to change the situation for the better.
Don’t get discouraged if your family members are hesitant or not receptive at the start. So long as you sense that there’s hope for improvement, keep at it and give your family the chance to come around.
If there is simply no common ground and no way to build a connection, accept that you’ve done your best to improve the situation. Sadly, your family simply may not be willing to give you the love you deserve. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it can also free you to find the love you need from other caring people in your life.
3. Acknowledge everyone’s role in the situation.
Accept your responsibility and encourage your family to do the same.
If your family is receptive to making changes for the better, work together to find the barriers that are standing in the way of a more loving relationship. Take the lead by acknowledging the barriers that are your creations, then make a plan to break through them. Your example will hopefully encourage your family to do the same.
You might say, for example: “I accept that, because of my frustration, I haven’t been as supportive of you guys as I should be, and that has only made things worse.”
If your family members refuse to accept any responsibility, remind yourself that that’s their choice to make and out of your control. Turn your focus toward the things you can control, like your own actions.
4. Make your own self-improvement plan.
Lay out specific, positive changes you can make.
In the end, unfortunately, you can’t control whether or not you have a loving family. But you can set goals for self-improvement that will benefit you no matter what choices your family members make. Share these goals with your family if they’ve agreed to work together to improve things. Otherwise, write them down for yourself as reminders of the improvements that are under your control.
If you’ve admitted to yourself that you haven’t been very supportive of your family members, for example, you might challenge yourself to make at least one encouraging statement to each family member every day.
Remember that your goal is to be an improved version of yourself, not to completely change who you are. If that’s not enough to earn the love of your family, then the fault is all theirs.
5. Prove that you’re dependable.
It’s easier to feel and show love for someone you can rely on.
This is an important self-improvement to make if you’ve frequently been unreliable—failing to do things you said you’d do, forgetting important family matters, etc. Take it upon yourself to be someone who everyone in your family can depend on. Keep your word. Follow through. And set reminders for yourself!
6. Avoid gossiping about your family.
Resist the urge to “get back at” family members this way.
When family members have hurt you by withholding affection or in other ways, spreading hurtful rumors about them can be very tempting. Instead, work to manage problems in-house by talking directly to family members about your problems and feelings. This is essential in building trust, and trust is essential in building love.
For example, if your brother has been really unkind to you, you may want to get back at him by spreading an embarrassing rumor about him at school. This might feel good for a moment, but will further damage your relationship with him. Instead, talk one-on-one, or with other family members present, about how his actions have made you feel.
7. Treat your family members with respect.
Showing respect increases your chances of getting it in return.
If you’re feeling unloved, you’re probably also feeling disrespected. While it’s tempting to withhold respect for family members in return, try instead to break the cycle of disrespect. Offering even small signs of respect, like saying “please” and “thank you,” can help to encourage an overall change in behavior by the whole family.
Showing respect doesn’t mean you can’t have your own opinions or disagree with other family members. It does mean that you should avoid personal attacks when you do have disagreements. Stay calm and explain your side of things. Hopefully this will inspire your family members to do the same.
8. Take opportunities to be helpful.
Do the little things that show you care about your family.
Instead of refusing to help out because you’re upset, model supportive family behavior by seeking out opportunities to help. Even if your family members don’t show much in the way of appreciation, your positive, helpful attitude may help change the family narrative over time.
For example, offer a helping hand to put away the groceries without being asked. Or, if you get the feeling that a family member could use some encouraging words, say something nice.
9. Be independent but not isolated.
Do things yourself when you can, but ask for help when needed.
Aim for an appropriate amount of independence based on your age and circumstances within the family. If you’re a teen, for example, don’t rely on a parent to wake you up in the morning when you can simply set an alarm for yourself. Or, if you’re a young adult, don’t bring your laundry over for your parents to do for you when there’s a laundromat near where you live.
However, don’t try to be so independent that you refuse to ask for help. To build a more loving relationship within your family, be willing to help them when they need it, and be willing to ask for help from them when you need it.
10. Show and say that you love them.
Start a family trend of expressing your love for each other.
There might be more love within your family than it seems—everyone might just be taking it for granted! Instead of assuming that they know you love them, tell them you love them. Likewise, show your love by leaving little notes, giving small gifts “just because,” and being helpful and caring overall.
Say “I love you” to family members when you really feel it, so that it’s meaningful when you use those words.
11. Discuss your desire to spend more time together.
Explain that you want to become closer as a family.
It’s very difficult to build a loving family relationship if you don’t spend much time together. Let your family know that you want to try to spend more time together, and explain why that will benefit everyone.
For example: “I’d really like to make the effort to spend more time with you guys. It seems like all of us—me included—are always off doing our own things, and I hope you’ll agree that we can become closer if we find ways to spend more time together.
12. Arrange activities based on shared interests.
Take the initiative to plan get-togethers that everyone can enjoy.
Use your knowledge of your family to come up with activities that suit everyone’s interests. It’s true that you won’t be able to please everyone with every activity, but you can at least avoid doing things that one or more family members truly dislike.
You might go on a picnic, visit a museum, attend a sporting event, see a concert, or just go for a nature walk together.
Once you get the ball rolling with coming up with family activities, let each family member take turns choosing what to do together.
13. Hang out together without making big plans.
Seize life’s little opportunities to just be present with your family.
Family time doesn’t always have to be scheduled in advance! Be ready and willing to join in when other family members are doing something or just simply hanging out. Listen to music, read, watch movies or TV, garden together, and so on. Just being in each others' presence will hopefully spur interaction, conversation, and deeper connections.
Yes, it’s also true that “together time” can sometimes result in disputes and arguments. Take a break when being together is getting contentious and try again another time. Don’t give up!
14. Confide in a true friend for added support.
Share your concerns with someone who will genuinely listen and help.
While it’s important to talk to your family about your desire to feel more loved by them, it may be tough for you to go to them first. If so, confide in a close friend, another relative, a mentor, or even a professional therapist. Sharing your feelings openly and honestly will be a big relief and make it easier to figure out how to approach your family.
You might raise the subject to a close friend like this: "Cam, I know you already know that I've been having some major issues with my family. I really need to talk to someone I can trust about how I see things and feel about the situation. I'd also really like to hear what you have to say about things. Is this a good time to talk?"
This trusted person might give you advice for approaching your family or even end up serving as a mediator to help facilitate the process. Or, they might help you realize that your family is incapable of providing the love you crave and deserve.
Warnings
Don’t sacrifice who you are or risk your wellbeing in an effort to be loved by your family. Some family situations are simply too dysfunctional and beyond repair. If your family is unable or unwilling to love you, build a surrogate family out of loving friends who truly care for you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Share with your family how you’re feeling.\\nUse “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need.\\nThis is a tough conversation to have, so make sure to give yourself credit just for trying. Also make sure to choose a time to talk when everyone is calm and able to focus on the conversation. Speak from your own perspective—“I feel…,” “I need…,” etc.—instead of using “you” statements that make family members get defensive because they feel like they’re being attacked and blamed. Do your best to speak clearly and calmly so you can get everything out in the open and get working toward improving the situation.\\nCompare, for example, the following “I” and “you” statements and how family members would be likely to respond:\\n“I understand that you’re all very busy, but I feel ignored and left out all the time, and I don’t believe that’s fair or good for me.”\\n“You’re all so busy with your own things that you completely ignore me and don’t seem to care that you’re hurting me.”\\n2. Listen to your family’s perspective.\\nYou don’t need to agree with them, but you should hear them out.\\nIf you’re lucky, your family will be very receptive to your concerns and eager to work together to improve things. However, they may instead argue against your point of view and try to justify why things are the way they are. Do your best to listen carefully to what everyone has to say. Try to find areas of common ground so you can work together to change the situation for the better.\\nDon’t get discouraged if your family members are hesitant or not receptive at the start. So long as you sense that there’s hope for improvement, keep at it and give your family the chance to come around.\\nIf there is simply no common ground and no way to build a connection, accept that you’ve done your best to improve the situation. Sadly, your family simply may not be willing to give you the love you deserve. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it can also free you to find the love you need from other caring people in your life.\\n3. Acknowledge everyone’s role in the situation.\\nAccept your responsibility and encourage your family to do the same.\\nIf your family is receptive to making changes for the better, work together to find the barriers that are standing in the way of a more loving relationship. Take the lead by acknowledging the barriers that are your creations, then make a plan to break through them. Your example will hopefully encourage your family to do the same.\\nYou might say, for example: “I accept that, because of my frustration, I haven’t been as supportive of you guys as I should be, and that has only made things worse.”\\nIf your family members refuse to accept any responsibility, remind yourself that that’s their choice to make and out of your control. Turn your focus toward the things you can control, like your own actions.\\n4. Make your own self-improvement plan.\\nLay out specific, positive changes you can make.\\nIn the end, unfortunately, you can’t control whether or not you have a loving family. But you can set goals for self-improvement that will benefit you no matter what choices your family members make. Share these goals with your family if they’ve agreed to work together to improve things. Otherwise, write them down for yourself as reminders of the improvements that are under your control.\\nIf you’ve admitted to yourself that you haven’t been very supportive of your family members, for example, you might challenge yourself to make at least one encouraging statement to each family member every day.\\nRemember that your goal is to be an improved version of yourself, not to completely change who you are. If that’s not enough to earn the love of your family, then the fault is all theirs.\\n5. Prove that you’re dependable.\\nIt’s easier to feel and show love for someone you can rely on.\\nThis is an important self-improvement to make if you’ve frequently been unreliable—failing to do things you said you’d do, forgetting important family matters, etc. Take it upon yourself to be someone who everyone in your family can depend on. Keep your word. Follow through. And set reminders for yourself!\\n6. Avoid gossiping about your family.\\nResist the urge to “get back at” family members this way.\\nWhen family members have hurt you by withholding affection or in other ways, spreading hurtful rumors about them can be very tempting. Instead, work to manage problems in-house by talking directly to family members about your problems and feelings. This is essential in building trust, and trust is essential in building love.\\nFor example, if your brother has been really unkind to you, you may want to get back at him by spreading an embarrassing rumor about him at school. This might feel good for a moment, but will further damage your relationship with him. Instead, talk one-on-one, or with other family members present, about how his actions have made you feel.\\n7. Treat your family members with respect.\\nShowing respect increases your chances of getting it in return.\\nIf you’re feeling unloved, you’re probably also feeling disrespected. While it’s tempting to withhold respect for family members in return, try instead to break the cycle of disrespect. Offering even small signs of respect, like saying “please” and “thank you,” can help to encourage an overall change in behavior by the whole family.\\nShowing respect doesn’t mean you can’t have your own opinions or disagree with other family members. It does mean that you should avoid personal attacks when you do have disagreements. Stay calm and explain your side of things. Hopefully this will inspire your family members to do the same.\\n8. Take opportunities to be helpful.\\nDo the little things that show you care about your family.\\nInstead of refusing to help out because you’re upset, model supportive family behavior by seeking out opportunities to help. Even if your family members don’t show much in the way of appreciation, your positive, helpful attitude may help change the family narrative over time.\\nFor example, offer a helping hand to put away the groceries without being asked. Or, if you get the feeling that a family member could use some encouraging words, say something nice.\\n9. Be independent but not isolated.\\nDo things yourself when you can, but ask for help when needed.\\nAim for an appropriate amount of independence based on your age and circumstances within the family. If you’re a teen, for example, don’t rely on a parent to wake you up in the morning when you can simply set an alarm for yourself. Or, if you’re a young adult, don’t bring your laundry over for your parents to do for you when there’s a laundromat near where you live.\\nHowever, don’t try to be so independent that you refuse to ask for help. To build a more loving relationship within your family, be willing to help them when they need it, and be willing to ask for help from them when you need it.\\n10. Show and say that you love them.\\nStart a family trend of expressing your love for each other.\\nThere might be more love within your family than it seems—everyone might just be taking it for granted! Instead of assuming that they know you love them, tell them you love them. Likewise, show your love by leaving little notes, giving small gifts “just because,” and being helpful and caring overall.\\nSay “I love you” to family members when you really feel it, so that it’s meaningful when you use those words.\\n11. Discuss your desire to spend more time together.\\nExplain that you want to become closer as a family.\\nIt’s very difficult to build a loving family relationship if you don’t spend much time together. Let your family know that you want to try to spend more time together, and explain why that will benefit everyone.\\nFor example: “I’d really like to make the effort to spend more time with you guys. It seems like all of us—me included—are always off doing our own things, and I hope you’ll agree that we can become closer if we find ways to spend more time together.\\n12. Arrange activities based on shared interests.\\nTake the initiative to plan get-togethers that everyone can enjoy.\\nUse your knowledge of your family to come up with activities that suit everyone’s interests. It’s true that you won’t be able to please everyone with every activity, but you can at least avoid doing things that one or more family members truly dislike.\\nYou might go on a picnic, visit a museum, attend a sporting event, see a concert, or just go for a nature walk together.\\nOnce you get the ball rolling with coming up with family activities, let each family member take turns choosing what to do together.\\n13. Hang out together without making big plans.\\nSeize life’s little opportunities to just be present with your family.\\nFamily time doesn’t always have to be scheduled in advance! Be ready and willing to join in when other family members are doing something or just simply hanging out. Listen to music, read, watch movies or TV, garden together, and so on. Just being in each others' presence will hopefully spur interaction, conversation, and deeper connections.\\nYes, it’s also true that “together time” can sometimes result in disputes and arguments. Take a break when being together is getting contentious and try again another time. Don’t give up!\\n14. Confide in a true friend for added support.\\nShare your concerns with someone who will genuinely listen and help.\\nWhile it’s important to talk to your family about your desire to feel more loved by them, it may be tough for you to go to them first. If so, confide in a close friend, another relative, a mentor, or even a professional therapist. Sharing your feelings openly and honestly will be a big relief and make it easier to figure out how to approach your family.\\nYou might raise the subject to a close friend like this: \\\"Cam, I know you already know that I've been having some major issues with my family. I really need to talk to someone I can trust about how I see things and feel about the situation. I'd also really like to hear what you have to say about things. Is this a good time to talk?\\\"\\nThis trusted person might give you advice for approaching your family or even end up serving as a mediator to help facilitate the process. Or, they might help you realize that your family is incapable of providing the love you crave and deserve.\\nWarnings\\nDon’t sacrifice who you are or risk your wellbeing in an effort to be loved by your family. Some family situations are simply too dysfunctional and beyond repair. If your family is unable or unwilling to love you, build a surrogate family out of loving friends who truly care for you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It really hurts when you don’t get the love and affection that you crave from your family. Fortunately, in many cases, things can be repaired if everyone works together. This article covers ways to communicate your feelings, strategies for self-improvement, and ideas for spending more time together with your family. \\n\\nHere are 14 steps you can take to find the love that you deserve.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Share with your family how you’re feeling.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need.\", \"描述\": \"This is a tough conversation to have, so make sure to give yourself credit just for trying. Also make sure to choose a time to talk when everyone is calm and able to focus on the conversation. Speak from your own perspective—“I feel…,” “I need…,” etc.—instead of using “you” statements that make family members get defensive because they feel like they’re being attacked and blamed. Do your best to speak clearly and calmly so you can get everything out in the open and get working toward improving the situation.\\nCompare, for example, the following “I” and “you” statements and how family members would be likely to respond:\\n“I understand that you’re all very busy, but I feel ignored and left out all the time, and I don’t believe that’s fair or good for me.”\\n“You’re all so busy with your own things that you completely ignore me and don’t seem to care that you’re hurting me.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Listen to your family’s perspective.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You don’t need to agree with them, but you should hear them out.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re lucky, your family will be very receptive to your concerns and eager to work together to improve things. However, they may instead argue against your point of view and try to justify why things are the way they are. Do your best to listen carefully to what everyone has to say. Try to find areas of common ground so you can work together to change the situation for the better.\\nDon’t get discouraged if your family members are hesitant or not receptive at the start. So long as you sense that there’s hope for improvement, keep at it and give your family the chance to come around.\\nIf there is simply no common ground and no way to build a connection, accept that you’ve done your best to improve the situation. Sadly, your family simply may not be willing to give you the love you deserve. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it can also free you to find the love you need from other caring people in your life.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acknowledge everyone’s role in the situation.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accept your responsibility and encourage your family to do the same.\", \"描述\": \"If your family is receptive to making changes for the better, work together to find the barriers that are standing in the way of a more loving relationship. Take the lead by acknowledging the barriers that are your creations, then make a plan to break through them. Your example will hopefully encourage your family to do the same.\\nYou might say, for example: “I accept that, because of my frustration, I haven’t been as supportive of you guys as I should be, and that has only made things worse.”\\nIf your family members refuse to accept any responsibility, remind yourself that that’s their choice to make and out of your control. Turn your focus toward the things you can control, like your own actions.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make your own self-improvement plan.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Lay out specific, positive changes you can make.\", \"描述\": \"In the end, unfortunately, you can’t control whether or not you have a loving family. But you can set goals for self-improvement that will benefit you no matter what choices your family members make. Share these goals with your family if they’ve agreed to work together to improve things. Otherwise, write them down for yourself as reminders of the improvements that are under your control.\\nIf you’ve admitted to yourself that you haven’t been very supportive of your family members, for example, you might challenge yourself to make at least one encouraging statement to each family member every day.\\nRemember that your goal is to be an improved version of yourself, not to completely change who you are. If that’s not enough to earn the love of your family, then the fault is all theirs.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Prove that you’re dependable.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"It’s easier to feel and show love for someone you can rely on.\", \"描述\": \"This is an important self-improvement to make if you’ve frequently been unreliable—failing to do things you said you’d do, forgetting important family matters, etc. Take it upon yourself to be someone who everyone in your family can depend on. Keep your word. Follow through. And set reminders for yourself!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid gossiping about your family.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Resist the urge to “get back at” family members this way.\", \"描述\": \"When family members have hurt you by withholding affection or in other ways, spreading hurtful rumors about them can be very tempting. Instead, work to manage problems in-house by talking directly to family members about your problems and feelings. This is essential in building trust, and trust is essential in building love.\\nFor example, if your brother has been really unkind to you, you may want to get back at him by spreading an embarrassing rumor about him at school. This might feel good for a moment, but will further damage your relationship with him. Instead, talk one-on-one, or with other family members present, about how his actions have made you feel.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Treat your family members with respect.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Showing respect increases your chances of getting it in return.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re feeling unloved, you’re probably also feeling disrespected. While it’s tempting to withhold respect for family members in return, try instead to break the cycle of disrespect. Offering even small signs of respect, like saying “please” and “thank you,” can help to encourage an overall change in behavior by the whole family.\\nShowing respect doesn’t mean you can’t have your own opinions or disagree with other family members. It does mean that you should avoid personal attacks when you do have disagreements. Stay calm and explain your side of things. Hopefully this will inspire your family members to do the same.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Take opportunities to be helpful.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do the little things that show you care about your family.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of refusing to help out because you’re upset, model supportive family behavior by seeking out opportunities to help. Even if your family members don’t show much in the way of appreciation, your positive, helpful attitude may help change the family narrative over time.\\nFor example, offer a helping hand to put away the groceries without being asked. Or, if you get the feeling that a family member could use some encouraging words, say something nice.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Be independent but not isolated.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do things yourself when you can, but ask for help when needed.\", \"描述\": \"Aim for an appropriate amount of independence based on your age and circumstances within the family. If you’re a teen, for example, don’t rely on a parent to wake you up in the morning when you can simply set an alarm for yourself. Or, if you’re a young adult, don’t bring your laundry over for your parents to do for you when there’s a laundromat near where you live.\\nHowever, don’t try to be so independent that you refuse to ask for help. To build a more loving relationship within your family, be willing to help them when they need it, and be willing to ask for help from them when you need it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Show and say that you love them.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start a family trend of expressing your love for each other.\", \"描述\": \"There might be more love within your family than it seems—everyone might just be taking it for granted! Instead of assuming that they know you love them, tell them you love them. Likewise, show your love by leaving little notes, giving small gifts “just because,” and being helpful and caring overall.\\nSay “I love you” to family members when you really feel it, so that it’s meaningful when you use those words.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Discuss your desire to spend more time together.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Explain that you want to become closer as a family.\", \"描述\": \"It’s very difficult to build a loving family relationship if you don’t spend much time together. Let your family know that you want to try to spend more time together, and explain why that will benefit everyone.\\nFor example: “I’d really like to make the effort to spend more time with you guys. It seems like all of us—me included—are always off doing our own things, and I hope you’ll agree that we can become closer if we find ways to spend more time together.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Arrange activities based on shared interests.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take the initiative to plan get-togethers that everyone can enjoy.\", \"描述\": \"Use your knowledge of your family to come up with activities that suit everyone’s interests. It’s true that you won’t be able to please everyone with every activity, but you can at least avoid doing things that one or more family members truly dislike.\\nYou might go on a picnic, visit a museum, attend a sporting event, see a concert, or just go for a nature walk together.\\nOnce you get the ball rolling with coming up with family activities, let each family member take turns choosing what to do together.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Hang out together without making big plans.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Seize life’s little opportunities to just be present with your family.\", \"描述\": \"Family time doesn’t always have to be scheduled in advance! Be ready and willing to join in when other family members are doing something or just simply hanging out. Listen to music, read, watch movies or TV, garden together, and so on. Just being in each others' presence will hopefully spur interaction, conversation, and deeper connections.\\nYes, it’s also true that “together time” can sometimes result in disputes and arguments. Take a break when being together is getting contentious and try again another time. Don’t give up!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Confide in a true friend for added support.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Share your concerns with someone who will genuinely listen and help.\", \"描述\": \"While it’s important to talk to your family about your desire to feel more loved by them, it may be tough for you to go to them first. If so, confide in a close friend, another relative, a mentor, or even a professional therapist. Sharing your feelings openly and honestly will be a big relief and make it easier to figure out how to approach your family.\\nYou might raise the subject to a close friend like this: \\\"Cam, I know you already know that I've been having some major issues with my family. I really need to talk to someone I can trust about how I see things and feel about the situation. I'd also really like to hear what you have to say about things. Is this a good time to talk?\\\"\\nThis trusted person might give you advice for approaching your family or even end up serving as a mediator to help facilitate the process. Or, they might help you realize that your family is incapable of providing the love you crave and deserve.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"Don’t sacrifice who you are or risk your wellbeing in an effort to be loved by your family. Some family situations are simply too dysfunctional and beyond repair. If your family is unable or unwilling to love you, build a surrogate family out of loving friends who truly care for you.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,909 | How to Be Lovely | 1. Getting Focused
1-1. Be thoughtful
A lovely person has a good heart, hands down. They're empathetic and aware of how other people are feeling and how they can help. Here are two things to get started on the one-way train to thoughtfulness:
The next conversation you have, ask someone how they are. But when you say it, don't say it like you mean, "Hello." Look at them and say, "How are you?" And when they answer, listen. See if the conversation is any different than your usual conversations.
Think of two things you could do right now that you've been putting off that might make people in your world smile. An email to that aunt you haven't spoken to in forever? Cleaning the dishes for your super busy roommate? And here's the kicker: Go do them!
1-2. Love yourself
The root of the word "lovely" is "love," after all! If you're caught up worrying how others perceive you and drowning in insecurities, it's pretty hard to come off as lovely. There's no room for gentle, understated grace and kindness if you think the world is out to get you.
Yeah, this is a lot easier said than done. It's a process that can take years, and even then you'll have slip ups. But make it a point to make baby steps every day. Write a list of things you love about yourself. Wake up in the morning tell yourself you're beautiful. Spend ten minutes each day purposefully thinking positive thoughts. Do little things to make it seem more natural if it's an issue.
1-3. Be genuine
If you are not yourself, you cannot be lovely. You can be a lovely version of someone else, but you can't be a lovely you! And since "you" is good, why would you bother trying to be anything else? Being fake is just about as not lovely as it gets.
Sometimes it's hard to know where we end and the person society tells us to be begins. Take a second to sit back and think about why you want to be lovely and what it means to you. Do you want to be lovely so people will like you? So men will be attracted to you? Hopefully the answer is no -- ideally, you should want to be lovely for yourself.
1-4. Be elegant
Go read the wikiHow article! Being elegant isn't something that can be summed up in a paragraph, but here are a few pointers:
Keep your look natural and chic. Nude nail polish, a sophisticated hair-do, minimal make-up.
Always be clean! There's no room for grunge in elegance.
Opt for classic, timeless pieces. A nice sweater, dark jeans or skirt, boots, etc.
1-5. Keep the arrogance in check.
Alright, yeah, you're pretty awesome. By the end of the article, you'll be leaking loveliness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be modest about it! In fact, being arrogant and being lovely are mutually exclusive; you cannot be one and the other. A girl who's lovely knows that everyone is on her level, that everyone has something she doesn't.
If you're thoughtful and genuine, arrogance shouldn't be a problem. If you're unsure, think about your conversations. How often do you steer it back to you? Do you dominate them? How often do you feel like you're judging others? Just things to think about!
1-6. Get disciplined.
A lovely person has her act together. She knows when she needs to work hard, she keeps her word, and she's organized. A lovely girl probably doesn't live in a pigsty, you know? What area of your life could use a little cleaning up?
Take a look at your room -- could it use a little organization?
Do you procrastinate? What's keeping you from getting your work done?
Are you punctual and honest? Do you mean what you say and what you do?
2. Looking Lovely
2-1. Have good hygiene
Humans have a bad tendency of judging books by their covers. If something isn't pretty, it isn't good. That's obviously not how it works, but it's a natural go-to for most of us (it saves a lot of time and energy on thought). So save yourself the struggle and shower, brush your teeth, run a comb through your hair, and dress like you give half a ferret. The world will be a lot kinder to you and thus be more readily convinced of your innate loveliness!
Choose a scent and stick to it. People will smell your loveliness from across the room. Mmm. Loveliness. If they wanted to capture it, they'd ask you to sweat into a bottle.
2-2. Put effort into your appearance.
Psych! The first step was just to ease you in to the process. Showering is all well and good, but it's probably not enough. Being clean is very, very important, but being lovely has a certain "put together-ness" about it. So slap on some lip gloss, some eyeliner, and turn that ponytail into a neat bun.
You don't have to dress to the nines (sometimes that's just inappropriate), but do have a look that says "I didn't play Russian roulette with my closet today." Spend five minutes picking out your outfit. Give yourself a glance to see if your pieces fit together. If someone were to see you, what's the first impression they would get?
2-3. Move with poise and grace
Being a klutz isn't something you can really help, but it's something you can consciously try to be aware of. If you keep good posture, your chin up and shoulders up (if you don't trip over yourself!), you'll move like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. The ultimate picture of class.
2-4. Be feminine
There is a certain aspect of loveliness that is very feminine. Very soft, very gentle. There is nothing loud, brash, excessive, or macho about being lovely. While everyone's version of femininity is different, play up whatever that word means to you.
You can be feminine in an oversized plaid shirt and jeans. You can be feminine while you're bossing people around. You can be feminine rolling out of bed with no makeup on. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you're wearing or doing; it has more to do with how you project yourself.
2-5. Be generous with your smile.
A lovely person generally makes people feel good. They light up a room with their energy. The simplest way to do this is to be generous with your smile. Be delighted at the tiniest of things. Marvel at small beauty in the world. Show you appreciate the world around you (and the people in it) with a smile.
Here's a blow-your-mind thought: There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at today. There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at for weeks. Think about that. The only thing you have to do to make their world brighter is smile at them. That would be awfully lovely of you.
3. Acting Lovely
3-1. Use your manners
Though it's a bit stereotypical, a lovely woman has proper etiquette down pat. "Please" and "thank you" should be mainstays in your vocabulary. And then there's things like sneezing into your elbow and not chewing with your mouth open, but you knew that already, right?
While things like using the right fork have their place, the more important things are like holding the door for the person behind you, cleaning up after yourself, and sharing. Manners make the world a little bit easier for everyone -- hopefully people will be polite right back!
3-2. Know that you are who you are with.
If you're constantly being surrounded by negativity and people that drag you down, there's no way you're going to be lovely, for starters, but you definitely won't be happy and you definitely won't be the best you. So keep this is mind -- do the people around you bring out your best, loveliest side?
In other words, cut out your toxic friends. It may be awkward for a day or two, but it's totally worth it in the long run. If you sit back and think about it for five seconds and a name comes to mind, at least make strides to hang out with them less. You need to be the best person you can possibly be to truly be lovely.
3-3. Don't wallow in negativity.
No one has ever uttered the sentence, "Man, that Debbie Downer sure is a lovely girl." The fact of the matter is that being lovely has a positivity about it. The lovelies of the world don't often find themselves complaining (unless something is downright unfair -- they do stand for what they believe in) -- and they don't complain because the glass is always half full. Why waste your energy on negativity?
In addition to not having a negative worldview, don't be negative about others! Don't poke fun at people and draw attention their flaws or their flubs. While it may be tempting to have a good laugh at someone's expense, resist. To be lovely, you need to create lovely world.
3-4. Offer a helping hand.
Whenever you find an opportunity to help someone, take it! You'd be hard pressed to find a good reason not to (being lazy is not a good reason!). And if you can't find one, you may not be looking hard enough!
Is a friend super busy and could use a buddy to get errands done or do some easy tasks? Do you know an older person who needs a young, agile spring chicken to help around the house? And if they're not asking, initiate! Sometimes people don't like asking for help.
3-5. Value others and their time.
You know who's not lovely? That friend of yours that is incurably late and doesn't seem to care when you tell her you've wasted 30 minutes of your life waiting on her. Not lovely at all. Don't show other people you don't value them -- be punctual!
And show them you value them in other small ways, too! If a friend made dinner one night and you got the extras, bring over a dessert later in the week. Offer to get them coffee. Pay back the favors you get to show how grateful you are.
3-6. Know when to put others first.
To be lovely is to put others first...sometimes. You can't please everyone and you definitely should not be a doormat. But if someone needs or wants something from you and it wouldn't hurt you to agree, why not do it?
That being said, if someone wants the shirt off your back, know where to draw the line. You have to protect yourself first and foremost -- no one else will. So if it goes against your belief system or leaves you to the dogs, don't feel obligated to do it. It's not you not being nice, it's you being smart.
3-7. Be gracious about differences
Part of being lovely is being lovely to everyone, regardless of their status in life or the crazy opinions they're asserting. When you come across someone different from you, don't assign them a label. Be open-minded and try to see their point of view. If they think they're right and you don't, why might that be?
Try your hardest to treat everyone the same. That means your waiter, your best friend, and the old man crossing the street. We're all humans and we all deserve attention and care.
If someone does you wrong, treat them civilly. You do not, by any means, have to go out of your way to be nice to them, but do treat them as a human. Nothing more, nothing less.
3-8. Value the small moments.
Just like acting isn't only when you're talking, being lovely isn't only when the spotlight is on you. It's the small moments that truly make a lovely girl lovely. The way she watches a child, the way she adjusts her towels just so, the way she goes in for a hug. It's in the tiny things just as much as it's in the big things.
Being lovely is a 24/7 thing. It's not a hat you wear outside and take off when you get home. It should be part of you, not a show you put on. Find a woman who you think is lovely by nature and watch her. She's probably just like you!
Warnings
As with any change, this can cause negative reactions. If you are to be lovely, you must make this an overall change--this is not a trend or social style, rather, it is a way of presenting yourself and acting accordingly. You cannot be fake; that will be both counterproductive and cause others to lose respect for you.
Of course, if someone is lovely, people will try to scrutinize their faults. Don't be wavered by criticism, as people may try to point out your flaws. Remain positive, and even in these situations, treat others as you wish to be treated.
Don't fake being nice, and don't ever expect anything in return.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting Focused\\n1-1. Be thoughtful\\nA lovely person has a good heart, hands down. They're empathetic and aware of how other people are feeling and how they can help. Here are two things to get started on the one-way train to thoughtfulness:\\nThe next conversation you have, ask someone how they are. But when you say it, don't say it like you mean, \\\"Hello.\\\" Look at them and say, \\\"How are you?\\\" And when they answer, listen. See if the conversation is any different than your usual conversations.\\nThink of two things you could do right now that you've been putting off that might make people in your world smile. An email to that aunt you haven't spoken to in forever? Cleaning the dishes for your super busy roommate? And here's the kicker: Go do them!\\n1-2. Love yourself\\nThe root of the word \\\"lovely\\\" is \\\"love,\\\" after all! If you're caught up worrying how others perceive you and drowning in insecurities, it's pretty hard to come off as lovely. There's no room for gentle, understated grace and kindness if you think the world is out to get you.\\nYeah, this is a lot easier said than done. It's a process that can take years, and even then you'll have slip ups. But make it a point to make baby steps every day. Write a list of things you love about yourself. Wake up in the morning tell yourself you're beautiful. Spend ten minutes each day purposefully thinking positive thoughts. Do little things to make it seem more natural if it's an issue.\\n1-3. Be genuine\\nIf you are not yourself, you cannot be lovely. You can be a lovely version of someone else, but you can't be a lovely you! And since \\\"you\\\" is good, why would you bother trying to be anything else? Being fake is just about as not lovely as it gets.\\nSometimes it's hard to know where we end and the person society tells us to be begins. Take a second to sit back and think about why you want to be lovely and what it means to you. Do you want to be lovely so people will like you? So men will be attracted to you? Hopefully the answer is no -- ideally, you should want to be lovely for yourself.\\n1-4. Be elegant\\nGo read the wikiHow article! Being elegant isn't something that can be summed up in a paragraph, but here are a few pointers:\\nKeep your look natural and chic. Nude nail polish, a sophisticated hair-do, minimal make-up.\\nAlways be clean! There's no room for grunge in elegance.\\nOpt for classic, timeless pieces. A nice sweater, dark jeans or skirt, boots, etc.\\n1-5. Keep the arrogance in check.\\nAlright, yeah, you're pretty awesome. By the end of the article, you'll be leaking loveliness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be modest about it! In fact, being arrogant and being lovely are mutually exclusive; you cannot be one and the other. A girl who's lovely knows that everyone is on her level, that everyone has something she doesn't.\\nIf you're thoughtful and genuine, arrogance shouldn't be a problem. If you're unsure, think about your conversations. How often do you steer it back to you? Do you dominate them? How often do you feel like you're judging others? Just things to think about!\\n1-6. Get disciplined.\\nA lovely person has her act together. She knows when she needs to work hard, she keeps her word, and she's organized. A lovely girl probably doesn't live in a pigsty, you know? What area of your life could use a little cleaning up?\\nTake a look at your room -- could it use a little organization?\\nDo you procrastinate? What's keeping you from getting your work done?\\nAre you punctual and honest? Do you mean what you say and what you do?\\n2. Looking Lovely\\n2-1. Have good hygiene\\nHumans have a bad tendency of judging books by their covers. If something isn't pretty, it isn't good. That's obviously not how it works, but it's a natural go-to for most of us (it saves a lot of time and energy on thought). So save yourself the struggle and shower, brush your teeth, run a comb through your hair, and dress like you give half a ferret. The world will be a lot kinder to you and thus be more readily convinced of your innate loveliness!\\nChoose a scent and stick to it. People will smell your loveliness from across the room. Mmm. Loveliness. If they wanted to capture it, they'd ask you to sweat into a bottle.\\n2-2. Put effort into your appearance.\\nPsych! The first step was just to ease you in to the process. Showering is all well and good, but it's probably not enough. Being clean is very, very important, but being lovely has a certain \\\"put together-ness\\\" about it. So slap on some lip gloss, some eyeliner, and turn that ponytail into a neat bun.\\nYou don't have to dress to the nines (sometimes that's just inappropriate), but do have a look that says \\\"I didn't play Russian roulette with my closet today.\\\" Spend five minutes picking out your outfit. Give yourself a glance to see if your pieces fit together. If someone were to see you, what's the first impression they would get?\\n2-3. Move with poise and grace\\nBeing a klutz isn't something you can really help, but it's something you can consciously try to be aware of. If you keep good posture, your chin up and shoulders up (if you don't trip over yourself!), you'll move like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. The ultimate picture of class.\\n2-4. Be feminine\\nThere is a certain aspect of loveliness that is very feminine. Very soft, very gentle. There is nothing loud, brash, excessive, or macho about being lovely. While everyone's version of femininity is different, play up whatever that word means to you.\\nYou can be feminine in an oversized plaid shirt and jeans. You can be feminine while you're bossing people around. You can be feminine rolling out of bed with no makeup on. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you're wearing or doing; it has more to do with how you project yourself.\\n2-5. Be generous with your smile.\\nA lovely person generally makes people feel good. They light up a room with their energy. The simplest way to do this is to be generous with your smile. Be delighted at the tiniest of things. Marvel at small beauty in the world. Show you appreciate the world around you (and the people in it) with a smile.\\nHere's a blow-your-mind thought: There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at today. There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at for weeks. Think about that. The only thing you have to do to make their world brighter is smile at them. That would be awfully lovely of you.\\n3. Acting Lovely\\n3-1. Use your manners\\nThough it's a bit stereotypical, a lovely woman has proper etiquette down pat. \\\"Please\\\" and \\\"thank you\\\" should be mainstays in your vocabulary. And then there's things like sneezing into your elbow and not chewing with your mouth open, but you knew that already, right?\\nWhile things like using the right fork have their place, the more important things are like holding the door for the person behind you, cleaning up after yourself, and sharing. Manners make the world a little bit easier for everyone -- hopefully people will be polite right back!\\n3-2. Know that you are who you are with.\\nIf you're constantly being surrounded by negativity and people that drag you down, there's no way you're going to be lovely, for starters, but you definitely won't be happy and you definitely won't be the best you. So keep this is mind -- do the people around you bring out your best, loveliest side?\\nIn other words, cut out your toxic friends. It may be awkward for a day or two, but it's totally worth it in the long run. If you sit back and think about it for five seconds and a name comes to mind, at least make strides to hang out with them less. You need to be the best person you can possibly be to truly be lovely.\\n3-3. Don't wallow in negativity.\\nNo one has ever uttered the sentence, \\\"Man, that Debbie Downer sure is a lovely girl.\\\" The fact of the matter is that being lovely has a positivity about it. The lovelies of the world don't often find themselves complaining (unless something is downright unfair -- they do stand for what they believe in) -- and they don't complain because the glass is always half full. Why waste your energy on negativity?\\nIn addition to not having a negative worldview, don't be negative about others! Don't poke fun at people and draw attention their flaws or their flubs. While it may be tempting to have a good laugh at someone's expense, resist. To be lovely, you need to create lovely world.\\n3-4. Offer a helping hand.\\nWhenever you find an opportunity to help someone, take it! You'd be hard pressed to find a good reason not to (being lazy is not a good reason!). And if you can't find one, you may not be looking hard enough!\\nIs a friend super busy and could use a buddy to get errands done or do some easy tasks? Do you know an older person who needs a young, agile spring chicken to help around the house? And if they're not asking, initiate! Sometimes people don't like asking for help.\\n3-5. Value others and their time.\\nYou know who's not lovely? That friend of yours that is incurably late and doesn't seem to care when you tell her you've wasted 30 minutes of your life waiting on her. Not lovely at all. Don't show other people you don't value them -- be punctual!\\nAnd show them you value them in other small ways, too! If a friend made dinner one night and you got the extras, bring over a dessert later in the week. Offer to get them coffee. Pay back the favors you get to show how grateful you are.\\n3-6. Know when to put others first.\\nTo be lovely is to put others first...sometimes. You can't please everyone and you definitely should not be a doormat. But if someone needs or wants something from you and it wouldn't hurt you to agree, why not do it?\\nThat being said, if someone wants the shirt off your back, know where to draw the line. You have to protect yourself first and foremost -- no one else will. So if it goes against your belief system or leaves you to the dogs, don't feel obligated to do it. It's not you not being nice, it's you being smart.\\n3-7. Be gracious about differences\\nPart of being lovely is being lovely to everyone, regardless of their status in life or the crazy opinions they're asserting. When you come across someone different from you, don't assign them a label. Be open-minded and try to see their point of view. If they think they're right and you don't, why might that be?\\nTry your hardest to treat everyone the same. That means your waiter, your best friend, and the old man crossing the street. We're all humans and we all deserve attention and care.\\nIf someone does you wrong, treat them civilly. You do not, by any means, have to go out of your way to be nice to them, but do treat them as a human. Nothing more, nothing less.\\n3-8. Value the small moments.\\nJust like acting isn't only when you're talking, being lovely isn't only when the spotlight is on you. It's the small moments that truly make a lovely girl lovely. The way she watches a child, the way she adjusts her towels just so, the way she goes in for a hug. It's in the tiny things just as much as it's in the big things.\\nBeing lovely is a 24/7 thing. It's not a hat you wear outside and take off when you get home. It should be part of you, not a show you put on. Find a woman who you think is lovely by nature and watch her. She's probably just like you!\\nWarnings\\nAs with any change, this can cause negative reactions. If you are to be lovely, you must make this an overall change--this is not a trend or social style, rather, it is a way of presenting yourself and acting accordingly. You cannot be fake; that will be both counterproductive and cause others to lose respect for you.\\nOf course, if someone is lovely, people will try to scrutinize their faults. Don't be wavered by criticism, as people may try to point out your flaws. Remain positive, and even in these situations, treat others as you wish to be treated.\\nDon't fake being nice, and don't ever expect anything in return.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Who doesn't want to be lovely? Sometimes it seems like being lovely, classy, and sophisticated is only for women of the past like Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, and Ginger Rogers. Not so! You're closer to being lovely than you think! With a few tips, you'll exude loveliness without even trying.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting Focused\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be thoughtful\", \"描述\": \"A lovely person has a good heart, hands down. They're empathetic and aware of how other people are feeling and how they can help. Here are two things to get started on the one-way train to thoughtfulness:\\nThe next conversation you have, ask someone how they are. But when you say it, don't say it like you mean, \\\"Hello.\\\" Look at them and say, \\\"How are you?\\\" And when they answer, listen. See if the conversation is any different than your usual conversations.\\nThink of two things you could do right now that you've been putting off that might make people in your world smile. An email to that aunt you haven't spoken to in forever? Cleaning the dishes for your super busy roommate? And here's the kicker: Go do them!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Love yourself\", \"描述\": \"The root of the word \\\"lovely\\\" is \\\"love,\\\" after all! If you're caught up worrying how others perceive you and drowning in insecurities, it's pretty hard to come off as lovely. There's no room for gentle, understated grace and kindness if you think the world is out to get you.\\nYeah, this is a lot easier said than done. It's a process that can take years, and even then you'll have slip ups. But make it a point to make baby steps every day. Write a list of things you love about yourself. Wake up in the morning tell yourself you're beautiful. Spend ten minutes each day purposefully thinking positive thoughts. Do little things to make it seem more natural if it's an issue.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be genuine\", \"描述\": \"If you are not yourself, you cannot be lovely. You can be a lovely version of someone else, but you can't be a lovely you! And since \\\"you\\\" is good, why would you bother trying to be anything else? Being fake is just about as not lovely as it gets.\\nSometimes it's hard to know where we end and the person society tells us to be begins. Take a second to sit back and think about why you want to be lovely and what it means to you. Do you want to be lovely so people will like you? So men will be attracted to you? Hopefully the answer is no -- ideally, you should want to be lovely for yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be elegant\", \"描述\": \"Go read the wikiHow article! Being elegant isn't something that can be summed up in a paragraph, but here are a few pointers:\\nKeep your look natural and chic. Nude nail polish, a sophisticated hair-do, minimal make-up.\\nAlways be clean! There's no room for grunge in elegance.\\nOpt for classic, timeless pieces. A nice sweater, dark jeans or skirt, boots, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep the arrogance in check.\", \"描述\": \"Alright, yeah, you're pretty awesome. By the end of the article, you'll be leaking loveliness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be modest about it! In fact, being arrogant and being lovely are mutually exclusive; you cannot be one and the other. A girl who's lovely knows that everyone is on her level, that everyone has something she doesn't.\\nIf you're thoughtful and genuine, arrogance shouldn't be a problem. If you're unsure, think about your conversations. How often do you steer it back to you? Do you dominate them? How often do you feel like you're judging others? Just things to think about!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get disciplined.\", \"描述\": \"A lovely person has her act together. She knows when she needs to work hard, she keeps her word, and she's organized. A lovely girl probably doesn't live in a pigsty, you know? What area of your life could use a little cleaning up?\\nTake a look at your room -- could it use a little organization?\\nDo you procrastinate? What's keeping you from getting your work done?\\nAre you punctual and honest? Do you mean what you say and what you do?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Looking Lovely\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have good hygiene\", \"描述\": \"Humans have a bad tendency of judging books by their covers. If something isn't pretty, it isn't good. That's obviously not how it works, but it's a natural go-to for most of us (it saves a lot of time and energy on thought). So save yourself the struggle and shower, brush your teeth, run a comb through your hair, and dress like you give half a ferret. The world will be a lot kinder to you and thus be more readily convinced of your innate loveliness!\\nChoose a scent and stick to it. People will smell your loveliness from across the room. Mmm. Loveliness. If they wanted to capture it, they'd ask you to sweat into a bottle.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put effort into your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Psych! The first step was just to ease you in to the process. Showering is all well and good, but it's probably not enough. Being clean is very, very important, but being lovely has a certain \\\"put together-ness\\\" about it. So slap on some lip gloss, some eyeliner, and turn that ponytail into a neat bun.\\nYou don't have to dress to the nines (sometimes that's just inappropriate), but do have a look that says \\\"I didn't play Russian roulette with my closet today.\\\" Spend five minutes picking out your outfit. Give yourself a glance to see if your pieces fit together. If someone were to see you, what's the first impression they would get?\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Move with poise and grace\", \"描述\": \"Being a klutz isn't something you can really help, but it's something you can consciously try to be aware of. If you keep good posture, your chin up and shoulders up (if you don't trip over yourself!), you'll move like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. The ultimate picture of class.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be feminine\", \"描述\": \"There is a certain aspect of loveliness that is very feminine. Very soft, very gentle. There is nothing loud, brash, excessive, or macho about being lovely. While everyone's version of femininity is different, play up whatever that word means to you.\\nYou can be feminine in an oversized plaid shirt and jeans. You can be feminine while you're bossing people around. You can be feminine rolling out of bed with no makeup on. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you're wearing or doing; it has more to do with how you project yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be generous with your smile.\", \"描述\": \"A lovely person generally makes people feel good. They light up a room with their energy. The simplest way to do this is to be generous with your smile. Be delighted at the tiniest of things. Marvel at small beauty in the world. Show you appreciate the world around you (and the people in it) with a smile.\\nHere's a blow-your-mind thought: There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at today. There are people in this world who haven't been smiled at for weeks. Think about that. The only thing you have to do to make their world brighter is smile at them. That would be awfully lovely of you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acting Lovely\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use your manners\", \"描述\": \"Though it's a bit stereotypical, a lovely woman has proper etiquette down pat. \\\"Please\\\" and \\\"thank you\\\" should be mainstays in your vocabulary. And then there's things like sneezing into your elbow and not chewing with your mouth open, but you knew that already, right?\\nWhile things like using the right fork have their place, the more important things are like holding the door for the person behind you, cleaning up after yourself, and sharing. Manners make the world a little bit easier for everyone -- hopefully people will be polite right back!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Know that you are who you are with.\", \"描述\": \"If you're constantly being surrounded by negativity and people that drag you down, there's no way you're going to be lovely, for starters, but you definitely won't be happy and you definitely won't be the best you. So keep this is mind -- do the people around you bring out your best, loveliest side?\\nIn other words, cut out your toxic friends. It may be awkward for a day or two, but it's totally worth it in the long run. If you sit back and think about it for five seconds and a name comes to mind, at least make strides to hang out with them less. You need to be the best person you can possibly be to truly be lovely.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't wallow in negativity.\", \"描述\": \"No one has ever uttered the sentence, \\\"Man, that Debbie Downer sure is a lovely girl.\\\" The fact of the matter is that being lovely has a positivity about it. The lovelies of the world don't often find themselves complaining (unless something is downright unfair -- they do stand for what they believe in) -- and they don't complain because the glass is always half full. Why waste your energy on negativity?\\nIn addition to not having a negative worldview, don't be negative about others! Don't poke fun at people and draw attention their flaws or their flubs. While it may be tempting to have a good laugh at someone's expense, resist. To be lovely, you need to create lovely world.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Offer a helping hand.\", \"描述\": \"Whenever you find an opportunity to help someone, take it! You'd be hard pressed to find a good reason not to (being lazy is not a good reason!). And if you can't find one, you may not be looking hard enough!\\nIs a friend super busy and could use a buddy to get errands done or do some easy tasks? Do you know an older person who needs a young, agile spring chicken to help around the house? And if they're not asking, initiate! Sometimes people don't like asking for help.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Value others and their time.\", \"描述\": \"You know who's not lovely? That friend of yours that is incurably late and doesn't seem to care when you tell her you've wasted 30 minutes of your life waiting on her. Not lovely at all. Don't show other people you don't value them -- be punctual!\\nAnd show them you value them in other small ways, too! If a friend made dinner one night and you got the extras, bring over a dessert later in the week. Offer to get them coffee. Pay back the favors you get to show how grateful you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Know when to put others first.\", \"描述\": \"To be lovely is to put others first...sometimes. You can't please everyone and you definitely should not be a doormat. But if someone needs or wants something from you and it wouldn't hurt you to agree, why not do it?\\nThat being said, if someone wants the shirt off your back, know where to draw the line. You have to protect yourself first and foremost -- no one else will. So if it goes against your belief system or leaves you to the dogs, don't feel obligated to do it. It's not you not being nice, it's you being smart.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be gracious about differences\", \"描述\": \"Part of being lovely is being lovely to everyone, regardless of their status in life or the crazy opinions they're asserting. When you come across someone different from you, don't assign them a label. Be open-minded and try to see their point of view. If they think they're right and you don't, why might that be?\\nTry your hardest to treat everyone the same. That means your waiter, your best friend, and the old man crossing the street. We're all humans and we all deserve attention and care.\\nIf someone does you wrong, treat them civilly. You do not, by any means, have to go out of your way to be nice to them, but do treat them as a human. Nothing more, nothing less.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Value the small moments.\", \"描述\": \"Just like acting isn't only when you're talking, being lovely isn't only when the spotlight is on you. It's the small moments that truly make a lovely girl lovely. The way she watches a child, the way she adjusts her towels just so, the way she goes in for a hug. It's in the tiny things just as much as it's in the big things.\\nBeing lovely is a 24/7 thing. It's not a hat you wear outside and take off when you get home. It should be part of you, not a show you put on. Find a woman who you think is lovely by nature and watch her. She's probably just like you!\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"As with any change, this can cause negative reactions. If you are to be lovely, you must make this an overall change--this is not a trend or social style, rather, it is a way of presenting yourself and acting accordingly. You cannot be fake; that will be both counterproductive and cause others to lose respect for you.\\n\", \"Of course, if someone is lovely, people will try to scrutinize their faults. Don't be wavered by criticism, as people may try to point out your flaws. Remain positive, and even in these situations, treat others as you wish to be treated.\\n\", \"Don't fake being nice, and don't ever expect anything in return.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,910 | How to Be Loyal | 1. Being Supportive and Generous
1-1. Support the goals, ambitions, and dreams of others.
Try to show genuine interest in the goals and dreams of your friends and family. Ask questions about their ambitions and goals. If they ask for help to reach a goal, support them as much as you can.
For example, you may support a friend’s dream to be a musician by going to their shows and promoting their music on social media. Or you may support a family member’s career goal by offering to help them study for an exam or test.
1-2. Be a good listener.
Demonstrate your loyalty to others by taking the time to listen to what they have to say. Maintain eye contact and nod when you listen to family or a friend. Avoid interrupting others when they speak or talking over them. Instead, focus on them and pay attention when they confide in you.
You can also assure friends, family, and your partner that you are open to listening to their thoughts any time. You may say, “Just know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to” or “I’m always willing to listen to you and hear you out.”
1-3. Offer positive solutions and ideas.
You can also be supportive and generous to others by focusing on the positives in a situation or conflict. Try to come up with solutions and ideas that make others feel optimistic and productive.
For example, you may support a friend dealing with a break up by reminding them of all the positive things they have going on in their life. Or you may support a family member with an illness by acting friendly, positive, and energetic around them to keep their spirits up.
1-4. Resist judging others for their choices or actions.
Practice empathy for others so you can be there for them, rather than judge them. Replace feelings of judgement with feelings of support.
For example, instead of judging a friend who is struggling with addiction, support their efforts to get help. And don't let a family member's different lifestyle choices blind you to all the reasons why you care about them.
Try not to be scared by ideas and lifestyles that are different from yours but instead, embrace them. It can be most difficult to be empathetic to those most different from ourselves.
2. Being Honest and Trustworthy
2-1. Express how you really feel.
Try not to sugar coat your true feelings when you speak to friends, family, or a significant other. Being loyal means not being afraid to be honest and straightforward. Lying can make others distrust you and not see you as loyal.
For example, you may say to friends, “I have to be honest with you about how I feel” or you may say to a family member, “Honestly, I am not sure if that is a good idea…”
You can (and should) give your honest opinion without being judgmental. Instead of saying "that's a bad idea" or "I wouldn't do that," try something like "It's your decision to make, but if it were me I'd ...".
2-2. Don't engage in gossip.
Talking behind someone’s back is considered dishonest and disloyal. Do not believe in gossip or engage in gossip about those close to you. If you have questions or concerns, speak to the person directly rather than engaging in gossip or rumors.
If you hear others gossiping around you, encourage them to stop. You may say, “Let’s not gossip or indulge in rumors” or “I’d prefer to talk to my friend or partner rather than believe gossip.”
2-3. Follow through on your commitments.
Show up for friends when you promise you will. Follow through on commitments to family members. Be present for your significant other when you say you will. Following through on what you promise others will show them they can count on you and trust you to be there for them.
Avoid being flaky and try not to cancel plans last minute, as this can show others you are not trustworthy. You can quickly build a negative reputation for flaking if you’re not careful with your actions.
Show up on time and be present for others when you say you will. Use your actions to prove that when you say you will be there, you mean it.
2-4. Stand up for others when needed.
Be a cheerleader for friends, family, and partners. Stand up for them and have their back when they need it. Show them that you can be loyal and there for them when it matters the most.
For example, you may stand up for a friend when someone tries to slander them or bring them down. Or you may stand up for your partner when they need support during a difficult discussion or argument.
3. Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
3-1. Choose to give your loyalty to others.
Your loyalty should be something you give to others because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Don't feel obligated to be loyal to friends or family who demand it and expect it. Instead, choose to be loyal to those you trust and believe in.
Keep in mind being loyal does not mean blindly following what others want or expect. Instead, you should feel like you want to be loyal to others based on their character and actions.
3-2. Do not let others take advantage of your loyalty.
Be aware of any friends, family members, or partners who start to use your loyalty to their advantage. The relationships in your life should feel balanced and fair, where you get as much as you give. This can prevent others from taking advantage of your loyal and supportive nature.
If you notice others are taking advantage of you, sit them down and explain how you are feeling. Address the issue, rather than ignoring it. Be honest and forthcoming about your feelings. It is then up to the person to change their behavior and respond positively to your concerns.
3-3. Maintain your independence.
Give yourself the chance to "do your own thing" here and there. Spend lots of time with friends and family, but also carve out time on your own. Avoid being too dependent on others, as this can start to burn you out and make you feel less self-confident.
For example, you may pick one day in the week where you do something on your own, without your significant other. Or you may break up your week so you have time to socialize with friends and time to yourself.
3-4. Allow time for self-care.
Maintain healthy boundaries with others by giving yourself time to focus on your needs. Have at least 1 hour of self-care a week where you do something you enjoy, such as painting, reading, or working out. You can also do a calming activity like taking a bath, getting a massage, or doing yoga.
Giving yourself time for self-care can help prevent you from burning out on being loyal and supportive for friends, family, and partners all the time.
Guard this self-care time so you can always meet your emotional needs. Avoid readily giving it away.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Supportive and Generous\\n1-1. Support the goals, ambitions, and dreams of others.\\nTry to show genuine interest in the goals and dreams of your friends and family. Ask questions about their ambitions and goals. If they ask for help to reach a goal, support them as much as you can.\\nFor example, you may support a friend’s dream to be a musician by going to their shows and promoting their music on social media. Or you may support a family member’s career goal by offering to help them study for an exam or test.\\n1-2. Be a good listener.\\nDemonstrate your loyalty to others by taking the time to listen to what they have to say. Maintain eye contact and nod when you listen to family or a friend. Avoid interrupting others when they speak or talking over them. Instead, focus on them and pay attention when they confide in you.\\nYou can also assure friends, family, and your partner that you are open to listening to their thoughts any time. You may say, “Just know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to” or “I’m always willing to listen to you and hear you out.”\\n1-3. Offer positive solutions and ideas.\\nYou can also be supportive and generous to others by focusing on the positives in a situation or conflict. Try to come up with solutions and ideas that make others feel optimistic and productive.\\nFor example, you may support a friend dealing with a break up by reminding them of all the positive things they have going on in their life. Or you may support a family member with an illness by acting friendly, positive, and energetic around them to keep their spirits up.\\n1-4. Resist judging others for their choices or actions.\\nPractice empathy for others so you can be there for them, rather than judge them. Replace feelings of judgement with feelings of support.\\nFor example, instead of judging a friend who is struggling with addiction, support their efforts to get help. And don't let a family member's different lifestyle choices blind you to all the reasons why you care about them.\\nTry not to be scared by ideas and lifestyles that are different from yours but instead, embrace them. It can be most difficult to be empathetic to those most different from ourselves.\\n2. Being Honest and Trustworthy\\n2-1. Express how you really feel.\\nTry not to sugar coat your true feelings when you speak to friends, family, or a significant other. Being loyal means not being afraid to be honest and straightforward. Lying can make others distrust you and not see you as loyal.\\nFor example, you may say to friends, “I have to be honest with you about how I feel” or you may say to a family member, “Honestly, I am not sure if that is a good idea…”\\nYou can (and should) give your honest opinion without being judgmental. Instead of saying \\\"that's a bad idea\\\" or \\\"I wouldn't do that,\\\" try something like \\\"It's your decision to make, but if it were me I'd ...\\\".\\n2-2. Don't engage in gossip.\\nTalking behind someone’s back is considered dishonest and disloyal. Do not believe in gossip or engage in gossip about those close to you. If you have questions or concerns, speak to the person directly rather than engaging in gossip or rumors.\\nIf you hear others gossiping around you, encourage them to stop. You may say, “Let’s not gossip or indulge in rumors” or “I’d prefer to talk to my friend or partner rather than believe gossip.”\\n2-3. Follow through on your commitments.\\nShow up for friends when you promise you will. Follow through on commitments to family members. Be present for your significant other when you say you will. Following through on what you promise others will show them they can count on you and trust you to be there for them.\\nAvoid being flaky and try not to cancel plans last minute, as this can show others you are not trustworthy. You can quickly build a negative reputation for flaking if you’re not careful with your actions.\\nShow up on time and be present for others when you say you will. Use your actions to prove that when you say you will be there, you mean it.\\n2-4. Stand up for others when needed.\\nBe a cheerleader for friends, family, and partners. Stand up for them and have their back when they need it. Show them that you can be loyal and there for them when it matters the most.\\nFor example, you may stand up for a friend when someone tries to slander them or bring them down. Or you may stand up for your partner when they need support during a difficult discussion or argument.\\n3. Maintaining Healthy Boundaries\\n3-1. Choose to give your loyalty to others.\\nYour loyalty should be something you give to others because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Don't feel obligated to be loyal to friends or family who demand it and expect it. Instead, choose to be loyal to those you trust and believe in.\\nKeep in mind being loyal does not mean blindly following what others want or expect. Instead, you should feel like you want to be loyal to others based on their character and actions.\\n3-2. Do not let others take advantage of your loyalty.\\nBe aware of any friends, family members, or partners who start to use your loyalty to their advantage. The relationships in your life should feel balanced and fair, where you get as much as you give. This can prevent others from taking advantage of your loyal and supportive nature.\\nIf you notice others are taking advantage of you, sit them down and explain how you are feeling. Address the issue, rather than ignoring it. Be honest and forthcoming about your feelings. It is then up to the person to change their behavior and respond positively to your concerns.\\n3-3. Maintain your independence.\\nGive yourself the chance to \\\"do your own thing\\\" here and there. Spend lots of time with friends and family, but also carve out time on your own. Avoid being too dependent on others, as this can start to burn you out and make you feel less self-confident.\\nFor example, you may pick one day in the week where you do something on your own, without your significant other. Or you may break up your week so you have time to socialize with friends and time to yourself.\\n3-4. Allow time for self-care.\\nMaintain healthy boundaries with others by giving yourself time to focus on your needs. Have at least 1 hour of self-care a week where you do something you enjoy, such as painting, reading, or working out. You can also do a calming activity like taking a bath, getting a massage, or doing yoga.\\nGiving yourself time for self-care can help prevent you from burning out on being loyal and supportive for friends, family, and partners all the time.\\nGuard this self-care time so you can always meet your emotional needs. Avoid readily giving it away.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being loyal to those around you can be a challenge, as it requires patience and generosity. Loyalty is the ability to put others before yourself and stick with them in good times and bad. Show loyalty to friends, family, and significant others by being honest, trustworthy, supportive, and generous. Maintain healthy boundaries with those around you so you can be loyal to them in a productive way.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Supportive and Generous\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Support the goals, ambitions, and dreams of others.\", \"描述\": \"Try to show genuine interest in the goals and dreams of your friends and family. Ask questions about their ambitions and goals. If they ask for help to reach a goal, support them as much as you can.\\nFor example, you may support a friend’s dream to be a musician by going to their shows and promoting their music on social media. Or you may support a family member’s career goal by offering to help them study for an exam or test.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener.\", \"描述\": \"Demonstrate your loyalty to others by taking the time to listen to what they have to say. Maintain eye contact and nod when you listen to family or a friend. Avoid interrupting others when they speak or talking over them. Instead, focus on them and pay attention when they confide in you.\\nYou can also assure friends, family, and your partner that you are open to listening to their thoughts any time. You may say, “Just know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to” or “I’m always willing to listen to you and hear you out.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Offer positive solutions and ideas.\", \"描述\": \"You can also be supportive and generous to others by focusing on the positives in a situation or conflict. Try to come up with solutions and ideas that make others feel optimistic and productive.\\nFor example, you may support a friend dealing with a break up by reminding them of all the positive things they have going on in their life. Or you may support a family member with an illness by acting friendly, positive, and energetic around them to keep their spirits up.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Resist judging others for their choices or actions.\", \"描述\": \"Practice empathy for others so you can be there for them, rather than judge them. Replace feelings of judgement with feelings of support.\\nFor example, instead of judging a friend who is struggling with addiction, support their efforts to get help. And don't let a family member's different lifestyle choices blind you to all the reasons why you care about them.\\nTry not to be scared by ideas and lifestyles that are different from yours but instead, embrace them. It can be most difficult to be empathetic to those most different from ourselves.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Honest and Trustworthy\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Express how you really feel.\", \"描述\": \"Try not to sugar coat your true feelings when you speak to friends, family, or a significant other. Being loyal means not being afraid to be honest and straightforward. Lying can make others distrust you and not see you as loyal.\\nFor example, you may say to friends, “I have to be honest with you about how I feel” or you may say to a family member, “Honestly, I am not sure if that is a good idea…”\\nYou can (and should) give your honest opinion without being judgmental. Instead of saying \\\"that's a bad idea\\\" or \\\"I wouldn't do that,\\\" try something like \\\"It's your decision to make, but if it were me I'd ...\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't engage in gossip.\", \"描述\": \"Talking behind someone’s back is considered dishonest and disloyal. Do not believe in gossip or engage in gossip about those close to you. If you have questions or concerns, speak to the person directly rather than engaging in gossip or rumors.\\nIf you hear others gossiping around you, encourage them to stop. You may say, “Let’s not gossip or indulge in rumors” or “I’d prefer to talk to my friend or partner rather than believe gossip.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Follow through on your commitments.\", \"描述\": \"Show up for friends when you promise you will. Follow through on commitments to family members. Be present for your significant other when you say you will. Following through on what you promise others will show them they can count on you and trust you to be there for them.\\nAvoid being flaky and try not to cancel plans last minute, as this can show others you are not trustworthy. You can quickly build a negative reputation for flaking if you’re not careful with your actions.\\nShow up on time and be present for others when you say you will. Use your actions to prove that when you say you will be there, you mean it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stand up for others when needed.\", \"描述\": \"Be a cheerleader for friends, family, and partners. Stand up for them and have their back when they need it. Show them that you can be loyal and there for them when it matters the most.\\nFor example, you may stand up for a friend when someone tries to slander them or bring them down. Or you may stand up for your partner when they need support during a difficult discussion or argument.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Healthy Boundaries\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Choose to give your loyalty to others.\", \"描述\": \"Your loyalty should be something you give to others because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Don't feel obligated to be loyal to friends or family who demand it and expect it. Instead, choose to be loyal to those you trust and believe in.\\nKeep in mind being loyal does not mean blindly following what others want or expect. Instead, you should feel like you want to be loyal to others based on their character and actions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do not let others take advantage of your loyalty.\", \"描述\": \"Be aware of any friends, family members, or partners who start to use your loyalty to their advantage. The relationships in your life should feel balanced and fair, where you get as much as you give. This can prevent others from taking advantage of your loyal and supportive nature.\\nIf you notice others are taking advantage of you, sit them down and explain how you are feeling. Address the issue, rather than ignoring it. Be honest and forthcoming about your feelings. It is then up to the person to change their behavior and respond positively to your concerns.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain your independence.\", \"描述\": \"Give yourself the chance to \\\"do your own thing\\\" here and there. Spend lots of time with friends and family, but also carve out time on your own. Avoid being too dependent on others, as this can start to burn you out and make you feel less self-confident.\\nFor example, you may pick one day in the week where you do something on your own, without your significant other. Or you may break up your week so you have time to socialize with friends and time to yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Allow time for self-care.\", \"描述\": \"Maintain healthy boundaries with others by giving yourself time to focus on your needs. Have at least 1 hour of self-care a week where you do something you enjoy, such as painting, reading, or working out. You can also do a calming activity like taking a bath, getting a massage, or doing yoga.\\nGiving yourself time for self-care can help prevent you from burning out on being loyal and supportive for friends, family, and partners all the time.\\nGuard this self-care time so you can always meet your emotional needs. Avoid readily giving it away.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,911 | How to Be Loyal to Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend | 1. Learning to Be a Loyal Partner
1-1. Define loyalty for yourself.
The dictionary definition includes external obligations both personal and civic. External obligations, however, can feel like forced behavior. The real importance of loyalty in a relationship is internal: your own moral compass regarding those personal obligations.
Know that love, dedication, devotion, and commitment are personal choices. These cannot be held by an outside source; they must come from within. Therefore, first and foremost, you must understand your own personal idea of loyalty and adapt/change to circumstances only as long as they don’t conflict with your moral compass.
Changing your concept of loyalty to make someone else happy will lead to your own unhappiness down the road. Be realistic and honest with yourself and know what you can or can’t change in your beliefs.
1-2. Treat your partner as you wish to be treated.
Once you know what loyalty means to you, you also know how you expect to be treated. That, in turn, tells you how you need to treat your partner. For example, if you want to be able to rely on your partner's support, you should show your partner that you support them emotionally and financially in good times as well as in bad times.
1-3. Be realistic.
There are very few absolutes in life but one you can count on is this: no one is perfect. Your partner has strengths and weaknesses, admirable qualities and faults. Let them be what they truly are in front of you. Don’t expect them to be anything but human. In turn, don’t expect yourself to be anything but human.
Accept your partner for who they are, warts and all. Our imperfections define us just as much as our strengths do. Showing that you accept it all unconditionally greatly strengthens mutual feelings of loyalty.
1-4. Stay committed.
There is a reason why you love your partner. Remind yourself of this regularly as you take the time to reinforce what your partner means to you. This makes staying committed to a relationship and loyal to your partner much easier. Having regular dates with one another, setting aside time to talk about each other's days, and showing each other appreciation are good ways to reinforce your relationship.
1-5. Be faithful.
It is a generally accepted belief that loyalty doesn’t include cheating on your partner. This is a very hurtful act that will, in most cases, lead to the end of your relationship. Having a discussion with your partner about relationship openness or secretiveness and what constitutes faithfulness versus being unfaithful is important. Make sure to discuss your relationship expectations and what actions you each need in order to feel secure and respected.
2. Demonstrating That You Care
2-1. Communicate.
Everything revolves around communication and nothing demonstrates and strengthens loyalty like open communication. Human beings are social animals. We don’t just like to share, we need to. It will bring you closer to your partner and yourself.
Minimizing misunderstandings is easier if there is regular, open communication. It will help you overcome tension and obstacles, and get past negative moments. The more you know about how and what your partner thinks the easier it is to avoid conflicts.
Sharing details leads to intimacy. This, in turn, leads to even greater intimacy. It is like the aging of a fine wine: the longer you do it, the more fruitful and wonderful your relationship becomes and the stronger your loyalty becomes as well.
2-2. Be honest.
Keep your word and your promises. The fastest way to lose loyalty, or show you lack it, is to constantly let your partner down by lying or breaking your promises. One of the oldest axioms is one to always keep in mind: only make promises you know you can keep.
Keep your partner’s feelings in mind. For instance, if your partner looks terrible in an outfit, perhaps there is a better way to tell them. “I think your other suit is far more handsome and sexy.” “It’s cute but I think the dress makes you look fabulous.”
2-3. Learn your partner’s likes and dislikes.
In this way building loyalty isn’t work it’s fun. The people we will do the most for, and with whom we have the greatest affinity, are those who take the time to get to know us well. You can even make a game out of it.
Surprise your partner with their favorite dish for dinner.
Take your partner to a play if they enjoy theater.
Avoid Michael Bay movies if your partner hate mindless, action-oriented films.
2-4. Be there emotionally and physically.
Providing support is key. Sometimes your partner needs a hug or just needs you to listen. Understanding what he/she needs and providing it demonstrates and builds tremendous loyalty.
If you see that something is upsetting your partner, don't just wait for them to come to you and talk about it. Ask what's wrong. Your partner will often be glad that you're concerned.
If they tell you they don't want to talk about it, then don't force your partner to tell you and give them some space. Wait until they are ready and comfortable to tell you.
2-5. Know the difference between love and passion.
We love siblings, cousins, and family, but the love of a partner is different and passion is a key to that difference. When your partner knows your passion for them is lit, loyalty becomes a much stronger feeling and an increasingly important part of your relationship.
There are many ways to focus on building and keeping passion alive. From intimate date nights to sharing hobbies, you can have a lot of fun doing it too.
3. Making Your Partner Your Priority
3-1. Keep confidences private.
Nothing kills loyalty faster than someone divulging secrets. When you can’t trust your partner with confidential information your need to be faithful to your word, engagements, or obligations withers and dies. If they ask you to, keep it on the DL.
If their secret is potential harmful to someone you care about, work through a manner of dealing with the information that doesn’t compromise your integrity.
3-2. Side with your partner.
As Don and Michael Corleone said in “The Godfather Part I & II”, never go against the family in public. Stay beside your partner. Talk about your disagreement in public. This builds tremendous strength of loyalty as your partner knows you have their back and will never embarrass them in front of others.
Partner and family disputes can be very, very touchy. Remember this incontrovertible fact: you live with your partner, not your family. This could be the relationship you have for the rest of your life. Side with your partner.
Siding with your partner doesn’t mean cutting out your family. Have your partner’s back and then, if you disagree, say so when the two of you are alone and explain why. This will go a long, long way to building loyalty.
After smoothing it over with your partner, smooth it over with your family. Let them know the subject of the disagreement is not an either/or situation and a difficult decision to make. You and your partner will continue discussing it and perhaps you can all revisit it later and find a mutually acceptable answer.
3-3. Keep your partner’s needs above all others.
If they’re sick and you have a tee time, cancel your match and take care of them. If they need you at the company picnic and you hate the boss, suck it up and get out there and picnic yourself into a good mood. Your partner needs you. Be there.
3-4. Accept your partner’s weaknesses.
Again, we all have them, so rather than berate your partner or make them feel less-than, accept the occurrence and later revisit it. Give yourself time to see the bigger picture so you can help them become better people.
Patterns of behavior are more illuminating than isolated incidents. Once you’ve both had time to step back, seeing the bigger behavior pattern becomes easier and a far more effective learning tool. Just remember that the point is to heal not to blame.
4. Facing Adversity Head-on
4-1. Be mature during disagreements.
No one gets along 100-percent of the time. You’re going to argue. You might even fight. The key is to know when to walk away, cool down, and come back to work things out when all is calm.
It’s okay to agree to disagree. You won’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but it’s important to remember that you can still respect their position and decision to believe what they believe.
4-2. Walk away from temptation.
We are all capable of being tempted. If you are, go to the bathroom or some other quiet space where you can guarantee you’ll be alone. Take a few deep breaths and truly consider what you are about to do.
Accept reality. You will always find other people attractive. Being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly make the rest of the world ugly or unintelligent or uninteresting. Know this and know that you are making a conscious choice to be with your partner. This makes it easier to avoid temptation.
4-3. Control your impulses.
Emotions are fleeting and short-lived. They are also more impulsive. They can, if not accompanied by reason, cause us great pleasure in the short run but even greater pain in the long run. Self-control will allow you to always keep your priorities in order.
This is another instance of walking away before something bigger and far worse happens.
4-4. Take responsibility.
Whether it’s a mistake you’ve made or something insensitive you’ve said, cop to it. If your partner has questions, answer them. Don’t make excuses, give rationalizations, or come up with explanations. Keep it simple, honest, and real. Working through the emotions of it can come later when they aren’t running so high.
Don’t judge your partner. They make mistakes just like you. Listen respectfully and understand their feelings. Remember, it’s a two-way street. Showing empathy when they take responsibility is always the best policy.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning to Be a Loyal Partner\\n1-1. Define loyalty for yourself.\\nThe dictionary definition includes external obligations both personal and civic. External obligations, however, can feel like forced behavior. The real importance of loyalty in a relationship is internal: your own moral compass regarding those personal obligations.\\nKnow that love, dedication, devotion, and commitment are personal choices. These cannot be held by an outside source; they must come from within. Therefore, first and foremost, you must understand your own personal idea of loyalty and adapt/change to circumstances only as long as they don’t conflict with your moral compass.\\nChanging your concept of loyalty to make someone else happy will lead to your own unhappiness down the road. Be realistic and honest with yourself and know what you can or can’t change in your beliefs.\\n1-2. Treat your partner as you wish to be treated.\\nOnce you know what loyalty means to you, you also know how you expect to be treated. That, in turn, tells you how you need to treat your partner. For example, if you want to be able to rely on your partner's support, you should show your partner that you support them emotionally and financially in good times as well as in bad times.\\n1-3. Be realistic.\\nThere are very few absolutes in life but one you can count on is this: no one is perfect. Your partner has strengths and weaknesses, admirable qualities and faults. Let them be what they truly are in front of you. Don’t expect them to be anything but human. In turn, don’t expect yourself to be anything but human.\\nAccept your partner for who they are, warts and all. Our imperfections define us just as much as our strengths do. Showing that you accept it all unconditionally greatly strengthens mutual feelings of loyalty.\\n1-4. Stay committed.\\nThere is a reason why you love your partner. Remind yourself of this regularly as you take the time to reinforce what your partner means to you. This makes staying committed to a relationship and loyal to your partner much easier. Having regular dates with one another, setting aside time to talk about each other's days, and showing each other appreciation are good ways to reinforce your relationship.\\n1-5. Be faithful.\\nIt is a generally accepted belief that loyalty doesn’t include cheating on your partner. This is a very hurtful act that will, in most cases, lead to the end of your relationship. Having a discussion with your partner about relationship openness or secretiveness and what constitutes faithfulness versus being unfaithful is important. Make sure to discuss your relationship expectations and what actions you each need in order to feel secure and respected.\\n2. Demonstrating That You Care\\n2-1. Communicate.\\nEverything revolves around communication and nothing demonstrates and strengthens loyalty like open communication. Human beings are social animals. We don’t just like to share, we need to. It will bring you closer to your partner and yourself.\\nMinimizing misunderstandings is easier if there is regular, open communication. It will help you overcome tension and obstacles, and get past negative moments. The more you know about how and what your partner thinks the easier it is to avoid conflicts.\\nSharing details leads to intimacy. This, in turn, leads to even greater intimacy. It is like the aging of a fine wine: the longer you do it, the more fruitful and wonderful your relationship becomes and the stronger your loyalty becomes as well.\\n2-2. Be honest.\\nKeep your word and your promises. The fastest way to lose loyalty, or show you lack it, is to constantly let your partner down by lying or breaking your promises. One of the oldest axioms is one to always keep in mind: only make promises you know you can keep.\\nKeep your partner’s feelings in mind. For instance, if your partner looks terrible in an outfit, perhaps there is a better way to tell them. “I think your other suit is far more handsome and sexy.” “It’s cute but I think the dress makes you look fabulous.”\\n2-3. Learn your partner’s likes and dislikes.\\nIn this way building loyalty isn’t work it’s fun. The people we will do the most for, and with whom we have the greatest affinity, are those who take the time to get to know us well. You can even make a game out of it.\\nSurprise your partner with their favorite dish for dinner.\\nTake your partner to a play if they enjoy theater.\\nAvoid Michael Bay movies if your partner hate mindless, action-oriented films.\\n2-4. Be there emotionally and physically.\\nProviding support is key. Sometimes your partner needs a hug or just needs you to listen. Understanding what he/she needs and providing it demonstrates and builds tremendous loyalty.\\nIf you see that something is upsetting your partner, don't just wait for them to come to you and talk about it. Ask what's wrong. Your partner will often be glad that you're concerned.\\nIf they tell you they don't want to talk about it, then don't force your partner to tell you and give them some space. Wait until they are ready and comfortable to tell you.\\n2-5. Know the difference between love and passion.\\nWe love siblings, cousins, and family, but the love of a partner is different and passion is a key to that difference. When your partner knows your passion for them is lit, loyalty becomes a much stronger feeling and an increasingly important part of your relationship.\\nThere are many ways to focus on building and keeping passion alive. From intimate date nights to sharing hobbies, you can have a lot of fun doing it too.\\n3. Making Your Partner Your Priority\\n3-1. Keep confidences private.\\nNothing kills loyalty faster than someone divulging secrets. When you can’t trust your partner with confidential information your need to be faithful to your word, engagements, or obligations withers and dies. If they ask you to, keep it on the DL.\\nIf their secret is potential harmful to someone you care about, work through a manner of dealing with the information that doesn’t compromise your integrity.\\n3-2. Side with your partner.\\nAs Don and Michael Corleone said in “The Godfather Part I & II”, never go against the family in public. Stay beside your partner. Talk about your disagreement in public. This builds tremendous strength of loyalty as your partner knows you have their back and will never embarrass them in front of others.\\nPartner and family disputes can be very, very touchy. Remember this incontrovertible fact: you live with your partner, not your family. This could be the relationship you have for the rest of your life. Side with your partner.\\nSiding with your partner doesn’t mean cutting out your family. Have your partner’s back and then, if you disagree, say so when the two of you are alone and explain why. This will go a long, long way to building loyalty.\\nAfter smoothing it over with your partner, smooth it over with your family. Let them know the subject of the disagreement is not an either/or situation and a difficult decision to make. You and your partner will continue discussing it and perhaps you can all revisit it later and find a mutually acceptable answer.\\n3-3. Keep your partner’s needs above all others.\\nIf they’re sick and you have a tee time, cancel your match and take care of them. If they need you at the company picnic and you hate the boss, suck it up and get out there and picnic yourself into a good mood. Your partner needs you. Be there.\\n3-4. Accept your partner’s weaknesses.\\nAgain, we all have them, so rather than berate your partner or make them feel less-than, accept the occurrence and later revisit it. Give yourself time to see the bigger picture so you can help them become better people.\\nPatterns of behavior are more illuminating than isolated incidents. Once you’ve both had time to step back, seeing the bigger behavior pattern becomes easier and a far more effective learning tool. Just remember that the point is to heal not to blame.\\n4. Facing Adversity Head-on\\n4-1. Be mature during disagreements.\\nNo one gets along 100-percent of the time. You’re going to argue. You might even fight. The key is to know when to walk away, cool down, and come back to work things out when all is calm.\\nIt’s okay to agree to disagree. You won’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but it’s important to remember that you can still respect their position and decision to believe what they believe.\\n4-2. Walk away from temptation.\\nWe are all capable of being tempted. If you are, go to the bathroom or some other quiet space where you can guarantee you’ll be alone. Take a few deep breaths and truly consider what you are about to do.\\nAccept reality. You will always find other people attractive. Being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly make the rest of the world ugly or unintelligent or uninteresting. Know this and know that you are making a conscious choice to be with your partner. This makes it easier to avoid temptation.\\n4-3. Control your impulses.\\nEmotions are fleeting and short-lived. They are also more impulsive. They can, if not accompanied by reason, cause us great pleasure in the short run but even greater pain in the long run. Self-control will allow you to always keep your priorities in order.\\nThis is another instance of walking away before something bigger and far worse happens.\\n4-4. Take responsibility.\\nWhether it’s a mistake you’ve made or something insensitive you’ve said, cop to it. If your partner has questions, answer them. Don’t make excuses, give rationalizations, or come up with explanations. Keep it simple, honest, and real. Working through the emotions of it can come later when they aren’t running so high.\\nDon’t judge your partner. They make mistakes just like you. Listen respectfully and understand their feelings. Remember, it’s a two-way street. Showing empathy when they take responsibility is always the best policy.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When it comes to creating a healthy, fulfilling relationship, loyalty is the key ingredient. So how can you show your partner that you'll be there for them in good times and in bad? Don't worry—we've got you covered. Below, we'll teach you how to prioritize your relationship, how to work through tough times, and how you can be an all-around, loving and devoted partner. To learn how to be loyal to your boyfriend or girlfriend, read on!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning to Be a Loyal Partner\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Define loyalty for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"The dictionary definition includes external obligations both personal and civic. External obligations, however, can feel like forced behavior. The real importance of loyalty in a relationship is internal: your own moral compass regarding those personal obligations.\\nKnow that love, dedication, devotion, and commitment are personal choices. These cannot be held by an outside source; they must come from within. Therefore, first and foremost, you must understand your own personal idea of loyalty and adapt/change to circumstances only as long as they don’t conflict with your moral compass.\\nChanging your concept of loyalty to make someone else happy will lead to your own unhappiness down the road. Be realistic and honest with yourself and know what you can or can’t change in your beliefs.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Treat your partner as you wish to be treated.\", \"描述\": \"Once you know what loyalty means to you, you also know how you expect to be treated. That, in turn, tells you how you need to treat your partner. For example, if you want to be able to rely on your partner's support, you should show your partner that you support them emotionally and financially in good times as well as in bad times.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be realistic.\", \"描述\": \"There are very few absolutes in life but one you can count on is this: no one is perfect. Your partner has strengths and weaknesses, admirable qualities and faults. Let them be what they truly are in front of you. Don’t expect them to be anything but human. In turn, don’t expect yourself to be anything but human.\\nAccept your partner for who they are, warts and all. Our imperfections define us just as much as our strengths do. Showing that you accept it all unconditionally greatly strengthens mutual feelings of loyalty.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stay committed.\", \"描述\": \"There is a reason why you love your partner. Remind yourself of this regularly as you take the time to reinforce what your partner means to you. This makes staying committed to a relationship and loyal to your partner much easier. Having regular dates with one another, setting aside time to talk about each other's days, and showing each other appreciation are good ways to reinforce your relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be faithful.\", \"描述\": \"It is a generally accepted belief that loyalty doesn’t include cheating on your partner. This is a very hurtful act that will, in most cases, lead to the end of your relationship. Having a discussion with your partner about relationship openness or secretiveness and what constitutes faithfulness versus being unfaithful is important. Make sure to discuss your relationship expectations and what actions you each need in order to feel secure and respected.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Demonstrating That You Care\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Communicate.\", \"描述\": \"Everything revolves around communication and nothing demonstrates and strengthens loyalty like open communication. Human beings are social animals. We don’t just like to share, we need to. It will bring you closer to your partner and yourself.\\nMinimizing misunderstandings is easier if there is regular, open communication. It will help you overcome tension and obstacles, and get past negative moments. The more you know about how and what your partner thinks the easier it is to avoid conflicts.\\nSharing details leads to intimacy. This, in turn, leads to even greater intimacy. It is like the aging of a fine wine: the longer you do it, the more fruitful and wonderful your relationship becomes and the stronger your loyalty becomes as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be honest.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your word and your promises. The fastest way to lose loyalty, or show you lack it, is to constantly let your partner down by lying or breaking your promises. One of the oldest axioms is one to always keep in mind: only make promises you know you can keep.\\nKeep your partner’s feelings in mind. For instance, if your partner looks terrible in an outfit, perhaps there is a better way to tell them. “I think your other suit is far more handsome and sexy.” “It’s cute but I think the dress makes you look fabulous.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn your partner’s likes and dislikes.\", \"描述\": \"In this way building loyalty isn’t work it’s fun. The people we will do the most for, and with whom we have the greatest affinity, are those who take the time to get to know us well. You can even make a game out of it.\\nSurprise your partner with their favorite dish for dinner.\\nTake your partner to a play if they enjoy theater.\\nAvoid Michael Bay movies if your partner hate mindless, action-oriented films.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be there emotionally and physically.\", \"描述\": \"Providing support is key. Sometimes your partner needs a hug or just needs you to listen. Understanding what he/she needs and providing it demonstrates and builds tremendous loyalty.\\nIf you see that something is upsetting your partner, don't just wait for them to come to you and talk about it. Ask what's wrong. Your partner will often be glad that you're concerned.\\nIf they tell you they don't want to talk about it, then don't force your partner to tell you and give them some space. Wait until they are ready and comfortable to tell you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Know the difference between love and passion.\", \"描述\": \"We love siblings, cousins, and family, but the love of a partner is different and passion is a key to that difference. When your partner knows your passion for them is lit, loyalty becomes a much stronger feeling and an increasingly important part of your relationship.\\nThere are many ways to focus on building and keeping passion alive. From intimate date nights to sharing hobbies, you can have a lot of fun doing it too.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making Your Partner Your Priority\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep confidences private.\", \"描述\": \"Nothing kills loyalty faster than someone divulging secrets. When you can’t trust your partner with confidential information your need to be faithful to your word, engagements, or obligations withers and dies. If they ask you to, keep it on the DL.\\nIf their secret is potential harmful to someone you care about, work through a manner of dealing with the information that doesn’t compromise your integrity.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Side with your partner.\", \"描述\": \"As Don and Michael Corleone said in “The Godfather Part I & II”, never go against the family in public. Stay beside your partner. Talk about your disagreement in public. This builds tremendous strength of loyalty as your partner knows you have their back and will never embarrass them in front of others.\\nPartner and family disputes can be very, very touchy. Remember this incontrovertible fact: you live with your partner, not your family. This could be the relationship you have for the rest of your life. Side with your partner.\\nSiding with your partner doesn’t mean cutting out your family. Have your partner’s back and then, if you disagree, say so when the two of you are alone and explain why. This will go a long, long way to building loyalty.\\nAfter smoothing it over with your partner, smooth it over with your family. Let them know the subject of the disagreement is not an either/or situation and a difficult decision to make. You and your partner will continue discussing it and perhaps you can all revisit it later and find a mutually acceptable answer.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep your partner’s needs above all others.\", \"描述\": \"If they’re sick and you have a tee time, cancel your match and take care of them. If they need you at the company picnic and you hate the boss, suck it up and get out there and picnic yourself into a good mood. Your partner needs you. Be there.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Accept your partner’s weaknesses.\", \"描述\": \"Again, we all have them, so rather than berate your partner or make them feel less-than, accept the occurrence and later revisit it. Give yourself time to see the bigger picture so you can help them become better people.\\nPatterns of behavior are more illuminating than isolated incidents. Once you’ve both had time to step back, seeing the bigger behavior pattern becomes easier and a far more effective learning tool. Just remember that the point is to heal not to blame.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Facing Adversity Head-on\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be mature during disagreements.\", \"描述\": \"No one gets along 100-percent of the time. You’re going to argue. You might even fight. The key is to know when to walk away, cool down, and come back to work things out when all is calm.\\nIt’s okay to agree to disagree. You won’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but it’s important to remember that you can still respect their position and decision to believe what they believe.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Walk away from temptation.\", \"描述\": \"We are all capable of being tempted. If you are, go to the bathroom or some other quiet space where you can guarantee you’ll be alone. Take a few deep breaths and truly consider what you are about to do.\\nAccept reality. You will always find other people attractive. Being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly make the rest of the world ugly or unintelligent or uninteresting. Know this and know that you are making a conscious choice to be with your partner. This makes it easier to avoid temptation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Control your impulses.\", \"描述\": \"Emotions are fleeting and short-lived. They are also more impulsive. They can, if not accompanied by reason, cause us great pleasure in the short run but even greater pain in the long run. Self-control will allow you to always keep your priorities in order.\\nThis is another instance of walking away before something bigger and far worse happens.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take responsibility.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it’s a mistake you’ve made or something insensitive you’ve said, cop to it. If your partner has questions, answer them. Don’t make excuses, give rationalizations, or come up with explanations. Keep it simple, honest, and real. Working through the emotions of it can come later when they aren’t running so high.\\nDon’t judge your partner. They make mistakes just like you. Listen respectfully and understand their feelings. Remember, it’s a two-way street. Showing empathy when they take responsibility is always the best policy.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,912 | How to Be Lucky | 1. Making Your Own Luck
1-1. Define luck for yourself.
We usually think of luck as something that's out of our control, expecting something or someone to descend on us from the clouds and improve life for us. But fortune and fame don't come to the passive. Waiting around for luck instead of creating it for yourself can create negativity and resentment, forcing you to see other people's good fortune as the result of good luck rather than good choices.
Think of luck as an emotion, more than a certificate or a ticket that gains you access to some exclusive club. Just as you decide to be happy, you can decide to be lucky and become willing to change your behaviors and create opportunities for success yourself, rather than waiting for changes to happen.
1-2. Take advantage of opportunities.
If you're busy waiting for things to be perfect, you're going to wait a long time. Learn to recognize opportunities when they arise and improve your chances by embracing the opportunities you do have.
If you get a big project at work you feel unprepared to tackle, you could either consider that a stroke of bad luck, gripe to your coworkers, and make excuses for yourself, or you could consider it an opportunity to shine in a big way. Think of it less as having to do with luck and more as an opportunity to succeed.
1-3. Be open to change.
As you get older, it becomes easier to become stuck in your ways. Repetition and habit is comfortable, but learning to accept the possibility of making change, even small change, will keep you receptive to opportunities and luck that presents itself.
Learn to take criticism and to use it as an opportunity for improvement. If your boss criticizes something you worked hard on, consider yourself lucky. You know how to do better next time.
If you bomb on a date that goes horribly, use the experience as a dress rehearsal for your next date. What seemed to go wrong? What can you do differently next time?
1-4. Embrace "small wins."
When something goes right for you, embrace it. Keep yourself humble, but learn to enjoy little wins and little successes to keep yourself positive, motivated, and happy.
"Wins" don't even have to be a big deal. Maybe you made the best spaghetti bolognese you've ever made last night for dinner, or maybe you're feeling proud for getting out and going for a run when you didn't really feel like it. Celebrate!
Don't compare your success to the success of others. It's easy to get down on yourself by minimizing your successes, saying, "Yeah, so I got a bonus at work. My friend Bill invented the most popular iPhone app of all time." So what's that got to do with you?
1-5. Avoid behavior loops.
Over time, we've learned to make automatic decisions and reactions that keep us locked in feedback loops of behavior. We're often not conscious of the decisions we make, and certain status-quo elements of our life that may seem unchangeable are really easy fixes, once you recognize your behavior patterns.
Maybe you always turn down after work drinks. Give it a shot next week. If you always feel the need to head out with your coworkers as soon as 5 o'clock rolls around, consider heading to the gym instead and lifting weights for an hour or two. Identify your patterns and shake them up.
1-6. Be positive and generous with your time.
Lucky people are people we all like to be around, because the wealth seems to benefit everyone. Become the kind of person people want to get a piece of by being more positive and generous with the success you do have.
Make a point of congratulating others when they do a job well, or when something good comes their way. A little note of congrats can go a long way.
Volunteer your skills, even with small things. If you're wondering why nobody is clamoring at your door to help you move, try to remember all the moves you've flaked out on over the years. Next time, volunteer your afternoon and your truck and see if your luck doesn't change.
2. Setting Goals & Working Hard
2-1. Make your own deadlines.
Whether it be work or social goals, learning to set hard deadlines for yourself can make all the difference in the world. Even if nobody is looking over your shoulder, learning to make yourself follow through and finish a project will keep you productive and fortunate. You'll feel like you're on top of things instead of struggling to catch up all the time.
Give yourself a list of little steps toward the completion of some goal. If you want to get the house cleaned up, or lose weight before your high school reunion, decide what process you want done by the end of the week. It's not going to happen all at once, so let yourself create opportunities for little victories and keep seeking that victory until the larger goal is completed.
2-2. Believe in your goals.
In order to complete things, you need to learn to value the importance of the goal, to think it's the most important thing on your plate at any given time. Treat that backyard project you've been meaning to do as your own personal Super Bowl. Start the YouTube review channel you've always wanted to start this afternoon, not "sometime."
2-3. Follow through.
Doing a "good enough" job will never ensure lasting success and luck. Going above and beyond, following through your work efforts and seeing things through to completion will.
Spend less of your time worrying whether or not you made a good impression on a first date, or if your boss is pissed at you because of some difficult-to-interpret email. Talk to them. Open channels of communication and be open about your confusion and your emotions. Then let it go.
2-4. Raise your expectations.
Pump yourself up. Be the best you can be. What's good enough for you? Could your answer be more? Making yourself strive toward the things you really want, you'll create fortune in place of excuses.
2-5. Work smarter
Learning to be efficient in your efforts will help you stay enthusiastic and energetic regarding your goals. You'll be in the mood to do more if the work you do is as easy as it could possibly be.
Get partners. Learning to delegate tasks and ask for help when you need it makes jobs easier.
2-6. Be proactive
Make the first efforts at making things happen. If everyone sits around complaining about the lack of hot dog carts in your town, you could all wait for someone to have the idea you've already had, or you could get cooking.
Do it now. Don't set plans for some shadowy, maybe-ish date at some point in the future. Do it now. Five minutes ago. Today.
2-7. Be assertive
If you want something, don't be afraid of it. You're letting yourself off the hook of your own success if you lower your expectations and avoid the scary possibility of opportunities. Go get it.
Ask for a raise, break up, and make the changes you need to make rather than waiting for someone else to make them for you. Don't wait for your superiors to notice the good work you're doing, demand it for yourself. If your job isn't making you happy, learn to recognize your dissatisfaction and seek sunnier vistas.
2-8. Be enthusiastic
You're alive on planet Earth. You could be a weird unthinking slug floating on a piece of space debris. Think how boring that would be. Learn to be enthusiastic about what's going on in your life and the opportunities you have. If you're dissatisfied with the way things are going, use that dissatisfaction as an opportunity to do what you want. Start a band. Learn to play pool. Climb mountains. Stop making excuses and start making luck.
2-9. Surround yourself with supportive people.
Needy people who require emotional support from you or who dominate your time with their own issues will sap your emotional energy and strength. Learn to be giving and supportive of your close friends and hold each other up. Involve yourself in mutually-beneficial relationships and stay happy, healthy, and lucky.
3. Using Symbols and Talismans
3-1. Look for lucky bugs.
In many cultures, insects and other bugs are thought of as being lucky signs that bring fortune. Sometimes killing these insects can be considered bad luck, so it's a good idea to be aware of them and let them be.
Having a ladybug land on you is often considered a sign of good fortune, sometimes thought to have healing properties for the sick. Try wearing a ladybug amulet or charm to channel the luck of the ladybug.
Dragonflies are often related to water and the subconscious. Some people think being landed on by a dragonfly means that something important is about to change in your life.
When crickets stop chirping, something is about to happen. Maybe something bad. Some Native Americans once thought crickets brought luck, and crickets often appear on jewelry and other amulets in the Middle East and Europe. The sound of crickets is widely considered lucky.
3-2. Look for lucky plants and signs in nature.
Across many cultures, finding certain plants has been considered a lucky omen. Keep an eye out for lucky plants.
Four-leaf clovers are commonly collected by schoolchildren as signs of good luck and fortune.
Finding acorns was an old Norse tradition, because oak trees attracted lightning, the sign of Thor. Holding acorns, then, was a way of keeping yourself safe from Thor's rage.
Some cultures value bamboo as an aid to spiritual growth.
Growing and cultivating basil for consumption is sometimes thought to awaken passions. It's also got antibacterial properties and other nutritional benefits.
Honeysuckle, jasmine, sage, rosemary, and lavender are commonly scavenged plants and herbs that have a variety of nutritional and therapeutic affects. They all smell wonderful and can be used in a variety of dishes, soaps, and teas as well, so they're useful as well as lucky.
3-3. Carry a lucky animal's totem.
If you have a spirit animal or an animal that you feel a particular kinship with, carry a small toy or other item that channels their energy and luck. A lucky rabbit's foot is a common luck charm, related to fertility.
Early Christians thought of the dolphin as a protective animal, and sailors often used the presence of dolphins to portend good news or a quick and safe trip home.
Frogs have been considered lucky animals in many cultures, including ancient Rome and and Egypt. The Mojave believed that the frog gifted man fire. Frogs symbolize inspiration, wealth, friendship and prosperity.
Tigers and Red Bats are commonly thought of as being lucky animals in China.
Turtles and tortoises are common parts of origin myths in many different cultures, and make for popular lucky animals.
3-4. Decorate your house with lucky tokens.
Surrounding yourself with lucky totems in your home is a common way of keeping yourself feeling prosperous and comfortable in your dwelling place.
Dreamcatchers, Kachinas, and feathers are often thought of as being lucky symbols and objects in different Native American cultures. In the Americas, these are common household items used to bring luck.
Statues of the Buddha, a staple of lots of Chinese restaurants, are commonly thought to be lucky features of a home.
Practice feng shui to bring luck and harmony to your living space.
St. Christopher totems and Virgin Marys are common in the homes of Christians. Other prayer candles, commonly available, can be considered good luck and sources of spiritual comfort.
Horses are dependable creatures and horseshoes are often thought of as being lucky. Horseshoes are often hung above doorways, keeping good luck in and bad luck out.
Tips
If you're capable of doing something, do it.
Hard work will lead to success. Hard work is proportional to luck.
Sometimes charms don't work. Sometimes they do. It depends on the luck you have already.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Making Your Own Luck\\n1-1. Define luck for yourself.\\nWe usually think of luck as something that's out of our control, expecting something or someone to descend on us from the clouds and improve life for us. But fortune and fame don't come to the passive. Waiting around for luck instead of creating it for yourself can create negativity and resentment, forcing you to see other people's good fortune as the result of good luck rather than good choices.\\nThink of luck as an emotion, more than a certificate or a ticket that gains you access to some exclusive club. Just as you decide to be happy, you can decide to be lucky and become willing to change your behaviors and create opportunities for success yourself, rather than waiting for changes to happen.\\n1-2. Take advantage of opportunities.\\nIf you're busy waiting for things to be perfect, you're going to wait a long time. Learn to recognize opportunities when they arise and improve your chances by embracing the opportunities you do have.\\nIf you get a big project at work you feel unprepared to tackle, you could either consider that a stroke of bad luck, gripe to your coworkers, and make excuses for yourself, or you could consider it an opportunity to shine in a big way. Think of it less as having to do with luck and more as an opportunity to succeed.\\n1-3. Be open to change.\\nAs you get older, it becomes easier to become stuck in your ways. Repetition and habit is comfortable, but learning to accept the possibility of making change, even small change, will keep you receptive to opportunities and luck that presents itself.\\nLearn to take criticism and to use it as an opportunity for improvement. If your boss criticizes something you worked hard on, consider yourself lucky. You know how to do better next time.\\nIf you bomb on a date that goes horribly, use the experience as a dress rehearsal for your next date. What seemed to go wrong? What can you do differently next time?\\n1-4. Embrace \\\"small wins.\\\"\\nWhen something goes right for you, embrace it. Keep yourself humble, but learn to enjoy little wins and little successes to keep yourself positive, motivated, and happy.\\n\\\"Wins\\\" don't even have to be a big deal. Maybe you made the best spaghetti bolognese you've ever made last night for dinner, or maybe you're feeling proud for getting out and going for a run when you didn't really feel like it. Celebrate!\\nDon't compare your success to the success of others. It's easy to get down on yourself by minimizing your successes, saying, \\\"Yeah, so I got a bonus at work. My friend Bill invented the most popular iPhone app of all time.\\\" So what's that got to do with you?\\n1-5. Avoid behavior loops.\\nOver time, we've learned to make automatic decisions and reactions that keep us locked in feedback loops of behavior. We're often not conscious of the decisions we make, and certain status-quo elements of our life that may seem unchangeable are really easy fixes, once you recognize your behavior patterns.\\nMaybe you always turn down after work drinks. Give it a shot next week. If you always feel the need to head out with your coworkers as soon as 5 o'clock rolls around, consider heading to the gym instead and lifting weights for an hour or two. Identify your patterns and shake them up.\\n1-6. Be positive and generous with your time.\\nLucky people are people we all like to be around, because the wealth seems to benefit everyone. Become the kind of person people want to get a piece of by being more positive and generous with the success you do have.\\nMake a point of congratulating others when they do a job well, or when something good comes their way. A little note of congrats can go a long way.\\nVolunteer your skills, even with small things. If you're wondering why nobody is clamoring at your door to help you move, try to remember all the moves you've flaked out on over the years. Next time, volunteer your afternoon and your truck and see if your luck doesn't change.\\n2. Setting Goals & Working Hard\\n2-1. Make your own deadlines.\\nWhether it be work or social goals, learning to set hard deadlines for yourself can make all the difference in the world. Even if nobody is looking over your shoulder, learning to make yourself follow through and finish a project will keep you productive and fortunate. You'll feel like you're on top of things instead of struggling to catch up all the time.\\nGive yourself a list of little steps toward the completion of some goal. If you want to get the house cleaned up, or lose weight before your high school reunion, decide what process you want done by the end of the week. It's not going to happen all at once, so let yourself create opportunities for little victories and keep seeking that victory until the larger goal is completed.\\n2-2. Believe in your goals.\\nIn order to complete things, you need to learn to value the importance of the goal, to think it's the most important thing on your plate at any given time. Treat that backyard project you've been meaning to do as your own personal Super Bowl. Start the YouTube review channel you've always wanted to start this afternoon, not \\\"sometime.\\\"\\n2-3. Follow through.\\nDoing a \\\"good enough\\\" job will never ensure lasting success and luck. Going above and beyond, following through your work efforts and seeing things through to completion will. \\nSpend less of your time worrying whether or not you made a good impression on a first date, or if your boss is pissed at you because of some difficult-to-interpret email. Talk to them. Open channels of communication and be open about your confusion and your emotions. Then let it go.\\n2-4. Raise your expectations.\\nPump yourself up. Be the best you can be. What's good enough for you? Could your answer be more? Making yourself strive toward the things you really want, you'll create fortune in place of excuses.\\n2-5. Work smarter\\nLearning to be efficient in your efforts will help you stay enthusiastic and energetic regarding your goals. You'll be in the mood to do more if the work you do is as easy as it could possibly be.\\nGet partners. Learning to delegate tasks and ask for help when you need it makes jobs easier.\\n2-6. Be proactive\\nMake the first efforts at making things happen. If everyone sits around complaining about the lack of hot dog carts in your town, you could all wait for someone to have the idea you've already had, or you could get cooking.\\nDo it now. Don't set plans for some shadowy, maybe-ish date at some point in the future. Do it now. Five minutes ago. Today.\\n2-7. Be assertive\\nIf you want something, don't be afraid of it. You're letting yourself off the hook of your own success if you lower your expectations and avoid the scary possibility of opportunities. Go get it.\\nAsk for a raise, break up, and make the changes you need to make rather than waiting for someone else to make them for you. Don't wait for your superiors to notice the good work you're doing, demand it for yourself. If your job isn't making you happy, learn to recognize your dissatisfaction and seek sunnier vistas.\\n2-8. Be enthusiastic\\nYou're alive on planet Earth. You could be a weird unthinking slug floating on a piece of space debris. Think how boring that would be. Learn to be enthusiastic about what's going on in your life and the opportunities you have. If you're dissatisfied with the way things are going, use that dissatisfaction as an opportunity to do what you want. Start a band. Learn to play pool. Climb mountains. Stop making excuses and start making luck.\\n2-9. Surround yourself with supportive people.\\nNeedy people who require emotional support from you or who dominate your time with their own issues will sap your emotional energy and strength. Learn to be giving and supportive of your close friends and hold each other up. Involve yourself in mutually-beneficial relationships and stay happy, healthy, and lucky.\\n3. Using Symbols and Talismans\\n3-1. Look for lucky bugs.\\nIn many cultures, insects and other bugs are thought of as being lucky signs that bring fortune. Sometimes killing these insects can be considered bad luck, so it's a good idea to be aware of them and let them be.\\nHaving a ladybug land on you is often considered a sign of good fortune, sometimes thought to have healing properties for the sick. Try wearing a ladybug amulet or charm to channel the luck of the ladybug.\\nDragonflies are often related to water and the subconscious. Some people think being landed on by a dragonfly means that something important is about to change in your life.\\nWhen crickets stop chirping, something is about to happen. Maybe something bad. Some Native Americans once thought crickets brought luck, and crickets often appear on jewelry and other amulets in the Middle East and Europe. The sound of crickets is widely considered lucky.\\n3-2. Look for lucky plants and signs in nature.\\nAcross many cultures, finding certain plants has been considered a lucky omen. Keep an eye out for lucky plants.\\nFour-leaf clovers are commonly collected by schoolchildren as signs of good luck and fortune.\\nFinding acorns was an old Norse tradition, because oak trees attracted lightning, the sign of Thor. Holding acorns, then, was a way of keeping yourself safe from Thor's rage.\\nSome cultures value bamboo as an aid to spiritual growth.\\nGrowing and cultivating basil for consumption is sometimes thought to awaken passions. It's also got antibacterial properties and other nutritional benefits.\\nHoneysuckle, jasmine, sage, rosemary, and lavender are commonly scavenged plants and herbs that have a variety of nutritional and therapeutic affects. They all smell wonderful and can be used in a variety of dishes, soaps, and teas as well, so they're useful as well as lucky.\\n3-3. Carry a lucky animal's totem.\\nIf you have a spirit animal or an animal that you feel a particular kinship with, carry a small toy or other item that channels their energy and luck. A lucky rabbit's foot is a common luck charm, related to fertility.\\nEarly Christians thought of the dolphin as a protective animal, and sailors often used the presence of dolphins to portend good news or a quick and safe trip home.\\nFrogs have been considered lucky animals in many cultures, including ancient Rome and and Egypt. The Mojave believed that the frog gifted man fire. Frogs symbolize inspiration, wealth, friendship and prosperity.\\nTigers and Red Bats are commonly thought of as being lucky animals in China.\\nTurtles and tortoises are common parts of origin myths in many different cultures, and make for popular lucky animals.\\n3-4. Decorate your house with lucky tokens.\\nSurrounding yourself with lucky totems in your home is a common way of keeping yourself feeling prosperous and comfortable in your dwelling place.\\nDreamcatchers, Kachinas, and feathers are often thought of as being lucky symbols and objects in different Native American cultures. In the Americas, these are common household items used to bring luck.\\nStatues of the Buddha, a staple of lots of Chinese restaurants, are commonly thought to be lucky features of a home.\\nPractice feng shui to bring luck and harmony to your living space.\\nSt. Christopher totems and Virgin Marys are common in the homes of Christians. Other prayer candles, commonly available, can be considered good luck and sources of spiritual comfort.\\nHorses are dependable creatures and horseshoes are often thought of as being lucky. Horseshoes are often hung above doorways, keeping good luck in and bad luck out.\\nTips\\nIf you're capable of doing something, do it.\\nHard work will lead to success. Hard work is proportional to luck.\\nSometimes charms don't work. Sometimes they do. It depends on the luck you have already.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Luck takes a lot more than clovers, but they can't hurt either. Learning to embrace opportunities and create your own luck can be the difference between a successful, fruitful, and happy life, and passively waiting around for something good to happen. Stop waiting. Make your own success. Grab luck by the collar by learning to set firm goals for yourself and meet them by working smarter, not by working harder. See Step 1 for more information.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Making Your Own Luck\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Define luck for yourself.\", \"描述\": \"We usually think of luck as something that's out of our control, expecting something or someone to descend on us from the clouds and improve life for us. But fortune and fame don't come to the passive. Waiting around for luck instead of creating it for yourself can create negativity and resentment, forcing you to see other people's good fortune as the result of good luck rather than good choices.\\nThink of luck as an emotion, more than a certificate or a ticket that gains you access to some exclusive club. Just as you decide to be happy, you can decide to be lucky and become willing to change your behaviors and create opportunities for success yourself, rather than waiting for changes to happen.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take advantage of opportunities.\", \"描述\": \"If you're busy waiting for things to be perfect, you're going to wait a long time. Learn to recognize opportunities when they arise and improve your chances by embracing the opportunities you do have.\\nIf you get a big project at work you feel unprepared to tackle, you could either consider that a stroke of bad luck, gripe to your coworkers, and make excuses for yourself, or you could consider it an opportunity to shine in a big way. Think of it less as having to do with luck and more as an opportunity to succeed.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be open to change.\", \"描述\": \"As you get older, it becomes easier to become stuck in your ways. Repetition and habit is comfortable, but learning to accept the possibility of making change, even small change, will keep you receptive to opportunities and luck that presents itself.\\nLearn to take criticism and to use it as an opportunity for improvement. If your boss criticizes something you worked hard on, consider yourself lucky. You know how to do better next time.\\nIf you bomb on a date that goes horribly, use the experience as a dress rehearsal for your next date. What seemed to go wrong? What can you do differently next time?\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Embrace \\\"small wins.\\\"\", \"描述\": \"When something goes right for you, embrace it. Keep yourself humble, but learn to enjoy little wins and little successes to keep yourself positive, motivated, and happy.\\n\\\"Wins\\\" don't even have to be a big deal. Maybe you made the best spaghetti bolognese you've ever made last night for dinner, or maybe you're feeling proud for getting out and going for a run when you didn't really feel like it. Celebrate!\\nDon't compare your success to the success of others. It's easy to get down on yourself by minimizing your successes, saying, \\\"Yeah, so I got a bonus at work. My friend Bill invented the most popular iPhone app of all time.\\\" So what's that got to do with you?\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid behavior loops.\", \"描述\": \"Over time, we've learned to make automatic decisions and reactions that keep us locked in feedback loops of behavior. We're often not conscious of the decisions we make, and certain status-quo elements of our life that may seem unchangeable are really easy fixes, once you recognize your behavior patterns.\\nMaybe you always turn down after work drinks. Give it a shot next week. If you always feel the need to head out with your coworkers as soon as 5 o'clock rolls around, consider heading to the gym instead and lifting weights for an hour or two. Identify your patterns and shake them up.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be positive and generous with your time.\", \"描述\": \"Lucky people are people we all like to be around, because the wealth seems to benefit everyone. Become the kind of person people want to get a piece of by being more positive and generous with the success you do have.\\nMake a point of congratulating others when they do a job well, or when something good comes their way. A little note of congrats can go a long way.\\nVolunteer your skills, even with small things. If you're wondering why nobody is clamoring at your door to help you move, try to remember all the moves you've flaked out on over the years. Next time, volunteer your afternoon and your truck and see if your luck doesn't change.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Setting Goals & Working Hard\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your own deadlines.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it be work or social goals, learning to set hard deadlines for yourself can make all the difference in the world. Even if nobody is looking over your shoulder, learning to make yourself follow through and finish a project will keep you productive and fortunate. You'll feel like you're on top of things instead of struggling to catch up all the time.\\nGive yourself a list of little steps toward the completion of some goal. If you want to get the house cleaned up, or lose weight before your high school reunion, decide what process you want done by the end of the week. It's not going to happen all at once, so let yourself create opportunities for little victories and keep seeking that victory until the larger goal is completed.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Believe in your goals.\", \"描述\": \"In order to complete things, you need to learn to value the importance of the goal, to think it's the most important thing on your plate at any given time. Treat that backyard project you've been meaning to do as your own personal Super Bowl. Start the YouTube review channel you've always wanted to start this afternoon, not \\\"sometime.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Follow through.\", \"描述\": \"Doing a \\\"good enough\\\" job will never ensure lasting success and luck. Going above and beyond, following through your work efforts and seeing things through to completion will. \\nSpend less of your time worrying whether or not you made a good impression on a first date, or if your boss is pissed at you because of some difficult-to-interpret email. Talk to them. Open channels of communication and be open about your confusion and your emotions. Then let it go.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Raise your expectations.\", \"描述\": \"Pump yourself up. Be the best you can be. What's good enough for you? Could your answer be more? Making yourself strive toward the things you really want, you'll create fortune in place of excuses.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Work smarter\", \"描述\": \"Learning to be efficient in your efforts will help you stay enthusiastic and energetic regarding your goals. You'll be in the mood to do more if the work you do is as easy as it could possibly be.\\nGet partners. Learning to delegate tasks and ask for help when you need it makes jobs easier.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be proactive\", \"描述\": \"Make the first efforts at making things happen. If everyone sits around complaining about the lack of hot dog carts in your town, you could all wait for someone to have the idea you've already had, or you could get cooking.\\nDo it now. Don't set plans for some shadowy, maybe-ish date at some point in the future. Do it now. Five minutes ago. Today.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be assertive\", \"描述\": \"If you want something, don't be afraid of it. You're letting yourself off the hook of your own success if you lower your expectations and avoid the scary possibility of opportunities. Go get it.\\nAsk for a raise, break up, and make the changes you need to make rather than waiting for someone else to make them for you. Don't wait for your superiors to notice the good work you're doing, demand it for yourself. If your job isn't making you happy, learn to recognize your dissatisfaction and seek sunnier vistas.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be enthusiastic\", \"描述\": \"You're alive on planet Earth. You could be a weird unthinking slug floating on a piece of space debris. Think how boring that would be. Learn to be enthusiastic about what's going on in your life and the opportunities you have. If you're dissatisfied with the way things are going, use that dissatisfaction as an opportunity to do what you want. Start a band. Learn to play pool. Climb mountains. Stop making excuses and start making luck.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with supportive people.\", \"描述\": \"Needy people who require emotional support from you or who dominate your time with their own issues will sap your emotional energy and strength. Learn to be giving and supportive of your close friends and hold each other up. Involve yourself in mutually-beneficial relationships and stay happy, healthy, and lucky.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Using Symbols and Talismans\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for lucky bugs.\", \"描述\": \"In many cultures, insects and other bugs are thought of as being lucky signs that bring fortune. Sometimes killing these insects can be considered bad luck, so it's a good idea to be aware of them and let them be.\\nHaving a ladybug land on you is often considered a sign of good fortune, sometimes thought to have healing properties for the sick. Try wearing a ladybug amulet or charm to channel the luck of the ladybug.\\nDragonflies are often related to water and the subconscious. Some people think being landed on by a dragonfly means that something important is about to change in your life.\\nWhen crickets stop chirping, something is about to happen. Maybe something bad. Some Native Americans once thought crickets brought luck, and crickets often appear on jewelry and other amulets in the Middle East and Europe. The sound of crickets is widely considered lucky.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look for lucky plants and signs in nature.\", \"描述\": \"Across many cultures, finding certain plants has been considered a lucky omen. Keep an eye out for lucky plants.\\nFour-leaf clovers are commonly collected by schoolchildren as signs of good luck and fortune.\\nFinding acorns was an old Norse tradition, because oak trees attracted lightning, the sign of Thor. Holding acorns, then, was a way of keeping yourself safe from Thor's rage.\\nSome cultures value bamboo as an aid to spiritual growth.\\nGrowing and cultivating basil for consumption is sometimes thought to awaken passions. It's also got antibacterial properties and other nutritional benefits.\\nHoneysuckle, jasmine, sage, rosemary, and lavender are commonly scavenged plants and herbs that have a variety of nutritional and therapeutic affects. They all smell wonderful and can be used in a variety of dishes, soaps, and teas as well, so they're useful as well as lucky.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Carry a lucky animal's totem.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a spirit animal or an animal that you feel a particular kinship with, carry a small toy or other item that channels their energy and luck. A lucky rabbit's foot is a common luck charm, related to fertility.\\nEarly Christians thought of the dolphin as a protective animal, and sailors often used the presence of dolphins to portend good news or a quick and safe trip home.\\nFrogs have been considered lucky animals in many cultures, including ancient Rome and and Egypt. The Mojave believed that the frog gifted man fire. Frogs symbolize inspiration, wealth, friendship and prosperity.\\nTigers and Red Bats are commonly thought of as being lucky animals in China.\\nTurtles and tortoises are common parts of origin myths in many different cultures, and make for popular lucky animals.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Decorate your house with lucky tokens.\", \"描述\": \"Surrounding yourself with lucky totems in your home is a common way of keeping yourself feeling prosperous and comfortable in your dwelling place.\\nDreamcatchers, Kachinas, and feathers are often thought of as being lucky symbols and objects in different Native American cultures. In the Americas, these are common household items used to bring luck.\\nStatues of the Buddha, a staple of lots of Chinese restaurants, are commonly thought to be lucky features of a home.\\nPractice feng shui to bring luck and harmony to your living space.\\nSt. Christopher totems and Virgin Marys are common in the homes of Christians. Other prayer candles, commonly available, can be considered good luck and sources of spiritual comfort.\\nHorses are dependable creatures and horseshoes are often thought of as being lucky. Horseshoes are often hung above doorways, keeping good luck in and bad luck out.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you're capable of doing something, do it.\\n\", \"Hard work will lead to success. Hard work is proportional to luck.\\n\", \"Sometimes charms don't work. Sometimes they do. It depends on the luck you have already.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,913 | How to Be Macho | 1. Acting Macho
1-1. Learn to be self-reliant.
A macho person can take care of themselves and their family. If you want to cultivate a macho persona, learn to do more things for yourself and rely on others less for basic tasks. Can you change the oil in your car or do you take it to the shop? A macho person should know how to intelligently approach any situation that calls for it without panicking. Here's a brief list of macho stuff it would be good for anyone to know:
take care of your car
fix a leaky faucet
throw a knife (though not at a tree or anything you could harm)
cook a steak properly
shoot a gun
shave with a straight razor
find water
butcher meat
survive in the wilderness
win a fight
1-2. Enjoy masculine hobbies.
Playing Xbox is fun and all, but there are probably more macho things you could be doing. A macho person gets outside and does things with their hands. Masculine hobbies can be a great way of bonding with others. Try out a few macho activities to see what you like:
fishing
Sports like soccer, golf, and whatever interests
boxing
motorcycling
reading
skeet-shooting
1-3. Be an expert at something.
A macho person is an intelligent individual who makes learning as much as they can about something a big priority. Whether it's for work or a hobby, you should actively try to learn and master a subject. People should want to come to you for help because of your expertise in a particular subject.
Never take others down for knowing more than you do about something. It doesn't make you macho to treat ignorance like it's some kind of "cool" thing, it just makes you look silly. Instead, appreciate them and learn from them to make yourself better.
If you're really talented, you'll be able to back up your talk with action. Bragging to your friends about how great you are in the sack, how fast your new car goes, or how great your outside jump shot is may be macho, or it may just be a load of lies.
1-4. Form solid relationships with other people.
Being macho is no fun if you don't have an A-team of like-minded people ready to stomp around the woods getting wild and howling at the moon with. It's good to have a ride-or-die group of friends to support each other and make memories.
Find masculine role models that you respect and learn from them. If you're learning a trade, apprentice yourself to a person that you admire personally and professionally and learn everything you can from them.
Spend time with your male family members to get to know them a little better. Try to strengthen your relationship with your parents, your extended family, your cousins, and siblings.
Steer clear of bad influences. Some "macho" people are disrespectful, out of control, or downright dangerous to themselves or others. You don't want to associate with them.
1-5. Withhold excessive displays of emotion.
When a macho person scores a touchdown, they may celebrate a little, but they'll calmly walk to the referee, hand them the ball, and get back to the scrimmage. Business as usual. Showing off is for people who have to compensate. While it's okay to celebrate, face frustration, or feel down, don't let it overtake your behavior. Macho people should neither be crushed by a failure or overcome by a success. Treat anything that happens, good or bad, as a curiosity.
Handle your anger rationally. Don't raise your voice, break things, or intimidate others. If you're tempted to act out, excuse yourself and take a walk. And if you were out of line, apologize and try not to do it again.
1-6. Deal with stress responsibly.
A macho person is usually stoic, but that doesn't mean they should bottle up their feelings. Suppressing things will just make you explode. Instead, work through your problems in a healthy way, either on your own or with someone you trust.
Try activities like exercise, long walks, journaling, meditation, or art to process feelings of stress. Work through it and let it go once you're ready.
Get a few trusted people you can confide in when things get tough. They can listen, help you process, and help you figure out what to do next.
1-7. Keep your soft side.
The best, strong people have a heart of gold inside. Always show kindness to kids, people who are less fortunate, and people who have nothing to offer you. This shows that you're a respectable and stand-up guy. It also shows people they can count on you.
Being kind isn't just good for yourself and others, but it's a very attractive trait.
1-8. Be useful.
The world doesn't care as much about who you are as it cares about what you do. Make things better and be reliable. This shows people that they can count on you.
Do your chores before people ask and do them right. Clean, run errands, and keep things in good running order. Be there for emotional support when someone is having a rough time.
Handle your responsibilities on time to the best of your abilities. Help struggling coworkers when you can and be a team player. If you can't solve something on your own, reach out for help instead of wasting your time.
if you have one. Make a regular effort to do something that pleases them, both physically and emotionally. Help with their problems, listen to them, and go out of your way to make them feel special.
If you're in school, take it seriously and work hard to learn as much as you can. At work, pay attention to training opportunities. Try spending some of your free time learning things you could use later, from handling emergencies to making people feel better.
Don't ignore your problems. Analyze them, get help if you need it, and fix them. Seek a balanced life to keep yourself healthy. Remember that it's hard to take good care of others if you aren't taking good care of yourself.
1-9. Be yourself.
Being macho doesn't mean you have to drive your car recklessly, drink too much, and treat everyone like dirt. A good person acts like themselves, stands up for what they believe in, do what is right, and is a genuine person, first and foremost. A real macho person isn't putting on an act, they're just being themselves.
2. Being Confident
2-1. Take good care of your family.
Be reliable and keep a good job so other people will be able to count on you. Make yourself available and be a good role model for the other members of your family. Teach them what you know and learn as much as you can about them. Be there to celebrate their wins and help them get back on their feet when they fall.
If you're not in a bread-winning role, you can still take care of your family. Do chores reliably, watch over and guide any children, support people when they are struggling, and take your education seriously if you are in school.
Build up your family instead of tearing them down. You want to be their rock and their supporter, so that someday when they succeed, you'll be high on the list of their people to thank.
If you take good care of your family, they'll want to take care of you sometimes too. Don't push them away when this happens. Instead, show them gratitude and let them feel good about helping you. They'll know you'll be there for them next time they need you.
Sometimes, what gets called "macho" is really just a person compensating for a lack of confidence in themselves and their ability to care for those around them. People who can't keep their own household together have to lash out at other people, brag to everyone around them about how great they are, to keep up the status-quo. If you really do provide for your family, keep a good job, and make your partner happy, there's no need to compensate with fake machismo.
2-2. Use confident body language.
Work on a calm, confident presence. Sit up straight, walk with good posture, and look people in the eye directly. Speak clearly and with conviction that the things you say are trustworthy, correct, and worth listening to.
A macho person lets their presence be known physically and vocally, but without trying actively to intimidate others. There's a difference between being macho and being a jerk. Don't insult people to tear them down and hold yourself up. If you like to get into trash-talk sessions with your friends, draw the line somewhere.
If you can't make eye contact, you can look at people's noses or eyebrows. Most people can't tell the difference.
2-3. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
A macho person stands up for what is right and speaks from an intelligent and informed point of view. Don't be afraid to speak your mind honestly and clearly. If you disagree with someone, let your disagreement be known respectfully, even if it would be easier to let it slide.
2-4. Lose graciously.
Have the confidence to let failures and losses roll off your back. Learn to lose calmly and move on. A macho person can lose graciously, win with humility, and learn from their mistakes, rather than letting failures turn them into a defensive jerk.
It's also important to learn when you're wrong and admit it. If you're having an argument and start changing your mind, or if your decision turns out to be the wrong one, say so. Own up to it.
2-5. Take care of your body and don't take unnecessary risks.
Many macho people will take risks, but they're calculated risks. The last thing you want to do is spend a week in the hospital because you decided to show off for your buddies with some foolish stunt. Instead, think through the possible consequences and decide whether it's worth it.
Always wear the appropriate protective gear. Wear a helmet on your bike and use goggles when dealing with things that can go flying. Remember, a helmet is more masculine than a preventable hospital trip.
Get regular doctor check-ups and see a doctor if something feels wrong. This way, you'll fix small problems before they become big problems.
2-6. Let people come to you.
Macho people will often cultivate a mysterious presence that acts like a magnet for people, especially romantic partners. If people think you're a person with secrets, a person who has something to say, they'll gravitate toward you and become interested. It's part charisma, part masculinity, and part restraint.
. Be a good listener, and don't speak unless it's absolutely necessary. It's hard to be macho when your mouth never stops moving.
. Mysterious macho people aren't usually goofballs. Think of the grave seriousness of veterans and old sea captains.
(if that's your thing). Understand the loving arts of massage and pleasure. Learn about how to please your partner, both emotionally and physically.
3. Avoiding Stereotypes
3-1. Be courteous and respectful to women
If one thing gives macho guys a bad name, it's that they treat women poorly, talking down to them, objectifying them, and being rude in general. A macho person treats all the women in their life respectfully. Learn to talk to women one-on-one, calmly and with courtesy.
No means no. Not every woman is going to talk to you or date you, and it doesn't usually mean something is wrong with you. She might be taken, too busy, working through some personal stuff, asexual, or LGBTQ, or just not in the mood. Say "That's all right. Have a good day" and move on.
You don't have to put on a big show to attract people. It's a turn off and shows that you're just putting on an act. Never cat-call or use pick-up lines to talk to women. This can be creepy and unattractive.
3-2. Respect LGBTQ+ people.
An insecure "macho" people might feel like he has to go over the top to prove that he is straight and cisgender. The truth is that none of these things are better or worse than the others. Never assert your masculinity by putting down LGBTQ people. A healthy man recognizes that these people deserve just as much respect as anyone else.
You can be gay, bi, asexual, trans, or otherwise LGBTQ+ and also be macho.
Don't use slurs against LGBTQ folks or phrases such as "that's so gay". These are very hurtful and pathetic when there are so many other words you could use besides "gay".
3-3. Protect people who need protecting.
As a secure macho person, you should be helping people, not harming them. People should be able to trust that they're safe around you and that you'll do what you reasonably can to keep them from harm.
If a victim or survivor comes to you for help, take their story seriously and comfort them. Ask them what would help make things better.
Practice phrases like "Not cool," or "Seriously?" to say if someone else is being disparaging or acting like a bully. If they backpedal and say "It was just a joke," reply with, "It wasn't a funny one."
Know that you can't always fix things or save everyone, but you can usually improve on the situation. Sometimes that's just listening or staying with the person while they face their demons. That can mean more than you realize.
Don't overreact to a tense situation or make a scene when it's not needed. Keep your cool and de-escalate instead of escalating. Keep your voice low unless absolutely necessary. Never throw a punch unless someone is an immediate physical danger to others.
3-4. Eat vegetables
Some masculine people think it's "cool" to only eat meat, and develop a dislike of green vegetables and other foods because they think it's non-masculine. Unfortunately for them, a diet that consists mostly of red meat and avoids green vegetables leads to things like prostate, stomach, and bowel cancer. Eating healthy will prevent you from getting cancers and harmful illnesses in the future.
3-5. Drink responsibly if you decide to drink.
Being able to "hold your liquor" isn't a sign of masculinity, it's a sign of alcohol abuse. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a couple of drinks among friends if you're old enough to drink, but you need to know your limits and avoid pushing them as a way of showing off to your friends. It can lead to serious problems.
Never let yourself get blackout drunk. It's always better to stay in control--for the safety of yourself and others.
This also goes for other self-destructive vices, like smoking and using other drugs. Abusing substances is a sign of insecurity, not a sign of masculinity.
3-6. Drive safely.
There's nothing macho about speeding, cutting people off, or revving your engine at stop-lights. If you're a real man, you don't need to overcompensate by showing off in a big car.
If you want to be a person who takes care of their family, that means coming home safe to them. Be a defensive driver. Put your phone away or give it to the person in the passenger seat.
If you've got a cool ride that you're really proud of, show it off to your friends in your driveway, or on open road, but don't show it off in the middle of traffic. Strangers on their morning commute don't care about your horsepower, and it won't make you look more masculine to peel out from stoplights in front of them.
3-7. If you choose to have sex, use protection and be responsible.
A macho person doesn't need to be promiscuous to prove how "good" they are in bed. Practice safe sex and move at your own speed. Ignore people who brag about sexual prowess. They're probably just watching too much porn and making stuff up anyway.
Check in with your partner to make sure they're into it. If they're hesitant or they say no, back off. It's not sexy if someone is uncomfortable. Communicate, don't push, and be willing to slow down or stop.
You don't need to have sex in order to be masculine. It's okay if you want to wait or if you aren't always in the mood. Remember, "no means no" applies to men too. Nobody should ever be ashamed of not wanting or having sex.
3-8. Be a team player when you need to.
While some macho people are loners, even the most introverted macho person should be willing to work with others when they need to. Doing everything yourself isn't always practical.
Look out for your people and help them when they need you.
Help others become more self-reliant and teach them what you know.
3-9. Ask for help when you need it.
This is maybe the oldest macho stereotype: Being unwilling to pull over and ask for directions. Sure, it can be embarrassing to admit that you're wrong, or to admit that you need help with something, but it's worse to get in over your head and make the situation worse. A macho person wants to do something right first and foremost, not do it shoddily by going it alone. You can't do everything solo. Ask for help.
Being secure in your masculinity means being willing to admit that you aren't perfect.
4. Looking Macho
4-1. Take care of your appearance.
A macho person should perform basic grooming on themselves without spending too much time or money on his appearance. To look macho, you need to be clean, smell good, and dress appropriately, but not look like you spent more than 5 minutes getting ready in the morning, or that you care about your appearance.
If you have your hair and hands in good shape. Instead, learn to trim your own neckline and beard with a trimmer to keep yourself looking good between basic cuts. Trim and clean your fingernails regularly, but don't worry about your cuticles.
Shower and wear clean clothes that fit appropriately and highlight your masculine physique. There's nothing macho about stinking and wearing the clothes a teenager wears. Learn to dress yourself.
4-2. Wear simple, clean, and practical clothes.
You can't go wrong by wearing jeans. What does a macho person wear? The simpler, the better. A basic look that features any style of jeans, a clean white t-shirt, and work boots looked good in the 1950s and it still looks cool today.
Dress appropriately for the situation. For example, don't wear flip-flops and board shorts to your job. Get a solid pair of shoes or boots and get the job done.
Try wearing darker colors since it can make you look more masculine.
4-3. Start working out.
A macho person has a macho physique, probably not from spending time at some expensive gym doing pilates, but also from lifting heavy stuff in their garage. Develop a muscle-building routine that you can do at home with materials you already have. You don't need to buy expensive weight equipment or trendy gear. Dumbbells and a workout mat will do the trick.
Do a little reading on building muscle to make sure you're doing it responsibly and appropriately. Push yourself, but try not to injure yourself either because you were doing it wrong.
Focus on your abs and biceps above all other muscle groups. Do sit-ups of different varieties and at different angles to build your six-pack muscles and perform bicep curls and bench presses to work on your chest and arms.
Starting small is better than not starting at all. If you can't do a push-up yet, start with doing them on your knees and work your way up.
Tips
Be confident.
Groom well.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acting Macho\\n1-1. Learn to be self-reliant.\\nA macho person can take care of themselves and their family. If you want to cultivate a macho persona, learn to do more things for yourself and rely on others less for basic tasks. Can you change the oil in your car or do you take it to the shop? A macho person should know how to intelligently approach any situation that calls for it without panicking. Here's a brief list of macho stuff it would be good for anyone to know:\\ntake care of your car\\nfix a leaky faucet\\nthrow a knife (though not at a tree or anything you could harm)\\ncook a steak properly\\nshoot a gun\\nshave with a straight razor\\nfind water\\nbutcher meat\\nsurvive in the wilderness\\nwin a fight\\n1-2. Enjoy masculine hobbies.\\nPlaying Xbox is fun and all, but there are probably more macho things you could be doing. A macho person gets outside and does things with their hands. Masculine hobbies can be a great way of bonding with others. Try out a few macho activities to see what you like:\\nfishing\\nSports like soccer, golf, and whatever interests\\nboxing\\nmotorcycling\\nreading\\nskeet-shooting\\n1-3. Be an expert at something.\\nA macho person is an intelligent individual who makes learning as much as they can about something a big priority. Whether it's for work or a hobby, you should actively try to learn and master a subject. People should want to come to you for help because of your expertise in a particular subject.\\nNever take others down for knowing more than you do about something. It doesn't make you macho to treat ignorance like it's some kind of \\\"cool\\\" thing, it just makes you look silly. Instead, appreciate them and learn from them to make yourself better.\\nIf you're really talented, you'll be able to back up your talk with action. Bragging to your friends about how great you are in the sack, how fast your new car goes, or how great your outside jump shot is may be macho, or it may just be a load of lies.\\n1-4. Form solid relationships with other people.\\nBeing macho is no fun if you don't have an A-team of like-minded people ready to stomp around the woods getting wild and howling at the moon with. It's good to have a ride-or-die group of friends to support each other and make memories.\\nFind masculine role models that you respect and learn from them. If you're learning a trade, apprentice yourself to a person that you admire personally and professionally and learn everything you can from them.\\nSpend time with your male family members to get to know them a little better. Try to strengthen your relationship with your parents, your extended family, your cousins, and siblings.\\nSteer clear of bad influences. Some \\\"macho\\\" people are disrespectful, out of control, or downright dangerous to themselves or others. You don't want to associate with them.\\n1-5. Withhold excessive displays of emotion.\\nWhen a macho person scores a touchdown, they may celebrate a little, but they'll calmly walk to the referee, hand them the ball, and get back to the scrimmage. Business as usual. Showing off is for people who have to compensate. While it's okay to celebrate, face frustration, or feel down, don't let it overtake your behavior. Macho people should neither be crushed by a failure or overcome by a success. Treat anything that happens, good or bad, as a curiosity.\\nHandle your anger rationally. Don't raise your voice, break things, or intimidate others. If you're tempted to act out, excuse yourself and take a walk. And if you were out of line, apologize and try not to do it again.\\n1-6. Deal with stress responsibly.\\nA macho person is usually stoic, but that doesn't mean they should bottle up their feelings. Suppressing things will just make you explode. Instead, work through your problems in a healthy way, either on your own or with someone you trust.\\nTry activities like exercise, long walks, journaling, meditation, or art to process feelings of stress. Work through it and let it go once you're ready.\\nGet a few trusted people you can confide in when things get tough. They can listen, help you process, and help you figure out what to do next.\\n1-7. Keep your soft side.\\nThe best, strong people have a heart of gold inside. Always show kindness to kids, people who are less fortunate, and people who have nothing to offer you. This shows that you're a respectable and stand-up guy. It also shows people they can count on you.\\nBeing kind isn't just good for yourself and others, but it's a very attractive trait.\\n1-8. Be useful.\\nThe world doesn't care as much about who you are as it cares about what you do. Make things better and be reliable. This shows people that they can count on you.\\n\\n Do your chores before people ask and do them right. Clean, run errands, and keep things in good running order. Be there for emotional support when someone is having a rough time.\\n Handle your responsibilities on time to the best of your abilities. Help struggling coworkers when you can and be a team player. If you can't solve something on your own, reach out for help instead of wasting your time.\\n if you have one. Make a regular effort to do something that pleases them, both physically and emotionally. Help with their problems, listen to them, and go out of your way to make them feel special.\\n If you're in school, take it seriously and work hard to learn as much as you can. At work, pay attention to training opportunities. Try spending some of your free time learning things you could use later, from handling emergencies to making people feel better.\\n Don't ignore your problems. Analyze them, get help if you need it, and fix them. Seek a balanced life to keep yourself healthy. Remember that it's hard to take good care of others if you aren't taking good care of yourself.\\n1-9. Be yourself.\\nBeing macho doesn't mean you have to drive your car recklessly, drink too much, and treat everyone like dirt. A good person acts like themselves, stands up for what they believe in, do what is right, and is a genuine person, first and foremost. A real macho person isn't putting on an act, they're just being themselves.\\n2. Being Confident\\n2-1. Take good care of your family.\\nBe reliable and keep a good job so other people will be able to count on you. Make yourself available and be a good role model for the other members of your family. Teach them what you know and learn as much as you can about them. Be there to celebrate their wins and help them get back on their feet when they fall.\\nIf you're not in a bread-winning role, you can still take care of your family. Do chores reliably, watch over and guide any children, support people when they are struggling, and take your education seriously if you are in school.\\nBuild up your family instead of tearing them down. You want to be their rock and their supporter, so that someday when they succeed, you'll be high on the list of their people to thank.\\nIf you take good care of your family, they'll want to take care of you sometimes too. Don't push them away when this happens. Instead, show them gratitude and let them feel good about helping you. They'll know you'll be there for them next time they need you.\\nSometimes, what gets called \\\"macho\\\" is really just a person compensating for a lack of confidence in themselves and their ability to care for those around them. People who can't keep their own household together have to lash out at other people, brag to everyone around them about how great they are, to keep up the status-quo. If you really do provide for your family, keep a good job, and make your partner happy, there's no need to compensate with fake machismo.\\n2-2. Use confident body language.\\nWork on a calm, confident presence. Sit up straight, walk with good posture, and look people in the eye directly. Speak clearly and with conviction that the things you say are trustworthy, correct, and worth listening to.\\nA macho person lets their presence be known physically and vocally, but without trying actively to intimidate others. There's a difference between being macho and being a jerk. Don't insult people to tear them down and hold yourself up. If you like to get into trash-talk sessions with your friends, draw the line somewhere.\\nIf you can't make eye contact, you can look at people's noses or eyebrows. Most people can't tell the difference.\\n2-3. Say what you mean and mean what you say.\\nA macho person stands up for what is right and speaks from an intelligent and informed point of view. Don't be afraid to speak your mind honestly and clearly. If you disagree with someone, let your disagreement be known respectfully, even if it would be easier to let it slide.\\n2-4. Lose graciously.\\nHave the confidence to let failures and losses roll off your back. Learn to lose calmly and move on. A macho person can lose graciously, win with humility, and learn from their mistakes, rather than letting failures turn them into a defensive jerk.\\nIt's also important to learn when you're wrong and admit it. If you're having an argument and start changing your mind, or if your decision turns out to be the wrong one, say so. Own up to it.\\n2-5. Take care of your body and don't take unnecessary risks.\\nMany macho people will take risks, but they're calculated risks. The last thing you want to do is spend a week in the hospital because you decided to show off for your buddies with some foolish stunt. Instead, think through the possible consequences and decide whether it's worth it.\\nAlways wear the appropriate protective gear. Wear a helmet on your bike and use goggles when dealing with things that can go flying. Remember, a helmet is more masculine than a preventable hospital trip.\\nGet regular doctor check-ups and see a doctor if something feels wrong. This way, you'll fix small problems before they become big problems.\\n2-6. Let people come to you.\\nMacho people will often cultivate a mysterious presence that acts like a magnet for people, especially romantic partners. If people think you're a person with secrets, a person who has something to say, they'll gravitate toward you and become interested. It's part charisma, part masculinity, and part restraint.\\n\\n. Be a good listener, and don't speak unless it's absolutely necessary. It's hard to be macho when your mouth never stops moving.\\n. Mysterious macho people aren't usually goofballs. Think of the grave seriousness of veterans and old sea captains.\\n (if that's your thing). Understand the loving arts of massage and pleasure. Learn about how to please your partner, both emotionally and physically.\\n3. Avoiding Stereotypes\\n3-1. Be courteous and respectful to women\\nIf one thing gives macho guys a bad name, it's that they treat women poorly, talking down to them, objectifying them, and being rude in general. A macho person treats all the women in their life respectfully. Learn to talk to women one-on-one, calmly and with courtesy.\\nNo means no. Not every woman is going to talk to you or date you, and it doesn't usually mean something is wrong with you. She might be taken, too busy, working through some personal stuff, asexual, or LGBTQ, or just not in the mood. Say \\\"That's all right. Have a good day\\\" and move on.\\nYou don't have to put on a big show to attract people. It's a turn off and shows that you're just putting on an act. Never cat-call or use pick-up lines to talk to women. This can be creepy and unattractive.\\n3-2. Respect LGBTQ+ people.\\nAn insecure \\\"macho\\\" people might feel like he has to go over the top to prove that he is straight and cisgender. The truth is that none of these things are better or worse than the others. Never assert your masculinity by putting down LGBTQ people. A healthy man recognizes that these people deserve just as much respect as anyone else.\\nYou can be gay, bi, asexual, trans, or otherwise LGBTQ+ and also be macho.\\nDon't use slurs against LGBTQ folks or phrases such as \\\"that's so gay\\\". These are very hurtful and pathetic when there are so many other words you could use besides \\\"gay\\\".\\n3-3. Protect people who need protecting.\\nAs a secure macho person, you should be helping people, not harming them. People should be able to trust that they're safe around you and that you'll do what you reasonably can to keep them from harm.\\nIf a victim or survivor comes to you for help, take their story seriously and comfort them. Ask them what would help make things better.\\nPractice phrases like \\\"Not cool,\\\" or \\\"Seriously?\\\" to say if someone else is being disparaging or acting like a bully. If they backpedal and say \\\"It was just a joke,\\\" reply with, \\\"It wasn't a funny one.\\\"\\nKnow that you can't always fix things or save everyone, but you can usually improve on the situation. Sometimes that's just listening or staying with the person while they face their demons. That can mean more than you realize.\\nDon't overreact to a tense situation or make a scene when it's not needed. Keep your cool and de-escalate instead of escalating. Keep your voice low unless absolutely necessary. Never throw a punch unless someone is an immediate physical danger to others.\\n3-4. Eat vegetables\\nSome masculine people think it's \\\"cool\\\" to only eat meat, and develop a dislike of green vegetables and other foods because they think it's non-masculine. Unfortunately for them, a diet that consists mostly of red meat and avoids green vegetables leads to things like prostate, stomach, and bowel cancer. Eating healthy will prevent you from getting cancers and harmful illnesses in the future.\\n3-5. Drink responsibly if you decide to drink.\\nBeing able to \\\"hold your liquor\\\" isn't a sign of masculinity, it's a sign of alcohol abuse. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a couple of drinks among friends if you're old enough to drink, but you need to know your limits and avoid pushing them as a way of showing off to your friends. It can lead to serious problems.\\nNever let yourself get blackout drunk. It's always better to stay in control--for the safety of yourself and others.\\nThis also goes for other self-destructive vices, like smoking and using other drugs. Abusing substances is a sign of insecurity, not a sign of masculinity.\\n3-6. Drive safely.\\nThere's nothing macho about speeding, cutting people off, or revving your engine at stop-lights. If you're a real man, you don't need to overcompensate by showing off in a big car.\\nIf you want to be a person who takes care of their family, that means coming home safe to them. Be a defensive driver. Put your phone away or give it to the person in the passenger seat.\\nIf you've got a cool ride that you're really proud of, show it off to your friends in your driveway, or on open road, but don't show it off in the middle of traffic. Strangers on their morning commute don't care about your horsepower, and it won't make you look more masculine to peel out from stoplights in front of them.\\n3-7. If you choose to have sex, use protection and be responsible.\\nA macho person doesn't need to be promiscuous to prove how \\\"good\\\" they are in bed. Practice safe sex and move at your own speed. Ignore people who brag about sexual prowess. They're probably just watching too much porn and making stuff up anyway.\\nCheck in with your partner to make sure they're into it. If they're hesitant or they say no, back off. It's not sexy if someone is uncomfortable. Communicate, don't push, and be willing to slow down or stop.\\nYou don't need to have sex in order to be masculine. It's okay if you want to wait or if you aren't always in the mood. Remember, \\\"no means no\\\" applies to men too. Nobody should ever be ashamed of not wanting or having sex.\\n3-8. Be a team player when you need to.\\nWhile some macho people are loners, even the most introverted macho person should be willing to work with others when they need to. Doing everything yourself isn't always practical.\\nLook out for your people and help them when they need you.\\nHelp others become more self-reliant and teach them what you know.\\n3-9. Ask for help when you need it.\\nThis is maybe the oldest macho stereotype: Being unwilling to pull over and ask for directions. Sure, it can be embarrassing to admit that you're wrong, or to admit that you need help with something, but it's worse to get in over your head and make the situation worse. A macho person wants to do something right first and foremost, not do it shoddily by going it alone. You can't do everything solo. Ask for help.\\nBeing secure in your masculinity means being willing to admit that you aren't perfect.\\n4. Looking Macho\\n4-1. Take care of your appearance.\\nA macho person should perform basic grooming on themselves without spending too much time or money on his appearance. To look macho, you need to be clean, smell good, and dress appropriately, but not look like you spent more than 5 minutes getting ready in the morning, or that you care about your appearance.\\nIf you have your hair and hands in good shape. Instead, learn to trim your own neckline and beard with a trimmer to keep yourself looking good between basic cuts. Trim and clean your fingernails regularly, but don't worry about your cuticles.\\nShower and wear clean clothes that fit appropriately and highlight your masculine physique. There's nothing macho about stinking and wearing the clothes a teenager wears. Learn to dress yourself.\\n4-2. Wear simple, clean, and practical clothes.\\nYou can't go wrong by wearing jeans. What does a macho person wear? The simpler, the better. A basic look that features any style of jeans, a clean white t-shirt, and work boots looked good in the 1950s and it still looks cool today.\\nDress appropriately for the situation. For example, don't wear flip-flops and board shorts to your job. Get a solid pair of shoes or boots and get the job done.\\nTry wearing darker colors since it can make you look more masculine.\\n4-3. Start working out.\\nA macho person has a macho physique, probably not from spending time at some expensive gym doing pilates, but also from lifting heavy stuff in their garage. Develop a muscle-building routine that you can do at home with materials you already have. You don't need to buy expensive weight equipment or trendy gear. Dumbbells and a workout mat will do the trick.\\nDo a little reading on building muscle to make sure you're doing it responsibly and appropriately. Push yourself, but try not to injure yourself either because you were doing it wrong.\\nFocus on your abs and biceps above all other muscle groups. Do sit-ups of different varieties and at different angles to build your six-pack muscles and perform bicep curls and bench presses to work on your chest and arms.\\nStarting small is better than not starting at all. If you can't do a push-up yet, start with doing them on your knees and work your way up.\\nTips\\nBe confident.\\nGroom well.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"A macho person can take care of themselves and their family. They are intelligent, respectful, and confident, but also knows how to lose, how to ask for help, and how to do what's necessary. Being a strong person takes work. If you want to learn to cultivate a more macho persona, you can learn to act the part, look the part, and avoid the stereotypes that give \\\"macho\\\" people a bad name.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acting Macho\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn to be self-reliant.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person can take care of themselves and their family. If you want to cultivate a macho persona, learn to do more things for yourself and rely on others less for basic tasks. Can you change the oil in your car or do you take it to the shop? A macho person should know how to intelligently approach any situation that calls for it without panicking. Here's a brief list of macho stuff it would be good for anyone to know:\\ntake care of your car\\nfix a leaky faucet\\nthrow a knife (though not at a tree or anything you could harm)\\ncook a steak properly\\nshoot a gun\\nshave with a straight razor\\nfind water\\nbutcher meat\\nsurvive in the wilderness\\nwin a fight\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Enjoy masculine hobbies.\", \"描述\": \"Playing Xbox is fun and all, but there are probably more macho things you could be doing. A macho person gets outside and does things with their hands. Masculine hobbies can be a great way of bonding with others. Try out a few macho activities to see what you like:\\nfishing\\nSports like soccer, golf, and whatever interests\\nboxing\\nmotorcycling\\nreading\\nskeet-shooting\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be an expert at something.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person is an intelligent individual who makes learning as much as they can about something a big priority. Whether it's for work or a hobby, you should actively try to learn and master a subject. People should want to come to you for help because of your expertise in a particular subject.\\nNever take others down for knowing more than you do about something. It doesn't make you macho to treat ignorance like it's some kind of \\\"cool\\\" thing, it just makes you look silly. Instead, appreciate them and learn from them to make yourself better.\\nIf you're really talented, you'll be able to back up your talk with action. Bragging to your friends about how great you are in the sack, how fast your new car goes, or how great your outside jump shot is may be macho, or it may just be a load of lies.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Form solid relationships with other people.\", \"描述\": \"Being macho is no fun if you don't have an A-team of like-minded people ready to stomp around the woods getting wild and howling at the moon with. It's good to have a ride-or-die group of friends to support each other and make memories.\\nFind masculine role models that you respect and learn from them. If you're learning a trade, apprentice yourself to a person that you admire personally and professionally and learn everything you can from them.\\nSpend time with your male family members to get to know them a little better. Try to strengthen your relationship with your parents, your extended family, your cousins, and siblings.\\nSteer clear of bad influences. Some \\\"macho\\\" people are disrespectful, out of control, or downright dangerous to themselves or others. You don't want to associate with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Withhold excessive displays of emotion.\", \"描述\": \"When a macho person scores a touchdown, they may celebrate a little, but they'll calmly walk to the referee, hand them the ball, and get back to the scrimmage. Business as usual. Showing off is for people who have to compensate. While it's okay to celebrate, face frustration, or feel down, don't let it overtake your behavior. Macho people should neither be crushed by a failure or overcome by a success. Treat anything that happens, good or bad, as a curiosity.\\nHandle your anger rationally. Don't raise your voice, break things, or intimidate others. If you're tempted to act out, excuse yourself and take a walk. And if you were out of line, apologize and try not to do it again.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Deal with stress responsibly.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person is usually stoic, but that doesn't mean they should bottle up their feelings. Suppressing things will just make you explode. Instead, work through your problems in a healthy way, either on your own or with someone you trust.\\nTry activities like exercise, long walks, journaling, meditation, or art to process feelings of stress. Work through it and let it go once you're ready.\\nGet a few trusted people you can confide in when things get tough. They can listen, help you process, and help you figure out what to do next.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Keep your soft side.\", \"描述\": \"The best, strong people have a heart of gold inside. Always show kindness to kids, people who are less fortunate, and people who have nothing to offer you. This shows that you're a respectable and stand-up guy. It also shows people they can count on you.\\nBeing kind isn't just good for yourself and others, but it's a very attractive trait.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be useful.\", \"描述\": \"The world doesn't care as much about who you are as it cares about what you do. Make things better and be reliable. This shows people that they can count on you.\\n\\n Do your chores before people ask and do them right. Clean, run errands, and keep things in good running order. Be there for emotional support when someone is having a rough time.\\n Handle your responsibilities on time to the best of your abilities. Help struggling coworkers when you can and be a team player. If you can't solve something on your own, reach out for help instead of wasting your time.\\n if you have one. Make a regular effort to do something that pleases them, both physically and emotionally. Help with their problems, listen to them, and go out of your way to make them feel special.\\n If you're in school, take it seriously and work hard to learn as much as you can. At work, pay attention to training opportunities. Try spending some of your free time learning things you could use later, from handling emergencies to making people feel better.\\n Don't ignore your problems. Analyze them, get help if you need it, and fix them. Seek a balanced life to keep yourself healthy. Remember that it's hard to take good care of others if you aren't taking good care of yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Being macho doesn't mean you have to drive your car recklessly, drink too much, and treat everyone like dirt. A good person acts like themselves, stands up for what they believe in, do what is right, and is a genuine person, first and foremost. A real macho person isn't putting on an act, they're just being themselves.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Confident\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take good care of your family.\", \"描述\": \"Be reliable and keep a good job so other people will be able to count on you. Make yourself available and be a good role model for the other members of your family. Teach them what you know and learn as much as you can about them. Be there to celebrate their wins and help them get back on their feet when they fall.\\nIf you're not in a bread-winning role, you can still take care of your family. Do chores reliably, watch over and guide any children, support people when they are struggling, and take your education seriously if you are in school.\\nBuild up your family instead of tearing them down. You want to be their rock and their supporter, so that someday when they succeed, you'll be high on the list of their people to thank.\\nIf you take good care of your family, they'll want to take care of you sometimes too. Don't push them away when this happens. Instead, show them gratitude and let them feel good about helping you. They'll know you'll be there for them next time they need you.\\nSometimes, what gets called \\\"macho\\\" is really just a person compensating for a lack of confidence in themselves and their ability to care for those around them. People who can't keep their own household together have to lash out at other people, brag to everyone around them about how great they are, to keep up the status-quo. If you really do provide for your family, keep a good job, and make your partner happy, there's no need to compensate with fake machismo.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use confident body language.\", \"描述\": \"Work on a calm, confident presence. Sit up straight, walk with good posture, and look people in the eye directly. Speak clearly and with conviction that the things you say are trustworthy, correct, and worth listening to.\\nA macho person lets their presence be known physically and vocally, but without trying actively to intimidate others. There's a difference between being macho and being a jerk. Don't insult people to tear them down and hold yourself up. If you like to get into trash-talk sessions with your friends, draw the line somewhere.\\nIf you can't make eye contact, you can look at people's noses or eyebrows. Most people can't tell the difference.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Say what you mean and mean what you say.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person stands up for what is right and speaks from an intelligent and informed point of view. Don't be afraid to speak your mind honestly and clearly. If you disagree with someone, let your disagreement be known respectfully, even if it would be easier to let it slide.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Lose graciously.\", \"描述\": \"Have the confidence to let failures and losses roll off your back. Learn to lose calmly and move on. A macho person can lose graciously, win with humility, and learn from their mistakes, rather than letting failures turn them into a defensive jerk.\\nIt's also important to learn when you're wrong and admit it. If you're having an argument and start changing your mind, or if your decision turns out to be the wrong one, say so. Own up to it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take care of your body and don't take unnecessary risks.\", \"描述\": \"Many macho people will take risks, but they're calculated risks. The last thing you want to do is spend a week in the hospital because you decided to show off for your buddies with some foolish stunt. Instead, think through the possible consequences and decide whether it's worth it.\\nAlways wear the appropriate protective gear. Wear a helmet on your bike and use goggles when dealing with things that can go flying. Remember, a helmet is more masculine than a preventable hospital trip.\\nGet regular doctor check-ups and see a doctor if something feels wrong. This way, you'll fix small problems before they become big problems.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Let people come to you.\", \"描述\": \"Macho people will often cultivate a mysterious presence that acts like a magnet for people, especially romantic partners. If people think you're a person with secrets, a person who has something to say, they'll gravitate toward you and become interested. It's part charisma, part masculinity, and part restraint.\\n\\n. Be a good listener, and don't speak unless it's absolutely necessary. It's hard to be macho when your mouth never stops moving.\\n. Mysterious macho people aren't usually goofballs. Think of the grave seriousness of veterans and old sea captains.\\n (if that's your thing). Understand the loving arts of massage and pleasure. Learn about how to please your partner, both emotionally and physically.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoiding Stereotypes\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be courteous and respectful to women\", \"描述\": \"If one thing gives macho guys a bad name, it's that they treat women poorly, talking down to them, objectifying them, and being rude in general. A macho person treats all the women in their life respectfully. Learn to talk to women one-on-one, calmly and with courtesy.\\nNo means no. Not every woman is going to talk to you or date you, and it doesn't usually mean something is wrong with you. She might be taken, too busy, working through some personal stuff, asexual, or LGBTQ, or just not in the mood. Say \\\"That's all right. Have a good day\\\" and move on.\\nYou don't have to put on a big show to attract people. It's a turn off and shows that you're just putting on an act. Never cat-call or use pick-up lines to talk to women. This can be creepy and unattractive.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Respect LGBTQ+ people.\", \"描述\": \"An insecure \\\"macho\\\" people might feel like he has to go over the top to prove that he is straight and cisgender. The truth is that none of these things are better or worse than the others. Never assert your masculinity by putting down LGBTQ people. A healthy man recognizes that these people deserve just as much respect as anyone else.\\nYou can be gay, bi, asexual, trans, or otherwise LGBTQ+ and also be macho.\\nDon't use slurs against LGBTQ folks or phrases such as \\\"that's so gay\\\". These are very hurtful and pathetic when there are so many other words you could use besides \\\"gay\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Protect people who need protecting.\", \"描述\": \"As a secure macho person, you should be helping people, not harming them. People should be able to trust that they're safe around you and that you'll do what you reasonably can to keep them from harm.\\nIf a victim or survivor comes to you for help, take their story seriously and comfort them. Ask them what would help make things better.\\nPractice phrases like \\\"Not cool,\\\" or \\\"Seriously?\\\" to say if someone else is being disparaging or acting like a bully. If they backpedal and say \\\"It was just a joke,\\\" reply with, \\\"It wasn't a funny one.\\\"\\nKnow that you can't always fix things or save everyone, but you can usually improve on the situation. Sometimes that's just listening or staying with the person while they face their demons. That can mean more than you realize.\\nDon't overreact to a tense situation or make a scene when it's not needed. Keep your cool and de-escalate instead of escalating. Keep your voice low unless absolutely necessary. Never throw a punch unless someone is an immediate physical danger to others.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Eat vegetables\", \"描述\": \"Some masculine people think it's \\\"cool\\\" to only eat meat, and develop a dislike of green vegetables and other foods because they think it's non-masculine. Unfortunately for them, a diet that consists mostly of red meat and avoids green vegetables leads to things like prostate, stomach, and bowel cancer. Eating healthy will prevent you from getting cancers and harmful illnesses in the future.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Drink responsibly if you decide to drink.\", \"描述\": \"Being able to \\\"hold your liquor\\\" isn't a sign of masculinity, it's a sign of alcohol abuse. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a couple of drinks among friends if you're old enough to drink, but you need to know your limits and avoid pushing them as a way of showing off to your friends. It can lead to serious problems.\\nNever let yourself get blackout drunk. It's always better to stay in control--for the safety of yourself and others.\\nThis also goes for other self-destructive vices, like smoking and using other drugs. Abusing substances is a sign of insecurity, not a sign of masculinity.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Drive safely.\", \"描述\": \"There's nothing macho about speeding, cutting people off, or revving your engine at stop-lights. If you're a real man, you don't need to overcompensate by showing off in a big car.\\nIf you want to be a person who takes care of their family, that means coming home safe to them. Be a defensive driver. Put your phone away or give it to the person in the passenger seat.\\nIf you've got a cool ride that you're really proud of, show it off to your friends in your driveway, or on open road, but don't show it off in the middle of traffic. Strangers on their morning commute don't care about your horsepower, and it won't make you look more masculine to peel out from stoplights in front of them.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"If you choose to have sex, use protection and be responsible.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person doesn't need to be promiscuous to prove how \\\"good\\\" they are in bed. Practice safe sex and move at your own speed. Ignore people who brag about sexual prowess. They're probably just watching too much porn and making stuff up anyway.\\nCheck in with your partner to make sure they're into it. If they're hesitant or they say no, back off. It's not sexy if someone is uncomfortable. Communicate, don't push, and be willing to slow down or stop.\\nYou don't need to have sex in order to be masculine. It's okay if you want to wait or if you aren't always in the mood. Remember, \\\"no means no\\\" applies to men too. Nobody should ever be ashamed of not wanting or having sex.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be a team player when you need to.\", \"描述\": \"While some macho people are loners, even the most introverted macho person should be willing to work with others when they need to. Doing everything yourself isn't always practical.\\nLook out for your people and help them when they need you.\\nHelp others become more self-reliant and teach them what you know.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Ask for help when you need it.\", \"描述\": \"This is maybe the oldest macho stereotype: Being unwilling to pull over and ask for directions. Sure, it can be embarrassing to admit that you're wrong, or to admit that you need help with something, but it's worse to get in over your head and make the situation worse. A macho person wants to do something right first and foremost, not do it shoddily by going it alone. You can't do everything solo. Ask for help.\\nBeing secure in your masculinity means being willing to admit that you aren't perfect.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Looking Macho\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take care of your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person should perform basic grooming on themselves without spending too much time or money on his appearance. To look macho, you need to be clean, smell good, and dress appropriately, but not look like you spent more than 5 minutes getting ready in the morning, or that you care about your appearance.\\nIf you have your hair and hands in good shape. Instead, learn to trim your own neckline and beard with a trimmer to keep yourself looking good between basic cuts. Trim and clean your fingernails regularly, but don't worry about your cuticles.\\nShower and wear clean clothes that fit appropriately and highlight your masculine physique. There's nothing macho about stinking and wearing the clothes a teenager wears. Learn to dress yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear simple, clean, and practical clothes.\", \"描述\": \"You can't go wrong by wearing jeans. What does a macho person wear? The simpler, the better. A basic look that features any style of jeans, a clean white t-shirt, and work boots looked good in the 1950s and it still looks cool today.\\nDress appropriately for the situation. For example, don't wear flip-flops and board shorts to your job. Get a solid pair of shoes or boots and get the job done.\\nTry wearing darker colors since it can make you look more masculine.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Start working out.\", \"描述\": \"A macho person has a macho physique, probably not from spending time at some expensive gym doing pilates, but also from lifting heavy stuff in their garage. Develop a muscle-building routine that you can do at home with materials you already have. You don't need to buy expensive weight equipment or trendy gear. Dumbbells and a workout mat will do the trick.\\nDo a little reading on building muscle to make sure you're doing it responsibly and appropriately. Push yourself, but try not to injure yourself either because you were doing it wrong.\\nFocus on your abs and biceps above all other muscle groups. Do sit-ups of different varieties and at different angles to build your six-pack muscles and perform bicep curls and bench presses to work on your chest and arms.\\nStarting small is better than not starting at all. If you can't do a push-up yet, start with doing them on your knees and work your way up.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be confident.\\n\", \"Groom well.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,914 | How to Be Manly | 1. Becoming the ‘Manly’ Man
1-1. Get fit.
Manly men don't have to look like Conan the Barbarian, but they do need to take care of their bodies. Fellow people alike admire strength and athleticism. If you're not already in good shape, immediately set aside some time in your schedule to exercise every day. Exercise will make you look and feel better. It can also help thwart depression, making you much better-suited for pursuing your other masculine goals. Here are some steps you can take to develop your own manly physicality.
Lift weights. Strength-training exercises help build manly muscles and burn fat. Use proper technique and proceed slowly if you're new to weightlifting - you can hurt yourself with bad form.
If you're unsure of how to proceed and you can afford it, hire a personal trainer. They will help you craft an exercise routine that fits your precise needs.
Manly men are aware of the image they project - stand up straight and walk with purpose. A good posture makes you look confident and may even make you feel more confident. A slumped posture appears beaten or submissive.
If you have high body fat, consider dieting. Dieting isn't feminine, it’s responsible. Losing weight can decrease your risk for heart disease and other common health issues later in life.
1-2. Relish responsibility.
Real men don't run from challenges or try to shirk their obligations. Rather, they take pride in being reliable and responsible. If other people feel like they can trust you, you'll quickly learn to trust yourself, which will bring increased confidence. Responsibility comes in many forms, depending on the roles you take on. Here are just a few aspects of life that may require you to take on new responsibility:
If you're a husband or father, become a leader in your family. Take an active role in child-raising and/or balance the household budget, for instance.
If you're a boyfriend, be a mature, reliable one. Plan dates and outings without being asked. Be emotionally available for your significant other when they need it.
If you have a career, commit yourself to it. Take on challenging projects, even if it occasionally means staying late or working overtime. Be the one person your boss can trust - you'll earn much respect (and also job security!)
Emulate manly role models who excel in their careers and home life, whether they're familiar friends or famous heroes.
1-3. Be a sexual dynamo.
Now for the fun stuff! Masculine men are sexually confident - they know they're the most attractive person in the room, so they don't make idiots of themselves by trying too hard. Instead, they coolly and confidently approach people they find attractive and allow their charming, friendly personality to naturally steer conversations toward flirtation. Masculine men are direct about what they want, but they're not boorish or arrogant. They like to have fun, but they always remember that their sexual prospects are human beings with their own needs and wants.
If you're single, work on your sexual confidence. Try to be dominant in your flirtatious conversations and in the bedroom. Don't get emotionally invested in relationships that don't exist yet!
If you're inexperienced, begin simply by getting out more. Talk to attractive people you meet without fear - if there's a mutual attraction, you might hit it off, and if not, you'll still get better at talking confidently.
Apply these principles to any committed relationships you find yourself in. Keep your confidence around your partner or spouse - surprise them by seducing them like you'd seduce someone you're meeting for the first time.
1-4. Improve your emotional health.
A common misconception is that manly men have no emotions other than anger. Nothing could be further from the truth. Manly men experience a full spectrum of emotions - joy, sadness, regret, contentment, and every shade in between. However, a man never loses control of his emotions. He never allows himself to get so angry that he does something stupid. He never allows himself to get so sad that he ignores his responsibilities. He does what he needs to do to ensure he's emotionally ready to take charge of his life.
Honestly critique your emotional state - do your experience certain emotions illogically? Tackle your weaknesses head-on. Talk to friends or a counselor to put your emotional state in a new perspective.
Anyone can experience clinical depression, but depressed men are more likely to commit suicide. Depression can also lead men to neglect their family and career. If you are depressed, It's not manly to pretend nothing's wrong.
1-5. Sharpen your intellect.
’Manly’ men aren't just sexy, strong brutes - they're clever as well. They don't have to be "book-smart," but they do have to be open to learning throughout their whole life. A manly man has an opinion about almost everything, but his opinions won't be well-informed if he's not open to learning. Whatever your level of education, be as smart as you can be - it'll help you negotiate business deals, defuse arguments at home, make better decisions, and, most importantly, live a full, well-rounded life.
Take up a hobby! It's never too late to learn a musical instrument or a new language.
Join a debate team! Learning how to effectively argue is an important skill in almost all aspects of life.
Take classes at your local community college. You'll find new passions.
If you're ever proven wrong about something, admit it and move on. You gain nothing by obstinately refusing to change your mind.
1-6. Develop rewarding interpersonal relationships.
Manly men should be confident on their own, but they shouldn't be loners. Cultivating an active social life is great for your career aspirations (networking is a great way to get job referrals), but it's also a great way to meet single people. Plus, it's just plain fun. Get out there and meet people today!
Seek leadership roles in organizations. You'll meet plenty of people and earn their respect.
Join sports teams. Sports are a great way to improve your social life and your health at the same time.
Save your tenderest, most intimate emotions for your relationships, but be a rock on whom the more emotional can lean on.
1-7. Be distinct.
Manly men may prize certain people as role models, but they aspire to be no one but themselves. Be unique - don't buy in to fads or trends. Cultivate your own style and you'll never be mistaken for anyone else.The way you dress, speak, and carry yourself makes a lasting impression on people. Make sure it's an unforgettable one.
Never agree with someone just to fit in. Real men are self-assured, comfortable respectfully disagreeing with others when it's needed.
Do things that you like to do, without considering what other people will think. Do you like knitting, for instance? Then work at becoming the world's manliest knitter.
2. Maintaining Your Manliness
2-1. Stay at your physical peak.
Don't rest on your laurels - continue to work out every day, even if it's just to maintain the progress you've already made. A strong, healthy body makes every other aspect of life easier. You'll have more energy to work, play, and love like a man.
Enjoy your new strength and athleticism, but don't let it go to your head. Don't boast or show off unless it's in good humor - doing so is a sign of desperation for others' approval, not of confidence.
Pay attention to what you put into your body. Count your calories and avoid unhealthy foods.
2-2. Foster your curiosity.
Stubborn close-mindedness often gets mistaken for manliness. In fact, it's far manlier to actively seek out new experiences - you can't strive for personal growth if you never step out of your comfort zone. Always try new things, provided you do so safely. It will broaden your horizons. You'll begin to learn what you like and what you don't like. You'll discover skills you didn't know you had. You'll be more interesting to your friends and sexier to women.
Be open to relationships with new kinds of people. Talk to everyone - you may find that people with different perspectives on life can inform your own opinions.
Take on new responsibilities at work and at home. Even if, for instance, you discover that you're not the best at paying your household's bills, you'll learn the process, which is a gift in itself.
2-3. Challenge yourself every day.
"Manly" isn't an easy thing to be. It's a quality marked by hard work and struggle. Teddy Roosevelt, one of the manliest men to ever live, had to work hard for years to overcome his poor health and achieve manliness. By overcoming obstacles, you move closer to the manly ideal. Tackle life's difficulties head-on!
Often, the biggest challenges can come with the day-in, day-out grinds of sustaining a career and a home life. In this case, the challenge may be something as simple as going to bed earlier so that you can wake up to take your child to school. Just because these challenges aren't glamorous doesn't mean they're not hard!
Seek new challenges out. If your career and home life aren't challenging, make new challenges for yourself! Sign up for a marathon
2-4. Enjoy competition.
You're not the only manly man in the world - eventually, you'll find yourself in competition with someone who's also confident, strong, and self-assured. Give it all you've got - a genuine competition is a great chance to test the manly skills you've worked hard to develop. Even if you don't win, you'll learn, and you'll be better-prepared to succeed the next time you find yourself locking horns with another ’alpha male’.
If you win, be a gracious winner. Shake their hand, look them in the eye, and never gloat. Reflect on the qualities you possess that led you to victory, as well as the ones that made victory more difficult.
If you lose, lose responsibly. give up before the competition is over, even if your odds seem slim. Don't whine or make excuse for yourself. Instead, try to find out why you lost so that you can devote extra practice to these areas,
2-5. Above all, be the best man you can be in every aspect of your life.
No one is perfect - even the most masculine men make mistakes and experience great difficulty. Adversity is no reason to quit. Strive for the confident, strong masculine ideal even when it eludes you. Remember, no one is born ’manly’. It's something that must be eked out through hard work, struggle and sacrifice. When in doubt, remember that some of the manliest people ever had their own periods of darkness. Here are just a few examples:
Mr. T. had a very rough life before he found fame. Raised in one of Chicago's roughest housing projects and expelled from college after only one year, he worked as a bouncer and bodyguard for years before landing his first film role.
John Wayne, once the epitome of American Masculinity, struggled through three marriages and a cigarette addiction that gave him cancer. Still, he kept his manliness to the end.
Long before he was Rocky, Sylvester Stallone was a desperate, struggling young actor. For three weeks, he was homeless, sleeping in the New York Port Authority bus station until he got his first starring role - in a porno. He didn't become well-known until years later.
3. Living as a Man in the World
3-1. Treat everyone with respect.
Whether you're dating a woman or not, you should all people them like a gentleman would. This doesn't mean subscribing to outdated ideas of chivalry (like, for instance, pushing in their chair for them). Rather, it means that you should extend their the respect and goodwill you would give a serious colleague. Listen to them when they talk. Respect their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Most importantly, treat everyone, regardless of gender, like an equal - they are.
No need to handle women with kid gloves. Many women love raunchy humor as much as men do. Making jokes (even lewd ones) with women isn't treating them disrespectfully - it's showing that you consider her enough of an equal to let your emotional guard down. Get a sense of a woman's personality first, then, if she seems game, joke away.
On the other hand, avoid the use of gendered insults like "bitch," even if you're just joking. It's easy to make a bad habit of using these words and even easier to have your intentions be misunderstood. Manly men don't hurt peoples' feelings on the basis of their gender.
Never, ever commit an act of violence against a woman - it's one of the least-manly things you can do. That of course does not mean that you have to allow a woman (or anybody else) to be violent, abusive or disrespectful toward you or anybody. Strength and violence are different things. To stop an abuse is a must, but does not necessarily need violence; use your brain power, instead.
3-2. Treat men with respect as well.
It's easy to respect your guy friends. It's much harder to respect the creep in the office who always breathes over your shoulder. A manly man does both. Manly men bully or humiliate people. They also avoid participating in gossip. Anything you would scold your son for doing on the playground, you should avoid doing in the adult world.
Many times, annoying men won't even know they're annoying. If someone at the office has really bad breath, take them aside quietly and recommend some breath mints. Don't tease them in front of everyone at lunch. There's no reason to make someone suffer for something they're unaware of.
Life will sometimes require you to compete with other men. Compete as hard as you can, but remember that these men aren't evil just because they're in competition with you. They deserve your respect even as you work against them.
3-3. Be ambitious (but not greedy.
Pursue excellence in your career and enjoy the rewards that you earn through your hard work, but never compromise your integrity or your family life for material wealth. The happiness you get from money is a fraction compared to what a happy home and family can offer. Act ethically in all your business dealings. Be competitive, but don't be a backstabber - a manly man never throws someone else under the bus for his own advancement.
Being honorable at work is its own reward. Coworkers and supervisors will notice your hard work. You'll earn the respect of your workplace and, more importantly, job security.
Seek out new responsibilities at work, but don't become so invested in your career that you neglect yourself or your family. If taking on a new duty means you won't ever be able to see your children before they go to sleep, pass it up.
3-4. Be a family man.
Your family should come first - before your career and even before yourself. This responsibility becomes even bigger if you have children. Make sure to spend time with your family, even if you're already working very hard. They'll return your love. Take your children to visit their grandparents. Spend an occasional weekend at the beach. Attend your children's sports games and school plays. The time you spend fostering love in your family is the time you'll remember most fondly in your old age.
A survey of over 1,000 UK parents showed they overwhelmingly valued time with their family over material wealth. If given the chance between working the whole weekend to put money away for a new car and spending the weekend with your family, opt for the one that will make you happier.
Tips
Don't let anyone walk over you; read "The Manipulated Man" and "The Myth of Manpower".
Hurting or abusing someone or child is cowardly and unspeakably damaging, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually. Manly men should know how to differentiate strength from abuse, and have a feel for limits. If you are being told that you don't, work it out: this line differentiates the most respected men from the most despised.
The scout morals are good to follow: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Be prepared to help others at all times. Also keep yourself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
Warnings
Be a man, and don't become a Neanderthal: remind yourself constantly that a man is sophisticated and thinks of others.
Some cultures and value systems recognize behaviors as manly that many others would consider unacceptable or even illegal. When engaging in manly behavior, always ask yourself if you personally find your actions acceptable. It is OK to be less manly if it makes you a better human being.
Avoid toxic masculinity.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:51:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Becoming the ‘Manly’ Man\\n1-1. Get fit.\\nManly men don't have to look like Conan the Barbarian, but they do need to take care of their bodies. Fellow people alike admire strength and athleticism. If you're not already in good shape, immediately set aside some time in your schedule to exercise every day. Exercise will make you look and feel better. It can also help thwart depression, making you much better-suited for pursuing your other masculine goals. Here are some steps you can take to develop your own manly physicality.\\nLift weights. Strength-training exercises help build manly muscles and burn fat. Use proper technique and proceed slowly if you're new to weightlifting - you can hurt yourself with bad form.\\nIf you're unsure of how to proceed and you can afford it, hire a personal trainer. They will help you craft an exercise routine that fits your precise needs.\\nManly men are aware of the image they project - stand up straight and walk with purpose. A good posture makes you look confident and may even make you feel more confident. A slumped posture appears beaten or submissive.\\nIf you have high body fat, consider dieting. Dieting isn't feminine, it’s responsible. Losing weight can decrease your risk for heart disease and other common health issues later in life.\\n1-2. Relish responsibility.\\nReal men don't run from challenges or try to shirk their obligations. Rather, they take pride in being reliable and responsible. If other people feel like they can trust you, you'll quickly learn to trust yourself, which will bring increased confidence. Responsibility comes in many forms, depending on the roles you take on. Here are just a few aspects of life that may require you to take on new responsibility: \\nIf you're a husband or father, become a leader in your family. Take an active role in child-raising and/or balance the household budget, for instance.\\nIf you're a boyfriend, be a mature, reliable one. Plan dates and outings without being asked. Be emotionally available for your significant other when they need it.\\nIf you have a career, commit yourself to it. Take on challenging projects, even if it occasionally means staying late or working overtime. Be the one person your boss can trust - you'll earn much respect (and also job security!)\\nEmulate manly role models who excel in their careers and home life, whether they're familiar friends or famous heroes.\\n1-3. Be a sexual dynamo.\\nNow for the fun stuff! Masculine men are sexually confident - they know they're the most attractive person in the room, so they don't make idiots of themselves by trying too hard. Instead, they coolly and confidently approach people they find attractive and allow their charming, friendly personality to naturally steer conversations toward flirtation. Masculine men are direct about what they want, but they're not boorish or arrogant. They like to have fun, but they always remember that their sexual prospects are human beings with their own needs and wants.\\nIf you're single, work on your sexual confidence. Try to be dominant in your flirtatious conversations and in the bedroom. Don't get emotionally invested in relationships that don't exist yet!\\nIf you're inexperienced, begin simply by getting out more. Talk to attractive people you meet without fear - if there's a mutual attraction, you might hit it off, and if not, you'll still get better at talking confidently.\\nApply these principles to any committed relationships you find yourself in. Keep your confidence around your partner or spouse - surprise them by seducing them like you'd seduce someone you're meeting for the first time.\\n1-4. Improve your emotional health.\\nA common misconception is that manly men have no emotions other than anger. Nothing could be further from the truth. Manly men experience a full spectrum of emotions - joy, sadness, regret, contentment, and every shade in between. However, a man never loses control of his emotions. He never allows himself to get so angry that he does something stupid. He never allows himself to get so sad that he ignores his responsibilities. He does what he needs to do to ensure he's emotionally ready to take charge of his life.\\nHonestly critique your emotional state - do your experience certain emotions illogically? Tackle your weaknesses head-on. Talk to friends or a counselor to put your emotional state in a new perspective.\\nAnyone can experience clinical depression, but depressed men are more likely to commit suicide. Depression can also lead men to neglect their family and career. If you are depressed, It's not manly to pretend nothing's wrong.\\n1-5. Sharpen your intellect.\\n’Manly’ men aren't just sexy, strong brutes - they're clever as well. They don't have to be \\\"book-smart,\\\" but they do have to be open to learning throughout their whole life. A manly man has an opinion about almost everything, but his opinions won't be well-informed if he's not open to learning. Whatever your level of education, be as smart as you can be - it'll help you negotiate business deals, defuse arguments at home, make better decisions, and, most importantly, live a full, well-rounded life. \\nTake up a hobby! It's never too late to learn a musical instrument or a new language.\\nJoin a debate team! Learning how to effectively argue is an important skill in almost all aspects of life.\\nTake classes at your local community college. You'll find new passions.\\nIf you're ever proven wrong about something, admit it and move on. You gain nothing by obstinately refusing to change your mind.\\n1-6. Develop rewarding interpersonal relationships.\\nManly men should be confident on their own, but they shouldn't be loners. Cultivating an active social life is great for your career aspirations (networking is a great way to get job referrals), but it's also a great way to meet single people. Plus, it's just plain fun. Get out there and meet people today!\\nSeek leadership roles in organizations. You'll meet plenty of people and earn their respect.\\nJoin sports teams. Sports are a great way to improve your social life and your health at the same time.\\nSave your tenderest, most intimate emotions for your relationships, but be a rock on whom the more emotional can lean on.\\n1-7. Be distinct.\\nManly men may prize certain people as role models, but they aspire to be no one but themselves. Be unique - don't buy in to fads or trends. Cultivate your own style and you'll never be mistaken for anyone else.The way you dress, speak, and carry yourself makes a lasting impression on people. Make sure it's an unforgettable one.\\nNever agree with someone just to fit in. Real men are self-assured, comfortable respectfully disagreeing with others when it's needed.\\nDo things that you like to do, without considering what other people will think. Do you like knitting, for instance? Then work at becoming the world's manliest knitter.\\n2. Maintaining Your Manliness\\n2-1. Stay at your physical peak.\\nDon't rest on your laurels - continue to work out every day, even if it's just to maintain the progress you've already made. A strong, healthy body makes every other aspect of life easier. You'll have more energy to work, play, and love like a man.\\nEnjoy your new strength and athleticism, but don't let it go to your head. Don't boast or show off unless it's in good humor - doing so is a sign of desperation for others' approval, not of confidence.\\nPay attention to what you put into your body. Count your calories and avoid unhealthy foods.\\n2-2. Foster your curiosity.\\nStubborn close-mindedness often gets mistaken for manliness. In fact, it's far manlier to actively seek out new experiences - you can't strive for personal growth if you never step out of your comfort zone. Always try new things, provided you do so safely. It will broaden your horizons. You'll begin to learn what you like and what you don't like. You'll discover skills you didn't know you had. You'll be more interesting to your friends and sexier to women. \\nBe open to relationships with new kinds of people. Talk to everyone - you may find that people with different perspectives on life can inform your own opinions.\\nTake on new responsibilities at work and at home. Even if, for instance, you discover that you're not the best at paying your household's bills, you'll learn the process, which is a gift in itself.\\n2-3. Challenge yourself every day.\\n\\\"Manly\\\" isn't an easy thing to be. It's a quality marked by hard work and struggle. Teddy Roosevelt, one of the manliest men to ever live, had to work hard for years to overcome his poor health and achieve manliness. By overcoming obstacles, you move closer to the manly ideal. Tackle life's difficulties head-on!\\nOften, the biggest challenges can come with the day-in, day-out grinds of sustaining a career and a home life. In this case, the challenge may be something as simple as going to bed earlier so that you can wake up to take your child to school. Just because these challenges aren't glamorous doesn't mean they're not hard!\\nSeek new challenges out. If your career and home life aren't challenging, make new challenges for yourself! Sign up for a marathon\\n2-4. Enjoy competition.\\nYou're not the only manly man in the world - eventually, you'll find yourself in competition with someone who's also confident, strong, and self-assured. Give it all you've got - a genuine competition is a great chance to test the manly skills you've worked hard to develop. Even if you don't win, you'll learn, and you'll be better-prepared to succeed the next time you find yourself locking horns with another ’alpha male’.\\nIf you win, be a gracious winner. Shake their hand, look them in the eye, and never gloat. Reflect on the qualities you possess that led you to victory, as well as the ones that made victory more difficult.\\nIf you lose, lose responsibly. give up before the competition is over, even if your odds seem slim. Don't whine or make excuse for yourself. Instead, try to find out why you lost so that you can devote extra practice to these areas,\\n2-5. Above all, be the best man you can be in every aspect of your life.\\nNo one is perfect - even the most masculine men make mistakes and experience great difficulty. Adversity is no reason to quit. Strive for the confident, strong masculine ideal even when it eludes you. Remember, no one is born ’manly’. It's something that must be eked out through hard work, struggle and sacrifice. When in doubt, remember that some of the manliest people ever had their own periods of darkness. Here are just a few examples:\\nMr. T. had a very rough life before he found fame. Raised in one of Chicago's roughest housing projects and expelled from college after only one year, he worked as a bouncer and bodyguard for years before landing his first film role.\\nJohn Wayne, once the epitome of American Masculinity, struggled through three marriages and a cigarette addiction that gave him cancer. Still, he kept his manliness to the end.\\nLong before he was Rocky, Sylvester Stallone was a desperate, struggling young actor. For three weeks, he was homeless, sleeping in the New York Port Authority bus station until he got his first starring role - in a porno. He didn't become well-known until years later.\\n3. Living as a Man in the World\\n3-1. Treat everyone with respect.\\nWhether you're dating a woman or not, you should all people them like a gentleman would. This doesn't mean subscribing to outdated ideas of chivalry (like, for instance, pushing in their chair for them). Rather, it means that you should extend their the respect and goodwill you would give a serious colleague. Listen to them when they talk. Respect their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Most importantly, treat everyone, regardless of gender, like an equal - they are.\\nNo need to handle women with kid gloves. Many women love raunchy humor as much as men do. Making jokes (even lewd ones) with women isn't treating them disrespectfully - it's showing that you consider her enough of an equal to let your emotional guard down. Get a sense of a woman's personality first, then, if she seems game, joke away.\\nOn the other hand, avoid the use of gendered insults like \\\"bitch,\\\" even if you're just joking. It's easy to make a bad habit of using these words and even easier to have your intentions be misunderstood. Manly men don't hurt peoples' feelings on the basis of their gender.\\nNever, ever commit an act of violence against a woman - it's one of the least-manly things you can do. That of course does not mean that you have to allow a woman (or anybody else) to be violent, abusive or disrespectful toward you or anybody. Strength and violence are different things. To stop an abuse is a must, but does not necessarily need violence; use your brain power, instead.\\n3-2. Treat men with respect as well.\\nIt's easy to respect your guy friends. It's much harder to respect the creep in the office who always breathes over your shoulder. A manly man does both. Manly men bully or humiliate people. They also avoid participating in gossip. Anything you would scold your son for doing on the playground, you should avoid doing in the adult world.\\nMany times, annoying men won't even know they're annoying. If someone at the office has really bad breath, take them aside quietly and recommend some breath mints. Don't tease them in front of everyone at lunch. There's no reason to make someone suffer for something they're unaware of.\\nLife will sometimes require you to compete with other men. Compete as hard as you can, but remember that these men aren't evil just because they're in competition with you. They deserve your respect even as you work against them.\\n3-3. Be ambitious (but not greedy.\\nPursue excellence in your career and enjoy the rewards that you earn through your hard work, but never compromise your integrity or your family life for material wealth. The happiness you get from money is a fraction compared to what a happy home and family can offer. Act ethically in all your business dealings. Be competitive, but don't be a backstabber - a manly man never throws someone else under the bus for his own advancement.\\nBeing honorable at work is its own reward. Coworkers and supervisors will notice your hard work. You'll earn the respect of your workplace and, more importantly, job security.\\nSeek out new responsibilities at work, but don't become so invested in your career that you neglect yourself or your family. If taking on a new duty means you won't ever be able to see your children before they go to sleep, pass it up.\\n3-4. Be a family man.\\nYour family should come first - before your career and even before yourself. This responsibility becomes even bigger if you have children. Make sure to spend time with your family, even if you're already working very hard. They'll return your love. Take your children to visit their grandparents. Spend an occasional weekend at the beach. Attend your children's sports games and school plays. The time you spend fostering love in your family is the time you'll remember most fondly in your old age.\\nA survey of over 1,000 UK parents showed they overwhelmingly valued time with their family over material wealth. If given the chance between working the whole weekend to put money away for a new car and spending the weekend with your family, opt for the one that will make you happier.\\nTips\\nDon't let anyone walk over you; read \\\"The Manipulated Man\\\" and \\\"The Myth of Manpower\\\".\\nHurting or abusing someone or child is cowardly and unspeakably damaging, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually. Manly men should know how to differentiate strength from abuse, and have a feel for limits. If you are being told that you don't, work it out: this line differentiates the most respected men from the most despised.\\nThe scout morals are good to follow: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Be prepared to help others at all times. Also keep yourself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.\\nWarnings\\nBe a man, and don't become a Neanderthal: remind yourself constantly that a man is sophisticated and thinks of others.\\nSome cultures and value systems recognize behaviors as manly that many others would consider unacceptable or even illegal. When engaging in manly behavior, always ask yourself if you personally find your actions acceptable. It is OK to be less manly if it makes you a better human being.\\nAvoid toxic masculinity.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Manliness is something many aspire to, but few achieve. Unfortunately, manliness isn't a single skill you can practice. Rather, it's a spectrum of traits that should be developed over a lifetime. By honing your manly traits, you're making the most of your physical, mental, and emotional potential. Be warned - being manly isn't easy, nor should it be - real men relish challenges.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Becoming the ‘Manly’ Man\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get fit.\", \"描述\": \"Manly men don't have to look like Conan the Barbarian, but they do need to take care of their bodies. Fellow people alike admire strength and athleticism. If you're not already in good shape, immediately set aside some time in your schedule to exercise every day. Exercise will make you look and feel better. It can also help thwart depression, making you much better-suited for pursuing your other masculine goals. Here are some steps you can take to develop your own manly physicality.\\nLift weights. Strength-training exercises help build manly muscles and burn fat. Use proper technique and proceed slowly if you're new to weightlifting - you can hurt yourself with bad form.\\nIf you're unsure of how to proceed and you can afford it, hire a personal trainer. They will help you craft an exercise routine that fits your precise needs.\\nManly men are aware of the image they project - stand up straight and walk with purpose. A good posture makes you look confident and may even make you feel more confident. A slumped posture appears beaten or submissive.\\nIf you have high body fat, consider dieting. Dieting isn't feminine, it’s responsible. Losing weight can decrease your risk for heart disease and other common health issues later in life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Relish responsibility.\", \"描述\": \"Real men don't run from challenges or try to shirk their obligations. Rather, they take pride in being reliable and responsible. If other people feel like they can trust you, you'll quickly learn to trust yourself, which will bring increased confidence. Responsibility comes in many forms, depending on the roles you take on. Here are just a few aspects of life that may require you to take on new responsibility: \\nIf you're a husband or father, become a leader in your family. Take an active role in child-raising and/or balance the household budget, for instance.\\nIf you're a boyfriend, be a mature, reliable one. Plan dates and outings without being asked. Be emotionally available for your significant other when they need it.\\nIf you have a career, commit yourself to it. Take on challenging projects, even if it occasionally means staying late or working overtime. Be the one person your boss can trust - you'll earn much respect (and also job security!)\\nEmulate manly role models who excel in their careers and home life, whether they're familiar friends or famous heroes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a sexual dynamo.\", \"描述\": \"Now for the fun stuff! Masculine men are sexually confident - they know they're the most attractive person in the room, so they don't make idiots of themselves by trying too hard. Instead, they coolly and confidently approach people they find attractive and allow their charming, friendly personality to naturally steer conversations toward flirtation. Masculine men are direct about what they want, but they're not boorish or arrogant. They like to have fun, but they always remember that their sexual prospects are human beings with their own needs and wants.\\nIf you're single, work on your sexual confidence. Try to be dominant in your flirtatious conversations and in the bedroom. Don't get emotionally invested in relationships that don't exist yet!\\nIf you're inexperienced, begin simply by getting out more. Talk to attractive people you meet without fear - if there's a mutual attraction, you might hit it off, and if not, you'll still get better at talking confidently.\\nApply these principles to any committed relationships you find yourself in. Keep your confidence around your partner or spouse - surprise them by seducing them like you'd seduce someone you're meeting for the first time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Improve your emotional health.\", \"描述\": \"A common misconception is that manly men have no emotions other than anger. Nothing could be further from the truth. Manly men experience a full spectrum of emotions - joy, sadness, regret, contentment, and every shade in between. However, a man never loses control of his emotions. He never allows himself to get so angry that he does something stupid. He never allows himself to get so sad that he ignores his responsibilities. He does what he needs to do to ensure he's emotionally ready to take charge of his life.\\nHonestly critique your emotional state - do your experience certain emotions illogically? Tackle your weaknesses head-on. Talk to friends or a counselor to put your emotional state in a new perspective.\\nAnyone can experience clinical depression, but depressed men are more likely to commit suicide. Depression can also lead men to neglect their family and career. If you are depressed, It's not manly to pretend nothing's wrong.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Sharpen your intellect.\", \"描述\": \"’Manly’ men aren't just sexy, strong brutes - they're clever as well. They don't have to be \\\"book-smart,\\\" but they do have to be open to learning throughout their whole life. A manly man has an opinion about almost everything, but his opinions won't be well-informed if he's not open to learning. Whatever your level of education, be as smart as you can be - it'll help you negotiate business deals, defuse arguments at home, make better decisions, and, most importantly, live a full, well-rounded life. \\nTake up a hobby! It's never too late to learn a musical instrument or a new language.\\nJoin a debate team! Learning how to effectively argue is an important skill in almost all aspects of life.\\nTake classes at your local community college. You'll find new passions.\\nIf you're ever proven wrong about something, admit it and move on. You gain nothing by obstinately refusing to change your mind.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Develop rewarding interpersonal relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Manly men should be confident on their own, but they shouldn't be loners. Cultivating an active social life is great for your career aspirations (networking is a great way to get job referrals), but it's also a great way to meet single people. Plus, it's just plain fun. Get out there and meet people today!\\nSeek leadership roles in organizations. You'll meet plenty of people and earn their respect.\\nJoin sports teams. Sports are a great way to improve your social life and your health at the same time.\\nSave your tenderest, most intimate emotions for your relationships, but be a rock on whom the more emotional can lean on.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be distinct.\", \"描述\": \"Manly men may prize certain people as role models, but they aspire to be no one but themselves. Be unique - don't buy in to fads or trends. Cultivate your own style and you'll never be mistaken for anyone else.The way you dress, speak, and carry yourself makes a lasting impression on people. Make sure it's an unforgettable one.\\nNever agree with someone just to fit in. Real men are self-assured, comfortable respectfully disagreeing with others when it's needed.\\nDo things that you like to do, without considering what other people will think. Do you like knitting, for instance? Then work at becoming the world's manliest knitter.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Your Manliness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay at your physical peak.\", \"描述\": \"Don't rest on your laurels - continue to work out every day, even if it's just to maintain the progress you've already made. A strong, healthy body makes every other aspect of life easier. You'll have more energy to work, play, and love like a man.\\nEnjoy your new strength and athleticism, but don't let it go to your head. Don't boast or show off unless it's in good humor - doing so is a sign of desperation for others' approval, not of confidence.\\nPay attention to what you put into your body. Count your calories and avoid unhealthy foods.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Foster your curiosity.\", \"描述\": \"Stubborn close-mindedness often gets mistaken for manliness. In fact, it's far manlier to actively seek out new experiences - you can't strive for personal growth if you never step out of your comfort zone. Always try new things, provided you do so safely. It will broaden your horizons. You'll begin to learn what you like and what you don't like. You'll discover skills you didn't know you had. You'll be more interesting to your friends and sexier to women. \\nBe open to relationships with new kinds of people. Talk to everyone - you may find that people with different perspectives on life can inform your own opinions.\\nTake on new responsibilities at work and at home. Even if, for instance, you discover that you're not the best at paying your household's bills, you'll learn the process, which is a gift in itself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Challenge yourself every day.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Manly\\\" isn't an easy thing to be. It's a quality marked by hard work and struggle. Teddy Roosevelt, one of the manliest men to ever live, had to work hard for years to overcome his poor health and achieve manliness. By overcoming obstacles, you move closer to the manly ideal. Tackle life's difficulties head-on!\\nOften, the biggest challenges can come with the day-in, day-out grinds of sustaining a career and a home life. In this case, the challenge may be something as simple as going to bed earlier so that you can wake up to take your child to school. Just because these challenges aren't glamorous doesn't mean they're not hard!\\nSeek new challenges out. If your career and home life aren't challenging, make new challenges for yourself! Sign up for a marathon\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Enjoy competition.\", \"描述\": \"You're not the only manly man in the world - eventually, you'll find yourself in competition with someone who's also confident, strong, and self-assured. Give it all you've got - a genuine competition is a great chance to test the manly skills you've worked hard to develop. Even if you don't win, you'll learn, and you'll be better-prepared to succeed the next time you find yourself locking horns with another ’alpha male’.\\nIf you win, be a gracious winner. Shake their hand, look them in the eye, and never gloat. Reflect on the qualities you possess that led you to victory, as well as the ones that made victory more difficult.\\nIf you lose, lose responsibly. give up before the competition is over, even if your odds seem slim. Don't whine or make excuse for yourself. Instead, try to find out why you lost so that you can devote extra practice to these areas,\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Above all, be the best man you can be in every aspect of your life.\", \"描述\": \"No one is perfect - even the most masculine men make mistakes and experience great difficulty. Adversity is no reason to quit. Strive for the confident, strong masculine ideal even when it eludes you. Remember, no one is born ’manly’. It's something that must be eked out through hard work, struggle and sacrifice. When in doubt, remember that some of the manliest people ever had their own periods of darkness. Here are just a few examples:\\nMr. T. had a very rough life before he found fame. Raised in one of Chicago's roughest housing projects and expelled from college after only one year, he worked as a bouncer and bodyguard for years before landing his first film role.\\nJohn Wayne, once the epitome of American Masculinity, struggled through three marriages and a cigarette addiction that gave him cancer. Still, he kept his manliness to the end.\\nLong before he was Rocky, Sylvester Stallone was a desperate, struggling young actor. For three weeks, he was homeless, sleeping in the New York Port Authority bus station until he got his first starring role - in a porno. He didn't become well-known until years later.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Living as a Man in the World\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Treat everyone with respect.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you're dating a woman or not, you should all people them like a gentleman would. This doesn't mean subscribing to outdated ideas of chivalry (like, for instance, pushing in their chair for them). Rather, it means that you should extend their the respect and goodwill you would give a serious colleague. Listen to them when they talk. Respect their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Most importantly, treat everyone, regardless of gender, like an equal - they are.\\nNo need to handle women with kid gloves. Many women love raunchy humor as much as men do. Making jokes (even lewd ones) with women isn't treating them disrespectfully - it's showing that you consider her enough of an equal to let your emotional guard down. Get a sense of a woman's personality first, then, if she seems game, joke away.\\nOn the other hand, avoid the use of gendered insults like \\\"bitch,\\\" even if you're just joking. It's easy to make a bad habit of using these words and even easier to have your intentions be misunderstood. Manly men don't hurt peoples' feelings on the basis of their gender.\\nNever, ever commit an act of violence against a woman - it's one of the least-manly things you can do. That of course does not mean that you have to allow a woman (or anybody else) to be violent, abusive or disrespectful toward you or anybody. Strength and violence are different things. To stop an abuse is a must, but does not necessarily need violence; use your brain power, instead.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Treat men with respect as well.\", \"描述\": \"It's easy to respect your guy friends. It's much harder to respect the creep in the office who always breathes over your shoulder. A manly man does both. Manly men bully or humiliate people. They also avoid participating in gossip. Anything you would scold your son for doing on the playground, you should avoid doing in the adult world.\\nMany times, annoying men won't even know they're annoying. If someone at the office has really bad breath, take them aside quietly and recommend some breath mints. Don't tease them in front of everyone at lunch. There's no reason to make someone suffer for something they're unaware of.\\nLife will sometimes require you to compete with other men. Compete as hard as you can, but remember that these men aren't evil just because they're in competition with you. They deserve your respect even as you work against them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be ambitious (but not greedy.\", \"描述\": \"Pursue excellence in your career and enjoy the rewards that you earn through your hard work, but never compromise your integrity or your family life for material wealth. The happiness you get from money is a fraction compared to what a happy home and family can offer. Act ethically in all your business dealings. Be competitive, but don't be a backstabber - a manly man never throws someone else under the bus for his own advancement.\\nBeing honorable at work is its own reward. Coworkers and supervisors will notice your hard work. You'll earn the respect of your workplace and, more importantly, job security.\\nSeek out new responsibilities at work, but don't become so invested in your career that you neglect yourself or your family. If taking on a new duty means you won't ever be able to see your children before they go to sleep, pass it up.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be a family man.\", \"描述\": \"Your family should come first - before your career and even before yourself. This responsibility becomes even bigger if you have children. Make sure to spend time with your family, even if you're already working very hard. They'll return your love. Take your children to visit their grandparents. Spend an occasional weekend at the beach. Attend your children's sports games and school plays. The time you spend fostering love in your family is the time you'll remember most fondly in your old age.\\nA survey of over 1,000 UK parents showed they overwhelmingly valued time with their family over material wealth. If given the chance between working the whole weekend to put money away for a new car and spending the weekend with your family, opt for the one that will make you happier.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't let anyone walk over you; read \\\"The Manipulated Man\\\" and \\\"The Myth of Manpower\\\".\\n\", \"Hurting or abusing someone or child is cowardly and unspeakably damaging, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually. Manly men should know how to differentiate strength from abuse, and have a feel for limits. If you are being told that you don't, work it out: this line differentiates the most respected men from the most despised.\\n\", \"The scout morals are good to follow: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Be prepared to help others at all times. Also keep yourself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be a man, and don't become a Neanderthal: remind yourself constantly that a man is sophisticated and thinks of others.\\n\", \"Some cultures and value systems recognize behaviors as manly that many others would consider unacceptable or even illegal. When engaging in manly behavior, always ask yourself if you personally find your actions acceptable. It is OK to be less manly if it makes you a better human being.\\n\", \"Avoid toxic masculinity.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
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